pro tip: if you're going to stay up until 1:40 AM don't start thinking about some of the lowest points in your life <3

'so do you just experience life as intense moments of loneliness and peaks of despair and agony interspersed with moments of tentative hope and not-quite-joy that inevitably cycle back to the intensity of an ever present ache? The painful awareness of lack?'

Yeah man idk what else to tell you

.

im so wired rn it’s crazy. i’m laying in bed trying to fall asleep but my mind keeps defaulting back to my work and finishing trains of thought that i quit when i went to bed. like i’m TRYING to fall asleep but randomly i’ll spawn sentences in my head bc my brain’s still trying to craft my final presentation. and it’s so stressful bc ik i can bs it but it’s still a lot of work

anyways the reason i’m fully awake rn instead of continuing THAT is bc in the dark, in my peripheral vision, i made out a big black bug right next to my pillow. i immediately sprang out of bed and scrambled towards the light switch, only to find…. a binder clip.

oh no. i feel like if i do not consume an entire load of bread in the very near future i will simply cease to exist.

steve whenever billy comes over:

*note: i've used the soap and lotion, but not the spray, before and they make me sleepy (not enough for my insomnia lmao) and it smells so fucking gooood.

Got a sick fixation again. Every time I forget, that reminder returns. Need. Sick sick sick. The urge. I'm like if dark urge inbred with another dark urge and then that one inbred with another inbred dark urge so they had an even more fucked up baby and that baby was me

*plop*

HIIII!!!!!!!

How was your day? Did you manage to focus even a bit in class? Have you drunk in the last two hours? Have you checked out the Hero of soup mess? HIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!

God I loved that in my neighborhood back where my lease is that the grass gets mowed at like 5pm or a bit later

Fuck ye outside my window I’m trying to go back to sleep

u know what. The sleep thing is legit bothering me (I woke up at 3 AM after Not Enough Sleep so my nerves are Shot) I think I’m gonna keep a sleep tracker to see how much I sleep and when to try and confirm if there’s actually a Problem or What 🥲

If any of you is wondering whether i'm, "good," the answer is no!

Speaking of self sabotage (unintentional?? Maybe???), you can't possibly be abandoned if you don't truly trust anyone in the first place!

right after i moved into my apartment i realized that there was a grey area in my lease that just might be enough to reasonably take my landlord to small-claims court over, even though the total financial impact on me is vanishingly small compared to even one month’s rent, let alone all 12, but the idea of suing my landlord is enticing; and to add to the time-wastingness of it all, i realized just now that my school gives every grad student a free 15-minute session with a lawyer specifically because cases of landlord fuckery were so rampant, so now i could bring this grey area to a REAL LAWYER, and the fact that i got so momentarily excited about that made me think that maybe i should have considered going to law school more seriously. and then i remembered that the entire reason why i didn’t seriously consider going to law school was because i wanted my brain to be filled with FEWER of these silly hypotheticals, not more.

fuck sleep

love falling asleep at 1am and then waking up at 3am, not being able to go back to sleep until 6am, and then having to wake up at 9am every single day. i am so healthy and fine

When the universe sends you an extra gift card you weren’t expecting so you get a lil high, get yourself a bowl of strawberries, buy yourself a new blusher, and a new sims 4 stuff pack wow I’m my best date ❤️