#grief is so intimate | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cacaocheri · 7 days

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we both deserve to be happy

in case anyone is wondering, it gets easier. it gets so so much easier and i hope you find the love you're looking for

#this is like deeply personal and intimate but im posting it for the people who might need to hear this #there isn't really a more profound way i could say it. just that love is everywhere and it will be there for you if you look for it #it's true that things won't ever be the same and that's a good thing. never go back #ive been wanting to make more art about my grief and post it on tumblr for people but like. tbh. ive kind of processed a lot of it now #its kind of hard for me to tap into those old emotions again but hopefully this is still helpful for some people #my art #grief #love #idk #i just wanted to post this to reassure people who are scared to make the next step. i am so happy right now and i hope you will be too

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stuckinapril · 3 months

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#I’m only very rarely inclined to get this intimate w my thoughts so I might as well say it NOW butttt I will never not see the dead children #In everything I do #Like legit #I’ve read up on Hind so extensively and seen so many photos of her #And I have a very healthy relationship w the popular Palestinian journalists so she’s not my blorbo or anything #But hearing that memo destroyed me bc bisan is only 23 and she seemed so vivacious #Idk like I do normal people things I can’t just pause on my life #But idk how it feels like to sit at a boba place and enjoy my pearl milk tea w my friends #While the horrors over there don’t just lurk the back of my mind. I do normal things and I’m guilty for having the luxury #And as an Iraqi girl I’m living in the literal ideal timeline #Where my mom decided to immigrate to the us and that’s why I’m here living a normal life like everyone else #It’s like in a different world if I were born in a different time it could’ve so easily been me. I’m one of the Lucky Ones idk #It’s not survivor’s guilt bc it’s not like I had to survive anything like I never had the chance to live in Iraq or anything #But like. If some things had fallen just a little differently #And I keep thinking about how I’d feel if it were happening to Iraq and people behaved the way they’re doing to Palestinians #I’d be so mad #And some people on here are dealing w assholes while bursting at the seams w grief #For losing their loved ones #This is why I’m so fucking angry at anyone who’s complicit #This was a major tangent but basically I feel weird about doing normal things now while simultaneously knowing I can’t just sit and wallow #And watch life pass by as if it’ll do anything #Misery is not a home but I’m struggling to be 100% normal #And I think that this tonal dissonance is reflecting on my blog too bc I can’t go back to just #Posting about all the other normal things I used to. Like I want to but sometimes I feel off.#Is this anything. I haven’t slept all night #I can’t just allow myself to lose interest in everything I used to like and be and just fade away but maybe it’s about accepting that this #Will also always be a part of me now. It’s that awareness that shadows everything I do #or maybe I need a therapist it’s a toss up #I’ll probably feel better once I get my day started but this was cathartic to voice I think #p

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raeiyyn · 11 months

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gang jae: why did you bring the tangerines? why bring three of them when your bag is so small?

bu jeong: i dont want to talk about it

gang jae: okay

after a long pause as they lie silently, facing opposite each other

bu jeong: it's been so long... it's been so long since i met with someone that i didn't know what to bring. they were on the table. so i just brought them.

gang jae: so this is like a picnic to you then?

bu jeong: no. i just....felt like disappearing. sometimes, i hate myself so much that i wish i could just disappear. the sun went down. i was hungry but i didn't want to do anything and then a thought occured to me "i want to die like i'm floating away somewhere"... but on my way here... i felt good. i thought "why did i bring the tangeries?" but the tangerine was sweet. i thought "why did i wear ill fitting shoes?" but it felt great taking them off. the bathroom was large. i was sitting. now im lying down....i also want to go home. i want to see my dad. i think i know what you mean about a stream trickling down your heart, although I cant explain it.

gang jae: if by chance, we meet again by coincidece, not like today, do you want to die with me?

lost (2021), dir hur jin ho, park hung soo // jacques prévert // via pinterest // b moore // alessia d cesare

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darkwood-sleddog · 7 months

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it has been hard to summarize the grief i feel about Palestine. mostly because I am not arab, just married to one. But it has still been excruciatingly difficult to watch my arab family members and friends tip toe around what they say regarding the genocide happening right now, careful to be gentle and placid and non-threatening as possible when what they are saying amounts to "don't kill us." while pro-israel people equate them to less than human, while the most bland liberals shrug their shoulders and say they will kill arabs out of self defense.

you know sometimes i am naive enough to hope we've grown enough past my loved ones being called racial slurs as children by teachers post 9/11, but i am always swiftly brought back to the reality that the western world views arabs as an acceptable sacrifice.

#not dogs #free palestine #do i fear for family in the region? yes.#do i feel this is all going to get worse? also yes #to be welcomed by your partners family with open arms and shared the culture the food the dancing #know that so SO many people in gaza will never get to share their intimate family traditions with a friend or a family or a child.#that is the grief i feel #also for those of you who may feel surprised by my position: are you angry or surprised by the posts i make about anti indigenous racism?#about culture culling and genocide?#this has always been something i have stood by

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uncanny-tranny · 4 months

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The biggest saving grace I feel I've done is to get into death positivity, to learn to appreciate death. It's definitely not going to help for many, but I have found that not stigmatizing my own interest and desire for death has greatly helped. Being able to interact with death not as a punishment, but as a way to express humanity has been truly what has made me feel more human. I no longer want to feel ashamed of this aspect of myself, and it's made me want to live. Death has done unto me life.

#death positive #death tw #death mention tw #suicide mention tw #ask to tag (genuine)#i have been trying to interact with more death positivity. it's helped not only my own thoughts but also grief...#...and grief is something i know intimately that i do not process and deal with 'normally'#i am CERTAINLY not saying that you should adopt these ideas for yourself but rather i am sharing what has worked for me...#...my hope is that i can help motivate others to find what works for THEM...#...to not feel SHAME over it. the shame is the enemy. the fear and self-loathing and self-hatred are the enemies...#...i used to feel so ashamed and humiliated about this aspect of me because of how... out there it was...#...but i genuinely cannot live the way the world does and i have TRIED #i don't want ANYbody EVER feeling that way. not if i can even try to help y'know?#i am really grateful to the people who have posted about death and the process because it has really been an important topic #death is nuanced and complicated and it isn't fair a lot of times - it's absolutely fair to not *like* death

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yashley · 2 years

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tries to act normal after 1 year 5 months 8 days, 9 phone calls, 100 milesdjkskxjcks

#critical role #mighty nein origins #love of my life love of my life love of my life love of my life #if I think about all that yasha means to me I’ll start crying or sound insane but it was her who first caught me to CR #it was ashley it was yasha it was this person of silence and grief and loneliness #and in my own pit of loneliness and grief i found yasha and she gave presence to my deep pain #someone who was dealing with the death of the love of her life but desperately clung to the flowers they shared #she became a salve i never believed would exist that was so intimate and healing that i’d only watch yasha eps #my first merch before i even really loved CR was a yasha shirt and pin cos in anything else i knew she had me #and if it wasn’t for her i would still be in the deepest of that pit she became my solace my strength my hope #I’m not where i want to be my white hair has not come back yet but yasha is the life and hope that one day it will #zuala would 100% jump later yasha’s bones if she came back lbr

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pandora15 · 6 months

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life is cruel.

it's tragic, horrific, and unfair. it gives us the worst of things, causes us to feel and experience things that are so unspeakably painful that sometimes I can't even. I can't even.

and it seems even more cruel in those moments of pain and grief and loss when you see something beautiful, like fall colors, or the color of the sky at sunset, or how the holidays typically are meant to bring joy to people but all you can think about now is that every year when this time of year comes, you'll just think about how tragic it is.

and cruel.

and horrific.

and unfair.

and beautiful.

#grief #grief tw #so i'm dealing with grief intimately for the first time like. ever. and i'm having a lot of emotions #and i can't help but observe that the way i write it in fic feels. kinda like how i feel right now? in some ways?#but also like. everyone goes through it differently and there's no like correct way to process #for me i'm. okay most of the time when i have a lot of stuff to do #which is like 90% of the time #but i'm also just feeling a lot of things and trying to figure out how to move forward #especially with the knowledge that life is short and cruel and you just never know what might happen #and i can't just not do the things i truly want to do with my life because i'm SCARED #because. you never know what might happen #you never know when the end is gonna come #anyways i drove back to my apartment today and i saw beautiful fall colors on the way #and all i can think is ''how can the world be so beautiful and so horrible at the same time''#''so beautiful and so fucking CRUEL at the same time''#''and to the people who least deserve its cruelty''#anyways that's where i'm at ig #still got two classes moving and a full time job to do while all of this is happening 🙃#all things considered. i'm okay. not great but i'm doing my best #really in my post tpm obi-wan era except to a lesser degree #but i certainly have a LOT of responsibilities to deal with along with my grief so. yeah.

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bellincurl · 2 months

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Listening to Return to the womb muship again - _ -

#putting the fear of pregnancy plus organ colours plus embodied mother feelings into this one #i brought leopard up to my counsellor and she said he sounded very divine john waters esque so i fucking win forever.#drawing it makes me want to drop everything and spend every minute as It and live in this character.#it's insane how easy it is to inject whatever hyperspecific grief im feeling into him and feel it almost entirely evaporate #also painting makeup is nice... it feels a little intimate putting blush or eye shadow onto leopard #i still build it up the way i would on myself

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clickerflight · 9 months

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Whump week: It made you stronger

@week-of-whump

Masterlist

Part 6

Yooooo! Last one. This last bit was so good to write, and so cathartic to write. I know this was my story, I know what I did, but it still HURTS! Actually, if I need to cry on demand, I think about Ichimaru and it gets me every time.

Content: centipede monster whumper, ex slave whumpee, mention of minor death, mind control, grief, creepy whumper

.................................................

“So, this is where you ended up.”

Souka stood, weapons at his sides. He was grown now, older, wiser, and more powerful than he had been when he had last seen the woman standing in front of him.

Leara, the lady of the household he had been a slave in. The lady of the household where his best friend had died in his arms. The lady of the household where, just that evening, all of the slaves had been freed.

Souka was grown, now, and he was the kind of hero he had been named after. A slave who rose up to free others, and strike down the masters.

“I almost didn’t recognize you,” she churred. “It’s good to see you again. You look quite well.”

He sneered at her. He had exhausted his voice already for the day while directing slaves to safety, and he very much doubted this woman knew any form of sign language.

“What, nothing to say to me, oh great Souka?”

Souka simply lifted his weapons, ready to cut down another blight.

“Oooh, how scary,” she said, and it hit Souka that she wasn’t begging like the other ones. She wasn’t groveling or ordering servants about. She simply smiled, and he noticed, not for the first time, that her teeth were sharper than they should be.

Souka had been too young, too inexperienced to see it when he was 14. Now he could, though.

The woman began to transform as she stepped forward, lengthening and segmenting.

“You know, your namesake was my slave at one point, too. He escaped, much more on his own merit than the way you go away,” she hissed, her body becoming chitinous. Souka avoided her eyes. He knew what she was, now. Her body became longer and longer, awful clicking legs echoing on the walls as she circled the room, blocking the exits with her centipede body.

“He came back, he rescued slave after slave,” she said, twisting and contorting to try and catch Souka’s eye so she could weave a spell over him. “Then he came here. To me. He was more prepared though.”

Souka struck. She flinched back, but he managed to sever a couple of legs. She screamed, twisting and striking at him, and he dodged quickly to the middle of the room, sword at the ready.

“He was slower than you, I suppose,” she grumbled. “But you’ll fall, all the same. He came here and looked me in the eyes, declared that he was the savior of the slaves, but he was already mine. I suppose you’re a little smarter than him, hmmm? Or maybe you learned your lessons a bit better as a slave, not to look your betters in the eyes.”

Souka took a deep breath. He wouldn’t rise to her jibes. He stayed calm and rushed her again, this time getting in a deep cut on her body and dodging away as green blood oozed from the wound.

Leara dove for him over and over again, only getting wounds for her efforts before she scuttled back, circling and guarding the exits again.

“Oooooh, you’re little white haired friend would be so proud of you, wouldn’t he? He’s the one who named you, right?”

Souka didn’t flinch, he didn’t let a single tell show on his face that she was broaching a painful subject.

“Ah, yes. Ichimaru. That was his name, right? He was older than you by a little, protective little thing. Sickly little thing. Did you know at that time that he was putting so much of his hope in you because he knew he wouldn’t make it out?”

Souka continued to study her for an opening, planning his next attacks, but her words stung. He hadn’t known at the time. He’d guessed at it later, but never let himself dwell on it.It had hurt too much.

He had let Ichimaru build him up slowly over months, let himself hope that maybe there was more to the world than being a nameless slave who knew nothing but pain and work, and then-

“It’s always annoying when the slaves get sick. Their work slows down and whipping them at that point only loses me workers. And while that is annoying, it is almost fun. I like watching the moral sink even lower than it was before, watching everyone cry for the lost connections. Watching you, my little hopeless slave boy, weep over that cold dead body for hours was so much fun. You had really dared to think you’d be getting out of here. That you’d be something someday. And then you lost everything once again.”

Souka could feel his hands shaking. He remembered that night. He remembered the pain and the anguish. He still cried at night, sometimes, thinking about Ichimaru. If only he could have survived just a little bit longer. Then Anisha would have taken both of them in and he would have gotten help.

“I heard you and your ilk were looking for where his body was buried. Wanted to give him a proper burial, hmmm?” Leara asked, still trying to catch Souka’s narrowed eyes. “Don’t worry, I took good care of it. I am a very big centipede, no? I need a lot of food.”

Souka didn’t even think. Red took his vision and he attacked, desperately needing to inflict pain on this evil creature, make her feel even a fraction of the pain he’d been through.

She was ready for him, though. She struck faster than he could process with the grief flowing through him in waves, and the best he could do was close his eyes as she wrapped her horrible segmented body around him, pinning his arms to his sides and forcing him to drop his weapons. Her awful legs poked at him as she squeezed him, keeping him from moving as they parted his hair so his eyes were clear of everything else.

He flinched when a leg touched his face, the end covered in tiny hooks that pulled unpleasantly at his skin.

“And look at all of you now. That pain made you stronger. Now you’re the hero Souka 2.0! I could make you my warrior! And since you absorbed the Torsha amulet you will last even longer than the last one,” she said with a croon. “Come on, pet. Open your eyes.”

Souka shook as he tried to free himself, the legs tapping and pulling at his face, trying to pry his eyes open. There was only so much strength to be found in eyelids, and the prying little legs were winning. Souka rolled his eyes up as much as he could, following his eyelids, trying to pry his head away from the terrifying grasp Leara had on him.

“Come on now, child,” Leara said, annoyed. “It won’t hurt. I expect it would be a relief. You won’t have to think about anything. I can take the pain away.”

Souka tried to find his voice, but all that came out was a wheezing gasp, his throat aching at the effort. He writhed again when his fingers came across something wet. It was one of the wounds from before and he dug his fingers in, tearing it open farther.

Leara screamed, dropping him on instinct and he scooped one of his swords up, turning and slashing across her belly.

“You filthy little beast!” she shrieked, striking at him. Her blow was ineffective, bouncing off of his impervious skin and he held his ground, watching for her head out of the corner of his eye. She rounded on him, ready to wrap around him again and he ducked to the side, swinging his sword.

With a clean snick sound, her head fell to the ground and her screaming stopped immediately. Her body skittered around the room still, searching and twitching as it went. After about 20 chopped off limbs, the body collapsed to the floor, unable to support its weight.

Souka stared at his fallen enemy. He mouthed and signed to himself; to the body on the floor.

I should have come back sooner.

@whumpsday

#whump #week-of-whump #whump week #whump challenge #it made you stronger #centipede monster #creepy whumper #intimate whumper #mind control #grief #mentioned minor death #slavery #ex slave whumpee #victory #this bit is something I've been meaning to write or daydream for forever #and it felt so good #mute character #whump art

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mare-is-a-sillybilly · 7 months

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Finished brokeback mountain. Am destroyed.

#brokeback mountain #help #scenes are so soft and intimate #thinking about the grief #can’t form coherent thoughts I just want to watch it again #films #my media log

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p4nishers · 1 year

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i know some people already pointed it out but like. eddie was in black. BLACK. he was in LITERAL MOURNING CLOTHES. he was already mourning. already prepared for the worst.

#buddie #crying about this is not enough i need to jump off a building.#no cause THIS hurts so bad actually now that i think about it cause if u had a loved on in hospital in critical condition u KNOW this #feeling so intimately where u think u already lost time. that time frame before the confirmation where u cant help but to wear black cause #u dont know what else u could possibly do and doing anything else feels impossibly #its such a simple thing really to wear a specific color but it feels like equivalent of giving up. in the days leading up to my #grandmothers death i wore nothing but black all the way to her funeral which i couldn't attend. god i understand him so bad.#god i love him so much he was already prepared for the worst he's so familiar with grief he just knew. im so glad he didn't to lose buck #but also just that whole entire scene. how the moment he knew chris was secure he turned away and wipped a hand down his face and the #moment he started to speak his eyes filled with theirs bc its just so much easier to hold it together when u r silent #like OF COURSE we didn't get a scene where eddie was only w buck OF COURSE like he couldn't even look at him he was only there bc of chris #cause he just couldn't face the possibility of losing buck. im so not well #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 6x11 #911 spoilers #911 6b #jesus fuck the typos are embarrassing im so sorry

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fragmentedblade · 2 months

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Not to be a jingfu on main, but it's so cute that Jing Yuan thought of Fu Xuan with those jelly beans

#me: the Xianzhou characters are all just coworkers #also me whenever anyone is shown to be fond and have intimate knowledge of some other character: awwww #Like Fu Xuan and Jing Yuan playing starchess and teasing each other or making a reference to things they like #or Jing Yuan talking about young Yukong #Quingque apparently disliking Fu Xuan but obviously that not being the case‚ knowing what she likes and how she thinks #Fu Xuan hiding that she has a sweet tooth but Jing Yuan and Quingque knowing it and teasing her for it #I don't know. There are a lot of instances of these small intimate details in the middle of what looks like a coworker relationship #Good coworkers‚ but coworkers nonetheless #And ironically it moves me so much? Even more so than Belobog. I've been told several times that Belobog seemed more tight. And I agree #In Belobog people were friends or family or companions but linked by something closer than mere coworkers with Wildfire #Even Sampo in the Underworld was strangely 'theirs'. He had the magenta colour of Wildfire and he was trusted to some extent #The Luofu characters don't have that. And yet the fragments of intimacy scattered through their interactions move me a lot #These are people who have known each other for centuries. Jing Yuan knows of Yukong's youth‚ its joy and grief #He knows Fu Xuan has a sweet tooth and teases her about her height. Quingque does too #Fu Xuan chastises both of them for being lazy but she knows they're smart and good at their job. She plays starchess with Jing Yuan #Quingque mocks Fu Xuan for being a workaholic but is very aware of the weight she carries both in her position and ideas about destiny #I won't mention Yanqing and Bailu because there is obviously more than a coworker bound when it comes to them #But yes I love the moments of intimate knowledge scattered through the Xianzhou‚ so telling of the fact that these people have known #each other for longer than several human lifetimes‚ and that perhaps they don't necessarily regard each other as more than their coworker #But perhaps that's enough in order for them to care. Perhaps in a lifetime over one thousand years the intimacy gained with a coworker #through several centuries is something beyond what we could understand in our decades lifespan #But also‚ perhaps‚ I don't know. Also‚ perhaps‚ the do care beyond coworkers in that strange line between work and friendship #Perhaps it's strange for Xianzhou natives to tell apart that kind of relationship after so much intimacy and knowledge through the years #And perhaps‚ once again‚ as it often happens for them‚ they think they'll always have enough time to tell; until they run out of it #They play chess together. Quingque can lose time because Fu Xuan can't stay mad if she brings her sweets. Are they just coworkers?#We play chess. I know what tea and sweets you like best. I brought them today since you would indulge me and play starchess with me #Thanks for playing with me‚ I'm running out of book puzzles. You keep divining my moves but I'll invent a fake story to distract you #Are we coworkers or something more like friends? Where is the line after so many years?#I talk too much but I love this charged nothingness haha I find it ironically so true to how many relationships in real life develop #And I find it so moving‚ that representation of this endearing smallness of everyday life. Of these small things is life made

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doomingthenarrative · 2 months

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maybe i will write bg3 time loop fic

#theres like 3000 words sitting in my drafts for it right now but i. DONT like it so i am rewriting #it’ll be tav x shadowheart bc she is my favorite princess OBVIOUSLY + . shes got that wisdom proficiency. homegirl would KNOW #not know specifics but be like ‘somethings. wrong here’#i also like the idea of Time Looped Tav bc. as i play the game over and over again. there is a sense of grief along with the fondness?#knowing people intimately well + they dont remember you…#also the fucking desperation of trying to save people over and over and over again #so intriguing to me #i fucking love time loop.#ANYWAY #if anyone is reading this let me know if it is. a good idea. /what you think #saiph speaks

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mykingdomforapen · 4 months

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anyone else from my dash crying over sousou no frieren?

#east asian media is like (slaps the concept of animation) this bad boy can fit so many intimate and unflinching stories about grief and love

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tonystarkstan · 1 year

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it is so funny that grief and heartbreak and loss always feel so unique. it always feel like I’m the only one who could have ever felt this way, hurt this way, loved this intensely, felt this lonely. I’m sort of glad I’m not that special. that I can talk to people and hear what they’ve said and read what they’ve written, that I can catch a glimpse of their grief, can see how they fumble with heartbreak, how they learn to carry such a bulky thing. I’m glad I’m not the only Atlas, not the only one learning how to shoulder the sky. it makes the weight easier to bear. it does.

#I still struggle to reconcile that I loved someone so intensely #that I know all these intimate details about her #and that she is an entirely different person now from the one I do #it hurts that she thinks I’m bad #it felt unique to me for a very long time #as if no one else has ever met someone they thought was their soulmate and then lost them #which is so silly #I’ve gotten to read beautiful things #beautiful poems and quotes of people just grappling with their grief #it is so beautiful to not have to be so alone

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shrikeseams · 1 year

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Finwe as grandparent?

What, if anything, do we know textually about Finwe as a grandparent? I just realized that we might know more about Mahtan's relationship with Nerdanel's eldest that we do about Finwe and any of his grandkids.

I seem to remember an earlier version of the Darkening where we got some description of Finwe and his actions through Maedhros' words, and that's the only time I can remember that Finwe's relationship with the grandkids is described.

Is there anything about Turgon's relationship with Finwe, maybe? There's enough material on Turgon that I feel like there could be something.

Like, clearly they all love him! But I can't recall anything that feels... familial, instead of formal/reverent.

#Tolkien #Finwe #Mahtan #Turgon #I'm tipsy so maybe I just forgot something obvious #...God now I'm imagining a relationship where all but one finwe's grandkids #Dies as part of a centuries-long-war to avenge a grandfather that they all know better as king than as relative #Drawn onwards by their fathers' rage and grief and charisma (I'm including fingolfin in this) but feeling no more intimate grief #Than any of their lords

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