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dancingbeyondcancer · 4 years

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Chapter 07 - Dancing Beyond Cancer - A Healing Home

Chapter 7 -------- A Healing Home

Danielle and I decided to stay at my house for several reasons. First, she didn’t want people just showing up and checking on her. It is a small town, and if people saw she was home, they would have been knocking on her door. The second reason we decided to stay at my house was that we had a little more space to move around in, and that was also sort of the third reason. My roommate was a massage therapist and yoga instructor, so she had tons of pillows to keep Danielle comfortable. Plus, it was the right energy for us to be around while healing. I was subleasing a room from her, but she had made the house feel very peaceful and serene.

I had enjoyed living at the house since practically the moment I moved to Sedona. It was just off the Thunder Mountain trailhead, in fact, I would walk out my back yard and across the street to reach the entrance. Thunder Mountain is the mountain Walt Disney modeled his ride Big Thunder Mountain Railroad after. I loved that I could freely explore Sedona out my back yard. I hadn’t spent much time at my house after I met Danielle, we spent most of the time in her dance studio. She still had two Roommates living at her house. Danielle didn’t feel they were ready for the burden. My roommate was the exact opposite, so staying at my house put Danielle the most at ease.

Keeping Danielle comfortable to the best of my ability was my top priority. My roommate thankfully had a nice collection of hard pillows and body props from her time as a bodyworker and yoga teacher. Danielle felt most comfortable being propped up in bed, similar to the way the hospital bed would have her sit. It was the best position to provide the least discomfort. Managing her comfort levels was the most challenging task at this point. I was giving her MMJ foot rubs at least 4 or 5 times a day. Not only did the medicine usually help relax her, but the feet have connections to all parts of the body, and I would notice an improvement every time I would give her a foot rub. I still felt rather helpless, so I did everything I could to help Danielle feel better.

After a week in the hospital, we were both very eager for additional answers. The hospital hadn’t provided us with the answers we both needed. Danielle had a Doctor friend who we were going to be meeting with as soon as we returned to Sedona. It would take a couple of days before we would see him, but the questions needed answers. Most of the questions that we had were about alternative treatments and other radical options. Doc was a man who had spent years providing solutions that the medical industry declined to offer. Doc was a little radical, and I would also say one of the most knowledgeable individuals about Cancer. He knew his stuff and at the same time was a very complicated individual. Doc was also someone who was tormented by loss. Our situation wasn’t making things easy for him.

Looking back now, I truly sympathize more than anything; he too had lost his spouse and best friend several years prior. He lost his license to practice as a doctor because he was willing to do anything for his wife. Danielle and I both believe that what he did helped keep her alive longer so that they could share the special time they had together. The Doc was an eccentric genius type, and it took all the smarts I had to keep up with him.

Much of what he discussed was very familiar to me. Most of my online reading usually involved educating myself on topics about healing, diet, and disease. If I was researching a topic, I was truly confident in the validity of what I had researched. I often look at all perspectives, and then I use discernment to conclude. I will admit that I have been proven wrong from time to time, but for me, it just is ever-expanding my truths.

Doc’s knowledge was overwhelming and humbling. After a week of disappointing answers and general lack of general health treatment or knowledge, I was relieved. The Doc, in my opinion, was our first set of real answers from an experienced doctor. I had spent the past nearly two weeks, begging my wife to start using some of the treatments I would recommend. Monoatomic Elements or Ormus had been shown repeatedly to cure cancer; they use the platinum elements in chemotherapy; they use platinum and palladium mixed with toxic chemicals. I had read papers that said the metals themselves if used properly in the right doses could help cure cancer. Danielle wouldn’t take any until the Doc said it was okay. If she wasn’t already familiar with it, she didn’t want to hear about it.

I failed my first Test. I think it is important that I tell people that I messed up at this point in the recovery process. I did what we found to be the biggest mistake that so many people make. I was pushing the treatment that I thought would help cure her cancer. Feeling helpless made me believe that I could gain control if we did my cure to cancer. It didn’t matter to Danielle what my choices would be.

I didn’t make that mistake for long. I started to understand that Danielle was going to do things her way. It didn’t matter to her that my way was to use Electro-Magnetic Therapy Devices, something she couldn’t do because frequency treatments could trigger her Addison’s disease, and we couldn’t have her going through Adrenal failure while trying to recover from cancer.

I had to learn to keep my mouth SHUT. I had to respect what my wife wanted to do for her treatment. It wasn’t up to me to decide what was best for her. She was the only one who could make that decision. The only thing I could do was talk her through the decisions that she was making. I could help make sure that she felt they were the completely right thing to do, even if it wasn’t the way I would do it. I feel every person has a treatment that will be most effective for them.

Belief in the treatment or vice versa, the lack of belief in the treatment, can decide the outcome. The Placebo and Nocebo effect have repeatedly shown that sugar pills can cure people and a belief that a sugar pill is poison can injure or even kill. A belief in sugar has the power to heal or kill, depending on what the person believes is fact. It doesn’t work all the time, but it works more times than Science could pass it off to chance. I think this was my biggest lesson and something I would continue to learn and refine through the course of our ordeal.

After our first meeting with Doc, I was convinced that we were going to beat this. He had confirmed that we needed to do lots of antioxidants, which was something I strongly supported. Including making sure she had proper clean water, we were banned from drinking tap, although I had stopped drinking tap water years ago. I would go thirsty versus drinking tap water while I was staying at Danielle’s, not really by choice but instinct. I know the difference between water that makes you feel good and the dead water that is passed off as water these days. I was drinking structured water, from my roommates work so that it would provide a healthier charge. Danielle immediately switched to this water.

The next thing we were going to be doing was alpha lipoic acid mixed with palladium. Another dietary supplement that has been shown to beat cancer as well. I was excited it had one of the platinum elements in it because it helped me bring up using the Ormus and colloidal minerals. Doc said no harm would come of using those supplements. I was finally allowed to start using some of my techniques to help beat this cancer. I wish I had checked my ego to start. This behavior created much tension between Danielle and me.

I knew that what I wanted to give her had no negative reactions, but it didn’t matter to her. It was purely a beneficial supplement that has so many benefits that it was crazy to me that she wouldn’t take it. She wanted to know for sure that it would help her and nothing I said could convince her otherwise. I was more than persistent, and the constant pressure I applied to get her to take it was met with more and more resistance. It created such resistance that it almost created a fear of the supplement.

A fear that I knew she also had towards using Electromagnetic Therapy Devices. My roommate had a very subtle EMF device at the house, and my wife, before getting sick wouldn’t even get near. I knew she had some apprehension, and because of her medical history, it was set in stone. I knew better than to try and change her mind on this subject. If only I realized that applied to all subjects, then I might have avoided some problems.

Despite Danielle’s beliefs, I also asked the Doc his opinion about Rife Electromagnetic Therapy devices. He told me that he personally only trusted the original device that Dr. Rife created. Some of the other new devices have such a mix of frequencies that they may or may not be helpful. In my research and experience, I was noticing the same thing. This was another interesting confirmation from a knowledgeable doctor.

I had a simple rife device, but it wouldn’t allow for precise tuning to certain frequencies and that shortcoming I felt made it far less effective. I still wish that it was something that we could have tried, but the lack of support from the Doc and Danielle’s left that treatment on the shelves. According to Danielle, there wasn’t going to be a chance in Hell that she was going to try EMF treatment.

All my research and understanding of the disease had not prepared me for cancers greatest challenges. Nothing could have equipped me for the experience of going through Cancer with a loved one. It felt like a crash course with a lot more crashing than staying on course. I would make many mistakes along the journey, mistakes I always hoped to grow through.

First thing I learned to respect my wife’s decisions, no matter what. I didn’t have to agree, but I always needed to show her the highest respect. In no way would I disrespect her decisions by telling her to do something opposite to what she decided. I couldn’t push a single Opinion about any treatment without ample supporting proof. The truth is that most of what I had studied and read was still something that I would classify as, “In my Opinion.”

In my opinion, what I discovered is that people have a hard time respecting other people’s decision, especially if those decisions are contradictory to our own. Just because something is true in my life and not true in yours, it doesn’t make either of us right or wrong. For example, in my opinion, Clowns are funny and joyful. A doctor would be wise to prescribe me, clowns, if I’m feeling depressed. However, if he prescribed that to someone scared of clowns, he could end up sending that person to a mental institution. A silly metaphor, but sadly, our medical system doesn’t consider belief structures despite belief playing a fundamental role in the Placebo effect.

Our talk with the Doc resulted in many insights and revelations about what the plan of attack should be. Cancer is a disease that consumes and eats the food of the body. By stage 3C, there was a chance cancer had started to spread. We had no proof that it progressed to any other part of her body, but the risk with stage 4 is that the tumors start to develop everywhere. My theory is that tumors develop where the body is weakest. My wife’s most traumatized area was her woman parts. The repeated abuse of men and the constant jealousy of women made the area a prime spot for Cancer.

The Doc told us that, “Cancer was an opportunistic disease.” His statement resonated the most with me. Everything I had seen in my studies showed that it would attack weakened parts of the body, broken hearts would lead to breast cancer, control issues or a life that is out of control would lead to pancreatic cancer or people that had communication issues would be at risk for Thyroid cancer. These weren’t sole causes, but if a disease was opportunistic, I could see the life patterns that would weaken certain parts of the body. I was learning, and I knew that the path the Doc sent us on was the right one.

I would say that a sense of relief set over both of us as we finally knew what we were doing to combat Danielle’s Cancer. It was a mix of nine different dietary supplements that were all known to be super antioxidants. We also were going to start using the Hyperbaric oxygen chamber to help increase her healing, and we were going to start doing an IV treatment as well. There were also other treatments we were going to implement as her healing from the surgery progressed.

The priority was getting her diet dialed in, while also making sure she got lots of rest. Rest I could tell was the most important factor in how strong she felt daily. Alternatively, if she spent too much of the day stressed or worried it would wear her out. When Danielle was worn out, the pain would increase, and she would suffer the most at night.

Immediately after returning to my home, we began a late-night shower ritual to help her deal with the pain. I set up a stool for her to sit on in the shower, and I would sit next to the shower for support. I was usually the temperature control for her, so she didn’t have to get up or move. It was impossible for her to stand for any length of time so she would have to sit for the entire shower. Rarely did we not use all the hot water in the house for a therapeutic session, but we would spend ten to twenty minutes in the shower.

The improvement that the water would provide was worth the time involved. The gentle stream would melt the pain away. My wife found the warm water very soothing and helpful in her healing process. During the first couple of weeks, sleep was always a big challenge. She took some naps, and the MMJ was helping to put her to sleep from time to time.

I can’t forget that while all this was happening, I was working two jobs for a time. It might have seemed overwhelming if it weren’t for the fact that I decided I was going to rise to the occasion or at least give it everything I had, failure wasn’t an option for me. I loved Danielle with all my heart, and she deserved one hundred and ten percent of the love I had to give. It was clear to me she also needed the support.

My priority was being there for my wife, nothing else in my life mattered to that degree. So in between shifts, I would run home to let the dog out and usually indulge Danielle with a foot rub to re-apply meds. Often, I would also have to help her to the bathroom as she could not walk on her own without a walker for the first several weeks.

The ordeal physically and emotionally drained Danielle. It was difficult to face the people in her life with the new reality she was facing. Danielle didn’t want to share her problems with the community. If people were having trouble in their lives, Danielle was the person many people would turn to when times were tough. She knew how to listen.

Danielle gave people a beautiful space to share their deepest pains. Most people who interacted with her would be left a better person because that is what she did. She never gave up on anyone that she cared about and for her, the community was her family. I learned all families by blood or otherwise have their problems. She shared her problems about the community but started hiding her conversations with her Real family.

I had shown some concern that she was getting upset with her family. Primarily how upset her mother could make her. It bothered me that most interactions I observed would end with Danielle being upset. Much of the stress stemmed from the fact that her mom expected Danielle to do or at least try chemotherapy. Her mom did not understand the risks or practically anything about chemotherapy at that point.

Like many people who still have faith in the Medical Establishment, they don’t ever acknowledge the risks or dangers associated with our prescription pill medical industry. My wife would repeatedly explain the risks she was facing because of her previous medical issues. Danielle’s sensitivities made chemotherapy potentially life-threatening. Even her mother showed zero respect for her decision, causing unnecessary stress. Danielle knew what was best for herself, and no one was going to change her mind.

Never once did our families show a sign that they believed Danielle was doing was the right thing. Danielle, most of all, wanted her mother’s support but struggled to gain it. Danielle was constantly looking for ways to win her mother’s approval. Her mother wanted her to go to the oncologist, and Danielle hoped that would earn her cooperation. We were willing to try anything to change her mind.

Danielle’s mom, like many other people, feels that Chemotherapy is the only solution to cancer, and she wouldn’t entertain that there were other options. Everyone her mother knew did chemo, some survived, and for that reason, she thought it worked. I can’t blame her for her experiences, but not everyone responds well to chemo. I can attest to that personally working in the Medical Marijuana Industry.

Additionally, many cancer patients suffer due to complications caused by chemo. The facts show chemo kills people every year because it can cause such serious reactions in a sick or weakened body. Danielle and I even had several people tell us about relatives that had to stop chemo because it made them too sick. Others told us that the chemo did so much damage that it ruined their quality of life, leaving most in medicated comas before passing.

I couldn’t handle how upset her mother was making her and that they were calling every day, expecting a full update from Danielle. I told her she needed to cut back on talking with them because it was stressing her out. She started to make sure that she would talk to them while I was at work. For a week, this had been going on, and the daily updates with her sister and mother were becoming problems. Even though she wasn’t telling me, I could tell something was stressing her out. It wasn’t very difficult for me to deduce what was causing her additional stress, but I said nothing. It was her decision, despite my reservations.

Danielle’s sister did not help the situation. Repeatedly Danielle would complain to her sister about their mother’s behavior. Emotions always ran high during their conversations. Too often, Danielle had to curb her sister's emotional outbreaks. Danielle was using her emotional strength to handle each interaction. Danielle rarely felt like her sister was on her side. I tried to keep my opinions to myself, but it was difficult.

Danielle’s family upset me the most because I always had to deal with the repercussions. Especially when I was home for an argument, and I could see the immediate impact. It was so much more obvious the impact anger and stress were having on Danielle’s recovery. Stress would keep Danielle up all night in unbearable pain. I would wake up every hour or two to apply more medications or shower her. I always did everything she needed.

Danielle finally told me she was hiding that she was talking to her family. Telling her, I already figured that out. She was surprised I didn’t say anything, explaining I was trying to respect her space. We always talked about everything, and until the previous week, we would even talk about how much her family would upset her. So when I could tell she was upset, without any reason, I started to have some ideas. So if she wasn’t telling me about what was stressing her than the stress must be her family. I told her how obvious it was that they were straining her recovery.

It was so difficult for me to maintain a positive attitude towards their behavior after this. I was barreling into one of my first major mistakes. It finally happened, and I snapped on Danielle’s sister. There wasn’t anything special about their disagreement, but I finally had enough. I quickly repossessed the phone. Danielle knew I had a couple of things to say, but she asked me to be calm. I was not in the mood to be nice. My first major error in judgment.

I had a few rather choice words for her sister, and when I’m angry because I feel wronged, I can get rather righteous. Practically yelling into the phone, I told her sister exactly how I felt. I couldn’t believe how much she allowed her mother to treat Danielle poorly. Also repeatedly causing Danielle to be upset was so heinous, in my eyes. It all happened in a blind rage, a rage that I wish I never let loose. I felt she was a huge problem, and I let her know, as aggressively as possible. A fatal error on my part.

Danielle’s sister didn’t think she had a problem, and nothing I said changed that. My aggression immediately had her sister on the defensive. The conversation was a complete failure on my part. I only showed an unhealthy expression of my anger to her sister. I regret ever behaving in a way that would cause such massive repercussions down the road. My first regret is that it was not helpful to act that way in front of my wife. I should have at least walked outside. I wish most of all that I had communicated my issues calmly versus an all-out verbal assault.

I rarely showed my anger to anyone, but Danielle and I had plenty to be angry about. Danielle’s anger was more than enough for the two of us. When it came to anger, we had a lot in common. I did my best to hide my anger, hoping not to let her suffer. I knew that I shouldn’t be around people if I’m angry. However, this experience was testing my capacity to control my anger to the highest degree. It was important to me that I not make my wife suffer my emotional outbursts. Finding a way to control my emotions was imperative for Danielle’s healing.

There was enough stress in our lives that we couldn’t control. Danielle faced mountains of obstacles in her recovery. Even the thought of having to go to the hospital would cause severe anxiety. People or Doctors questioning her treatment stressed her out. Convincing others to support her decisions would anger her. It was impossible to avoid all the problems. The best we could do was handle them to the best of our abilities.

Danielle didn’t think I would support her in setting up an appointment with the oncologist. I feel bad that she felt that way. She had secretly gone with a friend to schedule the first appointment. Her friend had to convince her that it was the right thing to do. Danielle said her friend literally held her hand the whole way. She still needed me to take her to the appointment, so she informed me of her decision. I didn’t mind at all because I wanted to see if I could find some more answers too. I obviously wouldn’t have wished that she needed to go through that experience, but I was going to make the best of it.

Danielle and I agreed that we needed more answers. Answers that could provide the reasons why Danielle was choosing to forego traditional cancer treatments. It was a long shot to find the answers we were looking for in a place that promotes chemotherapy. Without a visit, I didn’t see any other way to get her family off our back. The pressure to go was too much stress for my wife, and she gave in, causing more problems than I anticipated.

The other big stressor that was hanging over Danielle was making a formal announcement to the dance community. For the first two weeks, we had just given a general, “Danielle is temporarily in the hospital, and We will let you know as things develop.” Danielle knew this wasn’t a satisfactory answer for her students, and Danielle had to get a real message out to the community.

Thankfully one of the mothers stepped up and helped with contacting all the students. It was too overwhelming and exhausting for Danielle or me to handle. Knowing the silly, rude, or stupid comments that people make, it would have been far too much stress for either of us. It was nice that someone offered their energy and time to handle all the responses or headaches that came up. Which surprisingly more rude comments came back in response than we anticipated.

There was a general show of support, but surprisingly, there were some that Danielle’s friend wouldn’t even share with her. The one that got me was one wealthy parent that had just recently bragged to Danielle about spending $40K on a home renovation, even asked about a couple of hundred-dollar refund. Considering at the time Danielle was out of work, and we didn’t have enough to cover the six months of treatment, it felt thoughtless. It is hard when people are more concerned about themselves than others.

Thankfully not all people behaved poorly, and many people just showed their unconditional support. We received a dozen gift cards to the local healthy grocery stores, which were such a relief for us. I still can’t express the gratitude we felt. Danielle also loved the people who sent her a text every week, saying they were thinking about her. Most were wishing they could see her, even though she wanted her privacy. Although we found through experience, there is a fine line to being respectful of people’s boundaries and pushing individual needs over those boundaries. Making someone feel guilty for wanting their privacy is a behavior that we found appalling. Danielle dealt with this issue from both friends and family.

We choose to live at my house for an extra level of protection from the public. No one knew where I lived except the friends she told. My roommate was also a saint and helped us out immeasurably respecting Danielle’s privacy. She didn’t tell anyone at her work what was happening because she didn’t want loose lips to tell people anything that wasn’t the complete truth. It was important to her that the message she gave everyone would be perfect. There was no room for error when it came to communicating with the community. Danielle said misheard rumors were common in Sedona. Maybe rich people have nothing better to do.

I think Sedona suffers from Elitism of all types, elite super rich to ultra-spiritual hippies. The super-rich live above everyone in their mega mansions, acting in life exactly how they live. Sedona throws a different level of elitism into the mix. The self-proclaimed gurus who proclaim their beliefs above all others. These people believe that they are always right and will not listen to someone who challenges them. They will often find it important to force their opinion on you if you think differently from them.

My wife told me she has told off several people who were preaching from a place that put themselves above all others. I too see the behavior throughout our society. The irony in our spiritual community is that many of the spiritual guru’s are behaving the exact opposite of how Jesus or Buddha taught people to behave. Acceptance and Love with humility while forgiving those who know not what they do.

The rich tend to force their desires because those with money tend to use their money to get what they want, and if you have enough money, there is almost no limit to what you can buy these days. So the rich don’t understand the concept of No, they only believe more money and power are needed to attain a yes. So my wife has had to put a few rich people in their place because they were using their money to control or manipulate people to get what they want, even if it put her at financial risk. Danielle would do the right thing no matter what, at times, she had to show restraint to protect her business, but she still would do the right thing.

The other problem with Sedona is that it is also a small town. People that have lived here for a long time know everyone else through maybe one or two degrees of separation. It’s quiet and slow-paced, but it also has its share of problems. Local business owners face many problems when operating in a small town. Public opinion plays a huge part in if a business will make it or fail. I watched this happen to my roommate’s business that she was managing. The owner would take pride in being an asshole to customers he deemed unworthy. The behavior I would never want to be listed on Yelp.

In a world where business can succeed or fail based on online consumer reviews, it is a terrible idea to give people a reason to write a bad review. In restaurants, it was a common understanding that people who have a bad experience would tell eight to ten people, but people who have a great experience will only tell one or two people. So bad experiences will ruin a business reputation, and in a small town, this is doubly true. A bad rumor could ruin someone’s reputation or business. Danielle cared about her business deeply, which is why it was so important to communicate properly with the community about her condition.

It took about three and a half weeks for Danielle to finalize a statement. We had to tell everyone that Danielle was going to be in treatment for Cancer and that we were going to have to cancel classes for the semester. We didn’t include the fact that her healing was taking far longer than we had anticipated, and the stress of teaching would not be beneficial for healing either. Danielle felt it was important to let everyone know that she had also gotten married, and I had been caring for her with a small group of other ladies. We asked that people respect her privacy through everything. The next couple of days after the announcement would be highly emotional.

Many people were shocked to hear the news that she had cancer. We were overwhelmed by the show of support. We received many letters and gift cards that were crucial to relieving any stresses we were facing emotionally and financially. After weeks of isolation, it was good to have a change of pace. Danielle was relieved to get the burden off her chest start moving forward.

It took a month before she had the strength to start talking and telling people what happened. It was hard for her to talk about it, and she always feared people would say something upsetting. People don’t always respond well to bad news, and for that reason, they don’t always behave appropriately. It was a chronic issue we faced.

The other fun challenge we had was the “Baby,” as Danielle referred to her. Her real name was Andora but being a miniature blonde Pomeranian, she was cuter than a baby. She wouldn’t even allow people to refer to the Baby as a dog. Her mom had trained her to be the perfect child, she would sit in a chair, she would wear sunglasses, and her mom would have her do other fun tricks. Andora was truly a Diva, and like her mother loved to be the center of attention.

Andora was the most intelligent and complex dog that I had ever met. She ran me through the ringers when I first met Danielle. Andora was jealous of all the attention we were giving each other, but Andora made her needs known. It didn’t take long before I won Andora over. She messed with me until I started giving her a lot of attention too. Andora and I already had a strong bond before we decided to move her into my house.

We picked up Andora the day after we got back to Sedona. For the first two and a half weeks, she was quite the perfect angel. My roommate was concerned with Andora causing us to lose the security deposit. Since she was trained to sit in the chair, we would only have her in the chair or on the bed when she was inside. I took her for a walk four to five times a day so that we didn’t feel bad about keeping her confined. It was working fine, but then my roommate broke down and allowed the dog to run around.

I made a mistake and didn’t take her out before I fell asleep and Andora had an accident in my roommate’s bedroom. After that, my roommate was rather upset with her. On top of all the help she provided, my roommate was dealing with a crazy boss who was causing so much unnecessary stress. Andora being a rather sensitive individual started acting out the more my roommate would ignore her for misbehaving. It was a circumstance that eventually drove us out of that environment.

Andora wanted attention and would do anything to get it. My roommate was played into her manipulation. I don’t find Andora misbehaves if she receives the proper attention, as she taught me. As I mentioned before, Andora messed with me when I first met Danielle. She pooped and peed on my side of the bed in a bid for attention, so this wasn’t completely unfamiliar. Andora started a vicious cycle of misbehaving for attention, causing me to forfeit my security deposit.

Thankfully while that problem was occurring, we received a message that Danielle’s tenant was moving out. She had another tenant that didn’t appear to be using the house. We could move back into Danielle’s house with the privacy she wanted. It would thankfully be an easy move.

Several of Danielle’s friends offered to clean the house before we moved in. It was perfect timing for us to move back into her house. It was obvious the increased stress of our life was causing some serious additional stress in my roommate’s life too. It wasn’t fair to continue to ask her to put up with the extra stress that we had brought into her world, especially if we had a safe place to continue her recovery.

Our return to Danielle’s home was actually the first time I was able to wander the house freely. She had made it a rule with her tenants that she wouldn’t have other people in the house, especially other men. When we met, we didn’t need to use the rest of the house. Now the studio was completely inadequate to support Danielle in her healing. We would need access to the whole house, and somehow it had manifested one month before we expected it to happen.

It felt like divine intervention transpired to make it happen. One bad situation pushes us one way, and life provided a solution. A very common theme throughout our journey. I refer to it as synchronicity, but I think most people refer to it as a miracle. Every day felt like it was a miracle, but we were still praying for the big miracle.

Now we had to take advantage of the miraculously clean house that had manifested. We were heading back to our home, a first for us as a married couple. It felt like a dream to finally be home after our previous month’s journey.

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dancingbeyondcancer · 4 years

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Chapter 05 - Dancing Beyond Cancer - Wedding Day

Chapter 5 -------- Wedding Day

The wedding quickly approached after a brief three-week engagement. While our love continued to deepen, we didn’t question the choice we were about to make. It was as if we just knew our destinies were intertwined. Life was in a state of perfect synchronicity. A permanent honeymoon phase that never diminished because our lives would not allow it. Danielle and I had that special magic all-the-time. We were both very present in our lives before we met and that intensified when we were together. We gave each other strength- strength we would both soon need.

Danielle woke up, twenty-four hours before our wedding, with pain in her stomach area. She explained that she felt something the past week. I was clueless until the pain sharply intensified. Danielle never showed discomfort or pain. She explained that if it didn’t start to dissipate, then she might have to get it checked out. I was a little concerned, but she hid the pain, very well. The real agony she was feeling, was not fully communicated. Danielle is the strongest woman I have ever known, so I wasn’t nearly as concerned as I probably should have been.

I had the whole day off and some errands to run to prepare for the ceremony the next day. When Danielle’s classes started, I was off to finish gathering up what we needed. I picked up some glass containers for the sand ceremony that we were having the minister performing. I also had to pick up some flowers, a belt, and a few other things. Including a run to the MMJ dispensary, as a favor for Danielle’s friend, whose husband was also a patient at the dispensary.

The gentleman recently had surgery and was immobile. People must go into the dispensary to pick up their meds in Arizona, which can be difficult for people, at times. Although now there are delivery services. They had expressed concern that he couldn’t make it into the dispensary, so he wouldn’t be able to get more meds. I picked up some that were great for pain relief and sleep. I made sure to pick up edible and topical medicine because it was far more effective at relieving physical pain than most of the medicine that patient's smoke. As it happened, I couldn’t deliver that day. Too much to do, and I still had to prepare for class.

The thing I was most excited about that day was dance class. It was delightful to have my fiancé teaching me how to dance. I wouldn’t say it was her that I was learning from, most of the time in class I was learning the dance moves from her students. Danielle had an eye for dance and would assuredly bring the best out of everyone. Shouting in approval or disapproval, when students do or don’t hit their precise mark. It made her an amazing coach, albeit a little intimidating.

I will admit that class always made me a little nervous because often my fiancé would put me in the spotlight for a solo performance. While all the students normally did this, it was all very new to me. Most of the girls had four to fifteen years of dance experience with Danielle. I felt very honored that they thought me talented enough to train with them.

Danielle called me thirty minutes before class saying that she was canceling class, something I knew she never did. I knew something was wrong. She asked if I was on my way; thankfully, I was. Danielle bragged about sitting through class after most of her previous serious health concerns. Nothing could keep her down when it came to her obligations. She was selfless in giving herself to her students. Something was different.

When I arrived at her house, everyone had left except for one parent and her daughter. She had noticed that Danielle was showing some pain and discomfort during her previous class. She had no idea Danielle was hiding such an immense amount of agony. I imagine she did this for the girls because she always liked the girls believing she was invincible. (Honestly, I thought she was at this point too, but that story I’ll save for later). I knew that, if she was canceling class, then she should go to the ER because this might be something serious. We were both hoping it was just a UTI or something else minor. What we were in store for was far from what we were expecting less than a day before our wedding.

The Sedona ER was not busy that Thursday night. I practically had to carry her inside because she was unable to walk on her own. The waiting room was empty, so we walked straight to the front desk. They checked us in right away, and we were put in a double room by ourselves. Immediately they checked her stats and blood pressure. I could tell, at this point, that my wife was very knowledgeable about her health and knew her normal blood pressure better than the doctors or nurses. She knew her blood pressure was high, but considering the pain she endured, it wasn’t a surprise. Danielle and the doctor agreed.

The nurse assisted with drawing blood and taking samples for the tests. The doctor ran us through the long list of health questions that needed answering. Danielle ended up asking the doctor about as many questions as he asked her. Most of Danielle’s questions were speculative, so the doctor couldn’t answer directly. Sadly we were going to have to wait on answers.

Resigned, albeit nervously, we waited for the blood tests to come back. The doctor also wanted to run a full scan of her abdomen. We agreed it was a good idea, but I also couldn’t go with her. They were taking her away for about forty minutes to perform the scan, and I had to sit and wait patiently. After they brought her back, we had to wait another hour for the scan to be analyzed.

The entire time we were talking about how we were still going to get married the next day. We kept expressing our undying love for each other, which made us stronger. I am extremely glad that I was able to be there for her. I kept reassuring her that it wasn’t going to be serious and that it was all going to be okay. I didn’t even consider the possibility that this could be serious. I was going to maintain a positive space that things were going to work out, and we were still going to get married in her studio. I wanted to be strong for her because she feared the worst.

The moment the scan came in, we knew it didn’t look good. We could tell the doctor was not looking forward to sharing the results from the scan. Danielle saw the nurse had a tear in her eye. I missed that cue, just feeling Danielle squeezing my hand. I embraced her as we both braced for the news. He proceeded to tell us that the scan had turned up several masses on her ovaries. While the doctor couldn’t tell us if it was just minor cysts or full-blown cancer, he did say that we would have to do further investigation to figure that out. He had more news too.

The blood tests had also come back and shown an elevated blood marker that they use to diagnose ovarian cancer. Explaining this also is inconclusive, and a biopsy would have to be performed to figure out exactly what it was. I prayed, hoped, wanted, and wished that my wife did not have cancer. I wouldn’t entertain the idea until we had total confirmation. I reassured her at every step that I was going to be there for her, and we were still going to get married.

At that point, I called the minister to cancel the ceremony for the next day. The hospital was still trying to figure out which hospital was going to be the best one to send us. We needed an oncological surgeon, which is a unique specialty for surgeons, from what they told us. We had some time before they could arrange a transfer.

Since I had the time, I decided to pick up the marriage license. It looked like we were going out of town for the weekend and there was so much I needed to grab. I was in such a rush that I just threw a bunch of stuff in a couple of bags at my house and did the same thing when I stopped at Danielle’s house. I attempted to predict everything we would need for the next couple of days. I forgot so much in my anxious haste. Most importantly, I wanted the marriage certificate ready for something special.

I returned to the hospital as the ambulance was putting Danielle on the stretcher to take her to Phoenix. While I was gone, they had found a great hospital with a surgeon that was first class, to help my fiancé. They told us that he was one of the best specialists in the country, which was a small relief. I was planning on following the ambulance down in my car, so I didn’t get stuck in Phoenix.

In my haste, I had only thrown ten dollars in the gas tank. I was out of time and prayed a quarter tank of gas would get me to my destination. The entire hour and a half trip between Sedona and Phoenix was smooth; I followed the ambulance the whole way. However, when I arrived in Phoenix, I was met with the most shocking billboards I have ever read.

“If you have any information about the I-10 shooter, please call 555-555-5555.” At that time, there was a psychopath that was shooting people on the I-10 freeway that runs through the heart of Phoenix. It didn’t occur to me, I was on the wrong freeway, so the entire time I was bobbing and weaving my head. I wasn’t about to give him a clean shot. I continued praying that my wife and I would make it safely to the Scottsdale Honor Health Hospital. We did make it safely, and I made it with a little gas to spare, which was a double relief.

It was about 2 am when we arrived at the hospital and checked in. They moved us into a suite. The room was bigger than most hotel rooms and had a nice fold-out couch for me to sleep. Danielle’s had a fully loaded bed with all the bells and whistles, such as cooling, heating, and adjustable everything. We were in one of the newest and most state-of-the-art hospitals. The nurses were very nice and helped us settle in for the night.

We knew we faced a lot the next day, but we had no idea just how crazy the next day would be. I don’t think we could have imagined what would happen on that Friday, September 18th, 2015. We were about to have one hell of a miracle, pun intended.

We both had a little shut eye from total exhaustion, but neither of us slept through the night. We were woken up by the morning nurse crew. The two nurses introduced themselves, but it was Kathy that would stand out that morning. After running some tests and talking with us, we told her that we were supposed to get married that day in Sedona. She was heartbroken to hear that. We told her we weren’t too worried about where we got married and that we just wanted to get married. Kathy told us she was going to check on some things, but we didn’t think much of it at the time.

The doctor showed up not too long after that. He wanted to discuss with us the possibilities and what we would want depending on the outcome of what he found. We all agreed that if it was cancerous that we would want everything removed and any other signs of cancer removed as well; this meant a full hysterectomy. The other possibility of a cyst meant a similar surgery. We essentially decided that, unless it was beneficial to leave her ovaries in place, then it was probably best to take them out no matter the outcome.

At this time, my fiancé also asked for the surgeon's birthday and where he was born so that she could read his star chart. She wanted to make sure this doctor was supposed to be her surgeon. After reviewing his star birth-chart, she was certain that this was the doctor for her. She even told the doctor a little about himself that slightly surprised him.

I also did some internet research and found that the doctor we had was world-renowned for the procedure that Danielle was due to receive. The staff had a nickname for the actual procedure, and the nickname was also a play on the doctor’s last name, the Janisecktomy. I was happy that we had what appeared to be the best surgeon in the world for Danielle’s situation. It felt almost perfect in this imperfect world we were spiraling into.

We had no idea that, within the next twenty minutes, the hospital staff would be preparing for the first wedding ever performed at the hospital. Kathy came back to tell us some great news: she had checked with the resident chaplain and found out that he is also a fully ordained minister. When we met Carl, the minister, my wife and I both knew this was the guy who would marry us. He was a tiny older man who was incredibly soft-spoken. Carl told us this was due to some throat cancer he had beaten a couple of years ago.

Carl felt bad that he could only perform the traditional Catholic wedding ceremony because it’s all he knew. I’m sure the nurses told him we were hippies from Sedona and likely weren’t practicing Catholics. We didn’t care, and we were happy that we were still going to get married. We were given an hour and a half window before the ceremony would take place. I made several calls, but the quickest anyone could get to Phoenix was about two hours from Tucson or Sedona. We were forced to recruit two hospital staff members to be our official witnesses.

We hadn’t even picked out rings because we were going to take a trip down to Tucson to do that after the wedding. Carl, being the outstanding gentleman that he was, offered to let us use his wedding ring. Forty years of marriage and he was willing to let us borrow the ring. We were hoping it meant a good omen for our future. We had a ring to use for the ceremony that we could exchange. We had a minister. We had witnesses for the ceremony. It was all working out so strangely perfect. The next thing that happened blew us away completely.

We were not at all, expecting the staff to jump on board in such an incredible fashion. Some of the nurses ended up putting together a bouquet, a flower headdress, a boutonnière, and a garter belt with a blue ribbon made from hospital equipment. Everything was hand made by the nursing staff and other hospital staff. It was an "all hands-on deck" kind of moment. When I made a quick run to the car, I saw them rolling a podium through the lobby and setting up chairs on the patio. It was rather exciting, and the energy was electric.

The staff even covered the podium with flowers. We couldn’t believe what they had pulled off in an hour and a half. They even bought Danielle a white blouse to wear at the hospital shop. I will be honest that, in my packing haste, I was more practical and wasn’t thinking about what clothes to wear to a wedding. The best thing I had to wear was jeans, a black shirt, and flip flops; not what I expected to be married wearing.

Thankfully, the staff bought Danielle the white blouse so that she was more comfortable with the fact that she would also have to be in a wheelchair. They had set up the most incredible setting in the hospital courtyard- it had such greenery, and the staff enveloped it with flowers. The location was called “The Healing Gardens,” which is exactly the type of marriage we were embarking on: a marriage of healing.

When the ceremony was ready, and the staff finished setting everything up, they separated us. According to tradition, it is supposed to be bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, so one group of nurses took me down to the gardens one way, and another took Danielle down another way. We were aware our wedding was going to be far from average.

The administrative staff asked if we would mind if the staff watched the wedding. We encouraged it. Danielle just asked that they do not take pictures, and any pictures taken would be sent to my email and would never be made public. Danielle was always concerned about her image.

They walked me up to the center podium in front of the crowd that had gathered. There were about fifty people we didn’t know sitting and standing around the garden area. We had several rows of seating and an aisle up to the center. One of the administrative staff members rolled Danielle down to the back of the aisle. She looked beautiful when she arrived. I could see all the joy radiating from her, which hid the incredible pain she endured. She was the strongest.

They rolled Danielle down the aisle with a smile across her face. I received her in front of the crowd of spectators. We locked eyes and just kept looking into each other’s gaze. It was really happening. I just held her hand through it all.

We said our vows, through sickness and in health. Sealed with a huge kiss, we officially married at 10:10 am on September 18th, 2015 at Honor Health Hospital, in the Healing Gardens Courtyard. It was still a beautiful Friday.

Our hearts were overflowing with love that touched the hearts of many witnesses who gathered to join in our celebration. We saw many with tears in their eyes, completely touched by the commitment we were showing each other. It was important to me because I wanted to show her that I was committed to her no matter what. No matter the outcome, I was going to be there for her. It gave both of us the resolve to stay strong for what laid ahead of us.

After the ceremony, we went back to the room briefly before they took her to surgery. At this point, Danielle felt it was important to notify her family about what was happening. The pending surgery topped with a surprise wedding would be a lot to handle. We hadn’t expected to tell our families so soon about the marriage, but the circumstances had called for an audible.

I gave both families the update and told them what was happening. It was a huge shock to everyone, and emotions ran high. Danielle wanted to talk to her family because she was going in for very major surgery. She kept the conversations short as I shared most of the details with everyone. After that, it was just the two of us again.

We had about two hours after the wedding to spend with each other while they prepped her for the surgery. It was a time of deep love, immense pain, undesired sadness, and topped with joy from our wedding. It was so confusing yet strangely comforting. I knew that the commitment I demonstrated was one of the biggest factors to calming any fears that I might abandon her. I guess you could say she suffered from some serious abandonment issues throughout her life. It was a gift to show her the assurance that she deserved.

When they took her to surgery, I was beyond an emotional wreck. I didn’t know what to think as my whole world was getting turned upside down. I didn’t want to leave the hospital, but I also realized that I should probably get some additional meds for my wife. Thankfully and coincidentally, I had purchased the medicine for her friend’s husband, which is legal, since it would have been patient-to-patient. We weren’t making it back to Sedona, and my wife needed the exact medicine I had purchased. Since my wife didn’t have her MMJ card yet, I would have to bend the rules to help her.

There were a couple of other products that I felt would help her as well, so I decided to take an adventure to the closest MMJ Dispensary. I didn’t want to leave the hospital for very long, but I also knew the surgery would be at least three to six hours. I needed something to calm my nerves, and my wife was going to need some natural pain meds. I knew she wasn’t going to be thrilled about all the prescription pain meds that the hospital was going to provide. Even upon our arrival, when they offered the meds, she was very cautious and showed incredible apprehension. Danielle asked about using Medical Marijuana. The nurses and doctor gave us approval but not officially.

I also used a little bit of the MMJ the first night in the Hospital on Danielle. It helped her relax and get some rest. It also showed me we needed stronger products. Phoenix had several unique products that I couldn’t get in Sedona, so I made sure my adventure was very productive.

Upon my return, I wandered around the lobby for a little bit, simply waiting. It felt like forever. I don’t think the possibility of losing Danielle that day ever truly crossed my mind. I just wanted to know she was okay. It was very hard not being able to do anything. It was the first time, I admit, that I felt helpless. Like nothing I was doing could help, but the universe would remind me otherwise.

I had mentioned that there was someone called the I-10 shooter, killing Phoenix drivers. Well, it just so happened the same day were married, was also the day he was miraculously captured. It was all over the local news channels. The synchronicity almost made me feel like we had played a small role in making the arrest happen that day. I couldn’t stop thinking that all the people that were at the hospital would be spreading all the love they had experienced with us across Phoenix. Love is a powerful feeling, which is contagious.

It reminded me of the power that Sedona had, the special energy that people would experience and take with them. We brought that energy with us and shared it with the entire city that day. We spread so much love and showed people something they had never seen. It was something special, something magical, and I felt that magic was responsible for helping conquer the city's greatest fear. Some say that love conquers all, and that day, I felt our love did just that.

While waiting in the lobby, I read every magazine I could to keep my mind off things. I was waiting and wishing. I kept checking in to make sure they hadn’t received any updates. Finally, after five and a half hours, they sent word that they had completed the surgery. I was ready to see my wife; I missed her so much. I didn’t realize I was going to have to wait another twenty minutes before I would even speak to the doctor. It was the longest twenty minutes of the entire day. I was so nervous and so hopeful that they didn’t find cancer. I knew the odds were high that it was cancer, but I was still ever so hopeful.

When the doctor called me back to the consultation room, I was a wreck. I had ridden more emotional rollercoasters that day than most of my life combined. I knew I was in for some big news and that I needed to be resolute. It still feels like a blur now, just like when it happened. I sat down on the couch, and the doctor proceeded to tell me that he removed the cancer. I couldn’t believe it. I was shocked and so scared for my wife. I couldn’t believe I would have to tell her that it was cancer.

He also told me the procedure went smoothly. The doctor did have to perform a full hysterectomy and said he removed any visible signs of cancer as well. He mentioned something about installing a port for future treatment. Beyond that, I don’t remember the rest of the conversation. I was crushed and knew we had quite the journey ahead of us.

I had to wait for another twenty of the longest minutes of my life for them to finish getting her ready after surgery. I was fully expecting to have to share all the information that the doctor told me with my wife, and it made me so nervous. The doctor told me I could break the news to her. When they finally called me back to the surgery discharge area, I was full of so many mixed emotions. Most of all, I was excited to see my wife. It was our wedding day, after all.

When I got there, she was awake and alert. The first thing she said to me was that it was cancer. She said the doctor told her right after she came out of surgery. I couldn’t believe it. The doctor said I would have to tell her. She told me that the doctor told her too, but that just confused me. I gave her the biggest kiss, and we held each other’s hands until they sent us back to our room. There wasn’t much to be said after that.

Once back in the room, they hooked her up to the machines that monitor her and helped her adjust the bed. Danielle, while very good at not showing her pain, was in incredible agony after the surgery. We talked a little with the nurses who mostly discussed the treatment with my wife. They supported the use of chemotherapy. Danielle was truly scared for her life, and the nurses weren’t giving her the answers she wanted. The next day, we would get our answers straight from the doctor. The answers my wife so desperately needed.

After the nurses left us alone, I knew it was time to pull out her alternative options. I knew we needed to start pain management. I knew my wife was very opposed to using the pain killers that the hospital provided. She didn’t want to use the button they supplied for the medication drip. Mostly because she suffered from many adverse side effects from medications throughout her life, and this experience was no different. The pain meds were already making her nauseated. She didn’t want to take the nausea meds because they would cause her seizers. I knew a better way to beat nausea.

At that moment, I unpacked the medical marijuana I acquired that afternoon. I knew that my bride couldn’t eat, so I would have to start topically. We did this secretly because the hospital couldn’t officially approve the use of MMJ.

My experience in the MMJ industry taught me about Rick Simpson Oil. Rick Simpson used it in cancer treatment in Canada for over a decade. It is named after the founder and is one of the most medicinal products that people have developed for the MMJ industry. It retains much of the activated cannabinoids which have shown to provide different medical benefits. It can be eaten or applied topically.

Most people are familiar with THC, which is the cannabinoid that gives people a high feeling. The second-most popular, although quickly becoming the most popular medical cannabinoid, is CBD. CBD is being used to treat childhood epilepsy and many cancers as well. I had purchased a high CBD topical cream that day, applying it with an accompanying foot rub. Including a little Rick Simpson Oil that we had already begun to use.

With topical absorption, I found it best to put it on her feet, specifically in-between her toes, where there were the most blood vessels for maximum absorption by the patient. Immediately we saw the benefit, and Danielle also preferred it to how the pain meds made her feel, which thankfully was an option for her. She also appreciated the foot massage.

All the pain meds she had the first night allowed her to be able to also reach a unique state of bliss with me. It was, after everything, still our wedding night. I couldn’t imagine being with a more incredible person at that point in my life. I knew we had a journey ahead of us, but, for a moment, we still had our magnificent love to carry us through. We had a beautiful evening in each other’s embrace. I wouldn’t have traded it for anything except maybe the miracle to make the recent problems disappear. I will admit that Danielle and I made the best of our honeymoon suite.

In all the pain of the day, we honestly did find a deeper connection through extreme hardship. Our bond deepened to a level that neither of us could have anticipated. It was a miracle. It was as if all the problems did, for a moment, disappear. The love we shared between us gave us both the strength to share a promise that still brings happiness to my heart.

Please feel Free to share or re-post this chapter. Stay tuned next Monday for Chapter 6 of Dancing Beyond Cancer If you would like to finish the story NOW you can purchase the full book at...

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