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lazycats-stuff · 3 months

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HEYYY, firstly how are you! I wanted to ask if you could write about a teen male reader with the Batfam. He is kinda like the winter soldier if you know what I mean ( skilled fighter, metal arm..), since he lived with the Batfam he was doing a good mental recovery, but one day he goes back to winter soldier mode on the fam, and they try to get him back to normal again, idk

Thanks you bye !

Hi anon, I'm well and I hope you are doing okay too. I can do it, no worries.

Summary: (Y/N) gets back into the Winter Soldier mode.

Warnings: implications of torture, mind control, mentions of Hydra, Bruce is sad for (Y/N), some violence... And everything else that goes with Hydra and brain washing.

The road to recovery is often a long one. Bruce thought of it when he first saw (Y/N), aka the Winter Soldier. The infamous one, a ghost within the intel community. Many people didn't believe that the Winter Soldier even existed. But the trail of neat and clean murders was the one thing that made Bruce think there is something more.

Of course, the way to get (Y/N) was hell. Hell being and understatement of the decade. Bruce at one thought that he was indeed chasing a Ghost, but something in his mind told him that the Winter Soldier was real. Something in his gut made him chase that ghost.

Months of chasing, fighting and hoping he would be alive by the next encounter, they finally got him. Bruce was lucky to be alive. He hugged all of his kids right then and there. (Y/N) was put into a glass box, strong enough to contain Bane.

(Y/N) refused to back down, refused to retreat. He punched the glass of the cage with his metal arm and some were worried that he would actually brake it. Bruce knew that even if he broke the glass, he had no handler anymore.

His organization has been destroyed. Everyone important was caught. Those who weren't... Well, their time was running out. They may have scattered like rats, but you can bet your ass on anything that the League would find them all. Especially since they didn't burn down their base. One hell of a mistake.

Bruce and the rest searched through the base and they found something that can only be considered as a holy grail when it comes to someone who was brainwashed.

A dark red book, bounded in leather, with all the trigger words written on those pages... Bruce knew that he has hit a jackpot. He looked through them and then has decided to burn it. They also found the footage of (Y/N)'s brainwashing,

The footage, as much as it is damning, making it very easy to persecute anyone they needed, it was also nauseating. (Y/N) was tortured with electricity, memory wiped with electricity... Worse of all, (Y/N) fighting.

It had shaken Bruce to his core and made him triple check the manor security and it has made him check on his sons 5 times that night. He couldn't sleep at all. He refused to sleep that one single evening and night.

And when he stood in front of the glass cage, (Y/N) looked utterly defeated. He was sitting down, looking down at his metal arm and his human arm. He seemed mad beyond belief that he was even caught. Bruce knew he would have to be delicate and gentle with this (Y/N). He had taken the book with him, to try and have some sort of leverage.

And to show him that he was free. (Y/N) was finally free of the mental shackles that they have put on him. Bruce took a chair and sat down near the cell, but far enough to make sure that there was some sort of space.

He couldn't have (Y/N) feel cornered.

He sat down, book in his lap. (Y/N) still looked down, but looked up after a few moments.

" They will come and get me back. " (Y/N) said and Bruce wanted to laugh.

" Hydra is gone. " Bruce simply stated and watched (Y/N)'s reaction.

Nothing. Huh.

" Lies. "

Bruce stayed calm and shook his head. " I'm afraid I'm telling you the truth. The book you see in my hands? The book with your trigger words. Do you really think they would hand it over ever so willingly? " Bruce asked, showing him the dark red leather book.

" You are officially free. " Bruce said as and watched the way (Y/N) reacted.

Bruce nearly broke when he saw hope in (Y/N)'s eyes. He never lost hope.

" I'll never be free... " (Y/N) said quietly, looking at his metal arm. Bruce saw that it was not a nice arms, made with quality. While it looked strong, it wasn't made to be comfortable. And Bruce could see the claw marks at the part where the flesh and metal met.

" That may be true. But you can start healing. You can start working through all of the trauma that they put you through. Mental scars will always be there, but I can help you. " Bruce said softly and (Y/N) was still emotionless and with hope glimmering in his eyes, there was something else too. Bruce could only decipher it as happiness, but he knew that (Y/N) would rather die than admit it.

" I'll be with you the entire way. I have a great friend who can help you unpack everything they put you through. And I can give you a better metal arm, something that wouldn't be so uncomfortable and something that reminds you off the organization. " Bruce said as he looked at (Y/N), holding the book close.

" And what about the book? "(Y/N) asked quietly and Bruce knew exactly what (Y/N) meant.

" It will be destroyed by me. I wanted to show you that the thing keeping you in their grasp is destroyed. Well, will be destroyed. " Bruce said as he put the book down on the chair before moving closer.

" And you can officially start your new life. "

" I'm not sure if I can... " (Y/N) said softly and the defenses were slowly cracking.

" I can assure you, you can. You will have to put some work into it, but it will pay off. I'll be there to help you to start. "

" But the feeling of guilt will never go away, will it? "

" After some time it will. One way is to go through therapy and work it out or you can become a hero. But that only if you want it and after you went through therapy. " Bruce said softly.

" Maybe then I'll atone for it... " (Y/N) said softly.

" One step at the time (Y/N). One step at the time. " Bruce said softly.

And that's exactly what has happened at the time. Bruce made sure to be with (Y/N) before and after the therapy sessions. He made sure (Y/N) knew he had support while he was talking to the Black Canary. And once Black Canary said he could start meeting new people, Bruce slowly started bringing his sons around.

Damian knew exactly how (Y/N) felt. Being in that environment is not easy and it's just the battle of the fittest. And one hell of a battle for your mind. You truly had to be strong enough to make sure to not completely break. Somehow, (Y/N) has kept his humanity, but he had to give a part of his soul to keep it.

Jason just talked to him about stuff and has made sure that he has access to TV shows and movies. (Y/N) needed to be connected to the outside world. And also, Jason has been bringing books for (Y/N) to read. Jason took him his favorites and often took him some classics. (Y/N) appreciated it and liked all the recommendations that Jason has brought to him. It was a nice break.

Tim has always sneaked in some snacks and the two would just talk. It was a hell of a time and since (Y/N) has started school, Tim would help with mathematics and some other subjects. (Y/N) couldn't really go to a public school or any type of school, but he still needs his high school diploma.

And Dick? Dick has been involved in making sure that (Y/N) was getting physical activity. (Y/N) was stiff in Dick's opinion and he wanted to make sure (Y/N) felt good in his body too. Dick did stretches, some tricks and considering that (Y/N) did have some knowledge about gymnastics, it was slightly easier. Not to mention, stretches were something that everyone needs.

About a year after being saved, (Y/N) has moved into the Wayne Manor. It was a nice change of scenery for (Y/N). Beautiful manor, garden, not to mention no noises... And Titus, the Great Dane being an emotional support animal for (Y/N)...

(Y/N) was incredibly happy, but had hard time showing it. Everyone knew but didn't comment on it. They were helping him get adjusted to his new life now and they were more than happy to help. And one thing that made (Y/N) happy out of his mind was the fact that he got a new metal arm. It was black, with red, blue and green accents. It was something to signalized that he was a member of the family.

Bruce was going to adopt him soon enough. Just give him some time and he will do it.

But something happened at the two month mark. Something made him reverse back into the Winter Soldier mode. Bruce was certain that they wiped the triggers from his mind. Not to mention, the boys remembered the trigger words, just in case something like this happened and that they could be careful.

But something must have snapped inside of (Y/N). The boys were careful, but something must have gone awry. Something.

Jason and Dick were the first ones to see it and were the first ones to see it and the brunt end of it. Jason was hurled out the window, while Dick was thrown at the wall like a rag doll. The commotion woke Tim up and Damian was curious as to what was going on.

They were also thrown around the room.

" (Y/N), you are not a Winter Soldier, relax! " Jason said as he made his way through the window, grunting at the pain.

" Please, (Y/N) this is not you! " Dick yelled as he gripped his sides, huffing and panting.

(Y/N), seemingly didn't hear anything and nothing was reaching him. The cold and murderous look in his eyes was more than enough to tell them that they had to subdue him.

Somehow.

Damian jumped on (Y/N)'s shoulders, trying to take his metal arm off. Once they get that off, they are going to be fine. They hope at least.

" (Y/N) come on! Fight it! " Damian raised his voice, trying to make (Y/N) see his senses. (Y/N) didn't listen and threw himself into the wall, back first to throw Damian off and then he threw Damian into the shelves, making him groan in pain.

Bruce walked in from the outside and froze in shock. His adopted sons in various stages of pain and (Y/N) in the Winter Soldier mode. Bruce stayed calm as he glanced over his sons.

They were alive and breathing. That's the important thing right now.

" (Y/N) listen to me. " Bruce said softly as he moved closer, quickly checking on his sons, who were all softly confirming that they were good.

" Look at me. Remember me. It's Bruce. You are safe. The Winter Soldier doesn't control you, you control him. " Bruce said, raising his hands in the air, trying to make sure that he didn't look like threatening.

" You control him, remember that. " Bruce said as he quickly checked on Jason.

(Y/N) looked like he was confused and shook his head. Bruce watched in silence as (Y/N) was getting his bearings together. And once he saw tears falling down his cheeks, he swooped in and hugged his son.

(Y/N) wept as Bruce embraced him and everyone, including Alfred, brought him into a hug. It was a tight hug and Bruce refused to let (Y/N) shatter. And (Y/N) felt safe Bruce's embrace, but by God, guilt was eating him alive.

Apologies were falling from his lips and everyone assured him that it wasn't his fault. It really wasn't his fault.

#dc comics #dc x male reader #x male reader #batfamily #bruce wayne x male reader #batman x male reader #jason todd x male reader #red hood x male reader #tim drake x male reader #red robin x male reader #dick grayson x male reader #nightwing x male oc #damian wayne x male reader #robin x male reader

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yawnderu · 7 months

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Stray - Chapter II

Author's note: not a lot happening here, just pushing this chapter out of my drafts before I start writing about the MW3 campaign. Sobbed for 4 hours about the fanfic in my head after seeing spoilers💀 No spoilers in this chapter, future chapters will be tagged accordingly and having a warning so you don't get spoiled either.

''Focus.'' Ghost's British accent rung in your earpiece, his deep voice barely above a whisper as you took overwatch with a sniper rifle. He didn't have the heart to tell you he could hear your fast, hard breathing on the comms, memories of the past flooding all over while your brain is stuck visiting people who are still alive in the graveyard of your heart.

''Enemy down, LT.'' You whispered as you took down an enemy guard, your focus on the scope not faltering until you saw the body dropping, blood quickly pooling up around their body before your attention was taken by movement in the distance, immediately using the scope to see better. You could easily make out the shape of another sniper, the camouflage outdated for the season accompanied by movement, yet it didn't seem they could see you yet.

''Spotted an enemy.'' You mutter in comms, keeping them open in case you had to run or took a shot. Ghost mutters a soft ''roger'' on the line and you line up the scope to take a perfect shot, easily finding the enemy sniper's head, who isn't even looking into their scope. You take a deep breath, relaxing your body before your finger pulls the trigger, the slight recoil hitting your body, yet you're still looking to confirm the kill.

''Moving.'' You don't wait for further comms before grabbing your equipment, tactical camouflage draped over your body as you swiftly run around, laying on your stomach and examining the area. It was an easy mission— gather intel and go, the barely secured safehouse making it easier for Ghost and you to complete this and go home.

You scan the area, eyes fully focused on the surroundings, looking for any possible movement. You saw none, though you were still highly alert, focusing on making sure your Lieutenant makes it out alive. It doesn't take long before he gathers the intel and you rendezvous at the helipad, your gloved fist raised slightly as you both settle in, his bumping yours after a few seconds of staring.

You lean closer to Ghost, speaking loudly over the rumbling sound of the blades."You think we'll take down Makarov?" He gives you a side eye for a second before turning his face towards yours, hesitantly nodding.

"We got plenty of good soldiers on our side, luv. There's always a risk, but..." He seems hesitant to answer, knowing he can lay his emotions bare to you, but refusing to do so.

"'M not sure." He finally replies and you simply nod, leaning back on your seat while you look at the background get smaller the higher you go. You both know Makarov is the ultimate threat. The kingfish. A man so deadly who has no hesitation on killing people, over 30.000 deaths caused by him, and truth to be told, you're all scared you'll join the growing number.

"Bonnie!" Soap says once he's back to base, arms wrapping around your waist as he lifts you up in the air and spins you, a ritual that started out as a joke whenever you both came back from missions without the other. After over a year of knowing these men and being stationed with them for so long, you eventually develop routines together, no matter how extra and annoying they might seem.

"Played rough with the Russians?" He asked with a cheeky smirk, arm wrapped around your shoulder as you walked back to the barracks. Ghost disappeared the moment you got back, likely to unwind and have some time alone before being practically forced by all of you to go to a bar. He knows the invitation is coming.

"Not many around— Ghost did all the dirty work down there." You shrug, arm wrapped around his waist as you walk, trying your best to ignore the way his toned muscles feel over your fingers. No. Soap is like a brother to you. At least, you've been telling yourself that for the past year or so.

"Sounds like him." He seems more relaxed now, the slight nervousness he gets whenever you or Ghost go on missions without him or more reinforcements slowly dissipating, giving him room to simply enjoy himself. And enjoy himself he will, knowing Price, Gaz and him will force Ghost and you to go to a new bar near base in a few hours.

"Ya should go shower." You raise an eyebrow and look up at him, hesitantly smelling your armpit to make sure you don't smell after hours on the field, laying still in dirt and under the sun. You don't even smell that bad.

"Asshole." Soap finally lets go of you with a laugh, narrowly missing a sharp kick thrown his way, running away like the coward he is.

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murfpersonalblog · 2 months

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IWTV Trailer (me losing my freaking marbles - YOLO) Pt2

I'm just going frame by frame thru AMC'S BEAUTIFUL new IWTV trailer. But I had to split this into 2 parts cuz Tumblr won't let me post 30+ pics. 🙄

They transition from Louis telling Claudia "It's you and me," to BB!Dan being "disrespectful"--yelling at Louis wanting him to make him a vamp, like we heard in S01E01.

And they immediately cut to the clip we've seen before of Louis crying & being dragged off by some old dude (if that's a vampire I feel bad for him, LOL). This might be Claudia/Madeleine's execution, rather than the Trial itself, cuz Louis was wearing a different outfit. (And Claudia's wearing the YELLOW DRESS! Imma be sick! 😭)

So I wonder when the "best outfit" Jam Reiderson said Claudia wears is gonna take place--which I'm assuming is the red Flamenco dress from the posters.

It is SO incredible that we're actually gonna see The Trial, and LESTAT BEING THERE, and seeing Madeleine & Armand & Santiago.

It's interesting that they cut from Armand saying it wasn't SanFran where he failed Louis but Paris, and jump to hallucination!Lestat mocking Armand, yelling "HA!" Is Louis' outfit the same as the one where the old dude dragged him out crying? It kinda looks the same. So is Louis imagining Lestat being FURIOUS with Armand for what's about to happen to Claudia? I wonder why Les is in THAT suit, cuz it looks like the same one he wore in S1E03 the night he kicked Jelly Roll Morton out of town & ragged on Louis about not wanting to kill humans.

Good lord, here we go. #GoneTooSoonMadeleine. U_U And I LIKE THE IMAGERY of the joint/shared transformation, nodding to Claudia desperately wanting Louis to be her (blood) spouse, as they make Madeleine together.

Jfc Louis really did almost kill BB!Daniel. O_O He shattered all that plaster--that's brain damage for sure--no wonder he can't remember the interview, LOL. (I still think Armand used the Mind Gift to make him forget everything.)

A lot of paintings and canvases--art heist Armand?! Are we finally gonna see how he made all that money, going around stealing priceless treasures!? (You can see Armand's feet floating, LOL.) Or is the inside of that chateau his coven raided, "we own dominion!"?

Daniel asking Louis: "YOU BUY THAT?"

AMC thinks they're FUNNY! Cuz they cut right from Armand stealing art he didn't BUY, to lovebomber!Lestat laughing in the townhouse and Louis yelling in what looks like a train station? So he's freaking TF out in public (just like Paul).

Ooooo--then they have Lelio!WolfKiller!Lestat about to attack someone (Magnus? Nope, I double-checked it's Armand cuz ofc it is), looking like the freaking BEAST in his red cape--

--right before we get Lestat's POV of Louis and him fighting in Ep5.

Cuz yeah, Lestat had snapped, and was beating Louis like he was a DOG, like he wasn't even seeing a PERSON, let alone someone he was supposed to be protecting from vampires/monsters LIKE HIM--and OMFG Louis was in blue just like Belle was during the wolf attack--I hate this show.

And they immediately jump from Louis getting beat by Lestat to what I assume is Louis getting jumped by the Theatre--trapped in the coffin they were gonna bury him alive in.

What on earth is Claudia throwing? I swear I think these are bombed/blown-up body parts--pieces of someone's life gone cuz of the WAR. (And immediately cut to Loustat fighting.)

"Who are you, Louis? If there was no ME, if there was no HIM." So yes, the fan theory that Louis WANTS those pieces gone are correct. Or rather--Louis THOUGHT that having those pieces removed would help him. He thought he could recover the lost parts of himself if he wiped his mind of the painful memories. But something must've triggered him--likely finding Claudia's diaries after the 1970s--we are SOOOOO deep in Merrick territory. Cuz Louis wants those memories BACK now--with a vengeance.

*squints* Are they really GOING THERE with Lesmand!? O_O That's not Nickistat, right? Cuz the very next clip is Armand--using telekinesis on Louis (or Daniel?) WTF?!

And then we see the familiar clip of Armand using the Fire Gift when he first meets Louis. Just paralleling how much Armand openly flaunts his many gifts in front of Louis, while Lestat tried to hide everything he could do to not scare Louis away--until Ep5 ofc.

Doomed "happy" "family." YELLOW DRESS ALERT ☝️. The calm b4 ish hits the fan. They immediately cut to Claudia being "welcomed" by the Theatre and Santiago zooming thru the tunnel--

--DEATH to all of them! "F**k these vampires"--Claudia never lied!

Louis, you are just too dang pretty--GTFO off my dang screen. 😍

Another YELLOW dress--these images are cursed.

Loustat reunion at the Trial, if that's the same outfit Lestat wore here.

Give him hell, Armand! 😈 He wanted to be the Devil's Minion so bad--here you go! Look at all that glass shattering around him; no wonder Daniel's scared for his life, LOL! (If this is actually Louis throwing a fit I will DIE.)

Louis finna GO OFF on this BUFFOON! So THAT'S why Armand was mad! XD Louis (or Claudia?) was about to rip Santiago's whole jaw off! XDDDD

The sound of Louis just crying has me in a STATE. AMC is doing something SO freaking different from the film & the books. Louis is actively trying to make sense of things, as we see this poor man just suffering with PTSD and mental illness; with no one to HELP him but some crotchety old man who borderline hates him, and an old AF vampire who'd loves him so much that he'd rather have Louis forget everything cuz ignorance is bliss. 😩

Louis WANTS to remember everything. Armand does NOT want the interview. And Daniel is scared.

Holy freaking goodness, what an incredible trailer. 👏 May 12th can't get here fast enough!

#interview with the vampire #loustat #loumand #louis de pointe du lac #louis de pointe du black #justice for claudia #must see tv #the hype is real

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thezombieprostitute · 2 months

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Panic Attack

Summary: A panic attack leads to a conversation with a handsome Detective and he helps you feel better in a few ways.

A/N: Reader is plus sized. No other descriptors used. Thank you @peyton-warren for the idea!

Warnings: Abusive ex - Fat shaming; Food denial. Panic attack. Let me know if I missed any!

The scent hits you and brings back all of the memories. You can control for so many triggers but not scent. It’s the sense with the strongest ties to your memories and you can’t avoid it. You can’t get your brain past it. There’s no talking yourself down when all you feel you can do is shut down completely. You sit on the sidewalk and wait for the pain your brain and body know is coming.

“Give them some space,” a voice says. It catches your attention because the accent seems out of place.

Thinking you’ve finally fully snapped you start gently rocking. Suddenly a face comes into view. Curly hair, beard and deep blue eyes etched with concern. It’s enough to get you to stop rocking.

“Hi there,” he says. “I’m Detective Walter Marshall. You look like you’re having a panic attack?” His words take a little time to register in your brain. When they do, you nod. “Do you know what triggered this? Is it still here?” His voice is calm and caring without being condescending.

“Smell…” you whisper. “Someone’s cologne. It’s gone now. Can’t…I can’t…”

“It’s okay,” his voice soothes. “Do you need to go inside or do you need the open space?”

“Umm…” your brain keeps trying to work but it’s stalling out. Every time you try to look away his eyes follow yours, keeping your focus on him. “Inside, please. If only so I’m not sitting on the sidewalk?”

“Okay. Can I help you up?” He stands and holds out his hand. You’re taken aback at just how tall and thick he is. You’re almost too shy to take the help but you do need to get off of the ground. You take your hand and pull yourself up. You’re a little scared you’ll hurt him with your weight but he barely seems to register it. When you’re on your feet he gestures to a nearby restaurant, “if it's a smell that got you worked up maybe a bunch of different ones will help you? My treat.”

The two of you walk the few steps to the front door and he holds the door open for you. Your movements are slow but he doesn’t comment, letting you set the pace. You find a table in the corner and sit there. You need to be able to see the entire (thankfully empty) room, can’t risk someone sneaking up on you. He sits next to you, close enough to hear you talk but far enough to respect your personal space.

“Is there anything I can get you,” he asks. “Any comfort food or drink? Maybe even a YouTube video to help you out?”

Your brain gives a few false starts before you’re able to say, “chocolate? Chocolate flavor means he’s not here. Means I’m okay.”

He nods and gestures to one of the staff who quickly comes over. He orders a couple pieces of chocolate cake and the waiter goes to quickly grab them.

“While we’re waiting,” he looks at you, “can you tell me your name?” You’re happy with how quickly you’re able to tell him, like maybe your brain can do something right. He nods, “when is your birthday?” That one takes a few seconds longer but you’re able to tell him. “Are you able to take a deep breath?” Almost involuntarily you find yourself slowly breathing deep. By the time you exhale you’re feeling a smidge better.

The slices of cake get to the table and he puts one in front of you, taking the other for himself. When you hesitate he starts eating his as if telling you it’s okay to eat. You take a small bite and the chemicals in your brain start adjusting and letting go of the terror that cologne had inspired. He never let you eat chocolate, sweets in general. He’d always said you needed to stop embarrassing him and lose some weight so he cut you off from your favorites. But you’re eating chocolate cake now so he can’t be here.

After a couple of bites your panicked state eases up, leaving you feeling weak and exhausted. You start crying and apologizing. He’s quick to console you, holding your hand in his, speaking in a soothing tone about how you can’t always control when these things will hit. How trauma of any kind isn’t something that can just be pushed down and forgotten. How you’re a lot stronger than you think because you’ve survived this and more.

When you’ve cried yourself out you switch to thanking him for his help and the cake. He smiles softly and goes back to eating his slice, encouraging you to continue eating yours. You do so with gusto, smiling, and comment on how tasty it really is.

“It goes really well with coffee,” Walter comments. “But I didn’t want to order any in case that was another trigger.”

“No,” you softly shake your head, “that sounds really nice. Decaf, though. I don’t think my nerves could handle caffeine at the moment.” Walter turns and orders the coffee which is quickly brought out. You heartily agree that the flavor of the cake is enhanced when paired with the coffee and his smile grows.

The two of you start conversing in general small talk, leading to talking about your various interests. It’s a very restorative conversation as you let yourself feel excited to explain some of your hobbies and recent fixations. He listens and adds some of his own commentary about your shared interests. Turns out you have quite a few of them.

After the cake and coffee has been consumed, your nerves are still raw but not as sensitive. You thank Walter for helping you out and ask if you can repay him.

“It’s not a problem,” he smiles. “I’m genuinely happy to help. In fact, can I take you home? You look like you could use some rest.” You smile and nod.

He leads you to his truck and you tell him your building’s address. He makes sure to walk you to the building’s front door and gives you his card in case you want to talk some more. You give him a big hug before heading inside.

Between your name, birthday and building address, Walter is able to look up your history in the department records. He finds the restraining order with your ex-boyfriends name and address on it. He can’t do anything yet but it’s good information to have in case something happens. In the meantime, he really hopes you call or text him.

#walter marshall x reader #walter marshall x plus size!reader #walter marshall fluff

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unhappycylinder · 4 months

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Gonna Be Trouble (Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x fem!Reader) Pt. 12

WC: 1.3k

I was in the mood to cry, enjoy

Jake’s home was still stuffy, still dark, and still the same dreary bachelor pad you remembered from months ago. As you opened the door, waves of memories washed over you, enveloping you in a fog of pain, hurt, and discomfort. The last time you saw Jake in person…well…you had walked home alone with tears streaming down your face and stabbing pain in your heart.

You didn’t even know it, but you were pregnant then.

Then the memories from your pregnancy flooded your brain, and you spiraled. Where had Jake been? Why hadn’t you told him? Why was he so cruel to you? Why didn’t you ever call him back after you broke the news the day after Christmas?

There you stood, left hand gripping the door handle so hard that your knuckles were turning white, eyes sorrowfully locked on a spot on the floor. You were barely inside the house, the door still open with cool winter air flowing through it, one of Jake’s lighter bags slung over your other shoulder.

“Baby? Baby what are you doing?” Jake’s voice broke your trance, his hands reaching to take the bag off your shoulder and pull you inside. He ushered you into the house, closing the door behind you. Finally, as he turned to face you he noticed the shock on your face.

“Y/n?” He asked with concern, tossing the bag onto the ground and grabbing your shoulders. You couldn’t look at him. Preserving your emotional stability was far more important than explaining anything to him right now.

“Y/n honey please, what’s going on?” He chuckled slightly, confused by your startled expression and silence.

Shaking your head, you pushed past his grasp and walked over to his kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water and propping yourself up against the wall for some sense of stability.

All focus was on controlling your breathing and your thoughts. How could you have known that coming back into Jake’s house would be such a trigger for you?

“Y/n?” Jake asked softly, standing at the other side of the kitchen to give you some space.

“Mhmm?” You hummed, eyes closing.

“Wanna talk to me?” Jake’s tone was different, it was tender and understanding. It was almost as if he knew exactly how you were feeling…and there was no pressure behind his words.

“I think I have to,” you choked back tears, “but I don’t know if I can”

“Come here,” he opened his arms for you, gesturing toward the couch.

Even on the couch he kept his distance, letting you choose how close you wanted to sit to him, and trying his best not to look upset when you picked the complete opposite side of the couch.

“I’m having a really hard time…” you cried out after several beats of silence, no longer able to hold back the tears.

“Honey,” he reached out to rub your thigh.

“It’s like…” you took a deep breath, “I love you so much and I feel so at home with you. I’ve never felt a pain like when we’re not together, and I know you feel the same”

“Of course I do,” Jake began, “deployment was the-”

“But you don’t act like it,” you cut him off, eyes finally meeting his, which were full of regret, “you’ve said things to me that I never thought anyone could say to someone…let alone someone they love…and you break up with me over and over again like I never meant anything to you.”

Jake’s hand left your thigh, moving to wipe tears out of his eyes.

“And I keep coming back to you, and accepting your empty apologies because I can’t live without you…but nothing hurts more than living with you because I’m just constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s so unfair”

“I know, baby, I know.” Jake sobbed, “I’m so sorry Y/n”

“Jake I went through a miscarriage on my own.” You took a breath, “I carried our baby for months without even hearing a word from you…that’s how much I believed in us, how much I needed you. We weren’t even together, you had ended things with me long before, yet I still kept the baby cause I thought you’d change your mind about me by the time you got back…but I couldn’t even…” you gasped for air, unable to continue.

Jake’s arms wrapped around you, his strength melting you into his embrace as you sobbed harder than ever before. His breath shook as he cried into the top of your head, hands gripping at your back as if you were going to disappear at any moment.

“Y/n” he sobbed, “I’m so sorry. I was such an asshole. I pushed you away and I got pissed when you didn’t talk to me…I was stupid. I was so fucking stupid. I let myself lose you after promising that I’d never do that again”

He gripped your back harder as he cried. You wrapped your arms around him, tucking your head into his neck and pressing soft kisses to his skin.

“I’ve never had anything like you in my life before and you freak me the fuck out. You always have. I love you more than I love anything else, and I don’t know what to do with all that love. Maybe pushing you away was an attempt to protect myself…a shitty attempt…but God I can’t ever let you suffer again like this on your own…especially because of me,” he hugged you tighter, “fuck Y/n, I’m so sorry,” he sobbed.

Running your hands up and down his back, you processed his words. He had asked you to forgive him when he got home, and you did.

This regret, this pain, this sadness, all of this was new, and it told you he was being sincere. And you did forgive him, you really did. You had a lot to work through, and a lot of trust and comfort to build, but you forgave him.

“Jake,” you whispered, “look at me,” you said as you pulled away from the hug, hands moving to cup his face, now puffy from crying.

“Jake I forgive you,” you nodded at him, “You’re gonna have to work with me on building back trust and everything, but as much as I’ve been hurt by you, I know you didn’t mean it…okay? I need you, Jake, more than anything, and I forgive you.”

“I love you Y/n. We’re gonna be okay…cause I can’t live without you sweetheart,” he rested his forehead against yours before pulling you in for a kiss.

“It's just gonna take time, Jake, that's all” you hummed as you hugged him, pulling him into a tight embrace, “but we're gonna be okay my love.”

That night, Jake’s first night home from deployment, had been playing in your mind since you had gotten back together while he was away. You imagined the scenarios so clearly: you surprising him with sexy lingerie, rose petals on the bed, cheesy romantic stuff. But that wasn’t how this night was fated to go.

Instead, you and Jake held each other on the couch until it felt like you had cried out every drop of water in your body…and you probably had. Jake’s hand in yours, he led you up to the bathroom where he drew you and him a nice bath, massaging your shoulders as you relaxed against him in the water. As you dried off, he called Rooster, letting him know that a trip to the Hard Deck wasn’t really in the cards for you tonight, which Rooster understood of course.

In bed, Jake’s arm snaked around your waist, pulling your back flush against his chest, gentle kisses trailing up and down your neck and shoulder.

“I love you Y/N,” he whispered in his sleepy voice.

“I love you too Jake,” you hummed, feigning drowsiness.

As you laid there, pretending to sleep as your mind raced through the conversation you had with him today, you felt his body tremble. Chaste tears and hushed sniffles came from Jake as he held you close…he couldn’t sleep either.

Taglist: @dempy @shanimallina87 @luckyladycreator2 @mightiestheroes @taytaylala12 @djs8891 @clancycucumber230

#top gun #jake seresin x reader #top gun fic #top gun maverick #jake 'hangman' seresin x reader #jake seresin #hangman x reader #top gun hangman #top gun x reader #top gun fanfic

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yanderes-galore · 11 months

Note

Love ur work! Can I please request a short story Yan! Rick x reader (Rick & Morty) . What would happen if the reader got a partner, whilst Rick was like obsessing over them?

Sure! I don't mind writing for Rick again :) I think I used this plot before but not for Rick so here's a different spin on it, it's one of my favorite story plots lol. It just kind of lead into it with the way I was writing this. Sorry it's short :(, I did want to add more to it but was not sure what.

Try Again

Yandere! Rick Sanchez Short

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Somewhat Self-Aware yandere, Obsession, Jealousy, Murder, Manipulation, Forced relationship, Stalking, Brainwashing, Mentioned drinking but nothing actually happened.

It could be such an easy fix. He could simply get rid of this other person then use a machine to fix everything. He curses himself for being too slow... yet he likes it when you're happy.

Rick thought he had more time to become an important part of your life. He had a whole plan. He was going to slowly manipulate you into loving him so it seems natural, then you'd love him as he did you. Then someone beat him to it.

"Rick! Someone asked me out!"

He knew he was still supposed to play the platonic friend at the time yet he cringed the whole time doing it. Someone else asked you out? How did he miscalculate this... he thought he knew everyone you knew.

"Really, now? What'd you say?"

"Yes!"

"... nice.... Do I know this person?"

"No... I met them recently!"

The moment he took his eyes off you, he lost you. His plan took too slow and you managed to throw a huge wrench into it. He thought he had control over who you met!

Guess not....

Rick waited things out for more info. He watches you like usual but this time shows more attention to your partner. He can't believe this person swooped in... right in the middle of his plan, too.

That can be fixed, he knows it.

There's many ways he can fix this. Most of them centered around the death of your partner. Yes, it's selfish, it's cruel, yet Rick was never really known for the best morals. Many see him as selfish anyways.

Part of him liked how happy you were now. Although he quickly suffocated the idea. Sure, you're happy now...

But he could make you happier.

Even he knew that was a lie, that did not stop his plan however.

It's an easy fix. Rick could easily start the plan again. It would be against your will but he could easily make you his yet again.

It's admittedly not the first time he's done it... why else does he have so much control in your life?

It's yet another reset. He'll give this another try. It was time to put his old plan back into use yet again.

He'd remove your partner from the picture. He'd wash your brain of them and their disappearance like the last ones. Then it's back to normal.

You getting a partner during his obsession with you wasn't going to stop him. One way or another you'd both arrive back at square one. All due to Rick and his mastery of technology.

He should really leave you alone, let you live your own life happily. Then he reminds himself that you were the one that cursed him with feeling this emotion again and you'd have to deal with the consequences. In a way, call this a punishment for the both of you.

His plan would work at some point. He tells himself this as he readies the blaster pointed at your partner's head from his hiding spot. He just needed to try again.

The sound of the blaster and your screaming is like deja vu in his ears. How many times had he done this? How many times has he shot you with the tranquilizer gun and your partner with the blaster.

He wondered if he could really keep doing this when he drags you to his lab. It feels wrong to wipe your memory so much. But Rick is so close.

You're so close to being his. Soon you WON'T have to do this anymore. Then it can finally just be you and him.

This is what he keeps telling himself. Each time it goes wrong but he still keeps doing it. Soon, he'll get it right.

When he sees you wake up and look at him with confusion, he pats your back and sits you up. He prepares the same story he's used time and time again. All with what appears to be a loving smile.

"Drank a little too hard with me last night, didn't you?"

It's when he sees you look at him with such care that he convinces himself to keep going. He may be playing dirty, but it won't matter in the end. He gives you a hug and you hold him back with a small 'yeah, I guess...'. You are nonethewiser to how he's using you to fuel his selfish desires. He'll have you to himself in the end...

He just needs to try again.

#yandere rick and morty #yandere rick sanchez

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noellie-writes217 · 3 months

Text

Unemployed and Uneducated

Summary: Peter is desperate for a job after months of living on his own

Warnings: none really, just a few mentions of loneliness and a lost relative

“Peter Parker?” A woman from the unemployment office calls into an overall dejected lobby. Peter looks up from holding his head in his hands as his knee bounces anxiously.

The same few thoughts flood his brain:

* I’m pathetic

* I can’t do this much longer

* I can’t do anything

* I need help

- Who the hell could I ask?

- I’m fucking alone!

- I couldn’t save May, who else can’t I save?

* I am so fucked in the head

- Lost everyone

1. First my parents

2. Ben

3. Tony

4. May

5. Everyone else, including my best friend, my doppelgängers, and of course, the love of my life

Man this shit is gonna give me a complex

* I am so depressed

- I should get medication

- I can’t afford medication

- That’s why I’m at a fucking unemployment agency

* And I’m back to being pathetic

“Here,” Peter pushes away all of those invasive thoughts for the next fifteen minutes in that woman’s office. She types his name into her computer and pushes her glasses up, as if that will change the astonishing lack of… anything.

Peter sits there, awkwardly, eyes darting around the room as if he has no clue about what she’s seeing— not seeing on that screen.

“I’m sorry,” she starts, “I think we’ll just have to “build your resume on print.” The red haired middle aged—Gina, Peter reads the name on the plaque on her desk— grabs a pen and some paper.

“So where did you graduate?”

“Oh, I uh… I had to, uh… dropout…?”

Gina nods and writes something down on the paper. She kinda reminds Peter of a glorified guidance counselor… but maybe a little meaner. “Look Peter, I’m not gonna lie to you, this isn’t looking good for you. Without a GED and a diploma shits gonna get real difficult. I seriously recommend you getting that GED. I can’t give you some entry level jobs to start until you get that degree.”

Now it’s Peter’s turn to nod.

“So tell me about what you like to do.”

‘Apparently, I like to self sabotage a lot.’ He filters himself so he doesn’t projectile word-vomit all over this stranger’s office.

“I wanted to be an engineer. I had my sights set on MIT before I had to drop out.”

———

Trying to think of a time before a traumatic event is extremely difficult. A victim of rape can be triggered by something that once was innocent, like a lemonade stand; a son who used to be pushed by his father on the football field might not be able to play football ever again after they stop talking to their father; a victim of domestic violence might not be able to respond to sudden movements from their partners the same way. And for all of those people, looking back on their memories before the abuse might be difficult to do with a totally unbiased opinion.

Something’s you never forget, like the way Aunt May felt in Peter’s arms just before she died. Or the words she spoke in those final moments, the same words his uncle Ben said when he died.

‘Nothing will ever be the same.’

Peter can’t afford flowers for May’s grave, but he still visits her grave three times a week on average, no less than two in that span.

And that’s where he is right now. Sitting across from her grave stone with his journal between the hedge and him.

“So I’m still looking for a job, and I haven’t really had time to make friends, but it’ll get better soon…” as soon as he feels a tear fall down his right cheek, he sniffles, blinks. And uses his sleeve to wipe it all away.

“Good God, May. Why didn’t you tell me it’d be so hard to make it on my own?” He chuckled somberly, the same way anyone would when they were trying to hide their emotions.

“I don’t want to keep going.” He cries. “I don’t know if I can.”

“You can.” A familiar, yet unfamiliar voice says from behind him. “She’d want you to.”

It’s Happy.

Peter closes the journal and stands up as fast as possible for him.

“Sorry,” Happy starts, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

Peter hides his face and can’t even bring himself to self to glance at Happy even by accident, “No no, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. I should probably leave anyways.” He starts to step away but Happy takes hold of his jacket sleeve.

“Wait, let me take you to get something to eat,” He smiles, “please. My treat.

Tom takes a moment to consider the offer. The most surprising thing about his moment of hesitation is the fact that he thought about saying no.

“Why would you want to take a stranger out to eat?” He asks.

“I don’t know. You just remind me of someone that I can’t quite place.”

Peter smiles with a glint of hope in his eyes.

— — —

“So,” Happy starts as Peter munches on his cheeseburger, “what’s a young kid like you doing visiting someone’s grave instead of going to school?”

Peter puts down the burger, “I had to drop out actually.” Happy leans back on the booth bench.

“It’s not drugs or anything,” Peter reassures the older man, “I just don’t have the money for anything and I need to earn money for rent.”

“So was May helping you with that before she died?” Happy asks.

Peter debates being forthcoming about his past, but decides against it because he doesn’t have the strength anymore. He lost that at the Statue of Liberty.

“Yeah. My parents died and she always managed to find someway to help me.” Peter smiled.

“I was her boyfriend,” Happy begins, “she never mentioned you. Peter, are you hiding something?” Peter gets a l little nervous.

“I went to the soup kitchen after school. She helped so many that she probably had no idea the effect she had on me.” He covers his ass.

Happy is still suspicious but doesn’t push. “Well, Peter, you seem like a good kid. I’m sure everything will work out eventually.”

“Thank you, Mr. Hogan.”

“So where’s the first place on your list?” He asks.

“What?”

“You said you’re looking for a job, tell me where you’re looking and I can give you a ride.”

“Stormy’s Autobody.”

#tom holland smut #peter parker angst #spiderman no way home #spiderman nwh #spiderman x black cat #spiderman #tasm spiderman #black cat #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland #peter parker #harrison osterfield #haz osterfield

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actual-changeling · 2 months

Note

Does Crowley have memory loss like how Jim does? (an empty house and looking where the furniture isn't. It hurts to remember. I know, try harder). If so is there any evidence of this and do you think the memory loss or things related to it (Crowley's angelic identity, rank, or his fall) will play a role in next season?

Crowley definitely has memory loss, but I think it's very different from the kind Jim/Gabriel has.

We can broadly divide memory loss into natural and artificial, with natural memory loss being the brain's response to a trauma while artificial memory loss is either caused by an external source or done intentionally, e.g. Gabriel putting his memories into the fly.

The house metaphor works regardless, though with the difference being that Gabriel's memory furniture can be recovered completely while Crowley's can't. I've talked about trauma-related memory loss at length before, but let's have a little review:

When faced with a traumatic situation that you cannot escape by fight, flight, or fawn, your nervous system falls back on 'freeze' and dissociation. It cannot cope with what is happening, so it tries to remove your/your awareness from reality as much as possible.. During dissociative episodes, the processing of external & internal input and the forming of memories is impaired, meaning that once you are in a safe environment and can 'return' to reality, everything you experienced before is blurry or foggy in some way.

Depending on the how, when, and what of trauma—especially if it's on-going and there is no actual safe environment you can escape to later—the dissociative barriers can become strong enough to turn the person that went through the trauma into Not You. We see this with Crowley and the way he talks about the Starmaker: the angel you knew isn't me, that was a long time ago, etc.

If it wasn't You that the bad things happened to, then the trauma no longer feels as inescapable as when you acknowledge that it was You—it's the brain saying "I cannot deal with this" and pushing it to the extreme.

That is why, in my opinion, Crowley has trouble recalling anything related to his fall, the Great War, and his time as the Starmaker, he can only access more memories when he is back in a triggered state, like after the bookshop fire. Emotional flashbacks force you to reconnect with memories and experiences, and you may remember more during that time just to forget about it again once you're back to normal.

We see Crowley slip into a dissociative episode during the final fifteen, but it also happens several times throughout the show before that.

Maybe there is also an outside influence on top of that, though I personally hope that Neil won't go down that road. Crowley's trauma-related memory loss and the cPTSD he has to deal with feels very realistic and accurate, and it adds a lot to him as a character.

Still, his fall will probably be quite important, memories or no memories, and we have already gotten a lot of fragmented facts about the extent of Crowley's powers both before and after the fall. There's a lot for Neil to work with here.

#alex answers asks #alex talks good omens #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable husbands #ineffable wives #ineffable spouses #ineffable divorce #the final fifteen #good omens meta #alex's meta minisodes

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danceswithsporks · 1 year

Text

Warm- Part 7

Part 1 of 6 in the Complete Series!

Parts 1 2 3 4 5 6

Tech x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Order 66

About: Cal and Ahsoka help Tech retrieve his memories where he meets someone unexpected.

Authors notes: Thank you everyone for your continued support! So sorry this took so long but I wanted it to be perfect! So much work and emotions went into this! I really hope y’all enjoy it!

Warm, the feeling of Ahsoka's hands on Tech's face as the clone laid on a pillow in her lap. His brown eyes looked up at the young Jedi as she spoke with the redhead next to her. She was going over the plan once more with the younger Jedi, a plan that Tech still didn’t fully understand, nor did Echo and Kix.

“Rex, are you sure this will work?” Echo stood with his back against one of the walls in your room. Ahsoka and Cal had been clear that your room was the best place to attempt this. The scent of you that hung in the air would work as a guide to get your memories back.

Rex nodded carefully as he moved to the side of your bed and passed Tech the thermos now filled with one of your teas. “You know as much as I do that the force does some amazing things. The Commander was able to find the chip using it. If it can find a small chip in my brain, then I trust that it can put his memories in order.” Looking at Tech carefully, Rex motioned for the spectacled clone to take a sip. “Drink, it’s the same one she made for you the first time you went to her shop.”

Ahsoka looked down at Tech and smiled softly as Cal spoke. “My Master and I did a lot of research on memory recall for those with amnesia. He’d hoped my sense echo could be used as a healing ability. We found that important memories hold the most power. So something like your first date with her could be enough to trigger the dam to finally break.”

“Recreating the Tea she first made you, her scent, anything to help stir that memory will be our starting point.” Ahsoka watched carefully as Tech sipped the tea before laying back in her lap. “I’ll be working as an amplifier for Cal. This could take more force ability than even he has.”

Tech swallowed the tea carefully and savored the familiar taste. It was delicious and cooling, a nice hint of citrus dancing on his tongue. First date? Was that what it had been? His mind wandered to the video on the datapad, you and him kissing, how you told him you were just friends. “I’ll do whatever it takes to remember everything, to remember her.”

A hum came from Ahsoka as her hands returned to the clone's face. She’d helped so many clones escape the empire with their beloveds. Watched as families were formed and saved. Cuts' family had been one of the first ones she and Rex had helped. After the Batch helped them leave their home planet they’d found their way to the Path. Seeing a clone with a wife and children renewed something within her and helped to drive her efforts. Now they’d assisted more clones than she could count. Helping Tech, the clone that had found Echo and freed him from the stasis chamber, return to the one that made his heart happy would be an honor. “She’s stunning. I hope we can help you.”

“And if it doesn’t then you just start over with her.” Echo watched as everyone’s eyes shifted to him. Letting out a breath he decided to elaborate. “ Think about it, you two were brought together for a reason. If it’s meant to be then you two will end up together again.”

“So we were together then? I asked her what we were and she told me we were friends.” Tech closed his eyes and let out a defeated sigh. “Why would she lie?” A tap on his cheek from Ahsoka made him open his eyes and look at the young Jedi.

“She probably wants you to remember on your own. From what she told me, your relationship was unique. I think remembering on your own would be a good thing and if you don’t then you make new memories with her.” You’d told her everything the moment you met her. The air of comfort she gave off was enough to get you talking.

Tech chewed his lip as she spoke. How special had your first meeting really been? “She told me she’d tell me how we met after five months if I couldn’t remember.”

Ahsoka smiled softly as she ran a hand over Tech's eyes, closing them. “Then let’s get to work.”

A nervous breath was released from the clone as he nodded. “Tell me how this works one more time.”

“Sure.” Cal rubbed his hands together before taking Techs in his hand once more. “Ahsoka will help me focus on your memories that are still blocked. The goal is to open them slowly and methodically. We do this too fast and you could go into total shock. Be down for weeks.”

“What should I expect?” The last thing Tech wanted was to be surprised and go into shock that way.

A hum came from Cal as he thought back to his studies. “I’ve only tried this one other time with a clone who had been hit on the head with a crate back when I was with my Master. The clone said it was like being in a long hallway with a lot of doors. Doors that were locked and light guided him to each important memory.” The ginger shrugged carefully. “According to the ancient texts, it could be different for each person though.” Who knew what it would be like for Tech?

Tech opened his eyes and glanced at the child from the side. He’d only done this one other time? “Did it work? Did he get his memories back?”

Cal looked away from them and towards his lap, a dark memory pulling its way to the front of his mind. “Yeah, just in time for him to try and kill me.”

Everyone in the room froze at the child’s words. A dark memory for every one of them. Rex had taken the bullet in the group and sat Tech down to explain what had happened. This wasn’t a memory the clone should remember suddenly. It was only right he understood what was truly happening in the galaxy and what had happened to so many of their brothers, and the Jedi.

Tech gave Cal's hand a gentle squeeze. A silent apology for the trauma they all lived through. Hearing what had happened, what his brothers had been forced to do, had been heartbreaking for Tech. The clones had given their lives for the Jedi and had stood on the battlefield beside them as friends, as family. Now they’d all but been wiped out, because of the clones. Very few Jedi remained now, somehow surviving the purge, Cal and Ahsoka being prime examples. It made him happy to know they’d survived and he hoped that countless more were out there.

Cal appreciated the silent apology. He’d heard so many apologies over these last few months on the run. It was odd. Like the more time passed, the more the chips began to wear off and more clones understood what had happened. He’d heard so many apologies now. The words became hollow after a while. But coming from Tech, a clone who didn’t remember the event, it meant more. “Just promise not to attack me.”

“Heh, I won’t.” The dark joke made the clone smile, glad to know the kid didn’t hold it against them and was able to joke about the event.

“Then let’s begin,” Ahsoka spoke softly as she closed her eyes and began to focus. “I am one with the force and the force is one with me.”

-*-

“Hello?” Tech looked around the calm and empty island. It was like a tropical getaway. A name flitted across his tongue carefully and a breathy “Pabu” left his lips as he turned in place. All the doors to the homes were closed tightly. Locks hanging from their doors in an almost comical way. When was the last time locks like these were even used?

“Tech.” Your voice was airy and danced across the wind to him.

Tech spun on his heels and looked at you quickly. The same gown you had worn in the video from before now on your lovely body. There was an almost glow to you as you moved down the cobbled path toward him. He watched as you smiled softly at him, happiness in your eyes that he hadn’t seen before, or maybe he had but couldn’t remember. “W-what are you doing here?”

The sound of a ceramic spoon spinning in a teacup filled the air as you laughed softly. “I’m here to guide you, of course.”

“Ah, you are my mind's representation of a guide then?” Of course, you weren’t actually there. He watched as you shook your head before stopping in front of him.

“I am not your mind, sweet Tech. Your friends, the Jedi, know me as Ashla, the force.” The force bowed its head carefully, your eyes twinkling back at him.

“I thought the force was a Jedi-only thing. Why are you appearing to me?” Tech was barely wrapping his head around Order 66 and having amnesia. Now he needed to figure this out?

A light chuckle came from Ashla as it motioned to a house at the base of the hill. “The force is within everything. Some are just attuned to me more than others. They are called Jedi.” It began its walk down the path and toward the structure. Time was of the essence. “Come, we have minimal time.”

Tech followed behind obediently, more questions than he could handle filling his mind. “There’s a time limit to this?” He honestly thought he’d have all the time he needed.

Ashla hummed softly as your fingers danced across the lock. After a moment a quiet click could be heard and the lock disintegrated into stardust. “We have until the sun rises. You must remember everything by then, or risk never remembering.”

“So if I don’t remember now, I’ll never remember?” That wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear. His hand ran through the mess of curls on his head and he let out a long sigh. “I just want to remember you, her, you know what I mean.”

A hum came from Ashla as Tech neared. “The longer it takes for the memories to return, the more likely they will never return. Our time together is limited but important.” Its hand raised and ran across Tech's cheek. “Allow me to give you some hope.”

Your hands, its hands, this was getting confusing for Tech, felt like Karlini silk as it glided across his cheek. Tech's eyes fluttered shut and for the briefest of moments he had a memory of you flit across his mind and for once he was able to pinpoint it, feel it, and remember it.

***

“Here, I brought some water, kinda hot today.” You stood next to him with a flask of water in your hand. On the pier next to your feet was a basket with a few sandwiches inside. One of the boats had broken down and Tech had been sweet enough to offer his skills with fixing it.

“Ah, thank you.” Tech took the container from you and drank from it. After a moment he pulled the bottle away and raised an eyebrow. The water was…sweet.

“Do you like it?” You smiled brightly at him, your lip between your teeth as you waited for him to reply.

Tech looked at you carefully as he mulled the taste in his mouth. He saw the way you anticipated his response. How you bounced on the balls of your feet in excitement. “I do. It is a unique taste.” Resting his hand on the mouth of the bottle he slowly unscrewed it. “May I take a peek inside?”

You nodded excitedly. “It’s water with a mix of berries. You said you didn’t find the appeal. So I wanted to test if that was true.” Shrugging playfully you took the water from him and took your own sip, putting the feelers out to see his reaction. Another experiment of yours. But he didn’t need to know about that one.

He watched as you sipped the drink before returning the original mouthpiece. The way your plump lips wrapped around the top of the bottle made something stir in him. It wasn’t right for him to have these inappropriate thoughts about you. Not when he wasn’t sure about your feelings for him. “A-are you saying that you experimented on me?” You smiled at him slyly before nodding. A laugh left him as he shook his head. “Did you perhaps pick that idea up from me?”

With a shrug, you took a seat on the pier next to him and dangled your feet towards the water below. “Maybe I took a note from when you tested Wrecker's sense of taste last week. Or maybe I’ve been doing some of my own research.” A smile played on your lips as you looked at him. This was nice, relaxing.

Tech really liked how you were currently looking at him. How the glow of the setting sunset surrounded you in a warm hug. Sitting back he hummed softly as a breeze hit you both. “ I must say, I was surprised that he did not notice the Trandoshan spice pepper in the macaroon you prepared.”

“You’re telling me. My brother tried one and started crying they were so spicy!” You laughed brightly, your hand coming up to cover your mouth as you did so. Beside you, Tech smiled softly at you, living the way your laugh sounded. Clearing your throat, you hummed softly. “Thanks for letting me be a part of that.”

Tech nodded as he looked down at the space between you two. If he moved his fingers just a little to the right he’d be able to touch your hands. Hunter's words rang in his ears once more and carefully he adjusted himself. “Of course. You make exceptional pastries and I knew he would not suspect anything if you offered them up.” His hand moved carefully and rubbed the side of yours. When you didn’t move it, he felt wings flutter within him once more.

“Anytime you need help with another experiment, just ask.” You smiled at him and the feeling of his hand next to yours. If you weren’t so much of a chicken then perhaps you’d snake your fingers through his and get it all in the open. But that’s what you were, a chicken. So instead you reached into the basket and pulled a sandwich out for Tech. “Here, eat up before you get too focused on that engine.”

***

Tech felt something within him lighten as the memory fizzled away. That memory had happened a few days before he left. A sigh left him as he finally remembered something that you were a part of. “I never realized she had listened when I mentioned not eating when I worked on projects.” Another sigh left him as the memory of him explaining how he tended to hyper-focus hit him. Another memory was back. Already he could feel more small ones hitting his body. Behind his eyes, the pain began to form once more and he found himself worrying that he’d collapse again.

Ashla reached forward and placed a delicate finger between his eyes. “Calm yourself, as we traverse larger memories, smaller ones will fill in the missing pieces. Do not worry. You will not go into shock, I will not allow it.”

The pain that had begun to form behind Tech's eyes dissipated slowly. As it did more small memories danced their way through his mind. How you liked your tea, the way you always hummed when a breeze went by. The smell of the ocean air and the smell of your perfume. This was a start. There was still something pulling at Tech though as Ashla moved its hand away. “I still don’t understand why you are helping me, a non-force sensitive.”

“Because.” Ashla moved its hand in a circle, stars spun around its fingers for a moment before an image of you sleeping formed. “Across the Galaxy, on a warm paradise planet. A pure heart is reaching for you with more strength and love than I’ve ever felt. I am inclined to see that heart not break any more than it already has.” Ashla wasn’t one to normally step in with these matters. But the way your heart begged and pleaded was enough to move its own heart if it had one.

Tech reached his hand out and hovered over the sleeping image of you. His brown eyes took in the way your brow was furrowed, how you tossed and turned in your sleep. Were you having a nightmare? Or were you just restless? He wished he could help you, calm you, or at least wake you up from whatever was distressing you. “Is she ok?” His voice was soft as he tried to remember the feeling of your hug.

“She has many nightmares, her mind is constantly filled with worry and fear. Though she puts on a warm smile and a brave face, within her is a cold fear that binds her heart.” Ashla could see the way Tech worried for you.

“I wish I could help her. Fix everything quickly so she could be happy once more.” Seeing you like this and hearing how hurt you were was painful for him. To his surprise, Ashla took his hand and pulled it toward the image. His fingers were pushed into the cool image and he watched in surprise as you woke up.

With a gasp, you shot up in your bed with your hand over your heart. The nightmare already becoming a distant memory for you as your hand ran over your face and through your tangle of hair. You couldn’t believe you’d woken up so quickly. Usually, the nightmares plagued you all night and held onto you tightly. But this time it was like someone had forcibly pulled you from your nightmare. A sarcastic laugh came from you as you moved the blankets on your bed around as if someone could forcibly wake you up while not being there.

“What just happened?” Did he have something to do with you waking up suddenly? Tech watched as you moved blankets around before letting out a sad sigh. “How long has she been having nightmares? Why is she having nightmares?”

Releasing Tech's hand, Ashla hummed softly before ending the image and instead replacing it with an image of him on the bed in your room. The others were now gone and he laid in a peaceful sleep on your bed. “When she left you and returned to her family, she left behind an item of importance that assisted her in handling her grief.” Tech gave it a confused look and Ashla decided to continue. “I believe you call the device a datapad.” With a spin of its hand, the image moved to you with Techs datapad in your hands.

“My datapad?” Tech watched as multiple images of you with the datapad flashed in Ashlas hand. “She spent every night with it, didn’t she?”

“Indeed.” Ashla willed the image back to your room. “The device was left behind when she left. Without it, it seems that the nightmares she kept at bay have returned.”

“But why did she leave it behind?” None of this was making sense to Tech. If the datapad had been helping you, why did you leave it behind? You didn’t seem like someone to forget something so important. While Tech pondered why you’d leave it behind, Echo's voice caught his attention. Turning towards Ashla, he found another image playing out.

***

“Cyare, are you sure you have to go? I’m sure your brothers are more than capable of taking care of him.” Echo watched as you moved around your room, packing everything into a small bag as quickly as you could.

“My brothers need to focus on the shop and honestly, I need space from all of this.” You sighed as you took the datapad in your hands and sat on the edge of your bed. Echo took a seat next to you and looked at Tech's datapad. “I thought I could handle this, work through all of this slowly and rebuild what Tech and I had. But after last night, I just…I think I still need time to process him being alive.”

A sigh left your lips as you passed the datapad to Echo. “When he remembers enough, make sure he gets it. There’s…some files on there I made for him.” Your hands shook slightly as you passed the datapad over. It felt like a part of your heart was being given away.

Echo nodded and carefully took the datapad, his hand resting on yours as he did so. “Will you come back?” When you shook your head he sighed while placing his forehead against your shoulder. “What do I tell the others?” You were the heart and soul of this place. Your warmth and caring smile helped all those that came through feel safe.

“For now, tell them I went home to help my dad. Then in two weeks, tell them I’m not coming back.” Your head tilted to the side and you rested it on top of Echos. “I’m sorry, Echo. I guess I’m not as strong as you all thought I was.”

Echo squeezed your hand gently. “Don’t say that. You’re stronger than any of us.”

“Thanks, Echo.”

***

“She’s not coming back?” No, you had to come back. You being around was what he needed. The memories were coming back finally. “I need to wake up. I need to get to her.”

Ashla closed the image and placed both hands around Techs. “Remember, if you wake now. You run the risk of losing all the memories.” Tech let out a long breath. “Stay and retrieve your memories. It will be worth it. That I can guarantee.”

Tech stared at Ashla in silence for a while as he tried to make a decision. Leave and possibly lose all memories or stay and get them back. If he left now he could hopefully build new memories with you. Start fresh and make something new for you both. But his mind went back to the night with you in front of the window and how hopeful you’d seemed. Looking at the door in front of him, Tech swallowed and stepped forward. “Let’s begin.”

-*-

“It’s been two days. When do we start to worry?” Echo chewed his lip as he stared at Tech's sleeping form on your bed. One of your blankets had been pulled over hun to keep him warm.

Kix checked Tech's pulse once more, as he did every hour, and shrugged. “He’s not in distress. I think it’s safe to say things are fine…for now.” Moving across the room, Kix sat in a chair and wrote his notes down quickly. He was anything if not diligent when he came to his medical notes and research. “Have you heard from her? How is her father doing?” His eyes never left his datapad. It wasn’t like you to not check in with everyone, he was beginning to worry.

Echo swallowed at the question. “Uh yeah, she’s been a bit busy with her family's shop. She sends her love.” Nope, he couldn’t tell any of them you weren’t coming back. He couldn't destroy all of their hope like that, not now at least.

-*-

Tech was tired, oh so tired. He’d experienced so many memories, so many moments in his life that made him think about everything. He’d relived order 66, Cross turning on them and leaving. Meeting Omega, the fall of Kamino, and the discovery of the chips. He remembered Cid and all the hard work the batch had done for her and how she’d left them stranded on that damned planet. Almost everything was back now, all that was missing was his time with you.

Over the course of getting his memories back, he’d slowly made his way up the large hill of Pabu. Now the top was in sight. Behind him, the night sky was beginning to brighten as the sun began to rise. Time was running out. Above him, Ashla sat on the stonewall near the top of the island. Feet dangling over the side, it watched as Tech wiped his hand across his forehead. “Time is almost up, I still need to remember her.”

With a wave of its hand, a rope fell from the top of the mountain towards Tech. Beside him, a barrier blocked his path up. “Then climb.”

A tired hand ran over the rope carefully. It wanted him to climb a rope the rest of the way. Tech's eyes shifted to the barrier and with a defeated sigh he began to climb. “Why am I climbing?”

Ashla hummed in thought, going over all of Tech's memories in its head. What was blocking the rest of his memories from coming in? Below it, the sound of Tech slipping and gasping showed what was wrong. “Your final memories of your beloved are blocked by a memory you refuse to remember.”

Tech clung tightly to the rope as it swayed back and forth above the island below. What did Ashla mean? How could something block his memories? “What is it?” He could see something shift in Ashlas eyes as it looked down at him. After a moment of silence, a dagger appeared in its hand and before he could react or say anything, the rope was cut.

And he fell.

-*-

“No!” Tech sat up with a gasp. His hand held his chest tight as the memory of him falling finally finished. Tears threatened his eyes as he tried to handle seeing his supposed death all over again. A shaky breath left his body.

“Tech, I’m here.” Echo rushed to his brother's side and wrapped an arm around him, letting him know he was safe. “You had us worried.”

Across the room, Kix moved to grab Tech a drink and inform the others that the clone was finally awake.

“How long was I down?” It felt like simply a day. But something told him it had been far longer. The sound of the door opening drew his attention. Kix, Ahsoka, and Cal all stepped into the room. Relief on all of their faces.

Kix crossed the room and passed Tech the thermos as he began to take the clone's vitals. “A week.”

Tech began to open the thermos but stopped at Kix's words. “A week? It felt like a day.” Sighing he took a drink and hummed at the taste of your tea. It wasn’t exactly like how you made it, maybe something was missing, but it was still good enough to trigger the rest of his memories of you. It all rushed back to him like the tsunami wave that hit your village. He could remember you holding onto him tightly as the waters pushed you two around. The look on your face as he kissed you to force air into your lungs. The way you looked at him after he kissed you a second time. “Where’s my datapad?” Tech looked around the group. He needed to see what you’d left him.

Echo placed a calming hand on his brother's shoulder. “Calm down. One thing at a time.” How did Tech know about the datapad? “What do you remember?”

He didn’t have time for this. “Everything. I remember everything. Now please, my datapad”

Sighing softly, Echo stood and moved to your dresser. He carefully slid the top drawer open and pulled out Tech's shirt. “Here.” He passed the shirt to Tech who unwrapped it carefully. Inside was the datapad that Tech was so desperately in search of. “There’s something you should know Tech, that all of you should know.” He looked at the group now assembled in the room.

“She’s not coming back.” Tech tapped at the screen and watched it prong to life. Instantly he began to search through the programs for anything you may have left behind.

“What?” Kix looked at Tech and Echo quickly. “Is this true, Echo?”

Echo ran his hand over his face. “It’s true.” His eyes shifted to Tech. “How did you know that though?”

There was something here in the messages section that he hadn’t seen before. Echos question reached his ears and nonchalantly he replied. “Ashla told me.”

Ahsokas head whipped away from Cal and to Tech. “What did you say?”

Tech fought the sigh that struggled to escape. He needed to focus on the current task. Placing the datapad down he looked at the ex-Jedi. “Ashla, the force, told me. Well, she showed me actually.”

“The force talked to you?” Ahsoka struggled to believe this. But only Jedi knew the force's ancient name.

“It did.” Tech quickly explained how it had taken on your image to speak to him. How it guided him through his memories and kept him from going into shock. He explained how Ashla had only appeared because your heart begged for help.

“I need a moment.” Ahsoka sat on the edge of the bed with her fingers against the bridge of her nose.

He really wanted to look through his datapad in peace, find what you left behind and then find you. “I understand your surprise on the matter. But I must request that I have some time to catch up on things I have missed.”

A chuckle left Echo as he motioned for the others to leave. “Glad to see you’re almost back to normal.” Only once the room was cleared, to the argument of the others, did Echo close the door and look at Tech. “So you’re back to normal?”

“As normal as I can be, Echo.” Tech could now see the message log between you and him, the missed messages sent after the mission. Placing the datapad down he decided to get questions answered before delving into the datapad more. “Did you find Cross? Is everyone ok?”

Echo nodded as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Yeah, Cross is safe. He’s on Pabu with the others.” He watched as Tech visibly relaxed at the information. “Tech, things didn’t go so well after you fell.”

“I had a feeling. Where’s Cid?” He watched as Echo visibly made a face of disgust. “That must explain why Phee owns the building now.”

“After you fell, we crashed into the terminal. No one was seriously injured, but it was enough that we were down and needed a place to lay low. The tracker? It didn’t hold. Cross blames Saw Gerrera.” And so did he. “We came back here to rest up and think of a new plan.” Echo felt venemon begin to rise in his throat. “Cid turned us in. Because of her, we lost Omega.”

Tech's fists tightened as he continued to listen to Echo explain what happened. How they managed to get a tracker on Hemlocks ship as the scum left with their precious sister.

“With the help of Rex and Gregor, we were able to infiltrate the base.” Echo shuddered as he thought about Mt. Tantiss. “The things we saw there. It was like walking into hell. Clones were being experimented on in the worst ways possible. That’s where we found Omega and Cross….and Cody.” A defeated sigh came from Echo as he remembered the state Cody was in. How Omega looked when they finally found her cell. The way she’d sobbed finding out that Hemlock had killed Nala Se because the Kaminoan had refused to experiment on Omega. “We got everyone out. But Hemlock had already evacuated his more top-priority experiments. A program called the Dark Trooper. We’ve been trying to work through those files. But the encoding is trickier than I expected.” With Tech back though, maybe they’d have better luck.

“So Hemlock escaped?” That was disappointing and concerning to hear.

“Tried to. Cross took care of that problem.” Echo had wanted to be the one to do it. Hell, there had been a line of people ready to do the honors. But Cross was their sniper for a reason. One shot was all it took to bring his shuttle down and into the side of the mountain.

Tech made a face before nodding. “Good. And Cid?”

“Hemlock had her assassinated shortly after he got Omega. Didn’t want any loose ends. Honestly, she got lucky the Empire did it. Hunter was out for blood. I honestly don’t know what would have happened if Hunter had gotten to her instead.” He sighed as he fell back and laid across the bed. “That’s the long and short of it all. Omegas on Pabu with the others, she’s doing better. Hunter says she still has some nightmares here and there. But she’s getting better.”

“Wow.” That was all Tech seemed to be able to say. A lot had happened while he was…gone. “Do they know about me?”

Echo turned his head and looked at his brother carefully. “Cross and Hunter do. You know Wrecker can’t keep a secret to save his life and we didn’t want Omega finding out before you remembered everything. The last thing the poor kid needed to know was that you didn’t remember her.”

It made sense. Omega had been through so much in her young life, it was only right to keep him a secret. At least now they’d be able to let the child know. “You should probably contact them then. Let them know I’m back to myself.” Or as close as he could be. He felt different, looked at things differently, and even thought differently.

“Yeah. That will definitely brighten her day.” Echo tiredly moved his body off the bed and stretched his arm above his head. Perhaps he’d do it in the morning after he finally got some decent sleep. Over the last week, they’d each taken turns staying by Tech's side. Too many nights he’d fallen asleep in the chair. Even with his enhanced body parts, he was getting too old for this. “I’ll drop some food off for ya in a bit, Tech.” He stopped by the door and looked at his brother who was already buried in the datapad. “Tech? It’s good to have ya back.”

Tech looked up at Echo and nodded. “It’s good to finally be back.” He watched as Echo smirked before closing the door.

-*-

It took Tech time to actually read through the messages. For the time being he took in being in your room. The way your perfume hung on the pillows and blankets. He could make out the little trinkets you’d acquired scattered across your room. An old clone doll rested on the table beside the bed and Tech wondered if you cuddled with it every night. His fingers ran over the material of his old shirt and he realized it was the only thing in the room that didn’t smell like you. It had no smell at all. Did you never wash it? He recognized it as one of the shirts from his laundry pile, he knew it hadn’t been cleaned before the mission.

Taking a deep breath, Tech pulled the datapad back into his lap and opened the screen to his messages.

“I hope the mission is going well.”

“My dad is cleaning up the boat. I think he’s more excited about our date than we are.”

“You’re never gonna believe what my brother just did. He left a pack of condoms on my bed with a note saying ‘Make sure your soldier puts a helmet on his soldier.’ I’m gonna kill him.”

“It’s been a few days. Are you ok?”

“I hope your mission has been a success so far. That tea I was telling you about is finally here. I’m waiting for you to get back so we can try it together. I was thinking about trying to learn mando’a. There's a protocol droid here that knows over fifty thousand languages. I asked and he knew Mando’a.”

“I miss you, Tech. Come home soon.”

Tech wondered if you ever tried that tea. He could tell you’d learned mando’a. You spoke it wonderfully, as did the others. He thought about what Kix had said to you his first night there.

“It’s ok, my angel. I’m here.”

It hadn’t seemed like you and Kix were an item. But maybe the emotions of everything had covered that? Had he taken too long to find you? Had he lost you to one of his brothers?

“Angel, please, get some sleep. For me?” Echos words played in his mind from when he’d overheard the two of you from his room. Hopefully, the nickname was just that, a nickname they all used for you and nothing more.

Tech scrolled through the programs on the datapad as he tried to find what you’d left for him. It couldn’t have been the messages, those were old and it seemed like you had something to say to him.

-*-

It took Tech hours to find the files you’d interacted with the most. He knew about the videos you’d repeatedly listened to. Those were still cued up in a playlist you’d created. His fingers hovered over a private file and he wondered if you’d found it. Opening it he sighed at the realization that you had. There in the margins of the file where your notes.

‘I always had a feeling they didn’t survive.’

‘I can see why you spared me the truth.’

‘They didn’t deserve to die.’

‘I wish I could have thanked them one last time.’

It was a file he’d hoped you hadn’t found. A file that laid out the last mission of a unit of clones known for their pink and white armor that was completely wiped out on a rescue mission for an outer rim planet. Tech wondered about your state when you found it. Were you mad at him at first? Were you scared? Were you distraught? It was hard to tell from your notes. Pulling up the file information he saw that you looked at the file multiple times. Perhaps it helped you somehow?

It was only a few moments later that he finally found what you had left for him. A video in a private file that you’d hidden. Something he’d taught you how to do. He chewed his lip as he wondered if he should watch it. The date on it was days before he’d returned. Back when you thought he was dead. What if what you had to say didn’t matter anymore? A shaky breath left Tech's lips as pressed play and watched your face fill the screen.

“Kix said I should record a goodbye message. Help me get closure. I don’t know. It feels wrong doing this. Like if I do then that means you're actually gone.” A sigh left as you ran a hand through your hair. “Maybe that’s why I’m avoiding this. Tech…I didn’t expect to fall for you the way I did. I knew that if I ever fell for someone I wanted it to be like my parents. That seemed impossible to me. What they had was one of those one-in-a-million kinds of love. Where you felt a warmth through your fingers and toes and to the tip of your nose. My mom used to say she could almost feel my dad's emotions before he even entered the room. That they could just look at each other and know what the other was thinking. I envied them for that love but I was also jealous. I knew that the chances of me finding that would be impossible.” You chewed your lip carefully. “But then I met you. You came into my life and swept me off my feet.” A little laugh left you. “Literally. Ever since that moment, I’ve had this feeling inside me. A feeling that made me warm all over. It made my fingers and toes tingle and even my nose. I never thought I’d feel that.” A smile spread across your face as you fought back tears. “I thought about you every night and when you started coming to the shop. Stars. It made me excited every morning. But I didn’t think you actually felt the same. But then as we spent more time together I began to second guess that feeling.” Your face dropped slightly. “Then you kissed me…again and everything felt…warm. So unbelievably warm. You did that to me and I couldn’t believe it. And then you died. It felt like a bucket of ice water was dumped on me.” Tears pulled at the corners of your eyes. “I’ve been trying my best to stay strong. Put on a face and keep everyone around me happy and safe. Guess I’m not the best at hiding it though. Kix noticed pretty fast and while he’s been helping me try to work through this, I still just…miss you so much Tech. If I could go back in time I’d tell you sooner how I felt. Let you know how wonderful I found you and how you made my entire body feel warm. If you were to walk through the door tomorrow and apologize for being late it would be the happiest day of my life and I’d never let you go again.” You wiped your face of the tears that had begun to run down your cheeks. “But I know that’s impossible. So this is goodbye, cyare. Maybe we’ll meet again in a future life.”

Tech watched as you leaned forward and ended the video. Your lips pursed in a blown kiss as you did so. Warmth ran down his cheek and he quickly wiped at it. Pulling his hand back, he realized he’d been crying. Your words had confirmed the feelings he’d been struggling to understand himself. You made him warm. You made his fingers and toes tingle. When you looked at him and smiled it made his ears heat up. For so long he’d tried to figure out how to describe what you did to him and here you were, naming it perfectly.

You made him feel warm.

-*-

Cool, the feeling of the evening sea air on your skin as you moved around the tea shop. Ever since you’d come home the shop had been chaos. It felt like everyone on the island wanted to be there and to see you. The children always followed you around, asking for stories of the world outside their little island. Women asked you about the latest fashions, though you had to constantly break their hearts by informing them that you didn’t go to any of the wealthier planets. And of course, the men just wanted to see you. You’d lost count of the number of times you heard “You look good.” Or “Wow going off the planet really worked for you.” It was draining.

But because of everyone’s curiosity, the shop stayed open later into the night. You’d just returned from your break where you had run home to pull on a soft pink sweater over your cream dress when you heard the gate bell ring. Looking over your shoulder you nodded to Phee, glad to see the woman was back on Pabu. You sent her a nod before turning back to the table you were currently at. Even with your brother's help, it was hard keeping up with everyone’s orders. You were behind at least three tables. In the kitchen, your eldest brother tried his best to make the pastries your father usually made, but you always found yourself being the one to get the batters done.

“Baby sis? I think somethings burning?” Your middle brother moved by you with a bin in his hand, ready to clean up a table that had just emptied.

A sigh left you as you finished taking your current tables order and shoving your datapad into your pocket. “On it.” It was most likely the cookies you’d put in the oven. No doubt you’d spent too long at this table and now they were burnt. The sooner your dad healed up the better. As you walked towards the kitchen, a shuttle flew by overhead and towards the top of the island. Perhaps a new shipment was finally in? It was a bit late but who knew what problems they most likely faced coming in? With a shrug, you continued into the kitchen while your youngest brother went out to take more orders.

-*-

By the time you’d cleaned up the burnt mess of cookies, remade the batter, and personally watched the cookies bake until completion, the shop had cleared out a bit. No longer was every table packed and the overflow of people lined up against the wall. Now only a few people filled the tables. The air had become cooler and one of your brothers had lit the fire in the center of the patio. It was the calm nights like these that made you happy to be home. Did you miss the boys? Of course. The amazing street food and the unique vendors? No doubt. But being home had given you that clarity you had needed after the interaction with Tech.

You’d realize that even if Tech did remember you, you wouldn’t force him to be with you. A lot had changed for you both during those six months. Even with his memories back, would he still feel the same way? Would he want to be with you still? Or did he already find himself in a different place mentally?

Walking to a table that needed clearing, you found yourself lost in thought. So many different scenarios began to run through your mind. Tech never remembering you and you both moving on. Him remembering you but no longer feeling the same way. More and more scenarios like that continued to run through your mind as you stacked the plates and cups into your arms.

*ding* *ding*

The sound of the gate bell drew your attention as you placed the dirty dishes into the wash bin. “Be with ya in a minute. Go ahead and take a seat wherever.” You’d mentally taken count of how many people were currently in the shop and where each one was sitting. It wouldn’t be a problem figuring out who the new person was.

Moving quickly, you made your way to the kitchen to wash your hands and grab a tray of cookies. The least you could do for the new customer was give them some warm cookies while you made the wait. Looking around the darkened patio you noticed a new figure sitting against the wall overlooking the sea. So many times you’d sat there with Tech during your breaks and chatted. Seeing someone else there was always hard.

“So sorry about the wait.” You pulled your datapad out of your pocket while placing the cookies down, your eyes focused on the datapad that was snagging your apron. Warm calloused hands ran across yours as the person took the tray from you and placed it down carefully. You hummed thanks as you finally managed to get the device free. With a tired smile, you looked at the customer finally.

“What can I get yo…” Your words trailed off as you took in Tech sitting in front of you. He’d cleaned up a bit and it looked like his goggles had been fixed. “Tech.” His name left your lips in a breathy sigh. “It’s good to see you back on Pabu.” The way he was looking at you was making that warm feeling spread inside you once more.

“Cyar’ika, I’m so sorry I’m late. I hope I didn’t offend you.” The way your eyes widened at his words, how your bottom lip began to tremble and your hands squeezed the datapad tightly, made Tech lose his breath. You were as gorgeous as the day he’d left you behind.

Words failed you as you understood what he was referencing. Your eyes burned as tears broke through like water being freed of a damn. “L-like you could ever offend me.”

Then his lips were on yours.

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tokyogruel · 5 months

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8 for the ask game im curious >:) don't hold back

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

this one got long

im kind of in the smaller circle of fans that thinks mikoto is the best written prisoner and the best love story ever told so i really dont see much of this anymore- but,, the fear/idea/opinion that mikoto is a flat, poorly-written depiction of DID. he's not. he is the best depiction of DID i have personally seen. his CV has voiced at least one other DID-coded character

(kaneki ken, whose whole story is- and im sorry this is a long tangent- but hey my mom abused me, i do a lot of fawning towards the people around me. oh m,uy god i went on a date that ended with me being turned into a half-ghoul, i feel inhuman and scared. oh and now im being tortured and ive come out of it feeling like a completely different person with a drastically different appearance. im fucked up. oh when i get put into the most traumatizing situations ever i revert back to my "tortured self." i talk to past versions of myself in my headspace. oh i got stabbed in the brain, now im sasaki haise, a reflection of my past self who fawned a lot and felt more soft and human. and i look and act different again. oh fuck i got triggered horribly and i remember im kaneki, rinse and repeat until he finally gets his happy ending)

but anyway back to mikoto. he reads very heavily as someone with DID who is not in a safe position to discover his system, so his parts blend together to try and be as "whole" as possible- he is RGB and the color wheel, a spectrum. blue is a soft color, its his main color (though his official color "grey-blue" is very notably a toned down, dull version of a true blue). he is probably very detatched from the red-tones of his system, his anger and pride and distress, he acts like he's fine when, internally, he's having 40 breakdowns at once. he'll forget about the bad parts after a while, like they never happened! until his next breakdown, when all those repressed feelings and memories come flooding back, only to get shoddily tucked away again. rinse and repeat.

and then he faces something terribly traumatic- he murders someone. (which, yes, is traumatizing to the murderer too) that (and coming to milgram) probably sparked John's "birth"- the need for an emotional protector, and/or a new host. the parts of him that killed someone get shoved to the back of his brain by mido, greenkoto- his gatekeeper. but these parts still bleed into him, hence all of MeMe. his unforgiven verdict likely pushed away the main offender in his murder(s), and john took his new identity to protect mikoto from his new threats (kotoko and the warden), but after seeing mikoto act one way, only to act totally different (john pre-name, a budding identity, a new protector/host) his DID becomes way more noticeable. john is very blunt, his more emotional parts are detached. if he shows too much of them, they could get hurt again, and he cant have that

but pre-milgram, mikoto and john were not consciously aware of their DID, they were "single." when a system is forcefully discovered, the "single person" facade shatters, fragments become more apparent, and separate identities take time and effort to form a "person" or "people" john can not be born AND become a fleshed-out identity overnight, it takes time. (also im listening to neoplasm again and ahhh, he refers to his host/emotional parts/the blues of him as his heart. i love john so much)

aNYWAY I THINK MIKOTO IS VERY WELL WRITTEN AND A GREAT STORY OF SELF-LOVE AND DEDICATION AND HE IS A LOVE STORY IN HIMSELF GOODBYE!!!!!! GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!

#creature speaks #milgram #kayano mikoto #john milgram

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sharpiedoodleee · 2 months

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hiiii so. i know im an art blog or whatever but this is something i was possessed to write a little bit ago thats been gathering dust in my drafts for a long while now. ive got a lot of half finished art wips that im not entirely sure im going to go back to so i thought youd enjoy Some kind of content

just dont get used to it, im not a writer :)

SSKK: feelings realisation, ffffluff (?)

= S I N N E R =

“you’re a mess”

“i am not a mess-“

“ryuu, i can tell you’ve been crying”

that makes him pause, faltering a step before tutting and looking off to the side. damned jinko and his tiger senses.

“before you ask i wasn't on about your- very obvious, by the way, you should work on that- about your breathing. although, it is really concerning-“

“jinko-“

“what? you wheeze on a good day akutagawa and you and i both know it”

ryuunosuke glares.

atsushu sighs, removing his hands from his hips and letting the reactionary tension bleed from his shoulders. this is getting him nowhere. he twirls his aching wrists, clenching and unclenching his hands in that way he knows akutagawa would normally snap at him for had he not be so busy trying to keep himself upright. he sighs again

“just-“ atsushi softens his tone, careful to keep the concern out of his voice “show me. where you’re injured.” at the scathing look akutagawa diegns him with, it seems he wasn't careful enough. atsushi clenches his jaw and breathes in through his nose. he never thought listening to kunikidas breathing excercises would come in handy for him - he likes to think hes a fairly calm person, but getting akutagawa to take care of himself would break even the most patient man.

he rolls his eyes “seriously, i could smell the blood on you before i could see you ,ryuu. im just really hoping its all yours”

ryuunosuke huffs a quiet “you’re such a bitch” that startles a incredulous laugh from atsushi. the tiger watches as the other man groans in defeat and lets himself sink to the floor; bracing against the brick behind him and clutching at his seemingly still bleeding side. if the weretiger is going to be so needlessly invasive he may as well rest, ryuunosuke muses, its not like the jinko hasnt seen him in worse conditions. he cringes away memories of a fleeting confession at sea, bleeding out infront of the detective again probably isnt the appropriate time to talk about it.

atsushi stops, squints, reassessing the mafioso “unless youve broken our promise-“

“alright- i messed up, jinko. is that what you wanted to hear? who knew you were such a fucking sadist-” he growls, annoyed now that the weretiger is still so untrusting of him “but i am not so imprudent as to keep my mistakes from you- seeing as that detective agency has finally taught you how to use that brain of yours” he doesnt bother to keep the bitterness out of his tone, they have both said and done much worse to each other after all. he leans back, ignoring his aching body’s protests and meets the weretigers now raised brow.

ryuunosuke sighs and goes lax against the wall, closing his eyes. fucking jinko…

“i have done a lot of shit in my life, jinko, but never once have i lied to you. i havent broken our promise and i wont. you should know this by now, you fool.”

the weretiger twitches, the name seemingly triggering something as his gaze slides off of ryuunosukes eyes and down to his neck. as the silence drags on the older opens his eyes, furrowing his brow as he takes in the jinkos frozen frame. His pupils are near pinpricks, jittering in the confides of his iris as his body is wracked with tremors. hes alarmingly silent, even as the tears overflow and begin to stream down his cheeks, even as his face contorts unattractively and his breathing speeds up. he wraps his arms around himself and ryuunosuke begrudgingly drags himself to his feet once again.

“…jinko?”

…

no response.

ryuunosuke blinks, the weretiger better not be fucking with him. he takes a tentative step forward, raising his palms placatingly from around his side and coiling rashomon around himself to hopefully keep his innards in, gods willing.

“atsushi…can you hear me?”

as he approaches he realises that atsushis now vacant gaze is still fixed to the wall ryuunosuke was sat against, seemingly caught on a ghost only he can see. hes yet to react to his aproach. doesnt seem to have noticed him move at all, really. and isnt that unusual? for someone who was just bitching about being able to hear every weary breath ryuunosuke took, the weretiger is alarmingly still. too struck by whatever horror his mind has conjured up this time to be aware of his surroundings, ryuunosuke imagines.

how the detective agency are still so seemingly oblivious to the weretigers plight ryuunosuke doesnt know.

but its not like he cares about the jinko.

…right?

shaking his head, the mafioso pushes that train of thought away and braces himself. if the jinko hadnt literally just been questioning his integrity as a partner he wouldve probably felt more guilty for what hes about to do, hes aware its horribly unorthodox. if his sibling knew of this they would surely have his head but its not like he has many options seeing as atsushi is near narcose. it may be brutish and harsh, even cruel to some,

but it works.

ryuunosuke taps the still quivering shoulder of the tiger and is unsuprised when that impassive gaze snaps to him with a mildly concerning crack of the jinkos neck. when that achingly familiar glow halos the alley in blue ryuunosuke sucks in a breathe and drops himself as low as he can to the sticky concrete below. his vision swims from the sudden movement and he can feel rashomon tighten her grip on his still bleeding wound, unsure if it was him who told her to or simply a byproduct of his coats concern.

he laughs deliriously. his coat is concerned but his supposed partner just tried to gut him? what a world he lives in…

gods, he hopes the tiger doesnt fancy a brawl in this tight, urine soaked alley. ryuunosuke is barely clinging to his conscious as it is.

when no second blow befalls his now prone body though, he chances a look up and immediately regrets it.

atsushi is staring at him now, his eyes glassy and overflowing with tears that smear his flushed face and nearly glitter in the dull light of the alley. hes clearly attempting to reaquaint himself with reality, stanced as he is over ryuunosukes unprotected form. his arm is still half raised from attacking him; cheap, flimsy shirt lifting to reveal smooth, tan skin…the mafioso laments over his own sickly figure as his eyes are glued to the rippling muscle hiding under there. a sheen of sweat is dripping down atsushis prominent hip bone that ryuunosuke wants to follow with his tongue. his eyes dragging down the shimmering silver happy trail he can just about see in the dying light of the alley.

…fuck.

ryuunosuke quickly looks back down at the floor, suddenly intent on examining the splatter of bird shit infront of him, lest his eyes rake any lower then they already have.

see, ryuunosukes not a fool. he knows he has…feelings to the tiger. it took a lot of reluctant, midnight rants with Gin to get there but he knows. the part of this thats blindsiding him is the all consuming, almost animalistic wave of desire this prediciment has sent careening through his bloodstream. its really not the time, but ryuunosukes never cared for things like that - you cant when you live a life like his. but that lack of practice at reeling himself in is really starting to kick him in the ass. the blood loss is not helping. rashomon is tacky from seeping up the evidence of his failure and ryuunosuke is just beginning to realise a lot of that moisture should be inside him. any remaining bloodflow is joyfully re-directing itself in a more unsavoury direction and ryuunosuke is increasingly glad hes laid himself flat on the concrete floor. his head is killing him.

throughout this whole process Atsushi is still just staring down at him, blinking rather aggressively as he processes what the fuck just happened.

…ryuunosukes really not sure how he manages to get himself in these situations.

#shin soukoku #sskk fic #tumblr fic #sskk #bungou stray dogs #bsd #atsushi nakajima #bsd sskk #akutagawa ryuunosuke #god i have to make a new tag dont i #sharpie writes #disgusting #i didnt mean to make ryuu so desperate btw it just happened #my guy does Not have enough blood in his system to deal with this #lmk if like tags or whatever need to be changed btw as i said i dont write so #am just a bab

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neonacity · 2 years

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ARCANE | CH.12 | NCT DREAM X READER

Summary: When you decided to apply for a researcher post in an elusive institute, you already had the feeling that you’ll be getting yourself knee-deep into something out of the ordinary. But desperate needs require desperate measures, and so you embraced the invite, despite all the alarm signals urging you to run away. What you found out was nothing you’d ever expected.

Seven boys.

Seven human deviants granted with abilities tied to the legendary Arcana Cards.

Welcome to Project Dream.

Pairing: Various Dream Members x Reader

Trigger Warnings/Themes: violence, torture, trauma, very slight yandere themes, poly dynamics, suggestive themes, language, psychological, mystery, sci-fi. Romance will take a little bit of a backseat on this one since this is more of a suspense-driven plot, but it will still be threaded in the overall story. The concept of the tarot or Arcana cards will be loosely used throughout the series. Note that I am not a trained doctor so there may be some slips here and there about medical things. Again, this is a work of fiction and I am not implying any likeness between the characterization here of the boys to their real life counterparts. I also reserve the rights to all my work—I do not post anywhere else other than tumblr. Minors DNI.

> CH. 1 | CH. 2 | CH.3 | CH.4 | CH.5 | CH.6 | CH.7 | CH.8 | CH.9 | CH.10 | CH.11

Chapter Song:

Beauty > Layto

You have no idea how death feels like.

You've never really given it much thought before, but you've always imagined it to be similar to the snuffing of a candle. Where there was once life, death comes and blows it away until it simply ceases to exist. There is no consciousness or memories. There is not even pain. What was something, simply turns to nothing.

You have no idea how death feels like, but if it is anything like the numb floating feeling that's cocooning you right now, then you'd prefer it over being alive.

"Hyung, I think she's waking up."

The voice sounded muffled and indistinguishable as they reached your ears. You could hear the words, but none of them were making any sense yet to your muddled brain. Taking a slow breath in, you blindly turned your head to the side in the hopes of blocking them out. You didn't really want to wake up, but your consciousness was slowly getting into focus, similar to how one would see the light above the water as they swim closer to its surface. The gentle hand wrapping around your wrist was the first sensation that really shocked you back to a more wakeful state. All of a sudden you could breathe again, but at the cost of your veins firing up with pain.

"Hey. Can you hear me?"

Your eyes slowly opened at the low voice that whispered to you. Things were still moving slowly in your head but you slightly frowned at the two faces that started to come into focus on your line of vision. Jisung and Mark were both peering at you with identical expressions of concern, their faces taut with worry.

"Noona. Thank god you're awake," the younger of the two finally said in obvious relief. "Do you need a nurse?"

You wanted to reply, but your throat felt too dry and tight so you simply shook your head. Mark fortunately noticed your struggle, and he promptly turned to Jisung to answer for you instead.

"I don't think it's a good idea to let the doctors see her this soon. Go tell the others and try not to alert the guards that she's awake."

Jisung still looked on edge but gave a nod towards the other's orders. With one last glance at you, he drew back from what you can assume is your bed and left the room. You heard the closing of a door in the distance soon after.

"Can you talk? It's fine if you can't. Just shake or nod your head. Are you in pain?"

Your eyes drew back to Mark. You weren't sure if it was just the stark lighting in the room you were in, but he looked a little thinner with shadows clinging to the curves of his face when you tried to focus on him. You felt him give your hand a squeeze when you slightly parted your lips to try and speak again. When no words came out, you settled for another shake of your head.

"That's good. I'll go get you a glass of water."

He was just about to stand up from his seat when you tried to hold him back with the little strength you can muster with your hand. The rest of your body still felt on fire but you pushed yourself to finally speak.

"W-Where am I?"

He immediately paused at your question. Mark looked like he was trying his best to control his expression but you could see the way the gears in his head tried to work fast for an answer. He was dreading to give you a reply… and you think you know why.

"Mark… What is this place…?" You asked again, this time with a slightly steadier voice. He slowly lowered himself back to his chair, his gaze looking everywhere but you. His silence gave way for the last memories you could remember to crawl back to you just then. They came in batches... Stumbling over one another.

The glass room. The shocks.

The torture. The pain.

And then the deaths.

"You're at Cypher," his voice rang loud in your ears despite his tone being low and soft. "Not at the Institute, but in the place where they first sent us for the experiments. After what happened, they all brought us back here again. You've been out for almost two days…"

The pain in your throat has intensified. Blindly, you turned your head to look around, your eyes roving around the place for the first time. Just as you expected, you were in what seemed like an infirmary setup, though it looked starkly different from Ten's room back at the Institute. The ceilings were unpainted, with thick steel rafters and reinforced metal crisscrossing across its expanse. Even the bed you were currently in felt roughly made, reminiscent of the ones in military camps than actual hospital wards. You swallowed. Beside you, Mark was silent as he closely watched your face. None of you could bear to say the obvious fact hanging thickly in the air at the moment, but you didn't really need words to confirm it.

You're now a prisoner of the Institute too… Just like them.

"Where are the others? Jeno… Is he…"

This time, you actually saw distress quickly flash through Mark's features. You felt your heart drop to your stomach at his expression.

"We're all here, though we've never seen Jeno since we were moved. We are sure he is here though. He's the reason why they had to ship us back to this fortress after all. Cypher knew they couldn't keep him at the Institute."

"What do you mean?"

For a moment, Mark looked torn. He pursed his lips, before carefully framing his next words.

"I don't think this is the right time to talk about this. You just woke up, you need to recover first," he reasoned, his gaze pointedly avoiding yours. You held on to him, fingers squeezing his this time.

"No. I want to know. Please," you insisted firmly despite your voice still being scratchy. He was right. You still felt like you could break at any moment, but you also couldn't bear to wait anymore. You have so many questions that you need to be answered. Not tomorrow, or even in the next hour—but right now. Mark still looked torn as you tried to keep his gaze locked with yours, and it felt like forever before he finally cracked and gave a defeated sigh.

"You… saw what he could do… didn't you?" he started carefully. You didn’t answer but managed to give a slight nod in reply. To be honest, you were still terrified of the memories from that day at the torture room, but you tried your best not to let your emotions get the best of you right now.

"That's not even half of what he can do," Mark continued. "You see, Masters of the Death Arcana are different from the rest of us. They do not fall within the category of users you already know. Jeno… he can cause physical damage like elemental users like me, but he can also control ether realms similar to how masters like Haechan can. He's a hybrid of both."

"So that thing that I saw… It's…"

"It came from a different dimension. This is going to sound complicated, but the universe that we know is made up of different layers. There's the aether, where the source of the Arcana powers are, the middle world—this plane that we and other regular humans live in—and the nether, the opposite of aether. People know it as—"

"The underworld…" you finished in a hushed whisper. Mark paused and gave you a silent look of affirmation.

"Nether, just like the idea of death, is an abstract plane. It’s a life force that can flow through different dimensions. Jeno's powers are focused on the underworld, but he can also cause damage in the world of the living if he wanted to. If Cypher is looking for a trump card who can almost rival what the Arcana Triads can do, then it’s him."

You processed that slowly. A thought was forming in your head as you tried to piece things together… but you didn't exactly like where it was going.

"If he can control the different dimensions… then does that mean that he can access aether too?"

Mark didn't immediately answer. You wanted him to say no to your question, but his silence was already speaking volumes in itself.

"Theoretically… he can. It has always been a myth among the family, but none of the former Arcana masters of La Morte have been able to do it. He can, but he may need an external force to push his abilities to that level."

Your mind had started going numb again as you tried to process everything. If aether is where the source of all the Arcana are, then that means having access to it will give anyone ultimate control over all the abilities in their purest form, right? When that happens, Cypher doesn't even need any of the boys or even the other masters to have full control of the Arcana system.

"Do you think Cypher has figured it out?" You asked hesitantly. With the way Mark was looking at you, it seemed like he exactly knows what you were thinking.

"Possibly. If Haneul Lee is an Arcana holder and used to be a part of the family, then he might have an idea of what the other masters can do, except for the other two members of the Triad since their abilities evolve and shift every generation. But he got to your father… which means that he knows the ability of the Judgement Arcana. Your father never really told us anything about his relationship with him, so we can’t really know for sure what he knows and do not know."

"So he might also be aware of what The Fool can do."

Mark's jaw ticked.

"I'm hoping he doesn't… because then it will really be the end."

You were on the verge of asking again about the last Triad master, but then you stopped as you remembered what Jaemin said about sparing you from information you didn't really need to know at the moment. He is right. Especially after the torture that Cypher did to you, it would be better for you to be left unknowing of things you might be forced to betray.

"Cypher… created something to copy and duplicate Arcana powers with my father and Haneul's abilities… Do you think that machine and my father are being kept here too?"

Mark looked hesitant to answer but gave a nod anyway.

"We think so. This is where we were experimented on so the chances are high that this place is designed to hold other Arcana masters. You haven't found out what type of machine it was?"

You shook your head.

"No… they just called it a mimicry unit, nothing else. Did you notice any strange devices during your experiments? Have you seen any traces of my father or Haneul during the tests?"

"I… can't really tell. Our memories were always erased by Renjun's abilities so I'm not sure if they were in the same room while it was happening. What I'm sure of though is that they weren't just doing those sessions to study what we can do. They were 'harvesting' our abilities, that's why they were forcing us to show the maximum of what we can do."

"So they could copy and duplicate the most powerful forms of your Arcana with this monster they made.”

The two of you fell silent then. You were both lost in your thoughts for a while, until you finally felt Mark gently tug your hand for attention again. You looked at him, clueless at first, before the look on his face caught you off guard. Ever since you knew him, there were only a few times he’d ever let his mask slip. The way he stared at you now was so open and raw that you felt an unexplainable pain echo from deep in your chest.

"I'm sorry… for pulling you into this. I didn't know you would be hurt this much. If I did, I wouldn't have said yes to any of this."

It took you a moment to understand what he was talking about until it finally clicked. Of course he was doing all of this… for the girl he loves. The woman who was moving all the chess pieces against Cypher—including you.

"Does she know… that Cypher has my father all along?" You asked slowly, your voice barely above a whisper. "Is that why she chose me to be one of her pawns?"

Mark shook his head. "Yes. And No. She knew the Institute was after him, but she didn't really know why. That was part of the reason why she plotted all of this. To know what Cypher was planning with the Arcana and to get one of the Triads back. She wanted to believe that your father was alive and you… were the only one she trusted who could help."

"She's known me all along?"

Mark stopped. For a moment, he looked like he was about to say something he’s not allowed to share.

"Yes. And you will meet her too. Soon."

You were about to ask him what that means when he cut you off gently again. This time, the tone of his voice was taut with urgency. Even the way he held your hand was tight, as if he was telling you to hang on to every word he was about to say.

"Listen, I should have told you this before, but your father did everything he could to hide you from the world. That was the reason why he was always gone and hid this part of his life from you—because he didn't want groups like Cypher to know who you are and use you against him. We've dragged you into this mess already, but I promise from now on, we'll try our best to protect you too."

You didn't know what to say. You weren't sure if you felt betrayed or used or made a fool of, if you’re going to be completely honest. All you were sure about, however, is that you wanted this to end.

"What's done has been done. I’m already involved just as much as you are, but if you're going to make a promise, can you do one thing instead?"

Mark kept silent, waiting for your condition.

"...If we're going to get out of here, promise me that we'll never leave without my father."

He froze. The silence rang so loud in the room but you didn't let it deter you. The seconds felt long as you tried to hold his gaze, but you finally felt a wave of relief as you saw the light in his eyes change.

"Yes. I promise."

*******

It took you five more days before you were officially released from the ward.

In that length of time, you've tried your best to try and get as much information as you can about this unknown place you were thrown in. It was hard given the restrictions, but you have been able to paint a basic picture of the predicament you are facing now. For one, you could assume from the way people treated you that you were here for the sake of being kept alive rather than actually being cared for. You were not allowed any access to anything in the outside world and you also have guards constantly stationed by the door of your quarters. Every time you tried to speak and ask someone, the people in the blue coats would either only glare at you or completely ignore you. At one point, you even tried to make a scene just to see how far you could push your luck, but no one ever really gave you attention regardless of what commotion you caused.

It was clear that you don't have a say about anything here, but at the same time, nobody really dared to blatantly hurt you too. In fact, there are times when you felt like people were dreading to get close to you or even look towards your direction. You haven't really seen any of the boys since you talked to Mark so you have no idea if they were being treated the same way, but you could only hope that they are also being spared now from any sort of torture or pain.

Today is obviously a little different from the routine of the past week. For the first time since you gained consciousness, you were actually allowed to be out of your ward room. Your sneakers squeaked now against the grey flooring of the corridor you were walking on, mixing with the heavier thuds of the boots of the guards flanking your sides. Other than the gruff instructions you were given when one of them threw you the black overalls you needed to change to today, they didn't really spare you another word on your way out. And so your eyes silently roamed the halls that you passed now, trying to take in clues, until your trio finally stopped at the end of the corridor.

You surreptitiously watched as the pair moved in unison towards the heavy-duty door that loomed in front of you. Now, you may not know a lot about security systems and other tech, but you know enough to pick up the level of access that you are seeing now. With a slight nod at each other, both men stepped closer at notches placed on both sides of the door. Their actions triggered a low beep before a thin strip of laser burst out from the portals. The blue light made a low hum as it scanned them from head to toe. You swallowed, watching the process of it all.

Eye and full body scans… Systems that are definitely harder to hack because of their unique IDs. You were right all along. This is no longer just a research and testing hub…

But a high-security prison.

You took in a slow, calming breath when the door finally started to part with a whirring sound after a moment. Keeping your eyes ahead, you waited with bated breath for it to reveal what was on the other side. Just as the gates parted enough for you to slip in, however, a sudden force in the middle of your back pushed you inside and sent you toppling forward in surprise. You gasped. Instead of impact, the air froze in your throat the next second as you felt a pair of arms catch you before you lost your balance and hit the floor.

Renjun wrapped his arms around you, his hands immediately going around your waist and upper back to keep you from falling over. You have barely recovered when you saw two figures move past where the boy kept you in place. Mark and Jaemin stopped in front of you, their towering backs covering you from the view of the guards who remained standing by the threshold. They were soon followed by Chenle and Jisung who both stepped in to flank your sides. Haechan silently brought the rear, his own withering gaze set on the door. You were at a loss for words. Everything happened so quickly, but it was enough to entirely shift the air buzzing in the room.

"You know the rules. Try anything funny and she gets a dose of what you get too," one of the men finally spoke to break the silence. You turned to face the door again just as you felt Renjun press you closer against his side. From what little you can see of Mark and Jaemin's profiles from where you stood, both were shooting ice cold glares at the wards in front, their silence radiating deadly intent.

"Big words coming from two apes who can't even take a step beyond the entrance. Balls shrunk so bad because of a bunch of kids?"

You didn't need to look at Haechan to recognize his taunting, lilting tone. Beyond, you saw both guards visibly pale in anger at the verbal attack, with one actually reaching out for what looks like a stun gun strapped to his belt.

"You freaks—"

"Try. I promise you'll regret it."

You felt a quick chill run down your spine when you heard Chenle say that from your side. Instead of his usual good natured humor, his voice seeped with barely concealed venom and threat. You gaped at him openly. You never thought you would ever hear him talk that way, but as it turns out, your shock was nothing compared to what followed. On your other side, small crackles of electricity started forming around Jisung's right hand, sizzling and churning in the air.

"I haven't tried, but I'm pretty sure I'm faster than electric guns…" he said softly in a voice that made the hairs at the back of your neck stand on end.

A short but highly tensed beat of silence followed—in which you could swear you almost stopped breathing—but it seemed like the guards got the message loud and clear just like you. Before anyone can make another move, the same mechanical whir filled the room again as the double doors started to close. You looked up just in time to catch the taller of the wardens lift his lips into a threatening leer before the gates sealed shut again.

"Enjoy while you still can. You don't have much time left anyway."

The echoes of the door's mechanical locks was like a death sentence that hung in the room. You were still frozen in your spot, trying to take in those last words when you felt your body all of a sudden being turned to the side. Your wide eyes met Renjun's worried gaze before it quickly went over the rest of you. Not once had he let you go during the tense exchange and his hands now grabbed at your forearms as if he was checking if you were real. Around you, the others finally loosened their stances—all except for Haechan who still seemed frozen in his spot.

"Are you okay? You're not hurt anywhere are you?" Renjun asked, his voice tense.

You blinked at him, still feeling a little disoriented.

"I'm fine…"

"Did they touch you?" Jaemin quickly followed through as he also closed the distance towards you. You numbly shook your head.

"No. They didn't. I don't—Where are we?"

The boys briefly glanced at each other at your question. Mark was the one who finally offered an answer when nobody seemed willing to break the silence.

"In one of Cypher's dungeons. We've been moved here recently from our individual cells."

His answer made your head snap up as you finally took a look around the place. It was a plain wide room, with double bunker beds stacked on the sides, a table set, and some spare seats smattered here and there. Calling it a dungeon was a fitting term, with its walls made of rough stone and a ceiling held out with steel and rock. You swallowed. When your eyes landed on Chenle, another realization hit you.

You were wearing the same clothes that they are.

"Jeno? Where is he?" You managed to ask despite the sudden tightness in your throat. The pause that followed didn't help lighten the situation at all.

"They… still have him," Jisung quietly answered. He exchanged a quick glance at Chenle who decided to explain the rest.

"We still haven't seen Hyung since that day he showed his Arcana. It's been a while since we've been called for tests but they haven't returned him to us yet."

His words made your gut twist. Blindly, your eyes grazed around the place again before settling on the sealed door. You've already accepted the fact that you are now one of Cypher's prisoners, but you would be lying if you say standing here now is not making you falter. Finally, the gravity of your helplessness is sinking into you in its full, morbid glory.

"You shouldn't be here…"

Haechan's distant voice was what finally snapped you from your thoughts and brought you back to focus. Looking up, you met his brown eyes still staring at you from a distance. He still hasn't taken a single step towards you, though his gaze told you everything you needed to know.

He was right… you shouldn't be here… but so are they. The thought made your mind set off into a different tangent, until it settled into an emotion you were shocked to recognize yourself.

Yes you are terrified. Petrified even.

But you're also very… very angry.

"No. I'm exactly where I need to be," you finally said, your jaw set. All of a sudden, the fear you were feeling was gone and your focus was back. Yes, you may be stuck in one of the worst situations you've ever found yourself in, but you're also exactly in the place you need to be in at this moment.

"Cypher has my father. If I want to get him out of here, the easiest way to do it is from the inside. We can work with this, all of us. Are there other things that have changed since you were sent to this room?"

"We're pretty sure there are no cameras here anymore," Renjun said as his eyes quickly bounced on the other faces in the room. "We are barely being watched or checked on. It's like they are doing the bare minimum to keep us alive."

"Which might not be for very long…" Mark continued and put into words what you couldn't say so yourself. All of you turned your heads urgently towards him as his words sunk in. He nodded towards the sealed door, his expression grim. "It's obvious that they've lost interest. Whatever it is that they need from us, they got it already. We need to get out of here soon."

"But not before we get Jeno and my father back," you interjected. "We also need to find the mimicry unit that Cypher created and break it."

"But how? This place is a labyrinth," Jaemin asked with a frown.

“He’s right. We tried busting ourselves out from this bunker, but they've studied our abilities enough to design this place to be mostly resistant to what we can do," Renjun said.

You tried to bite back your emotions before they even had a chance to make you falter. You were already thinking of a plan, but you'll have to sit on it first to make sure that it will work.

"If they're dead set on keeping us here, then I'm sure they've done everything to make sure that all routes of escape are blocked from the inside. We can't win against that no matter what we do at this point. Which only leaves us with one option…"

You set your jaw and fixed each boy with a pointed look.

"We'll have to make them open the doors for us ourselves."

*******

"Shouldn't you be sleeping already?"

Haechan's spine straightened in surprise as you called out to him softly in the darkness. You have no idea what time it was already, but you figured evening has finally come when the lighting in the room automatically dimmed an hour earlier. Around you, the other boys have already retreated into their assigned bunker beds, retiring for the day. You tried catching rest yourself, but your mind was being too noisy to give you peace.

You smiled a little now as you met his gaze from across the room. He was trying to read a book under the light of a small lamp which threw enough light and shadows on his face. From the moment you joined them earlier, he has barely said a word or even looked towards your direction... And you're convinced you know the reason why. You saw the way his eyes flickered with guilt and uncertainty now as he stared at you, though he did close the hardbound in his hands when you walked over to join him. You made sure to keep your noises to a minimum as you settled next to him, not wanting to wake up the others around you.

"You're still avoiding me… Didn't you want to see me again?" You asked carefully, your tone almost teasing to lighten up the air as you fixed him a small smile. His Adam's apple bobbed at your question before he looked away. It was obvious from his body language alone that he wanted to draw back from the interaction, but you were also set on fixing this tonight. You have to admit... It somehow worries you to see him this way, especially since he has always been so unapologetically forward towads you before. Haechan looked like he was trying his best to avoid looking at you, but then you leaned a little closer to peek at him better. He frowned before finally giving you a quick glance and a sigh.

"Of course I wanted to see you again. I thought it was you who didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore."

"Why would I want that?"

"Well. Because I hurt you."

"Mm… Yeah, that kinda sucked. Anything else?”

He looked at you as if you’ve gone crazy. When he didn’t seem to be able to offer you an answer, you shrugged and continued.

“Look, I know you're still bothered about what happened, but I don't know... I’m looking at it as more of a wakeup call more than anything else if you ask me. I was terrified, I'll admit that, but I also kind of realized why my father chose all of you over me after I saw you what you did…" you explained, carefully choosing your words. He listened quietly, his eyes never leaving your face.

"What I'm saying is that... He may not be right for being an absent parent, but knowing what you can do—and how you can hurt yourselves or other people without a figure like him… I could see why he chose to raise you over me. It still sucks, but it gave me a new perspective."

Haechan was silent. You couldn’t really read what was going on in his head, but you knew he was turning over your words and trying to see your perspective. It took a while, but finally, you heard him give a soft sound similar to that of a scoff. You peeked at him, and sure enough, the boy was looking at you with a mixture of amusement and disbelief.

"Seriously. I butchered your shoulder and all you can think of was—oh okay, that makes sense. My dad abandoned me because he was raising monsters on the side. Understandable. How the hell does your head work, noona?"

That actually made you laugh. Haechan's lips quirked and that's when you knew the worst has finally passed. You reached out to knock your closed fist on top of his head then before pinching his ear. He jokingly gave a small yelp as he drew away and massaged it.

"That's your punishment for accidentally hurting me. Now that's done, will you stop avoiding me?"

He rolled his eyes at the comment but smirked after. "Why? Did you miss me running after you so much?"

This time, it was your time to scoff. You weren't going to admit anything to him, but maybe he was a little bit onto something.

"I'm just not used to you being so broody."

His smirk melted into a more casual smile as he briefly paused. You waited for him to say something, but he simply looked at you as if he was weighing something important in his head.

"For real though… I'm really sorry. I promised myself that I wouldn't hurt you again… and I still did."

His words made you stop slightly in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

Instead of answering, Haechan only quietly smiled. He angled his body a little sideways then in his seat so that he could properly face you before propping his head against his hand.

"You do know that I like you, right? Unironically."

Your eyes widened in surprise. You were so caught off guard by that curve ball that for a moment, you wondered if you actually heard him right. Your knee jerk response was to think that he was just being his usual teasing self, but you know from the way he was looking at you now that he was anything but. Your face obviously clearly showed your emotions because Haechan laughed seeing your expression.

"Oh come on, noona. I'm sure you're not clueless. I'm also sure you know that I'm not the only one."

You shot him a slightly guilty look before glancing away. Well, he is not wrong… Of course you've noticed things—your job is to read people for heaven's sake—but you haven't really paid much attention to it intentionally because of… well, more pressing things. Haechan obviously is the least subtle of all, but you honestly weren't expecting that he was serious enough to talk about this—now of all times. You tried to avoid his eyes now to try and think of an answer, but he simply dipped his head again to catch your gaze.

"Hey, what do you look so guilty for? Relax, I'm not expecting you to say anything back. You look like I'm trying to keep you hostage or something," he snickered.

"Haechan…"

"Ah, ah, ah. I already know what you're going to say. I know it's the least of your priorities right now and that's fine. I get it. I really just wanted to tell you, okay? Gotta be the first one to do it since those other simps can't. Also, who knows, we might be dead tomorrow, eh?" He said with a wink. You scowled at that last bit in reply.

"Don't say that. We are all getting out of here."

"Will you date me then after~?"

Your face burned.

"Yah. Lee Donghyuck."

The use of his birth name mixed with your obvious flustered expression made him throw his head back in laughter. Of course he is enjoying teasing the heck out of you again. While you don't particularly like it, there was also a part of you that let him enjoy it now, if it means you can see him amused and happy over being sad and distant. You hated the way your cheeks burned, but you also let him have his moment with a roll of your eyes.

"Hey."

"What?" You grunted.

"I do like this side of you too, princess. I really do."

That made you glance at him again. You leaned your head a little to the side as you fixed him with an amused gaze.

"I kinda like this side of you better too."

He raised his brow at you teasingly.

"Even if I can be a madman sometimes?"

You smiled.

"Yes... maybe even especially then."

*******

"Patient 00, step out of the room. Go to the door and wait for it to open."

You all looked up from the sudden female voice that echoed in the room. It was evening, just an hour or so before the lights in the bunker would be turned off again, and all of you were trying to busy yourselves doing random stuff to waste time. You have been sitting idly with Mark and Jaemin on the couch, absent-mindedly listening to their conversation, while Renjun and Haechan played a makeshift game of tic tac toe on your other side. Both Jisung and Chenle have already settled on their own beds, but they popped their heads out simultaneously from their corners when the voice repeated its message over the speaker.

"What the hell? They're giving orders now through that?" Jaemin whispered with a frown as he glared at a point in the ceiling where the sound was coming from. You looked at him, confused.

"This is the first time they did that?"

"They're limiting personal contact with us as much as they can…" Haechan observed from his seat. He scoffed. "Cowards."

"Patient 00. I repeat. Go to the door right this very moment."

"Noona! That's you."

You looked at Jisung in surprise just as he and Chenle walked over to join your little group. He was staring pointedly at something on your chest and you followed his line of sight in confusion. The moment your gaze finally took in what he was seeing, however, all the blood in your face slowly drained. You have never really paid much attention to your assigned clothes before this, but printed on the pocket of your overalls were two zeroes… similar to the patient codes also embroidered on the boys’ uniforms.

You were still trying to process what you were seeing and what it means when you suddenly felt a hand close around your wrist. You turned to see Mark staring at you urgently.

"You're not going anywhere."

Beside you, Renjun fixed his eyes on the door. "He's right. Nobody leaves this room. Don't move," he added lowly.

Well, it's not like you needed to be told twice about it. You don't have any idea what is happening, but the last thing you're going to let happen is to let Cypher's claws anywhere near you again. From the way the rest of the boys stiffened in their own positions and glared at the entrance, it was obvious that all of them were dead set on watching each others' backs too.

The tension in the room has thickened so much that it almost felt like it was going to break at some point. Just when you thought it couldn't get anymore worse… a new voice spoke from the speakers again that made your heart drop.

"Patient 00. You have 30 seconds to get out of the room. Do it...”

“Or Jeno suffers."

Your group gave a collective reaction of shock and surprise. Chenle, who was standing beside you, seemed to be the one to have received the brunt of it all. He looked confused, unsure… before his emotions finally turned into hurt and helplessness. He turned towards you, and you stared at him with the mirrored emotions he was going through.

You thought you saw your own heart break in the boy’s eyes as he said his name.

"Kun-ge?"

*******

You felt numb as you let the guards guide you into a new room in dead silence. Other than the shaking of your hands that you tried to desperately keep steady, nothing else about you seemed responsive at all. You stood, immobile and silent, at the space, completely ignoring the table setup waiting for you on its center. Sitting behind it, wearing Cypher's blue uniform... was the man you swore you could have trusted your life with just a few weeks ago.

It didn’t make sense... and yet it all made sense at the same time too.

Of course, it has always been Kun.

For a few brief seconds after you first heard his voice from the speakers, your initial reaction was to try and conjure excuses for him and the situation. In your head, it's just impossible for any of this to be real... Kun, after all, was the one who was there with you from the beginning. He took care of you. Protected you. He made sure you were okay. Kun wasn’t just your partner.

He was also your friend.

All of your hopes dissolved now as you looked at him from where he was sitting, his expression cold and befitting of the blue uniform that you’ve grown to associate with the Institute’s evils. For the second time that day, you thought you heard your heart break in the deafening silence again. No matter how much you tried to look at him now, there was no longer the trace of the man you knew behind those eyes.

"You should come and sit."

The sound of his voice made you unconsciously flinch. You didn't move a muscle from where you were standing, your gaze remaining fixed on him instead. There were so many things bubbling to burst out of you and you croaked out the first thing that your lips managed to form.

"Why?"

It was one question, but the word still sat heavily in the room like a death sentence. Kun's expression barely changed, but you noticed a storm of something briefly pass through his brown gaze.

"Sit first and then we will tal—"

"I don't want to ever get close to you, you traitor!" You screamed before you could even try to control yourself. The rest of you has turned into a shaking mess now but you didn't care. It was like a floodgate of emotions were unlocked inside of you, this betrayal being the last of what you could take in before you finally, fully broke. Kun looked on as you chipped away, his mask impenetrable. God, it felt like you were screaming at a total stranger.

"I trusted you… Chenle… he trusted you."

The mention of the boy's name made his expression slip just a little. For a split second, you thought he actually looked pained, but the emotion was gone as soon as it came.

"I have to do it," he finally said. "I care for him. For you. But I also can't pass up the chance to do this. You will never understand, but this might be the only chance I will ever have in my life to be a part of something as big as this. Cypher gave me an opportunity and I simply made a choice."

You felt nauseous. So that was it? The only reason he decided to sell his soul to the devil? All for his ambition?

"Since when have you sided with them?" you asked coldly, your voice thin as you tried to process everything. Kun looked hesitant to answer at first but replied anyway.

"...Since you knew about Rosewood."

You gave a slow and shaky exhale. It all makes sense now… He was the only one who was with you when the boys showed the reach of their powers back at the test drill in the arena. He was the one who called you to Cypher the day Renjun was tortured and Haechan lost control. He knew about your plan to sneak in and meet Jeno the night the guard caught you. The random meetings with the head honchos… the consultations with Miyoung.

All throughout the time you thought he was on your side, he was selling you and the rest of the boys to the enemy.

"Oh my god," you whispered to yourself now, one hand going over your stomach as other realizations started flooding in. He let them hurt the boys and you, but that might not even be the worst of it. Ten and Winwin. Did he also rat them out? More than that… Your father… He knew everything about your connection to him too.

"I don't think she's considering changing your mind, Dr. Qian. Perhaps you need a little help?"

You were so caught up in the choking fear consuming you that you didn't even notice that another person had joined you and Kun in the room. Looking around, you felt ice in your veins at the sight of the man who silently stepped from the threshold. You've only seen him once—sitting behind his table in an office that seemed as cold as him—that it almost overwhelmed you now to have him towering over you.

Haneul Lee fixed you with his gaze, like a hawk eyeing his prey.

*******

It felt like having a stare down with the devil himself.

You stayed in your spot, frozen, as your gaze clashed with the man's stare. His eyes roamed your face carefully, before they slowly dipped to take in what you were wearing. Similar to the first time you met him, there was not an ounce of empathy in the way he regarded people. It was only now, however, that you finally realized what it was about him that you found unexplainably unsettling before. You can’t exactly capture it into words, but it was almost like there is an undercurrent of something malevolent that sizzles in the air around him… something that not even Jeno, Renjun, and the other ability users carry around with them. At the back of your mind, you knew exactly what it was.

The power of one of the Arcana's Triad.

"Please excuse us for the unsightly choice of clothing we've given you. My wife was adamant in letting you wear one," he said, finally breaking the silence as he fixed you again with his stare. At first you couldn’t understand what he was talking about, but then you saw the way his eyes briefly dropped to the patient number emblazoned on your chest. You stiffened. He noticed your reaction, and you knew from the way he drilled you with his gaze that he was trying to read you just as much as you were trying to pick him apart.

"Sir. I didn't know you were coming," Kun's tensed voice broke the rising tension in the room. You heard the scratching of his chair against the floor as he picked himself up from his seat.

"I wasn't supposed to, if you did your job well."

"I haven't talked to her about it fully yet. If you can just give me more time to try and convince her, I'll—"

"Time, I'm afraid, is something I do not have the privy of wasting too much," the older man said in a calm tone that effectively cut off the other’s words. Not once had he removed his stare on you during the exchange, and it was taking you everything not to look away and show any sign of weakness as you matched it with yours. If Miyoung is chaos and discord, Haneul is control and boundless power. Both land in different ends of the spectrum, but are equally terrifying on their own.

"What are you talking about?" You asked, addressing the question to him. Something flickered in his eyes at the sound of your voice.

"Your partner here is trying to do you a favor, doctor. He is convinced that he can encourage you to join and help us with our cause. Since he has worked hard to finally earn our favor, I wanted to trust him with his decision. After all, it was not just him, but the two of you, who have done a lot to get the research to where it is now."

You were stupefied. That was the last thing you were expecting to hear as the reason behind you being called here. You briefly glanced at your former friend now paused when you saw the look in his eyes. It's like there was something he was desperately trying to tell you when your gazes clashed, but you couldn’t entirely get hold of it just yet. It looked like a plea for consideration… or was it a warning instead?"

"And why would I do that…?" You asked slowly now, not taking your eyes off Kun. It was slight, but you saw the other's expression tighten, as if he was dreading the incoming answer.

"For a few reasons. You see my dear, I am a very ambitious person. I have a different way of looking at the world—a perspective that, lets just say, righteous people like you can't easily comprehend. But I don't think I am entirely evil. Or at least…" he stopped, only for his next words to make your heart do the same.

"...Not evil enough to kill my best friend's daughter."

*******

The shock that went over you as you heard his answer made you go numb all over. Your eyes snapped towards Haneul once more, disbelieving of the words he just said. The man, on the other hand, remained stoic as he silently watched you start to shut down right before his eyes.

"What... Are you talking about?"

"Aren’t you curious as to what really convinced us to welcome Dr. Qian into our fold? I don't have a shortage of talented people, Doctor… but I do value information more than anything else. It just so happens that he had something to sell to us that no one else can. Imagine my surprise when I found out that the Judgement's daughter herself is right under my nose."

It was like all air was knocked out of you then. You could feel the ice slowly climbing your veins, before sinking into your flesh like small knives.

"You... were his friend?"

The last word made the man's lips twist into an ironic, bitter smile.

"Was I his friend...? My dear, we were more than just that. We were brothers. At least until he left me with no choice but to do things he is too cowardly to deal with himself."

As if on signal, a sudden flicker of light from your side made you turn instinctively turn around. What you thought at first was only a plain black wall came to life now as a huge screen that ran one side of the room from ceiling to floor. At first you couldn't understand what you were looking at, but then your gaze focused on the video that made your lips part in a silent gasp.

It was a live feedback of an unconscious-looking Jeno strapped to a collection of machines crowding around him. Wires stuck out from different parts of his body, which then connected to what looked like small vials fixed to the wall. Before you could even make out what’s inside of them, however, the feedback on the screen changed again...

This time sending you reeling back with horror at what you saw. Lying in almost an exact copy of Jeno's room…

Was the unconscious form of your father.

You stared, petrified, at the blown up video in front of you. The man on the screen was almost unrecognizable with hair chopped close to his head and skin sticking close to his bones, but your eyes can never betray you on who used to be behind the almost empty husk you're seeing now. You will recognize that face anywhere… those kind set of brows that were either frowning at you with guilt or twitching in happiness, and those lips—now chapped and dry—that never failed to give you a goodnight kiss in the rare times that he was home when you were a child.

You were in pain, more pain than any physical anguish you've felt before, because this time, the torture doesn't seem to stop at all.

"I'm sorry."

Kun's voice barely broke through you as you remained frozen on your spot. You couldn't bear to look at him, or anything or anyone else.

"What have you done to him?" You whispered finally, your broken voice barely heard in the room.

Haneul was the one who answered your question.

"What did I do to him? I did him a favor is what… by making sure his ability doesn't go to waste."

For the first time ever since you've heard him, his voice actually sounded a little different than his usual stoic tone. His words came out harder, but for some reason, you felt more emotions from him when he spoke. The sound of it finally made you tear your eyes from the screen and sure enough, his stare burned differently when they met yours.

"Your father and I... go a long way back,” he started, his gaze stone cold as he rolled the other’s name in his tongue. “We were friends—two people who used to look at things the same way, especially when it came to the Arcana. We both believed that we can change the world with it if we wanted. We were both powerful… but not enough to actually turn our ideas into solid plans without the help of someone. Because even as members of the Triad, we pale in comparison to someone else."

"His wife."

All the blood drained from your face. Your breath stuttered, but you couldn't stop yourself from listening.

"You see, your mother was a very special woman. She’s the last of the Triad masters and the wielder of the powers of The Fool. As the trump card of the Arcana, her abilities surpassed any of the other users and ours. She could absorb powers, but unlike me who could only copy one for a time, she could keep them as hers if she borrows the life force of other masters. Magic Unification is how we called it, because she could wield multiple abilities all at once."

"She could have been unstoppable if she wanted to… but she made the stupid mistake of falling for your father, the man who did nothing but cage her. He was so afraid of her potential that he did everything to hold her back. When she could have had everything, he reduced her to nothing."

"What… do you mean…"

The way he stared you down almost made you taste his silent, controlled rage. He had not moved once from his spot, but everything about him seemed ready to combust.

"All users of the IL Matto are born special, even in the context of the Arcana's family of abilities. They are blessed with a different level power, but every single one of its masters are also born cursed. If the wielder of The Fool doesn't use their ability well, it can drive them mad. Your father held back your mother so much that she started going insane from the need to utilize her Arcana. He held her down, until the time came when she snapped and he could no longer control her."

Your vision was starting to spin. You threw a weak hand to hold on to the nearest edge you could reach to keep yourself from falling over.

"Do you ever wonder why all these Arcana masters you are trying to protect now are younglings, my dear? Arcana abilities get passed down to new people only when their masters die. Who do you think was behind the death of the former generation of users?"

Your breaths are starting to grow shallower by the second. You wanted to run just as fast as the pieces are falling into places in your head. You knew it was coming, but you still silently hoped he wouldn't say the answer you were expecting.

"Your mother. She wiped out every single one of them in a mad dash to consume their life force," Haneul said, no louder than his speaking voice. You shook your head in denial. He barely raised his tone, and yet the words echoed and bounced in your head as if he screamed them. You wanted to beg for him to stop, but instead he stepped closer to you, an action that caught you off guard that you stumbled back to get away from him. He was faster than you could move away though and he easily caught your wrist in a tight grip.

"And your father… killed her for it. With his own hands."

That was the last thing you could take before you finally lost feeling in your legs. He let go of his hold on you at the same time which sent you crashing straight to the floor. Your sight has gone blurry, and it was too late for you to realize you were blinded by your own tears. You were numb and in pain all at the same time. Your vision already started to blur at the edges, but you were forced to hold on to your consciousness when cold fingers gripped your chin and forced your drooping head to look up. You blinked, unseeing from the tears that spilled down your cheeks.

"I can't sense any Arcana from you. Could it really be possible that you didn't get any from your parents?" Haneul's soft voice barely broke through the sobs wrecking through your body like tremors. You didn’t answer him—your mind too consumed by everything you just learned.

"We've checked on her thoroughly?"

Kun's voice sounded distant when he answered.

"Yes, sir. The machine she was put on was designed for Arcana holders. If she has any abilities, then they should have manifested already with the level of shocks she got…"

For a moment, Haneul didn't say anything at all. He simply stared at you as if he was trying to desperately look for something in your face. It took a long while before he finally let you go. Like a doll discarded, your fell down weakly again at the lack or forced support.

"What a shame. You look exactly just like her."

You felt his cold eyes drilling on the back of your head as he slowly straightened himself up from his crouch. You could almost taste the panic attack about to take over the rest of you, but you still managed to catch his last words.

"I'm giving you eight hours to change your mind and join us," he said quietly. "You may be powerless, but you're still a member of the Famiglia. I'm doing it for your mother."

You haven’t exactly wrapped your head around what he said yet when you heard him address Kun next.

"Are we almost done with La Morte?"

"Yes, sir. We'll close his case today."

"Then it's time to move on to the last phase of the project,” he ordered as you heard the sound of his footsteps start to finally retreat from where you were slumped on. He was already at the door when you heard him speak again, his order ringing clear like death bells.

“Tell the others that Project Vision is starting."

"It's time to hunt down the Master of The Fool."

CHAPTER 13

*******

A/N: I... really tried with this update. I really did. Also, this is going to be the second to the last chapter before this ends! Before that, I’d like to thank everyone who has supported this story until now. I have received so much support during its run. I truly appreciate all of you. <3

P.S. Some people won’t show up on my tags no matter how much I try. I hope you can all see this update despite tumblr acting up. T.T

Taglist [OPEN]: @negincho, @jhornytrash, @aaasteroidsky, @huangberryyy, @marijmin, @ashkuuuu, @reluctantserpent-101, @huskyhunny, @domojoo, @anaveragefangirl, @lostlovesoul11, @dreamisfelix, @lomlwoo, @coconuttiez8d, @jaehyunenthusiastsworld, @shininginthemoonlight, @bettyschwallocksyee, @w3bqrl, @smolpeyy, @chenlejjang, @kunssouschef, @thesunsfullmoon, @kpopstanforlifeuwu, @chokopocky, @azzygongez, @tito-the-mermaid, @jakeshuneybby, @yutacchin, @baehaechannie, @thefoxsleeps, @caspervoid, @yongboksfreckles, @jaeyuuns, @ssuungchans, @furryllamas, @meiinumaki

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eye-of-trigun · 1 year

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Stampede S2 Predictions

posting these now before I get influenced by anyone else's predictions lmao

many spoilers for Trigun Stampede and Trigun Maximum ahead!

Vash has fully lost his memory of everything that happened immediately before and after JuLai

it's possible he's forgotten Meryl and Wolfwood and Roberto as well

He'll gradually gain memories back as Wolfwood and Meryl show up and trigger something in his brain

Wolfwood will find Vash (as Eriks) and be like "hey man" and Vash will be like "?????" until he sees the way Wolfwood handles the Punisher

when Meryl finds Vash he'll remember her and Roberto when she shows him the photo of the 4 of them that's seen when's she visiting JuLai. or he'll remember her just by the way she says "Vash"

Milly is going to be so plucky and will help pull Meryl out of her depression, or at least ground her whenever Meryl starts feeling like she wants revenge for Roberto

at some point, Meryl will point her derringer at Elendira and possibly even shoot it

the underside of Vash's hair will be black and we'll get more lore on decaying plants

somehow Doctor Conrad survived JuLai (maybe with Elendira's help?) and helps Legato to revive Knives

Meryl is gonna be very standoffish when she sees Wolfwood again

Wolfwood will start saying he's a priest rather than an undertaker (credit to my friend for this one!)

Meryl: "ugh you're here, Undertaker?" Wolfwood: "excuse you, I'm a priest now!"

Wolfwood has started smoking the same brand of cigarettes as Roberto and Meryl notices and then feels warmer toward Wolfwood

Wolfwood is looking for Vash because he's been contracted to look for him again under threat of the destruction of the orphanage again

but this time, Wolfwood already knows Vash and knows what Vash is capable of and he's hoping that Vash can stop Knives and the Eye of Michael for good this time

in her search for any clues of what happened to Vash, Meryl looks into Wolfwood's past and the eye of Michael between her reporting assignments

as a result, Meryl is extremely distrustful of Wolfwood when they meet again

I think it's a given that we'll see the rest of the gung-ho guns: Dominique, Rai-Dei, Midvalley, Leonof, Midvalley, Hoppered, and Razlo

Legato will finally confront Vash himself and may even establish the killing game with the gung-ho guns

it's possible that E.G. the Mine will make another appearance since he's seen being taken back with the plants to HQ in episode 3

Vash and Wolfwood will fight as a team again and again. Vash's trust in Wolfwood will be tested but he'll always believe in Wolfwood

Brad will repair Vash's arm again after the Eriks arc... but Vash's journey to visit Brad and Luida will bring trouble to them again... possibly resulting in Brad and/or Luida dying

Knives' entire body needs to re-constituted -- as it was after July in the manga. but since we're already diving into the timeskip, Knives won't get his body back until Vash is captured (like in Trimax vol 8) and at that time, Vash's memories of JuLai will fully come rushing back to him (like in Trimax vol 5).

Elendira will have grown to be adult size and will be way more powerful than before

Wolfwood and Livio and Razlo fight will still result in [redacted] and I will sob my heart out

I think Chapel will appear in some capacity! Someone probably had to have trained Wolfwood and Livio

Most characters will get updated outfits for the timeskip

Midvalley and Knives killer music duet??? (I just think it'd be fun)

Knives or Elendira gravely injures Legato for not following Knives' wishes

a non-zero number of episodes will start with radio updates on the arrival of the Earth ships

Legato's backstory will include lore about his blue hair

Knives will survive the final confrontation with Vash

Vash won't say his signature "love & peace" catchphrase until after the dust from the final battle has settled

#trigun #trigun spoilers #trigun stampede spoilers #trigun maximum spoilers #trigun stampede #trigun stampede predictions #not commentary

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h2obased · 2 years

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Another Word For Surveillance - Part 9

Pairing: Bucky x Reader Summary: You asked Bucky out. He said no. Cool. How do you move on? You don't. Notes & Warnings:

DNI if under 18 | Fluff, swearing, canon typical violence, some angst, lotsa pining, sexual content

I don’t give permission for my work to be copied/reposted/translated anywhere.

Word Count: 4K+

Series Chapters || Masterlist

Another Word For Surveillance - Part Nine

Sometimes there’s a chill, nothing unusual, this being New York after all. Steve’s birthday would come in a few weeks and it would still be too warm to wear anything thicker than a three-year old hoodie, but Bucky welcomed the icy air at night.

He retreated to the balcony, stepping out into the night barefoot, with only sweatpants on, messy hair down because he managed to lose another hair tie. From somewhere in the apartment, Steve wondered aloud if they were finally getting old, because Bucky ventured out half-naked and Steve’s knees registered the drop in the temperature.

Bucky ignored his friend’s rambling. He would stand outside until the chill tickled. It traveled from the center of his forehead, crossing his skull to the base of his neck, making the hair on his arm stand.

His chest tightened. The cold triggered a eerily similar response to being strapped to a chair while a handful of weary strangers, staring down at Bucky with a detached, almost empty look. They had as much life in them as Bucky’s left arm. They entered the room in single file before surrounding him to start the procedure. Adrenaline kicked in. Bucky was ready to fight, without knowing why.

He didn’t remember how long it took to shock a man’s brain into forgetting days and weeks of killing sprees, but Bucky had seen HYDRA footage of the procedure. That’s how he knew spaghetti boiled faster than a mad scientist can fiddle with someone’s memories. His head always felt like an overcooked noodle after the procedure. Mushed.

Bucky remembered the icy pulse that started between his eyes, just behind the sockets, he supposed. How far deep into his skull didn’t matter, it went deep enough to cause short term memory loss didn’t it? The slow pulse grew into a wave washing over his cranium, crashing into the base of his neck, where the head and spine connected.

These days he could summon the sensation with little effort when it was cold enough. He stood in the balcony with clenched fists, hanging on to the feeling as long as possible.

Not because he relished his time as a robot, a wooden puppet on invisible strings, but one that could hurt and bleed. By some strange circumstance, or maybe it’s his body finally forgiving him - the chill that used to trigger his fight or flight response felt the same as the rush he felt when you touched him.

And this time, he didn’t want to escape it.

He sought it out. He sought you out.

So even when he was supposed to be the compound’s designated cranky senior citizen, the sullen new arrival, Steve’s dark shadow - Bucky let you bully him into tasting the rubbery monstrosity called Gummy Bears the day you met. He dressed up for silly work events because you asked him to. He cleaned up the language on his reports because “we get it, Steve’s an overripe grape with a deathwish, but the feds - they don’t appreciate poetry like you and I do.”

You weren’t supposed to make him feel a little light-headed, borderline giddy, whenever you gave him a puzzled smile.

Bucky didn’t do “life goals,” at least not like most people. He was content with not being a prisoner of war.

He can’t remember wanting something so bad that he didn’t know what to do about it and now he found himself in the most fortunate position of liking a person so much, he couldn’t really think straight. It made him bungle opportunities and worse - made you doubt your place at the top of his priorities.

He’s lived long enough to know life wasn’t meant to be black and white. Nothing was guaranteed. But lately he wondered with increasing frequency, maybe - you were it.

It’s a truth lodged in his throat whenever he saw you, and sometimes he could only manage a quiet nod because he’s awe-struck by you, by the gravity of his feelings, and if he could only manage to put these thoughts and feelings into words, maybe he wouldn’t be in so much trouble. And misery.

The tragedy was that the simplest of things are often the hardest to explain.

Bucky exhaled into the night, his breath coming up as silvery clouds before his eyes. The faint whirring sounds from his metal hand comforted him. He looked at the dark sky and wondered if it was better to take the bike instead of a car tonight.

“Steve!” The carpet warmed his feet the second he stepped back in. Bucky slid the balcony doors shut, sensing the cold air vanish instantly. “I’m going out!”

“You’re gonna be late.” Steve looked up from a three by three grid of post-its on the dining room table. He stood over his laptop with crossed arms. “Maybe throw a shirt on too?”

“I’ll take the bike.”

“And I hear shoes do a good job of covering feet,” Steve’s attention returned to his notes. “Still gonna be late,” he mumbled as an afterthought.

“Not if I don’t drive like you,” Bucky hollered over his shoulder, laughing at Steve flipping him off.

The mid-week VA meetings rarely gathered over six people, which was why Bucky preferred going on Wednesdays instead of Saturdays. The large crowds didn’t bother him anymore but the interactions seemed more relaxed with only a few people huddled around him.

Nothing extraordinary happened apart from the majestic nature of the sun rising and setting weeks in a row or maybe he was just more inclined to be forthcoming in warmer weather, but Bucky started opening up about his nightmares after a handful of sessions. He skipped the really scary details (these would be classified information anyway), focusing on feelings and outcomes instead. No one else would have a story about waking up with a Soviet Union-era metal arm, but fighting cold sweats, becoming short tempered, and lashing out at the people who least deserve it because fear and anger had to go somewhere - that was a fairly common experience not only with vets but people in general, Bucky discovered.

But mostly, he liked listening. Sandy once suffered a panic attack in the middle of his eight-year old’s ballet recital. PJ decided to learn Farsi. Eddie Elbow dreaded his upcoming surgery, his third this year.

As for Bucky - he used to have really bad dreams.

About botched surgeries. Attaching the metal prosthetic took multiple operations by doctors who didn’t necessarily have experience soldering metal into flesh.

About feeling someone’s pulse racing before plummeting into a half-beat against his thumb and in his dreams the Winter Soldier never let go until that half-beat lulls into nothing. When the Soldier finally released the neck, the body folded onto the floor without ceremony, and never neatly.

He got used to these dreams over time.

Then he met someone amazing. Of course his nightmares became rare but worse. Bucky woke with a bitter gut, like he had a hole in his stomach. He’s had a few of those, but once he reached the hospital, internal bleeding was someone else’s problem. When he dreamt about feral HYDRA agents locking you up in a bunker overseas, Bucky carried the toxic fear around until he’s ready to let it go.

And in his dreams he always seemed powerless to save you.

Bucky’s acid reflux only got worse.

The VA gang wasn’t troubled by this. Eddie Elbow said everyone had nightmares involving friends and family. He kept his eyes on his wonky limb as he spoke. “You worry about someone. Congratulations for being a decent human being.”

The group grunted in agreement.

Bucky was never going to be a smooth talker - not now, not after a hundred of these meetings - but he was learning how a three-minute anecdote about having to leave the house for the first time in days because the milk had gone bad was part of the healing process.

It’s not about the action, Sam told him. Action and follow through are important. But so is introspection and sharing. “You’re not a machine. We just like calling you Cyborg Man.”

So Bucky talked when he felt like it. And he listened in solidarity.

The evening group session concluded, and he enjoyed the brisk walk around the back of the building, thankful for the crisp air. His nose felt the chill as he tugged on his sleeves.

Your name flashed on the screen seconds after he took his phone off airplane mode and Bucky swiped before he remembered that texting back within seconds was needy.

Haha didn’t quite convey the pitter-pattering in his chest but Bucky replied to the cat meme anyway.

Since your teary-eyed confession the night he sneaked out of the hospital, Bucky knew he had to work against the clock. Not because you could suddenly just decide to walk away, or that you could run into someone who was slightly more capable of telling you things like, you smelled nice (Bucky’s favorite scents rolled into one person, and when you rest your head against him, he could breathe you in and nothing else mattered that moment.)

He had to move fast because you didn’t deserve it. The self-doubt. The sorrow. The loneliness, maybe, that came with Bucky��s half-assed excuses.

It’s not like he wasn’t sure about his feelings for you. He risked infection, not to mention Steve’s wrath when he walked out of a secure hospital wing and dragged his semi-drugged self to your apartment just to see you.

You were his entire guest list. He scrawled your name on a form quickly, before he lost his nerve, and handed it back to the security personnel arranging access to their residence. You could come to his room at night without setting off Stark’s million-dollar security system and set Bucky’s books on fire.

(He also had opinions about better things for you to do if you ever decided you wanted to slip into his room.)

Yeah, he was serious about you. Winter Soldier dead serious, and even Steve wasn’t going to laugh at that analogy.

Making you believe this without a shred of doubt was Bucky’s mission.

Importing limited screen edition chocolate from halfway around the world was child’s play. He saw your browser from across the table during a meeting and it only took him one call to find someone who can ship a month’s supply to New York.

A couple of days ago, he convinced Sam, Wanda, and Scott to join the business contingency exercise you were running this year before you even had to request help to round up volunteers.

“Sam’s not pulling my leg right?” You doubled-back when you ran into Bucky outside the office. He was on his way out, and you followed him to the sidewalk.

“Pardon me?” He scratched his head for effect.

“Remember the thing I was doing, the BCP drill for staff? You have to practically pay people to do it but slots filled up after Sam and Wanda signed up.” You tapped his left forearm and even the Vibranium sensors knew how much of a thrill that was. “Hey - you want to volunteer too?”

“Uh, it’s probably not my thing.” He replied slowly. “The talking to people, you know. So I-“ Bucky shook his head.

He didn’t know why he couldn’t just reveal he got his friends to help you. God forbid it made Bucky sound like a nice guy. Someone who cared. Deeply. Probably too much for his own good. About you.

“There has to be something else I can help with,” he recovered quickly.

When your face brightened up, he knew he was about to be roped into doing you a favor. “We could get coffee and donuts for the volunteers?”

Bucky was pretty sure Steve needed him to comb through a stack of files and hours of footage that weekend. “You got it.”

“Perfect.” You reached for his jacket sleeve and swung it back and forth absent-mindedly.

Bucky couldn’t bring himself to look away from your joyful eyes, or mention that this was an outright breach of the no-contact rule - you haven’t spoken about it for days but he assumed it was still very much in effect.

He was late for a meeting with Stark, but he’d endure an entire afternoon of snide remarks about punctuality for a few more minutes of this, standing next to you, wearing a goofy grin because you looked at him like nothing else existed.

He was crest-fallen when you dropped his arm though.

“It was you.” Realization settled on your face, Bucky felt somewhat smug about being able to read your expressions.

He raised his brows.

“You bribed Sam to volunteer.”

“I can’t make that man do anything he doesn’t want to.”

You crossed your arms but the curl around your lips was encouraging. “You’re up to something.”

Bucky exhaled. “Am I?” He crossed his arms, mimicking your position.

You shifted your gaze back to his face, determined not to be distracted. You cleared your throat. “That doesn’t- I don’t- Bucky…” Your voice trailed as you thought you lost control of the situation.

“Hmmm?” He took a couple of steps back, giving you another nod before turning around.

“Nothing!” You replied as he began to walk away.

Bucky chuckled. You’d demand a straight answer from him when you were ready and able to believe he was not going anywhere. Until then, he’d happily wait and do the things that left you momentarily speechless or mutter “You didn’t have to Bucky.” The smile you fought to contain told him he absolutely would be doing these small gestures for you again and again.

Things were going well to a large extent but Bucky was all too aware about the parts of him that were not as ecstatic about your renewed friendship characterized by emotional vulnerability from a distance of too damn far for a kiss.

Sam called it Bucky’s Labors, not because he studied English literature in college but because he had better manners than Steve who called the distinct lack of action Bucky’s Blue Balls.

Bucky wasn’t going to admit his suffering, but all this time apart - physically - only seemed to make him more attuned to your presence.

Just the other day, he instinctively turned to the grassy area on the way to the hangars.

“Who’s that?” Sam squinted across the field. He clocked the pout Bucky thought he was not doing.

The running path connecting Grids 3 and 4 offered a view of your favorite bench. You paced around it, gesturing wildly, phone on one hand, bowl of Skittles on the other.

Sam stopped walking and glanced at Bucky. “Are we coming ‘round to say hi?”

“No.” Bucky was being petulant, he’d admit to that. He could practically hear you start to speak, edit your thoughts mid-sentence, and keep rambling until you figured out what you wanted to say to whoever it was on the other line.

He watched you from the other side of the field torn between taking up Sam’s suggestion and Bucky’s wounded ego.

Why weren’t your senses telling you that Bucky, the love of your life, or so he hoped, stood right here?

“No.” He repeated more for his benefit than Sam’s.

“Man are you two still pretending the other idiot has playground cooties?”

Bucky wasn’t even going to acknowledge that.

It’s been over a month since you returned from DC and since then Bucky had been in such physical agony, he couldn’t even remember who thought keeping a respectable distance from each other would be a good idea.

It amused both of you for a few days - having to sit across each other during meetings and making sure you were never alone with each other. Not in a meeting room. Not in an elevator. Not even in the hallway. Bucky couldn’t even completely guarantee he won’t make a move if he found you alone in the parking lot at high noon.

Technically he could give you a hug but then he’d want to kiss the top of your head, and it drove him crazy because you cooed into him, right on his collarbone, a sound so hushed and muffled maybe you weren’t even aware you did it, but it happened often enough in the past for Bucky to be quite certain you liked forehead kisses very much.

And he was happy to oblige. Always. Except he couldn't stop at the forehead. He would not.

Which brought him to this. No kissing. No touching. These were rules he must follow. Rules he had to abide by if he wanted to keep his promise to you.

Bucky was dying and this was worse than when he got shot all those 78 other times. And he didn’t just need the release - as a male of his species in peak physical condition, he had no trouble dealing with base urges in the privacy of the apartment or during a hot shower at the gym.

He felt empty and his dick hated him.

But when you gave him a lingering, intrigued look whenever he did something for you or generally made an effort at work, that made you smile and it was all he needed to survive and keep going.

There was that time he swung by your desk to let you know he’s going on a two-day mission to the Mediterranean. He didn’t mean to sound like he needed your permission to go, but as previously established, he was never going on another op again if things weren’t fine between the two of you - anyway, his focus is sharper when he can picture you peering up at him with mischievous eyes that he’d like to think was only for him.

Bucky cleared his throat. He promised to text you while he was away. You gave him assorted bite-sized chocolate snacks in a zip lock baggie the next day.

Steve made quick work of the candy but your cheerful albeit lopsided grin as you waved Bucky away with his bag of sweets stayed with him. It kept him warm in the Quinjet and it kept him cool when he was tempted to drive his fist through someone’s face.

He texted you up until the crew had to go radio silent and by the time he could message again, Bucky had a dozen of photos and messages to send you.

He assumed he’d run out of things to tell you eventually. He didn’t. There was always something suspicious happening in Florida and Steve would predictably get into trouble for being himself. Now and then Bucky had a nightmare. He spared you the details but you would ask a second time - never more than that - with a patient look, and he found himself telling you anyway. Broad strokes - you didn’t need minute details. You just wanted him to get it off his chest.

It’s fascinating, this perpetual mental hard on for you. Bucky was dying and feeling very much alive at the same time.

Admittedly he may have been thinking with Not His Brain when he tailed you to the First Resort one evening. Forty-two days since he brought the new screen to your apartment and left with his brain congratulating him for heading out the moment things became a little too intense, and his lower half threatening to kick his ass for heading out the moment things became a little too intense.

He would never stalk you. Not like this. But when he ran into you at work - Bucky had to grab you by the arms to stop you from slamming into him, much as he’d love that - you only blinked at him like you didn’t recall that Bucky knew where to touch if he wanted your absolute full cooperation.

That would not do. Bucky casually glanced at the stretch of hallway behind you, in case of any masked assassins in pursuit. “What’s the rush Sweets?”

More blinking. A few more seconds, and then the color returned to your cheeks, the happy tiny smile reserved for Bucky appeared.

“What happened to the no-touching rule?”

Answering a question with a question. Now that’s classic Sweets. His Sweets. Maybe.

He raised both hands in surrender. It didn’t seem like the best time to make idle chat, not while Claire openly watched from twenty feet away. Bucky never had a lot of willpower when it came to physical contact with you. “Can I shoot whoever came up with that? Just on the foot.”

Your laughter was music.

“I’m serious.”

“Surely not about shooting yourself on the foot.”

“I’m serious,” Bucky insisted.

You both knew it wasn’t about anybody’s foot. A frown replaced the amused twinkle and your mind was off to another universe again and Bucky did not presume he could follow.

He exhaled slowly. “You ok?” There was a wayward strand on your forehead he warned himself to ignore.

You nodded but your gaze was already on Claire. “I have to ah - CC’s evil eye is like - so I should… but I’ll come find you? We’re probably due one of those talks huh?” Your eyes flicked back to Bucky and when your knuckle grazed his sleeve, Bucky’s heart stopped. At that moment you were back with him.

He gulped and nodded once.

With smiling eyes, you turned and walked over to your friend.

“You ok?” He asked again. You weren’t the only one who got to ask a second time.

You gave him a thumbs up instead.

He watched Claire guide you back to your seat. How was he not going to be interested in whatever it was you didn’t want to tell him?

So yeah. He got on the bike and followed you to the bar when he caught you leaving the building alone half an hour after running into each other.

You took your usual seat by the window, right by the neon lights that would always remind him about his biggest regret - choking the first time you asked him out. You spun the bottle clockwise instead of drinking from it. Bucky waited to see if you were meeting someone but after a while, he got bored of watching you stare through your beer.

He entered from the back of the bar, making a mental note to talk to Happy about the ease with which he was able to breeze through the staff entrance.

“Hi.”

You looked up with wide eyes. “Uh - hey.” Then you gave him that smile. The one meant for him. “So you-“

“I followed you, yeah.” Bucky looked around the bar. “Are you expecting company?”

“Not really.”

The knot in his shoulders relaxed. “Can I - can I sit?”

You gave him a funny look. “You gonna buy me a beer Buck? Doesn’t that violate Chapter Four Section Three of the Field Surveillance Handbook? What’s the book called?”

Bucky wanted to wipe the sarcasm off your face using his face. “You don’t seem to want beer right now.” He nodded at your barely touched drink. “And you’re not under surv-“

“You just admitted you followed me here.”

“Can’t a guy walk into a bar and pretend to run into you?”

You drummed your fingers. After a few seconds, you took a long drink, never taking your eyes off him.

Bucky was transfixed.

“Not James Barnes, no,” you replied, setting the bottle down to punctuate your statement.

“No?” He raised a brow. Bucky thought about how he had all the time in the world to rehearse what to say before slipping in through the back of the bar and plopping himself across you like your entire non-relationship with him did not start with him refusing to get a beer with you.

Now he couldn’t quite figure out how to inform you that yes, he ditched a security briefing with a four-star general because he wanted to know if you were ok.

And he missed you.

And he liked you. Fucking idiot.

You finished your beer without breaking eye contact. In the back of his mind, Bucky knew this silly back and forth only fanned flames and what he should be doing was keep things steady, and give you as much time you needed to come around and see he wasn’t playing around.

“Let me get the next round.” He slipped out of the booth before you could protest.

Your mood seemed to improve by the time he returned with a couple of beers. You asked about his day and why the Grid 2 fields were overrun with weeds. Bucky launched into the details of the larger blade he installed on the mower and how he convinced the landscaping team to leave the grass alone for a couple of weeks so he could test the design.

”You stopped making sense at… three-blade motor… something.” Your expression was deadpan but you continued to ask about the prototype.

He asked about your childhood, fishing for happy memories and watching your eyes darken momentarily at the thought of your brother, before lighting up as you recalled childhood pranks and family trips that made you think fondly of road trips and the smell of sunscreen and saltwater.

Two rounds became three, and quickly four after you knocked over your bottle while laughing at Bucky’s terribly accurate Steve Rogers impersonation. Whatever it was that had you worried, Bucky could tell from the carefree toss of your hair and how you angled your body toward him the entire time, you had set it aside to focus on the present.

You nudged the empty bottle to the middle of the table. “It’s late.”

Bucky nodded. He finished his beer and set the bottle down, almost clinking against yours, but not quite.

Both of you remained seated.

He hummed over the gentle clicking of his metal wrist. You watched him flex his arm and then blushed when he caught you staring with unabashed interest.

“I know where we can grab a decent slice at this hour.” The words tumbled out. Bucky held his breath.

From his peripheral view, he saw you lean closer to him. “Yeah?”

Your curious tone encouraged him. “You can’t tell anyone else.” Bucky raised an eyebrow, daring you to come with him, to make the night last a little longer.

He stood up without waiting for your reply, more out of jitters than confidence. Is it working, he wondered.

Or has the past few weeks been for nothing?

Bucky didn’t get a response but he heard you scramble out of the booth and in a couple of seconds you were right behind him. He felt the movement from a foot away, your boots creating a muffled squeak.

Hope stirred in his core.

Find the other parts here.

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