Learning to Walk
Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon
Summary: Hiccup and gravity have been enemies for as long as he can remember. Most people have to learn to walk only once, but, many times throughout his life, Hiccup has had to learn what it means to stand on his own two feet.
My fic for the @oncethereweredragonszine!
The world was too big. And Hiccup, a year old, was too small within it. Could he stand it? Stand in it? He wasn’t sure.
After all, there were dragons out there.
Surely a weak thing like him couldn’t survive the heat of flame, the prick of teeth, so maybe he shouldn’t try to stand.
The Earth quaked when he attempted to get to his feet...and that was before the flames and the teeth came.
Night came with a fury that sent water to his eyes.
He cried…a lot. He cried when the big man—“dad” was his name—left to fight the teeth and claws. He cried when the house burned—it did so rather often. He cried when he was hungry, and thirsty. The world turned too fast.
Too big. Too fast.
Perhaps, greedy thing, he ought stop asking for so much.
“That’s it, just a little bit further!”
He didn’t have many enemies just yet, but he considered gravity one of them. For every bit of progress he made, gravity sent him tumbling to the ground.
Perhaps, defenseless thing, he ought just give up the fight.
“Take your time, son.”
But he was stubborn.
And he wasn’t going to let gravity, or a little bit of fire get to him.
He was going to get up and start walking.
So when “dad” held out his hands and said come, he—tiny, maybe doomed, maybe destined, thing—was going to come to him. No matter how many times he lost the duel to gravity in the process.
*******
They were just fragments, flashes.
Flame. Teeth. And claws.
Pain in his leg.
He was wrapped in the night’s wings, then his father’s arms, and both felt like home.
But before he was aware of where he was, or what was going on, pain pulsed through his leg.
Something nudged his face repeatedly, and he opened his eyes.
“Hey Toothless.” He said to the pair of green eyes staring back at him.
The dragon bumped him more adamantly.
“I’m happy to see you too.” He cupped the dragon’s face.
As Toothless tried to get as close as possible, smothering him in slobbery kisses, the dragon ended up stepping on his stomach.
“OW!” Hiccup shot up. “What?!—Ah!”
—(But the worst pain wasn’t in his stomach, it was in his leg...Why? Why did it hurt so much? Why couldn’t he feel his toes? Why couldn’t he feel—?)—
As he looked around he saw—
“I’m in my house.”
He swiveled his gaze to the dragon as if playing which-of-these-things-doesn’t-belong.
He couldn’t be home… Because there was a dragon in here, hopping around like an excited pet.
“You’re in my house.”
Toothless jumped onto the column, then over the fire, then up to him.
The problem was that he was not a pet. He was a dragon, and dragons are not house-sized, and thus prone to knock over things, and destroy wooden objects in the vicinity.
“Does dad know you’re here?!” Panic crept into his voice.
If his dad knew there was a dragon jumping all about—(and potentially destroying)—the house he’d kill them both.
“Oh, okay!” As Toothless nose came close to him again. He held up a hand. “Okay!”
Toothless didn’t get the hint: he looked curiously up into the rafters and jumped on the beam.
“Toothless, no. No, Toothless. Toothless!”
The direness of the situation was catching up to Hiccup, he held out his hands as if he could stop the dragon from the ground.
Toothless peered at him from the rafters.
“Oh come on!” He nudged his body to the edge of his bed—
His throat snared his breath and heartbeat.
What had been an aching unsurity before was now a piercing certainty.
Toothless quieted sharply, like Hiccup’s silent realization had cut the air, and hopped down.
Up until now Hiccup had been telling himself it was just a paranoid notion, that his leg had fallen asleep, or broke in the fall, but a horrible realization pulsed through his heart like a plasma blast.
…He didn’t have a leg.
In its place was something reminiscent of one made of metal and wood.
The dragon lowered his head to sniff it, then raised those apologetic eyes to meet Hiccup’s.
(Was this what you felt like? Hiccup thought. When I broke you apart?)
Was he still breathing? He wasn’t sure. In fact, Hiccup was eighty percent sure his lungs were full of water.
It was just gone. Just like that. A whole part of him, taken away, as if stolen by trolls.
Another breath. It probably followed the first, but he was sure he’d been holding his breath for hours.
He was expected to just walk, like this piece of wood and metal was the same.
...But he was stubborn.
He cast his gaze forward. This was how things were now. He did want to know what was going on. What was out there. Why a dragon was in his house. This wasn’t going to stop him.
Putting his hands on the bedpost for support, he placed his normal leg on the ground, raising his new leg and taking a deep breath, and a step.
But the feeling of nothing against the ground, and pain against the stump halfway through caused him to fall onto Toothless’ head, grimacing.
Gravity and Hiccup had been on good terms for a while, but his old nemesis resurfaced.
Toothless set him up straight, though Hiccup kept his hands on him for support.
“Okay...Thanks bud.”
Together the two managed to stave off gravity enough to make it to the door, neither entirely whole until they leaned on each other.
*******
Not much fazed Stoick. He'd fought bandits, and villains, not to mention dragons, since he could crawl, for gods’ sakes.
But this made his chest ache.
He’d watched Hiccup learn to walk, long ago.
Hiccup was so small, then. Always had been. That tiny form could barely hold his own tears or laughter without breaking.
He stood all the same. Stoick always knew he would.
But...Aren’t people supposed to go through that only once?
Watching his son stagger to his feet a second time, watching his still-small form battle gravity once again, when he’d already won ages ago, was far more difficult than fighting a man or dragon.
Losing a limb to a dragon was a badge of honor to a viking, and Stoick knew he’d be stronger for it...but Hiccup had ended the war...Did the price of peace have to be so high?
As Hiccup began to fall Stoick’s heart fell with him; he reached out to catch him. At the same time the dragon did too.
It still made his skin crawl to see a dragon in his house…but this was Hiccup’s dragon, and he was going to try his best to like him.
“I’m okay, guys. I got this.” Hiccup leaned back on his normal leg.
Stoick and Toothless shared a skeptical glance, but released their grip all the same.
Hiccup took a deep breath. “Okay, okay.” He raised the metal leg, put it down.
Repeat with normal leg. So far so good.
On the third step the fake one betrayed him.
“I don’t got this! I don’t got this!”
Stoick—and Toothless—reached out and caught him.
As hard as this may be for him to watch, Stoick could tell how much more frustrating it was to Hiccup.
After regaining his balance, Hiccup tried to smile, but it erred on the side of ‘grimace.’
Stoick knew how desperate Hiccup was...but he also knew he probably wasn’t going to be able to walk normally for a while.
After numerous falls, taking a break wasn’t optional.
Stoick let Toothless outside to play, and turned to Hiccup, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. He stepped over and sat beside him, the bed shifting under his weight.
“These things take time, son.”
“Yeah, I know but…I was able to walk the other day. ...Everyone else is out there with their dragons and-and what? I-I can’t even walk?”
Stoick’s eyes crinkled with sympathy.
Hiccup had changed the world...for the price of being able to walk in it.
“Do you remember the time you joined the other kids in that boar-catching contest?”
“...I seem to recall it being equally disastrous.”
“Everyone else caught them in minutes, but you just couldn’t get the hang of it. You’d stop short, or they’d slip from your hands, or drag you along.”
“Thanks, dad, I feel sooo much better.”
Stoick put his hand on Hiccup’s back. “Do you remember what you did? You tied a rope to a tree, and tripped them so you didn’t have to catch them yourself, and you ended up catching more than anyone else!”
“And then I got disqualified because we weren’t supposed to use props!”
“Still,”—He laughed—“I was so proud of you. You got frustrated, but you didn’t just give up.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“Even though things are frustrating, in the end, you’re going to come out on top. You’re thinking too much about what everyone else is able to do, and not what you can do.” He poked him in the chest. “It’s more than you realize.”
Hiccup looked up at his father, and it really was a smile this time.
This may be difficult, but Stoick knew he was going to succeed against gravity. He’d watched him overcome impossible obstacles more than once.
After all, he was stubborn, like all Vikings should be.
*******
Hiccup’s head hung on his shoulders as he trudged to the house on the hill.
His legs felt tied with bolas, weighing themselves down and tripping themselves up.
The blue glow had faded from Toothless’ scales, and, as he walked beside Hiccup, his head hung low too, his eyes big as they glanced to and from the new chief, as if unsure the good he’d done that day outweighed the bad.
They should have come home in triumph, in more ways than one. And there were many victories that day. But once the adrenaline dissipated from their veins they became chains beneath their skin; a soreness of more than just the muscles.
This house was always…well, home. This sturdy thing, warm, and welcoming. Always there to come back to, always safe. It burned down more than a few times, but it came back stronger.
‘Stoic’ was the word.
It never looked so lonely before.
What was once a refuge, was now a beacon with no fire left inside.
Knowing he’d walk in and there’d be no warm meals or laughter, no jokes or even arguing…knowing it’d be just him and Toothless in a hollow shell…he wasn’t sure he wanted to go inside.
But he forced his tangled legs to move, one at a time, up the hill, pushing open the door.
At the sight of the dark living room something wriggled into his chest and stole what breath was left in there, until his lungs sat empty. Hollow...but so heavy.
The living room, where they played games. The kitchen, where they made meals, and spoke of dragons, and of mom.
The absence was something solid filling up the space.
Gravity was a greedy thing, wrapping tentacles around his ankles, attempting to drag him to the floor with every step. It probably took minutes, but he was sure the journey upstairs took hours.
...Had his legs been trembling this whole time?
After much effort he arrived at his room. His bed, once a life-long friend, was a stranger to him. Still, he collapsed into it’s embrace all the same, his bound legs promising he wouldn’t be getting out of it for a good while.
The night came with a fury far stronger than any teeth or flame.
As he attempted to coax sleep from its hiding places, the house complained against the wind, louder than he remembered; the barren wind a howling beast scratching to get inside.
When the morning came—and he wasn’t quite sure if he’d slept at all, or just shut his eyes for a while—gravity’s tendrils were wrapped tightly around his whole body, crooning in his ear sweet, bitter words about the worth of staying in bed, and the lack thereof in going out there...and it had some good points.
Because going out there meant talking to people. Going out there meant having responsibilities. Going out there meant being Chief, for the first day of the rest of his life.
Going out there meant being Chief...because the old Chief was gone.
But chiefs weren’t allowed to get up late. They weren’t allowed to lay in bed fighting back the sorrow nagging behind the eyes. Chiefs didn’t have time to fly with their dragons.
Chief’s had to get up early and solve the rest of the world’s problems.
He attempted to get out of bed, but gravity seized him, shoving him onto the floor, before leaning down to hum in his ear a soft, sour lullaby.
Toothless, hearing the disturbance, perked up, and pattered over to check what was wrong.
“I’m okay, bud.” He brushed him off.
Toothless took that hand and used it to help him sit against the bed.
Hiccup held his head in his hand, and when he turned to his dragon, the sympathetic look in Toothless’ eyes whispered: Of course you’re not.
He didn’t realize until then just how much gravity was sitting on his eyes too. He wasn’t entirely convinced he hadn’t been cast into the sea, that he wasn’t beneath the waters now.
He used Toothless’ nose to try to help him get up, but his other side was missing the support, and he fell back.
Toothless’ nostrils flared a few times, as he stared at him, his eyes seeming to say: It’s okay to hurt.
And...I’m sorry. You can even hate me if you want.
He wrapped his arms around Toothless, and finally lost the battle, letting gravity send the sorrow down his cheeks.
*******
The world was too small.
Was gravity always this strong? He wasn’t sure he felt so pulled to Earth before. If he tried to make any move towards the sky he was sure gravity, like a dragon trapper’s net, would tangle him in its grip and send him crashing to the dirt, crying for help.
Once the world was bigger, and he—surrounded in his best friend’s wings—was able to outrace gravity’s clutches.
Was that why they flew so fast, so far, so much? Were they just racing gravity and time?
Now that the world shrunk down...Could he stand it? Stand in it? He wasn’t sure anymore.
After all, there weren’t any more dragons out there.
Walking proved more tedious than it had been before...and he was altogether too aware of just how alone he was.
The questions came like poison darts, whispered in his ear by this force ever taunting him:
How can you walk after you fly?
After spending your whole life with a friend, how can you get through it alone?
Surely a weak thing like him couldn’t survive all on his own, without the teeth and flames to protect him. So maybe he shouldn’t try. Perhaps, greedy thing, he’d been clinging too tightly to life. He was nothing from the start. Nothing without Toothless.
Though he and gravity were enemies, when he had Toothless, he was never afraid to fall.
Now falling was all he dreamed about.
He sat up on his bed, throwing his legs to the ground with little respect. When he did, his gaze lingered over the metal one.
It made him think of other missing things.
It made him think of a lonely boy who stole a dragon’s tail for the world’s praise. Of a dragon who stole a boy’s leg to save his life.
He could never see one without thinking of the other.
Each time he took a step the Earth was too solid.
Whenever his mind absently looked for Toothless, or felt his name rise on his tongue, and there was no one there, no one to call, the ocean surged within him.
Once, every night—or close to it—the sound of flames and talons gnawed at the roof. Then, after that, joyful roars and chirps fluttered about the air each morning.
Now, the silence clawed at the walls worse than any nightmares.
When he had trouble getting to his feet, they didn’t rush to catch him. In the midst of the night, or on the darkest mornings, no one was close enough to say softly: These things take time or It’s okay to hurt. So he wasn’t sure he could stand after all.
The fight between dragons and humans may have ended, but, in the end, there was only gravity, and this relentless war.
He cried...a lot. More than he cared to admit. He cried on those lonely nights, and too unlonely mornings. He cried when he saw a scale on the ground, or the old tail against the wall—(the one that said: I’ll only fly if it’s with you).
His scent remained for far too long. He smelled like those cool, cloudless nights that are just wide enough to taste freedom.
He missed the sky.
Stuck on the ground, the Earth turned too slowly.
The world, without the sky. Too small. Too slow. Too solid.
Perhaps, human thing, he was doomed from the start.
Perhaps.
But he was stubborn.
He’d deemed gravity an enemy for as long as he could remember, and at some point he understood that gravity considered him the same. At first he thought this was just a continual cosmic joke; he was weak enough for gravity itself to single him out.
It took him far too long to realize it meant the opposite:
You only consider someone your enemy if they’re strong enough to defeat you.
33 notes
·
View notes