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stellamancer · 11 months

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between the moon’s divide (satoru gojo x reader)

notes: uh. a week ago i thought to myself ‘oh i want to write a kiss scene’ thinking it would take me a day or two but no it took a week of me agonizing over... everything lmao.

contains: gender neutral reader, gojo is taller than the reader (as usual), some kind of tension, and finally kissing!!

wc: 2.1k

It’s sometime past midnight when you run across Satoru Gojo standing in the school’s courtyard.

Unable to sleep, you’d taken to the halls. It’d become a habit by now, wandering the corridors like a restless ghost until sleep could evade you no longer. You’d actually been heading back to your room when you’d seen him, statuesque as he bathed in moonlight. You’d been vaguely aware that Gojo was not much of a sleeper, but you’d never run into him on one of your nighttime strolls.

You come to a stop, observing Gojo as he stares up at the moon. It’s very odd for him; to be still, to be silent.

Naturally, it doesn’t last for long.

“Finally here for our romantic moonlight rendezvous?” he asks, his tone playful, his gaze still fixed on the moon above.

You can’t help but feel mildly annoyed that he’s noticed you at this distance. “As if. I was just wondering if maybe you were thinking about returning to your home planet.”

Gojo hums as you step out onto the courtyard, approaching him. "And leave you here? You'd be lonely without me.”

You wait until you and Gojo are standing side by side to respond, not sparing him a glance as you retort, “Actually, I think you’d be the lonely one.”

At first, you don’t think much of the words that come out of your mouth. It’s habit to take anything Gojo throws at you and hurl it right back at him. The words play back in your mind as you tilt your head up to gaze up at the moon. It dominates the midnight sky, larger and brighter than anything else in the expanse above. Something about it reminds you of Gojo, strong, brilliant, and—

Lonely.

“You think?” he asks, sounding almost amused, as if you’d said something funny.

“Probably?” you answer. "Though, I don't know, maybe your home planet is full of more Satoru Gojos and you would all be one happy collective, feeding into each other's egos and all that."

The thought of more than one Satoru Gojo, much less a whole planet full of them is enough to make your head throb with pain. The world has enough problems with one alone.

"...and what if there's no one else there?"

You blink, and turn your head just slightly toward Gojo. He's still looking up at the moon, his expression almost melancholic. Something in your chest aches at the sight and you look back at the moon as if that will ease the pain.

It makes sense for him to think like that, to think his home planet would be deserted— all your lives you've been told how he's unique, how he's special, how he's the one and only Satoru Gojo. The thought, the notion that there could be another like him is near incomprehensible.

(There was one, someone, who came close and he—)

"Then don't go."

The words are barely audible, escaping your mouth like a whisper in the breeze. You're not even sure if you actually said them because under normal circumstances you'd keep such words to yourself, bury them deep inside your heart like a well-kept secret because in Satoru Gojo's hands those three words are little more than ammunition.

And as much as you loathe the thought of giving him something else he can weaponize against you, you think he needs it right now. Even with the weight of the world on his shoulders, his hands remain ever empty, ready and willing to take on more burden. If you're going to give him something to hold, it might as well be something he can find some measure of joy in.

You expect Gojo to cut to the chase and start teasing you. Hesitation is a foreign concept to him, especially with the prospect of something new to play with, but he is uncharacteristically silent. Against your better judgment, you turn your head back toward him and find that he is no longer looking up at the moon.

He’s looking at you.

Your breath stills in your chest. The bright gleam of Gojo’s eyes is a curse in of itself, rooting you to the core. You’ve never been good at dealing with Gojo like this. Stupid as that blindfold of his looks on him, it acts as a buffer, as a shield. You want to look away. You have to look away before the shocking hue of his gaze pulls you in, traps you, ensnares you with no hope of escape.

Gojo moves, shifting into a position that brings him down to your height, facing you fully as he unleashes the full power of his stupidly brilliant blue eyes on you. He leans just the slightest bit in your direction. Your heart rate climbs higher and higher as he inches closer. A voice in the back of your mind tries to remind you, to reassure you: this isn’t the first time that Satoru Gojo has pulled this kind of trick on you, and it won’t be the last. He’ll creep closer and closer toward you, taunting you, teasing you, but the space between you will forever remain infinite.

But then he presses his forehead to yours and all bets are off.

You need to get away from him. Now. You take a step back, to put some space in between you. It might be finite, but some space is better than none. But even though you’ve taken a step back you find that you are no further than Gojo than you were before, your foreheads still pressed together.

What in the world? You swear you took a step back.

Something in your peripheral shifts and your eyes flicker down for just a second, catching the corner of his mouth twitch. He knows exactly what he’s doing. Then it clicks. You’re so used to seeing him using his technique to push everything away, to make himself untouchable, that you often forget that it’s not the only thing he can do. HIs power doesn’t only repel.

It attracts too.

Your heartbeat grows erratic at the realization that the once infinite space between you is now all but obsolete. Like this, you’re far too aware of him; aware of his hair, brushing softly against your face, aware of his breathing, echoing loud in your ears, aware of his lips—

“...what are you doing?” you finally manage to whisper after what feels like an eternity.

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you nearly regret them. The question is begging for trouble, inviting it and the inevitable teasing from Gojo. But still you ask— you have to, you need to. It feels counterintuitive, but you need the distraction of his answer and the annoyance it’s sure to bring to cut through the thoughts, the feelings that are threatening to swallow you whole.

You expect his response to come instantly like it always does, but… it doesn't. Something stutters in your chest at the change in routine. Is he being purposely silent? Or is he actually thinking about his words before they come out of his mouth for once?

Finally, finally, he speaks, his voice low and teasing for sure, but there's something else there, diluting his tone, laced in his words. It's subtle, but whatever it is throws you completely off balance. "I thought you said 'don't go.'"

Your mouth opens. You start to speak. But no words come out, instead they are lodged in your throat— honesty and reluctance mangled together in one huge lump. The thought occurs to you to just leave them there, unspoken. But, you wouldn't put it past Gojo to try and rip them free; with that in mind you pull at the words, unraveling them before releasing them into the night air. "…I did."

It's official now: you've gone off script and you both know it.

Gojo pulls back, just enough for you to see his face clearly. You think he's going to tease you for your admission, but instead, he studies you, his eyes probing, searching. You don’t know what for, but with no buffer, no infinity between you, it feels almost as if you are laid bare before the hypnotic glow of his eyes.

Try as you might, you cannot even bring yourself to look away. You are charmed, captivated, enchanted by the spell of his eyes. Any hope for escape is gone and the only things that remain are you and the limitless blue.

Something shifts in Gojo’s expression and you wonder, distantly, if he’s found whatever it was he was looking for.

He surges forward, pressing his forehead to yours once more, angling himself, positioning himself, and his mouth, his lips—

They’re barely there. Hovering as close as they possibly can without even touching. You can feel his breath, warm and intoxicating and it’s suddenly so hard to move, to think, to even breathe with the threat of Satoru Gojo imminent and about to swallow you whole.

He could, if he wanted and you both know it, and yet…

“Not even gonna try and deny it?” he asks, and you can practically feel his lips moving with each word he speaks. His tone is amused still, teasing still, but there's something more to it. It's like a secret, a plea even, interwoven into his words and actions, loud and unsubtle in a way that screams Satoru Gojo.

You don't know why he doesn't just say what he wants right now. Maybe he thinks it's more fun to try and be coy about it. Or maybe he thinks if he actually says it, you'll refuse like you always do, because you never think he really means it when he says it.

But right now, you think Gojo might.

You think he might really want to kiss you.

This is your last chance, you think, your lips parting, your response heavy in your mouth. Whatever happens from here on out hinges entirely on what you say next. It’s not just about trying to deny what you said anymore; it's about denying whatever the hell is actually going on between you and Gojo. All this time, you've been turning a blind eye to things, adamant that there's nothing there— that Gojo is just a colleague and nothing more. And despite that, despite everything, he pushed and shoved his way into your heart like it's where he's belonged all along. Those three little words are undeniable proof that there's something between the two of you and it's awfully kind of him to let you try and deny it.

But can you?

"...no."

The realization settles in your chest, heavy yet liberating as you breathe the word into the air. You can’t— you won’t deny it, deny him.

Not any more.

Gojo’s entire body goes still, but then his hands are cupping your face, long fingers splayed across your cheeks. He’s holding you like a treasure, his touch reverent. Gojo presses his forehead to yours once more; his breath caresses you once more and you think that maybe, for the first time in his life, Satoru Gojo knows hesitation, feels it running through his veins as the space between your lips and his grows more and more infinitesimally small.

You like to pretend that you'd never given much thought to how your first kiss with Gojo would go, but you never would have thought that it would be like this— gentle and sweet. But despite that, it feels almost like your chest is going to burst as he fills your lungs, your veins, your entire being.

For just a moment, you think he’s about to pull away, and your body reacts of its own accord, reaching out for him, keeping him close. It’s at this moment that the kiss shifts into something more hungry, more desperate. Gojo’s lips part, his tongue swiping against your lips, begging you to do the same.

You do not deny him.

Eventually, eventually you pull away, dazed and out of breath, but Gojo doesn’t let you go too far, his arms wrapping around you. A silence settles around the two of you as you stand there, bathing in moonlight.

Of course, it doesn’t last for long.

“You’re really down bad for me, huh,” Gojo remarks, his voice infuriatingly smug.

You rip yourself from his grasp... or, at least, you try to. What you manage to do is free yourself enough so that you can look at his face. Naturally he’s beaming, all too pleased by everything that’s going on, his eyes shining brighter than any star in the sky.

The words you normally say, the words you usually say, try to force their way out of your mouth, but you catch them before they do. You’ve decided, you remind yourself, you won’t deny him any more.

“...guess I am,” you answer, as casually as possible, then you add, as a cheeky afterthought, “And what about you?”

The grin on Gojo’s face widens as he leans in and that’s how your second kiss begins.

#gojo x reader #gojo x you #satoru gojo x reader #satoru gojo x you #jjk x reader #nikuniku fics #i am not joking about how i agonized over this #agonized about the tension #about the pacing the flow #agonized about the tonal shift #i literally wrote and rewrote sentences over and over trying to get them to work out right #another whole writerussy into it work lmao #so god i hope someone likes it #i could have written a more passionate kiss oh well next time #i did not abuse italics this time and thank fucking god lmaoooo #the cross post will be so much easier #infinite loop!verse

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briseise · 2 years

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“And is this a happy marriage?”

+click for detail

#agonized over this but i think i’m happy with #a tribute to the husbands bc i care them so much + impulses little streak of white bc i think he’d get some bubs traits #double life #bdoubleo100 #impulsesv #i’ll tag it shipping just in case #hermitshipping #double life fanart #impdubs #briseiseart

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mattodore · 3 months

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pay attention to theo’s beautiful face and not whatever matthias’s arm is doing... i liked the lighting more here than against the wall

#these are the last screenshots i wanted to edit from the ones i took on the 22nd and had been slowly editing throughout the week #will finally be putting mattodore in their thirties to rest 🙏⚰️#river dipping #echthroi #matthias evanoff #theodore doe #a burning house to live in #ts4 #ts4 edit #simblr #ended up not doing much to these screenshots tbh… i was so into the audiobook i was listening to i kinda just. stared at the wall a lot...#my brain was telling me this wasn’t worth posting bc i’ve done so many mattodore edits recently and this isn’t anything different but.#like i did actually spend a few hours with these edits so. on one hand i’m like this isn’t really anything #but on the other hand i’m like. well they’re my ocs whom i love dearly and i’ll probably enjoy looking back at this #the same way i do all my other recent edits which i open my own blog up to stare at like. multiple times in a day #obsessed atm……..#anyway.#god… matthias is so huge he always takes up so much space i’m constantly having to crop him out of edits 😭#and these are poses that weren’t even made from me…. so he’s not even at his full 6’3’’ height and size like 😭😭😭#he distracted me but that aside... i'm waiting for my game to open up atm so i can get back to tweaking alessandria's sim #her face is gonna take me forever.................................#ik i don't talk about my other ocs on here much anymore but alessandria is my third favorite oc (mattodore obviously being my top two)#so... i'm seriously gonna agonize over every update i make for them now kjdhknjf #ocs with tragic backstories save me...................#i’ll probably spend a few hours with alessandria in cas and then i’m going back to google docs to write more abt mattodore

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razberrypuck · 8 months

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hey um. neither of them will ever say anything but qmariana and qcharlie can't comprehend how the other could possibly still love them, after everything. when they're both around, it's like they're magnetically attracted to one another; they still hug and kiss and hold hands and lean against each other and feed into each other's energy (because "you're all I have left" is a mutual sentiment, isn't it?) but they can't understand how the other isn't absolutely disgusted by their presence. I killed our daughter, twice. I tried to hurt so many people. I killed our daughter's best friend in front of her. how could you not hate me? how could you not?

#the month charlie spent living with mariana was nice; on some level. but it was agonizing.#because the thought that the other couldnt possibly still love them was at the forefront of their minds. but they never spoke about it.#they love each other so much. but they hate themselves more.#im going insane over them rn and i refuse to keep these thoughts to myself #qsmp #slimeriana #fliporiana #qsmp el mariana #qsmp mariana #qsmp charlie #qsmp slimecicle #qsmp charlie slimecicle #misclick duo

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astragatwo · 8 months

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Two more of them...

#my art #little nightmares #little nightmares 3 #PARDON ME. !? HI ?!nobody told me there was gonna be a ln3 hello. i found out through someone else's post and rushed to watch the trailer #i loved ln 1 & 2 so much...... looking forward to seeing these 2 new little guys......#doing this messy color-over render was fun after . agonizing art block that im going to make worse by playing More Vidya Games #ln low #ln alone #fanart

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hecksupremechips · 12 days

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Mizuki and Date though like. Imagine being 8 and your parents are filthy rich and going through a bad divorce. Your mom treats you like shit, lashing out at you, hitting you, saying she wishes you were never born all because you were behaving like a child. Your dad is more comforting, but he doesn’t do anything to stop the abuse and he spends his time invested in a completely different family, a girl who you love and look up to but he loves her more than you and it fucking shows. Then your dads new friend, some fucking bachelor in his late 20s, is just like "wow you guys are the worst fucking parents ive ever seen" and next thing you know your dad is sending you off to live with him. And it’s just a massive kick in the head cuz you go from a rich lifestyle to living in some really shitty tiny ass apartment with this guy who’s clearly never been around a child in his entire life and he doesn’t know how to behave and does a really bad job of censoring himself like he has a bunch of dirty magazines that he can’t hide very well cuz it’s literally a studio apartment and also he talks to himself sometimes, it’s really weird. He doesn’t even have the slightest clue what he’s doing

And he’s the best parent you’ve ever had

Because fuck, it all really hurts. You have to cope with having never received any love from anyone, and with the fact that your parents clearly don’t want you and can’t even be bothered to send you with anyone even kinda responsible. And this guy has a scary job with crazy hours and you don’t know anything about him and neither does he. But still, he never once hits you or tells you you’re not allowed to cry. He just gives you space and doesn’t push you to feel any sort of way about him. And sometimes, he’s even kind. He makes you some stew, even though it’s a bit chunky. He lets you sleep in the bed and takes the couch for himself, even though he complains about the massive back pain he’d never trade his spot for a second. He pays attention to events at your school and gives you your favorite stuffed animal when you make good grades, even though you called it ugly. He gets worried sick when you come home with bruises and puts on a goofy voice and trains you to defend yourself and you develop some highly deadly skills and even though it’s really abnormal, he buys you a bench press so you can get stronger. There’s this distance there, and you feel really weird caring about someone who you aren’t related to, but you find yourself wishing it was meant to be like this all along, that maybe, he’s secretly your real dad and he loves you like his real daughter

And when you say "I’m back" he says "welcome home"

#aitsf #ai the somnium files #kaname date #mizuki date #THE DATES THEY ARE MY EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAA #its so funny though like imagine being such a bad parent that some loner who jerks off all the time does a better job than you #and hes literally never interacted with children before and is later revealed to have actually been an assassin #renju and shoko really just suck huh #and i dont mean to reduce date to a porno loving loser cuz nah like hes actually got so much depth going on in this situation like he cant #remember a single thing about his past he has no frame of reference for what a family is or if hes ever had one himself #which we then learn he. kinda didnt he was an orphan with no friends no name no one who came looking for him it seems #yet he still finds himself loving and caring for this girl and would literally die over and over for her to live a happy life #hes so genuinely kind and caring and deeply lonely and unsure of himself if hes doing this right #and he feels agonizing pain when hes forced to remember that he isnt mizukis real dad and that. he has nothing #but despite that he doesnt force mizuki to return these feelings because its a lot to burden a child with and shes been through enough #its like. kaname date i love youuuu please just adopt her already 🥺

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heckitall · 10 months

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i got new headphones today

in real life too

#rottmnt #donatello #i agonized over spending the money #and then they came today and i put them on and it was instant peace #well worth the $$$$#ive also fallen into ao3 rottmnt heck #and the type of hw ive been assigned wears down my wrist so im not drawing for fun as much rn #have i mentioned how much i hate charcoal rendering #its NEVER ENDING #heck draws #heck reacts

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turtleblogatlast · 3 months

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Before asking this question I must say that I literally read everything I could find about your prisoner!leo au and I just love it so much it’s hard to explain, it’s the perfect mix between angst and comedy and I really hope you’ll keep posting content about it in the future (even if you don’t it’s fine, I’m not forcing you-)

Now

You said that the first time that Leo cries after he come back from the prison dimension is when he puked after eating something

Did anybody see him cry? What happened then?

(I hope everything is understandable, English isn’t my first language 😭)

[ cw: vomit mention / ]

Aaa thank you!!! I promise I’ll absolutely return to my boy eventually, just struggling with the next part amongst busy-ness in general 😭 but thank you, I’m glad you’re liking the AU thus far!

As for your question - yes, his family saw. They wanted to give him something to eat, wanted him to feel at home, but unfortunately for everyone the feeling was just so foreign and uncomfortable that Leo couldn’t keep it down.

As for why he cried, it’s because, in my opinion, there’s few things that make someone feel as much shame and misery all at once than vomiting. To do so in front of his family and show a blatant weakness, after masking for so long, after wanting things to be okay, after feeling humiliation and losing what little face he thought he’d lost…

Above all, after feeling vulnerable to that degree, it’s no shock that he’d finally break.

He runs off after that, of course. Has to fix his face back up, return with a smile and a “ough, boy, wow that was gross lmao anyway wanna go skateboard?”

The fam learns pretty quick that pushing him like this just leads to more deflections and the like, so they’re forced to lay the matter to rest, for now.

#p!l au ask #I wanna return to this ngl #*stares at my wip*#Mikey in particular is in shambles over this because food is a love language for him #something that he loves to do and loves to share even more #to have it cause his long lost brother so much misery is agonizing for him

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shima-draws · 5 months

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Actually genuinely started crying when Luffy almost said he wanted Usopp off the ship and then Sanji interrupted and yelled at him. What the hell. This shit is so sad what the FUCK bro

#In TEARS rn. Esp bc they’re really driving it in hard how MUCH the entire crew cares about Usopp #Even Sanji and Zoro who aren’t overly affectionate with him #My heart is BREAKING my kokoro is brokoro!! THAT SHIT HURTED!!!!#When Luffy and Usopp started arguing that’s when the waterworks started. I was sitting there like 🥺😭 my sweet darling boys pls don’t fight #The boys are fighting 😔#Also it’s understandable why Usopp’s in denial and doesn’t want to let the Merry go but it’s also SO frustrating #Bc he’s clearly making it out to be that Luffy doesn’t care about the Merry #When in fact Luffy was probably the MOST upset at having to let her go #And he fucking AGONIZED over the decision to get a new ship #It’s a burden as the captain and he accepted everything that came with it #But Usopp just. Doesn’t get that. Bc he’s got too much of his own personal shit going on #And Luffy is upset that Usopp would even think he didn’t take the time and consideration to think over what to do with the Merry……#ZERO trust there. Usopp’s majorly disrespecting Luffy. I bet Zoro in particular is Not happy about that #God this arc is written so well. I’m so upset. I’m SO upset #Lies down #One Piece #Shima speaks

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squeakadeeks · 3 months

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moodboard for this past week ❤️

#they should invent a grad school thats not fucking insane #i'm hanging in there but im the most unwell i've been in AWhile #this week was just horrible #there was already the freezer food incident but it also started off with a very severe pain episode thats putting me in constant woe #even mundane motion has been agonizing which is McAwesome bc we had a lab inspection which involved moving hundreds of pounds of equipment #during which we found a blackwidow and rats which we had to deal with and was a whole thing psychologically on top of the physical toll #the new class fiasco is still popping off and i had to respond to at this point over 400 emails in the fleeting moments outside of lab #AND A STUDENT TRIED TO FINANCIALLY BRIBE THEIR WAY INTO THE CLASS ? ?? ?? ?????#then the instructor wanted to use me as a guinea pig and i had to test new circuit boards but I wasnt given any time to do so properly #i had to test them plus get them operational and deal with my incoming students all in a frantic 10 minute window #im in charge of running our meetings too but the instructor was interrupting and having side conversations that made it really hard-#to train the other people on the new equipment in a smooth manner #which meant that a bunch of people had to keep me after to ask questions which made me late for my drs appointment #where i found out i cant get the new covid vaccine bc my heart and blood levels arnt stable enough #and joanns lost an expensive+critical fabric order of mine+i had to give a big presentation this week on my research that was stressful #and my inbox is still blowing up from being needed all over the place between teaching lab and classes and yall i am. so so tired.#im in so much pain and so stressed out #debating the ethics of turning into a pile of lint to escape my responsibilities and mortal frame

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vexcraft · 10 days

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something that genuinely changed fic writing for good for me and made things so much easier was realizing that you can just write That One Scene. that one scene from something bigger you keep rotating in your head over and over? you can write that. you don't have all the plot and stuff around it worked out? you're not sure you'll ever figure out the full plot? or there isn't really any plot but it feels like there should be? doesn't matter, you can write just that one scene. add some subtle context if you feel like it to explain the story a little. or don't! make it a series of separate scenes within a story if you want to. that scene that lives rent-free in your head can be written (and posted!) just as it is, it doesn't need a big story around it if you don't feel like it

#jules rambles #writing #this might sound very obvious to some but realizing this genuinely changed everything for me 4-5 years ago when i was writing my first fics #i used to feel so sad i couldn't come up with big stories that had cool plots and all #and now i feel so much more free to write whatever i feel like writing #so many of my stories have more to them that didn't get written and that's fine!#i'm just happy i managed to write whatever was stuck in my head at the time instead of agonizing over trying to perfect a bigger story :D

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goldkirk · 2 months

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I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE!

#I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE ABOUT ANYTHING #IT DOESN'T HAVE TO OVERRIDE ALL OTHER PROGRAMMING EVER AGAIN #HA #MY GOD THAT FEELS LIKE TWO DECADES OF RELIEF #and I found out yesterday. that this year. next winter. it IS two decades. exactly. this is the year. every day i am shown new reminders #that keep me going in my mission to relearn to fully and instinctually trust my self #ever since [redacted therapist] asked me point blank and my IMMEDIATE response was complete disbelief #a firm 'you think there's any universe where i'd feel like i could trust myself? after my nonstop history of failures and being horrible?'#tone “No!” of disbelief #and a horrible way-too-harsh laugh that bolted out before I could strangle it off and stop it.#that woman never coddled my feelings any time I spoke something alarming or bullshit and that was so helpful to me #and the tone she let exist in her voice when she responded to me with a very uncharacteristic “Oh Katie.”#was so. so much more agonizing for me. than her responding with an immediate logical slam-dunk of the truth about healthy behavior and stuf #anyway ramble over i'm so tired. i've done so much trauma work this week i am Drained emotionally #now i see what the past several months but especially especially #the baffling (to me) infuriating out-of-control-speedrun-somatic-processing + every-health-condition-flaring slog that December and January #were for me when I hadn't expected anything to be wrong #...and the extremely specific way this certain zone and particular incident kept coming up over and over and over and over and OVER was not #a bug. it was a feature. thank goodness i trust myself for little things now bc that's the only way i was able to get to this other side #and look back and suddenly realize that my subconscious and body knew what they needed and had a plan in progress the whole time. just like #i rationally say I trust them to have and do.#and that perhaps maybe. for real for real instead of just TELLING myself hard enough a lie that i trust my self and i trust my body and tha #they always know their own needs and timing if really slow down and listen to them f u l l y #anyway. yeah. bye haha i need to stop oversharing on the internet #trauma evolution #shh katie #personal #my god. i wished for this day more than i wished for anything else my whole life. all these many many many many years. what magic.#add to journal #abuse

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spacemancharisma · 9 months

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writing is by far the most torturous task that I claim to enjoy

#genuinely fucked in the head of me to say this is a hobby #I spend so much time staring into space and agonizing over synonyms #personal

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ultimatepeter-man · 10 months

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Umm hey I was wondering if you had any headcanons for scarlet spider he's my favorite usm character

Sure do!

His eyes are actually very sensitive to light and that's why it looks like he's glaring all the time. Boi needs a pair of sunglasses on a sunny day otherwise it's constantly scowling.

He has deep-rooted anxiety, not just about himself and his own identity, but by being around a lot of people. After finding out he was a clone of Spider-Man, he struggled with coming to terms with it and differentiating himself from Peter (nothing new if you've read comics, but I disgress.) Being around people gives him a lot of anxiety because he feels like he has to constantly protect himself. Fight or flight is ingrained into him and he struggles with relaxing with the team, even if he WANTS to. He's always waiting for SOMETHING bad to happen.

He's incredibly bristly and doesn't take anyone's bullshit, but he actually has a very low opinion of himself. Dealing with Otto's narcism all the time gave him a lot of self-hatred and anxiety, and instead of dealing with it in a healthy way, he tends to lash out and attack first because he doesn't feel safe being vulnerable in front of people.

He's become very aware of Peter and over-analyzes all the little behaviors they share. They both rub the back of their necks alot when they're sheepish, they both love wheatcakes to an unhealthy degree, and they both deep appreciation old 80's sitcoms. Sometimes Ben tries to change these behaviors because he doesn't want to be seen as TOO much like Peter. He gets anxious about other people making these connections and seeing him as some screwed up, off-brand Peter Parker.

He;s also incredibly kind and soft if you can get him alone. If its just him and one other person, he tends to let his guard down a little and relaxes more. He feels like he has to put on a big, tough guy performance in front fo a crowd/group, but one-on-one, he lets his walls down. (He has a secret soft spot for Miles and Amadeus)

Aunt May is his most favorite person in the entire world, and she's one of the few people he feels like he can be himself around. She makes him feel the safest he's ever been.

He overcompensates to make up for betraying Peter, Aunt May, and the Academy. He tries to take on more than he can handle to prove that he won't do something like that again, but gets very standoffish and defensive when Hydra or Otto is brought up. He's still working on it.

#(slaps Ben on the head) this guy can fit so much identity issues in him #seriously tho #I love exploring Ben's opinion of himself and how he feels learning that he's a clone of someone else #constantly trying to differntiate himself as his own person but agonizing over all the things he and Peter have in common #while also struggling with the guilt of almost getting Peter and Aunt May killed #thats rough buddy #Scarlet Spider #Ben Reilly #Peter Parker #Spider-Man #Aunt May #Otto Octavius #Headcanon #Ultimate Spider-Man Cartoon #Ultimate Spider-Man #USM #asks #anonymous

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