#he knew that he had done this all before
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bonus:
#my fanart#resident evil#chreon#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy#chris redfield#leon knew what he was signing up for#chris has been embarrassing since claire was a child leon stood no chance#wish i had this idea sooner so i didn’t have to haul ass to get it done before x-mas#but we’re here now#merr chrismas to those that celebrate#and domestic chreon holiday fluff for all
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something I do appreciate about red vs blue is its particular brand of “came back wrong”. you were brought back, but you’re just a memory of the person you’re supposed to be. you’re just the expectations of them. you’re just the pieces everyone else saw and remembered. you’re tough like the original, but you’ll always fail no matter how tough you are, because the original failed, too. you’ve got a personality like the original, but it’s not quite right because you didn’t actually live the life they did. there’s this person you love- who you would kill or suffer or die for- but you don’t know why, you just know you’re supposed to be together because that’s what you were made for.
#thinkin abt tex and epsilon at 4am on a thursday#anyway thinkin about the fact that tex and church were never *actually* together outside of blood gulch#she tried to save alpha. she failed. he didn't know who she was and she was forced to leave him.#but realistically? he'd never met her before. because she wasn't allison and he wasn't leonard#they were both just copies that knew who they were supposed to be#and epsilon never met tex. he only had the copy based on alpha's muddled memories.#and then when he brought her back... she was just even more wrong because she was a memory of a memory#and even with all of alpha's memories#epsilon wasn't alpha. he was someone different because he'd been through different things#alpha didn't remember what was done to him. epsilon did. alpha didn't know what he'd lost. epsilon did.#alpha lived his life. had relationships with the reds and blues. epsilon just remembered it.#and with that in mind you have to wonder...#what did tex actually remember? who did she think she was? what did she think the director and alpha were to her?#because epsilon had alpha's memories but beta didn't even have that.#anyway yeah roommate agreed to experience rvb with me and we watched seasons 1-10 together and hooboy#I'm back on my bullshit#red vs blue#rvb#Agent Texas#tex rvb#Leonard Church#church rvb#epsilon rvb#alpha rvb#beta rvb
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Scott Pilgrim Characters as Text Posts but they’re mostly of Stacey and Neil cause I’m obsessed with them :]
#some of these may have been done before but i cannot remember so apologies in advance i forgot#when i saw the first meme done with julie i knew i had to do it with stacey#last image you gotta read from bottom to top btw (i also added in stacey and scott and lawrence whos not here mom to make the image complet#)#I don’t personally ship Neil with Lynette envy or Lisa but those are the other three women I’ve seen him be shipped with#that make sense for that text post (julie would never and Kim is kissing Ramona)#we all know how garbage trash I am for nordegrim here so I don’t need to explain anything#stacey pilgrim is a little hater in my heart#scott may be her brother but she face palms whenever he does something incredibly stupid#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim comic#scott pilgrim vs the world#scott pilgrim takes off#stacey pilgrim#young neil#neil nordegraf#julie powers#wallace wells#lynette guycott#envy adams#lisa miller#roxie richter#nordegrim#not gonna tag any of the other neil ships here cause it is mostly nordegrim#cw suggestive#emily shitposts
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Do you know what 4x02 does? Why it's so important? Why it converted me?
In one line in that fight, it has the big reveal: Mike isn't oblivious
He wasn't ignoring Will in blissful ignorance. He isn't helpless in his fight to love El. He is an active participant in his story and a facilitator of it. He is not just along for the ride, staring off into space, having fun with his girlfriend until things go wrong. He noticed Will's grumpiness which means his ignorance was willful and active.
Mike Wheeler is doing things on purpose. He isn't some boy with no understanding of his feelings walking around staring off into space until he bumps into things or has an epiphany, he's doing things, yes, including nothing, but purposeful nothings. Mike Wheeler is making decisions every time we see them - sometimes frantic, sometimes poor, but decisions.
Mike's only excuse in season 3 and one and a half episodes of season 4 are oblivion: he just doesn't know what he's doing, he was focused on other things and slipped up, he's forgetful, he's too nervous to say it.
Season 4 episodes 2 and 3 exist to tear that idea apart and say: No. He knew. Or maybe he didn't, but he knew that he didn't know. He is having problems and he is dealing with them wrong but he knows they're problems. He is making frantic choices left and right to deal with the situations he knows he's in. He isn't looking off into the distance because he's daydreaming. He's looking off into the distance because he's analyzing outcomes at all times. Only actively engaged people are defensive that quickly and he was anticipating the attacks Will wasn't launching. Only frantically present people who know the answer to her question too well speak around it in circles.
Only people who already know the answer are able to lie.
#byler fight#first watch#i remember realizing#i've said before i paused it and had to think it all through but#i remember during that#realizing that he knew what he was talking about#'why would this be done to will?' no. why would MIKE do this. and ask it in earnest. and look for an answer because there is one#i was asking the first and pretending i was asking the second#stranger things#byler#elmike fight#mike knows
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thinking about if tos mccoy had died before romulus was destroyed, tos spock could've been carrying his not-quite-a-katra during the events of the aos movies
#spones#star trek#leonard mccoy#spock#star trek tos#if you went mcspirk you could ignore generations and say he's carrying kirk's not-a-katra in his head too lmao but this is foremost spones#god can you imagine mccoy's commentary seeing baby aos jim?????#i bet this has been done a hundred times before but i'm not gonna get it out of my head now#mccoy finally having death catch up to him squinting up at spock's face: surely you can't be serious#spock; looking down at this human that he has long admitted to himself at least that he cannot bear to part from: don't call me shirley#mccoy; scowling: god i hate you#spock; eyes shining: do you hate me enough to spend the rest of my life bickering with me in my head doctor?#mccoy; his own eyes shining back: someone's gotta keep you off the straight and narrow#spock: i knew you'd see things my way - i am after all usually when correct - wouldn't you agree?#mccoy: i cannot believe i'm in love with you. truly the tragedy of our time. anyway come on get inside me so i can get inside you#spock; contemplative: we shall have to see if - in our shared mental space - we would be able to properly consummate -#mccoy; flushing but smirking: you really did spend too much time with humans didn't ya#spock: perhaps - and yet i believe it would not be enough time if you had not agreed to this doctor#mccoy: yeah yeah til your death do us part. i love you to you big softie#spock; softly: and i you
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I'm curious what people think about Victor and Eli's relationship during the Lockland Era. I'm of the opinion that Eli cared about Victor as a person more than Victor cared about him, which isn't to say I don't think Victor cared, but I think his care was a lot more focused on himself and how Eli made *him* feel. This isn't an analysis or anything, really. I don't have evidence from the books to back me. I'm just more sharing a headcannon than anything. If anyone has any thoughts on this please share them I'm curious
#its like#i feel like Victor saw Eli as a puzzle to be solved#he wanted his attention and companionship#but any actual worry or care he has for him is stuffed down so far it only surfaces when he thinks Eli might not come back#And Eli definitely has those moments of selfishness too#but he clearly cared a lot more about Victor's safety than Victor even cared for himself#his feelings are nowhere near entirely selfless but to me it felt like he had a lot more affection(?) for Victor before it all went to shit#which made him even more willing to kill Victor in the end#because in his mind the Victor he knew and loved was already dead#and whoever was left was just a crude imitation wearing his skin#and when that opinion gets called into question he doubles down on it#because he cant handle the idea that this is who Victor really is#or the fact that everything hes done was to his real friend#anyway thats just my take on it#let me know what you think#vengeful ve schwab#vicious ve schwab#victor vale#villains series#eli ever#eli cardale#evervale#vicious#vengeful
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Thinking thoughts about those from Cuivienen and how they later treated the Valar, especially after Cuivienen was destroyed.
I imagine a foundation of sorrow and a layer of betrayal and pettiness. They had promised safety. And how did it turn out? Kin of Tata and Tatie their first leaders, slain in Valinor by the Dark Hunter from which the Valar promised protection in Valinor.
And then, the War of Wrath comes and with it the destruction of Cuivienen.
If any of those were re-embodied in Aman, I wonder if they make it a point to always turn their back to Valar and Maiar. I wonder if they only speak in the tongue they had first devised all those millennia ago and spoke in Cuivienen before time and different kindreds changed the tongue, not Sindarin or Quenya from the Great Journey's time or later. I wonder if they sing songs in their ancient tongue, songs about the beauty and unsullied health of Cuivienen every time any of the Ainur are near.
I wonder if the Valar feel any shame when those who they once looked upon in wonder and love gaze back at them with indifference or disgust.
#i am so normal about the elves of cuivienen feeling the betrayal worse than anyone in aman including feanor and co#they PROMISED safety from Morgoth and orcs. they PROMISED beautiful lands without sorrow. they PROMISED all that and down the line#decided Mogoth had played pretend well enough to warrant him probation during which he immediately killed again#returns to the east and sullies what beauty had been left. and then even from afar he manages to hurt those from cuivienen with the WoW#dont get me wrong i think the cuivienen elves knew there had to be war against Morgoth for him to be defeated. but the fact that the valar#decided not to only abandon those of beleriand for over 5 centuries before that AND once the war is won also abandon#those of cuivienen to watch their beloved lands drown without as much a warning must sting.#i want there to be a concious decision of 'you abandoned your promise to us twice why should we ever trust you again even in your own lands'#a 'you promised our people who folowed you safety. you didnt deliver. you promised us freedom from morgoth. you didnt deliver. in fact your#inadequacy and decision to let him loose made everything worse for us in the east. why should we ever listen to anything you say'#and thus a concious effort to shed association with Aman as the Valar govern it. they cant leave. the way is shut. but they can establish#a sticking to their own tongue and traditions without the interference of the Ainur. they've done enough. not enough and yet quite enough.#the avari are welcome should some be reborn.#i never know if i want those of cuivienen to be reborn in aman or fade into unexistence entirely both have merit and sexy hcs#but if any were reborn i think they would get along fairly alright with the exiles. kinslaying exiles? 50/50 depending on repentance#but anyone who does not believe the valar's words and respects their decision to not ever be associated with them is welcomed neutral-warmly#they teach them songs about cuivienen. the sweet waters. beautiful meadows. the birdsong that sounds extra cheerful. fish in abundance#and in turn they get taught songs about beleriand. bewitched forests. victorious battles. wild rivers. frothy shores.#it is seen as an honour to be taught a song about Cuivienen by the people who sat by its shores once. in their language/dialect/whatever#instead of in sindarin or quenya. some millenia into the 4th age tou have a surge of ppl speaking cuivienen dialect#it becomes a clear distinction of who still has fondness left for the valar and who would feel indifferent if they vanished suddenly.#this tag essay has gotten way too long again. sorry besties it will happen again.#tag essay longer than the fucking post???? help#tolkien headcanons
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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)
#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me#like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes#and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style#like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting#like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to#which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own#it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch#but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way#what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian#like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me#i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively#people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation#but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc#(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either#bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme#idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance#even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do#that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes#like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16#because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem
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The first kiss 💕
In the hours that followed the meeting at the 8-Bit Pizza Bar, the news of John being alive reached everyone’s ears in Hope County… including Joseph’s who contacted the Junior Deputy the instant he knew, late in the evening, and requested to see the little brother he thought he had lost. He and Taylor agreed on a truce and that he would visit them the next day. Approximately 24 hours later, she anxiously drove to his compound to pick him up, but his calm demeanor and the fact he apparently trusted her enough to get into her car alone surprised her. When Joseph was finally reunited with John (who had insisted he needed a shirt for the occasion), he hugged him tightly, and Taylor decided to wait outside so they could talk in private in the small bunker she now called home. The Father came out of it moments later, visibly relieved, and told her John would only return to his Family the next morning because there was “no rush” and, that way, they could “sort everything out”.
The Deputy was a bit confused but, as it happened, “sort everything out” they did.
I had 11 “old” drawings to post and this is the 6th one; I’m getting there! My computer says this file is exactly one year old today :)
#pov: you’re peaches and realize it’s very likely that the humans are done petting you for the night#(they only kissed by the way you know the cult has rules)#in fact it was john who made the first move#3 seconds earlier taylor was sitting on the other side of the couch#he tried to touch her hand while she wasn’t looking#but she was so surprised she reflexively removed it#when she met john’s gaze he quickly lowered it and withdrew his hand as well#she realized she had accidentally made things awkward and that she actually wasn’t opposed to him touching her at all#so her next move was this#john seed x deputy#taylor rook#my deputy#john seed#far cry 5#adelaide and joseph: *shipped john and taylor before they even realized they had feelings for each other*#joseph because he knew john needed love and that she could save him#and adelaide because... she’s adelaide haha#also they both perceived their connection the moment they saw them together#all they needed was a nudge and a few more hours#story: 'that fic I’ll never write'#my art#fan art#traditional art#digital coloring#I still like how the couch looks
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As you saved [my life]. Our scales are balanced.
No. No, you’ve done far more than that for me. I’d all but given up. But you, you believed in me. You saw strength in me. You pushed me to heights that no one else could have.
#the rings of power#the rings of power spoilers#tropedit#ropedit#i have so many things to say here#first of all i like how they tried to respect everyone#it SHOULD have been obvious before that episode he was sauron#but in case you didn't see it/didn't think about it much?#there was the 'think of it as a gift' line which was confirmation for everyone who knew of the story/had done research on it#and then for those who didn't know the story beforehand#you STILL aren't blindsided because you get to become suspicious alongside galadriel#this scene in particular i think is pretty great#because at this point she is suspicious of him though he doesn't know it yet#and he basically keeps doing what he has done all along#which is say something true knowing that the other person will hear exactly what they want to hear#but since galadriel is now suspicious#it doesn't work#and for the very first time he comes across as scary#the vibe here is absolutely threatening#and the threat when you think about it is horrifying#here she is confronted with her greatest enemy who she has been chasing for centuries and centuries#and not only he thanks her#but he tells her 'i will never let you or anyone forget what you have done for me'#it is absolutely chilling#and i have many more thoughts about how so many people have kinda missed and for some are still missing#that this is 100% her story#he will get his own story next season i'm sure#but this season was written for galadriel/with her mind#and failing to see that is how some otherwise really clever reviewers completely missed the mark on this part of the story
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The Incredible Hulk (1968) #277
#I like seeing actual conflict between Rick and Betty- Rick didn’t react at all when Bareet slapped Betty at the end of the last issue#I don’t think I agree with that Betty ‘never loved Bruce Banner for what he was- only for the safe secure life you hoped he’d give you’#because I think that Betty must have actually loved Bruce to stay loyal to him for as long as she did#when the fact that he was transformed into the Hulk and continued to not be cured and to rampage made in increasingly unlikely#that he would ever be able to provide security for her#I think that a lot of her initial attraction to Bruce came down to that he was so different from her father#the kind of man her father would degrade as a ‘lily-livered milksop’#that he wasn’t a soldier#but she also had a lot of admiration for his intelligence and faith in his good character#I think it would be reasonable for her to be just done after all this#but dismissing Bruce was just a ‘monster’ now and saying that the world would be better off without him is really extreme#actually Rick’s loyalty to Bruce has the basis that Bruce was a stranger who risked his life for Rick#whereas Betty actually knew Bruce as a person before he got transformed#marvel#betty ross#rick jones#my posts#comic panels
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I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao
#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now#because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now#and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day#we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME???#also it's such a waste of fucking water....#idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off#but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up#and this is also something that happens multiple times a day#like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god#but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach#'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit#and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good#his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before#also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career#opportunities for him here (which is true)#and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here'#like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here???#but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc#and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now#i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma#and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own#it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down#about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life#and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done#and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this#that has been made PAINFULLY clear#ugh this is so fucking horrendous#what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person#who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life#like explain it to me jfc
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LOOK. whatever you think of menelaus or agamemnon or whatever. this lil moment here (from icke's oresteia) is AGONY. because they did come from so much shit. from murder and scheming and freakin' cANNIBALISM. yet they MADE IT. before paris and the dominos that fell afterwards, they would have believed that they were different, that they were safe. they had wives that loved them and kids that loved them too (argue with the wall about it). they had MADE IT. DESPITE EVERYTHING. and most importantly they had EACH OTHER. they weren't atreus and thyestes. things were so good for them. and they did good!! we know that myceneans LOVED aga as their king. and menelaus got a kingdom he NEVER expected to have.
to be descended from TANTALUS you are already losing. to then have ATREUS as a father and THYESTES as an uncle? it would have been so easy for greeks to write them off. for them to write themselves off. BUT THAT DIDNT HAPPEN. and they did SO WELL. it was all going SO WELL.
you can't change a narrative. you can't alter fate. and the reason tragedies are so is because it wasn't ALWAYS that way. but ... things could have been so different for them. i TRULY believe that.
#i dont believe aga was like predestined to just be a clown.#was he perfect personality wise? no.#but his personality combined with the cirumstances put on him? fuck bro#and what hurts more. is. menelaus IN A WAY goes back to this.#he gets the kingdom. the wife. the kids back.#but he loses his brother.#moments before troy were the last time these two were truly TRULY TRULY happy and complete#and that TEARS me down#menelaus got so much of it back but lost. another big. HUGE important part.#aga parted with his brother on bad terms. for all he knew. they were done. they had becomes#atreus and thyestes. they never got the closure.#'we could have just been eaten up by it' i am. weeping.#MENELAUS WASNT. and there's comfort in aga knowing that. i suppose. before he died.#i just. wanna talk about these brothers until i lose my voice.#they are everything to me.#i know i have brain fog and this makes no sense but MY GOD.#paul rudd: hey. hey look at us. meme.mp4#'they were doomed from the beginning' I KNOW. I JUST /WISH/ THEY WERENT OKAY
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so that finale huh.
#ted lasso spoilers#ITS..... NOT GOOD... NOT BAD EITHER.... its a finale alright#i understood why he had to go back to his son i knew he couldnt stay in london forever but oh my fucking god what the fuck was that .......#probably absolute horseshit take incoming but oh my goddddd just the whole thing with jamie and his dad and beard and jane what. what#its a show about bad fathers and forgiveness yeah and people can change but that doesnt excuse all the terrible things theyve done to you#before that...#IDK I CANT PUT MY THOUGHTS INTO WORDS RN IM JUST SO. SO BAFFLED?#there were alot of scenes i loved dearly like the singing and colin finally being able to kiss his fella or the video scene but it all felt#so so so rushed for some reason??#i have so much more to say about this rip mail for getting the brunt of my insane ramblings on dc IM SORRY AHJGKVJHAGDF#BUT IDK??? spare some thoughts? talk to me about it. send an ask or reply idfk i wanna hear people's thoughts on it#i know ted must be happy to be with his son again and we just. dont know what his life is like back in kansas so. scratches head#not art#pn.txt#its 1am.. ill probably come back to this later to add more thoughts IDK
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Mulling over the idea of Kae in the Abyss verse slowly transforming into an Abyss herald or smth bc of the influence of all the Abyssal energy he'd absorbed and used, but instead of simply accepting it; he's utterly terrified and the Instant someone, anyone, finds him partway corrupted, him just Immediately reaching out to them so desperately, pride be damned, and begging them in tears to stay, to not leave him alone, like a child craving solace in the face of thunder-
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//It's about#//The lad who refuses to show his vulnerabilities heckin BREAKING as he loses his humanity#//Bc he CAN'T keep his composure; bc he's realizing just how SCARED he really was all along#//And the consequences/risk he thought he could take for the sake of 'finding a way to save his people' he's realizing are Too Much#//Finally hitting him how much he tried to take on; how damn much was put on his shoulders#//And how ALONE he wound up in the end; in pursuit of a heritage he desperately craved to know; people he was told were his responsibility#//That he OWED it to those people; being one of the last & most willing to 'do right' by them; his life SHOULD mean nothing compared to the#//& as such casting aside everything he knew bc he truly believed it was his burden/task to bear; no one else should be dragged into it#//Distrusting that anyone would take him or his Purpose seriously if he told them of his conflict; or worse; would react so BADLY to his#//Like how his most important person; his Sworn Brother; had half a decade ago#//Or perhaps he'd feared that if he told them; they could talk him OUT of following through with it#//And he'd let it all be; even Knowing the things he does; dreaming and hearing what he does#//Forever holding the guilt nestled deep in his heart until the day he dies#//But would that lifetime of simmering heartache compare to his solitude now? Cold; trembling; terrified beyond anything he's felt before?#//Idk; thinkings thinkings#//He knows not if he will be the same when it's all done. He might ask the person to mercy kill him; might ask them to save him#//Depends on how safe they make him feel; maybe
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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”
#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with#but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this#i can’t just. talk to the guy#if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that#i can barely even say hello to him#don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like#ah fuck there he is#okay you can do it just say hi#just say what’s up#and then he’s already gone#also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin#ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction#or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or#i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at#least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault#too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair#but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side#where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20#mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number#who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21#his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe
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