#hmmm i think this is the longest thing ive posted
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“Dancing with you is enough”
[ SUMMARY ] Even if you might not be on the main dance floor, it was a glorious masquerade nonetheless.
[ GENRE ] Fluff... plus a bit of funnies here and there. And what if I told you first kiss 😳
[ NOTES ] The brainrot for this was so bad but it look me, like, a month to finish. Huge shoutout to Lina who helped me finally get to finishing this ily <33 Also. Spot the Taylor references (there are two and one is pretty obvious) OH YEAH and the povs randomly switch up from paragraph to paragraph so. Yeah, I hope it isn't easy to get lost 😔
[ WORD COUNT ] 2.1k
Noble Bell College’s ballroom was filled with cheerful chatter, carefree smiles, and a variety of colors as outfits flowed and weaved as students danced. The air was light, and there was little to no hostility between people, any disagreements put aside to enjoy this glorious night. No matter if you were out on the floor or at the side, quietly watching, for this time was for everyone to enjoy and bask in…
Which was kind of what Taruchi was doing: mindlessly watching as everyone danced, settling for paying more attention to the way the music seemed to capture the dancers’ hearts, guiding them along in their movements.
She wasn’t alone at first—it’s only that her constant companion at these kinds of events just disappeared. Somehow, even Idia, the KING of introverts, got dragged away somewhere by someone. Neither of them knew why nor how that happened, but it did.
And she thought she could rely on him to at least stand quietly with her.
In comparison, some distance from her, a conversation had just ended.
“Do visit the Mostro Lounge if you ever come to Night Raven College. I’ll be sure to give you a small discount as thanks for hosting this exchange.”
So the small group dispersed, going separate directions to talk to other people, thereby leading us to the point of this story.
“You look like you want to join in.”
Taruchi slightly jumped at the voice suddenly beside her. Somehow she didn’t notice Azul until he was right there. "Dude, you nearly gave me a heart attack," she said shakily, stepping away from the wall and fixing her dress. “Wait, sorry, what did you say—? Oh! Oh, no, not really…”
It was quite evident that that wasn’t the truth.
“...Is the problem that you can’t dance?”
Taruchi’s crossed her arms, frowning slightly. “Well, I never learned how to. Much less like that,” she gestured to the dancers.
At this, Azul saw an opportunity. He pushed up his glasses and cleared his throat. “In that case, you might be happy to know I’ve studied a bit of humans’ dances, so perhaps I could teach you.”
“You? Know how to dance?” Taruchi appeared dubious.
Azul put a hand on his chest, mimicking offense. “My, I’m hurt. I’ll have you know I take my studies of the human world quite seriously.”
“Fair,” Taruchi sighed. “But what do I have to pay you in return?”
“Oh, I believe it’s a fair deal already. Dancing with you is enough for me.” He smiled, ostensibly genuine.
“Oh, okay,” Taruchi quickly responded.
There was a brief pause as she fully processed his words and had a minor mental meltdown.
“Wait… Wait a second, wha—?”
“The deal is off if you just stand there gawking.” Azul was already walking briskly away to one of the balconies.
Though it was mildly annoying he just walked away, Taruchi was glad he couldn’t see the way her cheeks had heated up. She followed after him, but her head was filled with panicked thoughts: ‘Dancing with you is enough for me’? What does that even mean?! Dancing with me? He’s happy with just dancing… with me? What?!
Cue the internal screaming.
…Can you tell her brain was breaking by the second?
Azul turned around to see her with no trace of her earlier panic, only with a straight face on. “You certainly took your time,” he quipped, crossing his arms.
“I got here, like, 10 seconds after you. Do you age that quickly?” Taruchi retorted in an irritated tone before she realized what she said, her eyes widening. She immediately wanted to bury herself in a hole. “Oh— I am so sorry, I swear I didn’t mean that. It just somehow slipped out—”
“Oh, my,” Azul interrupted, a smirk appearing on his face. "I didn't realize you could be quite so harsh, what with everyone describing you as kind and soft-spoken. I might have taken offense if I wasn’t so amused.” He had the most vexing, overdramatic voice Taruchi had heard this entire night.
…Well, maybe excluding one person. She definitely didn’t want to dance with him.
Taruchi looked back at the way she came. Is it worth it to take dance lessons while dealing with this? Hmm… “Okay, maybe I should call off the deal.”
“No, please, I apologize.” Azul stepped towards her and took her hand. There would be no moment like this one again, he couldn’t let it slip from his grasp so quickly. “I’ll stop and start the lesson. By the way, did I mention that you look beautiful tonight?”
Taruchi rolled her eyes and sighed for the second time that night. “Okay, fine, I won’t call off the deal.”
She knew he had just said that to get her to give in. She tried to seem like she didn’t care too much. But really all she could think about was the fact that he called her beautiful and that he was holding her hand. She could allow herself to imagine for a second… or maybe more than a second. God, she hoped her cheeks weren’t red.
It’s a shame Azul didn’t have the reputation of genuinely meaning what he said, since this time he did mean it—Idia had teased him a while ago for staring at her. He had also realized how thankful he was that the twins weren’t there, lest he suffer the rest of the night. Though this wasn’t completely bad for him, because then he would have a cover to hide his true feelings and he wouldn’t seem vulnerable. At this point it was an automatic thing for him to slip into his “business mode.”
Taruchi didn’t seem enthusiastic, but she agreed. Azul was satisfied with that. “Shall we begin?” he asked, and with her nod, he bowed and kissed her hand.
“Wh-What? Is this part of it?” No matter how much she wanted to hide it, Taruchi was malfunctioning. She was caught completely off guard. Damn him for having charm.
“What kind of dance partner would I be if I didn’t kiss your hand before dancing?” he replied with a calm voice. In all honesty, as far as Azul knew, people just did that in romance books and movies. But it seemed like it worked on Taruchi, so he considered that a win and took a mental note.
“All right, stand straight. You’ll have your hand here,” Azul put her hand on his shoulder, “and mine will be here,” he said, putting his hand on her waist. “As for our other hands…” Azul took her hand in his again and lifted their hands up. They were already closer than Taruchi had imagined, and she was questioning all the decisions she had made to get to this point. “Now, I will lead, and you will follow. Just try to parallel my steps.”
They slowly stepped around the balcony, moving in time with the soft music coming from inside. Between making sure she doesn’t step on his feet and feeling embarrassed because of their proximity, Taruchi couldn’t look up at Azul at all. Even before this moment, she was bad at maintaining eye contact. But now she was dancing with this guy she liked. If she had to look in his eyes, she would—
“You know, I think dance partners are supposed to look at each other.”
Die.
Yup. She felt like dying inside. But she followed his instructions anyway. Even if she felt like her face was going to overheat. She had no clue how Azul looked so composed.
She ends up just studying him. His glasses gave him a different vibe, a more calm one, she thought, more… delicate? Was that the word she was looking for? (She once wondered out loud to Ace and Deuce about how Azul would look with these exact glasses, to which they only blankly stared at her… and Ace subjected her to his teasing.) His hair was kept, giving him a neater look, and it seemed like his view was clearer. Her focus shifted to the mole by his lips. She thought it was a charming feature, though she wasn't exactly sure why…
Azul noticed her observing his face. He would've thought she was judging his looks, and in that case he might've gotten insecure, except that he sensed no ill intentions and her expression remained mostly inscrutable. That is, until she seemed to realize that he was watching her too and she got embarrassed and tensed up. Her eyes stopped roaming and instead held his gaze.
Though to her it looked like her eyes were all he was focusing on, he was mesmerized by all of her. He couldn't help but notice how enchanting she looked under the soft moonlight when he twirled her. When she faced him again, she had a dazzling smile on her face, like she had forgotten the annoyance she held just minutes ago, a smile of pure enjoyment that appeared quite rarely.
It took a lot in Azul not to combust right then and there. It was insane how that smile made him feel. It was just a smile. It didn’t make sense. Still, he wondered what she was smiling about.
Honestly, Taruchi had just always wanted to try being twirled. Plus it was just unexpectedly fun to dance with Azul. It felt awkward at first, but now her nerves calmed down, the silence was comfortable, and she could dance to the music without too much thought.
As the song ended, Azul dipped her, holding her against him and careful not to let her fall. Her gaze had fallen upon the night sky dotted with stars, her eyes seeming to shine just as bright from wonderment, her lips slightly parted when she softly gasped, and all Azul could think was he finally understood what it meant for someone to be breathtaking. He pulled her back up and she flashed a grin at him before looking back at the sky.
“The sky is so clear and the stars are so pretty…!” Taruchi said excitedly. Azul just smiled down at her and softly replied, “They are, aren’t they?” while Taruchi focused elsewhere.
“And the moon…”
“Is absolutely gorgeous.”
“Yeah.” Taruchi’s attention finally fell back on him.
There was a song that would've been perfect right now… What was it?
It was like a scene from a book where one of the leads tried to hide their reddening cheeks, but the other brushed their hair behind their ear and rested their hand on their cheek… Okay, it wasn’t “like” that, it was exactly that.
Right.
“‘Cause you can hear it in the silence”
Was it possible for silence to drown out noise? The music and dancing hadn’t stopped from inside, but Taruchi couldn’t hear any of it.
“You can feel it on the way home”
She hadn’t noticed she was this close to Azul. She hadn’t noticed that he still had one hand on her waist, keeping her close to him. She hadn’t noticed how his cheeks were slightly flushed nor how his focus was all on her. If he wasn’t all she could think of at that moment, would she have noticed the way they were involuntarily gravitating towards each other?
“You can see it with the lights out”
Their hesitation stopped them, held them back a painful few inches away. Did he/she want this as much as she/he did?
But neither flinched away.
“You’re in love”
And they glanced back at each other.
“True love”
And that was enough of an answer.
Azul practically scooped Taruchi into his arms, she was so small, with her arms around his neck to close whatever space was between them. It was the best feeling she had known, feeling like she no longer needed to keep her emotions under control, under wraps to hide them as best she could. For all the daydreams she had, nothing could ever beat what was real and what she could actually feel, and that was the guy holding her and kissing her back.
When they both pulled away, they had red cheeks and the biggest, goofiest grins on their faces. What did you expect? It’s the first kiss, it’s flawless, it’s really something.
Setting Taruchi back on her feet, Azul cleared his throat and fixed his glasses. “Do you want to go back now?”
“Well, I don’t think I’m confident enough in my dancing to dance with anyone else yet, and…” Taruchi said sheepishly, glancing at the distant crowd inside and back at him. “I mostly just want to dance with you again.”
Azul looked stunned for a second before smiling and chuckling. “In that case, I’ll be your partner for another dance.”
“You’re in love”
#I got stuck before the kiss and. somehow it was easy for me to finish the rest after just trying to write#i had been putting it off for days because i wasnt sure if what i wrote was good enough#then i just wrote and here we are!!#again lina if you see this. tysm#hmmm i think this is the longest thing ive posted#whoaaa good for me#☆ taruchi's writings ✍️#id make a tag for em but theyre like. the only ones i make content of basically#so it doesnt matter for organization#just anyone tell me if i need to then i will!#☆ 💙
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20 Q's for Fic Writers
tagged by: @chameliyun, thank you so much <33
1 - How many works do you have on ao3?
131 works so far ! 97 of them are for haikyuu!! and i cannot wait to celebrate my 100 hq fics hehe
2 - What's your total ao3 word count?
323,624 words :0 i didn't think it'd be that much, i tend to write short things, i'm excited to have written so many words !!!
3 - What fandoms do you write for?
i have posted for haikyuu, death note, bnha, yuri on ice, free, breath of fire iv, and fairy tale for some unknown reason XD but i have unposted / unfinished fanfic for a bunch of other things like hunter x hunter or fma
4 - What are your top five fics by kudos?
chat me up has always been my most popular fic and tbh ? yeah i see why XD it is one of the most fun and chatfics were popular at the time. after that come ...or not, blue like the sky, silent trust and saw my momma dad cheese
5 - Do you respond to comments?
yes !! fandom is a community first and foremost for me, and posting is also a way to interact. comments are immensely lovely to get and answer !!
6 - What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
ooh probably love me right ?? it's kinda the angstiest i've written... ever. but some nights is also. bad end. solely by virtue of being post apo and not very optimistic about it. i wanna rewrite it someday because i actually really liked that AU and it's not the best right now hmmm
7 - What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
honestly hasetsu tour guides (which is a series but shhh) is the happiest thing i've written ?? it's not the most fun in terms of plot but everyone is content with their life in a way i've not really written a lot
8 - Do you get hate on fics?
nope, not well known enough XD and i'm not complaining about it
9 - Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
i do ! i have no clue if there's a specific kind i stick to though, most of it isn't even posted or even written past heavy planning. trans cyborg smut is on its way though @notsuchasecret :3
10 - Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
i have written or co-written a NUMBER of crossovers. most are not on ao3 yet (or... ever...) but i have posted death note x snow white and hxh x little red riding hood, so. however i do think that owari no seraph x the frog princess (the russian fairy tale) is the wildest one so far !
11 - Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not to my knowledge, but that'd be kinda funny tbh ? imagine coming across your own obscure niche things in the wild. i'd almost be more disappointed it's not a new fic for my teeny fandom corner lmao
12 - What's the longest you've spent working on one fic? And the shortest?
the shortest would probably be a couple hours, for guardian of his king (written in a fugue state at like 3am, after Syb shared the drawing that inspired it. two of us fell in a trance btw, this was a POTENT artwork). the longest... i don't dare calculate... but it is measured in years and i haven't even started writing yet <3
13 - Have you ever co-written a fic before?
if you count detailed planning and extensive oral storytelling, many !! my best friend and i are very prolific behind the scenes, to her dismay XD. i thiiiiiink she is the only co-writer i have had ? but i LOVE doing group fics and i'd love to do it with other people
14 - What's your all-time favorite ship? From all fandoms?
"you ask questions i have no answers to" is what i was gonna say and then my brain went "well apart from bokuaka which has to be out of the competition-" so i may have an answer actually hahaha
15 - What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
oooh my god that naruto fountain of youth AU is never gonna be written. i have so so so much planned and i sift through and add more from time to time, but like... i pick my battles a little more wisely than this behemoth
16 - What are your writing strengths?
i'm not sure ! i do think writing dialogue is easier for me than most other things, and i love doing fun formatting / narrative constraints
17 - What are your writing weaknesses?
i forget to put down half of the words on the paper so my sentences make no sense and it's horrible to edit <- loves editing. doesn't love when i reread myself and every five sentences i have to think "who tf wrote this and what the hell does it mean. how do you go from here to there ??? oh wait i forgot a sentence again"
18 - Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
english isn't my first language. i write dialogue in another language 99% of the time. i don't think this question really takes into account the amount of ESL writers who are basically always doing this
to stay closer to what the question was meant to ask though, i have written sentences, in the middle of english fics, in languages that me or most readers don't speak. it is usually either a LONG process of looking up grammar rules, vocabulary, existing sentences etc... or what i did once, "write with mistakes because the person is learning the language still"
it is good imo to have characters speak their native tongue, or to add your own HCs onto characters and make them speak in their new native tongue, but it can be done more or less respectfully and more or less clearly. how do you include a translation, if at all ? is it jarring in the flow of your fic ? what about inserting song lyrics in another language ? it's a case by case basis for me tbh, and as a reference i really love how yuri on ice did it during the anime
19 - First fandom you wrote for?
i don't recall what i first wrote for exactly but i first posted for death note in 2015 :0 a while back !!
20 - Favourite fic you've written?
i don't have one at the moment, my criteria isn't defined enough these days. maybe some will jump out more later as they did in the past but for now i can say i love most of my children equally lmao
it took me a while to answer, sorry, and i'm too tired to tag anyone but DO feel free to say i tagged you if you wanna do it !!!!!!!
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Hey Yolanda!
🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?
🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?
💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!
hello rae !! thank you for helping me procrastinate bless ur heart
🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?
I just think about the fact that there’s a million reasons that play into wether people klick on/give kudos/leave comments. Ive def been guilty of reading a fic and been like wow this is great and then later been like…. did I remember to leave kudos ? and also just try and think about that every single kudos is a person. like thats 20 people saying I liked this ! its ofc always gonna be sad when im like omg I love this fic then it end up being my least popular ever, but im also like.. whatever. hope the next one goes better! Ive sorta come to terms that most of the time when I finish a fic and go ehh idk about this one it’ll do much better than the ones I feel like wow I loved this !!
🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?
hmmm maybe sight of the sun ?? Its very chill but features the whole crow cast which I think would be fun to hear a lil voice acting for haha !
💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!
the only thing im actively working on rn is my little wesper uni dorm mates au which is so fun !! It was sorta meant to be wylan centric from the start, but then I realized to tell the story I wanted to tell it had to be from Jespers pov and suddenly its very jesper centric. which is a bit of a challenge for me, as I tend to steer towards writing wylans pov and that has been very fun! Its also gonna be my longest fic ever on ao3, which isn’t that big of a deal since my longest is like 11k but im still excited!! Ignore the glee fanfic I wrote 2014 and its the longest thing ive published ! So that’s all fun !!
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toffee!
yeah same, i follow some fic accs that occaisionally post smut and its like mmmmm is the fluff writing enough to balance the posts that gives me finger burn trying to scroll past it? but yeah thats probably the way to go
ah i wasnt there for the teaser but i can imagine that was tantalising. lmaoo yes but to be fair i do have a writing acc called channiesbigheart so... balancing it out? but i absolutely am whipped beyond belief. it was a TRAVESTY how COULD they have. yeah the b sides gave him more lines but they werent the ones that were performed over and over at stages. yessss the line distribution in this album is impeccable, im pretty sure the thunderous stuff was some of their best distribution
hehe i can understand that, sometimes putting someone in a situation so horrible it would be considered a violation of human rights is theraputic, ya know? mmmm the differences are a bit nuts, it was 14 degrees today and in less than a week its going to be 32 or smth. BROOO that would be legendary, i bet theyd treat their artists rlly well and have great music as well ahhh but its a lot of work adn commitment. yES that is a mood if ever i heard one.
its the same in australia as well, sadly, you have people who hold up harry styles and lil nas x for breaking gender roles and wearing make up adn steryotypical womens clothing (and keep in mind i have infinite respect for both of them theyre honestly doing so much for the de-dehumanising of gay people and those who wear whatever they want), and calling the kpop boys gay and other things for doing the same thing, when theyve been doing it for years and gotten no recognition smh its so tragic. yes, anyway YES ONLY 6 MONTHS I AM FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES A BBY STAN altho i considered myself a fully fledged stay like 2 days after i got into them cos i just spent all day researching and fixating. YES someone said it. it feels like theyre losing a huge chunk of why a lot of people liked their music in teh first place, which was that whole dna, dope, fire mood. and even doing bright songs is fine, liek they should do what they want but i feel liek the western music industry is so fucking toxic that they feel pressured into making these decisions. dont get me wrong, theyre good decisions from a business perspective, theyre getting record breaking sales but still. mmm yeah honestly yg just needs to get its shit together or get out
oooh! not into nct but i see a lot of him, he seems rlly talented. ahh yes another channie ult lmaoo i feel that, my list is growing in leaps and bounds as well. mmm yeah i think i will, im just going to try to save enough money :) mingi appealed to me mostly for the voice (like felix smh what is it with me and deep voiced bois) but also his soft visuals and the whole cutesy thing he has going on i rlly liked. yes i did get into them while he was on hiatus, but im still mostly a casual stan, ill listen to the album when it comes out but i dont think ill obsessively look over everything to do with it, like skz. HAH WE'RE MORE SIMILAR THAN I THOUGHT. lmaooo the thot line describes them perfectly, why are they all so damn attractive. especially seonghwa, like that man looks like a character from a book, cardan greenbriar vibes anyone? mmhmm! his vocals are absolutely insane. ty! yeah im excited altho idk how theyre every going to beat border:carnival, that shit was impeccable. ahh no stress, enjoy teh groups you stan atm!
ahh thank you so much, ill keep that in mind. hehe thats good! hopefully its soon :( ah ty, it means a lot. ill think abt that and hopefully talk abt it a little more :)
ah, no it was inside our gymnasium but to get to the other side of the stage you had to exit the building, go around the back and then enter through the other stage door. ah tysm! im glad too. mmm same, they baffle me. ;n; noo so sad :( ahh, thats um not smth i put on here, but im in high school so make of that what you will :)
thank you! ive done a majority of them, i just have maths, an english presentation and an economic assignment due now so im pretty much home free. yeah i feel like hes the epitome of here for you while being inescapably far away. haha she sounds like one of my friends. lmaooo why is that me. hmmm i feel like youve answered a lot of them in that answer so maybe just ateez, enha, txt and bp? if you stan them? :)
ahhh no problem at all, proud of you for managing to overcome the procrastination! progress! mmm thats good! ahh pls do let me know if you ever decide that, i cant promise i wont cry but do what you gotta do :)
<3 w.a. 🐺
hi! sorry for the late reply, i didn't know how to construct sentences yesterday e.e
yeah sometimes it's the perfect balance! i personally don't like fics that focus mainly on the filth? the plot has to carry the whole fic somehow and the smut is just something to add to the mix. also, i'll follow you on your writing blog! i keep forgetting to do so, damn it.
"sometimes putting someone in a situation so horrible it would be considered a violation of human rights is theraputic, ya know?" putting it this way just silenced me but yes. angst just feels more realistic. it isn't always happy endings irl so i tend to do it a lot.
falling into skz is so easy! it felt like that for me too. stanning them felt like getting sucked into a blackhole. also yes i agree. kpop is nothing but an industry after all and it runs on money so i get why they do what they do as well.
i suggest we not talk about haechan because i will literally not shut up but yes my boy is an ace :( chan is also sooooo easy to love. and the chan's rooms just solidified his place as ult. having something to look forward to every week at a time when my mental health was just plummeting into the depths of tartarus just helped me be stable. oh yeah, mingi's deep voice is indeed sexc. and he has some wack ass duality as well! and i think seonghwa was one of the people i nearly considered as bias just because of his visuals because wow that's one beautiful face. and true, idk how enha's going to beat border:carnival. i don't like all the tracks simply bc of taste preferenceds but i like more than one so i consider that a lot already.
bro that gym should've had some sort of a covered walk :// also i miss being in high school sO DAMN MUCH. but i still feel like i am because time stopped when quarantine started and i was still in senior year at the time.
my ateez bias is wooyoung! it wasn't that much of a shocker to my kpop stan irls because i was a jimin stan for the longest time. enhypen is jake and they kept pointing out that he looked like seungmin sometimes so it's like chan's aussie-ness with a tinge of seungmin (the other guy in my skz bias line, in case i haven't mentioned it). txt is huening kai! i find it hard to believe that he's my age because he looks a lot younger? o.O and he always looks good damn :(( sigh for blackpink it's lisa! i tend to bias the maknaes of yg groups, it's a pattern i've noticed but don't intentionally do!
DON'T WASTE YOUR TEARS OMFG. you can always reach me elsewhere if i like disappear off this blog.
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fic writer interview
thank you to the lovely @rosesau for tagging me to do this!!!
name: leedsau/aiienharry (on ao3 lollz)
fandoms: I have onlyyy written for the one direction fandom so far and im a little apprehensive about writing for some of the other fandoms I consider myself apart of. I really just feel like I would butcher the characters dfghgdfdsf so im a little....not scared but wary of it rn
where you post: ao3 only!!
most popular one-shot: been waiting on you all my night which...I don’t know why but honestly im really proud of that fic so yay to that!!
most popular multi-chap: ummm for some reason all my fics are one shots, even my longest fic is??? I don’t know why but it seems like one shots are my thing....for now!
favorite story you’ve written so far: hmmm, I have to say it’s the fic that I am currently working on that will be up sometime in December. I just feel like it shows tremendous growth on my part, as a writer, and I really can’t wait for you all to read it. not saying I dont like my other fics but idk, I feel like they dont reallllyy show my true potential as a writer (they make me feel like an amateur, which I am but I hate that feeling)
fic you were nervous to post: honestly anyone else but you because I got it into my head that ppl wouldn’t want to read a story involving teen pregnancy even if it was based off a movie and that it would make ppl mad???? I don’t know why but I was soooo nervous dfghdsf
how do you choose your titles: okay, it’s actually very simple, I listen to a song and im like ‘oh...this fits perfectly’ like I chose a song that incapsulates my fic perfectly and chose a lyric from there, sometimes I will change the lyric to a completely different song
do you outline: yes!! before I didn’t and it worked out fine for me, but lately as I want my fics to get longer and longer I have started to write a very vague outline of mostly scenes I want to happen in my fic in the order I feel they should happen.
complete: 15 which is so insane to me like wow
in progress: right now only 1, but sometimes i literally am working on 345434 fics at a time which....I gotta stop doing
coming soon/not yet started: coming soon is a fic that I know everyone is not a stranger too seeing as I bring it up a lot mostly because im so proud of it and myself dgfhgfgdf but I should be uploading a little preview to it realllllllll soon ;)
prompts?: I was actually thinking about this today, and I wanted to do prompts, but then I feel like I just would NOT do them justice at all, like I find it so hard idk why. but I want to push myself to be able to do them
upcoming work you’re most excited about: my complicated dad au that’s really not about them being parents and more jsut them being...humans??? such a horrible description but it delves into things ive never written before and heavy topics that im so !!!!! for
I tag (pls if you did this ignore me): @sunflowrsix @softfonds @zouissupremacy @quelsentiment @queerharry @bluejeanlouis @femstyles @britishlovers
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Name: reya
Writing Blog URL(s): @chu-ni
Age: 19
Nationality: african-british
Languages: english, swahili, korean
Star Sign: libra
MBTI: enfp/entp (it always changes lol)
Favorite color: purple!
Favorite food: i really love chicken burgers
Favorite movie: princess and the frog
Favorite ice cream flavor: vanilla!!
Favorite animal: elephants
Go-to karaoke song: fancy - twice
Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? caramel frappe with whipped cream, in general i prefer tea though
Dream job (whether you have a job or not)? secretary general at the UN….or an author
If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? making anyone agree with me and do what i want them to do
If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? ancient egypt!!
If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?.....no.
Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? neither if i could lmfao but i’d go for 100 chicken sized horses
If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? the nerd who’s actually really pretty after she gets a cool makeover
Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? im not sure about aliens, but i definitely believe in ghosts and spirits.
What are some small things that make your day better? when i can have moments to myself to enjoy my own company. or when someone asks me what i want to eat and they bring it for me 🥺
Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? uhm…...probably the fact that i write fanfiction lol..but outside of that! i sing in the shower. and i talk to myself a lot.
What fandom(s) do you write for? nct dream currently, but in the future i want to expand to other groups!
When did you post your first piece? 17th of June 2018.
Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? i can never write just one genre. predominantly i write fluff with a dash of angst for spice simply because i love a story that has an issue and then having that issue be resolved for a happy ending. when i started my blog i was 17, and so i said i wouldn't write smut. now that i'm older im feeling more and more comfortable writing suggestive content at the very LEAST.. so maybe in the future i might write smut, who knows? i like writing fluff because i like making people feel good, but i like adding angst to it because i feel like the contrast between the two is very *chefs kiss* to me.
Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? i only write x readers!
Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? i first got tumblr when i was 13 years old and i was a fresh kpop fan lmfao. i wanted somewhere that shared my interests. of course i discovered x reader fics on here and i was in awe, i guess of how much power writers had in contributing to fandom content and keeping readers satiated. i’d always loved to write and so i’d always wanted to start my own writing blog, and for 2 years i did write for other blogs! it wasnt until 2018 that i finally took the leap and decided to start my own, because i wanted to impact people's emotions and take them on a journey through my writing.
What inspires you to write? what inspires me….teen movies, music!! music is a big one for me, and also the books that i read. i also grew up playing otome games so the plots and writing from those influence my writing a lot.
What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? i really enjoy writing royalty!aus as well as exes!aus. i love to do them cause they require me to build a world and with royalty aus specifically i love weaving together bits of political intrigue, or arranged marriages, etc. its so much fun!!
What do you hope your readers take away from your work? that if this world is too rough or too much, you can always escape from it. it might not be physical, but immersing yourself in a universe that's entirely different for a little while can help soothe you.
What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? usually i try and take breaks. the problem with that is that my breaks can go on for longer than i’d like and im trying to fix that. so my other solution is to read read read!! read as much as i can, or go back to books that i loved. ask myself what i liked about the writing, what are some parts that i thought were amazing examples of good writing - i note them down then see if i can apply that to my own work. another thing i do is take a break from writing my longer, fleshed out works and write blurbs! blurbs are a great way for me to write but not feel like its tedious because i don't have to spend as much time on them and it gets me into the groove of writing without feeling stressed out.
What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? my favourite piece of work is miscommunication. it took me months to write that, even after i lost all the work halfway through, and its the longest piece of work i have written so far, so its kinda like my baby. my most successful is candy jar. its also the work i owe my blog exposure to - it was the first piece i published, and it was also the first piece of writing i did in around 4 years.
Who is your favorite person to write about? i don't have much out for them, but i really enjoy exploring mark’s and jeno’s characters. they're people, but in my work i enjoy analysing them and judging how they’d act in different contexts.
Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? the only difference for me is that fanfiction (depending on the fandom) has some of the stuff fleshed out for you already, such as the world its in. if youre the type to write AUs then the only thing you already have is the characters - the planning, the writing, the drafting, and everything else is still the writer's responsibility. therefore there isn't much of a difference between the two for me.
What do you think makes a good story? a good story, to me, is one that takes me on a journey. it could be any genre, but i like to feel immersed and connected to the characters and the world in it. also aside from the obvious, like good grammar, a good story feels natural to read. i don't feel like skim reading half of it.
What is your writing process like? my writing process consists of me getting inspiration - usually from a song, or a film or a book ive read or a game ive played - i note down my idea and who i want the story to be about, and then bullet point the whole story, with some snippets of particular dialogue i want the reader or the other person to say at certain scenes. i then open another document ( i have a writing app on my phone, called werdsmith, so i use that!) and set a word count goal i want to hit so i can track my progress and start writing the fic, with fleshed out language and exposition. when im done (usually after a couple weeks up to a few months, depends on the length of the plan) i read through it to fix any mistakes, then i transfer it to docs so i can read it again and italicise any areas i feel need it.
Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? i...don't think so. mainly because the original fiction i read and would like to write for myself is predominantly fantasy, whereas the fanfic i write on my blog is usually non-idol, normal fics.
What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? im a SUCKER for enemies to lovers, royalty ofc, “and they were roommates”, and i think superhero aus are really cool but there isnt enough of them :( idol/you as member aus....not feeling her… also abo/werewolf/vampire aus….not feelin em
How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? a LOT. a HUGE amount!! i said before how i like giving my readers somewhere where they can immerse themselves as an escape, even for a short while. hearing about how my work affected them, made them feel, makes me feel less insecure about what im writing and thus more confident to publish it.
What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? i’d say reblogs. and also putting out more content. when i first uploaded candy jar i went to my one of my favourite writers (jaeminlore) and asked her if she'd be okay with reading it and giving feedback. to my surprise she loved it and her reblogging it to all her followers is literally what gave me a bunch of followers all of a sudden who loved what i’d written. to keep that momentum i created more and more content, and while i haven't uploaded as often as i've wanted to or written as much as i’d wanted to, i can say i have a good amount of work on my masterlist for people who are looking for more to read.
Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? 100%. fanfic has an unfair reputation for just having bad writing and cringey fics (and i feel like this is because of the way society views the demographics who predominantly consume and create it), when in reality i feel like those who write fanfiction are extremely talented and selfless people. they're on the internet creating content for free for people to enjoy and like any other work of art they're putting time and effort into it. i think it should be respected. any form of art is going to have its good and bad sides.
Do you think art can be a medium for change? hmmm….yes. i feel it can be a way to reflect the thoughts of people and also be a way to inspire people to do more.
Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? sometimes. sometimes i feel like i'm forcing myself to write because i feel like if i don't then people will forget about me or they’ll forget about my blog. while what i choose to write about is for me, i feel like the speed of my writing and what im writing isn't to the quality i want it to be cause i feel like i gotta get it out for people to read.
Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? i've never felt that way!
Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? only 2 of my friends know, and i only told them like. a week ago!
What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? i wish you guys would message me more! i'm quite a sociable person, and i’d love to have regular anons who talk to me 👉🏽👈🏽
Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? i think one common thing amongst all writers is that we write what we want to read. so don't feel like nobody's gonna read your work, cause somebody will. you gotta act like your work is top tier even if someone says it isn't - always write the best you can, and just do it! like don't even give yourself time to overthink it, write that fic, make it look pretty, upload it onto tumblr and do not be afraid to ask your favourite fic writers to read your work once its up!! i’d be happy to read and give feedback for any fic writers as well so don't feel afraid!
Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? ive been on here for 7 years….i grew up on this site lmfao. but i don't think i regret joining tumblr once.
Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? shes not very active anymore and i miss her very much but user hyuck-s was so supportive and i love her!!
Pick a quote to end your interview with:
she believed she could, so she did.
BONUS ROUND: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL
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it’s nothing funny just to talk (p. 1)
What happens when you text that random number graffitied on a bathroom stall in your favorite bar? Jo Wilson is about to find out.
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In which Bar Princess and Doctor Evil Spawn meet via text.
More Jolex on your timeline because y’all seemed to love what I posted before! Also I’ve posted this whole piece on AO3 as well so it might look familiar.
this idea came to me in a fever dream and i am not sorry that y'all have to deal with it. 99% of this fic will be in "texting" format, so be prepared for that.
Jo is regular
Alex is italics
Saturday 11:04 PM
heeeeey is thiss doctor evil?
I gotta say ur phone sex namee needs sum weerk
u soud like a comic book village
fuck
village
VILLAIN
Who the hell is this? And how did you get my number?
i’m just a girl at thee bar!!!!
Joe’s Bar?
noooooo
i’m at enerlad city bar
You didn’t answer my question.
u asked a quesitoon?
whata was it?
i’m goos at takifjg tests
How’d you get my number?
it qas in the bathrooom!!!
it said “for a good tiem txt dr evil spawne”
so I did
I am ready to havee fun
You’re drunk, obviously, and I’m going to have to kill Cristina for putting my number up.
ooooooh is thatt ur girleifnd?
hirlefiend
girlfriend**
Wow you’re really gone. And hell no, she’s my roommate. One of them.
ooooh how many do u hav
roomees not girlfriends
Three. Two girls and a dude.
intereeesting...
well it’s tome for fireball shoots
steph is yeeling at me 4 txting too much
goodbey doctor eviel apawn!!
Oh lord. Tell Steph you need water. Or an IV.
I’ve got her. she’s throwing up on her shoes. thanks doctor. - steph
Sunday 10:11 AM
You know you’re pretty funny, Bar Girl.
jesus christ what fucking time is it?!
10 AM
I’m assuming you have a massive hangover.
hold on I can’t hear you over the sound of me vomiting
TMI as the kids say these days.
what’re you a grandpa or something??
No I just don’t know how to use text lingo. Except WTF. I know that one very well.
quick question
who the fuck are you?
Dr. Evil Spawn. You found my name graffitied in the bathroom of Emerald City Bar.
holy shit
I thought I dreamed that... WHAT THE FUCK
Nope. I’m real.
holy shit i’m so sorry
my texts were so annoying
Who hurt you? I mean you were shitfaced, I’m assuming someone broke your heart into tiny pieces.
the opposite actually, I was at a bachelorette party
not mine, i’m so single it hurts
Ahhh that makes sense. So you got shitfaced in solidarity?
exactly you get it
you seem like you’d be the DD at a bachelorette party
Well seeing as I’m a dude I don’t do Bachelorette parties.
Well I did go to one, but that’s a different story.
hmmm you seem like a very interesting man doctor evil spawn
going to bachelorette parties, living with women who aren’t your girlfriend
OMG ARE YOU DATING THE GUY YOU LIVE WITH?!
George? No absolutely not. And before you ask, my other girl roommate is gay.
so you’re single?
i’m only asking so when you murder me the police have as much information as possible
Haha very funny. I would be a terrible murderer.
you didn’t answer my question
Fine. Yes I’m single.
i’ll note that in the “serial killer file” i’m building
gotta go, I have to do work :/
Have fun, don’t die.
Sunday 8:38 PM
Arizona is trying to set me up on a blind date.
who’s arizona?
My gay roommate. She wants me to meet this “bubbly blonde” she knows from her pilates class.
ahhhh. why don’t you go?
Bubbly blonde is not my type. Sounds like she’ll spend the whole date talking about how much she loves dogs or her knitting hobby.
Plus she does pilates, that tells me more than enough.
you’re making some good points. I don’t pity you.
You better not. How was work?
the longest day of my life
it was just paperwork, I don’t actually work on the weekends
What do you do?
hmmmm that’s exactly what a serial killer would say
i’m an elementary school teacher
Oh so you sing and dance and paint pictures all day?
what school did you go to?
were working on multiplication tables and basic photosynthesis tomorrow
Wow that sounds like a lot.
it’s may, ive got three weeks of school left so I have to cram all the crap we didn’t cover into these last few weeks
Ahhh that sounds more accurate.
and what do you do?
besides text strangers that you don’t know
I’m a pediatrician.
oh so you make kids cry and wipe snotty noses all day? two can play at that game
Well we both have to deal with snotty noses sooo...
I GET IT!! Doctor Evil Spawn!!
why evil spawn though?
I wasn’t this nice when I started med school. My personality is an acquired taste.
ha! that’s a funny joke.
so if you’re a fancy schmancy doctor why do you live with three other people?
I’m only a resident, not making the big bucks yet. Everyone else is a doctor too.
are they all pediatricians?
No. Arizona is too but Cristina is a cardiologist and George is a trauma specialist.
interesting!! I too live with my coworkers. it’s not fun.
the table is always covered in craft supplies.
Well I can never read the grocery list on the fridge. Stupid doctors script...
oh that’s a classic. you’re pretty funny Dr. Evil Spawn
Thanks Bar Girl.
I gotta go. monday tomorrow and you know how fourth graders can be. night!!
Night .
Monday 9:47 AM
there’s not enough coffee in the world for monday mornings.
Monday 10:52 AM
Sorry I was yelling at the interns. We have a decent coffee cart here. Keeps me alive. Are you texting in class?
no it was recess
now they’re at spanish class
i’m not totally irresponsible
Oh good to know the future of America is in good hands. Teacher Princess is “not totally irresponsible”
teacher princess?
Well, Cinderella lost her shoe, you puked on yours. Same thing.
wooooooooow
that was so uncalled for...
I thought it was funny. Gotta go set a broken arm.
broken arm vs. adverbs... can we switch? have fun lol
Monday 3:26 PM
I don’t even think I know what an adverb is.
how did you become a doctor??
Don’t need to know adverbs to fix a couple broken bones and snuffy noses.
oh darn I should’ve gone to school for seven more years then
Haha. How were the adverbs?
better than expected, grading papers while I wait for my roomies to be done
we carpool, saving the environment and shit
Okay Eco Warrior.
you text like a 60 year old man
you’re not a 60 year old man are you?
No I’m a 28 year old man though
28 a doctor and you’re single? your personality must be worse than you described
I’m a busy man, I don’t have time to settle down. And I have no desire to.
yet you have time to text a complete stranger?
hmmmm interesting...
Ouch, that one hurt Princess.
steph is making me socialize with the other teachers
if I don’t respond, they killed me or dragged me to an essential oil party
Hahahaha
Monday 5:18 PM
Did you get roped into a pyramid scheme?
nooo but therew as wine
I should sotp drunk texting you so often
It makes your presence that much more entertaining. And bearable.
woah woah dude
i’m a gem
I can tell. Elementary school teacher with a heart of gold.
awwww your too sweet tome
It’s a Monday. Who the hell gets drunk on a Monday?
teachers
we deserve it
You’re a teacher and you’re single and still going to Bachelorette parties. You’re what, 23?
i’m 25 and i’m doing greta thanks you very nuch
cnat believe that i’m supplying my perosnal info to a serial killer
What makes you so sure that I’m a mass murderer?
ur weird nickname and ur intimate knowledge of the himan body
Mmm yes well a good amount of women do find themselves screaming around me often. Or under me. On top of me...
omg are you sending me dirty jokes
you’re crazy
What can I say.
Gotta go, I’m on call tonight. Get to bed safe, Bar Princess.
mmmkay thanks Doc
Wednesday 11:29 AM
What do you think is worse: School lunch or hospital food?
hospital food, no doubt
thursday is mac and cheese day here... I could bathe in that stuff
We have Spaghetti Wednesday but that’s the only good thing here.
mmm how depressing
the teachers do a pot luck once a month and that’s always good
the art teacher next door to me makes the BEST blueberry muffins.
Lucky. All I get here is vending machine cookies. Anything interesting happening in the elementary world?
a first grader got lice last week so naturally we all have it now
I had to chop off six inches of my hair
Holy crap. Lice can be vicious, be thankful you didn’t have to shave your head.
it feels like I did, my hair hasn’t been above my shoulders since the backstreet boys were still touring
Wow. I’m glad to know you’re well cultured.
of course I am
gotta go, kids are back from music class
Don’t be too hard on them, they deserve a break every once in awhile.
Thursday 3:06 PM
Incoming Voice Call
“Jenna you forgot your lunch pail. Have a good day!”
“Hello?”
“Hi Mrs. Peters. I didn’t grade Henry’s test yet, I’ll have it tomorrow. Thanks bye!”
“Helloooo?”
“Steph I gotta grab my things, I’ll be there in a seco- oh shit. Hello?”
“Bar Princess?”
“Doctor Evil Spawn? I must’ve butt dialed you, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay I... I don’t mind the interruption. Are you leaving work?”
“Just about, we’re wrapping up the solar system and I have to bring home the diorama.”
“I was never good at the models, I prefer working with the real thing.”
“Oh ho, a man that works with his hands. I can appreciate that.”
“You know now we’re officially talking and we still don’t know each other’s names.”
“Well around here I’m Miss Wilson, but you can call me Jo.”
“Jo. Hmm I like chicks with dudes names. I’m Dr. Karev but you can call me Alex.”
“Well nice to kinda meet you Alex. I’ll talk to you soon, I gotta get out of here.”
“Talk to you later.”
Thursday 4:34 PM
I wouldn’t mind if you were my teacher.
how did I know you’d send me something along those lines
I’m predictable. I’m still calling you Bar Princess.
as you wish doctor evil spawn
I get to assist on a surgery today. Tonsillectomy.
like removing tonsils? that’s awesome
for you, not for the kid
Oh she’ll be fine, she gets ice cream and jello for a week.
okay yeah I might be jealous of her now
id love to be off work for a week and have you waiting on me hand and foot
the ice cream is a nice bonus
You think that’s my job?
well you said you aren’t making the big bucks yet so.... yeah
Keep dreaming. I’ll talk to you later, gotta scrub in.
have fun!!!!
#jolex#jolex fanfic#jolex fanfiction#jo karev#jo wilson#jo wilson karev#alex karev#alternate universe#jolex fic#jo x alex#greys anatomy#greys fanfic#INFJTT#nina writes
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Let's talk about Kyo's media blackout.
It is with a slight reluctance that I post this. It's not wise to mention Tanuki online nor share what they talk about within the overseas fandom for a multiple of reasons.
1. I don't want them to get angry at me
2. I don't want the overseas fandom to flip out and judge the Japanese fandom
3. I just want everyone to be chill and happy and flowers
But I've seen a lot of people freaking out, a lot of random theories floating around and people worrying so I wanted to post this theory and open it for discussion.
Of course this isn't fact. It's pure speculation. But given the timeframe, PERSONALLY I feel like this may have had something to do with Kyo decision.
So I post this with two DISCLAIMERs.
1. As mentioned this is not in any way fact. There is no proof that Kyo does or doesn't look at Tank. I simply find it interesting the sequence of events, the timing of the media blackout and I am only translating this for those who are interested. I hope this doesn't cause any huge arguments or any bad blood. It's simple here to discuss and consider.
2. Please do not judge the whole fandom based on Tank. Just like any forum, any comment section on the world wide web; there will be people who leave negative feed back. It is a tiny portion of people and not a reflection of the Japanese fandom as a whole. Judging them based on what they said would be like someone looking at negative comments or sarcastic jokes on Tumblr and judging the English speaking fandom. That's not to say what they post is okay, but it's just dumb shit posting and shouldn't be taken to heart.
you get me fam?
Okay, so I contemplated posting screenshots and translating what happened immediately after Kyo changed his profile picture up to when he deleted everything but as I said I don't want to be taken out by angry tank users so I'm just gonna translate a selection of posts.
These posts are taken from the Meg thread (remember the girl linking arms with him at a concert? That's Meg.) which to be honest is a shit show. It was a thread born from those notorious pics and for over a year now has remained a place where people post rumours, shit talk, complain and just make shit up a lot of the time. So please, AGAIN, bare that in mind. It is a place of negativity born from a scandal that shocked a lot of the fandom. Aint nothing nice ever gonna be said there. Periodt. In reality a lot of the people who post there are still fans of Kyo. I think they're just still a little hurt by the way it came to light about Meg.
After Kyo posted his new picture I checked tank before going to bed because I was curious about what their reactions would be and everyone had exploded. During the 7 hours I was asleep Kyo deleted everything and left the internet forever so tbh given the fact he was probably bored in a hotel in Fukuoka, just did a radio show, probs wanted to see peoples reaction, etc I personally, believe he was on Tank. This is a running theme in the thread itself and people often say he actively browses it (this is not a major thing, a lot of guys in bands browse tank same as celebs browse twitter. Why Kyo would look at the meg thread in particular? idk. )
SO TLDR
Yesterday around 7pm the thread suddenly changed to mixed reactions after Kyo changed his Twitter pic.
"His new twitter icon had me shook lol"
"I hope he changes his instagram one too"
"Idk I don't like how quickly he's become some kind of social media old fogey"
"Kyo's turned into a social media monster too" (*edit; my bad Yuchi is beer monster, Shinya is social media monster lol)
"It's kinda cheap"
"I get you, it's like he's lost his values" (probably because Kyo has always made big deal about how much of himself he shares)
It continued like that for a while with people more or less saying the same thing until he posts about leaving social media.
"He just suddenly said he's not gonna do social media anymore"
"lol after he went to all the effort of changing his profile picture"
"I'm shook"
"annoying 40 year old nut job"
"Bet you he came on here"
"Do you normally change you icon then quit"
"Join Kyo online"
"idg why even though Kyo's had so many haters since he first started twitter he's suddenly affected by it??"
"I still think he's cute even when he's sulking like this lol"
"I knew he was looking at Tanuki"
"I don't get why he's suddenly deleting it after all this time?? It's like what is this old man on about?"
"It's lame how he's making such a big deal of out saying he's quitting"
(lots of people agreed with this post saying that he's acting childish)
"I wonder what happened? Like everything seemed fine recently. I mean we'll never know but like I'm sure he has a lot going on.."
"I can't believe he basically wiped his instagram clean but left all the pics of cake and omurice lmao"
"If only he'd go to sleep earlier and eat a banana the serotonin would fix everything"
The random comments and mixed reactions continued for all of Friday.
One of the main points that stuck out after the initial reactions was how people began to become suspicious that this was merely a tactic to get people to join Kyo online with people claiming this was typical of business man kyo, that it was about that time of year where they usually begin to advertise and promote in order to get new members.
So, allow me to play devils advocate for a second.
As someone who is a member of Kyo online I have to admit since he started posting more and more online (compared to hardly ever on Kyo online), the membership has become more or less invalid. In the past it was worth the money for the videos and pictures that as fans we rarely saw. But if he's going to post them online then it raises the question (tickets to concerts aside) is there any point in being a member if you can just get the content for free?
I'd imagine that this plays some kind of role in why the reactions are often negative. Members of Kyo online have suddenly gone from having something exclusive that was only for them, to simply being a part of something anyone can access.
Another point someone brought up is that whilst it's acceptable for Kyo to be upset. It is very, very childish and the timing is selfish.
Sukekiyo literally made their instagram days ago and suddenly Kyo states how he isn't going to post online anymore. This act instantly casts a negative feel on Sukekiyo's insta. It almost gives a vibe that any picture Kyo is in might be "against his will".
Kyo is not new to criticism. He's been in this game for 20 plus years. Everyone who is in the Indies scene knows about Tank. Every fan, every bandmen, knows it's a bad place filled with mostly shit posting and rumours and doesn't represent fans a whole.
The meg thread is simply fans flogging a dead horse, posting any poor Japanese girl with a straight fringe and some tattoos, anyone who looks even a little like Meg and saying she MUST be a groupie of Kyo. Which begs the question why would Kyo go there? Why would he look at that? Why would he want to subject himself to that kind of thing and then punish the majority for some dumb comments a few bored fans made? What was he expecting by going there?
Of course there is no proof Kyo lurks. But the reality is he probably does, I mean he's only human, he' s bound to be curious about fans reactions for Madara, etc and where else to get honestly reactions than an anonymous forum? Personally, as someone who has lurked tank for a few years now, I think he reads it. There have been times in the past where he's mentioned certain things, done certain things and I've thought "hmmm that's weird tank was literally talking about that". But once again there's no proof. It's just one of those vibes you get sometimes. (one major one I can think of is during the interview for mode of gauze where he said everyone massively complained about it. I know people can submit questionnaires after lives but I feel that a lot of Japanese people are more brutally honest when they can hide behind anonymity. )
Considering the "staff" posted a pic of his feet on the sukekiyo instagram today, I feel like this is just Kyo being (sorry to say) butthurt and it might just blow over. A lot of the comments mention his age, mention how he's clearly trying and failing to copy 20 year olds by using insta, that he's lame or cringe and that's gonna hurt anyones pride. But I honestly think Kyo should be looking at the billions of comments on instagram of people who love him rather than a few trolls online.
So with that being said I hope this was an interesting read and gave a little insight into why Kyo is often private. It was a big deal that he was posting so much and actively using instagra. I for one was very happy. I believe that in this day and age it is something that is required in order to engage with your audience and keep a good relationship. Hazuki and Ruki are good examples of this and Ive been saying for the longest time I wish Kyo would get more on board with it. So it's a shame he's left at the first hurdle.
Oh well. This is why we can't have anything nice isn't it.
#Kyo#dir en grey#instagram#translation#sukekiyo#drama I don't like drama why can't we all just be chill#remember this isn't fact its just my theory
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i dont usually do these but why not lets have a laff
got tagged by sadhbh love you
Nicknames: dont really consistently have like a nickname most people just use my name. people used to call me variations of my urls online but like. i just go by my name now. some people shorten it to ruub but that only works in dutch really. sometimes people call me ruby and its cute i guess
Height: allegedly im like 6 feet
The last thing I googled: tuin der lusten jeroen bosch
Favourite musicians: i like a lot of music so im just going to promote a bunch of people ive been listening to lately: girli, moodkiller, dorian electra, GFOTY, kim petras, zebra katz, boy sim, lizzo, charli xcx, also as always the wonderful jungheim (stream her music and also donate to her kickstarter if thats still up)
Song stuck in your head: im listening to neck contour by girli right now so i guess its that!
Following: 1146 people el o el
Followers: 775 right now! thats not a lot but ive been getting a lot more lately i was stuck at 700 for the longest time and im finally nearing 1K (makes a few posts fishing for notes)
Do you get asks? not often enough but when i do its usually from very sweet people
Lucky numbers: 2
What you’re wearing: double denim baybe
Dream trip: ummm. i wanna go to new york really badly but also like so many other cities
Instruments: ive played the guitar for like. a looong time but im getting rusty so i gotta do it more often -___- also im like half decent at making computer video game music i just still gotta import all my stuff to my laptop (my old one is a ruin)
Languages: english and dutch are both practically fluent, english a little bit less w speaking but im improving and have been mostly understandable for years. i was pretty okay at french but i just let that slip and now i can still read it but its a struggle. i could probably still translate latin if i tried. and also instinctually i just understand german both spoken and written but like structurally i dont know anymore
Favourite songs: hmmm. again im just gonna go and say songs i think you should stream right now on spotify which are: liquify by moodkiller, a figure 8 by cowgirl clue, flamboyant by dorian electra, day month second by girli
Random fact: im supposed to be writing a paper right now wish me luck with that cause i hate it
not tagging anyone bc im a forgetful bitch and can barely remember what my own twitter url is!
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jan, march, sept + one of your choice, love. have a great day, u icon
thank u kyra i adore u
january: what was the first fic you posted this year?
the first fic i posted this year TECHNICALLY was the epilogue of a different path. the first standalone was chewbacca (aka my introduction to the jily world once again and i have such a soft spot for it)
march: do you listen to music whilst writing?
yes! pretty much always; if it’s not music, it’s a TV show.
september: share a comment or review which still warms your heart?
quite literally anything you’ve left on any of my fics BUT there are a few that i hold dear to my heart. i’ll post them under the cut cause they are LONG :’)
ancient: the first fic you ever posted online?
hahahaaaaaaa. it was my own version of rick riordan’s the son of neptune before the actual book was published. it was on ff.net, and the first chapter got 7 reviews, and i felt so good about myself after that lmfao. who knew i’d still be writing 8 years later?
ask me questions!
OKAY so i have 3 top favorites:
from a different path:
okay so i had seen this in someone else’s bookmarks the other day, thought it was an interesting concept—especially since i too love slytherin!percy and strongly subscribe to ofswordsandpens’ headcanons about it—but didn’t give it another thought until i was listening to a video about the cursed child and went: wait, there’s a percabeth hogwarts au that i saw somewhere. and immediately i hunted this down and i’m just in awe? i tore through it. belatedly, i realized that i made a mistake: i didn’t write down my thoughts as i was reading, which is definitely a disservice to you. however, here are a generalized list of things that i loved.
first of all, with hogwarts au’s, there are three main aspects that i look for: plot, characterization, and quality of writing. normally, fics of this size lack one or more of these key factors, but i was astonished to find that the plot is tremendously tight and intriguing (my lip bled from biting it so much because i’ve been stressed to the max), you write these characters with such distinct voices i can easily picture them saying everything—except, of course, now in a little british accent—and your writing flows so well, it feels almost like i’m reading an actual harry potter book, just with percy and co. you also do a masterful job of weaving together aspects of the pjo universe with the established canon of hp.
and there are so many specific things that i love. primarily, the way you write the relationships in this story; not just concerning percabeth (though i will get to that in a minute), but also with each of the interactions between all of the characters. i applaud you for how you handled luke/annabeth and rachel/percy, and the friendship among them all is just incredibly well done. i especially love how well you wrote connor and zoë and just, a lot of characters that i don’t often think about when i think of pjo. grover and percy’s friendship especially is heartbreaking, i just. he’s so protective because he loves his friends and holy fuck i also love how you wrote grover in this. but i just adored how you wrote annabeth/percy—the love between them, both platonic in its early stages and the romantic all throughout, was doubly apparent. i ached when they kissed each other’s cheeks, and i inwardly cheered when she kissed him in the locker room. there was just such a natural progression, to me, of their relationship. and man did i dig it. i’m excited (and maybe a little scared) to see where you take their relationship in the future.
boy, this is getting long. sorry. but some more just little quick things: loved the b99 reference, with both of their competitive natures playing out in a similar way to jake and amy’s. i kind of want to go back and see if i can find any other references that i missed because i was just too engaged in the story to catch them. also, zoë’s death killed me all over again, thanks for that. i like how you’re working the kronos plot in, and i can’t wait to see how the Final Battle plays out. what else? oh! professor hestia? beautiful. eventual maybe professor percy? outstanding. percy kissing the top of annabeth’s head? breathtaking. rachel being a quidditch commentator? earth shattering. (truly i cackled when i saw that.) mrs. o’leary being a cat? incredible. how you incorporated percy’s water powers? stunning.
ooh, this exchange was beautiful and had me cackling it was so in-character:
“None of us are dying.” Connor clarifies. “Not you, not me, not Annie, not the rest of us.”
“I might have to dispute that.” Annabeth says, from Percy’s other side. “Call me ‘Annie’ one more time, Stoll, and I’ll kill you myself.”
Connor only grins at her. “Sorry, love. No more ‘Annie’. Can I call you Beth?”
“No.”
“Anna?”
“No.”
okay, so i just finished chapter nine and i am blown away. sorry for how long this comment was, but a fic of this magnitude truly warrants it. i can’t wait to see what happens next.
i leave you with just two words: “holy shit.”
from a different path:
god, oh my god, am i the only dumb bitch who didn’t get what the prophecy was??
anyway, i stumbled on this fic last year, patiently waiting for its completion, and now that i’ve rediscovered it, i’m so glad i finished it all in one go! i couldn’t imagine the tension of waiting for the next chapter, especially since the tension is so well-crafted!! i hardly noticed the tonal shift even as the story got darker and darker as it led up to the war, and in that way i was reminded of how extremely similar it felt to reading the hp books for the first time! you nailed percy very well i might say, and the awkward-yet-caring relationship he has with his dad. i daresay you gave connor and zoe more characterization than rick riordan himself, and the percabeth you wrote is perfect to the nth degree. i appreciate that you didnt bother with all the love triangle and unrequited feelings nonsense as well.
but i have to say, even as i cried at sally and paul’s wedding, or at dionysus’ quiet mourning for castor, what really struck with me most was the way you handled silena. for that, i have no words. that was a job extremely well done. thank you so much for blessing us with this fic.
from chewbacca (a comment from u!):
A girl in a bright yellow hooded raincoat stumbles into the cafe on one of the slowest nights James has ever seen. Her coat is dripping all over the floor he’d just cleaned (but it’s fine) and when he leans over the counter he sees that her boots match the coat.
First of all!!! Thats the best opening line in the world and nobody can convince me otherwise. I want to become a publisher just so that if you ever write a book, I’d be able to publish it. ( like omg, what an honor??? )
She looks like sunshine, standing there with the amount of yellow in her wardrobe. Briefly, James wonders if that’s her favorite color. It’s got to be.
Im going to quote this whole fic but I really love these lines? Like, you have this distinct style of writiting that I aim to acheive and you’re literally such a rolemodel!!! These are my favorite kind of fics to read. Funny story but I was going through a ‘no thanks Jily’ mood ( a horror, i know !! ) but your fics are just,,,,exceptions? You could write about trash and I’d love it and ask for you to sign me up.
“Say it again, but convincingly this time.”
ooof this dialogue??? let me breathe
This is the longest he’s stood still since he started working. It’s actually a miracle.
and the funniest person award goes to YOU. also, the most talented and cutest but thats neither here nor there.
james taking care of fleamont, switching off the lights gives me just a nice and realistic vibe? its so simple but i love how you added it.
honestly at this point, ive been sucked again by the fanfic. it feels less like a fic and more like a masterpiece that belongs in a museum but anyway.
“James is supposed to be helping.
James is on his phone.”
ugh i love ur mind. im rereading and its so nice and lovely. even if its like 1am and im exhausted, this fic is sustaining me.
“Do it off the clock, would you?”
PEAK HUMOR
have i mentioned how much i love that scene with euphemia? she seems like such a lovely mom. i love ur euphemia the most. and ahh, both of them just rushing to the hospital ? another 100% good scene.
“Euphemia smiles too, but looks at Fleamont rather than at her son. “Yes,” she says. “It really does.””
fic? or shakspeare? HMMM
A girl in a bright yellow hooded raincoat stumbles into the cafe on one of the slowest nights James has ever seen // “Get fucked.”
the fic!! has made a circle!!! i love how it begins and ends along the same lines. I really want to know how??? are you so talented im in love.
i just really love this fic, okay? i love how james is just the kindest, lily is allowed to have feelings, its just so soft and warm. and it makes someone feel loved, want love anyway.
the dynamic between the characters are just so real and great and im astounded, in short.
your sirius is everything. so many fics potray him as a dick??? which is first of all #rude and also, not at all true. you made me love these characters even more so i sincerely hope you never stop writing.
you’re such a beautiful writer and the way you string words together is just poetic and gorgeous and all the other good adjectives you can think of. i read your spiderman x reader too and i was a goner for you. EVERYTHING YOU WRITE IS SO GOOD. i read it so long ago but i can vividly remember peter whipping the mask off and she just going wtf stop on the window ledge. what im trying to say is that you leave this lasting impression on people that make them remember random scenes and words / prose long after they’ve read it which is a remarkable feat, i believe.
and im so sorry im not on tumblr rn bc i cannot keep recing this fic but i have told my friends about your writing and they loved it too. you’ve got like a million fans. when i do get back from my hiatus, im going to keep recing your fics and people will cry because their universe will shift thanks to the newfound joy of your presence in their life.
lastly, im more of a dog person and that, more than anything, should tell you how much i love this fic. i love u. and basee on your writing, i want to hug you, be your best friend and make you cookies bc again
WOW
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*insert looong personal post with vague tmi but this is my blog so i do what i want sorry*
okay so i got back from south america like two weeks ago and it feels like forever bc its me and my life is basically Allthetimeallthetime! but thats good i like it - and anyway that was my longest trip since i was rlly little and i Missed clothes which is such a wanky thing to say but i was hiking a lot so clothing was 3 tshirts and 2 pants and all wow i can walk in this comfortably and now im back im like oh hell yeah
anyway ive both started wearing packing again (which okay side tangent i havent done since i first came out like over five years ago but also i was very much like all aesthetic choices are around passing and also was just like too fat to find skinny jeans so uhhh thats more of a uh noticable thing than it used to be) and wearing lipstick and its like oh lets both Up the masc and fem things go go
and Maybe its bc i spent a month Not having any slurs yelled at me (or at least no one yelled angrily at me in spanish bc idk what spanish queerphobia sounds like @duolingo give me the goss) Or maybe it’s bc im at uni more often than work so dont have to be conservative or Maybe it’s bc i have more performance unit and am doing more activism so im like surrounded by queer people All the time but im finally Relaxing a lil with gender
and before the climate strike we were doing lecture bashing to get kids to ditch uni and we did a quick hey my name is and my pronouns are thing and i was like they/them and you know activist groups are (usually) v chill with gender so it wasnt a big thing and literally everyone was gnc in the group and it wasn’t until after that i was like oh hey thats the first time ive done that hey
anywaaay im just generally more Chill with gender than i used to be bc ive been like yeah im nb for a Long time but also my brain just like slams the panic button of their gonna think yr a girl if you dont be a Real Man(tm) Anyway Life Goals are to at one point wear a skirt to uni But im also like i literally Have this year to do that bc then i finish my arts degree and move into masters of teaching which is not gonna be as left wing as an arts degree majoring in performance and history ya’know, and Thats another reason why i never rlly bothered to come out properly bc i was like im gonna end up using he/him for work but its been like four days of being correctly gendered and im like oh this is the good stuff right here, but im also like hmmm i rlly Cannot be out in a professional environment at this point which is Fucked but you know. i remember when i first told mum i was gonna go into teaching she was like no you’ll never get a job i wouldn’t higher a queer person (and shes a head teacher so she does actually hire teachers) and i was like wow okay glad to see that having a queer child as helped you deal with yr shit
anywaaaay i still have nearly three years before i graduate so Not really a pressing issue
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SPN Questions Game!
Tagged by @samspurpletoothbrush and @lovedsammy !!! thank u for the tag :D
1. When did you start watching Supernatural?
uhhh fall 2011? i started watching live with s8 started after bingeing s1-7 with my best friend who introduced it to me lol (im like 90% sure i watched compilation videos on youtube of “best brother moments” or “funny spn scenes” or something like that beforehand. i definitely saw a couple of the deaths before even watching the show lmao)
2. Who is your favorite in TFW?
s a m . been my fav since the beginning
3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?
don’t have one
4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs.
just 5? man... @flightoftheseraph @samspurpletoothbrush @lovedsammy @jackklinelovesstarwars @kylermalloy @stigmaticsam
5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?
don’t make me choose. uhhh jack. lol. predictable
6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?
again i have a terrible time choosing these things. hmm. Jody. also Rowena.
7. John or Mary?
mary !
8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?
oh i cant throw my brain back that far.
i immediately loved sam, i think i really identified with him especially with his empathy towards others. dean i definitely loved his humor and ive always loved the protective older sibling trope. cas i honestly dont remember what my first opinion abt him was WHOOPS (s4... intense? idk). and i saw gifs and such of jack before actually watching s12-13 (i took a break) so i already loved him cuz i was excited for his interactions with sam :)
9. What’s your favorite season?
i used to say season 2 but im rewatching it again and... i rly love them all.......
10. What’s your least favorite season?
hmmm... the one that took me the longest to get through on my rewatch was s6 or 7 but rly that’s relative. ive got things i like and dislike from each season lol
11. Opinions on Destiel?
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ don’t ship it
12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?
gonna point you to this lovely post on queer-baiting vs coding vs subtext, i think spn just has subtext and nods to the fandom, not baiting
13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?
hmm honestly im rly enjoying 8-14 a lot more on my rewatch. but i’d pick s1-7 if i had to choose?
14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?
ruby. she damn did the thing,,,, also azazel.... any villain really tied with sam’s psychic/boyking storyline
15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?
y e s. i’m done
16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)
i dont rly like comparing trauma. show wise, they definitely has focus on some more than others. personally i would probably say sam
17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?
im bad at decisions but my recent fave is....... red meat probably. but also my favorite changes depending on what episode style im in the mood for lol
18. Do you like case episodes?
i love them!!!
19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?
sam... buddy...
20. Why do you like Supernatural?
well. hm. i’ve always adored sam and dean’s dynamic and the characters are rly what make it for me,,, also one of the things that motivated me to catch up on more recent seasons is the use again of the “found family” dynamic which is... my absolute biggest weakness in any media
21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?
just one...... eileen! i miss her. and then probably nick (and eventually lucifer if theyre gonna roll with him again)
#if youve already been tagged sorry!!!#also feel free to do this if u wanna woohoooo#sea talks#ask games
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A Final Goodbye
This blog is turning one year old! And to celebrate it, I will be closing stylessemantics.tumblr.com! So this is my goodbye letter!
If you’re reading this, my blog is officially one year old (is it July 10th already?) Yes future me, it is! And here is why, if you even care. If you don’t then well... I can’t really blame you.
If you don’t want to read all the way to the end: Monday July 10th will be the last day I’ll be around, until exactly 11:59pm. Happy reading!
And if you’re reading this it also means you’ve clicked to read more! Thank you.
So stylessemantics is a year old. Wow. Time flies. I would know because if you’re reading this it means I’m stepping off.
I guess I should start at the beginning?
Stylessemantics was always a one year project to me. Or at least that’s how it started. I thought I could do this to sort of improve my writing skills, to try something new, to meet new people, to do something fun. And it was! I mean I don’t know if my writing got any better, to me it got a lot worse, or maybe that was just my mind getting worse. IDK.
On the road, stylessemantics turned into so much more. I would be away for a day and I’d miss it so much. I wanted to come back. It became a little safe haven where I could be me, or try to be a better version of me, and possibly failed as well, and where I had something interesting going on for once. Now I don’t want this to be a very sad letter but you guys know me, I’m the sour-patch of every party. (maybe that’s why i never get invited to any hmmm)
All jokes aside this year has been a rollercoaster in every sense of the word. (guys we got solo harry can you believe that? I still can’t) At some point I found myself thinking “I could keep stylessemantics, this doesn’t have to be a one year thing, it doesn’t have to be an experiment” and let me tell you those days were pretty much eternal. I was on a high pretty much all the time. I was so in love with tumblr. Don’t take this the wrong way, I still love it to bits and it’s turned into something kind of vital to me. But the good days didn’t last. If they had; you wouldn’t be reading this now.
So yeah, I thought about saving all my works of fiction and taking the whole blog down and well I didn’t plan well enough to make stylessemantics a sideblog that i could just password protect and secretly keep. So it was final: stylessemantics was going to be deleted. And I was okay with that for the longest time. I never thought I would be so shit at keeping promises that I’d have 15+ requests in my inbox back from 2016, still unwritten. And with an 8 chapter fic still stuck on chapter 6. And with 700 promises to AU’s and things I wanted to write. It’s safe to say those promises were made on the days I thought I would keep stylessemantics. But as of today (sunday, july 9th, 2017) it’s been a bad bad bad day. I’ve been dancing around the delete blog for the longest time but I decided that was a bit unfair.
Now I don’t think I’m anything interesting for anyone to be reading this (if you are, wow, makes me wanna reconsider staying lol) so i know a lot of people are going to like this without even reading what’s going on, but I still thought “hey I’ve made some friends... and only 3 of them know that stylessemantics was probably going to die in July” so it was a bit unfair to just up and leave. So at least there’s a letter, right?
Anyways, I guess there’s no real explanation as to why stylessemantics was a 1 year thing for me, why did i decide that and why my mind wandered between making it a 2 (3,4,5 who knows how many) year thing or not. There’s no explanation really, so I can’t fully give you one, but what I can say is that I’m insanely grateful for the good days this big ol’ blog gave me. And by that I mean you reading this. No matter what, stylessemantics was something important to me, and it changed me even if it was just a bit. So for that I’ll be forever thankful. And I say this a lot but I want you to know I mean it. All the time.
I don’t deserve it. Call it my depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, self-love issues, whatever one of those I have (aka all) but I feel very undeserving of such a loving community. I never got a single hate comment and to be honest I was scared and tiptoeing around everything too much to get any but oh well, I’m going to act like that’s just y’all being nice to my fragile mind. For my poor mind’s sake lol.
Now I did say that 3 of my friends knew about this thing, and well they all talked me through sad days where I wanted to just erase this blog from existence and helped me get to a final decision. Stylessemantics won’t be deleted. I’m much too attached to little pieces of paper and old photos and whatever to not be extremely attached to this blog and conversations I’ve had in it and stuff like that. And I know myself well enough to know I’ll regret deleting. (i deleted my first instagram 2 weeks into college and I’m still sour about it...) I’ll regret not having at least screenshots of beautiful messages and nice song lyrics that being on tumblr have inspired and other wonderful things. That plus the fact that I’m still not 100% sure if I want to leave stylessemantics for good (can you cound how many times I’ve written stylessemantics? wow I have to stop) or not, well... The decision is that this blog won’t be deleted. It won’t be deactivated. (if i could close it without losing my tumblr url and account that would be grand, but I can’t cause this is a main blog. Iv didn’t think this through back in 2016)
This blog will still be here. Saved. Untouched. With its open inbox, open submit page and open messenger. With its masterlist still up, and with its pretty rose quartz and serenity blue theme. The only difference is that this is going to be the last post on it. I won’t be here. There will be no one responding. And maybe, one day, I’ll stumble upon something weird that will remind me of this and I’ll think “do I want to continue stylessemantics?” and maybe I’ll come back peeping my little eye emoji.
I want to make a promise that I’ll come and post the reminder of BIM and the Marcel fic and all of those requests I never got to fill. But we’ve been at this for a year. I’m simply the worst person when it comes to writing and keeping my writing promises (i was gonna say I’m the worst at keeping promises in general but even with my below-7th-level-of-hell-self-esteem and lower-than-minus-70-degrees-self-love, I can say I DO keep all my promises, just not the writing ones. whooops.)
Some promises I will keep tho:
I’ll still love every single one of you.
I’ll still be around tumblr on another account (winkwink) so I’m still reading my mutual’s works and supporting my peeps. If you spot me, come say hi, but don’t ask me to write or bring back this blog.
I’ll always be undeserving of every single ounce of love or attention I receive here or on any other blog I move to, for the remainder of my days on this earth.
I will try to better myself and my writing. (and seek professional help for my issues. Finger’s crossed)
i will try to have something new to post if I ever come back (fanfic related)
I will always love Harry.
stylessemantics will most likely be back, even if it’s just to say happy new year, or wish my own self a happy birthday (that’s sad, forget that one)
I’ll come post a selfie when I graduate college, I swear.
I’ll be around until the end of the day (July 10th) and then I’ll post this again and it will be the finishing line of this blog.
#goodbye#stylessemantics#july 10 2017#stylessemantics is one year old#stylessemantics birthday#blog birthday#and end date
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all of the asks pls ily xx
1.Are looks important in a relationship? to some point, but they don’t hold that much meaning to me
2. Are relationships ever worth it? depends on what your partner wants too
3. Are you a virgin? no
4. Are you in a relationship? no
5. Are you in love? no
6. Are you single this year? so far, yes
7. Can you commit to one person? yes
8. Describe your crush.. a decent human being who talks to me and lets me be myself
9. Describe your perfect mate.. someone who allows me to be myself and doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable. someone who is loving and caring.
10. Do you believe in love at first sight? not love, no
11. Do you ever want to get married? i want to get married, but not until way later in my life
12. Do you forgive betrayal? for the most part, yes.
13. Do you get jealous easily? yes and i hate it
14. Do you have a crush on anyone? not really
15. Do you have any piercings? yes
16. Do you have any tattoos? yes
17. Do you like kissing in public? nah, not really
20. Do you shower every day? i try to
21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? i wish :)
22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? i’m thinking about me rn, does that count?
23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? most def
24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? heck no
25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? if it happens, i wouldn’t be opposed to it
26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? in a friend way, yes. i don’t know if anyone has ever said it in a romantic way tho
27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? a poem
28. Have you ever been cheated on? no
29. Have you ever cheated on someone? no
30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? yes! my nose, butt and boobs
31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? yes most def
32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? from my end, yes. from someone else’s end, maybe?? idk tho
33. Have you ever had sex with a man? yes
34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? yes
35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? yes
36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? yes
37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? yes
38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? yes
39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? yes
40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? nope
41. Have you had sex so far this year? no :(
42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? oh god, not very long?? maybe like 20 mins max??
43. How long was your longest relationship? ummm, maybe like 9 months
44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? all my relationships have been hella weird so maybe 4?
45. How many people did you kiss in 2011? i was in 8th grade i think, so 1???
46. How many times did you have sex last year? oh god, i was killing it lasy year, so idk.. a lot?
47. How old are you? 18
48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? tell them to go for it if it’s what makes them happy!
49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? i don’t have one of those :(
50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? no, probably not
51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? yes
52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? no, not really. i’ve grown apart from people who needed help, but i’ve never given up on anyone. umm, i think because i feel like no one deserves to be given up on.
53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? no i dont think so
54. Is there someone you will never forget? yes, a few people
55. Share a relationship story. most of my relationships have been lowkey bc no one could know bc girl/girl relationships are vvv taboo where i’m from
56. State 8 facts about your body.. 1. i’m trying to love it more! 2. i have muscular legs 3. i hate my hands 4. i have super broad shoulders and i hate it 5. i’ve had my ears pierced like 239857 times 6. i wear a size 10 in shoe 7. im super pale 8. i have naturally brunette(ish) hair but i dye my hair blonde
57. Things you want to say to an ex.. not much, i don’t usually wanna talk to my ex’s
58. What are five ways to win your heart? 1. love me 2. hang out with me 3. cuddle if ur down with that 4. tell me if there is a problem 5. be my bff
59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) hmmm, i gotta find a pic of me so i’ll do that later is someone reaaaallllyyy wants it
60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? 4 years
61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? hands
62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? support me
63. What is your definition of “having sex”? uhh, that’s hard. it depends on the gender and the person tbh
64. What is your definition of cheating? having sex with someone else
65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? i don’t really have one
66. What is your favourite roleplay? i don’t really like roleplaying
67. What is your idea of the perfect date? something chill, like going to get icecream and maybe going to a book store and sitting in the aisles and just showing each other books??
68. What is your sexual orientation? ive been trying to narrow that down more and more these past few weeks, but i’m bi with a preference of girls (hardcore preference)
69. What turns you off? being a complete asshole to someone
70. What turns you on? god, lots of things.
71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? i don’t remember
72. What words do you like to hear during sex? oooo, i think it depends on the person too
73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? love me
74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? shoes maybe (can that be superficial?)
75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? my theatre group got me a present at the end of my fav show i’ve ever managed and it made me cry really hard
76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? i don’t know, tbh. i don’t feel like i’m that sweet of a person
77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? they’re kinda weird when you’re in high school but once you’re out and mostly everyone is in their twenties, its super chill.
78. What’s your dirtiest secret? hmmmm, i’m hella kinky
79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? tonight, i hate how much my sisters get along and prefer their company to mine
80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? like, friend love?? a few hours ago! but romantic love?? maybe a few months
81. Who are five people you find attractive? my whole fucking friend group is HOT!!!!!
82. Who is the last person you hugged? my manager
83. Who was your first kiss with? my first “girlfriend”
84. Why did your last relationship fail? because things got messy and everyone hated her in my friend group and she and i just didn’t mesh well i think
85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? depends
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S!!!!!
its been the longest week. ive been texting our mutual loml here & there too! she’s amazing tbh. tips on how to love yourself hmmm lets see.
1. take lots of selfies. (i know this is hard bc of ur front camera situation lol), but even mirror selfies are great! u dont even have to post them tbh. but when ur feelin urself just snap a lil pic.
2. spend time assessing the annoying parts of urself. (this might sound weird but trust me lol) what are the things that make you hard to deal with/be around? for me i feel like i can be really self-centered and moody. it’s just how i am. after you’ve assessed those things, learn to love yourself despite them. you’ve gotta be able to say to urself, “im being a moody asshole right now. but its okay i still love myself!” obvi always be trying to be better, but be kind to urself in the process and move forward with grace.
3. be alone. alot. it sounds cheesy, yes. & maybe ur already spending a lot of time alone but be (as the christians say) intentional about ur alone time. even if it’s just 15 min in the morning of not doing anything but getting in touch with your emotions. it might be difficult, frustrating, & boring at times. but after a while you’ll get into a rhythm.
4. (i was doing this for a while & never finished but it was fun!) write 10 things about urself that u like everyday. after 10 days you’ll have 100 things. they can be fun, silly things or they can be more serious things. & if u cant think of ten things force urself to dig really deep down. trust me, you’ll find SOMETHING.
I’d also like to make a huge disclaimer that im NOT there yet myself by any means. its a process for sure. but its in those little moments where ur sitting by urself & ur completely content & in love - even just for 5 mins - that it u can really feel the beauty of who u are.
i love u so much. everything will be ok, bb.
with love, C.
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Our Miracle Boy (a Tribute to Buddy)
Hi Dear Friends,
I’ve loved animals from the time I was little. In fact, I had more animal friends than kid friends. They just understood me better and I, them. Much to my Mom’s dismay, I was always rescuing someone. Frogs, cats, inch worms—everyone was welcome in my home. I even made little outfits for them by cutting holes in my baby clothes—another thing she wasn’t too keen on.
My beloved pets helped me through college, heart-breaks, job changes and moves. For me, life just isn’t the same without furry friends. Cut to today. We live on 17 stunning acres in beautiful Woodstock, NY—my sanctuary. When we moved here, I dreamed of rescuing lots of animals. I also dreamed of expanding our human family—but that wasn’t in the cards for us.
Living with a rare, slow-growing stage IV cancer, with no cure or proven treatment options, has had some consequences. But, the hardest one has been having to potentially choose between my life and having children.
My oncologist described it like this: “Picture your disease like a rock balancing on top of a mountain. Right now, that rock is stable, not causing you any harm. If something (like pregnancy) were to change that, your rock may start tumbling down the mountain. If that happens, there’s a chance we can catch it. We just don’t know if we can put it back on top of the mountain—where you’re safe. There are just too many unknowns, so think hard before you potentially wake the sleeping giant inside you.”
Now, I’m a risk taker but this was too big of a risk for me. And sure, there was adoption, but it’s a lot harder for a stage IV cancer patient like me to qualify as a candidate. Plus to be honest, we just weren’t up for the journey at the time.
So, my rock-solid husband and I made the tough decision not to have children. We vowed to live big, fully and out loud to squeeze the most out of the life we did have. Though our decision was right for us and even healing, it was also the only time I’ve ever felt broken. Fuck you, cancer.
Now, as I was processing all this soul-growing stuff, I decided it was the perfect time for a second dog! I was a mama to our gal, Lola, and my aching heart wanted more unconditional love and sloppy kisses. So, I started to petition my man. Though he shares my love for animals, he didn’t exactly have more fur-babies on the brain. In his mind, I traveled too much for work and life was too complicated—bad timing. “It’s not a no, it’s just not a yes right now,” he said.
Miracles come in all shapes & sizes—including big, furry hound #dogs. Our job is to notice & thank them: http://bit.ly/2nXbfcV @Kris_Carr
But, I grew up with parents who used that kind of mumbo jumbo on me, and I do not give up easily. So, my petition turned into an all-out marketing campaign for our next pooch. A week didn’t go by where I wouldn’t pitch my “top 3 reasons why our new dog would transform our lives”. Complete with infographics, pie charts and analytics.
Finally, he relented. Praise God! It felt like Christmas, my birthday and the time the Easter Bunny gave me a training bra in my basket—monumental. We celebrated our glorious decision (AKA my hard-fought win) by going on a long hike on our favorite mountain trail. Naturally, I couldn’t contain my joy, and I expressed it with each strenuous step.
Then, the miracle happened.
We rounded a corner and there he was. Our miracle boy. Our Buddy dog. He was emaciated, matted and covered in filth—we fell in love instantly. Through the kindness of strangers, a group of people helped us slowly get Buddy down the mountain. Someone offered a blanket and a nice man gave him part of his sandwich for strength. Brian took off his belt and made a collar and leash and, when that wasn’t enough, he carried him. From that moment forward, it was a collective #gobuddygo rescue effort.
As we quickly learned, Buddy was in bad shape, days away from dying. The vet informed us that he was about 50 pounds underweight and very lucky to be alive. Due to certain clues, we think he either ran away from an abusive situation or was dumped. I scoured the local papers, Facebook posts and lost pet registries, but no one was looking for him. We even went town to town looking for posters and fliers—nothing. (Thank God! We didn’t want to give him back to anyone.)
As we were trying to understand what happened, we learned that Buddy’s breed is often used for hunting and our gentle fella probably wasn’t very skilled. Sadly, it isn’t uncommon for hunters to abandon animals that don’t perform. This isn’t always the case, there are many hunters who love and care for their dogs. It’s just more of an issue with Buddy’s breed than we knew, so we couldn’t rule that out. Especially because he hated guns, thunder and raised voices. Think more Turner Classics and less NRA.
For months, we poured our hearts into helping our new boy heal. I often joked that his angels instructed him to be at that location on that very day. To look for a yammering blonde and her patient hubby. “She will know what to do. He will do whatever it takes.”
We researched the best diet, supplements and holistic remedies. We even brought in an acupuncturist (until Buddy signaled that needles weren’t his thing by trying to bite the nice man who was thankfully very understanding!).
When the weight wasn’t coming on fast enough for his recovery, we added softball-sized servings of raw ground beef to the mix. Twice weekly, this vegan would head to the butcher in a baseball hat and sunglasses. I even ran into Elizabeth Lesser there once. “Of all the places to bump into you!”. Yeah, tell me about it.
Over time, Buddy went from looking downtrodden to totally radiant. It was amazing to watch his spark come back. His matted coat became shiny and his body functions normalized. But as he was healing, his energy was introverted and cocoon-like. He didn’t like to be touched too much or handled in an unconscious way.
Once, I plopped down on the sofa he was sitting on and unintentionally startled him awake. Well, he snapped at the air like a Great White Shark leaping for a seal. Buddy’s message was clear: “Be mindful around me, especially when I’m in a vulnerable state.”
I can only imagine how scared and alone he felt while starving in the woods. Were there predators? What about all the rain and thunder? Did he think he was going to die? It was traumatic so, naturally, any sudden movement when his defenses were down wasn’t gonna fly. “Got it. Sorry, Buds.”
After a long (mindful!) winter, Buddy totally recovered, and then blossomed. His personality slowly emerged and we were delighted to meet the real, funny him. A gentle, goofy giant, who went from being frightened of touch, to moaning for ear noogies and full-body hugs.
When he wasn’t holding court and welcoming visitors as the mayor of the porch, he was on patrol, checking the perimeter. Thankfully, six of our acres are fenced and dog-friendly. It was my guess that his nightly missions made us safer (or so he believed).
And boy, could our fella move! We called him a shape-shifter. One minute, we were on one side or our football field-sized lawn, the other minute he was on the opposite—until you said the word “cookie”. Then, the woods would shake as he suddenly appeared, galloping full-speed toward his treat.
Buddy fell in love with everyone, especially butterflies and small dogs and gentle winds that brought worlds of information to his gigantic schnoz. He even loved his little sister, though it took her a while to return the feelings. I swear that boy taught me more about kindness and resilience than some of the greatest teachers on this planet.
Especially after what came next.
For a while, we thought his gait was weird due to an accident or perhaps an issue from birth. His left leg made these goofy little half-moon circles when he walked, and he often stood like a ballerina (with his back legs in second position). Odd. Hmmm… Though we didn’t think too much of it, we thought we should get it checked out. So, we took him to a specialist, and that’s when we learned that Buddy had Degenerative Myelopathy (DM), a disease that’s similar to ALS in people.
Like ALS, there’s no cure and the end isn’t easy. Paralysis would work its way through Buddy’s body until he couldn’t move or breathe and there was nothing we could do about it. Maybe he has 6 months to live, at best. Fuck you, DM!
Then, I really knew why he chose us as parents. His angels said, “That one. See her? She’s your new mom and she has a chronic disease, too. She and your new dad will know what to do and they’ll give you the best, longest life possible.”
And, that’s exactly what we did.
As Buddy’s disease progressed, he started to lose his ability to fully use his back legs. So, we bought a harness and held him up as he walked. At first, he only needed us to stabilize him but, over time, his backend got heavier and heavier. When we could no longer be his legs for him, we had Buddy fitted for a wheelie cart—which he loved and zoomed around in—often flipping it while chasing squirrels or his little sister.
When his front legs started to go, we got him a super-Cadillac cart that supported both his front and rear (Thank you, Eddie’s Wheels!). Around this time, he stopped being able to relieve himself without assistance, so we learned how to express his bladder and his bowels. To say I’d be a good proctologist is an understatement.
We didn’t think it was gross (ok, sometimes we thought it was really gross!) and neither did he. Right before each bowel expression, I’d sing “someone’s knocking on the door, let me in, let me in”. He’d dance. I’d get a poop out. Sorry, I know this is really graphic, describing how I put my gloved finger in our dog’s ass to stimulate a bowel movement, but it’s the truth. And, you thought my life was glamorous!
As the months went on, caring for Buddy became a nearly full-time job. And to be honest, sometimes it was really frustrating, especially in the snow and rain. But, it taught us lessons in patience and the values of showing up every day. I stopped traveling for work, cut back on speaking engagements and socialized less (sorry we missed your wedding Kate and Mike, and sorry to so many other friends). But as many of you with pets who are like your children know, there’s no difference between our love for them and other family members. It’s unconditional.
So, we carried on. But, we also looked for signs from Buddy. Was this the life he wanted to live? The shitty thing about DM is that animals who have it are often still fully themselves, even as their bodies are dying. Even though he was bed-bound, he still took his job as mayor of the porch very seriously. He was still full of life and love and so much personality and possibility—a gentle ambassador for rescues and disabled animals—but his body was failing and his time with us was slowly coming to an end.
I talked to him about dying, and I asked him to signal us when he was ready. I also prayed to God to help us know when it was time. We didn’t want him to suffer or be unhappy. He deserved peace.
I also asked God to let me know if we were being selfish. Were we keeping him around because we couldn’t bear to lose him? Or, were we doing what was right and giving him the best life?
I talked to our vet and he said we were doing the right thing and praised our efforts and love. I even invited our dear friend, Kathy, over for her professional opinion. Kathy is the founder of the Catskill Animal Sanctuary and I knew she’d tell me the hard truth. This tough and wonderful broad has rescued thousands of animals and she’s also had to compassionately put some of them down when they were suffering. No one knows this journey better than Kathy.
“Girrrrrl, this fella still has a lot of life in him! Keep going, he’s not ready.” Oh, what a relief! More days… More months… More precious time with our precious miracle boy…
And then, one day, he was ready.
Though we had some damn good times in those last months, Buddy’s symptoms progressed and he started letting go. I watched as he retreated back to that internal cocoon-like state. Though he still loved our attention and cuddles, his spark was fading. It was time.
On the day Buddy died, I told him that he was about to meet my grandma, grandpa and favorite cat, Crystal. That he’d see Brian’s dad and my biological father, who both loved dogs. Plus, he’d be embraced by so many other angels, too, including my Aunt Maria, who jingled when she walked and was a fabulous Flamenco dancer.
I let Buddy know that I’d follow him one day, just not right now. And until we saw each other again, he should run in fields, play like a pup, smell flowers, eat way too many cookies and cuddle with the stars.
That afternoon we made a love fort in the middle of the living room. Our vet came over and so did Buddy’s best friend, Michelle (the therapist who lovingly got into a tank with him several times a week to give him the hydrotherapy treatments that extended his life).
We held Buddy in our arms and told him how much we loved him and, right before he passed, he popped his head up and looked straight into my eyes. In that profound moment, I felt his love, gratitude and presence.
Then, he peacefully left his body.
Buddy truly was a miracle, our miracle boy. He lived a year and a half longer than the doctors expected, a year and a half more of joy, life lessons and bringing beauty to the world.
We miss him deeply but feel so blessed for the time we had together. I think our bond grew especially strong because he was so dependent on us. But, what I hope he knew is that we were dependent on him, too. He helped me heal a grieving heart. He showed me a greater capacity for love. And, he reminded me that life is very precious and all beings deserve a chance to live it.
Miracles come in all shapes and sizes. Little bundles of joy and big, furry hound dogs. Our job is to notice and thank them. The more we do, the more blessings we receive—they just may not always come in the exact form we intended. In the end, loving Buddy was some of the best loving I’ve ever experienced. Yet another blessing.
Thank you to everyone who cheered him on. Thank you for following our #gobuddygo posts on social media and for loving him from afar. Buddy warmed and brightened countless hearts around the world and I know many of you were deeply touched by him. Bless you.
If you’re ready to bring a pet into your life—go for it. And, send me pictures! I’d love to see your fur-children. But, please rescue. Adopt, don’t shop. And, don’t forget the old ones, the banged up ones, the misfits and the rebels—the ones who are often overlooked—they’re the angel babies who will love you the most.
We love you, sweet Buddy boy.
xo,
The post Our Miracle Boy (a Tribute to Buddy) appeared first on KrisCarr.com.
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