14. April. 2023

I went and got myself some seeds and started plantin some snackies recently 🌱🌞

Oh no the archivist is archiving (more versions & ID’s under the cut)

ID: It’s a drawing of Johnathan Sims from the Magnus Archives, sat legs-crossed, with one arm loosely held on his legs and loosely holding his glasses, and the other propped onto an invisible surface. The propped arm’s hand is raised to Jon’s eye, stretched out, but with his index finger creating an opening with the rest to display his overshadowed eye, still easily visible due to it being outlined by bright green lines. The style the eye is drawn is similar to the style of the bright green eyes haloed to the side of his head, and the large, less opaque, large one in the background of the drawing. The middle finger of this hand is lightly pulling down his bottom lid, making the eye more visible. Jon is colored in a grey-scale manner, the dull color ever-so-slightly hinted blue. He is half outlined in the same bright green as the eyes, half outlined in a bright red. This bright red is also present as cartoonish exclamation symbols around him, and in the pupil of his bright-green eye. His other eye’s pupil is also colored brightly, but with the green, rather than the red, interrupting the greyscale of the rest of the area. Jon’s expression is neutral, although he looks exhausted, with deep dark circles under his eyes and a slightly furrowed brow. He is wearing a dark overcoat with lighter patches on the elbows and shoulders, and, under this, is wearing a lighter vest. Under the vest is yet another layer, being a semi-visible white button-up shirt. He is wearing darker dress pants and black, professional, and simple shoes. His hair is long and unkept, decorated with white streaks and put back into a loose half-bun.

Plus some filter-playing fun:

ID’s: The first filter makes the drawing look almost like it’s behind the screen of an old electrical device, more similar to that of an older model of computer. The colors are dulled ever-so-slightly, and the edges of the drawing are darkened with shadow.

The second filter has made the image completely greyscale, muting the bright and dull colors both.

The last filter has made the colors all a bit more blue, giving the drawing more color than it had originally.

And the sketch too cause I think I might like it better (as always)

ID: A colored and shaded sketch of the drawing. It looks very similar to the final product, except less cleaned-up and covered in guidance lines and coloring that goes out of the lines.

jemily + work song by hozier

my unfinished symphony 🥲

I really-really like that conversation in GoS where Richter talks about the factors leading up to That Thing That Happened. So I saved screenshots in case I wanted to sketch something on it.

(And then I forgot to save the part where Simon reassures him because I'm an idiot.)

ended up telling my mom “she’s a billionaire pop star … she’s also a songwriter I’ve loved for a long time. both of those things are true.”

Re-listening to the old country music I listened to middle and high-school and realizing just how much these songs informed how I want to love. Just completely enthralled by my femme. Totally enamored by her, even when we're both old and grey.

I'm happy to take 20 minutes to get ready and be waiting an hour and a half longer for her, as she makes us late to another event. Be at the most beautiful exhibits and galleries and still find myself just staring at her as her face lights up at the art.

Sometimes I don't like heteronormative romantic traditions. But, sometimes the classic "worship your wife" and "take my last name, wedding bells, driving off with cans on your car" thing is just so appealing to me.

1/6

so i watched the One Piece live action and i swear my 14-16 year old self literally possessed me again so have my OC from 5 fucking years ago given a total revamp of design: Dolli Paintface! (yes i kept the name)

no this is not the end of the DSMP bullshit but you better believe you're gonna be seeing a lot more of this girlie she's legitimately one of my most comforting OCs and I can't fucking get out of bed i'm gonna be self-indulgent mkay?

so expect that.

also i hid at least 5 easter eggs in her design for her own lore and others so... yeah. if you wanna do that.

(p.s. my commissions are open!)

I'm very new to alterous attraction. It's very hard for me to really... Get a grasp on, honestly? If you could try to explain it would be very appreciated. I hear it spoken about like a truly wonderful thing, but I don't even know what it means besides "the secret third thing" and beyond the platonic/romantic/sexual/aesthetic model I used

hi screaming-cricket !! if i’m being honest, i don’t really know how to explain it either, ahaha. i know that’s not very helpful, but it truly is something that is in a gray zone for myself and a lot of other people (although not all). to me, alterous attraction is something that is very distinctly it’s own thing: it doesn’t feel like something i would typically associate with platonic friendships, but they do not feel inherently romantic either. in fact, calling them romantic or forcing them into the romantic category makes me so uncomfortable. there is overlap though, for example, whenever i experience alterous or platonic attraction, i feel these things in both cases:

wanting to talk/call/video call with them 

looking forward to hang outs

thinking about how we both consider each other a friend is something that makes me happy 

happy after seeing them, sad when they are upset, wanting to see them grow and achieve their dreams and be the best version of themselves 

but there are also noticeable differences:

the level of emotional intimacy i want to achieve with an alterous ‘crush’ is different compared to platonic friendships. i want to know them inside out, and i want them to know me inside out too. i want to be the first person they turn to for support, and i want them to be that for me too. 

calling them my ‘best friend’ is amazing, but it doesn’t seem to fully encompass all i feel for them. calling them my boyfriend/girlfriend/etc., also doesn’t feel accurate, and in a lot of ways, it feels limiting and really uncomfortable. like i do care for them platonically, but that doesn’t feel right, but romantic doesn’t feel right either. 

the level of physical intimacy is also different. i want to be close to them, i imagine taking naps with them. i want to hold their hand. maybe, if i knew they thought about me in the same way, i’d be open to kissing them too. warning for sexual themes in the indented bulletpoints:

when it comes to someone i am alterously attracted to, i am more comfortable with experimentation sexually. that does not mean i am sexually attracted to them (i am also ace), but it’s more like... they make me feel comfortable to try to do those things purely for enjoyment or to feel closer to someone, as long as it’s taken the same way by both parties. 

there is also a desire for a more involved future: i wish they would stay with me in a committed partnership, i want to share a living space with them in the way traditional romantic partners do. i want to share my life in general with them more intimately. 

think of it like... i walk alongside my friends and even though we take different paths, we still converge. for those i am alterously attracted to, i want to do life with them, but hand in hand. i want to go where they go (metaphorically). i want to take those steps with them. now that doesnt mean i want to abandon my own goals, or expect (or want) them to do that for me, but i want the path we take to be closer than others. 

i know that a lot of people might take a look at these things and go ‘i’m okay with doing that with people i am platonically attracted to’ or ‘this is what i want when i am romantically attracted to someone’ and that’s okay !!! relationships are not ‘one size fits all’. all relationships look different. for me, this is as close as i can explain what it feels/means to me. to me, it is something completely outside the platonic/sexual/aesthetic/etc models. alterous is it’s own thing. and it’s confusing to explain but it all boils down to those different feelings. and if you’re wondering whether or not you feel this, i think i would suggest taking a deep breath and maybe even a step back. make a list, if that helps, about what you’d do with a friend vs a romantic partner, and try to make the boundaries as clear as possible. and then think ‘ have i done things that are a mix of both with someone? did our relationship feel different in a way i couldn’t quite pin down? something that is there but also seems not there at the same time?’. if so, you might be dealing with alterous attraction. 

this reply is getting really long, but i guess what i mean to say that it if people are vague about what it feels like, it’s because it is a vague feeling. it’s unique. by listen to your mind and body: does it feel right calling something alterous? does it make you feel happy, and relieved? that’s how i started when i was questioning and then the boundaries and stuff like that became more clear to me after that :3

[just venting a bit into the void you understand you understand 😌] Lately I've been feeling very caught between "I have a lot of thoughts on Sparrow and Normal and all that with the ending and teen talk and feel like I need to get them out and voice them for my own piece of mind and resolution" and "I am lacking the strength and energy to actually sit down and write it all out and kind of really just want to fully move on to other things (AUs, fics, anything else)" but my brain can't seem to commit to either and that's quite frustrating cause it's just left me very restless. *Sigh*. Idk! Just needed to complain about that a bit ig, it's silly but this is what has been ailing me as of late.

Sometimes I ponder the idea of going back to a single blog, like,, not in the sense of leaving my currently active multi behind, or Gil behind, but like, that craving of having a new muse, that has their own space,, it feel like I haven't have that in some time already (and to those who know me, it's nothing unusual to find 844738382 blogs following u which are all mine OTJRPRJTRK)

🩸⚔️♠️

Happy

Birthday

Jack

♠️⚔️🩸

Sharing this post too ♠️ Make me your Maraclea ♠️

i hate destiny

Posting this from my laptop which is weird, but I'm gonna use the tags to think about an idea for a TMA avatar-sona.

My sister’s graduation day 😤 let’s go 👏🏽

KAALAA BAUNAA................