#he's definitely someone who uses others to further his goals and ends up hurting a lot of ppl bc of his methods | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thestreamdreampony · 2 months

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Me adding my two cents is probably not gonna do much, but here I go, I guess:

I want to preface this with saying that Wilbur's content and Lovejoy have been incredibly important to me and I've put a lot of time, effort and money into supporting Lovejoy especially. So finding out about this, before finding out about the details, I had originally reacted with incredulous derision of twitter stans. And then erring on the side of caution about how things developed.

At this point there's almost no question that it's Wilbur, for the simple reason that Shubble would have cleared up his name if it wasn't. There's no way she would throw someone innocent under the bus, if she knew somebody else was guilty. Additionally, not a single person in Wilbur's surroundings has disputed any claims and have only narrowed it down further towards Wilbur. At this point it is incredibly unlikely she is talking about anybody else.

I do want to take a moment to comdemn those (mostly on twitter) who used this opportunity to dig into both Shubble and Wilbur's private lives, trying to construct a narrative of her abuse and in some cases going so far as doxxing Wilbur. It is entirely possible to support Shelby and condemn her abuser, without invading their privacy and endangering people's lives. Shelby's goal was to warn people and to make them more aware of the signs of abuse. As well as make it as clear as possible, who she's talking about without saying who it is directly, for a meriad of possible reasons. It was not an invitation to write abuse fanfiction about her private life.

That being said, the way I will feel about this in the long run will depend heavily on how Wilbur deals with this situation. I will definitely distance myself either way (slowly but surely), but his reaction to this will influence how I will act moving forward.

Should he stay silent or respond with insincerity/derision/defensiveness/etc., then that's it for me. Fuck him.

But should he come forward, own up to it, apologize and prove that he is working on himself, then I might be able to find it in myself to give him a second chance over time. I just don't believe that doing bad things makes you irredeemable forever and ever and ever.

We know for a fact that Wilbur has been struggling with mental health problems for most of his teen and adult life and from his solo music we are also aware that he is incredibly aware of the fact that he is the problem in his relationships. Expressing dark thoughts in music, does not automatically mean somebody is abusive. In fact, creating dark art is an excellent way to deal with harmful thoughts and impulses. I have literally never taken his lyrics to mean that.

However, his lyrics in YCGMA and MSR have always been incredibly autobiographical and do show that he is acutely aware that he's the unhealthy element in his unhealthy relationships.

We also know directly from him, that he has distanced himself from most of his social circle and sought out therapy as recently as 2 weeks ago in an effort to improve his mental health.

This does not excuse his actions whatsoever. Mentally ill people are still responsible for the harm that they cause and Shelby is unbelievably brave to tell their story. I hope they finds peace, I hope she has all the support she could ever need and I hope she has achieved her goal of making people more aware of how people end up in situations like this. She is an inspiration for standing up for herself like this.

But I also think that, should Wilbur come forward, admit to his wrongdoings and prove over time that he is working on becoming a better person, friend and partner, that he does not have to be shunned forever and ever and ever. He has a long life in front of him and I hope both for him and all his future friends and partners that he manages to find a healthy, happy way of living. This can happen, even while he never bothers Shelby, or the other people he hurt, again.

This is a best case scenario. I do think he is allowed to take some time to formulate a response. A hasty response to situations like this have never helped anyone ever, neither the victim, nor the accused. Taking his time to come to terms with the situation, which surely came as a shock, and to really think about how he wants to deal with this situation is much better than him writing a twitlonger as soon as he finds out.

Either way, I will distance myself from him and Lovejoy, slowly but surely. I won't get rid of the merch clothing I own because it was quite expensive and throwing it away is a waste of perfectly good clothing, but I won't find the joy I once felt wearing them. (I am salty about me being gone from home for a few months and having ordered Lovejoy merch, which had been waiting for me for weeks and then finding out about this literally the day I travelled back. It definitely felt weird as hell to unpack that stupid NORMAL longsleeve with his fucking face on it, while being hurt and confused and angry.)

Listening to Lovejoy's music, likewise, will never feel as euphoric as it once did, even if I go back to it. Which really sucks cuz they genuinly hit my sweet spot in music taste. YCGMA and SISV specifically, have been so, so important to me and removing them from my listening rotation i going to Hurt.

Interestingly, I don't feel quite as terrible as last time I had to suddenly cut a content creator out of my life. So I guess practice makes perfect lmao.

I don't know if me writing and posting this had any point. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and maybe it resonates with somebody.

Anyway, take care of yourselves. Take it easy and try to focus on other things, if this hit you hard (ideally offline). Try to meet with friends, maybe play some boardgames (or video games), go for a walk,read a book, have a coffee with a loved one. There's joy in the world, despite it all.

#wilbur soot

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dontexpectmuch · 3 months

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part 3 - [Lost in Madrid]

author note; judiño truly is a menace to society, but also a goof. hope you like it, guys!!!!!!

(did not proofread)

series.masterlist

“i bet you can’t hit the crossbar from here.” lucas, a young player from another football team, speaks up, playfully hitting judes shoulder.

jude chuckles, eyes now looking at the goals crossbar lucas was referring to. it is located on the right side of the benches, a bit smaller than an actual goal, but that wouldn’t be a problem for him. he also sees another person sitting on the benches, their head turned down, probably reading something from their book.

jude takes the ball and places it in front of him, looking at the crossbar them back at the ball as he takes a fee steps back, only to run back up to the ball and kick it with his right foot. immediately the ball flys up, some pieces if grass getting pulled along as he and a few other teammates watch the ball fly to direction of the goal.

too weak, he thinks to himself, though he does not habe enough time to criticize himself any further, his eyes widening as he sees where exactly the ball was flying to.

“yo, watch out!” he screams on the top of his lungs, a few other guys doing the same, to no avail.

[un]fortunately, you hear their calls, a bit late though, because as soon as you look up you are met with a football directly hitting the right side of your face, pushing you back against your seat.

“fuck.” jude mutters to himself under his breath, already jogging towards you and coach lagarde, who was crouched in front of you.

his heart threatens to jump out his chest, it feels like he couldn’t breathe and different scenarios are going through his head until he reaches the two of you,

“señor i am, so, fuck, i am so sorry.” the words leave his mouth, almost like he couldn’t control them.

both men look at you, sitting in your seat with your head in your hands, taking deep breaths. jude bends down slightly, hand softly touching your shoulder, as if he was afraid to hurt you any further.

“i am, eh, mucho, mucho siento.”

great, now isn’t the right time to forget how to speak spanish properly, he almost gave you a concussion, or fuck, what if you have a concussion because of his stupid mistake.

you take another deep breath and lift your head, eyes still closed. you try to open them, it seems as if the bright outside bothers you, making you close your eyes again. jude sees a few tears slip down your cheek and decides to stand in front of you, shielding you from the sun. you open them again, blinking rapidly until you get used to the light.

he hears you mumble something under your breath, and looks around to gibe you something that might help, his eyes register a feeling water bottles on the ground and he immediately picks one up, opens its lid and hands it to you, “here.”

you thank him, taking a few sips to help you to calm down.

“that was a hell of a shot.” you say, voice raspy, making judes skin tickle.

he scratches the back of his neck, sighing, “yeah, sorry about that.”

coach lagarde decides to take you to the nurse, telling him to go back to the field and continue his training. so, he does as he is told and groans as he sees his teammates faces.

“is that your way of flirting?” one of them asks, earning a round of giggles from the others.

“shut it, amigo. i hope it’s not a concussion.” jude turns to look at the door you and señor disappeared into, hoping to speak to you before you leave.

training resumes again, though jude can’t help but let his thoughts wander on, thinking about ways to apologize to you. he should definitely go to the nurse as soon as he can, just find a way to talk to you and make sure that you are doing well. jude can’t help but cringe at the accident that happened earlier, passing the ball back to his teammate as he moves up to a different position. hitting someone in their face? that has never happened before! why would it happen now, out of all times.

as soon as training ends and the coach reminds them to eat their protein, jude quickly moves to walk into the nurse office, eyes searching for you everywhere.

“buenos días.” he walks in, but other than the nurse no one was inside the office, making his shoulders sack.

“¿Cómo puedo ayudarte chico?” the lady asks, eyes curious.

“eh,” jude pauses, thinking of ways to speak spanish, however he gives up as no actual word comes to his mind and decides to stick to english, “did someone come in here earlier? with señor lagarde?”

the woman nods, telling him that you have already left twenty minutes ago, also adding that it wasn’t that bad, that you would be okay by tomorrow. jude thanks her and wishes her a nice day as he leaves her office, a sigh leaving his lips as he continues to walk to the parking lot where his mother would be waiting for him.

he’ll definitely apologize to you, he just has to find the right moment to do so.

————————————————————

the cafeteria is buzzing with people talking and laughing during their break, the air conditioning is working overtime, though it stands no chance against madrids heat, and the crowd inside.

though jude only spends two days of the week at the center, he can’t help but feel a certain familiarity as he walks through the cafeteria, eyes looking through the tables of people, searching for someone.

even though this someone isn’t someone he actually knows, this person made him spent extra time on his hair and skincare routine this morning, making him trim his beard - if you can even call it that - and cut his nails. he chose his nicest pair of sport gear, wanting to get a reaction from you.

he holds his head high, eyes focused on finding your head, causing him to accidentally bump into someone.

“didn’t see you there.” he says, eyes still wandering, adding a quick, “‘m sorry.” as he moves on, thinking that he sighted you.

it is only when he is ten meters away that he notices that, fuck, you are the person he bumped into, not even giving you a proper apology once again. he quickly turns around, panicky expression on and high alerted. however you are no where to be seen, seemingly having left the cafeteria after the small incident.

jude sighs, “fucking great.”

————————————————————

the following week, jude tried his best to gain your attention somehow, but the only time to do so is during practice. so, he does what everyone would do in his situation, be an attention seeker.

he would be extra loud, yell at your direction and wave, not really gaining any reaction whatsoever.

other times, he tries to - gently - flank the football towards the bench you are sitting on, or try to hit your legs softly whenever your back is turned away, speaking to coach lagarde.

however, nothing - and he genuinely means nothing - would make you react. like a stone cold person, you’d just stand there, maybe look annoyed to the direction the ball came from, but nothing else.

truly frustrating.

——————————————————

it has already been a week since you and jude - forcefully- spent the evening in your home, talking [he was doing that for the most part] and enjoying each other’s company [he for sure did]. he feels like a friendship between you two isn’t impossible anymore, since you also [kinda] got used to his presence.

so, whenever he is at the center, getting in his spanish lessons and what not, he will also spend time with you. you still won’t let him walk you home, claiming that it is too much for now and that you would rather wake with your friend.

at first he thought that said friend of yours would be that woman that you sometimes get coffee with from the cafeteria, so immersed in your conversation that you won’t even notice jude sitting across from you at another table, eyes looking at your fave at any given chance.

he is proven wrong when he walks past your apartment building one day, on his way to get some snacks, seeing you and some other dude walking down the street, laughing and seemingly having a good time. you solely focus on that mana face, nodding and smiling at whatever he says, making judes blood boil in a way he has never felt before. if he could, would’ve run across the street to pull you away from that guy, telling you that he is way funnier than him and that you should look at him that way. he internally pats his own shoulder for not giving in to his thoughts, continuing his walk to the store to get his snacks.

now, the two of you are sitting on the bench outside on the sidelines of the field, jude spending his water break talking to you.

“so like, you just listen and watch how we react to given commands from señor?” he questions your work here, genuine interest present in his voice.

you nod, swallowing the piece if bread in your mouth, “i just watch how you guys pick up the language, in comparison to babies, for example. babies learn the language because they naturally need to communicate in order to express themselves. now, you guys are older, able to express your needs. but i want to see how you would do it in an environment that isn’t in your familiarity, y’know?”

“ahh.” he nods again, taking another sip from his bottle.

you look pretty today, he notes, eyes looking at your outfit, then your face. the sun starts to set slowly, crafting calming colors in the sky, adding to your prettiness.

“is this your last session, today?” he asks, bending down to tighten his shoelaces.

“yeah.”

“let’s stay after practice-“

you cut him off, “no, i still don’t want you to walk me home-“

he scoffs, “i wanted to stay and practice a little longer with you, but okay. main character syndrome is real.”

you hum, before agreeing, telling him you’ll wait. jude smiles and gets up from his seat, ready to go back. “you know, i am funnier than your guy that walks you home.”

“lorenzo?” you look up at him, eyes meeting his.

damn, even your eyes are fucking pretty.

“don’t care about what his name is, you would laugh louder with me than you do with him.” jude continues, a weird feeling taking place in his chest.

oh no, is he getting influenced by your negative energy?

“that’s rude.” you mock him, mimicking his voice and accent, horribly failing at it, too.

this makes him laugh, almost giggling like a little schoolboy. he catches himself, turning quiet and clearing his throat.

“i, eh, i should go.” fuck, why was he making things so awkward?

you cutely smile at him, oh god - you cutely smile at him - telling him you will be here until he finishes the session.

this gives him the boost of motivation he needed to go through the practice session, smile never leaving his lips and eyes wandering to your direction every once in a while.

“this is why you wanted to stay longer? to race?” you rest your hands on your hips, looking at jude the way his mother would look at him whenever he did something he shouldn’t have.

“it will be fun! strengthen our bond!” he explains himself, coming back to stand next to you after putting a cone a few meters away from you guys as a finish line.

“we aren’t friends.” you quickly deny, making jude chuckle.

“oh, we so are.” he says, stretching his arms a bit, “we are like, wait, lemme think, eh. do you know those moon and sun duos on tiktok?”

“no, i don’t.”

“you’re definitely the moon, all gloomy and dark and cold and mean and i am the sun, super nice, wholesome, hot and beautiful.” he explains, giggling at the sour expression you throw at his direction.

jude tells you to get in position, counting down to three to signal the go. you get ready, determined to give your best even though you wish to lay in your bed right now. it doesn’t matter that he plays football for a living and has been running around his whole life. you won’t go down without a fight.

“okay,” jude raises his voice, bending down slightly, “one, two,” he looks at you, seriousness painting your face, “three!” and before you know it, jude pushes you away, making you lose your balance and almost fall down as he sprints away, passing the finish line faster than you can register.

“dude!” you yell out, “what the hell was that?!” you walk up to him, but he doesn’t take you serious, hands resting on his knees as he loudly laughs at you.

only when you start to hit his shoulder he stands up, jogging away from your hands, to no avail, as you decide to follow him and continue to hit him with your hands.

“stop moving! i will end you!” you yell out, now properly running after him, his laugh booming through the entire field.

you don’t know how long this goes on for, but before you know both of you are laying on the ground, heavy breaths leaving your mouths and sweat shining on your forehead, covering your body as well. jude was the first one to lay down, taking you with him as he grabbed your wrist and pulled you down with him. you are too out of breath to notice, but his warm hand stays wrapped around your wrist, his thumb gently caressing the inside of it.

“i hope you know,” you calm down a bit, turning your head to the left to look at him, his eyes already focused on you, “you are so, incredibly, indescribably, so out of this world-ly, annoying. i genuinely hope you know and understand that.”

“wow,” jude smirks, hand letting go of your wirst to prob his head against it, now looking down at you a bit, “and i thought you would confess you undying love and adoration towards me.”

“in your dreams.” you roll your eyes. looking back up at the sky.

“in my dreams we do even more than that.” he winks - heh, he wishes - at you, even though he knows that you don’t see it.

you groan, hitting his chest with your left hand. of course he would say something like that, but you can’t help and laugh at your current situation. here you are, laying on faux grass, the sun setting, the breeze softly kissing your skin.

“what’s so funny.” jude asks, also smiling.

you shrug, not sure what to say, “don’t know, ‘m just, like, i guess i’m just happy right now?”

“me too.” jude lays back onto his back, facing up to look at the sky.

everything right now is just, perfect.

——————————————————

with lorenzo by your side, the two of you walk into the cafeteria, your lunch break finally in the same time slot. it has been a busy week, with many new students coming in and practice sessions going longer than usual. these are the last two weeks before international break for the volleyball players, their teams demanding them to take in as many courses as they can.

“maybe you should make them read books?” lorenzo suggests, his hand on the small of your back to guide you to your table.

sighing, you shake your head and take seat, “that won’t help, many of them can’t even right a sentence correctly due to the silent letters.”

lorenzo hums, taking a bite from his sandwich. since he only has spanish players trying to learn english, he won’t be in such a hurry to get through the lessons as fast as you are.

your eyes scan the room, not particularly searching for anything [that’s a lie], seeing all the people talk amongst themselves and laughing at the stuff by said. the second month of your internship already started, but it feels like forever since you started here. you grew to love these people, the food and the culture. you are happy with the job you have here and the friends you made. but when you can’t spot the person you are actually looking for - yes, you admit it - you feel your shoulders sack, disappointment spreading through your chest.

it’s not like you miss jude, no, you don’t, but seeing him just makes your day feel complete. ever since the two of you started to spend more time together, you [forcefully] started to enjoy his presence more than you ever thought you would. jude still is as annoying as ever, constantly teasing you whenever he gets the chance, but that only let’s you tease him back as well, comfortable banter between you two.

“you good, linda?”

lorenzos voice pulls you out of your thoughts, making you focus on him once more.

you smile, nodding simply at his words as you take a sip from your juice.

he leans forward, voice low, “don’t make it obvious, but the british player behind you look at you like he wants to throw knives at your head.”

you immediately turn around, heart beating fast since you know whom he is referring to.

and there he is, eyes narrowed and jaw clenched. the hand on top of the table is also clenched, and instead of focusing on the conversation around the table, he just looks at you, or more like, past you, at lorenzo.

“nah, that is his default stare.” you wave off, turning back to drink your juice, a smile finding its way onto your lips.

you quickly realize what is happening and try to shake out of it, smile instantly vanishing.

what the fuck was happening to you? did he actually manage to influence you with his stupid behavior? would you also be this annoying now?

lorenzo shrugs, finishing his food and taking your dishes back to the cleaning station. you follow suit, turning back once more to have a final look at jude, his eyes already focused on you. he sends you a wink - not really - and you respond with a wave, turning around to walk back to your class with lorenzo.

you day goes on like it always does, answering questions, correcting reports and spending time on the field to watch the practice sessions go on. you also have few conversations with other players, asking them about their experience when learning a language and having to usw it during stressful situations. the process of your thesis slowly builds up, the results better than you anticipated.

as you pack your back after the session, the you feel somebody standing in front of you, blocking the sunlight to hit your body. looking up, you see a sweaty jude, breath rising and falling in a even manner.

“can i help you, señor bellingham?” you ask, standing up, eyes never leaving his.

are you the only one that suddenly feels really hot?

“walk with me?”

“you smell.” you scrunch your face, smile however still visible.

“the showers here are weird, i’ll shower at home.” he pats his forehead with a towel, “so, walk with me?” he asks again, hopeful tone never wavering.

you tilt your head to the side, “doesn’t your mother pick you up?”

“told her that we are walking home-“

“lying is bad, judy.” you throw in, making him roll his eyes.

“-so you have to walk with me.”

“it’s not my fault that you lied to your mum, jude.” you shrug, starting to walk away.

you don’t have to turn around to know that jude follows you, you can already feel his body heat on your back. he is close, you note, though as you turn around you seem to underestimate how close he actually is. your face is close to his broad chest, you can smell his perfume mixed with sweat and the scent of grass. you should be gagging at how close you are to his sweaty body, but somehow it doesn’t bother you as mich as you thought it would. instead, you feel your heart racing, its sound in your ears. jude looks down at you, dark eyes pulling you into a trance.

before you get too immersed, you pull back, “eh, excuse me? ever heard something of personal space?”

he shrugs, picking up his own back to sling it over his shoulder. he walks ahead, opening gate to leave the field, “let’s go home, wanna shower.”

you don’t say anything, deciding to walk through the gate and wait for jude to shut it behind him. you begin to walk home, comfortable silence settling between you two, the suns setting rays feeling like fairy dust on your skin. the sky is orange, hints or purple and pink creating the perfect scene for a relaxing walk. from the conner of your eye you try to look at jude, wanting to see if he enjoys this walk as mich as you do. he simply looks ahead, soft smile and shoulders relaxed. he looks really good surrounded by the different colors of the sky.

“you’re pretty.” your voice is soft.

hearing you say that makes jude trip, making him choke on his own spit and coughing violently. your eyes widen, you immediately start to hit his back to make him regain his composure. the laughs spill from your lips, it is out of your control.

“thanks-“ he coughs again, hitting his chest to help him calm down, “thanks. i know.” his voice, a few seconds ago high pitched, is now low, wanting to sound cool even though you just giggle at his antics.

“wow,” you mockingly say, “what happened to the over confident man that used to brag how hot he is? is this what a compliment does to you?”

“no, it’s just, y’know, your first time being nice to me.” he explains, switching place with you so he would walk on the outside of the road, his touch on your shoulder leaving a burning feeling on it.

eyebrows drawn together, you look at his side profile, “that’s not true! i am always super nice to you!”

“nah.”

“i am!”

he pauses, eyes looking at yours before he looks ahead, “nah.”

“puta.” you say under your breath.

“i heard that.” jude slightly bumps his shoulder against yours, making you sway.

“good.” you return his gesture - though he doesn’t move at all.

soon enough you arrive at your apartment building, slowly coming to halt with jude now standing in front of you. you don’t know what to do, should you hug him as a goodbye? should you shake his hand, pat his shoulder? shit, this is harder than you thought it would be.

it seems like jude could read your mind, because before you know it, you feel his arms around your body, pulling you against him. you are too slow to react, he pulls away and smiles at you, making your knees feel weak.

what is happening? what is all of this?

“soo,” you begin, suddenly all shy around him, oh god, what is this?

“soo,” jude mirrors your stance, hands behind his back, “it isn’t that bad to walk home with me, eh?”

you hum, slightly rocking back and forth on your heels, “it was bearable.” you agree, your cheeks start to hurt from all the smiling you have done in the past few minutes.

“does that mean you would do it again?” he asks, eyes holding the stars in them, the sunset behind him making him look so pretty, it hurt.

“hm, maybe?” you tease back, taking a step back to lean against the front door, “i enjoy walking home with lorenzo as well, he is quite charming.”

jude scoffs, hands now on his hips, a signal that he is being serious, “he ain’t all that. bet i can beat him in a 100 meter sprint.”

you laugh, shrugging “who knows?”

“just you wait, i’ll show you.” he also starts to walk backwards, motioning turning around yet, “so, dinner at ours sometime?”

you nod, “sure, i’d love that.”

“great.”

the two of you silently look at each other, as if engaging in a conversation with your eyes. jude waves at you one last time before turning around to continue his way home. though he doesn’t see it, you wave back, not really sure why you do it.

you walk up to your apartment, opening the door and taking off your shoes. after washing your hands and preparing yourself something to eat you sit down onto the couch in living room, or phone at hand. you reply back to some of your friends, update your mom about your day and send her a few pictures of the places you have visited in the last week. just as you want to put your phone down to eat the last few bites of your pasta, you hear your phone go off - a new notification.

[from; Jude Bellingham]: u up?

[to; Jude Bellingham]: still don’t wanna fuck you.

[from; Jude Bellingham]: THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

[to; Jude Bellingham]: suree

[to; Jude Bellingham]: what did you need?

[from; Jude Bellingham]: okay rude

[from; Jude Bellingham]: can’t i just start a conversation with my friend???

[from; Jude Bellingham]: yknow like friends do???

[to; Jude Bellingham]: no

[to; Jude Bellingham]: babysitting hours are over

[from; Jude Bellingham]: AHA

[from; Jude Bellingham]: so you admit that we r friends??

[to; Jude Bellingham]: good night jude

[from; Jude Bellingham]: booooo tomato tomato

you roll your eyes as you lock your phone, getting up to wash your dishes. your phone rings again, but you only get to it around twenty minutes later, being caught up in cleaning your kitchen and writing a grocery list for tomorrow.

INSTAGRAM

[@yourinsta] @judebellingham wants to follow you!

you roll your eyes, not even fighting off the smile on your lips. you don’t think twice and accept his request, following him back. you stay on his account, deciding to stalk him a little.

that’s what everyone does, right?

you look through his following, smile slowly fading as you see how many models he follows. but, you shake out of it, you shouldn’t let this get to you, you think, he is an attractive, young and successful guy, obviously he would be in touch with other women. instead of making yourself sad, you leave the app, sighing.

he is a guy, a pretty guy and single. what if he has a girlfriend? and never got the chance to tell you about it? that wouldn’t be unexpected, he is a nice person. oh, this feeling in your chest, the way it reaches down to your stomaches leaves a sour taste in your mouth.

you get up and go to the bathroom to wash your face and get bed ready.

you shouldn’t jump into any conclusions, they might be his friends! just like you are, maybe. you should just let things go, be normal and enjoy your time here in madrid. jude doesn’t owe you any explanation.

finishing your routine, you get under your bedsheets, sighing once more before deciding to relax.

everything will be just fine.

at the same time, jude lays in his bed, lights out, his phone screen illuminating his face. his fingers scroll down his following list, removing every woman that isn’t you, or one of his close friends. his cheeks already hurt from smiling the entire evening and his chest feels light.

as he finishes his task, he moves back to re-reads your guy’s chat from earlier, giggling when he reads your cute answers. oh god, how could you be so funny without even trying?

he locks his phone, putting it screen down against his chest as he looks up the ceiling, feeling impatient as he waits for the next day to arrive.

#jude bellingham #football one shot #football x reader #x reader #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham x you #football #jude bellingham fluff

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midnightwerewoolf · 7 months

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So Fionna and Cake was definitely a show I wasn't expecting to see when it got announced, and even less in the way it got delivered. Originally I thought they would stuck out with what we had seen so far in Adventure Time which is to say classical AT fun loving stories but with female Finn and cat Jake, which I would have been perfectly fine with.

But man, man. What ended up being delivered really was something I wasn't expecting but I'm really happy we got that, specially when it comes to separating Fionna from Finn and making her into her own person instead of a carbon copy of him except female and of course then there's Simon.

Simon has been an important character from the moment of his reveal as the former identity of the Ice King and being a huge plot device for some of the most hard hitting moments of the show, but besides that we have had barely seen anything of Simon as anything separate from the crown.

So being able to see how he's dealing with not just having his sanity back, but also having to adjust to an insane world where even the humans are so different from someone from the 20th century and his loss of Betty who sacrificed herself so he would be back as himself, and needless to say... My man's going through it.

He doesn't fit in, he doesn't have a purpose, his fiance is GONE, and he's constantly being reminded of his time as Ice King. Dude's fucking depressed and his coping mechanisms are destroying him and sending him further to the edge.

If you see him turning his life into a time capsule exhibition for the other humans, it's obvious he keeps idolizing a time that he cannot return to, he's stuck and hasn't been able to MOVE ON. So by the time he meets Fionna and Cake and finally decides to help them, he's pretty much using that as an excuse to sacrifice himself and use the crown and the Ice King by extension as a form of escapism. And the thing is, even with the crown the Ice King was MISSERABLE in what little moments of lucidity he had and we got to see that multiple times throughout the show.

While we got to see Fionna grow more as a person and accepting her world for what it is, we also get a LOT from Simon and the multiple foils het gets throughout the show, with Farmworld Finn who managed to regain his sanity (and being severely traumatized from the experience) doing what he can to move on and live in the moment via tending his own family and cherishing what little he has left of his late wife, even if he's still not okay he's doing his best, to the Winter King who refused to move on and instead decided to ignore the problem, forget about Betty and live through his own selfishness while hurting the Candy Kingdom and Princess Bubblegum (dude created an Ice Marceline who remained a kid, that's not healthy,) culminating in how Simon's influence affected those around him with Marceline from the Vampire World being a completely evil and sadistic person who relishes in the thrill of causing fear to her victims and finally culminating in The Lich whom after achieving his goal of eliminating all life of Ooo became a shell of his own self after finally losing his one goal.

But the thing is, Simon is an incredibly nice man, he just has a problem where he fails to see his own failings unless it's spelled out to him, which is why GolBetty becomes important to the final part of his overall arc.

Simon and Betty had a sincerely loving relationship, they were happy with each and it's so easy to see how much they love each other by the way they mourn, protect, care about one another and even when they talk about their past together you can see that love and while it's beautiful... It's also unhealthy, not toxic, just unhealthy.

They weren't equal to one another and we can see that with Simon being already a researcher whom Betty admires while she's only a student. They were not on the same level from day one and while Betty was brilliant and could have had an amazing future, she sacrificed her dreams for Simon and he was not aware of that. They keep feeding into each other's worst traits without knowing, but it's not like it was a bad relationship it was a good one, a genuinely good relationship with bad sides that neither party was aware of.

And sometimes that's what it is, it's not a bad experience, it was a good experience just not a healthy one.

And that's what Simon needs to realize to let Betty go, sure they loved each other and still do, but their decisions were made and now they have to accept those decisions and move on, and to Betty who by this point is a literal god of chaos, she has lived in a state where time is nonexistent and doesn't move the same for her so to her she has made amends with everything and now all she can do is to finally have a moment of closure with Simon, a moment where they both can give their goodbyes to the other and continue on with life. It's not easy, it's hard and it hurts, but it's the best thing to do for themselves.

In the end it was all experience, a good experience that meant everything and they can look back to with the same amount of love and care.

#I think the only thing I didn't like was how much it dragged on the Nova and Casper parts #But that's just a nitpick #Fionna was a delight and I'm glad to see my girl being her own person #Marshall and Gary are so fucking gay I love them #BUT I WANTED MORE OF HUNTER like DAMN #You can't give me that king and not expect me to want more #Also Farmworld Finn? I was NOT expecting to thirst for FINN OF ALL PEOPLE BUT HERE I AM #adventure time #fionna and cake #simon petrikov #betty grof #fionna and cake spoilers #adventure time spoilers

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vacantgodling · 1 month

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4 - Does your character care about their reputation and/or how others perceive them? 10 - If your character is an antagonist or something of the like, do they self-justify their actions? If so, how? 36 - What are the things that make your character enter a full rage/cold mode?

for anyone from btaf?

~@void-botanist

super annoyed that tumblr ate my first answer attempt but we move :/ thank you for asking! i’m gonna do the main 4 in my mind which are biscella, eduard, azelie, and sjaak.

4. Does your character care about their reputation and/or how others perceive them?

biscella: 4/10. because she’s romani and it’s the late 1700s-early 1800s she’s grown accustomed to people assuming the worst of her for just. existing. it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, she just has thick skin and is aware that she can’t control everyone.

eduard: 1/10 for humans, he only cares enough to get by in their society but not much beyond that. 8/10 for biscella specifically and that’s why he asks that his family not tell her that they’re vampires when he first brings her to the coven.

sjaak: 7/10 similar to biscella bc he’s biracial he’s used to gaining people’s ire. unlike biscella, he was cast into the world on his own at quite a young age and that definitely makes him more… sensitive to others perceptions of him. it’s something he struggles with a lot esp once he becomes a werewolf.

azelie: 0/10. she doesn’t care what other people think of her in the slightest.

10. If your character is an antagonist or something of the like, do they self-justify their actions? If so, how?

well, generally speaking sjaak, azelie, and eduard are Kind of antagonistic (it’s complicated) to the narrative so i’ll do this for these three.

eduard: like literally 10000% he self justifies his actions when he knows Damn Well what he’s doing makes not a lick of sense and it’s also anti ethical to what he’s saying. he says he loves and cares about biscella and marries her, but then gets her pregnant knowing Damn Well that all vampire spawn have a 100% mortality rate to their human host. he brings her home to his vampire ass family who only see her as a tool to further their goals (except azelie) and then Fakes His Own Fucking Death so that he doesn’t really have to face the music of biscella’s demise or having to tell her he’s a vampire. and then THE AUDACITY to haunt her ass literally. like my guy makes 0 sane decisions but continues to insist it’s love like nah there’s something wrong in ur head bro.

sjaak: the difference between him and eduard is he knows he’s wrong, he knows he’s being selfish and he doesn’t justify it. he knows he has no right but he does it anyway. it’s apart of him “accepting the beast” vibes tm.

azelie: it’s a bit complicated but despite being somewhat villain like when she needs to be she is the Most morally grey leaning into good territory of these three and when she does bad things she chalks it up as a means to an end. so not really self justifying.

36. What are things that make your character enter full rage/cold mode?

biscella: doesn’t really rage firstly, she’s more of a becomes cold character. usually when people insult her or those she cares about or as a defense mechanism to keep herself from internalizing anyone’s vitriol. but she tries to be compassionate most of the time.

eduard and azelie: hunger, really. when they need to feed or if someone’s threatening their life.

sjaak: becoming a werewolf is like a fast track to experiencing every emotion like 8x more intensely, however he only FULL ON rages when people attack humans or threaten biscella’s life.

#s: btaf

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loosesodamarble · 1 year

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I Return to You at the World's End

Summary: It's Judgment Day in Clover Kingdom. A return that shouldn’t have been happens, bringing with it too many tears to count. Genre: angst, romance(?) Word Count: ~2200

..........

Yami felt his breath stop when he saw Morgen. There was no mistaking it, even with his ki feeling different, probably due to being resurrected and corrupted by the Soul Magic Lucius used on him…

Morgen was back. And as the enemy.

“Nacht, you jerk. I knew I hadn’t seen you around,” Jack snapped as he glared at the man. “So did he already mess—”

“I know we look alike but don’t dare insult me by comparing me to my brother,” Morgen stated, his voice as gentle as it had been years ago. His gaze then turned to Yami. “And hello to you too, Yami.” He smiled but it was devoid of warmth. “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?” Morgen turned to face away. “Unfortunately, I’m not here for any of you. I have someone much more important to reunite with and I’d hate to keep her waiting.”

Those words sent a jolt of fear through Yami’s body. He reached for the communication device in his pocket.

In a flash of light, Yami felt his hand crack before he registered Morgen’s presence beside him. And that presence, with glowing eyes and horns like a devil, made Yami sick to his stomach. Morgen gripped Yami’s communication device in his hand.

“Don’t ruin the surprise,” Morgen chided, the unfittingly cold smirk still on his face. Without any effort, he crushed the magic tool. “Lucius, am I free to go now?” Morgen stepped off the roof’s ridge to hover in the air.

“Of course, Morgen,” Lucius replied and grinned approvingly.

“I do hope that the next time we see each other, you all will have found salvation with Master Lucius,” Morgen said as he flew further away.

“Aw shut up with this ‘salvation’ bullshit!” Jack snapped, producing a scythe from his arm and winding up. “I’m gonna send you straight to Hell instead!”

Jack swung his arm forward with all his might, sending out a slash that did more than cut. It didn’t merely sever. The attack that Jack sent out rent the earth in two. For miles, everyone could see how Jack’s spell carved gash into Clover’s landscape.

However…

“A mighty strike, a shame that it missed,” Morgen said, now hovering above everyone. He had a dangerous smirk on his face as he looked down at them. “Now, I’m done entertaining you. I’ve somewhere to be.”

“I wish you a happy reunion,” Lucius called to Morgen.

“Oh, it will be!”

.....

In the center of a grove of trees, where buds of morning glories, moonflowers, and starflowers sat waiting for the right time to bloom, there was a gravestone. Engraved in the headstone was the name “Morgen Faust.”

Josele stood before the grave, her eyes tired and on the verge of tears.

She could’ve been with the Black Bulls searching for Asta. She could’ve been with the rest of the Magic Knights as a whole to protect Clover’s citizens. She could’ve, and likely should’ve been elsewhere.

But she was at Morgen’s grave instead. Because she felt that she needed to see him, what was left of him, one last time.

“The world’s in a scary place right now, sunrise,” Josele muttered. She brought a hand to the rings. Those precious jewels that kept her connected to Morgen after so many years. “People are definitely going to get hurt, maybe even die. And right now, I’m starting to doubt if I’ll survive the battle once I join everyone. But…” She took a deep breath. “I’ll try to be more like you right now.”

Morgen had always been the one to shine the brightest amongst their friend group. Nacht rarely let his hopes get raised for anything. Yami was a down-to-earth person who lived more in the moment, though he liked those with optimistic views. And Josele herself wanted to help as many as possible but would be satisfied too easily. Morgen’s hopes had been unrealistic at times, but he insisted that working towards lofty ideas would lead to better results than merely achieving realistic goals. His belief was stronger than his doubts, and that was one of things that made him so wonderful.

When Josele finally stepped onto the battlefield, she would trust that the future she fought for would be a bright one.

“And whether I live or die in the end, I’ll be happy,” Josele confessed to the silent grave.

A gust of wind blew past Josele, causing her hair to flutter along.

It was then that Josele became aware of a presence behind her. Something that should’ve been impossible.

Josele pivoted around, ready to draw her sword. Only to freeze when she saw…

Hair darker than the night sky. Eyes bluer than the day sky. A smile that outshone the sun.

“Morgen…” Only his name made it past her lips.

Immediately, Josele’s vision was a haze of tears.

“Yes, it’s me, Josele,” Morgen answered. “Come here now.”

He began to approach her, his arms outstretched. As though Josele had been the one to leave and he was welcoming her home.

Josele stood still. Didn’t run to him because she wanted to be there. Didn’t run from him because his presence had to be a mistake.

She waited for him. As she always had done when he left.

Morgen soon reached Josele. He wrapped his arms around her trembling form and rested his chin on her shoulder. There was the aroma of morning dew and honey from him. His body was warm against Josele’s.

“I’ve returned to you, my heart, as I always said I would.”

Morgen’s voice was impossibly sweet and gentle to Josele’s ears. And a thousand times better than hearing it in memories or dreams.

“Morgen…” Josele uttered again.

Everything about Morgen confirmed that it was indeed him. Yet… Josele couldn’t ignore the sickening aura that underlaid Morgen’s presence. Like it was him and something else at the same time.

Josele could guess what was happening. But she certainly didn’t want to accept it as the truth.

By the gods, she didn’t want to believe it.

The embrace ended when Morgen took a step back. With his right hand, he caressed Josele’s cheek. With his left hand, he held Josele’s two.

“My sweet, don’t cry.” Morgen brushed away Josele’s tears with his thumb. “I’m here now.”

“Morgen… I…” Unable to hold it all in, Josele let out a sob and bowed her head to the ground. “I missed you so much, sunrise…”

“And I’m sorry for that, Josele. I’m sorry for leaving you the way I did. For causing you so many tears.” Morgen lifted Josele’s head so he could kiss her tears away. “I said that I’d never cause you sadness and yet…” He smiled sadly then shook his head. “But nevermind that. Now that I’m back, you can be happy again.”

Morgen raised his left hand to Josele’s face. Holding her in place, he kissed her on the lips.

On instinct, Josele kissed Morgen back.

His touch was so soft. So utterly sublime. She’d been longing and wishing for him ever since she lost him. Now that he was back, as much as her mind told her it was wrong, her heart felt that it was right to be with him.

When Josele and Morgen parted from the kiss, she saw that his appearance had changed. He bore horns that resembled the devil that had taken his life and a set of wings that came close to blinding Josele with their light. It reminded Josele of the danger Morgen posed.

“Josele, my heart, come with me,” Morgen urged while moving his hands to Josele’s shoulders. “With Master Lucius’ power, you too can gain an immortal body. We’d live in a world with no death, no fear of losing each other. We could be together again and there’d be no end to our love. You want that too, right?”

“Well I…” Josele’s voice trailed off as her thoughts stirred.

Before, after Morgen’s passing and for the years that followed, Josele might’ve jumped at a second chance. As she had yearned for her heart and Morgen’s to dance once again. But in the present… Morgen fought on the side of a man who threatened the world… If there was an answer, it was lost to Josele.

“Morgen, I do love you. I’m just…” Scared? Happy? Disgusted? Confused? Is it all of those? Is it none of them?

“I love you too,” Morgen muttered. “And I see…” His finger found the chain around Josele’s neck and followed it to where the rings hung. Tears formed in his eyes as he beamed at Josele. “You held onto the rings all this time…”

Josele mutely nodded.

She had worn the rings, unable to let them go. Worn them even when she was cursed, not remembering the love that was poured into them. But she couldn’t bring herself to say that she’d almost let the rings be taken by the earth along with Morgen when he passed all those years ago. That it was Yami and Nacht who saved and brought them to her. Something made her fear saying so.

“Then there’s the answer.”

Morgen reached around Josele’s neck and unclasped the chain. He dropped the rings into his palm. The metal and gems of the jewelry sparkled brilliantly in Morgen’s radiance. Morgen put on his own ring before slipping Josele’s onto her finger.

“There we go,” he said as he intertwined their left hands together. “Let us be together, from now on and forevermore.”

Josele stared at her ring. At their hands. At Morgen.

As much as she loved to have Morgen standing with her again, knowing that it was because of a madman like Lucius made her stomach twist.

“No, I can’t…” Josele muttered as she began to cry again. “You’re working with Lucius and he’s…” She shook her head. “This is wrong. What Lucius is doing is wrong!”

Josele tried to take a step back but Morgen’s grip held her in place. Even using all of her strength, she wouldn’t have been able to wrench herself free.

The man before her smiled still. It looked like the loving grin he’d given her in the past. But it felt cold, threateningly so.

“Mor…gen…”

“Oh Josie…” Morgen tugged Josele back towards him. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he stated firmly and caressed Josele’s face in his hands. “Master Lucius is going to create a perfect world where everyone is whole and equal.”

“If everyone was the same, life would be so dull!” Josele argued. “It’s people’s differences that make them valuable!”

“But it’s also differences that make people hate and hurt each other,” retorted Morgen, his empty smile and calm voice remaining unchanged. “Josele, think for a moment. How you fell behind because you lacked the amount of mana your peers had. The way others looked down on you, on our relationship. The scars on your body that are considered ugly.” As Morgen spoke, his touch grazed over the scars along Josele’s neck and shoulders, down her arms until he held her hands. “All of that can be done away with.”

“How could you ever want a world like that?!” Josele exclaimed, daring to step closer to Morgen and glare at him through her tears. “I know the world isn’t perfect but it doesn’t have to be. It shouldn’t be! You once said the same thing! You believed that pain and struggle was what made life worthwhile! You said that my scars are beautiful as signs that I’ve fought and survived! And now you’re basically saying the opposite…”

“Because now I’ve been enlightened by Master Lucius,” Morgen said with a condescending shake of his head. “Josele, if you’d just trust me… If you’d trust Master Lucius, then I’m sure you’ll understand.”

Josele shook her head. Her tears continued to fall. No longer out of fear or sorrow. But rage. Burning rage at Morgen’s words, which weren’t his own.

“No. As flawed as it is, this is the world I’ve come to love,” Josele proclaimed. "And in order to protect it, I’m going to fight Lucius.”

“You’re turning down a chance at happiness,” Morgen uttered as his smile turned sad. “And… you’re breaking my heart, Josie. I come back from the dead for your sake yet you reject me.”

“Morgen, that’s not what I’m saying,” Josele whispered. “I love you, I do…”

“Then you’ll join me,” Morgen said with an eerie calmness. “You’ll be with me.”

Morgen pulled Josele in by her hands once more before fully bringing her into his arms.

“Don’t concern yourself with Master Lucius’ plans. Just think about how we’ll be able to live happily ever after in the world to come.”

Morgen held Josele tight. Wrapped an arm around her torso and arms, effectively pinning her. Buried a hand in her hair and pressed her face to his shoulder so she couldn’t speak up.

“You’ve waited for me and I’ve returned to you, Josele. It’s only right that we never part from each other ever again.”

It was more than an embrace. It was a cage. A beautiful cage in Morgen’s handsome form and bathed in divine light.

#black clover #black clover fanfic #morgen faust #black clover oc #josele canty #morgsele #soda's ocs

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13meigo · 1 year

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A snakes plaything || Sebastian Sallow | Ominis Gaunt

Chapter 19 | Family secrets

Violetta stared at herself in the mirror of the girl's bathroom near the grand staircase. Her eyes focused on the bruised mark on her neck. Its dark purple and red color just magically pulled all attention to it. She tried wearing a scarf or just something to already cover a bit of her neck but this ended in a small disaster since the weather got so warm to the point that she thought she would overheat in her thick wool scarf. Violetta didn't even know if a spell against hickeys existed. Ominis really did his work on her.

Ever since the situation happened there was tension between them and Sebastian had definitely noticed that. Both boys behaved very distantly from her. Violetta was so torn in her feelings. On one half she wanted to be with Sebastian, on the other side she wanted Ominis.

It tore her heart apart and her mind was a pure battlefield.

Violetta touched the hickey, remembering the passion in Ominis. It was just a matter of time before the people would find out.

She dropped her hand and breathed out, closing her eyes. When she opened it she saw the Color of her pupil flare up in red but she didn't feel die ancient magic around her. Maybe it was just a trick of the candle flames? No, it wasn't.

Violetta pulled her clothes back in place and walked towards the door. Quietly she opened it and hurried into the corridor. Quickly she put a disillusionment cast on her and sneaked towards the entrance hall.

Violetta hid a broom in some bushes in the viaduct courtyard. Tonight was the night when she would figure out who Ruth Sallow truly was. Somehow it felt so wrong to betray Sebastian and Anne like this but Ruth could be the answer to the ancient magic.

The big main door closed behind her and Violetta walked over to the bush where she hid her ride. As soon as she touched the leaves of the plant the cast stopped working. Violetta took the broom and put it between her legs. She pulled the hood further into her face. The night covered her so perfectly and she flew away silently not knowing that someone watched her from the shadows of windows. Sebastian Sallow.

Violetta looked down and watched the field pass under her in seconds. The full moon spent enough light to lay a silvery shine on the landscape below her. Violetta saw the little hamlet in the distance. With every second her mind was set more and more on achieving her goal, getting information out of Solomon Sallow.

The cold winds made her feel so alive and the thought of using one of the unforgivable curses on one of Sebastian's family members filled her with a twisted satisfaction after he hurt her so badly.

No lights were lit in the little cottages, everyone was asleep. Perfect.

Violetta reduced the speed of her broom and started to hover above the center of the hamlet. Violetta felt the ancient magic spread through her body and her eyes glowed red. Silently she landed behind the house of the Sallow family. Her black leather shoes touched the dewy grass. Violetta got off the broom and looked around. There was a small shack behind the cottage. Violetta walked over there and placed her broom on the wooden side.

'Now what?' She whispered into the night.

Go inside and let me do the rest.

Violetta swallowed at the thought of the ancient magic taking control again but what could she do? She agreed to let it use her body.

Violetta opened the lock with 'Alohomora' and the door opened ajar. Nimble as a cat she entered the shack. It was filled with farmer's equipment, plants, barrels and baskets with fruit and vegetables, a workbench, and firewood.

Violetta placed herself in the darkest corner and closed her glowing red eyes.

I'll take it from here. Be prepared, Violetta.

This feeling was new. What was she looking at? Was she looking at herself? Truly, Violetta looked at herself standing there with closed eyes!

Amazing, isn't it?

It was! Violetta saw the world through the eyes of ancient magic! Suddenly the perspective shifted. The ancient magic turned around and floated through the half-closed door toward the small house. Could it even go through walls?

Indeed it could!

It floated through the back wall of the house and it found itself hovering above the table where Anne sat the first time the girls met. The magic floated forward and took a right turn toward the beds. Even tho no light was shining, Violetta still saw them clearly in some sort of greyish night vision. It floated on the food of the first bed to the right. Someone was laying in there.

Anne. Her sleep seemed to be quite agitated. Even in this state, Violetta saw the sparks of ancient magic flying around her. Somehow it made Violetta sad to see her like this.

Such a poor girl.

The ancient magic turned around to the other bed. Softly it floated toward the head of the sleeping person, Solomon.

He was sleeping on his back and his mouth hung open a bit. He snored quietly. The magic hovered directly above him.

Get ready.

The edges of her vision became distraught and sparks in red and black flew around, only visible to her. Suddenly her vision dived forward into Solomon's chest

Violetta opened her eyes again. She was back in the shack and stared at the door. Her heartbeat spiked and Violetta heard the blood rushing in her ears. Her knees felt weak but she still stood firmly.

A faint whispering filled her ears. He was coming.

The whispering got closer. Violetta heard his footsteps approach the door.

Now, Violetta understood what the faint voices were saying.

His wand is up, be quick.

Solomon opened the shack door and stepped inside. Now or never!

'Imperio!' Violetta hissed and the green light hit Solomon Sallow right in the chest. The door closed behind him. Solomon stumbled some steps back but then lifted his head. His eyes glowed green. Now, she should ask him quickly about Ruth.

'How old was your sister Ruth before she disappeared?' Violetta asked and her voice didn't sound like hears anymore! It had multiple layers of male and female voices. The ancient magic did this.

'Ruth was 18 when she disappeared.' Solomon answered like a robot.

'Was it before or after Sebastian and Anne were born?'

'After, Anne and her brother were 6 years old. Ruth vanished on the night their parents died.' Violetta thought. Why should she disappear directly on the night?

Something was odd.

'Do you believe that Ruth had something to do with their deaths?'

'Yes.'

'Explain me.' Violetta spoke. She was right.

'Anne's and Sebastian's father and mother were professors at Hogwarts. Both of them did a study together about a kind of ancient magic. The study was not included in the curriculum of their classes. Ruth also showed interest in ancient magic.' Violetta's thoughts went wild. something is so strange in this whole family drama but Solomon was speaking the truth.

'Which house was Ruth sorted in?'

'Slytherin.'

'Why can't I find any pictures of her in the schoolbooks of Hogwarts?'

'I don't know that.' Then it wasn't someone from the Sallow family that made her traces vanish.

'Did Ruth have a favorite place? Did she hide something in the school that could lead to her?'

'She hid her diary in the Slytherin common room by the mermen fountain. One brick was loose and behind it was a small space.' Violetta tried to remember all the information but the curse was wearing off.

'Where was she...'

Someone's watching!

A pair of eyes spied through the dusty window of the shack. Anne!

Violetta's heart missed a beat and she sucked in the air. A groaning sounded from Solomon. The damn curse wore off!

What should she do? Was she about to get caught? No.

Without a warning flared the ancient magic up around her and with a bright white light Violetta disappeared. The broom next to the shack with her.

With a hard thump, she landed on the cold tiles of the Ravenclaw bathroom. Violetta gasped for air. She was shaking like crazy. Everything went too fast. What had even happened?

A toilette flushed next to her and the door swung open.

'Oh hell no Violetta, don't tell me you slipped again!' Astoria's sweet voice sounded through the bathroom. Violetta smiled crookedly.

'I think I did.' She lied.

If you enjoy the content please leave a vote, add it to your library, and follow to not miss any updates! xx Meigo

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow fanfiction #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow x reader #hogwarts oc #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #ominis gaunt #ominis gaunt x mc #ominis gaunt x reader #ominis gaunt fanfiction

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pyromaniacblujay · 1 year

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hi i'm really shy about this but here is a short ramble about the tboi chars and their abilities and stuff. explodes in a fire

many of the characters before entering the basement didn't have any inherently magical or supernatural powers. their abilities are granted to them upon entry of the basement (or if you're native to the basement like keeper, as soon as you posses something precious to you), and these abilities tend to be a reflection of the self, in a way

bethany: she creates fires as a reflection of her passion. if she's not careful, she can hurt others and herself with it. over the years, she's gotten better and better at controlling her passion in a more healthy way (even when she first got these powers, she nearly burned herself trying to figure it out. most people wouldnt've guessed this, but the book of virtues is actually capable of creating wild, lively fires instead of just small wisps-- bethany had to learn how to create the latter) to add onto this, she surrounds herself with the wisps as a means of putting up a wall of protection to make up for the soul energy she uses to fuel her prayers, but everyone else knows it's not real protection. if she's in a long, drawn out fight, eventually she'll have less and less to protect herself with, and she'll have to face the consequences of not actually caring for herself. this behaviour isn't a result of the basement and is just a direct reflection of how bethany puts up metaphorical walls of optimism and happiness in order to make it seem like she's strong and can't be harmed by anything

keeper: his wooden nickel became a precious item to him, and the basement made use of that. most would probably assume that it manifests money as just a reflection of his greed, and that the symbolism just ends there, but that's not quite the case. it doesn't always give him money, and it's frustrating to him every single time. the 50/50 was a reflection of his frustration with constantly not getting good results no matter how hard he tried, his uncertainty about his own worth, and his stubborness to keep trying until he does get a good result judas: despite not actually being evil, like, at all, and despite not being a devil worshipper, the hemokinesis he gains from his book seems to say otherwise. after years and years of being targeted and othered, which was only exacerbated by the rumours of his "betrayal," it's hard for him not to internalize all of that negativity. he views himself as a genuinely evil person, somebody who can't do anything but hurt others and hurt himself to further his own goals. even the way his blood protrudes in jagged spikes outside of his body reflects the state of his mind, someone who can't quite think clearly and seems to always be in a stressful spot

isaac: god may have decided his destiny was to die, but that's not what isaac wants. there has to be some way to change his destiny, right? despite his desire to change things, he's still uncertain about what the future holds for him. he just has to hope it's something good…

eve: the razor blade she brought with her isn't exactly a precious item, but it's definitely something that's important. she genuinely believes that all she can do to be better than the person she was before is to beat herself up about it, hurt herself over and over and over until she can get stronger, stronger, stronger…

i haven't thought of everyone yet but i hope this makes at least a little bit of sense

#the binding of isaac #self harm mention #j04.txt #survivor fathom rambles

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the-bloody-sadist · 1 year

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Ayyy! Happy new year! This time I have a writing question for you! Do you have any suggestions for how to deal with suspension of disbelief in the context of writing a really fucked up whumper? Like, I just want to write. I have the basics of the dynamic and motive down but if I think about it too hard I start rationalizing myself out of it and thinking things like "Okay, sure he's a terrible person... But his thought process doesnt make sense to me," which is frustrating because it also DOES make sense to me, but it's so easy to poke holes in. Another example being creepy, posessive whumpers which I'm trying hard to write, and I GET that it's irrational but also I just end up thinking "But... If you love him... Why is he in a cage with his eyes gouged out..."

🐳

Hello Whale!! Happy New Year to you too :D

Thank you for your questions! This is something I'm particularly passionate about, but I tend to NOT see it in the whump community (which honestly, I don't really like to say I'm a part of, I just know that tagging my works as that will bring in the crowd who can enjoy it most). There are so many dead characters that are only there for the sake of causing pain and creating whump. It's frustrating to me lol.

First of all, the biggest reason you'd most likely have trouble with the suspension of disbelief in the context of a fucked up whumper or villain would be because you don't know his motivation. People don't just do fucked up things out of nowhere for the sake of doing fucked up things for fun. And even if people might exist in real life that seem to do this, it's just because we don't actually know what's going on inside their head.

With villains/whumpers, you have to understand their belief system, their goals, and their drive that pits them against the hero/whumpee. I know people in the whump community are typically pretty lazy with this, but if you're wanting the writing advice that you should follow in any story, then...you know. Stop looking at whump writing for examples (and by this I mean MOST, not ALL. I found a couple like @deluxewhump and @whumpzone most notably, who have well-formed characters and cohesive progression of arcs.).

And I don't say this to sound high and mighty, so I hope it doesn't come off that way. I just get frustrated, having studied writing and characters my whole life, seeing such flat writing being excused because of its so-called whump content. T_T Moving on, though! I struggle with concern over certain characters I have coming off as cartoonishly abusive, as well, such as Mother in Little Bird, which I just recently published a sample of here. It's a little hard for me to describe the intricacies of my thought process when trying to assure big, awful villains come off as realistic, but the first step is definitely their reason for doing it in the first place.

To use Mother as an example, I added elements of her environment to make sure that violence and extreme brutality were part of her world, her upbringing, and the dynamic she has with her son, Ellum, in general. So she's the partner of a Russian pakhan, a leader of a syndicate. This is a particularly brutal environment, which offers the perfect space to breed cruelty and nurse bad habits. She can get away with abusing her son, she has more aggravators around her that can set off her anger, and since I gave her the added struggle of mental disorders, her unstable state is even further kicked out of balance by the way she lives.

With creepy and possessive whumpers, or otherwise captors like you mentioned, think of irl serial killers. Behind almost all of them and their extreme brutality, there was a mother or parent who was awful to them in their childhood. An unstable environment and a horrible upbringing would lead to a cycle of abuse and, later on, someone who would hurt others out of "love" or "lust", because their impulse control is extremely low.

The most important thing is to show more than one side to your villain, because humans in general do things that they believe are correct. The villain has to believe in himself and think that what he's doing is the right answer to whatever he's dealing with, internally or externally. He loves someone, he wants them to love him back. They don't love him back? Well, he'll make them. They still won't? Well he'll show them what they get for rejecting him. He doesn't want to get hurt anymore, and they hurt his feelings, so they deserve X, Y, or Z because of it.

And his motivation could be just pure selfishness. He wants it, he gets it. They don't have to agree or consent. Going back to Mother from Little Bird, she takes from Ellum because it makes her happy, and forcing him to be codependent on her fulfills her need to be needed, so she wrongly treats him almost as a lover to fill the hole that her husband leaves, since he's emotionally detached and uninterested in her. She feels rejected, so she goes after an easier prey.

To summarize, hopefully, because I never know if I'm speaking coherently enough for it to be understood lol, "Sure, he's a terrible person" should be followed by "but why is he a terrible person? What made him that way? Why doesn't he just stop and try to be normal?" And that should help you begin to understand your villain's motivation for cruelty.

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK LIL WHALE, IT WAS FUN TO ANSWER THIS ONE! I hope it helps.

#writing villains #lil whale anon 🐳#sadist’s answered asks #writing advice #characters

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amazing-spiderling · 2 years

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Mattfoggy for the ship ask game ♡

Oh I definitely ship it 1. What made you ship it?

Believe it or not I watched the whole the Daredevil series as it came out and was like "WOW! GREAT TV!" and went about my business??? I was like "yeah that Matt Murdock is a good egg" but had no interest in doing like fandom stuff, but I was elbow deep in Spider-Man fandom at the time. In fact I was so deep in spiders that I was doing a Spider-Man podcast with a buddy, and we happened to do an episode about Spider-Man and his adventures with Daredevil, which got me reading several team up comics, including "The Death of Jean deWolf" and it blew my face off. At that moment in time I was feeling kind of underwhelmed with the Spider-Man/Deadpool series because it kept hinting at these deeper emotional themes and then chickening out, but the Jean deWolf story just *went* for it. We didn't just get a dark and hurting Spidey, we got a Matt Murdock questioning whether he was too unaffected by the course of events and the two characters realizing they had something to learn from one another and it just HIT.

After that, I decided to check out some of the Daredevil comic proper and ended up snagging a few random comics (Man Without Fear, whatever was out of the Zdarsky run and the Waid run) and the Waid run just scooped up my heart like a little football and ran for the end zone. HERE was a relationship between Matt and Foggy that had what I was looking for. Not just squishy feelings, but anger, confusion, true protectiveness and support and sacrifice and disappointment and love love love.

After reading the 2011 and 2014 run I went back and revisited the show, this time with my shipping goggles firmly in place and it was a wonderful experience. Not long after I found some people online to share fandom and ship love with and made myself quite comfortable, so I imagine I'll be here for a while. <3

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

I mean, I'm a sucker for a friends to lovers situation, and my last two major OTPs also involved characters who were working together in one form or another to further an idealistic goal. I think what I love most of all about these two is their capability for quiet intimacy. When someone uses the phrase "old married couple" I think our minds automatically turn to petty bickering, and while there is certainly plenty of that between these two, I think the notion applies to them in a softer way. A "knows your order at the restaurants we go to" and "picks up your preferred brand of shampoo because they noticed you were running low" kind of familiarity. Relationships of course, have their big moments, their swell of the orchestra, confession in the rain, scaling a mountain to save your soul glimpses into the depth of each other's emotions- but such things burn bright and burn out without the quiet soft moments to sustain them. I think it's this capability that helps to strengthen the bond between these two (in whatever capacity a reader wants to enjoy their relationship, honestly), but it allows for them to have a meaningful impact on each other in a slow, long lasting way. It isn't so much about the two of them meeting and one saving the other or sweeping them off their feet (okay, maybe there's a little bit of that) so much as it is about two people growing together over time, and both becoming stronger, becoming *better* for it. What could be a greater sign of love?

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I think I've said this before, but I think it's the only unpopular opinion I have... I don't want MattFoggy to become canon in main continuity.

That has absolutely nothing to do with them as characters and everything to do with comic book meta. I mean, there *are* stable couples in comic books, but I think a lot of them are introduced where that was always how they were conceptualized (and in the case of queer couples, they can often involve newer or less well known characters). But when it comes to main characters? Comic book title holders? Their romantic relationships are constantly in flux. Think of Peter and Mary Jane, who have been together for literal decades off and on, and MJ is rarely if ever given space to exist as anything other than Peter's girlfriend-sometimes-wife-just-another-thing-he-has-to-worry-about-balancing. Even with married couples like Reed and Sue, they are put though some frankly toxic situations just to make their relationship interesting on the page.

And while we might argue that hey, Peter and MJ are destined to be, they find each other in almost every universe, I can't imagine they would do that for Matt and Foggy. It's just... not a path to happiness in comic books, because comic books last for ages and ages and the status quo is always changing, and a quick way to do that is to break characters up and make them miserable. (I mean, Matt and Foggy break up as friends all the time, but if they did it as a romantic couple I just don't think Marvel would put them back together again. It would just go down as a failed experiment.)

Now, if someone wanted to write a limited or side series (like Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows) or hell, even make them a canon couple in one of the other established universes (cough Earth-65) that would be great. Since those universes/storylines aren't constantly being dragged into the spotlight (and in the case of Spider-Gwen, Matt and Foggy are not the main characters) there is less of need to constantly change things for the sake of changing things. If Gwen tried to thwart what she clearly thought was some kind of secret plot by Murderdock and DA Nelson only to find out they were having a small but tasteful wedding ceremony? Fantastic. And there would be literally no reason for Marvel to ever change that down the line. Why bother? They're not on the page enough for it to need to change, and we the fans can have as much fun as we want with it. Likewise a RYV style side series would just accept the pairing as fact and then build a story around that established parameter. The whole point would be that this one facet of the relationship is different, and it is permanent, so what else can the writing team drum up to create drama.

I don't imagine any of that is going to happen any time soon, of course. Marvel probably doesn't have the guts to do it, and whatever, that's fine. I just don't want to give naysayers the ability to rain on my parade by saying, "they got together and it was a trainwreck" after the fact.

#mattfoggy #thank you for the ask #sorry this got long #i just have a lot of feelings #*she doesn't even go here*

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canyoureallygetlostinheaven · 1 year

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wednesday characters as songs from my on repeat (spoilers!!)

enid sinclair - the loneliest time by carly rae jepsen ft. rufus wainwright

ok not only does this song fit enid, but i feel like she would also love it! it matches her bubbly & bright presence, and discusses repairing a previously broken relationship. i mean, enid and wednesday had “the loneliest time” being apart, both longing (maybe enid more outwardly) to reunite. it connects to the theme of wanting to try and repair something because such a strong bond exists - romantic or platonic. not to mention the moon being a huge symbol in the mv!

wednesday addams - ain’t it funny by danny brown

despite being one of the most developed characters, i had difficulty finding a song for wednesday. while there are some differences, like the song centering around drug addiction, it has the theme of self-destructive habits AND being aware of those habits. wednesday seems to be aware of how her comments can hurt others, but she is likely doing because she believes it’ll protect her emotionally. she’s got difficulty being vulnerable which i feel. of course, she also has many strengths, but out of the limited song choices i only really seemed to have one connecting to her weaknesses.

bianca barclay - girls on film by duran duran

i mean, she is a girl on film (very funny, i know i know). the song is about the mistreatment exploitation of models. bianca may not be a model, but she is judged unfairly and only valued by some for her looks. she even states that she never knows if people truly like her for her personality, as well as not being trusted due to her siren song ability. she is practically the definition of Misunderstood. set up to be the classic Popular Girl but ends up having depth and being a genuinely good person.

tyler galpin - tell me a joke by quadeca

man :( i am not necessarily a full fledged tyler apologist, but his arc was tough to watch. he had been neglected by his father, had vital information withheld from him, and then found someone who he thought cared about him but only used him to further her evil goals. i hope we get a redemption arc honestly. anyways, tmaj is about a ghost new to the afterlife, saying: “all i could hear were the crickets/funny the joke is on me.” the “joke” was on tyler, he was unknowingly being manipulated. i think this is one where listening to the song is really key to understand.

ms. thornhill/laurel gates - Psycho Killer by Talking Heads

mmmmmmmmmm [hatred]. this one seems almost too obvious, but the song was on my on repeat & i had to take the opportunity. the song is about the thoughts of a serial killer, and despite not doing the killing herself, thornhill definitely has that mentality. she feels no remorse killing outcasts & manipulating tyler. she is the true mastermind behind the resurrection plan. need i say more?

#wednesday addams #wednesday netflix #wednesday #wednesday spoilers #enid sinclair #tyler galpin #thornhill #bianca barclay #carly rae jepsen #danny brown #music #quadeca #talking heads #duran duran #Spotify

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whyrubuyingclothesatthesoupstore · 2 years

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Keiji and Shin. What's so fascinating about their relationship.

kay so. keisou.

*explodes*

I have so many thoughts about them that I cannot possibly conjure up all of them on command, I definitely missed something sorry

In canon they are. They are foils they are rivals they are two sides of the same coin they are everything to me. They're invested in ruining each other's day to an unhealthy degree ("I don't think I've ever hated someone so much" *literally anything Shin said to Keiji*) and despise each other even though it's established pretty early on that they're really similar. But throughout the game we get small glimpses of what they could've been like as allies (Shin briefly mentioning Keiji was in the secret room with him in 1-2, implying that Shin showed it to him first; "Just my detective intuition""Pretty persuasive"; these lines specifically I cannot get over cause like. they seem so uncharacteristically friendly) and I think it's safe to say that if literally anything about their situation was different they could've ended up getting along. There's also definitely a lot of hidden regret when it comes to the ways they've hurt one another, even if it might just be because they regret being the way they are in general and not necessarily out of personal attachment (but I think it is both. and that is what matters)

My ideal dynamic for them would be some kind of post-logic scenario where a year or two after the death game they're not only both alive but also still in each other's lives. I feel like I should end it here because this is enough of an unrealistic fantasy already but I'm adding more. I wanna see them attempting to navigate a situation where they don't have to view each other as potential threats and be prepared to attempt a murder any second, and it would also be interesting to see how they'd interact when the guilt of everything and the disdain they have for each other isn't as overwhelming but still very present. tired conversations in the middle of the night about whether they deserve happiness and if it even matters anymore, playing video games together, trying to mix coffee with an energy drink, you know the usual. also I wanna see Keiji having a "'I can fix him' says man who is worse" mentality towards Shin, he seems like the kind of guy that gives out life advice and doesn't follow it. I also like the potential of Shin having completely one-sided feelings for Keiji in the death game, because Shin tries to get Keiji's attention a lot more and shows way more enjoyment in getting reactions out of him than Keiji does, and it can be interpreted as Keiji just genuinely not caring about Shin at all.

I like the everything about tgem. But seriously I like the way they jump from enemies to allies every five seconds, from "It's your turn to die, Sou" to "We're your allies. Try trusting us.. Sou" to "I'll kill every one of you that killed Kanna" to "It's different now" to "He can't die like this! I need to-" and the many many ways they parallel and contrast each other, especially how they achieve what the other couldn't

For Keiji, Shin would be everything he dislikes about himself, an "adult with bad intentions" taking advantage of a kid to further his goals. But in a way, in 2-2 Shin ends up kind of outgrowing that and trying to sacrifice himself for that kid, so you could say he becomes everything Keiji wants to be, or doesn't think he deserves to be. For Shin it's the reverse, Keiji would be the ideal he strives towards and later comes to despise, a strong person not only willing, but capable of doing anything to survive. While Keiji would view Shin as a threat and a liability and logic Shin would see Keiji as a cold-blooded murderer, I think there would have also been some genuine attachment buried under 30 layers of guilt and spite, considering how many times they've ended up fighting on the same side and gotten close to at least somewhat reconciling before things inevitably went south and they ended up seeing each other's worst qualities.

Favorite canon interaction: I made a line-by-line analysis of the "It's different now" scene you don't need an answer to that question

Okay, as for the many many situations I'd like to put them in: I wanna see them come up with a plan together. I don't really care what it would be for, I just want to see them trying to work together. I wanna see them using the same tactics they've used against each other to achieve a common goal. I wanna see a team-up between the two people that were constantly trying to one-up each other in how much convoluted schemes they could pull off. If these two tried to scheme together the game would either end right then and there or drag on for another 20 hours and honestly either option is beautiful. also I think it would be fun to see how they'd negotiate a token trade in 2-1, and what kind of circumstances they'd have to be in to even consider trading with each other. I actually have a fic in the works about that one

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godshideouscreation · 2 years

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Follow up about my husband's friend (sorry for the length, it's just a lot to explain):

I knew the friend first. We never did anything, but we talked a bit and I was trying to take things further at the time. He introduced me to my now husnand and we've been together 7 years.

But I don't think I want to be married to him anymore. We have a lot of problems that didn't start until after the wedding (2 years ago). It feels like he tricked me into thinking he was someone else, and now that he has me tied down he's free to be himself. I've learned that we have very different goals in life, and extremely different priorities. I'm constantly making up for his bad money management (which has put me into debt), and there's absolutely zero spark or romance anymore. He can be very closed minded about things and doesn't allow room for anyone else's point of view. He says he wants kids-- but his lifestyle isn't how I would want to raise a family. I love him still, I don't want to hurt him by leaving, but I don't want the life he wants for us.

Back to the friend -- He and I met almost 10 years ago. We have a lot in common, and we have similar values and family lives. He lived with us for a while and even sang in our wedding, then ghosted both of us after we got married. We didn't hear from him for a year, but he's been back around lately. My husband has a big personality and dominates conversations, so friend is usually pretty quiet. Now he only seems to talk when it's just him and I alone. If I am bickering with my husband, friend usually takes my side and defends me and my opinions on things. I've learned a lot about him in the past few months and he becomes more attractive to me every time I see him.

Recently the three of us went to a concert at a bar. My husband was the driver that night, so friend and I kept buying each other drinks. Before I blacked out I very clearly remember friend holding my hand for a while during one of the sets. When I drove friend home the next day, he joked with me about how drunk I was (instead of shaming me the way my husband did). Then it was like he didn't want to get out of the car when we got to his place, and saying bye seemed to be kind of awkward for both of us. I almost kissed him in that moment. Friend makes excited about life again, and I haven't stopped thinking about him since that show.

I can't tell it's just an infatuation on my end because my marriage sucks, or if I'm developing feelings for friend. He and I have never talked about dating each other, and he doesn't typically go for women that look like me. I want to explore what might be there, but I also don't want to make waves between my husband and his oldest friend. My husband and I already went through a rough patch this year that almost led in us separating, and we are still struggling.

We are working on a house project and I am supposed to pick up friend while my husband is at work today. My anxiety about it is through the roof and idk where to go from here.

Well I'm not going to tell you that you do or don't have feelings for the friend. What I am going to tell you is that the relationship that you're in definitely skews your view because you are so unhappy, you picture yourself with somebody else because you want to be in a situation where you are happy. And I think you deserve to be happy. If you're not happy where you're at then I think that you should definitely change things especially if you don't see your husband changing.

Especially if you feel like you were blindsided and the person you're married to is not the person you thought you were getting married to.. I know several people that it's happened to and I'm just sorry that you're in a situation where you're married to somebody who makes you miserable. It's hard because I know at one point you did see so much good in this person, but to see it all disappear after you've been married and essentially the idea that now that you're in this more serious commitment that you can't go anywhere or can't leave. That's not true. You can totally leave if you're not happy.

If you have financial freedom I would consider looking into divorce in your state because certain states require you to be separated for so long before you can even get divorced. And certain states have laws that punish people who act out of their marriage and cheat.

And then maybe once you start getting that stuff straight you can think about dating. That doesn't mean that the friend can't be there for you and the way that friends are. But I would wait to pursue anything until you're out of your current relationship regardless of how unhappy you are.

I sincerely hope some part of this is helpful to you and like I said I'm just sorry you're going through that because it hurts to be trapped in a relationship with somebody who doesn't treat you like you deserve. I'm always here if you need to talk.

#anonymously tell me your secrets

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severeharmonypenguin · 2 years

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The Question of Identity

The closest I came to completely changing my gender identity was when I was an older teen / young adult. It was the early 2000s and I had moved away for school. I read so much about crossdressing, fetishism, transgenderism, and the attendant hormones and surgeries that I would desire if I were to pursue a transition. I used Halloween as an excuse to shave my legs and go out publicly as girl. I then used a live-action roleplaying game as a flimsy excuse to push it further. It was thrilling, but also terrifying. If a guy called out to me from a distance, I wondered if he would hurt me if he saw me up close. At least once, I ran, not from any real threat, but from my own inner fears.

My roommates and I would joke lightly about the left side of my closest where I had a number of feminine outfits that a friend had helped me make or purchase. They were accepting. I don't think they really knew what to make of it all though, and we mostly just interacted on a daily basis as the guys. They didn't know that I dressed in those clothes regularly when my door was locked. They didn't know that I sometimes wore feminine clothing underneath my normal clothing. So, I was sort of out of my shell, but still hidden, trying to figure myself out.

The issue is, that even with all my research, I really only saw two options at the time. Two binary buckets so to speak. I could either continue to live my life as a young man, going about a "normal" and expected path, or I could completely upend everything and change my identity and become a woman. My assessment was that I would likely lose most if not all relationships that I had with family and friends if I took this path.

There was a further complication as well. I was only interested in dating women. I will explore that side of me in a different blog post though.

Also, as I grew older, I realized that being a woman is actually kind of sucks because, on a society-wide basis, men suck. As a woman, I would have to put up with a lot of bullshit that I am able to avoid. I felt that I would be in this "between" space never fitting in where I wanted to be. I absolutely wished from the core of my soul that I had been born as a woman, but I did not feel like I could become one in the way that I wanted to be. My goal was impossible. What should I do?

I ultimately told myself that the choice was nonsense. I told myself that people bucket personality attributes based upon gender in a way that is ultimately arbitrary. I could be my true and authentic self without actually having to "transition". I still can't fully decide if that was a moment of grand self-actualization or if it was me being a little bitch and selling out to the patriarchy to keep my cishet privilege (though cisgender was not a word I had ever heard at the time).

I think the problem though was that I saw the wrong choices as my limits, even at the end. The choices were not cisgender / transgender / a high minded rejection of gender as a concept. The reality was that gender was a spectrum always, and that is something that was really had to see. Even for me, someone who struggled greatly with gender in my life, thought it was "weird" when I first started hearing people describe themselves as genderfluid, genderqueer, or non-binary

If I really think about it though, I love the concept of gender fluidity (even if the word genderfluid makes me think of semen lmao). I think it captures the way I feel so well. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmingly feminine. Other times, I feel fairly masculine, and I definitely tend to emotionally process things in a more typically masculine way. I love every part of me - at least insofar as gender expression goes. I don't have to choose to be my birth name or Melissa. I can always be both, even if many people will only have the perception to see one side or the other.

Most people do not see Melissa though. This blog is about finding her, and figuring out the best way to share her with the world.

So, hi. My name is Melissa. My pronouns are he/she (but never they). You can call me Lissa though.

#trans #transgirl #genderfluid #genderqueer #nonbinary #self identity

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bnha-dumpster · 3 years

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Alright I’m back mate and boy do I have something. So imagine all of them (boys of the bakusquad) wanting Y/n, and they’ve talked about this together to try and come up with a way to get closer to him. So they decide that in order to get closer to him, one of them (you can decide) has to get into a relationship with Y/n’s sister. (Sister could be an OC, a character, or just a sister insert) This way, all of them can get into his their house without it being suspicious. Y/n’s sister doesn’t really think much about it, but the four of them always tease and borderline flirt with Y/n while they’re there. Don’t think they didn’t notice you blushing. So one day when his sister and parents aren’t home, they all decide to visit, knowing that Y/n is home from college that weekend, and all alone. Deciding that this will be the day that they bring him to bed, each have their turn with him, and milk him till he just can’t come anymore. (Dub-con? Y/n clearly wants it- who wouldn’t lol?)

Just realized that if you dislike some female character in the show, you could just use them as the sister lol. Also sorry my request is kinda long for this, but thanks if you decide to do it! I appreciate it.

oh i love this request so much! may have had a bit too much fun with this and got carried away

pairing: bakusquad (- mina) x male reader content tags: group sex, milking, double penetration, face fucking, male squirting, creampie, sex toys, praise, light degradation, electro stim play word count: 2.5k

The day Sero started dating your younger sister was a weird one. You’d never felt too protective over her considering she’s only a year younger and a hero, but seeing her hold hands with your classmate lit something inside you. It’s why whenever Sero wanted to come over, you’d beg for the rest of the Bakusquad to join him. You thought it was a way to protect your sister. You thought you were doing a good job. Yeah, you thought a lot of things.

Then they started teasing you- even Sero. The four of them love to tease you and act flirtatious with you. Even with Maiko in the room, they all find a way to tease you and not gain any suspicion from her. Their hands wander places where they shouldn't and you can't do anything but give them a stern look as you swat their hands away, blush apparent on your face. You don't know what they're doing but it gives extremely mixed messages.

But you think you finally understand when they show up unannounced, all four grinning as they push their way into your house.

“How long are we gonna let Bakugou eat his face?”

As soon as the four of them got you in your room, Bakugou pounced on you. He’s holding you by your hips, grinding himself against you. His mouth is smashed against yours, teeth clashing as he devours your mouth with his tongue. You don’t have much of a choice but to go along with it. It’s not like you hate this. Rather, you’re enjoying this way too much.

“We can get everything set up while they’re eating each other’s faces.” Sero shrugs as he pulls out the contents of the bag. Lube, towels, toys, said toys being Kaminari’s suggestion. “Why’d you bring a cock ring? I thought the goal was to milk him?”

“It’s for us! Gotta last longer for him, right?”

“For once you make a good point.” Kirishima pulls Bakugou away from you by his hair, earning a growl. “Stop hogging him, bro.”

“Fine.”

Kirishima helps you towards the bed, sitting you down on the edge of it. He tugs your sweatpants down, slowly taking your clothes off. You definitely need a breather and the redhead is more than happy to give you one. He does all of the work for you, lifting your legs and body with his strength so all you have to do is sit there. You watch him with half-lidded eyes as you catch your breath. Besides your heavy breathing, you can hear the other three taking their own clothes off. The rustling of their clothes falling to the floor is as quiet as it’ll be from now on.

Your cock springs out of your boxers, almost completely hard from Bakugou’s actions. It’s a little embarrassing how quickly you’re turned on. They just think it’s cute.

“Denki, didn’t you say you wanted to taste him?”

The blond in question nods eagerly and nearly trips over himself to replace Kirishima’s spot between your legs. He’s already excited, cock hard and slapping against his stomach. Does the thought of giving you head really turn him on that much?

Apparently it does. He lets out a small moan when he grabs your cock and pumps it a few times. You can see his eyes dilate and his mouth is open slightly as he admires it. And when he finally takes it in his mouth, it feels like he’s practiced for this.

“Fuck, Denki-” His mouth is warm and inviting, his tongue doing its best to wrap around the shaft as he bobs his head. You weave your hands into his hair and help him take you deeper. You’re not huge, but you do know it might take a bit to take all of you.

Then he moans. The vibrations go straight to your core and your shove his face flush against your hips. He gags around your cock but doesn’t try to pull away. Instead, he looks up at you with eyes that scream for you to keep going. You’re not the type of person to refuse someone, so you give him exactly what he wants.

You take hold of his head and move it up and down, using his mouth as a toy. Kaminari moans each time your cock hits the back of his throat. The two of you are caught up in the moment to the point where you don’t notice Sero coming up behind you. The hero begins to kiss along your neck, hands going to grope at your chest. Finger pinch your nipples harshly and you let out a surprised moan.

“Hanta, what are you doing?”

“Your chest looked a little lonely.” He hums and continues to play with your nipples, pinching and flicking them as he kisses your neck. You’re not sure what Kirishima and Bakugou are doing but you can’t focus on it, not when you’re reaching your end. Your hips stutter and you press Kaminari’s face against you as much as you can. The blond’s eyes roll back into his head as you cum, shooting ropes down his throat. You can feel him swallow it all and the sensation makes you groan.

Kaminari removes himself from your cock with a pop, face red. Tears and drool cover his face and it’s oddly endearing.

“Alright, Kirishima?” Sero grabs you by your hips and pulls you with him further onto the bed. He rests against the headboard and continues to tease your nipples. Kirishima crawls in front of you, a bottle of lube in hand. You know what he’s going to do but it doesn’t make you any less anxious.

“Hey, hey, it’ll be okay.” The redhead rubs comforting circles into your inner thigh, smiling at you. You watch him pour some lube onto his fingers and circle your hole gently. He watches your face as he begins to push one finger in. There’s a moment of surprise when it goes in without much protest, you looking to the side to avoid his stare. You’re thankful that he doesn’t say anything. Rather, he just pushes another finger inside you.

It takes a few tries before he manages to find that soft spot inside you. You let out a whimper and your hips move away. Bakugou is more than happy to sit on your stomach, keeping you in place.

The blond takes this chance to devour your mouth once more. This time you moan and kiss back with as much need as he does. His erection grinds against your stomach as you kiss. You reach down to pump his cock a few times, enjoying the feeling of how hot and heavy it is in your hand. Bakugou swats your hand away and glares at you, pulling back.

Kirishima is eager to fuck you. He pulls his fingers out after barely prepping you and slathers his own cock with lube. You’re sure he doesn’t mean to, but he sheathes himself inside you a little too quickly. A small yelp leaves you and three sets of eyes land on the redhead. The three heroes stare at him for a moment before turning their eyes back to you.

“Sorry he’s being so rough...” Sero leaves open mouthed kisses along your neck and shoulders as he soothes you, “We’ve just wanted to fuck you for so long.”

Bakugou moves off of you, sitting beside you as Kirishima begins to move slowly. Kaminari has settled on the other side of you, one hand cupping your balls and the other teasing the head of your limp cock.

A small shock goes through you. It’s from Kaminari’s hand, the blond stimulating you back to hardness with his hands. The shocks are sent through both your cock and balls. You squirm and whimper, the head of your cock twitching pathetically with each shock. Even if it’s not hard, it still weeps precum all over your abdomen.

Then the redhead’s pace gets rough. His balls slap against your ass with each thrust, making sure your hips meet before he pulls out. Your overwhelmed by the stretch of your walls and how Kirishima seems to be rubbing against all the right spots inside you. There’s even a small bump that appears whenever he’s fully inside you. It pokes out of your stomach and the other three marvel at how hot it is.

Kaminari’s shocks finally bring your cock back to life. It stands at attention, tip swollen and red. He lets go of it and watches it slap against your stomach, precum smearing over the skin.

“Relax for us, Y/N.”

You don’t know what Kaminari means until you see something in Bakugou’s hand. It’s metal and long but you don’t exactly know what it is. At least, until the blond begins to circle it around the head of your dick. There’s no warning for your when he prods the slit of your cock with it, slowly inching the rod inside you. It’s a strange feeling but it doesn’t hurt. For a moment you think it’s not so bad, but then Bakugou presses a button.

“Wha-” The rod is vibrating. Your back arches off the bed and tenses, a confused moan escaping you. Sero leans down to capture your lips, kissing you gently compared to Bakugou. Both blond heroes are tending to your nipples, each one has a nipple in their mouth. Bakugou’s hand is wrapping around the base of your cock, pumping it gently. Kaminari is once again fondling your sack, giving it small squeezes and shocks to stimulate you.

And you cum, you cum hard. Strangled moans are muffled by Sero’s lips. Your cock twitches and cum leaks out past the rod, dribbling down your shaft slowly. It’s a strangle climax. It doesn’t come out like it usually does and everywhere is being touched. You don’t get to come down from your high either- it just keeps going. They don’t stop what they’re doing, the only thing changing being the way Kirishima’s thrusts grow erratic.

He releases inside you and you can vaguely feel warmth filling you. It feels empty when he pulls out, your hole clenching around nothing. Kirishima takes a moment to spread your ass to watch his cum leak out a little.

“Who’s next?”

Sero releases your lips and removes himself from behind you, letting Kirishima take his place. He situates between your legs and ruts his cock against your ass. He can feel your hole clenching each time he brushes the head of his cock against it. Your body is so needy and he can’t possibly refuse you.

He’s longer than the redhead, that’s for sure. Not as thick, but definitely longer. Sero reaches deeper and touches places you didn’t think could be touched. His pace is slow, watching the way your hole so eagerly swallows his cock. You’re clenching and trembling so much from the overstimulation, the vibrating rod still abusing your limp cock.

“Good boy, good boy, Y/N.” Kirishima praises you as tears fall from your eyes. It blurs between pain and pleasure and you don’t know how to process it. You cling to his words, holding into his arms as he shushes you. “We’re so proud of you. You’re so good for us, so good. We’ll take such good care of you.”

You’re mouth is left unattended. Moans and sobs fill the room, a line of drool coming out of your mouth. You can’t form any words either. They’re enamored by it, staring at how you’ve come undone just after two times. A thin layer of sweat covers your body and it makes you look shiny, you practically glow.

“Fuck, so tight- you’re so tight, Y/N.” Sero’s words barely register. Something is building in your core as Kaminari begins to send larger shocks through your sack. They make your cock twitch more than it already is. The constant vibrations inside your urethra are making your cock vibrate and twitch even when it’s soft.

“Kaminari.” The hero fucking you catches the blond’s attention. He puts a finger in your ass and tugs it open a little more. “Think you can fit?”

The absence of Kaminari’s lips and hands don’t register right away, especially when Bakugou begins to pinch your abandoned nipple. Your haze is lifted somewhat when you feel your ass stretching just a bit more. The blond is slowly pushing his cock inside, joining Sero in your tight hole. The stretch alone forces another orgasm through you without even getting hard, more cum leaking past the rod.

As Kaminari sheathes himself completely, the other hero stills. They don’t move for a bit, they let you get used to having both of them inside you.

“What a good boy. You’re taking them so well, taking them just like we know you could.” Kirishima’s words soothe you. “They’re going to make you feel even better.”

Then they start moving. The two of them alternate thrusts, moving slowly and carefully. Your belly bulges from the stretch and Kirishima reaches down to rub the bulge, groaning at the feeling. His cock twitches with arousal behind you. But he’s had his turn and you need comfort.

Your prostate is being pressed against constantly. It’s a never-ending stimulation of your most sensitive spots. You hold onto Kirishima as tightly as you can as a rush of warmth goes through you. The feeling isn’t the same as an orgasm and you lift your head up for a brief second to see clear fluid gush out of your cock past the rod.

“Oh my god, he just squirted.” Kaminari stares down at you in wonder as he fucks you, grabbing your cock and pumping it. Your stomach is covered in whatever you let out. Bakugou moves himself down to lick at it, curious to its taste. It’s not pleasant, but not unpleasant either.

And the blond is hard, impatient for his turn. As much as he wants to fuck you properly, he needs release. He turns your head to face him, his cock gently slapping against your face. Your mouth is already open and he begins to slide it inside. The moans and sobs you make vibrate around his cock, making him feel amazing. It’s difficult to keep himself from fucking your face like you did with Kaminari but he knows that a slow pace is better.

The head of his cock presses against the back of your throat and you gag before he pushes deeper. Your face meets his pelvis for a few seconds before he pulls out. Bakugou is looking down at you as your eyes flutter closed, mouth stretched to fit his cock inside of it. You look so cute, so eager to please him. Your head must be a mess right now.

“Damn, I’m cumming already. This is amazing.”

The blond fucking your ass stills inside you, cum filling you. Sero is still going, his pace slow and deep. He’s nowhere near done and has more stamina than the other three. Taking it slow and thoroughly enjoying the warmth of your ass is how he wants to go.

More cum leaks out of your cock and finally, the rod is pulled out. Cum practically pours out once the rod is fully out. It pools on your stomach and mixes with the fluids from your squirting.

Your head is a mess, a haze of pleasure. You don’t know what’s going on besides how good you feel from all of them. You don’t care anymore. They can do whatever they want with you.

#bakusquad x reader #bakusquad x male reader #bnha x male reader #bnha x reader #bnha x reader smut

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bakugohoex · 3 years

Text

“catch me”

pairing: levi ackerman x female reader

cw: language, some fluff

word count: 1300+

a/n: yeah i don’t know why this is coming out at midnight either, it’s shit and makes no sense but it describes me

summary: in which you and levi are fighting kenny’s team, with your odm gear destroyed you only have one option to get out of this fight

↞ back to attack on titan masterlist

The sound of the single word boomed through the air, Levi shouting a name of the man you had heard so much about but never met. But here he was, the person who had taken Levi in when his mother died. It was a story that he had told you a couple months after your relationship have evolved, the sympathy of growing up underground having experienced the area in your early years. It wasn’t the place for a child to grow up, but even then, Levi turned out well, didn’t he.

You saw Levi being chased by Kenny’s group, having been left with the new Levi squad, you still remained second in command. But looking after a group of well minors felt like being a mother more than an authority figure.

He swung past the group, you knew you were low on gas, having used it a lot more recently and not recharged the gases. Even your blades had been cut and worn down, but it would last wouldn’t it, well you prayed. Eren and Historia both captured in the wagon, you jumped down the cadets following, “Y/n after them.” Levi looked cut and tired and you nodded at the man, he hadn’t noticed the lack of gas, but it was fine you didn’t want to worry him.

He knew you’d know what to do, having faith in the woman he loved that she wouldn’t die over something like his. He began his own words, knowing that titans weren’t the only things you were fighting now the cadets were in disbelief but at your next move they saw it all. You went ahead going to one the men who charged at you with the gun, up in the air you missed their shot and quickly slit into their body upwards, their blood landing on your face.

“She killed him.” You felt for Jean you did, and you knew he would never hurt a human, but he needed to and the look of terror he had at how you easily murdered someone.

The cadets had moved forward, Mikasa following you and Levi, murdering these people with ease, every time more blood on your hands. It wasn’t that this was fun, but you had to stay on the buildings, being in the air had cost you too much gas but that wasn’t Kenny’s teams plan.

You noticed how Connie and Jean were in the cart and noticed the hesitance in Jean, you would definitely need to talk to the boy. You remembered what Levi had told you about Kenny and the underground, the topic was sensitive and seeing how those in his group moved just as Kenny had done. It was easy to get past them on the building but soon they started charging at you, your only option to grab onto their bodies to come closer and slash them to pieces.

You charged at them, missing their shots, even with the blood covering your eyes you easily shot your gear at them swinging to the side and stabbing both of them in the back. Their screams filled your ear but as quickly as your knives went inside of them, they came out. Falling to the ground, you knew you could only have one more use of your gear and that was to get off the building.

You heard an explosion and could see how Jean and Armin had been grabbed and pushed to the side. Levi was safe and that’s all you cared about it might have been selfish but if you lost him, you’d have lost it all.

Knowing this was the end, using your ODM to swing onto a balcony, but the stabbed man had other plans. You hadn’t cut into him more than the other lying corpse and you could see the man get up ready to shot you. This type of gear was made to kill humans and you knew there was more to this than anybody realised. You may be on the run, but it seemed that every time you found out information, the enemy had moved past that stage and were now onto their ultimate goal.

It was something both you and Levi had talked about whilst moving into the area, but the way he gave you those sad dull eyes. He was just getting the pieces himself and the only man who knew the truth was a mystery to you both. You remembered that night talking about what had happened, underneath a camp fire, in his arms. His soft kisses on your temple, the sound of him whispering an i love you.

The image got whisked out of your mind at the sound of the man who you had unsuccessfully killed hitting you side where the ODM gear was, his team had left him, what had he expected to happen now?

Levi and the rest of the scouts had seen this, your damaged gear and how he began to taunt you, “nowhere to go now.”

“Clearly I didn’t do a good job of killing you.” You mocked back, you needed to think of a plan, he was going to shoot you and you knew his aim was accurate from his ability to hit your gear perfectly.

“I’ll kill you.” It was sadistically and even with him trying to get up, the wound was deep enough that he’d be dead soon.

At the bottom, the cadets continued to look, “she’ll kill him.” Levi knew you better than anybody, hell he had helped you in the corps and he had loved you more than anybody else.

“Her gear is damaged, and her knives are blunt.” Jean remembered, making Levi’s eyes widened, he hadn’t thought through it all. But in that moment, he saw how you stepped further and further backwards, the edge coming closer and closer to you.

The man stared up at you, “filthy bitch, you’re going to die.”

You saw Levi looking between you and the edge, you hoped he knew what you were planning, “can’t wait.” It was a grimace, but you remembered the long nights in bed with Levi and his past being brought up, it was comforting to know he trusted you enough to tell you it. Understanding he trusted you, you knew you trusted him and in this moment you fell.

“What the hell is she doing?” Mikasa questioned looking up at your falling figure. The sound of Levi sorting his gear out behind her.

“For fucks sake.” Levi grabbed his gear, he shook his head moving through the sky, the cadets had seen you fall just missing the shot from the man who had collapsed.

Levi moved past the buildings, and as you fell, you felt like a feather floating and the hard chest of someone. You opened your eyes looking at the man, Levi having just caught you in his arms. “You damn brat.” He had caught you, the man you had total and utter faith in had caught you.

“That was fun.” You giggle still in his arms in the air, you leant your head into his chest, even if it was sweaty it smelt like home.

He looked down at you emotionless, you wiped the blood from his face. His lip twitching upwards and you looked at him, “if it was so fun, here.”

In an instant he let you go, and you were falling from much higher, “catch me.” He groaned at seeing how even covered in blood and nearly dying you were having fun, how even after asking to be caught you just wanted to be in his arm. Maybe you had done it to benefit you, but he re-caught you nonetheless and you stayed in his arms moving even closer to his chest.

Standing on a building, a scowl after losing both Eren and Historia, you brought your hand up to cup his soft bloodied cheek. “We’ll get them again.” You had faith in the new Levi squad, hell you had faith in both you and Levi. Going up to his cheek, you didn’t care about the dirt and you knew Levi would feel disgusting, but he felt comforted after the failure of this mission. You’d both do it, you’d both get them back.

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

if you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just reply to any post and i’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alainarose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage @jennammaee @cathy8taffy @sugacious @moonlightaangel @kat-sukis-hoe @effmigentlywithachainsaw @swankiifiied @maat-the-prescriptive @missmultifangirl @tvwhoresblog @kuroos-world @chrrylevi @ukaisgratefulwhore @answer-the-sirens

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