#honestly its been a while since ive used my sketchbook
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did i stay up just to force myself to finally draw something that was human? yes. did it have to be minami rena ,the loml? absolutely.
i tried to make her do the heart hands thing and i think its been my best attempt at even drawing hands but who knows
#tSUN RENA DOIN THE HEART HANDS#RENA I TRIED MY BEST#honestly its been a while since ive used my sketchbook#ive mostly just been using stray water color paper#ill (hopefully) upload a colored ver.#cuz the whole point of this…#was to use my colored pencils …#anyways#rena minami#minami rena#magia record#magia record puella magi madoka magica side story#madoka magica#puella magi madoka magica#puella magi magia record#magireco#sketch
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hello tama/egg!
this is my first time going to someones asks with courage to talk about my tickling fetish.
im a minor and ive had this since i was 9 or younger. its really hard to talk about, and im actually going to share something extremely personal with you because i know its not okay, and i might aswell for the first time get someone’s opinion on my change of ways.
im not fully ashamed of it anymore, and for a very long time i hated myself bc of it.
im currently 15, and when i was 12 i used to, USED TO, think of children in my mind around the ages of 5-6, they were my ocs, getting tied up and tickled. i dont know why i went through that faze, it was really hard for me to change that for some reason. it hurts alot to talk about it to anyone, but going out here in public to tell you about it makes me proud.
i changed to thinking of only adult ocs, and i left the kid part behind because i felt like a pedofile, and thought i would be a pedofile when i grew up. i never really wanted to be hated for this, but i was, and i get why. i’ve had several close friends early in life tell me to fuck off or just unfriend/block me after i told them about this, and i get why they did that too.
im still working up to telling friends i know now about this personally, because you never know if someone’s going to hate you still, even though you think you’ve made a huge change in your life.
i also wanted to ask how you told your friends/partner ever about your fetish? its always been so hard for me. some advice would be nice, because i usually am somehow approaching in the wrong way.
anywho, thank you so much for your time, and im honestly proud of how you’ve handled that person who is sending alot of blogs that message, you did well!
sincerely, and ticklishly, your friend ruby!
hi ruby ! nice to hear from you ヾ(^ω^*)
this is quite a bit of personal information ! i will be honest with you, ruby - those kind of thoughts you were having are definitely not okay. it sounds like you were incorporating bondage into some of these thoughts with such young children and that is definitely not a harmless fantasy. but it sounds like you have come to terms with that, owned up to your perhaps harmful actions, and worked through it in your own way. recognizing your mistakes and putting in work like that is very respectable, so i would not hold i against you !
make sure you just understand how that might have negatively affected others, especially those who are triggered by situations like that. i am proud of you for being honest with yourself and not making excuses.
anyway! on the subject of telling partners about the whole tickling thing… Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑) that’s hard because the two people in my life who know just found out lol. i didnt tell them. my best friend stumbled across a sketchbook that i had drawn tickling art in, and my bf, well… he’s just intuitive.
when it comes to being comfortable with yourself, though, it’s not easy! i would definitely say to always remember, it is really not as weird as you may think. yes, it still is definitely “weird,” but… it’s just tickling. lots of people have weird kinks, even the most vanilla people have their quirks ! it is no biggie. and even for those who just like tickling nonsexually… it’s no different then enjoying back scratches, or having your hair played with.
if you are working up the courage to tell a partner, i say go for it ! especially if you have been with them for a while and trust them a lot. i am at the point with my bf where i feel like i could tell him anything and he would still wholeheartedly love me. i think that if you have a good relationship with someone, they will find such a quirky thing endearing and adorable. it is harmless enough anyways.
and, as always, never feel pressured to tell someone! it is no rush, go at your own pace. but remember tickling is just a unique part of your personality! nothing to be ashamed of, as long as you are respectful and follow consent, of course.
thank you for stopping by and sharing such a personal story ! and thank you for your support ! i wish you well as you continue your journey of self-discovery !! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅
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11.9.23
Its been another hot minute since I've wanted to write. As soon as autumn hit, I was absolutely lost in it and overall its been pretty wonderful. I'm very much learning how to be comfortable with myself, as myself and also at my own pace. I'm living my highest timeline with harm to no one and I will continue to do so!
A lot of things have happened since I last tuned in here and honestly, I haven't wanted to browse social media at all. Its one thing I would love to learn to do consistently but I'm not a consistent person when it comes to posting online anywhere. I always end up getting bored or tired of it, the need to post, the pressure to be consistent with it all. Lately I've learned very much that writing in any form at all is consistency in itself. I write in several notebooks and I'm learning that ok. There's a way I've always wanted to be, a person who can sit down and go through one sketchbook at a time, one notebook at a time and everything goes into it, but no I'm not like that at all. I have to have about 15 different ways to get out what I'm thinking and feeling. I have this great need to express things very specifically and the whole way of going about it is different each day. Some days I really want to collage, some days I want to paint, some days I like to clean and organize, some days I like to watch movies and TV and some days I enjoy tending to my garden and some days, too, one or all of those things is the last thing I'd like to do for that day, and so I sit and I lay and I bask and that's all okay too. I realize how much pain there is in the world and how wonderful I have it. I am so grateful for the life that I happen to have and I never wish to take it for granted. I think one day I will know how I will be able to be of more help in this world but for now I'm doing what I can while also deeeeply diving into learning how to care for myself. There's nothing wrong with me pouring a lot of energy into myself. I often feel a deep sense of guilt along with it, though. Not sure if its out of habit or if its my intuition nudging me into putting so much energy into myself. I have this worry that I should still be focusing on others more than myself and am learning balance along with that. Its been hard to connect with others for a while now, but maybe I'm just connecting with folks in a different way than I'm used to recognizing. I have a nice even relationship with most everyone I know and none of my relationships are currently leaning too much one way or the other. Things feel very balanced for the most part and I'm very grateful for that. I've managed to take opportunities that land me here in the position that I am in. I'm still balancing leaning how to manage and how to lead. If there's one thing that's off scale lately, it might be that. I've been leaning very hard towards manager, Ive been tired lately, and I'd rather be leaning more towards leader, showing folks how to go about the daily work life by example.
My brain suddenly paused there but I do still feel like writing. As far as the phase I'm currently in, definitely feeling the autumn hibernation settling in. I am but a mere mammal, seeking cozy comfort in the dim hours of the day. We changed the clocks back this past weekend and as always its been an adjustment. I think I'll be ok getting used to it. I'm more interested in keeping my 4 day schedule than I am worried about a 20 minute drive home in the dark each night. Its not a bad trade off at all. I intend to keep things this way as best as I can. I have no intention of changing this schedule soon and as always I end up wishing I used my time-off more wisely. Its hard to get into the groove of doing things sometimes. I end up overwhelmed with the things I "could" be doing and yet I often end up paralyzed and inactive, its very strange. Often I still end up getting stuff done, its just not as much stuff as I wanted to get done. For some reason, my expectations of myself are always very high and I often don't realize it! It all seems very normal to me. Though I'm not often clear to myself, either. Sometimes I just like to ramble on about in the conversation. I'll sound like a little old man from the 1800's sitting in a parlor, talking about his old days and how the world is so different now. I guess that is me, though and the world I live in. I really don't mind it at all. I've learned to be more focused on what is and what REALLY truly is than what isn't or what I thought it Should be or things like that. Its a big relief to sit back and not have some kind of expectation or blue print for how things should be going on around me. I accept what is for what it is at the time. I've accepted that humans are weird and wild and unpredictable and I'm lucky enough not have not encountered too much strife. I've got it good and well, and I'll be doing what I can to maintain me and my loved ones. I thought to myself the other day, I've been in "i need" mode for so long I've forgotten, or never learned, what it was like "to have" and then next "to maintain" I've always been in the NEED portion of that energy.. now that I realize I have it, I CAN have it, I deserve it and such, I can learn to maintain the things I do have... humbly. I don't take the life that I have lightly. I'm grateful and I hope I'm able to live in and show respect for it all.
LA <3
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once again i am answering asks in a big compilation post. included is... gotham, patrick stump, tips about drawing backgrounds, tips about drawing in general, links to my faq, and infinity train
like.... the tv series? No... I’ve drawn dc comics fanart before, though. But it’s been years since I’ve been really into it. I like jumped ship like 10 years ago when the New 52 happened LOL.
AFJHDSLKGH I’m sorry I (probably) won’t do it again??
Actually full disclosure I have a truly cringe amount of p stump drawings/photo studies in my sketchbook right now LOL. He’s just fun to draw... hats, glasses, guitar, a good shape... but I don’t think I’ll rly post those until I can hide them in another big sketchbook pdf.. probably Jan 2022. Stay tuned........ (ominous)
(ominous preview)
These are all sort of related to backgrounds/painting so I grouped them together even though they’re pretty much entirely separate questions.... ANYWAYS
a) How is it working as a BG artist? Is it hard? What show are you drawing for?
I think you’re the first person to ever ask me about my job! Being a background artist is great. It’s definitely labor intensive but I think that could describe pretty much any art job (If something were rote or easy to automate, you wouldn’t hire an artist to do it) and I hesitate to say whether its harder or easier than any other role in the animation pipeline. Plus, so much of what truly makes a job difficult varies from one production to the next, schedule, working environment, co-workers etc. But I will say that I think while BGs are generally a lot of work on the upfront, I think they’re subject to less scrutiny/revisions than something like character/props/effects design and you don’t have to pitch them to a room like boards. So I guess it’s good if you don’t like to talk to people? LOL
A lot of my previous projects + the show I’ve worked on the longest aren’t public yet so I can’t talk about em (but I assure you if/when the news does break I won’t shut up about it). But I’m currently working on Archer Season 12 LOL. I’m like 90% sure I’m allowed to say that.
b) ~~~THANK YOU!! ~~~
c) What exactly do you like to draw most [in a background]?
@kaitomiury Lots of stuff! I really like to draw clutter! Because it’s a great opportunity for environmental storytelling and also you can be kind of messy with it because the sheer mass will supersede any details LOL.
I like to draw clouds... I like to draw grass but not trees lol,,, I like to draw anything that sells perspective really easily like tiled floors and ceilings, shelves, lamp posts on a street etc.
d) Do you have any tips on how to paint (observational)?
god there’s so much to say. painting is really a whole ass discipline like someone can paint their whole life and still discover new things about it. I guess if you’re really just starting out my best advice is that habit is more important than product. especially with traditional plein air painting, I find that the procedure of going outside and setting up your paints is almost harder than the actual painting. There’s a lot of artists who say “I want to do plein air sometime!!” and then never actually get around to doing it. A lot of people just end up working from google streetview or photos on their computer.
But going outside to paint is a really good challenge because it forces you to make and commit to lighting and composition decisions really quickly. And to work through your mistakes instead of against them via undo button.
My last tip is to check out James Gurney’s youtube channel because hes probably the best and most consistent resource on observational painting out there rn. There’s lots other artists doing the same thing (off the top of my head I know a lot of the Warrior Painters group has people regularly posting plein air stuff and lightbox expo had a Jesse Schmidt lecture abt it last year) but Gurney’s probably the most prolific poster and one of the best at explaining the more technical stuff - his books are great too.
e) Do you have tips for drawing cleanly on heavypaint?
@marigoldfool UMM LOL I LIKE ONLY USE THE FILL TOOL so maybe use the fill tool? Fill and rectangle are good for edge control as opposed to the rest of the heavy paint tools which can get sort of muddles. And also I use a stylus so maybe if you’re using your finger, find a stylus that works with your device instead. That’s all I’ve got, frankly I don’t think my drawings are particularly clean lol.
f) Tips on improving backgrounds/scenes making them more dynamic practicing etc?
Ive given some tips about backgrounds/scenes before so I’m not gonna re-tread those but here’s another thing that might be helpful...
I think a good way to approach backgrounds is to think of the specific story or even mood you want to convey with the background first. Thinking “I just need to put something behind this character” is going to lead you to drawing like... a green screen tourist photo backdrop. But if you think “I need this bg to make the characters feel small” or “I need this bg to make the world feel colorful” then it gives you requirements and cues to work off of.
If I know a character needs to feel overwhelmed and small, then I know I need to create environment elements that will cage them in and corner them. If a character needs to feel triumphant/on top of the world then I know I need to let the environment open up around them. etc. If I know my focal point/ where I want to draw attention, I can build the background around that.
Also, backgrounds like figure compositions will have focal points of their own and you can draw attention to it/ the relationship the characters have with the bg element via scale or directionality or color, any number of cues. I think of it almost as a second/third character in a scene.
Not every composition is gonna have something so obvious like this but it helps me to think about these because then the characters feel connected and integrated with the environment.
Some more general art questions
a) Do you have any process/tips to start drawing character/bodies/heads?
I tried to kind of draw something to answer this but honestly this is difficult for me to answer because I don’t think I’m that great at drawing characters LOL. Ok, I think I have two tips.
1) flip your canvas often. A lot about what makes human bodies look correct and believable is symmetry and balance. Even if someone has asymmetrical features, the body will often pull and push in a way to counterbalance it. we often have inherent biases to one side or another like dominant hands dominant eyes etc. you know how right-handed artists will often favor drawing characters facing 45 degrees facing (the artist’s) left? that’s part of it. so viewing your drawing flipped even just to evaluate it helps compensate for that bias and makes you more aware of balance.
2) draw the whole figure often. I feel like a lot of beginner artists (myself included for a long time) defer to just drawing headshots or busts because it’s easier, you dont have to think about posing limbs etc. But drawing a full body allows you to better gauge proportion, perspective, body language, everything that makes a character look believable and grounded.
Like if you (me) have that issue where you draw the head too big and then have to resize it to fit the proportions of the rest of the body, it’s probably because you (I) drew the head first and are treating the body as an afterthought/attachment. Sketching out the whole figure first or even just quick drawing guides for it will help you think of it more holistically. I learned this figure drawing in charcoal at art school LOL.
oh. third mini tip - try to draw people from life often! its the best study. if you can get into a figure drawing/nude drawing class EVEN BETTER and if you have a local college/art space/museum that hosts those for free TREASURE IT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, that’s a huge boon that a lot of artists (me again) wish they had. though if youre not so lucky and youre sitting in a park trying to creeper draw people and they keep moving.. don’t let that stop you! that’s good practice because it’s forcing you to work fast to get the important stuff down LOL. its a challenge!
b) I’ve been pretty out of energy and have had no inspiration to draw but I have the desire to. Any advice?
Dude, take a walk or something.... Or a nap? Low energy is going to effect everything else so you gotta hit that problem at its source.
If you’re looking for inspiration though, I’d recommend stuff like watching a movie, reading a book, playing video games etc. Fill up your idea bank with content and then give yourself time/space to gestate it into new concepts. Sometimes looking at other art works but sometimes it can work against you because it’s too close.
Also something that helps me is remembering that art doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking... like it’s okay to make something shitty and stupid that you don’t post online and only show to your friend. That’s all part of the process imo. If you want to hit a home run you gotta warm up first, right? Sports.
I should probably compile everytime i give tips on stuff like this but that’s getting dangerously close to being a social media artist who makes stupid boiled down art tutorials for clout which is the last thing i want to be... the thing I want to stress is that art is a whole visual language and there are widely agreed upon rules and customs but they exist in large part to be broken. Like there's an infinite number of ways to reach an infinite number of solutions and that’s actually what makes it really cool and personal for both the artist and the viewer. So when you make work you like or you find someone else’s work you like, take a step back and ask yourself what about it speaks for you, what about it works for you, what makes it effective, how to recreate that effect and how to break that effect completely, etc. And have a good time with it or else what’s the point.
for the first 2, I direct you to my FAQ
For the last one, I don’t actually believe I’ve ever addressed artwork as insp for stories/rp but I’ll say here and now yeah go ahead! As long as you’re not making profit or taking credit for my work then I’m normally ok with it. Especially anything thats private and purely recreational, that’s generally 100% green light go. I only ask that if you post it anywhere public that you please credit me.
(and I reserve the right to ask you to take it down if I see it and don’t approve of it’s use but I think that case is pretty rare.)
a) @lemuelzero101 Thank you!!! I haven’t played Life is Strange but actually that series’ vis dev artist Edouard Caplain is one of my bigger art inspirations lately so that’s a really high compliment lol. And yeah I hope we get 5-8 too...!
b) Thank you for sticking around! I’ve been thinking about Digimon and Infinity Train in tandem lately, actually. They’re a little similar? Enter a dangerous alternate world and have wacky adventures with monsters/inanimate objects that have weird powers... there’s like weird engineers and mechanisms behind the scenes... also frontier literally starts with them getting on a train. Anyways if anyone else followed me for digimon... maybe you’d like Infinity Train? LOL
c) @king-wens-king I’M GLAD MY ART JUST HAS PINOY VIBES LOL I hope you are having a good day too :^)
a, b, c, d) yessss my Watch Infinity Train agenda is working....
e) aw thank you!! i think you should watch infinity train :)
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Today was a better day. I am still dealing with my weird listless and directionless feeling. But I did better with it today. I felt better. I am getting better about using my time. Even if I did end up on the couch a lot today.
I slept a lot better last night. I know that was a big part of it. And James had made me an omelet before they left so I had a nice breakfast. I got dressed and while I didn't feel awesome, I felt okay.
I didmy styling and paid some bills. I would head out pretty early. But I was honestly just a little upset.
I was fine and then James got back from their bike ride and inform me that they messed up some dates and we are going camping at the same time they had tickets for a football game. And they didn't seem to worried, but they wouldn't just say what the plan was. Because if we went on Sunday and did the whole trip and they didn't get to go to their game I would feel super guilty. But if we didn't go on Sunday I would feel a little cheated. But after a few hours of back and forth with Evan and Noelle it was decided we would leave early on Monday and do the things we planned for Monday before we went to the actual camp site. Which saved some time with not backtracking ot the town and it will honestly be okay. Everyone is going to have fun. Even if we lose one night of sleeping there. It will still be fun.
But it was weighing heavily on me while I was out. I tried to not let it get to me but it was hard. I just listened to my podcast and enjoyed looking at the Halloween things at Target. I was trying hard to feel alright.
I got myself a little bag for camp. I love my two leather bags but they can be a little fussy for hiking and I don't always want to wear my backpack. So this little bag was pretty perfect. And its a pretty nice color.
I got a few other little things. And then went to the craft store to get the thing I was actually out for.
I looked at all the scrap books but honestly didn't like any of them. I don't want one so big! And they were $40?? So instead I got a cute little blank page sketchbook and some washitape. I also have stickers and markers and pens. I also got a great deal on these poles for hanging lights for the party. On clearance for $5!! Amazing.
I was ready to go home though. I was kind of hungry but we actually have lots of things I can just grab and eat and that is perfect for me.
So I came home. I had a nice little lunch. It was a little to hot but I was in a better place.
I would do a little cleaning. A little resting. I changed the sheets and took the cover off our couch to be cleaned. Its funny seeing the purple couch again. I am very pleased with the Halloween color bed we have now. I was in a good mood.
I would lay down and just chill. I sorted my bags. I did some internet stuff. I cut my prints I made this week and packaged them. I printed up their poems. I started making some plans and ideas for a larger project I want to do.
Its a little nerve wracking making a large scale 2D project! I always say I don't draw so having this idea is really great. Also its just very out of my normal wheelhouse so its nice to have a plan.
I would take an early shoewr. Wash my hair. Use my new conditioner which smells excellent. And Ive been chilling since then. I had some food. I tried not to be overheated. I have watched a lot of videos. It has been a good night. And now James is done work and we are chilling on the couch eating pesto pasta.
I hope you all have a great night tonight. Take care of yourselves. Goodnight!!
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I would like to know when you started drawing and where your passion for fanart started 😊
Oh FUCK dude i did not see this i’m so fucking sorry this is so late 😭 damn you, tumblr, for not fucking notifying me!! Anyway buckle up this is gonna be much longer than you asked for <3
Honestly ive kinda been drawing all my life! I hope that doesnt sound dumb cuz obviously almost everyone drew pictures when they were kids, but i know that it’s been a consistent hobby for me since i was little. By the time i was in 3rd grade I was hoarding notebooks to draw in. Cuz that’s something fun about me: i had a real huge habit of drawing in things that werent sketchbooks. Through middle school and beyond I did buy/receive sketchbooks, but I started out with various kinds of notebooks. One I had from like 2nd grade was like a hardcover, stationary-type notebook that I drew cats in lol, and I have 2 velvet lisa frank notebooks from 3rd grade. In high school and college I had a really bad habit of drawing in the margins on my notes and on handouts the teacher/professor would give. Those classes where the prof just prints out all the notes beforehand and gives them to you to follow along? Oh man, I spent so many classes barely listening while I drew on them! I also used to draw on my physics homework and tests and sometimes I even got extra credit for them (thank you jeff :D). I actually have a folder of various drawings I’ve kept from that 8yr time period and a lot of them are on classwork 😂
Obviously, I’ve been doing a lot of digital art lately, which I’m sure is what u were more curious about rather than the shit about drawing on my homework. I got a surface pro as a graduation gift in 2016 bc prior to that i had a wacom tablet and a janky ass laptop, so the gift was kinda a 2-in-1: i can do schoolwork AND art easily! i like digital art a lot and honestly im still learning new things abt it every time i draw. I use Leonardo currently (i’ll skip that story) but I started out doing digital art on sketchfu WITHOUT the wacom tablet in maaaaybe 2012??? 2011??? does anyone on this site remember sketchfu? Honestly couldnt even tell u how i found that site hahah the internet was just full of wonders back in the day. RIP sketchfu. Once i got the tablet tho some time later i used sketchfu still (i think) but also gimp and krita i believe.
Oh i suppose I should mention that i took art all four years of highschool and also minored in it in college! So it’s something i did academically as well as for fun. I keep thinking about going to art school for realsies but idk. I’m already $$$ in debt from my first degree i dont feel like adding to that 😅😓
Ok now for the second part of your question: I’ve also pretty much always done fan art! Ive never really been one for OC’s, EXCEPT for the self-insert superhero double life “comics” i wrote about a poodle named Sassy when i was in third grade. And then the knock off “comics” i wrote at a later time which honestly it was weird that i did a knock off of my own thing rather than just adding them to the original or making it a spin off with at least one of the og characters. Cuz it wasnt a spin off!! But anyway there wasnt really much to any of these characters; i just needed vessels to get my weird ideas out.
So anyway yeah most of what ive ever drawn has been fan art or self portraits, because its just easier for me to take characters that already exist and bend them to my will (artistically). Well excluding art assignments in school i guess because i would usually have to draw something specific and therefore not something self indulgent. But yeah ive drawn for lots of fandoms like the earliest i remember is warrior cats. Then theres things like pokemon and warriors and random other books i read thru middle school (i used to read a LOT but now im practically illiterate); spn, sherlock, and marvel through high school; and then marvel and bttf thru the end of hs and beyond. Idk i also have always loved looking at other peoples fan art and so im like “shit i wanna do that too!”. Tho i will say marvel was my biggest fandom and the one i had the longest interest in, so that was probably where the passion REALLY came from cuz I was drawing marvel stuff for such a long time (tho not posting shdjsk u have to trust me), but ive been doing fan art forever :)
(Of course, a lot of the fan art i was making prior to recently was drawn in lined notebooks or on homework sheets or what have you, and I wasn’t posting really any of it, but i was still making it and a good chunk of it still exists. Oh i should also mention most of it was with pencils or ballpoint pens like i wasnt doing anything too fancy. There was some digital art in the highschool-college time frame but it also really wasnt…much. Honestly i barely posted any of it here but I know some of it’s on deviantart)
I cant pinpoint the exact time I started getting more “serious” about my art in general, but i know the first pandemic lockdown gave me more free time and i was less stressed about schoolwork so i just kinda had a good outlet. (Tho i will say that prior, I had been in a life drawing club for a short while, and i had also been working on a personal sketchbook project that had me pretty ~inspired~ to do art. Also i watched twin peaks around this time and it inspired a lot of Feelings and i was making funky collages and other art pieced that were sometimes related to that. Some of those are on deviantart)
Honestly I think the Big thing with my digital art was coincidentally getting back into BTTF the summer of the 35th anniversary bc the fandom here was THRIVING and i was like “oh shit wait i want to contribute!” But as i kept drawing i kept wanting to improve and that leads us to right now where im constantly trying new things (whether subtle or obvious) and challenging myself to do full body drawings with different poses, and doing screencap redraws and what have you for various reasons (backgrounds, proportions, pose, etc)
So yeah :) Basically I’ve been doing fan art forever (I didnt even get into all the mediums ive tried but that’s another conversation bc this is already so long and convoluted) and it’s kinda coincidental that ive suddenly really gotten back into it and have improved dramatically in such a short time. Thank you so much @rovermcfly for the ask and again im really sorry you had to wait so long for a response! Stupid tumblr
#rovermcfly#signed sealed delivered#THANK U SM I HOPE U ENJOY KY RAMBLING :)#id love to ramble more if theres anything else u’d like to hear about my art journey :) bc i know this is all over the place lmfao#i will say some periods of life were a bit more inspired than others and thats bc i like will not draw if im too stressed#bc likely if im too stressed im too tired. see: a few weeks ago when that job was draining my life force
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The Intern | Part Two
Summary: You move to New York to focus on your art but end up working as an intern at Stark Enterprises
Chapter Summary: you get an surprise visit on your day off
Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader
Word Count: 1600 and something (kinda short but i’m already half way through writing part three)
A/N: for the purposes of this story Stark Enterprise is set out like an office building in New York and the story does not follow the same timeline as the movies. Reader does not know Peter is SpiderMan. Also, spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :)
Masterlist Part One
- - - - -
It had been a week since your meeting with Tony and since then the two of you had become quite good friends. Tony would make sure he came to the desk everyday or found you at lunch with Peter to catch up with you both.
Today was your first day off in a while and it was much needed. You’d spent the day in your loungewear, doing some painting and listening to old 80’s rock music. In the evening you decided to order pizza, and do some baking while you wait for it to be delivered. You were just getting the ingredients ready when someone knocked at the door. ‘Pizza is early’ you thought as you put down the flour and headed to answer the door.
“Wow that was quick- oh” you said opening the door surprised to see Tony on the other side.
“Sorry were you expecting someone?” He asked.
“No no, just thought you were the pizza guy” you laugh awkwardly.
“No pizza here I’m afraid. Just me. Wanted to check in, see if you’re okay? Didn’t see you in work today”
“It’s was my day off. I’m back in tomorrow”
“Ah right. Good. Well, that’s great then” he turns and goes to leave.
“Would you like to come in for a drink, and maybe some pizza? Seeing as you came all this way.” You ask, surprising yourself with your sudden confidence.
“I don't want to intrude..”
“you wouldn’t be. Ive been on my own all day, it would actually be nice to have some company.”
“Thanks” he smiles and walks past you. You shut the door, silently cursing yourself as you realise that your boss, THE Tony Stark, has now seen you in your paint stained loungewear. You follow him into the open plan kitchen/living room of your apartment and wish you’d cleaned up first. Your paints, brushes and sketchbook still all over the coffee table from earlier and the kitchen messy with baking stuff.
“Sorry about the mess” you apologise, fiddling with the messy bun you’d thrown your hair into this morning, attempting to tidy it up a bit.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not that bad”
You raise your eyebrow at him.
“no really, I’ve seen rooms in much worse states than this after some of the parties I used to have back in the day”
You both laugh and Tony walks over to look at one of the paintings hanging on your wall “this is nice” he says pointing at it and you walk over to stand next to him. The painting is of a beach with the sun setting over the ocean, the orange glow reflecting off the waves and ripples in the water.
“its the beach I used to visit every summer when I was a kid. Some of my favourite memories happened there” you stare at the painting daydreaming about the past. Picnics with your parents, playing fetch with your childhood dog, swimming on really hot days. Tony watches you out the corner of his eye, smiling when he notices the content smile that has appeared on your face. When you suddenly take a breath and snap back into the present he turns his attention back to the painting.
“this is actually one of the first paintings I ever did-“
“you painted this?” Tony interrupts, turning to look at you and you give him a shy nod. “wow, you have a real talent. When you said before that ‘painting didn’t pay the bills’, I presumed that just meant you weren’t very good”
You burst out laughing his blunt honestly which takes Tony by surprise.
“no, no what I meant was, the art world is a hard one to get into as an unknown artist. I couldn’t risk waiting around for that big break.”
Tony nods, looking at you thoughtfully.
“can I see some more of your work?” He asks.
“yeah sure, I’ve got some stuff in a folder in my room” you say as you run off toward your bedroom. When you come back out carrying the folder of paintings you notice Tony sitting on the sofa looking through the sketchbook you’d left on your coffee table.
“these are really good y/n, really I mean that.” He says, turning the pages and you take a seat next to him “you’ll have to paint something for me to hang in my office, that place needs brightening up a bit-“ he stops when he reaches a pencil sketch of Steve Rogers and you feel your whole body cringe. “this guy? really, you drew this guy?”
“what, I, uh..” You stutter “..he’s got a good jaw line. It’s very satisfying to draw” you shrink down into the sofa wishing it would swallow you whole, then theres a knock at the door.
“ah that will be the real pizza guy” you say jumping up to walk to the door but Tony stands in your way.
“no let me get it. You get us some drinks. I’ve been here a full five minutes and you’ve still not got me one” he winks at you and you roll your eyes playfully.
As you get glasses out the cupboard and put them on the counter you notice Tony is acting suspiciously. He walks slowly and carefully toward the door, and takes a long look through the peephole before finally opening the door. You presume he’s just always on high alert because of who he is. Being a high profile business man and one of the best known superheroes must mean he’s used to having dangerous people lurking around every corner.
After pouring two drinks you move over to the sofa and place the glasses down on the coffee table and hiding your sketchbook under the sofa. Tony appears with the pizza and you quickly move your paints off the table to make space for him to put the box down.
“thanks for grabbing the pizza, you’ve saved me the embarrassment of anyone else seeing the state of me right now” you say gesturing to your clothes, as he takes a seat next to you and you hand him his drink.
He looks you up and down, shrugs and says “I’ve seen worse” and winks at you. He holds his glass up for you to toast and you hold your glass up too.
“to you, and your weird fascination with Captain America’s chin” he teases you and you shake your head at him.
“I am not toasting to that” you laugh
- - - - -
An hour later you’d both got through the whole pizza and almost a whole bottle of wine, talking and laughing the whole time as Tony told you about some of the things he used to get up to pre Iron Man. You get up to carry the empty pizza box over to the bin in your kitchen and refill both your glasses.
“hey what’s for dessert” Tony shouts over to you.
“well I was just about to start making brownies before you arrived”
“I was only kidding about dessert but actually I would kinda love some brownies right now” Tony says, getting up and walking over to join you in the kitchen.
“well I guess we could bake some?” you say half joking but Tony grabs your apron off the hook on the wall and ties it around his waist which makes you laugh.
“what are you laughing at, I'm ready to learn”
“wait, you’ve never made brownies before? Not even as a kid?” You ask in disbelief and Tony shakes his head.
“my family weren’t really into that sort of thing” he shrugged.
“well then Mr Stark, I am about to change your life” you say, handing him a wooden spoon and he smiles at you.
Tony mixed together the melted chocolate and butter with the eggs and sugar while you measure out the flour into a bowl. You handed him the flour to add into the mixture but as he poured it in he dropped some of the flour onto the arm of his suit and you laughed covering your mouth with your hand.
“oh you think thats funny do you?” He says and he takes a hand a handful of flour and chucks it at you, laughing. You gasp and wipe some of the flour off yourself before grabbing a handful and throwing it back at him. He grabs your hand mid air and pulls you slightly but you trip over your own feet and stumble into him. He catches you and the laughter dies down as you both look into each others eyes, faces dangerously close to each other. His eyes flicker down to your lips and he moves in slightly. But then he stops, and lets you go. Clearing his throat and taking a step back. You take a deep breath and brush some flour off yourself.
“well, uh, this was fun” he says, slightly awkward “but, I should probably be going now”
“yeah, yeah..” you agree walking him to the door “it’s getting late”
He stops at the door and turns around to smile at you.
“thanks for the pizza, and for the baking lesson”
“no problem” you smile “i’ll bring some of the brownies in to work tomorrow”
“Good night y/n” he says walking out the door
“Good night”
You close the door behind him and press your forehead against it, replaying what just happened in your head. Did you really just almost kiss your boss? And did he almost kiss you back? Did you overstep your boundaries even inviting him in tonight? Would things be awkward tomorrow?
You let out a frustrated sigh and go back to the kitchen to finish baking and tidy up the mess from your flour fight. You know there’s no point thinking about it tonight but you also know that you won’t be able to think of anything else.
Part Three
Taglist: @brownbuble
#marvel fanfic#iron man x reader#iron man fanfic#Tony Stark imagine#iron man imagine#Robert downey jr#tony stark x reader#tony stark#tony stark fanfic#the intern
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hello people it is midnight right now so it isnt the best time to post this but im doing it regardless
tl;dr since Slightly Wordy - give me drawing requests, preferrably with my ocs or from fandoms i am familiar with or a part of (ex: dragon age, taz, crit role, wtnc, the arcana, herculean, etc.) but honestly it can be anything i dont really care ill try and make it work
ive been feelin real shit recently and this week is gonna make it really fuckin bad cause ill barely ever be at home and my house is my safe place and everywhere else makes me nervous at some point during the venture there and back or at the place in general, so ive been trying to find things i like to not think about it or whatever, and i wanna try and do something that usually makes me happy and try not to care too too much about it,
so i have a sketchbook that ive only used twice in the past, its real nice and its new basically, and i wanna try and draw stuff cause i havent in a while and it might make me happy so! maybe request some things! can be as specific or nonspecific as you want, ill pick some favorites and to what i can. you can reply or send an ask ill see it either way!
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Loudmouth
(I wrote some statement fic. It’s been a heck of a while since I wrote anything for fandom.)
Statement of Ulla Ness, regarding, um... a peculiar transformation. Original statement given March 14th, 1999. Audio recording by Christopher Peake, in an… unprofessional capacity. Statement begins.
I still don’t see why I had to come to you. I know you have an email address, so wouldn’t it have been easier to just scan the form and send it to me? Hell, I would have taken a physical copy sent to me in the post. It would have been slower, but it would have meant I could have stayed at home. But no. I asked, and you just gave me a lot of waffle about how you have ‘strict acquisition policies’, alongside directions that had been copied from google maps. Which I know, because I checked.
It’s not that I’m lazy, you understand, far from it. I used to have what I regarded as quite the active social life. But recently that’s become impossible for me to maintain, for a number of reasons. Which are also the reasons that I’ve come to talk to you.
I used to be quite a religious person. Still am, I suppose. I’m not entirely sure. I was a member of the congregation of Saint Mary’s, a small anglican church in a small, anglican village up in Lincolnshire. Not everybody there was particularly devout, but it wasn’t one of those places where it especially mattered. It was more about the sense of community we had. Catching up with each other after communion on Thursdays, singing in the choir, arranging cake sales or coffee mornings as fundraisers for whatever bit of the building had fallen off now. I’ve been attending since I was little, and more or less grew up with the congregation.
I miss it quite badly, if I’m being honest. I’ve always been the sort to need other people, but I didn’t realise quite how much losing them would affect me. You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone and all that, I suppose.
It started with another fundraiser, a jumble sale this time. I had volunteered to help manage the event, so I was in charge of sorting through the items that people had brought in for us to sell. Like I said, not everyone there was strictly devout, and didn’t always take care with what they decided to donate. Some people seemed to use it as more of an excuse to toss legitimate junk in our direction and call it a good deed.
This was definitely the case with Mister Ashley. He attended purely because his mother was too old to walk by herself, and I rather think that she insisted that he stay with her throughout the service. It was definitely at her behest that he took part in any communal activities. She would always announce that he would be happy to run stalls or make tea or some other menial duty, while he sat by her side, stony-faced, and saying nothing at all.
The only time I remember him giving any sort of reaction was when when his mother announced that her Jamie would be happy to donate some of his shop’s excess stock for the jumble sale. I remember, he turned to her with the strangest look on his face. At the time, I thought it was one of badly suppressed outrage. I assumed that she had simply gone a bit too far in volunteering his services; Mister Ashley was a second hand book seller, and owned the Jabberwock Bookshop just off from Memorial Square. It can’t have been all that easy to turn a profit. Thinking back on it now, though, and I wonder if his expression was something sharper than just anger. If it could have been alarmed, almost panicked. But I believe that is likely be nothing more than hindsight colouring my memories. If he had had some way of knowing, had been frightened of something like that which came to pass, then… well. I cannot honestly say I ever truly liked James Ashley, but neither can I believe that he would be as cruel or as cowardly as to not have said or done anything.
As it was, he brought the books to the side room the next day, where I was going through the donations and sorting the sellable items from those things too broken, torn, stained, or just plain unusable. I had just set aside yet another jigsaw- this one with almost two thirds of the pieces obviously missing- when he knocked on the outer door. In spite of the heavy rain, he wasn’t wearing a coat, hat, or boots. He didn’t say a word to me when I opened it, just shouldered his way in, dropped a heavy cardboard box on the floor by the unsorted donations, and walked out again. He did this three more times, leaving the door swinging behind him, letting in strong gusts of wind and rain, and reinscribing a damp trail of rainwater on the carpeted floor. Then he was gone as abruptly as he had arrived.
Ashley had taken better care to protect the books from the rain than himself. The cardboard was soaked through, but the books inside had been wrapped in several layers of plastic sheeting. They were stacked upright, and had been fitted in without any attempt to force too many into a single space. They were all, without exception, worn, faded, and almost completely without interest. Paperback romances long since out of print, old text books, children’s encyclopedias. It was rather a relief, if I’m honest. I could just reach into the boxes, grab a book, give it a flick through, and place it on the “for sale” pile.
I was about halfway through the last box when my fingers brushed something that did not feel at all like paper. It was dense and yielding, and ever so slightly damp. I recoiled, shock and disgust crawling their prickling way up my arm. My fingers looked clean, but the ghost feeling of something sticky still clung to them.
My first thought that it was some nasty practical joke. That Ashley, stung by his mother’s willingness to give away his stock, had put something disgusting in there by way of relieving his feelings. But that would have been ridiculous- he was a grown man, for goodness sakes, not a slighted child. It was more likely that the plastic keeping the books wrapped up had slipped, and allowed the rain to seep in through the sides. That was the more likely explanation.
It seemed as though I was right when I looked into the box properly, and saw nothing there but more books. But when I reached in again, all I felt was rough, dry paper. Confused, I went through the contents more slowly, looking where I placed my hand and at the books I chose.
I didn’t feel it again until the fifth book I picked up, that same almost-damp feeling. It was broad and set in landscape, almost like a sketchbook. It was dense with pages all jammed together- dense and heavy. It flopped bonelessly in my hand, and I needed to support it from underneath before I could read the title.
Hymnal, it read. The gold letters gleamed wetly on the slick cover.
It appeared to be full of sheet music. No titles or lyrics, just scratched staves and notes that meandered up and down the lines as though drunk. The smell that rose from the pages as I turned them was odd and unpleasant. I wondered if the leather binding them hadn’t been properly cured. Those areas of page that weren’t covered in music were full of sketches, but so dense and overlapping that I couldn’t tell what they were supposed to be. And, I realised with an unpleasant start, the cover beneath my hands was warm, as though I was touching a live thing.
Suddenly, I’d had enough. I was sitting here, working myself up over an old, graffitied book for no good reason. I shut the thing hurriedly, and it snapped closed with a heavy slithering of pages. I caught the soft part of my forefinger on one of them, and a tiny bead of scarlet began to well from the wound. The stinging was welcome- it gave me something to focus on, mundane annoyance drowning out the confusion that had been threatening to become fear.
I dropped the book onto the discard pile. I couldn’t sell something like that, that much was obvious. Then I picked it up again, and dashed through the rain to the rubbish bins outside. I tossed it in, and followed it up with as much of the discard pile as I could bag up in one go, burying the thing underneath threadbare scarves, broken plastic dolls, and half used art supplies.
I felt a little better when it was done, but not much. Whatever those hymns were praising, I don’t think it was Our Lord.
The cut on my finger didn’t heal like it should. It stopped bleeding without any trouble, but the edges became raised, reddened and sensitive to the touch. I dabbed at it with antiseptic and did my best to put it out of my mind. I succeeded at first. I had plenty to keep me busy, both at church and at my workplace, and for a day or two, I completely forgot about it.
At least until it opened up again.
I don’t remember what caused it, or if anything caused it at all. Just that I was reaching for something, and there was the feeling of… unpeeling, almost, the cold feeling of fresh air on wet skin. I checked to see if the cut was bleeding again.
Instead of a cut, I found myself looking at a tiny, fully formed mouth.
The raised, reddened edges I had thought were a sign of infection had become minute lips. They were slightly parted, and behind them I could see the tiniest slivers of white. And behind that, a dark space where something wet shifted.
I didn’t look at it for long. Already I was reaching for the first aid kit, hastily covering the cut- the mouth- with a plaster. I was already convincing myself that what I’d just seen was some kind of infection I was too squeamish to look at, and that since I couldn’t feel any pain, I should probably go to the doctors, in case it was nerve damage or something. The impression of having seen a mouth rather than a cut was an unpleasant trick my mind had played on me, and one I didn’t feel like closely examining. I told myself I had imagined it.
I hadn’t, though. I could taste the soft fabric patch on the plaster.
I really did mean to go to the doctors. Mouth or no mouth, whatever was happening to the cut on my finger worried me. I even got as far as making an appointment. But the next day I went into work, and there was an accident involving a slippery patch of floor and a very, very sharp knife that I was carrying at the time. I ended up with a nasty slice parallel with the underside of my ribcage.
This time, it was obvious how quickly it stopped bleeding, how it was practically dry before I even changed the gauze once. How the scabs began to flake before I even touched them, leaving nothing but those raised, reddening edges around the cut itself.
I didn’t go to that doctor’s appointment. I don’t think it would have helped me if I had.
It took longer for the second cut to open, but when it did, I could stand in front of the mirror to properly see the flat, white, human teeth, and the tongue that moved behind them.
It didn’t feel alien. That’s what surprised me most. I was scared, of course I was scared, I was growing new bits, opening up in places that I shouldn’t- but that was just it. It was my body doing this, not some… weird infection or surgery. Whatever was happening, it felt like an extension of myself.
I could move them, I found. Not as consciously as I could my original mouth, the one in its proper position on my face, but sort of like moving a limb after it’s fallen asleep. It took concentration, like I was working through partial numbness. Like I needed to focus to wake them up.
I didn’t spend very long doing that, though. I would realise with a start that what I was doing wasn’t normal, it wasn’t sane. I would pull my shirt back down or re-plaster my finger with a feeling almost like shame. I wasn’t as scared as I should have been, and that in itself was somehow a lot more frightening.
I’m not clumsy. I can’t be, considering the sharp tools I have to handle at work. But I started to accumulate injuries. Innocuous things at first. Paper cuts from the prayer books during mass, scrapes from the edges of the metal benches at work. And then other things. Pushing down a door-handle would lay my palm open as though I’d been struck with a metal ruler. The pressure of my jacket across my shoulders would tear the skin. I woke in bed one morning to discover that the folded sheets around me had left cuts going from my hip to my collar bone.
Every single one of them bled, reddened, and opened.
The mouths started to become restless as their number grew. They tried to chew on the clothes I wore to cover them, and if I didn’t focus, they would let out soft, but audible moans or sighs. I tried to quiet them. I even tried feeding them, though I only did that once. It seemed to help, but the mangled sensation of swallowing with a throat that seemed to be lodged under my right kidney was so disorienting I couldn’t bring myself to do it again.
I hadn’t stopped going out altogether. I left the house less, certainly, but as uncertain and uncomfortable as my changing existence was, I didn’t want to give up the company of other people altogether. I get lonely easily.
So, one Friday, when when there was so little skin left under my clothes and gloves that no new mouths could easily form, I patched my face and neck with gauze, and went to take my place in the choir again.
Nobody really seemed to notice anything different about me. I had all the right stories lined up for when I was asked about what had happened to my face, but almost nobody did. A few condolences, a few jokes, and that was it. People apparently preferred to gossip about the death of Mrs Ashley, and how her James had stopped coming to church now, and how they had known his heart wasn’t in it all along.
It felt awful. There I was, standing in the middle of them, skin to skin almost, with the most fragile disguise imaginable hiding a secret that would ruin their perception of the world for good- and they were too wrapped up in their own smug assurance of their own piety to notice. I offered up a brief prayer for patience, but like all my prayers lately, I don’t think I was offering it to the God whose praises we’d all gathered to sing.
And when we raised our voices together for All Things Bright And Beautiful, and I opened my mouth to join in, and then opened my mouth again, and opened my mouth again, and opened my mouth again- I wasn’t singing praises to that God either.
I didn’t realise that the others had stopped at first. It wasn’t until I glanced to one side, and saw Julie Wright staring at me with her powerless mouth open and unmoving, that I realised I was singing in harmony with myself.
I broke off, suddenly embarrassed and frightened by the way that they were all looking at me. There was something like awe in their expressions, but there was something else there too. Something that shuddered and recoiled. I desperately tried to remember the words I’d been singing, if I had gotten them right. I had the horrible sense that I might have subverted something holy.
Adam Bromley was the one to break the silence.
“Well now. You never told us you were getting private training!”
And just like that, the spell was broken. The unexpressed disgust sank back beneath their faces, and the others took up the idea almost with relief. A beautiful voice, they told me, what trick did they teach me to make it resonate like that? I forced a smile and said something non-committal and when we took up the tune again, I was careful to sing only the words that were on the page in front of me.
My own relief was short-lived. When I got home, I found the skin I had left was being pulled apart by the restless movements of the mouths. Blood stained the underside of my shirt, and I couldn’t stop the moans and hissings any more than I could have controlled a spasm or a muscular tic.
I didn’t sleep that night, and called in sick to work the next day. I lay on the bed, and stared up at the ceiling, trying very hard not to move.
It wasn’t any use. My skin had become so fragile that even getting up and walking to the kitchen caused it to split, the blood barely having time to dry before the wound began to twitch and whisper. All my fascination was gone now, as were all my attempts to ignore what was happening. All I did was lie on the bed, and let myself slowly drown in my own body. I lived like that for a week.
When next Friday evening came, my entire body burst into song.
I writhed and moaned and hummed without will, without choice, throwing out snatches of hymn before discarding them as not what I wanted, not right. And for the first time, the indistinct murmurs and whispers grew louder, began to form words. Prayers that had been chewed out of shape, pleas for more, more mouths, more brothers and sisters, to come out of hiding and join the great curdling of flesh.
This went on for the entire night.
That was when I decided that I needed to do something. I’d let… whatever this was go on for too long, long beyond the point of saving myself. But I wanted to tell someone first. So I dragged myself to my computer, and searched as best I could. It’s difficult to type with only a confusion of tongues.
And that’s where you came in. You aren’t special. You were just the closest place that didn’t either ignore my emails, or reply with not so gentle suggestions that I see a psychologist.
I don’t think I’ll be leaving my home again, once I get back. I doubt I’ll even bother uncovering, although there’s no-one there to see me. For all that I wanted to let someone know, I don’t want to be seen.
The cupboard below the stairs locks from the inside. I can push the key out from underneath the crack in the door.
Whatever is happening to me, I won’t allow it come to fruition.
Post-statement follow-up: There wasn’t anyone under the stairs when I went to check. The lock on cupboard door was broken, and so was the one on the back door. Either Ms Ness was, um… successful in her attempts to… halt her transformation, and a housebreaker with some seriously questionable motives took what was- what was left of her. Or she wasn’t. And her resolve either waned or the situation was, um. Taken out of her hands. Or. Whatever she had instead of hands.
I wasn’t… going to record this. It’s not my job, strictly speaking, but I was reading some of the old statements, and this one just… sort of caught my eye. And I’ve seen the Archivist and some of the others do recordings, and it just looked so… I wanted to try it out. I’ll be taking the tape with me, though. None of the others need to know about this.
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Q&A post with the Mods!!!!
This is going to be a long one oh boy
How strict is the delineation of creative control vis-a-vis characters/plays between the mods? (@pedanticlecturer)
We generally have the plays split up along lines of “what we know”— we have a list at the very beginning of the blog. Sometimes we’ll draw the others’ characters (mostly me drawing some of Star’s…) but even then the final say on characterization is up to the “main” mod for that play — mod aster
what aster said -- mod star
What is your favorite play? What is your favorite character in terms of how they were written in the source material? (@pedanticlecturer)
I think my favorite play overall is Macbeth, just because I like the vibes (and the fact that I too could kill Macbeth), the fact that you don’t say it’s name in theatres, and the fact that it’s a play I did a full read through and analysis of in class. Favorite character? Puck from Midsummer. — mod aster
uhhhh,, hmm. ive always had a soft spot for midsummer since i saw it with aster esp bc of how fun the costumes were. of the comedies it has the largest potential to be the most visually pleasing bc of the concept of fairies,,,and im gay and dramatic so i love that. id die if i got to costume design for midsummer,,,or be in it,,,yeah. fav character. hmm. probably mercutio?? i recently saw a version of romeo and juliet where mercutio was played by a woman and oh my god it was amazing!!! not to mention mercutio’s portrayal in baz luhrmann's INCREDIBLE version of r n j!!! (I based my mercutio design on him) he just spends the entire time making dick jokes. love that. -- mod star
How do you answer asks so fast? I mean it's great but I'm impressed 😂 (Anon)
Personally, it’s a mix of: notifications on, quick drawing speed, and using the blog to avoid my class work — mod aster
aster is fast and (as you can see from all of my answers) im lazey -- mod star
Are there any elements/characters of the plays you're covering that you would have liked to work into this blog's plot, but couldn't due to the constraints of the setting or the synthetic nature of the blog? (@pedanticlecturer)
I wanted to make everyone gay but unfortunately due to plot constraints we have to have some hets but that wont stop me from making it lgbt as possible. -- mod star
I did want to make The Tempest more of a central play, but it just didn’t translate well. Similarly, other supernatural elements like the witches in Macbeth. This isn’t so much a constraint mentioned, but my own time/energy means that I want to show the Macbeth backstory, in a specific format, but I can’t right now— mod aster
Is there a hierarchy of import when it comes to each play's individualized impact on shakespeare high's general arc? If so, what plays are crucial to the foundation of the story? Which ones did you do mostly for shits and giggles? (@pedanticlecturer)
This is phrased like an ACT question and i might not answer it right so sorry in advance but: mod aster and i only selected a few plays for each of us to do given we dont know all of shakespeare’s works, but we tend to put more emphasis on the the more well known. But it also comes down to 1. How much we have plotted out for each play and 2. What the followers ask about most. Our two most popular are hamlet and macbeth bc people are familiar w those but around march caesar always becomes relevant again. I didnt even have designs for some of the characters until someone asked about them. -- mod star
I would say the same as star— it generally comes down to what people ask about. I will say that the overall plot is sort of separated into “has happened” and “is happening”. Like, the human potion of Midsummer, Julius Caesar, and Macbeth are all in the “aftermath” portion, while Twelfth Night, Hamlet, and Romeo and Juliet, among others, are happening. We’re trying to incorporate as much as we can, and I don’t think any of them were really put in without some thought.— mod aster
What personal significance does shakespeare hold in ur guys' lives? (@pedanticlecturer)
I go to a theater school rn and so ive dealt w shakespeare (although not all of them) it also helps that i was in loves labours lost last year as moth and that i read hamlet and r n j. Theres also a theater in my state that always does One Big Shakespeare per season and they always do them super well!!! My love for shakespeare probably started w seeing midsummer at that theater w mod aster!!! So. Theater kid rights!! -- mod star
To be honest, I got back into Shakespeare Because of the blog. I’ve been friends with some people that got really Pretentious about Shakespeare, and it kinda put me off of it. I did have a book of abridged plays (the plays’ plots written out in prose, basically) that I read as a kid, which is what got me into not only the plots of a lot of the plays, but also the idea of having them illustrated. And, same as star, the theater in state does the One Big Shakespeare— and they tend to do some really cool things with the costumes, setting them in diff time periods. I haven’t been able to see any lately since I’ve moved, but they still slap. — mod aster
🥰😘💙🥰🥰💜💟🥰I 😍💗💚😍😍LOVE🖤🖤 YALL ♥️♥️🧡💛💚💝❣️💕💘💖💗💓💞💝❤️💛💜 okay now i have a question i swear— how long have the two of you been doing art??? and what were your first shakespeare plays??? (@hellaghosts)
Uhh i started drawing when i was like idk 12 and i have the giant boxes of sketchbooks to prove it!!! I moved to digital art at abt 14-15 but mostly stayed traditional until this yr when i got a Neat New Tablet so some of my sketchbooks are sitting abandoned rip. My first shakespeare was either romeo and juliet or midsummer nights dream and i love both of them v much!!! I have a very old piece of art that i did for r n j for my freshman class assignment on it and it hasnt aged well alsdjfjafd circa 2016 i think??? -- mod star
Oh man. I started drawing when I was about 10, but it was Bad. I don’t think I got much into drawing again until I was about 14? Sometime around the end of middle school/beginning of high school. I would say I started getting into drawing as more than doodling/coloring edits sometime around 2015-16? I would draw on my iPad with my finger, then I got a tablet for my computer, and now I pretty much stick to my iPad with an Apple Pencil. My first Shakespeare play was….. uh…… probably Midsummer???? I have No idea. We would go to plays when I was little, so I honestly don’t remember if I saw others before. It may have been Romeo and Juliet— I had that book where it was the original and the “modernized” with the little dog that explained things— which, if you know it makes sense, but if you don’t is probably a bonkers answer. — mod aster
Do you think this blog has like? An overarching thesis (be it b/c intentionally or simply b/c ur own take on the world has bled thru to the point where u believe it’s central to the piece at this point)? (@pedanticlecturer)
Not gonna lie, I had to read that like three times AND dm you to figure out what you were asking from us and all I have is “be gay, respect women, write your own happy endings”. — mod aster
This blog started with an ides of march shitpost and you think we have enough brain energy to write a whole thesis? I projected feelings of found family onto my half of the blog but idk if that counts. Be gay do crime 420 69 -- mod star
What’s the nature/rough dynamic of ur relationship? How do y’all know each other? (@pedanticlecturer)
Met mod aster when i was like 4 and even tho we didnt live close we became like, best friends although the Best part didnt start until we were like 13-ish and eventually we talked like non stop (about anime and homestuck. Yknow. 13 year old kid things) and we didnt see each other a lot bc of Distance and now its even worse bc aster is in colleg.,e but we consider each other siblings regardless of family bc we’re adopted into our own respective families so that bled over into our friendship and it would feel weird calling him anything other than my brother now. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst and if you really want a good insight on what we’re like as siblings watch griffin and justin mcelroy’s overview video of catlateral damage wherein i am griffin and he is the long suffering justin. -- mod star
Star is basically my long distance sibling and functionally the only cousin I recognize bc like their parents are basically an aunt and uncle and like our dads look enough alike that we’ve both accidentally gotten the wrong dad for a hug or similar so like. Anyways yeah Star is the Griffin to my Justin, complete with our absent middle brother who we love dearly— mod aster
Dubiously relevant q but what kind of music do y’all listen to when u do art (if that is indeed a habit either of u partake in) (@pedanticlecturer)
It can depend on the piece? I was working on some (unrelated) oc prints that were song-focused, and for those I just listened to said song on loop. Sometimes I have playlists. Sometimes I’ll just be in a Mood and throw a song on loop. But a lot of time for the blog, I’ll listen to The Adventure Zone for the billionth time, because I have Too Much Attention. I’ve also, on request from Star, linked the most recent “loop song”.— mod aster
I tend to obsess over the same like 3 songs every few weeks so those get listened to on repeat but it also depends on the tone of what im drawing or who im drawing i might genre switch bc of that. If im drawing ophelia i stick to lana del rey and if im drawing hamlet its the neighborhood, horatio is sufjan stevens etc. i have categorized,. Most of the characters i draw into different songs/genres/energies of music but not like i ever follow that. Sometimes i just pull up a really long nonsense video and forget to draw. Essentially: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -- mod star
How’d y’all come up with ur pseudonyms? (@pedanticlecturer)
I love space so much and my main blog is starryeydsailor space gay rights!! Im also tiny and full of energy and bright so basically i;m star -- mod star
Uhhhh i was like “hey i want to do uhhhhhh flower?” And then I google searched flower names until I found one I liked —- mod aster
How did you end up deciding the rough timeline of events in canon? (@pedanticlecturer)
It’s mostly determined by like. How we choose per story? If that makes sense. Like, we just take story by story, and decide “is it happening, has it happened, and when?” And then we fit them together in relation to each other just by dint of. All existing at once. Like, I knew I wanted Macbeth to be in aftermath, because like, even though there’s no murder, the way I’ve translated it to the AU is still kinda heavy, and it’s something that I don’t know that I could do properly if it were happening right now. Also, it’s more interesting IMO to have them at different times. Tl;dr we wing it per story and slot them together— mod aster (mod star agrees I just can word better, in theory)
If you could tell the story of shakespeare high in a different format than an ask blog, would you? Obviously y'all are making very good use of the format, but would you want to write this as a animated series or like? a comic book? or is the form inseparable from the story? (@pedanticlecturer)
I kinda wanted to do a webcomic or maybe to plot develop through like, animatics but the element of surprise comes from the asks we get and really makes us think so the blog is a good start. We didnt think we’d get this far -- mod star
Pretty much what Star said— there are certain elements where it’d be neat to do as a comic or as an animatic. Like, the fantasy dream is like, an anthology webcomic of each story, where you can like, see other characters in the background and stuff. But to be honest, we develop a lot by what we’re asked— there was a post about developing worldbuilding by being asked questions and then pretending you’ve thought about the answer, and it’s not far off. Personally, it’s hard to just lay out a story, because I have a whole WORLD and what’s relevant? What are people interested in? It’s by getting questions that I can then focus in on an area to develop. And yeah, we Super didn’t think we’d get this far lmao — mod aster
Any headcanons about your characters that you don't think will ever come up on the blog through asks or plot posts? (@pedanticlecturer)
I could make a whole separate post for this!!!!! Mostly its voice headcanons (and by mostly i mean like 1 or 2) or relationship hcs!!!! -- mod star
Honestly same. I don’t think I have voice headcanons for mine, though I bet I could find some. I’ve got a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons that just kinda float around, but like they’re scattered, too numerous for this post, and also not always things I’m sure are canon yet.— mod aster
#mod post#mod aster#mod star#q and a#birthday#we cant seem to read more AND tag so like brb gonna go kill god
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Cemede Art was kind enough to send me one of thier new sketch books! So i wanted to take a second to give them some feed back about it.
As some of you may know i haven't had much time for digital art but ive been keeping this on me and sketching in it for a few weeks. I can be pretty rough with my possessions and i tend to just shove this guy in my backpack without care but its holding up very well for something that is coming from a company that seemingly just sprung out earlier this year. The paper erases and recovers from mistakes very well and while i haven't tried using my markers on it yet i can tell that its perfectly suitable for mixed media.
My favorite things so far:
- The company uses local and renewable sources for thier products so its a good buy for your conscience as well as your budget since their mission statement aims for affordable art supplies. A sentiment i appreciate a whole lot with how easy it is to get gouged when buying supplies.
-Good quality paper
-The silk tai cover gives it a unique/handmade feel while also remaining sturdy and simple.
-Ring bindings/notebook binding is the most convenient type. Yes please.
-It comes in landscape/portrait options as well as white/offwhite paper options. Options are always appreciated.
Things im not crazy about:
I honestly dont have anything to legitimately complain about here. It's a quality book with a very fair price tag but for feedback purposes i will say that i would like this sketch book more if the pages had a perforation for easy removal of pages.
Overall I'm very pleased with my experiance and i hope ill have more to show you from this particular sketchbook in the future.
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SKETCHY BEHAVIORS | Jennifer Parks (Portland, OR)
We’ve been following the magical and mystical artwork of Portland artist Jennifer Parks whose drawings of witches, women, and woodland creatures bring a dark delight to our sensibilities. Not only does Jennifer create these fantastical illustrations and ceramics, but also helps to curate and organize shows at the artist run space, Pony Club in Portland. We’re excited to feature Jennifer’s art and talk to her about her influences, artistic process, and find out more what she’s up too in the rest of 2017!
Artist portrait by Richard Darbonne | Images courtesy of the artist
Who are you and what do you do?
My name is Jennifer Parks and I make drawings and ceramic things. I’m also a gallery owner, cat mama, part-time bartender, and believer of ghosts and magic.
When did you first come across art or find yourself making stuff? What it something your parents encouraged or were you always a doodler type of person?
I was always a doodler. I started drawing as soon as I could pick up a crayon. I think pre-school was when I realized I was sort of good at it and started to get encouragement from my parents and other adults.
Did you go to art school or take classes for illustration? What’s your art background?
I took art classes in high school, and junior college and that led me to the Pacific Northwest College of Art here in Portland. I majored in illustration with a focus on storytelling.
Your artwork has a distinct flavor to it that we love–not only is it filled with fauna, nature, but a female character often surrounded by magical and mystical elements. Can you tell us a little bit about how your illustration and artwork reached this point?
It was a natural evolution I think. I learned to draw girls by drawing my mother’s porcelain doll collection. She had a lot of these dolls which were pretty but also kind of creepy. They all had on fancy victorian dresses with lace and floral patterns. I think that led to my interest in old black and white victorian photos which then led to my interest that dark era of witchcraft, seances, and ghosts.
Ive always had a fascination with death and the idea that its not the end, so it just felt natural to start adding those elements to my drawings. Plus, at some point I got tired of people telling me my drawings were “pretty’ and “cute”. Adding some dark and mysterious elements to them made me feel more comfortable.
When I moved to the Pacific Northwest about 13 years ago, which is just surrounded by lush wilderness, I started including those elements as well. I think its hard to live here and not be inspired by our surroundings. They are pretty magical.
What inspires the imagery and symbolism that we find throughout your illustrations?
I am totally fascinated by death, the afterlife, and anything supernatural. Ghosts, aliens, magic, etc. I think there are so many things around us that we can’t see and I like to include some of that magic and mystery in my drawings. The world is kind of boring without them.
We’re always curious about an artists’ process. What’s your process like? Sketchbook, night owl, or scheduled drawing time?
I’m such a night owl. Its sad really. My best drawing hours are somewhere between 8pm and 3am. I will sit at a desk all day with coffee, listening to podcasts, trying to draw, but I really don’t get started until the sun goes down.
What’s a medium you’ve yet to try and want to start dabbling in? Any specific reasons?
I really want to learn how to do intaglio or lithography. I love printmaking and how involved the process can be. Intaglio has been around since the mid 1400’s and lithography since the late 1700’s… It would be amazing to learn such an old process.
Not only do you make some amazing illustrations and murals, but your ceramic pieces are insanely cool and rad. Tells us a little about how you got into ceramics? What do you love about that medium that maybe you can’t achieve or don’t necessarily get from illustration?
I had been collecting these vintage plates and painting faces and designs into them for awhile. It was a lot of fun, but I wanted to take it to the next level and actually make the plate as well. So I decided to take a ceramics course at my local community college. I immediately fell in love with it. I had dabbled in clay before but nothing felt like ceramic clay. Its so soft and easy to work with. I took a morning class because it was the only thing that worked with my schedule and even though its so hard for me to be awake and functioning that early I found it very calming and therapeutic. Now I have my own kiln. If I don’t feel like focusing on drawing, I will just grab my clay, make some shapes, and carve into them. I don’t have to think too hard about the imagery. Thats one of my favorite things about it. I feel like I can zone out and just carve anything into them and it looks cool. Working with ceramics has taught me to be less uptight and less attached to my work. Im clumsy and break so many pieces after hours of working on them. All I can do is shrug it off and start over.
What’s your studio or creative space like? What would we find in there–what do you keep around for inspiration or do you keep it minimal?
My studio space is pretty cluttered with things. I have so many art supplies, frames, paper, old drawings, prints, etc. I have a big drawing table and a big ceramic table. I have lots of art up for inspiration, some plants, and of course a few cats running around.
Does music play a role in your artistic process? Does it inspire you or is it more of something that keeps you company while you work? Can you share with us what your top 5 songs/bands that you are currently into?
I do listen to music while I work, but honestly not very often. I find music very intense and very distracting when Im trying to focus. Im better off having a documentary of some sort playing in the background while I draw.
You also run a gallery space called Pony Club where you support and show artists! How did this idea come about for Pony Club and when did you start it and how has that evolved? What’s been the most challenging part of running a space? What’s been the best part of it?
I got lucky enough to be invited to join the gallery in 2009. Its a collective of 6 artists that work out of the space, curate shows, and help run the shop. It started off as a gallery run by a group of cartoonists who catered heavily to that scene. It hasn’t changed too much, except that the members are different and we began to focus more on illustration.
I would say the most challenging part is trying to run/manage a small group of artists. We all have our own careers and ideas that we are trying to focus on. It can be challenging to find the time focus on the space, promoting other artists, and taking care of other business-related responsibilities.
The most rewarding part is being able to provide a venue for young new illustrators, printmakers, and cartoonists.
Who are your top 5 favorite artists (past or contemporary?) that folks should check out.
Right now Ive been drooling over works by Alex Kuno, Andrea Wan, Tran Nguyen, Saddo, and Bill Crisafi.
Lots of times artists aren’t just one thing, what do you do when you’re not making art or helping out at Pony Club? How do you spend your free time?
Im usually practicing witchcraft or hanging out in the forest.
If folks wanted to follow in your footsteps, what advice or what would you tell folks?
Make sure your in love with what you do, and that your not doing it for the wrong reasons. If your stuck in a rut, go outside to find some inspiration or try a new medium.
Never stop creating.
Tell us about the art community in Portland? Seems like a tight community of talented folks. Who are some of your local favorites?
The art community is pretty amazing here. It feels like we are all part of this very supportive, very talented and caring family. It can be a little overwhelming to have so many awesome artists around you, but it helps to keep you motivated and doing your best.
Some of my favorite local artists are Mark Rogers, Christina Mrozik, Lauren Gonsalves, Martin Ontiveros and Susannah Kelly.
What’s are your favorite Vans? How would you describe your personal style?
My favorite vans are the old school retro looking hi-tops. I wear a lot of black. My style is somewhere between artsy, witchy, and lazy.
What’s your favorite art secret that you’d like to share with folks?
Its not really a secret but artists are really magicians.
What’s coming up for you in the rest of the 2017 year that folks should stay tuned in for?
I will be painting a mural in August with my awesome buddy Meg Adamson for the Forest For The Trees Mural Fest. And hopefully, I will also be learning to tattoo!
Follow Jennifer Parks
Website: www.spectralgardens.com
Instagram: @spectralgardens
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gosh, thank you! that is so sweet??? I hope you (and any other of my followers who celebrate!) have/had a very happy Eid!💖 💕
on another note, I’ve finally gotten around to cleaning out my askbox! under the cut is almost every ask I’ve gotten that i haven’t answered in the past.... I’m not sure. it’s been a WHILE though.
as a warning, there’s all sorts of stuff, and it’s all untagged! also also, if you sent one of these asks and want me to remove it, just let me know!
yes!! @fuckaspunk IS super sweet and talented and i AM very lucky to have them! and I’ve heard from reliable sources that the feeling is mutual~~💕
i’m glad my comics make you feel less alone; that’s a rough situation you’re in. i really hope you find yourself in a better environment soon!
thank you!!!💕
thank you for understanding! and yes, aidan is a huge help to me??? even when they’re not answering asks, they’re always supporting me in some way, whether that’s making sure I’ve eaten enough, or talking me through my anxiety, or all the other ways they’re there for me every single day💕💕
ok, my tips are!!:
draw as much as possible! even if it’s just lines and shapes with no meaning, you’re still developing your hand/eye skills
BUT: dont draw if you’re not feeling it! if you’re feeling fried, it’s better to take a break. go on a walk to somewhere scenic, read your favorite book, listen to some new music, hang out with friends, or just take a nap! rest up and find some inspiration! you can come back to your sketchbook when you feel energized again
draw stuff that you like! you’ll improve way faster if you’re passionate about what you’re doing
look at art you like with a critical eye. try to examine the different components and figure out what you think works or doesn’t work. try incorporation those components into your own work
read a lot of tutorials and other resources, but take what they say with a grain of salt
ultimately, remember that the only real rule to drawing is that doing it should make you happy
good luck!! i do my best not to pick, but it’s a real struggle; i have lots of scars from it too. ;v; im cheering for you!!!
ALWAYS!!!! if you do, please show me!! my notifications get real busy, but anyone is welcome to IM me any time!
thank you! i actually get very worried about my style; i tend to admire artists with complex linework and delicate shading, so i often feel my style is far to simple! so thank you!!
that is really high praise????? gosh??!?!?!? best of luck with the next three years; i hope you grow to be someone you like even better than me!
thank you!!
peanut time is the best!! i haven’t gotten to do a proper one in a while though ;-; i’ve mostly been feeding the crows on my way back home from night shifts, when i give them the reject eggs from the continental breakfast.
wow, neat!! chickens are so wonderful; i cont wait until i can have some of my own :>
dont be nervous! i know i can be hard to get ahold of over the internet (bc i get overwhelmed easily) and hard to talk with irl (bc i get so nervous and interacting w ppl doesn’t come naturally to me AT ALL) but honestly i?? love making new friends??!
thank you!!? im thankful every day that someone as radient as aidan is in my life for the long haul
thank you!!!!!!!💕
i completely feel that? its ok to hit rough patches! just do your best!!
i dont remember what i felt bad about but THANK YOU💕💕
honestly its done me worlds of good to share my art?? hearing people talk about how they go through all the same shit i do makes me feel so much less alone, especially on the toughest days! so i guess thank you, and thank you?
youre welcome!!!! :>
huh!! i dont know much about shoegaze (other than thinking abt that post abt the guy who pronounced it like fugazi I THINK ABT THAT EVERY TIME) but thats real neat!! im glad youve found something that works for you!!
hey, neat middle name! and youre very welcome; i hope things have been looking up for you since you sent this?💕
i dont remember when this was from but im currently doing really well with my meds!! i switched to a combination of lexapro in the morning and benadryl in the evening, and its been working super well!✨
thank you??!! ;o; i would love to see all your favorite birds!!
hey, right back atcha!!!
:0
ty!!!
hey. thank YOU
you’re absolutely not bothering me! thank you so much!!
!!!!!!!!!!
hey, nice! im glad you like both me and my music!
gosh thanks?!?!
she is the most beautiful and handsome!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her! thank you from both of us!!!!
aw, gosh! im sure i like you too!!
this was from.... A WHILE AGO.... but youre welcome?? i just wish i could have done more
hey, thank you so much!!!!!
thank YOU and a very very belated merry christmas!!!
that does make sense!! reconciling friendships and crushes is tricky business. the best i can say to you is to be as honest and open with each other as you can
i dont personally get those, but ive heard of people experiencing them as a sideeffect when coming off or switching meds
i think these two are part of the same message? but oh man yeah that sucks when ppl are misgendering you AND hitting on you at the same time. on a different note, ive never heard of using a corset to stim before! neat!
i mean, 1. depression doesn’t care if you have a “””good””” reason and 2. ive literally never met anyone w depression (including myself) who thinks that they do have a “””good””” reason for having it. thats the insidious part of depression, is that it makes you think that theres nothing wrong and that its all just you not measuring up in some way
so i guess that would make you.... someone with depression?
real BAD
💕 💖 💞 💓 💗
not yet haha THANK YOU
hey, im glad you like it!! since this blog has gotten so big, its kinda my happy place to be? (for anyone wondering, my reblog blog/personal is @spinels!
that IS a fun fact!! thank you!
it’s absolutely ok! i get a little bitter when people take my work WAY out of context (for example, straight people removing the caption that says “im just really gay” before tagging their bf/gf) but i am 100% ok and happy with people relating to my work in a different way than i intended (ex: a comic i made about being ashamed of my derma getting reblogged by someone struggling to be ok w their visible burn scars)
hoo gosh, thank you!!
glad to have you here!! im glad people can relate to some of the weirdly specific shit i write about tbh???
i’m sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you; that a terrible situation
if you have a teacher you trust, i would absolutely bring it up to them. that is 100% not an ok thing for those kids to be doing. at all.
im glad you at least have your friends that support you!
:0 WAIT is this someone i know through ucsc?? :0 :0 :0
HA
aaaa thank you! that is high praise ;v;
i have no words; this is such a touching message. thank you so much ;v;
this is belated but!! the main creative community i can recommend is kzsc, the radio station! i had a real cool time there, and its a great way to make friends and connect with ppl of all sorts! :0
yeah, its totally normal! ive had roommates ive been super tight with, and roommates who i barely ever hung around with. its natural! i doubt you’ll finish college w/o finding a roomie that you get ~The Roomie Experience~ with though, even if its like a housemate or s/t!! ;0
i’ve never been told that, actually! neat!! (and wow?? i cant believe i inspire ppl.... wow......... what a concept tbh??)
oh yikes... i do hope youre feeling better :( im glad my comics can help a little bit at least!
💕 💖 💞 💓 💗!!!
HUGS
i dont remember what this was in reference to, but good to know?
also good to know!?
i think the crows and jays do! i dunno about the squirrels and other birds. and thank you!!
the youth gang..... i love it..... how good???!
i wrote about getting yuri right here! he’s a southern alligator lizard and i love him to bits.
heres a pic of the Long Boy doin his thing:
hey neat! i’m glad youve chosen a lame you can be proud of!!💖
ive never heard of that!! wow
what play is this?? :0 :0 :0 im so curious now!!
oh SHUCKS...,,,,,,,,,, ;v;
hahahaha omg thank u
i dont actually have any more of them interacting, unfortunately! the owl isnt one specific person, like a lot of my characters are meant to represent. the owl more represents as a whole all the people i run into in my life that i am very very gay for.
thank you!!!
youre very welcome! im glad you feel better!!!!
aaa gosh thank you!!!
hhhhfgh ive gotten less of it recently BUT YEAH that was bad times™️
thanks for the info!!! :0
no problem! a lot of the credit honestly goes to @fuckaspunk, who is always keeping me updated on that sort of stuff.
i didn’t know that! a lot of the symbolism seems to come from multiple sources sometimes, from what ive seen?
aaaa gosh omg thank you ;v;
aw thank you???!!
nice!!! oct 24 bdays go!!!
thank you!! it really does mean a lot actually!!!!!!!
of course?? antisemitism cant be ignored in this fight
aw, thats so cute! id love to hear what headcanons you have tbh???
hey thanks?! this is really cool to hear, tbh. i try to be positive most of the time, but im not going to like,,, kid myself when im not feeling it and im glad that other people can appreciate that too, ya know?
wow!!
(this one!) thank you i love that one too???!
hey, im glad you found your way here!! thank you so much!!!
aaaa ty!
hmmm i have two leopard geckos, and they made very good beginning lizards for me and aidan! but i would maybe ask someone a bit more experienced than me, like @kaijutegu or @wheremyscalesslither!!
thank you!!
one day at a time! (but seriously, thank you!!)
yummy yummy sauce...... ty!!!
awww, gosh! thank you!?
AAAA TY BOTH I GET SO SELF-CONSCIOUS ABT MY VOICE,,,,, ;o;
:0 i havent watched that, but it sounds rly cool!!
i like that fun fact a lot! ty!!
pae stands for paerlin, which is what @fuckaspunk‘s internet handle used to be! i used it to refer to them on my blog in secret back when they still didnt know i had a crush on them.... ;//v//;
aaaaa thank you!!! ;o;
nice nice nice ty!!
>:0 get back down here!! (jk that’s rly neat! highfive!!)
those are all good words that i like!! thank you!!!!
i dont know anything about him, but i looked him up and i guess i can see it?!
@fishcrow is really cool! ive never really interacted with them, but im p sure were mutuals...? anyway yeah their comics are rly cute and cool!
that is me! thank you; i hope things go well for you as well!
hello to you too!
aaaa ty!!! tbh the number of nice anons i get way way way outnumbers the mean ones <3
thank you! thank YOU for existing!
:0 chocolate croissant, here i come!!!
thank you!!!!!!💕
its literally my pleasure!!!
aaa ty!!! 💕💕
hehe im glad!
sldf;j;sfjdklfdslfjs thank you so much?????? what a compliment omg gosh
yeah!! i have a hard time on settling what class id be, but i feel like id be a heart player!
ohh um! im not sure which pens youre referring to, but if you mean the ones I use for my comics, i color them with Winsor & Newton ProMarkers, and I do the lines with a purple fine-point Sakura Gelly Roll Classic pen! i also use micron pens of all different sizes and colors in some of my non-diary comic art!
aww thank you so much!!
:0 :) :0 !!!!!!
ty!!! ive grown to love him very much as well!!
thank you! i hope you are doing well also!!
i love them very much?!! id put a picture but i dont have one with all four of them so instead imagine me lying on the floor crying abt how much i love them bc thats me basically every day
you dont mean......
?!?!?!?!?!?!
awwww ty!!!
HEY WOW
aaa gosh thank you!💕
DOUBLE FOLLOW
gay dragons combine the best of both very good things: gay and dragons. im glad you appreciate them w me tysm ;v;
aaa what a lovely message! ty💕
3rd-shift-working, depression-having, corvid-loving solidarity fistbumnp!!!!
huh! ive never heard of that; ill check it out maybe!!
ah im really glad? tysm!!💕
my understanding is that it helps people who have text-to-speech readers? but im honestly not as well informed on that as i should be!
hell yeah!!!!
gosh!!!!!
hnmngnhng youve probably already made a decision but i just gotta say.........shadow rulez
delicious!!
i havent!! i really want to though!
oh man ALL THE TIME. i usually try to either reality check with someone i trust, or to do an activity thats easy and i know i can do, or both!
i love andre and karl!!! its actually a huge influence on me and my art tbh???
i had a good (and safe) trip! ty!!!
hey, thank you!!!
oh jeez thats bad :( i think this was in response to when i needed to wait between med refills?
i cant give a precise reason, tbh! when it comes to whats lucky, i just sort of.... go with my gut, ya know?
thank you!! 👍
that sure sounds like insomnia! its almost hard for me to say tbh, bc ive had trouble sleeping for as long as i can remember, so NOT having trouble sleeping is bizarre and unrealistic to me haha... but i think the bottom line is, if its interrupting your daily routine and making it hard for you to have enough energy, then its something you should look into remedies for!
:0 :0 :0
ohhh how nice! ill give it a try! :>
omg,,,, nope, just me!
thank you!!!!!!
honestly? thats such a good way to look at it i love the idea of my blog as a big zine
always!!!!! go for it!!!
hey, thank you so much!!!!!
omg, thats so great! thank you!
im so glad; thank you!!!
thank you so much!💖 (and mexico, neat! i love hearing where people are following from??)
aaaaaaaaaaaa ;//v//; thank you??? i get so happy whenever ppl tell me they like my singing aaaaaaa
aw, hey, no worries! money is all well and good, but in some ways, messages like this mean just as much!
its cool that comic gave you plural feels! im def not a system though :>
its tricky, isnt it? i still feel like im no good at it lmao
LISTEN,,, there is a 99.9999% chance i wont notice, and a 100% chance i wont judge. reblog away!
THANK YOU ARENT THEY THE BEST I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
thank you!! i hope you have a good day as well!
aaa ty!!💖
aa ty! (what a cool name!!! im kind jealous ngl!)
awww thank you💖
i do my best! i just worry when im not active, bc i tend to connect my self-worth to my output (;^; )
aaaaa ty!! 💖
!!!!!!!!!!!! omg wow i love being called a pretty boy???? ty???????
hey, neat! crow high-five!
aw, thank you!!! 💖
im doing my best! thank you so much, messages like this really help when im in a place like that tbh ;v;
gosh this is so sweet? thank you so muhc !!?
thank you all!! im sorry that saying thank you over and over sounds so repetitive, but i truely do mean it for every one of you!!!
i am..... one of those things!
well thank you!!
ohoho~✨
thank you! and honestly im sure it does??
hey, cool! good for you!!!!!!! and ty!!
aw gosh thank you!💖
hey, wow! thats super cool; thank you so much!
(i dont follow the first person i followed on tumblr anymore.... they became a hockey blog rip haha)
aaaah, thank you so much!!
almost???
i do!! drunken lullabies is an absolute banger!!!!!!!!!!
i am!!!! thank you!!
aw, ty!!! 💖
hee hee, thank you!
my biggest tip honestly?? have someone who can be by your side to help you with... basically everything... during your recovery. bc trust me, i was n o t a v a i l a b l e. i spent a lot of my recovery playing 2048 at the same time as watching tv, bc doing both at once distracted me from how much the bandages itched.
thank you!! (i think this was in reference to getting top surgery!)
how shitty??????? yikes. i hope your supervisor has your back??? bc wow????
hey!!! thank you!!! i draw all my comics traditionally on paper! im not sure what you mean by the writing though? if you mean the word bubbles, i do those by hand on paper too!
I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING,,,, im so happy ppl talk to me, but i get really nervous about saying the wrong thing.
when i’m down, i usually crave validation. i like being reminded about things ive done right! i also like gentle reality checks, like, ‘hey: this is the situation, this is what we can do about it. ok? ok’
i unfortunately dont have any!! i had a couple at one point, but they’ve since been lost to the depths of my old laptop. and hey, thank you so much!!
now thats a nifty trick!! im terrible at telling all my white tablets from each other lmao
!!!!!!! ITS ME!!!!!!!!
maybe you just need some space? i know i sometimes temporarily block people i know, if i need some private space or if i dont trust myself to keep cool and solve problems constructively. do what you need to do to feel at ease, and go from there, ya know?
thank you!!!
its,,,, up somewhere above in this monster post lmao i,m so sorry,,,,
thank you so much!!!
WOW NO WORRIES??,,,,,,,,, INCREDIBLE 10/10???????
all four of these came right after i gave myself a hair cut and THANK YOU SO MUCH??? i live for validation and it feels so good to have my actions affirmed ;o;
#WOW THAT TOOK LIKE THREE HOURS HAHA#hopefully next time it wont be as long!!#daveanswersstuff#long post
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She came into my work the other day, which isn’t like. Impossible. I work at a specialty store that people come into every day and she just happened to show up when I was working. I didn’t know she was back in town, she didn’t know I worked there.
My brain was so jarred that it spat out someone who didn’t know her or recognize her, and she pretended not to recognize us either. I went to the back and had a meltdown after she left.
She messaged me on facebook about a week after it happened to apologize since ‘I’ had asked her never to contact ‘me’ again. She wanted to check to see what she should do so I felt safe at work to the point of offering to get someone I didn’t know come in and get stuff for her so I wouldn’t have to see her again.
I just want to tell her what happened and why shit fell apart the way it did so I’m going to write it down here to sort it out for myself at least and so I don’t message her on an impulse because this all feels too much like fate.
In high school I became the host again (afaik iv, Fe, and Sly showed up intermittently when they needed to, as you do) and met her. Long story short she was my best friend and I was completely in love with her. We had a lot of the same interests, she introduced me to books and music that are still important to all of us. Most of my world had her somewhere in it. It was like that for two years and I know there were problems, things weren’t perfect. There was the self professed ‘native american fetish’ of hers and other stuff I can’t call to mind right now. I didn’t have the guts to bring it up and chance losing the most important person to me right then.
And for once the person who was the most important to me seemed to really care about me too? We talked constantly and. Yeah. I don’t know. Two years of having someone I could tell anything and feel like just maybe it was mutual. I got a notebook that I was determined to use as the notebook to plan my novel, which she’d listened to me blab about for hours on end. She wrote something for me in the back of it and made me promise not to read it until I had filled the book.
Then she graduated and I had my back surgery. I’m not sure at which point I went dormant, but it was somewhere in the first two months. It was too painful, and I was horrified that in my eyes I had elected to ruin my body. Eli became host because he was made for handling pain and we still aren’t sure if our brain copied my pertinent personality traits onto him, if we were similar to start with since we were two versions of the same kid but with different jobs, or if we had a drastic personality change that everyone around us chalked up to growing up and going through intensive surgery.
Either way, I went away. In my place was someone who knew who Kelowna was, but didn’t have any emotional attachment to her whatsoever and was terrified and disgusted by himself over how little he cared. But he couldn’t have. He also couldn’t have known. I used to hate Eli so much over letting her go and not trying harder to hold on to that relationship, but how could he have?
For a while he kept texting her, he went up to visit her a couple times after she moved away. I think I showed up at one point during the second trip. There’s an entire page of a sketchbook we bought on that trip filled with the words ‘MAKE IT WORTH IT’. There was this feeling that Eli had of going through the motions while we were around her.
At some point after that second (I think there were two? I honestly can’t remember) trip communication started to drop off. I think that was when I stopped fronting altogether because I thought we might never be able to transition because of our back surgery. The next bits are blurry for me.
At some point during grade 12, after not having talked to her for a few months, Eli got a new follower who started to interact with a lot of his transition related posts. Their url kind of implied that either they were trans too or at least were trans centric, he didn’t think much of it. He liked the attention, like any of us would. There’s one specific post we remember where this follower said something like ‘oooh can you make me coffee in that outfit?’ and another where they called Eli handsome in one of his shirtless binder pictures for a review of it so we decided to check out their blog to determine if this was a creep or someone we wanted to maybe be friends with.
We scrolled for a little while, it looked like a diary blog and an account of her wife’s transition. Then at the very bottom of the blog there was an apology post addressing Eli (or me, I only chose the name Keirren because when we sorted system stuff out, Eli was the one doing it and the name was effectively his at that point. I chose Eli when I figured out I was trans, but Keirren was the first name I chose for myself online so I went with that one in the end) by name. I can’t remember the exact contents of the post, that memory is Eli’s, but the gist of it was that she felt at fault for letting the relationship fall apart. Eli knew that he was the one who ghosted, but at that point had no idea why he’d done it.
He exited the tab and decided to just not address it. School was too stressful to bother with much else, our Nanny had just died (which made iv go dormant for a while, also cutting off even more of our emotional range) and our parents’ abusive behavior was at its worst then.
A couple weeks later he decided it was best to just say something instead of beating around the bush, and went to find the apology post so he could reference specific bits of stuff to make sure he got everything. The post had been deleted. He figured that the apology (that he didn’t really think was necessary, in fact he thought he should be the one apologizing) was retracted, that she didn’t want to get back in contact with us again.
That was that. For a while. She kept interacting with him through that blog, and had no identifying information that would have tipped us off to it being her on it if we hadn’t seen that post.
There were a few instances of him checking the blog to see if she had made another post at us and the two of them vaguing back and forth.
Eli felt. Skeeved out. But he didn’t know how to go about addressing any of it because there was this big fucking hole in his memory, or reasoning, or something, about why he’d just let go of someone who had been so important to ‘him’. He graduated, took a gap year, and at some point during that, she texted us.
We had no idea she still had our number, and she sent us a shitload of texts. I don’t remember the contents of any of it, all I know is that it ended in Eli telling her to fuck off and never contact us again. Partly because he was scared of sounding like he was making excused or a bad person for not knowing why he did what he did, partly because he was understandably angry and freaked out.
I think it was a few months after that that Eli finally gained an inkling of what was going on with our brain, that there was an ‘us’ instead of a ‘him’. At that point it was just Fever and iv. Then we went to university.
Cue one of the worst mental breakdowns Eli has ever had, bad enough that he got sucked inworld after a hospitalization and I got spat back out to the front for the first time in... Three years? Maybe a little less, but this was the first time I was solidly present for more than a handful of hours in at least two years. At least that.
The last two years while we were away at school and trying to survive halfway across the country aren’t. Super relevant to this so I’ll give some highlights.
Eli told his partner about all of the above. We figured out that it was me who was friends with Kelowna, mostly since I missed her so fucking much and kept wanting to get back in contact with her. I became a member of the main fronting group after pulling some really horrible shit and consequently patching things up with the people I hurt. I grew up a lot, and I’m so fucking happy I got to where I am.
There were a couple times that our paranoia got so bad that we thought we saw her around the city we were in even though that was nearly impossible.
During a visit home with Eli’s partner (wait shit, this particular instance would have been before they moved with us. Okay so this was with Eli’s partner, but just before they moved with us) we put all of the stuff of Kelowna’s we still had in a bag, drove down to where her parents lived in the middle of the night, and chucked it over the fence. Eli wanted closure, I knew all I would ever do with that stuff was use it to cling on to memories and a relationship that would never go back to how it was before.
So for the time between my re-emergence and now, I’ve grown up a lot, but I still spend a significant amount of time thinking about her. About what could have happened differently. Wanting to tell her what happened. Sometimes knowing it’s just out of my need/want for closure over the whole situation, and other times self righteously going ‘She deserves to know after what I did to her!’. I’m not sure how true either of those things are.
I’m either a holder for all of our feelings and memories of her, or I just plain old fucking miss her because she was my best friend. Maybe I’m bitter because I want my life back still. Because I didn’t get to grow up and I probably never will. All I ever wanted was to prove that I could make it out of high school and survive out from under my parents’ thumb and not give up or kill myself and that didn’t happen. Maybe I’m projecting. I didn’t kill myself, but a lot of me still feels like I gave up. I don’t know. i have a lot of shit to sort out and this tangent is getting out of hand.
About half a year ago, we moved back here to get our shit in order. We got a job, we got on assistance, we figured out a living situation for the time being.
And then she walked into our job about a month ago.
Then she messaged us about two weeks ago.
And all of this, all six years of this condensed down into rapid flashbacks and memories I wish I’d never tried to push away coming back to me, came bubbling back up.
I miss her so much.
I know it’s the stupidest thing but the messages sent us just sound like she’s grown and changed a lot.
I still want to tell her and I have no idea what to do.
So I spent an hour writing all of this so I wouldn’t message her and so I could get all of this sorted out in order in my head and I think I have things as in order as I’ve had them in a while
And now I have no idea what to do with all of it.
Like, great, I have a chronological account of what happened how I remember it happening, but where do i go now? At this point I’m just writing this to keep myself from switching back to the Facebook tab I have open where I have her message up and talking to her.
So. Yeah. That’s been my month.
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HELLO I AM BACK TO BUG YOU AND SEND YOU LOVE!!♡♡♡~ YESSS LETS TALK ABOUT ART OMG. WHERE DO I START???! how did you start drawing?? :) i always find it lovely hearing the stories of artists!!! ^^ ♡ I JUST PEEPED AT YOUR ART PAGE AND ASDFGHJKL I LOVE YOUR ART SO MUCH!!!!!! i stared at each piece for about 5 minutes TT please teach me how to be a better artist omg.. (i dont know how to use color) ps. how are your drawings(gifts) coming along?♡ ~ Sending you love and hugs ♡♡♡♡♡ -Secret santa🎄🥕♡
gAhhh !! thank u so much you’re the sweetest 💖🌟😪 okay lemme think.. so i started drawing in like ? 7th grade i think ?? so abt 3 years ago,, n it was because i was in a “Anime Phase” (it was honestly only like,, naruto haikyuu and fairy tail ndksnd) and welp it influenced me to go start drawing! so yeah i have a few sketchbooks filled w some bad chibis n stuff,, but p shortly after that i started to move away from That and started trying to develop my own kind of style, which is stILL in the works,, its not easy… nd for a while it was just kinda drawing without learning from it?? idk,, but this year ive definitely been studying more abt anatomy and landscapes, esp in the past few months, and imo its helped a lot !! i still have a long way to go tho, like i need to practice clothing and fabric more along with more full body things but it all gets better with practice!!
also i actually am nOt very good with color skcnks,,, a good chunk of the stuff ive posted have pre made color palettes ! which are acTUally a very good way to practice coloring tbh,, it limits what you can use a little bit but also makes things look cohesive and they can also inspire ideas for the piece! in the one i did of minghao in 7 the colors reminded me of like a cityish street at night so i done plopped it in the bg !! and another thing that helps with color, anatomy, and lighting too is REFERENCES !! Since a lot of the things ive been doing lately have been more realistic ive been using sO many references and it really helps man im tellin ya !!! so those are the things i would recommend to help you practice!
this answer is already super long HNDKSN bUt i actually haven’t gotten any more presents done :// it was a Super unproductive day today and its not that great but its okay!! i can do it :^)) anWay ur a sweetie pie n i love you n i hope u have a good day !! practice ur art !! you can do it !! ✨💛🌙⚡️🌟⭐️👏🌼☀️
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