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whump-me · 23 days

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Obscure: Chapter 22

Chapter 22 (the last chapter!!) of Obscure, novel-length interrogation whump about a rebel leader who can erase memories with a thought, an interrogator who can see inside his subjects’ minds… and the connection they share that neither of them suspects.

Masterpost | the Mind Games universe | Read the completed novel on Patreon

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Kirill

Kirill could have been another piece of furniture in Ramachandra’s spare and sterile office. Her face was empty. Kirill’s face mirrored hers. Her eyes were cold. So was Kirill’s voice.

She showed no approval, of course. That would have been beneath her. But he knew, all the same, that she approved. He was, once again, exactly what she needed.

“I got the location of three different bombs from the latest subject,” he said. “The FBI only knew there were two out there to find.”

“Yes, I read the report. They had a lot of questions about your unique talent. I lied, of course.”

“In the past two weeks, I’ve traveled to five different cities, and performed five different interrogations. In each of those interrogations, I’ve obtained the necessary information in far less than the allotted time—and in three, I got more information than was asked for.”

“Yes, you’re good at what you do,” she said, with a slight dip of her chin. “You didn’t need to call a meeting to tell me that.”

“I didn’t come here to ask you to tell me I’m good at my job,” he said. “I’m here to say you’re not paying enough for how good I am.”

Her expression didn’t change. But her fractional pause told Kirill that if she were capable of feeling surprise, she would have been feeling it right then. “You want a raise,” she said. “Most PERI operatives are content to take the salary offered them.”

Most PERI operatives know they don’t have a choice, said a voice in Kirill’s head that didn’t sound like him. Unless that choice is the labs.

Kirill had been hearing that voice a lot over the past few months. He didn’t know where it had come from. It had flown into his brain one day like a buzzing housefly, and he couldn’t seem to swat it.

But he had grown used to ignoring it. “Maybe most people don’t know what they’re worth,” he said. “I do.”

“You’ve always been good at what you do,” said Ramachandra. “Of course, all our operatives are exceptionally talented—that’s what makes PERI what it is. And only those who demonstrate a willingness to stretch their abilities and use those talents for the good of their country move out of training and into full operative status.”

What happens to the others? the voice asked. Kirill ignored it.

“But even given that high standard, I’ve noticed a marked improvement in your work lately,” Ramachandra continued. “You’re willing to come to headquarters more often, for once thing. You no longer refuse to take assignments involving Enhanced.”

“I’ve come to terms with what I am,” Kirill said, his voice as expressionless as his face. “I see no reason to hide from it anymore.”

Ramachandra gave another of those tiny chin-dips. “I think we could consider a ten percent raise.”

“And I think the work I’ve done for you over the past few months is worth twenty,” Kirill said. “How much was the information from the Elias Kitzner interrogation alone worth to you?”

She thought for a moment. “Twenty,” she finally said.

Kirill had expected her to compromise at fifteen. Maybe for agreeing to twenty was a sign of the respect she would never voice aloud. He would probably never know for certain. It was too difficult to tell, with her.

As he stood to leave, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He waited until he had closed the door behind him before he pulled it out. It was Liz.

His relationship with Camille had run its course, like they all did. As always, he had let it end without a fight. They had parted with smiles and gentle words. The weekend after their last conversation, he had accidentally left the silky sheets in the washer too long. When they had come out mildewed past saving, he had shrugged and replaced them. He had let the ferns die.

Liz had slid in to fill the space Camille had left, entering his life as smoothly as she had left it. As soon and she had entered his orbit, he had changed his own trajectory to match hers. The dead ferns were gone from the bedroom. The sheets now were jewel-toned and functional—in Liz’s world, it was a sin to spend too much time sleeping. Liz moved from early-morning meetings to before-dinner gym sessions to networking cocktails late at night, all with the energetic precision of a well-oiled motor. Sleep was an afterthought.

He put the phone to his ear. “Hey,” he said. Liz disliked extraneous syllables.

“I’ll be late,” she said, with no social niceties to soften the blow. He had learned it was a sign of her trust in him that she didn’t feel the need to flood their conversations with the unnecessary padding some people expected. “Meeting ran long.”

“That’s fine,” he said, matching her cadence. “I’m running late myself. See you sometime after dinner?”

“After dinner,” she agreed, and hung up. Kirill tucked the phone away.

He closed his eyes, sagged against the wall. He had never known a conversation could be so tiring while containing so few words. The rhythm of his life now left no room for rest. Hurtling from one task to the next like running an obstacle course, then sleeping for four hours before getting up to do it again… sometimes he missed Camille and their lazy mornings in bed.

He had never missed one of his previous girlfriends before.

But he could be what she needed, and that was the important thing. He had lost that ability, for a brief and terrifying time. Something about the Elias Kitzner interrogation, about how long he’d had to spend sifting through the man’s memories.

He never could remember, when he tried, what exactly it was about the man that had thrown him off so badly. He wasn’t sure he wanted to remember. Every time he thought about it, he had the sensation of being sucked under the earth, into his own grave.

But that was over now. Elias Kitzner might have escaped, but his network was gone. And if, whenever Kirill visited headquarters, he heard the faint rumors of something new springing up in its place… well, it wasn’t his problem anymore. Elias was nothing more than a footnote in Kirill’s past, and so was the brief effect it had on Kirill’s ability to be what PERI had trained him to be.

And who is that? the voice asked. Who are you?

He shoved it away.

He heaved himself away from the wall and continued down the hallway. Taking a right would get him out of the building fastest. Instead, he took a left, and another left. He had one more thing he had to do before he went home.

Walking down the hallway, he waved to a guard headed in the opposite direction, a middle-aged man with a receding hairline and a puppy-dog face. As Ramachandra had pointed out, Kirill had been spending more time at headquarters lately. He had started recognizing faces, picking up on patterns. This guard usually showed up for work around this time of night. Kirill had exchanged words with him a few times.

Today, he shook his head at the guard. “They’ve still got you on the night shift, huh?” he said, with an expression of good-natured commiseration. “What’s it been now? A month? Past time to rotate you off, I would have thought.”

“Two months,” the guard said, echoing Kirill’s expression—or had Kirill echoed his? “And no end in sight.”

“I hope they’re at least paying you double for it,” said Kirill, although he knew they weren’t. “You ask me, they don’t pay you guys enough as it is. I’ve seen what some of those prisoners can do with their powers. You guys deserve hazard pay.”

Memories flashed in Kirill’s vision. The snarl of a prisoner with tangled hair and sallow skin. An animal shriek emitting from her mouth. The lights flickering, shaking, shattering…

The guard might have answered. If so, Kirill didn’t hear.

“I bet you’ve seen some things,” Kirill said. “I heard something about a prisoner who came in yesterday. Scary stuff.” He whistled through his teeth. “You couldn’t pay me enough to do your job.”

These days, with all the work he had been doing at headquarters, Kirill got closer to dangerous Enhanced than most of the guards did. But this guard didn’t need to know that.

The guard answered with an apologetic shrug. “Not allowed to talk about it,” he said. “I’m sure you know how it is.”

Kirill made the right noises, smiling and nodding in commiseration. But his attention wasn’t on the conversation. His attention was on the memory-image of the broad-shouldered man who made the earth tremble unnaturally with every step he took.

He, as the guard, wrestled the man to the ground with a team of three other guards, then lifted him up, breaking his contact with the earth. They strapped him to a stretcher and injected him with a dose of sedative, then another when the first dose wasn’t enough.

They wheeled him down a maze of hallways and into an elevator. Kirill marked every turn, and the button they pressed on the elevator, and the turns they took after that. And finally, the metal square on the door labeling it Isolation Room 3 as they wheeled the man in and lifted his limp body into a sensory deprivation tank.

The tank had better inhibit his powers like they think it will, the guard said, his voice reverberating in Kirill’s chest as if it were his own, or he’ll bring the building down on all of us… Are you okay?

“Are you okay?” the guard repeated. He waved a hand in front of Kirill’s face. His face was drawn in concern.

Kirill blinked away the fading memories. “I’m fine,” he assured the man. “It’s been a long day.”

It had been a long day. Any day that included a meeting with Ramachandra was long. But he had needed the meeting as an excuse to be in the building at the right time. He had known where the guard would be, and when. The only trick had been making sure he was there, too.

It had taken time to learn that information. There was a reason he had spent so much time here at headquarters lately.

He said his goodbyes to the guard and continued down the hallway. When he was sure the guard was gone, he turned and retraced his steps until he reached the turn that would take him to the exit.

The people he was working with would be able to get the prisoner out. He didn’t know how they could extract a prisoner from the heart of PERI headquarters, or how they knew about this prisoner in the first place. He didn’t need to know. The information he siphoned off Liz’s hard drive while she begrudgingly stole a few hours of sleep every night probably helped.

Sometimes he felt bad about using Liz. But at least, while he was using her, he made her genuinely happy.

It was what he did.

Eventually—when the people he was working with no longer needed her information—their relationship would come to a natural end, just like all his relationships did. And when it did, he would make sure the parting was amicable. She would leave uplifted, with no trace of a broken heart.

As for the people he was working with… maybe his relationship with them would come to an end as well. For now, he was happy to be exactly what they needed.

“Hey!” the guard’s voice called from behind him. “Hey, wait!” Hurried footsteps scrambled toward him.

His heart stuttered. He spun. The guard was closing in on him with red-faced urgency.

Kirill looked over his shoulder, gauging the distance to the exit. Run or shoot? Which would give him the better chance of escape?

But the guard didn’t reach for a weapon. He slid to a panting halt. “Hey,” he gasped. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask someone about for weeks. But I didn’t know who I could trust. You, though… you might answer me.”

He didn’t look like a man about to accuse Kirill of disloyalty. Kirill hovered his hand near his gun without being too obvious about it. “What is it?”

The guard straightened up, looking suddenly nervous. “So… I get the feeling you’re pretty high up around here,” he said, still putting too many spaces between his words as he struggled for breath. “You dress like it, at least.”

Kirill looked down at his starched white shirt and immaculate suit jacket. He slipped the amiable smile back on his face. It was almost as effortless as it used to be. “Don’t hold it against me.”

“But you also seem willing to talk to us little guys,” he said. “I can’t think of a single other operative who treats us as anything more than furniture. So… if there was something going on around here… something we should be worried about… would you tell me?”

Fear-memories slipped out of the man’s mind on the heels of his words. None of them gave Kirill a clue as to what he was talking about. “That depends,” he said. “What have you heard?” Even though he had been spending more time here these days, he no longer paid attention to gossip. He had more important things to think about.

The guard leaned in and lowered his voice. “I heard a rumor about someone disappearing from headquarters,” he said, almost in a whisper. “An operative. They say he was an assassin, that he could kill people just by touching them, and even that wasn’t enough to save him. Some people say he was kidnapped right out from the center of headquarters. Other people say he left by choice, and not everyone in PERI is loyal. Either way, if it’s true, it means maybe the rest of us aren’t as safe here as we thought.” His eyes darted from side to side, the nervous expression changing his face from puppy-dog to cartoon pig. “So… have you heard anything about this? Should we be worried?”

“I haven’t heard a thing,” he answered truthfully. “It’s probably just a rumor.”

Or maybe not. He knew there were other people working against PERI besides the ones he had found when he had gone looking. Some of them might even be the work of Elias Kitzner, if the rumors could be believed. Those rumors, he was aware of. He always paid attention when Elias Kitzner was mentioned.

He didn’t know why. He was long finished with that interrogation.

The guard’s shoulders relaxed slightly. His face sank back into its friendly-puppy shape. But a few worry lines remained. “And if you do hear something…”

“I’ll warn you.” This time, he couldn’t say for sure whether he was being truthful.

After all, he already knew there was disloyalty in PERI. He knew firsthand.

Maybe that operative had been snatched by a group like his. Or maybe he was someone like Kirill—someone who had woken up one day and realized he didn’t know who he was.

An assassin who could kill with a touch… why did that thought send a pang through him, like he was forgetting something?

Probably nothing. Just more deja vu. That had been happening a lot since the Elias Kitzner interrogation.

He shrugged, shot the guard a perfectly calibrated smile, and went on his way.

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Tagged: @cakeinthevoid @suspicious-whumping-egg

Next week I'll start posting Unseen, the next Mind Games novel with a new set of characters! Expect lady whump, living weapon whump, crime syndicate drama, and a deeply messed-up friendship. The whole thing is also already available on the Patreon (minus the final chapter, as of this posting), if you're impatient.

#whump #whump novel #my writing #my writing: Obscure #my writing: Mind Games #superpower whump #emotional whump #whumper POV #whump aftermath

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pastelwitchling · 3 years

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Kyle talks to Michael about Alex.

Kyle had had a strange pain in his chest since he’d accepted the surgeon’s offer, but as he stepped into the Wild Pony and saw Alex at their usual table, looking everywhere at once and tapping his fingers on his beer bottle, clearly uncomfortable with being alone, it was like a window suddenly opened to his heart.

A smile tugged at his lips. Alex saw him and smiled himself, raising a hand in greeting.

As Kyle slid into the booth, he said, “I have a raging headache in four corners of my mind, and only one of them is from my hospital shifts.”

Alex huffed a chuckle. “I get the feeling.”

“Right,” he nodded. “I keep forgetting that you’re in the club, too.”

“The club?”

“The We’re-Pretty-Much-On-Call-All-The-Time-Because-Someone-Always-Needs-Something Club.”

“Ah,” Alex leaned back in his seat, and handed Kyle the second bottle he’d ordered. “That club. It’s not so bad, being useful.”

He raised a brow. “That bad? I thought you liked your new job.”

“‘Liked’ may be a strong a word,” he confessed. “It’s definitely interesting.”

“And your boss?”

He sighed. “I’m still trying to crack him. What about you? Have you heard back from that hospital in California?”

Kyle looked down, and huffed a chuckle. “I think you’re the only one that’s asked me that. Come to think of it, I think you’re the only friend I have that doesn’t just call me for rescue.”

Alex’s smile dimmed. “So you have heard from them.”

He nodded. “And I accepted their offer.”

Alex said nothing, and Kyle looked up, expecting disappointment. But Alex wasn’t looking at him. He was staring off into the crowd of cowboys drinking by the pool table, his lips pursed, his brows furrowed.

“Do you hate me?”

“I’m sad,” he confessed, the corner of his lips tugged up in a soft smile. “I’ll miss you.”

Kyle felt a lump in his throat. For two days, he’d been deliberating his choices, wondering if it was the right thing to do. Everyone here, after all, needed him for one thing or another. He was worried he’d be letting people down. But Alex . . .

“Are you disappointed?”

He shook his head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he hesitated, “I’m the resident alien doctor. What’re are they going to do if I’m not here?”

Alex raised a brow like it was obvious. “Manage.”

“Come on, Alex,” his shoulders fell. “You can’t fool me into thinking that you don’t care what happens to Michael.”

“All I’ve ever cared about is Michael,” he said simply, without doubt or pause. “But they’re not alone. I’m here, Liz is here. And you’ve done enough.”

“But you’ve always advocated for – for friendship, and being there for the people you love!”

“And you have been,” Alex chuckled. “And you will be. You’re moving to another state, not another planet. If it gets really bad, and I really can’t think of anything else, I’ve got your number.”

Kyle clenched his jaw. “But –”

“Kyle,” he leaned in, smiling. His eyes were glassy. “Take it from someone who built a career out of the military, and moved on. It’s time to tap out.”

Kyle didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have another argument, not with Alex’s eyes and words so sincere. Alex shrugged. “It’ll just be Roswell’s loss.”

He stared, searching for any sign of mockery or sugarcoating. But this was Alex. He didn’t lie, not for anyone.

He opened his mouth to speak, found the words lodged in his throat, then tried again. He really hadn’t realized how badly he’d needed Alex’s permission.

“Coming from you, Manes,” he confessed, “that means everything.”

On his way home that night, and after a hug from Alex and a promise that he would come over the next day to help him start packing, Kyle realized there was one more thing he couldn’t leave without doing. One last duty that he owed his best friend.

So instead of going straight home, he turned a road and into the junkyard. Michael Guerin sat in front of the bonfire with a beer in hand, that stupid hat on his head, and raised a disinterested brow at Kyle as he stepped out.

“Well,” he said, “this is a surprise. The good doctor needs something from little old me?”

“Actually,” Kyle said, “yeah, I do.” Michael just stared, and he shrugged. “More of an order, actually.”

Michael started to smirk and leaned forward on his knees. “You’re gonna give me orders.”

“Just one,” Kyle said, hands in his pockets. He supposed he should’ve been more hesitant, more afraid. Michael, after all, was a dangerous loose wire even when he was sober, and he’d been on edge for whatever reason for the past few days.

But then Kyle remembered the dark circles around Alex’s eyes, the slight twitch of his fingers, the way he seemed to be struggling with the weight of Deep Sky and everything that came with it on his shoulders. And Michael. Always Michael.

“I need you to look after Alex.”

Michael’s smirk faltered. “Pardon me?”

“You heard me, Guerin,” he sighed, not in the mood to play back-and-forth. Not anymore. “Look after Alex. He’s not okay.”

That got Michael’s attention, and his eye twitched. “What’s wrong with him?”

Kyle tilted his head. “Oh I don’t know, why don’t you ask him? Or is it only that Alex is allowed to help you, and never the other way around?”

He stood. “Watch it, Valenti.”

“I have been,” he said. “For the past couple of years, I have been careful around you, Guerin, because part of me knew that whatever you broke in Alex, I can just fix. But I’m leaving town, and honestly? I’m scared for him. He’d never ask for help, but there has to be someone who cares enough about him to offer it anyway.”

Michael clenched his jaw and swallowed. “And you think that’s me?”

“I need it to be,” Kyle admitted, “because Alex doesn’t want anyone else.” Michael’s face fell. “He’s never wanted anyone else. So it’s either you, or I find some way to take him with me.”

Michael’s eyes flared, but Kyle held up a hand to silence him. “I’m not, Guerin, but I would. I can’t leave him here alone knowing he’s just going to keep being used.”

“I don’t use Alex,” he growled.

“No?” Kyle scoffed. “Did you know that he left the Air Force just last week?”

Michael looked like he’d been shot.

“With full honors?” he went on. “Did you know that he’s been recruited by the same secret organization that shot Max and drugged Jenna? Or that he’s already been given a mission? Do you have any idea how exhausted he is?”

When Michael didn’t answer, apparently too consumed with taking in all of this information, Kyle shook his head.

“You wouldn’t, would you? Because it’s all about you, all the time.” He shrugged. “Alex doesn’t mind, so why should you?” He shook his head, already starting to walk back to his car. “He deserves better than that.”

Leaving Michael standing in the desert, Kyle got into his car and drove away, finally feeling like he’d wiped the slate clean with his best friend.

Michael didn’t know why he was here. He walked the length of Alex’s porch, waiting for Alex, not having a clue as to where he could be. He realized there’d been a lot of that since that year away dismantling Project Shepherd. He had less and less to do with Alex, and it gave him a headache beyond anything else had.

How could he not know where Alex was? How could he not have asked? How did Kyle know?

Because Kyle pays attention to Alex, a voice in his head scorned. You don’t.

Michael clenched his jaw, still a little tipsy from his self-loathing beers, and ran his fists through his curls. Alex’s porch started to upend itself, the hardwood floors battling against the nails keeping them down, and Michael gasped, settling everything back in its place.

Just then, Michael caught a pair of headlights and squinted only for a second before Alex parked and turned off the car.

His heart started to rattle and his breaths came out quicker at the sight of Alex in his flannel and jeans. He missed him. He had no idea how badly he had until he’d come back, until he got to talk to him that first night a few days ago – drunk then, too – but he missed him. He missed him every second he was away, and somehow missed him more when he was here.

Alex had a brow raised, but Michael was studying his face. He saw it clearly now. The dark shadows under his eyes, his hollow cheeks, his hair sticking up in perfect, messy strands like he’d been running his hands through them all day, his stubble. How could he have not noticed?

“Uh oh,” Alex sighed at the look on his face. “Something’s wrong, isn’t it?”

Michael swallowed. Right, he thought. Because Alex only thought he showed up when he needed something.

He pushed past the ever-present lump in his throat and asked, “Why would something be wrong, Private?” He purposely used the nickname. “Can’t I just come say hi?”

Alex glanced down at the word Private, and back up again. He smiled and moved past Michael to open his door. “Not in my experience. Seriously” – he stood by the door, and nudged Michael inside – “what’s wrong?”

Michael didn’t budge, still smirking though it felt hollow. “Why didn’t you tell me about the Air Force?”

Alex looked startled that Michael knew. Did he really just never expect Michael to care about what was going on with him at all?

He shrugged. “It – uh – it was recent. Who told you? Max?”

Michael stared, then started to chuckle incredulously. “Did everyone but me know?”

Alex was not humoring him. “I told Greg and Kyle. They’ve both been spending time with Maria, and she’s been spending time with Max, I figured one of them must’ve mentioned it to her, and she must’ve mentioned it to him – look, would you please just come inside?”

Michael’s laughter faded and he pressed his lips together. He was still smiling, but his eyes burned. Alex seemed to realize he wouldn’t move on his own, and he gently took Michael’s jacket sleeve, tugging him in.

Once they were both in the living room, Alex set to work on a pot of tea. As he handed Michael a mug, Michael saw the light glimmering off a silver ring on his finger. His brows furrowed.

“That’s new.”

“Oh,” Alex glanced at it. “Yeah. So –”

“Wasn’t that the same ring Long had?”

“Yep.”

Alex was clearly avoiding his eyes. Michael was relentless, a burning in his chest forcing the words out.

“He gave it to you?”

“No,” Alex said. “This one’s mine.”

“Is this about that secret organization you joined?” Michael demanded. “Or was that recent, too?”

Alex smiled as he straightened, understanding dawning. “So Kyle told you. No wonder you’re wound so tight.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning it’s one thing when my own brother knows a secret about me before you do,” Alex said, taking a seat at the end of the couch. “But Kyle knowing it first?” He scoffed and shook his head.

Michael leaned forward, glaring. “So I’m jealous,” he spat. “So what? Why does Kyle get to know more about you than I do?”

“He’s my best friend,” Alex said simply. “We just talk about ourselves around each other.”

“But you don’t talk about yourself to me.”

“Not usually,” Alex agreed.

“Why?” he demanded. “I’m more important?”

“Yes,” he said simply, and Michael clenched his jaw.

“That’s really what you think of me?”

“I think the world of you, Michael,” he said, and Michael faltered. “You’re everything to me.” He smiled. “You think I don’t tell you about what I’m doing because I don’t think you care? I don’t tell you because you’re all I care about. I was going to tell you about the Air Force, I swear, just . . . not yet.” He looked down at his hands, his thumb rubbing the backs of his fingers. “Some of this stuff hurts to talk about, and I just don’t . . . I don’t want to think about it yet.”

Michael’s brows furrowed. “You’re . . . sad about leaving the military?”

He scoffed halfheartedly, slumping against the couch. “My whole life was the military. I had a family. Now I . . . don’t. I just need a minute to adapt.”

Michael tried to consider that, to be sympathetic, but he couldn’t be. For one obvious reason.

“But I’m your family.”

Alex huffed a laugh, and sniffled. He nodded. “I know.” He exhaled shakily, glancing at Michael, then stretched his arms high above his head. Michael was so distracted with his shirt riding up and revealing smooth, delicious skin that he didn’t notice Alex was lying down until his head was on his lap.

Michael froze, not knowing what to do.

“Hold still,” Alex murmured, his eyes already closed. “I haven’t slept in days and I’m exhausted.”

Slowly, Michael set a hand down on Alex’s waist, the other in his hair. His own heart hammered when Alex’s body melted under his touch and he seemed, for the first time since he’d seen him back, relaxed.

He leaned back on the couch, unable and unwilling to look away from Alex. “Then sleep, Private,” he whispered. “I’ll keep you safe.”

#alex manes #michael guerin #kyle valenti #malex #malex fic #malex fanfic #malex fanfiction #roswell new mexico #roswell nm #malex angst #malex fluff #tyler blackburn #michael vlamis

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lifeofkaze · 3 years

Text

When Stars Ignite - Chapter 15

HPHM Rockstar AU

A/N: Katriona Cassopeia (in mention) belongs to the gorgeous @kc-and-oc, David Willows (in mention) belongs to the wonderful @that-scouse-wizard

General Warning: This whole fic has a general warning of being NSFW / 18+. We will give specific warnings for every chapter in itself, but several adult themes will be more or less present in every chapter, may it be explicitly or in mention. These include sexual topics, drug abuse, (ab)use of alcohol, smoking and a whole lot of cursing.

Specific Warning: language

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Find the masterpost here, the previous chapter here and the next one here. The songs featured before every chapter can be found on this pretty badass playlist here.

~~~

This work is a collaboration with @the-al-chemist

Taglist: @slytherindisaster @carewyncromwell @night-rhea @thatravenpuffwitch

Mm, child, tired of the bullshit Go on, dust your shoulders off and keep it moving Yes, Lord, tryna get some new shit In there, swimwear, going-for-the-pool shit

~ Cold Years - Good As Hell ~

Lizzie frowned as she saw Murphy quickly turning his wheelchair around and getting ready to leave as she approached him and Orion. The blond sound technician nodded to her in passing and she could have sworn he winked at her as well.

She looked after him curiously as she sat down on the deckchair next to Orion, her towel loosely wrapped around her shoulders.

“What’s gotten into him?”

Orion smiled ominously. “Yearning for his one true love.”

“What, basketball?” Lizzie snorted. “Fucking fringe sports.”

Orion had to laugh at her words. “I was talking about Katriona.”

Lizzie shrugged. “Close enough.” She tilted her head to see what Orion had been writing down into his notebook. “How’s the song going?”

He spun the pencil between his fingers, the way Lizzie had shown him with a drumstick. “Slowly; I’ve been a little distracted by more inspirational sights.”

He briefly smiled at her before resting his chin on his arms with his eyes closed.

“Were you now,” Lizzie giggled. She moved a little closer to Orion, pulled her still dripping ponytail over her shoulder and wrung it out over his back. She laughed as he jumped at the cold water hitting his warm skin.

“What was that for?” he called out, playfully trying to shove her away. “You’re a mood of your own, do you know that?”

“As if you don’t love it.”

Orion only snorted and chose not to answer. Expecting another teasing remark from Lizzie, he was surprised when she remained silent. Looking up, Orion saw her attention had shifted from him to the other side of the pool. He followed her eyes to where Artemis was sitting alone on her deckchair, listening to music with her gigantic headphones on while scrolling through her phone.

“You’re still intent on making friends with her, aren’t you?” Orion said. It was more a statement than a question.

Lizzie hummed in response, her eyes not leaving Artemis. “I can’t believe she wants to be alone all of the time.”

“Have you considered that maybe she values her solitude more than she does company?” Orion contemplated softly. “Sometimes we keep from others because we want to protect sides of ourselves we don’t want anyone to see.”

“Like Merula does all the time?”

Orion nodded. “Yes, she and Artemis are more similar than both of them might think.”

“But Merula and I became friends eventually,” Lizzie said stubbornly. “The effort was on another level but we still did. I bet I could make Artemis like me; I don’t want her to be alone all the time. That’s the best part of touring isn’t it? Spending all this time with your friends.”

“It is for us, but not necessarily for her. You can’t force her, Liz; if she wants to remain alone, you’ll have to accept that. Why are you so intent on befriending her anyway,” he wanted to know, “is this about you or about her?”

“It’s not an ego thing, if that’s what you’re going for,” Lizzie answered a little more sharply than she had meant to. She could see that Orion was taken aback by her tone, so she softened her voice a little as she tried to explain.

“I don’t think she’s keeping to herself by choice,” she said. “She’s always on the sidelines, always watching what everyone else is doing. She only started talking to Charlie a few days ago, and God knows how he managed to do that. I don’t think that’s because she doesn’t like us, though. I think she just had really bad experiences in the past.”

“Artemis is not a scared cat. It shows your compassion that you want to include her so badly but just think about all the things you’ve tried already. You tried talking to her many different times, you wanted her to join us for lunch, asked her to go out for drinks after the shows; she declined every single one of your offers. If Artemis wants to tear down her walls, she will do so in her own time and at her own pace.”

Lizzie contemplated Orion’s words; without thinking about it, she placed her hand on the tattoo on Orion’s back. She had seen it up close so many times by now, but she never grew tired of how beautiful it looked. The water beads still glistening on his skin were looking like shiny pearls amongst the black lines.

She was broken out of her thoughts, when Orion moved away from her touch. “What’s wrong?”

He looked at her, one eyebrow raised. “You know I appreciate both the gesture of affection and the thrill of the risk, but I think you’re taking things a little too far.”

Lizzie only chuckled and tried to playfully poke him in the ribs, but Orion moved out of her reach again. A little irritated, she furrowed her brow. “Since when have you become so boring? You didn’t complain about the little extra attention when we had the photoshoot yesterday.”

“I know, but still, it was reckless of you,” Orion replied calmly. “People could start noticing.”

“But they didn’t.”

Orion sighed. “I’m not entirely sure about that.”

Lizzie’s shoulders tensed, all playfulness disappearing from her face. “What do you mean?”

“I think Skye might have seen something. I wasn’t sure because she didn’t say anything so I decided to wait and see. But in any case, it is unwise to draw attention like that.”

Lizzie raised her head, her eyes moving to where Skye was sitting with Erika and Andre. And sure enough, the blue haired bassist was in fact looking their way. Lizzie unconsciously moved a little away from Orion, but when hers and Skye’s eyes met, Skye’s look confirmed what the sinking feeling in Lizzie’s stomach had been telling her all along - she knew.

“That’s not good,” Lizzie whispered, more to herself than Orion.

“It is far from optimal indeed.”

And sure enough, Skye’s frown deepened as quickly as Lizzie’s panic was growing. She watched as her friend said something to Erika before getting out of her chair to come over to them.

Lizzie absolutely didn’t want to be confronted by Skye, and least of all in front of the others. Skye had never been a particularly subtle person; if Lizzie got into an argument with her here, she might as well shout everything from the rooftops.

Before Skye could make her way to them, Lizzie practically jumped out of her seat, trying to look as casual as possible while her heart was racing in her chest.

“Pity you don’t want to join the next round,” she proclaimed just loudly enough for Skye to hear it, “water polo is always more fun with more players.”

She set her eyes on Artemis, who was still sitting on the opposite side of the pool. “I’ll just go and ask Artemis instead.”

“How smooth,” she heard Orion mutter with a mocking tone, but didn’t care. She had wanted to speak to Artemis anyway and if she could bring the whole length of the pool between herself and Skye by doing so, all the better.

Lizzie set off to round the pool in the opposite direction to Skye; much to her relief, she noted that her friend had sat down onto her deckchair again, but she could feel her green eyes boring into her back.

Artemis was slumped deep into her chair when Lizzie approached her. She was slightly nodding her head to the inaudible beat coming from her headphones. The corners of Lizzie’s mouth twitched when she saw the stylised cat face engraved in silver on the speakers; she had the same limited edition.

Artemis was so concentrated on her phone that she didn’t even notice Lizzie’s presence. Lizzie wondered if that was intentional, but when Artemis jumped violently when Lizzie sat down next to her, she instantly felt sorry; she hadn’t wanted to scare her.

She countered Artemis’ hostile stare with an extra cheerful smile, partly because she wanted to start the conversation off right and partly to mask her own jumpy nerves.

“All alone today?”

Artemis sized her up for a moment. “Apparently.”

“Sorry about scaring you, I thought you’d seen me coming.”

The look in Artemis’ eyes grew hard. “I’m not scared.”

“I just thought…”

“I said, I’m not scared,” Artemis repeated stubbornly and Lizzie raised her hands in defence.

“Of course not, sorry.”

She waited for Artemis to show any sign of wanting to continue their conversation but received none, so she tried again. “Do you want to come over and sit with the rest of us? You don’t have to sit alone all of the time.”

Artemis’ eyes flickered to where Everett was basking in the sun. “I don’t think so.”

Lizzie was looking in the same direction. “Whistling after you earlier was shit, sorry about that. Ev takes a lot of getting used to, but he doesn’t really mean it that way.”

Now Artemis’ hazel eyes found hers and Lizzie could see a trace of anger flashing in them. “I think he very much meant it that way.”

Lizzie sighed; actually, Artemis was right but that wasn’t something she could downright tell her and still hope to get her to come. “He can be such an idiot, I know. Just forget about him.”

Artemis indicated her headphones. “That was the plan.”

The faint sound of a guitar was reaching Lizzie’s ears from the music that was still playing, and the voice of the singer was sounding familiar. “What are you listening to?”

Artemis watched her critically, probably contemplating just putting her headphones back on, and be done with it. “Some cover songs from a singer from Liverpool. He’s called David Willows. Have you heard of him?”

Lizzie had to laugh. “You could say I’ve met him once or twice back in the days.”

She immediately regretted laughing when Artemis’ eyes narrowed; she had probably given the impression that she was making fun of her.

It was apparent that the unapproachable pyro tech had no intention of continuing their conversation; she was repeatedly glancing at her phone and her whole body language had turned dismissive. Under usual circumstances Lizzie would have given up at this point but she didn’t want to give Skye another opportunity to talk to her.

“What I actually wanted to ask,” she tried for the third time, “Charlie and I want to play another round of water polo. Want to join?”

The look in Artemis’ eyes turned contemptuous. “And climb onto some random guys naked back to make a mickey out of myself?” She demonstratively dropped her eyes to her phone. “No thanks, I’m good.”

Lizzie had to stifle a sigh at her stubbornness. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“I said no,” Artemis replied, a lot more sharply than before.

Lizzie felt a flare of temper. “It’s just water polo, why are you making such a fuss about it?”

Artemis' face darkened considerably and Lizzie feared she might have overstepped her mark. But before Artemis could say something, her eyes shifted from Lizzie to something in her back, only moments before Lizzie felt Charlie’s hand coming to rest on her shoulder.

“There you are, little rockstar. Have you persuaded Artemis to join?”

His tone was easy but the look in his eyes wasn’t lost on Lizzie; he wasn’t happy at all she had disregarded his wish to leave Artemis alone.

“I’m afraid not.” Her tone was brusque; she was pissed with Charlie for stepping in.

Charlie’s mouth twisted into a grin. “Hate to say it, but I told you so.”

His attention turned to Artemis, who was just as unhappy with her company than the rest of them. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

Artemis sighed deeply. “If you have to.”

She put her phone down and got up and Charlie immediately walked her away from Lizzie. Lizzie’s face darkened and she fought the urge to cross her arms in front of her chest. She was not impressed Charlie had interfered; he was starting to grow overly protective of Artemis, even though she didn’t seem to be the kind of person to need anybody’s protection but her own.

Her thoughts were instantly forgotten, when she suddenly heard Skye’s voice in her back.

“Jameson, you and I, we need to talk.”

Lizzie grimaced before turning around. Skye had her arms crossed and was staring at her accusingly.

“What’s on your mind?” Lizzie sighed.

“You know damn well what’s on my mind,” Skye hissed. “There’s something you need to tell me, right fucking now.”

Lizzie averted her eyes. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You know damn well what I mean,” Skye snorted. “What in the actual fuck is going on with you and Orion? Don’t try to pull the old innocent-trick on me, we’ve lived together and I know you’re as innocent as Merula next to an empty box of cigarettes.”

Her eyes narrowed when Lizzie didn’t answer. “I saw what you did yesterday at the photoshoot and I saw you earlier next to him as well. You’re not even as handsy when it comes to Charlie and a lot of things make a lot more sense to me now. So, gonna ask you again and you better not lie to me; what’s the deal?”

Lizzie muttered something under her breath, making Skye frown. “What’s that?”

Knowing she would have to tell her friend if she liked it or not, Lizzie sighed. “We may potentially have a little thing going on, if you want to call it that,” she said, not meeting Skye’s eyes.

Just as she had feared, Skye’s voice immediately rose in volume. “Are you out of your bloody mind?”

“Keep your voice down,” Lizzie said angrily, “there’s no need to shout.”

Ignoring her words, Skye continued, albeit with a lower voice. “You know the rules! It’s a clear hands off the other band members. What if dad finds out you guys are dating?”

“He won’t find out if you just shut up about it and keep your nose out of things that aren’t your business,” Lizzie responded sharply. “And for the record, we’re not dating. It’s just some fun, nothing of it.”

Skye pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers, clearly exasperated at her friends’ antics. “Can’t believe it, I always thought you were the smart one out of the two of us. How long have you been at it?”

Lizzie fidgeted uncomfortably. “A few months? Maybe?” She faltered under Skye’s withering stare. “Since last August.”

Skye looked at her incredulously. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she groaned. “You’re not saying you’ve been shagging our guitarist longer than my longest relationship lasted and never even thought to tell me? Your best friend?”

“At least I’ll have to tell no one else if you don’t stop shouting,” Lizzie replied wryly. “And sorry to say that but your average relationship duration is not a very high benchmark to reach.”

Despite herself, Skye had to suppress a grin. “Fair game.” The smile faded as quickly as it had come when she continued. “Seriously though, are you sure about what you’re doing? It’s a damn right dangerous game you’re playing at, is all I’m saying. What if something goes wrong?”

They both glanced over to where Orion was now again working on whatever song was floating around in his head. Much to their surprise, Artemis was sitting next to him. When she saw them looking, they quickly turned their heads again.

“Nothing will go wrong,” Lizzie insisted, “if anyone should know shagging a colleague can work just fine, it’s you.”

If Lizzie hadn’t known her so well, she might have missed the slight flush creeping onto Skye’s face. “No idea what you’re on about.”

Lizzie made a dismissive sound. “Oh please. Don’t act as if not the whole fucking crew knows about you and Erika.”

Skye raised her chin defiantly. “Okay fine, maybe being friends with benefits can work, but this is different. She’s part of the crew, Orion’s an actual member of the band, and a damn important one at that. If you guys screw things up, we’re all royally fucked.”

“Stop worrying, everything will be alright. Orion and I are completely on the same page with this.”

Lizzie hesitated for a moment. “You’ll keep this to yourself, right? You won’t tell your dad about this?”

Skye looked at her as if she had gone mad for good. “Do you think I’m bonkers? Dad doesn’t need to know everything. Way too involved in our stuff as it is, if you ask me. But you got to promise me one thing.”

Relieved the immediate catastrophe had been averted, Lizzie nodded. “What?”

“Don’t put me into a position where I need to lie to my dad, alright?” There was nothing of the ever present sparkle in Skye’s eyes; she was dead serious about this. “Don’t get too involved with him. This is about family.”

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #harry potter hogwarts mystery #orion amari #charlie weasley #skye parkin #lizzie jameson #artemis hexley #rockstar au #when stars ignite #wsi #besties collaborate

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sillydg · 2 years

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Sunday Six 11.28.21

Hi everyone!

I'm working on different things right now. Just a bit of an impression, expecting to put out Mission Grumpy and Shatterd next week. I'm also participating in Choices 12 days of fictmas. My date is 7 December.

Summaries and snippets under the line. (Way to long ;)) Mostly Drake stuff, But also an OH Trr Cross over!

Let me know what you think!!

Mission Grumpy pt.2: The tale of the Courtly lady (Drake X MC) Drake arrives at his former sanctuary pub, due to Riley's tactics... But does she manage to get him actually inside for his (not so much anymore) surprise B-day party? Pt. 1

A broad smile appears on her face and he groans, knowing very well that this is her story tell face. She clears her throat, “Hear yea, Hear yea! Let me tell you the tale of the Courtly Lady!”

“Are you freaking kidding me, Herreld?” And throws his hands up in disbelief, “Are you seriously going to tell me a story right now?”

“Yes, and that’s why I brought these,” she holds up the tray with shots while wiggling her shoulders, “You can get one if you want…”

And hell. He wants it bad. But it also meant that he was going to be at less than two arm lengths away from her and since they’ve been like annoying magnets the past months that was way too close, not even thinking of the fact that her perfume is probably going to draw him in like one of those cartoon figures when they smell fresh apple pie. For God’s sake. This woman is a walking deathtrap.

Shattered pt. 2: When spring sets in (Ethan X MC) PT. 1

Cross-over with trr. Ethan struggles with his feelings after finding out that Liz had a rendez vous with her ex. And Drake and Liz struggle with their broken hearts.

Ethan:

For fuck sake. He remembered how he looked at her, as the moonlight stroked her beautiful face, thinking, how the hell could anyone ever run away from her, this asshole must have been out of his goddamn mind.

He pinches the bridge of his nose, how naive he was, not knowing that she would be the one to touch his heart.

He knew he had to run, the moment he realized that he loved her. Never he dared to speak those words out loud, because the first time he thought of it, about loving her, was already enough to realize that he needed to take his distance. So he ran, without hesitation. For her protection, and her protection only.

She was going to get over him, and he was going to carry the burden since he knew that he would not be able to stop caring about her, love her.

With Drake:

"This grumpy asshole needs to sit up, Liz"

"No, the hell you are! For God's sake Drake, lie the fuck down!"

He grins and winces at the same time as she helps him lay down again, “God, I missed your dirty talking."

She rolls her eyes to hide a small smile, while ruffling up his pillow and tucking him in, “Well at least someone is feeling better. Now tell me, are you completely comfortable?"

"Absolutely, it’s good to know that you haven't lost that gentle touch Li…," but before he can finish his sentence she punches him in the good shoulder, “Good.”

He exaggeratedly groans while rubbing his shoulder; "God, I miss the days where the hero gets rewarded with wet kisses instead of punches."

What if: Ep. 10 Just too show that they do arrive at the bar this time :) Masterlist

Maxwell slams the door open of the “Wiggling Tail.” It’s a quiet night like any other in the pub the wiggling tail. The endless list of classic rock is playing, the furniture crappy and Jack is editing photo’s on his laptop behind the bar, serving the three regulars sitting at the bar.

“Jack! My kind sir! Four burgers and a bottle of Glen, stat!”

Jack doesn’t even look up from editing photos on his laptop, “Ahh Maxwell, always a delight to have you screaming all the way through my bar!”

Drake groans while following Maxwell inside, “Sorry Jack, I keep repeating the ground rules, but they just won’t stick,” and he smacks him against the head.

“Auch,” and Maxwell rubs the back of his head, “Jeez Drake, no wonder you’ve got no girlfriend if you treat your dates like this. I bet Liam never smacks his dates!”

Drake grins, “I wouldn’t be so sure about that… but I bet Liam’s dates never enter a bar screaming, to begin with.”

No title yet, Choices 12 days of fictmas; What happens if faith determines that Riley never participates in the social season, due to never being in the bar at that particular night, but eventually gets drawn to Cordonia anyway?

And is there a chance for a Christmas miracle to happen when for ever Bachelor Drake watches Bertie for the week and meets Berties teacher?.. One miss Riley Herreld? (Fluffy (Mini?) Christmas Series)

“Good and now we’ve established everything,” Savannah lets out a deep breath and falls exhausted back into her seat. “God, our Walkers are not made for talking. I’m exhausted. I think I’ve talked more than I did all year.”

Drake grins, “Walkers are not made for listening either. But when it comes to family…”

Savannah smiles softly, “I can only thank you for taking this so seriously. I know that he is here all the time and that the two of you are going to be fine. But it’s just…” And she falls silent while tapping her fingers nervously onto the table.

He takes her hand in his to stop her from tapping, “It’s not weird to be nervous Sis. He’s your whole world, and given the fact that the two of you have never been apart more than one night… Hell, you never even missed a goodnight kiss, because when he does stay over for the night, he’s right next door!”

Savannah sniffles, and with a small teasing smile she says, “Thanks for the reminder, Walker!” And she wipes away a few tears, “For fucks sake, are you happy now? I’m crying. And since we’re listing things we Walkers are not good at, crying and emotions are numero uno!”

“Were one sucky family aren’t, we?” Drake grins, “How about I pour us something us Walkers love?”

“God I thought you never ask. And since Bertrand is right next door watching Bertie, I’m saying, Yes, please! Why don’t you bring over the bottle!”

@choicesficwriterscreations

#cfwc sunday six #choices fic writers creations #drake x mc #drake walker #choices royal romance #the royal romance #choices open heart

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im-the-punk-who · 3 years

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@rnmmarchformeta Day 1: Tonight’s theme is: Themes

Malex and Music: Tracing a relationship through music used in the show - Part 1

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Given that both Michael and Alex have a personal connection to music, I wanted to go over some of the intricacies of what the music choices and lyrics/stories behind the songs used might tell us about Malex. The music choices in Roswell New Mexico are deliberate and often incredibly pointed. Particularly in the case of Michael and Alex there are elements of their relationship that are not so much underlined as written about only in the lyrical choices that play under their scenes. This choice for me made rewatching the series a lot of fun because as I discovered the lyrics to some of the more obscure song choices I kept discovering new intricacies and motivations for each of their decisions. Below the cut for length.

(Author’s note circa 2007: (rawr xD) I’m focusing specifically on the parts of these songs that play over or in direct correlation to scenes where Michael and Alex are both present. I would love to explore this theme in the wider context of the whole show and how their interactions with other characters might change some of these but...this is already like 6k and that’s just how the peas and carrots cooked. That said I will be referencing other characters and relationships as relevant, particularly, I will be talking at some length about Milexa and the airstream scenes in 2x06. I personally have a favorable reading of the scenes and what they mean for Michael and Alex. I also talk briefly about Milexa in a few other spots - they’ve been marked as ‘Milexa’ or ‘Miluca’ if you wish to skip them, although I don’t know if this will make sense as a whole without them. But, should you wish. Proceed accordingly. <3)

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Posted on AO3 here.

Sedona - Houndstooth (1x01)

The first song we hear in relation to Malex is ‘Sedona’ by Houndstooth. The song plays during the reunion as we see Alex confront Michael about the chemicals found around his airstream. The verse that plays underneath the scene references how, due to its scenic beauty, the town of Sedona was once a highly sought after filming location but had fallen into obscurity when cowboy movies went out of style in the late 70′s.

Similarly, Alex tells Michael that he is ‘wasting his life.’

“Does the macho cowboy swagger thing ever get old for you?”

“Did it get old for you?”

For me, this scene is as much an introduction to the past between these two as their present. Gone but not forgotten, their interactions are a ‘script’ that the two of them play off of. In other words, Michael and Alex don’t so much interact as play off of what the other expects from the other. This becomes especially clear when in 2x05 we learn that Alex has at least once before warned Michael about ‘wasting his life.’

When The Truth Hunts You Down - Sam Tinnesz (1x01)

The next scene is this one, in which we see Alex contemplating an old picture of himself. We then see Michael watching him.

Later, the last line is overlaid with Jesse telling Kyle about the existence of aliens.

The truth about Michael’s alienness is quiet literally hunting them, but so is something about Alex’s past. As we get to know him, we learn just how much his father is interconnected with all of the worst moments in his life and everrything he has buried and tried to run from in order to avoid it. Michael, Roswell itself - Alex ran halfway across the world to try to run away from the trauma of his youth, and yet here he is.

“Nostalgia’s a bitch, huh?”

“You know I thought when I got back from Iraq you would be long gone.”

“Is that what you want?”

“We’re not kids anymore. What I want doesn't matter.”

We also find out something of the nature of his and Michael’s relationship and that there are clearly still feelings between them - no matter how much Alex is trying to deny it.

Give Me The Night - Des Rocs (1x02)

This is one of my personal faves from the Malex soundtracks. It just *slaps* okay?

Aside from the obvious nod to Michael’s alienness, this song underscores the divide still between Michael and Alex despite the passionate kiss they shared at the reunion. Michael is initially flirtatious and full of swagger - until Alex shuts him down.

The fallacy of Alex’s rebuke and his dismissal of the feelings behind the kiss are underscored by his refusal to even look Michael in the eye as they talk. Even if he tries to deny them, the truth of his feelings hunts and haunts him because he feels he can never act on his own desires. And in turn when presented with the about face, Michael turns bitter as the push-pull is reinitiated. Michael falls back to the script they’ve been rehashing to save his feelings - ‘puts on a show’ as it were, and Alex falls for it hook, line, and sinker. He is still unwilling or unable to see the truth that lies beneath the surface.

“Isn’t there some law about building on a historical site?”

“A historical - oh you mean because the UFO crashed here? Yeah, we’re not supposed to build on Santa’s workshop either.”

For Michael, who at least to me was obviously hoping things would change this time around, this must feel like a bucket of cold water, especially in the face of Liz Ortecho’s knowledge and seeming easy acceptance of the aliens’ existence. While Max might get his happy ending, Michael is left to keep hiding from the person he loves, never being seen and wondering if Alex’s feelings are even real.

Two Princes - Spin Doctors (1x02) (Miluca)

In rapid fire we have the next three songs as Michael and Alex spend some time at the Wild Pony. This verse plays under the interaction when Alex comes in the bar and spots Michael.

“Though he got kinda hot. In a ‘sex in a truck, smells like a river, never introduce him to your mama’ kind of way.”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

My boy. My child. My bluntest instrument in the tool kit. Has no one ever told Alex Manes that saying you hadn’t noticed an objectively hot guy is hot is basically code for ‘I haven’t stopped staring at him since I walked in and my brain is not functioning at a high enough level to mask that fact’? Son, please, this is a drunk Wendy’s.

(Also this is huge foreshadowing for Miluca - Michael and Maria don’t have sex *in* a truck but it’s pretty close, we find out later that Michael/the aliens smell like rain, and she tells him he’s not meeting her mother at one point. The angle of this shot is also, for me at least, a hint that Michael is going to become the object of these two ‘princes’ affections, at some point.)

Anyway this is basically poking fun at Alex Manes, repressed disaster, for having no clue what love is and trying to express his affection through like, everything except anything anyone would understand as romantic love. (And we will see this in the flashbacks as well as present day - that Alex mostly uses his station or advantages as a way to show the people he loves he loves them, rather than using words. When he offers Michael the shed, brings him the guitar, uses his military connections to find out about Michel’s mom, hacks into Maria’s computer...listen I got more.) But that isn’t enough, as we’re learning. If only there were some way Alex could also learn that lesson.

And seriously, “This one said he wants to buy you rockets?”

How’s It Going To Be? - Stephen Edwards (1x02)

“Is there really nobody in this world that you wouldn’t risk everything to save? Sad.”

Oh Isobel, if only you knew.

So, aside from returning the kiss Michael initiated at the reunion, Alex has soundly rejected every advance Michael has made for a relationship. Despite that Michael seems to have been harboring some hope that things might be different not that Alex is back more permanently. But now with Isobel bringing into question what he’s willing to sacrifice, I think he might be realizing that toll has been extremely steep already.

(Also truly obsessed with how both Alex and Michael have positioned themselves so that they can casually glance over at each other without arousing suspicion. *Boys*. It’s not that complicated what is this middle school?)

We know that Michael doesn’t like having to keep secrets, and again I have to wonder if he’s regretting not telling Alex he’s an alien, or wondering how that conversation would have gone.

From the previous scenes we can tell something in their relationship is coming to a head - maybe Michael is hoping it’s that he can finally stop keeping secrets from Alex and show Alex who he really is - that Alex will stop misreading him. That Alex will change.

But there is also the expectation that if that happens, Alex will likely leave again. Not just because that’s what Alex’s trauma makes him do, but also because that is how Michael frames all of his relationships. As ‘until you leaves’. He is shown to have a habit of catastrophizing because he doesn’t believe himself to ‘belong’ anywhere(HA) and this is one of those times we’re shown that.

Come With Me - Gold Star (1x02)

“Home can be a person.”

And here we have Alex “thinking about who he was” as Maria closes up the bar. Given where this scene leads with him and Michael, I think the rest of the lyrics to the song are incredibly poignant.

Tell me what were you dreaming? Tell me who were you trying to reach? Gimme something real to believe in Or gimme a reason to leave So i left her standing under shining stars in the Silver moonlight by old Borough Hall - whoever you are

We know that after this evening Alex attempts to rekindle his relationship with Michael, still thinking about who he was, and maybe for the first time trying not to run from what he wants. He’ll be unsuccessful this time, but it’s the first clue that Alex is attempting to break a pattern that has held him in place for ten years.

While he may have been misreading Michael’s stunted growth, we’re starting to see Alex contemplate change in himself. This is the start of Alex’s two season long journey to break out of the fortress he’s built around himself. To ‘put his weapons down’ in an effort to be with Michael.

(She lets her guard down on her way back//to close her eyes and fall asleep - “It was late....I was tired.”)

God of Wine - Third Eye Blind

So clearly the writers were like ‘how can we hurt Milo specifically’ because these lyrics are *so good* as we hear malex talk about the way they view their relationship for the first time in the show.

The music starts just as Michael picks up the old photographs, first of the pod squad, then of himself and Alex playing guitars in the desert. As he packs up the airstream to move it off Foster’s Ranch, Michael is also thinking about the past.

Throughout the series, we’re given a bunch of musical lines about how Michael and Alex can’t go back to what they were, that they have to move forward. And it’s true - as we’ll see over and over again the dynamic they’ve had has been incredibly unhealthy for both of them. But they also cannot avoid the other’s orbit. And when Alex comes to talk to Michael it’s the first time we see him actually decide to initiate - to try and take what he himself wants, rather than waiting or hiding from it. But it is also very much Alex falling back into the ‘madness that holds a truth he can’t erase’ of Michael’s really, very, super, incredibly obvious feelings for him. Our boy is not subtle.

But Alex is still hunted by the past - before we know his history we assume that when Alex references ‘who he was before he went to war’ he means Iraq. But Alex’s war is his father. As much as combat can absolutely be a traumatizing experience, for Alex I never really read that as his main source. As he’ll tell Forrest later - “My PTSD triggers are a little more complicated”.

And so when he tells Michael he’s been thinking about who he was “before he went to war” for me that’s more a callback to who he was before Jesse found the two of them in the toolshed. “When this started.”

As Michael tells him “From where I stand nothing’s changed” the words “I know, I know, I know” repeat in the background because WE KNOW. We all know, except Alex.

“And that’s a problem for me, Guerin.”

And the siren’s song that is your madness

“Because every time you look at me, I’m seventeen all over again.”

holds a truth I can’t erase

“- and I forget that the last ten years even happened. And then you look away and I remember all over again. And it almost kills me every time.”

All alone on your face

“I never look away. Not really.”

For Michael this is basically confirmation of what he’s been realizing over the last few days - that Alex has been totally misreading him and that yes, Michael, you’re going to have to use your words on this one.

To which we see Alex’s brain 404-blue-screen for a minute as he realizes what Michael means. Which I personally really appreciate.

And especially since we’ve just learned that a lyric of this song was written on Rosa’s hand the night she died, I can’t believe it’s a coincidence in this being the song that plays underneath this scene - where Alex says he was thinking about who he was before. Everything changed that day for everyone - including Michael and Alex. Michael had gained a terrible secret he couldn’t share, that meant he changed his whole life and started needing to hide and lie and act out, and Alex - not knowing the truth - assumed that it was Michael’s way of trying to push him away and end the relationship. Which leads to the decades long miscommunication of Alex seeing Michael do that over and over again.

For the last ten years, Alex has been seeing Michael as the boy who looks away, then looks back. A Michael whose focus shifts to and away from him and who he sees as wasting his life; directionless and aimless. But as he realizes what Michael is saying he has to recalibrate everything he’s thought their relationship is.

This is possibly the first time Alex has realized that his view of Michael has been wrong. That he really doesn’t know Michael at all.

And we know this interaction has a profound impact on Alex in terms of how he views their relationship. I feel like this is one of those things that becomes a mantra for Alex, later down the line. He repeats it to Michael at Caulfield, and in his song as well, “You never looked away, now I won’t look away” to express his commitment to breaking down the walls he has built up for himself.

Even though we know the relationship is doomed at this point, it’s the first time a stone falls from the walls Alex has built around himself in a decade.

Here - Chance Peña - 1x03 (Alternate title: “Home”)

Okay I would like to petition to make it illegal to have unreleased songs in episodes, Chance Peña help a bitch out. I had to watch a *fish show* to hear the full lyrics because they’re edited in the show! ( I will also note the next lyric is ‘goodbye, my dear’ which. rude.)

Anyway, we’re given these lyrics as Michael wakes up to seeing Alex has stayed the night. I took the editing, with the previous song choices, to be a reaffirmation of this being something new to Alex, but not necessarily to Michael. Michael knows what he wants from a relationship with Alex - even if he’s put the hope aside from time to time the want is always clear.

For Alex though, a relationship with Michael is something that scares him because of his fear that it can be taken away. (”I just thought that I could be happy, and not be afraid that if I loved anything my dad would destroy it.”) He is trying to make it work - “drawing near” to Michael - but he knows that in order to do that he is going to need to be uncomfortable. To face the fears that have held him back and kept him in comfortable limbo for so long.

I’m also going to flail about how, while RNM has the song listed as ‘Here’, the producer of the other show(Battlefish) identified the song as ‘Home’. I hope I don’t have to yell at y’all, other Roswell New Mexico fans, about how often that word has snuck up on me and knifed me in the back regarding malex. Especially since Alex *is* currently - well, here. With his home. Kill me please it would be kinder.

But then of course we see the old insecurities pop up again as Isobel arrives. Even if he is trying - Alex is nowhere near ready to jump out of the closet yet.

Fast Aint Good Enough - Inkwell Echo (1x06)

I debated adding this one because it’s a little bit reachy, but I thought it was significant in that even when they were seventeen, the thing Alex is ‘afraid of’ is his feelings for Michael - not necessarily of being gay but of what people like Kyle and his father do with information like that.

Wish I’d found the words when we were seventeen-

Kyle asks

“What are you so afraid of?”

-just as Alex catches sight of Michael.

(“I wanted to be the kind of person who won battles. It felt good.”)

Aside from Alex’s general need to protect Michael in any and all situations, I feel like the lyrics of this song - about the singer’s attempt to leave an abusive relationship - underscore that even before the toolshed, Alex was fighting. Even before the toolshed, he has been fighting to this cycle he is trapped in.

While he and Michael build their relationship he starts thinking seriously about leaving and not just surviving but he will ultimately choose to trap himself for years in order to hide his love for Michael.

Like so many gay kids, Alex is fighting a system that deems him guilty of sin - and takes his fighting back as a sign of his guilt. And in order to actually be able to love Michael, he is going to have to figure out how to put down the weapons and the hurt and break the cycle.

First Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes (1x06)

Are they serious right now I swear to god.

So obviously, we’ve got the origins for everything we’re told about Michael and Alex’s lives changing based on their feelings for each other in like two and a half verses of song. Forget the entire second season we have everything we need right here.

“It was the first time I liked our hometown, though.”

“Alex made me believe there was a place for me here.”

We know that for both of them this is really a moment of self discovery as much as it is a discovery about each other.

For Michael in particular, who doesn’t know why he’s here or who he really is, and who previously had no plans besides leaving the planet, this is the moment that he realizes what he wants - to be with Alex.

And for Alex, to me, this moment is a brief glimpse into what his life could be like. We don’t have any confirmation if Michael is his first kiss with a boy or not, but we do know that this moment is significant in that it’s the first that makes Roswell feel like a place he enjoys being.

And as he is realizing that, the lyrics echo it -

But I realized that I need you // And I wondered if I could come home

(Screeching from the background: WOULD YOU COME HOME)

But of course, as the song says, these things take forever because...well....

(It’s because Alex is dumb. My poor dumb emotionally stunted child. Please go to therapy.)

In essence, this is the moment that sets Michael and Alex on their entwined path. The path that Alex will have to fight to get back to - the path Michael will lose faith in before he later starts to regain the hope that it exists. I also like to think about the link between the last lines:

Remember the time you drove all night // Just to meet me in the morning?

and the line from ‘Would You Come Home’

Would you meet me in the middle // Could we both stop keeping score?

I like to think about the parallel here, about meeting people where they’re at, and the love and care and effort it takes to be willing to drive all night to meet someone. Listen a bitch is soft and gay don’t look at me.

You Can’t Love Me - Novi & Tyler Blackburn (1x12)

(*Whispers and rocks back and forth* this is fine it’s all fine)

Once again we have a song whose lyrics give us a tailor made road map to Malex, and will pop up later in ‘Would You Come Home’. We’ve already seen the implosion of the way Michael and Alex have been orbiting each other for a decade, but now that Alex knows the truth, he actually has the ability to understand Michael in ways he hasn’t been able to before. (Something we’ll see later in Season 2 when he talks with Maria.)

And because of that, we see the true beginning of the journey of Michael and Alex back to one another in a healthier way.

But part of that journey is going to be realizing that what they’ve been doing and the way they have loved each other in the past isn’t sustainable - and maybe isn’t even the way they want to love each other.

“They’re my family, Alex!”

“Alright, maybe! But you are mine. I don’t look away, Guerin.”

“No. We’ve been holding onto this thing. And it’s gotten us nowhere. Just let it go.”

Even though the words are said in anger, there is some truth to what Michael says. Their relationship so far hasn’t been a good one. Where Alex is trying to repeat the words that Michael said to him that made such an impact on him, Michael is (well, a, trying to save his dumb boyfriend from getting flambayed) using the opportunity to reveal how little faith he has in their relationship. To say that no, this doesn’t feel like love.

But as much as the song lyrics are about loving someone who isn’t good for you, they’re also about changing and growing, and about a commitment to be better.

(Sound familiar? Brb, I’m gonna go jump off a cliff.)

Love is messy, and especially for Michael and Alex, love has always been something that hurts. “Home is where the hurt is” - and a really important part of their journey is realizing that, and realizing there is a different way of loving each other.

Additionally for Alex, this is when he starts to realize the full extent of his family’s involvement in hunting and hurting Michael’s family. It isn’t just his dad - his entire family line has been involved in this since before Alex was born. And still is. This is really where he starts realizing the roots of the guilt and shame he’s going to have to deal with in order to be anything to Michael - not even a partner but a friend.

This is the first step in that journey. Not just the commitment that yes - I want to build a home for you - but that first, I don’t know, maybe I need to put down these weapons and pick up a different set of tools?

ON TO SEASON TWO

#rnmmarchformeta2021 #roswellmarchformeta2021 #rnm meta #Alex/Michael #alex manes #michael guerin #maria deluca #sort of? shes mentioned #1x01 #1x02 #1x03 #all episodes #Day 1 Themes #meta #malex #tw ptsd #tw injury #tw queerbashing #tw flashbacks

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brokenbuttonsmusic · 3 years

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Laura Cantrell: Nashville-born, New York-based, Acclaimed Country Singer-Songwriter & DJ (& Kitty Wells Fanatic)

This post is a near- transcript of the Broken Buttons: Buried Treasure Music podcast (episode 2, side B). Here you’ll find the narration from the segment featuring the pioneering rock band Fanny, along with links, videos, photos and references for the episode.

Listen to the full episode on Spotify, Anchor or Mixcloud.

Music blog Stereogum used to have a running feature called “Quit Your Day Job” where they interviewed indie musicians about their current or former jobs. There was one with Marty and Drew from the band Blitzen Trapper. The two discussed being torn about walking away from teaching as their third album, Wild Mountain Nation, was starting to blow up. There was another where the lead singer of War on Drugs detailed some of the disgusting things he had to clean up while working as an apartment property manager. Mostly dead rats and clogged toilet stuff, but he did walk into an apartment that had been converted into a porno set. I remembered this discontinued “musician day job” feature while reading up on my next featured artist and it got me thinking.

How many professional musicians do you think have a full time day job? How many juggle multiple side gigs and still manage to tour and put out records regularly? How many have really successful careers all while trying to make it as a musician?

I don’t actually know. I did some research and there aren’t any reliable stats that I could find. There is a lot of anecdotal discussion on the topic. The consensus seems to be that most musicians are not getting by with music as their only, or even their primary source of income. I don’t think anyone is surprised by that.

One Reddit user said less than 5% of musicians derive all or most of their income from music. He didn’t offer a source or anything, but he seemed very authoritative in his post. And then after a few more Google searches I lost interest and listened to more Laura Cantrell.

Laura Cantrell’s story is what got me pondering how indie musicians go about juggling making art with the necessity of, you know, making a living to survive. In 2003, after two critically acclaimed albums, including a tour opening for Elvis Costello all across the United States and Europe, Cantrell was at a similar crossroads. Laura had risen to the position of Vice President of Equity Research at Bank of America in New York. Yes, you heard me right. Laura Cantrell was working as a corporate executive and touring with Elvis Costello at the same time. She actively worked on the road during the day and then performed for thousands of people each night.

Before we get further into what led up to this point and what came after, let’s hear a song from Laura Cantrell’s debut album, Not the Tremblin’ Kind. Here’s the title track.

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That was Not the Tremblin’ Kind from Laura Cantrell’s first album back in the year 2000.

Laura grew up in Nashville. She played a little bit of piano and sang in the church choir, but did not get into performing music and playing out until her college years. As a teenager she worked at the Country Music Hall of Fame as a tour guide. This job, in addition to the influence of the diverse musical tastes of her parents, sparked an interest in traditional music, particularly classic country. She also became somewhat of an aficionado in this area.

This love and knowledge of the early days of country music would help differentiate Laura as she honed her sound and selected her songs while developing as a performer down the road. Before that, however, it would make her an excellent college radio DJ and later an even more excellent DJ at WFMU, one of the best and longest running free-form radio stations in the country. Out of the New Jersey/New York area, WFMU is awesome to this day, with a wide array of programming where DJs still get to play whatever they want.

Laura is my favorite kind of DJ, and the kind that has been dwindling in numbers since the rise of music downloads, which then gave way to streaming and endless algorithms. First off, she’s knows her stuff. She carefully curates each shows, and thoughtfully sequences each set within every episode. She packs in history, context and story to create something that transcends your typical weekend-afternoon-background-radio-soundtrack. I know this show is about under appreciated bands and artists, but Laura Cantrell’s contributions to radio deserve to be heard by more people. You can find her past WFMU shows, called The Radio Thrift Shop, archived on the WFMU website. You can hear her present day on her “States of Country” radio show on the Gimmie Country radio app, or on her SiriusXM George Harrison themed show “Dark House Radio,” on The Beatles station.

This concludes the part of the show where I babble my enthusiastic endorsement of Laura Cantrell’s past and present radio career.

Laura began playing music with others in college at Columbia University. Her jam pals included Andrew Webster, future member of Tsunami Bomb and Mac McCaughan, who would go on to form Superchunk and Portastatic + found Merge Records. The friends would call their band Bricks. A lo-fi, mostly apartment recording projects that played sporadic gigs over the years.

Here’s the Brick’s song, The Girl with the Carrot Skin.

Living in New York, Laura began playing guitar and writing her own songs. She also plucked some choice classic country finds and incorporated them into her own performance catalog. One day she met a guy named John who asked her to sing on a song that would appear on his band’s next major label release for Elektra.

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That’s The Guitar from They Might Be Giant’s 1992 album, Apollo 18. John Flansburgh asked Laura to sing on that recording. It was the first time Laura recorded in a professional studio. John Flansburgh became a fan of Laura’s music and released her first recorded material as part of his Hello CD of the Month Club, an EP called The Hello Recordings in 1996.

Let’s hear another Laura Cantrell song. This time one that she wrote with Amy Allison. From Laura Cantrell’s 2014 album, No Way There From Here, this is All the Girls are Complicated.

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That was Laura Cantrell with All the Girls Are Complicated from her last full length release, No Way There From Here. Actually, that was her last full album of new material, but Laura did release an album a few years back of her BBC recordings on John Peel’s radio show. That album is called At the BBC: On Air Performances and Recordings 2000-2005.

I mentioned earlier that Peel was a big fan. Again, here’s John Peel’s full quote about Laura’s first album, Not the Tremblin’ Kind: "[It is] my favourite record of the last ten years and possibly my life.” Having the endorsement of the legendary English disc jockey was enough to give Cantrell wider exposer throughout the UK. She developed a loyal fanbase through regular appearances on Peel’s show, as well as US and European tours, including the opening slot for Elvis Costello. Which brings us back to Laura’s fork in the road. Before her third album, Laura decided to walk away from the corporate gig. She was excited to focus on music full time, but a little worried about walking away from the security of a successful career she liked and position she was good at.

From a spotlight CNN Business did on Cantrell in 2004:

“For several months until she finally quit, Cantrell balanced her day job with a growing schedule of rehearsals, gigs, recordings and publicity. On the day she appeared on the Conan O'Brien show she was at her desk until lunchtime.”

“And while life as a professional musician is a dream come true, Cantrell still looks back with fondness on more than a decade on Wall Street.”

“‘I came into Wall Street with a very typical kind of stereotype that it was all going to be people just obsessed with money. What I found was that there were just loads of interesting people who were a lot like myself, just doing it as a job and who had lives that were full of other things.’

‘So I miss some of the contact with people I met. Ironically it was a very supportive environment for me as an artist.’”

Laura’s first two albums were released on the the indie label Diesel Only, which was founded by her husband, Jeremey Tepper. Her third album was released by Matador Records, also an indie label, but with an impressive roster that included Liz Phair, Modest Mouse, Pavement and Sleater-Kinney. Released in 2005, Humming By the Flowered Vine continues Cantrell’s classic country sound, but with some evolved production and arrangements. Laura’s mastery as a song selector gets more and more impressive. This album includes a cover of a rare, unreleased Lucinda Williams song form 1975 called, “Letters.”

In fact, Lucinda Williams herself was thoroughly impressed with Laura’s cover of “Letters.” She attributes the cover to bolstering her confidence to go back through her earlier material and look for her own buried treasures.

From Blurt Magazine:

“The inspiration for her journey through the past struck when she heard Laura Cantrell’s version of her song ‘Letters,’ which Williams wrote around 1975 and recorded on a demo but never officially released. Explains Williams, ‘She got a copy from a mutual friend and did a beautiful, really sweet version of it that made me think wow, she brought this early song back to life, maybe I should go back and review some of my old stuff. I’ve got all these tapes of old little songs, but I never thought they were good enough to do anything with.’”

You know you’re an ace at finding under appreciated gems when you surprise Lucinda Williams by helping her discover one of her own songs. Let’s hear Laura Cantrell’s version of Letters.

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That was Laura Cantrell with Letters from her 2005 release Humming by the Flowered Vine.

In 2008, Laura returned with an EP called, Trains and Boats and Planes with 9 songs about… trains, and boats and planes. It’s very good and it includes a fun cover of New Order’s Love Vigilantes.

Throughout this time, Laura continued her radio show. She also started a family and became co-owner and co-operator of Diesel Only Records.

In this clip from an interview with Face Culture, you can really hear Laura’s passion for country music and its roots. She talks about the importance of country’s influence on rock n’ roll, and how each artist is inspired by something great that came before.

And Laura continuously pays tribute to the greats that came before through her radio show and on her own records. In 2011, Laura released a tribute to Kitty Wells called “Kitty Wells Dresses: Songs of the Queen of Country Music.” The collection includes nine Kitty Wells covers and one original, the title track, Kitty Wells Dresses.

From the Washington Post:

Here’s Laura talking about the inspiration for the album.

“Kitty wore very typical stage clothes for women who performed at barn dances and in early country music shows,” says Cantrell, a Nashville-born, New York-based country singer and host of an old-time music show on the legendary radio station WFMU.

“They were these frilly gingham dresses, non-threatening and cutesy. It became this uniform that all the women of the era wore, and I always thought it was a great metaphor for how you can underestimate the strength of the person or the value of the artist underneath.”

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That was the song Kitty Wells Dresses from Laura Cantrell’s tribute album of the same name, released in 2011. Wells was the oldest living member of the Country Music Hall of Fame upon its release. She was also the first woman inducted into the hall. Cantrell met and talked to Kitty about her album. She said that Kitty asked which songs were selected and as Laura began calling them out, Kitty would sing each one.

I’ve mentioned all of Laura’s past and present DJ efforts, all of which I’ll link to on my website, brokenbuttons.com. Laura also continues to release music. She had planned a host of special activities for the 20th anniversary of Not the Tremblin’ Kind, which had to be put on hold due to all things 2020.

You can contribute to Laura’s IndigGoGo campaign to help fund her new digital singles collection that she’s already started releasing. The plan is to release six singles with an A and a B side, all working with different musicians and producers. I’d recommend the $50 Kitty Wells Dresses Pack, which gets you access to the digital singles as their released, a signed CD copy of both the singles collection and the Kitty Wells Dresses album, as well as a copy of Laura's essay on Kitty and Patsy Cline from the book "Rock and Roll Cage Match: Music's Greatest Rivalries"

Laura Cantrell is the rare performer whose work is deeply rooted in its original source material while still feeling fresh and exciting. Laura’s radio shows can be described the same way. A buried treasure unearthing buried treasure and taking the old and classic and making it new and lasting and so much sweeter. Laura Cantrell.

References and other stuff to check out:

Laura’s Indiegogo campaign for her digital singles series

The Radio Thrift Shop - Laura’s prior radio show. You can stream past episodes and check out her playlists

Gimmie Country, where Laura hosts her current show States of Country. New episodes air 3:00 Monday EST. Laura chats during the show with listeners in the app.

Darkhorse Radio on Sirius XM. Laura’s other show dedicated to George Harrison. New episodes air Thursday at 3:00.

John Peel wiki entry about Laura

TMBG wiki entry about Laura

A Wall Street journal feature on Laura

An NPR feature on Laura

A CNN Business Week feature on Laura

Stereogum archive of the Quit Your Day Job feature

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the-whole-long-stupid-story · 4 years

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Okay look, I had big plans to write a fic around this whole thing. I even wrote the first chapter of it.

But then, y’know, life happened. And B+T. So I haven’t written anymore chapters but I can’t keep this AU pic to myself any longer.

So behold - MARRY ME AU for Michael and Maria.

Here’s my rambling backstory and parts of the fic-to-be if you care to indulge my m&m fantasies further...

Okay, so basically if you have read the first chapter, you’ll kinda know what’s going on. Kinda.

To recap:

Set while they’re on the run, but about 2 years into it. They’re all based just north of Cali in a small town and seem to have succeeded in not being tailed by the Secret Unit.

One day in Spring, Michael overhears Maria talking with Liz and Isabel about marriage, and how she’s not really fussed either way about it. She has obviously experienced first hand what happens when marriages don’t work out, and has had people (men) she loves abandon her in the past - i.e. her dad, nearly Michael, and then obviously Alex (who didn’t actually abandon her, but still left. 😭)

Then Liz and Isabel start teasing her about the time that Isabel came to the Crashdown and asked, hypothetically speaking, what would she say if Michael asked her to marry him. And Maria had dropped all the plates onto the floor in response (Significant Others). Overhearing this exchange, Michael is disgruntled by the fact she was so shocked at the prospect of marrying him, even hypothetically.

Maria then goes on to say that she knows Michael and her are meant to be, and that’s what really matters to her. And then she also mentions that the night they all left Roswell, when she chose to leave with him, was sort of a ceremony in itself and her way of committing to him forever (Graduation). This pleases Michael, but he’s also still concerned that perhaps she still doesn’t believe how truly committed he is to her. Also he hears this voice in his head that sounds a lot like Alex, reminding him that she’s not just “some girl” and that Michael should prove it.

We good? Good.

Forward: (everything that is an excerpt from my fic-in-progress is italic, sorry if it’s hard to decipher)

So Michael, along with Kyle’s help, arranges for the gang to take the minibus and go on a camping trip to the nearby woods, which remind them a bit of Frazer Woods from years ago. The thing that a lot of them don’t pick up on is that their trip coincides with the 2 year anniversary of leaving Roswell.

ANYWAY, while the gang are setting up camp, Michael and Kyle pretend they’ve gone looking for firewood, but actually Michael has Kyle stringing festoon lights up in the trees, while he is carving a message for Maria into another tree. It’s a blunt message, there are no ‘pleases’ and it’s certainly not phrased as a question.

When they’re done, they come back to camp and Michael asks Maria to go for a walk with him - because he is definitely NOT the type of guy that’s going to get down on one knee (periodt), but also not the type of guy for massive grand declarations in front of everybody. Okay, sometimes he is (VLV), but not this time.

He takes her for a walk to the patch of woods that he and Kyle have been setting up - the lights aren’t on, so she doesn’t notice them. She doesn’t notice the tree with the carving either, because she has her back to it. In fact, the reason she thinks they’ve gone for a walk is because Michael wants to make out.

He’s all quiet and thoughtful as he’s processing a lot of thoughts...

During the course of their lives together, Michael realised it had always been about choices. They had chosen to fall together, and then fall away from each other - at times he had chosen to push her away to keep her safe, and she had chosen to push back and worm her way back in. He hadn’t exactly chosen to put up his strongest defences to keep her at arm’s length for long, anyway. Then, he had chosen to stay for her. She had chosen to leave him, but she’d also chosen to come back and then leave with him. She had never asked him to stay - she’d never taken the choice out of his hands, and he’d returned the favour by giving her an out; not just expecting her to leave with him and to run for her life. But she had chosen to anyway. She had chosen him. They chose to love each other - it was a conscious choice they both had made, but now he wanted to cement and honor those choices once and for all.

So then he starts getting all jumpy and weird and she gets suspicious of what’s going on, until he takes her hands, takes a deep breath and launches into a monologue (a la Summer of ‘47 / The Departure).

“A couple summer’s back when me, Max and Iz were leaving… you could have asked me to stay, I was half expecting you to. But you didn’t. You never took the choice away from me by asking me to stay. And I’ve never asked you why, but I think it’s because you knew how important it was for me to find my place out there, to find my home. You ultimately wanted me to be happy and you accepted that meant I was leaving you, and it was the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“It’s made me think a lot more about that night when I chose to stay. At the time it felt automatic, but now looking back I know there was more to it. Sometimes it’s not the joy that makes you feel the love, it’s the pain. And that night, or morning or whatever the time was, all I could feel was this deep, burning pain at having to leave you. It was unbearable. That I was never gonna see you again - it was too painful. So then instead of thinking about leaving, I imagined myself staying...and the pain lessened. It disappeared, and was replaced by a different type of burning. That’s when I knew I’d finally found what I was looking for. You were it for me, you were home.”

“The truth is, my feelings that night…my feelings for you and the choice I made, they’re never gonna change, Maria. I’m always gonna love you and want you with me. After all the screwed up stuff we’ve been through, it’s always gonna be you. I don’t plan on going anywhere without you, because you’re home... The only time I’ll let go of your hand is to grab your ass.”

She looked at him stunned. She mused that she didn’t think she’d ever heard him speak so many words altogether at the same time ever in her life. While deciding whether to break the mushiness by telling him this, he continued.

“So Maria,” he smirked and held her by the shoulders. “Hypothetically speaking, if I asked you to marry me, would you? I don’t have any plates for you to drop, but I do have a tree.”

She laughed and looked up at him. “What? What are you talking abou -” she was cut off as he whirled her around by the shoulders to gaze at the tree in front of her. He’d etched ‘Marry Me’ into the tree, and carved a heart around it. “Michael,” she breathed quietly. She was lost for words.

Quickly, she whirled back around to look at him. He was holding out one of his hands flat in front of her, palm outstretched with one of his rings lying flat in the centre. She stared at it. His rings were two of the most precious possessions he owned. He’d had them forever, longer than he’d ever known her anyway, and he never took them off his fingers.

“I…I’m not great at this stuff,” he mumbled, looking at the ring. “Um, I’m gonna get Max to add a diamond when we can get some coal, but…” he trailed off and looked up at her face. Her eyes were brimming with tears threatening to cascade down her cheeks.

She shook her head jerkily. “No, this is perfect. This is one of your rings, I don’t need a diamond,” she whispered.

“We’ve been through a lot, you and me,” he continued. “And a lot of the hurt and pain - it’s been because of me. I would try to make choices for both of us - whether we got to be together, whether you were too at risk, y’know, or whether you could handle all the weird shit that came with the alien world. After all this time, I’ve started to understand that it shouldn’t have been only me calling the shots and not giving you a choice. We’ve grown up a lot, we’ve learnt a lot, and I know that you don’t need me to make life-changing decisions for you. It’s not my place - the choice is yours, and I can only make decisions for myself and be honest with you about how I feel,” he mapped every feature on her face as he spoke. This was it. This was what it all boiled down to.

“So - marry me Maria DeLuca, and not hypothetically,” he said as he took the ring that still lay in his palm and took her left hand. It was trembling in his, so he quickly turned it over and placed a kiss into her palm. Then, he slowly turned her hand back over and slid his ring onto her wedding finger.

She sniffed with waterlogged eyes and mumbled, “Hypothetically, isn’t it supposed to be framed as question as opposed to a demand, in order for me to have a choice to make and answer to give?”

He stilled where he was standing and looked back at her face, still holding her hand that he’d just placed the ring onto. For a moment, he wasn’t sure if she was being serious or not, until he saw a twinkle in her eye and a slight tug at the corner of her mouth.

"Shut up, you talk too much,” he muttered and then pulled her to him, ducking his head down to cover her lips with his own. The kiss was passionate, and full of promises.

“Hey hey, save some of that for the actual ceremony!” came a voice from the trees. They broke apart as Kyle emerged from the trees.

“Ceremony? What are y -”

“Today’s a special day,” Michael murmured, still holding her close.

“You…you want to get married now? Like here? Today, right now, in the woods?”

“Yes,” he was emphatic. There was no point trying to dodge it.

“But…” she looked around at the tree line, at Kyle grinning off to the side, and then back up at Michael’s solemn face.

“You don’t have to,” he suddenly said quietly. He was feeling pretty overwhelmed himself, so he could only imagine how it felt for her.

“No - I mean, yes! I do want to. I’m just blown away. I had no idea - no idea Michael. But if you’re sure…”

He pulled her in closer and brushed his lips along her cheek and up to her ear. “I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”

Okay so that’s where I’m at with the fic. But it’s not just the proposal stuff that happens. They get married the same day because Michael wants to get it done, and wants it to be on the anniversary of when they left Roswell.

Kyle officiates - and it’s official, because he got a certificate on the internet. Which makes it legit, right?

No-one else in the gang knows about any of this until Michael and Maria (and Kyle) get back from the ‘Marry Me’ tree spot, but they’re all super excited and happy for them. They keep their same clothes on for the ceremony, but Isabel turns Maria’s green jumper a creamy white because she just can’t deal with the idea of Maria getting married in green. Michael makes some smart ass comment about how only pure chicks wear white, which earns him a punch in the guts by his bride to be.

Anyway, the ceremony is quick, to the point - they say their vows under the festoon lights and in front of the ‘marry me tree’. The vows are not traditional and I’m finding it super hard to write them because vows are traditionally a mush-fest and Michael/Maria are not. Maybe I don’t need to write that part though - you all know how and why they love each other the way they do...

They are each other’s home.

#Michael x Maria #Michael Guerin #Maria Deluca #Candy #Roswell AU #Roswell OG #Roswell 1999 #m&m #Michael and Maria #Brendan Fehr #Majandra Delfino #Let me know thoughts #I know Michael especially isn't entirely in character #He would never speak so many words in one go #But #He has a point to make #So I guess a monologue is justified

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justlightlysedated · 5 years

Text

Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven

Part Eight of ???? for @bestillmyslashyheart, sorry i still haven’t thought of another title

* * *

Max is surprised to hear Michael’s truck pulling into his driveway while he’s leaning on his desk drinking his morning cup of coffee.

He looks over to the guest room where Maria and Liz are still asleep, and sets the mug down.

He hears Michael getting out of the truck and his steps as he makes his way to the front door, and he frowns when there is an official sounding knock on his door.

Michael never knocks, and when he does, it never sounds like that of a stranger’s.

Max walks over to the door, and opens it, and his confusion turns into shock when Alex Manes gives him a sardonic smile.

“Are you busy?” he asks, and then walks right into the house, brushing past Max.

Max looks out to the driveway to see that he wasn’t wrong. It was Michael’s truck, but Michael wasn’t the one who’d been driving it.

Max turns around and sees that Alex didn’t go far, just a few steps inside and then turned around to face him standing at attention, like a soldier.

“Is there something that I can do for you?” Max asks, squaring his shoulders, and crossing his arms over his chest.

Alex raises an eyebrow at that and then rolls his eyes. “I’m not here to take up much of your time. I just have one thing to say.”

He takes a step closer, letting his hands hang loose at his sides, posture relaxing slightly as though he deems Max a non threat.

“You can be mad, and disappointed, and whatever else you want to be about how we handled the situation, but you do not ever tell Michael that I’m going to leave him because you know exactly zero about the situation.”

Max inhales deeply and narrows his eyes at Alex. “I know about your father. What he did to Michael.”

Alex gives him a slightly startled look, but it’s masked so quickly that Max thinks he imagines it.

“And, you think that makes you an expert on the situation?” Alex responds raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Max says. “But I know my brother, and it took years for him to tell me the truth. Years where you left him over and over again. Years where he was miserable and stuck in stasis until-”

“What?” Alex says. “Until Maria brought a breath of fresh air into his life? Do you really think that your brother decided to move on because he fell in love with Maria?”

Max blinks at him, feeling wrong footed for a second, but Alex just steams right along not really expecting an answer.

“You know, I thought out of everyone you and Isobel would’ve known Michael the best, but it’s looking like, you don’t actually know him at all.��

“And you got to know him so well,” Max snaps taking a step closer to Alex. “In between coming here sporadically to roll around in his bed and give him enough hope to fuck him up when you leave and the couple of months you were here before he made the decision to be with Maria instead of you?”

Alex’s left eye twitches but he doesn’t look away or back away.

“I’m not here to talk about that,” Alex states decisively. “It has nothing to do with you, but since you want to involve yourself, answer me this question-”

He licks his lips and takes a step closer, chin tilted a little as he looks up at Max, “How did it feel when Liz came back into town and almost immediately tried to jump into bed with Kyle? Not good I imagine.”

Max wasn’t expecting that, and he has to shut his eyes and clench his fists when he feels himself pull against the electric currents. He can feel the way the lights flicker.

When he opens his eyes again, back in control, Alex is raising an eyebrow at him as though Max proved his point without saying anything.

“Now take that feeling and multiply it by a hundred and you’ll get how I felt every single day for the last year and a half, the main difference being that Kyle wasn’t like family to you then, but Maria was like family to me. I only had two people in this town, Michael and Maria. And Michael was the only one I visited every single chance that I got.”

“To keep him tangled up in you-” Max starts, not liking how many times Alex is taking him by surprise in this conversation.

“Because I love him!” Alex yells, and then takes a step back and exhales roughly before shaking his head and closing his eyes and then inhaling deeply, and then turning a look on Max that seems to be completely devoid of emotion.

“Everyone seems so stuck on the fact that I kept walking away when I had no fucking choice but to leave,” he swallows and blinks rapidly before giving Max a sardonic smile. “You say that you know about what my father did to him, but it sounds like you think that that was something that happened only because Michael was Michael, and that’s not the reason why. But I refuse to tear open the scars that I took so long to heal from just so you can get some closure. Michael knows why I did what I did, and that’s the only thing that matters to me. He believes that I’m not leaving him again, and I’ll do anything to make sure that no one ever hurts him again, even if I have to protect him from you.”

"And who's going to protect him from you?" Max asks, and keeps going when Alex's eyes flare and he clenches his jaw. "Who is going to pick up the pieces when you leave again?"

"Are you deaf, or hard of hearing, or do you just have a comprehension problem?" Alex snaps. "I'm not going anywhere. I haven't gone anywhere since I finally finished my contract with the Air Force. I hate this town and all the people that live here, but I'm here, because Michael is here, and I'm never going anywhere without him again."

Max just blinks at him, not knowing what to say.

Alex swallows hard and looks away before he turns back to Max. "And that's all you're getting from me. I'm not expecting you to welcome me into your family with open arms, and I'm definitely not expecting to go on double dates with you and Liz. Hell, you don't have to like me, Max. I don't care about you or what you think of me. But Michael does, and he cares about your opinion, and he cares about your acceptance, and he cares so much. You're his family, and he is mine. So you're just going to have to learn how to deal with it."

And then Alex moves fast and pushes Max back against the open door, one hand in the middle of his chest, as he looks at him seriously, and for the first time since this conversation started Max feels scared of Alex.

"But if I hear you're telling him things that are only feeding into his insecurities and hurting him, I won't be this nice during my next visit."

He pushes away from Max then and walks out through the open door, leaving Max to watch him as he goes feeling like he's missing something big.

Alex pulls his phone out of his pocket and smiles bright at whoever is calling.

"I told you I had an errand to run in the morning," he's saying as he gets into the truck. "It's not my fault you hid my keys but not your own."

The rest of his words are cut off as he closes the truck door and starts up the engine.

Max watches him leave, and he lets out a breath before he moves, closing the door behind him and feeling more confused about this whole situation than he's been since it started.

* * *

Alex opens the door to the cabin and Michael drags him inside, ignoring the coffees he's holding in his hands to kiss him.

Alex kisses him back, moaning low in the back of his throat as Michael pushes him back against the open door.

Michael kisses him almost to distraction and Alex makes a mournful sound when he pulls away, eyes fluttering open, to see Michael looking at him with a sweet smile on his face.

"Good morning," he whispers low and slow. "You weren't here when I woke up."

"Sorry," Alex whispers back breathless. "I had something to do."

"More important than me?" Michael asks leaning in closer and pressing a kiss to Alex's chin.

"Never, just unavoidable," Alex says and his breathing stutters as Michael drags his lips down the length of his neck.

"I got coffee," he offers, and Michael immediately stops kissing him to take the two paper cups from his hands, and sets them down on the small table beside the door, and kisses Alex again.

Alex slides his fingers into Michael's hair and tugs him in close kissing him hard and a little desperate.

His conversation with Max wasn't bad all things considered, but it still left him feeling with a bad taste in his mouth at the way that everyone else seems to view their relationship up until this point.

Michael pulls away to inhale deeply and Alex drags his hands through Michael's hair, to press his fingers to the back of his neck as he drops his forehead to Michael's.

"I love you," he whispers and Michael jolts a little against him. "So much. I'm never going anywhere without you ever again."

Michael nudges their noses together and Alex's eyes flutter open. Michael's eyes are shining bright and happy. "I know," he says. "I wasn't freaking out because I thought you left again. I'm already used to waking up next to you and kissing you good morning, you can't just not be there. It's like an addiction, and I need at least three hours in order to satisfy it properly."

Alex huffs out a laugh, and Michael nudges their noses together again.

"You get two hours, before we have to go to the courthouse. I made an appointment for the name change."

Michael kisses him hard, biting down against his bottom lip and making Alex moan into his mouth, and wrap his arms fully around his neck to pull him in even closer.

Michael pulls back slowly and Alex's eyes blink open slowly.

Michael smiles happy and bright and sweet, before it goes wicked as he presses the tip of his tongue to his top lip and leans in a little, eyes turning dark.

"How many times do you think I can make you come in two hours?"

Alex inhales sharply, feeling a spike of heat that jolts down his spine and up the back of his neck.

He opens his mouth to answer, and Michael drops to his knees.

The answer gets lost somewhere between Alex's fingers finding their way back into Michael's hair, and Michael unbuttoning Alex's jeans with just a thought, his hands hot and heavy on either side of Alex's hips.

#malex fic #so instead of writing happy family times #i did this instead #thepriceofgreatness

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spaceskam · 5 years

Note

Would love to see 6 and 10 for the soulmate prompts ;)

Gonna just. Mash them together.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You're going to anyways, why even preface it?"

"I don't want to be insensitive."

"Just spit it out, Liz."

Michael sighed as he looked up from his notebook to see her eyeing him with that ever so pitiful look. He just grew a little more annoyed. They were supposed to be working on a way to fix Isobel, not asking pity driven questions.

"How does your tether work with your soulmate?" Liz asked bluntly, gesturing to his mangled hand that had completely distorted the bright red tattoo around his ring finger. Everyone was born with a clear string-like tattoo that tethered you to your soulmate. Once you fell in love with them, it turned bright red. When Michael's turned, no one asked him about it outside of random hookups throughout the years.

Leave it to Liz to break that cycle.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, does it work the same as everyone else's even though its damaged?" she clarified. He sighed slightly and thought about the last decade.

He'd had a total of 5 minutes from the time it turned red to the time it was damaged, so he didn't really know if it was different than it was originally. His and Alex's both were loosely looped around their ring fingers and stretched across the length of it, bawdy and hard to hide. He knew that it dragged them closer together which was a common symptom, creating a gravitational pull for each other that made it difficult to stay in the same room and not get close. It linked them emotionally, feeling some type of residual effect of whatever the other person was feeling. The only thing that was out of the ordinary is that their tether wasn't telepathic like most soulmates. Michael had been excited for that when he was younger, but it never came. Instead came a lifetime of communication issues because they couldn't just read each other's mind.

"We aren't telepathically linked, but I don't know if that's because of the hand or not," he explained simply. There were a ton of different ways soulmates tethers came to fruition, he and Alex just so happened to not get the most common one that could've saved them.

"Do you mind if I ask who it is?" Liz asked softly. Michael scoffed and looked up to her with narrowed eyes. She knew who it was. Alex may have worn things to cover it as often as possible, but she had known him since they were kids. She'd seen his. She knew they matched. "I really don't know, yours is too distorted to compare it with anyone elses."

"It doesn't matter then," he snapped, all while ignoring the fact his hand was turning red with heat. He was clearly agitated. Liz dropped the subject.

However, Michael wasn't able to. He kept trying to figure out if it was his fault that they couldn't communicate properly. It wasn't fair. Then, on top of that, he wanted to know what other kinds of tethers they had that may have been special. Maybe they were missing something.

After hours of driving himself insane, he felt that familiar heat on his back. He'd never known what it was, always assuming it was his body's way of telling him to calm the fuck down, but tonight it just made him want to have more answers. He eventually got in his car and drove to Alex's cabin despite knowing he wasn't welcome.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked while opening the door before Michael could even make it to the porch, "You're making me irritated and I can't really have that when I'm researching on how to help your species." Michael didn't try to hide the flinch that overcame him at the word. How did he get to a point where even the person who was his safe place felt the need to make him an outsider? Heat pressed to his stomach. "I'm sorry, that was harsh."

"Did our tether get fucked up when my hand did?" Michael demanded, stepping closer as if he had a choice to do otherwise. Alex looked taken aback. "Answer me. You used to be obsessed with learning about all the different types of tethers. Why aren't we telepathic?"

"Because we just aren't. We just didn't get it. Which is why you thought I hated you and you got back at me by making out with my friend," Alex said slowly. Michael shook his head. He didn't want to talk about that. They had talked that to death. He tried to make things right, but Alex didn't want to, so that was that. He wasn't going to try forever and just get his mistakes thrown in his face. "No, what I'm saying is no. Your hand being hurt didn't take away what we didn't have in the first place."

"Did it weaken our tether?"

"I don't think so. People who lose their arms and hands and fingers all together still have perfectly fine tethers. It's not a physical thing, the red string is just a physical manifestation of it," Alex said, his voice controlled as Michael stepped closer.

"Then why does our tether suck? Why are we so fucked up? Why do we only have two tether symptoms? Why are you my soulmate and why is our string is so fucking huge if it's just a reminder that I will never be able to have you? That's not fucking fair!" Michael knew he was getting unnecessary worked up, but it wasn't fair. How come they had such a huge physical proclamation when their actual, mental tether was nothing more than basic bullshit?

Alex's eyebrows were pulled together in concern and it was like instantly Michael started filling up with that 'calm down' heat. He wanted to scream in frustration, but he didn't.

"We have three major ones, Michael, not two. And we have a ton of different tiny ones. We're rare. We're fucked up, but we're rare," Alex said, reaching up to press a hand to Michael's cheek which brought that heat to a boil like it always did. He was a mug and Alex was the coffee.

"No. Two. I know. I've looked for more. I want more," he whispered. Alex shook his head, pulling him in closer.

"What do you think we have?" Alex asked and Michael told him which got him laughed at. "Michael, how do you miss it?"

"Miss what?"

"You use it all the time."

"Use what?"

Alex combed his fingers through Michael's hair which was really annoying when he knew he was going to be thrown out after this was done. He wasn't welcome. Alex couldn't see past the mistakes.

"You're right, we feel echoes of emotion, but we can also respond to it," Alex whispered, continuing before Michael could ask him what he meant, "When we feel the other person is in distress, we're able to send them almost psychological comfort. It's like the heat of touch, just... without the touch. Only around .7% of soulmates have that ability."

Michael really felt compelled to argue that that was bullshit, that he had no idea what he was talking about. But if he said that, he'd be lying, so instead he just melted into Alex's touch before it was taken away.

"You wanna come inside?" Alex asked after awhile which had Michael more confused than ever, "We should probably talk about it if you really didn't know."

"You wanna talk to me?" Michael asked weakly. Alex snorted a laugh.

"I always want to talk to you."

And honestly how could he say no?

#i actually mashed like 8 together but shhhhhh #im not actually sure i did the two you even gave #we can lie and say i did #malex #malex fic

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roominthecastle · 5 years

Note

Hi Room, What do you think about the finale? Any theorys about why Katarina did that to Red? And what do you think about the Stranger? Thanks!

To me, the finale in general felt okay, which is strangely comforting bc it wasn’t bad. I’m good with an “okay”. “okay” is an improvement (like I still feel TBL is trying while – to use a concurrent example – GOT gave up on itself and its fans spectacularly). There are individual moments that are more than okay to me (DEMBE, the team work, esp Liz & Red, esp esp Liz taking charge and that tiny moment of synchronized tea drinking) and others are less than (e.g. the conclusion to the conspiracy plot is kinda… ?!), but overall I like how S6 played out and my excitement for (lucky number) 7 is intact. Things are in motion and interesting again, and I finally gave myself permission to do a proper, full-scale re-watch during the summer, maybe attempt to chart the timeline, too, which is sth I never expected to consider doing again. I’m even gonna read the comics. In short, this season pulled me back in the Zone.

the rest is behind a cut due to length – @ mobile app users, apologies as always

Red’s identity, Dom’s story, and Liz’s side of these things

The Stranger: Masha was bound to figure out you aren’t who you say you are. What I can’t figure out is Dom. Why would he tell her all that?Red: In an attempt to help her move on.The Stranger: And she believed him?Red: She did. So much so that she‘s decided it’s safe to bring her daughter home.The Stranger: I know Dom meant well. He shouldn’t have told her that story.

So… having seen this scene, I def have more doubts than before, anon, but I still believe that the gist of the Rassvet story (including Red == Ilya) is true. This is (imo) why Red tells Dom “I know the broad strokes, I know who I am, but I need to hear the details you used to sugarcoat the ugly truth to make it look like a fairytale”, i.e. something that Liz has a tendency to swallow (see changed man!Tim or every paternity test they show her), something she was eager to embrace here, too, despite the obvious holes bc – as she told Ressler – “it is sweet and safe, so I’m gonna overlook things that don’t add up and hope it doesn’t come crashing down on me this time”. But it does. Every time.

Whether we like it or not, this is a consistent trait in Liz, this willingness to settle for a sweet, simple story over the messy, complicated truth even when she has misgivings (see her going at Red in 219, “It wouldn’t kill you to lie just once to make someone feel good.”). She’s not stupid, she’s just scared and unsure, imo (and so is Red but, unfortunately for Liz, being pathologically secretive is still what soothes him). But when there is no sweet story available to make Liz feel good/safe or it’s no longer sustainable, that’s when she grows restless/angry and goes on the offensive until she feels safe again. She did this w/ Tim and then w/ Red, too (she literally locked both of them up to gain control), and both times we can eventually hear her say “I was scared of you but not anymore”, and both times she expresses love for a safe & sweet idea and not the full reality of these men who cannot live up to that idea, so the cycle starts up again (well, not w/ Tim as he is now dead but Red is still in the running.)

It doesn’t really matter if the answer she gets is incomplete or untrue. As long as she can make herself swallow it, as long as it brings a sense of security, she will go for it. Tim played along w/ this and that fantasy bubble collapsed every time. Red never did and never will indulge her w/ sweet delusions but by doing so, he also reduces their “feelgood” time together. He hides behind her father’s identity but for her, he breaks cover repeatedly, which to me further signals that he doesn’t wish to take on the roles associated w/ this identity in her life, which clearly clashes w/ her park bench claim of “this is who you will always be to me”. And given Liz’s track record w/ these self-soothing declarations, I think we will once again see her being contradicted.

Having heard of what’s happened btw her and Red, I think Dom decided to tailor the truth to give them a quick-fix. His story brought a sense of safety/certainty that Liz craves – sth Red refused to offer when he told her he had a secret and he had to keep it and refused to give her any embellished feel-good alternative. But now he is on edge bc some of his secrets have been spilled and it was done in a way that maximizes his discomfort (by making him look like a hero when he considers himself anything but, and, ultimately, by undermining his control over his own “narrative” around Liz). I believe this is part of the reason why he tells Dom that he likely made everything worse by telling her that story.

I hope next season they will be pushed to face more of the actual truth together – in all its ugly, messy glory – about what exactly happened and, more importantly, why. Because we still don’t know much of that. Dom only offered a taste but now Katarina is back to mix some sour to the sweet (I am hungry as I am typing this, can you tell ;)

The Stranger: well, we barely have anything to go on here but what we have is already intriguing, i.e. he grew up w/ Red, he seems to know Dom and Katarina personally, he seems to have some serious tradecraft background + connections, and he is among the v few who is trusted w/ Red’s secrets, so he is inner inner circle for sure (and he’s played by Brett Cullen, so… yes please). I still think the childhood pledge from the Rassvet story is an element of truth (it just fits our Red way too much + I see it reflected in “Cape May”), so I think these 3 (the Stranger, Red, and Kat) were likely childhood friends and they all picked similar career paths (or it was picked for them), so the Stranger is likely Russian, too.

Katarina continues to puzzle me to no end, I freely admit. And I am enjoying it (for now anyway). The finale offered some really interesting details here, imo, and I think Red’s 2nd meeting w/ the Stranger is the most revealing.

Red tasked his mysterious friend to locate Katarina bc Ressler’s dig for his real identity triggered an active search for her, too. The Stranger finds her and hands Red a picture saying, “It’s her. I’m telling you, Raymond. Paper trails. The passports. The travel. It’s her.” What we can immediately conclude here is that they didn’t even know what Kat looks like now since it’s not the picture the Stranger used to identify her but her signature methods/movements (knowledge of this implies a close working relationship in the past at the v least). And since he doesn’t hand Red the pic to ask him to confirm it’s her but to show him what she looks like now, we can also conclude that Red had no idea what she looks like now, either, which means that he hasn’t seen her for almost 3 decades and, apparently, he would have been fine w/ maintaining this arrangement if it hadn’t been for the security risk Ressler’s digging exposed them to.

This conclusion lines up nicely w/ two (imo very important) things established in previous episodes:

Red’s hallucinations at Cape May – he sees Kat the way she looked in 1991/92. His mind couldn’t conjure her present image bc his last memories of her are almost 30 years old. This in turn implies that the Hobson’s choice event took place around this time, as well, and that was the last time he saw her. It was the last time Dom saw her, too, if what he tells Liz in “Rassvet” – that it was 28 years ago – is true.

Katarina being dead – whatever happened to Kat, her own father considers her as good as dead now. So does Red and Dom blames him for this loss, going as far as saying he killed her.

Dom: These boxes are all I have left of my daughter.

Red: If Katarina were standing here instead of me, if it were she asking you, what would you tell her?Dom: It doesn’t matter because she is not here and she’s not asking.Red: But if you could tell her–Dom: I can’t!

Dom (to Liz): If my Katarina was still here, she would have let me know. [… her mother sent a letter hoping it] would find her alive. I picked it up because I knew it never would.”

Liz: You said the name Masha Rostova had been lost to history until the manhunt. Now it’s out there and someone’s looking for me. It’s my mother.Red: Lizzie, your mother is dead.

Her mother was dying, Kat never showed. Her daughter was being hunted and it was televised globally – Kat never showed. And clearly neither Dom nor Red expected her to as they both seem to consider Katarina dead despite being aware that she is still out there somewhere. Moreover, they both believe that Liz is better off thinking her mother is dead than knowing whatever the truth is (so it cannot be too good). Add to this Red’s latest remark to Liz – “your mother can’t hurt you” – and things truly get weird and interesting. Was Kat subjected to some special session w/ Krilov, too, that somehow “extinguished” parts of her, practically rendering her old self “gone”? This would be my current best guess (just a shot in the dark, really) and I know it’s crude sci-fi territory but this is TBL we’re talking about.

Whatever happened to Kat, Red was involved in it, and we have several remarks to back this up:

“All the money, all the time and effort, all the favors in the world cannot possibly equal what you took away from her.” (Red, 216)

“There was a woman and her child. Both were doomed. Both would die. I could either save one or lose both. I chose the child. It was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.” (Red, 319)

“I’m not sure Elizabeth will ever be ready to learn what you did to Katarina.” (Dembe, 422)

“[Katarina] is gone because of choices you made.” (Dom, 320)

In “Cape May”, Red hallucinated forgiveness/absolution from Katarina but we don’t know if this is how she actually felt. It could have been just Red trying to make himself feel better about doing what he felt to be necessary. Katarina in the present doesn’t seem to be in a forgiving mood, tho. She clearly expected to be contacted and she clearly considered Red’s presence a threat.

Red: If Moscow is looking for Katarina, if Agent Ressler’s inquiry has reignited their search…The Stranger: Then I know that could be bad.Red: I want this done before Masha’s daughter comes home.

So… your guess is as good as mine here, anon. All we have for now is a whole lot of vaguing and very little concrete info. I agree, it feels there’s sth more to this but there’s just so little to go on, it could be almost anything. What we can conclude is that the Stranger and Red (and Dom) have stayed away from Katarina for almost 30 years and if it hadn’t been for Moscow’s freshly reignited interest in finding her, this complete lack of contact would have remained. They didn’t even keep direct tabs on her since they had no idea what she looked like or where exactly she was or that she was a threat to Red (otherwise he would have approached her differently, imo).

They clearly do not want Kat to be found – the precise “why” remains to be seen. Red’s first words to her are a warning – “it’s not safe” –, and I think he truly went there to make sure she wouldn’t be scooped up. That was his immediate objective. If she were found, the consequences would reach Liz and Agnes, and heading that threat off is what ultimately motivates Red here (→ “I want this done before Masha’s daughter comes home.”). He didn’t look too enthusiastic to make contact. He didn’t want to, he had to. And he didn’t tell Liz, which suggests that he wants this separation to remain, which suggests that something is up w/ Katarina that goes beyond the usual “you can’t be in her life bc it’s dangerous” reason. Dom stayed out of Liz’s life, too, for safety reasons yet Red told him to find Liz if anything happened to him. That doesn’t seem to be the case w/ Kat at all. Red himself stayed away from her yet he went to find Dom after Liz “death” and returned several times after that for advice or simply for his company.

The meeting w/ Kat wasn’t a social call and it did not feel like a romantic reunion, either. Red just looked sad and tense to me. And he clearly did not expect to be stabbed, so I don’t think that bit was part of any planned performance. Why he received that treatment is another good question. Kat has clearly come into the possession of some new info that compelled her to go on the offensive. It could be related to their past and that vague remark about what Red did to her OR it is about something more recent that Red wasn’t aware she was aware of?? Right now this moment feels like a convergence of two separate threads: Red came to warn her based on “undisclosed plot point A” and Katarina reacted to him based on “undisclosed plot point B”.

Oh, I love this song, anon. Antis can keep pointing at that awkward kiss (that he doesn’t even initiate, she keeps pushing her face into his) as evidence of some ~epic romance~ all they want, but once again they fail (and/or refuse) to see things in context and “Cape May” was already pretty clear wrt Red’s feelings, I agree. and the finale lines up w/ it, too, which is nice.

Red hasn’t seen her in 30 years yet he only decided to contact Kat bc her looming exposure threatened Liz and Agnes, and when he is shown a picture of her, this is his reaction:

Not exactly what I’d expect from a dude in love (even if it were unrequited). He had a way more emotional reaction to Dembe’s return and he only left like a week ago. This is more like how you react when someone shows you photographic evidence of Bigfoot chilling in their hot tub w/ a beer. And now we know Red knew all along that Katarina was alive, so him “designating” Liz as the woman he loves and confessing (several times both to her and others) that without her he has nothing to live for and saying her name as his last word speak volumes already. So if they wanted to sell Red/Kat, they have already undercut themselves on multiple fronts here by giving literally all the romance tropes to Red/Liz. But I don’t believe they are selling R/K, it’s just another smoke screen + Kat is part of a past both Red and Liz have to settle for the sake of their future. And settling the past is always easier and more fruitful to do w/ a living human than w/ a ghost or a hallucination.

Yeah, I think it’s there to signal that they (Dom and Kat included) go way back and were/are close, like you said. and to indicate shared Russian roots, perhaps. As I said above, I still think Red is Ilya and the Stranger is likely Russian, too, (and so is Dom), so using Liz’s original Russian name makes sense in this context of “Russian togetherness”.

and Red sometimes calls her Masha around Dom, too, bc that’s what Dom calls her bc that’s who she still is to Dom. And I think that’s why Red calls her Elizabeth bc that’s who she is to him, which is a nice little detail further emphasizing that his main/defining connection to her is the present one just as James keeps saying. Or as Red puts it on-screen

I can def see both sides here, anon, and more. Knowing what we know about Red, both are likely among the multiple reasons that underpin his behavior in this scene. Yes, on the one hand, he was pressed for time and wanted that Kat thing done as soon as possible. On the other, he was also kinda closed-off as if he were trying to hold back emotionally as well as physically, which I think flows from 2 main sources: 1) he feels uncomfortable w/ the labels Liz wants to push on him (ever since the pilot he’s been displaying a preference for “partner” and not “father” and he might be reaching his saturation point) and 2) he is still heartbroken and afraid to put himself out there again w/ Liz after three major betrayals in a row. He’s already had a sort of baseline distress due to how emotionally vulnerable he is to Liz at all times, so after this latest heartbreak I think he is just trying to take things slow, leaving space and time for Liz and himself to figure out a mutually acceptable way to fit together.

She’s been using his heart as a knife block to satisfy her own needs and I think it’s making him less and less willing to force himself into slots that feel uncomfortable to him. She just decided that him playing dad and grandad is what suits him but a week ago she thought life in prison suited him the best. I mean… that’s not how you relationship. At all. Relationships are ongoing negotiations where all involved need to consent to their “roles”. It’s not “I hate you now, so I will put you in prison” and then “I love you now, so stay for dinner”. After everything that’s happened, I am not surprised Red is pushing back a little here for the sake of (what’s left of) his own sanity. He is a deeply flawed, problematique human being but he is still a human being and not a toy.

Liz and Agnes are the most important to him and he would never ever force his preferences on them, I completely agree. But that doesn’t mean Liz should be allowed to force her preferences on him esp when those change so often and so drastically bc she clearly doesn’t know what she really wants from him yet. I think this realization is finally truly dawning on this guilt-ridden, lovesick idiot and that’s part of what we see in this scene, esp in that “I don’t wanna intrude” comment that really does feel like a pointed retreat from her abrupt park bench declaration. But of course there is no negotiation w/o talking and that’s what Liz wanted to do before Red shut her down, so…

bottom line (that’s been the same for 6 years): these 2 need to talk.

#anonymous #apicturewithasmile #tbl spec #long post #ramblings

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phantomwarrior12 · 5 years

Text

Shenanigans (Part 10)

Prompt: Isaac gets roped into Red Team shenanigans

Word Count: 2,093

Summary: Life with the Reds and Blues isn’t easy, but a day with the Reds is enough to drive anyone insane.

Warnings: Canon-style swearing, shenanigans, salty mercenaries

A/N: Hey folks!

Here it is! The second to last chapter of Saudade! Huge shoutout to the fabulous @antsyserpentine for giving me the ideas for this prompt!

Customary shoutout to @epsiloneridani07 and @frequentlydistressed for the mention of their OC, Liz.

Quick PSA, the final has been written and will be posted this weekend!

As always, please leave a like/comment and let me know your thoughts!

Enjoy!

~ Phantom

Saudade Masterlist

Finally Home (End)

--------------

"Sam, please."

Sam glances up from his data pad, reading the telltale signs of desperation in his partner's eyes, "What?"

"Don't make me deal with them alone."

"You wanted to try and connect with the Reds and Blues, this is the best course of action."

"But we both know I have a temper and I could snap anytime." Isaac protests, sinking into his cot across from Sam.

""Fel--Isaac," Sam leans forward, catching himself before he can call him by his codename, "the Reds and Blues are a group of unique individuals, but, they have their moments. They're a good starting point."

Isaac's shoulders sag, he knows Sam is right and there's no way out of this one. So, when Grif pounds on the door, he shuffles across the room and opens it with nothing short of a dread-filled look.

"Felix," the orange member of Red Team greets.

"Grif."

"Ready?"

Isaac casts one last pleading glance over his shoulder towards Sam. His partner doesn't look up from his data pad and waves him off.

His shoulders slouch and he turns to face Grif, "Fine. Let's go."

-----------------

"Felix! Less chit chat, more work!"

Isaac's fingers curl around the side of the warthog a little tighter, "Maybe your robot should be the one hoisting a three ton car!"

"Don't be ridiculous! Who will fix the warthog then?"

"I don't know, me?!" Isaac's snaps back, digging his foot into the dusty ground, "Marines had to fix their warthogs in field, you know!"

"You? Fix a warthog? I like your sense of humor, son!" Sarge laughs, slapping Isaac on the back before strolling off.

"Él es un idiota." Lopez apologizes, tightening a bolt on the underside of the warthog.

"You read my mind." Isaac grits back, dropping his shoulder to brace himself.

"Tú puedes entenderme?"

"Wait. You can understand Lopez?" Grif asks, features contorted in confusion.

"Yeah, can't you?"

"Grif can, the rest of us don't know what he says. Sarge just makes up conversations in his head." Simmons provides, his leaner frame slipping under the weight of the large combat vehicle.

"Where'd you learn to speak Spanish?" Grif queries, slackening his force on the vehicle.

"I'll tell you if you start pushing again!" Isaac's down to one knee, straining to keep the frame off the Red Team's robot.

"Oh, shit!" Grif steps back in, shouldering some of the weight.

"Thank you." Isaac huffs, pushing back up to his feet, "Sam speaks it, sometimes he'd slip up when we were kids and I'd have to try and figure out what he was saying. l managed to pick it up fairly quickly."

"You've known Locus that long?"

Isaac glances from the warthog to the largest member of Red Team, "Yeah. Couple of orphans abandoned on some backwater planet--we really didn't have much of a choice in the matter."

"Didn't you have any siblings?"

Isaac hesitates. Something inside twinges and he can almost see her face. Something inside stirs and a sad smile spreads across his lips. Something inside pleads and he almost listens.

And then he remembers. At first, they're fragments, pieces of a lifetime ago. And then they're clear, a history he won't soon forget.

Something inside reminds him to be silent, but everything else screams, begging him to utter her name once more. His eyes flicker between the members of Red Team and he realizes that this is one of the only ways he can open up to them. It's personal and it's going to hurt, but he has to do this--for Liz.

The ache in his eyes, the pain in his smile fades when he finally finds the words, "I did, once."

By now, Lopez has finished repairs and slides out from underneath the vehicle and the others can finally let it drop.

"Well, don't leave us in suspense! Tell us the dirty details!" Donut insists, hoisting himself up onto the hood of the warthog.

Isaac smirks and leans against the platform for the gunner, "I had a twin sister, Liz. We grew up on Earth, but when we were ten, we were separated after our parents got divorced. Long story short, my mom took the easy way out and I was left to survive on my own. That's when I met Sam. He saved my life day one, and I guess," the smirk fades to a reminiscent upward twitch of the lips, "he never stopped saving it. Even all these years later, he's still looking out for me like we're still kids."

"Kind of like Grif and Simmons! They've always kept an eye on each other's behinds!"

"No, we don't!" Simmons protests vehemently, struggling to cover the squeak of his voice.

Isaac casts a long, questioning glance towards the sim trooper on the warthog. He wants to question the word choice, but thinks better of it. "Not exactly, but--"

"Always on each other's backs?"

"That's even worse."

"Oh! I get it! You two are always within arms length!"

"Oh God, no! Seriously, how the hell does everything that comes out of your mouth have a sexual undertone?!" Isaac's features are contorted in disgust and a level of discomfort that he's not sure he'll ever surpass again.

"That's just Donut for you," Grif supplies with a deadpan expression.

"Hey, at least I enjoy the finer things in life!" Donut protests, sliding off the hood of the vehicle.

"The finer things don't include--"

"--I'm going to go ahead and stop you right there," Isaac interjects forcefully, "I really don't need anymore nightmares."

"You're confusing nightmares with fantasies, silly." Donut corrects with a grin.

"No, I'm not. I'm really not." Isaac returns, all hope draining from his eyes when he notices Sarge returning over Donut's shoulder. "Salty Sarge inbound."

Grif snorts, but starts to shuffle off towards the barracks. His progress is halted only by Sarge yelling, "Private Grif! Did I give you permission to scamper off with your tail between your legs?"

"First of all, I don't have a tail. Second of all, you're not in charge! We're not fighting a war anymore!"

"Is that any way to talk to your commanding officer?" Sarge cocks his shotgun and aims it at Grif.

"Do it, please, do it." Grif holds his arms out, almost as if embracing the possibility of death.

Isaac steps between them, "Sarge, put the gun away and Grif," hazel flickers to Grif's amused smile, "are you okay?"

"He's fine, he's just been hanging out with Lopez too much. Apparently, he makes a lot of kill me now jokes." Simmons supplies, shaking his head.

"Es la verdad." Lopez adds with a nod, "Yo quiero morir."

"You're not allowed to die, Lopez. Neither are you, Grif."

"I can arrange your death, dirtbag." Sarge offers, raising his shotgun.

"The fuck is wrong with you people?" Isaac glances around Red team incredulously.

"A lot of things, but they mostly stem from that nutcase," Grif nods towards Sarge, ducking behind Isaac when the Colonel levels the barrel on him.

Isaac's had enough, he shoves Grif's hands off of his shoulders before promptly disarming Sarge with jab to the inside of his elbow and a light shove.

"That's insubordination, soldier!"

Isaac empties the cartridge and tosses the empty weapon back to the leader of Red Team, "Point it at me again and we're going to have a problem."

There's something unidentifiable in the mercenary's eyes and Sarge gives a short nod. The glint fades when he notices Sam approaching, and he doesn't think he's ever been so happy to see his brother than he is right now.

He strides past Simmons and Donut to greet him, catching his forearm, "Please, get me out of here. I'm very close to shooting Sarge and gutting Donut."

Sam arches an eyebrow, an amused smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, "Welcome to my world."

"How the hell did you tolerate these idiots for a year by yourself?"

"They're an acquired taste, Gates, you get used to them."

"I don't think I want to get used to them."

Sam snorts indelicately, but continues towards the group, Isaac trailing reluctantly behind him.

"This is why I prefer Blue Team, Sam." Isaac grumbles.

"Calm down."

"Locus! You need to get your soldier under control! He touched my shotgun!"

"Maybe if you didn't aim it at your own team, I wouldn't have to." Isaac snaps, folding his arms across his chest.

"Why you--if you were one of my soldiers, I'd shoot you right now!"

"If I were one of your soldiers, I'd shoot myself."

"That's enough." Sam interjects pointedly.

Isaac shrugs, "Told you this was a bad idea."

"Gates--"

Isaac doesn't wait to hear his partner's response, already starting away from Red Base.

"Where you going?" Grif steps past Simmons.

"Somewhere he's not!"

---------------

"Lift the warthog. Poison Grif's next meal. Carry around this canister of confetti for no goddamn reason other than I'm a senile old man who doesn't know shit about leading a team." Isaac grumbles, skipping rocks across the creek. It's one of the more reclusive corners of the valley, far enough away from both bases for peace and quiet.

"Wow, you sound just like him."

Hazel shifts to his left, Washington leaning against a tree with an amused expression etched into his features.

Isaac shrugs, dusting his hands off on his jeans, "He's an easy man to imitate. Senile, cranky, a fucking dick." He starts to stand, only for Wash to gesture him to remain seated, sinking down onto the grass beside him.

"I know how you feel. When I first met him, it took a lot of convincing for him to believe I wasn't a 'dirty blue'." Wash's voice drops, gruff and sharp like the Red Team leader himself.

Isaac chuckles lightly, "I would have paid to see that."

"My point is, Felix, that he takes some getting used to. Everyone else might be fine, but Sarge has always been a little slow on the ally uptake. He doesn't show it, but he cares about those guys more than anyone I've ever seen."

"Then why the hell does he treat them like that? Grif's life is threatened every other day."

"Couldn't tell ya, guy's more emotionally constipated than Carolina. All I know is he wouldn't hesitate to lay down his life for any of them, including Grif, despite what he claims." Washington offers a gentle smile, picking up a small stone and rolling it between his fingers.

"Guy could use some therapy."

"You're right on that one," the stone skips across water, both eyes watching it glide, "Red Team tends to follow his example, so don't toss him aside so easily." Wash stands, dusting off the back of his jeans, "you never know when a trigger happy, senile, old man will come in handy."

He pats Isaac's shoulder before starting back up the bank.

"Hey, Wash?"

He pauses, turning to glance back at the mercenary lost to the current of the creek.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

-------------

He's dragging his feet over the hill, shoulders slouched and every ounce of his being wants to be anywhere but back at Red Base. It doesn't stop him from approaching the group, Sam humoring Donut's idle attempts at translating his conversation with Lopez until he catches a glimpse of Isaac.

He offers a short nod of greeting before nodding towards Sarge, who's still fussing over the Warthog.

"Sarge," Isaac greets, shoving aggravation aside when Red Team's leader stands.

"The hell you want, dirtbag?"

"I," his jaw flexes and it takes everything he has to meet Sarge's gaze, "wanted to apologize. You've been running this team a long time, I was wrong to step in." He can hear Sam's quiet snort behind him, well aware of how painful it is for the lean mercenary to admit when he's wrong.

"Apology accepted, it seems you villains can learn a thing or two from us after all." He claps Isaac on the shoulder.

"Lucky us." It's a lifeless agreement, fighting back frustration and exasperation as his eyes turn to Sam's approving smirk.

"Now, with your insubordination resolved, how about you give me a hand with this warthog?"

"I'm not picking it up again."

"Lucky for you, Lopez has volunteered to lift it. Locus mentioned something about you being good with an engine, let's find out if he's right." Sarge holds out the wrench towards Isaac and the mercenary casts a glance towards his partner, shooting him an appreciative smile before accepting the tool.

"Let's get to work."

----------------

Chapter 11 (End)

Tagging:

RVB Forevers: @mamma-dragon @loveliestoflunchboxes @heaven-hell-imagines

Mercs: @antsyserpentine

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timeagainreviews · 5 years

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5 Moments when Doctor Who SUCKED

Imagine, if you will for a moment, that you are a brand new Doctor Who fan. You don’t even know to call yourself a Whovian yet. You get on a few facebook groups, see a few YouTube videos and discover, much to your dismay, that Doctor Who is, in fact, ruined now. Woe is you who set path down a trail leading toward mediocrity, and eventually utter devastation. I ask you to picture yourself in this manner because I want you to realise that only a person new to Doctor Who would believe such drivel. Everyone else saying this seems to have rose tinted glasses. The rest of us all know that Doctor Who is a show that sometimes requires forgiveness.

Am I saying Doctor Who is a bad show? Not hardly. Much like pizza, Doctor Who is still pretty good, even when it sucks. I would venture to say that one of the things I love most about Doctor Who is how campy and silly it can be at times. Why is it then that so many people are turning their backs on a show that’s filled their lives with so much joy? I’m really trying to avoid the "because sexism," argument. But I can’t help but feel like if you were to switch the Doctor to a male, nobody would be calling the show "ruined." Furthermore, how do you even ruin something that has gone through so many changes throughout the years? Oh right, it’s the Doctor Who fandom. Where the only language allowed is hyperbolic.

Perhaps these fake geeks are mad because making the Doctor a woman takes away their ability to call her a Mary Sue. Especially when you consider the same character once burst out of a golden birdcage and floated to the ground in a wave of Jesus energy. That might mean they’d have to retroactively apply the title to every incarnation. Could the Doctor ever escape the distinction? Unnaturally talented, charismatic, good at everything he does, brilliantly smart. Or is it that these attributes only belong to men? We can believe Tom Baker’s Doctor is capable of walking into a burning furnace to save K9, but hell no, a woman can’t be the Doctor.

You have to face it, Doctor Who has had some terrible moments. Yet we continue to tune in because we forgive it. We forgive when Doctor Who is bad because of the moments when Doctor Who is wonderful. Which I know is how you would describe an abusive partner, but I’m gonna let it slide for a television series. Especially this series. Because unlike that dickhead who never texts you back, Doctor Who can change. If you don’t believe me, please peruse this list of five instances when Doctor Who was terrible.

1. The John Nathan-Turner era

My God, how could I not start with this? While there is no denying there are some wonderful moments in JNT's Doctor Who, it's easily my least favourite era of Doctor Who. And as much as I personally love Colin Baker, his Doctor got the lion's share of poor scripts and erroneous costume choices. Never has a man more game for a role, been dealt such a bad hand.

Introducing a Doctor that was cowardly, and even violent toward his companion, was seen as a bridge too far. While I understand the desire to try something new with the character, this wasn't the way to go about it. While the show begins to pick up around the end of McCoy's tenure, it's evident that this is more the influence of studio notes and the hard work of script editor Andrew Cartmel. I can't think of anyone less suited for the job of showrunner.

It seems that for a good nine years, Doctor Who had a madman at the helm, and not in that cute Matt Smith way. Dressing in flamboyant Hawaiian shirts, Nathan-Turner brought that same brash sensibility to the program. From Six's garish costume, to question mark lapels, to Mel's entire timeline, it's a big fat mess with him sitting in the middle. Add to all of this, the allegations of him being a predatory creep toward young male fans, and it's a surprise the show ever survived. Oh wait, it didn't.

2. Racism

Ok, maybe I should have started with this. While Doctor Who has taken efforts to address its racist past, it still happened. They drop a racist slur in "The Celestial Toymaker." Even the term "celestial," is used to mean "Chinese," in describing the titular character played by the very white Michael Gough, fully clad in Oriental silks. This tradition follows into "The Talons of Weng-Chiang," when Li H'sen Chang was played by John Bennett.

It's an uncomfortable miracle that they didn't allow Patrick Troughton to play the role of the Second Doctor in brownface. Not to say his era escaped the odd bit of racism. While Toberman in "Tomb of the Cybermen," gets a few heroic moments, he also gets none of the lines. Cast as mute manservant, we learn nothing about the inner workings of a black man who died so that white people may live.

Later, the show used characters like Ace to talk about racism. She shows disgust with a "No Coloureds," sign hanging in the boarding house she's staying in. When the evil Morgaine had her under mind control, it was calling her friend Ling Tai "yellow," and "slant-eyed," that she was able to snap out of it. Real Ace would never say such things. But even with that groundwork laid, the new series still struggles. From the Doctor being weirdly dismissive toward black people, to it taking nearly 50 years for the first black TV companion, Doctor Who is still grappling with its race issues. Yet you all kept watching.

3. Ace gets molested

This one is a bit of a lesser known infraction as it takes place in the books after the show had already been cancelled. Kicking off the Virgin Media "New Adventures," is 1991's "Timewyrm: Genesys," by John Peel. In it, the Doctor and Ace travel to ancient Mesopotamia, where they meet King Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh wastes no time going full blown creep, groping Ace and pawing at her like he was Joe Biden.

The Doctor's reaction to this is to tell Ace to just go with it, and that it's part of the culture. While I agree that, yes, Gilgamesh may not be the sophisticated modern man that hugs a bro and supports equal pay, the Doctor's reaction is some straight up bullshit. If you're going to go there, maybe try saying something with it other than "Women are men's property." This could have been a great opportunity for the Doctor to puff up and use Gilgamesh's own primitive mindset against him. "How dare you touch my woman!" the very tiny Doctor could say to the very tall man. It would have been a funny visual, mixed with the Doctor utilising male privilege in a way that helps his companion.

This is really an objection I have against most of John Peel's work. He writes women in that "she boobed boobily," manner. Much to my dismay, Peel is one of the sole writers of the Dalek books, so any time you want to enjoy a tale involving our enemies from Skaro, you have to also partake in his brand of women. I'm talking women being described as buxom babes with shoulder length blonde hair, voices like baby goddesses, and legs up to their neck. While on the other hand, we get men described as having a hat and probably some other features. I may be embellishing, but seriously, John Peel, your women suck. Yet it still spawned a rather large book series.

4. Minuet in Hell

Doctor Who has never been known to nail accents. Tegan is vaguely Australian. And Peri must have moved around a lot due to the fact that nothing about her American accent sounds like a regional dialect. That doesn't mean that Robert Jezek's Foghorn Leghorn meets the KFC Colonel performance as " Brigham Elisha Dashwood III," is any less painful. But bad accents aside, the biggest demon in this Big Finish audio is one of Doctor Who's oldest enemies- sexism!

While I understand that Charlotte Pollard may be a fan favourite among many Big Finish listeners, her character will forever be tainted for me, and it's all due to this story. In it, Charlotte, or Charley, gets literally human trafficked. They kidnap her, force her to wear lingerie in a very creepy and misguided attempt to add some sexiness to the story and force her to wait on rich businessmen at a casino.

Now, allow me to clarify, it's not the human trafficking that taints her in my eyes. People who get trafficked are victims, obviously. What bothers me is that neither Gary Russell or Alan W Lear thought to give her a single line of dialogue where she protests. She doesn't even complain a little. Sure, the Doctor often gains intel by getting captured, but this is ridiculous. Add this to the weird disjointed story, and "Minuet in Hell," easily serves as one of the lowest points in not just Big Finish history, but Doctor Who as a whole.

5. Sexism

(Image by Billy Darswed)

It makes the most sense that this is the last one on the list. Because let's be honest, it's a huge problem in the fandom. A lot of early Doctor Who audios and books smack of moments when it feels as though the writers never considered the existence of female fans. Women are often utilised as a means to make the Doctor look better, and for the baddies to look scarier. Mind you, it's not always been a pantheon of swooners and screamers. We got the occasional Sarah Jane, Leela, and Ace.

Even the strong women are long-suffering. Liz Shaw (and her real-life actress Caroline John) left the role of companion over sexism. Beginning her time on Doctor Who as UNIT's top scientific advisor, she was demoted to assistant, holding beakers for the male Doctor who stole her job. The Fourth Doctor acted similarly when telling Romana her qualifications had nothing on real life experience. The same excuse has been used for decades to keep educated women out of the workforce. "Come back when you've got some experience, sweetheart."

While Rose Tyler was a refreshingly real character with a family and life of her own, it doesn't mean that she wasn't horribly mismanaged. In "The Stolen Earth," we see a darker, more serious version of her character. The Rose we used to know is now fully devoted toward one mission and one mission only- getting her man back. It's as though her personality disappears and is fully dependent on having the Doctor in her life. She rises to greatness so that she might bask in his once more. Maybe it's romantic, but maybe it's bad writing.

If you were to ask me who my favourite Doctor Who writers are, I'd have to say Robert Holmes is up there, and he wrote "Talons of Weng-Chiang," a serial full of yellowface. I'd also say Russell T Davies, who wrote the aforementioned "Stolen Earth," and also saw it in his wisdom to turn Shirley Henderson's "Ursula," into a blowjob dispensing garden brick. Or even Steven Moffat who believes the Statue of Liberty could sneak around New York, undetected, and that nobody notices his predilection toward dominatrix women in stiletto heels.

In my review for "The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos," I quipped that Chris Chibnall had not yet written a truly great episode of Doctor Who. However, since "Resolution," I can no longer say such a thing. I may even go as far as to say it's one of the best Dalek episodes ever. It would seem then that, given enough time, he could become a great showrunner. And it seems that given enough time, any writer, yourself included, could one day write the latest "worst episode ever."

Every new era has had its stumbles. Not every Doctor gets it correct 100% of the time. Capaldi decided he was the kind of Doctor to exit through the window, a trait we never saw again. The Fifth Doctor decided to sleep his way through his first adventure. The Eighth Doctor was "human on his mother's side." And Ten took so long to regenerate that I'm beginning to think it was old age, and not radiation that did him in. If you can look at all of these stupid, stupid moments and still say you love Doctor Who, then maybe, just maybe, you can get over a bit of spotty writing, like you always have. Or is it still the female Doctor thing? Oh...

#doctor who #tardis #thirteenth doctor #chris chibnall #time and time again #Jodie Whittaker

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all-that-is-left-is-the-heart · 5 years

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Sometimes life surprises us. And some people come into our lives always for a reason.

AO3

Chapter 17

“No way!”

That had been her response as soon as Robert invited her to lunch at his mother's. It would be her birthday, and he thought it would be a good opportunity to introduce them to each other. He laughed at her first reaction, knowing she was both surprised and frightened by the invitation. Robert had already talked to her about the party in the office that they did every year and he said he would like her to accompany him. Elizabeth was hesitant, but eventually agreed. Then, shortly afterwards, he talked about his mother's birthday. This took her by surprise, because not only would she meet his co-workers and his best friend, but she would meet his mother, and this alone had totally another meaning. It was too much for her. She was looking like a high school girl meeting her boyfriend's parents for the first time. And it made her nervous. But she accepted his invitation.

Elizabeth never had the chance of introducing any boyfriend to her parents and nor did she have to meet the parents of her boyfriends early in the courtship. This was never something that bothered her, she never felt the need to be approved by anyone. But somehow, now in her early 40s, she was feeling a anxiety of a girl in her teens. She didn't want to impress Mrs. Smith, but deep inside she wished her to like her. Elizabeth knew how Robert's mother was important to him just by the way he talked about her.

Ellen Smith lived in Connecticut. Robert had always urged her to move back to NYC, but even after she was widowed she has preferred to stay where she has lived for the past twenty years. There she had friends and had relatives of her late husband, she liked it there and didn’t think about moving, even if it was to be close to her only son. Their cities weren’t far away and they visited each other whenever they could. She was an active woman in her 70s and always told her son that she could take care of herself. And he had no doubt of it.

During the drive to New Haven, Robert told Elizabeth about his parents. Joseph Parker he was a shop owner who had a small businnes close to where they lived, he was a simple man but wanted his boy to fly high. He passed away before his son entered law school, leaving Robert devastated, but determined to become a lawyer; which would have made his father proud. Mrs. Parker was then a widow until she met her second husband and moved to Connecticut. He was a good man, and Robert liked him very much, but three years ago his mother became a widow for the second time and since then she lived alone. She said that she had grown used to the city and so didn't want to return to NYC, but Robert knew better, he was sure that the reason was the children of her stepdaughter whom she loved as if they were her grandchildren, and deep down he was happy for his mother to live around people who loved her and cared for her. He could rest easy knowing she wasn’t alone.

“I'm sorry,” Elizabeth said, putting a hand on his thigh. “He would be so proud of you, Robert.” She wished they weren’t driving while he told her about his life. About his loss.

He took her hand, bringing it to his lips and looked at her, but then he turned his attention back to the road.

“I hope so. He always supported me in my choices, whatever it was, but I knew how happy he was when I decided to go to law school. I never wanted to be the best, but I always wanted to give my best. He taught me this and I always followed it in everything I did in my life.” He gave one last kiss in her knuckle and rested her hand on his thigh again, entwining their fingers.

“It's a beautiful advice you got from him,” she said looking at him.

“We're alike in one thing,” Elizabeth said after a few minutes of silence and he looked at her, then she completed, "We both lost loved ones very early on in our lives," he nodded and squeezed her hand. Though he knew the pain of losing his father, he couldn't imagine what it had been like for her.

“We are alike in many things indeed. That must be why we attract so quickly to each other,” he winked at her and her mouth curved into a small smile.

“It must be," she looked out the window and then sighed. She couldn't help but think of her daughter, who had already had a loss in her life, and even though she was oblivious to it now, one day she would know and of course she would suffer as well.

“Hey, what is it?” Robert asked when he felt she was away.

She shook her head as if wanting to stop her thoughts. “Nothing,” she sighed again. “I was just thinking about Annie.” He looked at her again.

“One day she will go through the same pain as us. Even though she didn't feel this pain like we do, it will hurt her too.” He didn't want the conversation to have reached that point, but it was always impossible for her not to think about her daughter. He just didn't want her thinking of things that might or might not happen and even if it did that would just make her suffer in advance.

“You don't have to think about it now, and even if it's something inevitable, and it's going to be an impact on her life, she'll have you by her side and it will be less painful and easier for her to deal with.” She nodded. He could always make her feel better about whatever concern she had. Elizabeth then looked out the window at the landscapes passing by.

“I'm nervous,” she said after a while. Robert squeezed her hand.

“She'll love you, Liz,” he assured her.

“What if she’d rather to have lunch just her and you?” She said, turning in her seat and looking at him. “I don't want to get in the way, it's her birthday an-” he cut her off.

“You will not get in the way. I told you she's excited to meet you. To tell you the truth, she must be more eager to meet you than to see her son,” he teased. His mother didn't even ask if he wanted something special as she always asked when he was going to visit her, she just wanted to know what Elizabeth liked. He didn't pretend he was annoyed about her preference, because he was happy with her excitement in meeting Elizabeth.

“Don't be silly, Robert,” she giggled.

“But it's true, when I suggested we go to some restaurant that she liked, she said she'd rather cook something special for us, and she wanted to know what you liked.”

“She didn't have to worry about that. And I hope you told her that,” Elizabeth said in a serious tone and he laughed.

“I did. But she's a great cook, I told you so, so you know, she always wants to please who goes to her house. Especially you,” Robert looked at her and she blushed.

She knew he wasn’t pushing her, wanting her to meet his mother in such a short time of their relationship, but she couldn't help herself and not feel pressured, even though she knew it was just her nervousness.

She sighed and changed the subject. “Are you sure she's going to like the gift?” She had chosen a beautiful crystal vase with elegant cuts and when she changed her mind, Robert assured her that his mother would love it.

“Of course she will. We'll stop at a flower shop and buy her favorite flowers and it will look perfect in the vase. She enjoys simplicity, Liz, she will love it. Don't worry about it,” he gave her hand another kiss to assure her that everything would be all right.

Robert knew she wasn't worried about the gift, but about what his mother would think of her. He would also be nervous if he were in her place. But he knew his mother would love Elizabeth.

A few more minutes and they arrived in the town, going straight to a flower shop. Robert wanted to give his mother her favorite flower and let Elizabeth choose.

When they left the store, she took a look around. She knew the city only because of its reputation for being home to one of the most famous universities in the country, but she discovered that the county was much more than a city of students. There were many sights she would want to see if they had time, but since there was a birthday girl waiting for them, they decided to go to their destination without paying much attention to the city. She would like to sightseeing this town, the beautiful places and museums with him. Maybe another time.

Ellen's house looked like those from movies; with a beautiful garden and white fences on the sides and suddenly Elizabeth realized that she had lived in apartments her entire life. Until then she had never cared about it, but now seeing this beautiful house she wondered how it would have been to grow into one like this. What would it be like to Annie running in a backyard with Duck after her. What it would be like raising children in a house.

All these thoughts were now pooping up on her mind.

“Are you alright?” Robert asked, pulling her out of her reverie. He had taken the package out of the trunk of the car and approached her by placing a hand on her back to guide her to the front door, but when she didn't move he worried.

“Yes. Yeah I'm,” she smiled at him and smoothed her plaid dress. She was wearing a black and white dress, knee length straight cut and sleeveless and a white coat. She'd spent a extra of time choosing what to wear today.

“You look perfect,” Robert said again what he had said when he first saw her that morning.

“Thank you,” she murmured, blushing. “Here, take the flowers and let me carry this. It will be better for you two to hug.” He agreed, but the moment Elizabeth passed him the flowers and held the box in only one arm, it slipped giving her no time to try to hold it before the box hit the ground. It made a noise, leaving no doubt that its contents had broken. She jumped back in fright.

“Oh my God!” Elizabeth put her hands over her mouth in shock. She couldn't believe it happened, and because of her. “That can't have happened.”

“Calm down, Liz. Calm down,” Robert put his hand on her shoulder, handed the bouquet back to her and then crouched down to check the box, but he didn't have to open it to know the vase had broken.

“Dammit! I don't believe it!” She exasperated as he picked up the box. Everything had worked out well so far, why did she have to be so careless? If she was nervous, now then, she was even more so.

“It was an accident, Liz, don't worry about it.” He tried to soothe her after putting the box in the back seat of the car.

“Robert, it was your mother's gift, and now it is broken,” she sounded almost hysterical.

“Hey, hey,” he said and gently pulled her toward him. “What could be better than her son beeing here?” He teased to ease her tension and she ended up smiling.

“We still have the flowers. Now let's go. Are you ready?” She nodded after a dramatic sigh and he planted a kiss on her forehead. Taking her hand in his they went to the front entrance of the house. Before he knocks on the door she took a deep breath.

“My dear!” His mother greeted him with a big smile as she opened the door and saw her son.

“Happy birthday, Mom,” he handed the bouquet of pink lilies and white roses and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

They then hugged each other and Elizabeth was beside him, smoothing her dress again while waiting to be introduced to the lady.

“And you must be Elizabeth. It's a pleasure to meet you, dear,” she said as she released her son and pulled Elizabeth in an affectionate hug. Ellen was taller than Elizabeth, she could see that, for the lady was without heels and was just as tall as she was, who was wearing a high heel. She had shoulder-length hair, straight and completely white. Her eyes resembled Robert's and just like him she had a captivating smile.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Smith, and happy birthday,” she said shyly but with a warm smile.

“My favorite flowers, are so beautiful. Thank you,” Ellen said delightedly, looking back at her bouquet.

“Liz who chose it, they're her favorites too,” Robert said and looked at her, who was looking down at her feet. He saw that the earlier incident had affected her.

“I've already seen that we have great taste,” his mother winked at Elizabeth who gave an shy smile.

They finally entered the house and Ellen left them in the living room while she went to get a glass vase to put her flowers on. Robert helped Elizabeth out of her coat and hung it on a hanger behind the door along with his jacket.

Looking at the living room decor; the shelves with small porcelain objects and antique ceramics, she realized that Ellen enjoyed art objects, just as Robert had already told her. She looked like the kind of person who kept memories over the years, and probably every object in her house had its story.

“Here it is!” She returned with a jug of flowers and set it on the mahogany coffee table, and Elizabeth couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness and guilt about breaking the Crystal vase they would give her. Very perceptive Ellen realized something was wrong.

“What is it, dear? Is something wrong?” She asked gently.

“No, it's nothing,” she replied and then looked at Robert.

“Mom, there was an incident earlier outside,” his mother looked worriedly at him.

“No, nothing serious, but we dropped your gift. A glass vase,” he pointed to the flowers. "And Liz is upset about it.”

“Not us. I did,” she said still annoyed at herself. Robert wrapped his arm around her waist and pressed a kiss to her hairline.

Ellen approached and took her hand. “Oh my dear, don't worry about it, it was an accident. And having you two here is my greatest gift.” Robert smiled, for he was sure that his mother had already been enchanted by Elizabeth in less than twenty minutes of meeting her.

“Now do you want anything to drink?” At the same moment a phone rang and she told Robert to serve them with whatever they wanted and went to answer the call.

“Are you calmer?” He asked, they were seated on the couch, sipping the juice he found in the fridge.

“Yes, I am. But I'm still pretty upset about the vase,” she pouted.

“You heard Mrs. Smith, don't worry about it. She's happy just with our presence here.” Robert tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

“Your mother is such a sweetheart, it has helped me forget about that disaster out there. Oh God,” she let out a nervous laugh and he kissed her. They heard Ellen coming back and broke their kiss, watching her sit on the couch in front of them.

“It was Susan, she always calls me on my birthdays and Christmas,” she said and then realized what she had said. “Oh I'm sorry.”

“No problem, Mom. And how is she?” Elizabeth for some reason felt uncomfortable about it.

“She's fine,” Ellen replied quickly. It wasn't her intention to talk about his son's ex-wife in front of his current girlfriend, but she only realized it after it out of her mouth.

“Who is Susan?” Elizabeth couldn't help but ask, wondering why the two of them, especially Mr. Smith, had grown so serious. She didn't want to be intrusive but she was curious.

“It's my ex-wife,” he said looking into her eyes, she gave a nod. “I couldn't imagine she was still calling you,” he remarked, now looking at his mother.

“Only on those occasions,” she clarified. “Sorry, Elizabeth, it wasn't my intention to talk about her.” Now she was the one who was nervous.

“No, please Mrs. Smith, you have nothing to apologize for,” Elizabeth said truthfully, she saw how nervous the old lady was, thinking she'd bothered her in talking about Robert's ex-wife. He rested his hand on her lap.

“Just call me Ellen,” she said, again smiling at them. His mother was sympathetic and kind and Elizabeth was already liking her, all her nervousness about meeting her had disappeared.

“But tell me about yourself. Robert doesn't stop talking about you every time we talk. I was really curious to meet you.” Elizabeth blushed.

“Mom, this way she'll full of herself,” he teased, Elizabeth slapped his arm and the two woman laughed.

“But I was right in everything I said, didn't I?” He asked, looking at his mother and then returning his gaze to Elizabeth, who once again blushed.

“I don't think you exaggerated anything,” she said and Elizabeth blushed even harder. Then there was a beep coming from the kitchen and she stood up.

“I think the roast is ready. I'll finish setting the table.”

“Can I help you?” Elizabeth asked, standing up. Ellen smiled and nodded. Robert also stood up, picking up his and Elizabeth's glass from the table, intending to also go to the kitchen, but his mother took it from his hand and said he didn't have to followed them.

“Oh, so I'm not necessary anymore? Is that it?” He teased.

“Your help will be welcome in washing the dishes later,” his mother said as she went into the kitchen and Elizabeth followed behind her, looking at him and laughing. He also laughed and when they disappeared into the other room he went to look at the photos his mother had at home. He always did this when he came here, to remember the past. It brought back him good memories.

“Robert told me about your daughter's case. That's how you two met, right?” Ellen inquired as she transfered the roast in a platter to bring it to the table. She already knew the story, but she wanted to know it from Elizabeth.

“Yes, that’s right, I needed a good lawyer and his name came up. The best in town,” she smiled.

“He never likes to say that he is the best, but that he give his best. He probably already told you that,” Elizabeth smiled again as she remembered that he had said it back then in the car.

“He told me on the way coming here, he said that this was a teaching from his father.”

“Yes, Joseph always said that to Robert and he really took it to his life, always giving his best in everything. So he was very upset when ...” Ellen stopped, remembering how desolate and defeated her son sounded on the phone when he told her that he had lost a cause that he wasn't supposed to lose and how sad he felt for mother and daughter have to be separated from each other. “... well, you know.” She knew how painful it was for Elizabeth and didn't want in any way to upset her by bringing this subject up.

Elizabeth sighed. She knew that Robert felt responsible for her losing her daughter, but she never thought it. Even on the day when she left that room feeling as if her world was just over, she never thought of him as being guilty or not having done everything what he could. She said it to him but from what his mother just said, he felt really guilty.

“I think he feels guilty, or thinks I blamed him at some point, but I don't, I could never blame him for that. What had to happen, happened,” Ellen stopped what she was doing and took Elizabeth's hands in hers.

“No dear, your daughter will still come back to you, I'm sure this will not be definitive. A mother shouldn't be separed from her child, and <i>you</i> are her mother.” Elizabeth flashed a smile. “I'd love to meet her.” Ellen squeezed her hands and Elizabeth felt her eyes water. They had barely met and she already treating her with a such of affection and tenderness.

“And she would love to meet Wobet's mother,” she said with a smile, and Ellen smiled as well.

“Robert told me she calls him that and he loves it,” she said cheerfully. She knew how much her son loved that little girl and everything about her.

“Did he tell you about her doll's name?” Elizabeth asked enthusiastically and Ellen shook her head. “Oh, so you're going to love this story,” she laughed as they fishened the set the table for their lunch.

“I can't believe you told her about this, Liz,” Robert said, during lunch. Elizabeth and Ellen kept laughing at his about the doll's story. But deep down he had fun with it.

“Of course I did,” she said with a sly grin on her face.

“You should have told me it. That's lovely,” Ellen said as she took a sip of wine.

“I didn't want you making a joke about it like this one,” he pointed to Elizabeth. “Who keeps laughing at me at every opportunity,” he feigned offended, but laughed along with her.

The conversation between them was easy and lunch passed pleasantly. Telling about their lives. Elizabeth and Ellen getting to know each other better.

Robert was glad to see the two of them were getting along. He had no doubt that this would happen, but it was very good to witness this. At times they engaged in some subject and seemed to forget that he was there, and he didn't care when one or the other made fun of him. It was the price of having lunch with such a wonderful women.

After lunch, they returned to the living room, but this time Robert sat next to his mother and Elizabeth sat across from them.

“Did you like it all, or just say it to please me?”

“Everything was great, Ellen,” Elizabeth assured her and Robert agreed with her. “Robert didn't exaggerate when he said that you cook very well. And he learned very well too,” she winked at him and took a sip of wine.

“I really had a great teacher,” he said and kissed her mother's head and who smiled fondly.

“Are you sure you don’t want any more wine?”

“I do, we have a long way to New York and I'd rather not have another glass of wine. Enjoy you two.”

“You could to come back at night and go to dinner with me later. You know, it going to be just Sophia's family and a few friends,” Ellen said, looking at her son and then at Elizabeth. She didn't want them to leave soon.

“We really have to go back, Mom.” He locked his gaze with Elizabeth's and she nodded. As much as she had loved Mrs. Smith, she would feel out of place at dinner with people she didn't know, even if it was a birthday celebration. And she was glad that Robert thought about it and didn't accept the invitation.

“We already celebrate with you, now it's their turn. And I'm sure you'll only pay attention to Sophia's children,” he teased, he didn't want his mother to be upset that they didn't stay for dinner. But she didn't seem to be.

“Robert, you know I love those kids like they're my own grandchildren.”

“I know you do. That's why you don't want to move from here. You don't want to stay away from them.”

“Not only that. I like this city, but I really like it when they come to visit me and fill the house with joy.” She loved to bake cake and cookies for the children.

“When Annie comes back to you, bring her here, Elizabeth. I'll love to have her play around the house.” Robert looked at Elizabeth, but she was smiling.

“We'll bring her,” she said, smiling at Ellen, then looked at Robert. She knew what he was thinking but she assured him, that she was ok in talking about her daughter.

“You know, I didn't get a chance to have any grandchildren, and ...” she started and then put her hand on Robert's knee and squeezed. He placed a long kiss on the side of her head and closed his eyes. Elizabeth knew that his mother had said something without realizing it. Again.

“Sorry, son, I didn't mean bring it up.” Now Elizabeth was sure there was something. He never talked about why he hadn't had children, but clearly there was something he hadn't told her. She didn't want to, but she was curious.

“It's okay, Mom,” he gave another kiss to his mother's temple and then looked at Elizabeth.

Ellen, different from earlier, didn't realize that she was saying something Elizabeth didn't know about and continued.

“Sometimes I think that if Susan hadn't lost the baby, I would have a grandson or granddaughter come to visit me these days.” And there it was, something Elizabeth couldn't imagine. Another loss that Robert had and hadn't told her, and once again she knew in a moment that she couldn't hug him.

The loss of a child. She now knew that somehow he understood her pain in losing Annie, even though it was not the same, because probably his was even worse, since losing an unborn baby must be a pain that doesn't forget. She may have lost Annie, but she might still know that her daughter was fine. And that comfort Robert would never have.

“And I wonder what it would felt like have him or her, running around this house,” Ellen finished her thought and then finally noticed the looks between the two of them and realized that Elizabeth didn't know about it.

“Oh my God, I ended up talking too much, again, didn't I?” She apologized.

“Don't worry, Mom. I was going to tell it to Liz at some point,” he said, squeezing her shoulder and looking at Elizabeth.

“How did that happen?” She dared to ask but she would understand if he didn't want to talk about it now. But he didn't seem to be bothered by her question.

“It was early in the marriage. Susan was in her first trimestre when she had a complication. You know...” he sighed. “Well, miscarriage can always happen in the first 3 months of pregnancy, and it happened to us. She or he would be 11 today,” he said looking at his hand that was on top of his mother's still on his knee.

Robert still thought about it sometimes, and of course he was still sad to think about what happened, but that was a fatality and it was many years ago. At the time he was very shaken but had to give support to his then-wife. It was a difficult time that they passed and he was sure that just like him, and still more, Susan still suffered from this sudden loss they had. They were very happy about the baby. But they didn't try another pregnancy, in fact they avoided it right after the loss, and when they decided just stop to avoiding, the baby never came. They were ok with it after all. Maybe a child was never meant to be.

Elizabeth said nothing, she didn't know what to say at the moment. When they first had lunch together, she out of curiosity asked why he didn't want to have children, and now she realizes how hard that question was for him to hear. But she still didn't know much about him, and she could never imagine that he and his wife had been through it. Yet, she regretted her unfortunate question back then.

Ellen realized how the mood had changed. She didn't want to get into this, but sometimes it was difficult for her to remember that and not comment about it. She just didn't realize that her son might not have told Elizabeth this, and she regretted, for the second time, that she had brought a subject that might have annoyed both her guests. It was the first time Elizabeth was coming to her house, and she wanted everything to be enjoyable. After a brief silence in the room, she decided to speak.

“But then you will have to promise me to come another day with more time, to get to know the city.” She changed the subject, it was her birthday after all, and she didn't want to continue that mood.

“You know, Elizabeth, my son only visits me on commemorative dates, and if I remind him,” she teased, making everyone laugh.

“That's not truth, Mom, and you know it,” he corrected her, smiling. “I always call you, and I always come to see you. You're the one who rarely visits me. You probably don’t even remember where I live,” he teased her back.

“I'm old, but I'm not losing my memory, Robert,” she joked, and Elizabeth was happy to see their interaction like it had been before that subject have been brought up.

“You know that New York is too hectic for me these days. I got used to live in this quiet town.”

“Really this city is a piece of heaven compared to the madness that is New York,” Elizabeth commented.

“Have you ever thought of living in a city like this?” Ellen asked.

“I've always lived in a busy city, so I've gotten used to it. But I like this tranquility, calmness... I don't know about live in a city like this but sometimes spending time in a place like that is good, I like it,” she smiled. She liked the quiet town and the house with white fence, but she knew she belonged to a busy town.

“Robert told me about your gallery, I really would like to meet it someday.”

“It would be my pleasure and I look forward to your visit soon.”

“If it's not to see your son and Duck, the gallery then has to be a great incentive for you to go to New York. It's wonderful and you'll love it,” Robert said and smiled at Elizabeth.

“I'm sure it is and I probably will. And rest assured, I'll pay a visit to you too,” she joked and patted his arm making him laugh. “I miss Duck, by the way.”

“Liz, I never told you, but Mom gave me Duck. She found him abandoned nearby.” She arched her eyebrows in surprise.

“He was so small, and was all wet, poor thing. Those pleadingl puppy eyes looking at me, I hadn't any choice." Ellen smiled at the memory of that day.

“Then I brought him home, and we were going to keep him, but I realized that Robert needed his company more.” Since the divorce he had been alone and Ellen thought that having a puppy would ease the loneliness she knew her son felt. And it was the right thing she did because both Robert and the little Golden Retriever fall in love when they first met.

“And the name Duck was chosen because of that. Mom said he was looking like a wet duckling and started calling him that, so I kept that name.” Elizabeth smiled, she was surprised to know how the dog she already loved came into Robert's life. She could never imagine that he was a rescued dog. Now remembering of Duck, she was glad Ellen had found him that day and brought him home, giving the puppy the chance to have a safe and happy home.

“That was commendable what you did Ellen, you saved him and I cann’t imagine any place other than Robert's house for him to live,” Elizabeth said sincerely and Ellen smiled proudly and looked at her son.

“And I've always wondered why you chose that name, and now it's explained,” she laughed because it wasn't a conventional dog name.

“Annie would love to know about this story. I think she first fell in love with Duck because of the name, she's obsessed with ducks, Robert knows that,” she said and nodded to him.

“She really is,” he confirmed, smiling at her.

“She likes other animals too, but she has something for ducklings,” she smiled tenderly, thinking of her daughter.

“I can only imagine how happy she must be when sees them. When you bring her here, bring Duck too. They'll love playing in the backyard.” Elizabeth then remembered her thought earlier when she arrived at Ellen's house, surely her daughter would love to run through the backyard with her furry friend.

“We'll bring them, Mom,” Robert replied when he realized that Elizabeth seemed to be far away in her thoughts.

The phone rang again, and Ellen got up to answer it.

“Everyone seems to want to talk to me today,” she joked and left them alone in the living room.

“You okay?” Robert asked and got up to sit next to her. Elizabeth then placed her glass of wine on the table beside the sofa and stood up too, and hugging him. She had wanted to do this since when they were in the car and he told her about his father.

“I'm sorry,” she then said what she wasn't able to tell when he told her about his ex-wife's miscarriage. Robert didn't know about what she was saying, but he hugged her tightly, resting his chin on top of her head, and gently rocked them in the middle of the room. He thought she was like that because they were talking about her daughter again.

“I could never imagine you lost a child like that.” He then closed his eyes.

“And I shouldn't have asked you why you had never wanted children.”

“You had no way of knowing it and I wasn't sad or upset that you asked it. It's been a long time, though it's something you will not forget,” she nodded and he kissed the top of her head.

“That must have been so difficult for you,” she said as she moved away from his chest to look at him.

“It was. That was terrible. We wanted that baby so much, but I had to be strong and support Susan, that was much worse for her.” Elizabeth put a hand to his face and Robert closed his eyes again, enjoying her touch. She wondered how much he probably suffered from this pain in silence in order to support his wife.

“I wish I had told you before,” he said as he turned his face and kissing her palm. Elizabeth touched his lower lip with her thumb and then putting her other hand on his face, she lowered his head to hers and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. She looked at him again and he knew how much she was sorry about it, and how they had both lost so much in this life. She didn't need to say it, he could see it in her eyes.

Robert then kissed her again, but this time a deep kiss. He held her tightly by the waist while his other hand was at the nape of her neck, causing the kiss to deepen. Her arms were around his neck and her hands in his hair. Soon they were devouring each other's mouth in a hungry kiss as if they had not seen each other for days.

“Sorry, it was a friend-” Ellen returned to the living room, but realized that the couple wouldn't mind if she took longer on the phone. She smiled as they broke their kiss, panting and Elizabeth avoided looking at her. Mrs. Smith remembered the times when she caught her son in the same situation in their living room or in his bedroom when he was a teenager boy.

“Jesus!” Elizabeth murmured as she broke the kiss and brought her fingers to her swollen, red lips. She pulled away from him as if she'd been caught, and that's exactly what happened. He laughed at her and his mother followed.

“Dear, don't worry, this is nothing I haven’t already caught Robert doing several times at home,” she joked. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at him.

“Mom, don't tell these things or she will interrogate me about my past,” he teased her and tried to kiss her again by pulling her around the waist. Elizabeth blushed even more as he kissed her neck and tried to free herself from his grip again.

“Robert, please, we're at your mother's house!” She said softly. She was embarrassed.

“So what? I'm sure she doesn't mind, right Mom?” He said and his mother raised both hands showing that she didn't care at all for their show of affection. Elizabeth blushed and smiled sheepishly.

“I love it when she turns red like that. Doesn't she look cute?” She hid her face in her hands and he laughed even more.

“Elizabeth, don't mind his teasings. He thinks he's funny.” In fact, she was finding the situation amusing, but she didn't want to make Elizabeth more embarrassing.

“Hey, you always said I was funny,” he pouted like a little boy.

“Honey, I'm your mother what else could I say,” he pretended to be offended and this time it was Elizabeth who laughed at him.

“It serves you right,” she said, still laughing.

“Now you two in the kitchen, 'cause I have a birthday cake waiting for us,” the birthday girl ordered and they couldn't deny it to her, even though it had not been very long since they had had lunch and their hunger was another one.

She was making her way to the kitchen when she stopped to look at them who were still in the middle of the room holding each other and smiling. Robert then kissed Elizabeth and this time she didn't try to pull away. Ellen found them adorable and smiling went into the kitchen.

She liked Elizabeth, she really did. When Robert first told her about her, she thought it was only a passing interest, until he started talking more often about her during their calls and so told her they were seeing each other. Obviously she knew this was a "we're together" even though he didn’t say so, but she knew him. Since then she has been curious to meet the woman who had conquered the heart of her son.

From what Robert had told her about her, she had no doubt that Elizabeth was a wonderful and incredible woman, and now knowing her, she could only be sure of it. She knew that her son deserved someone special in his life, and from what she saw of Elizabeth, she deserved it as well. Ellen knew their relationship was new, but she could already see that they were doing well and already knew each other well. She wished it worked, because well, she really liked Elizabeth. Not to mention that she wanted and was looking forward to meet Annie, who seemed to be Robert's other passion.

“I'm waiting!” She called from the kitchen and could hear the sound of their giggles approaching. She had no doubt that these two love birds had found the perfect match in each other.

#fanfic #crossed lives fic #parkenzie #it took so long i am sorry

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bethadastra · 6 years

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Hi! This is your gift giver for holiday cheer! I've been poking around your blog (I love it) and I was wondering if you could give me a bit more information about your Shepard & Garrus and your Ryder & Kandros pairings. What does one partner like the best about the other? What drives them crazy about each other (in good ways and in bad)? What are their favourite colours? Looking ahead 5 years in their lives, where would they be? When/how did they fall in love? Details and rambles are great! Thx!

Oh man… you better fasten your seatbelt, because I’m about to hit the FTL button on this. I think I should give some in-depth background on myLiz/Garrus headcanon, because I have a ton of content in my head for them, and a lot of important relationship developmenthappens after the Reaper war… As for Sara Ryder & Tiran Kandros, their section is much shorter, and at the bottom of the post. *Be warned,Liz got loaded with a ton of angst because I love watching my beloved OCsuffer.

Liz is an Earthborn, Ruthless, Renegon soldier thateventually chose the Destroy ending (and lived to tell the tale, though at agreat cost).

Liz falls head over heels for Garrus during ME2, becausetreats her as an equal, but she doesn’t dare hint at her feelings until rightbefore Garrus returns to Palaven and she turns herself in to the Alliance. Garrushas feelings too, but he denies it for most of the suicide mission, and chalksit up to a twisted sense of hero worship. They have an emotional conversation abouthow Liz needs to “pay her dues” and Garrus blurts out that she should considerbeing selfish for once in her life (though by this time, its too late for herto turn back, and she can’t say or do anything to tell Garrus that shereciprocates his feelings). It isn’t until they “review protocol on reunions”in ME3 that they fully confirm that they are in love with each other, and theyare pretty inseparable at that point. They don’t talk about being together orhave PDA around others, but they don’t go to extreme lengths to hide theirrelationship either.

Garrus and Liz sneak away and elope at the end of theCitadel party in ME3, but because everyone else was drunk and galactic law doesn’trequire witnesses, nobody on the Normandy besides the happy couple knows, andthe end of the Reaper war happens so quickly after that they never have achance to tell anyone. Garrus doesn’t even tell anyone after the final battle,out of anger and grief. I’d like to note that they were both wearing theirfatigues when they signed their certificate, because Liz is just not adress-wearing character.

After choosing Destroy, Liz is severely injured, and as aresult, has retrograde amnesia for many months, and loses her left arm. Whenshe wakes up, she initially believes that she is still 17 years old andescaping the Reds to join the Alliance, and is very confused by the state ofthe universe and why a hulking, scarred turian is at her bedside. Garrus staysby her side the entire time during her many months of recovery, and neverbrings up the fact that they had a relationship until she begins having dreamsof moments they shared together mixed with more traumatizing memories. Heeventually reveals everything and reproposes, and they elope again (no fancy white dress or weddingceremony for this gal, nope!), and he may or may not get a good fist to theface when he reveals the truth because Liz is still a renegade deep down. Solong story short, looking ahead 5 years, Garrus and Liz will relearn their entire relationship, and work together to heal their physical and psychological wounds.

Now, on to happier things!! Liz loves seeing Garrus when heis nervous and behaves in a very tender fashion, because he came across assomeone very brash and confident when they first met, and no matter how oftenthey butt heads, he is always very gentle and respectful of her wishes. Garrus,on the other hand, loves her for how selfless she is. Her unwavering sense ofduty might come off as cold to others, but it is admirable to him, and Garruswishes that he could say “What else do you need me to do?” as genuinely as shedoes.

Things that drive them crazy….. Hm. Both Liz and Garrus arestubborn to a fault, so that drives them both nuts. I think for Garrus, heloves Shepard’s hands. He loves watching her alien fingers give signs on thebattlefield, how quickly she can clean and assemble a rifle, and all the thingsshe does when they… you get the idea. Garrus hates how she rarely goes intodetail about why she makes many of the choices that she does. He knows he needsto trust her, but it just about kills him when she orders him to staybehind. It drives Shepard crazy whenGarrus teases her for her itty bitty 5’3” height (and he does it solely becausehe knows it’ll ruffle her feathers in a good way). Also, there is somethingabout all of Garrus’ terrible dad jokes that Liz just loves. Like, she doesn’tlaugh easily but he somehow knows how to get past her guard. When Garrus learnsthis, he makes an extra effort to make her laugh in front of other Alliance officialsjust to see the look of shock on their faces.

As for colors, Liz loves a deep, dark green that I guesswould sit somewhere between olive and pine. Her armor is that color. Garrusused to stick to C-Sec blue, but after the Reaper war, he wore lots ofsilver/grey because Liz called him a “silver spirit” while still affected byamnesia.

Whew! Hope that all hasn’t scared you off yet.

As for Sara Ryder & Kandros, their story is still verymuch a work in progress. For how they met and a taste of their personalities,you can check out my AO3 (under the same url) for the story On And Off The Mat.Sara doesn’t have the strongest connection with her family, and finds a lot ofsolace in Tiran. This results in a ton of quickies that mostly occur afterstressful missions. Things are just physical between them up until Ryder triesto go after Meridian, and gets shot down by the administration. Sara’s a bit ofa hothead, and struggles with communicating her emotions, so it comes down tothis public argument turning into a confession of her feelings with Tiran inprivate. Tiran becomes aware of his own feelings when the Charlatan is revealed and battles Sloane & Ryder. He becomes very protective of her, but the L word isn’t brought up until right after the battle on Meridian, and he is helping her with her wounds.

In both a good and bad way, Tiran’s ability to call Sara outon her bullshit drives her crazy. She definitely appreciates the fact thatTiran can see right through her. She doesn’t have to put on an act around him,and he often knows what she needs before she knows it herself. Sara hates howTiran’s obedience to the Initiative allows Tann to walk all over him. Tiran, onthe other hand, has been a really hard nut for me to crack in developing his character.I think Sara drives him crazy in the way that theres just so much about herthat throws him for a loop. Like, it’s always a surprise when she shows up froma mission, and she asks questions that surprise and baffle him. I think he alsohas some self-confidence issues, so anytime Sara puts her trust in him or callshim out on his own bullshit, he questions himself.

Sara loves the turquoise color of the Initiative logo and noit has nothing to do with the fact that Tiran’s eyes are the same color. Tiranlikes sunset orange (ie the lights on his armor) and for some pretty obviousreasons, he becomes particular to chestnut brown.

I wish I could say for sure where I want them tobe 5 years down the road, but I’m a sucker for building on canon lore, andwould be shamefully butthurt if a sequel game came out and Tiran still didn’tget to be a squadmate. I do like imagining that Tiran gets a chance to settlehis differences with Sloane, Sara is able to formally retire from the role ofPathfinder, and that the two of them either make up their own little APEX team,or go off and do freelance work on Kadara or Eladaan. No matter what theirfuture holds, it will be full of sassy comments and live up to a solidExplicit rating.

I’ll be posting more (mostly drawings) of my Liz & Sara, so hopefully all of this helps! If this massive text monstrosity didn’t fully satisfy you, feel free to ask me more questions!

#anon ask #holiday harbinger #this has been a massive overshare with Beth #long post #head canons and lore and stuff

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kiss-my-freckle · 7 years

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Fall finale.

Only Agent Keen’s life.

I’m just gonna jump right in with Tom and his neverending vigilantism against Red. Like Ressler’s non-stop hunt for him ending in, “Face it, Reddington. I beat you.” I feel that’s what it’s all boiled down to with Tom’s Anti-Red rage. The DNA information he finally got in his hands, revealing that one secret he feels would be enough for them to finally be rid of Reddington. Of all the secrets of Red’s he’s spilled to Liz throughout the seasons, and that’d be the one to steal her away. Someone should’ve told Tom, “There are no beatings here. No winners or losers. There is only Agent Keen’s life.” In all the hate he had for Red, it put his wife in a coma and left his child to suffer it.

I found the end scene rather powerful, especially given their song choice. Red and Tom in the back seat of the car, Liz between them. The Southern Cross for one. Polaris for the other. Both thinking they know what’s best for her. Both keeping secrets in thinking they know what’s best for her. Neither of them reaching that median. Because they’re talking without speaking, hearing without listening. Communication never found its way between them. Hard to say what this secret means for Liz, but I think both should’ve tried better. Tom even more, since despite seeing the test results, I’m not so sure he knows what it actually means for Liz. And I do believe some secrets are best kept in the dark. This suitcase served no purpose but to remove Red from her life, and all it did was put her in a coma and leave her with reason to end up like Red. Something to which I don’t believe will happen. Because Red won’t fail her.

You can trust me.

I found it idiotic as hell, Tom asking for Red to trust him. Especially when he asked for that trust after already having switched the bones out. He was conning Red. And in beating the man he’s been trying to beat since season one, he did this to his family.

And Tom was expecting Red to trust him, yet he couldn’t even trust Red himself. The man was willing to get shot because he was too afraid to get in the car with Red. Afraid he’d lose what he then believed was his Fulcrum-like golden ticket to be rid of him. Especially after what Ian said: ”Whatever you imagine the answer might be, it's better than that. Reddington's power is legendary. WIth this, I control that power.” So Tom’s standing there with Ian’s last words in mind: “That stays. Last thing I want, is that thing anywhere near Reddington.” Not just willing to get shot instead of getting in the car with him. But willing to take another stabbing intead of getting Red on the phone. He was willing to die before he let Red continue keeping this secret. That’s how selfish and hateful he was to get Red out of her life. And this, after he made it appear as though he was willing to work with her father in episode three.

Zero-sum game.

Tom had decided, that when it comes to the things that Liz cares about, what’s good for Red is bad for her and what’s good for her is bad for Red. Which is exactly why Tom believed Liz needed to learn this secret. Hiding it is something Red wants, so it must be something she needs to know. Making choices for her without even knowing what they mean in a broader sense. And Red mentioning Tom to make a point. “Like you?” Again, Tom thinking he was good for Liz because Red didn’t want them together. As long as it was something Red wanted, Tom went against it. Which is where I believe Red’s reverse pyschology came into play where it came to Tom getting answers about his own past. He didn’t want Tom working for Scottie, not when he wanted to keep Agnes within reach. That’s why his dialogue switched from S3 to S4. He found out Liz was alive.

You make her happy.

Red’s story about the first Keen2 wedding was all I needed to know that Red’s intent with this suitcase is honest. He knows very well what it will do to her. I don’t believe he’s keeping this secret out of selfishness, or of being found out. It’s about stopping Liz from losing what happiness and closure she’s found. The many chances he could’ve killed Tom and he didn’t take them. Her happiness matters to him. means more than anything else. As much as he loves her, I don’t believe he’d take issue in her walking away. He’s given her opportunities to. And that’s why he was sure to tell Tom that he makes Liz happy. Because that’s all he wants for her.

There is a part of Red that continues lying to Tom and Liz. I think he’s afraid to let the full weight of the truth actually hit them. For Tom to understand why Red was against him from the start. He saw what Tom was bringing into her life. And I feel, despite the lying, these were things Tom needed to hear from Red. Especially before he died. To at least believe this is how Red felt about him. That he was doing these things because he felt they were in Liz’s best interest.

Tom’s murder investigation.

“Well, according to police records, McGee received a call from Nik on the night of his death, just two hours before his body was found.” - Aram

Red has Nik's phone. Liz has Tom's. What should be on Tom's phone, are calls made to and from Nik from the start, as well as the image of her id badge. So whether or not Red wants to share this secret with her, he'll be left with no choice. Eventually, she'll find out what her id badge was used for. This will not look good for Tom, since he had to do a double-brush pass to steal her id, and he lied to her about the phone call being a telemarketer.

Similarities in dialogue.

“Your job’s to be the friend of a friend, get to know this Milhoan, not to get involved with her. Just be a friend of a friend. You got that?” -Major

This takes us back to the memory wipe dialogue.

“I hired Tom simply to be there as a friend of a friend to look after you from an arm’s length.” - Red of Tom, 2x19

“Not really. Friend of a friend.” - Nik of Tom, 3x15

“Dr. Krilov, I’m a friend of a friend.” - Kate to Dr. Krilov, 4x19

“You were brought to me by a mutual acquaintance of ours who wanted me to take certain memories away from you.” - Dr. Krilov, 4x19

If you want to know why he came into your life-

"Tom, you're scaring me." - Fall Finale

"You’re scaring me.” - To Kate, S4 finale

“And when it’s safe, babe, I’m gonna explain everything.” - Tom, Fall Finale

“I’ll tell you what I know as soon as I know you’re safe.” - Red, Red Wedding

Jumping into my S2 coincidences.

Tom calling from Union Station where Liz was attacked by Andropov.

“I believe Tom Keen is once again entangled in some nasty business, and I worry he may be involving Elizabeth.” - Red, Fall Finale

"Looks like Tom's in a little bit of trouble, and he's gonna bring that trouble to you. So... be careful." - Ressler, 2x17 deleted scene

Then we have the alias Tom used at the clinic with Lena, which Ressler put flags on in season two.

“You know, not everyone’s so anxious to leave. Put a flag on Tom, all his known aliases- he hasn’t left.” - Ressler, 2x17

Interesting to show the Keens owning a record player, which will go well with my Fowler frame theory, as I do believe those were Tom’s fingerprints left on the record brush.

Liz’s soul will be just fine. "I am the captain of my soul." Invictus by William Ernest Henley

I’m gonna be working up a post about the suitcase, which I’ll be posting separately. I’ve gotta gather up everything first.

#Anti-Tom Keen #Anti-Keen2

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