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hi :) binge read your de fic that you have posted on ao3 last night and really enjoyed all of it! excited to see any updates. was wondering if you have any rec for other fic youve read and enjoyed-- i am not god's bravest soldier and do not enjoy trudging through tags and was wondering if you had read anything yourself that you really enjoyed lolol
Hey, thanks so much!!! Sorry it's taken a couple days to answer this, I'm poor as shit and have two jobs now wah... capitilism...
I'm working on the next 46' chapter, It's about 70% complete and I generally let it sit for an evening once it's done then re-read it the next day to catch the vast majority of mistakes (I edit everything myself) so I'd say expect that in the coming days.
I have some thoughts! I... Have never been asked for fic recs before so I'm gonna list a bunch in no particular order that I enjoyed, and reasons why. I will note that I tend to enjoy meaty plot-based works over fluff, so that's what I'll be recommending. Anyway!
Paddling Out (THE REPEATER CORPSE CONUNDRUM) - @transhitman
- So this is the first DE fic I read and it set the bar pretty fucking high. YOU'VE GOT: a very cool and insular setting (don't get me wrong I like fics where they travel around Revachol too, but there's something to be said for building a set and living in it for a while) YOU'VE GOT: extremely harrowing tension and pale-fuckery YOU'VE GOT: some genuinely beautiful, heartfelt moments (I don't want to spoil anything but "people don't need your permission to care about you" kinda undid me) YOU'VE ALSO GOT: Amazing art?! Always a bonus, I wish I could draw people lol
Have You Heard The News That You're Dead? - Wizardlover
- Time Loop shenanigans hell yeah! Basic premise: Kim is *unable* to save Harry's life after he's shot at the tribunal, each time he dies he Reawakens in Martinaise on the first day and desperately has to try and find a way to either prevent the Tribunal entirely, or survive it. I think the major draw to this one is how well it's characterised and how well that lends to the major source of tension: trying to convince THE WORLD'S BIGGEST SKEPTIC that you *a man he 'has only just met'* is actually stuck in a time loop. Juicy shit.
The Case Of The Man Who Two-Thirds Wasn't There - @glisteningceruleaneyes
- We got another case fic here, gang. This is one of those "they travel around Revachol" numbers I previously mentioned. A lot to love about this fic; the minor OCs are all loveable (or at least well-written, looking at you Mr. Bigot-All-Rounder), the elements of writing in the game's style (particularly use of Harry's 'to do' list that you find in the ledger, you don't see that as often!) are all fantastic. Also without spoiling too much I'm a sucker for hurt/ comfort :) I like when bad things happen to our specialist guy :) ALSO! alternating chapters, Kim vs Harry's perspectives contrast REALLY well! Just a super enjoyable read.
- On that note I also wanna include a special mention: there's a podfic for this one and since I mentioned my two jobs, I've been listening to audiobooks at work (I'm a cleaner. It's very boring) and that was a fun change of pace!
The Emergent Causeway - hal_incandenza
- Now you KNOW this one is good because it's the only *unfinished* fic I'm recommending. Again, We've got art! We've got a brand new (non-Revachol!) setting that still feels excellently Elysium! We got that excellent balance of humour and misery from the get go! EXCELLENT murder mystery so far, I am intrigued AND also there's a fucking puppy. Hell yeah. This one's from Kim's perspective and does a really good job of it, nothing like a man being begrudgingly sent on holiday and being somewhat relieved to have a corpse to deal with.
A Spilled Kaleidoscope - @spilledkaleidoscope
- I'm actually recommending a series here. Real definition of "came for the art, stayed for the writing" I mostly have a soft spot because I got to watch a few "haha, what if-?" musing text posts become a series of written chapters and INCREDIBLE DRAWINGS HOLY SHIT. Like, you really just draw hands for fun, huh? This person made a pact with some sort of devil beasts to draw hands very good, at the bare minimum we can read their fiction.
Nothing To Lose But Our Chains - Lepak
- I almost forgot this one and I honestly can't believe it because this is one of these ones that you need a cigarette afterwards. Good fucking god. This is probably the best fic I've ever read in terms of not shying away from the heavy themes that make Disco Elysium such a beautiful, moving game. It tackles a racism in many forms, particularly how people like Kim (in working for the RCM) and immigration laws do their part in upholding racist systems, despite the way it hurts him too. Of course, it's also excellently written with tense scenes and some real funny moments. A real good'un here.
The Catacomb Killer - SupposedToBeWriting
- Give Harry more memory loss. Make him convinced he killed a kid. Make *Kim* convinced he killed a kid... Then the plot thickens. I won't lie I can't remember fuck all about this one because I was mostly drunk when I read it, but if it was good enough that I kept reading instead of smoking a spliff or something then it must have been excellent... I will re-read it when I have the time, lmao.
MURDER ON THE AIRWAVES - @randomisedmongoose
- I'm just a really big fan of murder mysteries and gore. You show me somebody with brain matter pouring from their earholes and I'm like "yum yum, more of that please." I am a sucker for curious methods of murder and this one's good for that. Lots of trekking back and forth like in the game again. More ACAB - always good.
I did not mean to include this many...........................
Oh well. Here's my list, there are plenty of others I've enjoyed but these are just the ones that came to mind! Thanks again for reading my fic! Always makes me happy when people let me know they enjoy my writing :3
#hey if i tagged u in this and u don't want to be tagged then PLEASE lemme know and i'll remove u#likewise i dont know if everyone has tumblr so if u know somebody does ping this post their way and if they wanna be tagged let me know and#i'll do that#fic recs
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compare yourself to a bsd character, assign them one of your traits and then mention someone and assign them a character as well
i'll go first: i'm like poe but with a tendency to procrastinate or get distracted from my own writing
tagging as many ppl as i can to start this: @clownweekrebound @doublesuicide19 @yumaisbored @vinylbiohazard @someonebeatmetotheseusernames @mavr4xx @sigmasky @reckless-rider @trustmeifyoudare @autistic-ranpo @biscuits-corner @ghostsinacoat @zombiemackerel @themoonawaitsherexecutioner @aroacesigma @osamudqzai @karmicpunishment @matchhman @againtodreaming
#rb game#?#idk i tried#i figured this could help everyone get to know each other somehow#i also count if anyone wants to compare me to a character based on how they view me but those can be reserved for the tags#i rlly have no idea where this might go but there was an attempt ig#besides u don't have to do this if u don't want to#idk i just get tagged a lot in these things so i thought 'hey what if i made my own'
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i was tired of being so antsy and anxious so i left the house and walked almost 5 miles. this technically broke my PT rules but i was able to consciously engage my core the whole time to keep my back from hurting + my hips from subluxing (thank u 9 days of PT exercises already making a measurable difference) & now i'm taking a hot bath so i am..... Knocking On Wood that i'll be okay. please god.
#my shoulders and hips hurt significantly LESS than they did before i left the house#my legs and feet are just really sore now.#i have my next irl session in a couple days so i'll bring it up then#just like. hey i know patients in my condition should start slow and i do respect that#however. i am a former athlete and my muscles + brain alike Get Very Bad when i don't move.#if i'm GONNA walk for miles. what do u want me to do so i don't fuck myself over.#dignity of risk and all that. i do genuinely feel a lot better. these past couple days of not walking much i've been in SO much pain and SO#stressed out. waow.#this is the most i've walked in a day in Years. also arguably thanks to PT???#pt tag#exercise tag#autoimmune tag
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Ukw... as much as tagging art w the ravings of a madman is an EXCELLENT thing, tags are fun etc, I realized that I am infected with a disease where, if I’m not in reach of my keyboard or I don’t Feel like typing, I go “well I won’t reblog that bc I can’t tag it”. This is wild logic. Now I gotta ACTIVELY stop doing that
#LIKE... I have spent plenty of time complaining about wanting tags on art when it's Dry#and that has infected me#I was realizing this bc I feel more free and easy about retweeting art than I do reblogging it (recently)#bc I don't have to type anything to retweet#and then i was like. hi. hey sara? you don't have to type anything on tumblr either#that's like. that's pretty much option#al#that artist still would like those notes girl... don't u still want it on ur blog#anyway. insane logic going on inside this noggin#sergle.txt
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It's not fair that omusubi818 is so far away How am i supposed to throw my entire life savings at them
#i have a defunct birdsite account to lurk on the nuca tag bc i'm desperate for content and i need to see MOAR#but since i don't follow ppl i....miss a lot#yet somehow following the chains of yakuposters i found omusubi818's art and sdeifswuikodiwa#wAWHR T THE FIRC M98#the way they draw yakumo's tONGUE IN HIS MISTY VALE FORM. THJT'S IT. THAT'S WHAT I WANT#they made this one picture of yakuei smooching while yakumo's hanging the laundry out to dry and idk man. it just. it's GOT ME RIGHT HERE#points to the general area of my vital organs#HEY YOU! *points to u reading the tags* IF U SEE THAT ART AND UNDERSTAND . THEN TELL ME#i mean. just. look at their profile. the sneak peeks. the . the everything. the bunnyaku dj i' ve seen in thumbnails all over the everywher#i'm usually just chillin but i see a drawing by them and suddenly [consumed with lust for the rest of the evening]#holds the sites for their doujins in my trembling hands#why am i illiterate (narrows eyes spitefully at my lack of written language knowledge)#🤺this close to recruiting chinese reading friends to navigate for me#it's a battle between shame and desire now. hm. whichever shall win?#will i be judged? yes. but will i deepen our bond thru vulnerability? unlikely
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never really been compelled to draw afton but something moved me to today
#fnaf#william afton#purple guy#afton#myart#i don't really need to tag this too much hrm#i wanted to draw him like. at the very beginning of it all i suppose#so i wanted to draw him fatter but then also i was like hey maybe people dont know his book description and this is gonna make me#look like an asshole for saying fat people are evil (not at all what im trying to do EEP)#but anyway yeah i dont see thaaaat many interesting afton designs and this isn't super out therebut . here u go i guess
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shoutout to the time i thought juggalos were just a random type of clown in the same way rodeo and pierrot is, and I off-handedly mentioned them in a conversation about clowns to one of my DQ managers when I worked there, and she fucking lost her mind laughing and I was like. damn. I didn't think my joke was THAT funny but okay. and then I never looked up what a juggalo actually was until just last year, like four years after I'd stopped working at that place 🧍
#when u dont have internet access very often u don't use ur small bits of time to look things up#esp when u dont have any unmonitored internet access fjdkdl#i was scared to look things up at school and i couldnt look up very much on the home computer#and my mobile had net nanny installed on it lmfao it was set for like... 12 yr olds#NOW GRANTED. I ACTUALLY DID MANAGE TO BREAK NET NANNY ON MY OWN COMPUTER. u have to move some files around inside the program files#and then u can basically break and un-break it as u please#so i could have it on to keep up the charade that i had it installed and it was monitoring and reporting my good boy usage#but then when i wanted to do stuff like... go on tumblr. or look up slang or whatever fhdkdl i could break the program#until i was done and then fix it so it'd go back to normal#this didnt help v much though bc i couldnt lug my laptop to school v often#and i wasnt allowed internet at home fhfkdl unless I was using my mother's laptop for looking up piano music LOL#eventually i also figured out how to break the program on my phone too but that one was more luck than anything else i think#anyways. all this surveillance made me good with tech stuff but im not Good w tech djdkdl i just know how to look things up#and i learned a bit how the backend of programs work or weird tricks for hidden folders and stuff on laptops#hey why tf am i rambling abt this in the tags fjkdl I've lost the plot#anyways good morning everyone please look up words that u may not know the meaning of before u use them#i do this too often now fhfjld. i have to look up words that i DO 100% know the meaning of just to make sure i dont have it wrong somehow#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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NORAGAMI CH 100 THOUGHTS
guys I'm crying I'm genuinely crying actual tears. I was gonna make a "surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me" joke but it's no time to jokE. TOO MUCH IS HAPPENING.
And as a lot of people saw coming this appears to be the final arc🥲 it's sad but I'm glad that the story seems to have been allowed to run its natural course and adachitoka got to tell the story they wanted to tell (and boy, what a story). Bittersweet, but let's all enjoy this final arc together! I'm terrified!! What on earth is going to happen!!! How do all the loose ends get tied up????
anyway we're here and I am back on my bullshit under the cut...! Be warned: This is a long one.
(I went off about Father and his children again please someone take the keyboard away from me)
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Sakura is the tree of spring, huh?
as you may imagine I AM UNWELL
fast-moon dropped this one while I was on a date and when I saw that notification I had to stop, process it and explain to my date what was going on because that is how much despair it caused me. (And I hadn't even read the damn thing yet)
Why is it only now clicking for me that there is a CLEAR OBVIOUS MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP between the names Yuki / Haru / Sakura.
Smarter people than I probably have and will speak more (and better) on everything going on with names and wordplay and Yato fighting and being nearly killed by Yuuki on the same hill where he buried his body and letters, but I will just say that it hurts and it made me cry ambiguous, confusing, sad-happy tears.
That entire section looked so pretty and Yato and Yuki looked so tiny and I'm just🥺
Yato with the GRAVE TALK. He is dangerously close to fucking around and finding out. (O como decimos en mi rancho, a dos de acabar muerto por jugarle al vergas)
SHIIGUN IS BACK BABY BOY IS HERE I LOVE HIM LOOK AT HIM GO
why are those dragon ayakashi so cute i want to keep the tiny one as a pet.
BISHA
SHE
WHEN SHE AT THE
WHEN SHE
Nyappy's Kuraha theory is gnawing at the edges of my sanity again it would seem (please will someone bully me into finishing that damn ficlet wip before the manga literally ends)
"The same as me not wanting to use Kazuma" Oh boy. Oh man. Oh honey you got a big storm coming.
OH NO NOT IMMEDIATELY
Kinuha beloved I missed her<3
Kitty cat. Kuraha prefers to be a lion than a human confirmed.
Ah yes, finally some good, old-fashioned, straightforward punches directly to the gut. (also that panel is just beautiful, man)
Oh don't come now with the "you'we impowtant two me" shut the FUCK up, old man. Boo fucking hoo your child you abused doesn't love you:( too bad so sad suck it up worstie<3
Ok now that that's out of the way. He makes a valid point- from his point of view, at least. From what we have seen of his backstory, Yato was created by a wish born of his deep feelings of injustice, of being left behind to die by the world and the gods ("You were my prayer"). TO him, Yato has always been a tool he had a right to, he deserved, to "cull the herd", to take back the power he believed was for him and taken away. Yato was Father's lifeline in a similar fashion as Father was his. He was his precious means of justice until he wasn't anymore. And he loved him in the same sick and twisted way he loves Mizuchi for very similar reasons. Again from what we know up until now, I fear it might be all he knows, love for someone as a means to an end; but I'm afraid we just won't know that until we learn more about his relationship to Kaya (vibrating with excitement As We Speak).
Oh no. Ohhh no. There is so much to unpack from Nora and Kazuma at the end oh NO.
Hey yeah remember that old theory I had that got debunked a bunch in the last couple of years where I talked about hafuri being immune to GGS and roped Kazuma into my examples? well lookie here guess we'll find out sooner rather than later won't we? :)
I mean, Kazu is like double-sealed though so it should be fine, right?
Right, guys?
Nora baby honey child PLEASE I'm so sorry you have been made to feel this way. It hurts my heart that it's all she knows as well. She only knows how to be a tool, and that's the entire meaning of her life- the only way she understands love, just like Father. Her father gave her a name and a purpose, and that is the most important thing to her; she will go to the ends of the earth and betray everyone and everything else because that's her father. He basically made her. But child, please, that's not it:( I want her to go back to Hiyori and learn what unconditional care and love is please:(( Get yourself an older sister like Yuki did I prommy there's more to existing than just being used and thrown away every time:(((
So yeah! i leave you with your monthly(!) reminder that trash dad is uh. huh. maybe leave father and son be for the time being actually they seem to have some issues to figure out.
#noragami#noragami 100#yato#nora#once again sorry if this makes 0 sense i passed out for an hour and it was done#but hey! i'm back and better than ever! ... I think!#the spanish bit says the same as the english part of the bullet dw about it#Every chapter brings me closer and closer to the side of the Father apologists and I don't like it (/hj)#but also I kind of love it his whole character is extremely appealing like. as a person he's a piece of shit but as a character?#*chef's kiss*#poor little meow meow material. I want to study him i want to poke around inside his head#so many thoughts so many feelings#yes you read correctly i have a ficlet wip I need wrung out of me like water from a rag because I really like the idea#kuraha theory my beloved#shoutout to nanna for being big brain#if u see this- didn't know if i should tag you but lmk if you want me to it just made me really anxious sorry💀#chapter reaction#chapter thoughts#lextpost#noragami spoilers
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look this is getting boring. "omg don't vote billy" blabla come on let people like whatever characters they want. I myself picked Alexei because he was such a cutie but have no problem if people like other characters. Learn to move on, gosh.
awww i'm so sorry i didn't want my mutuals to vote the stupid abusive racist guy i dislike 🥺 that message and this blog isn't for biIly fans if you couldn't tell by how many of them i have blocked and also how much anti biIly ha.grove shit i rb <3 it was for ppl in my mutual group
#btw used capital i's instead of L's so it doesn't go to the dipshit's tag#leave me alone whoever u are ❤#don't see me coming to random ppl's blogs i disagree with to be pissy#asks#anti billy hargrove#<- i ALSO use this tag for any posts i rb hating on the racist#so you can /avoid me/#because the only reason you'd send this is if u follow me or you actively searched the tags on that poll#so hey :) maybe don't search other ppl bullshit :) maybe you should. learn to move on. huh?#maybe you should let me hate whatever characters i want and express that disliking to my mutuals#in places where ppl who like the character won't find unless they're actively looking for it#don't you think that would be a Grand Old Time#avoiding ppl u dislike </3?#stay in your fucking lane
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ofmdtwt is exhausting I'm glad I'm staying out of everything going on over there
#I'm so not tagging this y'all can find it randomly on ur dash whenever it gets to u#but like#the fact that ppl are literally arguing over whether or not smut is too hugh demand rn#plz ppl calm tf down#1. I literally DO see ppl being rude and mouthy over reading a fic only to find out they're being 'deprived' smut#very incel ass vibes my dudes not cute#2. like hey it rlly is true that not writing smut gets u less views and ik from experience bc I don't write smut#and the few times anyone has paid a lick of attention to my fics was when i mentioned wanting to write smut into them#I'm not saying don't read smut#I'm just saying like#YOU ARE JOT ENTITLED TO SEX#EVEN FROM YOUR FICTIONAL BLORBOS#anyway goodnight ✌🏻#I'm hopping off the 💿🐎 train for the day#Void Rambles
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Jour 2 - 1h39 d'écriture sur deux jours (j'avais JDR hier donc j'ai du couper avant la fin et reprendre aujourd'hui)
On dirait qu'on se dirige vers quelque chose avec l'esprit de la terre du premier jour !!!!
Aranéole est un vrai nom (d'araneola ou araneolus, petite araignée) que j'ai découvert dans sidoine apollinaire et qui m'est venu spontanément pour cet esprit
#et oui le dessin de l'algue est moche KHDSKJHDSKJH#of moon and leaf#hey anglophones friends. tell me if u don't want to see this or just blacklist the tag#idk why im posting it on my gaming blog. because it's a roleplaying game of sorts i guess? but still
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I know it's That Franchise from TERF-in-Chief, but my brain has been thinking about a few Harry Potter things tonight.
Like, how many people do you reckon lost bets during the Goblet of Fire with the Yule Ball? On who'd go with who- namely, that Harry didn't go with Ron, lol. Like, "of fucking COURSE Potter'll go with Weasley, those two are ALWAYS together, I reckon they're a thing." "Nah, bet Granger'll help him out, doesn't she always?" "~I~ have it from a reputable source that she's got ~other plans~ for the night." "WHAT? Then who-" "So McGonagall or Dumbledore'll prolly excuse him, that's how it always goes-" "-GIVE US MORE ON GRANGER, ARSEHOLE, STOP HOLDING OUT-"
Of course too, if there's betting, you know Fred/George/Lee had an entire schoolwide pool going too, and I bet it had ALL the big players. Wonder how many people lost betting on who Krum'd take (easy: everyone; except maybe Hermione if she was feeling spicy and could do it anonymously lol)
My other thought was: that scene in the Chamber of Secrets, where Harry and Ron knock out Crabbe and Goyle with laced cakes and Ron's like "lol aren't they stupid" as if he wouldn't have also seen abandoned food and gone "fuck yeah" (bc he's also... not The Brightest tbh, plus his family's fucking poor so he knows the value of food). Like, my dude, "bit thick" is a bit rich coming from you. (Also Harry would too - you can't tell me that someone who was canonically abused the way he was doesn't have a Stash by his bed at all times)
On an adjacent note: Ron's wand broke in that movie/book. It was VERY obviously a massive hazard to him and everyone else around him. And yet, not even his Head of House, ostensibly responsible for his wellbeing whilst at school, who even outright STATED that his wand needed replacing - McGonagall, who is implied to have bought Harry his broom in the first book/movie - doesn't go "well he needs it and his family doesn't have the funds but it's fairly small $ for me/Dumbledore/the school esp factoring in preventing Incidents, so we'll sort something out." Like wtf?
(Like yeah, the broom was a Gift, esp as McGonagall was being all "poor orphaned friends' son who has been abused most of his life", but still)
#personal#look there's gotta be so many ppl who thought harry and ron were a Thing#and the rumours would have been made more substantial by the first task lmao#tho that would have been after the yule ball#ugh i don't WANT to tag this bc Shit Author doesn't deserve more interaction with her shit#but i want to know what ppl think T_T#so *sighs heavily*#harry potter#anyway this is brought to you by late-night/early morning unmedicated brain lmao#woops i meant second task in that tag back there#hey tumblr can u plsssss make editing tags easier T_T
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Lonely. I hate being lonely. It is one of the saddest feelings in the world and there is so much shame attached to it. But I live in America in 2022, and lonely is the status quo for many of us.
I don't know anyone in this city except my partner, and we spent the entire last year since we moved here just barely surviving, which combined with a pandemic has put a damper on seeking out new friends.
(I am lucky in love because she is kind and good and adores me, and I adore her. Even when at her sickest, she was using the very last of her strength to be kind to me.)
But she and I both know people are supposed to interact with more than one other human on a regular basis.
I talk often with friends and family on the phone and it is probably the reason I am still relatively sane and I treasure those relationships. But fuck, I haven't heard a friend's voice in-person in months. I have a back porch and no buddies to sit on it with! I am hard-of-hearing and I want to hear someone in the fucking room with me and not over shitty cell phone connection!!! I wanna share a joint! Come on!!!!
I wish my girl and I hadn't been... well not forced but pushed, I guess - Pushed out of our home and our city. We ran out of money because we got too sick. And we had to move to a place where we had to go through the very worst of my girl's illness all alone because this is where we can afford to not stress about money.
And I am so angry at so many people and so many systems because it didn't have to BE this way. For so many reasons, it didn't have to be like this. Besides the obvious society-wide issues, my family and her family each had more than enough money to ensure we wouldn't have to move, but that wasn't an option and her illness wasn't viewed as the kind of thing that might be affected by a cross-country move away from all of our friends.
And now, since a huge turning point about a month ago, my girl is no longer a-knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door and it is AMAZING how fast she is improving in such a short time.
But I have enough hard-earned XP in trauma management to recognize that odd, creeping bittersweet feeling of finally being out of a horrifying situation (my wife slowly dying over the course of years) - of being out and realizing just how bad it was. Just how close you came. And there is this strange relief, joy. You are no longer being actively traumatized, yay! But also you now get to deal with the trauma! (Or you don't and you either get sicker, become Batman, or both. And hardly anyone becomes Batman.)
So I survived. Again. I'm good at that. I'm way harder to kill than I ever thought I was. Even if the world is more painful and deadly than I could have ever imagined. (It doesn't have to be this way.)
I'm smart and strong and sharp and skilled and soft all at once and between you me and anyone who will hear, I did amazing this year. I kept hope alive the entire time, and I kept the both of us alive too, and I even got better at art while doing it. I didn't relapse into self-harm, I studied my passion even as my disability got worse, and I saved someone's fucking life by being the one person they could trust to be there because we had been physically separated from our support group, and it was fucking grueling. We have been alone for more than a full year. And it wasn't just someone's life I saved. It was my someone.
And so I am proud of myself. (Even that is a sign of growth. 5 years ago, I could've cured cancer and still felt I was falling behind.)
I did amazing and so did my girl, but because my partner's illness was mental and not physical, half the people in my life can never understand what has happened to us here. I am aggressively proud of myself because I have to be. A lot of other people in my life don't seem to be able to see what we have accomplished here.
Terribly lonely feeling, that one. The idea that some people you love will never be able to grasp the most basic truths of your existence. Won't be able to see the thing you are most proud of in this world.
Even my sisters. Which is unthinkable to me. I don't know how long I will have to work to get them to understand that they weren't here when I needed them, and I'm furious.
And fury is just spicy grief. Or - if you wanted to not sound like Jason Mendoza from the Good Place - grief is the true name of fury. But I like Jason. And so I got like, mad tobasco-sauce type grief that makes me want to scream and breathe fire and cry and throw glass and bite things all at once.
It's just. I'm proud of how hard we worked. But we shouldn't have had to do it. The resources and people were there to make that difference, and I couldn't access them. And I was still luckier than 90% of other disabled Americans, and that was a direct result of mine and my partner's privilege.
Anyway, I still don't know anyone in this stupid fucking city and I am crippled and cranky and extremely sexy and it is 3am. I know I'm not going to be lonely forever. I will make sure of it. But right now... Right now, I am lonely.
#original#mental illness#self-harm referenced vaguely#diary#marijuana mention#hey if u have read this far i hope u can see how hard u have worked to survive this long#especially if u have a mental illness#i am proud of you even if that is all i can give you. even if it is a stranger who said it once on a tumblr tag.#everyone deserves to hear someone is proud of them. I'm proud of you.#i can't offer much more than that but if you want you can keep it in your pocket like a small pebble#there are few problems a small pebble can solve#but it is yours and you know you have it even if you forget completely where it was you got it from#I won't mind one bit. if you ever lose it you can call it back to you simple as wanting it back. metaphysical pebbles are like that ya know#it's yours even if you don't read the full post. small kindnesses are not meant to be conditional
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tag limit my beloathed... continuing my analysis of my potentially Sun x Moon coded ships here ↓
#Seven.txt#tag limit can't stop me cause i'll just make another post#anything to avoid having to put all my thoughts in the body of a post. too scary.#i like the illusion of speaking softly in privacy that talking in the tags provides me#anyways where were we#when i say Sun x Moon coded i'm not referring to Sun & Moon the FNaF characters. although they are definitely a prime & on the nose example#i just mean.. light & dark. upbeat & downbeat. loud & quiet. opposites. y'know? you know.#they don't even have to be blonde hair x black hair honestly. although that def helps. just personality can be enough#like. okay. i'm thinking about Jesus and Daryl. from TWD. don't laugh at me. hey. listen.#i think they could count on personality alone. like yeah visually theyre both. Brown. but Jesus is so chaotic and sunny!#at least compared to Daryl.. and i mean if u wanna get problematic with it you could replace Jesus with Beth but. eeeeeeh#i don't really ship them? they were definitely Something and S4EP12 is my favorite for a Reason but its not bc i ship them#not sexually at least. it's hard to ship Daryl with anyone sexually. for me. but i don't think it's romantic either#they're some secret third thing. whatever it is i think it's got a Sun x Moon dynamic nonetheless! okay uhhh who else...#not Shigaraki and Dabi popping up in my head.. the hell. i'm really scraping the bottom of the ship barrel now#neither of them are Sun coded in the slightest. where did that thought come from. anyways uhhh... OH#what about Karlach and Astarion!? ohhhh yeah yeah yeah i think she's Sun-coded in a fiery sense. and he's def Moon-coded#in spite of the white hair lmao. ohhh and the way he misses being in the sun??? do u see where im going with this. do u see my vision#okay who else. Dew and Rain??? fire and water... i think they could fit. but Dew being Sunny in the more fiery sense like Karlach#if i wanted to get real self-indulgent i could talk about Venti and Saoirse. they're deeefinetly Sun and Moon coded. which tracks lmao#of course my most dearly beloved permanent and personal ship is Sun & Moon coded. of course it is. Saoirse is just as Moon-coded as i am#obviously. even more actually cause they look the way i Want to look. and then Venti is def Sun-coded when we look at the mask he wears#which he hardly ever drops. so. it's almost permanent he's so committed to the bit. when he does drop it he's... hm. hmm.#he's too complex to fit it in these tags lmao. i best stop before i make myself wanna pick Heaven In Hiding back up#to circle back around to the podcast that started it all i suppose i'd be remiss not to mention Martin and Jon#they're very Sun & Moon methinks. at least the version of them that i've gathered from S1 and fanart/posts/spoilers#but doesn't Martin get... sucked into the Lonely or smthn. ohohoho perhaps the Sunny thing is just a front. like Venti! hm#many thoughts. head full of ships rn. but alas i'm hungry and running out of tags again so i'm gonna stop here#thanks for coming to my TED talk on Sun & Moon coded ships. i hope u learned as much about me as i've learned abt myself tonight#gonna go post the next chapter of AEIWNF. make food. and uhhh... rotate Gerry in my mind some more lets be honest here
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Might fuck around and get unhealthily attached to a Dream Boyfriend like I did when I was a teenager. Definitely lost my login crap and events aren't a thing anymore so all of my cool outfits are lost to the void but,,,, hhhhnnnng pointless time sinker with a pretty anime boy... Tempting.
#Dream boyfriend astral days#Nobody remembers dbad do they?#But on the off chance you do.... 👉👈#Hey wanna raise an anime boy and be my friend#I'm lucky I don't have any disposable income because it's a gacha game and I want fancy fits for my man#While writing these tags I have convinced myself to get a pet anime boy#So if u have dbad or wanna join me in this pointless (and frankly boring but oooh pretty man) quest hmu lol
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i'm prob too shit at art for anyone who isn't a friend of mine to want to comm me... it's ok tho!! i'm normal abt it
#perth.txt#what are the odds majority of my friends don't even like my art 😭#wish improvement happened faster it feels like some ppl get so much better in so little time#& it takes me ages to improve just a bit even when i draw regularly#do things just not stick with my body??? is that the problem?? no muscle memory at all?#idk but man it's so depressing#are my prices too high?? if so why do ppl keep telling me to raise them#like 3 ppl want my art anyway#man... feels like everyones so successful & im just rotting away here#i dont even care about doing things 'of worth' i just wanna do good enough that ppl would like to help me not kms#who the fuck is browsing the original art tag. but that's most of what i do.#& frankly fandom art doesn't get ppl to follow u unless u post multiple pieces & you do it regularly#oh hey i wrote this some hours ago. lol
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