Ek Chutki Sindoor - A Badge of Honour or a Mark of Subservience?
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“How on earth am I supposed to know about your marital status? You don’t have sindoor on your hair parting,” the Director of a renowned management studies institution howled at me.
I was at his office to submit an application.
Being married at the time of doing the PG Diploma course at his institution, I used my now ex-husband's surname, different from my maiden one. The administration wanted an application along with an affidavit, confirming my identity.
The short-tempered, middle-aged man glanced at the documents before signing. He demanded to know why I was not wearing a sindoor on my forehead if I was married. The defiant bitch raised its head in me. I chose not to give any explanation in reply to his question. Instead, I dared to ask him, “Sir, how do I know if you are married? I can’t see you wearing any signs of marriage on your person.”
The next moment I found myself picking up my papers strewn all over the floor of his office. He flung my file in a rage and shouted, “Get out of my office”!
The absence of ek chutki sindoor on my forehead caused me to experience this identity crisis several times.
People found it difficult to gauge my marital status without that red marking despite the affidavits, I kept making all my life assuring them who I am.
Women in my circle tried to cajole me into wearing it. They cited its benefits and necessity for my dear husband’s general well-being. They said it would keep Yamraj, the God of death, at bay from taking his life untimely. Yet all these couldn't convince me to do it. I ignored their advice.
The hidden significance of sindoor
A Hindu wedding ceremony reaches its finale when the bridegroom puts a pinch of vermillion on the bride’s hair parting. It is the hallmark of matrimony for a Hindu woman. It solemnises the sacred marital contract with a much-delayed expiry date. Hindu marriages supposedly have a prolonged shelf life of over 7 lifetimes. The red mark notifies the proprietorship of a man and his family on this woman from that point onward in her life. This material entitles the man to have sex with her on the first night of marriage despite being a stranger to her. It gives him the right to do so with or without her consent or comfort level. The pinch of vermillion empowers the in-laws to have complete authority and control over her life. They can now judge her for everything, from her upbringing, family background to her character and habits.
The cultural illusions
Still, this is the moment in a Hindu Indian wedding ceremony when all the women among the guests, witnessing the spectacle, go mushy in their hearts. One can hear them coochie-cooing about how romantic it is. They believe it instantly enhances a woman’s beauty a few notches up. People are amazed at the power of this stamp of patriarchy. It promotes a girl to the honourable and safe societal pedestal of a “married woman" overnight. Women apply it every day to reiterate their love, respect, sense of belongingness and commitment to their husbands.
Women’s belief in the divine power of protecting their husbands also incentivises their well-being. The label of ‘widow’ or ‘spinster’ comes with many stigmas and existential struggles. Widowhood also indicates the cessation of many social sanctions and status in conservative societies. No wonder women are afraid of being widows.
The fear-based culture, thus, indents another fear in a woman’s mind. It makes her obey this patriarchal indoctrination.
Besides Sindoor, many other ornamental items occupy various parts of a woman’s body, from head to toe, to barcode her as married. It is also believed that wearing these ornaments stimulates the sensuality and fertility of women as if the natural physiological system was not self-sufficient to ensure these body functions.
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My awakening
I, too, was not an exception to this. But, my inner voice gained strength over the experience of divorce and a second marriage. It is now clear to me that these are nothing but patriarchal conditions. If I use these items in my makeup, I know why I am doing it.
A woman may face social backlash and identity crisis as I did in my life for not wearing sindoor and other marital symbols. In some incidences, the husbands even filed for divorce for this reason.
The entire system of patriarchy reeks of objectification of women as sexual and reproductive assets of men. The obligatory custom of women wearing marital symbols unilaterally reinforces that.
Unfortunately, women identify their self-worth through such rituals.
In the era of knowledge, women must know the truth behind the tradition of wearing marital symbols. They should make an informed and deliberate choice to wear them. It should not be a fear-based cultural compulsion.
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I swoon over these flowers from Samrudhi & Nitish's wedding. I had the same orchids in my own wedding bouquet. #twoadventuroussouls Venue @ecboston #boston #wedding #bostonwedding #bostonweddingphotographers #boatwedding #boatweddingphoto #bostonharbor #bostonharborwedding #weddinginspo #imengaged #hinduwedding #hindu #henna #flowers #hinduwedding #hinduweddingceremony via Instagram http://ift.tt/2eQeeV8
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I had the absolute pleasure of shooting my very first Hindu wedding ceremony for @a.g.photo this past weekend and it was a highlight of my summer. Leading up to the couple's beautiful day, I learned so much about a culture and tradition that I knew little of before and enjoyed each minute of it. I feel so fortunate to have been invited to witness each special moment and capture all of it through my lens. . . . . . . . #hindu #henna #beauty #wedding #hinduweddingceremony #gorgeous #tradition #magic #spirit #torontoweddingphotographer #alixandragouldphotography #details #oldmeetsnew
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Every single detail from Samrudhi & Nitish's wedding captivated us. We delivered, for this four hour wedding, the same amount of images we typically deliver for our full day weddings. The colors, the traditions! Everything 😍😍 #twoadventuroussouls Venue @ecboston #boston #wedding #bostonwedding #bostonweddingphotographers #boatwedding #boatweddingphoto #bostonharbor #bostonharborwedding #weddinginspo #imengaged #hinduwedding #hindu #henna #flowers #hinduwedding #hinduweddingceremony via Instagram http://ift.tt/2t3FZOV
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