it's SO OVER FOR ME ACTUALLY. Jing Yuan. Oh, oh how i LOVE YOU. he is such a guy,,, an old man...jaded by the horrors of war and strife...the people he loved either dying before him or turning into people that would never recognize him the same way that they did to him once in many years ago. the way he's called the dozing general because. everyone he loved had already slept and went to a place that he could never reach. i just love him so much 😭😭😭

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

Death and an Angel part 6

Helmetless + Death!Din and Cupid F!Reader

Summary: Three things happen at once. 

He pulls his glove off and tosses it aside. You forget how to breathe.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2,114

Warnings: Swearing, backstory, angsty angst, fluffy fluff, mutual pining finally acknowledged, overuse of italics, don’t mess with Din’s Cupid or he’ll kill you

Author Note: Important please read this! Ok, so if you’ve been following along you’ll know I had no outline for this originally. And well, that’s come back to bite me. I had to make an edit to Part 2, a small one but still the very beginning will look marginally different if you’ve read it before today’s date Dec. 16, 2020. Basically, I took away the implication that You don’t know exactly how You became a Cupid. So, yeah. Hopefully moving forward I’ll be better handling all this *awkward shuffling*. As always, thank you for all the support and I appreciate every one of you so much ❤

Links to Part 1 and Part 5 and Part 7

Cross-posted on AO3.

Photo Inspiration:

Silence floods the ship in the wake of your admission, stifling and charged with enough tension you fear breathing too loud will set off a chain reaction with disastrous results. It makes the hair on the back of your neck prickle, every instinct inside of you screaming to teleport away, if only so you no longer have to see Din stubbornly trying and failing to hide his internal turmoil behind a mask of indifference. 

When he opens his mouth, you tense but the question slices through you all the same. “When?”

You hesitate, making a face. “Din, we really don’t have time for this. Let’s just move on—”

Without warning, the hand holding your elbow slides to your wrist and twists, turning your palm up for inspection. Din stares at the blank expanse of skin, then slowly his gaze lifts, and he releases you as if you’ve poisoned him.

“You’ve never lied to me before, angel. Did you honestly think now was the best time to start?” he asks, and something breaks inside of you when he looks at you as if you’ve become a total stranger to him.

But before any pain can begin to sink in, anger overcomes you as his assumption registers.

“I’m not lying, you asshole,” you say sharply, feeling a faint pulse of petty satisfaction when you notice the subtle way his stance shifts defensively, betraying his surprise at your boldness. Resting your hands on your hips, you fix him with your fiercest glare. “For all that you are a powerful ancient being of the universe, you are also the biggest, most ignorant fool I’ve ever met. You have absolutely no idea how Cupids become Cupids, do you?”

You don’t offer him even a second to respond, too wound up and fueled by the overwhelming desire to make him get it. To make him understand you’re not purposefully trying to hurt him. If it were up to you, you’d make sure he never felt any kind of pain. But that would require having a choice and that is the one thing the universe did not grant you as a Cupid.

“Every Cupid was once a mortal with a soulmate,” you explain, choosing each word with careful precision while watching his face to make sure his focus never wavers. “And every one of us was rejected by them. When we die, we’re transformed into Cupids, losing our soulmate markings in the process.” When you feel your bottom lip begin to wobble, you pause to take a steadying breath. “You asked me before, what is the true purpose of a Cupid? It’s to help others find the kind of love we never experienced for ourselves.”

Din stands there in front of you, still staring passively, and you’re scared for a moment your words have made no difference, but then his jaw clenches so tightly you hear his teeth grinding. 

“You were rejected?” he growls, vicious and guttural, the sound of a feral beast.

He pivots, fist colliding with the wall with enough force it dents the metal beneath his knuckles. You flinch at the noise, shocked at the abuse he’s inflicted upon his beloved ship. Every bone in his hand should have shattered upon impact, but because Death is immune to such damage he merely turns back to you, breathing raggedly and eyes blackened with rage.

“Tell me his name.”

You’ve already begun shaking your head before you say, “So you can go hunt him down? Hell no. Trust me, it doesn’t matter.”

Instead of pacifying him, this only infuriates him further. “How can you say that? That bastard broke your heart when he was supposed to cherish you, protect you, love you above all else.”

“You think I don’t know that?” you ask peevishly, letting your temper get the better of you. Sparing a moment to mentally count to ten, you quietly reveal, “I can say it doesn’t matter because I don’t even remember who he was. There is no point sending you to kill someone who’s face I can’t pick out of a crowd.”

The sudden way Din’s whole body slumps in response to the news, like a puppet whose strings have been cut, expression scrunched and dumbfounded, would have made you laugh if the circumstances were entirely different. Being what they are, you can only meet his stare evenly, silently assuring him you’re not joking in the slightest.

“I don’t understand,” Din says at last, looking like he wants to approach but is unsure you’ll welcome his nearness so he keeps his distance. “You never told me you had memory loss before. What happened to you?”

You shrug helplessly. “I don’t know. For as long as I’ve been a Cupid, all my memories from my mortal life have dark spots, like something poked holes in them.”

Din glances away as he mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like ‘Or someone’ but before you can comment, his tone rises to its usual volume as he says, “Is this why you collect all those old newspapers? To try to help you remember?”

You recall with embarrassment him having previously commented on the pile in your living room. That moment feels like years ago, the two of you sitting in your apartment and Din asking...if Cupids were on the list of potential soulmates. Was that his way of asking if you were on the list? Surely not. He’s much cleverer than that.

...Isn’t he?

“I just,” you shake your head, refocusing on the current conversation. “I keep thinking maybe I’ll find something that fills in the gaps. I don’t like this pit in my stomach, this feeling that I’ve forgotten something important.” You huff a self-deprecating chuckle. “Other than my soulmate, I mean.”

He offers you a smile, small and lopsided, likely meant to be consoling, but you see right through it. You see his pain in the tightness around his mouth, in the way his fingers flex at his sides like it’s taking all his self-control not to reach out to you. Your confession has hurt him. Badly. It’s the kind of hurt no amount of bacta can heal.

The silence returns, different than the one usually experienced during hyperspace in that it wishes to be broken, for someone to say something, anything. You would grant its wish except your thoughts are a jumbled mess inside your head. Deep down, there is a part of you which knows there is nothing you can say that will fix this—this being the chasm forming between you and Din, widening with every passing second spent staring wordlessly at each other. 

Would telling him sooner have prevented this heartbreak? Probably. But looking back, you can’t think of an opportune moment. You had never thought your crush could be requited—not just because you were already matched, but also because it had always seemed so ridiculous, imagining the great and powerful Death feeling anything remotely close to affection for an unimportant, low-ranking Cupid. 

“Angel,” Din begins after a few minutes, his voice anchoring you back in the present. He’s staring over your shoulder, brow furrowed thoughtfully and you can practically hear the gears turning inside his head. “Earlier, you said you didn’t tell your boss I was your client. Why didn’t you?”

“I-I don’t know,” you stutter, before an unexpected wave of boldness comes over you. Digging your finger into the armor on his chest, you remind him, “You came to me first, remember? Not them. So, I figured you didn’t want them knowing.”

“I couldn’t care less who knows,” Din deadpans.

“Oh.” You blink, hand falling back along your side, because what else can you say.

“You want to know what I think?” Oh Maker, he’s stepping closer until there’s only a foot of space between you two. His voice is a low, raspy murmur, sending your heartbeat into overdrive. “I think you didn’t want them knowing because you like being the only angel who does.”

You start to squirm, fight or flight instincts at total war with each other. His theory isn’t too far from the truth, making it all the worse hearing it out loud because it practically oozes possessiveness which is exactly what you’d feared.

“Before you pull away from me again,” Din continues, knowing you and your mind too damn well. “I want you to listen when I say nothing that you’ve told me changes how I feel about you.”

“Din—” you try, only for your voice to crack.

Then three things happen at once.

He pulls his glove off and tosses it aside. You forget how to breathe.

“I’ve been alone my entire existence and I kept telling myself that was how the universe intended it to be. That I couldn’t love anyone because I kill everything I touch.” A smile pulls at his lips when he looks down at his bare hand and a note of awe slips into his voice. “Then you came along, beautiful and clumsy and unafraid to call me out for being an ass. I started looking forward to each full moon because it meant I got to see you and admire every new detail about your life you chose to share with me. And then when this appeared,” he nods towards the soulmate marking, gleaming faintly beneath the overhead lighting, “all I could think of was you.”

You feel your throat becoming thick as you blink back tears, inhaling sharply through your nose. “Why didn’t you say anything at the train station? Why would you let me try to set you up with matches if you liked me that way?”

Din grimaces, abashed. “Because after you said there weren’t any Cupids on your list, I realized you didn’t know I liked you. I convinced myself I had to show you how I felt, instead of tell you. Although,” he holds up a finger, backtracking, “I actually almost did confess, on our way to Sorgan, but you stopped me. And that just further convinced me actions spoke louder than words. I knew none of the people you found me could ever compare with you, so I thought once you saw each unsuccessful connection, you’d realize the only hand I want to hold is yours.”

“Din, it can’t be me.” Your protest is weak, on the verge of caving in, forcing you to try another angle. “I can’t have two soulmates.”

He inhales a breath so sharp and unexpected, it startles your poor heart into skipping a beat.

Din looks at you like you’ve gifted him all the stars in the galaxy, brown eyes blown wide with hope. “Angel, do you mean it? That you consider me—”

“Of course, you idiot.” You attempt a laugh, but it comes out sounding broken and forced. “As Death, as Din, as whoever you want to be, I’ll always consider you. But...what if what happened on Sorgan happens to us? What if the universe doesn’t favor us?”

“I just want to be yours.” Din extends his hand towards you. “And if that means breaking the universe’s rules, then fuck it. We’ll make up our own. Together.”

Time seems to stand still, like you’ve entered a realm separate from the rest of the universe where you’re able to forget you have a complicated past, filled with holes and a soulmate who rejected you. Here it’s just you, Din, and his offer to love you unconditionally. Here you have a choice.

And it’s the easiest one you’ve ever made.

You slowly lift up your hand to hover in front of his, fingers trembling as they uncurl.

“Together,” you whisper.

And then your hands are moving to meet one another, closer and closer until his fingertips brush yours, sending a spark of warmth through your nervous system. Oh, Maker, you had described what you imagined a soulmate connection was like, but you had no idea this is the true experience. It’s like a sunrise dissolving midnight skies, lighting up your surroundings with breathtaking vibrancy. You can’t fathom how you survived all this time being in his presence without feeling his touch.

“Dank farrik,” he mutters hoarsely, sounding just as overwhelmed and awestruck as you feel.

You open your mouth, but instead of words a whimper of agony escapes instead. That lovely warmth spreading from your linked hands has started to boil, white-hot and furious. It’s as if all your internal parts have caught fire and are slowly withering to ash—your organs, your bones, even your kriffing blood. 

Your body crumples and Din cries out your name, but you don’t get to hear him say it, unconscious before your head collides with the floor.

Tag List:  @leilei-draws​, @theocatkov​, @becauseican2, @vintagesaph​, @stardust-and-starlight​, @kay2304, @odelia-d32, @adrieunor​, @remmyswritings​, @gallowsjoker​, @rhiannon-russo​, @randomness501​, @eleine-t1d​, @nicotinebirds, @sylphene​, @softly-sad​, @maytheglitter​, @melobee, @rogertaylorsfalsettogivesmehives, @eleinemk, @captain-jebi, @aerynwrites, @promiscuoussatan

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

Spoiler-free TFATWS Ep. 1 review:

A strong and promising set-up episode to reintroduce us to these characters and where they’re at now, with plenty of (sometimes a little clunky...) world building, beautiful cinematography and action sequences, and some really likable new characters. Grounded in reality but it still felt big and like everything could kick off at any time. I have some reservations about Sam’s writing so far but got everything I wanted from Bucky’s. 8/10

Spoiler-heavy review:

Plot/Writing:

No big issues with the plot; it was a set up episode so I wasn’t expecting any huge revelations. Everything was very well done.

Sam’s scenes were meant to show the mundane and realistic aspects of being a superhero and the struggles of post-blip life, but at times they felt a little too mundane and repetitive, particularly the bank stuff. I feel like something more substantial could have been done with Sarah to make that plotline more tense and add real stakes - her car getting towed, an eviction notice, a bailiff coming round, for example? We hear that they’re struggling, but we don’t really see it.

There were a couple of moments of exposition that were so clunky and forced that it really made them stand out, because the rest of the script was so smooth and natural. Particularly Torres explaining who the flag smashers were to Sam, Yori suddenly being reminded of his son, and then some of the lines in the loan scene.

The audience isn’t dumb; we can figure these things out for ourselves. For example, the line from Yori about his son could have been cut entirely because it was already obvious. Bucky seeing the photo in the shrine at the end should have been the reveal for anyone who hadn’t figured it out.

In prior movies we’ve had plenty of backstory for Bucky, but no personality, and plenty of personality for Sam, but no backstory. They needed to fill in those gaps in a way that didn’t have us drowning in constant angst with Bucky, or drowning in constant exposition with Sam. I think we were successful with Bucky because he had some light moments, but Sam’s scenes were just a bit too exposition heavy to feel quite natural. I’m forgiving them because it’s a set up episode, but they need to balance this better in the future.

Sam:

Loved Sam’s action scenes, his relationship with Torres, his interactions with members of the public, all the stuff at the Smithsonian with Rhodey, and his banter with his family. Anthony killed the Smithsonian speech scene and his chemistry with Sarah and Torres is great. But most of the reservations I have about this series after the first episode are about Sam’s scenes, even though I liked them overall.

His writing started very strong but then kind of... fizzled out up until the last 2 minutes? Despite Sam being arguably the most charismatic and likeable and emphatic characters in the MCU, his characterisation just didn’t really come across in the latter half, because he seemed a little too out of touch with what Sarah was going through. Having so many scenes of people hero-worshipping him in one short episode definitely didn’t help with this - we put him in a down to earth, everyman setting but didn’t really see him being that everyman that we know he is, especially when we compare him to Bucky who’s living largely incognito. If I had been a first time MCU viewer I would not have been endeared to him or really gotten what his character was about because it seemed a bit all over the place.

I think this could have been fixed by having a darker scene with his family that would have humbled him to the audience and given Anthony an opportunity to flex his range. Like visiting his parents graves, or being unable to connect with his nephew’s because he’s been gone so long they don’t recognise him, or assuring Sarah that everything’s going to be fine with money then looking at an empty bank account and panicking when she was out of the room. Without that scene it just felt like he was brushing Sarah’s reality and struggles off with an “eh, it’ll be fine!” attitude. We got some range from his character at the Smithsonian, but even that felt like it was more about the shield and the symbol than about Sam and Steve, because we weren’t told whether Steve is alive or dead or still in Sam’s life, so we don’t really know what Sam is feeling.

I’m hoping now that the character set up is done and the fight for the shield gets going, this will get better.

Also, while Sam's opening sequence was awesome and really showed the capabilities of the wings and Red Wing and Sam himself, it felt ever so slightly too OP on the tech front. Unless Redwing has semi-sentient AI like Jarvis the way it works is just too unbelievable, and the wings also seemed to be semi-sentient or controlled by his brain somehow? I think they need to figure out exactly how his tech works because right now we’re leaning into ‘magic wings’ territory. 

Bucky:

I love that Sam has been trying to reach out to him as mentioned by the therapist. I wish Sam and Rhodey had paused at his exhibit in the Smithsonian or mentioned him to tie the two storylines together more tightly. 

This Bucky is my exact Bucky. This is the absolutely perfect characterisation for me. Snarky, funny, smart, kind of a dork, morally grey, riddled by guilt, trying to do the right thing, depths of sadness and rage and loss, barely holding it together, regaining his old sass and personality and memories but forever a changed man. He wasn’t a totally broken damsel in distress, he wasn’t a completely lawful good hero, he was an independent but traumatised man trying his best to heal.

I’m happy that they mentioned his family and the ‘man out of time’ thing was dealt with very well. He’s wasn’t totally lost, just bemused but adapting well. I was worried they were going to sweep it all under the rug because they felt all ground had been covered with Steve, but they didn’t.

It’s also great that they showed he was capable with technology. The Winter Soldier would absolutely have used all kinds of tech, Bucky was always a science nerd, and he lived in high-tech Wakanda for a few years. He’s likely fine with technology, it’s the people and culture he doesn’t understand.

I love him trying to date and being flirty. I will continue to fight the people who say he shouldn’t be dating because he has PTSD - it’s fucking ableist and patronising. Also, he’s been free from HYDRA for almost 5 years (10 if you count the blip). When is he allowed to start dating if not after 5 whole years?! 

Sam has previously been the funny one but I think Bucky had better one liners here. I can’t wait until we see both of them together, their chemistry is unmatched.

Seb does all these conflicting emotions and micro-expressions and feelings hidden in the eyes so, so well. You feel it all - the guilt and shame, the desperation to make amends, but also the rage and need for revenge and killer instinct bubbling under the surface that he’s constantly having to fight down. This is a character with a dark side, and no matter how fandom may characterise him, he always has been. Seb really bought the comedy here too. 

Bucky having P.W. Hauser in his book was hilarious. 

New Characters:

All the new characters felt very real and likeable. Loved the girl in the restaurant (did they actually say her name? I think from the credits she must be Leah), Sarah Wilson, the no-shit taking therapist, Yori, and particularly Torres, who I have a feeling will die but I really love.

I see from the IMDB that Leah is listed as appearing in all 6 episodes, so maybe there will be an actual relationship between her and Bucky? Or she’s a secret super hero or not who she seems?  We didn’t actually see Batroc die, meaning he will likely come back too. He’s listed as only having 1 ep on IMDB but so is the therapist and we know she comes back from the promos - maybe IMDB is just wrong, idk.

Other:

The cinematography was really great, some beautiful shots here, especially around Louisiana and the Tunisia stuff. 

It’s such a minor thing but I like when people actually get to speak the languages they would speak in that situation, instead of a room full of French people speaking English for the audiences benefit. It feels so much more real.

Even the end credits were beautiful!

I mean in Leonardo's route he mentions Comte used to be a smoker! AND, it's heavily implied Comte used to be a wild child so!

Comte spoilers below, please don’t open if you’d prefer to wait to find out! I know I’m 100% feral for Comte but I don’t want to diminish anyone else’s experience~

Yes, there are indications that he once engaged in smoking, and was implied to be even worse than Leonardo (a chainsmoker of epic proportions, so to speak). As for whether or not Comte was a wild child, I have no way to confirm that with the current information that Cybird has provided, but there are heavy allusions to him going off the rails (at least for a vampire of noble blood). There are several mentions–if I recall correctly he states it himself–that he’s been running from his legacy for a very long time, and only recently settled down and took up the full weight of his aristocratic title. Unfortunately we don’t know much more than that. But I wouldn’t be surprised, he wandered quite a bit around Europe before turning the men of the mansion. In the few glimpses into his backstory we receive there is also plenty of fuel for a so-called teenage or adolescent vampire rebellious phase. Both he and Leonardo have a profound compassion for other people/creatures, and vehemently reject the social hierarchy/power dynamics that other purebloods seem to want to enforce. 

Among the few scenes I have seen that can testify to his more wild behavior is an event that is likely headed to the english app very soon. There was a story event that featured the suitors–as a pair–enjoying a drink and often reminiscing about the past. Comte and Leonardo are seated at a bar, and they’re drinking their own weight in alcohol and bewildering nearby patrons. Leonardo asks if Comte remembers when it was that they became good friends, and Comte is all “I have no idea what you’re talking abt MORE BOURBON.” Spoilers: he likely knows, or at least has an inkling, and doesn’t want to remember his own punk ass going feral. Anywho, Leonardo goes into it anyway, and describes a situation in which he and Comte attended some kind of social event. Upon exiting the venue, they see/hear a young woman being assaulted in an alley by several men. Now, Leonardo is already cracking his knuckles, excited to unleash a can of whoop ass–but Comte actually beats him to it. He goes stone cold and starts knocking out the people hurting her, asking them how they like being on the receiving end of violence. He then gingerly lifts the young lady and asks Leonardo to get the carriage, since it’s raining out and he would hate for her to catch a cold. This is the moment in which Leonardo learns that–for all of Comte’s adherence to his noble title’s customs–all of that ceases to matter when somebody is in need of his help. And that’s why they became friends; because all of Comte’s money, all of his prestige and social recognition doesn’t mean shit to him. He would give it up in seconds if it meant doing the right thing. His principles and his convictions outweigh any of his perceived materiality, no matter how he conducts himself or seems to others.

One of the greater issues Comte seems to struggle with–and could very possibly have been the reason he distanced himself from his own family–is the way that vampires drop humans like flies. Even if they aren’t engaging in a predatory relationship, in some ways humans are deemed expendable regardless. He had the privilege of being born into a family that treats human beings with respect and perhaps even affection, but every single one of his teachers, caretakers, and the servants in the house he grew up with were fired long before he became an adult. But he was just old enough to understand why they left, and it crushed him. Getting too close was deemed dangerous, for both parties; it would hurt the purebloods more to leave somebody they were attached too, and the humans in their employ would grow suspicious/fearful, perhaps even violent, if they noticed that they didn’t age. But like Leonardo, Comte loves the company of all kinds of people, and to be forced to cut ties for the sake of his own emotional and physical health was shattering for him (death is impossible as far as we know, but that doesn’t make vampires impervious to pain).

I think he spent a very long time rejecting that mindset, until he started to live life on his own and saw how difficult it was. To love people fully, and watch their lives end what felt like hours later. Over and over and over again. Four hundred years is a long time to love and lose people, and while it can be easy to believe that all grieving really requires is letting go, such a thing is much easier said than done. Leonardo wrestles with it just as much as Comte does; the only reason Comte fairs a little better is because he exercises considerable restraint. He’s been burned before, and he’s edging the flames more carefully now. Even so, we see several moments in which this self-control collapses; he will never stand in the way of MC’s happiness with someone else–but the attraction is always simmering beneath the surface, never fully realized. Literally the entire crux of his own route is that he’s trying, trying desperately not to just move where is heart is taking him, but failing anyway because MC has the courage to meet him halfway–wants to meet him halfway, despite their differences. 

One of the hardest things Comte is probably forced to contend with is that, no matter how vehemently he feels that his family was wrong, life proves that in some regards they were right. It is extremely difficult to engage in the kind of life they live without a modicum of self-restraint, or at the very some kind of healthy grieving process. Eternity isn’t going to wait for them to feel better, life isn’t going to stop taking the people they love just because they were born under different circumstances, or are another species altogether. Life doesn’t have any mercy, in that regard, and so they must be merciful and understanding with themselves. In the course of his lifetime he’s forgotten how to be gentle with himself, and he’s forgotten how to look forward to each day to come. For better or worse, his answer to the pain of forever was to shut himself down as swiftly and powerfully as he could to stop the growing whirpool of poorly resolved grief, or perhaps better described as melancholia. He was able to survive the first downspiral, but that doesn’t mean he’s confident he’ll survive another. And survival doesn’t necessarily entail living well, it means doing what you must to forge on–no matter how much it hurts.

(I will say that I can clarify what I mean by the specific term melancholia, because I don’t mean it in the colloquial sense. But I’ll give the disclaimer here for the sake of sparing everyone a technical argument they might not care about lol keep reading after the dashes for the conclusion)

—

Essentially, Freud contends that people process grief in two distinct ways, as I will loosely summarize. Mourning is the reaction to some kind of loss (whether a person, a concept, an opportunity, etc.) that inspires a short-term level of discomfort and unhappiness. Most people heal on their own over time, and it’s something that most people have experienced before. Melancholia, on the other hand, is more or less mourning that has never ended. It is described as a prolonged state of dejection in which all the color in life has dissolved and left, in which one’s self-regard often diminishes (not usually a side effect of mourning, but specific to melancholia) and they lose their will to go on slowly but surely.

In Comte’s route he literally says that MC eases the void in his heart, makes him look forward to every single day; that “his time” starts moving again. That the reason he reciprocated her feelings at all instead of stifling them was because he just fell into the comfort and joy of her presence, couldn’t help himself in wanting to see and talk to her. He describes her love as an irresistible “magic,” something with the capacity to transfigure the fragments of his experience into a de facto life.

Sound familiar?

—

And that’s the whole point, that’s what we as the player are here to do. We’re supposed to help him find the magic in the little things again, hope for better again. Make it so that when he does open his heart and lets himself feel freely again, anguish isn’t the only thing that finds him. We’re supposed to help him stop living in the hellscape of anxiety that he’s been forcing into silence, a depression so wide and deep it’s a wonder he never went mad. 

So uh, this kind of became ridiculously meta, but that’s why I love Comte? And that’s as much as I know about him, as of now. Hoping for more details in the jpn app in the future! I know I got a little sidetracked, do forgive me–I get really in it when I discuss Comte LOL

Will you talk more about Lisa?? Lisa the character specifically but also your feelings on his feelings about Buddy? I just thought your analysis was so good and I want to hear other thoughts you have on her.

yall are honestly spoiling me rn sdhkfdjfks this is like a dream come true 

i already got into the stuff with buddy in this ask here but i have a LOT to say about lisa and the connection between her and buddy so u better settle in!

ok so firstly ill start with lisa. i played the original lisa game (lisa the first) not long after it first dropped in 2012, and im not even kidding when i said it changed me LMAO.... seeing a story about a girl suffering is nothing new, but austin jorgensens approach to it was so fucking unique. you dont just witness it, you get to EXPERIENCE it right along with her. many stories that involve sexual abuse/rape show or otherwise depict it explicitly for the shock value, which is both disgusting and, in my opinion, extremely fucking exploitative. i feel that it is horrific to dignify an act so deeply evil with screentime. but lisa stood out to me immediately because, even though you know exactly whats going on, the game NEVER shows anything explicit. everything is layered in subtext and symbolism, and austin is fantastic with indirect storytelling, so you learn so much from just a little drop of information. this applies not just to the game proper, but to the character as well.

in case its not clear: i absolutely ADORE lisa. she is my favorite character in all of the games, bar none. its going to sound kind of fucked up, but as a kid around her age going through some fucked up shit, her committing suicide at the end felt like a sort of victory to me. she knew she could never escape from marty or what he was doing to her. he leaks into every single part of her psyche, everything she ever cared about or loved is ruined because of him, and even the vague memory of her mother is completely corrupted, and turned into a muddled version of him. lisa the first also had the added benefit of some religious commentary, as there are crosses all over their home and marty is characterized as an extremely religious man, which i fucking LOVE and wish had come back in the painful, but its an acceptable loss. anyway, lisa committing suicide at the end was an act of defiance against not just marty, but martys god, as suicide is considered a mortal sin in catholicism. lisa knew she’d never be free of marty in life, so she escaped the only way she could; she was defiant to the end.

ive seen people complain that the painful has a bit of a “lost lenore” thing going on, since lisas death seems to fuel the Manpain of both brad and buzzo, but i actually disagree. on the contrary, its just like austin himself said - lisa will never be gone. lisa is ALWAYS there, with brad, and buzzo, and buddy, and marty, and yado, and the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD. i dont necessarily think that there is something paranormal going on in the game, but i AM going to say that, unlike other cases of a girl/woman dying for a mans backstory, lisa isnt just a bittersweet memory they can reflect on and then put away when its convenient for them. she is a presence that is felt throughout the entire game. brad sees her more than once, sometimes watching, sometimes reprimanding him. buzzo is clearly haunted by her, as he cries out to her a few times in the joyful. every character who was directly touched by lisa - brad, marty, and buzzo - calls out to lisa as they die. call it their guilt or call it her actions, but in either case, it is clear that lisa just as significant of a character in the painful as she was in the first, even if she cant always be seen. even in a meta-sense, every game in the series - even the joyful, whose protagonist doesnt even know who she is - is named after her. she is at the center of everything that happens in them. 

that actually brings me to buddy, because i find the dynamic between her and lisa fucking fascinating. as i previously mentioned, brad never talked about his past with buddy, and snaps at her for bringing up his adoptive son dusty (rando), so it goes without saying that she definitely doesnt know who lisa is. in spite of that, though, lisa is a fucking massive part of buddys life, and while she may not know the person herself, i think she is aware that when people (and brad especially) look at her, they arent seeing HER. 

i mentioned it in another post, but even though brad takes it upon himself to raise and “protect” buddy, he seems to almost unwittingly recreate lisas appearance, primarily by allowing her hair to grow long even though he knows what a risk that is to her safety. he also treats buddy in a manner thats incredibly similar to how marty treated lisa (sans sexual abuse, of course) - he insults her, does not let her leave the house at all, and forces her to do unsavory things that no one should ever have to do (in buddys case, this means killing at least two innocent people because brad doesnt want a “weak” daughter). the most literal comparison between buddy and lisa is the fact that they are both very young girls being essentially held captive by their father figures, albeit for different reasons, and both long for freedom from their captors. 

theres also the fact that both buddy and lisa have to deal with misogyny and the effects of rape culture firsthand; they both battle against men who feel entitled to do with them whatever they please, and the threat of ongoing sexual abuse looms heavy over both of their heads. neither one can seek help from anyone; the neighbors in brad and lisas town seem complacent at best, if they even know what is happening to lisa at all, and buddys only allies (sans rando) are long dead by the start of the joyful. this is not just a hypothetical or a distant possibility. this is the real, tangible fate that will befall them if they cant somehow secure their safety.

sadly, because lisa wasnt playable in either of the rpgs, we dont know if she was able to fight as brad was, but it is highly probable that she had the innate skill but was never able to learn it (as marty highly discouraged them from learning “their grandfathers karate,” and seemed disgusted whenever brad did so). however, she did have ONE weapon she could make use of, and this is a weapon buddy ends up using, as well - her femininity. she became close to bernard (aka buzzo), made him fall in love with her, and then used him as a last ditch effort to stop martys abuse by having him mutilate her face. im not saying lisa never cared about bernard - in fact, i think she DID really love and care for him - but her own fucked up experiences with “love” meant she really couldnt understand what it was supposed to be like, or that it was wrong to manipulate the people you care about. lisa did very few things wrong - it pretty much just stops at the maiming of the cat and her manipulation of bernard - but she knew that she would never get away from marty without some kind of drastic action being taken, and scarring herself was her last ditch effort before ultimately committing suicide.

buddy ends up taking a somewhat similar tack in the joyful, and like in lisas case, its simultaneously resourceful and horrific. one of buddys key moves in the joyful is to flash the enemy (which the player obviously doesnt see) in order to distract them long enough to get the kill. its fucking horrible and disgusting and makes you feel so dirty, but then, how must buddy feel having to do something like that just to survive? shes just a child, but in a world where almost every man is out to get you, she knows this has to be done to save herself, very much like lisa. unlike in lisas case, though, buddy is successful in securing her safety in this way - lisas effort is for naught, and leads to her committing suicide not very long after. 

in a way, i sort of attribute buddys brutality to lisas omnipresence; all of the men pursuing buddy are just like marty, monsters who would harm a fucking child for their own disgusting ends, and i think that when buzzo said that lisa wouldve loved olathe, what he means is that she would have loved seeing so many horrible men being punished for what theyd done. so in my opinion, buddy carving out a place for herself in olathe by killing all those who would subjugate her seems very much in the mentality lisa would have had. sure, there are some innocents who sadly get roped into it, but that would definitely not be her intention; for example, if buzzo could have practiced amputation without harming a living thing, i dont think lisa would have asked him to practice on the cat. note the LACK of brutality at the beehive and the swamp bar, two of the few peaceful places in the painful and both devoid of predatory men hunting for buddy - lisa has no qualm with any of them. but marty? brad could hardly even get a full sentence out before killing him on the spot. i dont doubt that that has a great deal to do with lisas presence. 

ok i talked for a while LMAO but basically i think that, in a more metatextual sense, lisa and buddys relationship really strikes me as an accurate depiction of generational trauma. of course it was intentional with the more obvious trauma chain (marty to brad to buddy), but the trauma chain of marty to lisa to buddy is rarely ever addressed due to lisa not physically appearing in the painful. however, i believe it may inform buddys actions a great deal more than people realize - after all, buddys experience is unique, but who could understand it better than lisa? who knows that sort of pain, of being alone on an island, the lone woman trapped with a man (or men) who want nothing more than to cause you harm? even without her realizing it, lisa is guiding buddy, encouraging her to take back what is hers no matter the cost, to punish those who would try to take what they want from her. lisa might be dead, but she is a vengeful presence throughout every game, and buddys actions feel like theyre meant not only to save herself, but to avenge lisa, even if she doesnt realize it. at the end of the day, buddy and lisa both get to exact revenge against all the men who have wronged them, and they succeed. they are aggressive, and violent, and selfish, and ANGRY - and they have every fucking right to be. 

So I've been working on something over the last week and here's what I've been up to:

Meet my Robot Master/ Reploid OC Miss  "Ivory Plant" (Ivy for short or Ivory woman) and her adorable Mutant Venus fly trap buddy Ivan.

She was inspired by my pal

YellyDany

Robot Master OC Gardener Man (I though he could do with someone to love besides his sunflowers)

Here's her profile and her back story too (just her heads up her backstory is a little long but really good- I promise) I recommend you read it sometime to better understand who Ivory is:

Name: Ivory Marguerite Plant  or just“Ivory Plant”

Nicknames: Ivy, Rory, Flower bud (Gardener Man), Poison Ivy (by Professor Chaos)

Age: 20 (resembles a twenty year old human female)

DOB: September 2nd

Race/ Gender: Reploid / Robot Master/ Female

Height: “5’6” (167.3cm)

Eyes: Magenta  

Family / Friends: Professor Enigma (Creator/ father figure), Gardener Man (Love interest/partner), Ivan (Adorable mutant venus fly trap pet), Professor Enigma’s Team of fellow scientists / robotics engineers( close friends).

Occupation: Botanist, Biologist, Peacekeeper Environmentalist, warrior/protector

Personality/Traits: Tends to be very quiet, a to herself kinda person- mostly due to her past, fun, loving, a little awkward at times, smart, kind, spunky, badass very friendly, loyal, selfless

Abilities/Powers: Can talk/ understand plants (physically/ emotionally- i.e she can sense when they feel pain e.t.c), Fast/agile, quick reflexes, very skilled blades woman,

Likes: Nature, the environment, gardening, her special little green house, plants, taking care of others (including her plants and other people), Ivan (her mutant Venus fly trap), biology, chemistry, doodling, fulfilling her duty as a robot master/peacekeeper and protector, being a badass warrior, poofy baggy clothing (she loves her one piece she wears all the time the most), The colours royal purple, parrot green, bright magenta and gold, watching her plants grow (over time that is), growing flowers, the art of Bonsai, roses, sunflowers and a certain Gardener robot master (Gardener man) 😏.

Dislikes: Her past, being used and manipulated for others gain ( reference to her past), professor Chaos, bad guys, criminals, evil/ wrong doers, those who purposely harm the environment, being a bit clumsy around a certain someone 😏, being disturbed during her work, early mornings, ignorant/ thick headed idiots, people trying to take her research/scientific works (she does some pretty cool advanced stuff), those who go in her lab without her know abouts.

Profile/ Backstory: Ivory was designed as a Robot Master, not an ordinary one- A protector of nature and humanity …

Her creator Professor/Doctor Garin Enigma Wanted to take his time building his Robot “Ivory Plant '', he’d begun to slowly piece her together day by day, after all Ivory was his most specialist /advanced reploid designs after all . On the other hand jealous Evil Professor/ Doctor Kirk Chaos had heard about Enigma’s robot, so late one evening he broke into Enigma’s lab, stealing both Ivory’s blue prints and her unfinished built body- Chaos was too quick for the police and managed to run away with Enigma’s robot- He made sure to hide well so Enigma could never find him or his robot master “Ivory Plant ” ever again.

After studying her blue prints and what Enigma had built so far, Professor Chaos decided to tweak Enigma’s Reploid Master a little. As he continued to finish the last few parts (Enigma had 95% of Ivory made) to her internals- He implanted a very Powerful yet unstable (in the wrong hands of course - wink, wink) module inside her. Taking advantage of so, Chaos used Ivory or Ivy/ Poison Ivy (as he renamed her destructive self) for his own gain- using simple mind control he’d manipulate her into causing havoc and destruction. Though after returning to her true sweet loving self  after each time, Ivory felt ashamed and disgusted that this horrid man was making her do so- she couldn’t escape his control and if she tried to fight back, Ivory was only abused by his goons.  

Though after many months of this horrendance torture, shame and mistreatment Ivory learnt the truth about her creation/creator though one of Chaos’s minions she’s managed  to give a “talking to”. It was devastating and hurt her deeply to find out what Professor Chaos had done- Such a cruel cold-hearted monster he was…

On the other hand Enigma and his team had been searching all over the entire city for her, Enigma was losing hope and soon became quite depressed after the loss of Ivory- she was like a daughter to him- she was to be a great Master and protector.. But now.. Now he knew all hopes of ever finding her again were very slim- He knew Chaos would do whatever it took to hide her from him…

During one of his latest searches for Ivory (though still feeling quite depressed), Enigma found himself caught in the middle of a frightened and terrorised runaway crowd of people. Enigma couldn’t help but go forward and explore the situation, for some reason this seemed very suspicious …

When Enigma made his way in towards the commotion- his eyes must have been playing some horrid trick on him, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing… It was his lovely Robot Master Ivory in her armoured form- though she seemed different and was acting very dangerously.. Pulling out his x-ray tech specks, Enigma quickly analysed her internals- he was disgusted  at what he’d found. He couldn’t believe that Chaos put such a powerful (dangerously powerful) and unstable module inside his reploid. Enigma just couldn’t withstand watching Ivory (under mind control) cause so much damage, quickly pulling out a small device  which would break her free of the mind control/ stabilize the module- he targeted the device at her and hit her right on the upper arm. Ivory returned to her normal self, she collapsed to the ground out cold and unconscious. Enigma ran over to her side and picked her up, he carried her back to his vehicle and took her home to his laboratory..

In the course of his return back to his laboratory, Chaos and his Goons were locked up and taken away. Enigma couldn’t have been more pleased to hear the news.Now with Ivory back in his grasp and on the repair table of his lab- Enigma did a full body analysis scan on his reploid to see what damage Chaos did to her. After doing the Analysis, he found exactly where Chaos implanted the powerful yet unstable module- right beside her heart. Removing it from her body sadly wasn’t an option- Enigma knew once it was implanted in a reploid it would bond and become one with the reploid, also if he were to try and remove it it meant taking her fully apart and wiping her mind completely.  Professor Enigma knew his only option was to make a special orb that could control the stability/ use of power from the module, but still allow her alone to use the immense power through a much more controlled way. So whilst she was still unconscious and resting- Professor Enigma set out to make her this stabilizing orb. Half an hour later the orb was complete- it took the form of a choker (he didn’t want to just randomly put it on her neck). Removing the temporary one he’d put on her earlier, he placed the orb choker around her neck- The left Ivory hooked up to his analysis machine- keeping an eye on her systems as he allowed her to rest.

Twenty-four hours later, Ivory awoke- she was a little startled and panicky at first, but then she realised she was safe when Professor Enigma (her original creator) came bursting into his lab to help her .Enigma unhooked her form his machines, the took her outside. The two sat down on the slightly cold stone stairs- though Ivory felt so lost and so ashamed for what Chaos made her do under mind control, She told Enigma everything. After their talk- Ivory sat there looking off to the side, sad, ashamed with a few tears in her eyes- Enigma comforted her and told Ivory that he would help her get past this pain Chaos caused. She smiled sincerely, grateful for Professor Enigma’s kindness.

Many months onwards, Ivory soon began to feel like her true self and her past pain faded away- she didn’t feel like a monster no more. She was out and about fulfilling her destiny to be a great protector, she also was an amazing and talented scientist too. When she wasn’t doing so, Ivory would spend most of her time talking to her one and only mutant Venus fly trap buddy Ivan (he’s like a lil’ dog ^^). Ivory was special- she had the ability to communicate and understand nature/the natural environment. She on many occasions would also help out / assist Professor Enigma and his team with scientific research or experiments.

One evening though, on her way back to Professor Enigma’s Laboratory- with Ivan in her arm, something (More like someone 😏) caught her attention. A tall fair young male reploid wearing a big floppy straw hat, working in his garden and talking to his big beautiful sunflowers. She stood there watching him, slightly blushing- Ivory was surprised to see that she wasn’t the only one who could talk to plants or loved to garden. She just couldn’t help blushing deeper a little more- this mysterious man was quite handsome. Ivan was starting to feel a little bit left out, he made a small screechy whine noise which caught the attention of this stranger and Ivory. When Ivory saw the handsome stranger turn around, she went beet red-turning around quickly herself to run off- Ivory lost her footing and tripped- heading face first towards the ground. When this mysterious handsome reploid turned around, he saw this young female reploid awkwardly falling to the ground. Gardener ran over to her side just in time- Catching both her and her Mutant Venus fly trap. Ivory’s eyes were closed tight, then she slightly opened one, only to find that she had been caught by the mysterious young reploid man she was staring at..

Gardener Man: “Are you alright?”

Ivory (Blushing, but shaking it off quickly): “U..um.. Thank you. I’m alright. But where’s Ivan?”

Gardener Man: “You mean this little guy? He’s alright”.

Ivory (Smiling): “Aww, I’m so glad you’re safe too Ivan “

Ivan made this cute little happy squeal noise, gently licking the side of her cheek.

The mysterious young reploid man raised his brow in confusion/ in a questioning manner- then politely asked:

Gardener Man: “You can talk to plants too? (he says blushing a little).

Ivory with Ivan in her arms stood up, blushing still, looking off to the side and fidgeting about a little…

Ivory: “Y..Yeah.. I can talk to plants, I have the ability to feel what they feel and understand them like no other”.

Gardener Man (Blushing a little more): “O..Oh.. Nice I can talk to plants like that too”.

Ivory (Awkwardly blurting out/ all cutesy red in the face): “Y..yeah I saw you could do that, Um.. that’s the reason I kinda tripped over and fell”.

The mysterious young reploid man stood there blushing ever so deeply, then awkwardly introduced himself to her…

Gardener Man (Still blushing deeply): “Erm..W..Well.. A..Anyway, I..I'm  Gardener Man, It’s nice to meet a fellow Botanist like yourself”.

Ivory blushed all cutesy as she bowed her her:

“It’s nice to m..meet you Gardener man. And I..I’m Ivory, some call me Ivy l, though sometimes Professor Enigma and his team call me Rory”.

He came up close to her, holding her hand, he gently shook it in gratitude..

Gardener Man (Still blushing a little): “ It’ was a pleasure to meet you Miss Ivory, oh I mean Rory”

She smiled sincerely once more, blushing, then she looked down at the sunset…

Ivory: “Oh crap!!!, I’m going to be late. I hope Professor Enigma doesn’t mind. It was lovely meeting you Gardener Man, but I better get going”.

Reaching into the frog pocket of his overalls and pulling out a small packet, he placed them into Ivory’s hand..

Gardener Man: “Here, take these. For your garden.I hope we can see each other again miss Rory”.

Ivory (Blushing deeply, Nodding her head):  “Oh..um, s..sure, I would love to spend more time with you , that would be great”.

He bowed his head once again, politely tipping his straw hat to her..

Gardener Man: “Good bye miss Ivory, Until we meet again”.

Ivory (Blushing, walking off and waving back to him from a distance): 

“ G...Goodbye Gardener Man.”

Eventually she arrived back at Enigma’s laboratory (Her home), he was a little puzzled when she arrived back so late, it wasn’t like Ivory- but Then he saw the packet of sunflower seeds in the little satchel pocket on her utility belt-he smiled sincerely, Enigma instantly knew why she’d returned back so late now. When she finally got back into her quarters, Ivory placed Ivan back on her desk, then went outside to her small greenhouse- planting the sunflower seeds that Gardener Man had given to her. After she planted them, Ivory just stood there resting her cheek in the palm of her hand- slightly slumped over daydreaming about her next meeting with Gardener Man.

Over the next few weeks, Professor Enigma began to see change (Good change) in Ivory- she seemed much happier and enlightened. He was glad to see her well being improve, especially after all the crap she went through. Ivory, was spending many of her hours out and about with Gardener Man- Usually helping him with the nature reserve/garden, hanging about with him or just spending quality time in general with him. Each time she met up with Gardener, her feelings for him only seemed to grow stronger and stronger. He too after spending all this time with Ivory- Gardener Man soon felt himself fall for her too. As things in Ivory’s life began to improve, a disturbance from her past was arising once more …

Professor Chaos, with a little help from his two trusted Goons- Spark and Rust, Escaped from prison. Of course though, his first plan was to get his hands on “Ivy” again-but this time using a special mind controlling collar that he built secretly in prison,  so he could use that unstable module of hers to take down the city and build his empire of ruthlessness and take over the world of reploid robotics..

Late one evening, walking through one of the many beautiful moonlit gardens, Ivory and Gardener Man were out and about together, Tonight though Ivory knew she’d finally muster up the courage to tell Gardener Man how she really felt about him …

As the two came to a halt on the open pavilion (round circular path in the centre of the moonlit garden), Gardener Man turned to face Ivory, Looking deep into her eyes- causing her to blush ever so deeply.  From in the bushes behind, unaware, Professor Chaos and his two goons sat their watching in disgust as they got ready to put the plan into action.

Meanwhile, back on the pavilion …

Gardener Man (still looking into Ivory’s eyes and clutching onto her hands): 

“ Hey, Ivy.. Look I must say it’s been wonderful having someone like you to talk too”.

Ivory (Blushing): “ It’s been wonderful being with you too Gardener”.

The two stood there blushing all cutesy and looking off to the side a little- the Taking a deep breath in, slowly releasing, Ivory spoke once more..

Ivory (Fidgeting about nervously a little, yet still blushing): “ Well um,  Y..you see Gardener, there’s something I want to tell you”...

Gardener Man (Blushing a deeper shade of red : “Y..You can tell me anything you like Ivy”.

Sighing out loud and blushing deeper herself, Ivory spoke once more …

“W..Well Gardener, I.. I just wanted to say ….”

Professor Chaos couldn’t take this disgusting sappy reploid romance anymore…

Professor Chaos: “NOW!!! NOW YOU FOOLS, GRAB HER!!!!!”

Ivory (with a slight tremble of fear in the tone of her voice) : “Huh? C..Chaos?...”

Rust Violently shoved and punched out Gardener Man into the shrubbery, Spark on the other hand grabbed Ivory from behind aggressively holding her down in a choke hold- shattering her stabilizing orb into a million tiny pieces. Ivory gasped, gaging- kicking and screaming , fighting back, trying to break free from Spark’s grip. But alas he was way too strong- then out of the shadows, a bone chilling yet familiar voice spoke..

Professor Chaos: “Well, well, well it’s been so long since I’ve seen you my beautiful “Poisoned Ivy”. Come now.. I have a wonderful gift for you”.

Ivory’s eyes widened in fear, with a few tears trickling down her cheeks as her past trauma flashed back through her mind. When she saw the horrendous collar he pulled out from his lab coat- she kicked and screamed louder and louder as Chaos got closer and closer..

Getting up and out of the shrubbery, Gardener Man- a usually calm, kind man was certainly enraged and unhappy that these Goons and Professor Chaos were hurting his Ivory. Gardener Man ran up to them, pulling out his futuristic hedge trimmer shears in defense.

Gardener Man: “HEY, GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY IVORY OR ELSE” (he came closer with the blades to Chaos’s ugly mug).

Chaos with a disgustingly smug smirk on his face…

Professor Chaos: “Oooh, whatcha gonna do? Trim some hedges to torture us?”

His two goons (the idiots that they are) laughed.

Gardener Man (stepping forward, in an unusual stern tone): “ I’M WARNING YOU CHAOS, LET HER GO OR ELSE”

Still standing there with such a smug expression on his face, Chaos did so..

Chaos: “Very well then.. Remember now.. This is YOUR doing. SPARK!!  DROP HER.. NOW!!!”

Just as Spark slammed her knee first to the ground, Professor Chaos swung his hand with the mind controlling collar and aggressively let it automatically tighten to her neck. Ivory was on her knees screaming in pain as electrical sparks flew out of the collar..

Gardener Man’s eyes widened in shock/ horror, Chaos stood there chaotically laughing like a maniac- Poor Ivory did all she could to fight the power and pain, but it was too late it now controlled her mind- activating the true potential and darkness of the unstable module from within.

Professor Chaos: “Good girl Poisoned Ivy. Now You WILL do as I say. Your First order, transform and get rid of this pathetic reploid. Then go cause havoc and destruction in the city”.

The collar shocked her once more, she bowed her head, knelt down on one knee…

“Poisoned Ivy” (Under mind control): “Yes Master, I shall”.

She stood before them Transforming (Magical girl style of course) into her true yet powerful badass armoured Robot Master self..

Gardener Man stood there, blushing quite deeply- he never knew how truly beautiful yet badass Ivory really was- seeing her like this was causing his circuits to overheat a little 😳🥵.

Alongside Ivory, her weapon of choice- a long bladed bo staff covered in theory vines appeared. Chaos with such a manic smile on his face..

“NOW POISONED IVY, DESTROY HIM!!!!!!!”

Gardener Man snapped out of his daze, he backed away, though in fury yelled out at Chaos-

“YOU MONSTER!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO IVORY? I’LL MAKE YOU REGRET EVER CONTROLLING HER MIND CHAOS!!!!!”

Chaos rolled his eyes and watched as his newly controlled “Poison Ivy” got closer and closer to the foolish Gardener Man- Swinging her bladed staff widely towards him…

As he walked backwards a little quicker, Gardener Man lost his footing and tripped- slipping. Though as he slipped and she wildly swung her blade- the tip scraped the top of his shoulder, only just cutting through to his internals- leaving some minor damage..

Gardener Man (holding onto his shoulder, gritting his teeth): “ ARGH!!! You’ll regret this Chaos”.

Gardener man got up holding onto his slightly damaged shoulder, staring into Ivory’s eyes.

Gardener Man (Sincerely speaking to his beloved): “I know you’re still in there Ivory, I’ll be back to save you”.

Poison Ivy Growled (she’s still wearing the mind control collar), just as she went to manically swing her blade once more, Gardener Man ran off clutching onto his slightly damaged shoulder. Poison Ivy was just about to go after him..

Professor Chaos: “NOW, Poison Ivy don’t worry about that pathetic reploid- go out and about- cause havoc and destruction in the city”.

Poison Ivy: “As you wish master”.

And with that she ran off into the city, taking down anything and everything that got in her way. On the other hand bursting through the doors of Enigma’s laboratory, still clutching onto his slightly damaged shoulder blade- Gardener Man called out for Professor Enigma. Some of his team (robotics engineers) took Gardener aside and repaired his damaged shoulder blade whilst Enigma came along.

A moment later and not too soon, Professor Enigma came running into his laboratory..

Professor Enigma (in a panicky tone): “What’s happened, what is it, where is Ivory?”....

Gardener Man looked off to the side, sighing heavily…

Gardener Man (in a sad yet disappointed tone): “ I’m sorry professor, but somehow Chaos has escaped prison, he ambushed Ivory and I, he destroyed that orb around her neck and replaced it with a mind control device”.

Professor Enigma: “CHAOS IS WHAT? AND HE’S DONE WHAT TO IVORY??.. Oh no!!!!”

Gardener Man (Sighing and looking to the ground feeling ashamed) : “ I’m sorry professor, I tried to protect her yet I failed to”.

Professor Enigma (placing his hand on Gardeners other shoulder): “ It’s not your fault Gardener, Chaos stole Ivory back when I was in the middle of completing he- he damaged her the moment he placed that unstable module inside her. But right now, all we need to do is stabilize that module once more and get her back..”

Gardener Man: “But how will we get Ivy to listen to us?, Chaos has turned her into a fully dangerous weapon of mass destruction”.

Enigma turned to face Gardener Man, with a sincere smile he replied: “You can talk to her, she’ll listen to you-for you see Ivory cares about you very much and loves you deeply with all her heart”.

Gardener Man (Wide-eyed and blushing): “ S..She loves me? O..Oh Um (he blushed a deeper shade of rose, looking off to the side).

Professor Enigma still stood there sincerely smiling. Then called upon his team and then finally turned his attention back to Gardener Man…

Professor Enigma (Gently tapping Gardener’s shoulder): “Come now Gardener, we have a reploid to save”.

Gardener Man (shaking it off): “R..Right Professor, Let’s go save Ivy”.

In the middle of town, a mind controlled yet deadly “Poisoned Ivy'' was causing chaos, causing havoc and destroying everything in her path. People and other reploids ran away in terror and fear as this mighty robot master unleashed such wrath and power from within. Professor Chaos and his two goons watched as their newly formed “Poison Ivy” tore up the town …

Professor Chaos (Evil Cackling): “Ha ha, Look at those fools run in fear, that unstable module certainly has such immense power. Ah she’ll have that city torn to shreds in no time”.

Spark: “He he you’re right boss. You’ll have your empire in no time”.

Moments later, back down in town, Enigma, Gardener Man and his team rolled up- Professor Enigma was hurt to see his beautiful reploid Ivory being tortured and forced to be violent…

Enigma (under his breath) : “You Bastard Chaos, you’ll pay for what you’ve done to Ivory”.

Then from his pocket he pulled out a small device, handing it over to Gardener Man.

Professor Enigma: ” Now Gardener, I need you to get close enough to Ivory so you can palace this small device on the collar- it’ll override the mind control she’s under and deactivate the collar - automatically separating itself from around her neck. Can you do that for me?”

Gardener clutched the small device tight in his hands, bowing his head to Professor Enigma.

Gardener Man: “I promise you professor, I’ll save her for you no matter what”.

Enigma sincerely smiled, nodding his head back in agreement. Gardener left the professor’s side and ran off to save Ivory. Sneaking up through the rubble, Gardener Man watched as his sweet little flower bud Ivory (under the control of the collar) tore the city to shreds with her mighty long-bladed ivy staff. He still couldn’t help blushing at Ivory in her armoured form, indeed she truly was a beautiful yet badass botanist..

Now though, wasn't the time to let one's circuits overheat again, Gardener had a mission, to save his sweet Ivory. Up on his perch, as he continued to watch “Poison Ivy” destroy the city, Chaos caught a glimpse of Enigma, his team and Gardener Man- This made his blood boil, he let out a loud cry in anger..

Professor Chaos (in Fury): “ARGH!!!! GOONS, GET EM, GET EM AND DON’T LET THEM GET NEAR POISONED IVY!!!!!”

“YES SIR!!!!!!” (Spark and Rust replied running after them).

The goons unleashed themselves and went on the attack- chasing down Enigma and his team- Spark and Rust on the other hand went after Gardener. They weren’t going to let him get near “Poisoned Ivy”. The two couldn’t wait to tear that little punk to shreds.

Just as he turned the corner to get to Ivory, Gardener was cut off by Spark and Rust..

Spark: “And where do you think you’re going flower boy?”

Rust (snickering and chiming in): “Yeah, why don’t you just run off back to that reserve of yours and plant some more seeds”.

The two goons stood there cackling themselves stupid at their poor mocking humour, Gardener didn’t have time for their crap- rolling his eyes he attempted running past to continue his mission.

Spark grabbed him tightly by the arm, slamming him up and against the wall

Spark: “You’re not going anywhere near her now flower boy”.

Rust: “Let’s break him Spark”

Spark: “Great idea Rust, here I’ll hold him down and you can throw the first punch”  

Gardener Man (getting frustrated as he tried to break free):  “ARGH!! I don’t have time for you idiots”

Spark: “Hit him now Rust. Go for that killer swing of yours”.

Just as Rust swung his arm, Gardener found the inner strength to break free from Spark’s grip- Dodging Rust’s punch. Instead Rust used his killer punch on Spark, right in the side of his left cheek.

“KAPOW”...

“ARGH, RUST YOU DUMBASS, YOU GOT ME RIGHT IN THE FACE”..

“Sorry Spark, that little flower boy punk dodged my punch”.

“GRRR, THAT’S IT, I’VE HAD ENOUGH, LET’S BREAK THIS LITTLE FLOWER PUNK UP”.

Gardener was concerned, he didn’t have time for this, nor could he back out from it either. So he decided to do the only thing he could do..

Stand his ground and fight back..

Gardener Man revealed a side of him he’d never thought or imagined showing others. Throwing his straw hat aside, he let his enragement unleash his power from within- he piled out his futuristic hedge trimmers, though this time they were long sharp holo- blades. Spark and Rust seemed a little intimidated but these idiots were willing to fight anything…

Gardener Man (in a smug tone): “So you two meatheads still wanna fight? Huh? Come on then, I’ll let you throw the first hit”. 

Rust ran towards to hit him, Spark went from behind and Gardener jumped up dodging their poor attack. They were furious- so they continued to fight- throwing whatever they had to stop him from saving Ivory. On the other hand, Enigma and his team were captured and taken back to Chaos …

Professor Chaos (with an Evil Grin): “Ah, lovely to see you Enigma, please sit back there all tied up and enjoy the show. Don’t worry Ivory is in good hands now”.

Professor Enigma (growling): “YOU FILTHY BASTARD CHAOS, ARGH YOU WON’T WIN THIS”

Professor Chaos (getting up close in his face): “Oh Enigma, I already have”.  

He said cackling out loud. Enigma sat there watching Ivory, then Gardener Man..

Enigma (to himself): “You’re our only hope now Gardener, I know you can save her”..

Back down on the ground, Spark and Rust were exhausted trying to fight Gardener Man- it was no hope, he’d dodged all their attacks and managed to throw a few of his own attacks in. Just as the two- with the little bit of energy they had left- swung once more, the side of Gardener’s Holo-blade skimmed across the surface of their arms- cutting the surface of their disgusting skin..

“ARRGGGH!!!!”  

The two fainted/ fell to the ground in exhaustion and pain. Gardener Man stood their for a moment looking over them, then putting his holo blades away, he pulled out the little device Professor Enigma gave him and ran off to save his beloved flower bud Ivory…

From his perch, Chaos slammed his fist in anger…

“ARGHHHHHHH!!! YOU GOONS ARE USELESS, I’M GOING AFTER THAT BLOODY ROBOT MYSELF”.

And with that Chaos jumped into his hover pod and went down towards Gardener man and Ivory. Gardener caught up to Ivory once more, in that time she’d managed to do a lot of damage in town- it hurt Gardener to see her doing this under Chaos’s control. He just couldn’t take it any longer..

Gardener Man took a deep breath in, slowly releasing he came close to face  “Poisoned Ivy”..

“IVORY!!, I mean Ivy”

She stopped swinging her blade and turned around..

“Huh?”..

“It’s me Gardener, Come now this isn’t you. Please stop this nonsense and come back to me-Professor Enigma and I can help you”.  

Deep down inside her there was still a small part of her that Chaos couldn’t control, her heart- that part of her responded back to her love…

“G..Gardener?”

“Yes, yes it’s me Ivy, come now take my hand, let us spend the rest of our lives together in my nature reserve”.

He put his hand out, she sincerely looked at it- with a tear in her eye- she then moved her hand closer to his …

Professor Chaos jumped out from his hover pod and ran over to Ivory with the control to her collar in his hot wrinkly hand. Just as Ivory’s hand got an inch away from Gardener’s, Chaos pressed the button on the control, sending painful/ dangerous amounts of electricity through the collar into Ivory…

Ivory fell to her knees Wailing and screaming out loud in pain…

“ARGHHHH, ARGHHH, ARGGHHHH!!!”

“You disobedient little brat, how dare you stop destruction, now get up and fight you worthless girl”

Gardener was so furious, he ran up close to Chaos and violently swooped the remote out of Chaos’s hands. The remote fell, shattering into a million pieces- now no one could control Ivory except for the collar still around her neck. The mind control collar still had control of her mind and that unstable module inside was still overpowering her too much.

Then Gardener Man chained him up, leaving Chaos chained and in the hands of the law. Then he did the one thing he needed to do was save Ivory. Dodging all the rubble and havoc, Gardener Man had reached his love again, grasping the small device in his hands. He knew the only way to get through to her was with his words- so he spoke lovingly from his heart once more…

“Ivy.. Ivy it’s me again”

She turned around once more, with a cute yet confused expression on her face..

“Now Ivory, take my hand and let us be together forever, just you me and our beautiful garden”

“Y..you a..and me?”

“Yes Ivy, just the two of us”.

Ivory’s eyes welt up with tears, she let her bladed staff fall out of her hands and onto the ground. Then in that very moment she fell into his strong arms- not only out of love but because the immense power had destroyed some of her circuitry/ internal. Gardener caught her, placing the small device on the collar- it deactivated it and ivory was set free. Then she transformed back into her normal everyday self. Ivory was stone cold to touch, Gardener Man stood there cradling her in his arms- he wasn’t ready to lose his special flower bud.

“You’ll be alright my dear sweet Ivory” (he says gently running the back of his hand down the side of her cheek).

The police- well prepared this time took Chaos and his goons away to a very specialised and inescapable prison. Professor Enigma and his team were set free. Enigma made his way over to Gardener and Ivory- When he reached the two, he smiled sincerely…

“Great job there Gardener Man, you saved her. Now we need to get her back to the lab for some repairs- both that collar and module have caused severe damage to her”.

“Very well then professor, let us save her”.

Not long after they arrived back at his laboratory, Ivory was rushed into the Professor’s personal lab with the team for immediate repairs. Gardener Man sat in Enigma’s office, awaiting the news that Ivory was alright. Three and a half hours later- Professor Enigma entered his office Gardener lifted his head up with a questioning look on his face..

“I..Is she alright Professor?”..

Professor Enigma (sincerely smiling): “Ivory is alright, her body is repaired and I gave her a stronger stability orb- this one though is made of Lothanium- it’s both lightweight and indestructible- only she can control the module and the power inside her”.

“May I see her?”

Enigma nodded his head in agreement and with that one of his team members took Gardener in to see her. There in her quarters, Ivory lay slumbered in a healing coma, wired to the analysis machine to keep check on her internal systems, until she awoke. Gardener Man sat by her bedside until she awoke, he gently held her hand in gratitude as he was grateful she was still alive.

As days passed and she still remained slumbered, Gardener stood by her side. He couldn’t help but put sunflowers by her bedside table too- he knew how much she loved them. Very early one morning, Gardener sat asleep in the chair by her bed- Ivory awoke from her healing coma. She felt a little wobbly at first, but slowly sat up- rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Once she’d fully awoken, Ivory looked over at her bedside table- there in the center was a vase of beautiful golden sunflowers- only one robot Master grew sunflowers that beautiful…

Then her memory came back, it was horrible and thinking about it brought her to tears..

“GARDENER, GARDENER MAN, WHERE IS HE?” (she shouted with a slight sobbing tremble in her voice).

Her voice echoed through the lab, Professor Enigma and his team came running. Gardener Man awoke startled, yet overwhelmed with joy to see Ivory awake..

“GARDENER MAN, WHERE ARE YOU?????”

He got up out of the chair and sat on the bedside alongside Ivory comforting her..

“SHHH,SHHH,SHHH, your alright Ivy, it's alright. I’m right here, you’re fine. It’s ok you're safe now, I promise”.

Ivory turned around, her face lit up- she nearly knocked Gardener man off her bed. But lovingly hugged him. Professor Enigma looked through the doorway sneakily, he too was glad to see her awake, but he told his team to head back to their work- he thought it was best to let the two have some alone time so they could catch up.

As she sat there cuddling him, Gardener Man wiped the small tear drops from her eyes-Ivory just averted her eyes cutesy blushing as he did so. The she sat up, blushing some more and fiddling with her fingers, then in a soft sweet voice spoke:

“U..Um, Gardener Man? “

“Yes Ivory?”

“Look, a.. About the other night..” (Ivory blushing redder than before)

“Y..Yes Ivy?” (he says going red and blushing himself).

Ivory (coming a little closer- like an inch from his face, now completely beet red and her heart racing):

“ I.. I just wanted to say, um.. I really love you, like a lot and I wanted to give you this..”

Closing her eyes and as red as a beet, Ivory leant forward and lovingly kissed Gardener Man on the lips. Gardner’s eyes opened wide and his face went as red as hers, but he just kissed her back. Moments later the two sat their unlocking lips, averting their eyes blushing- then Gardener Man grabbed her hand the two just sat there together being adorable. Then Gardener mumbled..

“Ivory, do you still want to come live with me on my nature reserve, just the two of us?”

“And Ivan?” (Ivy chimes in cheekily).

“Of course he can Ivy” ( he says all cutesy glowing and smiling sincerely).

Many months later, Professor Enigma and Gardener Man helped Ivory heal over her trauma. During that time Professor Enigma let her go off and live with Gardener- after all he brought out the true happiness inside her. Ivory though would always go back to professor Enigma and help / assist him with many of his botanic experiments / engineer research and experiments.

Ivory was finally set free of her horrid past and now she spent the rest of her days doing what she loved with the handsome robot master she loved- flourishing their garden, looking after the reserve and protecting the people.

The End!!!!

Anyways, I hope you like Ivory as much as I do. Hopefully soon I can do some doodles of her and Gardener Man- also a sketch or two of Professor Enigma and Chaos too ^^!!!

"Ivory Plant belongs to me !!!!!!"

"Gardner Man belongs to my pal YellyDany "

OP!Anon for Leverage!HX/LQG: *SCREAM* oh I adore how you wrote this - HX is so good at reading everyone and understanding how to motivate/manipulate them, except for lqg. I love how angry he got at the idea of lqg seeing him in the same light as swd, and also how lqg's just like, yep, swd's gotta die when he heard the full story. I love the idea of HC coming in like the king he is and laying down the law about XL. ahhhhhhh!!!! just imagining hx and lqg getting close after lots of shenanigans!

teamwork baby

"Xue Yang must die" is literally one of my favorite WWX quotes of all time LMFAO time to pay homage

so you know how in book 3, during the Black Water arc, HX is there trying to push his whole scheme forward? It's well-timed, well-thought-out, but the only fucking spanner that keeps jumping back into his work is XL-and-therefore-HC? Yeah I imagine working with grifter!HC is pretty much like that. He's always late or never shows up at all to briefings, or he shows up to the very end to hear the conclusion and goes "Nope, that's fucking stupid, change it." SQQ's like "Why??" and HC's like "oh, lil boy can't figure it out?"

and whenever they have an actual plan going, HC sometimes just shows up and starts doing his own thing in the middle and forces HX to keep up. This is often motivated by one of XL's jobs, and XL would ask if HC knows a little piece of intel, and HC would be like "oh you know what, I actually have a hostage right here to ask about that, one moment please :)" and utterly prioritize XL's thing. HX has to change the job on the fly so many times, and it's so fucking annoying, but it's not like HC leaves him at a dead end, so he always does find a way out.

(this got fucking long, but HX/LQG under the cut)

Bingliushen are also annoyed as fuck, but while they're godtier at their own things, none of them are mastermind-level (yet—Binghe's gonna get there, isn't he), so they just have to put their faith in HX and keep chugging forward. This is how the foundation builds, y'know? HX insists to both others and himself that he's being honest and faithful to his team because that's just the best way to handle them, not 'cause he's actually a team player and not 'cause he cares for anybody at all. And LQG's a simple guy—you save my life, I'll save yours. You act in good faith, I'll be loyal in turn.

It starts with something small. HX's suffered tremendous loss, and has been on his own for a very, very long time. He's used to taking care of himself, but we all know LQG's love language is "here, you dropped this. I've been quietly paying attention to everything you like and do, no big deal." So maybe it happens on a mission. HC has three marks to dupe in succession, and they're playing a nasty Big Pharma group, so it's hitting close to home for HX. At the last minute though, HC says over the comm, "the CEO & CFO made me. Must've recognized me from speaking to the secretary earlier. He Xuan."

"Can you still do the COO?"

"I'm not about to waste this outfit, am I."

and HX has to hop in and do 2/3rds of the grifting himself, which is fine, he's completely capable of this, he's a goddamn prodigy at hiding his murderous tendencies. but out of nowhere LQG is on the line, "Shen Qingqiu, you said you can hack the finances, right?"

"Yes, but nothing else."

"Then He Xuan doesn't have to talk to the CFO. Give me 2 minutes, I'll knock him out."

and HX doesn't stop him because sure, why not? It was more efficient for HC to do three of them at once, but now that it was HX doing it (and HX still has his own part to play), it would save them more effort if LQG goes for the blunt force solution. But it rubs HX the wrong way—what the fuck? Yeah, HX may not like grifting as much as HC, the stupid drama queen, but hasn't he proven himself every bit as capable of it? Why did LQG think it necessary to, what, bail him out?

So that night, after debrief, HX pulls LQG aside to give him a piece of his mind. "Don't ever try to override my judgment again." "What are you talking about?" "I made a call, I did not need your 'help' on the grift." "That wasn't help." "Then what was it." "You hate talking to guys like that!" "???" "You didn't need to talk to him, and I was right there. It was the obvious thing to do."

and HX still doesn't get it, not until the next day, when SQQ and HX are quietly setting up for the morning, and SQQ says out of the blue, "that's just how he cares. Liu Qingge, I mean. It's never an ego thing once he's your friend."

"I don't need friends," is HX's automatic response.

"No," SQQ snorts in agreement. "You need revenge. That's fine. Then I'm sure he'll get over it."

Which—okay—no? Bastard. That's just a passive aggressive attempt at a guilt trip, and it's not going to work. HX has already made it abundantly clear from the get-go that this was simply a job, he was the pointman, once they were done everybody will go on their way. It's not his fault SQQ dragged in a hitman with the loyalty instincts of a german shepherd, and it's certainly none of his business whether LQG treats him as friend or a colleague.

LQG will just have to be disappointed.

BUT OF COURSE WHAT GOES ON TO HAPPEN IS THAT HX sees more and more of the things LQG does, the ways LQG manages to be thoughtful. The way LQG handles visitors during HX’s mealtimes despite how much LQG hates talking to randos, bc HX has bad food days and can’t really stand eating with others. The time they had some time to kill undercover in a consultant’s office, and HX passed the time by pointing out all the things wrong with the office’s mini-aquarium set-up, so when SQQ brought up something inane about decorating their headquarters, LQG made HX draw up specs for a saltwater tank of their own. HX and everybody else kept insisting it was a waste of time, but LQG still went ahead and got it made anyways, and now it’s HX’s favorite thing in the entire HQ.

But HX wasn’t about to owe anybody anything. If LQG insists on this game, then fine, HX was going to play to win. He requisitions new toys (read: weapons) for LQG, he builds heists around the sole purpose of giving LQG a room of satisfying bad guys to beat up, he goes to the gym and spars with LQG, he even tries to give LQG’s weirdly famous younger sister’s novel a read—which was a lot. Ahem. But LQG loves his younger sister, so surely this would be the ultimate “hah! I’ve given you more than you’ve given me! I win! move.

...turns out LQG’s never read the damn thing, and just takes everything HX gives him in total stride. “We still on for tomorrow?” “...Yes.” “Cool. See you.” And HX’s over here totally overthinking EVERYTHING while LQG’s just chilling, super matter-of-fact.

Fuck, were they friends???

HX rage-panics, because he does. not. need. friends. And it has nothing to do with how everyone he’s ever loved dies, it has nothing to do with the careful balance of vengeful fury and self-hatred inside him that’s about to tip over any day now, once they take down SWD. It has nothing to do with HX being too traumatized and grief-stricken to imagine moving on from revenge, to ever imagine being simply content again.

His eating habits get worse. One day he snaps at LQG for pining so much after SQQ. “You already know he’s never going to return your feelings. It’s embarrassing to watch you insist on giving so much when he’s not going to give anything back.”

“Shut up,” LQG snaps, “it’s not about getting anything back.”

But that makes it worse. Of course HX wasn’t actually talking about SQQ, though sure, that’s annoying too. LBh obviously knows, so why can’t they take their infernal flirting somewhere private, instead of flaunting it in front of LQG all the time?? But the fault’s with LQG too, what with all the giving. He should find someone more worthy of his affections and stop wasting his time here.

HX cuts everything he and LQG has built up in one fell swoop—completely gives him the cold shoulder. Only ever talks about work, no more dry quips, no more infodumps on niche hobbies. HX wishes he could destroy the tank at HQ, but that would be way too confrontational at this stage.

Until one mission, when LQG knows HX is not in a good place, and keeps trying to argue HX out of doing something excessively risky. HX rounds on him and says, “you’re just a hired gun, so shut up and shoot where I'm pointing, or you can pack your things and get out.”

LQG goes red, then white, and storms away.

“Nice sucker punch,” HC comments idly where he’s lounging on the side. Who knows when the fuck he showed up. “Right where it hurts.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know. His five-year stint with the Sha City Demons?”

Of course HX knows about that. He’s looked thoroughly into everybody’s backgrounds. But what does that have to do with this?

“Gege is the best at this, after all. See you and I, we stopped asking questions once we knew the name, because we don’t think people are ever as pure and good as they pretend to be. But you know what Dianxia said, after I mentioned Liu Qingge’s old gig to him? ‘Five years, hm? I wonder what they had on him. In my experience, men like Liu Qingge don’t work for crews like the Sha Demons. And in order to sink their claws deeper into men like him, the Demons always make them do the worst jobs.’ Just a hired gun indeed.”

That’s right. LQG gets a Moreau backstory of his own. HX feels his heart sink to the pit of his stomach.

“Fuck.”

“I don’t know why you’re so stressed out about it. He is just a hired gun—”

“You know why. Fuck.”

“So get out of my face and do something about it already. You know where he’s gone, I know you’ve put trackers on your entire team.”

“...”

“You didn’t? No, you didn’t put one on him? My god, you do care.”

While HC’s busy sounding disgusted, HX is reeling. He just sent the best hitman in the field packing, and was an absolute dick about it. He was not a kind man, but he also wasn’t a cruel one. He believes in fairness, and everything he said simply had not been fair. It had all been his own guilt and issues talking; if he really didn’t give a damn, then he wouldn’t have...done all this.

“How much are you willing to pay?” HC says, swiping at his phone.

“What?”

“Because I don’t trust any of you, and did put a tracking device on Liu Qingge.” He sure has—HC is waving the loading tracking app in HX’s face. “So I’m asking, how much are you willing to pay?”

...And that’s the reason why HX owes HC so much damn money.

I'd love to hear more about the development of your Gaster! :D

BACKSTORY ASK MEME 1. How did you first come up with your muse’s backstory, if you did at all? Continued from here Also asked by @alagaster 

So I left off with the question of just how Gaster's soul ended up in pieces.

I’m actually going to detour at the moment and say that it was around that point that I had decided to make the blog.  I had a vague beginning and an ending, and usually that’s not enough for me to want to start, but I was excited, I had a lot of fun, so I went for it.

Honestly, one of the first things I need to have before I even think of making a blog is a good url.  Urls are super important to me, and generally, whether or not I think of a good one is a key factor in whether or not I actually make the blog.

But in this case, I was too eager to start and I actually just threw together chorusnihil so I could get started on the pages.  The thought process remained the same--the chorus is from Greek plays, the group of characters that narrate the actions occurring in the play.  nihil is Latin for nothing--and I later changed it to nihili, which is Genitive, to roughly make the “chorus of nothing” or “nothing’s chorus,” a reference to the fact that the guy wiped himself out of history, and so there’s no protagonist to narrate.  This was supposed to be a temporary URL, but I got attached to it, for reasons I’ll get to later.  

(And really, isn’t a roleplay blog a modern chorus in it’s own way?)

Also there’s the phonetic pun-- CORE-us, anyone?

So I threw together a lot of the basic bios.  Most of the stat pages are really bland, most of the guts of the story comes from the hidden details, most of which were added on later.  

Something that came up around this point was Gaster’s relationship to Asgore.  A lot of fanon pictures them as really close.  A lot of fanon also portrays Gaster as Gaster as desperately wanting to retake the surface, which...as mentioned previously, my Gaster just, wasn’t into.  

So it sort of put Gaster in between Asgore and Toriel--he wasn’t happy about the decision to go to war with humanity, but he wasn’t going to abandon everyone, even if he did become really reclusive.  

I thought about the idea of the human souls, and I knew that Gaster would immediately hate the idea of working with them.  And that was convenient, too, since it allowed me to further separate Gaster and Alphys’s work.  At first, it was just a heavy disagreement.  The idea that Gaster killed Asgore accidentally came a great deal later, but it honestly served to be a rather critical piece of the story. 

The design of the DT Extractor and Sans and Papyrus were also very vague concepts at this point. 

Revisiting the idea of his fall.  We know from the canon dialogue that he fell into his own invention and that he was scatted across space and time.  

The CORE is the common culprit and it was what I had chosen, too.  But how?  How could an energy source... do that? 

So the idea occurred to me that maybe--maybe that was exactly as it was designed to do.  After all, even in the real world, we have power plants that operate by ripping apart molecules.  So... magic.  Why not magic?  A machine that derives power out of ripping apart magical energy.

And monsters are made out of magical energy.  

Falling into that sounds like a very grisly fate, indeed.      

The idea of how he got erased from reality isn’t one I really have solidified.  G has a couple of theories, and I’m willing to roll with either of them, but, really?  I’m not super interested in making a hard reason for it.  Namely to adapt to other versions of fanon other muns might have. 

Essentially, the theories say that the CORE destroying him released so much energy that it tore a hole in the Determination that pushes the timeline forward, thus allowing the Void to enter and merge with his soul.  

From there, either, 

A., his Determination very briefly was larger than that of the Timeline, and he himself invoked a Reset, but given that he was outside of the timeline at the moment, it was corrupted and only erased certain parts rather than fully resetting.   I think that this was the original theory that I used in the original RP.  

B., the Void acted as a corrective force trying to correct the hole in the timeline.  In doing so, it erased Gaster from the reality, thus replacing the existing timeline with a new one in which certain things never happened.  

C., something involving the power of Rewrite that Gaster has from the duality of Determination and Void.

D., something else entirely.  

And so we had the scattered Unbound Gaster. 

Which, funfact, the name Unbound Gaster for the form was supposed to be temporary, as well.  It’s a reference to Unbound Hoopa for Pokemon.  (Which is why Provoked Form Gaster isn’t called Unbound Form!)

Within the original RP that I developed most of this lore, Refused Gaster didn’t exist.  In fact, that roleplay ended with Gaster’s permanent death--and being permanently forgotten to the world.  A choice he intentionally made because the damage he did to the timeline by falling into the CORE was still present and only getting worse, and the only way to fix it was to allow his Soul to come together and pass on properly, thus allowing the damage to mend.

It was sad.  I cried.  I got emotional.  

I got attached to a traumatic asshole character I literally had for four days.  

Somewhere in here, I began to think about the origins of Gaster.  Like, way way way in the past.  Some people have Gaster being actively involved in the war, but it didn’t work for my portrayal, of having him be so afraid of humans and the surface.  So for it to work out, I had him really young for the war, really young when everyone got driven underground.  

I killed off his parents because ......

Frankly I didn’t want to design them :|

There’s a lot of varying opinions and interpretations about skeleton monsters, and it’s a section of the fandom I’ve decided to stray away from for now.  

But I didn’t want the loss to be traumatic.  Gaster’s been through a lot already, and I have personal vendettas against characters who solely consist of trauma after trauma.  

So I decided to make the loss very distant--he’s aware he probably had parents, or maybe he came to be some other way--but he doesn’t remember them, there’s no tragic “my parents were killed in front of me,” it’s simply something he didn’t have, and something he never needed given the nature of monsters to be kind and caring.  

...

But it felt like it was missing something.

So I started to toy around with this idea of a mentor, one who played the role of a father-figure, one who would plant the seeds to give Gaster the appreciation of science and knowledge.  Someone who could take this lost and terrified boy and start to turn him into the intelligent and steady doctor we end up with.  

Then came the problem of how he and this mentor would actually meet; Gaster’s scar proved to be a convenient excuse, plus it gave me a backstory for that, as well.  A few humans attacked him and delivered the injury, and Gaster’s mentor found the wounded boy and took care of him.  

The mentor is meant to be a vague entity, and you can view this in action in this memory.  (Only partially because I didn’t want to name them.)  Unfortunately, as per the nature of characters created post hoc, their fate was already sealed.  I made the choice to cut their influence on Gaster’s life short.  

(If they were around longer, who knows?  Maybe they could have prevented some of the stupider things Gaster has done.  Maybe they could have changed fate.  But...  as we’ll get to, everything happened exactly as it had to.)  

Again, I made it a very distant loss.  It’s a rather simple conclusion that not every monster would be happy vacating the surface--Gaster’s mentor had lived there their entire life.  It was their home, they were not leaving, even upon threat of death.  And so it was a bittersweet parting, but one with closure, and Gaster said his farewells and departed to the Underground.  

Honestly, what I find really shocking about this character is just how intensely he wants to do good.  I mean, I’m no stranger to good characters, but few of my characters push it as far as Gaster does, and how quickly that feeling came to me, considering he started in the original roleplay as a ruthless asshole bastard more than willing to fuck over and torture a bunch of children just for a chance at being whole again.  

Most of Gaster’s early life in the Underground found in this post was written on the spot as I wrote that post, so it came really late.  

I still find it hilarious that he used to work in therapy.  You’re well aware you need therapy you fucking bastard.  Quit denying it.  

So, revisiting the idea of Gaster and Asgore.  I do like the idea of them being close, and Gaster even calls Asgore his best friend.  The declaration of war put a huge strain on the relationship.  

I originally thought about the idea of him accidentally killing Asgore for shits n giggles.  At my heart I am indeed an angst gremlin, so I was just thinking about what an alternate timeline where that happened might be like.  After all, Gaster’s angry, Asgore’s full of guilt, with the way monster magic works, it wouldn’t be too far of a stretch to think that it could happen.  

But the more I thought about it, the more it fit eerily well.  The guilt gave Gaster a reason to create Sans (and later Papyrus) as part of his belief in Karma (creating a life to replace the life he took) and to look into Alphys’s research into Determination enough to create the blueprints for the DT Extractor; both of these things were things that I couldn’t otherwise really fit into his storyline.  

And finally...

His declining mental state and despair over the concept of the DT Extractor was what led to him being distracted enough to make such a critical mistake and fall into the CORE.  

And given that the timeline changes when he falls, I realized that...  I could have this happen, and the current timeline be unaffected.  

Now, given that I said that I wanted to avoid more trauma in Gaster’s life, this decision might seem contradictory.  But, it also served a very important point--Asgore returning to life, that mistake being fixed upon his fall gave Gaster something to hold onto.  Something that made his fate not as awful as it otherwise would have been.  A small piece of solace in hell.  

Plus, Gaster’s guilt at the incident caused him to resign as Royal Scientist, further allowing him and Alphys to have their separate stories. 

And pretty much everything snapped together at that point.  Really, strangely well.  I joked before on this blog if I’m really the one writing it.

If Gaster had not killed Asgore, he would have never created Sans and Papyrus, he would have never created the DT Extractor blueprints; if he did not create the blueprints, he would have never been distracted enough to fall into the CORE, if he never fell into the CORE, the blueprints would have never ended up with Alphys, she could have never created Flowey, and if Flowey was never created, he could have never used the souls to break the barrier and the True Pacifist ending would have never come to pass.  

It all happened exactly as it had to.

It feels oddly poetic, given the way Undertale works.  

In some ways, it’s cruel.  Gaster regularly struggles with the idea that for his people to be happy, he had to literally be wiped out of existence.  But in other ways, it’s a comfort--for at least he knows that his suffering wasn’t for nothing.  That there was a purpose--that even if he had to be erased, he played a vital role in ensuring his people found victory. 

Oh.  One final note...  In finalizing this story, you may notice that Gaster follows a classic pattern.  We have a hero, who’s mostly good, but through his own flaws makes a tragic mistake and seals his own grim fate.

It’s called a tragedy and they’re common in Greek plays.

What was that about a chorus again?

I think that’s just about every important point I could cover.  That being said, if you couldn’t tell, this is a very fascinating topic to me, so if you have any further questions or need any clarifications, feel free to send them in.  

many naruto thoughts head overloading

ok im only like 20 episodes into shippuden and i skipped a Lot of filler in original naruto bc i do not have the patience </3 (i will come back to the filler one day though) and while i love this anime theres so much i wish... was not written how it is

first of all sakura... i love her sm and i just wish her character was given some more care like at this point in shippuden im actually really enjoying the direction shes taken but i heard a lot of her growth is sidelined when sasuke comes back into the picture and thats my biggest issue. im sorry but if youre going to introduce a TRIO of main characters i want to see that main group equally fleshed out. first going all the way back to the beginning i wish that sakura was allowed to fight??? like we KNOW shes super smart and has powerful chakra so even when at that time she wasnt the most skilled fighter (as far as we KNOW at least. given that we barely got to see her fight who knows!) she couldve in the very least played a similar role to that of shikamaru as far as leadership and strategizing. and ok her crush on sasuke should have dissipated a lot more after the chunin exams. even though i do hate to see her spend so much time fawning over sasuke when hes not even particularly kind to her i think a crush in the beginning could still work IF the moment of her cutting her hair (“sasuke likes girls with long hair”) and her battle w ino during the chunin exams were like an eye-opening moment for her when she was like “wtf am i doing i am going to work hard as a ninja to prove that i can do this to MYSELF and MY RIVAL first” (which. ok she does get to this point later and again i love her learning chakra and getting strong as HELL during her training w tsunade but again. i want to see that REMAIN parallel to the enormous power level leaps that sasuke and naruto make. also let sakura and ino have a fun friendship rivalry that has nothing to do w sasuke) . i think it would be better if she naruto and sasuke were just friends who ALL help and motivate each other. and so when sasuke leaves sakura is STILL super fucked up over it and maybe even has a hard time trusting naruto again after he comes back? (but ofc she eventually does bc power of friendship) like IDK loss of one best friend, then almost immediately after your other best friend (who u just learned secretly is sealed w the nine tails and the akatsuki is after him just like orochimaru was after sasuke) leaves you for THREE YEARS??? kind of a salt in the wound moment! also im simply not even going to touch on all the comphet marriages in the end

next im going to talk about rock lee my friend rock lee who i adore. anyways he either should not have foregone the surgery from tsunade or died from it. HEAR ME OUT! this surgery was good in showing how powerful tsunade is as a healer but like? was it necessary? after she brought naruto back to life??? as far as lees characterization his whole thing is that he may not have special jutsu or the same prodigal abilities as his peers but he can still be as powerful or more powerful! and idk i hate when characters have serious life changing stuff done to them and not seeing it fully explored in the story. like ok so we’ve got tsunade telling lee (who cant be older than 12? 13?) theres a 50/50 chance he’ll die in the surgery to heal him. and then guy ENCOURAGES HIM, HIS FAVORITE STUDENT, to go through with the surgery so he could then go on to be a ninja and continue risking his life?????? so i thought that was pretty screwed up. which leads me to the two paths that i think would be interesting to see play out: 1. lee doesnt get the surgery, but continues to train as a ninja. his injuries still exist but lee learns to fight WITH the injuries and creates a really cool badass unique fighting style and goes on to be a great ninja like he dreamed 2. lee dies in surgery. id hate it i would and i dont WANT lee to die but it might be a fuckin wakeup call to all these adult ninjas urging kids into warfare. lee is beloved by all so it would be a good moment of pause for everyone to think like “ummm so the systems that be are kind of majorly fucked up.”

those are the two main ideas i had but heres a few misc things:

-jiraiya can be the author of as many trashy romance novels as he wants but him hitting on younger women and being like a peeping tom and UGH the way he was introduced w narutos ‘sexy jutsu’ is just. not good. take it out.

-let tsunade look her age. like the whole “she uses her chakra to make herself look young”? i dont buy it. i dont care that you just didnt feel like drawing a woman who looks over 20. you will do it anyways bc i said so.

-i dont dislike n/ruhina as much as i dislike s/susaku bc at least its clear theres a mutual respect and admiration there but hinata, like sakura, has so much more potential to be explored. idk if its looked at in filler or later in shippuden (id sure hope so) but i think her parallel to sasuke is kind of interesting? both have intimidating, extremely powerful older brothers (i know neji is technically hinatas cousin or smth but whatever older brother figures. also i know hinatas sister is also supposed to be super powerful but idk her yet) who are held in high esteem by their families and have all this pressure on their shoulders to want to surpass them? given that neji didnt um. do the things itachi did clearly its not the SAME between hinata and sasuke but i feel like examining the hyuga family dynamics would be SO interesting in comparison to sasukes arc. i didnt mind seeing hinata motivated by naruto the first few times but like. there is SO MUCH MORE THERE than JUST hinatas relationship to naruto.

-all of these kids need therapy but ESPECIALLY sasuke like the signs were there. halfway thru the bell test thing SUPER early on sasuke went into a full-fledged “i am an avenger.. i have to kill a certain someone” monologue and given the fact that everyone knows his entire clan was killed and that sasuke is likely VERY traumatized... who thought it was a good idea to let him become a ninja before addressing any of that. my god. like i love kakashi and i know he has his own devestating backstory and that hes a product of the system but why the Fuck would he let sasuke take the chunin exams. give team 7 a year more of training and getting to know each other and give sasuke some time to create bonds and maybe even open up emotionally and begin to heal and then MAYBE we can THINK ab chunin exams.

-asuma and ino apologize to choji for telling him not to eat as much challenge? did asuma not know that chojis clan uses food to replenish their chakra? it would make sense if ino didnt know but chojis teacher?? either way still p fucked, leave choji alone

-speaking of ino i want more of her character tok. why was she not included in that mission to save sasuke that shikamaru, her TEAMMATE, led?? was there an explanation for that?? i feel like her not being there was a missed opportunity for some real growth/bonding between team 10.

-speaking of the last bullet point shikamaru being like “ugh women 🙄” is tired and boring. very misogynistic “i hate my wife” facebook dad humor. cut that shit out

-orochimarus coding and his whole um. intent as a villain is just very. Hm. i dont think i like that very much but im not going to go into it bc im sure its been touched upon a million times

A New Reylo Shipper Reads the TFA Novelization Part 4: In Which I Refuse to Believe that the Han and Leia I’ve Known Since I was Eight are That Awful at Parenting or Relationships, and I Have Feelings About a Scene With Rey in a Chair

Full disclosure: I am an old fan.  I saw Star Wars for the first time in 1989 because my mom took me to see Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in theaters, I thought Indy was the Best Thing Ever, and mom decided I was old enough for Star Wars, too. I was 8.  I saw Phantom Menace in theaters the month before I graduated from high school. So I’ve had ideas about what Han and Leia are like as people for the vast majority of my life. 

I have spent a lot of time and mental energy trying to wrap my brain around the way that Han and Leia and Luke act and make choices in the sequel trilogy so that I can enjoy the things that I actually LIKE about the sequels. (And I like a lot, or I wouldn’t have a Reylo blog or be writing about this novelization.) Some of it, I can come up with explanations for.  They are sad explanations, but I can get my brain to buy them instead of screaming THIS PERSON WOULD NOT DO THAT. But the way that this novelization was going to have Han and Leia talk about Ben’s fall to the Dark Side in the scene where they meet up again is NOT ONE OF THEM. 

OH YE GODS THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY. (I’m going to swear a lot below…) 

When Han and Leia see each other again, we find out how long it’s been since they’ve seen each other… 

Husband and wife stood regarding each other for the first time in years.

YEARS? Really? My first question when I read this was, how many years? Apparently, various supplemental timelines reveal it has supposedly only been seven years since Ben turned to the Dark Side and Luke’s temple was destroyed, which means Ben was, what, twenty three when shit went down? I have issues with this as well. All of the other clues we’re given point to him being younger. This is a glaring example of “no one cared about these characters as much as the fans did and so people weren’t careful with the timeline.” 

Getting back to the issue of Han and Leia not seeing each other for… an unspecified at this point number of years, I get that what happened was traumatic. I get that it probably took a toll on their relationship, but having Han just say “screw it” and fuck off with Chewie, and Leia just… keep on keeping on has always smacked of lazy writing to me. It feels like Abrams didn’t want to have to DEAL with the messy questions about how Han and Leia would be with each other if they had STAYED TOGETHER and dealt, sometimes well, sometimes poorly, with the loss of their son.  So he was just like, “NOPE THEY SPLIT UP ISN’T IT SAD?” And it IS SAD, but the Han who CAME BACK even when there was no reward in it for him, whose last words before being FROZEN IN CARBONITE were “I LOVE YOU,” and the Leia who WALKED INTO JABBA’S PALACE TO GET HIM BACK would not be like this.  I can see them trying to work through their grief together, and then Han just needing to get away for a while, or them agreeing to focus their efforts on finding their son and turn him back in the areas where they each most likely to have an effect, BUT NO. They just… split, and we don’t even get a lot of backstory about exactly how that went so we can understand the emotional arc for these characters. DUMB. I CALL BULLSHIT. 

And speaking of HORSESHIT CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS…. Here’s some extra stuff Han says that wasn’t on screen. 

“He’s gone, Leia. He was always drawn to the dark side. There was nothing we could’ve done to stop it, no matter how hard we tried.”

This is longer than what he says on screen. His line here in the film is “We lost our son. Forever.” And the longer version pisses me off SO MUCH. How would HAN know he was always drawn to the Dark Side, unless Luke and Leia were TELLING HIM that’s what was happening? (Possible, but this doesn’t read like Han reminding Leia of things she told him already, and I don’t like what that theory says about Luke and Leia making Han afraid of his own kid.) 

I know on-screen Han says something about “even Luke couldn’t help him,” the stuff about THERE IS NOTHING WE COULD HAVE DONE just makes me FURIOUS. Is this supposed to be COMFORTING to Leia? Like, “Well, we did our best and it’s not our fault he turned because that was always gonna happen”?  WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. Han is not that much of a fatalist.  He tries to tell himself that Ben is gone for good NOW, which is understandable, but “there’s NOTHING WE COULD HAVE DONE IT WAS ALWAYS HOPELESS?” No. Get out of my house if you’re talking that level of shit about Han. 

And then there’s THIS CRAP ABOUT LEIA, AND I’M GONNA BLOW A GASKET LOOKING AT ALL OF THIS AGAIN. 

So, when Leia says “it was Snoke” in the film, Han doesn’t react much, and to me, that scene on screen reads like Leia is reminding Han of something they both already know, but in the novel, she apparently… just… never mentioned Snoke to Han, and she KNEW ABOUT HIM ALL ALONG? 

“Snoke?” She nodded. “He knew our child would be strong with the Force. That he was born with equal potential for good or evil.” “You knew this from the beginning? Why didn’t you tell me?” She sighed. “Many reasons. I was hoping that I was wrong, that it wasn’t true. I hoped I could sway him, turn him away from the dark side, without having to involve you.” A small smile appeared. “You had—you have—wonderful qualities, Han, but patience and understanding were never among them. I was afraid that your reactions would only drive him farther to the dark side. I thought I could shield him from Snoke’s influence and you from what was happening.” Her voice dropped. “It’s clear now that I was wrong. Whether your involvement would have made a difference, we’ll never know.”

So you are telling me that LEIA FUCKING ORGANA had a CHILD with a man (and married him? Are the new canon ones even married? Does it even matter? IT DOES TO ME.) and then hid a REALLY IMPORTANT FACT ABOUT THEIR SON from that man because she thought… Han was too impatient? And she thought he wouldn’t be able to handle it and would make it worse? And so she just… hid it from both of them and tried to deal with it on her own? The more I think about this, the angrier it makes me.  

One of the things I love about Star Wars is how much we get to see characters leaning on each other, both physically and metaphorically, and being part of a team that supports each other.  It’s one of the reasons I hate the way that the sequels separate people and have characters that have spent their whole arcs looking for connection ending up on screen alone at the end. (I know Rey’s not staying on Tattooine, but the fact that the last time we see her, she’s by herself was a choice that makes me mad.) ANYWAY… The idea of Leia deciding she has to struggle with this BY HERSELF (and maybe with Luke? Who even knows?) and ON PURPOSE cutting Han out of the loop entirely is just… stunningly out of character. It’s another one of those writing decisions that makes for good angst and terrible characterization if you know ANYTHING about Leia, in my opinion. 

And I refuse to believe that this next line is anything other than a need for this information to be gotten across to the audience in an extra clear way.  This is Han’s response to all of the above, I think. 

He had trouble believing what he was hearing. “So Snoke was watching our son.”

So this confirms it. THIS is DEFINITELY the first time Leia even MENTIONS Snoke manipulating their kid to Han. The implication here is that after Ben turned, Leia let Han roam around the galaxy for seven years,  BY HIMSELF, NOT KNOWING THAT THEIR KID HAD BEEN FUCKED WITH BY AN EVIL DESSICATED PICKLE? SHE LET HIM KEEP THINKING THAT BEN’S TURN WAS JUST BECAUSE THERE WAS SOMETHING INNATELY WRONG WITH BEN AND NOTHING MORE? DUMB. Canon not accepted.

I need to go watch this scene in TFA, with all of its flaws, to cleanse my brain of this stupidity. 

Oh… one last thing that is not nearly so rage inducing, but gets to one of the things that annoys me about the prequels. (This is a little later when Han is leaving.) 

He put his hands on her shoulders, and thirty years fell away in an instant. “Leia, there’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you for a long time.” Fighting to hold back tears, she put a finger to his lips. “Tell me when you get back.”

On the one hand this is kind of sweet, but on the other LET HAN SAY I LOVE YOU, ABRAMS YOU TEASE.  Let Leia say “I know.”  You LOVE cheap callbacks to the original trilogy, and this wouldn’t have even been a cheap callback because it would have made sense for the moment and the characters. I would have bought it. I would have paid a high price for it.  I’m tired of characters not telling each other things (FINN IN THE LAST MOVIE OMG).  I know it’s a way to up the tension, but it just reads as lazy writing here to me, especially now that I know that this is the last time we get to see them speak to each other, and there’s really no REASON she shouldn’t let him say it. 

And now… some feelings about Rey in a chair. 

First, let’s get this out of the way… What Kylo Ren does here is NOT GOOD. Like, “this made me remember all the reasons I was so resistant to shipping them” levels of not good. But then I remembered that I’ve been fangirling over REALLY TERRIBLE PEOPLE since Jason Isaacs stepped on screen in The Patriot in theaters (Go look it up. I’m really old, ok?), and I ship pairings that hurt each other WAY more permanently than Rey and Ben do, and I got over my misgivings.  (Half of one of my OTPs canonically killed the other half in a fit of anger, and she STAYED DEAD. I still ship them because this was a stupid writing decision.)

What I think is so eerily fascinating about this whole scene, both on the page and on screen, is how… weirdly direct and honest Kylo is the whole time. And it’s not just honesty (but I’m going to scream about that a lot), it’s… how careful (for him) he is with her. 

So I knew this was going to be a ride of a scene when the very first time he talks from Rey’s PoV, we get… 

“In Kylo Ren’s voice there was unexpected gentleness.”

Was it also understanding and tall? (That will never stop being funny to me… sorry.) 

And THEN, when she asks about her friends, he’s like (paraphrasing here) “Well I COULD tell you they all died…” 

“But I would prefer to be honest with you from the beginning. You will be relieved to hear that as far as their current status and well-being is concerned—I have no idea.”

This matters a lot to me.  And it solidified my belief that he THOUGHT he was telling her the truth about her parents in TLJ when he said they were “nothing” and that they abandoned her.  He MUST have been acting on an incorrect assumption that he arrogantly assumed was true because, that this is the important bit, he never knowingly lies to her...  I really wish that honesty line had made it into the film. 

And the fact that he thinks RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING that this is going to be the beginning of an ongoing relationship where he would even CARE about establishing trust… just makes me laugh at the presumption on his part, but also makes me want to be like, “Ok, so you’re kind of right but also hilariously wrong because this is NOT GOING TO GO HOW YOU THINK.” Mostly I just enjoy simmering in the dramatic irony of it all. 

And then he takes his mask off because Rey called him a creature in a mask, and that probably hurt his feelings or something.

 “In itself the narrow face that looked back at her was not remarkable. It was almost sensitive.”

And this is where I became even more convinced that… maybe casting hadn’t happened for all the parts yet?  But ADF had descriptions of types they were looking for? Because if there’s one thing that Adam’s face is pretty much ALL THE TIME, it’s sensitive (and holy crud expressive).  No almost. 

Also, if Adam had been cast, this bit: 

“If not for the intensity of his gaze, Ren could have passed for someone she might have met on the dust streets of Niima Outpost.” 

Would have read more like: “If not for the intensity of his gaze, his ridiculously good looking hair that probably took a whole team of stylist droids to maintain, and the fact that he was tall as a tauntaun, he might have passed for someone on the street.” But I digress. 

So this next line of his is from a really awful moment that should not have made me smile.  But… he’s not even angry, here. He’s just exasperated, and that fight on the Death Star they have in TRoS made this extra amusing. (Not that anyone who’s read this far is going to be on my case about this, but I know how problematic that line is! I know how problematic this whole scene is! Not an uncritical consumer of media here, just having fun reading with a shippy lens!) 

When she maintained her silence, he almost sighed. “I can take whatever I want.”

The old " Well, I guess we're doing this the hard way" sigh. I can SEE IT. 

And then, one of those unique to the novel lines that I somehow didn’t know about before reading the book that just STOPPED ME IN MY TRACKS when I got to it. 

“I would have preferred to avoid this. Despite what you may believe, it gives me no pleasure. I will go as easily as possible—but I will take what I need.”

HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS. I mean on the one hand, have a “not as much of a jerk as you could have been” gold star, but on the other hand, for KYLO “I HAVE A TEMPER AND GET WHAT I WANT REN” to have the intention to tread carefully with her and to CARE enough about what she thinks about him that he SAYS IT? WOW.

Thank you for coming to my talk, “Kylo Ren ALWAYS Cares What Rey Thinks of Him: A Thesis Presentation by Me” 

So he tries to get into her brain again, and we get this: (I can’t tell whose PoV this supposed to be from. It’s Rey all around this point, but it doesn’t make sense that it would be her here, and ADF can’t hold a consistent point of view in this novel to save his life, so… it makes more sense to me that it’s Kylo’s PoV.)

“And hesitated. What was that? Something there. Something unexpected.”

Loneliness would not be unexpected. He wouldn’t be surprised by that. It makes sense that the original intent was this is Kylo sensing her ability to use the Force, but if there was ANY pre-planning of the bond at all, this would have been a moment where he’d be able to sense it.  (I now want to be directed to any and all articles of behind the scenes discussion of the bond and who first decided it was going to be A Thing.  Was that just Rian Johnson?) No matter what happened from a Doylist perspective here, what happened from the Watsonian perspective is that Kylo went fishing in his other half’s mind and stepped right into their one-in-a-million connection in the Force and was like, “WHAT IS THIS???”

So we’re going to skip over the part of Rey crying because that does terrible things to my soul that I don’t have words for. (I may ship Reylo now, but I loved Rey on her own from the second she stepped on screen in theaters.) 

This moment, though… this is so telling. 

“Rey—you’ve seen the map. It’s in there. And I am going to take it. Don’t be afraid.”

Geez this is so him. Frustratingly so. I see why they cut it for the flow of the scene and to make him scarier but WOW. “I’m going to do what I want, but YOU DON’T NEED TO BE AFRAID. Here let me comb through all of your insecurities and worst memories AGAINST YOUR WILL while you’re strapped to a table, ok? WHY ARE YOU SCARED?” 

Honestly, the fact that he even thinks for a second that “don’t be afraid” is going to be AT ALL HELPFUL OR EFFECTIVE in this situation just goes to show how… weirdly out touch with normal people he is. (“Ben Solo Learns How to Be a Person and Not Something Out of Nightmare” is a fic trope I will read and write forever.) 

Then there’s that “SOMETHING” again…

‘Ah, he thought to himself. Something there, of interest. Not the image of the map. That would take another moment. But definitely something worth investigating.”

WHAT IS THIS? It would be easy to say, “He’s just sensing her Force capabilities, or the bond,” again, but we’ve already seen him have that reaction.  This reads like he’s specifically sensing another MEMORY, but we don’t ever get what it WAS before she pushes back. (Probably reading too much into this, but OF COURSE I AM. I’ve written seventeen pages of reaction to this nonsense so far, and I show no signs of stopping.) Anyone want to put forward wildly speculative theories as to what it was? I’ll start: He’s very specifically sensing her memory of Ben falling to the Dark from TRoKR, and it’s drawing his attention because it’s a memory of HIM. 

And now for Round 1 of “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better.”  Rey pushes back and finds herself in Kylo’s mind. 

A look of amazement replaced the fear on Rey’s face as she discovered herself inside his mind. Stunned at the realization, she found herself inexorably drawn to—to… “You,” she heard herself saying clearly, “you’re afraid.”

DRAWN TO WHAT, ADF? To his vulnerabilities? To the place in his mind that correlates to the place in hers that he went poking at? I mean, that makes sense, an it would be instance #1 of Rey replicating what Kylo did because… he’s the example of Force use she’s GOT at this point, and it makes sense that she would be unconsciously doing what he did.  (So really… he accidentally taught her a lot… just saying.) 

And finally,  just kind of love this description of caught-flat-footed Kylo Ren: 

“In the corridor, a stunned Ren found that he was breathing hard. That in itself was unsettling. He did not know what had just transpired in the holding cell and, not knowing, was left uncertain how to proceed.” 

She… raised my breathing rate? I’m???? Having??? A??? Feeling????? Or wait have I been having a feeling this WHOLE TIME AND SHE JUST POKED IT???? WHAT IS GOING ON??? What do I DOOOOOO????? Oh good a stormtrooper needs to talk to me. Time to NOT THINK ABOUT ANY OF WHAT JUST HAPPENED FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.  

Rey clearly had the one brain cell the dyad shares between them for this scene, and for a long time after. 

That was WAY longer than I meant it to be, but… thanks for reading! I’d love to know what people think.  I feel like I walked into a party late and want to talk about ALL THE THINGS people were screaming at five years ago. 

126. Knuckles the Echidna #25

Childhood's End

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Manny Galan Colors: Mark Bernardo

It's finally time for a reunion a long time in the making - the reunion, of course, between Knuckles and Locke! Due to this being the 25th issue, it's not part of a larger arc, it's standalone. Knuckles is helping Julie-Su clean up the mess left behind by the fight against the Legion in the base where they were both held captive a couple issues ago, when upon picking up Benedict's robotic skull, he spots a reflection on its side that stuns him. He drops the skull as Julie-Su calls after him, racing after the figure he saw reflected and ending up on the streets of the city.

There's a lot of things Knuckles could do here. I'm sure many people expected him to be angry, yell at his father for leaving him and keeping secrets, act on any feelings of betrayal he may have. But in the end, this is a teenager who, according to the intro page, hasn't seen his father in six whole years, ever since he jumped into the wall of fire in front of him, and so he begins to cry and embraces Locke, saying how happy he is to see him. They just stand there hugging for a moment, and then Knuckles begins to boil over with questions, wanting to know everything. Locke leads him away so they can talk more privately, and they head out jut as Julie-Su emerges onto the street as well, looking for him.

Ooh boy, I sense a conflict coming up. Locke and Knuckles get into a shuttle and Locke pilots them to Haven, which Knuckles asks for more information on, seeing as he didn't spend very long there before and thus didn't get many answers about it. And so Locke begins a flashback-laden history lesson, pretty much par for the course for anything Kenders gets his hands on. Haven was originally built by the fire ants to be a base for the current Guardian, Steppenwolf (remember him? Son of Edmund), to carry out his duties. Eventually Steppenwolf had a son, Moonwatcher, and trained him to be a Guardian as well. However, soon enough, Steppenwolf realized that there might be more danger to the Floating Island than just that from within.

Man, why are the Overlanders always so evil in these earlier issues? It's like the entire species is constantly plotting to take over everything and kill Mobians just because they can. Then again, the ones up there are led by a Kintobor, so I guess the Kintobors have always just been a crappy family. Steppenwolf senses their insincerity, and proceeds to mind-torture them with extreme pain until they agree to never set foot on the island again. Geez, man, I get they were traitorous, but did you really have to go that far? Turns out it was the fire ants with their telepathic powers that were able to warn him of the Overlanders' intentions. Steppenwolf had a chat with his fire ant mentor Christopheles, and together they agreed that there would always be more people trying to invade the island, so they should take extra security measures to ensure it would be properly protected.

As Locke tells this story, they land in Haven, and Knuckles begins to ask about it again, prompting Locke to reveal that it wasn't always kept a secret from the current Guardian. He continues his story - originally, Steppenwolf decided that there should be more than one Guardian always at the ready to protect the island, so he brought Moonwatcher to Haven, and they began to trade off duties. One would explore the surface of whatever landmass they were flying over, while the other would remain on the island and look after everyone on it.

I like how Harlan looks like a totally normal Knuckles clone while Rembrandt looks like this crazy hippie who decided to only dress himself in articles of clothing he found at grandpa's garage sale. The family line continued up to Rembrandt's son, Aaron, which is probably the most normal name for any echidna we've seen so far. Aaron was on the surface of the planet one day when he encountered a squad of Overlanders roaming around with, to his shock, some Dark Legionnaires, who, upon seeing him and recognizing him as a Guardian, tried to capture him. Aaron tried to run away but ran straight into Menniker himself (who was still alive because of the slower passing of time in the Twilight Zone, if you'll recall Kragok mentioning before), next to a giant missile. Apparently the Dark Legion was conspiring with the Overlanders to just straight up explode the Floating Island, and, panicking, one of the Overlanders fired the missile prematurely, to Menniker's fury. Aaron jumped up and managed to land on it, and was doing a fine job of disarming it midair until Menniker landed on it as well to stop him.

Both Aaron and Menniker were vaporized in the explosion, and Rembrandt and the rest of the Guardians were distraught at the loss. However, the family line didn't end there, as Aaron's younger brother Jordan offered himself up to become the next Guardian in his late brother's place.

Thus began the tradition of a father training his son in isolation on the island, then disappearing to Haven when the time was right to allow their offspring to take over their duties alone, this time never leaving the island's surface. Knuckles is somewhat relieved to hear that his father never abandoned him all those years ago, though he perhaps may have been slightly less relieved if he'd known that he was spying on him all that time, including all his private conversations with friends and Julie-Su, but I digress. When Locke mentions something about Knuckles' training being more important than any other Guardian before, Knuckles presses him on the issue, insisting he's ready to hear the answer when Locke hesitates. Locke explains how one night after being married to Lara-Le for a while, he had a nightmare of a strange series of events, which included a giant robot looking kind of like Robotnik destroying a city while his future son faced it down. He awoke in a cold sweat, but had this dream again and again, which prompted him to go to Athair of all people for advice, who told him it was a dream of the future that he must prepare for.

Yes, that's right. Locke altered his own genetic material so that he could shoot mutant super-sperm into his wife to create a superpowered baby, without telling her any of what he was doing, of course. But then he wasn't even satisfied with that! As soon as his wife laid Knuckles' egg, he took it and stuck it in the Chaos Chamber where he blasted it with radiation from the emerald in front of the rest of the Brotherhood. This is the true backstory of Knuckles' birth, and his apparent destiny. I've heard it summarized before as "had a bad dream, better microwave the baby," which, yeah, that's basically exactly what happened. Locke could have, with his foreknowledge of things to come, simply worked on training his son adequately for the future he saw, ensuring as well that he had the full backing of the rest of the Brotherhood for his entire life. But no, instead he did… well, this. (Ironically, the vision as seen in his nightmare depicted above never even slightly came to pass over the course of the comic, due to things like changing storylines and new head writers. Perhaps Locke's actions averted that future, or perhaps he really did just have a bad dream and microwave the baby as a result - there's no way to know for sure.)

And did it work? Did Locke's son, in fact, come out of the egg as a superpowered savior of echidnakind?

Oh, did you think those were just part of his gloves installed there to help him punch better? Nah, out of all the echidnas, only Knuckles has actual echidna knuckles. Somehow, this one tiny detail was enough to convince Locke that his genetic alterations worked and that Knuckles would be the ultra-powerful savior of the echidna people, even though it could also have been, I dunno, a genetic defect caused by all the mutant sperm and radiation that went into making this child. Of course, Knuckles is intimidated by all this - I don't think anyone has ever had a positive reaction to hearing they're a genetically-engineered destined hero - but Locke retorts that he had similar misgivings when he was still a Guardian trainee, and that his decision to microwave his baby was also really hard for him, calling it a decision between "sacrificing the world or siring a son to save it." I'm still not buying it, Locke, but Knuckles seems placated for now, and Locke suggests that, for the time being, they just spend some long-overdue time together as father and son. Knuckles happily agrees, exchanging "I love you"s with his father for the first time in who knows how many years.

So my opinion on all this? Well, I've already given some of it above, but honestly, I think that Locke far overreacted to his whole nightmare situation. He's been awful to Lara-Le both through their entire marriage and after as a result, constantly lying to her, keeping secrets, and interfering with her attempts to be a part of her son's life. He put his son through a lot of emotionally traumatizing experiences, allowing him to believe his own father had incinerated himself just to try to teach him self-reliance, and then spying on his every private moment from afar. The thing is, every bad guy sees themselves as the hero. And while I don't necessarily categorize Locke as an out-and-out villain, I do believe that, in almost every decision he ever made, he was in the wrong. You can even see it in the way the other members of the Brotherhood treat him, where even though most of them went through the same training regimen with being left behind by their fathers and all, nearly everyone in Haven, especially his own father, thinks Locke is too distant from his son and should reveal himself to him. Locke waited this long - Knuckles is almost sixteen, as we'll see in more detail next KtE arc - and almost every one of his plans went awry somewhere along the line, causing a lot of strife, bad feelings, and chaos for Knuckles throughout the course of the comic. Locke had the best of intentions, and the worst of executions.

Here's the thing. Kenders has said before that he based Locke on his own father, with whom he'd had a difficult relationship when he was younger. I see nothing wrong with basing a character on someone that one knows in real life, but one must also take into account the ramifications of such a thing, seeing as you wouldn't want to portray someone you care about as a bad guy. As it is, I feel that Locke would make a much better villain than… well, than whatever he currently is. If some plot points, character attitudes, etc. were changed, Locke could end up as this mastermind behind a plot that Knuckles would have to uncover, only to heartbreakingly discover his own father behind everything he'd been through. If Knuckles then rejected his father's path to instead carve his own, Locke would become angry, and there would be a lot of strife, a lot of fighting that could come of such a thing. But he wouldn't be a pure villain, either - he'd have a redemption arc, where he'd begin to understand just how badly he'd messed everything up. Then there would be more conflict concerning whether his self-awareness came too late to repair any kind of relationship with his son, let alone achieve forgiveness, or indeed forgive himself. Kenders is trying so hard to portray his own father-insert in a sympathetic light that there's this weird disconnect between how his selfish actions are portrayed by the writing in the comic, and how they come across to anyone looking critically at the plot. I understand his intention in writing everything this way, I really do, but ultimately, he was unwilling to put good storytelling first, and now we've ended up with this muddled mess.

That said, I know I've talked about this before, but I'm far less… I don't know, hateful of Kenders' work than many people in the Archie Sonic fandom. I think he's put together a truly fascinating world here, with many varied characters and a lot of potential for conflict to arise out of any situation naturally - true character-driven conflict, where the mores and values of different people clash dramatically causing strife, which I've always seen as the most interesting kind of conflict. The problem with his work, in the end, usually comes down to execution, and to, well, his own limitations as a writer of dialogue in particular. Seriously, not to insult him too harshly, but his dialogue is so often stilted and awkward that I really think he'd be better off as creative director of any project he worked on, coming up with characters and plots and worldbuilding and the like, while leaving the actual writing to someone else. In addition, quite frankly, he needs an editor that's willing to tell him "no" sometimes, but I've also heard that he's quite hard to work with, always wanting his own ideas to go exactly the way he wants them. And while as a writer myself I understand to a point being protective about one's own ideas, if you're working on a comic like this, dude, you have to be willing to work with others.

But anyway, I've rambled on far too long about this. One textbox aside next to the panels of Locke's nightmare promise us an epic upcoming "Knuckles Twenty Years Later" story in a future Sonic Super Special. As anyone who's read the comics already knows, that whole shebang is kind of infamous for being… well, boring, uninspired, and ultimately unimportant to the plot of the rest of the comic. It's one of the few parts of Kenders' work that I'm wholly uninterested in, not really even a little bit, but I'm still going to cover it once we come to it (which isn't for quite a long while, actually), as there's a lot of criticism to be had there, and what's a comic review without a healthy dose of criticism, eh?

Oh, do you want some angst this week? is that what you want? alright bud let's go!! 1, 3, 7, and 28 for whoever has the Most Interesting Answers!!

Thank you for sending this in!!! Under a read more both bc Prose Boy but also because the first question ended up becoming a short story with some themes of body horror in it so! look out!

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid?

I rolled amongst the characters I haven’t already discussed in depth later in this ask and got Roona. Lovely.

Being a person with near zero impulse control and a penchant for doing it just because someone said not to, I think at some point while barding alone on the road, she ended up in one of those small towns with a big secret that pop up in the thousands in D&D. 

One of those places where there’s a house on the outskirts of town with the windows all locked up and the front gate rusted shut, but it’s not dilapidated, and if you listen close enough there’s still voices drifting out through the cracks. And if you ask about it in the tavern, the room falls silent and no one’s gaze is meeting yours and after a tense few seconds the bartender slides you a too-full glass and tells you “You best be forgetting about that place, it won’t do you any good.”

And you want to know so badly what happened there and every answer you get is vague until the coin purse comes out, and then the hushed whispers come out too and you start to hear things about how the family that used to live there would collect all kinds of artifacts, and one day they imported something horribly cursed, and it’s probably still inside, it’s got to be, because no one’s ever been seen leaving with it, and anyone who goes to get it back walks away with blood-drained face and shut mouth. 

And so you try to sleep at night but you can’t, because you’re thinking about this fucked up house, and you’ve been to enough roadside tourist traps to know that the value’s in the show, and terror and wonder are almost the same emotion, and you’re pretty sure that this is just some long con publicity stunt that some recluse rich ass family is pulling, because rich people are fucking weird like that. And you’re not gonna call them on it, but you’d like to see for yourself, just to know if your hunch is right. 

So you sneak over there in the dark of night, and you hop the fence and press your eye to the shutters of the living room, and you curse your short legs that you don’t have the best of angles, but you’re still able to make out movement inside the place, and you can see the figures milling about in profile, but it’s hard to make out since the lights are off, which granted, is a little bit weird. 

But you squirm and shimmy and hoist yourself up by the window ledge and you’re still looking through the slats the whole time and you’re trying to see, you can almost get the right angle of your head and the moonlight to make out something of worth in the room, you just need to get a little bit higher and -

And you kick the side of the house and it reverberates much more than it has any right to, though that could just be the adrenaline pumping in your veins, but it really feels like the whole house has shaken, and the figures in the room all freeze in place, which is a bit worrying, but you don’t see them looking at you, which is almost a relief. 

But they are looking at you. The longer you sit and wait for them to go back to their business, the more you realize they’re waiting for you to leave. They can tell you’re here and you’re not supposed to be, so everything comes crashing to a halt, and they’re looking at you, so you know that you’re the disruption. 

But you didn’t realize until now that’s what they were doing, because they don’t have faces. It’s smooth skin, no sign even of eye sockets or cheek bones or nose bridges, just blank skin, like a mannequin come to life, but even with nothing there you can still feel them staring and you want to run away as fast as you can but you’re too scared too move. 

You become scared enough to move again once one of them begins to move towards the window that you’re at, and you hop the fence once more and high tail it back to the inn, hand on the hilt of your sword the whole while. And you slip back into your bed and wish you’d heeded the warnings to stay away, because even though you checked over your shoulder a thousand times to make sure they didn’t follow you, it still feels like the lack of eyes is staring right at you from the dark of every corner in your room. 

And you don’t sleep well again until you’re miles away from that town. 

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as before they lost them? 

These are d&d characters and I’m a tragedy slut so long answer short, yes, approximately half of my characters have key backstory moments revolving around the death/betrayal of a loved one.  Craving, Tov, Stella, Ezra are Supremely Emo, with Gildy and Nissy being lesser versions but still fitting the prompt.

Craving: Her entire life has been a series of deep losses that fundamentally changed the way she grew up. First person she lost was her mother, Kaissa, who died of a mysteriously incurable illness and whose public autopsy was revoked by the city for reasons no one could figure out. It broke her trust in authority, in public figures. The medical sector had refused to treat her mother and then hidden the evidence, it was as good as murder, and she figured every seat of government had as much blood on their hands.

The second to go was her father, Anvan, one of the first victims of a plague that devasted the tiefling population of their city far worse than any other race. He died before a vaccine was developed, but it wouldn’t have mattered any ways, because it was distributed in a horribly biased fashion by the producers which benefitted the human populous first. Not only did this break her trust in money, as a tool for growth and prosperity and caused her to see wealth as possessions as a tool for cruelty (which, you might ask, doesn’t she want wealth? doesn’t she steal impulsively? yes. she does it to be cruel right back at the world.) BUT it also was the moment at which she really lost her youth, because with the death of her father, she had to go into working full time.

The last to go was her brother, Sirris. He was stabbed and burned to death in a hate crime attack on their store. She went into the back room that day as a broken but loving woman, and crawled out of the ashes dragging her brother’s body behind her as a hell-bent, rage-blind servant of eye for an eye retribution. She was going to tear this world down from the inside, and she is still barely starting to learn that there are some things that don’t deserve to be crushed in the wreckage. 

Tov: He went to the Shadowfell to get some sorcery powers and when he walked back out he did a little attempted murder on his brother, who funnily enough Did Not Like It, and cast Tov out of his clan and his life, out of everything he’d ever known. Tov stood on the shores as his brother boarded the boat home alone and the second the ship was out of sight, he became a shell of a man that he’s still trying to fill back in.

Stella: Her entire community got burned to the ground and only a handful of survivors made it out, and she had to go from balance-oriented hippie kid to Literal Fucking Assassin to survive so uh. She got lost in a world where she had to become mean and cold and emotionless in order to stay living, and if she’s being honest, made it a lot easier to deal with the fact that Literally her Entire Life was irreparably gone. 

Ezra: His sister died on a quest for his God, after being promised saving by his God, and failing to be resurrected by clerics of his God. It made him stop believing in God. Like that one’s super duper straightforward.

Gildy: Not nearly as emo, but her spouse passing of old age and leaving her alone in the house made her finally realize that her life is. Hers. And that’s it. And kicked off her quest to do things that actually interest her and get into 3D art and forging and eventually a lifestyle of travel and adventure in the name of her art. She focused on herself for the first time in her life and maybe its just it being 1 am but I am a little bit soft about how that deep deep loss of a spouse was a catalyst for one of the most unabashedly happy times in this woman’s life because she finally didn’t have to care about pleasing anyone but herself! Nissy: He eloped with his girlfriend and then got dumped by her and he realized he kind of sucked shit on his own and decided to go adventuring to prove himself about it. At the time I played him he was fresh out of the breakup so he hadn’t changed much, but I feel like by the time he gets back home he will actually be much more sure of himself as a person who has value and worth and deserves a place at the table as he is, because that’s what being with Mavy had started to teach him, and after she left he was able to internalize it better bc there was no external source to pass it off onto. 

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why? 

Stella would kill Geran, the man who caught her assassinating and promised her a clean wipe of her criminal record in return for a year of SUPREMELY sketch and manipulative personal guard work. She knows she can’t do anything to him because if she fails he turns her in himself, and if she succeeds one of his lackeys does, but he’s also an absolute creep and a sleazeball and she hates his guts and the world would be better off without his freakness in it. Hey actually Rebekah this guy would make a great fourth character for Ludo. 

28. What is your character’s greatest strength?  Is it not the essence of a queer person’s D&D game that every character’s greatest strength boils down to a unfathomably deep love and devotion to whatever persons or tasks they deem worthy?

Fallout OC questionaire

@falloutfandomeventhub Fallout OC Questionnaire Whether your OC is a Lone Wanderer or Sole Survivor, these questions can be asked by others to know more about them! Or simply be used as a guide to further develop your character. Ask away, luv!  00. Which Fallout game are they from? Fallout 4 01. Which faction(s) did they join and which did they destroy? Why? The only Faction to be destroyed was the institute by the minute men. Officially, the botherhood won the commonwealth. Their equipment and training are stronger than either the railroad or the minutemen can handle on a one-by-one. With the institute destroyed, the railroad had lost its greater purpose. Some of the remaining members worked to establish a pipeline to Far harbor and Acadia for those who didn't wish for a mind-wipe. Others chose to join the minutement to make the world a safer place. The brotherhood is the army, the minutemen are the police. 02.What is their S.P.E.C.I.A.L.? S4 P6 E1 C1 I10 A4 L3 Strong enough to bend metal to his will, but no 'heavy hitter' or load hauler. Good eyes and quite perceptive, able to play with explosives without fear and an able rifleman The frost seems to have sapped all of his endurance he developed in the army, finding himself constantly winded. Between his sarcastic nature as a veteran, the dysphoria of a new world, and his half blasted face, his charisma is something to be desired Intelligence is where he shines, capable with computers, engineering and certified to operate with fusion cores. His agility is fair. Able to be sneaky, but by no means a ninja. He is lucky in cards but unlucky in love. Hard pressed to romance any companion, he is still able to get a lucky shot off. 03. Give us a summary of their backstory. Son of a locksmith, he used his gift with tumblers to break into places for the cheap thrills and fell in with a bad crowd. The first time he met Nora was popping a lock for her in the rain and he decided she was someone he was willing to make a better man of himself. He enlisted, became a combat engineer, got half his face blown off. Came home after the tour, got popped in the freezer. 04. What’s their full name and does it have a meaning? Do they have any nicknames and how did they get em? Nathaniel Victor Winters, A.K.A. Vic, Blue and THE SILVER SHROUD! Vic is a shortening, blue comes from the suit he emerged from the vault, and the silver shroud came from his time enacting revenge in goodneighbor and his codename with the railroad. 05. What’s their sexual, romantic, and gender orientation? Do they feel comfortable telling other people? He's bisexual male favoring feminine appearance lovers, he lost his virginity with another man in the gang he ran with as a kid.  In this war-torn world, what you have in your pants and where you stick it really is on the bottom of the totem pole. 06. Do they have any mental illnesses? How do they cope? The horrors of the war and what he has done still tear at him today. He often stays up late nights tinkering and drafting until he is finally too exhausted to think and blacks out. He  07. Do they have any medical conditions? Is medicine/ treatment available for them? His lungs are frost-burnt from the improper freezing technique. He can get enough air to walk and talk, but any sudden exertion like running has him on his knees in ten seconds. he has second and third degree burns on the right side of his face and body.  08. How much do they care about their outer appearance? What’s their “beauty routine”? How often do they shower/ bathe? His physical appearance is a sensitive subject, some days he feels like he looks like half a ghoul with his second and third degree burns down the right side of his face and body. Optimally, he likes to wear his silver shroud get-up with the scarf wrapped around his face and operator goggles. (use surgical mask or striped bandana to represent the scarf pulled up) Not only does he like to bathe, but he has started building water heaters for a hot bath. 09. What do they fear the most? Fire makes him... uncomfortable, his armor always has asbestos when it is an option. He fears loosing curie, the only other person not bothered by his features beyond Hancock, both of whom are his only lovers. Part of him is afraid he will wake up in the tube again, that this was all a dream. 10. They’re biggest flaw? Do they recognize it as a flaw? He overthinks everything, he has an obsession with returning some of the old world tech back to this new place. He sees a hundred things being used or not used that would make things so much easier. 11. What are they most insecure about? He is almost entirely sure he is a synth, placed by deacon into the vault. 12. What Wasteland threat do they fear the most? (ex. Deathclaws, super mutants, raiders) Raiders are just people. So is the institute. But if he had to pick one single crature he will call for an airstrike on everytime is the mirelurk queen. Three story tall crab spitting armor-melting acid? Hard pass. 13. What’s their zodiac sign or which one do you think they relate to the most? What are their placements (if you know them)? (ex. Aries sun, Taurus moon, Aquarius Venus) May 5th 2045 (Taurus/Ox) 14. What’s their Myers–Briggs Type? (ex. ENTP, ISFJ) INTJ- The scientist 15. What Harry Potter house would they be in? (ex. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw) Ravenclaw 16. Which Pokemon Go team would they choose? (ex. Instinct, Valor, Mystic) Team mystic 17. Out of the nine forms of intelligence (rhythmic, spatial, linguistic, mathematical, kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic, and existential) which one(s) are they really good at and which one(s) is(are) their weakest? 1) Mathematical   2) Kinethetic   3) Linguistic   4) Spatial 5) Interpersonal 6) Intrapersonal 7) Naturalistic 8) Existential 9) Rhythmic 18. What natural alignment are they? (ex. Lawful Good, Chaotic Evil) Chaotic good, Doing the right thing, regardless of the law. 19. Do they have any hobbies? What are they? Tinkering, repairing, drafting. 20. Do they have a favorite holiday? How do they celebrate it? Halloween, costumes and parties. 21. What’s their favorite season? Winter, not just because of the namesake, the way the snow absorbs all sound and colors to make a calm quite monotone of the world. 22. Do they have a temper or are they level headed? Level-headed but vengeful. 23. Do they express their emotions freely or hide their true feelings? He holds his feelings until he has time to walk them out and express himself calmly. But if he gets overwhelmed with loss, he is known to find a corner and break down. 24. Are they a leader or a follower? A reluctant leader as he is the only man with a plan half the time. 25. How do they come off to others? What first impression do they usually make? Know-it-all, gallows humor, awful ugly. 26. Do they prefer to travel alone or with company? Who have they traveled with if any? Current companion if any? He has traveled with most of the companions, leaning on their experience and expertise. His constant companion is Curie and dogmeat. He has the sentinel to provide assistance and carry what he needs to keep himself agile. 27. Would you describe them as selfless or selfish? Does it depend on the situation? Most often he is selfless, throwing caps and resources as problems. He always makes sure the farms under his protection have eight turrets and the farmers are well armed and armored with the standard of leather armor and bolt action rifles. 28. What do they find most attractive in others? Name at least one psychological and physical trait. (doesn’t have to be romantic attraction) In curie it is her sweet faux-french voice and elemental green eyes that almost glow in the right light. From his minor hearing loss in the war, he often reads lips which leads to liking the shapes of certain mouths. 29. Do they flirt often? How easily do they fall in love? He is heavily flirtatious, but he cannot fall in love without sleeping with someone first.  As a concupiscent, he has trouble forming longer relationships past fleeting friends without engaging in sexual activities with them. 30. What’s their love life like? Are they interested in anyone or in a relationship? He is in a relationship with Curie and Hancock in a 70/30 split. Hancock knows the need to get down and dirty to do what had to be done. So often after a 'dark' mission, hancock will get loaded and Vic will get drunk to wind down and whatever happens next happens. 31. Do they prefer to solve things diplomatically or using violence? “Si vis Pacem, Para bellum. If you want peace, prepare for war.” He always hopes for peaceful resolutions, popping a grape mentat before an important meeting but keeping track against addiction. But that peaceful meeting almost always comes with a loaded ten on his thigh and one person as backup. 32. What is their combat style? What range do they prefer? Do they sneak? He is a fine rifleman, preferring to take his targets one by one from a hidden distance for as long as possible with the sentinel and dogmeat running melee interference. If curie is with him, she cannot escape her programming with her buzz-saw limb so Vic gives her a melee weapon like a ripper or the throatslicer for her to exercise her medical expertise. Handcock is given a shotgun and a chance to go to town. 33. What weapon(s) do they always carry with them? Vic's favored sidearm is the ultimatum but his go-to is the Kiloton radium rifle. Before then It was Crickets spray-n-pray with the railroad deliverer. 34. Their most prized possession? A lucky rabbits foot he keeps as a charm on his pistols lanyard loop, it was a keepsake from the first time he ever went hunting. 35. Their thoughts on power armor? He finds them very convenient, as long as they are not overutalized or relied on to accomplish the task. As part of the combat engineers, he spent most of his time in a base skeletal frame with cobbled bits ten feet behind the real armored infantry solider marching through the front lines. 36. Favorite armor/ outfit? The silver shroud costume, armored up thanks to Kent. Otherwise, a pair of ballistic military fatigues with full heavy combat armor. 37. How’s their aim? Do their hands shake while pointing a gun? When using a rifle, his left hand holds the barrel steady, when using a pistol his right hand shakes from the nerve damage of the burn so he has to settle for center mass. 38. What are their thoughts on having to kill on a daily bases in order to survive? Does it take a toll on them? Or do they shake it off rather easily? The sad truth is that killing is easy, push a button, pull a trigger. The hard ones are the melee kills, feeling the hot blood splash and run as the last moments of fight or flight kick in before the death rattle. 39. Thoughts on death if any? (ex. Fear it, accept it) He is fairly accepting of death, the world is already a better place for his coming and going. 40. Do they move around a lot or prefer to have a place to call home? Adventure has kept him on the move, he is content for now, his place is in the workshop bringing back Boston to the way it could be. He trusts his friends to keep the day-to-day running while he plays with his pet projects. 41. What’s their favorite location? He likes Red Rocket when he needs to get away from sanctuary hills, Deacon jokes it is the silver shroud's secret lair. He likes to stop in on all the settlements to make sure he didn't need to call in the brotherhood for a massive problem. 42. Their opinions on ghouls, feral and not feral? Feral ghouls still remind him of zombies. His preferred practice is to kneecap them so they fall and let the others finish them off. He has heard the feral transition on the holotape to ozwald and can only compare it to rabied dog and will put them down like dogs. He feels that it is similar to dementia at an old folks home, there is no coming back yet, even from the serum. 43. Do they scavenge for their supplies or simply buy them? He is a scavenger as often as possible, Often holding off or doing without until later, Sometimes he will buy a weapon just for a specific part, then pass the rest of the weapon to one of the farmers. 44. Are they the type to get distracted and go off to an unknown nearby location or do they stay on track? It often depends on the severity of the mission at hand. If it is tracking a signal or fetching something then he is free to wander. But if it is a time sensitive mission like an assault or someone is in danger, then he is a one track mind. 45. How do they sleep? Are they picky about where and how or can they sleep basically anywhere? He prefers to be able to pull something over his shoulder, be it blanket or jacket. He can only really be at rest to sleep in a room with closed or no windows and a door he can lock or brace. Often blocking bathrooms with fallen stall doors so he can sleep on the floor. 46. What’s their favorite radio station and song? (post-apocalypse) Johnny guitar by Peggy Lee, it was the nickname of the boy he lost his innocence with. 47. What’s their favorite post-apocalyptic food? Are they a picky eater? Do they know how to cook? He prefers the canned dog food, it is a hearty protein and reminds him of army beef stew MRE's 48. What’s their favorite beverage? Do they drink alcohol? His favorite drink is Nuka Cherry and his favorite hard drink is numa Dark or rum and cola 49. Anything they like to collect? (ex. Unique weapons, Bobbleheads) He often collects weapons and armor mods to add to his modular suits to try and think of an answer to every situation. 50. Are they good at disarming traps or do they constantly miss them? He has seen what happens when a trap gets missed, the lives and limbs lost. He studied EOD wherever he could from anyone willing to teach him, the rest has come from experience.

TroS reaction (1st view)

Necessary premise in bullet points:

- I liked TFA when it came out and still do but as I dug into the franchise/canon (Disney only by choice) my enjoyment of it became more lukewarm. Came out of it dreading a potential Reylo but liking the two charas on their own. 

- went into TLJ worried I’d hate it, came out with it being my favorite saga movie and sold on the Rey-Ren connection, whatever road it would’ve taken. Loved the “Rey’s powerful on her own/bc the Force wants to set Kylo’s wrongs right”. It felt good after two years of being bombarded with “this fucking Mary Sue can have any power only if she’s connected to powerful men of the saga, she has otherwise no right in being powerful” in forums spaces.    

- went into TroS non-spoiled, wary of Palpatine return but relatively hopeful if soured about the “JJ our lord and saviour pleease save us from evil evil Jonhson” (HA!). The rumors about lore from the tv series being featured into the movie had me excited.  

That said, here goes: [SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE, ENDING INCLUDED, RIGHT OFF THE BAT]

I didn’t like it. I really hope to warm up to it more in future views, there’s absolutely stuff I liked or even loved, but as it stands now it was overall a massive disappointment on many sides and -worst of all- threatens to retroactively ruin my enjoyment in other previous stories. 

First, the positives: 

- Parentage notwithstanding, Rey was good. Her rage, her fears, her good heart, her commitment to the fight and the training, her longing for guidance… truly, if the bloodline revelation hadn’t retroactively ruined my investment in the character and themes I’d have fully, 100% loved her even if every single other part of the movie had been the same. 

Except for a brief war flashback to Starkiller game abilities (I lolled) I wasn’t even troubled by all the new abilities or their scope. Movies’ been inventing new powers since the beginning and the Force does what the Force wants. Again, fuck the genetics “twist”, garbage stuff. 

- Kylo, next to… 95% that involved him? TLJ did a great job selling him to me and surprisingly this movie added to that instead of retconning it away. More competent but still stupid and petty from time to time. I’m glad he came back, glad he choose right and glad he was allowed more time on the right side than Anakin. I love redemptions and he was portrayed as wavering the entire trilogy, I don’t even really care that it could’ve done better. I’m happy for him and his family, that’s all. The kiss got a laugh out me but not a malicious one, I was kind of running out of reasonable reactions by then. 

I’m just conflicted on how I feel about his death. Back when TFA was released I wanted him to survive to face what Anakin didn’t: justice (the kid-friendly setting prevented a death sentence anyway), atonement and growth from there, I still wish it happened and maintain that a different pacing would’ve allowed it. On the other hand, I’m also kinda okay with him dying. He righted at least a bit of his many wrongs, he saved a person he cared for, that his parents cared for and that could help the galaxy much more than he ever could and he was at peace. It was a good death.      

- Kylo’s vision/illusion of Han. A surprise but a very pleasant, well acted one. Would’ve I maybe liked Anakin more, as Ben idolized him so much and for all the wrong reasons and because I love that disaster? Yes. Does Han work much better in the economy of the movie and trilogy story and do he and Ben have a much rawer relationship and history? Absolutely. I am a teeny tiny bit baffled as  for why Luke didn’t also show up, but the actual scene was good enough I forgive it.  

- Rey and Kylo bond and connection was one of the saving graces of this mess and I utterly loved it. Both actors worked their asses for for all their scenes and it payed off, oh if it payed off. Their DSII duel was perhaps a tad long but great nonetheless (Republic era Jedi jumps!), the hurt and the sense of absolute loss and grief they both conveyed -and shared!- after Leia’s passing was incredible, Rey regretting the near kill and softly going “I would have stayed, had you renounced the dark side”. She cared, yes, but not to the point of ignoring the horrors (something Anakin never quite understood). The “dyad” stuff was a bit overkill, just call it a force bond, we can see it’s freaking powerful, but the Force Skype and sharing of objects that came with the package, that I loved. Surprise lightsaber, Ren fuckers! :D Bet Anakin and Obi Wan were really jealous, that would’ve come in handy during the war.       

- Finn was now fully invested in the cause, at ease, visibly happy to be with his friends, ready to bond and reach out, quick to plan, to act and to adapt to the situation, brave but cautious and calculating. I wish it was given a bit more focus, but I loved he found other young FO defectors. Also fuck yeah, he’s force sensitive and his ability is used, not just thrown in as a useless wink. Jedi Finn in future material, c’mon!

- Poe’s also grown. He was probably going to have more screen time with Leia had Carrie not died but there was nothing to be done for that. I’m not as happy as for previous 3 charas for the backstory retcon I’ll tackle in the negatives.

- Jannah was cool, the addiction of other FO defectors a welcomed one and the scene were she and Finn excitedly went over their “I broke free” moment was adorable. Good bean, I’d read more about her and her company. 

- A bit lot annoyed at Bloodline being kinda tossed outta the window but getting Leia with lightsaber was nice. Give me some ancillary material to deal with the clash and I’ll fully forgive it. 

- Jedi! MY GIRL AHSOKA MY MAN KANAN! I mean, I sure wish they were in a better movie, but hey, recognition for something more than the OT? No slandering of the Order but all of them collectively kicking Sidious ass once and for all? I’ll gladly take it. Anakin, my dude, I’m sorry your sacrifice was next to nullified but it was good to hear you again ;_;  I didn’t hear Ezra’s voice anywhere so I can still hope he’s alive, well and with the Ascendancy teaching all their Navigators. “I am all the Jedi” remains a terrible line. 

And now, oh boi. Here comes the long list of annoying - bad - stinking shit stuff: 

- If I wanted to watch a 2 and half long videogame cutscenes I’d have done that in the comfort of my home without spending money for tickets. Go to level x to retrieve related macguffin, move to next level to get next macguffin and so on and so on. I liked close to everything in the DS II sequences, but what would’ve that dagger pointed at if the wreckage had fallen even a little bit differently?   

In general, many plot points gave me the feeling they were stolen from the tv series and badly executed, like a mockery (or incompetence?). Case in point: Hux betraying the 1st Order out of personal, spiteful hate? Potentially good! The execution? A poor man’s Rebels Agent Kallus, already over in little more than 5minutes. 

- Palpatine himself is a poorly, ridiculously poorly executed Maul resurrection storyline from tcw and rebels. 

Because Maul was 1. explained and 2. got a good, long arc that made you forgive the undoubtably contrived ass-pull it took to bring him back while Sidious is just… there. You gotta accept it because the writer said so. 

How did he survive? We don’t know and fuck you if you expect an explanation (they really had the absolute galls to have him say the iconic/meme line from Rots and apparently it was supposed to be enough?!) How could he “have all Sith reside inside me” when canon’s clear that Sith do-not-get-to-retain-their-individuality-in-the-Force, do not work well together (lmao) and he as an individual never gave a shit about the Sith except when they could serve his own personal desires? His entire approach to the rule of two and other Sith stuff is “fuck that noise, everything in the galaxy exist to serve me”. He’s fine dying as long as “the Sith rule”? Who IS this character, because he’s not Darth Sidious (as presented in Disney’s own canon, mind). Oh, you wanted explanations? FUCK YOU, screams the movie. 

The mess gets somehow salvaged in the end as he comes to his senses and siphon the life out of Rey and Ben to de-rotten/revive himself to rule in person, now *that* was in character. Was he actually lying his ass off the entire time waiting for the moment he could siphon them? Hopefully but who the hell even knows.

In the end it just wasn’t worth bring him back. A holocron, a different Sith, even a hive-mind of old records/tainted wraiths of Sith (perhaps wearing Palps face to buy the old empire aficionados loyalty, idk) would’ve been better than “actually, Anakin suffered nearly his entire life and sacrificed himself for barely more than 25 years of peace and it still wasn’t enough to rid the galaxy of the monster who destroyed his and countless other lives”. But Johnson was the one shitting on beloved characters legacy and accomplishments, uh? Surely at least he’s got company. 

Ian was clearly having a blast, so there was… that? And the initial sequence being legit creepy and the Sith storm or whatever the fuck was that. That can stay, it was cool.     

- Poe, the latino character, got retconned from former Republic pilot (a backstory established before TFA came out and faithfully respected ever since) into a smuggler and gang member. Classy. What does Lucaslfilm have a story group for if not for stopping stuff like this from happening? Bonus Zorii being used for a “no homo! homo? no homo?” wink wink and for generally being a poor man Solo’s Qi’ra.   

- The movie makes you worry for a character death three (3) times in a row only to immediately backpedal on it. The survivors are grieving, the scene is sober… and then suddenly! they’re alive! isn’t it wonderful? let’s insert a comical scene now that we’re at it! Sigh.   

- The whole Threepio stuff was a contrived waste of time in a movie already full of more relevant plot treads that could’ve put that screen time to better use. 

- Rey’s parents apparently aren’t assholes anymore bc they sold her into slavery to protect her from Sidious, which is… supposed to make it alright, a sacrifice in the name of love? If they had been shown trying to give her to a trusted person and then she was kidnapped that wouldn’t had been their fault, just unfortunate, but the movie shows them leaving their 5yo daughter with her in-all-but-name slaver so?? 

- Rey Palpatine… Rey. Palpatine. Gesù Cristo benedetto che minchia mi è toccato di vedere. That hurt. That was so hilariously over the top bad I just…I started laughing. On top of the entire thing, thank you so, soo much for validating all those fucking assholes who demanded Rey be connected to a powerful man in the saga to accept her powers and value, you hack. Jedi were never about power of blood and then you went and reinforced the very opposite. She ain’t powerful bc the Force recognized her as worthy to stop evil and chose to aid her anymore, she’s powerful bc grandfather was. Lovely stuff. Hilariously, now she has a lot more legit “Mary Sue” traits than before. 

- Rose’s sidelining was a blatant bow to her and her actress haters whims. If in VIII she jumped at the chance of action, now she was fearful and “had to stay behind” studying maps. Fuck that noise. 

- Even if she rejected it, underline is that the Skywalker line is wiped out and the Palpatine one thrives. I… just… wtf wtf wtf. A final “Just Rey” would’ve been more powerful -because now it would’ve been reclaimed- and less corny and in poor taste than a Palpatine taking on the Skywalker name. I’m not sure if Sidious is more offended or if he’s laughing his ass off in space!hell. Probably the 2nd. Bad.      

- The final scene on Tatooine. It rang so empty because the planet brings warm memories only to the audience, not the characters. In-universe, that place brought nothing but misery to the Skywalkers: Anakin and Shmi were brought there as slaves and lived as such for years, Shmi was tortured to death and Anakin began his descent into the dark for crying out loud. Luke had to hide and saw his relatives murdered. Leia had no connection whatsoever to the place. The mera idea of burying Anakin Skywalker lightsaber into the sands of Tatooine and considering it a way of paying respect is… I don’t know, hilariously in bad taste? Rey, dear, what did you have personally against the guy? Put those sabers to rest on Naboo! Ah, but we can’t truly acknowledge the PT now, can we? Wack.   

- It’s not TroS complete fault, that “honor” mostly sit at TFA’s feet but for all its omages, copies and almost slavish references, from a in-universe point of view it’s like the OT barely occurred. 

The same evil man has been defeated (until next time?), the Republic must be rebuilt from scratch, a evil military is all over the place and must be dealt with, the Jedi Order has to be rebuilt… it’s depressing. A new evil taking advantage of the empire leftovers would’ve been one thing, but Sidious? He’s been effectively winning nonstop ever since he was elected Chancellor. He had all the power, all the influence, all the control and he maintained it all even as a rotten corpse in exile, the entire galaxy marching on his tune, controlled by his strings. And as the cherry on top of the cake he even managed to wipe out the family that could’ve, should have been his undoing! He effectively destroyed the Skywalkers. He outlived every Jedi, every survivor, every clone. I hate this. It’s sickening. I can’t even be happy Rex was on Endor anymore.      

In general, the best word I can find for this movie is: coward. 

So blatantly desperate to please, to be “forgiven”, to reference every single irrelevant thing -except the PT and the TV series in a intelligent way-, to throw fanservice after fanservice after fanservice no matter how nonsensical from all over that crossed the “corny” to wander into embarrassing territory many times over (Maz giving Chewie a medal outta nowhere? Come the fuck on now). 

The cartoon series had twenty time the guts of this movie and I vehemently wish for Filoni to take the helm of the entire creative team in a very near future.