#he will be my €60 spent divinely
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Tried to draw the Legacy Skyquake in my style (inspired by the toy) + a comparison with the classic (Prime, always in my style)
𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐮𝐬
Flex of his beauty (via TFW2005)
#he will be my €60 spent divinely#tfp#transformers#transformers prime#decepticons#drawing#my art#tfp skyquake#skyquake#I need him immediately#seriously when I saw the photos I screamed of joy during the lesson 💀#he's also pretty huge 👀
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2023 Fic Wrapped
Thanks to @anincompletelist for tagging me! This is such a fun thing to do!
Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. There are no rules!
Posted on Ao3: 34,145 (Across 14 fics)
Written total: 152,778 (yes, i do have a lot of docs created, a lot more than anyone wants to see)
3 published fandoms: Red, White and Royal Blue, All for the Game, The Shadowhunters Chronicles
Longest work: and every song reminds me of you (4,088 words)
Shortest work: yo te llevo dentro, hasta la raíz (546 words)
very real wips, things I'm actively working on
Super Six and the Siren's Call (PJO AU- +100k) co-written with @inexplicablymine and @happiness-of-the-pursuit one of the most wonderful projects I've had the honour to be a part of and I'm so exicted for people to see it
Toe the Line (Figure Skating AU - 20k currently) my dearest child, 60 pages of outline, investigation, character sheets and visions i have at three am for a random scene 5 chapter away
Y recuerda siempre que tú eres la medicina (A bilingual June character study) A companion piece of sorts for a train of thought (of things not to forget), June's perspective through it all, both in Spanish and English like Alex's. and with Natalia Lafourcade lyrics as a title because that's June coded
carved within the beauty, the darkness in between and without (your) love, I am nothing two pieces about religion and firstprince from each of their povs, a question about loving yourself and about loving someone else against the things you've been taught and finding divinity within each other.
not so real wips with a little less real word counts but a lot of vibes
Spiderman AU, my entry for the New Years Resolutions event of @thebrownstone, which means it'll get here at some point
MasterChef AU, my way to put my professional knowledge to good use, it was a silly funny story and it grew a plot
Dancer AU, a drabble fail that was just a vision and then some people kind of made it get a full dual pov, double 5 + 1 plot
Numbers are not everything but I do like data and stats
Kudos: 3,969
Comment Threads: 187
Bookmarks: 946
Hits: 37,149
Numbers do not define an author's worth, but I also can see how far I've gotten with just one day deciding I wanted to write and post my fun little words again
top 3 sorted by kudos
las formas de llamarte amor (2.5k - 630 kudos)
my first fic in the rwrb fandom, it makes me so happy to see it being loved, it was the ultimate show of self indulgence
Henry has been a public figure for most of his life, the reason why he’s been given dozens of titles, some kinder than others, he’s been the gay prince, the spare, the prince of England's hearts, the activist, the author.
All of the titles are inevitably a part of his history, but the way Alex calls him is the most important of all. Because to Alex, he is sweetheart, amor, and corazón; Alex calls him mi vida in between kisses and whispers hermoso, lindo, precioso with his wandering hands working through Henry’s body. His name sounds better when it comes out of Alex’s lips.
or
5 times Alex calls Henry a pet name in Spanish and one time he calls him by his name
or
Henry learns Spanish one pet name at a time
to belong to a family (even beyond this world) (2.5k - 578 kudos)
this one, this one i wrote with my own soul, i used my tears as ink, wrote it for the Halloween Huh fest and it all the comments have made me so incredibly happy
“Talk to him. They listen, they always listen,” Ligia says and Henry nods, she squeezes his hand again before turning back and leaving him alone in front of the ofrenda.
It's very rare that Henry has been at a loss for words when he tries to talk to his father. He has spent countless nights speaking to the stars, looking for Orion and hoping that —wherever his father is— he is looking for it too.
“Hi dad,” Henry says softly, taking another look at the picture of his father, smiling at the camera. “I missed you.”
or When Alex and Henry go to Mexico for Día de Muertos a familiar face appears on the Díaz ofrenda
you are an idiot (i missed you) (1.6k - 475 kudos)
wrote this on a whim, blacked out and pulled this out of nowhere, my first fic for aftg and really just an excuse to write Andreil being married for convenience™
The best, and arguably the only, good part of playing on opposing teams from your husband was getting to play a match against him.
Therefore one could say that Neil was very excited about getting to play against Andrew tonight.
Not only because for the first time since the season started they'd finally be in the same State and City (And later after the game, the same house) but also because Neil thought Andrew was 100% hotter when he was playing (Not that he would tell him out loud), and seeing him live was definitely better than seeing him on a screen.
There was also the added bonus of the infamous Minyard - Josten Rivalry.
Or
Neil and Andrew are having too much fun with their rivalry until someone else takes it too seriously, and then they have a talk.
Being a not native english speaker means that fanfic does teach me a lot of stuff, namely vocabulary this year stars some bangers
Saccharine
Ubiquitous
Litany
Chagrin
Filibuster
I created a total of 19 docs, which doesn't mean there's 19 fics there, but it also doesn't not mean it
Alex's POV wins with total of seven fics
Six fics have the tag of Alex Claremont-Díaz Speaks Spanish
Three of my wips have an outline longer than 10 pages
there's a 30%? chance I will write smut at some point in the new year
my funniest doc title is "If you have religious trauma and you know it clap your hands"
This year has been crazy, for many reasons but I'm glad I found this space and I'm glad I'm back to writing, and on top of it all I'm glad of being able to meet so many because of it.
And the year is not over yet! There's still more to come!
I'm tagging a few people, don't feel pressured to do this but if there's anything you feel proud of I'd love to see it @inexplicablymine @happiness-of-the-pursuit @affectionatelyrs @littlemisskittentoes @ssmtskw @raysletters @14carrotghoul @heybuddy-drabbles @suseagull04 @everwitch-magiks @sherryvalli @rockyroadkylers
#fanfiction#tag game#fic wrapped#red white and royal blue#all for the game#i thought about waiting for this#but I'm impatient#so bear with me#this year was crazy#but you'll get a cheesier post in new years eve
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“Inferno, Canto I, 1-90 Dante running from three beasts is rescued by Virgil” by William Blake.
* * *
Inferno Canto I:1-60 The Dark Wood and the Hill
'In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself, in a dark wood, where the direct way was lost. It is a hard thing to speak of, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood was, so that thinking of it recreates the fear. It is scarcely less bitter than death: but, in order to tell of the good that I found there, I must tell of the other things I saw there.
I cannot rightly say how I entered it. I was so full of sleep, at that point where I abandoned the true way. But when I reached the foot of a hill, where the valley, that had pierced my heart with fear, came to an end, I looked up and saw its shoulders brightened with the rays of that sun that leads men rightly on every road. Then the fear, that had settled in the lake of my heart, through the night that I had spent so miserably, became a little calmer. And as a man, who, with panting breath, has escaped from the deep sea to the shore, turns back towards the perilous waters and stares, so my mind, still fugitive, turned back to see that pass again, that no living person ever left.
After I had rested my tired body a while, I made my way again over empty ground, always bearing upwards to the right. And, behold, almost at the start of the slope, a light swift leopard with spotted coat. It would not turn from before my face, and so obstructed my path, that I often turned, in order to return.
The time was at the beginning of the morning, and the sun was mounting up with all those stars, that were with him when Divine Love first moved all delightful things, so that the hour of day, and the sweet season, gave me fair hopes of that creature with the bright pelt.
But not so fair that I could avoid fear at the sight of a lion, that appeared, and seemed to come at me, with raised head and rabid hunger, so that it seemed the air itself was afraid; and a she-wolf that looked full of craving in its leanness, and, before now, has made many men live in sadness. She brought me such heaviness of fear, from the aspect of her face, that I lost all hope of ascending. And as one who is eager for gain, weeps, and is afflicted in his thoughts, if the moment arrives when he loses, so that creature, without rest, made me like him: and coming at me, little by little, drove me back to where the sun is silent."
[Centre of Jungian Studies]
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It's not that I necessarily want Matt to be Catholic. (I am not religious.) It's just that he is, and ignoring character traits for personal preference (to the point of complete disownment) has always been weird to me. Understandable (we want a character to be who we want them to be), just odd. I mean, there are traits I hate on certain characters and I'll ignore them, but I know they're still there in canon. That's why I said it's cool if you like atheist Matt, but that doesn't mean Matt is atheist.
I actually don't have a bias towards live-action.* I love the comics very dearly. But it's been nearly 60 years of comics, so that's quite a lot to look through for specific examples to support what I said. That's my fault though. I was being lazy.
You seem to have contradictory stances on Matt's comic religion across different posts, so it's hard for me to keep a consistent reply. Sometimes, you mention a compulsory faith for the time period. But then in post 746073669336498176, you say, "matt was never catholic before that." I can't get a read on your exact position.
But anyway…
Yes, Smith's run in 1998 can be considered an outlier. Some of its Catholic elements are as heavy-handed as the current run. And some actions (like trying to murder a baby for being the anti-Christ) are too distorted by Mysterio's gas to get the most accurate read on Matt's belief system throughout. But that arc still begins and ends with a not-gassed Matt in confession with a priest. Wearing a crucifix necklace while he is. Iterating his childhood spent studying in church. And the final words of #8 being, "To do my father's work," referencing God. The story is an outlier for its severe piety, sure, but… the whole thing is still canon. Still Matt being Catholic, for better or worse.
More religion and confession in #267... More in #348... But I hesitate to get nitpicky on every. single. instance. of Matt showing any signs. I'd have to comb through the whole catalogue.
Also with Nocenti, any time Mephisto comes up, you run the risk of one reference or another. #266 is one. #280-#281 is another-- in which Matt believes he's in a frozen Hell. Comes upon a church confessional he thinks will provide relief. He "prayed" (his word) he could make fire out of a cross, and does. It ends up being part of what saves him. Meanwhile, narration compares his journey to something like The Divine Comedy, with him traveling Heaven and Hell. (The symbolism alone is good. The accompanying religious belief is not absent.)
This is long enough, and I don't want to keep poring over the source material. I can if you want?
It's not that Matt isn't religious. It's just that religion doesn't come up often. (Good, this is about a superhero.) But when it does, all signs point to him being a believer. If you want to say, "Comic Matt isn't Catholic… as soon as I exclude this instance, this one, and this one," that's fine for your personal headcanons. But you are… ignoring the fact that Matt is Catholic. You're trimming off parts of canon so he fits in the box.
He's not devout. That is true. Matt's religion comes up so infrequently (excluding recent writing), it clearly isn't a large aspect of his personhood. But it still comes up. So… with his foundational youth in the church, occasional references he still believes in God/religious symbols, and no evidence he ever actually turned away from those beliefs, I still consider "lapsed Catholic" to be the best label for Matt. It's not like I'm trying to convert him for my own ends (I have no bias one way or the other), but I am plugging comic canon into Occam's Razor to arrive at the conclusion Matt Murdock is Catholic. The greater burden of proof is on the position he's atheist, and I can't think of any.
Maybe Matt being Catholic is boring for you personally, and that's fine.
*(My mention of the 2003 movie wasn't anything other than a reference to the reply where you said there was no evidence of him being Catholic prior to the tv series. But the movie is one really obvious one. I wanted to point out a too quick conclusion that the 2015 adaptation didn't come up with the concept first. Again, I was lazy and that's my fault.)
"He's not devout. That is true. Matt's religion comes up so infrequently (excluding recent writing), it clearly isn't a large aspect of his personhood." yeah okay. all that just to prove my point man
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Now my version of Hazbin!Cain. In my lore he becomes that world's equivalent of the grim reaper. He keeps to himself. He met Cassidy somewhere in the 60s/70s and had Flora. But he left, partly out of fear that he could harm them but also he felt having a family impaired his duties as reaper. He pops up some decades late when he finds out about Evangeline.
Because of The Mark, he cannot die. But this also means he can't enter heaven nor hell. He still envied Abel but deeply regrets murdering him.
Green to symbolize jealousy, plants, "middle faction" between heaven Blue and hell red
Boots are designed as if rot is crawling up on him
Uses a scythe
Gold eyes, thick brows and brown hair like adam, shares brother's skin tone
Long hair like his mom Eve
Touch of red for anger, silver to represent how he feels: he will always come second to Abel no matter what
Vegetarian most of the time
Super strength from time as a farmer
Reads the almanac
Favorite food is popcorn
Got into death metal
Attended Woodstock because he wanted some peace nd felt he could find it among hippies
that was the place where he met Cassidy
Misses his original family and has built a place for them to reside since his descendants weren't allowed in heaven nor hell
Spent literal centuries trying to unlock the secrets of the Garden of Eden
"super" mode in the form of a lion
Has a pet venus flytrap named Divinity
Hates his dad, total mama's boy
Actually knows his mom is on Earth he just keeps it a secret to spite everyone
Becomes fond of Nifty because she killed his dad (good job nifty)
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Greetings everyone! So uhm. its been a while since my last liveblog post. there have been some circumstances that made me really not wanna read, but now they have passed and I have risen from the ashes like a glorious phoenix and I can resume my divine mission of complaining about this mediocre-at-best book series to an audience of as many as 60 people if you can believe it. Also we're back to the style of post where I just jot down all my thoughts bullet-point style because my life is in shambles
Anyway, last time we had a chapter where literally nothing happened except for Lucien showing up at the very end, so lets see what he does in this chapter 47
I still cant believe its been only two months since Feyre started permanently living at the night court and forgiving Rhysand for torturing her, its taken me longer to forgive people at my school who mildly annoyed me. Also wait, Feyre was UTM for three months, shes spent more time consecutively being tortured by Rhysand than consecutively having a good time with him wth
Feyre stop fuckin jacking the bat boys off challenge (impossible!!)
Ive seen this part where Feyre talks about the bat boys being so much stronger than Lucien in english where shes like "Lucien may have trained to be a warrior, but Cassian, Azriel and Rhys were Warriors" like oh fuck, we gotta get out of here!! those guys are Proper Nouns!! But in the german version, this line is just "Lucien may have trained to become a warrior, but Cassian, Azriel and Rhysand were warriors" because nouns are always capitalized in german and not just when theyre Super Epic and Cool so you cant do that thing that english books do with proper nouns, and Idk i think thats pretty interesting
Something about Feyre being all like "theyre hunting me, its like Im their prey" really pisses me off, I think its because it could be cool and thematically relevant but instead its just kindof nothing
Speaking of which, Lucien coming ip to her and saying "We've been hunting for you" is so forced, it reminds me of how Tamlin would say these weird objectifying things to Feyre alllll the way at the start of ACOMAF even though hes never said shit like that before, except this is way worse because who on earth would say it like that?? hello?? If you were looking for someone who went missing, you'd say like, we've been searching for you or we've been looking for you, not we've been hunting for you thats just insane
HUH?? which high lord gave her the ability to slow down time??? Thats so overpowered and I dont remember anyone ever talking about it
Oh, of course they cant just be afraid of Feyre, they have to be afraid of Rhysand who just showed up
Did this motherfucker really take the time to change his outfit just make his dramatic entrance just a little more dramatic? Honestly, if it was any other guy I would think thats so iconic, but because its Rhysand just wearing his fucking black tunic again I just want him to explode
"Has your mother, the Lady of the Autumn Court, not taught you that you should listen to a lady?" why he have to say that Lucien's mom is the Lady of the Autumn Court thats so awkward. Also yeah, it sounds more awkward translated from german to english because they use both 'Lady' and 'Dame' (which is german for lady) in the same sentence, but its still just a very bad line
This is actually kind of interesting because Im guessing Lucien called Rhys a dirty son of a bitch in the original and then he growled because its like, oh Lucien insulted his lovely mother that he loves soooo much, but its been translated here as 'Hurensohn' (lit. 'whore's son') so it gains this additional layer where Lucien is not just insulting his mom also using a word that's like a trigger for him which makes it much more impactful imo. good job, Ms. Ernst
The fact that Feyre is getting on Lucien's case for siding with Gamlin over her is mighty ironic when you consider whats gonna happen in acosf, but also Lucien right now and the IC in acosf are making the same choice of listening to their close friend of several centuries over his gf that theyve known for like a year. Like, yeah, obviously its super shitty in both cases but I do get why they did it. And thats not even factoring in the political power Tamlin and Rhys have over their friends, like, it really doesnt matter if you "dont enforce rank" because youre the super special ones who were literally chosen by god to rule, you have an inherent authority over the people around you
This is all so frustrating because I do sympathize with Feyre for feeling abandoned by Lucien because that is essentially what he did, but I really dont like how hes portrayed as being unambigiously in the wrong for caring more about politics or himself than Feyre when its like, first of all, politics impact sooooo many people of course making sure that the SC at leats looks stable from the outside is more important than Feyre's mental health, and second of all, Feyre also pretty much only cares about herself. Which is her right btw, she has been very traumatized, she should be prioritizing herself for a while now, i just dont like the way the narrative frames this whole thing
Honestly, Feyre's kinda slaying rn. Her with her big spooky bat wings being all like "when youve been trapped in the darkness for so long it becomes your best friend" is kinda cool, idc
Okay, nevermind, she slayed for exactly one line and then she was nearly choking on Tamlin's name "because of what Rhysand did to him" girlie that was centuries ago why are you making this about him when he was being abusive two months ago* *i dont think he was actually being abuse but thats the framing of the narrative so im just going with it
I would usually properly translate this line but my brain isnt up to it at the moment, but its onpage 528 and I think you'll know which one I mean if you look at it, but I dont really understand Feyre being like "if I had stayed at the spring court and just given myself over to my own misery, I wouldve learned to take pleasure in other people's pain" Is it trying to justify Feyre being needlessly cruel by implying that it was inevitable and that her UTM trauma would've made her become like this no matter what? First of all, you cant say that for sure though and second of all, wowweweee Sarah Janett Maas knows soooooo much about mental health, she should become a psychiatrist, no degree necessary
"You are dead. You and your entire damned court." ohhhhhh so THATS why they call him death incarnate. Someone bring him back to life so no one ever calls him that again
??? Feyre was talking about how weird she felt about her lack of feeling when she was speaking to Lucien just now, but she was thinking about feeling guilty for desjring Rhysand?? what. Am i just being stupid rn or are those things no in any way related
man this chapter was exhausting
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Amanda (Amanda Lepore)
Of all the celebrities in the world, I chose her. I could have had Britney, J.Lo, Maria, Fergie, Celine, or Elizabeth Taylor-- heck, even Tilda Swinton, if androgyny was so compelling….
But no. My very deliberate first choice of celebrity perfume came from an aging transgender socialite with a rampant cosmetic surgery addiction and four dance-mix EPs that can best be described as unlistenable.
Why her? Why Amanda Lepore?
For those not in the know, Amanda Lepore is the steely-yet-vulnerable, thoroughly unshockable, plastic-fantastic queen of Manhattan's stygian depths. During the legendary '90's, Amanda ran with the likes of James Saint James, Richie Rich, DJ Keoki, and the Club Kids' notorious Svengali, Michael Alig. Her über-smooth, surgically-enhanced visage -- complete with cherry-red lips pumped full-to-bursting with collagen -- provided photographer and lifelong friend David LaChappelle with decades of inspiration. On the other hand, it's also attracted a particularly nasty brand of social editorial, scathing in its rejection of the blurred gender line.
But rest assured, I am not here to wield that weapon.
On the surface, Amanda's world is as far from my world as Pluto is to the sun. But I have been attracted to it all my life. I myself have walked the gender identity tightrope, as have many of my idols: David Bowie, Patti Smith, Nico and Candy Darling, Lili Elbe, Justin Vivian Bond, Kate Bornstein, Charles Busch, John Cameron Mitchell, Eddie Izzard, Divine. I identify more with these outlaws of the gender frontier than I do with Britney & Co. any day. And because of all this, I desperately wanted Amanda not to fail. I longed to see her perfume blow away all the haters and baiters and nasty naysayers.
Due to its limited production (only 5,000 bottles released) and prohibitive price tag ($900+), it appears that precious few samples of Amanda ever made their way into the hands of reviewers. Most journalists, online and off, merely recycled the most shocking snippets from the office press release. Its bottle (encrusted with 1,000 Swarovski crystals!) and its preposterous ingredients (red lipstick! Steamed rice! A dash of real Cristal® champagne"!) set Amanda up to be a magnificent train wreck.
Yet Luca Turin swore up and down that the damned thing had merit. He raved about the marvelous job done by Christophe Laudamiel to harness and tame its sizable iris content (which -- more than any amount of tacky bling -- surely accounted for that massive price tag).
If this was the Holy Grail of trash fragrances, loyalty drove this kitten to undertake a quest. In the end I found a tiny decant listed at a 60% percent discount-- perfect for me, since naturally I don't have a month's rent to spend on a single perfume. What else could I do? I snapped it up.
While waiting for its delivery, I confess I began to suffer from buyer's remorse. Had I really stopped to consider what a former Club Kid's perfume might smell like? I envisioned sweaty cleavage encased in a cruelly boned corset, whose black organza and lace had absorbed an evening's worth of subway stench, cigarette smoke, spilled bubbly and lightly toasted ketamine. (What can I say? I've read AND watched Party Monster far too often for my own good.) Even worse, I imagined the smell of the corset's matching black lace panties. A boozy, sexy, sticky, spent-all-night-at-the-club-and-can't-be-bothered-to-shower-now sort of smell. An ANGEL sort of smell.
What the hell had I done?
When Amanda arrived, I sat staring at the spray sample vial as if it held Eau de Kryptonite. I decided to apply it after a shower, not bothering to dress in case I found myself forced to break a land-speed record to get back under the hot spray.
Please, god, please-- don't let it be a scrubber, I found myself chanting. Come on, Amanda….
The first note shocked me cross-eyed. Are you fucking serious? I heard myself saying aloud. Apparently, yes she is. Delicate, delicious, and without a doubt feminine, here was the scent of steamed rice. When I first read those words in the press release, I'd thought it was a joke. But what now rose from my wrists was a remarkable facsimile of steamer-cooked Japanese short-grain brown rice, bran-rich and faintly woody. A mandarin note rode atop it, veiled as daintily in curls of steam as Lady Godiva in her long golden tresses. (Again, Amanda: are you fucking serious?)
A faint hint of fruity plastic -- the so-called "lipstick" accord -- followed, tailed by a tinge of something alcoholic. Cristal®? More like Gekkeikan. Yes, it was the unmistakable scent of warm plum sake. After expecting to be clocked in the head with a disco ball, to be ushered instead into the tatami room of a traditional kaiseki restaurant was near about the limit. The repast Amanda set before me was simple, impeccable, refined-- but she wasn't finished with me yet.
After ten minutes, the iris kicked in. The scent of iris shares so many olfactory characteristics with the notes that came before it -- rice, steam, gluten, wood, even plastic -- that I found myself whispering, Yes, yes, of course, I see it! It's not listed, but I trusted my own nose and that of Luca Turin: there's iris in here, all right. (In fact, I think that perhaps it alone creates that starchy-steam accord.)
After an hour, I was still fully engaged with the interweave of Amanda's three main accords: iris, rice, mandarin. At any given moment, one seemed more prominent than the others-- but a moment later, it gracefully ceded the foreground to another. I kept expecting a hostile takeover by something loathsome a la Angel, but it never came. Over and over, eternal, tranquil, they braided closely around one another - iris, rice, mandarin.
The watershed moment came when my spouse came home from work. I'd warned him that morning that my pulse points would be the staging area for an experiment-- possibly hazardous. Now I held my arm out to him. Correctly gauging the smile on my face as a green light, he leaned in cautiously to inhale, then nodded.
"That's really nice; what is that?" he said.
"It's Amanda," I replied.
"It's quieter than I expected," he said. "Pleasant."
"A keeper?"
"A keeper."
That night I wore it to an art gallery opening. With my spouse by my side and Amanda on my skin, I felt as though I was in the best of company. How does that song go?
Well she's all you'd ever want;
She's the kind you'd like to flaunt and take to dinner.
Well she always knows her place;
She's got style, she's got grace-- she's a winner.
She's a lady…
and the lady is mine.
--Tom Jones "She's A Lady"
Scent Elements: Iris, mandarin, strawberry, woods, cucumber, "red lipstick", "steamed rice", and "champagne" accords. And Amanda. Beautiful, fascinating, unforgettable Amanda.
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iii. better than that || all i could do
"I'm flying full speed ahead.”
“I want you and you and nothing but you.”
Pairing: Lee Jihoon x f!Reader
Summary: One year with Jihoon and all you can see is how much better life is with him.
Warnings: fluff
Word Count: 1300
A/N: this is one of my favorite songs in the whole musical, i just think it's so bright and summer-y. plus the weather here in korea has been just so perfect so i love the feeling.
join the taglist!
previous chapter || back to library || next chapter
“Jihoon, let’s pull over and buy some snacks,” you whined as you pulled his hand into yours.
“No,” Jihoon shook his head with a laugh, glancing over to see you pouting in the passenger’s seat. You knew Jihoon was a sucker for your pout (he was a sucker for you in general), but you underestimated his unwavering dedication to impress your parents with his punctuality.
“Your parents are expecting us at 3, so we’ll be there at 3.” He brought your hands over the center console as he rubbed his thumb across your hand.
“But–”
“No,” he interrupted. His tone was firm, but the smile on his face was playful. “We can buy some snacks when I stop for gas, alright?” You smiled back at him, relishing the small victory. Jihoon was not very good at saying no to you.
It was the beginning of October now and the leaves were beginning to fall. The country roads leading to your parents’ home were littered with oranges and golds and you were thankful for the week off from school and even more thankful that you didn’t have to return to your small town alone for the holiday.
It was the middle of the fall semester and you and Jihoon were both thankful to be done with midterms. Unlike midterms the last two semesters however, you and Jihoon spent more time studying in the bedroom of his apartment rather than on campus. You did go to the library a few times, but once Jihoon released his song (the one he was writing when you first met him) it became hard to focus with people coming up to him every five minutes to congratulate him.
It happened like a lightning strike. It seemed that overnight Jihoon had become the latest buzz among campus, and you couldn’t be any happier that the world was now getting to see the amazing brain that you’ve gotten to know over the last year. It was easy to share his brain with the world when you knew you had his heart all for yourself.
The world knew him as a rockstar, a smooth-talking, guitar-shredding, cool-as-ice rockstar. But you knew him as the nerdy owner of 3 Lego Star Wars models with loose papers strewn around his room and a pathetically empty fridge that only ever had Coke Zero and an assortment of cheeses.
So here you are, hours deep on the drive to your small hometown with your big shot loser boyfriend and you relished the idea of it, unable to hide the proud smile that crept onto your lips.
“What’s got you smiling, pretty girl?” Jihoon’s question brought you out of your thoughts. You looked up at him. His raven hair was now grown out and wavy, unlike when you first met him, and he had one hand on the wheel, driving down the empty country road much faster than the prescribed 60 miles per hour. He was divine, he was yours.
“You,” you answered simply.
Jihoon glanced down at you with a chuckle. “Me, huh?”
“Yup,” you popped the ‘p’ at the end of your word. “How much have I told you about my hometown, babe?”
He hummed in thought before answering. “Not much,” he replied. “Just that it was small and you couldn’t wait to get out of it.”
“You’re right,” you mused. “That really isn't much at all.”
“Are you finally planning on sharing the lore with me?” Jihoon asked playfully.
“Yeah,” you relented, turning to rest your elbows on the center console and your head in your hands. “I guess it’s finally time to drop the mysterious girlfriend act.”
“By all means,” Jihoon encouraged with a laugh.
“Well,” you began. “It all started senior year when my best friend got pregnant. It was big news, but not much of a surprise. Anyway, that summer she and her baby daddy had a shotgun wedding at her family’s farm and they got a little cute house on a little cute street and had a cute little baby. She stayed home with the kid and he got a job at the pretzel store in the mall. Happily ever after.”
Jihoon laughed. “No way that’s the end of the lore,” he prodded. “You haven’t even talked about yourself yet.”
“Okay, okay,” you continued. “Honestly, that’s a pretty common way to go for people from my town, and I guess while the white picket fence life is nice and cute and sweet enough… At some point I decided that I wanted something better than that… that I could do better than that.”
“And have you?” Jihoon asked playfully.
“I’d say so,” you replied with a smile. “Anyway, later that fall, I finally moved to the city for school. I got myself a single room, got lost on campus a few times, and nearly smuggled a cat into my dorm. I was making A’s in all my pre-med classes, and I think that’s around the time I met–”
“Me?” Jihoon interrupted.
You smirked as you shook your head. “That’s when I met Mingyu,” you corrected.
“Oh, Mingyu,” Jihoon rolled his eyes. “Gross.”
You reached over and lightly swatted at his arm and he pretended to wince before pulling your hand into his once again. “As I was saying,” you began. “He was in my statistics class, and he was cute and funny and smart as a whip. Honestly wouldn’t have gotten an A in that class without him.”
“Ahem,” Jihoon coughed. “Continue.”
“So we started dating,” you continued. “And I thought things were going well until right before Christmas when he left me out of the blue with a heartfelt letter saying he needed to focus on his ‘career.’” You moved your hands in air quotations to emphasize the last word.
“Isn’t he a mid-tier League of Legends player?” Jihoon scoffed as you nodded ruefully and shrugged. He smirked and slipped your hands together.
“It hurt for a bit,” you confessed. “Until I realized… I can do better than that.”
Jihoon was now exiting the highway and pulling into a gas station that had definitely seen better days. He put the car in park and turned to you. “And that’s when you met me?”
You nodded and slipped your hand to cup his face. “That’s when I met you,” you confirmed as you leaned in for a kiss. Jihoon’s hands felt like fire as they traced their way up your arms and found their place at the back of your neck. He pulled you in like you were air fanning the flame. You’re not sure who came up for air first.
“Jihoon,” you whispered his name breathlessly. “When we get to my house, take a good look at everything I left behind and look at how far I’ve come. Then think about everything we have to look forward to together, everything you and I want, and think about how much better we can do.”
“I think life is looking great already,” he breathed against your lips, pressing one last kiss against them.
He was right, things were looking up for the both of you. Graduation was one year away and you were doing well in your classes, and Jihoon’s music was gaining more and more traction. Things were on the up and they were moving fast.
“Then think about moving in with me,” the words escaped your mouth before you had a chance to second guess them. You swear you could hear Jihoon’s heart beating in the inches of space between you.
He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, shaking his head with a smile before leaning his forehead against yours gently. “Beat me to it again.”
Taglist: @yksthings @alonelystarfish @coveyland @xuimhao @sana-is-ms-rmty @gummymintae @maverey
#lee jihoon#woozi#seventeen fluff#seventeen scenarios#seventeen x reader#woozi x reader#woozi scenarios#woozi fluff#lee jihoon x reader#woozi angst#lee jihoon angst#seventeen angst
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I hate math so instead I'm gonna be using this time to flesh out some of my characters families publicly
Atlas- has like 5 siblings, 3 are cis boys, one is a cis girl and the 5th is a trans girl, his parents are very loving and very overwhelmed so when he was a kid they'd send each of their children out to their grandparents' place on alternating weekends to get a break. Atlas always seemed very calm and easy but then you'd look in his room that he shares eith his sister and he'd have like. A deer in there. He loves his family but they're very overwhelming so he lives with his grandparents a lot of the time now, they kind of expect him to come to their place 30% of the week after school and he has his own room there (easier when he isn't living in a 4 room apartment with 6 other people). Two of his brothers are older (17 and 18) and one is the youngest in the family (10) and they're all equally bullshit chaotic. Whenever they go to their grandparents' for a weekend the older two always build something ridiculous like a trebuchet or working fake guillotine and the youngest always tries it out. His sister who's trans is 21 and doesn't live at home due to the chaos, but she does try to visit as often as she can. His other sister is 13 and as chaotic as his brothers, but much subtler about it (she blames it on the 10 year old whenever her weird experiments get found by their parents)
Alex- he's an only child of two working parents, so he spent a lot of time alone at home with his dogs and when he met atlas, he pretty much instantly adopted him as a brother figure (atlas is glad that at least one of his brothers isn't batshit insane). When Alex got diagnosed with GAD and a panic disorder, his parents started letting him spend more time with atlas when they were out from the house so he had someone to look out for him. Atlas's grandparents think that Alex is very sweet and polite and have basically become a secondary family for him whenever he needs one. It's not that his parents are bad, they just don't have the money to be able to have enough time for him.
Athena- she has a twin brother and single father (who is not related to the god) and he was very much not expecting two children, especially two children who have divine powers (Athena has her fire manipulation and her brother is pretty much completely heat resistant which gave their dad many heart attacks when he was a toddler and kept taking naps in the oven after turning it on, or cuddling with a radiator/sticking his hands in boiling water). Their dad is like 50 or 60 and tries very hard for his children and they appreciate him a lot, but he just can't keep up with them. During the school year, they're pretty much constantly causing trouble and the principal has threatened to suspend them like four times (they both have near-straight As though) and he just doesn't know what to do.
Lee- his bio parents were Very not ready for a kid and gave him to their family friend, who also didn't really know what to do with him but has been trying their best. They work for the island summer camp as a ranger (that's why Lee lives there) so he's always had a home and a very large family of all the rangers and staff, but he only gets a nuclear family after the story when he ends up living with angel, essie and vince. They were kind of looking to adopt and then angel brought Lee back so he could actually go to a real school instead of being homeschooled by whichever centaur ranger or mermaid grounds keeper thought they maybe knew math. He never technically had siblings, but he had a sibling relationship with many of the younger centaurs on the island. He never learned enough sign language to communicate with the merfolk who didn't know English, but he still has a pretty close relationship with them due to growing up together.
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Top Albums of 2022
Well what can I say, almost a third of the way into 2023 and I am finally getting around to sharing my top albums of 2022 list. My apologies to the throngs of fans who have been waiting with bated breath to hear who makes the top 5! In reality, I really should just be saying thanks for reading, those fair few of you who are interested, I mainly do this for myself as a way to relive not just the year in music but the year itself. It is always interesting to think about where and when I first listened to a song or a record and why something connected with me at that particular point in time. Sometimes it is a situation I was going through or a song that just fits like a soundtrack to an activity or place or some songs are just hits and would have connected no matter what.
It is an interesting time for the music industry as artists are still gripped by pandemic experiences, but their ways of dealing with things are starting to get more variable. There are some albums celebrating life rather than being all introspective about it, while many are just moving on to the art they have been making for years. Themes that I trended toward personally were songs with narrative and poetic elements and as always honesty and vulnerability. The streaming era has brought more autonomy to many musicians out there and the listening party or livestream era has allowed them to connect more directly with fans around the world in a way never thought previously possible. I just hope they are finding a way to make money off of all these things too! Anyway, on to the main event, the list! Here are the links to the playlists, the snapshot “Top Tracks” is 60 or so songs that defined the year for me, one from each album and a few others thrown in for fun and then the mega “Top Albums” playlist is all 560 or so songs from all 55 albums in the list below, I hope you find something new and fun for you!
Top Tracks
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Bn123mfaKMiDscyOdjCus?si=3d179d6af2ca4f47
Top Albums
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FutetZ44iCsMagTchGpGH?si=0fddf5a2ac9e486a
55. Marcus Mumford-(self-titled)
Marcus Mumford’s first solo effort at times feels like a really sparse Mumford and Sons record. He gets a boost from the likes of Brandi Carlise and Phoebe Bridgers but just the guitar lines on “Grace'' alone is enough to set it apart from his band. In the end it is a great opportunity for Mumford to explore his individual journey through life and share it with us.
Top Track-Grace
54. Maggie Rogers-Surrender
Rogers sophomore release features a bit more wisdom and variety from the 27 year old recent Harvard Divinity School grad, from the driving single “That’s Where I Am” to her Florence and the Machine collaboration “I’ve Got A Friend” Rogers tremendous vocals float above it all.
Top Track-That’s Where I Am
53. Typhoon-Underground Complex No. 1
The first in what appears to be a series of albums musing on resentment, this more spare version of Typhoon represents an interesting shift in the bands post-covid era and a sort of concept record that tells individual stories of folks dealing with some tough things.
Top Track-Mind of God
52. Blood Root-I’m Not Trying to Start A Fire Anymore
The debut album from female solo artist Blood Root is as spare as the information about her out there on the internet. Simple synth lines with a light drum and strum of a guitar frames her strong and sometimes layered lyrics that often have a dreamy feel to them.
Top Track: Tether
51. Alison Sudol-Still Come The Night
The latest effort from the former Fine Frenzy turned Fantastic Beasts movie star is a celebration of her happiness. She has moved more into the Folk/Indie realm as compared to her previous form and while I miss some of the melodic nature, the poetic feel of this form is a welcome replacement.
Top Track: No Other
50. Whitney-SPARK
A new more upbeat sound from the Chicago duo turned roommates turned best friends who spent the pandemic and since living in a Portland bungalow, making music that turned out somewhat psychedelic, somewhat folky but over all an expression of perseverance through whatever life throws at you.
Top Track-COUNTY LINES
49. alt-J-The Dream
The London based trio’s fourth studio album is another pandemic inspired record that the band says grew a bit more experimental than their previous works since gaining international recognition and touring and such. Having time to just write and record led to an album that jumps back and forth between driving alt hits and strange sing-songy ballads, overall a pretty fun ride.
Top Track-U&ME
48. EXES-Don’t Give Up On Me Now
The second release from the alt pop duo is a sparse spare exploration of life and love lost, with song titles like “Stuck” “Still” and “You” you can probably guess what most of the content is going to center around, delicate vocals surrounded by minimal drums and a few strums on the guitar makes for a wonderful sonic experience.
Top Track: it was supposed to be us
47. Anna of the North-Crazy Life
The third effort from Norwegian singer-songwriter Anna Lotterud is a gentle electro pop romp, Anna’s soprano vocals are light as air but when layered with fun bass lines, whistles and even bird sounds on the opening track, it all ends up being a really celebratory experience.
Top Track:Nobody
46. The Chainsmokers-So Far So Good
These guys probably need no introduction, according to Spotify the 80th ranked artist in the world with 34 million monthly listeners, a pretty amazing climb for the American dj producer duo. Of note about this album is the lack of collaborative artists, relying on their own production and autotune vocals to do the heavy lifting and while I miss the variety especially lacking any kind of duet feel, it is still a big time album.
Top Track: Riptide
45. Paolo Nutini-Last Night In The Bittersweet
It has been 8 years since Nutini released an album and probably more like 15 since most of us heard from him, but the Scottish singer of “New Shoes” is back with a new sound. It is a complete reinvention of his musical self that most probably wouldn’t even recognize and I appreciate the boldness. This album verges more on classic rock than pop through its 16 tracks and is worth a listen if only to remind yourself that people can change.
Top Track-Through The Echoes
44. Judah & the Lion-Revival
The fourth studio album for the alt-folk group sees them go from a trio to a duo with the exit of banjo player Nate Zurcher, as the name suggests the band sees this as a renewal after Zurcher left, Akers spent some time solo, and that whole global pandemic thing. It is definitely a more upbeat and positive record while being a bit less rock and a bit more folk, they even try to capture a bit of the Tik Tok craze with a Fleetwood Mac cover on one track.
Top Track: HAPPY LIFE
43. Passenger-Birds That Flew Ships That Sailed
The somewhat unbelievable 14th studio release for British singer-songwriter Michael Rosenberg sounds much like his previous work. This album explores human impermanence with Rosenberg’s guitar and string arrangements surrounding his unique vocals. Notable is the surprise self release nature of the record with no press tour or label backing and his commitment to donate the proceeds to an initiative to fight plastic pollution in the ocean.
Top Track: Blink of an Eye
42. Seven Lions-Beyond The Veil
The California based producer Jeff Montalvo calls this is his first official album which is a little strange for an act that has been amassing a huge cult following for over a decade. The album is full of big building dance/trance hits with help from the likes of Lights and Vancouver Sleep Clinic that fit into your house party or your gym routine.
Top Track: Call On Me
41. The Lumineers-Brightside
“Where we are, I don’t know where we are, but it will be ok” starts the third track on the Lumineers fourth album and it feels like a good mantra for what we have all been through these last few years. The Denver based folk rock mega artists latest album presents a mainly positive view on things which is refreshing and fun.
Top Track: AM Radio
40. BROODS-Space Island
The Kiwi electro pop duo put out their fourth full length this year and it is a much more diverse sound than we have heard from them in the past. This album focuses on heartbreak and grief and subsequently comes out a bit more thoughtful and dreamy, “Distance and Drugs” and “I Keep” still have that driving sound that previous fans will recognize but the rest of the album shows a broader range that new ones may appreciate.
Top Track: Distance and Drugs
39. The Early November-Twenty
“This both is and isn’t a new Early November Record” says the pop-punk band’s current Spotify bio as Ace Enders and Co mark their 20th year as a band. Ace has spent much of that 20 years moving back and forth between different solo efforts and bands but his signature thoughtful lyrics and delicate yet powerful punk sound have endured. This is evidenced by how cohesive this record sounds for being a mix of re-recorded old songs and new ones. While I think most would agree the sound is more in tune with the early 2000s, there is a maturity that can still exist in today's music scene.
Top Track: Make It Happen
38. The Head And The Heart-Every Shade of Blue
The fifth album from the Seattle based Folk Rock band marks their first since the departure of frontman Josiah Johnson and while the sound is much the same that fans would expect there is definitely more an element of vocals by committee with more choral harmonic lines and more falsetto in the male vocals. The album itself has something for everyone with 16 tracks to choose from, you're bound to find at least one you like!
Top Track: Virginia (Wind in the Night)
37. Pinegrove-11:11
New Jersey based alt-country outfit put out their fifth record this year as well, their post pandemic album is an up and down shuffle of poetic lyrics and tingey guitars. Frontman Evan Stephens Hall’s signature twang is the center of everything and while I don’t always love that sound in my music it works well in conjunction with the somewhat unorthodox drumming and variety of instrumentation involved in the band's work.
Top Track: Alaska
36. Matt Nathanson-Boston Accent
The prolific folk rocker put out his 12th studio album this year and while I dont think any of the singles hit like his biggest songs, the style remains. This record looks somewhat backward at his roots in Massachusetts and examines his leaving at the age of 18 heading out to California to further his career, but as always through the lens of heartbreak and busted relationships.
Top Track: German Cars
35. Murder By Death-Spell/Bound
Twenty years of spooky folk rock from this Indiana based group has brought a mature, thoughtful sound from one of the bands I have followed the longest, the first time I saw them was at a house show in Bloomington in 2005. Prolific tourers I have seen them in most places I have lived and they never disappoint. Their unique mix of strings, guitars and Adam Trula’s haunting vocals defines the band's sound and is more than present on this record.
Top Track: Never Be
34. Punch Brothers-Hell on Church Street
I have to be honest, I did not know this was a cover album until I started writing this list, but that didn’t keep me from enjoying Punch Brothers’ latest album, a full album cover of Tony Rice’s iconic 1983 bluegrass album which for an added layer of complexity featured its own cover in the final track on the album, “Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald” which features as a fun cover-inception on the Punch Brothers record. This album features former Nickel Creek plucker Chris Thile’s light hearted vocals and modern fast and furious strumming of the multiple bluegrass instruments involved is a great tribute to Rice and a fun listen even if you hadn’t heard the original.
Top Track: Pride of Man
33. Adam Melchor-Here Goes Nothing!
The New Jersey native turned LA resident put out his debut album this year to great praise from the pop-folk community, building a cult following for his vulnerable and a little weird sounding singer-songwriter style. Melchor bears it all in songs that are too sad for Charlie Puth (according to a hilarious story he told during his live show) with his high tenor voice and gentle acoustic guitar oft framed by horns and piano plinking, a great start to what will surely be a fun career to follow.
Top Track: Turnham Green
32. Kayleigh Goldsworthy-Learning to be Happy
While it is technically her second full length, this really feels like a debut 7 years after her first album came out, add in a global pandemic and it might as well be a lifetime. The NY native (via LA, Nashville and Philly) who describes herself as a former “hired gun” singer for various acts over the years, is coming into her own as an artist with a sound that is kind of a light version of Paramore, but with a bit more disdain for an industry that is still mainly male dominated.
Top Track: Boomerang
31. Riley Pearce-The Water & The Rough
The debut album from Australian alt-folk artist Riley Pearce feels kinda like a dreamscape, recorded in a cabin on the coast and infused with sounds of the surroundings, Pearce uses sparse but thoughtful production to surround his lightly graveled baritone and acoustic guitar to put you in a gentle state of stasis. While some of his tracks like “Furniture” and “Us” are very approachable with broad appeal, the record is filled out with numerous more instrumental driven songs that try to invoke a feeling rather than telling you how to feel.
Top Track: Us
30. ayokay-Digital Dreamscape
LA Based DJ/Producer Alex O’Neill’s sophomore release is a shot in the arm of electro-pop fun, even when the subject matter of the songs is a bit dreary the light airy pop driving beat keeps things going and engages the listener in a year when we are still hearing so many pandemic records that sound isolated and small. This is typified by “Less Alone” which features O’Neill’s friend from high school in Michigan, Quinn XCII, telling him that things are better at home when they are there together, and isn’t that true for all of us?
Top Track: Amnesia
29. The Wonder Years-The Hum Goes on Forever
Power-Punk staples The Wonder Years released their pandemic album this year which revolves mainly around lead singer Dan Campbell’s experiences with a new perspective on life having a kid while the world shut down. Campell’s typical difficulty with surviving in this world remains, but is peppered with a new desire to continue living for someone in this world, all of that emotion is wrapped up in Van’s Warped Tour style punk rock driving drums and guitar licks with his powerful half screeched vocals always at the center.
Top Track: Summer Clothes
28. ODESZA-The Last Goodbye
The fourth effort from the Washington based duo has really brought them into the forefront of the electronic scene and the industry in general. Building a loyal following for the last few years The Last Goodbye brought ODESZA a grammy nomination and a headlining spot at this year’s Bonnaroo. This is a big and bold record that has real peaks and valleys that keep you engaged on a full listen not just one or two good tracks. An appearance from my guy Olafur Arnalds really helps their street cred in my books.
Top Track: Light of Day feat. Olafur Arnalds
27. Lights-PEP
The Canadian electro-pop star put out her fifth album this year and has continued her move into more and more electronically driven music. Her bold colorful look is matched by big beats and songs about taking action and autonomy over her life. Something tells me that we won’t see an acoustic version of this album like she has done in the past with her own songs and Drake’s, I could be wrong but for now we should enjoy the positive powerful electro-pop wave she is riding.
Top Track: Prodigal Daughter
26. Stars-From Capleton Hill
With their first new album in 5 years one of my favorite bands from my formative music listening years, the Canadian indie-pop standouts have come to something of an end with this record. Their narrative lyrics have followed an imaginary pair voiced through Amy Milan and Troquil Campbell’s back and forth duet style for decades and this record becomes something of an end of this dialogue. Surrounded by synths, upbeat drums, and driving bass lines it doesn’t feel like an end but rather a celebration of the story.
Top Track: Pretenders
25. Said The Sky-Sentiment
The sophomore release from Colorado based DJ/producer Trevor Christensen is a big buoyant electro-pop record with a little edge thanks to appearances from the likes of artists like The Maine, State Champs, and Motion City Soundtrack. Christensen shows plenty of range over 15 tracks with heart wrenching songs like “Emotion Sickness” and the closing track “Walk Me Home” which features frequent collaborators Illineum and Chelsea Cutler’s almost painful vocals building into a huge flourishing finish that defines the record.
Top Track: Go On Then Love
24. Old Sea Brigade-5am Paradise
The third release from the Georgia born, Nashville based singer-songwriter is the rare second release since the pandemic on this list. Old Sea Brigade aka Ben Cramer has been busy in the last few years putting together his indie-folk musings through his deep baritone and poetic narrative lyrics encompassed by spare drums that feel like they could fall apart at any moment but then picks back up with a driving almost pop feeling track like “Monochrome” which keeps things moving and draws you into the journey the album takes you on.
Top Track: Old Blooded
23. NOTD-NOTED…EP
I'm kind of breaking the rules here including an EP, but it is 6 tracks long and just couldn’t be left off of the list. This Swedish pop production duo’s 6 song EP features Quinn XCII, Nightly, and The Band Camino, every song is under 3 minutes and is a complete banger. These guys have been remixing other artists' work for years but now that they are putting out their own music I would expect big things in their future.
Top Track: Never A Good Time
22. Tyson Mostenbocker-Milk Teeth
The San Diego native’s third full length comes with a bit more production value than his previous records, a slightly bigger sound on many songs but the center of his poetic rarely rhyming and always honest vocals remains the same. He throws out some great lines like “They seemed so comfortable that time on the Horcrux hunt” and “You broke your back, in the snow, last season at Whistler but on the Blackcomb side though.” I always enjoy his approach to narrating his life through song.
Top Track: Buyer Confidence
21. Hudson Mohawke-Cry Sugar
You may or may not recognize this name from producer credits on a couple of tracks of Kanye’s “Life of Pablo” but the Scottish producer/DJ is a renown artist in his own right. Mohawke, aka Ross Brichard’s brand of electro-pop/hip hop is a little glitchy and sometimes strange but with an air of nostalgia that somehow gives a nod to what came before while pushing the genre forward, and with 19 tracks and over a hour of music on this album there is an access point for most fans of any associated genre.
Top Track: Come A Little Closer
20. flor-Future Shine
“I felt better, it has to be this weather, or could it be that we put the whole world through the shredder” is the opening hook of flor’s third album that predictably has grown out of the pandemic but despite the world being shredded is a buoyant celebratory pop rock album from the high school friends now finding fame in the middle 20s. Lead singer Zach Grace’s falsetto vocals effortlessly ring out over the sometimes slightly funky guitar and bass, it's nothing revolutionary but it is a lot of fun.
Top Track: Big Shot
19. Donovan Woods-Big Boy Hurt
This is another rule breaker but Woods hasn’t put out an album since early 2020, and this latest 6 song EP is just such a great distillation of his style and an honest and open presentation of stories of his life that I couldn’t leave it off. The Canadian singer songwriter and self proclaimed “big sad guy” revisits his past failures and tries to wrestle new meaning out of them or find meaning in reviewing and sharing his experiences with us. These 6 songs in particular represent a return to a more spare acoustic style that defined his earlier career which I am a total sucker for.
Top Track: I Won’t Mention It Again
18. Frank Turner-FTHC
I would hazard a guess that few artists are more excited about being back to playing live music again than Frank Turner. His ninth studio release brings him back to his punk rock roots but presented in his self aware and often self deprecating honesty with songs about his struggles with anxiety and drug abuse and even a song about his relationship with his father has improved since she became Miranda. The bigger energy has been great for getting back out and playing for audiences and he put on a great show when I saw him.
Top Track: Haven’t Been Doing So Well
17. Caamp-Lavender Days
From the crack of a carbonated beverage can in the intro of the second track I knew I was going to enjoy the Ohio folk foursome’s fourth album. Lavender Days is a fun folky romp with acoustic guitars, banjos, organs, stomping drums and a song relating yourself to an otter, what more could you want? Over the 12 tracks on the album they do slow it down pretty often and take quite a bit of time to be introspective about relationships and where things are going, but never lose sight of enjoying the moment.
Top Track: Believe
16. Oh Wonder-22 Make
The follow-up to their break up album “22 Break” the fifth record from the London based Electro-pop duo is a celebration of their relationship. Surviving the pandemic together is no small feat and in the end it strengthened their resolve now as a married couple and more mature artists and the best part is how excited they are about the music. It has a ways to go to overtake their debut album in popularity and the loving nature of the majority of tracks doesn’t hold the same bite as some of their previous work, but as a stand alone it is a really fun album.
Top Track: Fuck It I Love You
15. Sylvan Esso-No Rules Sandy
From one married electro-pop duo to another, Sylvan Esso’s fourth effort verges slightly further into experimental sounds with a few more instrumental breaks and funky sample sounds but Amelia Meath’s distinct vocals are always the central driving force. This album was the soundtrack to my 3 day trip to Aruba last summer and was the perfect slightly weird companion for drives across the 21 mile long island.
Top Track: Echo Party
14. Fly By Midnight-Silver Crane (Deluxe)
Well I gotta be honest, this one breaks every rule in the book, this album came out last year, but I totally missed it somehow, so I am using the Deluxe release in 2022 to talk about one of my favorite discoveries of the year. The NYC based self described “retro-pop” duo has an easy listening feeling with high production value and broad appeal, they are heading out on a national tour this year and I would expect their fan base to grow heading into their next release.
Top Track: The Ad Above Your Head
13. Bad Suns-Apocalypse Whenever
Maybe a sign of how long it is taking me to get this list out, but this album came out 14 months ago and it feels like a bit like the California pop rock trio’s songs have been in my head for a while now, from the super catchy “Baby Blue Shades” to the self aware “Life Was Easier When I Only Cared About Me” this record is full of ear worms and hits that keep coming and that doesn't even count the bonus track on the Deluxe version “Maybe You Saved Me” which features PVRIS as a powerful duet foil.
Top Track: When The World Was Mine
12. Death Cab for Cutie-Asphalt Meadows
It's hard to believe that Death Cab released their 10th studio album this past year and that they would continue to enjoy such a high level of success after Chris Walla’s 2015 departure. Asphalt Meadows is increasingly centered around Ben Gibbard’s poetic vocals featured prominently in the spoken word “Foxglove Through the Clearcut'' and the spare “Fragments From the Decade” but completes the album with the somewhat positive “I’ll Never Give Up On You.” If you were a fan before, you will still enjoy this album but if you haven’t previously been a part of the Death Cab club this is a very accessible album worth checking out and if you want a more subdued version the acoustic version of the album released recently is a great addition.
Top Track: Asphalt Meadows
11. First Aid Kit-Palomino
This album improved the most for me on my yearly relisten, whether I didn’t listen to it enough initially or I was just more interested in it later in the year I really enjoyed the harmonies and swelling instrumentations. Once upon a time I would have said that their music was an interpretation of 90s folk-country, but they have grown into a genre and a following of their own that is a great soundtrack to any long drive down a lonely highway or a desert sunset.
Top Track: Angel
10. Holly Humberstone-Can You Afford To Lose Me?
If you see any photos of Holly Humberstone you know she has mastered the sad girl look and that shows through in her music. Why is she so sad, well she grew up in Grantham, a small town in rural England with a castle just outside of town where I studied abroad as a bright eyed college sophomore and while Harlaxton was magical to us, Grantham was not exactly a sparkly shining bastion of musical support. Luckily Holly survived with her love of acoustic rock intact and has combined that with slightly off-tone electronics to produce a dark-pop debut with all the honesty and self depreciation you can stand.
Top Track-Scarlet
9. Muna-Muna
The self titled third album from the California based electro-pop trio is in some ways a reinvention of themselves, again. After being dropped by RCA records at the start of the pandemic, being picked up by Phoebe Bridgers’ “Saddest Factory” record label has brought the band to being even more out with their presentation of gender and sexual identity. And while they had every reason to be super sad and self loathing they went the opposite way with their pandemic experience with their first foray out of lockdown being a big bold record with lots to say. They still take some tracks on the record to slow things down and be introspective, but overall the strong beat of their synth-pop wins out and brings you up and up with them.
Top Track: Silk Chiffon feat. Phoebe Bridgers
8. Bear’s Den-Blue Hours
The fourth release from British folk pop duo Bear’s Den is an ode to the moments when we are deepest in thought about ourselves and our place in the world. Their careful orchestrations of guitars, strings, piano and other sounds help you to be thoughtful about the tough concepts that they are dealing with. Though the subject matter can be a little heavy at times the airiness of the vocals and space within the music keeps it from dragging you down and their themes seem to culminate in positivity in the end.
Top Track: Gratitude
7. Taylor Swift-Midnights
Taylor is probably the one artist on this list who needs no introduction, the megastar takes aim more at herself than others in this record which features a darker sound on most tracks, even the spry “Bejeweled” features a deep 80’s style bass line as the underpinning for the plucky synth. For better or worse her fame makes even her most scathing rebukes of herself instantly memeable in a way that sometimes dissociates them from the powerful honesty they represent. It's hard to say that I identify with one of the world's biggest artists, but I'm not a big fan of Ticketmaster either, and the fact that I think most of us can find some commonality in some of what she is presenting definitely plays a huge role in her success.
Top Track: Midnight Rain
6. Noah Kahan-Stick Season
The self-proclaimed “Jewish Ed Sheeran” was surprisingly fun to see in person as he toured his third album recorded entirely at home in Vermont during the pandemic. Kahan sings frequently of his battles with anxiety and depression and has a knack for writing music that people can relate to even if he is talking about his tiny town in New England. Somehow kids all the way across the country in Utah are belting out the lyrics as if they are their own and that is even more welcome to those of us transplants who identify with his “Northern Attitude.” His version of folk-pop is infectious and honest with extremely broad appeal that is fun and thoughtful at the same time.
Top Track: Stick Season
5. Hippo Campus-LP3
They have given a lot away with the name of the album, but their third full length is a sonically different avenue for the Minneapolis indie-pop 5 piece. Moving to a bigger more mainstream pop-rock sound they likely captured a larger audience but kept some of the weirdness that grew their initial fanbase. Overall it is a really fun album that once they get past the intro track keeps the pace up till the last few when they get a little more sentimental. They claim to keep wanting to change their approach so it will be interesting to see where the next album goes.
Top Track: 2 Young 2 Die
4. Eighty Ninety-The Night Sky
These musical brothers sometimes feel like a coffee shop duo and sometimes feel like a full pop rock band, their first album is just 8 tracks following years of successful single releases including 2016’s “Thirty Three” which has been streamed almost 18 million times. This album focuses on what else but unrequited love and seems to follow the path of finding someone, losing them and longing for them as time goes on, in this case even when you have moved on to someone new. It's a sad but relatable tale told through partially whispered vocals and an array of gentle guitar plucks.
Top Track: The Night Sky
3. Henry Jamison-The Years
Jamison’s poetic and spare singer-songwriter style has always appealed to me and the Burlington VT native’s third full length release builds on this reputation. His narrative style that sneaks in a rhyme every once in a while draws you into the story he is telling, even if it isn’t always immediately clear what the subject matter is. He rewards re-listening by squeezing in what initially feels like too many syllables into a single phrase and skipping spaces unexpectedly. It takes a time or two (at least for me) to catch the full story of what he is trying to portray which makes it all the more rewarding in the end.
Top Track: To Ash feat. Nico Muhly
2. The 1975-Being Funny In A Foreign Language
The fifth full length release from the Manchester, UK four piece is probably their most accessible album to date with just 11 tracks, all songs, no instrumental interludes, it almost feels like a “normal” record. But then again it is still a The 1975 album so it transverses back and forth across genres from funky pop tunes to acoustic love songs. Matt Healy’s almost jokingly poetic lines like “She said Central Park is Sea World for trees” and “I was Rambo and he was Paul Blane” come out of nowhere sometimes and keep you on your toes as you try to find the meaning. But the best lyric of the year has to be “I like my men like I like my coffee, full of soy milk and so sweet it won't offend anybody,” he is something of a lyrical genius in my mind, blend that with a tight band who can nimbly move back and forth between styles without missing a beat and you get a tremendous sonic experience.
Top Track: Part of the Band
1. Gangs of Youth-Angel in Real Time
The only negative thing I have to say about this album is that I wasn’t able to see it performed live because the North American tour was cut short. Quickly becoming one of my favorite bands, the Australian outfit put out an amazingly introspective exploration of not only dealing with your own grief but a pretty wild story about the lead singer David Le’aupepe’s father as well as a comment on race in Australian society just for good measure. All of this is wrapped up in a package of alt-pop reminiscent of The National but with more stringed instruments and a little more grit, gravel and emotional heft. If you have ever lost someone close to you, you will recognize a lot of the feelings here, if you haven’t yet dealt with that journey in your own life, this is an interesting way to start to learn about how you might deal with that for you and those around you.
Top Track: Brothers
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—MESSAGE #2—
📖~Isaiah 60: 22~ “The smallest one will become a thousand, And the least one a mighty nation. I, the LORD, will bring it about quickly in its time.”
A prophetic utterance concerning your life and inheritance of The Divine Perspective:
✨ What has held you back for a long time and kept you from moving forward in life is now what will speedily propel you further ahead than you could ever get on your own. There has been a massive shift in the Spirit from lack to abundance. What seemed impossible for you to overcome has now become easily attainable. That giant you were afraid of facing no longer seems unstoppable.
You are blessed with The Divine Perspective that enables the smallest, even the weakest of hosts to beat the odds and conquer what's been standing in the way of supernatural progression. You are now going to jump over hurdles with little to no effort and suddenly soar past opposition with clarity and ease. It's no longer going to be difficult and overwhelming. You will be victorious where you once was at a disadvantage. You will be trailblazing where you once was following the crowd. You will overcome where you once was held in defeat.
In the Scriptures, David experienced a massive surge of supernatural power and might that came bursting from the core of The Divine Perspective. When the giant Goliath stood in the way of the Israelite army and prevented them from moving forward indefinitely, David suddenly rose up and acted quite differently than the little shepherd boy who was often sent by his father to deliver food for his brothers on the battlefield, as he was well known to do. David grew significantly in confidence and stature as he stepped up to the plate and answered the call, boldly professing his faith in God and accepting what seemingly was an impossible challenge of facing Goliath singlehandedly in what would ultimately be an all-or-nothing battle to determine the fate and future of God's chosen people.
David was a young, often overlooked and underappreciated shepherd boy who spent most of his time alone in the hills tending to his father's sheep. He had no experience whatsoever on the traditional battlefront. David was least likely of all people in his family to be the one who defeated Goliath and led the Israelite army to victory. Yet, when the opportunity came for David to finally shift from poverty to notoriety, through The Divine Perspective was he able to clearly see what no one else could, enabling him to succeed and eventually become a king of God's people. David saw victory instead of defeat. He saw strength instead of weakness. He saw what was destined to be instead of what was unlikely to happen. He saw the end result faithfully instead of fearfully.
As the story unfolds, David's controversial attempt to come against what no man would dare to face turns into a monumental instance of courage and faith that bred riches and royalty, honor and glory—all because he shifted from a victim mentality to a victor reality and embraced the fullness of his destiny.
Without using faith to unlock The Divine Perspective, David never would have reached the greatest turning point of his life. He never would have seen Goliath as an opportunity to glorify God and be honored among kings and warriors. He never would have seen his giant as a temporary problem with a permanent solution. He never would have seen past the doubts and discouragement, the ridicule and hatred, the mockery of those who believed they were more qualified, more skilled, better equipped, and stronger than him to face the situation at hand and produce positive, everlasting results. ✨
—Written by Joshua Norgaar—
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Sun Myung Moon’s ignorance – he “spoke to Buddha,” but thought he was Chinese!
Moon’s ignorance and hubris continue unabated
by Allen Wood
The Inter-religious and International Federation for World Peace and the Family Federation for World Peace and Unification (both Moon front groups) placed a 24 page insert into the December 30, 2001 Washington Times (a Moon owned newspaper). This gift to the world includes a claim that it contains the actual testimony of 120 deceased religious leaders.
According to the text of the insert all 120 deceased religious leaders have been attending lectures on Mr. Moon’s teaching, the “Divine Principle” in the spirit world.
As a former leader in the Unification Church and as a former workshop director and lecturer on the “Divine Principle” and as a former witnessing captain at the University of Maryland in College Park Maryland and as a Former President of the Freedom Leadership Foundation several questions occurred to me as I was reading the glowing testimonies of the enthusiastic dead religious leaders who to a man (according to the insert) have all pledged their help and support to Mr. Moon in getting the world to acknowledge him as the Messiah.
How was the witnessing done in the spirit world for the lectures?
Were any of the religious leaders who attended the lectures brought there under false pretenses?
What kind of instructions were given and who gave them to those conducting the witnessing and recruiting?
How do “heavenly deception” (lying) and the Esau/Jacob principle (lying and stealing) work in the spirit world?
What were the consequences for those recruiters who failed to bring religious leaders to the lectures?
Did any of the religious leaders attending the lectures leave for personal reasons?
If, in fact, some did leave, how was their absence explained to those remaining at the lectures?
During my tenure in the Unification Church I met Mr. Moon on numerous occasions in Korea, in New York at Belvedere, at the National Headquarters in Washington D.C. and at the Upper Marlboro Center in Maryland.
I also spent a great deal of time with Rev. Young Oon Kim who was one of Mr. Moon’s missionaries to the U.S. in the early 60’s. I lived in the same house with her from August of 1969 ’til January of 1972. To her credit “Miss Kim”, as we called her, is the only interpreter of Moon’s pastiche theology who has been able to write a book about it that makes any pretence of honoring the conventions of grammar, and logic. The theology, for those who study it closely and for those interested in the chronology of Korean messianism, is largely derived from the teachings of [Kim Baek-moon and Chong Deuk-eun. Elder Park Tae-seon was a rival messiah to Mr. Moon.]
It was Miss Kim who first told me about Mr. Moon’s journeys in the spirit world. It was in the summer of 1970 shortly before I was to head off to Vietnam, Cambodia, Japan and finally Korea. I drove her down to Monticello from Washington. There in Thomas Jefferson’s gardens she talked to me about great men who had had mistresses, Jefferson, Roosevelt, Eisenhower. She said, these great men, these world movers cannot be held to the same standards of morality as the common man. She knew that the messiah that I was following had been “a pure virgin ’til he was 40 years old”. This is what she had taught us in America. At that time the general American members were not spiritually strong enough to withstand the real truth that he had been married at least three times. Miss Kim was trying to prepare me for what I might discover on my Asian trip, that “the pure virgin ’til he was 40” was just a little “heavenly deception” to tide me over until my commitment to “father and the movement” had transcended the narrow limits of my notions of honesty and integrity. A month later in Japan I was introduced at dinner to Sung-jin, Mr. Moon’s son by his first wife [Choi Seon-gil. Sung-jin was born on April 16, 1946]. In 1970 he was 25 years old.
On this same visit to Monticello I asked Miss Kim about Moon’s grasp of the spirit world. She said, “Well he may have been very open in the early days, but not so much now.” She went on to say that while she was accompanying him on one of his world tours (1965 I think) she had remarked his surprise, while they were in India, to discover that Buddha was not Chinese but Indian. I immediately thought, ‘well if he is talking to Jesus and Buddha and Mohammed and God all the time, why did he think that Buddha was Chinese? Was Buddha lying to Mr. Moon in the spirit world?
What if the 120 religious leaders who showed up to hear Mr. Moon’s lectures on the “Divine Principle” were not religious leaders at all but just hungry ghosts out for a laugh?”
Allen Wood
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
Allen Tate Wood on Sun Myung Moon and the UC
1. Interview at North Texas State University (Summer 1985)
2. Deconstructing Extremism in 21st Century America (c. 2014)
3. Interview with Walter Evans in the Texas Metroplex (1985)
4. Moonstruck: A memoir of my life in a cult – Allen Tate Wood with Jack Vitek (1979)
5. Defectors inside story: How the nickel and dime Moonies rake in $219 million
Moon, aged 45, astonished to find the earth older than 6,000 years
Young-oon Kim joined, but it ended in tears and flames
My Four and One Half Years with The Lord of The Flies
Mis Cuatro Años y Medio con el Señor de las Moscas
Young-oon Kim lied. She said Sun Myung Moon was “a pure virgin until the age of 40”
A brief critical examination of the Divine Principle theory of history
A Pilot Study by Jane E.M. Williams & Allen Tate Wood
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ARC Review: The Drowned Woods by Emily Lloyd-Jones (e-ARC and audiobook ARC)
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Publication Date: August 16, 2022
Synopsis:
Once upon a time, the kingdoms of Wales were rife with magic and conflict, and eighteen-year-old Mererid “Mer” is well-acquainted with both. She is the last living water diviner and has spent years running from the prince who bound her into his service. Under the prince’s orders, she located the wells of his enemies, and he poisoned them without her knowledge, causing hundreds of deaths. After discovering what he had done, Mer went to great lengths to disappear from his reach. Then Mer’s old handler returns with a proposition: use her powers to bring down the very prince that abused them both.
The best way to do that is to destroy the magical well that keeps the prince’s lands safe. With a motley crew of allies, including a fae-cursed young man, the lady of thieves, and a corgi that may or may not be a spy, Mer may finally be able to steal precious freedom and peace for herself. After all, a person with a knife is one thing… but a person with a cause can topple kingdoms.
The Drowned Woods—set in the same world as The Bone Houses but with a whole new, unforgettable cast of characters—is part heist novel, part dark fairy tale.
My Rating: ★★
My Review and Favorite Quotes below the cut.
My Review
Iwanted to love this one. In fact, I expected to love it like I loved the Bone Houses. But I just.... didn't.
It *should* be everything I like. Set in the same world as Bone Houses, a heist with magic, characters with mysterious pasts... But it just felt flat.
I tried reading the book and listening to the audiobook and neither one could keep my interest. In fact, it sent me into a bit of a slump where I just couldn't bring myself to pick up any book because I dreaded returning to this one. It just felt like a slog?
I'm finally calling it and DNFing at 60% of the way through. I mean, if you're 60% into a standalone heist novel and you're still slooooowly introducing characters / gathering the crew and none of them have been fleshed out enough to have personalities (and you can barely remember their names and certainly not what they look like) and you have almost no idea about the bigger picture or more than the sketchiest details about the characters' pasts or the heist itself then that’s a problem.
The one thing I did like was the relationship between Mer and her former mentor. There is obviously fondness there on both sides, mixed with quite a bit of mistrust on Mer's and a tendency for her mentor to go into teacher mode and/or fail to disclose critical pieces of his plot so that Mer has to follow him with a dose of blind faith.
In the end, too much is kept a mystery both from the characters themselves and from the reader. Mysterious pasts and gifts and magic and plans can intrigue the reader. But if so much is kept in the dark that all you can do is stumble around hoping to figure out what the heck is going on, it does not make for a pleasant reading experience.
The audiobook narrator, Moira Quirk, is one of my favorites. She has a great range of character voices and a good grasp of the pronounciation of the various Welsh names. However, even her excellent narration can't make up for the foggy vagueness that encompasses this novel.
*Thanks to NetGalley, Little, Brown Books for Young Readers, and Hachette Audio for providing an e-arc and audio arc for review.
Favorite Quotes
The third time a customer grabbed her, Mer considered drowning him.
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“Cities like these, with all the people and the iron — both in their blood and all around them —it pushes back the old ways. Makes me wonder how things will fare in the future.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Fane said, “that humanity has a tendency to push into every corner of a place. And with their iron and their armies, it may be only a matter of time until someone like Garanhir turns his attention on Annwvyn.”
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[This is a joke because obviously it is far from anyone's top priority now, but....]
The gist I'm getting of this episode is that Matt, Essek, Taliesin, Liam, and the Wildmother herself all say that Caleb is going to have TWO purple boyfriends, goddamnit--even if they have to break the laws of reality to make it happen.
#shoutout to all the fic authors who kept me going for so long. how does it feel to be RIGHT?!?#I was literally speechless when I realized caleb was gonna be the one to cast the resurrection ritual#and then when he pulled veth AND essek in for a hug the divine intervention..................#*after the divine intervention#fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck (reverent)#if 60% of my MASSIVE amounts of crying was over molly#the other 40% was that matt and caduceus and fjord and caleb like. remembered that essek was there and gave him a moment#and that he's unquestionably a member of the nein now#and that HE was fighting so hard for molly as well even though he never knew him#matt had SO much to juggle and he still found time for essek#idk I think I spent too much of my childhood being the one in the friend group who gets forgotten when other people show up#because this is legitimately wrecking me in all the best ways and it's such a tiny thing but it means so much#both the people I worried about being forgotten.... they're safe and they're loved and they're going home ;_;#so yeah I have a mega-headache from crying and I ain't even done yet#worth it <3#cr spoilers#c2e140#widoshadowmauk#mollymauk is fine :')
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Between the pages, chapter 2
A/N: Yes, I am indeed giving you TWO chapters today! I was on a roll… Or I just want you guys to have a little extra something something, because you guys are the reason, I keep writing. I love you all and my DM’s are ALWAYS open if you want to chat or anything!
The lovely @cooldreamlandsandwich has been my rock through my writing the last few weeks, and you’ve got like 60 % credit for this story – it would not have been made, had it not been for you!
Remember, feedback feeds the soul and requests are always open – I have no limits because I am me.
You can donate to my Ko-Fi here, and you’ll get a personalized oneshot/story depending on the amount – it would help me tremendously with medical bills!
MASTERLIST
BETWEEN THE PAGES MASTERLIST
ASK ME ANYTHING/REQUESTS
Pairing: AU!Henry Cavill x female reader
Warnings: Language
Wordcount: 2.967
Previous chapter
La Lune
Henry groaned and rubbed his eyes, sighing deeply.
“Already tired?” Y/N asked with a grin. He narrowed his eyes at her.
Two weeks had gone by since she agreed to help, and they had spent a majority of that time in his office, pouring over books, marking down where there were some passages, that could be useful. Towers of books wobbled unsteadily next to his desk and another pile was slowly, but surely, building in height on his desk.
“Tired. Annoyed. Done with this stupid idea.” He grumbled.
“You are a very pessimistic person, Henry.”
“I’m a realist.” She chuckled.
“No, you’re a pessimist.” She insisted. He just sighed and placed the book in his hands on his table.
“I’m done for the day. I cannot retain any more sighs at this point. Or rain.” He glanced at Y/N, who pursed her lips – today, they were a beautiful shade of crimson – and closed er own book gingerly.
“You know what, I think I know what we have to do.” He raised his eyebrows in a silent question.
“I’m not going to tell you what, I just think it’ll help you and your disposition. Grab your coat, I have a call to make.” She stood up and walked out, closing the door behind her as she said a small hello in the phone. He grumbled a little but grabbed his coat nonetheless – he was getting tired of staring at his four walls at any rate, so maybe it would be nice to get out. A small part of him thought it would be nice to get out with her, but he very quickly shoved that particular thought out of his head; this was purely professional.
Y/N was nice, but naïve and doe-eyed about love. He had never seen a person smile so much and sigh so happily, when they read a book before – her eyes were always alight with something akin to mirth and almost deprivation and her lips had a small smile hovering just at the corner of them at all times. It was kind of strange for him to be so attentive to another person like this. Not that he minded, really, because it was actually nice to have something closely related to a friendship, even though they mostly just read together.
“Come on, old man, we’ve got places to be!” She yelled, her face barely poking out from the open door, and he rolled his eyes.
“Need to get my walker, be patient.” He joked and she rolled her eyes at him but beamed all the same as they walked through the halls to the parking lot. They stopped in front of a pretty beat up silver car, that she gestured to proudly.
“This is Vivian. Treat her nicely, and she’ll treat you the same.” He snorted.
“You named your car?” She frowned at him.
“Don’t mock it, she’s my life-companion!” They got inside and he had to push his seat back as far as it could go; his legs were still curled a little.
“Giant.” Se mumbled under her breath as the car roared to life, the loud and angry motor almost screaming at them; she grinned at him and patted the steering wheel gently.
“Where are we going?” he half-yelled over the roar of the engine as she tore out into the streets.
“We are going to talk to someone who has experience with true love.”
“Oh, lord.”
“What? You need divine inspiration at this point, and…” She turned to the right, weaving through the traffic with a death-defying speed. “You’re a sad individual who doesn’t believe in it, so you need to hear it.”
“I…” He hesitated and didn’t really know what to answer her.
“There’s this one quote that’s pretty fitting.” She said loudly, the engine coughing. “It is sad to love, but it is much sadder not to be able to love.” He chuckled a little.
“You think me unable to love?” He asked earnestly.
“Maybe, maybe not. The fact that you’re so persistent about the whole true love-thing leads me to believe that you haven’t experienced it.”
“I’ve been in love.” He retorted.
“Have you? Or have you experienced infatuation that mimicked love?” She stopped the engine in front of a small, red-brick house with a white picket fence around it.
“What’s the difference? You lose yourself to another person, and that seems to me idiotic.” He shrugged. “Almost 50 % of marriages in the US alone end in divorce. That’s not exactly a testament to true love, is it?” She sighed.
“Man, you really are a pessimist. Get out of my beautiful car.” She slapped his shoulder playfully and got out, him mirroring her steps and they closed the door at the same time, both of them looking to the front door, that opened slowly.
An older gentleman stood in the door, waving a small wave at Y/N.
“My dear, it’s been too long!” His voice was a little wavering and rough as he greeted her with a hug.
“I’m sorry, Roger. I’ve been busy.” She smiled at him and gestured to Henry. “This is Henry, my coworker.” He shook the man’s frail hand.
“Nice to meet you.” He said politely.
“Likewise.” Roger answered with a smile. “Come on in.” they followed him inside, the home quiet except for the soft jazz that flowed from a gramophone in the living room. They both got seated on the loveseat as Roger bustled around in the kitchen, clanging a little.
“Hate to say it, but this isn’t exactly modern, is it?” He asked her. She rolled her eyes.
“Easy, boy, we’re getting there. We have to start somewhere, you know.”
“How do you know him?” He asked curiously. She radiated happiness as she answered.
“I met him playing chess in the park. I know, very meet-cute, but yeah. That was seven years ago, and he’s become like a grandparent to me.” He nodded and Roger came in, carrying a tray of tea, cups and cookies. He gratefully took a cup of tea from the older man, leaning back into the loveseat, his knee bumping Y/N’s.
“What can I do for you, dearie?” He asked Y/N softly, groaning a little as he sat down in a plush chair across from them. Y/N smiled and pulled out her phone, voice memo already ready.
“I was wondering if you’d tell my friend here your story.”
“Ah, which one?” He said with a grin. She giggled a little.
“About Doreen. See, my good friend Henry here doesn’t believe in true love, the poor bastard.” Roger looked miffed at that and turned to Henry, who felt his ear warm.
“You don’t believe in true love?” He simply shook his head.
“O, boy, you’ve got a big storm coming, then.” Henry frowned and saw Y/N do the same from the corner of his eye. He didn’t understand what the man meant.
“I’ll tell you about Doreen.” Roger’s eyes lit up at her name. “Where to start…” Y/N relaxed against the fluffy back of the loveseat, the voice memo going.
“I was a soldier in the Vietnam War. See, I was a passionate, young man with strong legs and an even stronger head.” Roger began, a smile etched on his face. “I was about to ship out, and only two days before I went out, I was dragged along with a friend, Simon, to this dance. I hated dances back then, God, they flustered me.” He laughed a little. “I wasn’t as suave as I am today.” He winked at Y/N who laughed at him.
“Nonetheless, I went. I don’t remember much of the dance itself, but I do remember standing near the band, a beer in my hand, scanning the room and my eyes came across a vision in red.” He sighed. “She had this beautiful dress on, and I remember thinking that whoever came with her, was the luckiest man alive. Her smile was… Oh, I can’t even describe it. It was like looking into the sun.” Henry listened carefully to the reverie in the older man’s voice – it was something special to hear someone talk with such an affection towards someone else.
“And I remember poking Simon on his arm, asking about her. He didn’t know her, of course, because how could he? I didn’t know how to approach her, so I just followed her with my eyes through most of the night. Just about an hour before the dance ended, she suddenly stood in front of me and asked me why I hadn��t asked her to dance.” He chuckled a little before sipping his tea.
“So we danced. She wasn’t there with someone, she just wanted to dance so… She came.” Roger looked to a picture on the wall, and Henry followed his gaze, landing on a picture in black and white of a woman with a wonderful smile and a younger Roger by her side.
“I walked her home that night, explaining that I was shipping out in two days. You know what she answered?” Henry shook his head, enthralled by the soft tones of Roger’s voice.
“She said: then we better get hitched now.” He laughed and pointed to another picture on a sidetable, where Doreen wore a white dress and short veil, Roger holding her side.
“We did. We were young and impulsive, so the next day, we got married at the courthouse. We spent the day at the movies and we ate hot dogs. The next day came around and she made me promise to come back home to her without any scratches, because she wanted to get to know her husband.” He smiled at them.
“I went off, she wrote me once a week, sometimes two times a week. I read the letters in holes in the ground, the only light was the moon. I remember that some of the letters were nearly unreadable because the rain was so heavy all the time. She scented them.” His smile was so fond, so completely in love, Henry almost felt like he was invading a very private moment.
“Oh, she was a sweetheart. She kept me sane through the war, right up until I came home. When I did, she was waiting for me in that red dress, and we got to know each other. We were dating, although we were married.” Roger looked to Y/N.
“I think I fell in love with her the same time, I saw her smile the first time, really. She was a true light in the world. We were married for 50 years, never faltering in our love.” He smiled sadly. “She went ahead of me two years ago. Y/N was at the funeral. We never had kids, but we met her and suddenly, we had a daughter.” Y/N sniffed, her eyes wet. Henry couldn’t lie – he was feeling the same way as Y/N did, the tug on his heart so strong, he didn’t know what to do.
“It’s already, love. She just went on ahead, just for a little while. She told me right before she went that she was just going to get everything ready for me.” He glanced into the distance for a short minute, the silence filling the room.
“I’m okay with it. I miss her every day, I don’t think I’ve ever missed anyone as much as I have missed her. That’s the price for love, isn’t it? Love is grief at some point. At least I know that she’s waiting somewhere with a nice, hot cup of tea and some of homemade banana-bread.” He grinned a little at that.
“I love her still. So much. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that she’s not just at the shop buying flowers for her favorite vase. I even still accidentally set the table for two, sometimes.” Henry felt the lump in his throat swell uncomfortably. “But I knew what I signed up for. I knew at some point, one of us would have to go ahead, but it’s the price of love, don’t you think? I’d rather have that than not have love at all.”
They all sat in the quiet for a while, letting the words sink in. Henry felt like he had been washed with spring-sun, the words from the old man filling him with so much joy and pain at the same time. He couldn’t imagine being so… Collected.
“How do you cope?” He asked slowly. Roger turned to him.
“Cope? Ha, I don’t. I just live with it. It’s like an extra heart in my chest. I find her letters once in a while and reread them over and over, until the words are printed into my brain. It… It never stops hurting, but that’s alright. I know that’s how I loved completely and without abandon.” Roger sounded so steadfast in his beliefs; Henry was taken aback.
“Thank you, Roger.” Y/N said softly. She turned the memo off and put down her cup, now void of tea.
“No problem, love.” Henry rose at the same time as Y/N did and shook Roger’s hand, thanking him quickly. He hugged Y/N and held her at arm’s length, is hands on her shoulders.
“Now listen, you better come next week.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She replied softly and hugged him again, squeezing him tightly.
As they sat down in the car, Henry exhaled a hard breath.
“So…” She began, looking at him with a smile.
“I’m… I don’t know what to say.” She nodded as she started the car, the roar of it taking him aback again.
“Yeah, the way he talks about Doreen is incredible. I’m happy I got to know her. She really lived up to all I had heard of her.” He nodded.
“He seems like he’s still…”
“In love?” She smirked, driving a little slower back to the university than she did from it. “He is. He loved her from the moment he saw her, and that kind of love doesn’t just stop.”
“Still, it’s pretty amazing.” She beamed at him.
“Starting to believe in true love?” He shook his head.
“Not in modern times. Seriously. I can appreciate the sentiment, and I’ll definitely be able to use it in relation to the whole I saw you across the room and loved you-thing, but modern? No. The standards are too high and the means too easy.” She sighed and pulled over, stopping the engine before she turned to him fully.
“You know, maybe you’re just stubborn. Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe you’re so set in the belief that true love is nonexistent in the modern world, that you can’t see it? How would you even know love, if you don’t believe it exists?” She asked earnestly.
“I don’t know. When I was younger, I truly believed in it. Love and all that. I just…” He sighed deeply. “Have you seen how easily people fall out of love again?” She shrugged at his words.
“Where’s home? I’ll drop you off.” He told her his address and she began driving through the late afternoon traffic, her hands steady on the wheel. He noticed the slightly blueish tint to her fingertips and the back of her hand.
“Hey, are you okay?” He pointed to her hands. She quickly moved the sleeves of her jacket up to cover the backs of her hands and smiled quickly at him.
“Oh, yeah, just fine. Cold, I guess.” He nodded and stared out of the window, watching the world pass him by – there was something lingering in the quiet between them, something unsaid or unheard, and it made his heart stumble a little.
He glanced at Y/N again.
He noticed it only now, the way her brows furrowed slightly when she was concentrating, her lips slightly pursed. He smiled to himself. He could easily explain it away, whatever stirred in him, but a miniscule part of him wondered if he just enjoyed looking at her. Her quiet beauty. It was strange how easily he had learned to find her in a room, follow her as she walked – he enjoyed every day she came to his office, some new color on her lips and nails, and foolishly, he suspected he might actually have a friend in her.
She stopped the car in front of his apartment building and smiled at him.
“You know, I’m actually enjoying your company. I thought you were a grumpy, old man, but you’ve turned out to be… Sort of nice.” He snorted.
“Sort of? I’m blown away.” She rolled her eyes at him.
“Oh, hush. See you tomorrow?” She asked, a hint of hope in her voice.
“As always.” He answered, opening the door and froze halfway out of it.
“I remembered a quote I loved when I was younger, as we talked to Roger.” He said with a soft voice.
“Hm?” Her eyes were burning into his.
“It’s from War and Peace. We are asleep until we fall in love. I think that might’ve been how he felt when he met Doreen.” Y/N’s face split into a smile and he almost closed his eyes against it; he was trying not to look at her, as if she was the sun – but like the sun, he could always see her.
“That’s a good one. I think I have a chance to make a romantic out of you yet.” She grinned. “See you tomorrow, Henry.”
He watched as she drove away, her car chugging and churning as she did, and he grinned at the receding car – she was a ray of sun, these days and pulled himself out of his thoughts to walk into his apartment, pulling out a notebook from his bag and quickly scribbled something down. Just in case.
Next chapter
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MCD Zane Headcanons for @romeat
(tw religion)
- zane served as an apprentice to the previous high priest for a few years until they left suddenly to pursue science and grow a sick mustache
- zane and garroth are less than a centimeter apart in terms of height, but garroth's build and hairstyle makes him appear taller than zane
- zane might not have viewed vylad as a brother, but he did serve as an optimal guinea pig. most of zane's childhood expieriments were vylad tested until zianna eventually noticed.
- primarily he/they
- zane has magicks!!
- bday is 19-6, the date of his first ever appearence in anything ever
- yeah sure rebirth zane is cool and all but i personally subscribe to the og zane method of appearing kinda harmless and whipping out the evil when necessary. public perception is important to the high priest of that goddess who's whole schtick is healing and being good.
- due to garte's political pawn over person parenting strategy, zane sucks at forming connections with others and socializing outside of buisness matters.
- zane found esmund's relic when they were twelve or thirteen.
- "Zane Killed Prince Garroth" is a semi-popular conspiracy theory in okhasis, especially among non-zane stans.
- owns a fainting couch.
- even though his morals are lacking, its still zane's duty to uphold the standards of an Irenian priest. Every rule break is either a last resort that he has a solid excuse for (ex. the eastern werewolf tribe's plan to assassinate zane was treason against the alliance, and conspiracy against okhasis/irene hereself! there was NO other option but to set the while village on fire and stab everything in sight, just in case :3) or done with no witnesses who can snitch and be taken seriously (ex. falconclaw)
- zane doesn't have any house staff. he's generally a neat person, his house isn't big enough to warrant it, and its an easy way to ward off snooping.
- one of the major reasons zane is so infatuated with irene (and the divines in general) is because of the whole "unconditional love" thing. he's not sure why but the notion of some higher power who genuinely cares about your wellbeing with no consideration to her personal gain, who doesn't use love and affection as a weapon to mold you into what she wants you to be and demolish every little trait she doesn't like, who doesn't use her status as goddess to turn you into her own personal pawn, and wont totally abandon you to fix every single problem facing your family/village/region because she doesn't want to take responsibility for anything is nice in a way that he can't really describe, nor wants to unpack right now
- attention whore <3
- the two guards who are always standing behing him ended up getting married and settling down a few years after zane dissapeared into the void. they have a cat, so its like zane never left in the first place
- left handed
- weak constitution
- zane used to routinely straighten his hair, but stopped once he got more invested in the irene project and that war with scaleswind/pd started picking up
- has either the most or the least common sense in the room at any given time, no in betweens
- imitates the Lord of Scaleswind for funsies
- zane only knows what his funky cursed jewelry does 60% of the time, and whether or not it'll work can only be done through experimentation.
- funky jewelry that zane's tested and deemed perfectly "uncursed" and safe for general use are repurposed as actual gifts. sometimes he is wrong, like that time he gave away werewolf creating pendent that he deemed a safe dud because "i pricked my finger a few months ago and nothing happened"
- used to keep all his notes in garroths room when they were younger and lived with their parents. garroth spent a good chunk of the year at the guard academy, so there was plenty to time to rip up a floorboard or make a false drawer bottom without getting noticed.
- "lost" his communication amulet a few months before coming to pd, so he's not allowed to leave okhasis without guards. garte refuses to let him make a new one because "losing a communication amulet that can contact the entire okhasis elite is a prime example of how irresponsible he is" and he "has to earn trust" and "daughter of pikoro" and "takes after his mother" and "this is exactly why garroth is the hier"
- aaron stole it
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