#i am in pain physically and emotionally | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

etrevil · 8 months

Text

This is episode, this chapter- they are killing me. I am suffering because of soukoku.

Like, there are several instances where Chuuya has 'lost' his humanity- from using Corruption, and this one time of being affected by the vampire virus.

I need to share how this is a knife to my dug, getting twisted and twisted.

Because in every other time where Chuuya is lost to the throes of angry screams and mindlessness (fuck you fyodor. ordering him around has physically damaged me 😭) Dazai is there, able to nullify it.

First case is in the climax of Stormbringer, with Chuuya losing his wings and Dazai being there to catch him:

Second of them at the Dragon Head incident:

Then at 22 during the confrontation against the Guild:

And most recently, Dead Apple:

And then the prison arc rolls up, Chuuya's a vampire, and this is one of the first times that Dazai cannot nullify Chuuya back to his humanity, to his normal. He has to use his words instead of physical touch.

And this. This is what punches me in the gut, over and over again.

“Come back.”

And what if Dazai really is dead, and it isn't the Chuuya he knows that he last sees? Or what if Chuuya never does escape the vampirism, and everything goes to shit?

I rest my case. Brb gonna dig myself a grave because my own post has ended me ✌️

81 notes · View notes

sensitiveheartless · 2 years

Text

Having a lot of emotions about Storm Bringer

694 notes · View notes

astranauticus · 3 months

Text

(spoilers up to orv chapter 270) (sort of?)

you ever just kinda. suddenly realise what you're listening to

#omniscient reader's viewpoint #omniscent reader #orv spoilers #orv #kim dokja #yoo joonghyuk #art i made #the first hyperlink is to the song on youtube the second one is to my translation btw #that caption was not an exaggeration i was deadass like walking back from class with my spotify on shuffle and kinda like #tuned back in to what was playing in my ears and just had a kinda. HOLD UP WAIT A FUCKIN SECOND #honestly the whole song is kinda yjh if you squint and like for what its worth literally the only reason this is tied to like #that scene from 269 specifically is bc i literally just read that part today so it was really fresh in my brain #god the process of making this was so strange too bc i did it in almost one sitting except i had a fuckin SPORTS EVENT of all things #in the evening so it was like. 3 hours straight of doing this 2 hours of playing sportsball of all things then another 3 hours of this #so now i am physically mentally AND emotionally drained! genuinely couldntve had a more exhausting consecutive 8 hours if i tried #btw fun fact in the spirit of like. making life easier for myself all of yjh's flashback frames or whatever are webtoon panel redraws #except for that last one obviously cuz the webtoon isnt there yet (which. wow the processing of drawing that was. very painful)#but its like. I AM THE WAY THAT I AM if given the chance to draw to my knowledge one of the most tragic moments from the story I WILL DO IT #ok looking back theres a bunch of editing errors but also i just. really need to go do my ACTUAL FUCKIN WORK LMAO #god my arm hurts #hmmm i might clean up that 10 scenario sketch later on. i kinda like how the wings turned out #and also kdj's dipshit expression.

21 notes · View notes

halogalopaghost · 2 months

Text

#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED #I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn #so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and #I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀#how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but #SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad #I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for #herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean #I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to #I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore #I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit #is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia?#and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD #I don't have severe pain (yet).#I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it #so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive #I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!!#I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!

16 notes · View notes

jjanguri · 1 year

Text

haobin on tiktok

BONUS: tietie

39 notes · View notes

chocolate-cream-soldier · 2 years

Photo

“I can be as a Meteor”

158 notes · View notes

halo--hall · 7 days

Text

can't decide if the headache i have had for days is a gum thing or a sinus thing or both but it's pairing really well with the shoulder pain i've had for weeks lmao. mystery chronic illness is awesome

#i mean i'm pretty sure it is a combo of pots and heds and long covid but #i don't have money to pursue a real diagnosis or treatment of any of these things #so i just keep self medicating & going to my multiple manual labor jobs that will make all of my mystery illnesses worse before they kill me #mwah! <3333 i don't want to live like this anymore!#my chronic pain keeps getting worse bc of the manual labor & that pain stacked on the psychic pain of being in constant ptsd flashbacks for #the last month is making it impossible for me to get anything done & it's also turning me into a much meaner person than i even am as #a baseline lol #sorry to be vulnerable on main but i'm in excruciating pain emotionally and physically at all times and i can't cope w it anymore #i literally do not want to live like this anymore 😎 but i gotta go to the candy store in a couple hours so #time to load up on pot and ibuprofen!#i owe so many people texts and am behind on so much admin work for the salon and my bitch ass theatre company #but i just have to lay in bed and save my spoons so i can drag my bloated carcass into either of my jobs so i can be a good wage slave #anyway thanks for reading lets all manifest me making lots of money this weekend!#i've been short on bills every month since i got hurt despite how much i work & i can't fucking catch up on anything bc of that so like #would be very sexy if i made enough money before the first to cover my basic living expenses teehee #i prob won't tho lmao womp womp

2 notes · View notes

limitlessscion · 7 days

Text

#>> ooc #i am in PAIN #physically ( the dentist and my awful teeth both have a grudge against me )#emotionally ( thanks billye ilu i promise i'll hurt u back )#time to curl up in a corner for the rest of the day #i'll be on discord

2 notes · View notes

existential-dread-in-the-am · 27 days

Text

The bad feeling has not worn off from yesterday

#I feel physically ill from one single experience of trapped in room with angry person #fuck you mother you're the one who can't read social cues #when I say let me out let me out and am crying it is not because I am somehow challenging you this is called a panic attack #seriously what the actual hell #Vale yells into the abyss #again #personal #there's an emotional spiral of some kind going on but I'm not sure what is required to either break out of it or complete the process #brain is trying to process what just happened but the processing is causing harm #this is not fun #I keep going from mostly ok and happy to physically in pain and emotionally distressed and then back again #there has to be a way to think more effectively than regular thinking that I can use to solve this shit #like how there's walking and speedwalking or jogging and running or basic math and advanced math #but for emotional processing #advanced emotional processing?#some kind of thinking hard mode?

2 notes · View notes

emoclone · 2 months

Text

pinterest always knows what's up with me

#they speak #vent #okay the physical pain isn't that bad (yet) but emotionally i am in hell #so it still works

2 notes · View notes

takaraphoenix · 11 months

Text

You know what’s a phrase that I absolutely loathe with every fiber of my being?

“When/If I was your age, I would/could.”

When you express exhaustion or limitation or the incapability to do something, and the older people in your life want to show you that naw, when they were your age they did that - or if they were your age right now, then they would be able to do that.

Shut up shut up shut up forever.

I don’t know how often, or how slow and deliberate, I have to say the phrase “I am in pain every minute of every day” for it to click, and it’s not something I disclose with everyone, but having shit like that come from like my parents or grandparents.

You know this. You know I have a chronic headache. Even if you can’t understand the details of it, how is the concept that hard to understand?

Sure, I’m “young”. That doesn’t make me physically superior or peak? My head hurts every minute of every day and when I’m lucky that is just a buzzing in the back of my mind and I get to focus on other things. And when it’s bad it is a droning drowning sound that has me on the verge of tears for hours. But it’s always there. I am always in pain. And I have been for at least twenty years now (though recent recounts from my mother suggest that I’ve been complaining about headaches since I was four...).

So yes, things that would have been easy for you to handle when you were young and in peak physical condition without any ailments are actually more challenging for me because I am not in peak physical condition and I am honestly so fucking tired of the people who are supposedly close to me and know this to keep forgetting it.

#Chronic Pain #Personal #Venting #I'm just. I am so tired #physically emotionally in every aspect

13 notes · View notes

mo-ok · 2 months

Text

$200 for the GingaiOh preorder someone shoot me in the head before i do something stupid

#i'm in physical pain #emotionally i am not well #😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#why must our dollar suck so much ass? why is my money worth less please its a dollar it means the same as your dollar P L E A S E

3 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months

Text

...

#what does one do when their perception cannot b trusted? im so physically and emotionally exhausted #and i can go from feeling hopelessly terminally bad to completely normal for no apparent reason. and on occasion i can go from normal to i #think i can stay up all night. i never have to sleep again. look how great i can focus. i could kill god.#and i have no emotional object permanence so it feels so stupid when im normal. i cant sympathize with myself in altered states of mind #and it doesnt matter but it makes me crazy the idea that i might not b bip0lar but i just push myself so far that under pressure my mind #splits into the catastrophically positive or negative. but i feel like this is how i have to live. i have to b perfect or pay a blood debt #and thats just how it is. and thats how its been. so at this point ive spend thr last idk 15 years of my life being d #some measure of miserable for no reason. i dont kno y i do this to myself and im 26 now and idk how to stop bc even pushing myself as hard #as i can im so far behind. how am i supposed to do less and not #and not just quit. im compulsive for a reason. there's a fundamental barrier between myself and understanding language but if i do more and #more and more then i can at least try to keep up with everyone else. idk im so tired. and im 26 and im afraid im stuck like this #and i cant even... its like ive split my head in 2 to cope. ive created distance within myself so that i cant fully feel how terrible i make #things for myself. half my brain is always like lol suffer idiot. it throws off my therapists bc i cant take my own pain seriously. ill #laugh and smile while im like yea i feel horrible like most of the time and i dont kno what to do lol. idk so it goes. i think im gonna stop #with the birth control tho. as it doesnt seem to help with my sadness levels. idk if ite making ot worse or not. guess well find out #itll b easier once i dont have to b trained on things. then i wont have to ask a question and burst into tears on my lab mate 🙄#unrelated

5 notes · View notes

roses-and-elixir · 2 years

Text

The best thing I got out of therapy was learning the importance to immerse yourself in activities you enjoy doing, to make you feel better. Also learning to appreciate the small things and slow living. But also how to overcome your problem(s) by making a plan on how to deal with it in baby steps. That way you’re not pushing yourself too much that you become overwhelmed, but at the same time you’re pushing yourself a little to help build up the courage. It’s been a slow progress to reach the end goal but it’s worth it once you get to that point.

#alhamdulillah #im so grateful i am where i am #i was crying nearly every night in pain - both physically and emotionally 2 years ago #i used to have really bad nightmares and bruxism as a result #my sleep would be so bad and i used to wake up crying sm #its so so so nice not crying anymore #its so nice to have a daily routine i have learnt to love and appreciate #its so nice to just not experience pain #and i feel like my sleep hygienes gotten so much better - maybe its from exhaustion from trying to do a lot in a day #but im not gonna complain - at one point i wasnt sleeping at all or even scared to sleep #personal #i kind of feel like this is the best my life will probably get lol #the most peace i will feel #but its ok ive learnt good coping mechanisms and strategies to deal with issuds #issues #i will try to face whatever problems i have thrown at me InshaAllah #have Allah too to turn to

49 notes · View notes

pepprs · 1 year

Text

ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.

#purrs #delete later #idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every #single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional #needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t #those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t #this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone #but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o #course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and #i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved #mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or #whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a #week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be #writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all #the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality #is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents.#and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments #where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them #comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so #painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i #haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that #kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im #crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i #missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever.#and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read #the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are #closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom #to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess.#also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and #that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk

12 notes · View notes

hella1975 · 1 year

Note

happy eurovison!! do your stretches!!!

babe it's been days since i did my stretches at this point im too scared

#in my defence idk WHAT was going on with my sunday shift bc i only waitressed 7 hours and that's a pretty normal shift for me #like im aware compared to a normal person it would be very difficult to just out of nowhere expect them to be on their feet #walking back and forth the entire length of a restaurant regularly carrying heavy things all the while keeping up ABOVE AND BEYOND socially #for SEVEN ENTIRE HOURS with ZERO BREAK like masking that entire time on top of the 7 hour physical workout #like it's insane if u think about it for more than 2 seconds and im really trying to bc every time i falter i beat the shit out of myself #and like? NO? my job is actually very physically demanding and emotionally draining compared to most people's day-to-day activity #it's gonna have impacts sometimes!#so yeah long story short i finished my shift sunday and when i tell you my legs LOCKED UP in bed that night #like mainly my thighs but it was all in my hips and knees and it was so bad that i lay there until 2am before getting painkillers #bc i couldnt hack it #which is SAYING SOMETHING for me bc im normally both quite good with pain and also a hardass for taking painkillers #ive had that happen once before (again after waitressing lol) & never worried about it but my mum recently got diagnosed with arthritis #and ever since ive been like. Looking at my own joints any time they even HINT at playing up #like i am RENOWNED for inhereting all of my mum's medical shit from mental to physical like i KNOW i'll get it it's just a matter of when #and yeah that was sunday it's now tuesday and my thighs STILL feel bruised #and im like. embarassed about it bc it's not like i did anything spectacular? and idk why it's happening?#yeah idk hiiii rori did u like me ranting about my physical health in ur stretch reminder ask sorry do u still think im hot <3 #ask

8 notes · View notes