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#i can't say 'again' because i never left
dathomirdumpsterfire · 6 months
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sisterdivinium · 5 months
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You know, for a show with so many female characters that so many of us love given how they all get time in the spotlight one way or another and they fill that time up rather wonderfully since they are deeper and more developed than what we're used to seeing in general media, it is peculiar (to say the least) to see so few "alternative" ships to the main one.
I'm not saying the canon ship doesn't deserve its attention -- I'm wondering instead why the canon ship and it alone seem to guide the WN fans who just so happen to enjoy writing/reading fic or fanart or whatever.
You'd think all these cool women would inspire more ships or combinations thereof, but those of us who aren't invested in avatrice just... Float along, around one another, ignored (and, yes, mostly undisturbed too; being unpopular does have its advantages and that includes a lot less weirdos leaving you strange or awkward messages -- it does not, however, shield us from people flooding our goddamn tags on AO3 with fic that has nothing to do with our little ships and I do wish such negligence of the pairing itself meant we didn't have to deal with this spam...)
I am also not saying that fandom activity should be based solely on shipping (and recently someone on Reddit was rather confused by the fact that a lot of it is, which is quite an interesting topic to discuss in itself -- after all, there is more to fan creativity than shippy fic... Or there used to be), merely that, here, it appears that a canon relationship can outshine interest in the other, non-canon ones. It's already there and it was doubtless well-done by the show, so it's natural that it should claim people's attention, sure. It's just that being canon was never the parameter for whether people were interested in these or those two (or more) characters maybe being involved and trying to explore what that could mean through fanwork.
There has always been a complaint haunting fandom spaces concerning the minuscule amounts of f/f fic, art, discussion, w/e based on how few (interesting or sympathetic or relatable) female characters there are in media at large. So what I'm curious about is why fan creations made around WN -- a show that finally gives us a whole cast of female characters that are what we have been craving for decades -- don't also reflect its diversity.
There are alternative ships (I'm here, all happy in my tiny Doctor Superion bubble, and I know there are Camila/Lilith, Ava/Lilith, Mary/Shannon, Mary/Lilith shippers out there, so a warm hello to you if you're reading this), but go on AO3 and compare the numbers of things tagged with these proper pairings to the grand total of WN stories. Better (or worse) still, do so with the "otp: true" trick or simply by excluding avatrice from the search to see how many are left.
It's... A considerable difference. And a mystery, at least to me.
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astraltrickster · 5 months
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I wish I could tell my 9-year old self that no, growing up and getting excited about "boring" things like kitchen appliances isn't sad, because contrary to what people would have you think it DOESN'T tend to totally change who you are as a person and replace everything else you love - they add to what makes you happy, they don't replace a damned thing, and the excitement is VERY genuine
But since I can't do that I'll just put it out here for any younger people who need it
You grow to love "boring" things because they improve your life, not because it's the only thing you're "allowed" to get excited about once you reach a certain age
Also! That stage in life has nothing to do with numerical age; you can fall in love with something "boring" at any time and it feels exactly the same! Loving the new kitchen appliance as an adult is no different from loving the Easy-Bake oven or the first thing you learned to make your own recipes with as a kid! It's not "turning into your parents" (scary), it's bringing out new joy in YOU! It's fucking awesome!
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stupid-dyke · 2 months
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I can tell i am now experienceing actual real sleep deprivation and not just the omnipresent idiopathic hypersomnia fake sleepiness that my stupid lying body never shuts up about. I can tell because I am fallijng asleep in class regardless if I take my medication and I feel like everything is so, incredibly stupid and horrible, and everyone giving me homework or telling me to do anything is attacking me. And I can;t hold a conversation. And people are noticing my strange manner and pointing out that I seem wrong. And yet here we are AGAIN I have AGAIN stayed up late AND not gotten any work done. And on top of that I broke my fucking glasses tonight because I left them sitting on my fucking bed. And I'm freaking my parents out by crying over the phone and also I think I actually injured my shoulder last week its been hurting for four days now. and I'm so sad and mad at myself for not sleeping and not working but I can't work because I havent slept and I cant sleep because I havent worked. And every single time I get in a bad time like this my dad worries im going to die because i was suicidal for like a week in 2019 and then he gets mad at me for worrying him and I feel so so so guilty. Im so so sad.
#and I dont want to fuckign sleep even though i really need to and I spend every fucking seconf of every fucking day being sleepy#because even when I get enough sleep im still FUCKING sleepy so what is the FUCKING point. Why not just NOT FUCKING SLEEP.#Im so fucking sick of myself and my body and my pain and my stupidity.#AND ITS SO STUPID BECAUSE HERE I AM MISSING ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS SCARING MY FAMILY WEIRDING OUT OTHER STUDENTS AND MAKING MY PROFS HATE ME#BECAUSE IM FUCKING SLEEPY. stupidest fucking sounding reason on earth to have a fucking crisis.#no one ever hears me say im sleepy and thinks oh thats really serious i really want to help you now its literally just annoying to ppl#haha wait til you have kids or get older or a full time job ha ha#cool I am fuckign terrified of the future because I know how mad everyone gets at me when im too disabled to do what im supposed to#and I know its going to get to a point where I can't and there will probably be no one left to help me. I'm almost certainly going to outli#outlive my parents and my sister and even if i ever get married ill probably also get divorced so I'll be all alone#friendships aren't safe becuase you can love someone so much for 5 years and she just tells you one day she doesn't want to be burdened#by you anymore and you never hear from her again#its a dark scary fucking world and you want me to be passionate about a field of study or something?? jesus christ can you all just fuck of#I dont want to go to grad school i dont want to work i dont want to live alone i dont want to live with my parents forever#my head hurts so much goodnight guys sorry for ranting its literally fine im literally just really sleepy sorry for being melodramatic
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moms getting competitive w her eating disorder again
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#she keeps mimicking how ive been living and now that ive been sliding back and restricting again due to stress#she's been body checking around me more talking about how much she works out how 'toned' she looks#and dishing up smaller portions than me only eating half and then saying 'oh i'm so full...marie#if you can't finish yours just throw the rest out...'#she had her friend over yesterday and the poor woman made the mistake of confiding in my mother and i about her ed#and i gave her some advice for recovery & let her know that anorexia is hard to tackle esp when you're taking care of someone else at the#same time but its doable..and she was asking about what i do when i relapse#and obv i didnt go into detail so as not to like. give any ideas. but it was nice to have someone Nice to relate to on that front#immediately my mom jumps in with 'oh i restrict too! thats what i do! i go days without eating and count my calories.#marie doesnt work out like i do because their therapist said not to..but i work out so i can stay toned and confident.' like no you dont#it hurts me that shes doing this shit to herself but i know shes doing it in front of me to feel superior because she Always Has#its CYCLICAL with her. as soon as my gf left the mask came back off and she was right back to the mama i know#using MY CLOTHES to body check using MY MIRROR infront of me i feel insane.#like i told her i feel disgusting because i gained two pounds and im at 114 now and she immediately started talking about her weight and#that we need to stop buying 'junk food'#MOMM....OH MY GOOOD...#whatever whatever . i'll get over it in a few mins im just pissy in general and i feel like i live with a 15 yr old sometimes.#ed ment#i will say it uswd to be worse when she wasnt in therapy n shit but hhghhthtnf even my dad who is Never Home has picked up pn it and has#started checking her and telling her to keep it between yhem bc i dont. i canr handle that rn dude
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softshuji · 4 months
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Sometimes it feels like my mom punishes me for things I can't control and it's actually kinda really upsetting.
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Do you guys ever feel slightly unwell and you overthink about it to such an extremely unhealthy point that the thing you were feeling got 1000x worse and won't leave you the fuck alone precisely because you kept overthinking about it, jumping to the absolutely worst conclusions and now you feel like absolute and utter shit?
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majimassqueaktoy · 1 year
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I still want to write a fic about Makoto set after 0 where she goes off the rails because she is a traumatized 21 year old with not a single living connection in the world and now she has 10 billion yen to her name which just spells trouble to me
#when I say she has no living connection I mean bc Majima isn't ever known by her#like I hope she gets comfort at the idea he is out there even if she can't find him#but essentially her brother and Lee and her mum and her grandfather are all dead#She's literally got no one#And I'm supposed to believe she just copes fine with that?#I always had this Makoto Everywhere Idea#where she doesn't leave Kamurocho and Majima keeps seeing her around#and she's driving him insane because shes actively looking for him and he's trying to escape her#he's threatened every yakuza in the city never to say a word unless they want him to go mad dog like he did on the dojima family#even Sera agrees#so Makoto's left smacking random dudes and wandering around doing her investigation#She hassles Nishiki and Kiryu about it- but they're all Oh Um we didn't know the guy#It's just Majima going to get ciggies in the poppo and oh fuck heres Makoto eating a fuckin pork bun#quickly turn around and run away#Oh he feels a bit snackish- why not go grab some takoyaki Oh fuck me it's Makoto Makimura at the takoyaki cart /again/#He wants to go have some fun- have a drink and a little karaoke#in an Okama bar- Jesus fucking christ Makoto's here and she'd singing HIS song and she's too drunk so now he's worried#But it's none of his buisness... Hmm maybe he can pay one of the nice young guys in there to keep an eye... No thats suspect#You get my vibe?#that's a different story to the one in the body of the post though.#Or Is It 🤨#Makoto looking for him but being destructive and its driving Majima insane#anyway :)
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elytrafemme · 1 year
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diversity win! your favorite system host has been made a SINGLET❗️❓ because she was TOO insufferable for the masses 😱 of angry EPs and dollar store protectors 👀
#nightmare.system#DO NOT REBLOG#alternative version of this post that was less funny:#diversity win! your favorite girl with abandonment issues just got ABANDONED by her own ALTERS!#also I KNOW YOU CAN'T BE 'MADE SINGLET' I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT#i'm just saying this is not the first time a symptom or experience has thoroughly ruined my life and then inexplicably disappeared#i know i keep bringing this up but i don't think you guys realize how frustrating it is#to be told by someone that they finally understand you because they know your traumas#they go to therapy with you they want to give you tattoos they help you get dressed they LOVE you#they're like your fucking brother or something#and then you see them and you pinpoint it as the exact moment that both of you are never going to see each other again#and fucking Dahlia like. we never really Got Along as well as i said we did like i don't think she ever liked me?#but she was supposed to be my big sister#and i'm really sick of blaming myself for being the reason that they all left#because i worked hard to keep this body alive and comparatively the rest did fuck all#and you know. if they didn't want to come out for me that's fine. i don't care.#but you would think they'd at least want to speak to their fucking FRIENDS#anyway. that's all. i'm done thinking about these fucking people.#i'll happily be the ostracized 1% of people that was wrong about a self diagnosed dissosociative disorder if it means i can stop#hearing klavier's voice in my fucking head when i know he's never coming back.#neg#don't reblog. again.
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maddy-ferguson · 1 year
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im tired of ppl using headcanon stuff as proofs on the show. ''mike never stopped calling will.'' yeah no, that is not canon at all, lmao. you guys just took dustin's words and used it as some sort of a canon thing to prove that mike called. c'mon guys... canonically it doesnt make much sense anyways bc it doesnt fit. because mike learned abt joyce's job at the beginning of the season after el sent her letter. unless the duffers just made a mistake and screwed the time, it doesn't make any sense for mike to have called will constantly or 'complaining' due to joyce's job when he just learned abt joyce's job at the beginning of the season after reading el's letters. for all we know mike didnt send any letters to will, and they just only talked for a couple of times. like. that's the canon. we cannot just take something and treat it as canon and come up with criticism based on that. same as the 'lettergate' situation, for all we know mike just didnt bother writing and he didnt have a present. also u cannot really blame will either. for all he knew, the situation was just a repeat of S3. and we know what happened in S3. just a casual 'what if u wanna join another party' doesn't fix the issue at hand, and it literally didnt either. so.
okay, yes, this is what i was saying in the tags of this and what this post i reblogged earlier is about!!! you can't just say "mike 100% called and we don't even know if will called so will is equally to blame for the fact that they didn't keep in touch/for their rink o mania fight". i mean you can but i'll disagree every time because there's this little thing that happened between them that never got resolved that totally explains why will would be hesitant to reach out...who out of the two of them was rebuffed the last time he tried to show that this friendship was important to him? who was crying in the rain and calling himself stupid over it? as a very wise woman once said, i would've wanted mike to make a little bit of an effort too after that tf
and the thing is, if it turns out mike didn't call/doesn't have any unsent letters i'm not gonna be mad at him? they both have reasons for not reaching out. people being more forgiving of will probably has to do with the fact that his reasons are you know. not speculation
as for the technicalities surrounding the theory, the job part of it just doesn't add up to me like i...have spent a very long time thinking about it, it's april and i still don't get it. and as people have pointed out el can't use the phone and there's a walkie talkie in her room and all that but yk. idk. and i like lettergate and i like mikeactuallycalledgate but at the end of the day they're just theories you know
#either way i don't get the job thing because dustin says mike won't stop whining about it like he's been whining for some time which#means that el's letter is old (which i guess it could be) or that like...mike already knew about joyce's job before reading the letter?#like if he just learned about the job in ep 1 why won't he stop whining about it. is it a hyperbole. idk i don't get it.#my second paragraph isn't me doubting byler or like denying the fact that mike is OBVIOUSLY going through something too like i said they#both have reasons to not reach out. it's just that you can't exactly blame people for being biased when one's reasons are...out there#and the other's are: not. i know we're on byler tumblr and a lot of things are known to everyone but like do you see what i'm getting at?#one thing i'll give you is that trying to force your friends to play with you when they obviously couldn't give less of a fuck is...not#a very good strategy and also it was hurtful too when my friends didn't care about my crush of the week in middle school. i personally#never told them to grow up and accidentally called them gay over it though lol!#and i've also been will with the getting your friends to do something they don't care about i've told this story before when i was 12 my#friends literally WROTE ME A LETTER (they wouldn't even say it to my face!!!! they gave it to me and i was like what is this and they were#like uhjustwaitforustoleavewellseeyouonmondaybye and left before i could read) telling me to stop talking about one direction. and i didn't#even talk about them that much because i knew they only liked them a little while i was a Directioner. i never talked about them again#after that lolll#see how i did something for the will is always 100% in the right allegations#ask
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girlysword · 9 months
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There are many things about the "happy couples are boring" writing philosophy that annoy me, but especially because those kinds of writers never let their characters be single either. The characters are always dating but nothing can last unless the characters leave the story or the story itself ends.
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omarfor-orchestra · 1 year
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"Non farlo piangere" girl he literally cries in his mother's arms when he's trying to fall asleep because he gets frustrated when he can't and now I'm making him cry???????????????
#i don't understand how they see this child thing#he's a child. he cries. sometimes he cries for things you have to say no about#like you must say no. why is it so hard for you to understand it and most importantly why the HELL am I the one who's somehow behaving#like the mother when she's not around#I'm so pissed off about this situation Imma scream one day#again. i love my nephew more than my honestly unworthy life for what I'm doing with it#but I'm 23 and i never asked to be a mother and i just want to do my things and have like a little corner for myself#and to be left alone for 5 minutes#which can't happen apparently bc I can't even go to the bathroom without my mother going 'let's see what auntie is doing!'#gurl what do you think I'm doing???????#I'm so fucking tired#and once again why the hell does he have to sleep here tonight when his father is perfectly able to take care of him#i swear if i were to see him once a week I'd be more than happy but every day gets exhausting#and in the middle of it all i also have to listen to my mother scold me for no reason. no one ever says 'oh thank you'#jesus christ#I'll never EVER have children btw#and i hope I don't fall in love with a cis man because if this is how they are I'm very tempted to commit a murder rn#I'm tired out of my mind bc me and my mother had to cook and clean the whole house for tomorrow. do you think#my father raised a single finger despite knowing we needed a hand?#fuck them when i get financially stable enough to leave they'll see me once a year#if they're lucky#again. I can't have my therapist tell me all this things which i start to think about daily and leave me on my own for a whole week#bc then i go insane#sorry I'll prob delate this later#rant#i realize now the post doesn't make sense without context but i was trying to make him sleep and he cried a little#like he. always does btw but somehow today it was my fault
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liebelesbe · 2 years
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ough gotta write an email to a therapist
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loveofastarvingdog · 2 years
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when it’s nobody’s fault but it still Happened and it still Affects you and it’s not worth thinking about because there’s no one to blame but it’s still there. it’s still. there.
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hyacinthsdiamonds · 2 years
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Gentlemen, a quick glimpse back to the past... Zak, I bet ya regret your comments on the red bull driver academy at the start of the year now lmao x like sweetie you and McLaren might have just destroyed Oscar -
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zo1nkss · 1 year
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I had to stay at my mom's last night bc I couldn't figure out another option but I'm currently waiting for the bus into the town I take the greyhound home from so update: I'm not okay(physically I'm fine) but I'm at least out of there.
Anyway I have a 2 hour wait out here in the cold so if anyone wants to help me distract myself that would be grand :/
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