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mc-slowwalker · 3 years

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shipping to australia is a nightmare. anytime I go to do any online shopping I’m instantly stopped by the thought of shipping. hahahahahahaha at least that’d be a funny way to go out tho

yeah true!! every time I’m watching a vod I’ll get so startled cause they always pop up when you’re least expecting them too. I’ve only got my prime sub and I haven’t tested it but I have a feeling that twitch would still give you ads. they seem like the type

so true I’m not paying hundreds of dollars for textbooks I’m barely gonna use for half a year. oof that sucks. if I didn’t google my way through those exams I guarantee I would have failed though😅😅 then one subject that was ungoogleable, I did fail. god now I feel bad about how terrible a student I am

it’s so nice to see dream being on streams and having fun and interacting with other people !! it sucks cause I would absolutely LOVE to see dream on ppsat but I hate the idea of toxic people that would find reasons to shit on them :// like with gartic phone the other day. I felt like so toxic when the twitter updates account tweeted that dream was there cause I knew the “twitter stans” were coming. and I don’t even have a terribly negative view of stans as a whole. and then turns out it was justified and then I felt even worse. the gumi stuff pissed me off too. feeling a bit bad for dream tho. mans can’t even play with his friends without them getting attacked. I clicked on the links in your subtitle/heading/whatever it’s called when I first followed you like 6 or so months ago. was pretty funny

damnnn you’re doing all of those?? that’s tough. I dropped language (french) in yr 10 and decided to never touch maths again after I finished highschool and I loweky like maths too. oh I will 100% be telling people to touch grass that is so funny. I also can’t say anything about the nerd thing cause I just fully had the thought “what if I write an essay on the internet and it’s effect on language development”

Yes!! please tales!! where is it!! my weekly dose of happiness. I remember the last tales stream I watched like it was yesterday😪 I miss the ____ my beloved gifs that would be everywhere everytime a new character was introduced. I may have very little clue about any of the in between/the other side lore but damn were the builds insanely good. I was watching tubbo’s stream too and he said there wasn’t anything to do on the dream smp and like true ig but🥲🥲 he also said he’s been thinking about lore on twitter tho!!! so there is that !! hmm yeah I do wonder what they’re waiting for actually cause it’s been genuinely so long that c!dream’s been in the prison for. I wanna why it’s so important cause cc!dream and cc!sam put a lot of emphasis on it. and I just really really want to see what c!dream will be like out of the prison. for so many reasons

oh nooo ripppp. that’s kinda funny tho. the video was so short that was funny too. sapnap and george 2000iq moment nice. it was a nice vid tho, chill and enjoyable. so much dream content recently I feel like he’s about to drop off the face of the earth or miraculously stream something (highly unlikely but I can hope)

When streamers runs ads you gey a warning! But when vods do it it’s just a hey haha fuck you! You’re 100% right about twitch jeff bezo wouldn’t let any thing go to waste. He’s not the ceo right now but I hate him anyways. I’ve never actually used prime sub because I don’t have amazon prime, but I’ve been gifted subs a couple of times which was neat!

You know I may not be the best student but as someone who has cried a lot because of school I think it’s morally correct to be a bad student Cheat!! You’re paying then money they owe your ass so fucking much!! Abuse their resources stick it to the man. No time in life for guilt especially considering that universities are just corporations anyways they made hide behind the guise of learning but I’m calling them out no way knowledge gotta cost this much

I also love seeing dream stream with his other friends! To badly quote scott smajor, the dream team is made up of anti social sweaty fucks (affectionate). He’s always so awkward at first and ngl? Huge confidence booster /j/j. Logically I understand that twitter update accounts are useful, but I think they should all collectively take a break for a minute. Would it change anything? No. But it would make a lot of people very unhappy. I don’t even know what to do about toxic twitter stans because like, content creators and us can call them out and not at all condone their actions but we can’f actually do anything about it? It’s super frustrating. And I feel like a hypocrite too because if dream does stuff with a cc I hate I bitch about it too I just don’t have as far a reach. Like I for sure threw a whole fit when dream went on to kaceytron’s stream. Actually I tend to get upset when he goes onto streams with people who actively hate him. So I struggle with that because despite feeling like I’m justified in doing that, twitter stans feel justified in their stuff too. You could argue that it’s different because the chance that the ccs will see it is near 0 but it’s still the same behavior isn’t it? For sure not saying twitter stans are right, they piss me off how dare they say shit about gumi, but also I worry that I act similar you know?

I’m glad is was amusing I haven’t gotten any angry anons so I can never tell if the links are working or not

Listen listen it’s less that I chose this and more that they’re requirements. Spanish is a req, but I’ve always really liked spanish? I’ve found with learning languages I have to be interested in the lanrguage’s history/culture. So french makes me mad but spanish makes me feel cozy and I like it! I pick up spanish pretty fast too and I’d like to be actually fluent in it some day. Language as a whole is super interesting. Also the internet has made language even more interesting with widespread similarities and what not

Listen I would agree more with tubbo but instead Imm going to lighheartedly call him a coward who’s afraid of surprise lore! He said he would be there more often if other people logged on more often but I know for a fact other people feel the same and by him not regularly logging on he’s adding to it! I think foolish, ponk, puffy, and bbh have really upped my standards for lore. They log on at least once a week and make their own plot. Like bro if you’re bored start some shit tommy style! Personally I would make enemies with all the beets people. Tubbo has such cool lore I just wish he was willing to be a little more spontaneous. He was tired last night though so I can see his boredom beinf effected by that. I really really enjoyed bear smp those guys were so fucking funny and I will be watching more of them. Need to catch up on hermitcraft too

Who’s to say he can’t drop off the face of the planet and stream? He can multitask. Also hems been big on reddit recently so we’ll see where that leads ajddj

#anon #ask #long post

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himbohargreeves · 5 years

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hallo here are the hc's i whipped up for the teacher au!! i'm sorry this turned into an essay i'm just a dumbass who loves soft teacher au a lot!!

“not sure what the others would teach in this teacher au tho-” *wakes up in the dead of night with cold sweat* *kicks down the door* I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS!!

oh boy…get ready….cause it’s A LOT

- Submitted by @katgreeves

luther: physics teacher, cause you know…spaceboy……everyone is scared at the beginning of the year when they get him as a teacher cause he’s TALL AND HUGE AS FUUUUUCK, but then fast forward two months later and everyone is chill because turns out he’s a really easygoing and soft teacher…just really socially awkward and lowkey dumb sometimes

asshole kids in his classes use his softness to his disadvantage and pull pranks on him constantly, poor guy….the other kids tho always tell them to shove it tho because he may be soft and dumb and socially awkward but he’S OUR SOFT AND DUMB AND SOCIALLY AWKWARD TEACHER DON’T TOUCH HIM!! the first time they protected him he had to remind himself not to tear up because HE FELT SO LOVED!!!!

he gets them snacks even if they’re not supposed in the science classrooms because “eXPeriMENts and CHEmIcALsSsSsssSS!!!” and will rant for hours about space and starts and THE MOOOOON cause when he was a kid he always wanted to be an astronaut ( :’))))))) ) and his kids get fed up one day and go “why don’t you just make an astrology club mr luther????” and he does and IT’S A REAL SUCCESS WITH THE SCHOOL BODY YAY!!!

(five when he grows up also becomes a physics teacher and pesters luther all the time like “I AM 10 TIMES THE TEACHER YOU EVER WERE-” “NO YOU AREN’T STFU” and he’s technically wrong and right because material wise??? yes he’s 100% the better teacher and he always has answers to the kids questions and teaches them extra content cause he’s always been a genius but as a physics teacher that kids really like????? no siree that title goes to luther because he was a soft teddy bear to his students and they trusted him while five is eccentric and strict the the point where his kids are scared the FUCK out of him)

diego: pe teacher, SWEARS SO MUCH IN FRONT OF THE KIDS IN CLASS OMG HOW IS HE NOT FIRED YET?? is tough on the kids sometimes so push harder but IS ALSO SOFT AND REALLY ENCOURAGING THE KIDS TO WORK AND TRY THEIR BEST BECAUSE HE BELIEVES IN THEM!!! (except for the group of cocky assholes he’ll get in every class and don’t want to listen to them…he has personally removed their rights in the class)

whenever the self-defense unit comes around he’s sooooo dedicated to it and makes sure that the kids master everything to a t, cause who knows when it might come in handy??? he wants to make sure that the kids know how to protect themselves as the world is a shitty place and you never know when shit will go bad (except he does…he’s had enough bullshit and scared happen to him and has gotten involved in so many fights that he wants to make sure that the kids won’t hurt like him :“’))))))))) )

he’s a secret softie that will protect the kind kids that are not as good at pe and get bullied by the cocky assholes in the class becAUSE THAT’S JUST WHAT HE WOULD DO NO IM NOT SELF PROJECTING OF WHAT I WANTED OUT OF MY PE TEACHERS SHUT U-

also eudora is a pe teacher and the two of them are very competitive to be the best pe teacher and this rivalry turns into playful flirting and big ass crushes that they’re way too stubborn to admit, the entire school still ships it anyways (the entire school also ships klaus and dave because gay rights!!!!!)

allison: either school counselor or principal i can’t decide because she can be super kind and open to talk and gives advice that helps a LOT but she’s also a hbic THAT CAN AND WILL run the place.

anyways, whatever job she has, she also helps with the drama club and school plays, and literally every year the theatre kids BEG HER to kick out the current drama teachers and replace them because allison>>>>>>>>>>>> all of the existing drama teachers there

ben: is either a literature or philosophy teacher. super smart and knowledgable but is also really laid back and fun to talk to. he’s got a dark and snarky sense of humor and his students always have sass battles with him. the number of INSANE inside jokes his students and him share is HUGE.

HE DEMANDS THAT HIS STUDENTS PARTAKE IN READING TIME IN THE BEGINNING OF CLASS NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO BECAUSE READING IN AN IMPORTANT SKILL AND HOBBY FOR DEVELOPMENT AS A READER, WRITER, LEARNER, AND OVERALL PERSON AND NO AMY DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME I’M THE TEACHER HERE AND I SAID NO ELECTRONICS SO PUT THE GODDAMN PHONE AWAY BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AN-

anyways…he is really considerate to what students need and makes them as relaxed as possible because school is HELL. students LOOOOOVE HIM. HE’S THE ONE TEACHER BESIDES DAVE THAT LITERALLY EVERYONE LIKES. (highkey inspired by my philosophy and lit teachers because they’re also really smart but sassy and cool like ben and I JUST THINK THEY’RE NEAT)

vanya: strings orchestra teacher for obvious reasons. she was real shy at first when she first got hired but the the strings department at that time was soooo small and crappy that she went “oh HELL no,” rolled up her sleeves, and set to revitalize it just because she cares about music so much.

she recruited more students, got more advanced music so the kids could feel a challenge and be motivated to improve, and collaborated with the choir and band departments to provide more clubs, events and opportunities outside of class for kids to do music.

she is a no business type of teacher when it comes to arrogant people that put other players down or people who don’t practice and goof around and will snap at them SO HARD because everyone needs to be at their a game for a concert and in an orchestra no single person is bigger that the collective. she’s however SOOOO SOFT with really soft playing and shy kids because she understands how it feels when you think your playing isn’t good enough, so gives them extra help, gives them solo lines or solos to play so they gain more confidence in themselves, all while constantly giving encouraging words about how much they’ve improved that always makes them feel better and more motivated to improve.

she’s an absolute anxious and cranky maniac a week before the concert but she throws parties with food, drinks, and games afterwards to celebrate with her kids. she constantly gets them to play music related games and challenges that they do as a class for team bonding to make things more entertaining in class. she makes dumb music puns a lot too!

she also will in the class say crazy stories of her childhood and the crazy shit she and her siblings did and then somehow always relate it back to the lesson and make it some sage advice…the kids never understand how she does it

(me???? self projecting more of my teachers into this au cause they’re cool??? more likely than you think)

also one day she chops her hair real short and cute and the conversation with her students basically went like this:

students: miss vanya you cut your hair???

vanya: yes kids I’m a lesbian

students: !!!!!!!!!!!!

vanya: ;))))))))

students: MISS VANYA SAID GAY RIGHTS!!!!

vanya: HELL YE I DID!!!

bonus grace yayyyy!!!!!: is the school nurse…she’s so sweet, so soft….has precisely whatever people need when they feel sick/injured…helps them calm down in they’re freaking out…always has a couple of beds in the nurse’s office so people can lie if they feel dizzy…gives out candy/sweets/food to people so they feel better!!

diego meets her a lot because a lot of kids in his class gets injuries and he takes them to the nurse and he jUST LOVES HER SM!!! INSTANT MOM FIGURE!! THEY TALK AND JOKE AND LAUGH TOGETHER AND GRACE WILL ALWAYS GIVE HIM A PASTRY SHE MADE WHENEVER HE COMES BY AND HE JUST IS SO SOFT AROUND HER ITS GREAT (his students find his sudden change in his demeanour amusing “hey mr diego is nurse grace your MMMmoooOoOooOOOmMMMMMMmmmmmM??” “kid your a good one but say that shit to me one more time and I will beat the sh-”)

she always has a smile on her and everyone LOVES HER…..except for the administration that always want to get her fired because they are assholes and they think she’s too weird to stay. however, every time they try to fire her, a certain teacher comes by the office for what they claim is a civil discussion...and after an hour of yelling, death threats, and the door getting 10 knife marks they go “you know what grace…you can stay"

those assholes are persistant though, and one time though not even a certain teacher could get them away from firing her so once the news breaks out that nurse grace is leaving the whole school is FURIOUS and throws a 1 week riot and the administration get so scared and tired that they just go "OK WERE SORRY JUST KIDDIN- OK OK SHE’S STAYING FOR GOOD JESUS”

grace is so grateful that she makes a whole bunch of cake for everyone and everyone with tears in their eyes just goes “this…is why we love you sm nurse mom”

~~okkkieee that’s the end of it sorry it’s a literal essay I just got very passionate about this au lmao rip!!! I’m slowly tempted to write a fic about it even though i’ve never written a fic before in my LIFE and I already have like 3 other au fic ideas in my head already smh

#NURSE MOM #tua #katgreeves #submission #teacher au

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heesgf · 5 years

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bad boy! byounggon

a long but cute and fluffy bad boy bullet scenario :’))) pls read

this is my bullet scenario debut so im rlly gonna try and make it pop let’s get it

OK SO mr byounggon is a little bit of a bad boy, mostly because he’s not super loud, and he doesn’t necessarily make his presence known all the time... so he’s kinda just ,,, in quiet disapproval of everything

u could be laughing rlly loud with ur friends and being rlly obnoxious in the hallway but when he walks by ur kinda like.. O shit be quiet!!!212!!... bc ur not tryna have him roll his eyes at u (bc he will)

I think he’s partially so reserved bc ppl dont talk to him bc they’re scared,,, but bby just thinks ppl dont like him so he’s a lil :’((( about it

Lowkey but highkey everybody thinks he’s rlly hot!! One time a girl tried to impress him by vaping in his face and he was just like... bitch Tf... ಠ_ಠ... pls step away

He’s ALWAYS late to class bc he’s polishing the handles of his motorcycle and somehow none of the teachers are bothered

He’ll just pop in like 30 minutes into class, in the middle of a class discussion about why technology is ruining the planet; the teacher will give one look, smile at him, and then it’s all chill & dandy

Which is fucking RUDE bc one time u were late to class bc u got the RUNS at the end of P.E.,,,, and she was merciless!! She hit u with the “30,000 word essay due tonight” bitch!!!

Injustice™

So he’s late for the 3904390th time one day, and you’re super mad!! The second he walks in you feel urself fuming, and u turn to ur friend Junkyu who’s already giving u the 👀

Ur SO MAD u start going off,,, and ur like “that fucking jerk he’s always late and ms. johnson doesn’t give a single fuck... in FACT ! she loves his ass. This isn’t fair, honestly im gonna bring this to the principal”

And junkyu’s just cackling away bc ur doing The Most right now, and honestly ur kinda loud, so ppl just are looking @ u like “ .....? ...? are u ok ?? ?”

The answer is no

So ur talking ur shit storm all the way thru your teacher’s instructions, and she introduces a partner project (#cliche am i right)

Junkyu’s already grasping ur hands bc ur his ride or die

But before y’all can start giggling in harmony bc best friends forever, Ms. johnson gives u this rlly fat smirk, and she’s like “hehe... im making partners”

Thats when ur soul dies bc u happen to have the Worst Luck when it comes to partner assignments

Ur always partnered with that one dude that excuses himself to go to the bathroom, but then just vapes outside for 46 minutes,,, and u have to do the WHOLE thing urself,,, and ms johnson just bats her eyelashes and gives u one of these :-) “is there an issue?” and ur just like “:/// no im ok”

(ur not ok)

THIS TIME she’s looking around the classroom, and she starts pairing ppl up

When she pairs junkyu up with this other girl u feel like ur about to have a stroke,,, he gives u a sad lil frown and now ur in ur #feels

Suddenly ms Johnson points right @ you and she’s like “YOU!”

And right at that moment, mr byounggon gets up so he can go polish his bike handles for the 89th time this morning

And she’s like “(y/n) and byounggon, u guys are partners”

Ur like :o

He’s like :o

Ms. johnson’s like XD lolz :P!!!

Junkyu squeezes ur hand one last time, and he’s like “pls dont kick his ass plz, u don’t have the arm strength”

And ur like “PLS~~~~he might LOOK tough but he’s probably a rlly lame loser....” and then junkyu scurries away to another table group

Byounggon walks toward u

And as he’s walking ur crossing ur arms, and mumbling under ur breath, ‘god why ME, WHY’

Ur interrupted from ur sad hour bc byounggon yanks the chair across from u and finally sits his ass down,,,,

He’s looking outside the window,, probably @ his bike, honestly they’re a ship, #byounggbike

U kinda just look at him, absorb everything,, ur like “o dam... he DOES look tough”

His hair is jet black and messy but somehow perfect? He’s got this silver cross earring that dangles down from one ear, and when he lifts his hand to scratch his face, u notice the silver rings on his hands... and ur like... hmm kinda sexy...

Ur in ur own world, just staring at his VRY plump lips that are literally the perfect colour... no lip products needed damn

And the longer u stare, u realize his eyes are kinda sparkly? And his teeth are perfect? And he as a rlly cute long neck

In the middle of ur trance, byounggon’s so confused, honestly a little bit offended, bc ur just staring at him with ur eyebrows knitted, rlly intently, like ur analyzing him

He narrows his eyes and he’s like “what!”

U kinda jump in ur seat and ur like shit fUCK, he must be so weirded out by me rn (he is)

Ur mouth is agape, and u dont rlly know what to say, so u DONT SAY ANYTHING

And that makes him MORE frustrated

He’s like “WHAT are u looking at!”

And ur like

“SFOSJDFIOS... ur eyes are rlly pretty!”

For a second he thinks ur joking

But u look at him so expectantly, and ur cheeks are FLUSHED, so he thinks u might be serious; ur heart is beating 3430430 miles per hour, and u gulp,

But listen -- u HAD to say it-- bc ur mama taught u to give compliments when u think them! She’s a nice lady

Anyways back to the story

Ur definitely about to go into cardiac arrest

And ms johnson’s just sitting behind her desk like 👀🍵

Byounggon’s quiet for a moment

And for a Hot Second™ u think ur about to get ur ass BEAT (not physically, but verbally ;))

But then u notice the tops of his ears are turning a rlly deep red, and he averts his eyes downward

He mumbles a rlly rlly rlly quiet “ .. thanks”; and he says it so fast u almost miss it, but he sAID IT!

Then it’s quiet again and the level of awkward is so intense u want 2 die

Junkyu looks over to you from his table and he’s thinking ‘shit some real shady business must have gone down bc they wont even LOOK @ each other”

Little does he know.....

So u clear ur throat suddenly like “AHEM ok,,, we should probably work on this”

And he’s like “aight”

he seems so tough when he says things like that, but he was such a shy boy two seconds ago

So you guys get started

And it’s basically a project where you introduce the other person to the class with a video... so u rlly gotta get to know each other, and bond and all that cute stuff

And u already KNOOOOO if u dont do well, ur gonna face ms. johnson’s wrath, so ur really invested in doing a good job

And as an added BONUS!!! Ms. johnson says the group that does the best job on the project doesn’t need to take part in the final exam

And ur like BOOOOOYAHH!!! Bc final exams always fuck u over, and u go down like 5% just bc u momentarily lose ur mind and suffer

So ur #dedicated

In this beginning, byounggon rlly doesn’t open up that much, and ur genuinely concerned because it seems like ur going to be making a five minute video about how much he loves his bike (hint: A LOT)

But then u make a rule!! Ur like “hehe... no more bike talk.. Okay?”

And that’s when the Good Stuff comes out

You learn all this wild shit about byounggon

U go down the list of questions miss johnson gave ya’ll and you’re learning all about how how he likes writing songs, and composing music, and for some weird reason, he rlly likes bowling

Then ur like “whats ur fav body part”

He looks @ u rlly funny, and he’s kinda chuckling, giving u the “uhh are u sure that’s a question, or are u just curious?”

Ur FLABBERGASTED

You shove the paper in his face and you point at the question like a crazy person and he puts his hands up and he’s like “DAMN ok i get it”

Ur not rlly mad tho... homeboy’s got #jokes

He forces a smile, and then he juts out his finger at his cheek

And he’s like

“I like my Dimple.. It’s pretty impressive tbh”

U kinda just wanna bug him so ur like “mmm nah i dont think it’s all that impressive... not that cute” (ITS RLLY THAT CUTE THO)

He pretends to be rlly offended, and he sticks his tongue out and kinda bites it

Like tHIS:

Mr byounggon is NOT having ur sass today !

Ur trying to keep a straight face but FUCK he looks rlly hot in this moment, and suddenly, ur thinking... “fav body part.... Every part!”

He laughs it off, and he’s like, “nah dude, u have to see it in The Moment! That’s when you’ll respect The Dimple”

U deadpan at him bc.... LMFAO did he rlly just say “respect The Dimple”

Yes queen he did

U guys continue like this for a while, until the bell rings, and after, he scratches the back of his neck, and he’s struggling to make eye contact

When he looks like this, u rlly start to wonder how ppl could think he ever looked intimidating,,, bc GOD when his cheeks are a light shade of pink, and his eyes are wandering, and his hands are shaky, he looks so frickin CUTE

He’s like... “so u want start filming @ ....atmyhouselater...?”

Ur like w o t did u just say sir

And he’s like: “do u want to start filmingatmyhouselater!!!”

The classroom is loud bc ppl are shuffling outside, and he’s talking so fast, and honestly, ur just distracted by the hair that’s shifting in and out of his eyes... sparkly eyes... ANYWAYS

Ur like... “byounggon... pls enunciate” !!!

FINALLY,,, smoothly and clearly,,, he says “wanna start filming at my place later?”

And ur shook

But SO EXCITED

Bc u’ll see the Home of Byounggon

Ur like “hehe... yeES”

And then he’s like “ok cool” and fucking BLASTS OUT THAT CLASSROOM LIKE NO TOMORROW

For a second ur kinda shook bc damn.... Does he not have whiplash???

U turn around and u have this fucking goofy smile on ur face

Junkyu slowly walks up to and he’s like “... is it just me, or do you look happy after talking to... byounggon?”

U look @ him in distaste

“It’s just u bitch!”

He can’t know... . ... . . YET.

***TIME SKIP BBY*****

During lunch, u spilled to Junkyu about all the shit that went down with byounggon, and how u were feeling kinda gushy

When u told him u were gonna go to byounggon’s after school, he lost his damn mind

He was like: “take pictures and send them to me PLZ”

U were like: “TF NO!.... hehe ok maybe”

After school, u give junkyu a fat hug bc he’s a cuddly koala bear, and he wishes you good luck!! Then u run to ur locker and try and act cool

Byounggon pops into the hallway a few seconds later, and he raises his eyebrows @ u, and gestures toward the door

U try not to RUN over to him, and restrict urself to a respectable speed walk

He kinda chuckles bc ur .... cute.

U guys both walk outside and ur anticipating his mom to kinda just appear and drive u both to his place,,

No bitch

That’s not happening

U guys walk out to the side of the school, and u see the world famous #byounggbike

He shoots you a thumbs up and he’s like “mm ok so just hop on!”

Ur like

“Ha a ha .. wh at?”

He smirks all cocky, and he’s like “what? You’ve never rode a motorcycle before or something?”

Ur like. “HA! Whaaaaaaat? Of COURSE i ride motorcycles... in fact, i ride them... . . allllways...”

And he’ s like .......... ok shutup and get on

So u pop ur cute butt onto the seat, and he gets on, and he’s like: “okay, make sure u hold on rlly tight, ok? It can be dangerous”

U kinda scoff bc damn... he’s doing The Most rn isn’t he? So ur all like “PSSHHHTT... i dont even need to im a natural--”

And suddently u dont even have time to let out a breath bc homebody just GOES

IMMEDIATELY u latch ur arms around his waist and ur shutting ur eyes rlly tightly and screaming like “WTF HOW COULD U DO THAT WITHOUT A WARNING”

When he slows down @ the red light, u can FEEL his smirk from the backseat, and he’s like “o well u said ur a pro so i just... went?”

U want to smack his stupid mouth,,, but also,,,, k*ss his stupid mouth

Honestly byounggon was right

When u see The Dimple in the moment,,,, u really fall for it

The ride from then on is mostly smooth, and now ur kinda relaxed, so u just feel the breeze flying threw ur hair

U lose ur hair tie but its ok

Bc u do that everywhere

Ur sort of just enjoying the moment, and honestly it’s kinda peaceful??? U kinda like #byounggbike... now u guys are a ship... #(y/n)bike

Byounggon notices ur vibing with his bike, and it makes him smile rlly wide

At one of the stop lights, he looks at you in his peripheral vision and ur laughing and in ur own lil world

Ur so cute

He likes it so much

He starts riding again, and then just to keep u on ur toes, the boy SWERVES on the road a little bit and ur like “FUCKING STOP DOING THAT ILL KILL U”

And he’s LAUHGIGN so hard, and the laugh is deep, and it vibrates through his whole body

U feel it when ur arms are wrapped around him

and there’s this devilish look in his eyes

It’s really fucking cute

But u wont tell him that.

U guys finally arrive at The House of Byounggon, and you rush into his place bc damn... it’s cold outside! And he’s wearing a sleeveless black top AHHHHHHHHHHHH bicep palooza

U guys get warm inside!!!! And u meet his mom!!! The cutest woman in the entire world!!! And she brings you guys carrots and celery as u work

You ask more questions, and you learn about byounggon’s friends: seunghun, yedam, mashiho, hyunsuk

He shows u pics!!! Damn they’re literally all cute

Hot Squad

U tell byounggon u like to bake, so he comes up with a brilliant idea

He’s like “oh!!!! My mom’s about to make some cherry pie, make i can film u helping her out or smthh for the video”

U guys pile into the kitchen to help his mom, but she’s got the TEA!!!!! She’s like “hehe kids, i’ll be right back i need to do... something.....(y/n) knead this dough while im gone”

She YEETS tf outta there!!! And she’s nowhere to be found for a suspiciously long amount of time... hmmmm

Byounggon films u kneading the dough, but honestly, u dont know what tf ur doing

When u said u liked baking,,, u meant like...box cake

Ur playing with the dough like it’s a slime video, and byounggon is laughing his fucking head off while u just suffer

“Ur doing a rlly good job” he says with his mouth full of cherries

Ur about to tell him tf off for eating ur ingredients when ur hair falls out ur hair tie and it’s all over ur damn face

Byounggon’s like.... O shit

And ur like..... He LP

He comes to ur rescue

“What..... do i do”

U tell him to take the hair tie off the ground, and grab ur hair into a ponytail

His hands are so tentative, honestly a lil shaky, and for a brief second, he skims the skin of ur neck with his fingers

Ur body: shook

U have shivers all over and he bounces AWAY FROM U and he’s like “i- im sorry it was an accident”

Ur like... chill tf out brother... it’s cool

He comes back, ties ur hair into the ugliest side ponytail u ever saw, and u guys continue filming

“U made me look so ugly byounggon ur shady af” ur whining to him as u guys watch the clips back

Byounggon gasps!!! He’s like !!! “u did that urself!”

Then u wanted to kill him bc... did this bitch just call u ugly

U laugh and hit his shoulder!! And he’s like “nah im playing u always look cute”

IT COULD’VE BEEN AWKWARD

But u play it cool!!! And u smile at him, and he smiles at u

Then ur like

“Hey can i tell u a secret?”

“... what?”

“Honestly, ur not as bad as ppl make u seem”

He looks @ u with the stupidest smile but he knits his brows and he’s like GEE thank u (y/n), that is so kind of u!!! Ur so kind!!!

And ur like “NOOO hear me out, okay? You’re really nice, and smart, and sweet, and cute.. Ur rlly not as tough as u look....”

He’s kinda hurt, and he puffs his chest out, and kinda pouts

“Im tough.....”

U guys both just laugh

Moments like this continue for the next two weeks as you guys work on ur projects

Somehow byounggon convinces you to go bowling???

You finally go!!! and surprisingly, you beAT HIS ASS SO GOOD???~~~~ for someone that talked such mad shit about his skills,,,, ur rlly thought he’d do well

He got like.... 64 points

U got 107

He BEGGED u not to put that in the video!!!!!!!! Like so so so so badly!!! He offered to give you a ride home on #byounggbike everyday

U told him u wouldn’t put in it

And then the day of, when it popped up in front of the whole class, u were like SIKE BITCH I PUT THAT SHIT IN ANYWAYS!

He was choked up ! but dw he was ok

The whole time the video is playing, u guys are smiling at each other

Junkyu’s looking at u both with the most incredulous look on his face and he’s like... “am i interrupting something, here?”

“Shhhhhh.... Im looking at The Dimple”

“W h a t”

When ms johnson announces that u and byounggon had the best project, u just about pop out of ur seat, and u run ALL the way to byounggon, and u wrap ur arms around his neck, and u swing a lil bit off ur feet

He’s smiling so hard, The Dimple is #out, and the rumbling of his chest makes ur heart flutter

In that moment of excitement, u feel really bold, and u lurch forward and just plant the sweetest little kiss on byounggon’s cheek

He kinda does the :o

For a second, ur like... fuck SHIT,, i just fucked all the shit up

But then byounggon looks down at u

And he’s 4290290% heart eyes

He crouches into your ear, and he’s like, “hey can i tell u a secret?”

Ur nodding ur head like ur in a fucking trance

“I like you, (y/n)”

“I like u too, byounggon”

You guys are both smiling, junkyu’s gagging in the corner, ms johnson is loving every minute of this

U force urself on ur tippy toes, look into this sparkly eyes, and u crash ur lips onto his

His lips are soft and sweet, like strawberries

And when u pull away, he’s just as red as one too

While everyone else spends the next couple days studying for the final exam, you and byounggon are straight chillin

U guys spend ur time at the House of Byounggon, kissing the days away, and eating the carrots his mom provides for u both<333333333333

No bowling tho yikes :/// he’s scarred for life

thank u for reading and i LOVE U pls follow me im new

thank u guys for reading if u did!!!!! im a new ygtb blog <33 i plan on writing here and there, but im super dedicated rn bc there’s such little content. also, pls reach out to me, i want some friends <3 ok bye

#silverboysnet #ygtb #yg treasure box #ygtb imagine #ygtb scenario #byounggon scenario

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prorevenge · 6 years

Text

High School English Drama Class

This was way back in High School and that was yeaaars ago. I still remember the story because of the emotional scar that came with it. Not too sure if this is petty or pro but I think I had planned it a little for it to fall under petty. This is pretty long so please stay with me! TLDR at the bottom.

I was a nerd but I went to a HS that was made up of 100% nerds too. We all cared about grades. We weren’t into arts but we did have an English drama class that we took with no exceptions. It wasn’t an elective, it was a requirement for some reason.

For our finals, the teacher separated us into 2 groups to present the same play. We didn’t have assignments or anything for the whole year so she wants us to do a big play. Her words were “impress me!” So our final grade will rely on this presentation plus the attendance the whole year.

The teacher assigned a leader and director for both teams. We were going to be in charge of the whole team. My friend and I were assigned as the leader and director of our respective teams. A note that our class had friend groups too. All my friends were in the other team and I just had acquaintances in this group.

All was fine and dant until we’ve cast the leads for our play. We didn’t have a lot of males in class and we had a lot of male parts in the play. Our group unanimously voted for Shitty Lead Actor (SLA) to be the lead actor. He accepted it. Now onto rehearsals.

We scheduled rehearsals after school in one of our classmate’s house. She lives near the school so we set a time, if class lets out at 4:00pm the rehearsal will start at 6:00 pm. They are expected to get food or go home for change of clothes during that 2 hour time slot.

As a group of 15 members, 6:00 pm doesn’t always mean the start of rehearsals. Most people get there on or before 7:00 pm. That was fine, I understand time is tight and all. But one person got in my nerve so bad. Yes, it was SLA. He was never a few minutes late or an hour late, he was just always LATE. He never came in before 8:00 pm. NEVER. Not once.

Now the problem is that he is a lead actor. So he was ALWAYS in the scene. It was super hard to rehearse a scene when he was not there. So what happened is that the first 2 hours was set for just preparing props and my actors memorizing with me. We start actual rehearsal when SLA comes in about 8:00 pm.

He hasn’t even memorized his lines so we spend another hour memorizing lines and practicing blocking. It was super hard to finish everything within the time allowed because we all need to leave at 10:00 pm to go home.

As you can imagine, I was tired and stressed with him. He was just so hard to deal with. I tried talking to him, pleading and even seriously favours if he just took his role properly. He never budged. I had all but cried to him.

SLA is pretty much the “popular guy” in a school full of nerds so almost everyone in my team is friends with him. He started spreading rumours about me and talking behind my back. He said I was a hard ass, that I had a crush on him (gross) and that they should not come in time for the rehearsals because I was just a waste of time. I was devastated when I found out.

The best part was that SLA embarrassed me in class when we had this activity in religion class. The teacher had us write things about our other classmates anonymously and put them in a bowl of either “Good” or “Bad”. I only had “Bad” written about me all pertaining to my being the leader and director of the play.

The theme of the complaint is that I had a problem with SLA being late to rehearsals. Just imagine HS students writing horrible stuff about their classmates, that was it. They wrote that knowing fully well our teacher was going to read it out loud in front of everyone.

I cried in the bathroom with my friends. It was when I formulated the plan to get back at SLA (and a little to everyone else).

Everyone saw how mad I was. What they had forgotten was that as a leader, I was in charge of grading them.

Now onto a little petty revenge!

That day I scheduled a practice for 5:00 pm instead of 6:00 pm. None of them complained.

After class let out, I came to the other group’s rehearsals instead. As they were all my friends, they let me hang out there for the duration of the time I was hiding out from my group mates.

At about 6:00 pm, my teammates were texting me about where I was. I didn’t answer them.

At about 7:00 pm they were calling me, I didn’t answer.

At 8:00 pm, I arrive at the rehearsals. Everyone was present and working on the props. I assumed they would actually go home but they didn’t ditch that day. A surprise.

Most of them apologized for getting out of hand. I said ok but I didn’t tell them I forgave them. SLA never apologized, ofc.

Because I was obviously mad, SLA wasn’t acting up during rehearsals. I have no idea if he knew he pushed too hard or if he was just bidding his time. The rehearsals went well and that was all I cared about. We had so much done with the 2 hours that night than all the other nights combined.

After what happened, I was not friendly with my group mates anymore. I was cordial but cold, they never said anything about what happened again after some of them apologizing.

SLA started to arrive on time for rehearsals, had his lines memorized and never said anything in front of me again. If he said anything behind my back, I have no fucking idea.

So the day of the play came, we finished. My teacher was happy blah blah blah. This didn’t really mean anything to me besides good grades. Our teacher loved me, she would honestly believe anything I said. She gave us a very high grade.

I feel like my group mates forgot what the finals entail because when my teacher announced the next day that although there was a group grade, their leaders would grade them individually. The group grade would amount to 50% and the solo grade amounts to the other 50%. The look of shock and fear on my group mates’ faces was worth all the harsh words they threw at me. Most of all, SLA.

So I raised my hand and asked our teacher, “Is there a guideline for grading or is it all up to the leader?”

My teacher went all, “All up to you, lovenotsweet!”

I graded them mostly fairly, I took points for being an ass but I wasn’t going to take a hit on all of them. I was reserving that for someone. The props were amazing so they all got high 80s, the lighting and sound were decent so they all got low 80s, and the actors. The female lead had a flat 90. She never stood up for me but she never said anything bad either. She was so-so so her grade was just what she deserved for her acting.

SLA got a whopping 40% on my grading. He never helped on the props, he never arrived in time besides those last few rehearsals and in my view, his acting was sub par. I had computed the highest I can give him while making sure his final grade for this class never reached the passing grade of 75%.

SLA’s grades didn’t even reach 70% even with the high grade we got as a team. He tried complaining to me about the grade but I didn’t entertain him. He tried going to the teacher, but our teacher likes me AND heard about what happened in religion class. We had a small school, news travel fast. Teacher told SLA she was only changing the grade if I agreed. I didn’t agree.

It was for finals so SLA failed that class spectacularly. A blemish into an otherwise clean record. He moved on from it for the next few years of HS.

I just smiled and bid my time.

The pro revenge didn’t come until senior year.

During senior year we all applied to this prestigious university for an entrance exam. It was a super important school so all of us nerds built our High School career in hopes of getting into this school.

SLA didn’t get to take the exam with us because of his English Drama class grade. The University doesn’t take anyone with a grade below 80% and I guess he forgot about that when he got that grade from English Drama class years ago? SLA had to write an essay explaining why he deserves a chance to take the exam even though he had one failing grade. He had to pay an extra fee for the processing.

SLA took the next batch of exam. He did pass the exams tho. He just had to start University a semester later than everyone else in our batch.

Do I regret ruining his life plans by a few months? Sometimes but then I remember the words said about me in class just because I don’t like someone being late and slacking off. I then forget regret.

TLDR; Classmate embarrassed me in class because I was a “hardass leader” that cared too much about being on time and actually doing the work. He gets the grade he deserved and feels the result years later.

(source) (story by lovetoobad)

#prorevenge #by lovetoobad #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #revenge story #last10

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acidwaste · 6 years

Text

hey so it seems i’ve forgot to do a l o t of tag memes, and i’m lucky i drafted a big bunch of them! lots of questions overlapped so i did my best to answer in different ways, sorry for the lateness! also @ the people that tagged me here, i wouldn't hesitate to kill for you

@natcaptor / @gayspaced

name: leon or lionel!

nicknames: literally the only nickname I’ve been referred to is “big gay” and like. word!

gender: im pretty sure im a guy, i have been kinda 🤔🤔🤔 abt my gender identity since around november-ish though

star sign: sagittarius!

height: 6’1! i’m told that I’m tall but my uncle is 6’7 so...

time: 3:36pm rn! ive been watching video essays and binging music all afternoon

birthday: december 9th!

favourite bands: animal collective, beach house, camp cope, car seat headrest, death grips, fleet foxes, florence + the machine, gang of youths, glass animals, gorillaz, hop along, iceage, idles, kero kero bonito, mgmt, miike snow, modest mouse, run the jewels, superorganism, the avalanches, the cat empire, the go! team, the mountain goats, the wombats, xiu xiu

favourite solo artists: alex lahey, anderson .paak, ariana grande, billie eilish, bjork, cashmere cat, charli xcx, courtney barnett, cupcakke, d.r.a.m, eric taxxon, frank ocean, gfoty, hatchie, janelle monae, jeff rosenstock, joanna newsom, jorja smith, jpegmafia, kacey musgraves, kali uchis, kendrick lamar, khalid, kimbra, lorde, mac demarco, madeon, mick jenkins, mitski, oneohtrix point never, perfume genius, ravyn lenae, rina sawayama, serpentwithfeet, sophie, st. vincent, sza, vince staples

song stuck in my head: caramelo duro | miguel // kali uchis! its a bop, miguel is one of the few singers that can convincingly make sex jams

last movie i watched: deadpool 2! it was even better than the first, which is a feat in itself ngl

when did i create my blog: december 2016??? i only started using it properly in february last year tho

last thing i googled: “im in my mums car broom broom.” dont @ me

do i have any other blogs: yeah, plenty actually!! i have blogs for aesthetic (@moltenstar), general inspo (@wverns), flight rising (@szarising, kinda inactive?), and overwatch (@blackhardts) tbh the vast majority of my ‘sideblogs’ are just saved urls H

do i get asks: when i say stupid shit like “rung has the ass of a dilf but the dick of a cockroach”

why i chose my url: that one panel where kobd have a vacation at the acid wastes because fuck its finally canon babey!

following: 1,767, which is kinda horrifying!!

followers: 890?? somehow??? thats almost One Whole Thousand and i don't even make content

average hours of sleep: around 6 or 7!! n e v e r more though

lucky number: 43 and 64!!

instruments: i'm too poor to afford music lessons or instruments jsbddsjknfs

what am i wearing: a grey shirt and nothing on my bottom half so my [redacted] is hanging tf out, i should put on some damn clothes

dream job: oooo uhhh, i’m studying to get an education degree rn because i’d love to teach children (around grade 3-4s preferably because i'm too jittery to handle anyone younger and older kids probs won't listen to me as much as i lack plenty of assertiveness), but!! i’d honestly love to be a musician, one of those underground ones that get lots of critical acclaim

dream trip: one day i wanna gather up some friends and just go on a road trip! idm where we go to, as long as we just have fun and just! adventure!

favourite foods: rare steak, mashed potatoes, eggs, and energy shakes made with like. fruit / cheese / yoghurt / oats / chia seeds ! protein is a large part of my diet

nationality: new zealand, but living in australia

favourite song right now: best part | daniel caesar // h.e.r - gosh i need to re-listen to daniel’s album again, i don’t remember this beautiful song being there and that’s a crime

@damndesi / @novarebel / @luciform-philogynist

APPEARANCE - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo (but I am getting a tā moko in December, I believe) - I have at least one piercing (planning to get a nose ring, like a bull!) - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined (b a r e l y) - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping (barely) - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing math in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol (tastes like shit) - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite bands concerts

MY LIFE - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live relatively close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone (do fractures count?) - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages (not fluently) - I have made a new friend in the past year

@smstransformers

age: 16

birthplace: auckland, nz

current time: 4:19 pm rn!!!

drink you last had: i just skulled half a liter of water whoops

favourite song: jesus etc. | wilco if we're talking abt an all-time favourite

grossest memory: accidentally swallowing a bee when i was seven years old (somehow nothing bad happened?)

horror, yes or no: not unless it’s an incredibly tame horror t b h, my threshold for scariness is very low

in love: i believe so!

jealous of people: lots of times, over really dumb things

love by first sight or should I walk by again: i believe that infatuation can exist at first sight but true love not so much. wish that could happen tho :C

middle name: shane!

siblings: my sister is eight years old, and my brother is seven!

one wish: EZ, make my anxiety disappear, i’d have a much more productive life

song i last sang: jupiter | haiku hands

time i woke up: 7:13, woke up immediately because i usually like to wake at 6:30

underwear colour: blue + purble

vacation destination: auckland / kingston / sydney!

worst habit: not remembering to make my goddamn bed, it looks like garbage

favourite food: mashed potatoes….

zodiac sign: sagittarius !!!

@alyonian

relationship status:

at the moment i’m single! and while being in a relationship sounds brilliant, the last two relationships i was involved in? didn’t work out to say the least, lucky i’m still young

favourite colour:

it’s been emerald green for the longest time but orange seems to be dethroning it at a steady pace

lipstick or chapstick:

i haven’t used chapstick since i was six but i probably should use it again, water is my substitute rn fdghdgh - and i haven’t ever used lipstick in any capacity? so i’d have to go with the former

last song i listened to:

the space traveller’s lullaby | kamasi washington - i’m trying to get through his second album rn (i left off on the second disk yesterday) and while everything he makes is undeniably amazing, it’s? a three hour album? i don’t have the attention span for his spiritual jazz, as great as it is

last movie:

monsters inc is playing on the television right now, i’ll go with that! the animation aged kinda badly but it’s still such a fun movie! sidenote: james p. sullivan? a childhood crush, so this gives me memories

top 3 tv shows/podcasts/comics:

i rarely, if ever, venture into these forms of media but! if i had to answer, i’d say;

unbreakable kimmy schmidt / parks & recreation / luke cage

taz / mbmbam (i havent like. watched a full episode of either but they seem cool,)

tf idw / …………. yeah that’s it, i’ve never read anything else. probably should!

additional favs:

my friends, writing (in theory), listening to video essays, learning music theory + instruments and understanding audio production software

top 3 bands / artists:

HHH okay if i had to limit my choices to just three artists, uh. lorde, the mountain goats, and sophie. i couldnt even fit janelle in i hate th is

----------------------------------

@alyonian

color(s): light colors are always nice and pleasant, though anything peachy and sandy are the best! orange (specially pastel orange) is like. the best thing

last band t-shirt i bought: usually merchandising is very expensive and i dont have the money to accommodate that, but like. i do recall having a wiggles shirt when i was five. i wore it all the time, shjdjgsksd im sure that counts

last band i saw live: i almost went to splendor in the grass last year with family, which wasn't only cool since i’ve never been out of the state since i immigrated - the festival was in queensland, which is around a two hour flight from victoria - but the lineup was pretty fuckin lit too! the xx, haim, peking duk, tash sultana, future islands, vallis alps, a.b original,, i was p excited! unfortunately my uncle fell ill and so they had to give the tickets to extended family :( otherwise, i haven't been to a single concert in my life

last song i listened to: street fighter mas | kamasi washington - up to this song on the album and i really fuckin dig this! also the video is hypnotizing

last movie i watched: monsters inc is about to finish and up next is monsters university! which like…. honestly, this is an extremely unpopular opinion but, i like it just as much as the original? my opinion might be skewed because i’m a monster [hugger], but i like everything abt the movie! except for the finale of the scare games and the last five minutes of the movie, both were just. dreadful.

last three tv shows i watched: if aggretsuko counts that’s the last series i watched of my own volition, which is a miracle in itself considering that’s legit only the second anime i’ve watched to completion (the first being shirokuma cafe, which i probably need to re-watch). otherwise, the last two shows i had beared witness to were thirteen reasons why and queer eye bc my cousin put them on! that first show i could completely do without but queer eye is iconique

last 3 characters i identified with: grimlock (legit. all of them), urdnot grunt (mass effect) and vector the crocodile (sth), i’m not sure what this says about me other than Big

book(s) i’m currently reading: i’m reading ‘maus’ by art spiegelman at the moment, for the third time i believe? i believe my classmates are supposed to be writing an essay on this next term and shit, this novel is heartbreaking, i haven't been this emotional when reading a book than… ever, really. it’s a recommendation of the highest caliber

@victorion

name: leon / lionel, i picked up the second name because i was in a server with an admin that was also a Leon™

nickname: besides ‘Big Gay’ i also have the nickname ‘lemon lion’ which is! nice!!

zodiac sign: archer man

height: Tall™

language(s) spoken: english / some maori + italian

fav fruit: watermelons (only when in season)

fav scent: the smell of a freezer tbh? it just smells Nice i don’t know how to properly explain it

fav season: spring! the breezes are welcoming without being overbearingly freezing

fav color: ornge,,,,

fav animal: SHARKS + CROCS + FERRETS

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea! with some milk tho

average hrs of sleep: too little

fav fictional character: One character?????? uhhhhhhh……. like. biggest cc right now is either idw skids or oz from monster prom

no. of blankets you sleep with: depending on my mood but i’d say the average is like, 3??

fav songs: i quickly whipped up some songs i listen to

fav artists: i came to the realization that i like acts that are considered ‘bad’ like maroon 5/drake/lil yachty etc in specific doses… i wouldn't call them good yet, but! i have no beef and thats good

fav books: remember ‘where the wild things are’??? that shit was like. literal childhood, man.. :happytears: i really need to look for a copy again

@thonany-klieme

name: leon / lionel, interchangeable really

gender: male, im probs an nb guy

star sign: sagittarius!

height: 6’1

sexuality: gay??? im not sure, im mostly attracted to other guys but i have had very brief crushes on girls + nb people? sexuality’s confusing so im gonna just latch to the gaybel (gay label) for now

lock screen image: its the album cover of 1992 deluxe by princess nokia, tho it was “T Hanos” a few days ago since i change it often - my home screen is venom but his torso says ‘fuck machine’

ever had a crush on a teacher: no??

where do you see yourself in ten years: ideally i’m teaching kids math n english, realistically i’m probably going down with the political climate

if you could go anywhere, where would you go: new zealand!! or the netherlands

what was your favorite halloween costume: halloween is not big at all where i live, the only time i tried trick or treating was when i was like 7?? i threw a bedsheet on myself and pretended to be a ghost, though since there were no eyeholes + the sheet was blue, it looked more like i was just a moving lump

last kiss: never had one

have you ever been to las vegas: nah and i dont plan to?? how do you handle regular days of 40C wtf

favorite pair of shoes: i have this pair of jandals that ive worn for a fair bit longer than my other pair of shoes, tho i only wear them in summer + very warm nights

favorite book: ngl its. ‘the very hungry caterpillar’ by eric carle. i just, love it alot and i cant explain w h y

#acid.txt #this took a while but :wahoo:

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peacefulwriter88 · 7 years

Text

Space In Between - Part 4

A/N: I’m sooooooo excited for this next part y’all! I meant even post a part 5 immediately afterwards….things are moving and shaking!

Warnings: Just language for now....

Tag List @sleepretreat @lancetucker @xxhuffelpuff-girlxx @that-theater-techie-from-kc

“I don’t believe you dragged me here.” you mumble, following Hector and Mara through the thick crowd of students as you made your way to your seats. It was Saturday afternoon and despite the chilly weather it was 75 degrees and beautiful. The stadium was filled with the contrast of Yale blue and Harvard crimson. Not only was this the biggest rivalry of the year, it was also homecoming and everyone on both sides were buzzing with with excitement.

Except you. You were grateful that the campus would be quiet and you could focus on studying before the evenings parties. That had been until Hector and some other friends from your major had showed up at your door step, forcing you and Mara to join them for tailgating and a day's worth of booze and fun. Even she had agreed that they needed to focus on work, specifically Beck’s ridiculous coursework, but one whisper from Hector, he’s handsome features loosing themselves in Maras wavy hair as he whispered convincingly in her ear, and she had easily submitted and forced you along.

Damn young love.

She had also convinced you to wear the halter style jersey you had both at a discounted rated at the school store a week back with your fitted jeans, your curves peeping from the short shirt.

“You’re beautiful and you should showcase it. Besides, a certain professor might be there,” she wiggles her eyebrows and you had thrown a pillow at her. You still wore it though and even put some effort into your makeup and spirit garb.

Perhaps you wanted to look a little cute in case he did show up.

Goddamn your young crush.

The parking lot had been packed and you all set up camp, drinking and playing cornhole while egging the other side on. It wasn’t long before you need to fill the stadium which was how you had ended up here, looking for your seats with a cold beer in your hand as you followed the large group. You find it easily and after kick off you find yourself wandering back to the work yuo still need to, applications you need to fill out for a part time job. Adulthood taking over your fun.

Mara notices that you’ve changed but doesn’t push, knowing it was a miracle to get you out. Instead she lets you sit and brood, sipping your beer and ignoring the way students are parading around you.

And then you spot him.

He’s sitting a few rows in front of you, with three guy friends, one another professor you recognize from the internship you’re applying to on campus. He’s laughing jovially, his brown hair a moussed mess as he sips beers and yells at the team during important plays. If you didn’t know it, you’d never guess he was a professor with his youthful charm, his chiseled jaw clear of any scruff. You take in the way his jeans hug his ass and his alma mater shirt is tight around his arms and you make an almost shameful load moan, taking another sip of your beer.

Blue was a great color on him.

Mara has noticed you’re suddenly silent, not even teasing the opposing team and her eyes go from you toward the direction of your distraction and she smiles, sitting down beside you. You tip the beer back, taking in his form one last time, lamenting the way he wets his puckered lips before speaking and she wraps a knowing arm around your shoulder. The crowd is loud and everyone is distracted so she knows she can speak freely and say,

“Just tell me you don’t have a crush on him and I won’t push it.”

You groan as you bite your lip and shake your head,

“Ok, only because you’ve been my best friend since forever,” you hesitate before you admit “I know its wrong but I do have the biggest hard on for him.”

She laughs, shaking her head and squeezing your shoulders.

“I know! And normally I wouldn’t encourage this negative behavior, you know idolizing over someone like him,” you throw her a look which she successfully ignores it as she says, “But you too are cute together! I’ve seen the way you both are at the coffee shop or in class. Yes, I know you slip off to Jenny’s Bean to have weird science sessions with him. I genuinely think he’s attracted to you and it's beyond just you being hot. I think you’ve piqued his interest with that sexy fucking brain of yours.”

You place your hands over your face and shake your head.

“My brain normally scares boys away.” you mumble and she laughs getting closer to your ear.

“Yeah but you’re not trying to bag a boy - you want a man. A good man I’d argue. Let's go remind him what he’s missing.”

You look at her and she giggles as she stands up.

“Gonna grab beers before the quarter ends.” she yells at the group who only throw her a thumbs up, too immersed in the close game. she loops her arms between your own as you both shimmy from your row, making your way down the stairs, going toward you and you tense up.

“Just laugh and scream go bulldogs. Promise you he’ll check you out until you’re out of his sight.”

You roll your eyes and she nudges you and you sigh, laughing obnoxiously loud as you begin to shout out go bulldogs, causing the who area to follow your lead.

Including a certain Beck.

He’s laughing with his teammates, screaming out a cheer when his eyes lock on yours as you move slowly down the stairs. You laugh and smile at him, throwing him a wink before turning and whispering to Mara. Mara who’s pretending to not be listening as she turns to watch him until you’re at the bottom of the stairs and she giggles profusely as you both walk hastily to a beer stand.

“He never took his eyes off of you. Watched you and your tight little ass walk down the stairs the whole way. Bet you dinner he’s going to follow.”

You roll your eyes and snort, though you’re smiling and shake your head.

“You’re on. I don’t believe you.”

“I have great guy powers.” she admonishes and you look at her before saying, “Yeah, which is why you and hector still aren’t a thing.”

She gives an exaggerated gasp even though she’s blushing deeply before she punches you and you laugh, clutching your stomach in amusement.

“Whatever dude.” she says in annoyance though she’s giggling too and you almost miss his voice. Almost.

“What has you two so amused?”

You both stop laughing for a second, looking at each other before you laugh again and he watches in amused confusion. Finally you say,

“I was just responding to a bad cheer she made up.”

Mara instantly nods her head to lie and he smiles, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“What are you doing here, professor. Didn’t take you as football kind of guy.” you continue and he shakes his head.

“Isn’t that my line? You were the one who convinced me that you didn’t got to games. And call me Chris. We’re not in a classroom and technically I’m just filling in for your real professor.”

You ignore the way Mara elbows you as you all move up in line and you blink your eyebrows innocently before answering,

“I wasn’t going to come out. My really obnoxious roommate and group of friends told me I was lame if I stayed in to write an essay that a certain Dr. Beck is forcing on me so I relented and alas, here I am in blue and silver getting drunk off of cheap booze. Doesn’t answer my question, Chris - thought you weren’t a football guy.”

He laughs, stepping closer to you and huffs out.

“Well I’m glad Mara got you out. You deserve to have a good time - can’t take yourself too seriously. And I always go to the games but especially the ones where our rivals are involved.” he runs his hand through his hair and you catch a whiff of his cologne as you cross your arms.

“Guess you’re not as lame as I thought.”

This time he admonishes, gripping his heart exaggeratedly as he says,

“You thought I was lame?”

“You spend soo much of your time reading space articles. And testing theories in weird places on campus. And the city.”

You raise an eyebrow as he shakes his head.

“Hey, we have all this land to test on and it's just adding more foliage to the beauty of this town. And you were going to skip a game to write a paper - you are just as lame as me if not more so.”

“I am not lame!” you counter back, pushing him and he laughs as Mara rolls her eyes.

“Oh my gosh you both are lame. Really, you think talking about space all the time is fun. Geez…..” she mutters and you scoff at her as Chris laughs harder.

“Chris I wondered where you....went…. off…... too. Who are your friends?” another man, a guy from the group Chris was with, runs up beside your group. Chris smiles as he turns to him, the guy distracting him long enough for Mara to whisper, “Seriously tho, you both need to get a room. You’re both too ridiculous.”

“Shut it.” you bite back as Chris turns to you, throwing his right arm over your shoulders as he says,

“This is my friend Y/N. Y/N this is Rick.”

You’re frozen for a second. Did he just casually introduce you to his friend and pull you into his space like you were old friends? You know you drank a lot of beer but how had you gotten here, to this new friend zone? Could Mara actually be right? Wouldn’t be the first time sadly.

You recover quickly as you thrust out your hand, shaking Rick's hand and saying,

“Pleasure to meet you. You and Chris were on SpaceStationX together, right?”

“Hmmm, telling here all about me eh? Must be a dear friend.” Rick teases and Mara clears her throat, inserting her hand.

“I’m Mara. Her friend and apparently this dude’s chopped liver,” she points at Chris who blushes, shaking his head.

“Yea - this is Mara.” he says quickly and you laugh, your hand winding around his waist and he looks down at you, smiling. This was casual - two friends hanging out, getting beers at a sporting event. You can manage this. The line moves and inch and Rick says,

“So you’re obviously team Yale like this dude, feeling you’re cute little jersey.”

“Rick….” Chris mutters, shaking his head and Rick throws up his hands as Mara laughs.

“What? Can’t tell her that her and her friend have cute shirts? Im married I get boundaries.”

You laugh as you ask,

“Why thanks Rick. I know you have no loyalties so I’m assuming you’re a smart man and cheering for the bulldogs.”

He shrugs,

“I mean I could care less and I was going against this dude,” he nods toward Chris. “But you could convince me otherwise.”

You shake your head as Chris groans.

“Dude, get your shit together. You’re married.”

“Hey hey, I’m just helping you out with pick up lines. She’s obviously getting no game from you and it's obvious you’re into her.”

Thats does it. You and Mara burst out into laughter as Chris’ face goes into a deeper red, his blue eyes getting lighter with embarrassment. You can feel him trying to hide in himself and you give him a squeeze of encouragement. You could only hope Mara doesn’t decide to join in.

“Hey, hey tell me I’m not wrong. Mara, tell me your friend isn’t equally into this dude. I saw the way she was swaying her cute little butt going down the stairs knowing my dude was watching her. I’m just trying to make this happen while we’re still young and drunk.”

There’s a huge gap between you and the next person at this point as you feel your body heat up. Fuck. Of course it wouldn’t be Mara but he’s fucking honest friend exposing your business. Mara is laughing harder, nodding her head in agreement and its Chris this time who squeezes you, though he doesn’t make eye contact with you.

“Okay, okay. Fine. Lets just put it out there since we’re all being honest,” you challenge Rick who is smiling and nodding his head, looking over at Chris who is covering his face with his free hand. You all move up closer to the counter as you continue. “Fine, I have a thing for Chris. Because he’s cute and funny and intelligent. I mean look at this face.”

You’re trying to will the alcohol to stop the words from flowing out of you quickly and it's Mara who clasp her hands in reverence and says,

“Yea she’s right. Beck is fine ass fuck. More her type than mine tho.”

“Mara….” you mutter under your breath and she shrugs as Chris looks at you.

“Cmon we gotta salvage this somehow.” you tease, starting to pull away from him. He stops you. His arms tighten around you as he looks down at you.

“I’m too fucking drunk for this,” he mutters before saying, “You have to know how fucking beautiful you are. Every guy at this stadium has been checking you out. That doesn’t matter though, you’re just so brilliant. I don’t know…..why wouldn’t I be attracted to you? You’re pretty damn amazing Y/N.”

The last part is said in a whisper, his eyes softening at you and for a second you forget where you are and who you’re with.

“I KNEW IT!” Mara screams out as you make your way to the counter and Rick slaps Chris on his back.

“Way to man up Beck. I’m gonna buy this round of drinks - inspired by this man’s balls for once in a long time.”

You both ignore him and you exhale before Chris clears his throat before saying to himself,

“No way a woman like you would really be interested in me though.” he pulls away and you shake your head, this time not letting him escape.

“Who says?” you counter back, catching him off guard. He watches you and you’re suddenly aware of the way his eyes flick to your lips, the way his hand is moving down your arm and you think this is it. He was going to kiss you and nothing else would matter this year.

Instead, the football stadium goes wild as a touchdown is made and you both pull away as Mara turns with two beers, handing them off to you. Then turning to give Chris two more.

Shit, you either need to get drunk more or sober the fuck up.

You take a long sip of the beer in your hands and Rick smiles, bobbing up and down as he says.

“Missing the damn game fooling with y’all. Let’s get back to it!”

Chris nods but you know something has changed. He walks in step with you, shielding you from the crowds of people as Mara and Rick talk enthusiastically as you make your way to your seats. Chris clears his throat, before saying,

“I haven’t...I don’t know how to navigate this but maybe….after the game...you and I could go and…..grab a drink or we could do it with friends or…..” he avoids your eyes as you look over at him and you give him a cheeky grin. Was this handsome god getting all tongue tied over you. What had you done for the universe to treat you so kindly.

“Are you trying to ask me out?” you admonish and he sighs, chuckling slightly.

“I might be. Yes. That.”

“Chris I’d-” you’re unable to finish the sentence as someone yells out,

“Beck! Rick. The fuck y’all been?”

You look to find the tall, semi-balding man looking down at you with another guy his age. Someone with equal blue eyes and blonde hair.

Mark. Motherfucking Watney.

You bite back all of your enthusiasm because of course he’s here. They’re like best friends. And if that wasn’t enough, Chris was going to ask you out. He was asking you out. This was turning into the best damn day of your life. Whatney and a date with Beck. You turn to him but he’s watching the first guy intently.

“Who you got there, Chris?” he asks curiously and Chris clears his throat as Rick interjects.

“Ah this is just Mara and Chris’ crush. Y/N.”

Something flashes in Alex’s eyes and you know. You know he notices you because even though you look different in casual garb, even though you could play it off like you weren’t a student you were also in his class. Also interacted with him on a day to day basis because as someone who worked intently with NASA he wanted to know if you were truly worthy.

Fuck. You needed to get hammered.

“We were just kidding around. Rick and Mara and Chris and I…..he’s just drunk.” you're trying to play it off but you know its not working. Chris places his hand on the small of your back and says crisply,

“Rick is just fucked up Alex. See you around Y/N.”

Its curt and short and you nod, jogging up to Mara as you both move quickly. Willing yourself not to look back.

“Dude so much just happened in that moment I don’t even know how to help you recover.” she mutters and you nod.

“You don’t. We get hammered and deal with it on Monday.”

#chris beck #chris beck x reader #Sebastian Stan

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justangrymacaroni · 7 years

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Rachel Elizabeth Dare: An Essay

(a.k.a. a discussion of the portrayal of strong female characters and their relationship with fandom, canon, and a whole bunch of other shit i wanted to scream about at 1:50 am)

it really Rattles My Gears that a character as cool as Rachel Elizabeth fucking Dare is constantly thrown under the bus.

“Percy Jackson and Rachel Dare had a really genuine and cool friendship that became obsolete as soon as Rachel was no longer a potential love interest for him” -- @ofswordsandpens

i’m gonna take it a step further and argue that Rachel stopped being a relevant character in the story as soon as she “lost” the role of a potential love interest. not to mention the fact that fandom seemed to collectively h a t e her ass because of that potential love interest. WHY THO?

let’s fucking discuss.

unfortunately, no discussion about Rachel can occur without the mention of the ship of the century. percabeth. i’m going to assume that percabeth shares its origins with the pjo series itself, allllll the way back in 2005. (holy shit).

2005 fandoms were a LOT different than the fandoms we see today. remember, this was before DashCon, the Mishapocalypse, “fandoms grab your weapons”, and everything else that sort of.....gave fandoms a bit of a wakeup call. not that there was anything inherently wrong with it initially, but there was a shift.

2005 was before that shift.

the original pjo series percabeth romance followed a familiar young adult romance trope: boy and girl meet. girl is strong willed. boy is relatable. girl hates boy. they are thrust together through magical/extraneous circumstances. they become friends. then best friends. then hopelessly in love--BUT WAIT THE WORLD IS ENDING OH NO.

but what makes percabeth so popular? what makes it different from the other tropes we’ve seen? i think the answer lies in the characterization. sure, the tropes are there, but the characters sort of rise above them. annabeth and percy exist independently of each other. their relationship is healthy in that they are able to support each other without completely being reliant one another.

but i think the most significant part of all this, especially in concerns to Rachel, is that annabeth and percy grew up alongside the readers. as the characters aged, their actions and thoughts--a.k.a the writing style over time--became more nuanced. the stakes rose, the conflict became complicated. and their relationship progressed relatively slowly, meaning the ship had plenty of time to grow in canon and fandom.

enter Rachel Elizabeth Dare. her character at the very beginning didn’t have any obvious romantic implications. percy runs into her, they chat, there’s a monster, she gives him her number, and BAM. done. she’s gone until the next book.

but within that short amount of time, she is brilliantly characterized. her actions and thoughts are unique from what we’ve seen. she’s funny, demanding, sarcastic, and brave as fuck.

next book comes out and “uh oh, she’s a love interest!!!! KILL HER BURN HER FUCKING ANNABETH AND PERCY ARE FOREVERWELHKWJGBKHWKJEK”

wtf.

let’s talk about annabeth and Rachel. i argue that fandom loves annabeth for the same reasons they hate Rachel.

she doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit

annabeth: she’s tough and kicks ass!

Rachel: she’s mean.

she doesn’t put up with PERCY’S shit

annabeth: she’s so funny lol she’s the yin to his yang

Rachel: she’s mean and wrong for him.

she fights, even when people tell her no

annabeth: (example--not wanting to be given dummy questions from the sphinx) she’s smart and independent, she has her own mind and she uses it

Rachel: (example--flying into a demigod battle to warn the others) omg she’s a MORTAL why is she constantly bursting into this story? she’s annoying!!!

sadly, most of the reasons behind the fandom’s dislike of Rachel lie with her relationship to percy, in that people don’t want her to be in a relationship with percy.

but let’s fucking stop talking about percy FOR JUST ONE SECOND.

Rachel is an awesome character. she can see through the mist, and it’s because of this that she wants to learn more about half-bloods, not some hot guy she ran into once. like she says herself, percy was only such a fascination for her because he opened a door to an amazing world. she didn’t need him to be a part of that world.

(ok now we’re done talking about percy)

Rachel Elizabeth Dare has shown time and time again to go above and beyond what was needed from her. examples include walking into the labryinth to help some kids she barely knew, getting in a fucking helicopter and flying into a monster god battle, and allowing herself to be possessed by an ancient prophet spirit-ghost-thing.

she does all this because she wants to, because that’s who she is. she’s the girl that covered herself in gold paint for an art movement. she’s the girl who demanded to learn more about terrifying monsters and kids with swords. she’s the girl who threw a blue hairbrush at kronos.

not to mention how compelling her story is. a mortal who can lift a curse on an ancient prophet??? WHAT??? as soon as the love triangle is over, she’s gone. and i’m So Mad About That because she was so interesting! she goes off to private school while possessed, and thaT’S ALL WE KNOW????

it pisses me off how a character only seems to exist for a romantic subplot, but i’m used to it.

now, what’s really interesting is how this affects female characters in fandom. i can’t say male characters, because while they can be entirely subjected to this “i exist for the romance” trope--gayle from hunger games, bella’s high-school guy friend from twilight, hermione’s quidditch boyfriend holy shit i’m forgetting his name--when it comes to fandom, the girls are treated worse.

i’m going to cut to the chase and tell you why. internalized misogyny is a tricky thing. it can lead you to see a female character solely through her relationship to the male counterpart. it does not matter if she has wants, aspirations, or independent thoughts outside of that relationship.

when it comes to shipping, she’s not even a character. she’s a threat. female characters are trashed mercilessly in canon and fandom when it comes to this.

look at mary watson’s and irene adler’s treatment in the johnlock fandom.

look at how lavender brown was viewed back in the old harry potter days.

look at all the dead girls from supernatural.

look at martha from dr. who.

skyler from breaking bad.

betty from mad men.

meg from supernatural.

rachel from glee.

guinevere from merlin.

mercedes from glee.

lana lang from smallville.

iris from flash.

terra from young justice.

and on and on and on and on and on

just. Yikes.

from now on, whenever i see a female character hated on because of whatever fucking “threat” she poses, i’m calling it the Rachel Elizabeth Dare Effect.

The Rachel Elizabeth Dare Effect: When a female character is treated poorly in canon and/or fandom, for reasons including any to all of the following:

-- she poses a “threat” to a popular ship

-- hypocrisy for hatred of traits (traits loved in one character but hated in this one)

-- a shallow refusal to see character outside of romantic pull/ties

-- pitting female character against another female character in a bizarre attempt to prove one is superior

not all of the ladies i listed strictly apply to the Rachel Dare Effect, but are worth mentioning because it brings up a topic that needs to be addressed in concerns to storytelling.

look. i love rick riordan’s stories and universe. the pjo characters mean a lot to me. i also love percabeth. do not mistake this post as a way to proclaim my hatred for certain characters and ships. that’s the exact opposite of what i believe. if you don’t like Rachel outside of the reasons i’ve shown above, then by golly, you do you. but this is about more than a personal preference.

Rachel Elizabeth Dare, and characters like her, deserve so much more than what fandom has thrown at them. please, take pride and care in what you write and read. it has a scary effect on young minds.

#my writing #i want to view this critically #but i am also MADE ENTIRELY OF RAGE #pjo #percy jackson #annabeth #rachel elizabeth dare #i just KNOW i'm going to get some people bitching about this #if anyone reads it #long post #rick riordan

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chxrimoya · 7 years

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ok i guess i’ll finally get around to typing this whole journal post i meant to for the past damn week lmao.

so it’s tuesday night and i’ve ditched class last wed, this past mon and figure drawing today. i just ain’t up for it. for some reason my sleep quality is so poor, even with a full night’s sleep, i can’t stop myself from napping for 3-4 hours. it’s getting in the way of me doing stuff honestly? i get home and want to clean up my room, play some persona, or draw or SOMETHING but sleep is obviously a priority. it sucks but i gotta do it, lacking sleep just makes it so much easier for me to get into a depressive episode. maybe it’s the irregularity of my sleep? for a long time i didn’t sleep past 2am but i slept at like 4am couple of times in the last two weeks or so.

this past week or two i’ve slowly progressed from one thing bothering me to another and now i can’t even place my discontent. general malaise, as i’ve been telling other people. hopefully writing this helps me find some fkn way to articulate myself? lmao. honestly i don’t know why, talking to other people helps me cope but hasn’t helped me confront the feelings. they’re still there, bothering me, and i would like them to go away? but they won’t anytime soon i’m sure. and i, as usual, am invalidating myself and how i feel so megakek

so i’ll talk to my journal like i’m talking to someone.

so recently, i introduced my friend, let’s call her Nu, to my regular group of friends who i usually play games with. i invited her to a bbq at J’s house, and it’s all good and stuff, day passes. I tell her before anything, these lot of men aren’t good at all as dating options but i wouldn’t judge her otherwise, because you can’t rly help who you pick. the only two dudes that day available were J and H and both are kinda shitty, but H is way more shitty than J is; J just got his issues to work out. but fast forward, H messages me about wanting to pursue Nu, and was convinced on trying to be a better person, bc one night on discord we were talking about art and things in general, and i just flat out said i don’t think he’s a good person and he has a lot to work on? so after he says to me on FB, hey thanks i needed someone to say that to me and seemed genuine, so my kind ass heart is like ok sure i’ll help you. he asks me genuinely if it’s ok for him to ask me for help so i say yeah, ofc. he realizes hes being selfish pursing this girl because he’s never had a gf, and that J was also interested but he values himself over J. this was mean of me, but i said frankly to H that i agreed, J is in no place to have a relationship because his life is a fucking mess at home; no school, no work, car’s not passing smog and his dad and mom are still shitty as always (his dad can die for all i care). later tho J agreed with me bc i brought it up with him. anyway, couple days later me and H talk and this guy, he’s probably the shittiest offender i know, because he says autistic, retarded, faggot, gook, all in jest and i HATE him for it. i’m not gonna pick a fight because his dumb conservative ass can choke now, for all i care. i have depression and triggers that send me into episodes, so he keeps using “triggered” all casually and it bothers me. it’s disrespectful. so i ask him if he could avoid using it around me, and i see the typing bubbles for like 4 minutes and this guy is typing an essay about how i’m wrong. deletes it, sends “Lol alright” but goes onto his stupid shpiel anyway even though i wanted to drop it. accuses me of “artificially killing the word” even though i just THINK it’s disrespectful, talking to me in a know-it-all fashion because fucking men always do this. so i remember, this entire time, why i didn’t like him, so i decide this bitch is on his fucking own. but me, being the soft-hearted individual i am, didn’t get mad till couple days later and indignant about the whole ordeal. before my anger, Nu and H and me went to eat and shop a little so fucc everything seemed fine and dandy!! and even now i still help this disrespectful child because i care for Nu, even though I don’t know her well enough to be super comfortable with her. I’m naturally an open person, but the comfort i’m talking about comes with time and i just haven’t known her that long. but Nu, she’s had a bad history that ended only recently, and i honestly would kill for her bc she deserves to be happy. not being pushed around by men who vy for her attention? she deserves someone who cares and validates her, but can still set her straight bc she’s a stubborn girl. the men in her life haven’t been good to her, and she hardly had friends before i met her at work? so i want to be someone she can rely on and talk to but i don’t want her withdrawing into the comfort of a man that can’t even comfort and face his own issues without his toxic pride getting in the way. because that what H is to me.

he calls me saturday before mothers day, 9amish and tells me he accidentally stood Nu up. he obviously feels guilty. but maybe he’s only guilty because he’ll lose his chance with this girl if he fucks up. i’m tired, i comfort him telling him it’s not his fault, because apparently he overslept his alarm and didn’t wake up until Nu called him. Nu also told me that she had been waiting for an hour for him, showed up 30 minutes early to look nice and surprise him, but when she called 30 minutes after the meetup time, she just wanted to go home. she had limited time that day so she wanted to do breakfast at 8. he wants to make it up to her with a gift, but she doesn’t want a gift, so i tell him to draw something for her bc it’s more sentimental. after the call i talk to Nu about it and she seems pretty upset actually, and after everything, she just tells me she feels “jaded” but she’ll get over it.

i don’t approve. i really don’t. i hate this guy but i can’t really be consumed to even be marginally mean to him because Nu is interested, but even she acknowledges maybe she’s been starved of proper affection that she’s just reveling in it. if this guy can’t be bothered to do me a favor, when im trying to be his wingman and get him on good footing with this girl, i’ll fucking light the bridge on fire. but it’s not my choice to make, Nu’s happiness is what matters more. but it exhausts me? i’ve been there, done that with toxic guys and it’s so exhausting. i have issues i still carry and struggle with to this day because i was manipulated and did manipulate other people, for the sake of a guy. and it’s really not worth it. as i talked to her, the friday before, we hung out and spent a whole day with each other... she has a lot of baggage. stuff she doesn’t wanna bring into a relationship. and we shared a lot of similarities with the people we’ve dealt with. i tell her, friends are here to help you carry that baggage. she doesn’t have to carry it on her own. relationships should be always mutually beneficial to both parties. why invest yourself in something you’ll never get shit out of? you end up empty and pining, and anything will satisfy you. it’s not a good cycle to enter. ive been there!! and fuck man, im still recovering. my value is in myself, not in others. and i love to help people because... simply i wish people would have helped me when i needed it. so i help others because they need it. but i wont help people at the expense of myself, at the expense of people i care about.

but also, i just... dunno if i feel right, being some sort of arbiter for their relationship. i don’t feel like i should have this power to judge, i keep telling myself i don’t know either of them that well so i really shouldn’t be doing the things that i’m doing now? like who am i to get in the way of their happiness, judge that someone isn’t good, and say yes or no to them entering a relationship? for all i know, it could turn out well. i doubt it, because H has never had a gf and i feel his selfishness extends beyond ignoring J, and more of “finally i can get a gf and not be lonely anymore” bc i want someone to value Nu for who she is.

maybe i’ll write more when i get to to it but this is way too long already lolol

#yu.txt

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silver-and-ivory · 7 years

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Ah, another long effortpost, from yours truly about the infamous Her. *ominous music* Not racist this time, but do exercise caution if you’ve had trouble with social anxiety, scrupulosity, bullying, or abuse, especially gossip-related stuff and lowkey gaslighting.

I’m afraid that I’ve alienated all of my friends at school by being really…. fucked up about the thing with Her.

Like, not even in a racist way. Just in a kind of… broken way, almost?

Once I was sitting in debate class, which for context is a class where me and my friends, including Her, basically sat and slacked off and gossiped. After the end of a particularly upsetting gossip session I felt really awful and so I said in this cracking voice, “What can I do so better? Like, just in general?” because I felt like they probably ripped me open while I was gone and didn’t even have the decency to tell me about it.

This one particular guy came up and hugged me. I didn’t want hugs. I didn’t want to be comforted. I wanted the truth.

She would always say really nice things if you were upset? Which was confusing. “Just keep doing what you’re doing and don’t worry about other people.” But of course I worried about other people. Of course I worried about whether I was irritating everyone. Of course I cared when she insinuated that she didn’t like me very much, or that she just put up with me. I was immensely worried that I was just irritating everyone, which I found morally wrong/shameful. (At that point in time I couldn’t really tell which.)

And then at some point I wrote this “slam” “poem”, which was really about how horribly insecure I felt and how gossip was probably bad. Except that I was having a lot of trouble writing (possibly because of how insecure I felt and how I was deliberately trying to dismiss a whole class of feelings), and so it wasn’t a very good slam poem. Most certainly, She didn’t compliment me on it.

Before I had to perform, I edited it extensively, had to go out into the hall during lunch to cry, and worried that She would stop liking me because I had written such a poem. I was shivering all over and I begged one of my actually-good friends to support me if anyone (I meant Her) was mad at me afterwards.

I still wanted to perform. I still wanted to write. I still knew that I needed to get a message like this across.

(I’ve never been frightened of stages or performing. Except when She’s around. When She’s around it makes me anxious to raise my hand in class.)

I performed it. I had written it somewhat badly. It was not a bad idea. It was a poorly written poem because I had lost the ability to write good poetry (or good essays, or have motivation, or make anything up without worrying).

Afterwards I demanded, again, that my better friends (this time not including Her) be honest with me about its qualities. But they thought I wanted them to Comfort Me instead. I do not want to be comforted. I want honesty.

I’m worried that other people think that I’m a failure because of this. I’m worried that She’s poisoned them against me. I’m worried that I’ve neglected them and that I’ve not cared for them enough.

What becomes clear to me, looking at this, is how severely I’ve outsourced all of my judgments of myself. Am I morally good? I should consult other people. Am I a good writer? I should consult other people. And here consult means “rely completely on their impressions of me”.

And I think this all ties back to Her. Whose word did I have to rely on? Whose beliefs did I have to predict? Whose thoughts did I have to simulate, near-perfectly?

Hers, of course.

She was erratic in her decisions, which made it extremely difficult to predict what she wanted. Like that thing about the BLM police pepsi ad that bambamramfam wrote, you could never predict whether something was good or whether it was unforgivable. Her decision-making process was frustratingly opaque. But it was also harsh and stark.

I asked her, once, at the very end of the friendship, what I could do to respect her boundaries and what she would prefer I not do. She texted back, and I approximately quote, with /’s added so she can’t find it, that

“I deal with so //much bullshit// on a //daily basis// that //you probably// can’t //do much// by //arguing. But// with //regard to// the //black issues// that //we talk// about //I just// need //you to// take //a minute// before //speaking because// there’s //knowing something// and //then there// is //talking to// someone //who experiences that.//

//Also sometimes// when I’m with //[other friend]//you //just pop// up and that’s awkward when it’s not// lunch or class time//, and that’s //kind of awkward//”

I also asked what was friendship-ending, because I am a sucker for punishment (actually because I really wanted to avoid that).

“//if you say the n-word that’s //friendship ending tho//”

And the thing is that all of these sound completely reasonable. But… there’s just so much. So many implications that I absorbed without thinking, so many putdowns and assumptions and guilt-trips. And the way that she’s portraying herself as a victim still, of my [white-ass] bullshit.

The thing was that it never felt like a small thing. Whenever I disagreed with her, or whenever I said something Wrong

- like for example, when our AP teacher asked “Why might a labor activist in the 19th century connect wage labor to slavery?” and I gave an explanation that referenced workhouses and extremely poor conditions in labor; and I expected that She would confront me, and then She confronted me by saying it was disrespectful to black people and then I dissociated because I was terrified -

it felt like a big deal to me. I felt like she was possibly giving me the silent treatment and simply could not talk to me because of how repulsive I was, and rightfully as well. It did not help that that was indistinguishable from her behavior normally- she often did not greet me and I didn’t read her well.

(Sometimes however she greeted me warmly and made an effort to talk to me. This was very rare however and I treasured it because she made me feel really really good whenever she did.)

I felt that her voice was filled with condescension. She explained things such as privilege to me again and again. She told me, over and over, that I needed to be more respectful to minorities. She couldn’t explain her actual logic when I inquired further.

And moreover she was always on the brink of tears.

I wanted, and still do, want her to be okay. I think she is in real pain. I think her actions feel sensible from the inside, because I have been in her position before, though thank god not as bad.

Her emotions and desires were magnified as more-than-themselves in my mind, as were the emotions and desires of my peers.

I overestimated the degree to which I was failing to read my classmates’ expressions, because I was scared that they actually hated me because I was supposedly despicable. I was highly biased in favor of me always screwing up.

I began this post by talking about how I was afraid of how Her influence has changed me. And it is indeed true- I am afraid that I became a difficult person when I was with her. I am afraid that I was stripped of energy and unable to be a good friend to others when I was her friend.

But the only thing to do for that is to be the person who I believe I should be- to behave with honor towards others, with respect towards others, and with consideracy towards others. They of course get input into this- but I will no longer mistrust my (actually fairly passable!) skills at reading others and interpreting others’ emotions; I will no longer judge my behavior by standards that don’t make sense to my moral system and which cannot rationally be explained; and I will not demand that people tell me what I can improve on “in general”.

#about her #sj #gaslighting cw #abuse cw #effortpost #classic and good posts

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moonfoxbby-blog · 7 years

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100 Questions and answers

Bored out of my mf mind so idk. 1. Coffee or Tea? Coffee ❤ 2. Black and white or color? Color 3. Drawings or paintings? Drawings 4. Dresses or skirts? I like 2 poece dresses. I think they're adorable. 5. Books or movies? Both 6. Pepsi or coke? Vanilla coke 7. Chinese or italian? Dude I love both equally. 8. Early bird or night owl? Night owl. I literally stay up until 1am 9. Chocolate or vanilla? I'm okay with either. I just don't prefer vanilla ice cream. I prefer vanilla in my coffee or drinks or something. 10. Introvert or extrovert? Introvert.. like bad. 11. Hugs or kisses? Both 12. Hunting or fishing? Fishing 13. Winter or summer? Summer 14. Spring or fall? Fall, it gets chilly and beautiful and it's also Halloween. 😊 but my bday is in Spring too tho 15. Rural or urban? Rural 16. PC or mac? PC 17. Tan or pale? On other guys, I don't have a preference as long as you're not an asshole. :) I'm currently pale af and my family makes fun of me. 😒 18. Cake or pie? It's gotta be good pie 19. Ice cream or yogurt? Ice cream 20. Ketchup or mustard? Mustard is disgusting. Ketchup 21. Sweet or dill pickles? I never cared for the sweet pickles so dill 22. Comedy or mystery? Mystery 23. Boots or sandals? Boots 24. Silver or gold? Silver 25. Pop or rock? Rock 26. Dancing or singing? Both 27. Chicken or chess? Chicken with other dumbass impatient drivers in this town. Cut me off mf I dare you. 28. Board games or video games? Video games 29. Wine or beer? Wine 30. Freckles or dimples? I like both. 31. Honey mustard or BBQ sauce? Bbq sauce 32. Body weight exercises or lifting weights? Body wimeight exercises (except planks) 33. Baseball or basketball? Basketball 34. Crossword puzzles or sudokus? Crossword 35. Clean shaven or facial hair? It doesn't matter to me. As long as the facial hair isn't getting in the way of anything. 😐 36. Crushed or cubed ice? Crushed bc I eat ice 😂 37. Skiing or snowboarding? I haven't done either 38. Smile or game face? Game face. 39. Bracelet or necklace? Necklace 40. Fruit or vegetables? Fruit 41. Sausage or bacon? Bacon 42. Scrambled or fried? Fried 43. Dark chocolate or white chocolate? Dark 44. Tattoos or piercings? Piercings since I have no tattoos and like 1 piercing and planning on getting another one 45. Antique or brand new? Antique 46. Dress up or dress down? Idk what this means but I'd rather be underdressed. 47. Cowboys or aliens? Aliens bruh 👽 48. Cats or dogs? I love both but dogs actually seem to give more of a shit about you sometimes 49. Pancakes or waffles? Pancakes 50. Bond or bourne? Wtf does this mean 51. Sci-Fi or fantasy? Fantasy. Dragons, wizards, vampires, werewolves, witches, warlocks, trolls, etc. I love it. That's why I love Skyrim so much! ❤ 52. Numbers or letters? Ehen it comes to math neither :) 53. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? LotR 54. Fair or theme park? Theme park 55. Money or fame? Money lmao 56. Washing dishes or doing laundry? Washing dishes 57. Snakes or sharks? Snakes ❤ bc they're beautiful and they'll only bite you if you piss them off, scare them, or try to hurt them. They can be very sweet. I had a ball python for a little bit 58. Orange juice or apple juice? Orange juice 59. Sunrise or sunset? Both 60. Slacker or over-achiever? I'm a slacker but somehow I'm caught up like 95% of the time at school. Lol 61. Pen or pencil? Pen bc they write smoother 62. Peanut butter or jelly? PB 63. Grammys or Oscars? Oscars but I never watch them 😂 64. Detailed or Abstract? Detailed 65. Multiple choice questions or essay questions? Multiple choice. When I have to write an essay on my online World History test I procrastinate so bad. Like I could take an entire week. 66. Adventurous or cautious? I'm both but more adventurous. I was seriously fixing to just go into the Baker Hotel by myself since the guys were being wussies. 67. Saver or spender? Saver. 68. Glasses or contacts? I wear contacts and they're better than glasses 69. Laptop or desktop? Laptop 70. Classic or modern? Classic 71. Personal chef or personal fitness trainer? Fitness trainer bc I need to work out more 72. Internet or cell phone? Cell phone 73. Call or text? Text. Unless I really need to talk to you I'll want to talk fsce to fave but if I can't then I call 74. Curly or straight hair? I have a bit of both. More curly. 75. Shower in the morning or evening? Morning but I always take evening showers 76. Spicy or mild? It depends on what I'm eating 77. Marvel or DC? I kind of like both 78. Paying mortgage or paying rent? Mortgage bc eventually you can pay it off and don't have to worry about it anymore. Although it is more expensive 79. Sky dive or bungee jump? Sky dive 80. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? Oreos ❤ I ate so many when I was little that I made myself sick and I still eat them 😄 81. Jello or pudding? Neither 82. Truth or dare? Dare 83. Roller coaster or ferris wheel? Roller coaster 84. Leather or denim? Jacket; leather Denim: jeans 85. Stripes or solids? Idk what this means lmao 86. Bagels or muffins? Muffins 87. Whole wheat or white? I'm not picky 88. Beads or pearls? Pearls 89. Hardwood or carpet? Hardwood bc carpet is a bitch. I have carpet in my room and a few months ago my brother decided he would throw up all over my carpet. So i have a disgusting ass puke stain on my carpet. 😷 90. Bright colors or neutral tones? Neutral tones 91. Be older or younger than you are? A little older so I can buy cigarettes. (Yes I know don't start with how I'm gonna kms) 92. Raisins or nuts? If I say nuts y'all are gonna make fun of me 😂 93. Picnic or nice restaraunt? Picnic 94. Black leather or brown leather? Either as long it's leather I love it 95. Long or short hair? On guys, I don't mind either as long as you take care of it. On me I prefer short because I look adorable. With my short hair. 96. "Ready, aim fire" or "Ready, fire, aim"? Ready aim fire because what's the point of firing if you don't hit what you need to hit? 97. Fiction or non-fiction? Fiction 98. Smoking or non-smoking? Smoking 😕 99. Think before you talk or talk before you think? Open your mind before your mouth 100. Asking or answering questions? Answering. Especially if you asked a stupid question.

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