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#he deserves a poncho <3 <3 <3 as a treat

multi-fan-dom-madness · 1 year

Text

Chapter 4: Burcyan (Second Chances - Hunter x reader)

Burcyan. n. friendship, bond.

Summary: Now that you're officially part of the squad, Omega makes sure you're treated as such.

Chapter Warnings: fluff! sprinkling of angst

Word Count: 3495

A/N: Surprise mid-week update! Wanted to write this mostly fluffy chapter as a birthday gift to myself, and to y'all. Please enjoy <3

Read it here on AO3!

< Previous chapter | Next chapter >

Hunter lingers. He remains outside your ship, keeping a respectful distance, but you can practically feel his presence. An invisible tether connects you—gravity, anchoring you to the other. This was actually my idea, he’d said. You can’t shake away the eruption of butterflies that beat against your stomach as those words repeat in your mind. Maybe you aren’t the only one who feels like this partnership is older than a mere day.

With a slow, steadying sigh, you shake your head. “You don’t have to hang out here. I need to change and hop in the ’fresher, anyway.”

The cresting light of dawn softens his features as he tilts his head to the side in thought. “Sure. Do us a favor, though, and move out of our parking spot before you head back to Cid’s.”

“I still think this is my spot,” you grumble.

He chuckles. “Heard that.”

Kriff. You’ll have to get used to that—and get better at keeping your thoughts to yourself. With a bashful grin, you wave as he ambles back in the direction of the city.

When he’s out of earshot—even for an enhanced clone—you groan and plop into one of the seats lining the cargo bay walls. You push the heels of your palms into your eyes until you see stars. You’ve never been one for moving slowly, not in any aspect of your life, but kark if this whole encounter with these clones doesn’t have your head spinning. What would Arien say?

The thought of Arien’s purple eyes sparkling with mischief makes your heart squeeze. Of course, she’d tease you relentlessly for the mess you’ve found yourself in. Blinking away the phosphenes, you sigh. Well, at the very least, you deserve the teasing. All of your complaining to her about not wanting to be burdened by other people, and here you are, willingly joining a crew of five.

You push the button to raise the ramp and gingerly take the ladder up to the cockpit, deciding to move the ship to another hangar bay before cleaning up. Thankfully, air control directs you to a zone away from the more heavily trafficked landing pads, and after you wire through a handful of credits for extra security, you’re cleared to re-dock the ship. The Redthorn jolts as its landing gear scrapes against the duracrete. You really need to get that looked at.

Powering the ship down once more, you unwind the medical tape around your leg. Relief trickles through you; the wound is already healing nicely. Instead of the charred, angry appearance it had yesterday, the skin around the divot in your leg is now pink and shiny. Squeezing a drop of bacta into your hand, you slather it across the still-sore wound. Tingling coolness spreads through it. You tuck the tube of bacta into your pack almost on autopilot.

Back down the ladder into the cargo bay, you strip out of your torn, sweat-logged clothes and rinse off in the icy ’fresher shower, and redress in another pair of utility pants, lightweight tunic, and worn leather boots. Into your pack you shove a poncho and a few more changes of clothes. You grip the gray material of your old uniform in white-knuckled hands for several minutes before stuffing it back into the locker. Not worth that explanation yet.

Your pack bulges as you cinch it shut. Taking one final sweep of the small space, a peculiar mix of apprehension and anticipation roils in your veins.

“I’m not leaving you,” you say aloud to the ship. “I’m just...working through some things.”

As expected, the ship has no response. You sigh into the silence and make your way back to Cid’s as the morning light brightens the city around you.

Omega has fallen asleep at the booth, curled against Wrecker’s side as he snores, head tipped back. Hunter, Tech, and Echo sit at a small, circular table in the middle of the floor, their heads tipped toward one another in a quiet, heated discussion. As the door slides shut behind you, Hunter nods at the empty seat between him and Echo.

Lowering your pack to the ground, you offer a half-smile. “Boys. Long time, no see.”

Echo snorts. “Glad you could join us.”

“What’s going on?” you ask. Each of their faces seems...drawn, tired.

“The only conversation we seem capable of having these days,” Hunter says in a low tone.

“More like argument,” Tech says, one finger aloft.

Hunter grimaces. “Call it what you want.”

You raise an eyebrow. “And the topic is..?”

“Whether what we’re doing here is really what we should be doing,” Echo says.

You instantly understand. “How deep in debt are you with...?” You jerk your head in the direction of the back rooms.

“Too deep,” Hunter says, “but she knows too much.”

“Kriff what she knows,” Echo says, and Hunter sighs, like they’ve had this exact conversation—argument—whatever, several times before this. Echo continues, “Listen, Rex is out there, he could help us. And we can help him.”

“Echo, you know how this conversation ends,” Hunter says. “We— Cid is awake.”

The four of you straighten up as Cid emerges from the back rooms. Maker, you wish you had a cam right about now to capture the look on her face as her eyes alight on you. Her eyes widen and then immediately narrow, flitting between the four of you at the table.

“Don’t you have other places to be, Red?” she says, crossing her arms.

You shrug. “Obviously not.”

“Don’t expect me to pay you for any more missions.” She shifts her scowl onto Hunter. “Might have something for you. A contact of mine got back in touch right around when you rolled in a few hours ago; they’ve got wind of a potential treasure trove out on Rintonne. Real valuable stuff. Think you’re up for it?”

You try your best to school your expression into anything resembling neutrality. Same shit, same Cid.

“What else can you tell us? What’re we looking for?” Hunter says.

“It’s all hush-hush, apparently,” Cid says with a shrug. “You’re a smart bunch. You’ll figure it out when you get there, I’m sure.”

“Wrecker,” Hunter calls. When the big man stirs, peeking through his good eye, Hunter says, “Got another mission. Let’s go.”

You avert your gaze away from Cid, worried that she might see the smoldering embers of frustration in your eyes, as you sling your pack across your shoulders and make for the door. Omega yawns as she scoots out of the booth. She beams when she sees you.

“I knew you’d say yes!” she says, hurrying to catch up to you.

“Yeah? What made you so sure?” you ask, anger at Cid drifting away as you grin down at the kid.

“Just a feeling,” she says. “Come on. When we get to the Maruader, I’ll give you a proper tour.”

You hum in agreement. Falling in step with the boys, you tilt your head. “Where is this Rintonne place, anyways?”

“It is in the Mid Rim,” Tech answers, “on the other side of the galaxy.”

“Oh.”

“Better let us do the navigating, eh, Navigator?” Echo bumps his elbow against yours with a gruff smile.

You groan. “I suppose I deserve that.”

Wrecker guffaws and claps you on the back, sending you stumbling forward. A broad smile breaks out across your face, and you can’t help but laugh with him. You’re not sure yet if you prefer this nickname over being called ‘Red,’ but most of all you think you just prefer your own name. Even so, that strange feeling lodges between your sternum and lungs again, and you allow yourself to enjoy the teasing sense of camaraderie developing.

The ship’s stench has not improved in the past several hours, you note with distaste as you shove your overstuffed pack under the bottom rack. Joining the others in the cockpit, you brace yourself against the back wall as Tech brings the ship up out of the atmosphere. Stars stretch into starlines, then flash into the swirl of hyperspace. A smile tugs at your mouth. You don’t think you’ll ever tire of that sight.

“We should arrive to Rintonne in approximately three standard rotations,” Tech informs you all over his shoulder.

You accept the news in stride. As much as you love the view of hyperspace, being stuck in it for days on end always leaves you feeling more than a little stir crazy, even in a ship by yourself. Now, you have five other people to deal with, as well. Arien’s teasing laugh bubbles up in your memories. At the very least, this beats sublight travel in every way imaginable.

Omega grins up at you and gestures for you to follow her out of the cockpit.

“Time for my tour?” you guess.

“Yes! Come on, I want to make sure you get to see everything!” She pauses briefly in the data center, pointing out the several software systems currently running on the transparent screens. “Tech and Echo do a lot of work here. They’re teaching me about different ships, planets, and loads of other stuff, so that’s the only time I’m able to use the HoloNet.”

Your eyebrows raise. “You get the Net on board?”

Omega nods enthusiastically. “Tech figured it out ages ago, before I joined the squad.”

“Huh.” A deeper sense of respect for the man settles into you. Then, studying the rest of the cargo hold, you frown. “Where do you all sleep?”

“Most of the time, they all sleep either in the cockpit or in these chairs. Occasionally they use the racks.” Omega frowns like she’s just realizing that you need a place to sleep as well. “The chairs aren’t the most comfortable, but...”

You pat her shoulder. “I’m used to racks. I’m sure I’ll make do with that for now.”

She nods, and you get the impression she’s still turning the issue over in her mind. While she frowns at the floor, you take in some of the smaller details that you’d missed just yesterday in your post-argument state. A few discarded ration wrappers collect dust under the data centers. A weapon kit lies propped against the wall next to the racks. Tucked by the ramp door, the GNK droid rests in stasis mode.

“Oh!” Omega exclaims, and you jump, startled. “Sorry,” she says, “but you can share my room!”

She grabs your hand and tugs you the rest of the length of the ship to the very back. Clambering up the ladder, she shoves a curtain out of the way to reveal a warmly lit, padded gunner’s mount. Several flower stickers decorate the durasteel walls. Wrecker’s tooka doll, Lula, slumps against the base of the gunner’s chair. Omega’s eyes are wide with anticipation.

“You’re lucky,” you say after a moment, smiling. “I never had my own room growing up.”

She grins and shuffles back, patting the floor for you to join her. You raise yourself into the small room and settle against the cold wall.

“Did you have siblings, too?” she asks.

“Mm. Something like that,” you answer. “I was raised in an orphanage on Coruscant. Never knew my birth family. But that’s alright,” you hurry to assure her. The wonder in her eyes turns to something like sadness. “I met a lot of really nice people that way.”

“Did you ever get to have a family?” she says. She grabs the doll and hugs it to her chest, one finger twisting a stray thread.

You shake your head. “The people who ran the orphanage took care of me. Guess they’re the closest to family I really had.” And then you clear your throat, pulling back from the brink of those memories. “What about you?”

“What about me?” She tilts her head, brow scrunched.

“You know, parents, siblings.”

“All the clones are my siblings,” she says. “We’re all made from the same genetic material. I’m actually older than any of them up there.” She points to the cockpit. “At least, in terms of years. Their accelerated aging means they’re technically more mature.”

You can only gape at her, and let out an incredulous laugh. “You’re...the older sibling?”

She nods. “I know, it’s strange, isn’t it?”

“It’s...it’s something, that’s for sure.” You feel like you need to process that information, but at the same time, it is entirely too weird to think that you, then, are also much older than the four men in the cockpit. You don’t even want to know what kinds of ethical dilemmas that creates on a daily basis for them. Are they legally old enough to drink? Should Tech even be piloting the ship?

Nope. Definitely too weird. “Ask me another question,” you finally say.

Omega taps her chin in thought. “What was your life like before you worked for Cid?”

From one uncomfortable topic to another. With conscious effort, you suppress a grimace. You get the sense she is bursting with questions in that way only kids can be. And now that you think about it, Hunter is probably eavesdropping whether he wants to or not. The topic of your life before the events of the past year, year and a half, is something you very much do not want to talk about.

You come up with a half lie, half truth. “I moved around a lot once I came of age. Picked up different skills here and there.”

“What was your favorite place you went to?”

The next three days pass very much like this, with Omega asking near incessant questions. What’s your favorite color? Red, actually. Did you watch a lot of holofilms as a kid? Not really, but when you did get to watch holos, you always really enjoyed the action-packed ones. What’s your favorite food? Ronto Wrap. Only ever visited Batuu once, but you’d go back just for that. Omega pulls stories out of you about your youth that you haven’t thought about in years—and you find that she is a very engaged audience, hanging on your every word, asking you to explain details, gasping and reacting in the exact way that keeps you talking.

At least, until one of the others intercedes and convinces Omega to leave you be for a while. It’s Wrecker who rescues you first. He ruffles Omega’s hair with a fond smile. “Come on, little tooka, let’s let our Navigator get some rest.”

Your face warms. Clearly, the nickname is sticking. Omega wraps her small arms around your middle as you sit up and squeezes. Surprise short-circuits for a moment. You blink, just managing to pat her back, before she releases you.

“G’night, Navigator.”

The next day, it’s Echo. He taps his scomp against the durasteel wall in a manner of knocking. Omega peeks around the curtain with a drawn out, “Who is it?”

“Ha-ha, kid,” Echo says. “Tech needs you up in the cockpit for a few minutes.”

“Okay!” Omega scurries down the short ladder and through the ship.

You shake your head with a snort. “I forget how much energy kids have.”

“I know,” Echo says. He crosses his arms as he leans against the wall nearby. “She reminds me of...someone I used to know in that way.”

You look sidelong at him, taking in the sudden downturn of his mouth, the downcast of his eyes. “Someone close to you?”

A twitch of his lips. “Yeah. Fives. One of my batchmates.”

“I see.” You didn’t really, but during the Clone Wars, you remember hearing about the unflinching loyalty of the clones. It makes sense that that loyalty began with one another. “What was he like?”

Echo exhales slowly and draws a hand over his face.

You wince. “Sorry, you don’t have to—”

“No, it’s alright,” he interrupts you. “He was...loud. Boisterous. Funny. Sometimes a little too funny for his own good.” His eyes glint with fond memories. “There was this one time, when we were still shinies, he was trying to convince these locals to get out of the way because the Seppies were on their way. These people would be caught in the crossfire. And he tried so hard to get them to understand—but none of them spoke Basic! The look on his face...” Echo laughs, trailing off.

You rest a hand on his shoulder. “Sounds like quite the character.”

“Oh, you have no idea.”

And through all of this, you can still feel Hunter’s presence like a physical force, your gravities tugging on one another even through the closed cockpit door. Or maybe you’re just working yourself up.

On the third, and last, day of travel, Hunter emerges from the cockpit. You shoot him a distracted smile before turning back to your masterpiece. Sitting cross-legged behind Omega, you clumsily work twist braids into her hair the way you recall some of the children at your orphanage doing. It’s not been in fashion for many years, you know, but you figure with how topsy turvy the galaxy’s been lately, the concept of fashion is a moot point. And besides, you catch the way that Hunter’s face softens as he approaches.

Once you tie off the last twist, you squeeze Omega’s shoulders. “There you go, kiddo. All done.”

“Look, Hunter!” She scoots to the edge of her room to dangle her feet over the lip. She turns her head back and forth for Hunter to admire. “Isn’t Nav so cool?”

“Nav?” you and Hunter say at the same time.

“Yeah,” Omega says, in the same way she’d say, ‘duh.’ “Nav. As in Navigator. I heard Echo and Wrecker call you that, so I thought...”

You see the flicker of self-doubt across her face, and crawl forward to tuck an errant curl back into its braid. “It’s great, Omega. And I think you should go tell the others about the name.”

“And show them your hair,” Hunter adds.

Omega grins a toothy grin as she hops down to the main floor. She practically springs to the cockpit. You chuckle, watching her go, and have to shake your head at her antics.

“I hope she’s not been too much trouble these past few rotations,” Hunter says, thumbs hooked in his belt.

You shimmy out of the gunnery. Your right leg no longer feels weak from the blaster wound, and you comfortably settle your weight on it. “Nah, she��s great. I get why you’re all so protective of her.”

He nods. “It’s been easier since the Empire thinks we’re dead. Or at least, they did. Hopefully we didn’t kriff that up on Bescane.”

Grimacing, you duck your head. “Listen. I should have told you sooner about the Empire’s presence there.”

“Yeah, you should’ve,” he agrees.

You look up sharply at him. Worry flutters in your windpipe.

He offers you a tight smile. “But...we should have mentioned about being clones up front.”

“I feel like my thing far outweighs your thing,” you say with a huff.

“A secret is still a secret,” he says. “A squad has to trust itself.”

“And am I part of the squad?” you ask.

His gaze could melt steel, and your knees feel like they’re slowly becoming jelly the longer he studies your face. You work to keep your breathing even. After a long moment, he nods. “Getting there.”

“Good,” you breathe. You clear your throat. “I mean, uh, good to know.”

He smiles, the worry lines smoothing over. “You and Echo seem to be getting along well.”

You hum. “He’s funny.”

“Funny?” Hunter shakes his head with a chuckle. “Most of the time, he’s just grumpy.”

“Can’t really blame him.”

“No, suppose not.” Hunter tucks a curl behind his ear. “I wanted to ask...and please feel free to answer on your own time. But I noticed back on Bescane that you were having some kind of episode. Your heart rate was out of control. Is that something we should be worried about?”

He’s being vulnerable, you realize, by asking you about your past. He doesn’t seem to be the kind of person to ask about things without good reason. You can sense the walls he’s built around himself—they match the walls you’re still reconstructing around yourself. Allowing himself to care about another person, even if it’s just for the good of his squad, exposes him almost as much as it does you. And Maker, you want to be similarly vulnerable in this moment. You want to explain to him what happened back on that Imp world, why you froze, the serrated shards of memories that dug into your psyche. The words crowd your mind and threaten to spill like blood between your teeth.

All you find you can do, though, is offer another weak smile. “On my own time. But you won’t regret having me along, promise.”

He nods once in acceptance. “We should be to Rintonne soon. Feel free to join us in the cockpit.”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure.” You swallow against the rest of your words.

Tag List: @the-hexfiles

#tbb hunter x reader #hunter x reader #hunter x gn!reader #the bad batch #rhiwrites #second chances

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feferipeixes · 5 years

Text

Innocence Is Not Knowing That You’re Innocent (4/5)

Belle knows her brother pretty well. He likes comic books, he cheats at board games, and he wants more than anything to be human again. So, when he wakes up one morning with no memory of the fact that he’s a demon, she figures there’s no reason to remind him just yet. He deserves some time to just enjoy being Dipper, and not have to be Alcor.

Unfortunately, she can’t hide Dipper from the demon forever.

Chapter 4: Night of the Living Dead (link to chapter 1) (2) (3)

Shout out to @toothpastecanyon for being a super helpful beta reader!

(See the most updated version on AO3!)

===

“Come on out, you look great!”

Dipper groaned. “This is humiliating! How again did you get me to agree to this?”

“You’re getting my ice cream for a week,” Belle answered gleefully. Was it a bribe? Sure was, but making deals with a demon so often had taught her that a good bribe can solve almost anything. It had also taught her how to craft a loophole, and since Dipper didn’t have his demon powers right now, he hadn’t noticed that if their dad bought popsicles for dessert that week instead of ice cream, she wouldn’t have to share any of it. “Now come out!”

Dipper made a noise that was clearly intended to convey just how displeased he was with the entire situation, but mostly sounded to Belle like an adorable, yowling cat. He shuffled out of the closet looking sullen. “Happy?”

“Yes!” Belle squealed and jumped around, the bangles on her arms jangling loudly as she did so. “That costume looks really good on you!”

He turned around, and flinched when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He was wearing a long, sky blue poncho with pictures of birds flying across. He had grass-green pants and shoes, and a plush headdress that looked like the sun. It covered most of his head, leaving only a very nonplussed Dipper face sticking out. “I look ridiculous.”

Belle clapped giddily. “Nonsense, you look great, and it works because we match!” Her poncho was black, and studded with white little LED lights that looked like twinkling stars. Her long skirt and shoes were also black, and her headdress was shaped like a crescent moon. “It’s great, because we’re so different, we’re like... day and night!”

“Why do you get to be night?” he humphed. “At least you’ll blend in when it’s dark out.”

“I get to be night because I’m dark and brooding, and you’re sunny and delightful!”

“Belle, that’s the opposite of -”

“Well, you’ll be bright and sunny when we go out! You’ll have to be -- it’s Halloween!”

Dipper facepalmed. “Aren’t we a bit old to go trick-or-treating?”

“Yeah, we are. And it saddens me greatly! But we won’t be going trick-or-treating. We’re going to be going…” (she imitated doing a drumroll) “to a haunted house!”

He gaped at her. “What?”

“Onika told me there’s this old apartment building her family owns that no one lives in anymore because it’s full of ghosts and stuff! That’ll be fun, right? Ghost hunting, looking for mysteries, and all that?”

“That does sound fun…” He seemed to think it over for a bit, and then nodded. “Alright, sure. I’m in. But I’m not going outside in this outfit unless you make it two weeks of ice cream.”

“Deal!” She raised her hand for a high five, but Dipper had already turned around and was walking out of the room.

Oh yeah. This was just normal bribery -- no demon magic involved.

---

Belle was pretty pleased with her plan. A haunted house was the perfect thing for Dipper on Halloween. His powers were locked up, so he wouldn’t get summoned away in the middle of their fun. He always loved mysteries and exploring when they were younger, and since he didn’t know he was a demon, he could fear for his life just like everyone else! Yes, she thought, this was the perfect thing for him to get to enjoy while his Alcor memories were gone.

As for her? She honestly wished she could be going trick-or-treating. It wasn’t really true that they were too old, because she knew Alistair was taking his younger brother trick-or-treating, and that’s still technically getting to go trick-or-treating because adults usually give out sympathy candy to the teenagers who have to chaperone little sugared-up kids around town at night! But she knew Dipper wouldn’t enjoy it correctly -- sure, he had a sweet tooth like no other ancient demon she’d ever heard of, but scaring strangers into giving him candy was something he didn’t need to be human to do.

Besides, he was starting to figure things out. She was going to have to tell him soon enough. Might as well make sure he had some extra special fun before she does.

“Are we almost there?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s just at the top of this hill.” She stuck her tongue out. “What, is Mr. Sunshine getting scared out here in the dark?”

“No!” he replied indignantly. “I’m just excited. Why again does Onika’s family own a haunted apartment block?”

“Oh! It’s a good story!” She pulled out her phone, turned on the flashlight, and held it under her chin. “Legends say that Onika’s family promised a group of construction workers that if they built a building for them, they’d get invited to fancy apartment dinner parties all the time. But when the building was finished and Onika’s family sent out the first invitations, the workers were left out! Then, a big piano hanging from a girder 15 stories up suddenly fell down and squished them! They swore to haunt the apartments and get their revenge on rich people forever!”

Dipper scoffed. “Come on, you just stole that from the legend of the haunted Northwest Mansion in Gravity Falls.”

“Who knows? It could be true!”

They came over the crest of the hill, and there it was: an old apartment building.

“...is this it?” Dipper asked, nonplussed. “Seems a little underwhelming.”

“Yeah! Come on, Onika gave me the keys.” She skipped up to the front door, and pulled out a jangly keyring. “I think some of these are to public pools, country clubs, celebrity houses… aha! Creepy apartment block key!” She unlocked the door, and the two of them were hit with a wave of stale air. Belle sniffed in enthusiastically, and then coughed. “You smell that, Brolock Holmes? That’s the smell of mystery!”

“More like the smell of mildew,” he responded, also coughing. Still, he edged past Belle and into the building. Smiling, she skipped after him.

“I think I found a light switch,” he said. There was a click, and the room lit up. The hallway looked positively from another era -- carpeted floors, wooden doors, a chandelier with incandescent light bulbs in it. There was a layer of dust over just about everything.

“Hallway seems pretty not-haunted,” he remarked after a minute. “You wanna take a look in some of these rooms?”

“Sure, but there’s no chance on earth that we’re splitting up! You’ve seen horror movies!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” He went over to the nearest door, and activated the opening mechanism. It was unlocked, and swung open with a loud creak. “Belle, can I have your flashlight?”

She hugged her phone to her chest. “Use your own, goober!”

“Sheesh, fine.” He pulled out his phone, turned on the flashlight, and shined it into the room. Not much of note immediately jumped out at them -- a dusty sofa, dusty coffee table, dusty chairs, dusty TV. He signaled for Belle to follow him, and they tiptoed together into the room. Once inside, they both shined their lights around in a wider arc, trying to get a better look at the room.

“Huh,” Dipper said. “Kind of a letdo-”

There was a loud noise, and the door to the apartment slammed shut. The twins both yelped and jumped about a foot into the air.

“Dipper? What’s going on?” Belle asked, voice shaking.

“Dunno, but the door’s not opening. Lights aren’t turning on either. Let’s, uh… let’s take a look around.”

“Alright…”

He set off toward an old bookshelf, looking more excited than anything else. Belle settled for poking at the kitchen table. It had some weird old cables clamped to the underside of it, but nothing else so strange as to call haunted. Which was just as well -- at this point, she wasn’t sure whether she really wanted the apartment to be haunted or not.

And then she felt a tap on her shoulder, which she hoped against all hope was just Dipper pranking her, but she knew her brother was awful at pranks, and furthermore she could see out of the corner of her eye that he was on the other side of the room, looking at books on a shelf. She gulped, resigned herself to whatever fate would befall her, and turned around.

There was nothing there. She didn’t know whether that made things better or worse.

“You were a fool to come here.”

Belle’s heart sank. “Aren’t you having fun, bro-bro?”

He looked up from the dusty tome he was nose-deep in. “It’s alright. Kind of eerie, but I was hoping to see a ghost.”

“Oh. Why did you say I was a fool to come here, then?”

“What are you talking about?” He dropped the book and rushed over to her, his noodle-y arms flailing everywhere. “I didn’t say anything. Maybe it was a ghost? What exactly did they say?”

She opened her mouth, and then a voice that Belle could now tell definitely wasn’t Dipper’s hissed “You’ll pay for what you’ve done.”

“You heard that, right?” she asked.

He nodded, and pulled his notebook out of his costume. Of course he’d brought his notebook -- he’d spent a lot of time researching ghosts and would want to have that research on him in a potentially haunted situation. “Let me see what we’re dealing with here. There’s the disembodied voice saying foreboding stuff -- that puts us at at least Category 3. Has anything else happened?”

“I felt a tap on my shoulder, but when I turned around, there was nothing there.”

He started to chew on the end of his pen. “Hmm, partial corporeality. Doesn’t really tell us much.”

“D-do you think it’s a ghost?”

“Definitely,” he replied, without a hint of nervousness in his voice. “I wonder if it’ll do anything else.”

“Do you want me to put on a show for you? Is that what you want?” came a voice from behind them.

Dipper and Belle swiveled around instantly, and found themselves face-to-face with an old man, which ordinarily wouldn’t have been too frightening, because it was Halloween and he might’ve given them candy, but this old man was pale white, glowing, and almost definitely a -

“GHOST!” they both screamed, and the old man started to cackle. They turned around and raced for the door, but the ghost got in their way.

“I’ve waited too long for you to show up! You’re not getting away that easy!”

The twins skidded on their heels and changed course, heading for the window.

“Nope! That won’t work, Sterlings! You’re mine now, and I’m never going to let you go!”

Belle’s heart was racing at the speed of light, and she felt like she was going to be sick. Beside her, Dipper was vibrating, and she couldn’t tell if it was from fear or excitement. He opened his mouth and the voice that came out was high-pitched and squeaky. “Wh-what did we do? Why have you been waiting for us?”

The ghost cackled again. “You don’t even know what you’ve done! That’s so rich. Here, why don’t I give you a reminder?” He started to float toward them, and Belle’s mind short-circuited.

“Simia arcu impetum ignis!” she cried, thrusting her palm forward.

“No, Belle -” Dipper started to yell, but it was too late -- a pulsating fireball shot from her hand and exploded halfway between Dipper and the ghost. Searing pain stretched over Belle’s arms, and the room was filled with screaming. Then, everything went black.

---

Belle’s eyes sprang open. It took her a moment to remember where she was and what was going on, and then she scrambled to her feet.

“Dipper?” she asked cautiously, although it came out as much more of a yell. She couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in her ears, though she wasn’t sure whether that was because he wasn’t moving or because of the explosion that had just happened. She tried to look around, but the room was too thick with smoke. She pulled out her phone, which was thankfully still in her back pocket, to see if the flashlight would help her see, and then she heard it.

A moan, low and warbling, coming from somewhere near her feet. She yelped and jumped up, readying herself to launch another fireball if she needed to. “Whoever’s there, show yourself!”

“Belle…” came Dipper’s voice.

Belle shined her phone toward the ground, and waved away some of the smoke. Dipper was lying on his back, face contorted in pain. “Dipper!” she yelled, kneeling down next to him. He didn’t look good, but she couldn’t immediately see any wounds so she figured he was probably at least okay for now. “I’m so glad you’re okay!”

“Belle… Ugh, you’ve gotta watch out next time. That… that spell was right next to my head, owww…”

His words were a little slurred, and she panicked for a moment that he was more hurt than he seemed. His body falling apart would be the absolute worst way for him to remember that he’s really a demon.

“What hurts, what can I do to help?”

“It’ll be fine, it’s just a headache,” he said, words interspersed with winces as he attempted to lift himself to his feet. “You know I’m sensitive to magic.”

She rushed to help him while mentally yelling at herself because actually she had forgotten that he was sensitive to magic because it had been a while since it had been relevant.

“I think we’re in the basement,” he said once he was steady on his feet.

“Let’s get out of here. This was a disaster.”

“No, this was awesome!” He bounced in place despite his obvious pain. “That was a real ghost! I can’t believe he has a vendetta against us -- we should find out what’s going on!”

“Are you serious? He was threatening to hurt us! We should go home!”

He looked at her up and down, and then at their surroundings. “Okay. Maybe a little recon would be good.” He didn’t sound particularly scared, but his hand mysteriously reached down to hold hers.

They made their way over fallen wooden beams and around broken furniture to a rickety staircase, which led directly outdoors. Belle let out a sigh of relief. They were out of there. They were going to go home, and she was going to call Onika and babble about the ghost that tried to kill them, and then Dipper would get his pinboard out and start drawing lines and conspiracies everywhere, and everything would be okay.

Then a familiar voice broke into her thoughts. “You stupid kids! Where do you think you’re going?”

They both swiveled around. The ghost was standing in a large hole in the side of the building -- apparently Belle’s fireball had a greater range than she thought. However, the ghost seemed a bit… different. He wasn’t glowing anymore, and was coughing through the still-settling dust, which seemed like a weird thing for a ghost to have to do.

Dipper’s eyes boggled. “You’re taking human form! How is that possible? Not even the strongest ghosts can do that without outside help! Are you working with a demon?” The last word felt like a kick to the stomach to Belle, but she clenched her teeth and said nothing.

“I’m not a real ghost, idiot!” The man broke into another coughing fit, and stepped out of the building. In the moonlight, Belle could see a sickly substance dripping off of him. “Haven’t you ever been to an arranged haunting before? You weren’t in any danger, you didn’t have to destroy the apartment!”

Belle’s jaw dropped. “An arranged haunting? Y-you’re not a real ghost?”

“No! This is just stage ectoplasm, and the door and furniture were all hooked up to a remote control! Did you even read the contract when you hired me?”

“Belle?” Dipper hissed. “What is he talking about? Did you know about this?”

“No, I swear I have no idea what he’s talking about! It… it must’ve been Onika! She’s the one who told me this place was haunted!”

Dipper facepalmed. “Stars above, why?” He took a deep breath, and turned to the not-ghost. “Sir? We’re sorry for uhh blowing up your apartment! We weren’t told that this was an arranged haunting, and also we’re only 14 so please don’t sue us!”

“Are you serious? You’re going to pay for what you did to me!”

“Okay. Plan B. Run for it!” Dipper hollered. Belle didn’t need telling twice -- they both started sprinting toward the hill.

“Stop, you hooligans!” The old man ran after them, surprisingly quickly for someone that old.

Belle glanced behind them. “He’s going to catch us!”

“No!” Dipper replied. “We can do this!”

“I can’t run that fast -- my costume is too long!”

“Gotcha!” came the man’s voice. He grabbed Belle’s wrist in a weird, twisting motion, and she shrieked in pain. She almost fell over, but the man held her upright.

Dipper skidded to a halt up ahead. “Belle!”

“Why’d you do that, you big meanie, that really hurt!” she gibbered at the old man.

He glared down at her. Standing directly beneath a streetlight, and still dripping with stage ectoplasm, he lit up with an ominous aura. “That’s what criminals like you get for destroying my business!”

“Let go of her, you… you monster!” Dipper yelled. Belle could barely see him in the dark, but something was making his eyes glow. She really hoped it wasn’t what she thought it was.

“Monster? Watch your tongue, young man! It’s you who’s the monster here! You’ve got no respect! I’ve seen your type before -- one minute you’re vandalizing private property, next you’re out there spilling blood and running from the law! You’re coming with me down to the police station. Some time in a holding cell will do you good -- knock some sense into you so you can be a decent human being!”

Belle gaped at the man’s ridiculous spiel. “Please stop, we’re sorry, please just let us go!”

“You should’ve thought of that earlier! You’re coming with me, princess!”

He jerked her forward by the wrist, and the pain made her vision go blurry.

“Stop right there!!” Dipper yelled, and his wobbling voice reverberated through the area. “Let her go now… or else!”

“You’re nothing but a miserable hoodlum, kid, and you’ve got some nerve threatening me after what you did!”

Belle managed to focus her eyes, and peered over toward her brother. He was definitely glowing at this point -- light flooding from his sun-shaped headdress, though whether he was aware of this she didn’t know. He pointed a finger at them, and Belle fell to the ground, released from the man’s grip. She scrambled away from him -- less because she was worried about what the man would do, and more because she was worried about what Dipper was about to do.

“Dipper, I’m okay -” she started.

“Why, you little gremlin! I’ll get you!”

“T͎̹͓̝͈̬̟͔̅͂͑ͩ̑͜h͎͕͎̮͍͙͍͔̎͊͑́̕͟ǎ͖̄̋ͧ̅ͬ̄ţ̛̼̤̖̙͎͖̦̬̽̆̃́̑ͅ'̶̢̨͚͚̮̐͊̾͊ͪͦ̃s͕͚̮̫̺ͪ̉̃͝ ̢ͭ̂̈̅͢͏͇̭̻͇̬̦Ė̦͓̥̹̠͎̈͊̇͗̍̕͟͞ͅN̶̳̮̜̫̭̣̝̣ͭ͌̉̈̃ͫ͌̚͞O̬͖͙̝͕̦̟͍̅̾̌͢U̷̞̰͕̞̗ͩͬ͑͊̄ͪ̈́͘͘G̛̫̞̱̍Ĥ͖͔̥͇̠̬͇̾ͩ!̛̗̥͆̆̋͐ͩ͊̽” Dipper screeched.

For a moment, the world seemed still but for the sound of Dipper’s voice echoing through the air. Belle heard a creak behind her, and rolled over to see the man almost over her. Then she heard the creak again, and looked up just in time to see the streetlight above them swing, once... twice… and then snap.

Belle screamed. The man paused, his expression twisting from anger to confusion, and he looked up to see what had frightened her. He barely had time to jump out of the way before the streetlight hit the ground and exploded, right where he’d been standing not a moment ago.

There was a blinding light and a wave of heat that seared Belle’s skin. She braced herself and squeezed her eyes shut in pain, but she couldn’t block out the image burned into her retinas. Through the ringing in her ears, she could dimly hear the man swear and stumble back, but she could barely concentrate on that, not with her heart beating so fast and her senses completely overloaded.

What felt like minutes passed as the heat of the fire and the ringing in her ears gradually lessened. When she opened her eyes, the man was a good twenty feet away. His arm was raised to point at her -- no, at someone behind her -- and he had a look of pure terror on his face.

He saw her move and jumped back. “Call off your demon!” he yelled. “I’ll leave you alone! Please just stop!” Then he turned around and ran away as fast as he could.

Belle’s heart sank. She didn’t want to know what was going on behind her, but she knew she’d have to get up eventually. She rolled onto her stomach, and finally dared to peer into the night.

Dipper was lying on the ground up ahead -- the glow was gone but she could see him easily because of his costume. She struggled to her feet and wobbled her way over. His eyes were closed, but he was still breathing. Whatever happened -- whatever he did must’ve taken a lot out of him. She planted her butt on the ground and buried her face in her hands. This wasn’t meant to happen -- it was just supposed to be a fun treat that Dipper would enjoy in a human capacity. And now…

There was a choking noise, and she picked her head up. Dipper, eyes still closed, spluttered for a bit, and then went back to slow, steady breathing. He looked so peaceful -- she tried to imagine he was just resting on the grass after a long day. He looked so harmless, too -- just a regular human boy wearing a silly costume and claws -

She felt something inside of her snap. Claws. Stupid claws! What was she doing wrong? Why did something have to blow up in her face at every turn? She balled her hands into fists and punched the ground, trying to hold back the tears. Why couldn’t her dumb brother stop being a demon for a single second and just be happy?!

She took a deep breath, in and out, and unclenched her fists. She reached a hand toward his, but before she could make contact, the air twisted weirdly, and then his nails matched hers. Dull and human.

Something hitched in Belle’s throat. She laid back on the grass, and let the tears fall.

(AO3 link)

#gravity falls #transcendence au #dipper pines #alcor the dreambender #belle sterling #dipper sterling #rrr #fic #long post #getting close to the end! ^_^#my stuff

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amwritingmeta · 5 years

Text

14x15: It’s So Pretty and Pink

So in S13 I was mildly obsessed with this pattern, because I started seeing it everywhere, especially around Dean and Cas not just in S13, but throughout the series, where pink or hot pink or red and a shade of blue accompanies some of their more illuminating, turning point type of exchanges.

Of course, it’s not all the time, not in every single scene (though technically Cas is tied to blue quite literally since he wears the color around his neck and Dean is tied to red even through dialogue when he, in 13x16, stated that red is his color) but there was enough for it to peak my interest, especially when I was informed of the poncho moment and the ripple effect it sent through fandom when 10x05 first aired. *readying our ponchos for the purple*

Here’s the thing: pink for feminine and blue for masculine and purple for the moment when they finally come together in harmony is just as viable an interpretation and one I couldn’t help but make, aside from the lovely Destiel-related possibilities here, because the feminine/masculine thread has always been so strong throughout the series.

(to me Dean and Cas can’t be together before they’ve reached a point of internal balance) (so these two interpretations of the red/blue balancing act creating a gorgeous purple, to my mind, pretty much go hand in hand)

Look it, a band of pink and a band of blue with a band of purple in the middle is what?

The bisexual flag. *so pretty*

To me, when I first noticed the pattern, the color purple in the visual narrative began to signify balance between the pink and the blue. Or, as it also sometimes occurs, the red and the blue.

Purple in the visual narrative became, to me, a signifier for something meant to bring about balance or, at the very least, something that would challenge the status quo.

Purple is often linked to expositional characters, most starkly it has been linked to Amara, who arrives in a cloud of smoke with purple lightning, and who’s underlings often wear something purple.

Purple is also tied to Charlie and to Rowena, who have always been extreme mirrors of different sides to Dean, and used as fantastic exposition of his internal struggles, to varying extent and degree, of course.

There’s nothing in the show to actually confirm that this interpretation is right in any way, it’s simply a pattern I picked up on and ran with, and it’s interesting to me how often it occurs in moments related to truth or a character revealing their true nature or a monologue high-lighting a character’s inner truth (an inner truth that’s often hidden) (and these previous moments in the series have more often than not related themselves directly to Dean)

There’s a lot of pink in 14x15.

Like, a lot, right? A lot a lot.

And I just wanted to post a bit of wholesome appreciation for it, as well as touch on what I see as the possible significance of it, because in this episode I would say that all of it is tied to Cas, as if the narrative is trying to hit him over the head with what actually might save him from the Empty, rather than condemn him to an eternity of dreamless sleep, and his salvation is: happiness.

He’s keeping up the status quo because if he tries for more or dares to want more for himself, the possibility of happiness means that his Shadow aka the Empty will appear and snatch him away.

I wrote a while back about how I believe that if Cas becomes human this could (and, way I see it, should) constitute the happiest moment for his individual arc, even if he’s not even aware of it himself, and it would mean that his Shadow comes up empty handed *oh pun* because only angels belong in the Empty. (meaning that symbolically only Cas’ identity confusion can trap him in this proverbial eternal sleep mode)

Let’s dig -->

1. I Love You

Sunny, our narrative representative of kick-ass femininity, appears in pink, surrounded by the colour of warning, as green has a tendency to underline something amiss like a soft visual foreshadowing.

In this scene we also get a distraught couple saying goodbye, Sunny wanting Conrad to save himself and not live his life trapped within a world of her father’s making, while Conrad doesn’t want to leave without her, but she asks him to, and so he goes. Unfortunately, trying to leave causes his head to explode.

I mean, the interpretation closest at hand here, when looking at the bookend moment, where Conrad’s death brings Sunny to finally confront her father (who’s a chip off the old toxic masculinity block, to say the least), is that Sunny, bound by her sense of duty to her father, sets love free, but loses it anyway, because the only way for her to save Conrad isn’t to send him away and bereave herself of love, but to confront and stand up to her father’s control, freeing herself.

Interestingly, if Conrad hadn’t listened to Sunny and instead chosen to stay, rather than run away at her insistence, he wouldn’t have died. *tut*

2. Caution: Wet Floor

Cas is framed by pink and blue in this shot, while the floor is covered with yellow cautionary signs since the floor is wet where Conrad’s blood has been mopped up. Telling us what? That unless Cas gets his act together soon, he may very well be headed down a slippery slope and end up like Conrad, who took someone else’s instructions, no matter that they came from the person he loved, above following his own heart and got his brain splattered all over the ceiling because of it. *ho hum*

3. Treat Yourself

A very gorgeous, red coat, blue gloves, purple cupcakes, pink cupcakes. I mean, I’m not saying it’s exactly all that, but it is what it is, right? :)

The clear correlations between Cas and Felix the Snake also start very early, where Cas is continuously shown or offered food to eat and declines it. I’ll talk a bit more about this in another meta because I have thoughts, but Cas isn’t eating the food he’s offered in the episode, or drinking anything on offer, for that matter, because he’s not human, and Felix isn’t eating because he’s sad, which in and of itself is an interesting tie, given an episode so concerned with what will make our characters happy.

4. Have You Had Your Milkshake Today?

*reds and pinks and blues and cherries!*

Now, let’s take note. Sam gets a very white milkshake, while Cas gets the pink one, handed to him by our narrative representative of exactly what Cas needs to connect to within himself - his emotions - and then we get the rather mind-blowing, head-exploding line from Sunny when she states Everyone loves milkshakes.

And her eyes land on Cas -->

Who understands he’s meant to love milkshakes, but has this tiny, major problem of just not craving food. At all. And he looks at the pink, cherried milkshake like so -->

--> as though he barely knows what to do with it. *you suck the straw Cas*

And then, of course, he grabs it and smiles awkwardly and says Delicious, all the while not tasting it, because he doesn’t feel any inclination to, and what’s so remarkable about it is the scene which follows close on the heels of this one, strengthening the echo that resounded the moment Sunny claimed that everyone loves milkshakes.

Oh yes.

Everybody loves bacon.

Because what do we get with Jack and the non-eating Felix and the attempting to be helpful Dean?

We get -->

Kudos for the reaction-frown on Jack’s face that brings to mind a certain trench coated someone who does not eat anything.

Come on, Cas. You know you want to open yourself up and feel more, feel everything.

Stop. Suppressing. What. You. Want. For. Yourself.

Find some way to enjoy the damn milkshake! :P

(the cherry makes this milkshake feel wholly related to sex and popping the cherry and Dean’s classic Cherry Pie Dream Sequence and could be seen as an underlining for how Cas is suppressing anything even resembling desire at the moment) (but that’s if you wanna go there) (moving on)

4. Undercover Romance

*amazing house* Reminder: this is where Conrad stayed.

If we look at Conrad as representative of Cas’ suppression and Cas’ compliance with his Shadow’s threats, Cas avoiding happiness out of fear for the looming consequences, which is reflected in how Conrad runs away from the situation rather than sticking it out and staying by Sunny’s side, then this house should scream pink.

If Cas can’t a way to stop suppressing his inner kick-ass femininity and dare to be happy, he will die, even if it’s only figuratively. What’s life when it’s completely lacking happiness? He’s walking around like a damn zombie atm.

It’s like the narrative wants him to open his eyes already.

Aw Cas.

Ah, yes, here comes the hat-wearer in a tan coat with his lady-love in pink, and red, and tan. This as foreshadowing for how Fitzmartin and Yockey really went all in with highlighting the idea of Cas in the visual narrative fitting seamlessly into this era, with his suit and trench coat, but more on that in another post.

The steamy love letter is written on pink paper, which Cas reads while holding another letter that’s hot pink and yet another one that’s purple while his blue tie adds the blue. Kinda neat! Also, that steamy love letter deserves a round of applause, because anything that puts words like that in Cas’ mouth should be lauded.

The fact that Cas reads it perfunctorily is also extremely telling. He’s not responding to it, he’s not embarrassed by it, it’s words on a piece of paper that he doesn’t relate himself to whatsoever.

Aw. Cas.

6. Are You Hungry?

Pink earbuds and pink little flowers and a blue dress.

Is Cas hungry for johnnycakes? (btw johnnycakes have a history dating back to the first settlers) (its food entirely to do with learning to survive in a new land) (if you wanna take it to extreme detail land) (and who doesn’t?)

Well, Cas really isn’t hungry for anything, is he? Because? He doesn’t eat. Because? He’s not human.

Sam gets to spend a moment in his happy place because he’s human. It’s all a lie, of course, but the truth of it is that only when Sam stops running away from himself can he actually find the internal balance that will grant him real happiness, and peace of mind.

And this narrative message goes for all of them in this episode, including Dean and Jack. Saying you’re good or you’re fine means nothing if you’re lying to yourself as much as everyone else.

What intrigues me most about the threading of pink here, though, is how it ties itself to Sunny, because the ending is so definitive in how it states what’s been stated over and over on this show, especially since the beginning of S13:

Toxic masculinity has to be defeated and, way I see it, it can only be defeated by the characters opening up to and embracing their internal femininity so that it can step up to the plate and finally kick imbalance in the ass.

And as the external narrative is a reflection of the internal journeys, it follows that once the toxic masculinity/shadow-self has been integrated and the masculine/feminine has found internal balance, the external narrative will begin to take on that tone as well. (but, to my mind, not before)

We shall see. I loved this episode. It’s deeply rich in detail and coming off the back of 14x14 and the enormous turning point that episode gave us, I feel my head is mildly spinning with impressions. Kudos to these formidable writers and welcome to Meghan Fitzmartin. What an entrance!

#spn meta #spn 14x15 #my reading #cas #sunny and conrad #suppression/repression #toxic masculinity #facing your fears #pink+blue=purple #balance #happiness #carl jung #shadow work #spn symbology

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theresnosafeharbor4myships · 6 years

Text

December 3, Christmas Caryl

Christmas angst, you say? Here, have a treat!! (also on 9L)

Feel the Joy

The holiday season had never treated Daryl Dixon well. While others gathered around food-laden tables and evergreens adorned with colorful baubles to open prettily-packaged gifts bestowed by loving family members, he followed Merle into the woods, to the one-room, ramshackle hut they’d built as an escape from their drunken, poor excuse for an old man.

It didn’t take long for Merle to wind up just as drunk as Daddy Dixon, but at least his brother kept his fists to himself. Daryl knew how to bite back any retort that longed to escape in response to Merle’s ridiculing, even if it made his blood boil, and eventually his silence would pay off: Merle would nod off, and Daryl could listen to the soothing sounds of nature in solitude (minus the drunken snoring that sometimes accompanied it).

In a world that offered him bad and worse, he’d take the bad of Merle all day any day over a minute with his scum of a father. But deep in his heart, Daryl had always wished…hoped…for more from what others called “the joyous season.”

He’d never expected to experience it.

His sundry family had attempted a Christmas celebration that first year at the prison, and though they’d included him—he’d received a few new bolts for his crossbow, some thick winter socks, a hefty, dark blue jean jacket, and a poncho (apparently they wanted him to keep warm on those long hunting treks)—he’d sat on the outside, unsure where and how he fit in.

But now that he’d learned how to let his family care about him and they had a relatively secure place to live again, he’d found himself anticipating the upcoming Christmas celebration. He had no doubt being with Carol accounted for the added hype he felt any time a mention of the holiday occurred.

She’d used the few decorations she’d found in the attic to decorate their home: a wreath on the front door, garland around the banister, a two-foot tall faux tree in the living room adorned with the miniature ornaments it came with, and red and green candles on the dining room table. A veritable picture of how he’d always imagined others experienced the season.

Her smile, a rarity over the past...well, since the prison...warmed his heart as much as her mulled cider—a concoction of apple juice, orange slices, cloves, and cinnamon. She’d even made some of those cookies he didn’t want to know the ingredients of. What she could stir up in a mixing bowl and his heart…

Daryl shook his head, irked at his train of thought, always headed right back to Carol like a homing beacon. His amusement at her holiday excitement had slowly waned over the past week until only frustration remained.

“Damn holiday,” he grumbled to himself, focusing on the deer tracks in front of him.

He hadn’t wanted to leave this morning to go hunting, one day before the big Christmas party. For the first time in his life, he’d actually looked forward to attending a get-together. But he’d fled from Carol a few hours ago to prevent himself from lashing out at her.

He didn’t deserve her, he knew that. But by everything good left in this world—and there wasn’t much of it—she’d chosen him.

Only recently had his shock begun to abate, and they’d settled into a slow and easy, if tentative, rhythm of life together, one he’d envisioned a million times but never hoped to live out. The few nights she’d appeared withdrawn, he’d used words he didn’t know he could utter to reveal feelings no one else on Earth had ever evoked in him, assuring her of his presence, his affection, their commitment, his love. She returned the favor when his doubts loomed too large and he emotionally withdrew.

But no matter how much she assured him of her feelings, he remained unsettled, always afraid in his core that she’d wake up one day and change her mind, just up and decide not to live with and love Dixon trash from the wrong side of the tracks.

And her behavior the past week hadn’t helped.

They’d both learned, albeit slowly, how to acclimate themselves to loving physical contact over the years, but he’d found himself struggling to initiate intimacy more than she had. Not from lack of desire—he’d learned back at the farm and even more so at the prison how to quell that in her presence—and the hunger he had for her had only increased over time. No, it was the fear of rejection that hounded him like a demon, at times nearly hollowing out his insides and holding him in its straightjacket when he longed to reach for her and show her in so many creative ways how he craved her. He’d managed to overcome the monster a few times, and each success made the next attempt simultaneously easier and more frightening with the realization of just how badly she could wound him…more deeply and irrevocably than any unkind hand before.

And that’s just what had happened, exactly why he had to flee.

Almost a week had passed now, and not once had Carol warmed to him. She kissed him chastely in the morning but hadn’t invited him for an early morning romp or to the shower with her. No mid-day sneak into the pantry or upstairs for a tryst. She remained firmly on her side of the bed each night instead of snuggling against him, her hand roaming his chest and abs, teasing him into an inferno. Behavior so unusual he’d ventured past the fear gripping his heart like a vice and tried to woo her.

And she’d passively rejected him each time.

She couldn’t be mad at him. Nothing else had changed between them. She still smiled sweetly at him, made sure he ate, discussed life as usual each night in front of the fire, and ensured he had warm clothes when he pulled overnight guard duty.

He’d wracked his brain trying to figure Carol out, but nothing seemed different. Except that she’d avoided his attempts at getting close to her. And that damn phrase she kept repeating to him.

Feel the joy.

What the hell did that even mean? Feel the joy.

Of the season? Of Christmas? Of being at Alexandria? Of being with her? Hell, he thought she knew he loved her. He’d told her. Shy, embarrassed, and even trembling because he knew how people could use your deepest emotions against you, he’d told her multiple times.

So what did she mean by ‘feel the joy’?

That damn phrase had sparked his irritation this morning. It’s why he now trekked through a light dusting of freezing powder in search of solitude and prey, neither of which he’d found. She haunted him like a ghost, burrowed so deep inside him he may as well be possessed. And the deer….well, he’d lost those treks back at thoughts of her hands on him again.

What was she trying to do to him?

Feel the joy, she’d said. Well, he sure as hell hadn’t felt any joy lately, thanks to her.

“Mornin’” he’d greeted her a few hours earlier, sidling up to her as she finished making breakfast.

“G’morning.” She gave him her thousand-watt smile, and he leaned to kiss her, but at the last moment she turned away and he ended up kissing her upturned cheek.

He pulled back, sheepish and a little hurt, but she appeared oblivious. “I made your favorite: eggs over-easy, turkey jerky, and some of my mulled cider.” She turned to smile at him. “I even snagged a few splashes of rum from Aaron. Just how you like it, and it’ll warm you right up.”

Thought that was your job. “Thanks,” he said instead.

He sat at the table as Carol served them both eggs. “What’re you up to today?” she asked amiably.

Up to my ears in confusion, he thought. “Rick an’ I talked about scoutin’ today, but we didn’t decide.”

She sat next to him, and he picked up his fork and shoveled a bite into his mouth to keep from reaching out for her. “You’ll be back in time for the Christmas party tomorrow night, right?”

“Imagine Michonne won’t want Rick to miss it, seein’ how it’s our first Christmas celebration.”

Her gaze settled on him, and he turned to see her eyes twinkling. “And you?”

“I’ll be here,” he promised.

“That’s a ringing endorsement,” she teased with a half-smile. “Just…feel the joy.”

Feel the joy. She’d thrown that little phrase into conversation at least once a day for the past several days now, and he still had no clue what she meant. It was starting to grate on him.

“Rather spend the night here with you.” He’d grumbled the words out before he realized how they sounded, and his cheeks flamed. He hadn’t meant to make himself vulnerable again, not with the rejections stacking up.

For a moment, he swore she was going to respond with a typical Carol flirtation, something he’d come to love and, yes, even crave, but instead she simply said, “We do that every night.”

His heart thundered, first in anger at her indifference, then with humiliation as realization hit him.

She didn’t want him anymore.

He nearly keeled over at the yawning ache in his chest. It had lasted longer than he deserved, but not nearly as long as he’d hoped, and he felt his heart drop into his knees, knowing he’d never hold her again, never kiss her or make love to her or tell her how much he loved her again. No more heartfelt goodbyes while wrapped in her arms before he left on runs or hunting trips or long, lingering hellos that sometimes lasted until the bedroom when he returned. No touching her skin, running his fingers through her curly, pixie hair, waking up to those bright baby blues that so often teased him with a single look more than that luscious mouth. No more of that mouth whispering sweet nothings and naughty promises into his ear, kissing him awake, speaking encouragement to his battered heart and love to his tortured soul. No more quiet nights at home, shooting the breeze with an ease and comfort he’d never known until her.

No more Carol with him.

What he’d feared the most had come to fruition.

His insides stung with humiliation. Tears burned the back of his eyes, but years of stemming the tide allowed him the small pride of hiding them from her. For now. But what about tonight? Tomorrow? Next week? The rest of his pitiful life?

He had no idea how he’d ever recover. Not now, not knowing what life with her felt like.

He looked down at the half-eaten food on his plate, his stomach churning, and he stood abruptly.

Carol peered up at him, a questioning look on her face.

“I’m…just...gotta be headin’ out,” he mumbled before stalking towards the front door. “I’ll be back in a few days.”

He didn’t turn to face her as he bundled up, but he heard her approaching.

“A few days?” she repeated, confused.

“Goin’ huntin’,” he bit out, snatching up a handgun from the entryway desk drawer before slinging the crossbow over his shoulder.

“Thought you’d be back by tomorrow?”

She sounded more confused than upset, though he heard a sliver of hurt in her tone.

What right did she have to be hurt? He tried to harden his heart against it, failing even as she broke him.

“Changed my mind.”

He felt her hand on his shoulder as he unlocked the door, exiting without a glance in her direction or a goodbye.

“Take care of yourself,” she entreated as he left the house that for so brief a time had felt like a real home to him.

The warmth of her hand felt like a brand on his skin, even now as he traipsed defeatedly through the forest, no longer on the trail of anything.

Sometime during his musings the snow had started to fall again, and he regretted storming out of the compound without food, matches, and gloves. Heartbroken and self-destructive, he knew he was in no shape to try to stay out in this weather unprepared, but he loathed the idea of going back.

He knew he could last longer than most, but the weather here, unlike Georgia, was more unpredictable, especially in winter. With an ache deep in his chest and a list of all the reasons Carol had to let him go, he turned and trudged back towards Alexandria.

Towards a home he no longer felt welcome in and a woman he deeply loved but who no longer wanted him.

***

It hadn’t taken long for Carol to figure out what had occurred in Daryl’s mind, but by then he’d disappeared into the woods, and she had no idea which direction he’d taken.

She’d pushed the game too far.

She hadn’t meant to come across as disinterested or make him feel undesirable, but her inexperience with fun and loving relationships and his with self-esteem and believing someone could actually love him unconditionally had pushed her little Christmas game into a harmful realm, somewhere she’d never foreseen it going.

For hours now, she’d fumed at herself, regretting each and every time she’d dissuaded a move Daryl had made toward her. It had taken all of her willpower to not lean into his kisses, to not curl into the warmth of his body each night, to not settle into his arms when he came home each day. She’d just wanted to build up the tension in them until…

Well, this wasn’t what she’d planned. And it had seemed like such a good idea last week. Hold out for a few days, tease and tempt them both into a fury, iterate her ‘feel the joy’ phrase until it had solidified in his mind, then…reveal the gift.

Now she’d feel lucky if he ever came back to her.

She sighed, frustrated with herself and her idiotic ideas of flirtation and juvenile games of love. What did she know about romance and seduction? About teasing your partner just to the edge but stopping before it became harmful or detrimental to the relationship?

Clearly not enough. And she feared she’d never have the opportunity to learn now that Daryl had stormed out.

Her heart ached at having hurt him. He’d treated her so well, so loving, eons beyond how any man had ever handled her before. And he did so because he loved her. How…and why…it baffled her, but each time the man she loved told her, showed her, that he loved her too, she refused to question it for fear of opening up and having to face the scarred and dark past.

In the end, her plan had only been to please him. And she’d failed miserably.

The afternoon dragged on, her mind filled with thoughts of Daryl and regret at how she’d hurt him, and relief flooded her when, at dusk, Michonne came to relieve her from guard duty. Her mind hadn’t much stayed on task anyway.

With a hopeful heart, she opened the front door and called out for him, but as expected the empty house greeted her instead of his welcoming arms. It made sense, his withdrawal, but still it caused a raw ache in her chest. She only hoped he would allow her to make it up to him.

She blinked away tears, set the coffee pot going, and headed upstairs to scald the day away. Showering in a fog, she first mentally listed all the ways she could fix what she’d done before her mind started calculating all the reasons why he’d never come home and give her the opportunity. When that list became too unbearable to continue, she turned off the water, towel-dried her hair, and slipped on comfy black yoga pants and a black tank.

Grabbing the sweater out of her dresser drawer, she plopped down on the bed, staring at the offensive article.

It was the most horrid piece of clothing Carol had ever seen. She’d heard of ugly Christmas sweaters but had never had the misfortune of owning one. And thank God if the monstrosity she held were any indication of the norm.

She’d found it buried in the boxes of Christmas decorations in the attic, laughing at the ridiculousness of it until the idea that had gotten her into this mess had come to her. If she had known how her clever little plan would backfire, she’d have thrown in on then and sauntered up to him. They both would’ve shared a laugh before she whispered her joyous phrase, he would have removed the ugly Christmas sweater from her, and they would’ve spent the rest of the evening wrapped in each others’ arms.

Feeling foolish and dejected, she gathered the material in her fists and held it up to her face, wishing with all her being that Daryl would come back and let her make her mess of a plan right.

The front door slammed shut, and Carol startled, moving silently to the nightstand to grab her gun and listening intently.

“Carol?”

Though devoid of emotion, Daryl’s voice calling her name sent shivers up her spine.

He’d come back.

She threw the gun back into the drawer, slipped the sweater over her head, and wrapped the blanket from the foot of the bed around her shoulders.

The sweater was embarrassing enough on its own, but if she couldn’t rectify the damage she’d done, she wanted to hold on to a smidge of dignity.

Carol flew down the stairs, stopping abruptly at the foot of them as Daryl, leaving his crossbow in the front hall, went to the kitchen.

“Had to come back,” he stated monotonously, his eyes only flicking towards her once. “Didn’t take enough supplies for this weather.”

The cavern in her chest grew at the walls he felt he needed. Only yesterday he’d swept into the house with a warm hello, an arm around her, and a nuzzle into her hair.

He looked cold: hair wind-swept, cheeks red, broad chest still bundled in his jacket, which had melting flakes of snow on the shoulders.

Her chest ached with the desire to warm him, body and soul, from the cold eating at him.

“I’m glad you’re back,” she admitted tentatively.

With one hand on a cup and the other reaching for the coffee pot, he turned to look at her. Anyone else would’ve believed him angry; she knew he hurt beyond measure, filled with all the lies of the past and the rejection he believed she’d bestowed.

“Are you?”

The cold words sliced through her heart like a hot knife through butter, and he turned back to his task.

She moved toward him slowly, watching the hands she loved pour coffee, the man she adored ache in silence, and only by a thread did she refrain from rushing to hold him. Instead, she tightly clasped the blanket thrown over her shoulders.

“I’ll be gone soon,” he promised dejectedly.

“Daryl, I’m sorry—”

“Don’t bother,” he cut her off. “I get it.”

“You don’t,” she stated gently, approaching him. Still holding the blanket around her with one hand, she placed the other lightly on his forearm and he froze, though she noted he didn’t recoil. “I’m sorry because I never meant to hurt you.”

“I’m fine,” he countered, shaking her hand off and grabbing his coffee cup.

She gently grabbed his arm, and he let her, staring down at her in hurt fury. “It’s not what you think,” she told him, sliding her hand slowly down his arm. “I messed up.” She took the coffee cup from his hand and set it on the counter. “I’m not good at this stuff, and I only meant to...,” she drifted off, unsure how to tell him her stupid plan when he was still raw and hurting.

“I don’t want you to go. I never want you to go. Not out hunting or scavenging, not on guard duty, not outside those gates, not on that bike.” She placed her hand on his mid-tummy and slid it up his chest as she spoke. “I know you can’t stay locked in here forever with me, but at least it’s safe.”

Though he’d remained stock still, confusion settled on his face. “Then…what was all that… I thought…” He couldn’t form the sentences, say the words he’d so feared were true. But he had to know…

“I know,” she admitted, turning away in frustration. “I…I wanted to…surprise you with…this dumb Christmas present. It was supposed to be funny and sexy and…and now I realize how stupid it was. I should’ve just given it to you then instead of trying to…” She shook her head, not knowing how to fix the fine mess she’d created.

“You mean you… I don’t have to leave?”

She swung back to face him. “What?! No. Never! The whole plan was to…get you closer.”

Daryl shook his head in confusion, even as relief swept through his taut muscles. “Can you tell me what this plan was…so I can understand better?”

He’d seen many expressions on Carol’s face over the years, but sheepish had never been one of them. “You wanna stay, right?”

His heart leapt in his chest. “Long as you want me to.”

“I do,” she answered swiftly.

Now that the moment had come to reveal her plan, she didn’t know if she could go through with it, not after how badly she’d bungled it.

“So…you gonna let me in on this plan’a yours?”

She noted the ease of his tone, so much back to normal, but she swallowed hard, embarrassed. “Umm…feel the joy, remember?”

“Yeah…?” he drawled, still unsure what the hell that meant.

“Well….” Carol took a deep breath, then flung the blanket off of her shoulders.

If the plan had gone how she’d originally foreseen, he’d have laughed, Daryl knew. As it was, with the misunderstanding between them, the raw emotions, the unsurety, each of their self esteem taking hits, he kept his laughter from bumbling out.

But damn, was he amused.

The ugly black Christmas sweater had white pom-poms lining the gently sloping v-neck. Large silver snowflakes and tinsel balls decorated the shoulders and the stomach of the material, and two green pom-pom balls sat at the wrists. But the two red mittens sewn prominently over her breasts, sitting just above the red letters that read ‘feel the joy,’ really drew his eyes.

His mouth quirked up in mirth. “I…get it now.”

Carol had brought this upon herself, but humiliation sat heavy within her, and she turned away from him. “I found this ugly thing in the attic. I only wanted to tease you. I’m sorry I pushed it too far. I’m even sorrier I made you feel—”

“Feel the joy, Carol,” Daryl whispered into her ear, cutting her off even as he slipped his hands under her arms and covered the mittens.

Heat ran through her veins at his touch, at knowing he’d come home and forgiven her, wanted her still. She turned her head to glance at him over her shoulder. “You’re okay?”

“I’m okay,” he assured her heatedly, staring into her eyes.

“I never want you to think…”

“Ain’t thinkin’ right now…I’m feelin’ the joy,” he whispered across her lips just before he kissed her.

A/N: This story was inspired by this ugly but hilarious Christmas sweater. :D

#caryl fanfiction #carol x daryl #daryl x carol #caryl fanfic #christmas caryl #christmas caryl 2017 #personal #my writing

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dcmissionaries · 6 years

Text

The Love Pub

"It's always a busy day in Kelpie's Shore, but even more so on this day. The return of Miss Dirge as a demon of all things has everyone excited to see the charismatic barkeep again! Of course, there's those that think her being a demon is bad for the neighborhood but as we can see, many have come to support her once more! We've managed to get an interview with Miss Dirge later on after the festivities so be sure to tune into News at 11 for the sure to be riveting story from our charming Irish lady!" The news crew's statement was played on most TVs in Daten's stores, on the channel itself, and even broadcast through the radio. Pastel shook her head, scratching at her still newer horns in amusement. It was the first time she'd been without her namesake in her own pub, mostly due to her rule of no weapons. No namesakes from those of the Immortal persuasion, no weapons period. She'd even enlisted the help of her friend Visor and some of the other demons. Standing behind the bar, she was already swinging out drinks and food at a rapid pace, heels clicking on the hardwood floor and air excited. A signal from her employees had her right hand barkeep taking her place so she could head up to the stage and take the microphone from the singer of her band. "Oi, oi, oi! Settle down ye rank scum!" She laughed at the loud cheer that gained her from her regulars, grin set in place. She'd missed working here! "Thankin' ye all kindly fer comin' t' me grand reopenin' an' all that! Dia duit t' ye new folk, ye'll 'ave t'scuse me elder kintypes. Nae, Ah've got some ground rules fer ye lot. Firs', no weapons. Ah'm confiscatin' namesakes from we immortal folk an' weapons alike. None that. Second, ye get tipsy ye get out. Ain' a time fer drunks here. An' last! If'n ye wanna fight, go fer it. Jus' give warnin' an' we can bust out the ol' ring fer ye! There's menus all 'round an' here's hopin' fer a ball room bash!" So saying, the band took over again and she made her way over to the next people to enter. -------------- Please note that above is the first post. Pastel's got three rules: 1. No weapons, no namesakes. Complementary ponchos all around. 2. No getting drunk at her pub. She won't be the reason people are idiots. 3. You want to fight, you make the request so it can be refereed.

THE LOVE PUB Ah yes, the day of Love is upon us. Welcome to Kelpie's Shore! --------

HITAGASHI: "It's always a busy day in Kelpie's Shore, but even more so on this day. The return of Miss Dirge as a _demon_ of all things has everyone excited to see the charismatic barkeep again! Of course, there's those that think her being a demon is bad for the neighborhood but as we can see, many have come to support her once more! We've managed to get an interview with Miss Dirge later on after the festivities so be sure to tune into News at 11 for the sure to be riveting story from our charming Irish lady!" The news crew's statement was played on most TVs in Daten's stores, on the channel itself, and even broadcast through the radio. Pastel shook her head, scratching at her still newer horns in amusement. It was the first time she'd been without her namesake in her own pub, mostly due to her rule of no weapons. No namesakes from those of the Immortal persuasion, no weapons period. She'd even enlisted the help of her friend Visor and some of the other demons. Standing behind the bar, she was already swinging out drinks and food at a rapid pace, heels clicking on the hardwood floor and air excited.

A signal from her employees had her right hand barkeep taking her place so she could head up to the stage and take the microphone from the singer of her band.

"Oi, oi, oi! Settle down ye rank scum!" She laughed at the loud cheer that gained her from her regulars, grin set in place. She'd _missed_ working here! "Thankin' ye all kindly fer comin' t' me grand reopenin' an' all that! Dia duit t' ye new folk, ye'll 'ave t'scuse me elder kintypes. Nae, Ah've got some ground rules fer ye lot. Firs', no weapons. Ah'm confiscatin' namesakes from we immortal folk an' weapons alike. None that. Second, ye get tipsy ye get out. Ain' a time fer drunks here. An' last! If'n ye wanna fight, go fer it. Jus' give warnin' an' we can bust out the ol' ring fer ye! There's menus all 'round an' here's hopin' fer a ball room bash!" So saying, the band took over again and she made her way over to the next people to enter.

TECHYTECHY: "Does that, like, mean I'm already o-out?" Shorty burped, peeking her head from the entrance with a bit of concern. She had heard some of rules from outside, and it got her worried.... Then the blonde laughed and hurried towards the counter, "B- Because I'm /sooo/ not drunk at all!" Yeah ok sure.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Visor was quite excited. Luckily for her, she wasn't _dead_, so she got to keep her oh so fabulous visor on this evening. However, it wouldn't take a genius to realize that angels and demons with.. certain namesakes would most likely be found having to reveal some skin. That would be nice, deffinately. Ohhh yes. Hey, don't blame her, it's not every day you see an angel or a demon stripping. Well. Actually if you work with the,.. Never mind. It's entertainment and that's all that matters. Visor leaned over to her friend once she stepped off the stage, whispering something in her ear. "Can you imagine all the angels and demons that will have to strip today? Oh lord" She laughed, taking her visor off and holding it in honor of the lost clothes. What a shame.

Scrunchy looked over at shorty somewhat nervously, fiddling her scrunchy out of her hair. It's been _five years_ since she's taken this thing out. What on earth is she doing. this feels so wrong. It feels lewd. "I-I'm not sure I'm liking these rules man"_

HITAGASHI: Stopping and staring at the obviously drunk woman in her bar, Pastel contemplated if she would burst into flames if she sent a prayer to God to save her from this. Some people, she swore.

"Me rule applies t' ye folk gettin' drunk __here__ so it ain' me fault yer sauced." She turned her attention to her friend with a grin though. "Ye've read me mind, mo chara. Nae, wot can Ah get fer ye?"

TECHYTECHY: Shorty pouted at Pastel, resting her chin on the counter before whining outloud, "But I'm _nooooot_ drunk! I- I just said that!" She hiccuped before eventually huffing and kicking her feet.

KR-O: Fedora had already gone through a few drinks himself to forget his woes of the company full of idiots that dawns his namesake. He deserves this treat, but it would have been more enjoyable if he didn't have to give up his cane and hat. Next time he should bring a regular cane and a non-serrated hat, huh. He gently set down his head on the bar, he could feel those immortals coming. He could feel his liver dying already.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Cufflink was more grumpy than usually and sipped some water. Since getting drunk wasn't an option, he stayed away from any booze as much as possible. Even watered down alcohol can get him tipsy in an instant. But taking off his precious cuff links, his favorite pair? Now he truly felt anger nip at his mind; Cufflink put them in a box lined with velvet and safely tucked them away. He wasn't losing these darlings of his, not again. t͡ɕʌ̹ɡo̞ɾi walked in, careful not to hit his head on the way in. Before he hearing the no namesake rule. How... Odd. Earthlings have to get their weapons taken so they won't go trigger happy? Oh well, he wants to taste earth booze. t͡ɕʌ̹ɡo̞ɾi with no sense of shame strips off his silk jeogori and folded it. He picks up a pen and a bar napkin and writes down, "Where do I put this?"

BRIT: Fundoshi frowned as he stood at the door. Oh... He had to take off his underwear. Well, then. The demon sighed and put it aside. He figured this would be for the best, since both sides were mingling, but he was on edge being around angels without protection.

Jacket stood next to the Demon and looked up at him briefly before frowning deeply, it almost came off his face. "Will my Jacket get scuffed if I take it off? I don't know, man, this is really I don't want to give up my pride and jOY." He whined.

TECHYTECHY: _"Oh no, no namesake for me, I'm heartbroken,"_ Thong said to herself playfully while waving her hand, then taking a seat. It was fine, really. She didn't have any weapon on her anyways! She left that at home. The succubus snickered at the sight of the other demons, clearly unhappy with the fact of having to take off their garments or accessories. It was cute to her.

She crossed her legs, since that would be the best thing for her to do in this situation. She looked towards Fundoshi's direction before shrugging all nonchalant, "It can't be that bad? Come on, they're stupid." Well.

DOTTIE: Goggles ran her fingers through her hair as she entered the bar, a little angry she had to remove her nameaake, but lets be real, everything made her angry. She stretched with her namesake in hand and tossed it to the side where it landed on a table in the corner, she didint really know what else tl do with it. After her rather subtle enterance she sat hersekd down at a table and rested her head up with her hand, she was really not surenwhat she was even doing there and being weaponless and.... explosionless, was making her a little irratable to say the least.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Undershirt entered the pub without his namesake. It felt weird having just his leather jacket on. At least it provided him some cover. He folded his arms and looked at Shorty.

"Looks like someone started the party early" he said.

Wristband followed directly behind her brother. This wasn't the first time she entered a pub before. In fact she has had a lot of drinking experience even though she was only 19. Wristband also looked at the band.

"I bet we could play better" she thought.

Bowtie entered after them. She looked around and noticed that there were a few people here that could be classified as under aged. But she didn't want to start something, so she let it slide.

Baul Gag entered last and looked around with wonder in here eyes.

"OH, I can't wait to try out all of your earth beverages. I have grown quite bored of what they have served at home" She said as she clasped her hands together.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Visor shook her head and placed her hand on Pastel's shoulder. "Nono, It's not what you can do for me my dear, but instead what _I_ Can do for _you_ ". Visor grinned. She had the stupidest valentines gift. It looked awful. It was orange. It was bright. It made no sense what so ever. But it was, in and of itself, still a gift. Visor pulled out a party hat that looked like a traffic cone. The loveliest of gifts for the loveliest of friends. She got on one knee and bowed her head slightly to Pastel, holding the traffic cone hat up for her friend. _"My dearest Pastel, will you be my valentine?"_

Meanwhile Scrunchy was having an existential crisis by the entrance. Does she go in? does she put her hair up in a normal pony tail? Does she steal the door knob? What do?? She froze like ice, stuck in a constant loop. Nothing could undo the trauma that occurred when she took out the scrunchy from her hair.

Meanwhile in the distance, Bottie was tugging on Strappon's arm as Cuddles strutted a rather nice _bow_ .. "Come onnn Strap! You gotta have some fun!" He whined, looking at his teacher with a puppy dog face before gesturing to cuddles. The crocodile had make up on for fucks sake. Cuddles just looked like she could see the universe and everything at once. She saw __all__ .

KR-O: Jokki was stifling some giggles as he came up behind Fundoshi, "Should have brought normal underwear for once. Next time I go to the store, I'll get ya a packet of briefs." He urged the other man inside, "Come on, maybe there's an angry Irish man in the fighting ring, I don't want to miss that spectacle."

CRACKEMWALNUTS: t͡ɕʌ̹ɡo̞ɾi enjoyed the slight breeze across his chest, maybe he should take it off more often. Tilting his head and carrying his namesake carefully and giving it to Pastel, he shows her a ripped piece of paper with the words, "What's good to drink here?" Taking a seat and ignoring the fact there were some stares. Screw having whatever covering they provided.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: With a small huff the diva gave up her namesake and began to roam a little, texting on her phone. Ignoring the valentines, she's got a date with a pair of stilettos she just bought. She puts her phone in her pocket and enters the pub. "Let the Valentine's fuckery begin." She muttered to herself and sat at the bar, looking around a little.

HITAGASHI: Seemingly flustered, Pastel took the offered hat and placed it gently on her own head. The smile on her face was wide and blue. Did she mention she was blue? She was beautiful with the orange anyway.

"_Mo chara_, of course Ah'll be your Valentine! If only ye'll be me own." She seemed close to tears as she pulled out a Burger Queen crown made of paper mache. Pastel held it out and then snickered before turning her attention to the... alien? Yes, that was an alien.

"Everythin' is good t' drink! But if'n yer lookin' fer somethin' strong, Ah've got some sweeter whiskey fer ye."

GAMER-GODDESS: Walking into the pub, Thigh High was surprised to hear that she has to discard her namesake. "It's been forever since I've gone without them..." She says begrudgingly as takes off her socks to reveal her terribly uneven leg tan. "Goodbye my children," Thigh High sobbed as she took a seat. "Give me the strongest thing you've got! This is gonna be a long day."

TECHYTECHY: "I'm not drunk!" Shorty said again, to Undershirt. This was as interesting as this was going to get.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: "Fucking Valentine's day... Shitty holiday." Cufflink mumbled, he wallowed in his own misery. Jeogori's eyes sparkled, whisky? What was this drink? He must have this. Dropping all coldness in his expression, Jeogori scribbled down, "Please give me this whisky." His markings on his body seemed to glow in excitement.

BRIT: "It's not the worst thing." Funoshi replied to Thong, looking away from her as he entered the bar. The last thing he wanted was to deal with a succubus, today. He turned to Jokki as he entered, "Drunk fighting is always only mildly entertaining, but if we drink it will probably be moreso. I just want the day's paperwork to go away."

DOTTIE: Goggles was alreary having a bad time. Not only could she not blow anything up if she got mad but.... well no that was really all that was upsetting her. She layed plopped her head on the table and looked around at everybody, well ebst she could with her vision being as blury as it was. "Annoying" she mumbled to herself. She seemed really out of character to her normal self, she was usually so high energy but that was usually only because she had things to excite her, right now all that was going on was a bunch of people in a bar and a couple drunks being well.... drunks. Furthermore it only reminded her of her short time working as a waitress, wich ended upruptly with a few broken legs... not hers of course.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She sees Thigh High's uneven tan and she cringes a little bit. "Girl I don't think any amount of alcohol with fix that mess." She says as she casually orders some whiskey, sipping it without a care in her small world.

BRIT: Jacket put his namesake away gently, very reluctantly. He just wanted food and this was making things harder, but food over precious material goods... He guessed? He sat next to Goggles and grinned at her. "Heya!" He said to her, "You look bored!"

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Could've fooled me" he said as she zipped up his jacket. "I wonder what they have to drink?" he thought.

"Oh Jeogori my dear, what is this whiskey? It's sounds interesting!" Baul Gag said as she looked at him. This drink intrigued her.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Scrunchy fidgeted. DOES SHE TAKE THE DOOR? DOES SHE TAKE THE HINGES? DOES SHE STRIP? no. No stripping. Stripping was for donuts. Specifically at the donut shop. Not today. _Not today..._

Visor looked touched, really. This was the best thing she could ever have asked for. She placed the crown gingerly on her head and stood up, placing her hands firmly on her hips. With one rather loud intake of breath, Visor boasted __"ALL HAIL THE BURGER QUEEN IN ALL HER GLORY!"__ Ok, that felt good. She picked up Pastel in a hug and gently kissed her friend's cheek. Oh, tonight will be fun for sure.

KR-O: Fedora slightly raised his head and looked around. All he saw was familiar faces. Worn out places. No seriously, he recognized half of the people coming in, but he wasn't expecting an alien to come out of the blue. Maybe he drank too much this time around. "So isn't there a dead pool around here? Like a betting board where you bet who dies in the bar fight tonight?" I mean, those were pretty standard in the pubs he goes to. Which in on itself is concerning.

HITAGASHI: Pastel signaled to her barkeep to bring the alien some of the honey whiskey while agreeing with her friend. She always enjoyed it herself after all. She made her way over to Fundoshi and Thong, more amused at Fundoshi's reaction than anything. She wasn't very big on Jokki. Filthy furries. She smirked and passed a very beautiful blue colored rose to Thong.

"Fer ye, ma'am. Ye've the right o' it. Lovely lassies always do, aye?"

TECHYTECHY: Thong frowned. Damn, she was totally ignored, wasn't she? C'est la vie, then. She didn't feel like ordering anything just yet, she kind of wanted to see the crowd. It has been a while since she interacted with any of these characters, and honestly she didn't recognize most of them. Shame.

Shorty stuck out her tongue, clicking her heels together. Hearing little miss Diva's awful crack though, the blonde gasped and cupped her hands over her mouth towards Thigh High. "DON'T LISTEN TO HER BABE, YOU'RE FINE AS HELL." Well.

TECHYTECHY: Thong blinked at the rose, then looking towards Pastel confused. The succubus then promptly blushed and placed a hand over her cheek, expressing her surprise. "Aw, love, what the hell! You're such a darling, I love you!" She giggled, taking the rose. She was a sucker for attention, and many other things

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Jeogori smiles and shrugs, he wants to so badly find out. He slides another means for translation and wrote, "Another for Baul Gag please." C'mon give him the drink, he wants to try everything! Jeogori patted the empty seat next to him, offering it to Baul Gag.

BRIT: Strappon was tugged along by Bottie, reluctant in going into the Pub. Not only were there HEATHENS in there, the last time he had taken some place to drink apparently lots of things went down that he couldn't even remember. He ordered tea and he ended up drunk. HOW.

"You don't have to tug so much. Please keep Miss... Cuddles... Close, though." He said quietly as they entered the pub.

ROAMINGPANDAS: As Pastel was going around greeting the customers, _the lovelies_, Visor was making rounds giving out roses to individuals seated around the pub. However, one deserved something much more special than just a simple rose. Nonono, Visor approached Fudoshi with a wilted plastic Daisy. She took a subtle bow and held the fake flower out to the demon. "For you, the loveliest of the lovely. May light shine onto your soul eternally. Because you sure as hell don't have light right now."

BUMBLERBEE: Dirndl entered the bar, surprised to be here. She normally didn't go out to places like this. No... she preferred to stay in, and maybe cook or clean the kitchen! But, someone had decided the little fraulein needed a change of scenery!

So feared was she, that the ground shook... Okay, that's not true. But Rosary did have a certain confidence to her. Especially in her latest number; Deep crimson dress, stilettos, with her garnet bead rosary wrapped around middle finger and wrist like some exotic, elegant piece of new jewelry.

"Sister, is it really alright to be here?" Dirndl asked, fixing the heart covered camisole she wore, and checking her capris. What odd clothing, she thought, but itb was the Sister who requested she wear it.

Rosary nodded. "Of course, dear. You need to learn the ways of the modern world. And when you're lonely, you go to a bar. Unfortunately, beer is probably not as good here as back home." she said, the two entering the melting pot.

GAMER-GODDESS: Turning towards Fox Stole, Thigh High furrowed her brows "Was this mouth just spouting shit? You're about to get these legs, yo!" the angel warned as she flocked to Shorty in hopes of her having a better attitude.

DOTTIE: Goggles smiled "oooh no im hqving a great time" hertone was.... very sarcastic. Tosay the least. She looked around the bar again at everybody there. " that was sarcsm, just so you know." She ran a hand throughher hair again, and yawned. " nothins goin on is all,so ya know, im bored"

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Bowtie looked around and really didn't recognize anyone until she looked at Thong. She felt like she might have remembered her from before.

"Say have we met?" she asked Thong.

Meanwhile Undershirt sat down on the other side of Thong and ordered a beer. He then looked at Thong. A blush spread across his face. She was very cute.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens swung his legs in his seat next to Strappon looking around. It smelled weird here... He kept looking around, maybe Onesie would be here? It would be nice to have his friend here. Jeogori grabbed a shot glass full of whisky after admiring how tiny it was. How he loves tiny things and these cups are not helping. Quickly downing the drink the taste astounded him. It burned like cinnamon but tasted like a sweet treat. Warmth spreads through his body as Jeogori drinks more whisky.

KR-O: Jokki stared at Fundoshi, "You know, I'd prefer you sober. Last time you decided to drink, you steamrolled me into the bed." He shivered at the thought. Those were dark moments. Oh but what's this? As the human approached Fundoshi, Jokki immediately wrapped himself around the man's abdomen. He may or may not be hiding a glare, but he was already feeling pretty disgusted with himself over a silly thing.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Oh, thank you my dear" Baul Gag said as she sat down next to Jeogori. She seemed to be very articulate without her namesake in her mouth. Maybe it's just to make up for that?

HITAGASHI: "An' me to ye as well, Miss Secrette." Pastel winked at the succubus and then turned her attention to what her friend did. Her charming smile dropped in favor of laughter at the way Visor phrased that to Fundoshi. Shaking her head, she turned to the new arrivals and presented a carnation to Bowtie and a tiny dandelion to Undershirt.

"Fer ye two. Nae tha' ye've both got yer flowers, Ah ain' met ye yet. Wot's yer name, lovelies?" She hoped Visor had a flower for Jokki. She sure didn't. F u r r i e s.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She imitates her and pouts mockingly ,"What a cute mutt. I think not sweetie." She waves as she leaves and sips her alcohol. "Hmm..what to do..." She yawns and looks down at the rose in her hand.

BRIT: "Oh. Thanks for, uh explaining!" Jacket laughed, "Normally people don't tell me it's sarcasm and leave me to assume. It's hard to tell, sometimes! You want some food or something? I'll buy."

Fundoshi was very much surprised at the offering of this... Really shitty looking flower. "Oh... Uh, thanks." He said, taking it and clearing his throat, "I don't think I'm that lovely, not I word I would use. Handsome, maybe, but not... Lovely." He simply gave the flower to Jokki.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "My name is Undershirt" he said as he twisted the dandelion between his fingers. "Don't think I've ever seen you before."

"My name is Bowtie" she said as she looked away from Thong for a moment and looked at Pastel. "And thank you for the Carnation!"

ROAMINGPANDAS: _Cuddles was hot and ready._

TECHYTECHY: "Hell YEAH she will!" Shorty encouraged Thigh High. She didn't even KNOW these two chicks, but she was all about hyping up a smack down. It's what she was here for. "Forreal though! You're suuuper cute, I- I don't know what her problem is!" Shorty hiccuped again before laughing obnoxiously.

Thong looked over to Bowtie, then looked her up and down thoughtfully when hearing her question... She had to think about this! It'd be rude to just assume she didn't know her. Thong was kind of certain she had met everybody here once , in some way. "Hmm..." She mumbled, before adding politely, "I'm not too sure... I've been gone from this business thing for, a while?" Thong pushed her curls behind her shoulder, then smiled at Pastel with another giggle.

The demon was admittedly straight, but Pastel was working her heart in ways she couldn't understand yet. Then she looked back to Bowtie, trying to get her brain working, "Does Thong Secrette ring a bell, maybe?"

DOTTIE: "Uuh... sure? Food sounds good?" Her grip was tight into a fist, under the table of course, and murder in her eyes, she was ready to kill, maybe not jacket, she had a couple canidatw

BUMBLERBEE: "Well, everyone seems... cozy." Rosary narrowed her eyes at the ragtag bunch in the bar, but... prejudices aside, this wasn't the time. "Come on, dear, let's get you at the bar into some handsome thing's arms." Rosary grinned, pushing the young blonde lady forward.

"Huh? Wh-what?" stammered Dirndl, being coaxed toward two barstools on the corner. "Oh, alright..." with this, she sat, with Rosary taking the seat adjacent.

"Not to worry, sugar, we'll find you someone." replied the nun, who giggled.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Hmmm" Bowtie said as she tapped her forhead. "Maybe, the name sounds familiar, and I feel like I've seen a picture or two of you, but i don't think we've met in person before. I'm Bowtie by the way" she said before looking at the area in front of her. "Are you going to get anything to drink?" She asked Thong.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Jeogori's cheeks were flushed, this alcohol was much stronger than expected. But he wasn't drunk yet, the taste was good. Went down smoothly. He pours several shots for Baul Gag. Before he sense the thick aura of hatred from Cufflink. Turning his head to him, he was amazed. /This demon was tiny/

BRIT: Strappon picked up Cuddles and sat her at the table with the other children. Why was he babysitting? Well, at least he could get a good drink in, at least one. He handed Knittens and Bottie menus. "Just... Order what you want." He said, clearing his throat.

BRIT: Jacket grinned at Goggles before handing her a menu. "It sucks when you come to these places alone, that's all." He said, "You, uh... Look kinda angry."

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Oooh, thank you" Baul Gag said to Jeogori as she looked at the shots in front of her. She took one shot. "OH my this is good!" She said as she quickly downed the rest of the shots. She started to feel a little wobbly. Man this stuff was strong!

KR-O: Jokki reluctantly took the flower, but he didn't seem like he was letting go of Fundoshi's abdomen any time soon. "Thanks..." He may as well be a koala at this point.

Oh great, more holy people were walking into the bar and then. Excuse the sight Fedora was witnessing right now. He squinted as Strappon walked in and pointed at the small group, "Where are their mothers. What kind of bad parenting is going on here? I need to speak to them." He was already getting riled up, he will fight these children's parents.

TECHYTECHY: Thong's smile was still there, but it more so froze on her face. Scratching her face, she asked carefully, and especially quietly, "Pictures... like... on... /line?"/ That could be dangerous to her job. She tried to control her face from going red, but she was already glowing. Maybe Bowtie didn't hear that.

She attempted to change the conversation. "Uh! I was thinking on it," She replied this time to her actual question, "But uhhh! I don't know, time isn't right? I mean, if someone buys me a drink, I'll take it, but..." She grinned, her fingers in her curls, "What about you? You drinking, then?"

GAMER-GODDESS: Deciding to ignore Fox Stole's provocations, "God, I know right and thank you!" Thigh High yelled enthusiastically in Shorty's direction. "Anyways, what do you recommend? I've never been her before." She asked calming down enough to speak in her indoor voice.

HITAGASHI: Grinning at those around her, Pastel clapped her hands together before her attention was centered on the pair about to fight. Walking towards them, she confronted Fox Stole and Thigh High directly. Mostly Fox Stole as she seemed to be instigating it.

"Nae, lassie, Ah ken ye've got beef wit' the other lass. Bu' if'm ye're gon' fight, ye're gonna fight fair. It's the rules, aye?" Lips pursing, Pastel didn't seem like much at barely below five feet.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens shook his head. "Its fine.. my cousin gave me some treats for us." He then pulls out a bag and put on the table boxes and boxes of chocolates, cakes, cookies of various types. It was ridiculous what he was piling on the table. He looks at Fedora and bluntly states, "My dad is in space and my mom is 4,600 miles away!" Jeogori nods and gives her the rest of the bottle. She can handle herself, she's strong. He writes down, "Excuse me a moment." Jeogori approaches Cufflink, slings him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He can't let this tiny demon get away. He sits back down nest to Baul Gag. Cufflink grunts at the sudden movement and shouts, "LET ME DOWN!"

DOTTIE: "Me angry?? Nono not at all" she gave him a very pleasant smile and croased her legs. "You know now that i look at it its kind of lat i should probably go uh, so you have fun" Goggles patted on the back with.... a lotof force before making her way out

ROAMINGPANDAS: Visor stared at Fudoshi, a bit disappointed to be honest. She pulled out another rose and gently placed it in Jokki's hair. She patted it in place and blew the furry a tiny kiss before waving to the two of them. "Have fun on your date, lovebirds" And with that, she left to give more customers actual roses.

Bottie sat at the table, and placed his hands in front of him, his fingers intertwined with one another as he looked through the menu. He can't read this shit. However his interest did peak when a bunch of goodies were displayed on the table. Bottie raised his hand as if to get Knittens' attention, "Would it be alright if I had a cake?"

Cuddles on the other hand was quite flattered. The day was young and there was love in the air. She scooted ever closer to the lovely Strappon and fluttered her non-existent lashes (courtesy of Bifocals for Cuddles' make-up.).

Scrunchy stared at the door. It was becoming ever harder to decide what to do. In an act of desperation, she flung her upper torso forward and whacked her head on the door, resonating a rather loud thud through out the establishment. Somehow, the door, nor Scrunchy, broke,

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: Fox pulls out her phone and checks the order she made,"these puppies couldn't take aanny longer." She groans and puts on a coat of pink lip gloss , removing her ribbon from hair. She turns to pastel and shrugs, " fair enough." She said briefly. "You're pastel I'm assumin'?" She raised an eyebrow.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens nodded and smiles brightly. "Ofcourse!! I insist, my cousin will be happy you enjoy them. Now which one?" He presents 7 different flavors of cakes. Knittens already had 3 boxes of chocolate and 2 cakes before coming.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Bowtie blushed as she looked at Thong blushing. That was not what she had meant by that. She coughed a little. "Uh yeah actually I was." She said to Thong before turning to behind the bar. "Could i get a Martini, shaken not stirred?" She asked. She turned back to Thong. "So what do you do in HQ?" she asked,

KR-O: You ear that. That's the sound of Fedora fuming. Internally, though. He couldn't bring himself to even speak, he was that mad. Jokki took out his phone and played the I'm Not Your Boyfriend song as Visor passed by. You know the song. But he didn't know what he was trying to accomplish by playing this song, he was just embarrassing himself. Or so he felt that way

TECHYTECHY: "I'll put anything in my mouth, honestly!" Shorty admitted to Thigh High, "But uhhh! I kind of don't remember anything! Pastel is like, /SUPER BAE/ though!" She giggled without really thinking why she was laughing. Her next hiccup launched her mind into its next thought, then she began looking around.

Then she found Pastel , this time over where Fox was. Oh man, she was getting told! That was kind of funny! Actually really funny to her, just spilling with more giggles and snickers. What a fucking child. Oh well, she didn't want to bother her. She turned her attention to whoever was across the counter and waved at Visor. "YOO-HOOOO~! FLOWER CHILD~!"

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Jeogori smiles and slides the bar keep another note asking which other drinks they had. Putting Cufflink on his lap and playing with his ponytail he shows a note to Baul Gag. "Isn't this Demon adorable?" Cufflink was pissed off, incredibly pissed. "Let. Me. Go." he growls and grits his teeth. Cufflink was in no mood for any bull shit.

TECHYTECHY: "Iiiii used to be kind of a secretary, I guess?" Thong shrugged, "Ran errands and junk. Right now I'm in the same ball park as the others though." She /sighed/ with some sadness, digging out her phone from her jacket pocket. "I'm actually super lame and don't do /anything/ at all right now..."

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Oh my he's adorable!" Baul Gag said as she laughed drunkenly. "How old is he?"

Wristband walked over to here brother and ordered a drink. She noticed the blush on her brother's face and looked at Thong. She put two and two together and smiled. "So you got the hots for her, huh? You should make a move." She said.

"What?! I... I do not" Undershirt said blushing harder.

"Yes he certainly is" Baul Gag said as she ordered another shot.

HITAGASHI: Grin stretching again, Pastel nodded at Fox. "Ach, aye. If'n ye're waitin' on an order, Ah can get it express delivered 'ere. Fer a small fee, o' course." Her grin seemed friendly but there was still the fact that this girl had tried to start a fight.

As all this chaos went on, Cammy stuck her head in the door, looking down at the person right by her. "Uh. Okay." Edging away from the lady banging her head into the door, she tried to inch in and find her friends. She was told to bring air freshener though. Weird.

OSCARK9: Gloves walks into the pub for the fist time without his namesake. He was not happy at all. Not because of the pub itself, but not wearing his gloves at the pub. Beside all that, he just wants to have fun in the pub since his friends is at the pub already. So with a little huff he gave up his namesake and sit down at the bar seat "Man. I can't believe that I can't wear my gloves at the pub." He said mumbling to himself. Since he's hear already, he might as well get himself a drink."Sir, is it okay if I have some water, please." This is gonna be a long day for him.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Cufflink growls again, "I am a grown man and 37 years old. " He tries to get up before Jeogori put him back on his lap. Jeogori's eyes sparkled like a fanboy's before excitedly writing down, "He's so young and tiny! Can I keep him? I'll take care of him!" He looks at Baul Gag with begging eyes before pouring himself s hot of scotch he ordered.

BUMBLERBEE: Dirndl turned her head, watching as Gloves came in. Hm...? She smiled briefly, though he did not look so happy. "Gloves?" she asked, glad to see someone she recognized and had spoken to.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Bottie scratched his chin in thought before pointing to what he thought to be chocolate. Honestly, he had no idea if he was even pointing to cake. "..Is this chocolate cake?" he asked, pointing to the napkins on the table. The kid was hopeless.

Visor's eyes widened a bit in surprise. Oh boy, that was loud, but it certainly got her attention. She turned her head a bit warily towards the source of the sound. _Ohhhh man._ ... Visor approached Shorty with a rose in hand. However, as she inched ever closer, she started to realize that this special guest would deserve more than a meager rose. Reaching into her bag, Visor pulled out a flower crown and prepared to hand it to Shorty. "Ah, yes, hello there my lovely, and how are you this fine evening?" She smiled, gently holding out the flower crown to the drunken angel. "If I may- You would look beautiful with this if I may be so bold."

BRIT: "I don't see how you need to fight their parents or if that's going to do you any good. I'm taking fine care of them, this is an eating establishment. I'm babysitting." Strappon snorted at Fedora. He was also apparently on a date with a reptile, he thought, before looking at the near dealer display of cakes. This was excessive for a child, "Don't you want to eat real food?"

Fundoshi stared at Visor before looking down at Jokki. What the hell just happened?? "Jokki... What are you doing?" He asked simply.

Jacket blinked. Oh, well that's interesting. He was dumped before he even tried. Not that he was trying. He walked up to the door that he heard the cracking on and opened it to see Scrunchy. "Are... You going to be okay?" He asked the disgruntled girl.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: Fox chuckles softly , " thanks, but I might as well behave while I'm here, don't feel like getting my heel lodged in anyone just yet." She grinned. "Sound like a good idea Pas?"

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens tilts his head confused. Real food? "I already ate 3 bowls of beef stew and a ham sandwich for lunch today. My cousin is a cook so he makes lots of food as practice."

TECHYTECHY: Shorty gasped with the innocence of a child being presented her first toy on Christmas day. It was an assortment of motherfucking flowers... /on her head./ "Duuude, holy shit," she said wide eyes, "I wanted to get this girl a drink, not a gift! Oh my Godddddddd--"

This was so much for her. She really didn't even hear the compliments, because she sucked like that! Instead, she took off the flower crown and put it on Thigh High's head, "It's not a drink, but I think this is fine too! Maybe?" Shorty turned to Visor, then kissing her own hand and laying the kissed hand on Visor's face. "You're so fucking cute, dude!!"

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Bowtie couldn't help but feel bad for Thong. "Hey it's okay, I know this feeling. I was stripped of rank after I burned my magic school down" Bowtie said.

"Well if you won't, then I will" Wristband said before walking over to Thong and tapping on her shoulder. "Hey, I think my brother's into you."

HITAGASHI: The woman behind the bar looked frazzled at all the people, happy when her twin joined her and helped. Still, that was rude. Men didn't work the bar. They worked the kitchen. Huffing, the set of sisters set about serving up drinks. Her smile turned to the man who called her sir and passed him some water. "Here you are, sir. Please remember all us on the floor are women. It raises morale of the customers, after all!"

And then, just like that, with a screeching noise on a guitar the music stopped as all the employees looked at Fox Stole in horror. Why would she do this? Pastel's grin fled her face immediately and her eyes narrowed.

"Mo chara, me name is Gas Mask, me nickname is Pastel. If'n ye won' call me these, ye call me Miss Dirge. Nae, Ah ken ye didn' ken but next time, ask 'fore ye call someone somethin' like that." Heels clicking as she turned away and moved towards Strappon and co, the music began again, even as a smile worked back onto her face when she saw the children. "Dia duit, li'l ones! How 'bout this. Ye split ye a mash, then ye can have some cake."

OSCARK9: While Gloves was drinking his water at the bar. He heard a famillier voice that was called out to him. He turn his head to the voice that was called to him and saw his friend Dirndl at the pud. "Oh. Hey Dirndl." He said to her while he looks down.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens couldn't quite understand Gasmask and just nodded. Just like his cousin always told him, just nod if you don't understand.

BUMBLERBEE: "You don't seem so happy." Dirndl said quietly, looking down and noticing his naked, lewdly displayed hands. "Oh, that's right. Namesakes..." she hand gently, leaning over a few stools to speak and hear better. She was a quiet little edelweiss. "I'm just glad I know someone here, other than the Sister here." she chuckled briefly.

TECHYTECHY: Thong tilted her head, blinking her eyes in a mix of amazement. "What the hell, that's kind of super cool though?..." At least cooler than HER reason for being demoted. She would love to have the experience of accidentally causing destruction instead of just plain sexual experience being her downfall. What was she, a fallen angel?

Thong turned away from her conversation with Bowtie to someone also cute. She rose a brow at the rather blunt statement though. "Your brother?" She had to hold back from saying she couldn't blame him, but fuck, still. "Who?" She looked to Bowtie apologetically, then shrugging in the way of saying /'I guess this is happening now!'/

BRIT: Strappon looked at the demon with a bit of surprise, then realized it was someone he'd once known. "Pastel? You... Joined the Dark Side, did you?" He asked, the shock apparent in his voice.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Scrunchy stared at Jacket before she placed her hands on his shoulders to balance herself out. She shook her head no. She would not be ok. She couldn't steel the door, the knob, the hinges, she couldn't strip, worst of all she couldn't wear her trademarked Scrunchy.She looked at this man with the eyes of a broken soul. All that could be heard was a tiny whisper. _"I can't.. wear my scrunchy in here. They can't see me like that, man."_

Visor placed a hand on her cheek where she had just been 'kissed'. To be honest, The angel was fairly sweet. even though she was totally hammered. The human bowed slightly towards Shorty. "Hey, as are you~" She said as her lips curled up into a genuinely warm smile. "I hope you're enjoying your evening here?"

Bottie raised his hand at Pastel. "so.. Food then cake?" He pouted. Cuddles agreed. Somehow. That seemed morally incorrect.

KR-O: Fedora crossed his arms and huffed, looking off in the other direction, "Parenting is a touchy subject, I guess," he admitted. He seated himself with the small group. Better than being surrounded by other Immortals in his opinion. Jokki shrugged, "Apparently trying to get a point across..." He finally let go of Fundoshi, but not one of his shirt's sleeves.

TIMERIFTS: Onesie finally made her appearance, however she was covered in glitter and little bits of paper. Her plan was to make friends with everyone here, no matter how hard that could be. She skipped into the pub and looked around, everyone seemed a little off but she couldn't pinpoint why exactly. She glanced around happily as she walked farther into the bar, she had not heard any of the rules so she didn't know she was doing a single thing wrong, she had always been a tad oblivious though

MAGNUSMATEBA: Gauntlet drove up to this Pub in this new city he was moved to, slamming the door of a rather expensive sports car. Typical of him, a remainder of what he had prior to falling. He'd checked in at the abbey he was directed to before but it seemed like there was nobody home.

GAMER-GODDESS: "Dan son, this a nice flower crown if I do say so myself." Thigh High said pointing finger guns towards the pair in front of her. "Good shit, anyways I need to get me some whiskey, I'm gonna need some if I have to square off later! Would you like anything?" She asked Shorty.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Jeogori was basically writting down pleads to get permission to let him keep Cufflink while all the more Cufflink shouted insults at him.

Knittens noticed his glittery friend and waved like a mad man. "Heeey!!! Onesie!!" He made a special gift for his friend.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "This guy" Wristband said as she pointed at Undershirt. If he didn't take her then she would!

Undershirt just put his face in his hands. Damn it Wristband!

"Rude as fuck yo" Bowtie thought as the conversation was interrupted.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: Fox blinks a couple times and shakes her head,"fine fine..sorry." What was this? An apology!? Wow. Did not see that one coming. Fox rolls her eyes and takes out her mirror, checking her lipstick. Saw that though. With a sip of her whisky she continues her browsing on her phone.

OSCARK9: "Yeah." He said to her and gave her a little smile. "I'm happy that your hear as well. Want some drink since you're hear? I'm not a fan of alcohol." He questions Dirndl.

TECHYTECHY: Aw, she was bowing! That was totally adorable, Shorty thought to herself! "The evening is swell and happening, I'd say!" She answered Visor, wiggling in her seat with glee. She spun herself towards Thigh High, realizing this could be her chance to drink. Or she could say no and happily respect Pastel's bar rules, since Pastel was kind of a bro.

/"Uhhhhhhhhh..."/ Shorty answered, stretching her words rather than pausing before answering, "YEAH! Whiskey is fine!" Fuck.

HITAGASHI: "Aye aye, li'l one!" Pastel ruffled Bottie's hair and waved a waitress down. The woman smiled, cleared the junk food from the table and raced away to the kitchen. She returned quickly with the shepherd's pie for the children to eat. "After this, ye can have yer sweets back. Get somethin' hearty in ye."

Turning to Strap, however, she grinned and pulled a small little hand fan out from... somewhere. Turning it on and holding it to her face, she spoke with a smirk. "Ye underest'mate the power o' the Dark Side. If ye will nae fight, then ye will meet yer destiny." Yeah, she just Vader'd.

MAGNUSMATEBA: Gauntlet stepped in to a commotion he hadn't seen before, even with the fallen he'd had to babysit over his previous time as a watcher. He was told to find a Templar and spotted him among the crowd talking to a demon as if he'd known her previously. Ignoring the rest of the people, Gauntlet approached the man and asked him ''Excuse me sir, do you have a minute? I was told to find you.''

BUMBLERBEE: Dirndl blushed briefly, looking over to see Rosary... shooing her toward Gloves! Even if it was a friend, something good might happen! The angel scooted over, "Oh... maybe. I've nto had anything to drink in so long." she remarked, idly stroking blonde hair.

Rosary, meanwhile, leaned on her hands, scanning the bar.

Who to molest... so many choices.

TECHYTECHY: Thong tilted her head, her face now holding a much more amused smile. She kind of wanted to laugh, but she didn't want to look rude in front of this guy's sister! Oh my God, his sister was doing this on purpose, wasn't she?

"The guy hiding in his hands you mean...?" She asked, holding back a snort. Oh my God. This was more sad than rude now. "That's kind of cute."

TIMERIFTS: she was much to easily distracted "Ohh hey!" she exclaimed making her way over to her friend "Knittens hi" Onesie grinned and dropped a mountain of friendly valentines on the table! She was much to excited to be here, so many people to meet!! Overalls sauntered into the bar, she had gotten tomorrow off work which was strange but she would roll with it, she looked around and was able to figure out that everyone had ditched their namesake, so she stripped of her pants. She felt a little silly but hey whatever it could be worse. She walked to the bar and ordered some shots, she was no lightweight and booze always helped her loosen up, sometimes too much.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens awed at the pie happily. "My mom use to make these a lot!" He flashed the biggest smile he has to onesie and presents to her sloppily made chocolates. "Happy Valentines, buddy! I made these all by myself for ya!" He then proceeded to shove the pie into his face.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Visor sighed slightly, placing her hand to her forehead. Oh dear. "Ah, remember, if you get _more_ drunk things could go bad fast-" It was too late, the deed hath been done.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Yeah, that's him" Wristband said to Thong. "He's just really shy. He'd love to talk to you!" Wristband grabbed her drink and took a sip. She'd better watch how much she drinks, she's a horny drunk.

KR-O: Raising a brow, Fedora analyzed the person that suddenly barged into their space. He smells like an Immortal, /disgusting/ . "You have the audacity to interrupt a conversation, huh. Wait your turn.... whoever the hell you are."

BRIT: Strappon smiled at the kind gesture that Knittens had done giving Pastel chocolate before turning his attention back to Pastel, kind of ignoring Fedora for now. He seemed mad. "I'm pretty sure you butchered that line, but okay. I don't see the allure of sinning." He said to her, "I'll keep a respectable distance, but we're... Technically enemies, now."

It was hard for him to admit. Then he was approached by another man, one he'd never seen before. "Looking for me? I assume you're a Fallen Angel, then. Heavenbents come to me at my usual office hours." He said, though he was joking a little.

Jacket was shocked by Scrunchy's sudden reaction. "UH?? Why not try, I dunno, putting up your hair with a regular hair tie??" He said, rubbing the back of his neck. He was not good with people having crises."I'm sure someone's got one! I've gotta go without my favorite jacket, I know how you feel, bro."

OSCARK9: "Great!" He said to her while he smile a little more. It's nice to have someone to drink while at the pub. "You can order any drink you want Dirndl. The bill is on me." He said to Dirndl.

GAMER-GODDESS: Getting up from her seat, Thigh High waltzed up to the bar with a skip in her step. She was all fired up at the thought of getting booze. Arriving at her destination, she leaned her elbow onto the surface "Two shots of whiskey, please." The angel said with her best smile.

TIMERIFTS: Onesie beamed at the people at the table, handing each a valentine "happy love day!" she exclaimed, staring happily at the chocolate Knittens made her "thanks so much!" she giggled and put them in her onesie pocket, still no one had told her no namesakes but hey she wasn't much of a fighter anyways. She looked around for a little before standing up "I'll be back friends!" she scooped up her papers in her arms and went to spread some cheer and make friends

BUMBLERBEE: "What! I couldn't make you pay for me." Dirndl said in surprise, laughing in embarrassment. The very idea! "It's such a nice offer, but I'd feel so terrible to have you pay for me, Gloves... Are you sure?"

TECHYTECHY: Thong giggled, but it was more like a squeak. She politely put a hand over her mouth to laugh more softly, not wanting to appear Completely Rude. "That's adorable, really," she insisted, then looked towards Undershirt.

The succubus blew a kiss before waving. Nice one.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens waved goodbye and was a chipper lad. The bar didn't seem so bad now! Jeogori pets Cufflink and picks him up. He should introduce himself to the other people. He still has a mission for a teacher, He slips a note to Baul Gag explaining, "I'm going to talk to others." Jeogori walks over to the nearest demons to him, Overalls.

Sorry guys, I'll be back a bit later))

HITAGASHI: Staring at Strappon incredulously, she started snickering. "Ach, lordy, ye're a riot. If'n ye think Ah give a shite 'bout sides, yer mistaken. Also yer biased. An' rude. Ain' ye s'posed t' be 'bout spreadin' love t' yer fellows? Unless ye American lot see it different from me kin folk." She shrugged, turning to the new person talking to Strappon, eyeing him curiously. "Ye're feckin' rude, ye ken tha'?"

MAGNUSMATEBA: ''I am a fallen'' Gauntlet replied ''I just got the metaphorical boot. Name's Gauntlet and I assume you want to know why I fell? '' Gauntlet honestly hoped that the templar he was told about would not ask, but he knew better. The humans he had worked with in the past were always curious like that. He extended his arm to offer a hand shake to be polite, his namesake still on from ignorance.

TIMERIFTS: Onesie skipped off to the farthest table in the bar, thongs table and she grinned from ear to ear "hello friends!" she chimed and handed each person a poorly made card and stared at them in anticipation of their reaction. Overalls glanced at the huge alien thing "oh hey" she smiled she was a little intimidated but she wouldn't let him know that, she was supposed to be fearless and blah blah blah

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Undershirt gulped hard and blushed even more. "H..h..hi" he said. Oh god, hold it together man. "So uh.. you're name's Thong right? Wait, then that means... oh boy" he said as he glanced down and then looked back up at Thong. He didn't think he could get any redder, but he did.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Cufflink was just frowning like hell, his angry shouts didn't work and his throat was sore. Jeogori waved and writes down, "Hello. my name is Jeogori and this is my new addition to my tiny collectibles." Motioning to Cufflink with a smile. The demon shot a glare at Jeogori and hissed, "I am not. I'm Cufflink."

TECHYTECHY: Shorty clapped her hands and followed behind Thigh High with a dance in her steps. The thought of a gal getting her booze was firing HER up. Fuck yeah! "Oh man, did I actually say my name?" Shorty asked outloud, her eyes going wide. "Fuck, I'm awful! I mean, uh, I- I'm Shorty, not Awful!" The WORST.

BRIT: Strappon looked down at Gauntlet's extended hand as sighed. "No, I don't want to hear the details. It's awfully rude of you to assume so. I'd rather just help you become a full Angel again and save this city from its conglomeration of sin and ghosts." He said, shaking his hand. He wasn't much interested in another fallen, if anything it only made him need more alcohol. He turned back to Pastel, "I understand that I am biased, and spreading 'love' isn't my job, it's clearing this city of the pests that Demons create. Excuse me for assuming such on someone like yourself."

TECHYTECHY: Thong pitied Undershirt. He was hot in a bad sort of way. Like you wanted to hold him and make sure he was okay, sort of way. If that was a way. This was all happening, in front of Bowtie and some dude's sister and oh God, where was HP when she needed him. She already had her phone out in her hand during her conversation with Bowtie, so her fingers were already flying over the touch screen as she sent a text to her good carrot pal.

"Your impure thoughts are flattering, really," She mused, "Annnd you must be Shy, then?"

GAMER-GODDESS: Smirking at the angel's introduction, "Nice to meet you, Shorty," reaching her hand out "My name's Thigh High- if you couldn't tell already!" She laughed while gesturing towards her ungodly leg tan. Maybe one day she'll even it out.

TIMERIFTS: Overalls nodded at them "nice to meet you both" she turned to face them "why you at the pub tonight?" she asked, trying to make conversation, she was kinda boring. Onesie stared at thong, undershirt and bowtie, they probably hadn't noticed her but she was determined to make friends with them

KR-O: For some reason, the sound of muffled music could be heard. Was it some chap blasting their music on high volume? Hopefully, but sadly that wasn't the case. The doors of the pub slammed opened, stage smoke setting into the establishment and the music was slowly dying down for an " /OOOH YEEESSS/ " To be heard. A shapely leg then stuck out of the smoke and the figure that followed announced themselves, "Gogo.... is /here/ ." Not that anybody would care considering their intrusion would have murdered them at this point.

OSCARK9: "I'm sure as Jesus himself, Dirndl." He answers her. "Besides, drinking at the pub alone is not my cup of tea. But with a friend with me, it makes my day happy." He said to her while he gave her a smile. "Besides, I got to apologies the bar tender for calling her a "Sir", since I was feeling down." He said to Dirndl while felling bad for himself. "So, yeah! Enjoy yourself!"

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "I...I just... have never been good with talking to girls, especially pretty ones like you" he said as he took another sip. The alcohol seemed to be taking the edge off. It also didn't help that it was Valentine's Day and being dateless sucks.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Cufflink sighs, "Wanted to drink enough to forget about this horrid holiday." He feels Jeogori adjust him so that he could sit down. Flashbacks to G'oun filled his mind. Jeogori wrote down that he wanted to know earth alcohol before hearing Gogo's entry. Crorssing out his reason he instead writes, "What is that?"

HITAGASHI: Waving her hand, Pastel smirked at Strap.

"Ach, mo chara, it's no harm, no foul. Too li'l too late an' all that great shite. Nae, Mister Gauntlet, Ah've got strict rules, aye? Gimme yer namesake. It ain' fair if'n ye get t' keep yers an' no one else do-" Head snapping towards the door, she was almost, almost ready to go over there. Good thing she had hired help. Behind Gogo began to loom a large a figure, the music from Gogo cutting out abruptly. "Ach, thankin' ye, mo chara!"

"It finds this creatures presence... _insulting_." Volto Foglia stared down at Gogo, arms crossed and smile stretched thin. Why did things want to fog its senses by using smoke and effects? Very disgusting.

TECHYTECHY: Shorty oooh'd over Thigh High's legs, then looked back at her and admitted "I really thought you were gonna say Kneesocks or something, but I g-guess I was close!" Shorty pulled on the ends of her short shorts, completely forgetting that she hadn't taken those off at the entrance. "How long have YOU been here??" Hopefully not forever! Daten sucked!

TECHYTECHY: Putting her phone on the counter for a moment, Thong then got up from her seat and closed the distance between her and Undershirt to wrap her arms around his neck and press her cheek against his cheek. "You're precious! 'Being all sweet and saying compliments, what a gentlemen!" She then pressed her lips against his cheek, giving a kiss.

She was doing this on purpose.

MAGNUSMATEBA: These feelings were reciprocated by Gauntlet. ''Likewise. I'd rather go back to being a watcher myself, no strings attached. I'm sorry I didn't catch your name and since we're probably going to see each other for a bit it would be useful to know, yes?'' He then looked around, observing the scene, making silent evaluations of who he saw around him. Many demons around the place mingling with angels. A sight he was familiar with, working close to the borders between the north and west. He hadn't talked to demons often and it was a shock for Pastel to address him. While observing the room he had noticed the sign of the rules. No namesakes, like she was telling him. Reluctantly, he pulled the leather gauntlets oh his hands and handed them to Pastel. ''So sorry milady, wont happen again.'' he handed the namesakes to the owner of the Pub ''Do you serve canadian brew here?''

BRIT: Strappon sighed and stood up. "I... Need to use the restroom." He said, "You, other... Human. Please watch these precious children."

TIMERIFTS: Onesie slipped away from the table, they were not interested obviously, but that was okay, some people were just busy!! she smiled and headed off to another table to make friends Overalls shrugged "i don't have a clue who or what is is" he chuckled

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens was just a bucket of sunshine as he finished his sheperd's pie. "Thank you lady! Your pie was delicious!!" He glances over to Oneise and signals a thumbs up. Jeogori raised an eyebrow and writes another note, "So it is not common, correct?"

KR-O: Gogo quickly straightened themselves out, a sheepish smile about their face, "Oh, sorry darling! It's just how I make my entrances in new places." They immediately removed their shoes, "Now, I'm not barbaric and read the rules outside, where do I set these?" Fedora gave a thumbs up to the Templar as he left. Oh boy.

GAMER-GODDESS: Averting her eyes from Shorty's namesake, she ignored that topic for the moment. Stroking her chin as if it had a beard, "I think I've been here for a year? Maybe? Fuck, I don't know for sure but I know it's been too damn long. How about you?" Thigh High questioned while leaning on the bar with both her elbows.

BUMBLERBEE: Dirndl looked

TIMERIFTS: Overalls nodded "I guess they are not a common sight, but the seem respectable enough" she shrugged, taking another shot, offering them both one. Onesie headed up to rosary and handed her a card "happy valentines day!" she exclaimed, cheerfully as the first time, she would not let that get her down

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Undershirt froze completely at the kiss. It felt nice, really nice. The alcohol was starting to cloud Undershirt's judgement. And he kissed her back. "Thanks for the compliments" he said,

BUMBLERBEE: Dirndl looked up and about, trying to decide if at all she wanted something to drink. "Hm." gentle finger tapped her chin, while she noted Rosary standing up to stretch a bit. "I think, maybe just something sweet? Or fruity?" she shrugged, not sure entirely. "This is my first time doing anything like this."

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Cufflink forced a chuckle, "Thank you. But I get drunk rather... Easily." He gives the shot to Jeogori. Or rather his annoyance for the evening. Jeogori takes both shots and licks his lips. He takes another bar napkin and writes, "What is this? It's good."

HITAGASHI: Her eye twitched at the question. Though she smiled down at the child's compliment. "Well. Ah've got slightly less strong Irish brew. Or mead. If'n ye'd prefer somethin' softer though, Ah've got some nice sweet honeyed mead."

"It supposes It accepts your apology. However, it would be best if you put your boots over in the closet. Miss Dirge has some slippers for you."

BUMBLERBEE: Rosary--now that it's her turn-- looked down to see Onesie there... And smile softly. No longer a sexual deviant for the time, she squatted down. "Happy Valentine's Day, sweet darling." the card was accepted, while red polished fingers gently reached up to bring the sweet little head over to be kissed by carmine lips in a motherly way. "I think this will be my favorite Valentine this year."

TECHYTECHY: "Duuude," Shorty frowned, "I've been here f-for, like, so long... liiiike..." She started counting her fingers while one of the bartenders placed their drinks in front of them. "I don't know! More than two years, probably!" /Definitely/ more than two years.

"Daten's really cool though, waaay cooler than Heaven," she said with as much honesty as possible, "L- Like, I wouldn't mind just LIVING here, t-b-h."

Thong was going to leave her arms draped around Undershirt, this is where she will stay. "It's no problem, darling," she smiled warmly, "Just pay me back in drinks~" THERE IT IS.

TIMERIFTS: Overalls grinned at them " Fair enough" she directed her attention to the napkin that had some words scribbled on it "Baileys Irish cream" she commented to the large alien Onesie smiled brightly, she liked this feelings of being liked a lot "I'm glad!" she was so excited to be accepted like this, she had made a new friend!! she got a happy and giddy, competely forgetting the mishap at the other table "i hope to see you around!"

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens got up and walked over to Onesie and whines a bit, "Onesie I'm boooored, lets do something fun!" He wanted to play games, getting sick of eating too much. Jeogori made sure the name was imprinted in his brain. It was maybe his favorite. His cheeks got more red, but no he wasn't drunk. At least he doesn't act it. Cufflink struggled against Jeogori's ion grip on him and looked like a pouting child.

KR-O: Gogo nodded and did as instructed. The slippers they received seemed to clash with their colors but they'll accept it for now. The quickly made ther way to these tall, red figures. They were something they weren't familiar with and it wouldn't hurt to get acquainted. They apparoched Jeogori, tapping his shoulder, "Well, hello tall, dark, and handsome!"

BUMBLERBEE: Rosary smiled softly, petting Onesie's head. "Of course you will, I live at the Abbey." she said, slowly standing up. "You be careful in here, and try not to cause too much mayhem." she said with a laugh, stroking her smooth ink black locks back.

MAGNUSMATEBA: ''No thank you Miss...'' He tried to remember the name of the place's owner ''Pastel correct? I asked mostly out of habit. I usually don't drink but I had to look the part to stalk the angels fallen from gluttony back when I was a watcher.'' Gauntlet turned around to look towards the room, leaning his back on the counter. ''When you've been doing this job for three centuries, you start to notice that some things never change. The drunkards and gluttonfalls are always easy to see'' His gaze turned towards two angels discussing how long they had been on earth though he knew there were more in the room. Nobody had really noticed the stranger walking in. Gauntlet's skills at blending in the crowd were still as sharp.

OSCARK9: "It's okay, Dirndl. This is my first time too." He said to her. "Something Sweet or Fruity, huh?" He was thinking for a minute to see if anything that comes in his mind. "Well, the only thing that comes in mind is a Strawberry Sundae or a Bannana Split. I know it's a dessert kind, but how's that sound? I can ask her if they have any." He ask Dirndl.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Whatever you say, babe, what do want?" He asked as he pulled Thong closer.

Meanwhile Wristband took a swig of beer and gave her brother the thumbs up. She knew he had it in him.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Jeogori raised his eye brow and stands up going to his full height of 8 feet and 10 inches. He was not assumed how GoGo was only a bit shorter, unlike Cufflink who was adorably small. But noticing fighting wasn't an option he shows a note, "Hello. I am Jeogori. And you human?"

KR-O: Wow, this alien was taller than expected, "Exceptionally tall..." They grabbed the note to read it and chuckled, "Oh no dear, I'm not a human. I'm an Angel, Gogo Boots!"

GAMER-GODDESS: Thigh High nodded her head in, "Daten is definitely better than Heaven when it comes to buying food and alcohol. Speaking of which, I recently moved in down here AND goddamn is it nice! 10/10" She praised as she downed her shot as soon as she saw it. The liquid burned slightly as it went down, jumpstarting her nerves as she slammed the glass on the bar "But, as nice as it is, I do miss it sometimes..."

TECHYTECHY: "I could use a martini!" Thong smiled with glee. Hell yes, Hell yes, free drinks and a dude to hold onto, this is what she was about.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Okay.. Angel...? The inquisitor wants to question but the desire to drink is stronger. Jeogori still holding Cufflink, gives a note reading, "Jeogori. What drink do you recommend? I want to try what earth has to offer."

HITAGASHI: "If'n yer nae gon' drink, don' ask fer it." Her attention was mostly on her patrons, smiling at some of the older ones as they left. Nothing annoyed her as much as someone lying to her about ordering drinks. VF walked passed her, patting her on the shoulder and heading towards the bard and more specifically towards Bowtie. Not that they'd interacted much but at least it knew who the demoness was.

MAGNUSMATEBA: ''Well gee, sorry! 300 years of habits are hard to break you know?'' Gauntlet wasn't offended at the remark. He was supposed to know bar etiquette and he broke it in a flash..

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Alright, Waiter you heard the lady!" He said. "So,you said you used to be a secretary correct? What happened if you don't mind me asking?" If he was buying her drinks, he'd like to get to know her at least a little bit. It only seemed fair

KR-O: Gogo tapped their chin, looking at the note. They got into deep thought, then snapped their fingers, "Get a blowjob!! They're pretty nice."

Fedora was still keeping a sharp eye out for those kids. He swears he is.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: A... What? What a weird drink name, Jeogori tried to put the name through context but couldn't figure out what this drink was. He shoots a confused look at Gogo and scribbles down, "And what's in the drink...?" Cufflink was also confused and raised his eyebrows. Knittens meanwhile was not at the table and in fact was wandering around, looking for adventure.

KR-O: Gogo was about to speak before considering the fact that Jeogori was literally not of this world, "Well, see deary. I can list off the ingredients, but it's not like it'd answer what it is _exactly_ . So just go ahead and order one to find out. They're pretty nice, I assure you!"

MAGNUSMATEBA: Gauntlet noticed a human with a fedora on his head looking around the room regularly. It looked like the templar from earlier talked to him, an associate perhaps? He walked to meet the man, feeling like if he was a superior, he might have to meet him. Gauntlet moved towards him and stopped. He hoped that he wouldn't have to break the ice but he was prepared to do so if necessary.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Jeogori couldn't decide whether to trust this angel. He didn't even know what angels are. During his deep in thought decision making he loosened his grip on Cufflink. Cufflink felt Jeogori's grip release and ran like hell. FREEDOM! He ran through the bar, trying to find a place to hide. Jeogori snapped his head at the tiny running demon but lost sight of him. /Damn it/ Jeogri gives a note saying goodbye as he looked for his tiny demon collectible.

KR-O: Fedora rested his chin on the palm of his hand, making sure Knittens didn't get into too much trouble. But suddenly, there was an unsettling presence near him. He shifted his eyes to Gauntlet's direction, raising a brow, "....What do you want?"

Gogo simply stared at the note, sighing, "Ah well.."

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Cufflink hid under table and stayed silent. "Please don't notice me..." he thought. Jeogori walks over to Rosary and shows her a note, "Have you seen a tiny demon?"

MAGNUSMATEBA: Gauntlet was shocked, This guy was more serious than he thought. He came into this somewhat confident but now, he was intimidated although, he would never admit this. Answers rushed through his head, and he couldn't grasp onto one until finally he replied ''I noticed the templar, whom I still haven't got his name, tell you to watch over everyone, correct? Also that attire makes you look important, so I figured I might have to deal with you later on.'' This justification was already too long and Gauntlet right hand was shaking ever so slightly ''My name's Gauntlet and I'm just after conversation for now.''

KR-O: "Who, Sir Strappon? No, I'm only going to look after the humans. I could care less for the feather balls and what they do." Especially what happened to them. "But whatever," he continued, "I'm Fedora." He didn't continue on from there, he just sort of took his phone out to check messages.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Jeogori was actually lifting tables and putting them back down. Nothing tiny escapes him. Finally he found Cufflink clinging to a table leg. "NO NO NOOOOO!" Cufflink shouts as he was pryed off and again carried affectionately.

HITAGASHI: Wandering in late to the party, a new lady came onto the scene. She'd been told about this place by a friend of her cousin. The neighbor, she thought. She saw the lady's brother at home more than her. Especially on Valentine's Weekend. Grinning wide, she bounced her way in, skipping merrily after putting her weapons in a massive closet. Bouncing up to the bar, she hoped she could get some apple juice. When she got it, she clapped and set up shop.

MAGNUSMATEBA: ''I can't say I blame you sir, us 'feather balls' seem to get celebrity status just for being angels. I've seen fallen for 3 centuries and if it makes you feel any better, we're all shitbags in the end. I swear one day the humans will create a heaven to rival our own...'' This conversation was obviously going to get unproductive soon. Gauntlet had seen social conventions evolve over time and he knew that someone pulling out their phone in this context meant 'piss off for now' and so he decided to go back to mingling. ''Thanks for telling me your name though, I guess we might be forced to meet again later Fedora''

KR-O: "Whatever, your condolences mean nothing to me when you lot keep making human's life chaotic." He smiled a little as he was browsing his phone, maybe someone on his hit list finally dropped dead, "As much as I don't really want to, we will see each other."

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens whines a bit as he climbed back in his seat. "I'm boored!! Lets play games!" he exclaims while looking at Fedora.

KR-O: Gogo's attention was brought to the new person in the pub. Their hair. Their was was just _perfect_ . They rushed over to the lady and sat next to them, trying to appear as casually as possible. They rested their arm on the bar counter, leaning to the lady they began to ask, "Who does your hair, darling? It's absolutely _GORGEOUS_ !"

Fedora put away his phone to pay attention to Knittens, "Alright. What game did you have in mind?"

CRACKEMWALNUTS: "Hmmm... Lets play hide and seek!" Knittens announced and ran to hide while calling out, "You're it!" He crawled under the bar and motioned for the bartender to keep silent.

HITAGASHI: Smiling brightly, the lady turned to face Gogo while also leaning a bit back to distance them from herself. She remained smiling though, sipping on her apple juice. "Well, if I'm in a rush, it's my cousin. But when I have the time, like today? It's me! I love doing my hair! And making my dresses! I'm Brooch Symphonia, by the way. Who're you?" She bounced in place a tiny bit, eyes wide and happy. She loved talking fashion.

KR-O: This kid sort of forgot the key component of hide-n-seek. Making the other person count to 10 or something. He played along, either way, no need to crush this child's dream. So he walked around the establishment pretending to look for Knittens.

"My, you have the hands of a Goddess for that hair to look like it does. I'm Go-Go Boots, but call me Gogo."

(( OOC: Thanks all for coming but due to mod sickness and pain, this RP will be cut short and we will pick it up tomorrow! ))

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: Fox took the card and smiled a little,"uh..thanks chica.." It's the thought that counts fox.

Last time at the pub, Pastel was revealed to the world to be a demon. She and Visor proceeded to give people flowers. And each other a traffic cone hat (for Pastel) and a Burger Queen crown (for Visor). People did dumb things. People almost started a fight. There are also children in the pub hanging out with a grumpy old pink haired man. Oh... and Gogo seems to have found a lady to cozy up with after a failed flirtation with an alien. Good job, Gogo.

Happy Valentine's Day!

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens was under bar counter, to in the cupboards of the kitchen, and finally giggling in the vents. Don't question this chain of events. He took off his hat and waited patiently. Cufflink kicked his legs and tried pulling away but Jeogori still carried him bridal style.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: Fox was checking her order yet again until she got distracted by an ad for valentines day chocolate. She shrugs and buys a shit ton of the stuff , handing a box to everyone.

OSCARK9: Gloves was waiting for Dirndl to answer his question to see if she like to have a Sweet Strawberry Sundae or a Fruity Bannana Split. She did said that she wants something Sweet or Fruity for her drink. But he thought of desserts that comes in his mind instead of drinks. But he doesn't know if they have any in the pub since this is his first time at the pub and got him a little worried. So for the safe saying, he told Dirndl to hold on for a minute and called out to the one that he accidentally called her a 'Sir' to see if they have any. Also, owe her an apology. "Excuse me, Miss! Is it okay if I ask you a question. Well, 2 questions to be said."

HITAGASHI: Giggling, Brooch smiled sweetly at Gogo. "I don't know about that! I just love being pretty and making pretty things! I have to ask the same from you though!" She gestured towards their general look. "You look _amazing_! I really love your hair most!"

MAGNUSMATEBA: Gauntlet had been turned away faster than he'd though by this Fedora guy, but whatever. No harm done. His gaze turned to man, probably an angel with a demon sitting on his lap. An unconventional sight he'd only seen in the north, and it was rare even then. Curiosity probably wouldn't kill this cat, hopefully, so he made himself look normal, passing in between patrons to try and mask his approach to go sit to the table next to this guy. ''You look like you're having a good time'' Gauntlet said. He tried to make it sound like it was aimed at somebody else but there was no mistaking the fact he was talking to the man next to him, with a demon on his lap.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Tur'tle'nek didn't really understand this human holiday called 'Valentine's Day'. A single day where you show someone how much you love them? That's bizarre, she thought. You should do that every day, at least that's what she believed. Anyways, Turt decided only one thing could help her understand this day better than anything else, and that was to experience it herself. Maybe there was something special about this day. After eavesdropping on a few individuals (Totally not weird for a seven foot tall glowstick), she heard there was some sort of event occurring in a 'Pub'. Well, Time to investigate the matter. After making her way to Kelpie's shore, the throne walked through the entrance, completely unaware that there were certain rules for immortals and their namesakes in here. Everyone appeared pre-occupied, so Turt just decided to take a seat on the ground right by the door. Maybe she'd just observe this holiday from a semi-safe distance.

KR-O: "Oh please! I can't get it to look as good as this without my stylist's help, she's the real hero here!" They took the compliment regardless, they still haven't gotten their daily dose of ego boost. After some time, Fedora just started to walk around kind of slow around the pub, to give Knittens the illusion that he was actually looking for the kid. After a bit, he asked the bar tender if it was alright to check for something...or someone, behind the counter. Getting the go ahead, he crouched down to where Knittens was, "Found you."

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Undershirt's fun time was interrupted much to his chagrin. "Well I was" he said as he adjusted Thong on his lap. He eyed this new guy closely. "Don't think I've seen you around before." He may have been a little tipsy, but he was sure that he didn't recognize him,

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens almost shrieked and chuckled, "You're good at-!" Before he could finish his word he saw Tur'tle'nek and his eyes widen. That was an alien. Aliens come from space, dad is in space, he could ask about space..!!! Basically running from Fedora and flinging himself at Tur'tle'nek and excitedly asks, "You're alien right?! You've been to space?! What's it like in space? What do you eat? Have you seen my dad? How do you get to space!?"

HITAGASHI: It was hard not to notice a bright white creature taller than her door entering the pub. Eyes tracking over, she wandered towards the Throne at the door and held out a hand. She tried to seem calm what with having been annoyed earlier. Be polite to the lady almost twice your size. About to speak, she was interrupted by a small child and her smile became genuine. How cute.

"She's magic, then! It looks absolutely perfect!" One hand came up to cover her mouth as a soft yawn came forth. "Oh, sorry, sorry! My cousin has twins. They're really... _really_ energetic! It's hard to keep up with them! And she had lots to do today so I've been up since uh..." She seemed to count backwards in her head. "Four. They woke me up at four in the morning! Yep!"

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: Fox sighs and checks the condition of her nails ,"good to go..ish." She yawned as she walked over to the wall, leaning against it. She took out her phone and viewed some pictures of her baby volpe. "Mama misses you sweetie, I'll get you later I promise."

ROAMINGPANDAS: Turtle blinked her eyes, Well that was certainly fast. Though, she didn't quite understand what this had to do with Valentine's.. None the less, Turtle smiled and leaned her head forward just enough to show she was engaging in this conversation. "Oh, space is rather huge, but it's a beautiful thing. There's all sorts of amazing things out there to study." She paused for a moment trying to recall all of the boy's questions. She didn't want to leave him without answers, after all. "I suppose I could be an alien, yes. But I'm not going to lie, I love the produce here on earth-" Turt stopped herself in the middle of answering, seeing as how someone was holding a hand out to her. Still seated on the floor, Turt raised her hand to meet Pastel's hand, giving it a gentle shake. "Well-Hello there. I'm sorry, should I not be seated here?" Turtle laughed, slowly standing up... Everything was so tiny in here.. "My name's Tur'tle'nek, and you are?"

KR-O: That was short lived. Fedora let the kid go about his day and sat back at his table. He pouted, realizing that until the Templar relieved himself, he was put in charge of babysitting the Abbey residents. Oh boy.

Gogo waved their hand dismissively, "Oh that's fine, deary. I understand that kids can be a responsibility." They bit their bit in an attempt to not yawn. Good job, Brooch.

MAGNUSMATEBA: This guy's breath was starting to smell like alcohol, a hardly noticeable hing in such an environment. He clearly wasn't drunk yet but it would probably happen sooner or later, depending on his tolerance. ''Greetings, the name is Gauntlet. Yours?'' he replied, extending his hand for a handshake and removing his hat in the presence of the lady on the guy's lap.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens was too amazed by Tur'tle'nek's height that he couldn't think about how he ditched Fedora. The immediate thing he tries? Climb her, of course. This is what you do to any woman you meet. But he's trying really hard to not be noticed! Jeogori returns to drinking at the bar, gulping down shots like it was nothing. The thick smell of alcohol somehow gets Cufflink a little tipsy with his nonexistent tolerance.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Undershirt" he said as he shook Gauntlet's hand. "So when the hell did you get here? I don't remember seeing you when we left." he said taking a sip of beer.

Wristband glanced over at Fedora. Since when did they get two pink haired nerds? Taking her bottle with her, Wristband sat down next to Fedora.

"So, new guy, huh? I always like to see a fresh face" she said, Fresh fuck was what she wanted to say, but there wasn't quite enough alcohol in her system for that yet.

KR-O: "Is that what you tell everybody new you meet?" Barely one sentence from Wristband and Fedora already looks like he isn't having any of it. "Guess you can say I'm new."

MAGNUSMATEBA: ''I wasn't there, I was an hour out of Daten and nobody was home when I got to the Abbey.''

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She sees all the tall figures and she retreats back to her seat at bar , ordering a couple shots. She ties her hair back into a ponytail and eats a few chocolates she bought with a small sigh."Happy valentines day to me..." She throws away her chocolates and crosses her arms , resting her head on them.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "No, usually I fuck first and ask questions later" She replied with a laugh. "Normally I get a much warmer response than that though. So what's your story Mr. Grumpy?"

HITAGASHI: Pastel merely snickered, gesturing towards one of her wait staff and allowing them to bring up a taller chair. She had a surplus after meeting Volto Foglia. She honestly cared more about the child right now than her rules. Children were so cute.

"Oh no, oh no no, I'm so sorry!" The girl's expression looked heartbroken and she fidgeted with one of her pins nervously. "I didn't mean to make you yawn. Usually I'm wide awake but then again, usually I wake up at seven, not four!" Still, Brooch seemed to droop sadly at causing a yawn. Man, that sucked.

MAGNUSMATEBA: He paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. '' I'm a new fall, unfortunately. Used to be a watcher, what irony right? I asked around town where a pink haired templar was and found y'all. Guess I'm just meeting people.'' Gauntlet had pulled that air of neutrality again, It was difficult to tell if he cared of not that he fell and he was intentionally tight lipped about the circumstances. That much was easy to tell.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens climbed up the chair and swung his feet excitedly, he wants to know so much more of space from someone who's been there. But he didn't want /any/ interruptions so he waited.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Undershirt couldn't help but laugh. "Sounds like a boring fall" he said as he swirled the drink in his glass. Angels these days are always falling for the dumbest stuff.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Turt giggled at this child's attempt to climb her. To her, it was honestly rather cute. She carefully reached her hands down to displace the child from her leg so that she could lift him up herself. Now, half-cradling the ten year old in her arms, She posed the question, "Is that better?" She chuckled quietly,gently hugging Knittens. To be fair, Turt could be compared to a giant sentient pillow (In a good way).

KR-O: "Oh," Fedora said to Wristband's first response. "I'm not much of a person to give out warm receptions," or at all to begin with, "But I guess you can say I'm new. Mostly here to keep an eye out for the Abbey residents. The Templar left but he hasn't returned." Come to think of it, Strappon has been in the stall for quite a while. Did he get eaten by the toilet? That'd be a tragic death he didn't wish upon the Templar.

"Oh no, dear!" Gogo began, "I wouldn't worry so much about some harmless yawning. It's hard not to succumb to it." They patted Brooch's shoulder, "Anyways, feel like having something from here? It's all on me."

It was strange to see the Abbey completely empty, save for the volunteers working there, when Shades stopped by. He figured Strappon may have taken the Angels out on a field day so that they don't get stressed being in the Abbey 24/7. A good move, he thought. He had an idea of where he should go, there was some establishment having a reopening, so maybe that's where he should look. Once he parked, Shades noticed the sign outside Kelpie's. He didn't like the idea of handing in his namesake so he went through the trouble of leaving them in the car and getting a pair of glasses. He just needed to see for the day, so no big deal. As soon as he walked in through the door frame, he spotted Undershirt having a moment. It sure was a moment. Well dang, the man did go through with it from his Twitter rambles. He doesn't know how to really feel about that. Either way he went up to Undershirt to chastise him, "You, what I tell you? And..." Shades said, slowly pointing to Gauntlet, "You... Who is you?"

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knitten's laughs while he looks how how high up he is. Nodding and raising his mittens high with a proud smile. "I'm Knit Mittens! Knittens for short!" He shakes the puffballs on his mittens for dramatic effect. Jeogori was probably drunk, he finished several bottles of sake and whiskey with a big smile on his face. But every soldier can handle a drink, he wasn't this weak! He will not succumb to this earth alcohol!

MAGNUSMATEBA: ''If getting caught in a museum heist is boring to you, I don't really want to know what's fun to you'' Gauntlet retorted, unamused by Undershirt's comeback. This wasn't the whole story but it felt good enough to shut him up. Was this Undershirt guy higher ranked than him?

Another guy, visibly older than Undershirt had walked up to him, wearing sunglasses and a very visible red coat. If Gauntlet had been following some fallen in his jurisdiction not long ago and this guy came up to him, his cover would have been blown for sure. No matter since they were in other hands now. He leaned forward to extend his hand for his traditional handshake. ''Greetings, I am Gauntlet, watcher for the last 300 years, until now. Guess you heard that earlier?''

HITAGASHI: Perking up, Brooch shook her head a bit. "I don't um... I don't drink. I'm not 21 yet! I have to follow the law, right? That and Miss Bifocals says drinking alcohol can make you ugly. I listen to her, she's really old!" She gestured to her empty glass. "I do like apple juice and the fruit bowls they serve here though! My cousin comes here when she has to go on _dates_ with gross people who don't deserve to talk to her. Lots of creeps." Wow, good job rambling, Brooch. Kill the mood.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Dude, where the fuck is Strappon by the way? I haven't seen him in a while" Wristband said as she tried to keep the conversation going.

"Oh hey Shade's what's up man!" Undershirt said. "What did you tell me? I can't quite remember. Something to do with being careful or some shit?" he said with a cocky ass grin.

KR-O: Shades shook Gauntlet's hand, "Yeah, that's nice. You can tell me your sin later to see what I'm gonna have to do to help you out." He snapped back to Undershirt and took out his phone, aggressively looking through an app and then shoved the device into Undershirt's face, "Pendejo, don't play dumb with me!" He swears he's gonna choke this man one day. He'll probably deserve it too, but today's not the day.

"He said he had to take care of restroom business. Maybe the toilet ate him?" said Fedora.

"This is why asking's good, ya? But I'm intrigued by those fruit bowls," Gogo admitted. But the later statements concerned them. "Oh my, I'm guessing they get /taken care of/ here?"

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: After Lord knows how many shots the drunk angel waddles over to Turt and sits next to her. She looks up at her and waves a little bit,"H-How..how are you so tall?" Fox slurred a bit, looking like a small child. She hiccups after blinking a couple times in amazement.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Turt couldn't help the fact she was grinning now. Ahh, this child was so precious, she thought. Though her amazement with this kid was cut short due to the sharp smell of alcohol radiating from Fox's pie-hole. That was _foul_ ... Almost defensively, Turt found herself holding Knittens a bit more securely now, looking down to Fox. "Genetics and time. Are you alright? Your breath is.. For lack of polite words, disgusting beyond all belief."

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Undershirt squinted at the screen "Oh yeeaaah that. I'm still a little sore, but I should be fine. The doctor's just bandaged my up, said I should be fine in a few days. It was totally worth it" he said taking another drink.

"Pfff, sounds horrifying" Wristband said. The prospect of getting eaten by a toilet was both terrifying and hilarious at the same time.

HITAGASHI: Cammy, having finally seen a familiar face, wandered over to Shady. Even if she was wary of all the men around him. She needed to know why she needed this bag full of air fresheners. It's rude not to tell a person. But... oh. Yeah no, she can wait. And be patient. And kinda child right behind Shady because no.

Twitching, Pastel turned her attention to the girl who had called her Pas earlier. What part of no getting drunk did people not get? She prepared to say this before she slapped her forehead. She'd forgotten to tell the alien to remove her namesake because of a child. For fuck's sake. "Oi ain' old 'nough t' be forgettin' shite."

"That's true! Oh, and the fruit bowls are really good! They give us this honey yogurt to dip it in and it's really tasty." One of these fruit bowls slid into place in front of the pair and it was definitely bigger than one person could eat. "Uh... usually I eat these with my cousin." She rubbed the back of her neck at that. Brooch's expression shifted to one of almost forced sadness. "And, see, the rule is if you push someone into doing things with you here, Miss Pastel gets to shoot you. Or you leave! Or you go into the fighting ring. If they ever choose that last one, Sleevies beats them good and through. She's a veteran. She knows how to fight!"

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She pouts,"luucky, and I...I may or..maaay not've had one to many..drink..thingys....s-sssorry about that." She blinks and looks up at her ,"aww you...have a baby! How..m-many months old is it?" Referring to knittens. She shook her head and slapped herself. "Fuckin duck dicks , sorry..uh ..hi really..really tall person." She scooched back a bit.

OSCARK9: While Gloves is waiting for someone to come to take his order at the bar seat. He turn his head back to Dirndl to see if she thought of any drink that she wanted. "Man, service can take a long time to come, huh." He said to himself. "So, Dirndl. Sorry to make you wait for who knows how long, but have you thought of any drink that you like to have? Or dessert if I may add?" he ask her.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens awed at her mutlicolored hair, plus it was so soft. He played with her long hair amazed before looking at Fox and bluntly says, "120 months I think. So I'm not a baby." He puffs out his cheeks and crosses his arms getting pouty. This usually got his point across how mature he was. Jeogori could barely write to communicate and his cheeks were the most saturated hue of red; but his face remained the cold expression he always had. He picks up Cufflink as he staggered over to a booth and leaves a note with horrible handwriting asking for a drink to sober him up.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She chuckles softly,"Aww , hey if you puff your cheeks like that how am I supposed to know." She looks up at him," You'd make an adorable baby though, even if you're older than me." She exaggerated to make him feel better.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Turt found herself terribly conflicted. What on earth had she walked into? Was it too late to just take this child and ollie on out? because she was really beginning to consider that.. But-.. that would be kidnapping, according to humans. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all. Turt really had no idea how to handle the drunken angel. But she was now not only disgusted by the stench of her breath but now their blunt use of curse words in front of this child. Even Pastel's use of of a swear word wasn't as offensive to her. It was probably the smell; That alone could ward off the entire Spanish Inquisition. Carefully ignoring the angel, Turt turned her attention now to the demon ahead of her. She tilted her head to the side slightly as she posed the question to Pastel, "Ah, Pardon? Is something the matter darling?"

MAGNUSMATEBA: ''Hold the phone, help me? The hell do you mean, you a watcher too?'' Gauntlet felt like he had found a fellow sort of 'brother in arms' but that feeling quickly vanished. He wasn't a watcher anymore himself. He looked to the side as if ashamed of aligning himself by this position. It was time to run from this topic to Gauntlet. Luckily Undershirt mentioned something about a bandage ''So what's all that about something being totally worth it?''

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Undershirt grinned "Wouldn't your ass like to know" he said. Shifting Thong in his lap again he finished off his drink before asking for another. "I don't kiss and tell." He actually does a lot, he's just being a shit lord.

KR-O: Shades nose crinkled with the displeased expression he had on his face, "How the fuck are we the same rank. You're /going to lose it if you keep this up/." He had an obvious concern for Undershirt in this regard, but perhaps he'll get to chastising him later at the Abbey. He didn't feel like asking God to smite the guy with Thong near him. That'd be just rude. "Watcher? No, I'm not that. I'm more of a trainer to help these fuckwits fight ghosts." Undershirt was hopeless and Shades felt another presence behind him- Oh! "Ay, either I have shit memory or it's been a while." He said to Cammy.

"I mean, it'd be concerning to begin with," Fedora began, "After all, there was an alarming death rate when that one literal shit ghost showed up a couple years back. He remembers that so vividly. He shuddered at the thought.

"Now I have to try one!" That fruit bowl sounded like a great deal to them and Gogo weren't about to leave this place without trying one, "But at least you have support from someone. Even it if sounds kind of brutal, it counts!"

CRACKEMWALNUTS: "Hmph! Don't lie. Your breath smells like my cousin after every Valentine's day, you have to be close to his age!" Knittens pouted, and adds, "I'm no baby..!!" Yup, Jeogori was passed out. He sleeps on the booth table with Cufflink slowly sneaking away and sitting as far away as possible to him, a few seats away from Gogo and Brooch. Cufflink's stomach growled as he's reminded that he hasn't eaten at all today. "Mother fucking appetite..." he growls and looks over the menu angrily.

HITAGASHI: "I... uh... well. It's been a while! Yes, yeah, that. Um." Cammy fidgeted in place, concerned over the fact that she was so close to a bunch of men. Were her gang here or were Overshirt's brother and gang here, she could manage it. She held up the bag in her hand. "I uh... I got told to bring this with me? It's got some, uh, um, some air fresheners. Yeah..." By some she meant a lot.

Pastel turned her attention back to Turt, shaking her head and smiling politely. "Ah'm hatin' to be an inconvenience t'ye, but ye can't be wearin' yer namesake 'ere. It's nae fair if'n ye get t' keep it and no one else does. Ye ken?"

Smiling, Brooch pushed the fruit bowl more towards Gogo. "Go ahead! It's really good! It's fresh fruit and everything." Her head tilted in confusion at the second statement though. "She's not really brutal. She just tends to headlock them. Which is funny since she's only got the one arm."

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: Fox raises an eyebrow in protest , "how old's your cousin dude..?" She rolls her eyes,"I get it I get it , no need to get your macho panties in a twist." She adds.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Man, Shady was fucking pissed though Undershirt didn't seem to care."You gotta live life man" he said as he was handed another drink. "And we're the same rank because you kept fucking up and losing yours."

"Oh yeah, I remember hearing about that" Wristband said. I just laughed my ass off at the story. I mean how could you die from shit?!" Wristband nearly fell off the chair from laughter.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: "He's... 25 I think. Not sure, he keeps crying about some girl and being in highschool at home which is why I'm here." He rolled his eye at the memory, his energetic cousin crying like a baby and holding him was tiring after all morning. Why was he like that every Valentine's? It was a tradition a this point.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She shrugs," close but no cigar, im four years younger than him. Sounds like a real looker." She crosses her arms. "He really shouldn't have you here though..you okay?" She raised an eyebrow.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Turt grimaced now. Oh dear, she sighed. "mm.. I don't mean any disrespect, I really don't-" Turt paused and placed Knittens down on the other side of herself, away from Fox. Now, with her hands free, she could at least have a bit more mobility in her gestures that were to follow. "It's been erm... over... a thousand years.. since this has come off. Please understand-It gets stuck in my hair and I can't get it out easily once it's wedged in there-" She sighed. The only loose part about that shirt was the part around her neck. Honestly, out of all the things that could be her namesake it was the one thing she struggled to get off.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens shakes his head and smiles, "Don't worry, nothing an astronaut in training can't handle! Plus he's picking me up soon!" He gives Fox a thumbs up and looks up at Turtle.

KR-O: Shades looked into the bag, his eyes lit up with excitement. He fucking loves air freshener shopping, you got no clue. "Are you selling these? I wouldn't mind taking some off your hands." Sadly, it seems like Shades would need to hold off on these air fresheners as he turned around to Undershirt with a thinned out smile, "You want to, ese!?" At this point it was difficult for Shades to not want to shake Undershirt.

"Well...ok, That sounds not brutal. You win." Gogo took a piece of fruit, inspecting it a little before taking a bite out of it. They didn't know what they were expecting, it's just fresh fruit. But perhaps the giant alien a few seats away was now starting to get them a little antsy. He already has a small demon in his grasp, and Gogo didn't want to be next.

"They were eaten by toilets and suffocated in shit," said Fedora, "That sounds like such a bad way to go..." Suddenly his senses tingled. "I feel animosity in the air, someone's gonna end up fighting." He readied his phone, not wanting to miss taking pictures if something were to actually happen. He scanned the pub until he saw Shades and, ya. That man looked pissed off. He prayed to the Lord for a fight.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She smiled a little," Heheh, good luck with that. Your name's mittens right?" Fox pauses and tilts her head to the side , looking up at Turtle,"You need some help up there signorina..? "

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Cufflink ordered some food and watches Jeogori, making sure he doesn't wake up any time soon. Or rather, hiding when he gets out of his alcohol coma. Knittens nods and again shakes his mittens, "Knittens is what everyone calls me."

ROAMINGPANDAS: Turt stared down at the drunken angel. Without even thinking, both of her arms wrapped around her funbags as if to keep them safe from the menace from below. "Please---don't touch me" she stammered. This human holiday seemed less and less appealing.

MAGNUSMATEBA: These dudes looked about to fight. Undershirt seemed to know the other guy and very well at that, maybe a little too much? Interrupting this conversation they were having, partly to avoid this angry duo building up their emotions to having a bloody duel, Gauntlet spoke up ''I used to be a watcher on the border of the north and west. I am now a fallen due to greed and I got here because I was told to find a pink haired templar and I tracked him here. The rest of, well everybody else just happened to be here.'' Gauntlet looked back towards the man in the red jacket. '' And I can fight already, you shouldn't need to train me old man.'' This dude getting angry at Undershirt hadn't told Gauntlet his name yet, not that he'd asked either but he looked older physically than Gauntlet. On the behaviour scale, he was much younger though. Older angels are usually less impulsive in their speech according to Gauntlet's past experience, but times also change really fast. Old man seemed like an ironic but funnily appropriate title, and it might divert the anger of mister red jacket here towards him to avoid killing Undershirt.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "See this is what I was talking about. I just want to have a drink with my date and you want to come up and start shit. WHy don'" Undershirt answered Shades.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "See this is what I was talking about. I just want to have a drink with my date and you want to come up and start shit. Why don't you sit down and join me?" Undershirt answered Shades. "Or better yet, punch that guy" he said pointing to Gauntlet. "I don't like him that much anyway"

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens hid behind Turtle's leg at the tense atmosphere. Jeogori was awakened by the sense of impending blood being spilt. He opened his eyes and rubbed his head, shakily writing down, "Damn it... Fainted." Getting up and noticing the little demon was gone, he was a little pissed off and his face showed it. Cufflink fell out of his seat and hid under Gogo's table, motioning for him to keep silent of his situation, Screw getting carried by this mother fucker.

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: Fox backed away from the impending brawl and prepared to hide under a table if necessary. She was not breaking a nail today, she knew that for a fact.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Oh god Undershirt's gonna get in a fight again" she thought as she turned around and saw Shades provoking Undershirt. This was new.

KR-O: "You're going to drive me to drink and it ain't even New Years.." Shades tried to calm himself down. Inhale, exhale, repeat. But then Gaunlet had to open his mouth. "Listen, m'dude. I honestly do not care if you do or don't know how to fight. It's technically still my job to train those that come to our Abbey. Aside from training, I help out people with their Sins. Some are hopeless as you can see," Shades then pointed to Undershirt. He inhaled and exhaled again, "Also I've been an anxious mess since yesterday after my dinosaur went missing and let's just say my anxiety medications ain't helping so I will be..../irritable/."

MAGNUSMATEBA: ''A lost dino huh? Well it's not my specialty but i'm a fair tracker so if you need help, gimme a holler'' Gauntlet got up and put his hat back on, leaving the trouble zone. ''See you two later'' he said with his hand waving from behind, his sweater reading 'Never be game over'. He wandered around the pub only to end up at the bar again, sitting there alone. He placed an order for a drink, the same as Undershirt was drinking to not get noticed and put it on his tab. Payback for that little comment about punching Gauntlet Nobody had successfully discovered this trick in the past, as long as he didn't get greedy he'd be fine. Gauntlet truly never was game over.

HITAGASHI: Blinking at the situation, Cammy just kind of made a face before turning to first Gauntlet then Undershirt. "Um, okay, yeah." She handed the thing of air freshener to Shady. "You have that. Please don't fight you two. I really, really, really, really don't want to go to jail this week for breaking ribs." Her discomfort was mostly edging into annoyance now. Why were people this dumb?

"If'n ye can't, Ah understand. There's an angel who wouldn' be able t' easily either. But ye mus' keep yerself calm then. No booze, no rough housin'." See? She was understanding. Pastel sure could handle... no. No. N O. Attention get, Shady and co.

"I love Sleevies. I don't know how she handles having the twins though. They're so hard to keep from destroying things!" She huffed, cheeks puffing comically. Brooch's focus did shift briefly to Cufflink, waving at him beneath the table and turning back to Gogo. "They managed to blow up a scooter."

CRACKEMWALNUTS: ... What? Cufflink's interest was piqued from a child blowing up a scooter. Coming from under the table and pulling up a chair he signals the waiter to bring his food here and raises his eye rbow, "And... How did this happen?"

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She watches gauntlet leave,"Hot damn.." She blinks a little bit and cracks her knuckles quietly. "I'm just gonna prepare my ass for a fight, juuust in case the manure hits the fan..."

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Don't worry, I'm not really in a position to fight" Undershirt said to Cammy. Thong really did seem to like her spot on his lap and who was he to change that.

OSCARK9: Gloves was till waiting for some service and it's taking forever for them to get to him, which makes him bored really fast. "Man, service can be a drag." He mumble to himself in an anger tone. "Oh, well. At least I got something to drink since I'm hear." He said to himself while he's drinking his unfinished water at the bar.

(( OOC: Please note that only hitagashi has input on the serving staff at Kelpie's Shore. This means that within a post or so, you can say you've received your order. This is to prevent a massive wall of text that never ends from having to control the 15+ floor staff of the pub. Occasional input from these background characters may occur, but it's best not to wait on it. ))

MAGNUSMATEBA: Gauntlet had made apparently made a mistake to try and put a drink on a tab. He was told that it would cost him double for even asking. ''Fucking hellbents...'' he thought as he slapped a hundred dollar bill on the counter. Stolen of course, but nobody knew that. He shooed the bartender who told him this off. Stuck with a hundred dollar beer that he thought would be free. If there's one thing Gauntlet's greed told him, it was that he HATED losing stuff, especially a perfectly hundo dollar bill. He couldn't hold his liquor either, this was some fairly strong stuff for a guy like him. what other option did he have than giving it to somebody. It was a bad reminder of this whole experience at this point. A lady seemed to have observed him leaving the angry duo behind. She might take the drink. He got up from the chair and walked towards her, handing the drink to her ''Do you want this?'' he asked with only a bit of annoyance showing through his voice, his gaze to the side opposite of Undershirt and Shades. He really mostly hoped she would take it so he could get rid of this damned beer. ''Ah excuse me, I seem to have forgotten my manners.'' He took off his hat again, it was a polite move a century ago ''My name is Gauntlet, and yours is?''

(( OOC: This is OscarK9. Oh okay. I didn't know that I can do that. Sorry about that. ))

KR-O: Shades swatted his hand, as if shooing away Gauntlet. He took a seat next to Undershirt, "Well, you know. I'm in a position to fight, but I don't exactly feel like getting demoted either. Or launched into Hell." He paused for a bit. "My body's kind of shit too, there's that." Accepting the bag of air fresheners, Shades settled on to it as if to hug it. And he honestly needed a hug, "Ah yeah, sorry about that Cammy. I'm just nervous. What if Delta ate someone? She's not exactly small, she BIG!" His breathing began to get faster. Calm down man, what harm can one teenage dino do.

Fedora set down his phone in disappointment, "What the hell? I was so ready to see teeth getting knocked out. This is pretty lame." Though, at the same time he was thankful, no need for Angels to cause a bigger raucous.

"My, well aren't they an energetic duo," said Gogo, "But do go on, this sounds rather interesting."

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She sighs,"hmph ..just gonna wait the ads kicking out. Should get interesting." Fox said with a shrug. She'd volunteer as the fighting tribute but ain't nobody got time for that.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Yeah and I don't want to fight you anyway. So, you want anything?" Undershirt asked Shades. "You seem pretty stressed out there."

"Wow, that was incredible, actually!" Wristband said to Fedora. That was the first time she'd EVER seen her brother not fight when provoked. It seemed kind of surreal to her. Maybe the alcohol was stronger than she thought.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Jeogori was probably too drunk or dumb not to notice Cufflink literally sitting in front of him so he wallows in misery at the bar, drinking the rest of his sake.

KR-O: "The sweet release of death," Shades responded. That's all he could muster saying at the moment.

"How's that incredible? " Fedora asked.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Oh man, guess I'll order you something strong then" Undershirt said as he called the waiter to bring them the strongest thing they got.

"It's incredible because he's never turned down a fight or tried to defuse a situation before. I guess he's either matured or the alcohol changes him like that." Wristband elaborated.

OSCARK9: Gloves received his order and he's enjoying his meal. Despite from long waiting and all that stuff. He can't wait to eat it all. "Man, this looks good." He said to himself and drooling at the same time. "Thanks for the meal!" He said in his happy tone while putting two of his hands together and off he eats.

KR-O: Shades shook his head at Undershirt, "Nah man, it's fine. Besides, I'm on medication. Not exactly a good idea to drink. I also don't have a designated driver." Fedora squinted, "It must be the alcohol because people like that don't really change their habits much."

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Designated driver? How are you going to get us all home? You have a bus or something?" he asked. That or maybe just make like 20 trips, but that would seem like a pain in the ass. Since Shady didn't want his drink, Undershirt took it.

HITAGASHI: Cammy stared at Shady and Undershirt for a minute before fishing out her phone. Scrolling through the images, she came across one with a dinosaur and her herd. "Is this your Delta? Because she showed up earlier and I have no idea what she's doing aside from being babied by Estelle. Which is weird. Because Estelle hates everyone not me or the herd." "I don't know how they did it though? They made it do something special because they want Sleevies to date this one guy I call Softy though! He's a sweetheart." Brooch tapped her chin and hummed. "I could ask?"

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Maybe the alcohol was starting to get to him a little bit as he misheard Shades. "OH wait you said you don't HAVE a designated driver. Come to think of it, I don't think any of us do" he said to Shades as he looked around at the crowd of people. How the hell were they gonna get back home?

KR-O: Shades stared at Cammy's phone for a good moment, then sank in his seat. He could feel himself deflating, "Yup, that's Delta. Good to know she's somewhere she can't exactly eat things." He pointed to Undershirt, and turned to him, "There ya go. The shit you're getting must be strong."

MAGNUSMATEBA: The lady seemed to have ignored Gauntlet's question. ''Oh well, whatever then.'' He directed himself towards another angel who had just received a plate of food. The food didn't interest him. It was getting rid of this nasty bottle of beer. Maybe he'd want it? Couldn't hurt to try. Gauntlet sat down next to this dude, happily digging in. ''Hey, my man, care to help me out? I don't drink and I seem to be stuck with this.'' he waved the bottle of beer gently side to side to indicate he was giving away this bottle. He overheard Shades and Undershirt ask about designated drivers and smiled slightly. ''I'm sober guys!'' he yelled out to them as he turned in his chair to face the duo. He still had the bottle in his hand, some incriminating evidence. Gauntlet was getting sloppy in covering for himself.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "I did order the strongest stuff did I not. It also doesn't help that I've been drinking for the last few hours" he said. He then heard Gauntlet and turned his head. "Yeah, I don't trust you at all. I can see the bottle in your hand." he said pointing to the bottle.

OSCARK9: While Gloves was eating his delicious meal. He heard a voice that was calling to him and he saw a new angel that he never met. He asking him if he wants the bottle but he shook his head. "Sorry. I don't drink alcohol either. But I'm willing to take it out of your hands if that's ok?" He told him.

KR-O: "Hey, I'm sober too!" Shades responded in a sarcastic tone. "Its fine, i can get my van for fewer trips from here to the Abbey."

MAGNUSMATEBA: ''Try me!'' He answered ''You try and walk a straight line and I will after. There's no dice for you.'' Gauntlet then turned the bottle over, the neck facing down. Nothing came out. It was still sealed, he had shooed the bartender so quickly earlier that they never had time to open the bottle. This was the funniest thing Gauntlet had done in the last six months. He started laughing and while he was collecting himself he heard the guy he'd approached tell him he'd take the bottle of his hands. Still recovering from this laugh, he answered ''aw thanks bud, I'm Gauntlet'' He extended his hand, offering a handshake. This seemed to become a reoccurring theme with him. ''Legitimately I am sober though, just a bit tired from driving most of the day. Besides I got my sweet ride right outside. Not so long ago, at least to me, I'd have been talking about a horse, human engineering really has gotten far...'' This comment caused Gauntlet to chuckle although this thought was legitimate.

OSCARK9: "No problem." He told him. He took the bottle from Gauntlet hands and extended his hand to him and gave him a hand sake. "I'm Gloves. Nice to meet you." He said to him with a smile. "That's cool that your a sober. I hope that I can see your ride later when we all get out of here." He told him.

ROAMINGPANDAS: Scrunchy still stood by the door to the pub. With an abruptly loud, and manly, scream, SHE RIPPED THE DOOR OFF THE HINGES. Her hair flowed in the soft breeze. Holding the door over her head, she stared into the pub at the patrons before blinking a few times. .. And with that the angel b-lined it away from the pub with a door overhead.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Cufflink snapped his head at the angel /ripping the door off/. "...savages..." he thought and shook his head But unfortunately the sound caught Jeogori's attention and when he was turning away he sees Cufflink. Nothing could stop Cufflink running like hell.

(( OOC: Hey guys, since we're starting to lag a bit (both in posts and the site itself), it's time to start wrapping it up! ))

SUPERSAIYAN5100: "Pff" he laughed at Gauntlet's threat and smiled. "I'm probably a hundred times stronger than you."His attention was then turned to Scrunchy ripping off the door. Oooookaaaay?

OSCARK9: Gloves heard a noise that was right behind his back. He turn around quickly to see another new angel that comes in the pub with a door over her head. "Well you don't see that everyday." He said to himself.

HITAGASHI: Pastel blinked at her door making its way downtown, running fast, faces passing. She considered the damage to the frame and called over Volto Foglia, deciding to use her tall friend's freakish build to her advantage in removing said frame. She'd been wanting to do some upgrades anyway. That in mind, she moved back to the stage and took the mic.

"All ye newbies, listen up! Me regs ken tha' me pub closes nearer dawn so there ye go. Ye can either stay. Or ye go. If'n ye go, ye're gettin' breathalizer tested an' if'n yer drunk, we've got taxis on call fer ye. Ah've got shit t'do. G'night ye yanks!"

TECHYTECHY: /"Oh my Lord you angels are so stupid,"/ Thong had mumbled to herself for the first in a long while. The apparent chaos and threats were not very attractive to her. The succubus then SIGHED loudly and wiggled herself out of Undershirt's lap, dusting off her legs. "Perhaps this is my cue to leave, then."

OFFICERCOFFINCAT: She gets back her namesake and she hugs it tightly,"mommy's back ,mommy missed you..yes she did." Fox cooes happily exiting the pub. "My little Valentine. I'll get you chocolates later but you know their for me." She spoke to her stuffed companion.

TECHYTECHY: Shorty suddenly landed on Shady's back, nuzzling her face into his jacket before yelling into the fabric, "TAKE ME AWAY."

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Baul Gag and Bowtie both woke up at Pastel's voice. Man they both had a lot to drink and they'd have one hell of a hang over. They both walked to the breathalizer, both of them knowing full well they'd need a taxi to get home. The two of them got into one and left the premise.

"So, you want to give us a lift then?" Undershirt asked Shades as Wristband walked over. "Think we should give Thong a ride home too?"

MAGNUSMATEBA: ''Yeah sure, I can show you my car later on Gloves.'' Gauntlet was getting more and more amused at the comments of Undershirt. As Gauntlet was getting up to leave he replied ''Who said it was a contest of strenght, Undershirt? That's kind of useless if you can't hit me isn't it? You want have this fight, we'll have it later on my own terms. I challenge you to the sabres.'' The closing up call was made suprised Gauntlet. He went to the counter to pick up his namesake and turned around to then find the door missing. ''My, my. I usually steal what's behind the door not the door itself.'' Walking out he cried out ''Yo Gloves, you want this ride?'' as he turned on the engine of an orange sports car.

TECHYTECHY: "Not necessary, I have my own ride," Thong assured the group of holy immortals. With a polite smile, she blew a kiss to them before walking off towards the entrance. "Get home safe, kiddies~!" Hell yeah.

SUPERSAIYAN5100: Undershirt just waived stupidly as Thong left.

"Well, I'd say this night was successful, wouldn't you?" Wristband said to Undershirt and Shades.

Undershirt nodded before feeling around in his pockets and realized his wallet was gone. "WHERE THE FUCK IS MY WALLET...THAT BITCH!!" he yelled.

"Maybe I spoke too soon. Let's just get out of here." Wristband said as the two of them left.

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Jeogori tossed Cufflink onto his shoulder and walked into the distance showing him a note saying, "Where do you live?" Cufflink shoots him a confused look, gives him the directions and asks, "...Why?"

OSCARK9: "Yes! I can have my Gloves back!" He said in his exciting tone. When he got his namesakes back. It made him feel like he was alive again and happy at the same time. When he took the breathalizer test and took the beer bottle with him. Gauntlet is asking him if he wants a ride. He shook his head. "Yes. Please". He answers him. "Thanks, Gauntlet."

CRACKEMWALNUTS: Knittens mean while was calming his cousin who was panicing about leaving him here and goes home.

KR-O: Shades began to laugh at Undershirt's misfortunes as he went on his knees to get Shorty for a piggyback ride. "That's what you get for communing with a Demon, dumbass." AND HE TOOK SHORTY TO CHURCH.

Gogo then received a call. It was their manager and they were less than pleased with their prolonged absence. Time to skedaddle. Fedora basically went into the bathroom stall and dragged out the Templar to take back to the Abbey. Hopefully this guy didn't actually end up during a shit.

#dcmissionaries #demon rp #angel rp

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tube-thoughts-blog · 6 years

Text

Vol. 12

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

---------- Everything Is Terrible:

*Skittles Commercial 1989: A beach slob is out of luck at a not-so-sexy French beach in an animated skittles ad from France.* 2 stars

*The BAR-B-Q-GURU!: Basic grilling techniques (for example: use a whole bottle of lighter fluid) by a broke ass middle aged black dude.* 1 star

*Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Behind the Music: From scarfing pizza to snorting ants with Ozzy. Not really. More like a pathetic attempt by corporate America to exploit dumb kids and dumb parents.* either zero stars or close to 2 1/2 stars (for proof of said b.s.)

*Cowabunga! can do great things: Say something stupid, and feel good.* 2 1/2 stars

*Call Me Fantasy: Unintentionally awkward hardcore-phone-sex commercial.* 3 stars

------------------------

Cartoon Network Summerfest: (2002)

*Longhair and Doubledome - Good Wheel Hunting: Pre-historic odd couple.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Utica Cartoon: A bear gets in over his head in a all you can eat without paying (as long as you can eat them) hot dog bargain.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Yee Haw & Doo Dah - Bronco Breakin Boots: Yosemite Sam-esque cowboy and his talking horse are squatters in Central Park.* 2 stars

--------------

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke Goes Ballooning *Over the rainbow and into the magical land of unicorns (not uniHorns) and Asian sluts.* close to 3 stars

----- Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Barbarella

*Drive In Totals: 14 dead bodies - 1 vicious parakeet attack - 1 Roman orgy - 1 portable brainwave detector - Shag carpeted spaceship - 2 crash landings - 1 giant rubber stingray 1 vicious biting sharp toothed doll attack - demonic children - flower eating - sea through man - flying pod attack with fireballs - 1 burning outer space city - Snowball Fu - Green Laser Fu - and finally the Famous Lovemaking Tube

*TNT NFL Sunday Night Football commercial featuring New England Patriots' then quarterback Drew Bledsoe. Seems like ages ago before Tom Brady dominated the sports news media.

*Joe Bob talks about how the two sci blockbusters of 1968 were Barbarella and 2001. He says that critics wanted to call this one "2002: a Space Idiocy." HA!

*Jane Fonda is a terrible actress. Really terrible.

*Hippie / progressive logic is vomit enducing. "Free love" in this movie is made so confusing and non-fun.

*WCW "Rage in the Cage" FallBrawl commercial featuring Jim "The Anvil" (I believe)

*Joe Bob says this movie is like "Dante's Inferno meets Disney on Ice." Ha

*Hey, 90s business professional lady, don't be afraid of new technology. Get a Nokia cell phone with car lighter adapter for only $9.99. Offer good through 9/30/97

*Joe Bob's advice to the hopeless: talk of lesbos with the very sexy Reno the Mail Girl and Joe Bob helps deliver a viewer's baby (not literally, of course).

*Jane Fonda saves the galaxy by being as silly acting as possible and having softcore, no nudity no action, sex with every humanoid alien she meets.

1 star for the movie (It's more up Joel Schumacher's and Tim Burton's campy alley than mine.) between 1 1/2 and 2 stars for the commercials and 3 stars for Joe Bob's hosting

-----------------

The Greatest American Hero: My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys *Poncho and Lefty.* 3 stars

Manimal: Scrimshaw *I am the walrus (literally).* either 1 star or between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

U.S.S. Alabama (Unaired FX network pilot) *Obviously this was gonna be Reno 911 meets Star Trek, and that's exactly what you get. Poking fun at the genre's tropes and adding the humorous element of inter-galactic govt. red tape getting in the way of space adventuring.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars (The hit or miss ad-libbing is probably why this series never got picked up.)

----- TV CARNAGE:

*The Unfriendliest Town In America: "Can you help me out, buddy?" BAM! Knee the person asking you that in the groin.* 3 stars

*Stripping Lessons From The Insecure: You need a book about striptease allure from a lady that doesn't even feel sexy herself.* 2 1/2 stars

*Sad Sex Sillys!: Uncomfortable advice and uncomfortable laughter.* 1 star

*No More Free Blow Chobs: RICK, she's not some kind of oral sex machine. Stop coming into her dorm room and getting completely naked, while she's in the other room getting erotic candles for the two of you, you horny frat boy you.* 2 1/2 stars

*You Call This Relaxing: Neo-Nazis crucifying another Neo-Nazi* 2 stars

----------------------------------------

---Commander USA's Groovie Movies: CHUD

*For those not familiar with Commander USA, he's a tv movie host from the 80s. He looks like The Comedian from The Watchmen (he predates him, I believe) but he's more like a street wise version of Mr. Rogers. He likes to paint his right hand up with a smiley face, using ashes from his cigar butt, call it "Lefty" and talk to it like a sidekick friend. It's weird and almost painfully unfunny at times, but this is an afternoon, if I'm correct, movie show and not something late night like Joe Bob. Though, Svengoolie uses a lot of cheesy humor on his near-late night monster movie show.*

*Carefree bubble gum commercial. "Now with more flavor than ever." Was it sort of bland before? Were they holding back on the flavor? In the ad, a lot of very active and olympic level folk were blowing bubbles while performing. I can't picture people of the 20 Tens fitness culture even chewing any kind of gum. It's probably not gluten free, anyway.*

*An awesome USA network preview commercial for "Night Flight" "Where would your weekend be without it?" 11 pm eastern 10 pm central. Cool music videos and shorts. Generation X laments for MTV's glory days, well these other cable channels' attempts at MTV style programming were just as good, if not better.*

*Christopher Lee and Joan Collins in "Dark Places" TONIGHT 8pm on USA's Saturday Nightmares I'm tearing up thinking about how good old school cable used to be. Now, they'd probably have a four hour block of a reality show or a forensic detective show or a douchebag movie featuring The Rock, and never in a million years program a horror / mystery movie block followed by late night music videos and animated short films and stand up comedy. You sat in your acid washed jeans and watched this with only your remote, a bowl of popcorn, and a Pepsi. You didn't have an iphone, snapchat, twitter, facebook, netflix, redbox new releases only (barf), hulu, game of thrones, orange is the new black, pandora, real housewives of the kardashians, kanye west butchering bohemian rhapsody. We lived in ye good ole days.*

*One of the "Wet Bandits" from Home Alone is here in the 1980s NYC running a soup kitchen for the homeless. What a difference a decade and meeting Goodfella Joe Pesci makes.*

*Kolchak the Nightstalker would be right at home in this movie's environment. In fact, they have a haggard looking, snooping reporter who's almost a version of him.*

*Commander USA is carving meats for his footlong sandwich right after the scene where the photographer / hero goes down into the underground, with his homeless pal, and checks up on the injured homeless guy's chewed up and festering leg. Ewww. Ha.*

*An 80s nerd is playing bomber pilot in the mirror as he treats his zits with Oxy 10. He's so obnoxious, he deserves leprosy. However, I do miss uncool 80s teenagers who weren't afraid to be uncool.*

*Nabisco Brands logo on a BabyRuth commercial featuring two good looking male and female models in BabyRuth logo letter jackets. One: the Nabisco logo of the 80s gave off some kind of hypnotic feel good illuminatti trance vibe. Must love this corporate brand. Two: Why do they always show chocolate being poured in its melty form? The candy bar is gonna be solid and only melted if it's in your ass pocket and you sit on it or leave it on the dash of your car. Hot, melty chocolate is so damn much better it's like crack was in the 80s. More subliminal, chocolatey, illuminatti shit.*

*A 1-800 number ad featuring feel good American craftsmanship, sportsmanship, patriotism... uh ship and other propaganda for joining the National Rifle Association of America. The 80s were conservative as fuck, motherfucker. Have your VISA or MasterCard ready for your $20 NRA member baseball cap and 10,000 dollars worth of "accidental death" insurance with the NRA. Because you will kill yourself or a loved one or a hunting buddy. It's your 2nd amendment right.*

*Commander USA parodies the scene where the little girl is traumatized after her dad gets jerked out of a phone both by a C.H.U.D. Commander USA uses a blow up doll in his own personal phonebooth to re-enact the scene. Kind of black humor on the part of the old Commander. This was a sort of family friendly afternoon movie show with a basic cable edit of the film, and here they still mix in some bleak humor. Gotta love the 80s. They would not even show this kind movie in the afternoon on basic cable anymore. Sure, SYFY shows monster movies on Saturday afternoons, but they don't show 80s monster movies. They show 2000s crapfests and Asylum mock monster horror shitfests.*

*A yuppie couple is playing their morning game of tennis. The husband is sluggish because he didn't have his Kellog's Branflakes, while the wife is running circles around him. Yes, he didn't have his morning dump, and she did. These ads were effectively satirized in the 90s when Saturday Night Live did their "Colon Blow" cereal commercials.*

*AT&T wants to help 80s, pre internet business communications, small businesses become more successful. Sure, a big corporation really just wanted money like they always would. Truth is they'd like to merge with other super corporations and make the six headed corporate dragon of the apocalypse and suck the souls out of every small business, small business owner, and slug citizen of the global economic slavepit like a high speed slurpee.

*Roger Clemens lip-syncs in a non-redneck voice and gets naked behind a towel (for 80s chicks who wanted to see that. Surprised that he was ever considered a hunk. But whatever) in a "Zestfully Clean" ad. Cheesy, and wouldn't have been my brand of soap in the 80s, but nowhere near as obnoxious and off putting as modern Old Spice soap or Axe body wash.*

*Chef Dom Deluise doesn't wanna say goodbye to his Summer vegetables, as he sings a song to them about saying goodbye, in a Ziploc freezer bag commercial. He really needed to spend less time in the kitchen singing to food. R.I.P. Dom Deluise. He's dead, right?*

*Capn Lou Albano has to be dragged off screen in his 1-800 talk wrestling phone ad. Rejects from The Village People bust into his living room and do this, for some reason. There had to be some moron to call this number and listen to Lou ramble incoherently about Luigi and Jimmy Superfly Snuka.*

*"Dream Away" overnight weight loss tablets. I'm guessing these 1980s biggest losers sweated to the oldies with Richard Simmons in their dreams and all those fat cells just drifted away down into their waterbeds. Every moron in the 80s had a waterbed.*

*In the 80s, it took a magician named "Blackstone" and a series of motivational cassette tapes to get people to stop smoking. No one ever smoked after this and those annoying TRUTH ads featuring dying smoking victims talking out of their neckholes, that you have to hurry and look away as you flip the channel during dinner, never took place. What a wonderful alternate reality we live in.*

*C.H.U.D. and They Live would and probably has made a great double feature. Both have themes of the govt not caring about the people on the bottom level of society.*

*Another reason why this is a great movie is they're taking their sweet time to build up the tension of really getting a good look at the monsters. Sure, we've had glimpses of them. But nothing really lingers on them. It's all quick edits. When they finally show themselves to the people of New York, and the movie viewer, it will be worth the payoff. If this were a SYFY Asylum mock-monster-mock-movie we'd already had seen the shitty CGI croco-cerebus-cheetah in the first five minutes when it devours Caitlyn Jenner.*

*This movie also meets Joe Bob Briggs' rule of any good horror movie which is "Anybody can die at anytime." And they do, there, in the sewers of NYC in C.H.U.D.*

*Get Dianetics at Waldenbooks. The pseudo-psychology pseudo-religion selfhelp zeitgeist of 80s yuppies.*

*One more inspid bit of 80s propaganda by conservative Ronald Reagan America and corporate America: They would have "By Mennen" ads featuring babies and new moms with the 1950s tv mom standing over her shoulder giving her instructions on every "how to" and all the mother know how life advice she'd need. Basically saying, "Don't think for yourself. Make the 80s just like the good ole 50s."*

*"FDS Woman." Yes, ladies of the 80s used a huge aerosol can of feminine deodorant spray to keep their smelly vaginas in check, and that, coupled with their big hair, that needed to also be aerosol sprayed, is the reason that we have a hole in the ozone layer and now everyone has smelly genitals from the swamp crotch caused by a greenhouse gas oven climate that we all endure for most of the year.*

*There's no irony being noticed by anyone, here, that this movie that came out in the 80s and featured a plot about radioactive waste coming back to bite everyone in the ass is being shown on television, in the 80s, sandwiched in between all kinds of products that we have to destroy our bodies with using and our environment in making. Nope, none. Ha.*

*"Go back to sleep America. Your government is in control." -Bill Hicks*

*Nice government citywide coverup of the night of horrors and incident.*

*And a great cameo by John Goodman as a NYC cop in a greasy spoon diner, when the CHUDs show back up for the gotcha horror ending.*

*Commander USA puts on his trench coat and heads out the door after the credits roll.*

*The USA network voice over guy tells us to tune in tomorrow at noon for All American Wrestling featuring the voice talents of Mean Gene Okerlund. Can't get much more 80s than that.*

3 stars for the movie (even being on basic cable and edited) 2 1/2 stars for the Commander and finally either 1 star or close to 3 stars for the cheesy, despicable ads

----------------------------------------

---- Marc Summers' Mystery Magical Tour:

*For some reason Marc Summers is out on a stormy night, on a desolate road, after watching a movie with a group of kids, when his convertible gets a flat tire and he has no spare. One: that's just not responsible adult behavior, but what would you expect from the host of Double Dare. Two: Why is the top down when it's gonna rain? And where is this movie theater out on a winding mountain road right out of a David Lynch movie?

*The Addams Family's John Astin makes a cameo as a disgruntled magician, breaking the 4th wall and airing grievances, before quitting his magician job at a spooky, old dark house in the middle of nowhere.

*Guess who happens to pull in front of the house seeking help. Marc and kids.

*Of course, per requirement for a creepy mansion, no one is there to open the door and it is a case of just letting one's self in.

*It's gonna be Marc's own personal "Hotel California" as a creepy, gloved hand slides Marc's picture into the frame on the Now Appearing Act sign outside the mansion.

*Marc is proving why more game show hosts aren't asked to act. This is a labor of magician love, so he gets to star in his own pet project on Nickelodeon.*

*There's the old googly eyes behind the painting following around Marc and kids. A staple of old dark house horror.*

*Secret passageways and locked doors, spooky setting, ominous David Copperfield esque magician playing an old phonograph record using telepathy, but Are You Afraid of the Dark this ain't.*

*"Connect Four" singing faces commercial from the 1980s. Another awesome board game that caused many a sibling argument.*

*Johnny is the coolest 10 year old. He wears his jean jacket over his shoulders like a matador would wear a cape. Every kid in town has gathered to watch him take on Milton Bradley's Simon electronic guessing slap game.*

*The kids are running around without Marc who got disappeared into a skeleton in a phone booth. Now, the kids are pulling the old 3 Stooges "Knock it off" things happening behind the others backs routine.*

*Now, a maid has shown up to do a Carol Burnett mime routine. Sad and beautiful.*

*Lance Burton starts having a swashbuckling sword duel with the killer ghost character from Wes Craven's Scream.*

*The silky voiced and animated bear from the Golden Crisp commercial. Whatever became of him?*

*A Converse "Conasaur" commercial featuring pre-historic lizards from King Kong's Skull Island and the old black and white Lost World movie. Nice.*

*Tyco Dino-Riders toy commercial. Dinosaurs ruled the earth once again in the late 80s and early 90s and kids back then had awesome toys, cartoons, and movies to show for it.*

close to 2 1/2 stars for Marc, and kids, inside Lance's lunatic magician's mansion. close to 3 stars for the kid friendly retro ads

------------------------------------------

Twitch City: Killed By Cat Food *Art imitating life without merit. Without Hope. So, Curtis finally leaves the apartment and finds Hope, again.* 3 stars

--- Found Footage Fest:

*Clean Butt: Hands free shitting experience that's very dignified.* 2 1/2 stars

*Disney World, One Kid's Opinion: Although the lines are long, it's worth it.* 1 star or 5 Mickeys according to this kid

*Exercise Awareness Week: "The Wu Tang Clan of exercise shows" featuring an 80 year old govt hating bible thumper.* 2 strange stars

*Inline Skating Is Fun: Wear a helmet or have a sweet ponytail to protect your fragile egg shell of a head.* 2 1/2 stars

*Memorial Day 2000: For the land of the free and the home of the show us your fuckin' tits!* either zero stars or close to 3 stars

---------------------------------------

Spicy City: An Eye For An Eye *Cyberspace better than the shark tank. Tragic song and dance in a chat room lounge.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Robocop the series: What Money Can't Buy *A sick kid needs the "Sultan of Detroit Swat," Robocop, to hit a homerun off of a curveball thrown by an organ snatcher.* either 1 star or between 2 and 2 1/2 stars (This show is at odds with itself. On one hand you have the clever Robocop style adult satire of society, and on the other it's a dumb, mainstream, early 90s, PG-action tv series with all the cliches and flaws of those kinds of series.)

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke in Roswell, New Mexico *"All Chinese look alike just like all aliens look alike." -Stanton Friedman, UFO expert.* close to 3 stars

Casey and Friends: Episode 10 "1989" *The setting is late in the 2000s decade. Some hipster-nerd teenagers find their dad's old VHS cam-corder and set out to parody 1980s era, "cool Christian" teens television shows that they still show on Saturday afternoons on the religious channels. Unfortunately, the "too kewl for Sunday school" teens come up short on the satire and humor.* either between zero and 1/2 a star or between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

----------- Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: The Beast Within

*Joe Bob is all for mutant-insect sex with humans as long as it produces monster horror flicks.

*Drive In Totals: 16 dead bodies... 1 dead dog... Neck munching... Embalming needle through the chest... Electrocution... Disembowling... Head rolls.. Hand rolls..

*Joe Bob will be with the viewer all night for "all the insect sex info"

*Monster/murder/rape mystery and returning to a hicksploitation town where it happened

*Joe Bob knows about deep, dark southern mysteries involving can opener / electrical chord murders

*Yep, it's a strange one. Effeminite, elderly newspaper man patting out raw hamburger and flirting with the delivery boy who turns rabid and chomps on the raw flesh of the weirdo old man, killing him. Plus, Designing Women's man's man Meschach Taylor is one of the town's deputees. Ha.

*Joe Bob is making toy grasshoppers hump and questioning the strange, sexual tension of the movie. Like the romantic strolls, with a deranged redneck's daughter, by a swamp full of body parts.

*Joe Bob wants to know why adults can't watch innards, 'cause of censors, even after the midnite hour on Turner basic cable. I agree.

*Joe Bob threatens to go on Jerry Springer and air his complaints, because he loves the violence on that show.

*Being embalmed alive has to rank pretty high on the horror movie kill list hall of fame.

*The town drunk has figured out who the killer is, but the sheriff won't listen and tells him that he looks like "The high noon of a coon dog just leaving the swamp."

*The young lead/monster of this movie looks like John C. Reilly playing a teenage Dewey Cox / Lon Chaney Jr. Wolfman

*Joe Bob exclaims how Monstervision is better than Turner Classic movies, because instead of pointing out facts about Liz Taylor getting hickeys from lovers in 1957, he talks about dead Baptist ghosts in spooky Mississippi hospitals where they film horror flicks

*Joe Bob questions the logic of turning into a cicada monster that's never explained in the movie.*

close to 3 stars for the tv edit of the movie and 3 stars for Joe Bob

------------------------------------------------

---- John Candy in "Summer Rental" on AMC (American Movie Classics)

*National Lampoons Vacation comparisons, but Candy is more endearing than Chevy. His movie family, on the other hand, terrible... so far

*Stuck in a moving station wagon with a farting dog, yet this movie still is charming and nowhere near as bad as a 2000s era awful comedy with someone like Martin Lawrence or Adam Sandler taking their families on vacation.

*AMC is airing this Summer themed movie during the Christmas holidays, and showing a commercial for their upcoming Holiday hit movies. Bill Murray's Scrooged is gonna be ran for 24 hours straight. Who started this shit? I love Scrooged, I used to love a Christmas Story, Home Alone 1 & 2, and Christmas Vacation, but I'll be damn if they did not run these movies into the ground. 24 hours straight of the same movie is insane and enough to make fans start hating their favorite movies. They play Home Alone and Christmas Vacation every other day on cable starting around Thanksgiving up until Dec. 27. ENOUGH!

*Hallmark digital Holiday cards featuring the overused Charlie Brown song and more awful insurance ads guilting family's into life insurance. They're raking in the bucks off of sentimental feelings

*Shaq is sitting by a warm fireplace attempting to read a corporate Christmas story (buy our stuff!) to a bunch of multi-cultural tv commercial kids. How, sweet.... humbug

*Renters versus Owners. A Ronald Reagan type rich yuppie gets Haiwaiin shirt wearing John Candy's table at the fancy restaurant, after Candy waited forever in line, and his lobster dinner. Basically, the rich, who can live in the vacation town all year long, against the 40plus hour a week white collar worker who can only rent a condo for a couple of weeks in the nice vacation area.

*Rip Torn is a pirate in a rundown dive bar / Captain D's

*John Candy is one of those take all kinds of crap dads on a vacation from hell.

*J.G. Wentworth sure likes bad opera singing and people yelling out windows

*Run in with the evil Ron Reagan guy while sailing. After beach hiijinks and moving in to a crappy shack on the beach after getting kicked out of their nice condo by the real owners.

*Wife and kids go to a movie during a rainstorm, while Candy is laid up cripple after a sailing accident, and mom forgot her wallet leading to John Laroquette picking up the tickets for them and hitting on mom.

*John Candy's character should just kill himself now.

*Footloose Kevin Bacon poster on the lobby wall and teen daughter is listening to Wham! on her walkman headphones. Barf on both, but 80s nostalgia nonetheless.

*Flinstones gag where Candy gets locked outside, in the rainstorm, by his dog.

*Candy is nursing a hurt leg in a kids plastic pool while his wife is on a speedboat with a douchebag like Laroquette.

*AH, his luck might have changed for the better? The bikini beach bimbo shows up on his sandy lawn... with pity

*Corporate America has no shortage of insipid holiday commercials. They even try to be clever about being aware of this in some of the commercials. Bill Hicks would note that they're going for the "hating the holidays" dollar.

*There's a nude boob scene that Candy gets to be in (not his boobs, thankfully) and I wonder since this is an 80s flick, even though I'm sure PG13, if there were actual boobs shown. Since it was the 80s, and 80s PG13 was edgier, I'm thinking maybe they did show naked boobs. AMC doesn't, however, 'cause it's the Holidays and we still have Pilgrim and Puritan overlords and Santa watches everything.

*The 80s version of Larry the Cable guy has taken over Candy's bed, and taken up with his dog, while watching the Smurfs, during a beach bum party takeover of Candy's vacation house. It happens when Candy is next door checking out the neighbor's brand new boob job.

*Rip Torn and John Candy have a drunken debate. Who's tougher? Jimmy Cagney or Sylvester Stallone

*Ron Reagan voter is signing business papers on the coffin of Candy's condo's former owner. Uh, oh, 'cause Candy has shown up in beach shorts and a white sports coat at the funeral home. Candy's being evicted. Lesson: don't rub the rich the wrong way.

*Crooked rich guy's boat is called "The Incisor."

*As per requirement for all Summer fun movies, there's a challenge thrown down between the good guys of Candy's / Rip Torn's haggard pirate beach bums and the yuppie rich sailor who happens to be Candy's evil landlord. It's a sail off. Winner takes all.

*Candy's clan wins the battle of waves.

*Whatever happened to the Laroquette and Candy's wife subplot? Who cares....

*This movie just isn't as satisfying as Chevy's Summer vacation, though it had some decent moments. Sick of Chevy's Summer vacation, however, and never need to see it again. Ever. Cable has played it so much it feels like the other 9 months of the year and not a vacation at all.

2 1/2 stars for the movie 1 1/2 stars for the ads

-----------------------------------------

Northern Exposure: Sex, Lies, and Ed's Tape *A high concept man with his head on the bar.* close to 3 stars

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke in Alaska *Where one's pee turns instantly into a popsicle.* close to 3 stars

Cartoon Network Summerfest: (2002)

*Maktar: A group of kids are playing flashlight tag, on the lawn, one Summer night. The light somehow shoots through the cosmos and is received as an act of war by a planet of oddball as well as kaiju controlling aliens.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Test Drive: Some white trash teens find a Transformer type robot in a junkyard and rebuild it. A zero suit Samus chick, from the future, arrives to reclaim it, and they aid her in a smackdown to stop aliens from destroying earth.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

----------------------------

USA UP All Night with Rhonda Shear: Beach Fever & Nightmare Sisters (1992)

Host segments for Beach Fever:

*Ritzy, early 90s UP All Night has just as good an opening video as Saturday Night Live, of the same time period, had.

*Rhonda thinks Beach Fever has feminist vibes because it has bikini babes relaxing and enjoying themselves on the beach while also karate kicking dudes in the neck

*Viewer mail: A guy named Ralph wants to exchange footcream in order to see Rhonda wiggle her toes in cheesecake. Rhonda shows off her comedic chops (which would sound surprisingly good to some, and they are) when she impersonates a New Yawk advice columnist, looking like the receptionist of Ghostbusters, complete in red wig. Reading a letter from a lady whose son is wearing her panties. Ha.

*More viewer mail: Rhonda reads a letter, while stretched out in a red miniskirt on a white bed, from the president of the "foot fetish society of America."

*Rhonda writes her wishlist to Santa while the rockabilly classic "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" plays in the background

*A viewer writes in to tell Rhonda how he and his wife, inspired by Rhonda's succulent cheesecake covered toes, took a chocolate pie to bed. Kinky weirdos, but fun anyway

*More letters rolling in prove the value of old school late night movie hosts. People are not watching for the subpar flicks, they're watching for an entertaining host. If more networks still did this, they'd get more value out of their late night tv library & ads.

*Other viewers write in to USA network wanting them to put that "space mutant" Gilbert Gotfried off of the other late night hosting spot and send him to where he belongs, "SciFi" network, instead. Ha.

Beach Fever:

*Kato Kaelin and not Jackie Chan have beach high jinks against pimps/pushers, muscleheads, and sexual zombies.*

USA UP All Night Late Night Advertisements:

*A yuppie douchebag is tired of being alone at night and having horny air bubble thoughts pop up above his empty head. So, he spends a dollar a minute to call up "Singles Connection Hotline." next thing you know, he's dry humping bimbos on the dancefloor, just like his pal.

*Lonely gals and guys call "Phone Partners" for 99 cents a minute and find friends in the same town or across the country. Social networking difficult back then. More saxophone soothing, but expensive.

*Call the "Mind Maze" for 5 bucks a minute (wow, expensive!) and get X-Files esque phone sex, I guess, with a creepy guy back lit by what I'm guessing is an alien searchlight peeping through your closed blinds. Creepy.

*TeleFriend. For 4.99 a minute, you too can have a female "friend" to talk to.

Host Segments for Nightmare Sisters:

*A viewer is mad that "Macho Man" Randy Savage touched Rhonda, on a previous night's UP All Night, and the viewer crushed his beer can, spilling suds, in a rage. Ha.

"Nightmare Sisters" starring Linnea Quigley (1988):

*Sorority Babes in Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama meets Revenge of the Nerds. This time with succubus and a decapitated genie's head, named Dukey Flyswatter, in a crystal ball.*

3 stars for Rhonda close to 2 1/2 stars the advertisements close to 2 stars for Beach Fever and close to 3 stars for Nightmare Sisters

--------------------------------------

Erwin C. Dietrich's "High Test Girls" (1980) *In a picturesque European village nestled in the mountains, six scandalous Swedish sweeties service a softcore-sex-soaked gas station / grotto. Sex antics with plenty of tongue in cheek humor.* more than 2 1/2 stars

"High Kicks" (1993) *Jean Claude Van Damme meets Tommy Wiseau, without enough awkwardness to warrant a cult following or even viewing. A toothless & bloodless attempt at rape-revenge exploitation. Shot on video at Venice Beach. A mullet hairdo sporting Patrick Swayze type zen martial artist / drifter (private pleasure sailor) helps an aerobics chick learn basic self defense to fend off a haggard gang of goofy stereotypes. One villain sounds/looks like Artie from Howard Stern's Show, another acts all Carlos Mencia, there's even a Fat Albert body double, and the required Asian kung fu gangbanger.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

---- Red Letter Media.com presents Best of the Worst:

*Lady Terminator: Skanky Lara Croft has her vagina possessed by a snake goddess and becomes a Lady Terminator. Makes about as much sense as Terminator Genisys.* close to 2 stars

*Lost In Dinosaur World: A kid friendly, and painfully boring, 90s Jurassic Park cash in and half assed attempt at advertising for a theme park full of barely mobile animatronic dinosaurs.* 1/2 a star

*Low Blow: A kung fu Charles Bronson wannabe, who's inept and elderly, versus a could-not-care-any-less cult leader.* 2 stars barely

Red Letter gives a tie for best between Lady T. and Low. B. Lost in Dinosaur World gets melted by a hot iron.

--------------------------------

1201Beyond.com presents Riff You A New One: Raiders of Atlantis *"I downloaded a copy of a mustache." I don't know what that means, but I think it pretty much sums up watching this flick. It's an Italian exploitation mixture of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Miami Vice, A-Team, Road Warrior, Gilligan's Island, and Fulci's Zombie.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing and between 2 and 2 1/2 stars without riffing

"Asylum For Shut Ins: Video Psychotherapy" (2004) *A twisted, beatnik(?) ventriloquist dummy screws with the viewer's head for watching clips of screaming scream queens, acts of depravity, and horror gore. Often repetitive and headache inducing.* running from close to 2 stars down to 1 star down to zero

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Goes Noodling In Oklahoma *Savoring "gettin' some!"* 2 1/2 stars

Ripley's Believe It Or Not!: Episode 1 (1985) *Jack Palance pisses up a rope.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Obscurus Lupa presents: Gymkata *The Cold War had everyone olympics caliber athletics crazed. Beating Ivan Drago, having a Miracle on Ice, or scoring high in Tetris meant something. So much that Ronald Reagan's Star Wars nuclear program depended on the C.I.A. getting a gymnast into a Soviet neighbor backwoods inbred country's Ninja Warrior obstacles of death challenge in a Eastern European forest. The winner getting one wish. Ronald Reagan used that wish to launch a laser sky cannon and crumbled the Berlin Wall.* 2 stars for the flick and 2 stars for the fun review

Forever Knight: Dying To Know You *A psychic gets a little too close to the fire trying to fly with a vampire. I miss how 70s, 80s, and 90s action dramas would always end with lite humor, despite having a heavy story to the show. In this episode, a police psychic gets killed in the line of duty, after getting personal with our hero. He broods about it during a thunderstorm, and then the episode ends with the four lead cops having a laugh about protein shakes and tofu burgers on their lunch break. Game of Thrones and others should try this. *wink* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: I Never Promised You A Rose Marvin *This town might be more corrupt than Gotham. There's a bully SWAT team with a tank for a toy. Corrupt politicians try to cover up their crimes using corrupt high ranking police. And kooky doctors think that dangerous mental patients are just misunderstood and shouldn't be behind bars. Lucky for everyone, there are more than a few James Gordon quality cops down at the Hill Street precinct.* 3 stars

Viper: The Face *Suffers from the flaw of many movies and tv shows of the time period. Too much emphasis is placed on the comic relief and it gets in the way of the plot. That being a noble ex-con stuck between a rock and a hard place.* either 1 star or between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

"Samurai Cop" (1989) *Set in a bizarre alternate universe where Tommy Wiseau makes Tony Scott style action movies. Three things that no one would have thought would go together so sweetly: buddy action comedy, softcore porn scenes, and Japanese warrior code.* 3 stars

--- Found Footage Fest:

*Even More Proof - Swords and Blowguns: Tips on how to have unsafe fun with deadly weapons for sale from the same guy giving the tips.* 1 star

*Hair Again: A picture of someone, with hair, is worth a thousand words, but the same picture, with someone wearing a wig, is pretty much worthless.* 3 stars

*How To Be A Real Man: Banditos get loco for HeyZeus.* 3 stars

*Star Search Audition - Nick Gomez: Carlos Mencia would have gotten zero stars on Star Search.*

*Video Guide to Successful Seduction: "Plan something different." "In public." Do it in public...* 3 stars

----------------

Max Headroom: Lessons *They're censoring Sesame Street.* 2 1/2 stars

1201Beyond.com presents Channel 32 Bloopers (1989) *Hijinks from a local t.v. station in the Midwest. It's always the businessman, who's too inept to be his own commercial spokesman, that steals the show. See also: Punch Drunk Love's "Mattress Man" plus the internet legend "Winnebago Man."* between 2 & 2 1/2 stars

"Broadcast Babes" ---XXX--- (1985) *So, big haired (also boobed) lady, you wanna be be a glamorous news reporter mindlessly reading teleprompter info about family housefire deaths and funning it up with the weather guy? Well, first, you gotta lay it all out, on the casting couch, with Ron Jeremy's wiener cousin.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Future Schlock Vol. 1 *"It literally takes you to Funky Town." "My dad lives in a downtown hotel." "Girls like guys who get high." A mixtape with just the right amount of attention deficit disorder.* 3 stars

Wizards & Warriors: The Caverns of Chaos *Trust sprouts from bitter roots.* 3 stars

Look Around You: Health *"Between you and me, I wish I had never gotten out of bed this morning." That was before meeting MediBot. A 1950s sci fi style robot & mobile surgeon.* 2 1/2 stars

---- Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Soylent Green w/commentary from director Fleischer

*Talk about how this was an early environmental film in a dirty decade, the 1970s.

*New York has a population, here in 2020, of 40 million people. There's mass overcrowding and a huge divide between the the have(s) and those who have not.

*Romero would take this timeless, universal notion and apply it during the Bush Jr. years in Land of the Dead.

*Total dystopia happening here.

*When society is hanging on by a thread, women become property. It always happens.

*Joe Bob loves Chuck Heston in this flick. He thinks he's nasty and tough in a harsh setting. Joe Bob hates cutesy sci fi flicks. The ugliness of this one appeals to Joe Bob as he stands in front of kitschy, skull trailer decorations.

*You know it's a heavy film when Edward G. Robinson is crying over vegetables, because he hasn't seen any since his youth due to crop shortages and world starvation.

*A lot of social barriers have had to come down, due to circumstance, in this movie's world, but still armed men have to loom over like Hendrix's song "Watchtower."

*Joe Bob tells his audience to slow down and accept the slow pace of the film.

*Poetic dinner scene where Robinson gets to introduce Heston's character to a meal that he's never had before.

*Planet of the Apes, Omega Man, this flick... Heston was the king of thought provoking mainstream 70s sci fi

*150 bucks a jar strawberry jam on a spoon, from a suspect's kitchen, retrieved by the cop character of Heston. It's part of the plot and another scary, little aspect of the flick that really needs to be noted. In our real life, the prices of certain foods are always fluctuating depending on some issue. Right now eggs have gone up because of a bird epidemic, last year it was pork for similar reasons. This film is all too real.

*Heston's character is our hero, but, as noted by the director, he's lacking some of the more noble qualities of Robinson's older character who saw more earlier brighter days. This is saying that we're preparing a world for future generations, through our ignorance and arrogance and destructive deeds, where they'll have less and less humanity.

*Joe Bob, in character maybe, is getting bored with the film and thinks it needs a lesbo orgy. Maybe he thinks this will be above the heads of most of the drunk, late night TNT crowd.

*Chuck interrupts a lounge full of sexy ladies, and bums a drink and a smoke from one of them noting, "If I had money, I would smoke 2 or 3 of these everyday." In the seventies that would be a joke for different reasons than it is now. Back then, smokes were cheap, but now, he's right, you would be lucky to afford a pack a day, and soon it will probably be the way it is in this movie.

*Noting that the female character is nothing more than sexy dressing to the scenes and the lives of the men. Like sleak 70s furniture. Kind of like the whores in Game of Thrones.

*Joe Bob points out that Chuck is a feminist because he wanted the female lead to show angst about her situation in life, before taking her to bed. Ha. Touche.

*In this next scene, the governor of New York is taking his family to see the one tree in the state in a hothouse. In current, real news, the mayor of Portland, Oregon, took his family on the parade route of the Rose Parade through downtown Portland after a vicious homeless sweep to get the homeless off the streets so they wouldn't be an ugly reminder during the pretty parade.

*The director is commenting that there is no middle class in this movie. Only the very rich and the very poor. Again, it's where we're heading as a society.

*Joe Bob points out how the police, govt, and the rich would love to use bulldozer garbage trucks to scoop protesters off the street. Wouldn't they!

*One of the first movies to tell the truth of corporations being the new evil of society.

*Another scary dilemma of society in this movie, and possibly where we're heading with governments wanting to take internet freedoms and rights to share dissent away, the small group of humanitarian people are gathered in the one remaining library to read what information that they have left and maybe get down to finding out what the Soylent corporation is truly up to. Modern corporations would love to take our ability away and make us not be able to know what they're up to.

*The euthanization sequence with the sterile setting and the pretty music and pictures. I think it says something about 21st century people and our veal calf lives of pleasure.

*A classic gloom & doom tale about global warming and corporate greed.

*And remember, Chef Boyardee is Soylent Green.

*We end with Joe Bob talking about the next flick, on Monstervision, the Legend of Boggy Creek. And how the director was meticulous about detailing the true accounts of Bigfoot in a Texas/Arkansas swamp. This film was made around the same time as Soylent Green. Again, fast forward to modern day, we have real global issues happening in the world, and corporate channels like AnimalPlanet waste time and viewers' attention on shows like "Finding Bigfoot." History will repeat itself until the apocalypse.

3 stars for Soylent (the movie, not the product) close to 3 stars for the director and actress commentary and more than 2 1/2 stars for Joe Bob

---------------------------------------

TV CARNAGE:

*Keep on rocking forever baby boomers!: Roll on with that broken hip. You have medicare.* 2 1/2 stars

*Gullible as shit: Believe anything a trio of Asian gangbanging greasers have to tell you.* close to 2 stars

*Need my medicine: Benji, the dog, and Chuck Norris on a drug bust.* between 2 and 2 1/2

*Mighty Fine Man: You Pay TOO MUCH!* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Pay day: Don't be nervous, 'cause you're gettin' laid.* 1 1/2 stars

---------------------------

Six Feet Under: The Foot *And a heavy hand. I'm once again starting not to like any of these characters (except for the cop; as a person).* close to 2 1/2 stars (biased rating not reflecting quality)

Spicy City: Sex Drive *A Sin City Marv type butts heads with his cop partner. A real crooked dame.* 3 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*Milk is sweet, bro: The cream always rises to the top. So, chew your cud, bud.* 3 stars

*Vitamix - Catch the Vision!: It takes 3 seconds to grind meat and dust mite feces.* 3 stars

*Woman versus computer!: You've pushed the wrong button, bitch!* 3 stars

*BUBBLES!: "They're your friends." If you get high a lot and talk to puppets. It helps.* 2 1/2 stars

*It all ends soon!: Feral agony.* 2 1/2 stars

-------------------

"Blue Ice" ---xxx--- (1985) *Nazi exploitation mixed into a noir San Francisco setting. Spliced together with so much grit that one would believe they're back in the 70s at some 42nd St. New York grindhouse theater watching it.* close to 3 stars

---- Memory Hole:

*The power of the Dark Lord: to create zany mishaps at church.* close to 3 stars

*God bless America: that old soft shoe soul of a nation.* 2 1/2 stars

*Real men meow: it's okay to admit it and to be timid about it.* 2 1/2 stars

-----------------

Rescue 911 w/ William Shatner: EZ-Mart Hostages vs. Woman with Rifle *Shoppers, redneck cops, & even the gun wielding psycho lady are all saved by a vigilante, female impersonator.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Bad Movie Beatdown: Just Go With It *An angry British guy takes a very anal (no Adam Sandler potty humor pun intended) look at another awful Adam Sandler effort. Just go with it. Lazy, uninspired filmmaking. Just go with it. Awful, horrible people celebrated. Just go with it. Rampant product placement inside the film. Just go with it. The very opposite of funny in a comedy. Just go with it. Movie studios and ticket purchasers paying for millions of dollars exotic vacation for Adam Sandler and his friends in place of an actual movie. Just go with it. And they go.* zero stars for the movie & 2 1/2 stars for the review

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Horror of Party Beach *"The day the mudskippers fought back."* 3 stars with riffing & running from close to 2 stars to close to 2 1/2 stars without riffing

A Haunting: A Haunting In Florida *Home ownership is hair-raising anxiety. Especially on sacred swampland once belonging to Native Americans.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

--- Beach MTV w/ Antonio Sabato, Jr. & Daisy Fuentes (1995):

*I used to have a teenage crush on Daisy.

*Antonio is wearing overalls and a wife beater. Douchebag attire.

*Before social media, everyone loved giving shout outs, especially from the beach.

*Stupid human tricks... First is a back-hand-spring, which is stupid, according to MTV, even though gymnastics takes a lot of talent, dedication, & training.

*Promo for the 1995 MTV Movie Awards hosted by Courtney Cox & Jon Lovitz (Odd couple there) with guests - A Baldwin (not Alec), Cindy Crawford, still a druggie & not an Iron Man Robert Downey Jr., Ice T & Chris Isaak, still an A-list actor Val Kilmer, and america's sweetheart of the time Alicia Silverstone. Performances by Boyz 2 Men, Blues Traveller, TLC & More...

*MTV is sponsored by Sunkist soda, a soda to drink outside, so they claim. Plus there's Eagle Snacks "What You Feed Your Face." (That sounds like a corporate slogan from the world of Mike Judge's Idiocracy).

*A Gen-X couple are on a jungle safari with Jolly Ranchers juicy candy and end up in a jolly rancher candy controlled temple

*"Drink in the waves! Ay! Drink everyone! huh!" A Sunkist commercial with beach party animals pounding 3 liter soda in the surf and dancing around with cases of Sunkist soda. If it was that popular, why is it so obscure now, and rarely seen on store shelves or on tv ads?

*An awesomely surreal Eagle chips ad where a guy scares off his hot date, because he has a creepy, chip munching face in his kitchen cabinets.

*Nothing says "fun in the sun" like a MTV artsy station logo reminder featuring a skeletal, black bird poking blood out of a still beating x-ray of a heart with white background.

*Next week MTV becomes MJTV as Michael Jackson takes over leading up to the premier of he and Janet's Scream video. Scream sucked, but they're also gonna show Thriller. Young ones don't get how big a deal Thriller was. They only played it on special days. There was no Youtube to go watch it on like any video ever. You could maybe own a VHS copy of it, but if you were just casually interested in seeing it, you had to wait.

*"You think you've heard it all? Listen to this!" Blockbuster is holding a sale for all their cd's for $11.99 or less. Even hot & new band Hootie and the Blowfish

*"What do you want?" "BROWNIES!" Duncan Hines "Hot Stuff" Pot sold separately.

*Visa, it's everywhere you want to be. Including the beautiful Pacific Coast Highway

*Arthouse ad for Nike & supposedly the Boys & Girls Club featuring Penny Hardaway's hoop dreams and struggles.

*A year after Kurt Cobain's suicide. Gen X can't mourn forever. So, here we are in South Beach, Miami. Woooooooooo! No more rainy Seattle

*Couples challenge... where a buff Guido (the type who'd get their own MTV show a decade later) guesses that a timid beach-babe looks up to Madonna (no duh! amirite, my sistaz?!) and they are pronounced "hot" by hooting admirers and get to "hook up."

*99 cent Batman Forever collectible glasses with carved images of Jim Carey's Riddler and other characters from the Summer blockbuster are available at McDonalds

*Bass Bomb 1-3 mix cd's from THUMP Records

*MTV News break... someday MSNBC news lady, Alison Stewart, talks about Eddie Vedder having to cancel a concert. Now she's pimping Hillary instead of Eddie

*Antonio & Daisy name drop how cool Dennis Hopper is for some reason. I agree. Can't imagine modern MTV personalities namedropping a badass actor over 40 much less 50

*It's also strange to look back at the era of MTV video disc jockeys. They've gone the way of the dinosaur. Maybe some other music channels still have them, but they're gone from basic cable music channels (which I still have). If you can call them music channels.

*Now, MTV is reality tv and MTV2 (which was supposed to take over as an all music channel when MTV began running mostly shows)... MTV2 is the Wayans Bros. & Martin Lawrence sitcom marathon station. Why this channel programs like this, and is able to survive, is beyond me

*Odd juxtaposition by MTV creative as we go to break with Ice Cube & Dr. Dre's hit song Natural Born Killers booming over images of beach hotties swimming underwater

*Launch Media interactive CD-Rom ad featuring a rip off of the rambling Aussie roadie from Wayne's World

*McDonald's superhero burger. It's what vigilantes obssessed with their parents' deaths eat while crying in their car after breaking a mugger's arm in three places

*Punk show 95, in Long Beach, featuring Sublime, among others, and a lazer light show. I didn't know punks liked that sort of shit. Thought it was only hippies.

*Six Flags Hurricane Harbor water park. I wonder if guys with fake Jamaican accents ever get tired of promoting the fun of whitebread families in vacation commercials

*Someone must have flipped the channel on this tape, because there's an ad for Dr. Katz. Man, I miss Penn as the voice of Comedy Central.

*TIMM, the interactive multi-media monitor for a computer. It even comes with a remote for dummies. Seems silly, but now there's netflix, hulu, xbox live, Twitch, all these apps we pretty much use on our tv in a similar fashion. TIMM might not have caught on, but the idea eventually would.

*One of the Friends (the one with the monkey) signs up for AT&T long distance savings and flirts, nervously, with the tele-services lady. Lame.

*John Madden is a wizard ogre who can make jocks' feet catch on fire if they don't use his foot fungus healing potion.

*A male hotbody contest followed by a Bryan Adams music video. MTV, barf inducing.

*MTV News Break talking about the upcoming Michael Jackson & Lisa Marie interview with Diane Sawyer. Strange days, indeed.

2 1/2 stars for Daisy, 1 1/2 stars for Antonio, 1 star for MTV, zero stars for those beach goers, and close to 3 stars for the goofy commercials

-----------------------

Deadpit.com presents Retro Wrestling Night: WCW Beach Blast 1993 (a review) *Just two Kentucky guys talking about wrestling, while in a bedroom, just in their socks.* 2 stars or zero stars for the zero production values and shaky camcorder recording

Predator in Mortal Kombat X (2015) *Whoda thunk that a monster/alien from an 80s action movie would endure interest for two decades? While lesser creatures from the likes of Independence Day & Battlefield Earth reside in purgatory, this ugly son of a bitch creeps through the collective horror / sci fi fan subconscious. Collecting trophy skulls from popular video game characters, like Johnny Cage, and having horror fan dream-match battles versus Jason Vorhees.* 3 stars

"The Slayer" (1982) -uncut- *Edvard Munch paints a portrait of Freddy Krueger.* 3 stars

TV Carnage: Ouch Television My Brain Hurts *"3 weeks ago I was running for president. Now I'm on t.v. with a guy in a bug suit."* close to 3 stars

Red Letter Media presents Scientist Man Explains Terminator Genisys *Marky Mark escapes the ape planet and his tardis crashlands on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial during President Biff Tanner's 2017 inaugural speech. Meanwhile, in the crowd, Travis Bickle bumps into Morpheus who hands him the remote from Adam Sandler's movie Click. He uses it to pause the actors, on the set of Pineapple Express, in 2007(?), while they're having an existential high moment. Therefore, Rise of the Planet of the Apes never happens. Or does it? Yet? Or it already has...? maybe in another timeline.* 3 stars

--- Phone Losers:

*Church calls - Fart Demon: It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival.* close to 2 stars

*Disabled Postman: Inconvenienced by the impaired.* 2 1/2 stars

*Church prank calls - sex offenders: I'm required, by law, to tell you that I'll be there, on Sunday, in your house of worship, with my parole officer.* close to 3 stars

*Food Stamp Tacos: "Thank you for not making me any."* 2 1/2 stars

*Google streetview - There goes the neighborhood: concerns of the rich.* 2 stars

--------------------

WWF Summerslam pre-show (1989) *"A one way trip to the sun" featuring Hulkster, Tiny Lister, Macho Man, Scary Sherri, Brutus the Barber, Ravishing Rick, Andre the Giant, Ultimate Warrior, Bobby the Brain, and Mean Gene. Okay, Gene looks like he'd be a better barber than Brutus would.* 3 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*God's muscle: Have you payed your protection money to the Lord or are you gonna sleep with the fishes?* close to 3 stars

*Join the military!: "I knew it was awesome, but not this awesome!"* 1 star

*Don't trust adults!: Especially the Zucchini Bros. Band.* 2 1/2 stars

*Let's get flairing!: Entertain drunks by juggling.* zero stars

*Bio-magnetic touch healing sensual rubdown: "When in doubt, just touch" the sensitive areas of naked men. "Aloha."* 3 stars

--------------------

"Super Mecha Kucha Happy Fun Monkey Bash DX Part 4" *If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, dip it in wasabi and put it back in skull.* close to 3 stars

"Summer of Tears in American Gladiators" *A sketch comedy group splice themselves into a "classic" & cheesy, reality competition.* 3 stars

"Snog Marry Avoid" season 6 episode 3 *The fashion-nightmare spawn of Boy George meet a fascist, ice-queen robot in a wardrobe.* 2 stars

--- USA Up All Night w/ Rhonda Shear (1992): Summer School Teachers (1974)

*Rhonda is dressed up like a sexy cowgirl at L.A. niteclub Denim & Diamonds

*This is a country/western line dancing bar around the time that "Achy Breaky Heart" (barf) was popular.

*It's nice to see Rhonda twist her hips, though

*Rhonda flirts with some big hunky urban cowboy yuppies

*Rhonda jokingly says that Ross Perot is in Summer School Teachers

*Rhonda recommends football strategy to prevent pregnancy

*Another strong women of the 1970s sex comedy from Corman's New World Pictures.

1 star for the honky tonk 2 1/2 stars for the flick and 3 stars for Rhonda

----------------------

"Summer Beach House" (1980) ---xxx--- *The thing that stands out most in this flick is the dingy yellow color scheme. It's on everything from the walls, furniture, floral bed sheet pattern, lamp shades. Nightmarishly probably still in the never redecorated homes of cat ladies, everywhere, on Dead End St. USA. In the malaise of their nicotine stained reclusive lives, they'd pull back their gown to reveal, to a stranger, a frighteningly wiry figurative pussycat. Also, I wanna comment on old school lady massagers. So white and antiseptic. Like a suppository. Now, dildos are mostly medieval looking & hot pink.* between 1 1/2 & 2 stars

--- Joe Bob's Drive-In (1991): Fred Olen Ray's Beverly Hills Vamp (1989)

*Joe Bob pontificates on what it would have been like if Wilfred Brimley & Regis Philbin, among others, had discovered America

*Drive In Totals... 9 dead bodies.. 11 breasts..

*Jerry Lewis wannabe Eddie Deezen is on the menu for fanged vixens. Highlights: dripping with love for kitschy Hollywood. Priest, producer, secretary, and butler steal the show. Deezen sucks. Bauer seduces as usual. Britt Ecklund underused. Some scenes like with the convenience store lady & motel cleaning lady felt more like the joke was our time watching was being wasted instead of the scene being funny, like it was an injoke on the set (don't do that, Fred). Tim Conway Jr., talented somewhat.

2 1/2 stars for Joe Bob (TMC didn't give him enough time to talk) & running from 1 1/2 to between 2 & 2 1/2 stars for the flick

-------------------

--- Phone Losers:

Dead Lawn Hippies: "My free speech is no to your free speech. I'm a loose cannon and into being organic." close to 3 stars

Convenience Store Confessions: Fine line between anarchy and being an asshole for no reason.* close to zero stars

FedEx Box of Ticks: "I know no one in New Mexico and I didn't order a box full of ticks." 2 stars

---------------

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke in Sante Fe, New Mexico and Colorado *Riding the sky snake while with dry sinuses.* 3 stars

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meanwhileinoz · 6 years

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10+ People Shared Dark Secrets They Found Out About Their Close Ones That Completely Changed Their View

There are people who trade in secrets.

Information to the right person, at the right price, can be devastating. There’s a reason why Snowden is such an important piece of the puzzle, why it must be discussed and talked about. A person’s secrets can be very important to them, and very valuable to others.

Because sometimes, they have something that completely changes the perception of their existence. Some redditors went through the same situation, and they found out that the people they thought they knew, they didn’t actually know at all.

Grab some popcorn, friend. It’s story time.

#1 Mexico border.

I was near the mexico border while on a work trip.

One of my co-workers wanted to go over the border for dinner and so he could buy an authentic Mexican poncho. He really wanted that poncho. Couldn’t stop talking about it to the point where it got annoying.

We all decided to go to Mexico, had dinner, split up for shopping in the touristy area, then met back up. While he was heading back, I saw that he had his poncho. Good for him!

But then I saw him walk by a woman begging on the side of the street. It was a chilly night, and she seemed cold with just a thin, ratty blanket around her shoulders. My co-worker stopped, gave her his poncho, and she put it on and seemed to express thanks. He then came to where we were, not knowing I had seen him.

We asked if he got his poncho, and he said “Nah, couldn’t find one.” And that was that.

Average annoying co-worker became good-guy Greg on the spot.

Source: Empire-Lakehouse

#2 The Big Bang Theory.

Recently found out that my wife enjoys The Big Bang Theory.

….I’m not sure how I’ll get through this. Prayers are appreciated.

Source: tallmidn

#3 D&D Redhead.

I had a guy in my D&D gaming group with a smokin’ redheaded girlfriend. All of us thought the red head was gorgeous but, you know, guy code… until it was revealed that the slightly-annoying-but-tolerated powergamer of the group made it clear that he thought he was “next in line” to date the redhead if Guy #1 left the picture.

Utterly destroyed our gaming group.

It all came out at a party, in a chat about relationships. She just simply laughed at him and said she’d never get together with him regardless of how things turned out with her and the SO. His reaction was simply to swallow his pride for the rest of the night but the consequence was immediate. We never gamed with him again after the party.

Redhead thought it was hilarious in a /r/sadcringe kind of way and hurt his feelings, and I personally (as the Dungeon Master) was aghast that a human being’s mind could operate that way. Like, dude, she’s not a friggin’ carnival prize! I couldn’t stand to play or even speak to him anymore, but it was pretty clear he wasn’t coming back anyway. Good riddance!

Source: rpgZenMaster

#4 Best friends.

When my best friend told me she was in love with me. I wasn’t at all in love with her (even though I loved her as a friend) so I could never treat her the same way. I am a very affectionate person who likes to touch and even hug people often (obviously with their permission), but I no longer felt comfortable doing that with her as I did not want her to get her hopes up.

Things just got akward afterwards, our friendship was damaged somehow. It is very unfortunate because I liked her, just not the way she was hoping me to like her

Source: MissMexicomod

#5 Kink shame.

I have a friend who’s sexually aroused by the idea of torturing those who they feel have earned it.

Source: Bike_shop_owner

#6 Part time dominatrix.

My wife’s bestie confided in us that, while short of money, was moonlighting as a professional dominatrix.

Until then we had thought that she was super vanilla.

Source: generic_brand_cola

#7 Witness Protection Program.

That my friend from middle school was in the witness protection program, and his last name was fake.

Source: Zweepy

#8 Cancer.

There was a woman, whom I considered my friend for many, many years. She had cancer, survived it, but it was still there and created many problems.

She even appeared on tv shows as an advocate for cancer patients, did a lot of political activism, was very much opposed to euthanasia. Published some books.

Then one fine day, through a series of coincidences, it turned out that her cancer had never existed. She had completely made it up. A big fat whopping lie.

I would feel ashamed because I fell for it for so long – except that a lot of other people fell for it too, including professionals – doctors, nurses, priests…

Needless to say, it ended that friendship. And it made me think a lot about how easily fooled we all are.

Oh, by the way, she has died by now. Of cancer. I’m not kidding. Not the cancer she had made up, of course. Karma can be such a bitch!

Source: bretzelkeksthrow3343

#9 Innocent friend.

I had a seemingly innocent friend who normally kept to herself about her issues. Then one day she told us that she couldn’t tell if she had a sore throat because she was sick or because she swallowed too much cum the other night. That was the only thing I associated her name with afterwards…

Source: SirGoji

#10 Shy girl.

There is a very shy girl at work, pretty but quiet and mousy, and I stumbled across her on /r/curvy.

Made me see her in a new light.

Source: Emily_Starke

#11 Parental white lies.

As a kid, I found out my friend had lied to me and the whole school saying that he had trained real pokemons and that he flies on the nimbus cloud. Broke my heart as a kid, not because he lied but because I really wanted to fly on the nimbus cloud.

Source: tonsofpuns

#12 Ex horror stories.

had an ex, he was one of those “im so gentle and kind uwu i love pastel colours and flower crowns uwu” types, who went on to date a friend of mine. this friend goes on to tell me they broke up because he admitted to getting sexual with his dog on multiple occasions and asked if my friend wanted to watch him jack off that dog on skype call i was like, shit dude,

i just broke up with him because he was fucking annoying.

Source: wowlame

#13 The sexual deviant.

Had a friend who hung out with two friends who were girls (and he was male). All went well according to him, but the girls told me he said “its getting hot,” and proceeded to take off his shirt and masturbate and finish into a cup, got all sweaty, then just left. Couldnt look this man in the eye ever again and cut off all contact

Source: skrt123

#14 Drugging daddy.

When I found out my dad smoked weed it didn’t really change my opinion on him that much. I had thought he might have been a stoner for a few years leading up to the reveal, but finding out he still actively does LSD, Shrooms, and occasionally cocaine made our relationship a little bit weirder. Especially after tripping with him a few times. I still love him and he’s still a great guy usually, but I can’t look at him the way that I used to anymore.

Source: Evan_dood

#15 The sister and the pig.

Had a work friend back in the day. His wife was really mean to him. She always would tell me his kids hate him (even though they would run to the door excited when their daddy was home) and when she was really mad at him she would flip out and say that he fucked his sister and fucked a pig. He would just ignore her and not say anything back. Now I just ignored it because she would always try and make him look bad when she was mad at him. Well one night we were drinking and he was pretty drunk. His wife got mad and did it again but this time the heated exchange went like this……

“You fucked your sister and you fucked a pig once!!!”

Long pause………….

” You know what!!!!!! Fuck you!!!! That shit happened like 3 years ago. You need to just drop it and move on, I don’t deserve to have it rubbed in my face all the time”

Then I realized why she held such resentment towards him and I noped the fuck out of there and never talked to them again. I feel so bad for their kids. It was a really dysfunctional situation for them. Luckily I heard they aren’t together anymore.

Source: tyrshand90

http://ift.tt/2zSbKOL

#ENTERTAINMENT

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