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justalonelybitch · 2 years

Text

Deceptive Facade

Gowon x F!Reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Mentions of cheating, ed, depression, anxiety, cyber bullying.

Word Count: 7.5k

Buy me a coffee

You lay bored on the couch, legs draped lazily over Chaewon’s as you watched her play a video game with Hyejoo. “Are you sure you don’t want to play?” Your girlfriend asked kindly, patting your leg to capture your attention. Your eyes flickered to the TV in consideration, “no thanks, I’ll just wait until you're done.” Humming at your words, the younger girl was quick to focus her gaze back on the screen, a small pout on your lips at the lack of attention received.

Huffing, you unlocked your phone, uninterested as you scroll through social media. Chaewon sneaks small glances at you every now and then, smiling amused whenever you sighed out of boredom. Raising an inquisitive brow when she caught sight of a shy grin plastered on your lips. Pressing pause on the controller she pinched your leg, a squeak slipping past your lips as you feigned an expression of pain.

Managing to wriggle herself between you and the couch cushions, she lay her head lightly on your shoulder. “Whatcha looking at?” She tilted her head at the blush that suddenly flushed your cheeks. “Nothing,” you mumbled shyly under your breath, burying your face in her hair. Humming, Chaewon swiftly stole the phone from your hand, unlocking it with ease. You whined in protest, but did nothing to stop her, only hiding your face further into her neck.

A smile graced her perfect lips at the video displayed on your phone, it contained a ship edit of the two of you. “So that’s what you’re smiling about,” Chaewon laughed. She tilted your head up to meet her gaze, looking at you with a teasing smirk rested on her lips. “Stop it!” You whined, cheeks flushed red. Refusing to give her the satisfaction of seeing you flustered, you covered your face with your hands.

“Yah! Go be gross somewhere else,” Hyejoo complained. Not a second later a cushion was soaring towards you at lightning speed, smacking you square on the forehead. “I will get you back for that one,” you pointed a finger at her, hair a mess from the flying pillow attack. “Whatever, now leave me be.” The youngest in the room said annoyed, however you could see the faintest fond smile tugging on her lips.

Still in a fit of giggles beside you, Chaewon rose to her feet, dragging you up from the couch with her. “I’m hungry, let’s get food,” she said randomly, dragging you through the dorms. “Bring back something for me!” You heard Hyejoo’s shout echo around the halls. “So, where are we going, Wonnie?” You asked, ruffling her hair. “I don’t know yet, but you're paying,” she stated simply as she pulled her shoes on.

“You’re lucky I love you,” you muttered under your breath, hand slipping into hers as you exited the dorm. “Please, you’re the lucky one here,” she grinned mockingly, lacing your fingers together. The cold air nipped at your skin as you stepped outside, a shiver running down your spine. Clinging to Chaewon’s arm in search of warmth, you basked in the comfortable silence of the still night. Gaze wandering up to the starry sky, moon graciously illuminating the path before you.

The faint buzzing of your phone pulled you back to reality, your leaders name popping up on the screen. “Yeoboseyo,” you said, Chaewon looking at you with curiosity swirling in her eyes. “Y/n-ah, where are you? It’s late,” Haseul said sternly. “We’re just going out to get some food, unnie. We’ll be back soon,” you said, flashing your phone screen to your girlfriend. “Okay, just make sure you stay safe.” She said, hanging up after telling you to bring back a few snacks for your members.

“Everything okay?” Chaewon asked, to which you nodded, sending her a smile. “Let’s go!” You cheered, skipping down the streets as you tugged her along with you. “You don’t even know where you’re going,” she chuckled, proceeding to follow you blindly anyway. “I want ice cream,” you decided upon reaching the small convenience store near your dorm. “Sounds good to me,” your girlfriend agreed, happy as long as you were.

With a mask covering most of your face and the darkness that enveloped you, worries of being mobbed by fans remained a distant thought. As a precaution you pulled your hood over your head, placing your cap on Chaewon’s. She looked up to you with a sheepish smile, pink tint on her cheeks barely visible in the dull lighting. “Cute,” you mumbled, unable to resist the urge of cupping her cheeks with your palms. The look in her eyes hypnotising you, urging you to lean closer, entranced by her loving gaze.

You looked over your shoulder briefly before pulling your mask down swiftly, leaning up to press a lingering kiss to the younger girl's cheek. Lips lightly brushing the corner of her mouth, but she didn’t pull away from your touch, instead sighing contentedly. “Someone could see us,” Chaewon pushed you back reluctantly, pulling your mask up to your eyes “Let’s go then,” you exclaimed, excitement clear in your tone at the thought of ice cream. Your eyes crinkled into crescents, a tell-tale sign of your gummy smile.

The two of you shuffled back into the dorms, lingering grins plastered on your lips. Haseul greets you at the door with a relieved sigh, reminding you not to go out too late next time. “We got ice cream,” you held up the plastic bag filled with frozen goods. Your leader shook her head, an amused smile forming on her features at your deflection of her worry.

You gasped as two bodies came bounding towards you, snatching the bag from your hand as they inspected its contents closely. “No bread?” Hyunjin whined, looking at you with a deep frown. “It’s for your own good, this is an intervention.” You smiled innocently, the cat-like girl complaining endlessly. She gripped your shoulders, shaking your body with a pleading look in her eyes.

“I’m kidding Hyun, here.” You pulled out a second bag from behind your back, watching realisation settle on her face. “You’re the best Y/n!” She beamed, scurrying off with Heejin hot on her tail. “Yeojinie, we got your favourite,” you said in a sing-song voice. Reaching the maknae with a smile, you wrap an arm around her shoulder. “I thought we weren’t allowed,” the youngest furrowed her brows in contemplation, thinking back to your manager's harsh warnings about dieting.

“I won’t tell if you don’t,” you raised your pinky, mischievous grin on your lips. Laughing, Yeojin laced her pinky with yours, a fond smile tugging on the corners of your mouth as you left her to the sweet treat. “Jiwoo unnie!” You called, summoning a squeal closely followed by rapid foot steps. A pair of arms wrapped securely around your torso in a crushing hug, a taller figure appearing behind her.

Patting the Jiwoo’s head, you reached into the plastic bag once more, struggling in the iron grip she had you in. “Sooyoung unnie,” you greeted, tossing an ice cream to her, which she caught effortlessly. “She doesn’t need anymore sugar,” the older girl groaned playfully as you handed one to the girl in your arms. Yelling out a ‘thank you’ Jiwoo broke out into a sprint, chasing after the older girl who tried to make a desperate escape.

Chuckling, you made your way down the hallway of rooms, knocking on a colourfully decorated door. “Just a minute!” A muffled voice yelled, door swinging open not a second later. “Oh unnie, you’re back,” Yerim greeted you with a toothy grin. “You still like this flavour right?” You asked with furrowed brows, holding up the packaged goods. The younger girl nodded eagerly, eyes gleaming with anticipation as you handed it over to her.

“Did you get me one too?” Jinsoul asked from her bed, looking at you expectantly. “Of course,” you beamed, Yerim moving to the side so you could fully enter the room. “Ah, my favourite! You really do know us well Y/n-ah,” the older girl pressed a kiss of gratitude to your cheek. “Keep it down, some of us are trying to sleep,” a tired Jungeun muttered from the bed across the room. Glancing at the older girl, you sent her an apologetic smile.

“Sorry unnie, should I put yours in the freezer for later?” You asked, keeping your voice low, trying not to disrupt anyone else. Rolling over, Jungeun nodded exhausted, sending you a thumbs up in appreciation. “Good night unnie’s, Yerimie,” you saluted playfully, closing the quiet door behind you. “Next stop kitchen,” you mumbled to yourself, trudging sluggishly to your destination, fatigue overcoming you.

“Why are you still awake?” You asked Kahei curiously upon seeing her standing sleepily in the kitchen. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” She chuckled, watching you as you placed the remaining ice cream in the freezer. “Did you want yours now?” You asked, pouring yourself a glass of water. “I’m okay,” she shook her head, eyes drooping shut as seconds passed, failing to fight off her exhaustion.

“But seriously though, why are you awake?” You pressed, gulping down the remainder of your drink. “I’m just cleaning up here, I’ll go to bed soon, I promise.” Sighing, you hummed in thought, looking at the drowsy girl before you. “You go, I’ll finish up here,” you smiled, staring her in the direction of her bedroom. “You should sleep, it’s late,” Kahei said softly, not giving up yet. Unable to stand the sight of her so drowsy, you pushed further.

“I’m full of energy, you need to rest, it’s been a long day.” You insisted, hiding the drained look that begged to break out on your face. “Okay,” Kahei agreed reluctantly, patting your shoulder thankfully before traipsing up to her room. Your muscles aching in protest as you wipe down the counter, body spent from a tiring day of rehearsal. Sighing once you’d finished, a content smile on your lips at the thought of finally snuggling into bed, curling into the welcoming arms of your girlfriend.

As quietly as possible, you creaked open the door to yyxy’s room, following the familiar path of darkness to Chaewon’s bed. Lifting up the covers, you slipped into bed, hands reaching out in search of the younger girl. Your arms snaked around her waist, nestling your head into the crook of her neck. Even in her unconscious state she pulled you closer, hand resting securely on the small of your back. The comfort of her presence helps coax your eyes to flutter shut, her shallow breaths lulling you into a slumber of your own.

“Y/n, Manager unnie’s calling for you!” Haseul shouted from the kitchen, your arms unwillingly leaving their place around Chaewon’s neck as you rose to your feet. “What did she want?” You question inquisitively upon reaching your leader. “She said you needed to stop by the company,” Haseul said, furrowing her brows as she read the text through once more. “I’m sure it’s nothing,” Heejin assured you, side hugging you as she sent you a sympathetic glance.

“When do they need me there?” You asked, gaze flickering to your watch. “Manager unnie said she’s outside, so I presume now.” Haseul said, worried glances of your members landing on you at the suddenness of it all. Nodding along thoughtlessly, you headed for the doorway, pulling your shoes on in a hurry. “Do you want company?” Kahei asked, unsure about the untimely nature of it. “I’ll be fine, but thanks anyway unnie.” You smiled confidently, waving goodbye to everyone before exiting the dorm.

Your manager greeted you by the car, the solicitous smile plastered on her face not helping to sooth you building anxiety. Gaze was stuck to the window the entire ride, you tried to stop your mind from running free with endless horrible possibilities. “We’re here,” your manager spoke, pulling you from your thoughts. Inhaling sharply, you slipped out of the van, heart thumping in your ears. Vision blurring, you steadied yourself on the car, shaking your head in hopes of stopping the sudden influx of intrusive thoughts

Following closely behind the manager as you entered the establishment, eyes widening as she brought you in the direction of the CEO’s office. “Hello Y/n, please have a seat,” your boss greeted you on arrival. “Hello,” you bowed, practically shaking with nerves. “I’ll get straight to the point,” Sunhye said bluntly, pushing over a stack of papers towards you. Eyes bulging out of their sockets upon seeing countless photos of your and Chaewon suspiciously close.

Hands curling into fists at your sides, you clenched your jaw tightly. You could practically hear the sound of your teeth grinding against each other, suddenly feeling a rise in temperature within the room. Wiping your dampened forehead nervously, your gaze was fixated on the image before you. Audibly gulping down the bile that began to fill your throat, leg now shaking uncontrollably. Nails digging painfully into the palm of your hand at how tightly you had coiled your fist.

“This is just from an employee of Block Berry Creative, but if they can find and capture all this, imagine what dispatch could get.” Your CEO said sternly, gaze briefly flickering to the photos in your hand. “Luckily we’ve come up with a solution to stop any scandals before they can start.” Your boss paused, leaning back on the chair, sending you a smile. It only made you fidget with unease, your whole body tense.

“I just want you to know that I support you all, but we have to do what’s best for the company and your image. So I managed to call in a favour with an old friend, it should both boost Loona’s fame and cover up any absurd rumours.” You bite your lips harshly, frown etched on your face. “You are to date Bang Chan, the leader of Stray Kids. You’ll go on a date today,” your CEO said, leaving no room for any protests you had. Your teeth piercing the delicate flesh of your lips, the words ringing in your ears as a metallic taste filled your mouth.

“I’m sorry Y/n, but this is how it had to be.” You clench your jaw in frustration, standing from your seat abruptly, heading for the door. Overwhelmed by the burning bomb of emotions that threatened to burst. “Oh and one more thing Y/n,” Sunhye said, halting you just as you reached for the handle. “This chat will stay between the two of us, things will only be harder if you tell anyone, including your members. It would ruin not only your career, but all of theirs.” With that you rushed out of the room, eyes glossing with unshed tears that you desperately tried to hold back.

You ran through the companies halls, chest tightening as your heart pounded in your ears. Stumbling straight into an unsuspecting body, two strong arms gripping your shoulders in support. “You alright there?” The anxious male spoke, steadying you before dropping his arms to his sides. Nodding dumbly, you looked up to your ‘saviour’, eyes widening at the familiar face. “I’m Chan or Chris, nice to meet you,” he tried to fill the silence, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

“Y/n,” you rasped, voice wavering as you tried to fight off your feelings. “Oh, you’re my girlfriend!” He attempted to joke, making you wince. “Sorry, I know it’s not an ideal situation,” Chan chuckled nervously. “Come on, you two are scheduled for a date,” your manager appeared out of nowhere. She ushered you towards the car in a rush, listing off the day's schedule at rapid speed, as you nodded along, black expression plastered on your face.

You were to go to a quaint cafe, forced to act like you were charmed by Chan’s goofy smile. Going out of your way to act like a lovey-dovey couple whenever you sensed a flashing camera. Wishing that it was Chaewon you had the luxury of spending your time with instead, but remembering your CEO’s words from earlier only made you push those thoughts to the back of your mind.

You had to admit, Chan wasn’t actually bad company, and he kept trying his best to make you genuinely smile during the ‘date’. Even so, you couldn’t help but let your anxiety take over, fiddling with your fingers as you imagined everyone’s reaction to your ‘betrayal’. Some part of you hoped that maybe they’d understand, but after being given strict instructions not to inform them it was all a guise you knew that was only a dream.

You didn’t know how long you’d anxiously paced up and down the hallways of your building, but by the time you’d gathered the courage to enter you instantly regretted it. Everyone was gathered in the living room, peacefully watching a drama as they passed around snacks. They looked so happy, something you knew was bound to crumble in a few minutes. Your chest panged with guilt as you set your gaze on Chaewon, thoughts of her devastated reaction to your ‘dating’ news filling your mind.

Observing them from a distance as you stood tense in the doorway, left you with a lingering feeling of doubt. You wished this was some kind of sick joke, but you knew better than to trick yourself into the false pretence of happiness. “Y/n?” The crunchy voice you always longed to hear halted your swirling thoughts of destruction. You couldn’t meet her eyes, unable to face her, knowing that you would break if you did. “Are you going to join us?” She asked, patting the empty spot beside her. Nodding stiffly, you shuffled forwards at a painfully slow pace.

Once you were seated her arms were sneaking around your waist, head resting on your shoulder as she reached for your hand. Your whole body tensing at her touch, the guilt that plagued you becoming unbearable. “How was your meeting?” Chaewon whispered in your ear, sending a chill down your spine. “It was-” your voice came out shaky, but you were cut off by the obnoxiously loud dings that resounded around the room. Every phone going off at once, your chest tightening at the sound.

Your members all reached for their devices curiously, screens lighting up the dark living room. You didn’t dare copy, staying unnerving still as you awaited the chaos, breaths shaky. A series of gasps floated through the eerily quiet room in unison, several pairs of eyes burning holes into your head. “Is this true Y/n?” Your leader was the first to speak up, her tone indistinguishable. You bit your tongue, words caught in your throat as your eyes glossed over with fresh tears.

“It’s fake right? You’re not really seeing someone else are you?” Chaewon asked insecurely, desperately trying to meet your gaze, a glimmer of hope in her eyes. Clenching your jaw, you blinked back your tears, inhaling sharply. “It’s true,” you said bluntly, the words leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. “You’re lying right? This isn’t you Y/n,” her voice cracked, tears now freely streaming down her cheeks. She tugged at your sleeve, wordlessly begging you to look at her and tell her this was a cruel prank.

Sighing, you finally turned to meet her gaze, knowing this was the only way to convince anyone. Your eyes a pool of emptiness as you looked blankly into her shining ones. “I’m dating him,” you said simply, tone emotionless, another string of gasps coming from your members. Your facade began to slip when you felt her disappear from your grasp, hand slipping out of your own. Feeling like your skin burned, her touch now a distant tingle. Catching a glimpse of the look of hurt and betrayal that crossed her face before she ran off to her room in tears.

The rest of her sub-unit follows closely behind her, but not leaving without glaring daggers at you, even the usually cheery Jiwoo. “How could you do that unnie?!” Yeojin shouted at you. The girl who’d once looked up to you with such love and admiration now staring in disbelief like a stranger. She stormed off without another word, Jungeun and Jinsoul shaking their heads at you before disappearing after the maknae. A conflicted looking Yerim raised herself from the couch, in a daze of confusion as she retreated to her room.

“Why?” Heejin mumbled bewildered, Hyunjin looking at you with narrowed eyes. The cat-like girl pulled the older girl down the hall as she threw you one last glare over her shoulder. The silence was deafening, only you, Haseul and Kahei remained, the two observing you carefully. “I don’t understand,” your leader sighed incredulously, dropping her head to her hands as she thought about what this would mean for the group.

The oldest patted her on the back gently, glancing at you with a frown gracing her lips as her forehead creased. “I’m disappointed,” her words felt like the final blow to your heart, it took all your hand in you to hold back your cries. Saying nothing in response, you ducked your head ashamed, thick locks hiding the tears that streaked down your face. Their light footsteps echoing down the quiet halls as they left you alone to dwell on how your whole life had crumbled before your eyes in the span of a day.

Clamping your hand over your mouth, you desperately tried to muffle your sobs, managing to reduce them to pathetic whimpers. The look of heartbreak on Chaewon’s face replaying over and over in your head, torturing you for being the one to deliver the final blow. The love for you vanished from her eyes, replaced by pain and heartache. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled brokenly into the still silence of the room.

Your phone began to vibrate in your hand, lighting up as dozens of notifications filled your screen. Each comment more hurtful than the last, countless hateful words targeted at you. You couldn't help yourself from getting lost in their malicious threats, tricking yourself into believing you deserved it after all the damage you’d caused. Retiring to your room with eyes glued to your phone, unable to stop yourself from sinking further into the depths of self loathing.

You could barely make out the sound of muffled voices through the wall, pausing in front of yyxy’s door. Shaky hand reaching for the handle, words that would expose your CEO stuck on the tip of your tongue. Snapping out of your moment of weakness, you screwed your eyes tightly shut, willing away your tears. Spinning on your heel you shook your head, blocking out the distant sobs that you recognised as Chaewon’s. Instead you retreated to your deserted room.

Taking in your surroundings made the distinct lack of your usually joyous maknaes laughter all the more daunting. Your once shared room was now cold, lonely and abandoned, Yeojin having opted to keep her distance from you. Not only had you lost your lover, but all the people you cared about most. Letting the darkness take you, your eyes drooped, chills running down your spine at the wind that whooshed through the ajar window.

You continued to beat yourself up over everything, collapsing on your bed with a thud. Not bothering to pull the covers up, you lay lifelessly on the mattress, stuck in the black hole that was your mind. Unable to bring yourself to sleep, you stared aimlessly at the ceiling as hours ticked by. The night was met by an agonisingly slow sunrise, the familiar golden hue only reminding you of all the times you and Chaewon had woken up in each other's arms to watch it together.

The barely audible sound of footsteps caught your attention, hearing the first sign of life in hours. You were unsure if you were ready to face anyone, not like they’d be thrilled to see you either. Decidedly, you pulled an oversized hoodie over your head, wincing at the loud creak your door made as you hesitantly pushed it open. You could feel eyes on you from afar, but you didn’t dare look up.

Anxiously fiddling with the strings of your hoodie, you ducked your head down making a beeline for the fridge as you brushed past your observer. Parched, you immediately gulped down the glass of water you’d poured, quenching your thirst. A shuffling from behind you making you reflexively turn around, met with the harsh glare of Hyejoo. “I hope you’re happy,” she spat snarkily, tone venomous.

“You don’t deserve her,” she continued, pushing your buttons. But you only bowed your head in shame, taking everything she threw at you. “So you’re just not gonna say anything?” Hyejoo scoffed unamused, crossing her arms as she eyed you critically. “You’re right,” you muttered under your breath, the wolf-like girl furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. “I don’t deserve her,” you sighed defeated, brushing past the younger girl, rushing back to the confines of your room. Crashing into another lingering figure in the hallway, you apologised quickly before disappearing behind your door.

Hyejoo looked at Sooyoung in confusion, uncertain on what had just occurred. Both girls eyeing your closed door, heads tilted as they tried to work out your sudden change in attitude in comparison to how cold you were last night. Glancing back to each other they shrugged it off, neither speaking of the incident. Although the questions remaining on their minds didn’t magically vanish, they were pushed aside, instead focusing on the heartbroken Chaewon curled up in bed with Jiwoo. Taking care of their members was their number one priority, if only they knew how much you craved that same comfort.

Nothing was the same after that fateful day, whole group interactions hostile, everyone tense. You had tried to stick to the sidelines, watching them run around like crazy from afar during breaks in practice. To you it was clear they could go as if you never existed in the first place, eyes stinging at the thought. The only time problems seemed to occur was when your name was mentioned and they were reminded of the fact that you were still a part of the team.

Sitting alone in the corner, you busied yourself with monitoring the practice video, chastising all minimal moves you got incorrect. “Y/n!” Your manager's voice caught your attention over the chaos, effectively silencing everyone in the room as they looked at you curiously. “You and Choerry need to do a Vlive, fans are starting to comment on your lack of appearance in videos.” Nodding stiffly at her words, your gaze briefly flickered to Yerim, the frown she wore pained you.

“Anything else?” You inquired, uncomfortable with all the silence. “You're scheduled for a date with Bang Chan tonight,” you winced at her words. Quickly masking your expression of distress, you trailed behind your manager as she led you to a studio, Yerim hot on your tail. The quietness of the room lingered even with you gone, your members sharing a look of questioning. Although, they all shrugged off how your supposed date sounded much more like a business event. For it hurt too much to think of it, talking about it would only summon more tears to Chaewon’s eyes.

They continued to practise, going over the choreography until it became muscle memory. While in your studio, you and Yerim sat a fair distance apart, talking mindlessly to orbits. The younger girl was surprised by how good you were at acting like everything was fine, almost fooling her for a moment. She found herself stumbling over her words, to which you shot her a reassuring smile like you’d always used to. The lines between what was real and fake became blurred to her.

Glancing nervously at the swiftly moving comments, a few nasty ones catching her eye. All of which directed at you, ranging from judging your talent, looks and an alarming amount being death threats. Looking at you with furrowed brows, she caught a glimpse at your smile faltering, indicating that you had indeed seen them too. You recovered quickly, but your actions only made Yerim more uncertain. How many times have you successfully hidden your emotions in the past?

A part of her still cared for you, displayed by a look of sympathy. However, she was quick to remember the hurt you had inflicted on Chaewon, instantly swaying her. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't justify your actions, thoughts of Chaewon’s sobbing into her shoulder snapping her out of it. You had cheated on her, it was that simple. But Yerim couldn't help the feeling of doubt that lingered with her.

The members present scowled as you left the dorms in a hurry, all dolled up for your ‘date’. Patting Chaewon on the back in consolation as she stared at the wall dejected. Nothing made sense in her life anymore, without you it felt wrong. She awoke every morning to the same painful nightmare that was her life, disappointed in herself for craving your touch. She hated that she still harboured feelings for you, especially with the circumstances of your relationship's untimely end. So instead she channelled those emotions into hatred towards you.

Chaewon knew that her friends were doing their best to comfort her, trying desperately to get her to crack a genuine smile. But to no avail, she wouldn’t budge. She was miserable, angry that you’d made her feel this way, but seemed to be coping with it fine yourself. Most of all, she missed you. Your contagious smile, melodious laughter, lovable personality, oh she longed for it all. Living in the same apartment only proved to make not run into your arms as she cried over your harder.

“So how are you really Y/n?” Chan asked, your friendship having blossomed amidst all the mess. Halting in your step, you looked up to him curiously. “What do you mean?” You played dumb, smiling innocently. With concern written on his face he placed a hand on your shoulder, forcing you to look him in the eye. “Right now, it doesn’t seem like you have anyone to lean on. So I want you to know that you can talk to me, I’ll listen and I promise you I won’t judge.” Chan offered, holding his pinky up to you with a dopey smile.

Your lips trembled at his words, months of pent up emotions flooding your eyes. Sniffling, you connected your pinky with his, a watery chuckle slipping past your lips. “Now, tell me what’s been bothering you.” Chan said sternly, so you did. He paid careful attention to everything you had to say, sympathising with your situation. Most importantly he made you feel heard, he was exactly what you needed. A good friend.

He insisted on walking you all the way to your dorm, making sure you were safe before you parted ways. You watched him as he rounded the corner, disappearing off into the darkness of the night. Entering the dorm as quietly as possible, you cringed as the door creaked. Slipping off your shoes swiftly, trying to avoid any possible confrontations, you rushed for your room. Coming to an abrupt stop outside it, the sight of an ajar door opposite you peaked your curiosity.

Straining your ears, you made out a few mumbled here and there, but nothing clear. “Would things be easier if she just left for a while?” Jungeun’s voice rang in your ears, your heart stopping. Having heard enough, you took your leave, her words replaying in your head like a broken record. You sat still on your bed, knees curled into your chest as you let it sink in. ‘Maybe they would be better off without me,’ one final thought remained.

A light tap on your wooden door had your eyes widening in shock. ‘Was this really it? Were they going to ask me to leave?’ After years of friendship you were easily able to recognise who it was, Haseul’s head popping through the gap in not a moment later. “Can I come in?” The gentleness of her tone surprised you, but you couldn’t seem to wish away the negative thoughts. Receiving a hum of confirmation from you, she stepped into your room.

Planting herself on the edge of your bed, Haseul took a moment to really look at you. Her brows knitted together at the state you were in, eyes puffy, with dark circles beneath them. The lack of sleep was clear as day, and the way you presented yourself was so broken and reserved. A shell of your former joyful self. Deathly pale skin looking like you hadn’t seen the sun in years, your figure alarmingly thin.

“I in no way support the decisions you’ve made recently, especially those that have hurt others.” Haseul started as you fiddled nervously with your hands, expecting the worst. “But as your leader it’s my job to check in on you, and quite frankly you’ve seen better days.” You took a second to let her words sink in, a look of shock reflecting on your face. “I may not be able to give you comfort as a friend right now, but as a member, I’m worried about you, Y/n.” She spoke calmly, composed as usual.

You couldn’t bring yourself to burden her with your problems, not after all she’d been through. You wanted to free them from all the drama, and the hate that now came with being associated with you. There was only one way you knew how. “Thank you Haseul-ssi,” your use of formalities made the older girl frown. She was fighting off pulling you into her arms, knowing that it was no longer appropriate. “But you should really be with Chaewon instead,” you smiled sadly.

Opening her mouth to continue, Haseul was cut off before she could even get a word in. “I hope you don’t mind, but it’s getting late, so I’m going to sleep now.” Based on the dark rings under your eyes, your leader could tell you weren’t going to sleep a wink, but there was nothing she could do. Nodding in defeat, Haseul lifted herself from your bed, reluctantly heading for the door.

Slipping out of the darkness, Haseul was met with the concerned gaze of Jinsoul. “Nothing,” your leader sighed in frustration, the usual playful look on Jinsoul’s face long gone. Even after everything, as you older member she still felt as though it was her responsibility to take care of you. “I’ll try again tomorrow,” Haseul said, unknowing of what was to come.

It was early the next day when the company called, ordering the girls to come in as soon as possible. All too exhausted to notice the missing member when arrived, eyes blinking away sleep as they all filtered into the meeting room. All bowing sleepily at their CEO, watching with droopy eyes as the boss took a seat at the large circular table. “You know I don’t like beating around the bush, so I’ll just show you this.” Sunhye clicked at the remote, an article now displayed on the TV screen.

“This will be published in the next hour, I just thought I’d give you a chance to hear the news from me first.” All twelve girls were now wide awake, eyes stuck to the headlines of the post. ‘Loona’s Y/n put on an indefinite hiatus due to ongoing mental health issues.’ “She came in this morning, saying that she needed to go back home for a while.” The silence was deafening as they let the news register. A mix of emotions looming over the girls, you once would’ve called them home.

They hadn’t forgiven you, but moving forwards without you was unthinkable. Unsure of how to proceed they all sat stiffly, suffocating in the eerie silence of the room. They wanted to know if you were okay, and be there to comfort you. Although, cheating on Chaewon was unjustifiable, so instead they turned a blind eye.

The rest of the day passed by at an agonisingly slow pace, all members lazily lounging in the living room. They found comfort in being together as a whole group during hardships, but it would never be the same without you there. They’d survived fine without your presence for months, but now that you were really gone it was different. No one stopped Chaewon when she retreated to her room sniffling, not having the heart to go after her either.

They weren’t oblivious to the fact that they played a part in your plummeting mental state. But they didn’t know what to do, if only they knew of the true reason behind all the drama. A heavy knock on the door startled them, some flinching at the abruptness. Sooyoung jumped to her feet to see what all the fuss was about, expression morphing into a scowl as she opened the door. “You shouldn’t be here,” she practically growled, protective instincts on full display.

“It’s about Y/n,” the leader of Stray Kids pleaded, sighing in relief as Sooyoung reluctantly let him in. Exclamations of irritation flowing from the girls mouths, eyes narrowed at him. “Have any of you heard from Y/n?” He asked, anxiously pacing around the room, ignoring the pointed glares sent his way. “Aren’t you her boyfriend?” Hyejoo snarked, uncaring that he was older. “Isn’t she your friend,” Chan bit back, a look of guilt washing over their faces. He didn’t mean to be so harsh, but this wasn’t a joking matter.

“Not after what she did,” Hyunjin spoke up, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. “You mean after she saved you from a career ruining scandal?” Chan asked rhetorically. “Please, if anything she created the scandal,” Heejin fired back unamused. He looked around the room incredulously. “Wait..What do you mean by she saved us?” Jungeun asked, voice shaky, as if already putting the pieces together in her head.

“Our ‘relationship’, the whole cover up,” he said simply, realisation hitting them like a train. “So you’re saying that you two were never..?” Kahei questioned, eyes wide at the revelation. “No, Y/n and I were never together, I thought you knew.” They all shook their heads in disbelief, unable to contain their shock. Heads all snapping to the loud creak that came from the hallway, Chaewon’s trembling body in full view.

“I need to see her,” she mumbled quickly. All twelve members jumping into action, pulling their shoes on at lightning speed, rushing off to your home. Flooding your phone with texts, receiving not a single response. “Call the company, tell them not to release the statement yet.” Jinsoul ordered Heejin, already on the phone with their manager, begging her to drive them all to your place.

You were peacefully unpacking your suitcase, already feeling much calmer in the comfort of your own home. Phone laying discarded on your desk, having died over an hour ago, you didn’t care enough to charge it. Your parents had welcomed you with open arms, happy to accommodate you for as long as you needed. A weight lifting off your chest as soon as you entered the homely environment, the first genuine smile in what felt like years tugged at your lips.

Your door suddenly slammed open, a pair of arms encircling your waist before you could even spin around. An all too familiar scent wafted around the room, your body stiffening in realisation. “I knew it wasn’t true,” Chaewon’s sweet voice reached your ears, your heart almost bursting at the first time hearing it in months. Her strong grip on your waist told you that she didn’t intend on letting go any time soon, your body finally relaxing in her hold.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Feeling your shirt dampen, your eyes widened in alarm, quickly turning to face Chaewon. Her hurting as a result of your actions was never something you wanted. Tears cascaded down her cheeks, springing you into action as you swiped them away with the pads of your thumbs. “I’m sorry,” you apologised, eyes glossing over. “Don’t apologise, just stay with me,” she bawled her eyes out. “You still want to be with me?” You asked astounded.

“Of course I do, I love you,” she smacked your shoulder, collapsing into your arms. “Just promise me you won’t lie again, even if you're trying to protect me.” She pleaded, voice muffled as she pressed her face to the crook of your neck. “I promise,” you quickly stated, squeezing her tightly. “It pained me to lie to you,” you frowned, tightening your grip on her. “I forgive you,” she whispered, lifting a weight off your shoulders, finally at peace.

The faintest knock on the door triggered a groan from you, unwilling to pull away from Chaewon just yet, still deprived of her touch. Soon all of your members were entering your cramped room, barely fitting in. “We’re sorry Y/n, we should’ve noticed sooner,” Haseul was the first to speak. “It’s not your fault,” you assured them quickly, never wanting them to blame themselves. “Still, you shouldn’t have had to go through that on your own,” Jiwoo said, pout evident on her lips. Yerim, no longer being able to hold herself back, leaped straight into your arms.

“Stop looking at all those hate comments, they’re stupid,” Yerim said. The signature bright smile resting on her lips, your heart swelling with joy as you nodded. She may not have been able to comfort you then, but she vowed to do her best from now on. Yeojin was quick to join your hug, a frown present on her face. “I wish I had known,” she said. She couldn’t bear the thought of you spending all your nights curled up alone in your shared room.

“It’s okay Yeojinie, there’s nothing you could have done.” You reassure her, words directed at every member. “Yah! We’re supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around,” Heejin complained. The two younger girls make way for the older girl to press an affectionate kiss to your cheek. Hyejoo looking at you guiltily from the sidelines, not knowing exactly what to do. Sensing her gaze, you turned to her with open arms, gentle smiles gracing your lips.

Rushing into your arms, the wolf-like girl sighed in relief. “I’m sorry, I hope you know I didn’t really mean what I said.” She whispered to you, feeling a pat on her back. “It’s okay Hyejoo-ah, I’m glad she has someone to stick by her.” You whispered back, glancing at Chaewon with a fond smile. “I should’ve been there for you too though,” she said regretfully. “Don’t beat yourself up, there’s no way you could’ve known.” She nodded hesitantly at your words, releasing you to give the others a turn.

“I missed you,” Jinsoul dragged out as she draped her arms around your neck, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of your head. “Me or my gifts?” You asked teasingly, earning a smack on the butt. Shaking her head in amusement, Jinsoul pulled away. Your gaze wandered to the more hesitant bunch, Hyunjin stepping forward bravely. Surprising you with the speed in which she wrapped you in a hug, no words were spoken, but she made sure to squeeze you tightly.

Ruffling Hyunjin’s hair, you glance at Jungeun over the cat-like girl's shoulder. She approached you cautiously, grasping your hand. “I want you to know that Loona isn’t Loona without you, we need you Y/n.” She spoke sincerely, tears springing to your eyes. The words you’d longed to hear since the scandal broke out. Fighting off your tears, you snaked your arms around her neck, vision blurry. She held you closely, letting her words settle in before she released you.

“Please come to me in the future, I want nothing more than to see you happy, Y/n.” Sooyoung let tears fall freely down her face as she pulled you into her embrace. “I know I haven’t been the best unnie, but I promise I’ll be there for you.” You nodded, into her chest, a few stray tears staining her shirt. Although she didn’t complain, only holding your tighter. The oldest of the group finally takes her turn with you, immediately pulling you into a warm hug.

She didn’t say anything, only holding you, pondering as she tried to find the right words. Decidedly, she pulled back slightly, cupping your wet cheeks. “You’re very brave, Y/n. I could never be disappointed in you,” she said softly. That was the last straw for you, a sob creeping from your lips as your eyes welled with fresh tears. The rest of Loona joined in, huddled together in a group hug.

Chaewon right by your side, wiping away your tears as she pressed a kiss to your cheek. “I love you too,” you whispered to her, remembering you hadn’t had the chance to say it back earlier. “I love all of you,” you smiled through your sobs, hearing a tearful chorus ‘I love you’s’ in response. Your heart swells with pure happiness, eyes glossed over with tears of joy.

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