Where I've been and where I am now

Alright, please read the pinned post first. That's more important than this.

WARNING; IMPLICATIONS OF SUICIDE

Anyways, hi

Oh gosh, it's been such a long time since I've step foot in here. It's unbelievable that this was here since 2021. But anyway,,,

Hi, I go by citrus now! Not an exciting or groundbreaking name. I decided to change my name, yet again, and just went with citrus. I think its sounds nice? Idk

Alright, back to what I wanted to talk now. So, after this post I sorta got back to reality?? I mean, since I spend most of my time in tumblr back in uh, 2020 to 2021, it kinda became a little place for me to stay in the internet.

But after my leave, I didn't have anything else to hold onto other than trying to keep my grades alive because believe it or not, my grades plummeted after that!! How sweet!!

While the internet has been one of my worst addiction, it was still a place that I'm (fairly) comfortable to be in since I could talk about my interests whenever I want(believe it or not, I have no one to talk to at school, wow, shocker)

And that's where the storm started, I was thinking of not-so-friendly thoughts and attempted, yknow, forever sleeping. I was lost and I was too scared to tell anyone about it.

It went from me thinking of that, and then denying and then telling myself that I only think that way to make myself be pitied and then forget about it and the cycle continues.

That's until around, maybe August 2022, I started to think straight again and tried (emphasis on tried) to make myself better again. There's time it works and didn't but slowly as October came in, I started to feel better.

I still think about forever sleeping but very rarely. And now that my mind is (slightly more) okay now, I wanted to get back here and apologize for my past behavior and for leaving everyone in the dark.

Alright enough about the depressing stuff, I wanna talk about how I am now. Well, I'm good now! Maybe still a little lazy like I was before but nonetheless, I am a-okay

I managed to socialize a bit at school and got myself a friend that I'm more close to than others (technically best friends, but they still don't know a lot about me like how I don't know a lot about them, so there's still a little gap there)

(And if anyone cared enough to know) my main interest as of now is Twisted Wonderland. After the English translation was announced, I went ham and eating up content about twst like it was my last meal.

Anyways, here are more infos that are more than less interesting;

I got myself in reading more literature, whether it's in English or malay tbh

I also got interested in coding and believe it or not, I'm kinda trying to make a game using renpy

I still write and draw thankfully

....i got myself some cat headphones

I have an exam later in uh, I think January so I've been trying to get myself motivated to at least study

And that's about it. And to conclude it all with a question, actually 2 questions

What are you gonna do with this account now?

Well unlike my old account that I deactivated, I'll keep this one up for obvious reasons

Do you have another account on tumblr? (and maybe accounts on other platforms?)

I do have set a new account on tumblr for my twisted wonderland interest. But i'm still trying to fix the theme and clearing my drafts over there so I won't tell the @ for now

And yeah, I do have other accounts on other platforms (but that's a story for another time)

Thank you for reading this all the way through and have a nice day!

💌 incoming!

oh man its been a hot minute since i read any of your fic but i just found your tumblr and i just want to say thank you so much for your contributions to the SI/OC community!

i think the first of yours that i came across was Lien from Sands Through The Hourglass (still straight up one of the best ATLA fic ive read overall <3) and after that it was very much down the rabbit hole for me. Aliette, Lucky, Harlequin, Ghost of a Girl, Beyond The Pale, Glory To The Vindictive... there was always so much creativity and so many unique concepts that i feel is what makes SI/OC fic so much fun! a wild pack of sisters scattered and set loose in a new world! a dimension traveler from an evil mirror universe! reincarnation of someone from a DIFFERENT fantasy land who carries over their duties because even in a new life they cant imagine differently! people meant to barely leave an imprint on the world wanting to wrest it from its current course!! no limits to what should be written just sheer possibility of what CAN be written! THATS what OC fic is ABOUT!!! 🥳

Oh my gosh you're going to make me cry here!

Thank you so much, it feels like forever since I've thought about some of those fics. It's hard to believe they made such an impact on someone! Thank you thank you <3

OKAY I’M A DUMMY BUT

story behind YOUR blog name? (and i can’t go wrong here because they’re both the same) it’s very cool and mysterious

Aw thank you!! And there is a story!

So in case you didn't know, I'm an avid fan of a kids' show called Miraculous xD

Gosh I'm not sure how long I've been watching it for... I think since the first part of season 3 aired. It feels like it's been forever but it probably hasn't. Anyway it's cute and I love it and I love the fandom even more.

Before I made this Tumblr and made my AO3 account and started posting fanfiction, I still wrote some. I wanted to basically rewrite the show for fun and create a new story for it. (the project got SO big I just took every plot bunny that came to me and threw it in) As it stands now, there's 100 pages of continual writing plus 25ish pages of deleted/future/unfinished scenes. Sooo yeah. The total word count of just the 100 page doc (there's two, the other one has the other 25 pages) is 43,582. Some of those are notes but most of it is writing. So yeah, big project! And I wasn't anywhere near done with it when I stopped working on it.

Anyway, I wanted a title for it but I didn't have any ideas. So I turned to my trusty partner in crime, Moshae! (one of my cousins). And I don't remember exactly how this came about but we were discussing ideas for the name and xe recommended TakeTwoInInk! Because I was basically rewriting the show as my own version, so it was like a second take. And since I was writing it, technically that's ink (if I were to print it out) and I was like "oh my gosh that's so cool yes I'm doing it!" and so even though I never finished that fanfic, it was the first one I started writing and when I decided to start writing more and actually post them, I knew I wanted to use that name.

And because I can, let's add on the story behind my icon! When I was making my AO3 account, I needed an icon and I didn't have anything ready. I have an art tablet to do digital art but I was too lazy to arrange it so I can actually use it for its intended purpose instead of as my monitor (I basically just have to change the angle and move my keyboard but it's a hassle). So I actually made my icon using my mouse. There's two versions of it, this is the second one. I just edited the shape of the cat a bit and did some blending on the background. I love cats, they're my favorite, so of course that's what I picked to represent me.

The white stands out from the dark background and I really knew I wanted that from the beginning so that was easy. There's actually the bi flag under the cat and then there's the night sky and it has rainbow stars but you can barely see those. So that's my icon!

And there's my whole life's story you're welcome! Thanks for the ask!

i've read like half of the first chapter of "drifting" at the start of the year but i accidentally lost it and i've been searching for it since then. i literally started jumping from excitement when i came across it today 😭😭 you're the best writter ever 🫶

oh gosh nooo D: darn tumblr and its lack of a bookmark feature! truly, i need it lol.

anyway, i'm so honored u remembered it after so long 😭 the idea of someone wanting to read one of my works (my first writing piece after many years-long hiatus for that matter!!!!) that much has me so touched!!!! dlfksgbj i'm soft 😭 and tysm for that big compliment! 🥰 i could cry from that one sentence alone.

also, thank you bunches for telling me this. it really brightened up my week, and i know i'll be thinking about this forever. you're the sweetest.

hello, since this isnt fnaf related u don't have to post this publicly to ur blog but as you may have seen already i just binged ur fic when the fires burn and i am SCREAMING/pos dude u write SO WELL its insane i love it sm and oh my goodness its gonna live rent free in my brain forever and I'm probably gonna make art for it at some point bc my gosh that last chapter... the fact that i had watched this video right before too omg- with Alaska fresh in my mind it was the perfect setup and i could picture the whole scene perfectly in my brain- im gonna stop talking because i could LITERALLY go on forever but yeah <333 anyways its 1:30 am again bc of daylight savings and so ill take this second chance to actually go to bed before its detrimental to how i feel when i wake up lol

...Oh my gods.

Afdabhfjdsf I'm delighted that you love my work so much. Thank you for alerting me to your ask. I've loved CaliAustin ever since I discovered WttT and so it's just amazing that you binge read my fic. Every clip of 'em I cherish so very much. And I still look very much forward to that art, if you choose to make it :)

Don't worry about this being on my FNaF blog- it's been inactive for quite some time now, as has all of my tumblr in general. If you want to tag me or send anything to my main blog (@t-wolfxd) then feel free instead- or just continue commenting these types of things in Ao3! I'm more likely to be notified to comments on the fic itself, and respond immediately there. But regardless, these comments mean the world to me. Thank you so much.

nikki my dear id love to hear your thoughts on 03 vs brohood! i just finished rewatching BH & rereading the manga & am starved for more fma content so i started rewatching 03 & its like... so SAD omg i like that ed looks more like a kid & gets to cry like one too (the barry scene! when he has to jam his arm back in & its still mismatched when he claps!!!) & i also appreciate the fluidity of the animation (though i do prefer BH's way of drawing faces & hair) but DANG its sad (& gets weirrrd!)

OOOHOHHOHOHOO YES I'M ALWAYS READY TO GUSH ABOUT FMA AND FMAB VS. 03!! I totally agree with everything you said!! I love both series, but yeaH 03 is sO SAD and so gritty at points. I loved seeing Ed younger and that he was acting more like a kid, he cried more, things like that. That Barry scene--you're killing me over here just making me think about it again!! That was a GOOD episode that really showed that Ed is just a kid and is really in over his head. And I think that theme runs throughout 03 and I really like it (sorry Ed) like when he almost sacrificed all those prisoners for al, and he just looks SO TIRED and SO YOUNG it hurts!! Plus, the homunculi origins!! Ed having to kill his own mom (kinda)!!! Fuck!!!

I've always said how I find it interesting that fmab and 03 have such similar endings that are also vastly different. Al always gets his body back in, and Ed keeps at least one prosthetic in each but loses his alchemy either way. But they're still SUCH different endings!! It's crazy! I prefer brotherhood's ending because I'm a sucker for the happily ever after, the "the journey was hard but everything turned out better than we hoped" sort of ending, but CoS really does hurt so good haha One thing that saddens me about 03 tho was how Ed and Al felt like they couldn't depend on Roy and his team (rightly so tbh) but it was like...these were the only adults they could really rely on and they couldn't even rely on them in the end. It fit with 03's themes well (how the military sucks, how Ed and Al really only had each other), but I'm just a sucker for found family, so the brohood climax where everyone kinda teams up together is GOLD to me lol

But I agree!!! 03 has such beautiful, fluid animation. I prefer brotherhood's hair (like you said! lol) and the colors/style of brotherhood, but I think 03's animation is better. CoS tho......CoS got everything right when it came to animation lol Ed's hair and clothes looked great...the way our world had dimmer colors than Ed's.....SO GOOD

ANYWAY. I'M RAMBLING!! I actually watched brotherhood first! I saw someone here on tumblr talking about it and thought it sounded good! I actually hated it at first but continued to watch it out of spite and by the end, well, I was obsessed. I watched 03 and cos after that and that ending had me sobbing on the floor gripping my giraffe pillow pet for dear life. After that I read the manga and gOSH (I love the animes...but the manga will FOREVER BE SUPREME!!!) This all happened over one summer so when I went back to school in the fall, I was a Different Person lmao

Thank you for this ask!! It's been a while since I've gushed about fma and this was fun!! :D Plus I LOVE to hear about other people's fma stories

Hey Fie. I've sent you a few asks in the past, like probably last year? I'm not super active on Tumblr at all, or social media in general but I do time to time open the app to see if you and two other blogs I follow have released any new works or chapters to series I follow. I believe I found you from AtT, but all of your other works are so good too. I love your ideas and how you write. I'm sure you know that even if you can write well, if the ideas are shit it doesn't matter. But you write well and your ideas are fun and new and sometimes heartbreaking but still so so intriguing. Not to mention that you go out of your way to make sure alltiny (get it) are included, and also just... within AtT alone you have been so inclusive and its so nice to see various forms of representation in such passive ways rather than making them the token character of That Thing (I've said it to you before but like how your trans characters are trans but it's just a fact about them, not their storyline. That's so important for trans youth to see that they have more than one story, that they are more than A Trans Person) gosh and all the different backgrounds you gave the ateez members, all the different cultures you've included. Okay I don't wanna ramble too much but just know I really love that you're inclusive in such a natural way. I hope in those times you get down in the dumps you can remember that you've been such a good and helpful human to others through your writing, and also through your asks idk I just always smile when I see your interactions with your followers and anontiny cause you're always so sweet and encouraging. I don't really remember why I decided to send this now. But it was something about you responding to an ask and I read it and was all "man. Fie is great. What a great person. Love Fie." Something very much like that. I hope you have a great one (what the one is, is for you to decide. I'm a reasonable person hahaha). Thank you for being such a great human

I..🥺

Thank you so much. Really, thank you so so much, anontiny. I do have,,,a lot of times where I second guess if I'm doing enough with my works, if I'm doing too much with some of them but I really, really appreciate this ask so much.

I've always wanted to share my works in a way that made folks feel like they walked away with something they maybe didn't know about before, because there's things even I didnt know about before I sat down and studied for it.

Something that people who maybe don't have their culture mentioned much in fics if its not from other people from their cultures, can sit and go "wait holy shit that's not only my culture for once, but also its accurate".

And something that makes them feel welcomed and included. I've listened to people talk about issues with not feeling included enough. I've listened to different ways some of them have said they'd feel more included if some folks just did this or that, and I try my best to make sure I provide it.

My works, AtT in particular, are long, they take forever to write, even longer for me to do all my homework for the details, but getting asks like this, having readers like you tell me you feel welcomed and enjoy it so much and appreciate it as such, really makes me smile more than I can ever properly convey.

Please dont ever apologize for sending me asks. Especially not ones like this, i dont care how long or short it is, don't ever apologize for sending me asks like this where you tell me how you feel or how my works make you feel.

Ive been crying since I opened this ask up and I want you to know you've made my day. You really have. Thank you so much and I'm going to keep working hard to make AtT, and all my other works, something you all can enjoy and immerse yourselves into.

Thank you. I love you a lot

i am SO embarrassed to send this but, I just had to >///< I'm a new reader! And I really love your Someone That Loves You fic, PLUS YOU BASED IT ON HONNE'S SONG??? THAT'S EVEN BETTER!! UwU

UGHHHH THE SEQUENCE OF THE STORY PERFECTLY MATCHES THE SONG ITSELF ♡ i just have this hunch that Feels So Good or Location Unknown would be the concluding song for the story, but either way, I REAAALLY BELIEVE THAT THIS'LL END ✨PERFECTLY✨ (no pressure here luv~ ^^) I am fan girling over your choice of words and how you made me feel ever since I came across your tumblr acc. I am honestly so blown away with your stories, I have no words to say except to tell you that I've fallen hard for the first time in forever AAAAAAAAAAAAA i can't get enough of this 😭

I'm just a random person but yeah, you're so cool and I wanna be friends it that isn't so weird to ask- i hope you have an awesome day/night!! (๑・ω-)～♥”

Ah hello, bb and it’s okay don’t be embarrassed, I don’t bite (only to Naoya 😌) AH TYSM I’m so happy you loved it and yes, THAT SONG...it means so much to me, I have been in love with that song the moment I found it like Honne’s songs are too precious and the overflowing emotions in that certain piece UGHH IT MAKES ME CRY LIKE A BABY ALL THE TIME, it’s an instant weep listen for me 😭 also OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH, FEELS SO GOOD IS ANOTHER ONE OF MY COMFORT FICS!!! it’s the best song to listen to on a cold day and imagine just cuddling with your loved one while sharing hot cocoa as you both watch from the balcony 🥺 also also warm on a cold night is good too! Aaaahh man you made me listen to Feels So Good and the feels it gives me 🥲🥲🥲 IK IT’S A HAPPY SONG BUT HONNE IS SO SO NOSTALGIC TO ME AND TRIGGERS A LOT OF MEMORIES SO LMAO SO welp I am now emotional 🥲🥲🥲 just thinkin bout Reader and Sukuna in their younger days, Feels So Good would have been the best anthem for them 🥺 and omg bestie Location Unknown...it hits different like cmon this part?

I wish I knew where I was

‘Cause I don’t have a clue

I just need to work out some way of getting me to you

‘Cause I will never find love like ours out here

In a million years

okay HELLO TEARS 😭😭😭 and omg wait you’re so sweet you legit have me tearing up rn I’M SORRY I’M AN EMOTIONAL MESS JUST...the song and the fic means THE WORLD to me 😭 thank you so so much, I am so happy you like my works. Really, they’re just little ramblings, so I always feel so happy to know they have somehow made others feel something 🥺 and maybe its kinda sappy too but the thought that my little rambles are viewed by others and they probably imagine and feel the same things I do...makes me feel a little more connected to the world 🥺💕 and no it is definitely not weird to ask hehehe! Yes we can be friends! Not weird at all! I hope you have an even better day/night bb! 🥺💕💕💕

im the storm chaser anon again Nikkiiii wdymmm ive been here since forever and have read everything in your master least at least once 😳 im just too shy to reveal myself but im sure you've come across me lurking in your blog. i was so excited to see that broken compass is in the same universe as the storm chaser series, i think i like it when stories are interwoven because well, life is a bit like that as well.

which brings me to something else, im currently reading the great Gatsby and i have to say that your writting reminds me of Fitzgerald's so so much, especially after you commented on the absence of dialogue from your fics(?) i noticed the same technique being used in the great Gatsby and was wondering whether you were inspired by him or not? i don't know, i find it intriguing, the omission of dialogue i mean, whether it's done on purpose or not i love it. it allows you to grasp the meaning behind words without having to deal with them which makes the story not only more interesting but also really unique in my eyes. you need dialogue in theatre or modern films but written text is something else entirely. while reading your fics, i can't help feeling that you explore and make the best use of aspects unique to written word, that's why i still believe that you're one of the best writters around here (and im saying this while having read almost everything you've recommended since i followed you 👀)

also the interwoven stories part reminds me of J.D. Salinger's short stories, sorry i said "which brings me to something else" and begun talking about something seemingly irrelevant, it's just that in my mind, Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye and The Great Gatsby resemble eachother a little and my brain skipped two "steps"

anyway, sorry i say a lot of things at once and remain silent for the next two months but im almost done i promise.

love knows not it's depth, i told you something similar when you first published it but i'll say it again, it's one of the most realistic pieces i've ever read and i love that. the fact that Kuroo is one of my favourite characters aside (Kuroo and Atsumu 💔) he was so well written !! like, it felt as though i was witnessing a couple in my circle or something of sorts, it did not feel like a manga character and im saying that as a compliment T^T

i feel like im forgetting something though, anyway if you haven't read the books i mentioned, which i doubt, but if not i recommend them! also since im sending quite a few asks i might as well introduce myself, im ellie ><

i can't wait for your Kita fic, im sure it'll be amazing but take your time with it, it's okay!! im sorry for sending a long as letter in your asks but it'll probably happen again :( (unless ofc you don't want me to do so)

anyway, anyway, i hole you'll have a nice day !! 💛🌻

HI ELLIE!

okay my own rambling will be long so i'll do it under the cut.

oh gosh - never apologise for rambling or dropping into my inbox, i always love love love to hear what my readers think about my stories or anything around the sun! im like you - life is rly interwoven (catcher in the rye, so nostalgic!!), so i feel like..idk it makes sense for me to write some stories in the same universe! i'm glad you enjoyed it - and...

thank YOU for reading all my work! you're far too sweet to me. but yes, that's what i try to get at with some of my works where i don't focus on dialogue as much - there's so much more that's unsaid and i like the subtlety of it, yknow? i don't know - i don't think im inspired by fitzgerald - i'm familiar with his works, but because of where i'm from (former british colony, taught by brit teachers), i don't focus so much on american modern literature, more like - british victorian lit / shakespeare yknow? but but but i went to take a quick peek when you mentioned him...and yeah you're right! like this line from Gatsby - “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” oh gods, that style of writing just gave me chills. thank you for the rec - i'll HAVE to check it out.

i personally feel really bad whenever ppl tell me im one of the best writers around cos i feel like such a fraud - i think im decent but like...argh. i think a lot of us suffer from imposter syndrome LOL.

oh gods, love knows not its depth. idk what possessed me when i wrote it because it just...flowed and i knew after i wrote it that...it was real, yknow? i cld see shades of it in my mother, with my parents' marriage, potential shades of it in my own marriage (if either of us choose not to put in the work), so i guess...writing it was really reflective of real life too! i don't often know whether im writing kuroo right, and i'm glad you liked it cos he's so complex? there are so many facets to him - his cockiness, his maturity, his kindness, his ambition, and it's so easy to just write him as a smirking caricature, and i was afraid of that.

i hope i hope i hope you like my kita fic - i just dropped a sneak peek of it, and i'm back on tumblr cos i just finished writing another bulk (my brain needs to rest, to be continued tomorrow!!!).

i hope you have a lovely week, dear ellie <3 don't be afraid to pop back or even dm me, i'm always always up for a chat!!!!

could you tell me about some of your favorite people on or off this site? sorry, i've had one of the worst days today and this would really make me feel a little bit better! ^-^

awwwww nooooo im sorry your day was bad :(((( if you ever wanna talk just hmu okay??? we can always talk, whether it be about something that’s bothering you or if you just need a distraction!!!!!!! 

okay be prepared for a little rant bc im soft af and i have a lot of love in my heart for so many people :’))) 

i would literally tag all of my mutuals bc im sappy and i love them all with my whole heart but that would take a million years, so here’s some amazing people that i really appreciate!!!! 

@royalkpop - fel is the kindest and sweetest and she so great to talk to i love her sosoosso much every time i see her talking in the gc we’re in i feel warm and at home :’))) 

@chenderellastrash - angela has to be my closest friends on here (other than the ones i know irl) and i had the pleasure of meeting her when she came for a visit and honestly i miss her already even if we were just scrolling on tumblr at 1 am and crying over how cute our biases look :’))) 

@dragonsfire - sara !!!!!! always keeping me updated on monsta x stuff !!!!!! and im the worst o my god im so behind on everything idek how she even deals with me anymore rip but shes so sweet and funny and i love the many petitions we have :’)))

@slutlingar - andrea is the very first friend i made on here and i’m sosososo grateful to have her in my life !!!! i’ll never forget how we both switched from being one direction blogs to bts blogs lmao she’s been here through it all and i love talking to her sososoos much :’)))

@lovelykth - macella !!!!!!!!! my love !!!!!!!!!!! we hardly talk rip but i love seeing her face on snapchat it really makes my day shes the cutest most adorable thing and i love h e r :’))) 

i would literally tag everyone in the monbebe gc (is that what it’s called???? i have it saved as “the fam jam” :////) but that would take too long so im just gunna give some special love to :

@dem0nakki - nak !!!!!!!!! my snake twin !!!!!!!!!!! i love her sosososo much so does daehyun yikes  even when she spreads lies about me and kino :/// messaging her that day about chanyeol was the best thing i could’ve done since it led me to actually being active in that gc and making so many amazing friends!!!! honestly i live to make nak suffer and attacking her is my fav hobby but i do it out of love :’)))))

@hyungwinx - MARA MY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!! the actual love of my life w o w i love how aesthetically pleasing she is, how much she loves sehun, and how i can literally message her about anything in the world. i also love attacking her with christian ;)) i love how whenever we’re online at the same time in the gc we’re just professing our love to each other, and how loyal we are to each other (she’s the only person i can rant to about kino bc shes suffering too and she wont tell the snakes what i said and about my secrets lmao)

@d0ngsichengs - day is honestly such a mom and i love her so much shes always making sure everyone is doing well and eating and sleeping and doing their homework. i love how meme-y she is, how she’ll randomly burst into song, or send a random video about the most ridiculous things. every time day calls me angel i gain 10 years of life okay ?????? i go so soft ;-;

@sejunoir - iris is the sweetest, funniest and softest person i know like shes ALWAYS soft and i love her sososososoo much !!!!! also the queen of attacking like if you’re in the murder time gc and shes online you better be ready bc you never know who she’s gunna attack next and it’ll leave you weak and dying ejrbfgehrgb but in all seriousness iris is the person i turn to when i wanna talk about bollywood or other desi things and i love her to bits 

@0hui - luke my precious sunshine o my god the meme distributor like luke makes the best memes i love him sososososo much for it his memes give me life (also side note but being in this gc drastically altered the way i look at memes now i have e v o l v e d). luke loves jooheon ?????? so much?????? like jukebox is the cutest ship you can ever imagine ????? like deadass whenever i see jooheon now i think of luke and it makes my heart warm. luke is also a major meme and i live for meme hour where its the middle of the night and we’re just looking at memes or talking about the stupidest shit anyways i love luke w ow 

@luckychxns - ellow is the kindest and sweetest !!!!!!!!! i told her before but she reminds me of the colour pink and baby blue and idk why but its just so sweet and soft like her (although she’s usually hard :///) i love talking to her sososos much even when its disputing over whether or not she has a foot fetish for junmyeon lmao. also the cutest jongdae stan w o w 

@aegyojin890 - i wouldn’t even be in this gc if it wasn’t for tricia !!!!!! tricia my child my precious bby i love her sosoosso much shes the most adorable and i have yet to meet anyone who loves yuto even more than she does!!!! tricia is so kind and funny and sweet and every time she drops a selfie i cry bc im sososos blessed. tricia made me feel welcome in this gc and i’ll never forget how warm she is and gosh i  love her sosososo much 

yikes this is so long weneuirbg im sorry i just love so many people i should probably make a follow forever or something :/// but anyways i really hope you feel better anon and i hope this made you smile and feel soft (i know im crying wow) but yeah im gunna shut up now :’))) 

Friday Currently | 01

It's been a while since I posted my Friday Currently post on my other blog site (if you have spare time, check it out! Its vinzecerda.wordpress.com. I know kinda messy there but I promise, as soon as I settle down everything such as; buy my first ever laptop I'll definitely fix and declutter it and once I avail a premium account I also promise that I will make it aesthetically appealing and easy to navigate) and this is actually my first time to write something personal or let say a reality of me beneath the metaphors on tumblr; something I don't conventionaly doing usually I just came up here to write piece or poems or just simply to look unique and great gifs but I wonder? What if I do it here things like personal stuff here on tumblr ? Besides, wordpress aquire tumblr so it actually made sense to do the same thing here. Nevertheless, no one will ever dare to question what I will gonna post, right?

Anyway, above else, I am exhausted. It's second week of October but it feels like forever. I want to do something to detoxify myself 'cause I've been on a lot of drama and rejections related at my work lately which literally affect my stamina to be productive. I'm a bit anxious and I don't like that to extent at some point which might trigger myself to do things that indecisive and and out of the right path. Luckily, tomorrow is my rest day and I don't have plans to do something and my body demands to lay whole day on bedroom. So..

CURRENTLY 

Reading

Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks. I actually borrowed it to one of my teammate which is actually a bookworm, a wonderful mom of three and lovely, until she suddenly transferred with other project and since I know it would take us a hard time to meet halfway because of work schedule differences I just asked her if I rather arbor it instead and she delightfully said 'yes' and its time to finish it 'cause I'm stuck on Chapter Three and its already collecting dust and cobwebs.

Writing

Another piece about my fragility and stupidity but somehow he gave me a sense of inspiration despite of he's being sweetly mean to me.

Listening

Daylight by Taylor Swift. #StreamLover guys! Anyway, that song is so soothing. I love the arrangement; simple but deep. Taylor proved that she can snatch a wig just playing a piano.

Thinking

If I would manage to stay longer in this company. Maybe I'm just disappointed or rush to prove something or maybe I just need a space and 'me time'

Smelling

My hair. I am a Head and Shoulder shampoo loyalist and I'm obsessed how lasting the scent is. It's been more than 15hours since I took a bath to go to work and arriving at home.

Hoping

Peace of mind - I am exhausted! Indeed.

Wishing

To feel how important he is to me. He's the one I look after to stay on this field of work.

Wearing

A boxer short and my personalized and lightly tattered Taylor Swift 1989 black tee.

Loving

This idea. Maybe I had reason now to become a tumblr geek.

Wanting

A high level of metabolism! Gosh I'm getting fatter and fatter again.

Needing

A long hour sleep and burn excess weight while dreaming.

Feeling

Rejected, disappointed, a failure but still determined.

i think it was because god's menu was released around the same bp and svt made their comebacks. same thoughts tho on gm > bd and i was also glad that bd got the wins gm didn't. and same with the streaming mvs while studying : ] ahh, the easily distracted people we are. (reading cut and litol font bc poor ppl who see this on the dash TT)

i've heard chinese ballads (usually osts of films and from a chinese friend) and their songs really tend to tug on my heartstrings. i hope sm gives shotaro more stuff to do soon :[ with some of the units being active and sungchan being an mc on a weekly show, it makes me wonder what he's doing. do you think nct will form a new subunit?

no, i'm not lactose intolerant so it really took me by surprise. it was a one-time thing. hopefully it doesn't happen again. i can't really say i'm a big fan of ice cream but it's good occasionally yk as a treat to yourself. and ahhh, i miss drinking smoothies. my favorite stall has been closed for nearly two years now, idk if they ever re-opened since our city mall burned down :[

i think it's an nct thing? it's why i never get tired of them bc they're always active in a way. you should've seen how things went down last year! march 127 album, april dream mini-album, may 127 repackage, june wayv album and the whole nct 2020 thing. it was a wild year. about the track, i listened to it once and forgot about it. might give it a few more listens but it might not grow on me at all. yes! wasn't a big fan of hot sauce at first too bc i thought the intro was weird (not jaemin's part, like the first thing that plays). and yes, that hook loops in my head 24/7. i even made it my instagram bio.

stray kids world domination indeed! and i agree that their performances were really impressive (specially the deadpool one, best one yet) but sometimes i would fancy ateez' more. i didn't watch kingdom too bc it stressed me out as a multi. always caught between being happy for one group and being sad for the others. and atz and tbz! you're still getting into nct and you're thinking of adding 19 more boys! judging from what i know your taste in music is, i think you'll like tbz's music better since there are a lot more soft songs there than in atz. but do give both discographies a listen in the future!

oh izone! i've only heard of them at music shows and dance choreo compilations bc of them being in sync. they're really satisfying to watch! i thought their title tracks were catchy as well! quite unfortunate that i never got into them really. but again, i dont think i can handle stanning temporary groups.

i'm starting to see a pattern in your biases :D i wouldn't be too surprised if you'll be drawn to jeno at some point in your dream venture. dream is soooo easy to love so if you really end up ulting them, i would understand why. and also, YES PLEASE WRITE FOR DREAM AND TAG ME IF YOU WILL. THANK YOU ><

thank you! :c don't get your hopes up tho, the masterlist must've been interesting to browse but are the fics truly worth it? XD i think not. since you already know koe, i'm reccing users @/rouiyan, @/nsheetee and @/loonacitys. i don't have that much fluff in my ficrecs blog. i think, i've heard of lvdsc before (maybe even read a fic or two) but i can't find their blog now. be careful in privating your works, you might end up losing them forever if you don't keep track of their links...(?) that's what happened to the works that i privated :/ take me with you if you move blogs ;n;

seungmin frequently left updates abt what he was doing, left good nights and good mornings, the occasional i miss you. he called fans 'baby' once. not sure if it was a mistranslation, or really just a one-time endearment. other than that, nothing beyond the usual. seung vlives always make me cry ;n; he always look so adorable and precious. also the gif, the fic was more on fake head-butting really but yes you could say it was also a fake nose boop bc it sounds cuter. i'll make sure to tag you on future seung content on the dash. (time to officially claim him as your ult, yes. dont make him secret anymore :3)

sorry it took me a while. tumblr went batshit. the ' werkl;' stopped working midway and i got busy with school yesterday. also haechan birth today and i'm so emo abt it. it's literally just a boy turning 21.

little font and cut saga lets go!!

(just kidding, i cant do little font typing for long periods of time, makes my eyes go beserk haha.)

true true, im afraid for txt on music shows now because theyre going against some big names (literally bts like whatj jsdf what was hybe thinking). yeah, streaming mvs while studying aka watching mvs on loop lmao. i still want to stream skzs final kingdom performance on instinct but i remember that theyve already won!! hehe

ah chinese ballads always make me emo, i like to scream out lyrics to the songs at the top of my lungs and sit there on the verge of tears. its a cultural thing maybe *sobs*. ooh, what show is sungchan mc-ing in? ill check it out. i thought sm would make nct japan for sungtaro (i heard sungchan speaks japanese) so it was a shocker when they made...nct hollywood lmao. given the current circumstances we're probably not going to get a new subunit anytime soon :( hopefully taro will have stuff to showcase during that period of time.

burned down?? oh my, what happened to your mall? that sounds terrifying. i remember when the front of my school caught on fire and we were all ushered out but we thought it was a drill and didnt find out till years later lmao.

oh true, since theyre such a big pack too. constant comebacks and promotions haha, nctzens never catch a break with 23 members. i listened to the new track again (ive forgotten the name already) but i cant- i cant do it. its just not my style hhh. i rewatched the mv for the godly visuals though. i dont know if youre talking about that 'bibididibibidiododo' part by that female morphed voice at the beginning of the song, because i wasnt a fan of that too. it grew on me though.

same, actually! im not an atiny and dont stan any other group in the show besides skz but i watched each groups performance and ranked them haha. at times ateez would rank over skz, it was wild. also yeah, my other multi friend was freaking out about kingdom and ended up abandoning the show because she was so scared of the fanwars and having to deal with her 'conflicting feelings'. about the stanning thing, in my defense, i have a list of groups i want to stan and ive recently added tbz and atz. the list is long, i have a long way to go! also yeah, i dont prefer ateez's songs and i have a bunch of tbz title tracks in my playlist but if i approach their discography like i did with nct then i think i would like at least five songs.

izone are my queens. theres a reason why theyre the only girl group who made it to my ult list haha! super talented and filled with variety and visuals, a perfectly concocted group (literally, sobs in pd48 scandal). ah, temporary groups. yeah i cried about their disbandment for like 3 days straight, it was bad.

a pATTERN?? INTERESTING. DO ELABORATE. jeno, oh my gosh hes like bang chan. an intimidating-looking bear whos actually filled with love and softness on the inside. im currently having a jaemin run though, his make a wish fancam is doing some wacky things. also yeah, dream is really easy to love. i fell for them so hard, theyre all talented and cute and adorable and the team ambiance is so nice. really rising up my stan list now. i mightt write for dream! ill have to see, hehe.

personally i think the fics are going to be worth it. i can feel it in my boOOnes. ooh, recommendations! fun :D ill check them (and yours) out after i finish this 30k jisung fic. ive been trying to finish it since yesterday but i keep getting sidetracked. also, i made a mistake. its luvdsc with a 'u', maybe thats why you couldnt find it? ahh. thank you for the privating tip though! will keep in mind. and of course ill take you with me if/when i move blogs. we're friends now! <3

SEUNGMIN CALLED STAYS 'BABY'???!!@)(@#*()! I SHOULDVE BEEN THERE ASKDFJDF. im exciting for the fake nose boop drabble!! i love soft couple moments hehe. also yeah maybe its time to make him my ult...hes going to have to compete against jake my beloved ope.

dont worry about being 'late' or anything! we all have our own stuff to do. also yeah tumblr is weird asf sometimes. if you havent realized i typically answer longer asks around the same time everyday, when i get to sit in front of my computer and pull out my clickity-clackity keyboard. super relaxing.

AND YES HYUCKIE DAY!!! HES SO ADORABLE HONESTLY. im in love with all seven members of dream, my fic rec blog is currently filled with fics for them haha.

idk if you're even still into joick but i was listening to night drive by gotye the other day and it reminded me of them and i've been cRYING EVER SINCE!!! its so them and i need someone else to suffer w me

I AM ALWAYS INTO JOICK ANON. ALWAYS AND FOREVER. I LOVE ITTTT. Oh my gosh, the suffering. Not the sound but the lyrics kind of remind me of Two Rebels by Honor Society and that song always screameeedddd Joick to me. Now I’m listening to Night Drive over and over and SUFFERING WITH YOU but it’s wonderful suffering.

Sorry for taking so long, I’m just literally never on tumblr except to fill my queue every few weeks haha.