#guy and he has valid points but to make sure ppl hate him i have to have him do extreme evil. so u dont WANT to choose the elves side. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

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#guy and he has valid points but to make sure ppl hate him i have to have him do extreme evil. so u dont WANT to choose the elves side.

chlorinecake · 4 months

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I just saw what that anon said and I can really really relate I feel like there's no way I can like them cuz I'm black I feel like. Weird for having a crush on Ni-ki cuz I'm black and even though I know there's no chance anyway cause he probably doesn't date fans obviously lol It makes me ashamed especially because people are always saying "what if / he probably doesn't like black girls/people" and it makes me feel like I'm less beautiful because I'm black and even if he did date fans I mean I'm like SOOOO ugly like atrocious but it makes me feel like even if I was a little bit more pretty he wouldn't like me or would dismiss me cause I'm black or like I wouldn't be good enough or he'd be disgusted or disappointed or weirded out because I'm black and a fan /has a crush on him and besides him it makes me feel like enhypen wouldn't talk to me or treat me the same cuz I'm not Asian or white like I couldn't be a fan or wouldn't be as important or pretty or cool or even just they wouldnt want me as a fan or like me or even look my way cause im black its gotten so bad that people dont evn have to say that anymore (they do but they dont have too) for me to think that way. Like I know we all saw that pretty engene video with that girl with the glasses and i couldn't help but make it about race like thinking would they look at me like that or would I be ugly abd weird cause I'm black ? Or if she was black would they still think she's pretty? Or would they even put the camera on her if she was black ? Anyway I'm rambling but being black is something I struggle with even without people saying the group I like or the guy I have a crush on (Niki obviously) wouldn't like me or would hate me for being black . Or they would be uncomfortable or disgusted with me because I'm black so it's just hard to even see myself meeting them or *even to imagine myself in reader fanfics even if the reader's supposed to be black because I've convinced myself that the only way I'd be pretty or attractive or they'd be friends withe or date me in Ni-kis case is if I was white or Asian* (*just talking about from a fanfic standpoint for this one* but yeah) but yeah it sucks and

Okay, I REFUSE to sit here and let you talk down on yourself like that. I don’t care how true you may think it is, YOU ARE NOT UGLY, Mirah ~ You’re beautiful, from head to toe, melanated skin, curly hair and all. Black women are beautiful, it’s disgusting to me how society has brought some of us to a point where we feel insecure, undesirable, or unworthy of affection from others. My words might not do much to encourage you, because finding confidence (esp as a black girl) takes time. But I really urge you to understand that you can’t expect other ppl to accept you when you don’t even accept yourself. Wish I could give you the BIGGEST hug rn, bc this actually hurts to read :(

Another point, I’ve seen plenty videos of Enhypen (along with other kpop groups) connecting with colored fans in the same way they do with their supporters of a fairer complexion, but I won’t share any of those videos here bc I don’t want you to seek “proof” as a way for you to feel better abt yourself.

On the flip side, let’s say that some ppl in the kpop industry DO have a prejudice (which I’m sure some do): your life and happiness isn’t dependent on their validation.

Let’s not even get started on how a lot of Ni-Ki’s favorite artists are black (Riki Jackson ? Bro would’ve never called himself that if he was racist)… but anyway, colored people like any other group of individuals can b really amazing once they get past their insecurities and embrace the way God made them. Jst know that u can always come to be if your struggling with something or just want to vent <3

#[🐮] moots ~#🍓. talks <3 #niki x black reader #enhypen x black reader

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destinyc1020 · 22 days

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I mean Austin and Z both do have a connection to Kaia lol its just a fact, anon. I personally wuld find it a lil awkward bt Austin n Z seem cool, Austin did praise Z multiple times and it is nice that Kaia seems to show support to Z via IG (mayb in person too). The fact that this was the 2nd time she dated Zs coworker is just funny to me lol I feel lik its continuously stated on this blog that Kaia seems lik a nice person. We talk a lot about Tom, Z, and Austin and Zs connection to Kaia is that they dated the same lame man and now Zs coworker. She isnt the "bad guy" (whatever that means lol), but yes, unfortunately I recgonize she does has haters purely based off who she dates, which is unfortunate. Ppl also dnt care for her cuz of her acting too, which is valid. She has fans (and if you look up "Kaia Gerber" on twitter, ig, tumblr, im sure u'll find them), who seem to lik her, which is good for her and is getting various projects, so... this "poor girl" is going to b fine off of a few comments on a blog lol

Exactly Anon lol 💯

I feel lik its continuously stated on this blog that Kaia seems lik a nice person.

Exactly! We've said this countless of times.

Ppl also dnt care for her cuz of her acting too, which is valid.

Thank you! 👏🏾 And that's people's right to think that! It's not "hating" on someone, it's simply an opinion on someone's acting.

How many times have we clowned JDW's acting in here lol? We've clowned him so bad... even to the point of talking about that weird photoshoot he did with his mom cradling his head rofl. 🤣

Funny, I never heard anyone coming to HIS defense and calling us "haters" when we've talked and joked about his acting. 🙄

I've said countless times on here that I don't think Laura Harrier can act either. Again.... SILENCE.

But as soon as we dare to say that we don't think Kaia is that great of an actress, all of a sudden, her two fans come up in here acting like we've called her all sorts of names or smthg. 🙄 Get real lol....

Personally, Kaia has always been kinda meh to me....I felt that way even when she was dating JE. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I don't hate the girl or anything, I just find her boring, and I'm just not really a fan.

It's kind of irksome already to see Nepobabies getting opportunities over struggling actors/actresses and poc who've been working their butts off for YEARS just to get the chance to get auditions in Hollywood, but it's even MORE annoying to see nepobabies without acting talent getting roles over these individuals. 😔

But hey, nobody can help who they're born to, so I get it. 🙃

I'm just not really a fan? She seems like she's a nice person though. 😊 And if she makes Austin happy, then even better! 👍🏾

She has fans (and if you look up "Kaia Gerber" on twitter, ig, tumblr, im sure u'll find them), who seem to lik her, which is good for her and is getting various projects, so... this "poor girl" is going to b fine off of a few comments on a blog lol

Thank 👏🏾 you! 👏🏾

If you're a fan of Kaia, then go to her fan blogs. Or look up her fan accounts on Twitter. @bcofl0ve is a huge fan of Kaia on Tumblr. You can go check out her blog, and I'm sure you'll be welcomed with open arms!

Look, I am not one of those fans who's of the mindset that I HAVE to become a fan of whoever my fave is dating. 🥴

I wasn't a fan of Kaia's BEFORE she was dating Austin, and I don't have to be a fan of hers now.🤷🏾‍♀️ Kudos to her and her acting goals, but I already have more than enough actresses that I actually enjoy to watch. I don't need to force myself to become a fan of hers, or lie about how I feel regarding her acting just because Austin is currently dating her lol. 😄

And YES, Kaia will be just fine. Unlike MOST actors out here, she was born in wealth, she has famous parents, she's white, she's privileged, and she has a ton of connections to make her dreams come true! Nobody needs to feel sorry for this girl. She's gonna be alright lol. 😅

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bewby · 1 year

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the hanbin stuff is actually so crazy to me i cant believe these ppl claim to be fans yet would rather suppress hanbin himself over ppl who are hating on him. antis are such a nonissue at this point that its unreal ppl are still bending backwards to appease them … like what are we getting out of any of this

like we have to realize that antis will be antis nooooo matter what and also? i said this on twt already but yes sure nobody is explicitly saying they want hanbin to hide his "true self" (aka "queer") but also reading between the lines shows that everyone thinks it's the best option for him to appear heteronormative so that he stops getting hate which basically puts the blame on HIM for just associating himself heavily with the ballroom scene which THEN gives more power to the antis like is that what you guys fucking wish for😂.

like all this is doing is basically catering to these homophobes needs and wishes when hanbin is PROUD of his waacking skills and his gender expression and has never hid any of it before. and when we act like we have to never share tjese videos ever again either it will make him feel like there's something inherently wrong with him as well like why don't we just block and report antis and keep spreading the love as always for his pre debut videos? they made so many of my friends get into him and also made so many lgbt people feel validated by him as well.

#ask #i didn't proofread i'm overstimulated rn and being pressured rn BY MY MOTHER I WANAN KILLMSMSMYMDMDLDLFLFLLF #buz i hope you know what i mean #GOD I HOPE I DIDNT MISS ANY WORDS

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spicyicymeloncat · 2 years

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Crystalised part 2 ep 20 spoilers

Ohhhhh mannn I have a post that aged poorly indeed

The fact that the mug says no.1 dad in this very moment

Garmadon is wearing sandals

Wu and Lloyd literally just March right on in

Garmadon putting chicken stamps on the letters. Okay either both wu and Garmadon like chickens or deep down Garmadon remembered wu likes chickens

Wu fumbling over his words in frustration <3

Vinny’s dad in the photo <3

Garmadon bestie you’ve tried to conquer Ninjago like three times. Once with Harumi, once when Lloyd was just made a ninja, and at least once before hand. But you also protected Ninjago from the serpentine wars , Chen twice, and the time twins as well as whatever was in the comics. Like I feel like your score is kinda even.

So he just randomly walked around in the streets? Did people report him? Or did the police just think it was all hoaxes bc everyone is always over paranoid about Garmadon? That they gaslit ppl when they really did see him?

Garmadon didn’t even set anything on fire things just start burning when he’s around

I CANT BELIEVE SURVIVALSHIPPING IS REAL?? I called the overlord a gay fool 3 eps back but it turns out I was the gay fool all along

Vinny <3

He does look horrifying here

Damn Garmadon sounds so very formal

Vinny’s dad in the photo <3

THEY MADE IT SO INTIMATE???

Oh yeah I see you jealous suckers watching this and wishing you were vinny

But honestly good for you survivalshipping, I thought it was a random ship based on a single good interaction and peoples need for dilf garmadaddy but now I see that you are chosen ones of the writing team and street Andreasen has blessed you with this ship

Vinny gale besties moment

GARMADON HAS OUTFIT CHANGING POWERS??? *furiously scribbles on the magical girl au note pad* AND TO BE GOOD ALL HE DECIDED TO CHANGE WERE HIS GLOVE COLOUR

Oh wait cuz Oni are shapeshifters

Ninjago the city that never sleeps. Calling times of crisis an average busy day. For real was the guy high? I assume he’s not paid enough to ask garms for real money. Also ohno vinny’s stuff. Guys can you redirect me to some awful roommate Garmadon fics bc I’m sure these have already been written

Wu is generally just kinda impressed. And also completely distracted

So you’re telling me Garmadon moved in with vinny and then got a plant son?

Okay so I think this confirms that show Garmadon named Lloyd. So far he has two sons and their names are both puns

He swung the pizza around

I can’t believe show Garmadon and movie Garmadon have become the same character

Also L Lloyd you got replaced by a plant

L LLOYD GARMADON CARES MORE ABOUT HARUMI THAN YOU WOWW

also I kinda hate the Harumi Garmadon family dynamic yknow

OKAY S3 REFERENCE WITH THE NON VIOLENCE

Garmadon your as bad as making dad jokes as you are at being a dad. Well Tbf making bad dad jokes is kinda the point. Whatever Garmadon is a bad dad joke in himself

Actually valid reaction if any of my material possessions got wrecked I’d too go ape shit

Wu: *seeing Garmadon go absolutely feral* Lloyd write that down write it down

Also Wu you also presumedly have Oni blood?

And presumedly more than Lloyd?

I love how wu immediately defaults to “let’s do what Garmadon is doing” maybe he still looks up to him in some way

#ninjago #lego ninjago #Ninjago crystalized #ninjago crystalized spoilers #reaction

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phoenix-fell · 1 year

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This is not a dog at the last anon bc while I wasn’t a hardcore BS shipper I do love like morning follows night and think not fall in love with you is very cute. But as far as Teasing Moments, knowing Blake is bisexual actually makes the shift from BS to BB really cool? Yang was her teammate and friend, they were new to each other, so even with some initial physical affection and liking her Blake, who had just left a long term thing with Adam, wouldn’t want to rush or assume anything in a new friendship. But Sun who was very flirty from the get go and openly goofy was a Faunus like her so that’s how they connected, and while he was into her he wasn’t intense like Adam and wasn’t a close partner like Yang, so he was someone she could crush on in a safe way that wouldn’t ruin her team or anything like that.

But at the fall of Beacon when Adam set his sights on Yang, Blake realized her feelings for Yang ran deeper than a crush, and she left ALL of her friends behind. I know a lot of ppl don’t enjoy the fact that Sun followed her onto the boat, but his entire interaction with Blake during V4 and V5 is his own crush slowly taking a backseat bc he just wants to help Blake as his friend. He mentions Yang personally after he gets hurt and unlike Jaune in V8 I think Sun is able to pick up on Blake’s romantic feelings for Yang.

Not this anon but it makes me laugh / makes me mad when ppl say BS Deserve to be canon bc of the moments they shared and ignore that Sun as a character was willing to put those moments aside when he saw Blake was no longer looking at him that way or her crush was taking a backseat to the white fang issues as well as her feelings for Yang

Not to mention HOW MANY YA novels do the same thing where the main girl has a crush on two guys and has to pick between them? BS and BB are literally that trope but Sun is actually a good friend who cares about her and doesn’t try to kiss her to prove he’s Better. He’s a goof he can be too in your personal space at times. But he cares a great deal and seeing ppl say they want BS to be canon without taking these things into account make me wonder if they actually prefer the ship or just HATE BB. Bc BS is cute I like the concept, but if BB is bad bc they spent two volumes apart even if the girls didn’t “start” in V6 Blake has been away from Sun for going on four volumes now. So if they got together in V10 would ppl say it doesn’t make sense bc they weren’t around each other?

Again no hate to this anon or BS I think it’s cute I like their songs. But the butchering of Sun’s character is something I’ve seen for years and it’s always bothered me

Oh for sure - I get a lot of inboxes/messages to the effect of 'BS is better because Sun put in all the effort' and for me, like, I'm really respectful of BS as it's a valid ship even if it wasn't my cup of tea.

But one of my pet peeves is the concept that BS should have happened because Sun put in all the effort to help Blake overcome her fears while Yang 'just helped her with Adam', because it's so demeaning to Sun's character (and Yang's tbf) and how great of a friend he is (not to mention the fact that helping a friend out doesn't entitle you to a relationship with them), it just seems like a constant insinuation that all Sun's 'effort' was wasted because it didn't end in romance. I think Sun was a fantastic foil to Adam in handling rejection, because despite Blake being interested in someone else, Sun was a top guy about it and just so supportive. I love the fact that Blake and Yang started as friends, there's something in the supporting material as well that said Blake thought it would be easier to have been with a faunus too so I think that makes a lot of sense in the beginning. And tbh, it made a lot of sense for Sun to be the one to go to Menagerie with Blake, I think he was definitely the right one to go at that point. Partly because of it being a faunus settlement, because Sun has been invariably tied with the WF plot since he was introduced, but also to properly show that vital transition for Blake. Because even though Yang isn't there, it's prevalent throughout that they're both in each other's thoughts.

But yeah, you're spot on - the part that irks me most is the butchering of Sun's character in some of these takes. Like I said, BS was never my thing - had it happened, I wouldn't have been mad about it, and I think people should absolutely still enjoy the ship if that's their OTP and they deserve to, but yeah, everything you've said tbh!

#phoenix.answered

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jaylaxies · 2 years

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Nana's CAN'T YOU SEE ME review starts here (excuse the profanity):

He softly pressed his lips on your cheek in a feather-light kiss. -- bestie I don't like kids but this was CUTE

Your name was his favourite word to say out loud -- SHUT UP I hate it when ppl call me by my first name but if it's little Heeseung MAYBE IT'S NOT THAT BAD

HYBE UNIVERSITY ASYDASHDKASDHASKDJ

AH YES, ENTER MINGYU THE BITCH IN THIS STORY

Although, what he didn’t expect to see was you opening the door with your lipstick smudged and breathing rigged, -- GASP! NO!

“Let the kid go, you can meet him later,” -- who tf you calling kid you stupid muscly man

he couldn’t fathom you had a boyfriend and you didn’t even bother telling him, did he mean so little to you? -- NO BECAUSE I GET THE HURT!!!! LIKE WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HEESEUNG? THAT'S JUST MEAN LIKE AREN'T YOU CLOSE!!!! BITCH!

Not HEeseung crying while eating WHAT A MOOD

I'm team Heeseung here, yn can go cry in a ditch

“Was she tall with long hair?” you asked. -- IS IT FUCKING SOOHA?!?! THAT BITCHHHHHHHHH NOT HERE TOO HAHAHAHAHA

Heeseung be like ALEXA PLAY YOU BELONG WITH ME BY TAYLOR SWIFT

can Mingyu stop calling Heeseung "the kid" it makes my blood boil

seeing Hee in the driver’s seat was mesmerizing, his eyes fixated on the road, lip slightly bitten with concentration and fingers gripping the steering wheel in an attractive manner. -- I FELT THAT because I never get driven around much except by my parents so when a guy friend does it I'm like WOW you are instantly attractive in my eyes

TAKE ME TO A BEACH TOO TF

You weren’t sad you got caught, in fact, you’ll always wish for Heeseung to be the one who catches you. -- bye sappy af I hate it here

Okay Mingyu has got a point the way yn spends a lot of time with Hee and if Mingyu was a nicer guy I would have been on his side BUT HE'S BEEN WHORING AROUND TOO SO FUCK HIM!

AND SHE THREW THE PUNCH! THE CROWD CHEERS!

You weren’t sure if the reason for your crying was because you wasted your time on an asshole or the fact that you could have potentially spent that time with Heeseung instead. -- UGH I FELT THAT I hate when I break up and instantly feel I wasted MY TIME

bestie I remember you asking me a valid reason to break up HAHAHAHAH THIS IS GOOD

ugh I love it when men stand up for me UGGGH Hee saying he'll unalive Mingyu is A MOOD like my best friend one time found out about my crush who hurt me and went like "that fucking asshole" AND HE NEVER CUSSED BEFORE HADHASHA

Bigger than you think -- EXCUSE ME I CHOKED ON MY DRINK

ngl I didn't think much about noona until Mingyu said it too BHAHAHAHA YEAH WHY DON'T YOU CALL HER NOONA, HEE?

THE KISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

YOU'RE WORTH THE WAIT BYE WHEN WILL SOMEONE EVER SAY THAT TO ME

“Let me make love to you, noona.” -- that's it I'm out.

And you knew you would love him for the entirety of your life.

AS YOU SHOULD!!!! LOVE THIS OMG I'm so sorry it took sooooooo long for me to read I didn't want to read anything except Jay for the longest time HAHSAHDASHDASH but I came, I saw, I conquered this mf fic. So proud of you for writing it! I know how many thoughts went into this work and I'm glad you shared it with me.

I DONT LIKE KIDS EITHER BUT HEE??? yes and also your name is so pretty wtf are you talking about? hybe uni yes 😭‼️ AND SOOHA? BYE IM CRYING RN JAJSJAJA THIS IS SO COOL THANK YOU SM FOR READING THIS AND LEAVING THIS BIG ASS ASK I APPRECIATE IT A LOT AND HAVE SOME JAY PICS AS A THANK YOU 💙

#nana♟️#fic : can't you see me

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patchworklove · 2 years

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thoughts on mayans pt.1

(s4 mostly) under the cut bc it's a lot and yet i'm still gonna have to make a part 2 lmao

angel's character has gone downhill so badly that he's basically a new character at this point. he doesn't really respect or have and love for anybody. how long was he friends with coco and then he just fucked his daughter on the sofa when she was grieving? he cares so much about being a family man but couldn't call felipe back or see what was happening? nails was fairly far along right, so she could have been in labor (very early) but he just didn't give a shit? it's not the same guy from s1/s2 at all, and i know adelita's baby was supposed to be part of that change but you'd think he would actually give a fuck about this baby too

i wish adelita was less boring. she was so strong, and i enjoyed her sort of getting back to being the rebel leader in s3 but now she can throw everything away for her son? the same one she knew she wouldn't raise when she let herself be the one arrested. she had children dying for the rebels, and was running around pregnant and armed/with armed escorts. she wasn't some saintly maternal figure, and it doesn't suit her now. and i'm all for women not being one dimensional and changing their minds. but it felt more important that she was a woman who was willing to throw her maternal side away to do what was needed to protect others. to protect the version of her that saw her family die and prevent that from repeating for someone else?

i thought maybe i didn't care as much for ez/gaby last season as other ppl bc she was kinda naive to the club but no - i think jd just doesn't have a lot of chemistry with the female costars. ez and sophia are kind of bland. there's more emotion looking at sally, and as much as i'm over it, the phone call from emily. good for gaby for going to lodi.

felipe and gaby's relationship was cute, and i'm glad we got to see him care for nails. i like to think he would have done it for her anyway, but to do it knowing his son wasn't worth the j*zz he was shooting??? felipe is the only valid reyes. and ejo got it that scene at the end of 4x06. he knew felipe would care about losing his grandbaby but wouldn't want nails to see that. i hope he knocks angel into next month when he sees him.

bishop's sex scene - also bland. his character arc is worse than angel's. he's lost his club, but how is he far more pissed about that than finding out the truth regarding riz from taza? skewed priorities.

i don't trust manny. he's too eager to do things with ez/for the club. patch into sp or fuck off back to yuma? padrino would probably let you. also how fucking lazy to just have the same character name as the actor. i feel like they're using this character as a filler for coco in the way that he was s1/2 with the reyes brothers.

gilly gave a shit about coco. and it sucks that he was the only one to. i mean creeper tried and coco wasn't accepting of it, but i am the tiniest bit curious to see if they have anything about gilly handling his grief. especially since they're angling for coco's death to be opie 2.0 (it is not even close and they know it)

the sudden backstories for gilly and creeper feel too little too late. we knew basic info about sons characters (regulars) way earlier. like chibs had a wife and family before the club. tig was in the marines and had beef with kozik. bobby was married and had to pay child support, and moonlighted as an elvis impersonator. happy's mom was sick. juice was puerto rican but spoke no spanish. kip lost his nut serving. like - why has it taken this long for creeper and gilly to have backstories if they're supposed to be important to the show's narrative?

ditto hank on that one. like, just his mom. and then that he tattoos? his closure scene with steve's family was poor. sure it showed that steve's death was impacting him, but he didn't give enough of a shit to check on him. and i hate comparing the two shows so much but shit: juice was supported by chibs after miles and the russians. hank didn't seem like he did that or that he was a great sponsor either.

part 2 here

#mayans s4 #i have thoughts and i hope it's ok to share them #mayans season 4 #mayans spoilers #mayans mc

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enderspawn · 3 years

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op I am pleading for you to talk about c!Schlatt I keep getting interrogated for saying c!Schlatt was the best president and he really didn't do anything super terribly wrong please talk about him

i mean... im sorry anon but idk abt best PRESIDENT. manburg under schlatt.... kind of sucked imo JFKDLSJFKL

1. manburg had massive food shortages, to the point the average citizen (including fundy) had to eat spider eyes to survive.

2. he imposed ludicrious tax of his civillians (namely niki. we dont know if he did that to Every Business like w fundy or if he targeted niki specifically bc of her closeness to the ex-president, but neither is good)

3. exiled those who he saw as political opponents to keep his power

4. straight up ignored his cabinet a lot of the time to make his own decisions (such as destroying the white house, which led to quackity leaving)

5. was widely hated by all the citizens. literally at one point all the ppl left in manburg was schlatt and jack manifold (who was MIA on the server and left to found Manifold Land when he came back)

6. held a public execution, AGAIN without the consent or knowledge of his cabinet (IF I REMEMBER RIGHT. i know big q opposed the execution at minimum, but idk for sure if he knew it was planned at all before the festival)

7. was basically at war his entire presidency thanks to pogtopia's existence

and thats just what i can think of rn! the reasons i like c!schlatt are fully based around him as a character and HIS personal development, not around his policies or actions. especially when compared to the other two presidents, who either won or prevented a war and kept the majority of its citizens happier and healthier than Manburg, he's.... probably the worst president they had tbh

BUT since you gave me an excuse to ramble abt him anyway, i wanna go on abt what i DO like abt him (under a cut bc this post is already kinda long oops) but

tldr; i like schlatt bc of his relationships with others, his flaws and pitiable moments, and how he is a fantastic parallel/foil to the characters around him

I like his complex (and yes, abusive) relationship with quackity, especially after his death and quackity's feelings flipping rapidly between hating him and missing him. but before that they did have a honeymoon-esque period-- at least from quackity's view.

watching their date you get the idea schlatt mightve never really been interested in him and mightve just been using quackity's interest in him for his own advancement! but we dont know.

maybe he did truly love quackity in his own fucked up way in the end, even if he wasnt a good person. maybe he regrets his actions and cruelty. or maybe he doesnt.

in the end they were (like the animatic i linked said) "built from the same dirt", they're both incredibly ambitious and prideful people and parallel each other a LOT (see: q's need for power, his want to execute ranboo paralleling tubbos execution, etc). they're not good for one another, but i love seeing just how they fall apart together (i hope you die, i hope we both die kind of beat)

and.... god his relationship and impact w fundy i could ramble abt all day dude. fundy kept schlatt's sword after his death and calls it an heirloom. we dont know 100% how old fundy was when wilbur was exiled (i mena... he ran for president but current fundy is like 20something and tommy ALSO ran as vp at 16) but we can assume he was a late teen. his own father was gone, but schlatt... seemed to CARE. he showed him affection.

fundy's never truly felt like hes BELONGED anywhere (even the country his father said was all for him, he felt ostracized and made different by his fathers doting babying) and because of that hes always looking for a group to be a part of. hes a people pleaser (its part of why hes so easy for big q to get for las nevadas).

and schlatt GIVES him that feeling of belonging he deserves. hes a spy the entire time, yes, but he becomes conflicted about it as time goes on.

could schlatt just be using fundy and filling his head with empty praise? sure, i couldnt fault you at all for that interpretation, its perfectly valid. BUT, i dont think so. he seemed genuinely shocked to see fundy oppose him on nov 16th. remember, he didnt know fundy was a spy.

in that moment he realizes just HOW alone he is and always has been. and its a tragic moment: the last person he had, the person he himself mightve truly CARED about left him just like everyone else. he was alone, truly and fully. even his allies were only there out of obligation and bc of him paying.

he knows his health has been failing him. he cant even swim due to muscular issues but he refuses see a doctor about it because he refuses to let himself be seen as weak.

hell, one could argue that issue leads to his abraisive and abusive behavoir in relationships: he refuses to let himself be true and genuine to anyone, there always has to be a wall and a proud perfect persona. its part of why hes a great villain both in narrative and to watch as a casual fan: just like c!wilbur, he's playing an act.

hes a foil and a parallel to wilbur. both are men who hide their true selves behind a certain role or persona they feel they have to play while they hide their crumbling health (schlatt's more physical and wilbur's more mental). both experience their rise and fall. but wilbur isnt despised, even if he thinks he is, while schlatt isnt truly loved by anyone, even if he thinks he is.

most of all, their deaths couldnt be more different. wilbur went out with a bang. a large dramatic scene fit for a storybook, with a long monologue and cinematic final blow ALL made to fit how he saw himself in a story and simply filling a required roll. but schlatts death is practically overlooked (especially in comparison to wilburs death and everything else that happened that day).

he built his entire persona about being this massive, larger than life powerful guy but he died small, weak, and frail to his own failing body. its... pitiful, honestly. it doesnt feel fitting, it feels wrong. his life up that point demanded drama, but his death was nothing more than... an accident, almost. unintentional. clumsy. its fucking brilliant.

#dream smp #schlatt #quackity #fundy #mcyt #THIS IS A LONG POST BUT PLEASE IF YOU CAN READ IT #BC IM RIGHT AND SMART AND SEXY!!!!#also bc he is VERY underrated in a critical analysis way <3 #wilbur #HES THERE TOO #answered #anon #anyway once again anon im sorry for uh. immediately disagreeing but manburg was indeed Not Great #even if he DIDNT directly cause them by an action he took #the time he governed was Generally Bad #like wilbur didnt do fuck shit during lmanberg era BUT the citizens in general were happy and fine so he inherently did Better #even if schlatt did equal amounts of Nothing #he did a lot of wrong but like he was tragic abt it so its okay FJDKSLFJKL #anyway time to unapologetically main tag in hopes tumblr doesnt do that top 5 tags thing anymore bc this took so much time and i want attent #dsmp analysis #schlatt analysis #og post #(jeb bush voice) please clap

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dear-kumari · 3 years

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Ppl are mad that SW didn't consider yona as the ruler. Sw needs to broaden his outlook cz he rejects the gods for his personal grudge while yona accepts their power to solve problems-wtf. I don't understand their mindset. They hate kyesook for wanting to use the dragons while they hate Sw for not accepting the powers of god. Why ppl think gods in Anyverse are benevolent, saint?

Hi anon! When I first saw your message, I planned to just reply that I couldn’t see the take(s) you were talking about because I’ve probably blocked/don’t follow the OP(s); but at this point, I’ve definitely seen similar sentiments (and worse!) popping up in other places. I’ll talk about the overall argument, but before that, I want to encourage you to also block anyone making posts that trouble you. I don’t know for sure whether you’re the same anon I didn’t publish from last chapter, but regardless, I hope you can pull away from annoying discourse this way. You can’t un-see a bad take, obviously, but it’s better to curate your fandom experience and set boundaries as soon as possible. Generic advice, I know, but it helped me and I really hope it helps you. ^^

Anyway, on to The Take. I’m not gonna talk in detail about the gods’ offenses again because I think that’s a settled issue at this point; they suck, plain and simple, and the suffering they caused out of “love” for Hiryuu can’t be justified by their supposed inherent authority. Let’s also just skip your first sentence for today, anon, and instead jump into the meat of this Take — that is, that Suwon is narrow-minded and wrong for rejecting the gods’ power because of his Feelings, while Yona is superior, open-minded, and righteous for accepting the power of the gods (and any powers that will help achieve her goals, including the current political powers that make her Feel bad, which is the contrast I assume we’re supposed to be getting at here). I want to interrogate whether this idea is valid, or at least applicable to canon, and what it really advocates for when you do apply it to canon.

First, this argument is, on its face, totally and hilariously invalidated by the newest chapter, which confirms that Suwon has been interested in Zeno for pragmatic reasons ever since he learned of his ~divinely granted~ powers of immortality. Oh, sure, Suwon hates the gods over a “personal grudge” all right (and we’ll get to you, “personal grudge” in giant scare quotes), but it seems that didn’t stop him from considering putting one of Hiryuu’s own dragons on the throne. This chapter also reiterates that the dragons will be aiding Kouka as part of their military alliance, an alliance Suwon not only agreed to, but allowed Keishuk to publicly promote via the tournament. Even before, it’s not as though Suwon’s avoidance of the dragons ever translated to an out-and-out rejection, and he’s never undermined their aid. So … power of the gods, divine powers, magic, Hiryuu Shit™ — these aren’t so off-limits after all, no?

Now, I’m not saying this new, narrow-minded fanon Suwon who arrogantly rejects the power of the gods in any and all forms doesn’t sound like a super cool and valid guy; in fact, he’s probably only a few degrees removed from Suwon’s actual character and I’d gladly defend him with my life. Canon Suwon is a little more nuanced, though, because as much as he values people over gods, is traumatized by Hiryuu-adjacent stuffs, and has no interest in the dragons’ powers, he’s also an emotionally intelligent pragmatist. The dragons are right in front of him right now, and while their existence is generally problematic, they’re better as assets than as enemies or loose cannons. He’s not gonna cave to their every demand just because they’re powerful (see: when Kija tried to bait him in ch. 189), but he’s never outright rejected them. In that case, in what particular context does this argument actually have legs?

Well, I’m pretty sure this particular Fanwon emerged from ch. 203/204, specifically, in which Suwon coolly rejects Meinyan’s offer to join forces and seize the dragons from Yona (an offer he would’ve been condemned for accepting ofc), says that he’s sick of all this talk of Hiryuu, and claims that he “doesn’t need it,”* “it” presumably being Hiryuu’s existence and divine power. Those last two points are the true basis for “Suwon needs to stop rejecting the gods,” evidently — and imo, by examining these points you can see just how deceptive this argument is, that it’s actually centered around a clever rhetorical sleight of hand.

So, Suwon hasn’t been rejecting divine powers in practice; rather, he’s frustrated with the whole issue of divinity and claims he “doesn’t need” Hiryuu. To which pro-Fanwons say, Hey, that’s bad and wrong! He needs to stop being frustrated, eat his humble pie and admit he needs Hiryuu/Yona and the dragons! And like … hang on a moment. Why? Really, why? First of all, they’re already his allies and poised to fight for Kouka if necessary. The HHB are not demanding that he say he needs them, either; they just want to help themselves and the country while having some freedoms. And there’s no reason to assume the dragons’ powers are a net good that were absolutely necessary for the nation’s survival, either — I mean, besides Il being a worthless self-proclaimed “placeholder” for Hiryuu and Ruining Everything Ever, when pockets of your nation are just weird dragon cults that contribute nothing to the whole and straight-up kill outsiders for thousands of years, is there really any reason to think it’d be worse off without them …? Tangent, tangent, I know — anyway, let’s look at where this would actually be applicable. We all know the real reason Suwon would “need” Hiryuu/Yona/the protagonists: because he’d need to give up his command, his current authority, and probably the throne as well, now that he’s dying of a painful terminal illness.

Time to talk about that “personal grudge” a bit. We all remember why Suwon is dying of a painful terminal illness, right? (We also remember that he’s not the only one, right?) Again, I don’t want to have to review the gods’ awfulness all over again here and I promise that this is not just an appeal to emotion. Let’s just say Suwon’s grandpa was right and their deaths are the gods’ attempts to call Hiryuu back to heaven. What “he needs to stop rejecting/admit he needs Hiryuu/gods” really argues for, at its core, is that Suwon needs to submit to the entity killing him and humbly rely on its grace to maybe help save the nation he loves. That’s a really important distinction, too — this is not an argument that Suwon needs to be saved, but that he needs to surrender all agency and power to his killers’ agents in order to be benevolently granted one dying wish.

And that’s where the rhetorical sleight of hand comes in, the one that reveals that this contrast between Yona and Suwon isn’t parallel at all. You actually said it yourself, anon, though I’m not sure if that was intentional, verbatim from this original argument, or just a coincidence. What Suwon is rejecting isn’t the power of the gods, but just the gods; what Yona is accepting isn’t the gods, but just the power of the gods. They are not rejecting or accepting the heavens on the same, equal terms. Only one of these characters can actually choose to be empowered by the gods; the other can only choose to submit to being subjected to the gods’ will.

If Suwon submits to “needing” Yona and the HHB, he doesn’t gain “the power of the gods”; he loses what power he has, including his loose hold on the dragons, and his frustrations are never resolved. Empty throne or no, this is not an argument for Yona’s empowerment, but for Suwon’s disempowerment; it merely tries to justify itself through the false framing of Suwon as an unreasonably prejudiced man next to her. It is, at core, an argument that Suwon’s pain and striving should be rewarded with loss.

“But Yona submitted to powers that hurt her by coming to the castle!” the hypothetical pro-Fanwon cries. Quick thinking there, pro-Fanwon! Too bad that’s not how her arc pans out, nor how anyone ever wanted it to, nor at all comparable to his situation when she’s not dying painfully. Mountains are often made of the ~indignities~ she suffered, but in truth, Yona almost immediately made the current regime subject to her wants and only continues to grow in power and influence because she has the privilege of divine power. She always has the unconditional loyalty of the dragons in case things go south. If Yona cedes ground, she can always gain it back twice over; a fully disempowered, dethroned, dying Suwon would have no way back up and nothing to look forward to. This is not an issue of which one of them can display more righteous humility because again, the terms are not equal. Only Suwon is being told to give up his agency because it’s the “right” thing to do.

And … yeah, to be clear, that is totally the point. For however many people with this approximate viewpoint try to frame it with Facts and Logic about Suwon’s situation, this Take is essentially just a last-ditch justification for AkaYona becoming a vindictive revenge story. Yona won’t consciously seek vengeance on Suwon, of course, because that would be Bad; she’ll just, you know, take everything good and meaningful away from him, denying him emotional validation as he dies painfully and/or is humiliated by her righteous godliness because the universe contrived that to be her most heroic course of action! I’m sure those who really love this argument are aware of this, too. idk if they realize that framing the way a character deals with terminal illness and chronic pain in terms of pride, karma, selfishness, “personal grudges,” etc. is uhhh really fucking gross please stop!, but they definitely at least know that this is the “punishment” they want Suwon to suffer. You know, a “punishment” that he would’ve suffered no matter what he did in life, because he was born with an incurable disease caused by the same forces that give Yona unbelievable privileges as a god on earth. This is a punishment for being born sick and daring to have ambitions despite that, really. Very cool, no terrible implications to unpack there.

Now, do I think Kusanagi herself would subscribe to this false foil and use it to prop up Yona? Well, I don’t think she’d take it to its logical conclusion by killing Suwon, at least, esp. since Zeno confirmed the issue of the dragons supposedly having a ticking clock themselves. But the idea that Yona’s acceptance of divine power is somehow a great virtue compared with Suwon’s rejection of it might very well come up, because I think this mangaka is often not very thoughtful about her MC’s privileges and not very empathetic towards certain characters’ situations. I’m not here to criticize the story, though; I just wanted to give my two cents on this Take anon sent my way. In conclusion, uhhh thanks for reading if you got this far, I love you

______________

*Now, according to Little Miss, he says he doesn’t “care” why Hiryuu exists/came back, which is much tamer and has somewhat different implications. I assume the original argument is based on what the fan translation (and probably ET) says and what can be extrapolated from the rest of the chapter, that being that Suwon is tired of this divinity shit being shoved in his face all the time and finds it an unnecessary and harmful distraction from his real goals.

#Kumari answers #Anonymous #Akatsuki no Yona #Yona of the Dawn #Suwon #Thanks for the ask anon!#I wish you the best <3 #I hope that uh … well idk if it 'helped' at all but I hope it was enlightening #I hope it was easy to follow too T___T #I did not touch on half of the things that bother me about a certain attitude towards Suwon and his illness #I also didn't touch on how that Il flashback Sw keeps having implies he knows something we don't still #I wrote too much already tho so. another day. maybe.#maybe.#Long Anon: The Anon That Is Long #I tried to add a tl;dr and wasn't sure where to put it #Uhh TL;DR I didn't talk about Keishuk at all anon I'm so sorry (ur right tho)#Kumari abuses the tagging system

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janiedean · 3 years

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if you ever wrote that rant about grrm making jon his chosen one deconstruction i'd be very happy to read it 👀

hello anon sorry for the lateness but here we go *deep breath*

sssooo, I had once ranted about it though not mentioning the thing I mentioned in those tags so lemme see if I can find the op and like... cp the main argument and amend it bc it was long, but okay so I found it, original anon asked me: why is Jon considered to be one of the most special characters grrm created? Why is he not the typical hero of fantasy books?, my original answer was here if anyone wants to go there but basically lemme just cp the first part making it shorter and then I'm adding:

first thing, the Typical Post-Tolkien Chosen One With A Shitty Life Before He Finds Out He Is Chosen™ character (I’m saying post-tolkien because every fantasy writer in existence who copies tolkien thinks that lotr went like that and instead it didn’t) usually goes through the following steps: his life sucks up until the beginning of the series, his family generally hates him/her or doesn’t appreciate them or abuses them or anyway doesn’t make their life easier and they’ve never known any different, but *something* never quite worked right and they always knew something was missing in their life, they just didn’t know why. suddenly someone who knows they were Chosen™ shows up and tells them that they’re actually Special because of this this and that and they have a quest to go on to save the world or something. our hero/heroine obviously is finally validated and while their quest is hard and full of hardships and maybe they lose a few friends along the way, finding out that they were Chosen gives their life meaning, they usually find love/friends/everything they didn’t have before until they fulfill the Prophecy™ and live more or less happily ever after, possibly after hooking up with the Person Of Their Dreams with whom they had UST up until the last twenty pages of the book. basically: being Chosen™ in regular fantasy novels is a good thing because suddenly you’re special and all the crap you suffered acquires a new meaning and in the end it made your life better.

jon snow is a complete overhaul of about everything in this sense because

instead of having a family who hates him he has a family who actually mostly loves him, and with ned it’s arguably so much that he risks royal treason by keeping him hidden from his *best friend* - sure, there’s cat and peripherally sansa, but his issues stem from the fact that he feels lesser because he’s a bastard (as far as he knows) and it’s a *class* issue, not a *my family hates me* issue not counting catelyn obv but that's what gives him freudian issues more on that in the emended part later

no one actually knows that he’s Chosen™ - like mel could get there and probably will and someone will put two and two together when his parentage comes out in the open, but he doesn’t have a gandalf or mentor who shows him The Way Towards His Quest

so instead of going from ‘my life sucks but I’m going on a quest which is gonna be a+’ he actively chooses to leave a fairly decent situation (a household he knows, siblings who love him - ned actually hoped he’d become robb’s counselor or right hand man or something from what we can gather) because he feels like he has to prove he’s better than his name and goes to the Crappiest Place In Westeros. like idk if people grasp it, but the wall is basically a prison and at the ripe age of fourteen he decides that it’s totally a good and honorable choice (his only choice actually) to go defend the realm in the freezing cold along with a bunch of criminals/derelicts/rejects of society

at which point he makes friends among said rejects and let’s remember that it’s the point where he actually has to do his first an only privilege when donal noye made him go like hey you were brought up with nobles these ppl are here because they stole bread, and that helps making him more into the person he is rn but like your tyopical fantasy hero who has had a shitty life doesn’t usually have to acknowledge that other people might have had it worse

then he goes on the Quest where he finds his first One True Love, and that’s where it turns even worse because usually the quest is where things start to go right for the Hero™, instead for jon they start to go wronger, because first he has to go undercover which pretty much tests most of his belief/code system, he falls in love with a girl he has to betray, half of his friends and his lord commander die along the way, while he’s off doing his thing winterfell gets taken/burned and robb dies when jon openly stated that he also was going to the wall to defend his family and keep them safe (yeaaah worked out real well), when he goes back to the wall he has to fight the people he lived with for months, the woman he loves dies in his arms and he can’t do anything about it and he’s aware it couldn’t have gone any other way, people put defending the wall on him and then put his loyalty in question, when stannis shows up with a legitimization (which is everything he ever wanted) he refuses because he doesn’t want to accidentally steal his siblings’s inheritance (which was what cat was so worried about hahaha) and actively chooses the crappy defending the realm life all over again. also in all this time his being Chosen™ hasn’t manifested or helped him in any way whatsoever - actually all his honor-moral code related baggage is what moral dilemmas come from that. like, your usual chosen hero™ would always take the right decision and it all turns out good eventually, jon takes the morally right decision and it all turns SOUR eventually

at this point he finally gets elected LC, thanks to his friends also pitching in, which is about the one fantasy hero™ thing that’s happened for now. should be good, yes?

lol no, because he ends up with THAT hellish responsibility at sixteen, since he thinks that he has absolutely to be even better than that now and he has very specific notions about how you should lead and he knows he has to take unpopular decisions/decisions that he doesn’t necessarily like, he ends up either having to send his friends away forreal (sam) or detaching from them (pyp/grenn/the likes) and when as far as he knows he learns that his sister is married to ramsay he can’t do anything about it

never mind that it’s the same situation as when he had to pick the watch or robb in book one - he went there to defend his family and now being there actually prevents him from helping them in person. ops. meanwhile he’s trying to implement a new vision of things which is modern and smart and actually makes sense because why fighting the wildlings when you have ZOMBIES coming. your usual Chosen One™ would get people to approve just because he’s the Chosen One

instead jon gets stabbed to death - okay, that was also because he wanted to go get arya but it was the last straw, people were pissed over the wildlings plan first and foremost

so basically he’s gone through all the Chosen One™ steps but in reverse - he loses his family which did love him instead of finding another one that makes the first pale in comparison, he does find a new one who loves him but has to alienate most of its members for responsibility reasons as a consequence of what should have been the crowning achievement of his life choices (which eventually is NOT one), he falls in love and they don’t drag the UST forever but they never get a chance to be together without small print in between, he chooses the admittedly most masochistic life he could for his family as well and half of them die and he can’t do a thing for the other half, every other mentor-like figure he runs into after ned dies, instead of finding validation he ends up having to isolate himself and on top of everything HE STILL DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW HE’S THE CHOSEN ONE™

so instead of his life going better the more he learns stuff and matures as a person, he gets murdered. by the people he trusts and who were supposed to be his new family. haha?

never mind that when he finds out he’s the Chosen One™ it won’t bring him closure because all he ever wanted was being full stark like his father/siblings and then bam he’s going to find out his father’s actually targaryen and what does that even mean to him?

on top of that being AA will just be a pain because I don’t believe for a second he’s not going to get leftover ptsd and who the hell is gonna help him deal with it? or how is he ever getting over his *brothers* murdering him? and people are going to ask stuff of him all over again and he’s gonna have to go slay a mythical monster and if I know grrm it’s not gonna be fun, pretty or cathartic FOR HIM

on top of that, Chosen Hero™ fulfills the prophecy and gets a realm to rule and everyone lives happily ever after. money is that if jon does get that realm (and I think he is because he has the best claim if he's legitimate and most likely it'll turn out he was on the targ side but ROBB also legitimized him so he has double the legitimization), he’s going to hate every second of it and he’ll take it because a) duty, b) literally no one else is available, and like this guy didn’t want to rule a realm or be a king or anything he just wanted to be a stark, and instead he’s going to have to after all that shit thanks to Magical And Noble Heritage he hadn’t even known he had and probably didn’t even want up to that point because since when jon wanted to be a targ? yeah since never

obviously I hope he manages to be somewhat happy regardless because the alternative is too miserable, but basically being a Chosen Hero™ is what makes jon’s life worse rather than better and the fact that hew went through all the regular self-discovery journey for the fantasy hero list doesn’t mean he’s not flipping that over in his sl. the fact that he stayed a decent person more or less throughout it and that he hasn’t turned into a bitter asshole also doesn’t change the main point XD

tldr: jon snow is not a typical fantasy hero because he deconstructs that trope into tiny little bits same as robb deconstructed the arthurian flawless king hero trope

now ^^^^^ THAT was what I originally wrote for that meta but adding on to what I said in those tags

okay so... there is a certain tendency to also make the chosen one™ special in the sense that he's kind of goals - good looking, rich or set to inherit, gallant, takes the initiative, he's like.. social or anyway immediately makes friends etc and all that jazz which jon... doesn't really fit

like jon is an introvert who immediately makes friends just with outcasts and his siblings also bc he feels like one but he's hardly a social butterfly and charms everyone wherever he walks by

I mean ffs says all that the only person he charmed in that sense is stannis who is the literal only person in charge in the books who is more introvert than him and has worse communication issues and appreciates ppl going straight to the point

on top of that in the book he looks like ned.... and arya looks like ned and ned isn't described as being particularly handsome that was brandon so he's not even like... I mean kit h. is v. pretty and I think he was a good choice for the role and I'll die on the hill that he was born to play that character and he did it well but book!jon doesn't have that kinda pretty face so the concept that he's the HOT alternative to anyone to me is kind of iffy bc he's not

he's shit at social interactions and at PR which is why robb and him would have been a key winning ticket like he has a better idea of the larger picture but robb would have actually made sure ppl didn't turn against them bc he actually was good at that but like he doesn't go around rallying armies in his name does he

the one time he's been with a girl it was ygritte and like he courted her without realizing it and then she had to pursue him and he barely knew wtf to do on top of the fact that they slept with ghost in the middle of them like a sword which..... is.... I mean sleeping with the sword in the middle was a thing to make sure the maiden stayed a maiden and he's the one who is like i CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH HER EVEN IF I WANT TO BECAUSE I'M TECHNICALLY SPYING ON THEM like... he's not... gallant-knight coded

never mind that the moment they do the do she basically does everything until he decides to try the oral which I mean... isn't exactly alphadominatingmale out of jon which is not a given with the trope he's supposed to represent like he's not smooth he's not suave he's like WHAT THE FUCK when ygritte tells him he has a pretty face bc most likely no one else told him that and he like... doesn't pursue people like that in general which is also not exactly 100% what that trope usually goes for

we can add that he has a lot of passive-aggressive little shit sarcasm in him that they didn't let him go for in the show but like... usually chosen heroes™ don't think what he thinks about selyse in general

we can also add that he's not automatically above being better than his position like... he doesn't take winterfell bc ygritte is dead but he did think he'd have taken the deal sansa or not if stannis had said he could marry her and not val and if she wasn't dead, he basically went off the rails at the dude he was fighting with thinking about robb telling him that he couldn't be lord of wf because he was a bastard and he's absolutely not in the frame of mind of 'well I was born a bastard who cares it doesn't define me'

he's obsessed to the point of unhealthy with actually being defined by it which is why he was better off with the wildlings aka the only idiots in the realm who don't gaf about that

and that's like... I mean usually if chosen ones™ have parental issues it's like 'you were an orphan and raised by asses who weren't your parents but your parents loved you and you'll find out at some point and you'll be happier for it and make your own family', jon is like... he has the mommy freudian issues of the century bc of how cat treated him, on the other side he's obsessed with living up to ned's/his father's name and he hates that it makes him not-belonging or that he feels like he doesn't even if he does with his siblings, and at the same time when the truth about it comes out he's going to get the cold shower of the century bc like - he's spent all that time thinking BUT DID MY MOTHER WANT ME WHO WAS MY MOTHER and he's going to find out of who it was and how he was born and honestly considering that lyanna most likely did regret running with rhaegar the moment he finds that out and that she died birthing him how is he going to feel? - also he spends his life wanting to live up to his 'father's' name aka ned aka someone known to be honorable to a fault and then it turns out his bio father is... the dude who started that entire rebellion not doing a very honorable thing? - also if jon*erys is a thing idt that he'd take 'I fell in love with my aunt' so nonchalantly as he did in the show tldr: he's never gonna get over his parental issues in a short time and when that particular brick hits him in the face it won't be pretty

like the entire point of jon is that he goes through all the chosenone™ cursus honorum as we'd call it in high school when studying latin but each step that means smth good for the usual chosenone™ to him is something bad, being one is not going to make his life better and throughout the entire thing he does not fit that stereotype when it comes to look, personality, basic traits and familial history and like hell he's going to have the happy ending tied up with the bow - like I think he gets a bittersweet one and eventually goes off with the wildlings bc he belongs there after being jon snow first of his name (bc like hell he's not reclaiming his bastard background at the end of this entire mess I'm eating my hat if he doesn't) after splitting the seven realms and fixing things but that's hardly the neat happy ending the chosenone™ usually gets so that's my two cents

... christ this was long *raises hands*

#jon snow #tagging for the lulz i guess #janie writes meta #ch: jon snow #long post for ts #tldr jon snow is a kurt cobain stan in disguise in westeros and chosenones™ aren't nirvana stan coded #and i'm dying on this hill xD

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theunconcernedembalmer · 3 years

Text

ok i got the aesvic out of my system now time to pick apart the letter n why i wont really be following aesops diary exactly here. literally no one asked but i wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere cos i have. a lot

just gonna put a quick rundown of aesops diary entry as a refresher (mostly for myself so i dont miss anything): he dreamt that he was helping jerry with what was probably a murder n was affirmed n he thinks its a sign congratulating him on carrying out his duty. over the years, he carries out his duties as an undertaker n comes to the manor looking for a “fresh start” aka what sounds like his first victim. according to aesop, said victim should be quiet, n potential victim number 1 is victor. something about badly needing him to become his “silent friend” n he mentions he’ll get to wick n the 2 other survivors in due time, but for now he’s very eager to start his “mission”.

im generally okay with the letter (i have seen so many fights over this aha) cos there is no surprise he wants to kill ppl (ppl who r fighting over this point. did u even read his deductions?? guy happily killed his mentor??). but i didnt quite like the fact that he still looks up to jerry (although. i guess thats valid i just. dont like it). i was also initially kind of confused about the real reason why he would want to kill ppl since as u progress through the letter it sounds less like he kills for duty (cos of the whole dream thing at the start) but more “because i want to :)”, which is an okayish edgy kinda take imo. like not that u cant characterize aesop as Kill Kill Murder Die, but i kinda find that. pretty boring in the long term.

im just gonna put what my original take on aesop was, like all of it. first off, he hates jerry. u cannot tell me a psychotic serial killer like that can raise a child without emotional trauma. like any child, this isnt even counting the extra damage done because hes autistic. (n i also hc that aesop has read his moms letter to him at some point, n he should have come to the conclusion that it was somewhat also jerrys fault, whether through logic or denial that his mom would want to leave him, so that just adds to it.) but as much as he hates him, his teachings are the only ones hes been exposed to, n its been so ingrained in him since young so even if he hates jerry he would still subscribe to whatever twisted ideology jerry was feeding him, which ill get to in a sec.

going through his accessories, he has that origami that he folds for each of his clients, n it shows that underneath it all, aesop is still kind. this isnt expected of him n its definitely not part of his job scope as an embalmer. he (still?) has the heart to wish the best for those that have departed n takes the time n effort to fold one for each n every client he sends off, which is probably a lot. so going off on that, my hc is that jerry, being the manipulative asshole that he is (who probably definitely manipulated his mom into indirect suicide) probably used his kindness against him to make him believe that by murdering ppl he is helping them, framing all of his serial kills as a sort of mercy kill (like his mom). so the thing that aesop takes away from all this is the very twisted logic that by killing ppl he is helping them, therefore being a good embalmer and a good person in general. n everyone wants to be a sort of good person, or at least for aesop that is part of his job description to be a good embalmer. n we all know aesop is very serious about his job.

i also hc that he has killed several ppl between killing jerry n coming to the manor, cos i follow the story that he took the invitation from that poor lady n thats how he ended up at the manor. surely the lady didnt come to him right after jerry died?? but anyway, the way i see it is that he thought he liked to kill. like he finally truly understood why jerry kills so much (which is interesting now that i think about it. guy really just went along with all those murders without truly believing huh), because it felt good to kill. at least thats what he thought, the revelation that killing felt good n is good, but i say its because he hated jerry, n offing someone u kinda hate should probably feel pretty gucci. n its also so much easier to pick clients off the streets than in the manor, so i would think that he has killed ppl like his mentor did, but each time he did the great feeling that came with ending ppls life just. wasnt as good as the first time round. it just became a sort of normal satisfaction of a successful embalming.

this can go two ways: 1. he keeps on killing to try to find that great feeling again, which is cool i guess (n probably what canon would want, except canon states that he hasnt killed since jerry), but id like to go with 2. he just stops because jerry isnt around to enforce it whenever he isnt feeling up to psychoing someone to their death (which is probably how jerry got his victims, n damn if that doesnt take a lot of mind games that i dont think aesop has the mental capacity for since half of it is fighting with his social anxiety n other issues. dealing with alive strangers?? no thanks?? i doubt he would have learnt properly how to lure in clients as efficiently as jerry because of this, mostly cos he was only needed for the murder afterparty aka embalming n funerals). n as much as he stays professional, there is no. professional way of gaslighting someone to their death.

(n also since ppl have pointed out that his twitter replies n other kinda informal stuff have shown that aesop does have reverent respect for life, which also adds to him not being so blindly bloodthirsty as implied in the letter. i dont really see the twitter replies as very canon, but it does make sense that he would come to revere life with his unique take and obsession over death, for one cannot exist without the other)

so this leads me to the motive that aesop brings to the manor, at least how i see it. he isnt exactly coming to the manor to kill per se (like from the very early story, he came to the manor to return the letter to a relative of the deceased lady, something about respecting her last wishes. something like that, its really been a while since i saw that exerpt), so like killing ppl isnt his main purpose of visit. its more of hes always on the lookout for weaker (or at least those that take less mind games to kill) people to mercy kill, n it just so happens that he knows the manor n his mentor almost died from there, so theres a pretty good chance he can find some ppl that fall into this category n so it just so happens that he also has a job to do there. its still counted as a Job for him since no ones gonna tell him that embalmers dont actually. murder.

so in my version, aesop only tries to sway ppl that he knows he can convince, n these ppl would typically be those very sickly ones like his mom (andrew im looking at u) or those with an actual death wish/ very weak will to live. but here aesop is choosing his “first victim”, and the criteria for that is... quiet? never mind “not evading him” and “not cranky” being on the list too, but that isnt quite what i was expecting from someone so dedicated to their duty of murder. sure he wants an easy first kill, but like. i dont think its consistent if his motive was really to continue jerrys bastard legacy. especially when the next paragraph is essentially him gushing over victor, that... sort of implies something else. or at least in the way i see it, since i believe that canon wants us to think that aesop just really loves to kill.

aesop likes victor. very much so. so much till he wants to kill him. which i guess makes sense cos he likes death, n now he likes victor. so he just. puts the two things he likes together. whats better than victor? dead victor. anyway the rest of the letter is more like “whatever, i technically should kill the others too but my priority is victor” so like. he confuses his (dare i say) yandere tendencies with his duty since the end goal for both is a body in a coffin.

having said that. i know i have aesvic brainrot but i also know this is one sided as hell (at least from the letter alone, not counting the letter shaped cookies in his birthday art that apparently belonged to victors birthday cake aha) n lowkey alarming since. the goal is to kill victor. i kinda want to interpret it as him genuinely wanting to be friends with victor (really wanting him to be a “silent friend”, maybe cos he doesnt actually know how to be friends with living ppl n is better with dead ones? therefore victor should be dead to be friends?) but not knowing how to n throwing in his obsession with death ends up with. this minor disaster waiting to happen. but i uh. dont know if this is valid. its valid to me at least, with my original interpretation of aesop. n again cos of his ingrained professionalism, he also kinda sees this as part of his job to send ppl off, so its another plus. not for victor, tho.

idk if ill add this yandere side in my aesop. i mean my boi has technically tried to kill victor multiple times in the past HAHAHAHA. maybe like sometimes he can be a bit obsessive. as a treat. but generally nah cos thats definitely gonna end up in a murder somewhere somehow n i cant. just kill victors here on the ask blog scene lashjflkjhdlfkjhas

so yeah that kinda takes care of the last part of the letter, as for the first part. as much as aesop hates jerry, i would also think hes pretty starved for affirmation (like i said jerry isnt going to be a good parent figure ever) n i guess it makes sense if the only times jerry has ever complimented him was aiding him in his kills n hiding the evidence, which might (?) add to his desire to kill (but that probably dies with jerry aha). so the way i see it as aesop is getting affirmation n takes it as a good sign instead of. remotely liking jerry. idk if im stretching it a little but i really dont like the take where hes okay with jerry. anyway we are ignoring that he hasnt killed before entering the manor cos that doesnt quite make sense to me (i wasnt dreaming about the letter from a lady stabbed in the face 36 times or so right???? right???????)

im also not like. trying to defend him, im just trying to make sense of his diary. boi has issues n is a little too far gone (not as far as canon tho), in my take very deluded in his way of showing kindness. literally cool motive still murder (or in canon, just murder?), please get therapy. but i just dont really like the direction that the letter was originally trying to imply, with him really just hell bent on murder without like. a clear motive (at least to me it isnt very clear since the last part really doesnt sound consistent with his supposed intentions). i mean i love being edgy with aesop every now n then but i dont think it would make for meaningful characterizations in the long run so. ill still be sticking with my original take on aesop with maybe a bit of yandere for victor cos thats always fun

#unconcerned ramblings #mun rambles #its me the mun #im so sorry i talk so much. i was like Okay i should stop talking on my blog now. n then i didnt #i dont even know if this makes sense im still sleep deprived n tired as hell but i literally cant sleep cos this was bothering me so much #also cos i see a lot of ppl like. just nope the letter n somehow began to hate aesop after loving him as a character for so long. which is #interesting. cos this letter isnt exactly out of the blue. we been knew #just a few minor things that i disagree with. but generally i think it was an okay letter

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spelviin · 3 years

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basically i have a lot of Thoughts™ about the whole “other people getting to play as glenn at this point in the story” thing and i need to inflict them on other ppl sry

ok so like. basically i’m kinda of two minds about the whole thing. like, on the one hand, i totally get “glenn fatigue” setting in, we’re like six months or something into his arc and tbh we don’t have an awful lot of clear-cut development or growth to show for it (some, absolutely, but not a whole lot). so a part of me is totally feeling the “just get on with it!” impulse, and in that regard i am glad we finally got him to break.

on the other hand though, in the actual moment on my first listen-through of the ep, my honest impression was that i felt a little bit disappointed. not because it was jimmy getting to act out the moment, but because the reaction to the call from morgan itself felt just a teensy bit out of character to me?

because like, we’ve seen this scene before. we’ve seen glenn take a call from morgan for the first time, back at castle ravenloft, and it did not go then the way it did in this ep. glenn was shaken, yes, absolutely, but it was a very quiet, heavy, restrained devastation. and it might have evolved from there and turned into something bigger, but he never had a chance to process the sudden reopening of that deep emotional wound in the moment because the o-dad reveal happened literally immediately afterward.

that being said though, at least in my opinion, freddie did not let that moment or its implications on glenn slide, and was playing the emotional aftermath of that call for several episodes afterwards. and yeah, sure, that post might have been me reaching, but i do think that that shit indicates that freddie does have a plan for this character.

and it’s weird to say, but i don’t know how much of the rest of the podcast jimmy has listened to, whether or not he heard the ep with the phone call to morgan, and whether or not that factored in to the way he played that moment when glenn was in his hands. to me tbh i felt like it probably didn’t, but that’s just me.

now, to be fair, the absolute last thing i want to do here is sell jimmy short. he did a fantastic job playing as glenn in this episode, his acting in that moment was perfectly devastating (”don’t get in the car” fucking BROKE me fr) and in his defence in terms of characterization, the glenn in this episode is in a very different emotional state than the glenn who answered the phone at castle ravenloft. he has been though hell, he has had his soul thrown from his body, he’s been put on trial, he’s been held in solitary confinement and been periodically tortured for nearly a decade, he’s had his entire life usurped by a fucking cop of all people, he has had his son, the only family he has left, the person he loves in this world more than anything, look him in the eye and tell him that he hates him. like, it is very very reasonable to assume that glenn is in a much more fragile state, and that being confronted with morgan’s voice now absolutely would push him over the edge and make him finally break. like that is an extremely reasonable and valid read on the character. i just don’t know if it feels 100% right to me.

i don’t know how that scene would have gone if freddie had been playing it, but i do lowkey suspect it would have been a bit different. not better or worse, not even necessarily more or less satisfying, just different.

BUT that does lead to the silver lining in all this. the thing we have going for us in terms of glenn’s characterization moving forward is that the players all know who they - and more importantly in this case, each other - will be playing in the next episode. which means that if there is anything freddie wants or doesnt want in terms of glenn’s characterization, he can discuss it all with will in between recordings. and yeah “spirit of improv” blah blah blah, the point is that if he does have a secret master plan of the nuances of glenn’s emotional state and how to deal with the current situation, he has a method of making that known to the guy who’s been handed the reins.

and honestly i think this might actually be a bit of a win-win, because (and this is just my own baseless impression of a complete stranger who i do not and will never actually know, so take it with a massive grain of salt) i kind of lowkey get the impression that freddie might not be entirely comfortable with performing really intense emotional scenes? and lord knows that is absolutely will’s wheelhouse, like, dude has made me cry so many times over the course of this podcast, he is a goddamn powerhouse when it comes to emotional performances. so like, there is an opportunity here, if it is in fact what the players actually want (which, again, this is complete speculation), for everyone involved to kind of have their cake and eat it too. we as the audience get the emotional payoff for glenn, freddie doesn’t have to fake-cry on the podcast if he doesn’t feel comfortable doing so, but he still gets the opportunity for input as to his vision for how this would all play out.

anyways, i’m likely wrong about all of this. i used to think i had an idea of where this arc was gonna go, but everything’s been so buckwild (in the best possible way for the most part) that i’ve accepted the only thing i’m usually right about is doodler shit and am now just settled in and enjoying the ride lmao.

#og #dndads #long post sry i have a lotta thoughts n feelings

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megandzane · 3 years

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The way royal fans talk about harry tells me all I need to know like theyd rather have him go back to that place so he can continue playin third wheel to his brother rather than heal. His healing is uncomfortable to royal fans because harry is breaking that fairytale image? Well too bad. Fuck outta here. It bothers me specially when they do the faux concern thing of saying he shouldn’t air out his business and speak against charles or William. To that all I will say is 1) he has actually spoken pretty kindly about them. He could have gone way harder against them. Sure he has said he’s hurt but it comes from an understanding place, he even has said he gets how difficult it’s been for them too. he doesn’t sound angry to me, he jus sounds like he wants to share his experience. 2) as someone who comes from an abusive family myself the only people I’ve ever heard pull that “it has to stay in the family” line are the main abusers or the people in the situation who are complicit and benefit from the silence. So miss me with that... because no. I hope he gets it off his chest lol! Also all the royals fans saying this operate on the assumptions that Charles and William are not out there airing family business too which they r, they are just cowards and don’t say it with their full chest so they have to leak thru others. lol. The only thing I’m worried about is maybe the general public getting tired of it because I know a lot of ppl don’t love the Royal drama but then I remember the only ones who are getting constant updates are us fans and people who read the daily mail. So by the time the memoir comes out late next year people won’t have thought about any of this for a while so I think it will be fine. Idk! Love ur blog 💜💜💜

I agree with all of this. I’ve been saying for a few years, for so much of these people it’s projection. Harry’s never hidden how much he wanted to just be a regular guy, but they ignore that. They use the fantasy world of the royals to escape. They are mad that he’s not the character they’ve created for him .

It’s not Harry’s job to protect the image of those who are happy to throw him and his wife under the bus. He has a right to speak for himself. He had a right to share his truth.

You make a really good point for number 1. He’s never trashed them, even when critical he still shows so much empathy for the fact that they are still trapped in that environment. He was empathetic to the fact that Charles was treated the same way by his own father. And the fact that they are still so worried about what he’s going to say concerns me...what are y’all trying to keep hidden??

I know people want Harry to expose them all, but I really can’t see him revealing anything super explosive in his book. I don’t think it’s his style. And the money is going to charity, it’s just about him telling his story. But if he did air out the family’s dirty laundry, they really have no room to talk because they always do that. I’d really like to know why it’s more acceptable to cowardly leak things via “ sources “ than own what you say.

I come from a toxic family as well , Toxic people hate being called out on their toxicity. They do everything they can to silence and gaslight their victims. So the backlash and smears are not at all unexpected. Toxic people don’t want you to succeed without them, because now who are they gonna blame?

I’ve seen people on here address concerns about the timing, and fears of overexposure. And that is a valid concern, but that’s a really good point about supporters’ perception being different , most of the general public isn’t looking for articles about them. The Oprah interview was huge because that was on prime time and broadcasts in multiple countries. But there was very little noise from the general public about Harry’s interview on Armchair Expert or really even TMYCS.

I also think them living and working in the US mediates the risks.

The US doesn’t have that same hype around the royals, that really exists in england only. The US media report on the story, they don’t create multiple articles about one event and look for negative spins.

By 2022, I think enough time will have passed from the Oprah interview , podcast , and Tmycs. And it’s very possible that by them they will be in the news more for their work with Archewell than because of the royal family.

Thanks for the kind words about the blog 😊

#we got mail #Harry’s memior

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 years

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returning the favor: do you have any hcs re: winston, past or present, that you haven't expounded upon before or at length or just feel like talking about again. whatever you like

Thank You.......yeah idk really what hc's i've like "officially" described here that often lol, but then also there's that whole complication where i don't really ever come up with ideas & when asked anything i'm probably going [???] like, classics like "what do you like out of [broad parameter]" & it's like damn....i dunno. what ideas do i have about winsotn who i've thought about every day for > 2 yrs??? that's tough.....& Then the further chaos of like, when i do have hc's or w/e it's less discrete, concrete invented ideas & more towards the end of the spectrum that's like "well i kinda interpret this part of canon vaguely this way" &/or "i have This vague notion that i haven't solidified into a pretend fact or that i'm not at all committed to or take that seriously" where it's like, not only is this not really nailed down but it's basically free floating / i might have other ideas that would contradict each other lol. seems like a more concise list of Stats that are fully/exclusively my ideas is more exciting, but instead i can offer vague "i dunno / what ifs" based on vibes that i verbosely describe lmao, plus i'll forget a bunch of ideas i may have had i'm sure but you know. what else have i ever offered; never really trying to sell this material to otherwise uninterested parties or only make posts that guaranteed more than one person might enjoy, why would i be starting now; and ig if i write a bunch of stuff here & go "oh & i forgot like a half dozen obvious things" i can add on to it if it's a big deal.....plus it's always tricky with billions in particular being vague abt its own characters lmao, we only see [outside of work] personal stuff if it's going to become directly tied to [definitely at work] professional plotlines, or Maybe glimpse some character contextualizing things for the more central characters....side characters have more blanks to fill but also that means. just more that's blank lol & kinda a mystery of Up To Interpretation.....i figured one way to have any structure for this at all is to have a part looking at each winston involving episode's info. well anyways, after this meandering intro that kind of illustrates how i'm sure the rest of things will go here lol, i'm just gonna throw a bunch of stuff down in general. thanks again for the prompt to do so, b/c why not

really the one concrete discrete idea i have which isn't in the canon text is, of course: he is autistic

does he Know? idk. either way, think he's pretty aware of how he operates (& how he Can't operate), but if he doesn't know that's probably more for the "also: he's self loathing, which was basically textually implied" stuff lol. just mentioned it but i do always enjoy the tayston idea that taylor's talking abt in the past having it floated by a therapist/s or whomever that they could be autistic, them considering it but it not applying; winston going "hmm" & doing his own considering & researching & then maybe exclusively sharing the news w/taylor....but of course, maybe he's figured it out himself at some point before. i do think he'd figure it out himself though rather than anyone else directly suggesting it (maybe out here being diagnosed with "just the guy who sucks who we don't like / won't act right or normal" sort of usual experience) & i think, if he knows, he's not about to want ppl at work to know, b/c not as though anyone (but taylor & other quants) particularly seems to be impressed by his quanting proficiency, but he sure gets some validation/affirmation through that route (more re: that of course) and knows that ppl going "oh he's autistic so of course he's better at Doing Math / computer stuff as a like, mechanical efficiency sort of thing" or whatever. and the fact that taylor can interact with him / gives him some leeway to generally do his thing means he's kind of already got space to operate how he operates, see the start of this section....and idk. transitioning into the next section ig

just an Interpretation Of Canon thing here but, re: how these characters generally operate & what their reason is for being around doing stuff in the first place, i guess it's that winston does genuinely like to do & is interested in the math/coding stuff involved here, was also genuinely interested in working for taylor specifically (whatever The Hype specifically was), then you have taylor having the "despite your demeanor, your skills are superior" stance & appreciating what he can do & letting him do it by hiring him for real & all, & here we are, Q is for Quantitative, baby......he must find it rewarding enough to be getting to do this quanting stuff and also, the potential for validation when anyone recognizes he's good at it & by extension finds something about him good & wants him around to any degree

okay just that Episode By Episode stuff for a section here

3x03:

kinda extra room for interpretation b/c this was written as a one off character and reintroducing him in 3x09, written to be recurring, feels like it kinda offers a Soft Reboot for what we got here, where i guess how i take things is that we can suppose in both 3x03 & 3x09 winston's putting on a deliberate Performance to some degree based on what he thinks the potential employer wants to see, but it's also not completely fake / inaccurate either time, & like, maybe the 3x03 vibe wasn't a type of performance he'd only just ever put on for this axe cap interview, & even if it was deliberately bold maybe he was sort of thinking he Could bank on his value as a quant meaning he holds most of the cards (or can get away with acting like it)

building on that & as a More General point of interpretation again: think it's easy to suppose winston could've had an existence w/many elements of frustrations & disappointments & Rejection, but where like, he did figure out these areas of interest & proficiency that seemed to be a more positive force in his life, & leaned into them / focused on them further for it, & i could see him focusing on milestones / graduating from one thing to the next & conceptualizing like, well, if i just get to This point by working on This thing then i'll have it together & be able to move through existence more successfully, like, there's winston going into undergrad & kind of disappointed he's not having that good a time socially / feels like he's missing out / being left out still, but he can be like, well that's fine (: i'm totally fine abt it b/c i'm focusing on the Education & Experience here & when i'm entering the job market as an amazing quant anyone would want to hire then ppl will be seeing me in a positive light & things will fall into place / go great for me / i'll feel like i fit in & am doing things right within some structure. & i think maybe he Did have all those other job offers / opportunities & he was at least partly feeling a bit "objectively" confident, & also maybe just hoping he Could be that confident & that, you know, if he goes ahead & acts like that's the case, it could be confirmed / become true....anyways then obviously disillusionment time

since his outfits are introduced here: more "just how i'm interpreting canon" stuff in that i do just suppose he is mostly focusing on comfort & it'd kinda get in the way of things if he couldn't. flipflops might've been a statement piece but also i figure at least in part about the comfort / lack of much opportunity for restriction or ill fit or chafing texture or anything, same goes re: pants & shirts. interesting he likes to wear the patterned layers but doesn't really wear like, stripes or plaid ever. plus it could well be that Just A Tee is too informal unless you're the formalest of all by virtue of position, i.e. the ceo, but also we sure often enough see him wearing hoodies &/or multiple layers, like, maybe that's just for warmth or weight or what have you, always considering "what if it's about being self conchy as well (different way of saying self conscious)"

3x09:

so yeah with winston not having taken another job (at least maybe only like, temporary ones as these self contained gigs / just something to pay the bills) figure it's been a Depressive Period for him here lol & deliberately going on a journey of like self reflection / examination & going "haha yeah hated what i saw" is like, i don't think the self loathing is anything new, the confidence in 3x03 kind of an optimistic bandaid lol like well here's the new me as i understand / hypothesize / hope he could be, totally confident in being backed up by how valuable he is as a quant, then taylor kind of ripped that off and wound's open again but that wound was also not brand new or something he was unaware of / that didn't affect him before now

re: math meetup, i can see that being him presenting more evidence of his talent as a quant but also specifically going "see, i do this collaborative thing" to present this more conciliatory and cooperative approach to taylor, & am also taking it as evidence that he really does Enjoy math / coding stuff beyond it simply being a means to a professional end. i also like to think he has been / continues going to math meetup regularly, at least once a month, maybe every other week, and that it's this semi social event, like the relevant irl group you found back in the day that like, meets up for pizza before and drinks afterwards. i also like to think that, like, while he might come off as A Bit Much during said math meetup / just speak up frequently enough and often enough with some insistence lol, people Are there to meet up about the math and his contributions Are valued despite if his delivery/approach isn't always endearing or whatever. and even if he's not really popular / warmly embraced in the more [socializing event] bookends of the meetup, he's perfectly tolerated, and there's even a person or two or three (also regular attendees) who do vibe with him enough to like, invite / even want him to sit with them / talk with them outside that Math Setting. math meetup pals, maybe he doesn't meet up with these people outside these events but maybe they have each other's contacts and sometimes text. not these intimate personal relationships, but still something real and positive and refreshing. it'd be nice if math meetup could kinda be like what he hoped for from quanting, this way his math lets him "qualify" to access this group / activity, his aptitude "making up for" perceived lack of interpersonal / social charm & charisma & what have you, & having some reliably friendly people around even if of course that's not on its own going to mean he's totally socially fulfilled / not often lonely or anything. hc: he's often lonely & not totally socially fulfilled

he does, of course, want to work for taylor specifically, as long as they want him to, and this is sort of his second chance to find validation through working as a quant lol. think that yeah sure winston likes validation in general, who doesn't but also of course he's maybe a bit Above Average sensitive to / keen on it, but he'll also care about Affirmation if it's coming from people whose opinion he particularly values. think that it's easy to suppose he's also especially sensitive to taylor's assessments here thanks to the fact they really hit a (raw) nerve with him like, sure is the potential to get caught up in feedback loop city & say, have a few months mired in self loathing & an especial lack of certainty & confidence, if someone's kinda gone "i hate your self hatred" lol, but he also Did have this especial interest in / high opinion of taylor before that 3x03 interview, & so that's what continues to be part of it here

but then also interpreting that second 3x09 scene as like, he Does independently Know His Value as a quant and yknow not only has his pride but also can't and isn't going to first and foremost focus on trying to socially perform being peak Accommodating and Appealing here lol. but he still cares about what taylor thinks, wants to work for/with them, and i think it was Mutually Appreciated in the last scene that there was Mutual Effort to cooperate w/the other, giving him a Cue instead of just being mad & obfuscating it unless & until giving up on him completely or w/e is Constructive. interpreting winston as someone who sure can be a bit petty on purpose, especially in the face of some wounded pride (where he seems to take pride in his quant abilities & maybe not much of anything else: see the self loathing otherwise), but isn't really one to be deliberately antagonistic, especially not towards, yknow, the person he specifically wants to appeal to, but he also knows he can come off as grating whether inadvertently or not, so he might be testing the waters a little as well

3x11

he's using headphones even though no one else is in the room, that's a preference / he may also just like to block out other sound in general, as there's no audio of [winston's music faintly playing as / before he takes off his headphones] or indication he paused anything. does he like metal, what with the yngwie malmsteen reference? maybe, but that might just be a Billions Reference thing that isn't meant to indicate much / anything abt the specific character. i don't have any hcs about it anyways besides "okay" if so

first time we see his watch, it's not the calculator watch until s5 but i am a fan of said calc watch....gotta suppose it could represent him being here for the math of it all, what with how fancy/expensive watches are kinda the whole like status / power play thing, and a calculator watch is, afaik, not expensive, these casio calculator watch listings i'm seeing are all priced like, $15 to $25 range. so.

2nd scene is the first time we see sleeves pushed up, a frequent choice, maybe if he's focusing sleeves against forearms / Wrists & Hands can be bothersome. also not the first time he puts his hands in his pockets but i think that's a deliberate choice for winston's sort of Default Pose, equate it to the choice to have jared hang / hold on to his backpack straps.

guess he can also be a bit petty / rude / grating on purpose if ppl are getting in the way of his mathing / coding or otherwise thwarting it, at least probably taylor can relate / sympathize what with them wanting to Get It Right / being bothered if people get it wrong but could've avoided this

noticing all the caffeine and the fact he maybe didn't leave the basement / was powering through that project All At Once....just noting that down as a potential Approach, wanting to not interrupt focus &/or bear down & keep a fairly intense pace until it's finished / stay in the zone or what have you

definitely doing some deliberately cocky Testing / pushing back / amicable power struggle with taylor there, confirming he does have leverage due to that quanting ability after all, Despite His Demeanor / not being "sweet"

by this point definitely consciously kinda wants taylor to rail him.

4x03

i have no concrete hc's of instances inspiring winston to think he's "always seeing the future" but god i wish he did. he's right a lot though, maybe he just notices as much lol

talking mostly to taylor here, then concluding with "i only thought it but didn't say it; doesn't count....damnit." like he wants Their validation thanks, even if recognizing his Win here still wouldn't help them either way....also first time we see him w/coworkers for real, he's really freely Interacting.....time to go ahead and say he'd like to be work friends / at least have friendly interactions at work, might be a bit desperate for such positive social interactions, especially in this environment where he thinks the "objectively" good thing about him is most relevant, but it's cringe & fail (&/or vulnerable to Attack) to outright Want something, like validation / affirmation / a positive response or a simple "yeah you're right" "positive" response

first Space Shirt, followed by ones that are like, also &/Or Sci Fi Shirts. does he like space? i guess so

he's autistic

4x08

here & in 4x11, we don't know how he's gotten this info about taylor re: the arc w/their dad or with axe cap, but he's apparently mused on it on his own like this & isn't just quoting what someone else told him about how taylor must feel about xyz & how that might apply to the situations at hand, even though (unless he cassandra'd it) he wouldn't've had that much cause to suppose it'd definitely be relevant to have ideas about how taylor feels / is navigating a situation & why, maybe he just likes to be prepared like that / stay in the loop but yknow, maybe he's just also interested in them as a person beyond what's most immediately relevant to him doing quant stuff for them

he's already done the sort of kicking himself / wincing / apologizing or agreeing he fucked up an exchange thing before but, the genuine disappointment / momentary discouragement in it always lol....self loathing guy

love how he has these little like, clarifying explanations of things. "total control of the instrument," "always seeing the future," "because i win".....he's out here wanting to communicate to connect & to be understood, not so much as a potential for a power play / status climb and thus a conflict.....can see ppl who are used to / Do see interactions in that light to interpret winston yelling about having won as a like, rubbing it in people's faces show of superiority thing, but pretty sure he's just excited and wants a high five

4x11

having talked about the fact none of the desks in the tmc hq main floor seem to be winston's (& knowing that Could just be wroland not being reliably available to be in the bg of shots lol, analyzing s4 shots for some Consistently Empty desk) but it is fun to also consider that maybe tmc Could've had a secret extension in that that quant haunt in the basement was kept. a little more furnishing and it could be pretty chill, even though the lack of windows might not always be ideal. where's he sit!

also the whole "guy who'd be the first one smothered" moment like, guess i could've mentioned it in 3x03 more but yeah my Headcanon here is that winston maybe has a master's degree, not a phd though (him saying "50 phds" in 3x11 i think was meant to differentiate from him on both points, aka he's 1 guy, without a phd) & this is his first "real" job in any field. b/c i'm guessing like, people are here to get Paid, but as mentioned w/the watch (& just how winston acts in general, he doesn't really seem like he's raring to show off / really take advantage of having money or anything) it doesn't seem like he's, like, the "exceptionally focusing on personally making as much as possible" guy, and lauren's remark seems to emphasize / place the context on winston just not having like, savings from prior salaried years at a job or anything, more of a practical matter, maybe he's out here hoping for some more financial security, also they are all living in nyc, so. on that note, maybe he has an okay apartment but like, not without problems / not absolutely ideal, but it's okay. this would just be Convenient as an hc also lol

don't think the monologue was completely memorized, but it wasn't completely off the cuff either, he'd maybe been brainstorming scripts in his head / had some particular parts solidified word for word, but also hardly think he was guaranteed planning to deliver an admonishlogue at all, seems like it was some important factors that he was just kind of already irritated, nobody was listening / people Were social pressuring him to drop it or not interested in entertaining like "yeah i think you should talk to taylor about it" at all, think it was clear that talking to others was only going to lead to them telling him to drop it / trying to not have anyone say anything to taylor, and then that taylor just jumped in, which i hardly think he was hoping for

always Something that we can expressly see winston moving to sit down in that soon to be empty meeting room as everyone else is clearly filing out lol, like, can see how he might not be able to go "well, back to work" immediately and need some irritation / feeling like shit / guess who just got yeeellllllllllled aaaaaat to burn off, might need some time to absorb "well i guess i just deferred so no bonus as was probably expected," but can also suppose that maybe when winston gets majorly Shut Down he has shutdowns. saying all of four words in the wake of things, otherwise the fact he has this approach of tensing up, not talking at all, kind of just holding onto eye contact as his last way of "properly" participating in the exchange w/o bailing entirely, while also outwardly withering, like clearly these kinds of moments are pretty significantly affecting....feels like he could find it difficult to talk much, or at all, in the wake of some / need some time to recuperate a bit & have some distance & quiet & not just jump back into work like he's having a fine and normal time. sometimes pondering like, not only those notions like taylor insisting winston not be Interrupted when he hasn't technically started talking yet (giving him the buffering / latency time) but also like, fun kinda imagining them sitting across from each other having a texting conversation....or times winston would rather have an exchange via email......or make use of the sticky notes......or just have taylor talking to him and picking up on his nonverbal responses

winston's very Not present in tmc meetups / get togethers this season & again we know that this could be because his actor wasn't very available but it's still the case In Canon that there's only so many tmcers and they're all seeing each other outside work / market hours for varyingly formal or informal purposes & he's never included. & simultaneously hold the hc's that he could be choosing not to go or he could just never be invited in the first place l o l.....in either of these situations the reason for declining to go or being excluded could be up to "b/c other ppl don't like having him around" and idk, best case scenario is he doesn't want to go for some other reason, but he acts pretty okay with the All Hands meetups we do see / when in meetings with the other named employees he's pretty raring to interact with them, so :/

4x12

i do like to think it's fun to imagine What If Taylor Had A Phonecall With Winston Before This Monologue; someone once told me that explaining is an admission of failure, i'm sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart.....just them both having a more sympathetic approach with each other and a sort of dialed back reconciliation, tbt 3x09, without an audience / roomful of other people

do think that his wearing a tmc logo tee into axe cap hq was a deliberate Statement Piece, like wearing flipflops into axe cap in his true first time being there lol

first time we see the backpack, & the headphones (in this season), like the point you (nothingunrealistic) made about the backpack possibly kind of exerting pressure / compression in a Sensory Way. let's see it again

as good a time as any to bring up how it's such a consistent pattern that it Must be a choice that winston smiles in this direction :/ and grimaces / winces / frowns this way :\ but a choice of the actor of course, was it ever a conscious thing on winston's end, would not put it beyond the realm of possibility he's ever consciously thought of stuff like "even if words fail me(tm) i Gotta hang on to eye contact".....i'm thinking of times he is smiling hard enough that you just gotta do it more symmetrically, like here in 4x12

5x01

he likes bagels

think that this could've been another case of "people who are used to interactions used for conflict / power plays / stepping on other people to status climb (axe cappers in general, maybe team ben having to be extra prone to be on the lookout for these strategies when they're more often on the receiving end of them) misinterpreting winston socializing as means of connection (wanting to talk about the common work thread / interest with coworkers)"

even if for some reason quants were cold shouldering axe cappers like, a sound strategy even if team ben are worthy exceptions. Winston Can Get Petty When People Blame Quants Talking About Being Quants For Axe Cappers Harassing Tmc & also when in the process of doing so everyone's like "also you're smarter than us but no you're not, any math quants could do fundamental analysts could do better" like, winston getting more deliberately antagonistic when ppl are going after his Math Aptitude / value as a quant when that's his "objective" point of pride & confidence & possibly like haha self loathing can't get me here

5x02

winston's decimal points being more precise here i think indicates that the show is not taking the stance of "yeah the quants are just any old analysts with an attitude of superiority" lol

do think he selected that particular seating placement b/c it's like, hey furthest away from axe cap, most aligned with taylor's desk & angled towards it, perfect.....what a letdown

guess this episode suggests he and mafee have chats sometimes, and winston maybe confides At All Sensitive Info w/the guy? bold

always just smh like well thank god we were given this subplot where winston was a plot device really for dollar bill's arc or whatever............what a gift

5x03

just noticing as always how winston is the one person saying they should go for it vs the other two's skepticism / trepidation, and taylor decides to go for it.....they do value his input / trust his judgment

i am also noticing how often winston, as the math guy who doesn't really fit in w/ the whole axe / caply approach & style, has this role in giving taylor these crucial opportunities to pursue their own direction rather than be mired down in the misery of axe cap determining everything....3x11 & his algorithm letting them break completely away from axe cap, 4x11 & his admonishlogue making some Points & then next episode taylor does decide to abandon the revenge jag & says they were wrong & they're sorry....5x03 & this nlp strategy plotline being the first thing taylor could actively pursue for tmc after 2 eps of being dragged painfully through axe cap nonsense, & the fact this, in the next episode, leads to the Impact Fund idea / mase carb

5x04

see that last point

5x05

guess that until confirmed, The Glances being significant is a Headcanon Interpretation lol. anyways i do like taylor giving him these discreet, nonverbal cues as a very deliberate method of communication titrated betwixt them

oh right and an Age Cue here, before that was nailed down i think i already hc'd winston as either the same age as, or a year older than taylor, and that's still true lol, think that's how it goes with the timelines (taylor's being kinda uncertain, and winston's as well, having prior just kinda gone "well if taylor's 22 when they show up as the typical post undergrad age, and each season spans approx a year, and maybe winston spent just a year or two post undergrad getting a master's b/c nothing nails down how long it would take & he could've kinda been ahead of the curve as it were, he could be, say, 23 thru 25 in s3 when he shows up, to taylor's Maybe 23" as the Idea)

just wants to work for taylor as long as they'll have him, but would also like to be openly valued / affirmed on a pretty basic level lol...

one of those matters that's like, i do think that this is what the material is Trying to convey but it's not concrete / explicit, in that i think winston somewhat Likes rian right off lol like. i mean he's also still annoyed on principle, this is maybe his replacement & that stings that it's even a possibility & of course he has reason to want to feel like "oh well this person Clearly sucks" lol, but then there he is trying to scope out the situation & get immediate intel & it's like, here's this fellow 20something you immediately think is pretty (the mental comparison to an A lister as a dunk, lmao) & you see her being perfectly friendly with your nice coworker you're also friendly enough with, that's one degree of separation, now here he comes talking about how cool & epic & smart & capable she is, again makes sense he's still first & foremost bothered by the situation & has cause to just be more jealous about how well everyone immediately thinks of her (see: winston making bad first impressions that may never be undone, the fact other coworkers were probably never going around openly impressed with / praising him after meeting him for 5 sec, or like, ever) but i suppose this immediate underlying sense of attraction / affinity hits in that First Sighting as well

love that we see the feet up on the desk show of confidence again, very funny & glad it's back.....a tool in his arsenal for when he's Very Bothered But (unsuccessfully) Acting Very Unbothered / when he's trying to pitch for his employment lol

when did he have a first gf? perfect time for an hc.....feels like it'd have been like, idk, older high schoolers at the youngest, that kind of emotional commentary....or in college. sometimes pondering the idea like, what if he had a bf first actually.....or not, & Feeling A Way around other guys sometimes like, hmm guess i think this guy is pretty cool &/or i'm kinda like "god i wish that were me" about, then some more noticeable Tension as he's older even if he can't really discern the reason b/c this person's pretty nice & cool actually, hmm. then one day you're doing hw together with a while for code to compile & Oh Hey Lol

meanwhile think clearly rian defuses the Reason For Rivalry (and also clearly immediately likes him / interacting with him & you know, outright sticks up for him & in this significant way) & then when they connect over Math it's all coming together very outright like Oh Hey Lol 😳

also he Gets Right Back To Work easily enough, & like, i think already there's a deliberate performance of "i'm now totally unbothered," but he's just pretty good at shaking things off apparently. & he kind of has to be, to not bail completely or else tamp down his own personality / avoid interactions, but you know. plus that like, he may get irritated when his pride's wounded but around here people can have a whole crisis & arc about it if their egos are bruised in the slightest, so like. pretty blasé

5x06

this isn't really any hc or Interpretation by any stretch but this is the first time we've seen winston pull that particular attitude in that second scene with rian and it's beautiful.....if something's bothering him he's so often like outright indignant but this is like, i'm Bothered but i'm being so dignant about it, for like 4 sec

also the bright green hoodie / bright, high contrast, geometric blockbuster tee is so Vivid but like, always noting how he wears relatively colorful outfits. fun to go "maybe this one's deliberately extra eye catching b/c of this new crush" lol

5x07

the difficulty in reading that much into things when the lack of sobriety could be making any & everything an outlier, & can't even really read into "apparently down to take stimulants (beyond caffeine) on a dime" b/c well, so is everyone else, so that this situation can unfold, we knew he had a crush on rian (or i guess we didn't, but this is pretty direct about it), we knew he likes validation, taylor Knows him well enough that it's not just like "oh he's acting weird? well that's winston for you" to them, which we also knew but it's fun to confirm further lol

and now for some more free floating / general concepts

family? i have no idea. feel like he either has no siblings or several but yknow, anything's possible. we know what he's like Now, don't think he got that solid self esteem / self confidence as an emergent quality from [everything that happened to him before 3x03] & don't suppose he has this like, rock solid close warm familial relationship of understanding & unconditional love & support w/whoever he grew up with, parents or siblings or whoever he lived with....like, the relationship/s could be Fine but you know, still not all that close

i don't think he was every completely friendless (or if he was, it didn't last Too long) in terms of like, throughout school maybe he had some pals, no amazing close [fingers crossed Like That] ones where someone had like, grown up as his next door bestie and they did everything together & knew everything about each other, nothing all that close, but he had people to sit with at lunch or what have you, even if at times like, the table nobody else really sits at but the people who don't have anywhere else to sit lmao. maybe some slightly closer friendships here & there, but people often kind of got subsumed into other friend groups that he wasn't otherwise a part of / otherwise just kind of gradually distanced again...but also possible he had perfectly amicable occasions of like, maybe only having a class or two with certain people, not striking up intimate friendships but hitting it off well enough.........like, winston's out here Not having been stomped down into suppressing his personality all the time, he's still fairly earnest & forthcoming & eager to connect, just sort of vaguely going for "he maybe have always had this element of discouragement & disappointment re: socializing / connecting / forming relationships / sometimes just being accepted on a basic level, but he also didn't have his spirit totally extinguished either" although there's also the room for stuff like, yknow, him Holding Out Hope like "well nobody likes me now / i'm unhappy but maybe once i'm in college [gets to college & still isn't having a great time] okay well once i Enter The Workforce" lol. you know

but it's also like, hardly think he's Only Just Now experiencing the [winston: ___ everyone: get his ass] type stuff & pushback & punishment & disdain over not really doing anything but people hate his style & vibe, & feel like there's also still room for like, yep wow got burned sometimes / having had some pretty negative experiences......we do have to end up in this place where, you know, 3x03 happens and he doesn't just go "guess finance isn't for me!" & dust himself off & go get some Guarantees from some tech firms, & instead he's Really Glad [Taylor] Called & hasn't taken some other more desired job between 3x03 & that call & is immediately like "good news: i do hate myself" so like, can't see him having just thrived his way to this point....evidently not all dating relationships have been just epic highs & victories, maybe he has those math meetup pals now & maybe idk there's other people he's in sort of in contact with, maybe people from college / grad school or the like, still not that close, figure he's generally been lonely like, overall, despite regularly enough seeking out / striving for connections

oh yeah speaking of, the idea that he has a cat maybe lol, in part simply for company, a little guy that lives in your house / apartment....but also maybe he doesn't

always just some general notions like, also idk maybe he engages in hobbies, talks to people through that just like with math meetup....talked about the Embroidery idea, got that computers/programming connection, was thinking like, idk fuck it amateur photography, develop your own film, maybe he took a class in college or high school or something, same with like, maybe he plays a musical instrument, said "the cello, why not" about that as an early [shrug] idea lol. he does like space, maybe he does Anything with that....rip to any astronomy clubs In Nyc like, guess you're not seeing shit, but. 4x11 au, after deferring his bonus he goes to some cool cinematographic celestial occasion like taylor & the sea glass fish carousel lmao. taylor catches up & they have their [i'm sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart] exchange lol.....except also not, b/c you wouldn't really want to have Parallels with m/any moments ft. wendy & taylor :/

recalled like a particularly casual / throwaway idea about like "lol what if he was somewhat thalassophobic" in part b/c once actor william dropped that lore abt himself in an interview, but. could have somewhat some other phobia/s. or not really any! what a world

maybe sometimes he's out here like, single & ready to Fuck like, focusing on just hooking up w/people sometimes rather than really looking to date at the juncture, although it could both be true like, he'd Like to be dating but also doesn't really currently want to do all the Putting Himself Out There & such of seeking it out / trying to consciously navigate it, but sometimes it's more manageable like, just wanting to have sex. looking out for himself when he can & how he can lol

speaking of, some vague sexy hcs

gets pegged

especial fan of Tongue Against Tongue texture, enjoys some Grounding elements to avoid being overwhelmed / narrow things to the more relevant sensory input at hand, like the weight/pressure of a partner leaning / lying against him / holding him tightly, if he's overwhelmed in a good way / kinda got some sensory overflow in a good way he might cry during sex In A Good Way lol, took some time maybe in his Personal Sexual Experience to figure out some general differences in "what he doesn't like at all" or "what's off the table / too unpleasant for him at some times but Not necessarily at all times & might be completely enjoyable sometimes," like, am i willing to perform oral sex, am i willing & Enthusiastically so, is that way too much actually, it can be all of them at varying times....maybe in more everyday general situations he refrains from stims in front of others unless stressed enough, but while having sex with someone especially if at all nervous it's like, there can be this transition between repressing stims & being more unfiltered / uninhibited where they kind of build up & then come through in kicks only to be reined back in, either like, he simply does go for a more reined in approach the whole time or anyone else is willing to ride this out with him / he kind of has the time & space to figure out more of a flow, in which case he might still stim but you know, not as though people aren't used to stims in this situation, i.e. reacting to stimulation with movement & vocalization is at least expected & it could once again be like "well he's a bit weird with it but hey" lol or you know, not that some partners can't be understanding or have had experience w/similar partners. hardly make or break but this can be a vulnerable interaction here / hard to shake the self consciousness & sense of "i Do have to filter myself and act The Right Way" all at once just b/c you'd want to

hey and let him sing karaoke or something lmao, winston is as Dramatic as he is, he would give a performance. work in a way to let everyone who sings sing around lol, could throw in some Affectations so that it's like yeah winston can sing without having to be like "wow winston, when'd you become a trained broadway performer" lmao. imagine. which reminds me of the time will joked about like, oh yeah winston Gets That A Lot re: people recognizing he looks like the guy in deh, aka will roland....the limitations of "this is set in real nyc" including occasional references to recent / popular shows, fuck it maybe will roland does also exist in the billions universe. well anyways it would be fun. the karaoke anyways, and that he'd give a top tier Performance whether or not people are first and foremost enjoying his technical / artistic skill at the art of singing, it'd at least be personality infused and engaging

taking it way back to the ideas about winston's social misadventures in general, i'm sometimes considering for fics i never end up writing if he might have some like, misgivings / anxieties about like, is this person i Like acting like they maybe Like me back as some kind of elaborate joke, & maybe the caution comes from experience like you know, classic over the line "pranks" like asked out As A Joke, kissed As A Dare that he wasn't aware of, think there could be like, would be Friendship / friendly acquaintanceship experiences in there where such "pranks" / "jokes" / "messing with him" (and not in a good way) could happen, or even just you know, more Spontaneously, don't even know this person & he's treated as a joke for other ppl's entertainment, realizing at the time or retrospectively like oh maybe i was more being bullied then having any positive social interaction / getting to feel at least "included" or what have you, like, the idea of getting to hang out with a group as The Funny Guy, but he's had these experiences getting to hang out with a group & realize it's b/c they thought he was funny / Amusing in a laughing At him, not with him way, which is easy also b/c winston isn't really out here trying to be funny that we've seen lol. only realizing he was still being excluded after some time / distance from the situation, or escalating open hostility / just more blatant meanness / over the line shit from some people, maybe some stuff that just immediately feels shitty but he figured was just like, well idk, maybe that's normal & still friendly, maybe it also felt more outright embarrassing / demeaning at the time but it's like haha yeah you got me :'] at the time just to save any face lol.....possible unexpected / spontaneous amicability in his socializing history, but also shittiness, whether it's coming at him all at once or he's kind of holding out hope like, well, i just keep at it / have a Friendly attitude here and surely i'll make friends b/c if people didn't like me At All why are they talking to me / letting me be here at all.....

always kind of pondering Fashion Variation, we haven't seen it but it could be possible, musing on "what would he think Looks Good On Him / how does he feel capable of like, dressing for romantic success or what have you lol" like, was the vivid 5x06 outfit anything, cue the drawing like, a bralette & short shorts is shaking it up and could be a Felt Cute outfit and could also be comfortable enough....not always That much room in men's(tm) fashion before you start having to be aware of [Gender] and dunno that winston out here has had the inspiration / motivation / opportunity to consider / try out / explore but hey. what are we here for

just remembered that post like "uhh i just saw a guy crying in the library & then his phone alarm went off & he stopped crying, opened his laptop & started typing / it's called time management" lmao like winston's not out here having the Most amazing time, he could have such Time Management experiences of like, letting it out some on purpose but then reining it right back in, and/or just like some spontaneous paroxysms of crying for a minute or two more unexpectedly in a "do you ever [experience a tiny inconvenience] & realize the thread by which you're hanging on is quite thin" way or otherwise, you know, oops experienced this frustration & now i'm crying over it, or idk, just feeling a bit more vulnerable for whatever reason & something has unexpectedly plucked some emotional string attached to another string attached to another & the resonance = i'm crying now ig. he can't be Thriving out here & i don't think he's all about having such a stranglehold on emotions that he's like oh tf i Never cry (aside from having sex, in a good way)

although speaking of like, emotional repression, maybe he's out here just "good at" compartmentalizing some experiences lol in that "well anyways, back to work" way & stuff like, sure he knew he was risking it in 4x11 but it also did not seem to affect his dynamic with mafee at all lmao like wow.....

think that him not really having anything on his work desk is a choice / preference but also am not sure that that really applies to anything else lmao. what if he had a little plant. that'd be funny

oh yeah and the idea that winston might literally have like prophetic dreams & they're just kind of a nuisance to him but sometimes they can be plot devices in fics (that don't exist) about him kissing people

well i'm just calling it a night there lol but like, it always feels Lacking writing out hc's like, plenty of ideas but also hardly any, and yet the fact that other individual ideas are so Vague / casual that it wouldn't be like "oh i gotta share this via post or manifesting it some other way" so then it feels like, oh no, if i don't list absolutely Everything on something that's specifically a list of hc's, i can never talk about whatever gets left out......and just that like, i ought to have a bunch of really specific, concrete, unique Factoids about winston here to be of any interest but hey lmao. that hypothetical set of concepts is never gonna happen, & the Ultimate Comprehensive List Of Everything I've Ever Pondered Re: Winston is also going to be difficult lmfao (not as though that's what you've asked in the first place) but you know, we took a swing at things here & covered some ground & the thinking about & talking about winston never ends, & this isn't really a post meant to have broad appeal / if you're not already having fun reading vague musings about the quant then i'm sorry you're reading this after having read all that and gone "wow, i'm disappointed" lmao but hey, weird choices made to bring you to this point......also god knows plenty of hcs are more filed away under specific like [Tayston], [Benston], [Riawin] sort of things (lol, [Mafon]) b/c on the one hand, i find it easier to kind of think in Scenarios and the details particular to the "scenes" therein, but i am also not good at thinking of those scenarios! out here operating on vibes, he's autistic and wants to kiss taylor (also now rian but that's kinda right in canon, not just my head) and that's really the crucial info here

#winston billions #nothingunrealistic #posting these things at 7am lol just had to give this a shot all at once really #there was never going to be a concise & comprehensive post here so just gotta go for it #certainly vs trying to think up that beautiful engaging collection of concrete hc's & thus never writing Anything lol #and anyways it's also like; this is a niche post for an even nicher audience so #quantnoisseur is about having fun and being yourself. for me #thanks again for returning the favor!! do love the opportunity here #again hope i don't like recall three dozen obvious things i should've included once i post this but

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locktobre · 3 years

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gonna ramble a bit about Landen and Roxana’s first meeting bc it is on my mind lately and also it’s an excuse to talk about Rip some more lmao

it happens in 2029. by this point, Rip’s friend Thorna has become essentially an ambassador between Gloss Angeles and the Fairytopia mainland, bc some ppl do want contact between the two and they’re trying to figure out how to handle the whole thing. Landen’s one of those ppl, and so is his grandfather Farran. anyway, bc of that, Landen spends a fair amount of time with Thorna, and bc of her and his grandpa (who actually arrested Rip back in the day), he knows all about Rip and the whole situation and it occurs to him that, technically, Rip is still considered a criminal by the city of Gloss Angeles.

now, Rip’s been back on Earth for 17 years at this point, and nobody has really thought about that much. there have been no further magical disturbances that can be traced back to him, and as Farran has told Landen, they have no proof that Rip actually caused anything he was accused of before. if anything, he may have exacerbated a problem that already existed, but there was never any conclusive proof on the matter. so the whole thing was bs from the beginning, but that’s not really what Landen cares about--he’s concerned that someone might who, say, doesn’t want Gloss Angeles and Fairytopia to reunite might bring up the fact that it’s the same guy causing problems. or that Rip could be turned into a scapegoat in another way, the way he was before, and if anyone cared to point it out, the man is still technically a criminal. and since Graciella is a passion fairy, she could be pretty easily whipped into a frenzy (the same way her mom was before her when they went after Rip the last time) and convinced to, like, try again to get rid of the guy.

when Landen points this out, Thorna and Farran agree it’s a valid concern, so now they have to decide how to handle it. Landen wants to issue Rip an official pardon, but he’s not sure if they can point out the fact that Rip didn’t actually do anything wrong without pissing ppl off. and an official pardon means a ceremony, which means bringing attention to this thing that he doesn’t want ppl to think about in the first place, so he’s kind of torn about it. but it’s basically the best option they can think of to try to nip this in the bud before it becomes anything. Farran and Thorna aren’t really sure, but they think they should talk to Rip and see what he thinks, and Landen’s always wanted to meet the guy so he’s like yes let’s do that please thank you.

so they head over to the Summers house. Rip is... slightly concerned to see three fairies at his house. obviously he knows Thorna and has been friends with her for over 30 years; he knows Farran, who he’s not quite friends with but they’re actually on okay terms; and then there’s a new kid he’s never seen before. and the new kid is a prince, which worries him, but he trusts Thorna (and kinda Farran) enough that he lets them in and they all sit down to talk.

Calissa and Roxana also sit in for this, Calissa for emotional support and Roxana bc she doesn’t trust fairies (not even Thorna, really). and when Landen explains why he’s there, Roxana gets pissed, bc she adamantly believes that Rip did nothing wrong. and Landen’s like I know that but-- and Roxana just really does not want to listen, bc she thinks accepting the pardon is Rip admitting fault, which he shouldn’t have to do, and Landen tries to point out it’s actually the city admitting fault and she’s like but I thought that wasn’t part of it? that’s what you said, right? you can’t admit that you were wrong without pissing ppl off? and she basically think he’s a coward and that going anywhere near the fairies is just going to paint another target on Rip’s back and that they should get the hell out.

and Rip’s like, I really appreciate you saying that Xana but can you not please bc they do have a legitimate point here. and Rip knows if anything is going to paint a target on his back, it’s the fact that he really wants the masquerade to go away completely and for fairies (and mermaids, and basically all magic) to be out in the open, so he’s kinda gonna have to deal with them in the future, anyway. (he hasn’t really wanted to reach out on the subject, but now that he’s met Landen he thinks it’s as good a time as any to test the waters...)

anyway, Calissa trusts Rip’s judgement, but Roxana thinks it’s a huge mistake, but she can’t really convince Rip of that. so they go ahead with the pardon and the ceremony, and Roxana just hates Landen for bringing it all up, even if it all goes really smoothly, bc they were fine how they were and now she’s anxious thinking about her dad consorting with fairies again and ppl remembering what he “did” and it’s all Landen’s fault. (Farran’s and Thorna’s, too, but they’re adults, so she doesn’t really want to fight with them. but since Landen’s only a year older than her, she just focuses all her anger on him.)

and Landen is a passion fairy like his mother, but he makes every effort to regulate his moods and not behave as she does. he meditates and tries to be generally mindful of his moods and everything, but it’s extra hard when Roxana is basically trying to get him to fight with her. so he just keeps trying to be nice to her and prove like, hey, I don’t have any ulterior motives, I’m on your dad’s side, I’m even gonna try to help him figure out this masquerade thing, are you ever gonna believe me or is it just gonna be like this forever?

and it probably would have continued like that until her parents point out that she’s being pretty immature and doesn’t she want to become Queen of Oceana in a couple years? and if she wants to prove she’s mature enough to do that, please for the love of god stop fighting with this guy. you don’t have to like him! but nobody is forcing you to be around him! so cut it out! and, of course, being Queen of Oceana is Roxana’s dream so she does stop (with some difficulty, bc she’s 16 and full of rage).

she does just straight-up avoid him for awhile until she has genuinely calmed down and realized she was being pretty childish. and at that point she thinks that her parents would think she was really mature if she managed to actually talk to him. nobody forcing her, just her trying to get along with somebody she doesn’t like, the same thing she’s gonna have to do as queen (and like, in life in general, but she really really really wants to prove she’s capable of being queen). also the guy’s a passion fairy and she never set him off so maybe he knows how to stop being full of rage all the time and can give her some tips.

for his part, Landen’s kind of surprised bc he had just accepted the fact that he was never gonna get on Roxana’s good side, but he is happy to share what he knows. (he does not actually know how to stop being full of rage, but he does have some breathing exercises to try.) and from there, they actually start to get along, somewhat. it’s still a long road but within a few years they are genuine friends, which everyone is surprised by, bc everyone figured (half correctly) that Roxana was just doing it to prove a point and would drop the act when she became queen lol. but no! unlikely friends for real.

anyway I think their first meeting used to be a little different, but I’m happy with where I’ve landed now. I may change my mind in the future again but I think this illustrates their current personalities better.

#mel irl #barbie babbles #summers clan blogging #roxana x landen #this kinda makes roxana sound mean and landen like a doormat but eh #i know what i'm doing! landen's not a doormat he just picks his battles #and roxana... well she is kind of mean. but it comes from a place of love.

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