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viviennes-tears · 1 year

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Christmas is nothing special (Loki and Astrid one shot)

18+ blog: It is YOUR responsibility, as a reader, to think about the content that you consume at your own discretion.

A/N: Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and all the best for the New Year with this Christmas special one shot!

This one shot is looking into the future events of my story Divided Love, as it's one way to say I haven't completely abandoned the story, and that I am still thinking of ideas. I've just been busy writing one shots, prompt requests and I wanted to get Are you following me Mr Hiddleston? finished (which you know I managed back in October). So I hope those who have started reading Divided Love are happy to see what's in store and those who haven't read any currently available chapters will also enjoy this Christmas special too. I honestly can't wait to continue with Divided Love as there's loads of ideas swirling around in my brain and in my notes on my phone.

Also apologise for the lengthy read, but I hope you enjoy nonetheless 😊 x

Summary: Loki dislikes all Christmas festivities and all the merriment that comes with it, despite each year Thor tries to convince him otherwise. This year however Baron Halvar crashes in on their Christmas and his mere presence further dampens Loki's sour mood. The brute of a man belittles Loki just like he has always done, but also as Loki sees his Brother drooling all over the love of his life it pains him deeply, knowing they are to marry next summer.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, mentions of abusive parent, mentions of difficult childhood, favouritism, arranged marriage, jealousy and some strong language

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Loki sat on the floor cross-legged in his usual corner away from all the festivities and the merriment. Christmas was never his thing, mostly because it never felt any different to any other day, it wasn't special nor magical to him. Who could really blame him? After all the focus was on his Oaf of a brother as normal, Odin's favourite son, Asgard's favourite son even. He just wouldn't care if Christmas ceased to exist, because all he actually liked was the mulled mead, while everything else he deemed to be tedious. Despite year after year Thor attempts to prove him otherwise, which would only increase Loki's dislike towards the holiday. Although he wouldn't put it past Thor to try yet again this year to get him to change his mind about Christmas.

Also just like any other day Odin was ignoring Loki completely, no surprise there, and Frigga would occasionally smile in his direction and she'd often try to engage him in the conversations. Not that Loki would say much as most of his responses were dismissive grunts. Albeit he couldn't complain that she wasn't trying. Plus Loki only ever receives one gift at Christmas and for his birthday, another reason why he felt un-special and jealous over the huge amount Thor got. Frigga always gives him his gift and she'd include Odin and Thor on the tag, but Loki knew better, they were always just from her really. Although he was enterally grateful to her and her kind heart.

Several minutes later the mulled mead was brought in and an assortment of nuts and grapes still on their vines. Loki was quick to swipe the mead served on the golden platter, then he took two large gulps and finished it, before signaling the servant back over with the loud clatter of his goblet on the floor whilst he shouted "another." The mead was definitely a way to numb his sour mood and he planned on getting drunk before the night was out like every year. Plus he deemed it necessary after a long day of interactions with the town's people and other dull traditions, before they all settle down in the overly decorated lounging area for 'family time.'

Frigga sighed as she watched Loki down his second mulled mead and then he was quickly handed a third, but before he could even take another gulp Thor's juvenile giggling and huge grin plastered across his face distracted him. The sickening joyfulness left a taste of bitterness in Loki's mouth and his face always scrunched up with disgust at the sight.

"Such a child." Loki scuffed around the rim of his goblet before taking a gulp.

"Loki!" Frigga warned in the form of a whisper, as she hastily made her way over to him with a green wrapped gift with a gold bow on top. He rolled his eyes because of course she heard him. She then sat down next to him and gave him his Christmas present, although he took a moment longer than usual before accepting it from her, once he placed his mulled mead down next to him on the floor.

Loki carefully tore open his gift and revealed it to be a book on sorcery which was the next volume he needed. As he began to run his fingertips over the book's spine his ears pricked up at the sound of the large heavy wooden door being opened. His eyes were then taken away from his new book, his fingers remained in mid action, as he found himself staring up at the door as Baron Halvar came striding into the room. Instantly Loki's eyebrows frowned upon seeing the brute of a man dressed in his fine clothes. Hatred was a nicer word to use to describe how Loki truly felt about Halvar, as his mere presence made his blood boil, because just seeing his face always brought back horrible memories. Memories that would never be forgotten especially with how many also included such cruelty and abuse that he inflicted on his own daughter.

It seemed clear to Loki that Halvar was crashing in on their Christmas, even though he doesn't enjoy Christmas, he knew this one could very well be the worst one of all. Meaning this would be the perfect excuse to drink three times as much, so he could be black out drunk, rather than to save face with the Baron's spiteful words. However, his features softened (noticeable if anyone paid him any attention) and his heart began to beat faster, as Halvar's beautiful daughter Astrid entered the room. Her hazel eyes landed on him shortly thereafter and a smile graced her lips, until it vanished when Halvar's husky voice boomed in greeting to the All-Father. Despite her not wanting to look away she had to and then she curtsied to Odin and Frigga.

Now Loki got to see her again it just made him realise exactly how much he missed her since she departed for home with Halvar as the sun was setting on the last day of summer. He always missed her greatly when she was gone, but he was happy and surprised that she was back for Christmas. Normally Astrid would only visit during the summer, like she did every year since they were children, this way though he could see her again before next summer. So perhaps this year's Christmas won't be as dreadful with Astrid around, and maybe even make him change his mind about the Holiday. Or will it?

After Odin and Frigga greeted the Baron and Astrid he cleared his throat and finally gained Thor's attention. Upon Thor looking up from his gifts a cloud was briefly lifted from his eyes, a more grown up Thor taking over as he acknowledged their guests. He dropped everything quickly and got up onto his feet, firstly he firmly shook hands with Halvar, before turning to his fiancée and greeted her with a kiss on her knuckles. Loki's body instantly stiffened and he scowled, as he watched his Brother's goofy looking face drooling all over her like a soppy teenager in love, which made him cringe internally. Frigga's attention was taken away from their guests for a moment as she saw Loki's behaviour shift. His dagger-like glare and folded arms were clear signs of his jealousy showing. She knows. She's known for years about his, their true feelings for each other, but she's warned Loki to stay away from her. Despite how much it breaks her heart to see him stand by and let his Brother keep his promise to her, but everyone knows this is the way things are. Albeit if she had the chance to speak her peace she'd let them be themselves and they'd be free to love. For now though Frigga put on her best face.

After everyone formally greeted each other (except for Loki who remained in his corner) Halvar summoned for the gifts to be brought in. This obviously pleased Thor greatly, his enthusiastic snatching and tearing of the wrapping paper only added to his untameable excitement. Astrid knew Thor still had an inner child which made her giggle every time she saw him behave in such a manner. She soon joined him on the floor as he showed off his gifts. Loki hated having to watch these moments between his older Brother and Astrid as it pained him deeply. Seeing his Brother being bestowed such warm affections was always a tough pill to swallow, but seeing him pathetically drool and the humiliating wooing attempts towards the woman who held his heart, now that was the worst feeling in the world to Loki. Besides Frigga, Astrid is the only other person to actually care for him without any ulterior motive, she was genuine and she didn't use him in any way. She's his friend and the love of his life. Albeit as everyone knows a stupid peace treaty, an alliance between Aesirs and Vanirs would mean she would become Thor's Queen, as it was decided when they were children. Also it meant Loki wasn't supposed to interfere, he wasn't supposed to befriend her, he wasn't supposed to heal her wounds, nor was he supposed to fall in love with her. Yet the heart wants what the heart wants, and his wants to shower Astrid in unconditional love for all to see, for them all to see she is his.

"Loki?" Halvar's features were sternly set as he addressed Loki. Loki only looked over at the Baron with annoyance and saw no need to say anything. "Have you found a significant other yet? Or are you still sowing your seeds? Although whether you marry is not as important as your Brother marrying my daughter."

"That is none of your business." Loki growled causing Astrid to shiver delightfully and unexpectedly.

"Are you well?" Thor asked, noticing her shivering, as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. But as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders Astrid hissed and tried to show as very little pain as she could.

Loki could tell she was trying to hide her pain and while no one commented on it it made him furious inside. He knew her Father had hurt her again, Frigga knew too if no one else acknowledged what was going on even after all these years. Hell she'd attended to Astrid herself on many occasions when she was a child, so she knows about the scars that the bastard has left behind on her soft flesh. On top of that with Thor trying to be attentive and caring towards her was making it difficult for Loki to keep his jealousy at bay.

"Yes, thank you, just a little chilly." Astrid smiled warmly to calm Thor's concerns. With that being said Odin ordered for the fire to be made bigger then himself, Halvar and Frigga were conversing away about things that disinterested the other three.

As Loki continued to drink he was trying to ignore Thor's hand on Astrid's knee and tried not watching him as he lent over to whisper in her ear. He was failing miserably though, not that the moment lasted for very long, thankfully for Loki. Before long Thor was up on his feet and he was taking the tinsel off the Christmas tree, before he began to slowly approach Loki with it and a put on face of innocence, while Astrid watched with interest from her spot on the floor surrounded by Thor's presents.

"Don't you dare!" Loki growlingly warned.

However Thor ignored the warning and wrapped the tinsel around Loki's shoulders and around himself too. "Tis the season to be jolly, Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!" Thor sang poorly but with such pure wholesomeness.

Loki groaned annoyingly at Thor. As for Astrid she was finding it amusing as Thor pressed his cheek against Loki's as he was now belting out the lyrics. Odin, Frigga and Halvar cringed slightly as Thor sang out of key, but they said nothing. Loki looked displeased with Thor trying to coax his "Christmas spirit out of hiding," as Thor would say.

"Enough!" Loki yelled, as pushed Thor forcefully away from him before the over-sentimentality could get worse. In fact the force almost sent him toppling sideways as he wasn't fully expecting it to happen, yet he should have anticipated it more than he had done.

"Awh, come now Brother, singing Christmas songs is what it's all about! Besides I learnt that Midgardian song especially for this year." Thor said as he readjusted the tinsel around his neck.

"You're such a child, Thor!" Loki spat and Odin casted a disapproving stare his way for a moment.

"I'd rather be a child than stuck up, as they say on Midgard." Thor replied sharply and ungracefully rejoined Astrid as he stepped on the long strand of tinsel on his way.

As the night went on Halvar decided to continue prodding and provoke Loki some more with his ill-advised comments after the singing was over. He was also praising Thor, he even brought up Thor's triumphs during the summer's sporting competitions. What made matters worse was Odin had to join in with praising Thor and openly displaying his proudness of his son. Frigga no doubt was proud too, but she didn't leave out the praises of Loki's own triumphs during the competitions either. Odin on the other hand had barely acknowledged Loki's wins back then which wasn't any different now either. After a while of all that talk everyone watched Thor as he recreated one of his victories during a battle with his toy army he just got. Loki rolled his eyes as Thor childishly performed a reenactment, and he began to heavily drink some more mulled mead, much to Frigga annoyance and Astrid's quiet concerns.

"Loki almost got you all killed! What foolishness, honestly, does he never learn?" Halvar abruptly interrupted the reenactment to point fingers during a crucial part half way through. Loki shook his head angrily and after he stood up he threw his empty goblet across the room. It smacked against the wall, narrowly passing Halvar's head in the process and it clanged as it met the hardwood flooring.

"LOKI!" Came Odin's ear splitting voice over the crackling fire. The room fell silent except for the fire still crackling away. All eyes swiftly shifting between Odin staring Loki down with his one eye and Loki staring right back at him. "You are to go to your chambers and not to leave unless I give consent otherwise." Odin said and banged Gungnir twice on the floor for someone to escort Loki to his chambers.

"I can't stand another second being here anyway!" Loki snapped. He then grabbed his book before storming out of the room behind his escort. Astrid watched Loki leave, sadness in her eyes as he disappeared out of sight. She wished she could go after him, but she couldn't, not while her Father was around watching her every move. So she felt her heart ache silently for the time being.

"He needs to learn to hold his tongue and control his anger." Halvar said sharply and loud enough for Loki to still hear him down the corridor.

"Loki-"

"How dare you! My son has grown up to be a fine young man. He did what he could, what he thought was right at the time. Everyone makes mistakes, even in the face of battle, but many returned home safely that day. And one other thing I am proud of what he did that day, he put his life on the line, as did Thor." Frigga angrily interjected over whatever Odin thought he had to say on the matter. "I have had quite enough of your company this night." Then she too left the room with her head held high. She wasn't going to allow the Baron to walk all over her son like that. Everyone watched her outburst and the All-Father huffed heavily due to the embarrassment of her actions in front of their guests.

Odin soon ordered the room to be cleared as he declared Christmas was over. The servants then proceeded to dash about and began tearing down the Christmas decorations. Thor sighed as they did so, as all the commotion had dampened the Christmas spirit, however he wasn't going to allow Christmas to be completely ruined. He jumped up onto his feet once more and helped Astrid up onto hers too, he then requested to take his fiancée out for a ride into the town for a festive drink and a dance or two. Odin didn't seem to care at the moment as he turned to his study instead. In the end Halvar granted Thor permission, surprisingly, because normally he disallowed any form of activities like that outside of the palace grounds. Thor thanked her Father and then took her by the hand and led her down the corridor. Part way down the corridor however she abruptly stopped and caused him to stop with her.

"My betrothed, my love...you seem..." Thor paused to search for a word, his face screwed up in thought for a moment. "You seem distracted...un-merry. Come, I shall get you to drink and forget thy woes, to get you to dance until dawn for the night is still young. We shan't let my Father, nor Brother ruin our first Christmas together. Mother wouldn't want us to become as sour as Loki's face."

Astrid smiled whilst holding Thor's hands in front of her and her thumbs stroking his knuckles. "As lovely as that sounds Thor, but I should retire to my chambers. I am quite weary after my travels."

"But I thought women enjoyed dancing and I thought I could buy you something for Christmas." He said with a pouting lip.

"It can all wait for me another time. Now you go and enjoy yourself." She said and kissed his cheek before making her way up the stone staircase.

As much as Thor wanted to parade her around as he often did he still wanted to party nonetheless, knowing full well Sif and the warriors three would be in attendance, then he at least would have some company. So as soon as his fiancée was out of sight he ran off and headed on horse back into town to celebrate.

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This distance from everyone was exactly what Loki needed, it was too overwhelming to stay in the room, especially because Halvar and his belittling really got under his skin. He also had to calm down before he did something that he might regret. This distance thankfully came with some fresh air too, as he found himself standing outside on the balcony from his chambers, as he overlooked the view below. His mind had wandered off and his jealousy had subsided somewhat too.

Suddenly there was a knock from behind him pulling him out of his thoughts. He quickly turned on his booted heels to find Astrid standing at the door leading to the balcony. Her hands were behind her back and a smile formed on her lips. Loki sighed and shook his head as a smile tugged at his own lips knowing she eventually escaped the others too.

"Merry Christmas, Loki." Astrid said warmly, as she stepped out onto the balcony with her hands still behind her back.

"Merry Christmas, love. I-I'm sorry for what happened..." Loki started his apology, but then he looked down at his feet, and he seemed to find his boots to be more interesting.

"Loki?" She stopped in front of him and then she reached her left hand out, hooking her fingers under his chin, so she gently got him to look up at her. "Loki, we've known each other since we were children and I know when something is bothering you." Her hand then caressed his cheek lovingly.

Loki closes his eyes and leans into her touch for a moment before he puts his hand over hers and kisses her palm. "It pains me..." he says quietly, as he now stares down at the extravagant ring on her finger. He knows by next summer she and Thor are to be married, as time is running out on them, due to Astrid approaching her 1000th birthday that very same summer too. The exact deadline which Odin and Halvar agreed upon the marriage to take place as a way to keep the peace between the realms. "It pains me to see you with my Brother...it pains me deeply knowing that bastard hurt you again." He says, as his eyebrows frown and his cheeks sunken by the sadness set on his features.

"I know, my love...but please none of that now." She replies softly before she reveals the present she had hidden behind her back the entire time. "Open it."

At first he was taken back as they'd made a pact when they were very young to never exchange gifts. It was meant to stop them from getting attached to each other, albeit the lack of gift giving couldn't stop feelings from developing between them. Of course such childish beliefs wouldn't be able to delta them, but again they were children at the time.

He carefully slid the lid off the perfectly wrapped box in the same manner he did with every present he received. Then he moved the tissue paper to each side and there underneath was a beautiful gold bladed dagger with a black leather hilt with an emerald on its pommel. He couldn't believe his eyes, even as he removed the dagger from its box, and he let the box drop by their feet. His long fingers wrapped around it firmly, as his index finger on the other now free hand lightly touched the tip of the blade, and not drawing any blood.

"When I saw it I instantly thought of you...the sharpness of the blade is as sharp as your wits, the smooth finish is as cold as your hands, the black leather hilt as black as your leather boots, the emerald sparkles like the mischief in your eyes and the gold as gold as your good heart." Astrid said honestly.

Loki couldn't help but feel warmth inside nor could he stop himself from showing her how much he appreciated his gift. He held the dagger by his side, and then pulled Astrid flush against his firm chest with his free hand on her back, before his lips came crashing against hers. He kissed her with such passion and heat almost as if he was afraid it would be their last. But it ended too quickly, yet she had to pull away, as the position he held her caused her to wince in pain.

"Ow!" She cried and her eyes screwed up tight to force the tears away.

"Come." He said softly and guided by the hand back inside.

With a snap of his fingers the doors closed behind them as the dagger disappeared into his pocket dimension. He then got her to lay down on her stomach on his bed. Once she was as comfortable as she was going to get he knelt on the bed and gently worked on her tight corset. She took a deep welcoming breath when she was set free from the resections from her corset, then Loki saw that some old scars were torn open, and even some new slashes met her imperfect flesh. He swallowed around the lump that formed in his throat as tears pricked his own eyes. He truly despised Halvar with a passion and the iron fist he wheeled.

Then with a flick of Loki's wrist a bowl of water floated beside the bed with a cloth appearing in his hand. He firstly soaked the cloth in the water and rung it out before he gently patted her wounds. She gripped onto the bed's silky sheets as she allowed her tears to fall, while small whimpers escaped her lips. After Loki finished bathing her wounds the bowl and cloth disappeared and were replaced by a soothing lotion which he had made himself. He applied a generous amount to her beaten flesh, while his hands glowed as seidr helped to boost her healing, and he lovingly took his time to make sure he'd covered all of her wounds.

"I love you so much." Loki said, as he lay down on his side beside her once he snapped his fingers to change her into a nightgown.

"I love you too." Astrid said, as she raised her hand to his cheek again. Tears had stained her cheeks.

"Run away with me?!" He asked, as he then held her hand over his heart instead

"Loki...." She sighs.

"I can't watch you marry Thor and see you become his Queen...no, listen..." He started and with his freehand he silenced her protests with his finger to her lips for a second. "He doesn't deserve you, my love. He doesn't know what love really is, nor does he know how to make you truly happy. His arrogance and stupidity cannot keep you safe...now if you were to run away with me you wouldn't have to put up with him and you'd be with me. We'd go somewhere where no one would find us, somewhere that brute won't lay a finger on you again either, you'd be free." He then leans in closer and places his forehead against hers.

Astrid sighs again. "As much as I want that more than anything in this entire realm...but it is my duty. We've always known this day would come...for now though please let our first Christmas be a happier one and cease talk of what is to come. I am not married yet and I want to spend what time we have left together before I return home....before I have to marry Thor...now read to me."

Astrid carefully slipped off the bed and took some blankets over by the fireplace. Loki followed suit with some pillows and then they created a cozy area with the blankets and pillows in front of the fireplace. Once settled down with Astrid's head resting on Loki's shoulder and he gently wrapped his arm around her middle as a fairytale book appeared in his other hand. He then proceeded to read to her from the book which she loved since they were children. His velvety voice ended up lulling her to a peaceful sleep in his arms.