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lairofdragonagelore · 1 year

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Zathrian’s Quest

[Updated post, originally from here]

Replaying Dragon Age Origin I realised details about Zathrian’s quest that, I think, were or are a rough foreshadowing of the Elvhenan. The whole quest of the Werewolf Curse in the Brecilian Forest provides interesting information as well as questions. The following post contains

Parallel with Solas

Parallel with the Elvhenan: immortality

Blood magic and Immortality

“The nature of things is unchangeable”: another parallel with Solas’ thinking

Parallel with the Maker

What we can infer from all this?

[This is part of the series “Playing DA like an archaeologist”]

[Index page of Dragon Age Lore]

Refreshing the Quest: Zathrian is an elf hundred years old. He claims that he has recovered the ancient elven ability of being immortal, but we know later it's because a curse: he bound a Spirit [the spirit of the forest] to a white wolf.

Parallel with Solas

Zathrian and Solas share similar design (only the lack of Vallaslin in Solas makes them different, taking into account the different games engines). Later, we will realise that this design is the way elvhenan used to be: bulky bald elves [Abelas and his people share this design as well. The only one who differs seems to be Felassan, who has violet eyes and hair]. In fact, in the late game Heroes of Dragon Age, Zathrian is presented using a wolf fur in similar fashion to Solas. I think that, from a design point of view, there was an intention to encourage the player to think in the parallels between these two characters and their quests

Solas and Zathrian want to recover what was lost (For Zathrian, his family; for Solas, his “people”), but for Zathrian it is impossible. So Zathrian resorts to vengeance. Solas, on the other hand, has the power of a god, so he doesn’t need to “cling to what once was because lacks of any power to change it” [as he describes Abelas]. He just wants to and can fix his “past mistakes” that destroyed the "People”’s world. However, Revenge doesn’t apply to Solas: he doesn’t want any kind of revenge per se, but now that he has absorbed Mythal, maybe his actions will end up in a sort of revenge in her name [Let’s remember Flemeth always said that she wanted to avenge Mythal]. It’s not clear what terms Flemeth, Mythal, and Solas reached in agreement when Solas took Mythal’s power in favour of The People.

Both of them have a great care for their people to the point to make big mistakes. Zatrian's revenge started to affect his own clan, and he truly regrets this to the point to end his life to solve it (well, you can solve this in many ways, that’s not canon but it’s a possibility). Solas is all the time thinking in “his people” (the non-evanuris elvhen) and we know that he destroyed them when he created the Veil, in an attempt to protect them, to free them form their masters, and to protect the world since the Evanuris unleashed something terrible [details in “The Death of a Titan”]. In the process, Solas removed the nature of the elvhen people and turned them into mortals like the humans.

Zatrian finally sees his mistake and ceases the conflict. Solas acknowledges his past mistake, but on the other hand, he claims he had no other choice [which I personally believe since the codex in “The Death of a Titan” implies that the world had been doomed with the evil that the Evanuris unleashed]. Now he wishes he can be wrong again and someone would give him another choice than destroying the Veil and get rid of the sealed Evanuris for good.

A minor design common symboly that both of them have is the wolf: Solas represents an entity that the Evanuris made a propaganda against, calling him the Wolf Fen’Harel who is related to black wolves, while Zathrian is related to a white wolf, to whom he bind the Spirit of the Forest.

Parallel with Elvhenan: immortality

Elvhen Immortality is a big mystery in the DA series, kind of resolved in DAI when speaking with Solas [details in Solas sharing Lore: Part 1]. There, we learn that the Elvhenan immortality was a consequence of the kind of magic they manipulated and therefore, part of their own nature.

Zathrian’s story is an important quest in DAO because he may or may not offer an answer to some Elvhenan mysteries. The fact that Zathrian IS immortal in a post-Veil era is a mind-blow (we know that in Dragon Age world there are three rules that prevent mages to acquire three things with magic: instant teleportation, immortality/agelessness, and physical walks in the Fade [explicit in the codex The Cardinal Rules of Magic]. Ironically all of them were completely overruled by Ancient Elven magic. Thus, we can see the limitless power of elven magic. On the other hand, it’s worth remembering that Elvhenan were not exactly mortals in the same sense that Humans are: they were more related to the Spirits and the “brethren of the air” than to dwarves or humans. There are some hints that may suggest that they found power in dragon blood or dragon means [Mythal was a dragon, and they considered a winged shape as “divine”, implying that it may have been the draconic shape; details of all these things in posts: Ancient Elven codices; Fen’Harel’s mountain ruins, Ancient Elven codices; Vir Dirthara, and the comic series: The Silent Grove, Those Who Speak, Until We Sleep].

According to the story, Zathrian acquired immortality and agelessness through binding a spirit to a white wolf. Here is the other recurring topic in Elvhenan lore: the binding processes, specially explored in posts such as Ancient Elven codices; The Lost Temple of Dirthamen and Humanoid Dirthamen. Elvhenan had developed a culture of binding, that may be related to the original purpose of the Vallaslins. This brings a lot of questions, situations, and potential retcons.

Forced bound: Flemeth would say “a soul cannot be forced upon the unwilling”, and Solas claims that Spirits and Demons are the same: Spirits are a purpose, while a Demon is that purpose going wrong or being perverted, forced to do another purpose against their will [details in Solas sharing Lore: Part 1]. So maybe when Zathrian forced the binding, he caused the corruption of the Spirit of the Forest and the curse of the werewolves, basically spreading this savage rage in them. It seems reasonable to think that an extra side-effect of this bound process is the immortality of the one performing the ritual. This would be material for speculation about the origin of the Blight if it were not for a small detail: it has been stated in codex that this spirit [the Lady of the Forest] is not from the Fade... which is something so wrong in DA lore in my personal opinion. So far we know all spirits in DA series come from the Fade. I guess it was a mistake, or the lore was still not as mature and rounded-up as it was in DAI.

It's true we have others examples in the game: The Oak Tree who speaks in rhymes looks like another kind of strange spirit, but taking into account what he says... it's pretty clear that he is something else, like Flemeth or Anders. In them, the spirit has joined to the soul willingly, so the merge is quite different.

In fact, depending on how many other examples I see of these strange possessions along the games in minor quests (topic quite more repetitive than I had expected), I would bet that the process of binding [or more like possession of] a spirit to a material body can be fine as long as it's willingly [Anders, Wynne, Flemeth, Sigrid Gulsdotten, Solas?, for more details about why I consider Solas a bound spirit read “Solas’ nature” section in Solas sharing Lore: Part 1 ]. When it's forced, abominations happen but it seems with Zathrian that other things may occur: curses, corruption. It's clear that the spirit in this case has to be one which embodies good positive virtues. The Lady of the Forest seems to be a Spirit of the Calm or something like that [but well, she is not from the Fade, so it makes no sense to compare her to one of those spirits. But I would like to assume that the fact that she is not from the Fade is a lore mistake]. When it's a demon the one binding to the material body... things end up out of control [Grey Wardens in DAI binding themselves to "negative emotion spirits”=demons.]

What it’s clear is that in Zathrian’s quest, Immortality is part of the curse, and it exists as long as the curse exists. When we are told by Solas that the Elvhenan were immortal due to a side-effect of the kind of magic they used, would that be possible to interpret it as a curse coming from their culture of binding? I found no answers about this interpretation, sadly.

Blood magic and Immortality

This is subtle, but the Lady explicitly said that her binding with Witherfang could have never been done without Zatrian's blood. And I think there is a little hint here about the fact that Elvhenan were immortals. This is a specualtion and not a fact: according to what they say in this scene, we know that Zathrian used his blood to bind a spirit to a body of the material world (a white wolf). Somehow, the process granted him immortality, and caused a curse. If we try to use this piece of lore in the ancient Elvhenan time, we may find interesting potential ideas: Blood magic done by Evanuris to bind creatures of the Fade with creatures of the material world and take advantage of them seems to fit the hypothesis that the vallaslin [tattoos made out of blood=potential blood magic] was forced onto elvhen bodies [created by the Earth that was stolen from the Titans, Solas sharing Lore: Part 1] in order to create slaves or ,maybe even the creatures from the story The Horror of Hormak .

We know the Vallaslin are done with blood/lyrium and originally we have no idea if they were strongly magical to the point to bind several elves to an Evanuris. Via Abelas we know that drinking from the Well of Mythal [potentially part of the process to have her Vallaslin and serve her] makes you empty and bound to the Evanuris for Eternity [details in Temple of Myhtal: Part 5] . I’m speculating that the Well of Sorrows was involved in some manner during the process of the Mythal Vallaslin.

It’s true that the situation in current Thedas is not the same as it was in the ancient times. The world was not separated in Fade and Waking World, and Elvhenan were something in between spirits and mortal elves. I'm not saying Zatrian's quest shows exactly what Elvhenan did in those ancient times. But it could be a version/pararell, a pinch of truth in the broken world that Thedas was left [which is basically how Solas always encouraged us to see all what we know and read in game: Tales hide a bit of truth, but not all of them have historical accurancy].

“The nature of things is unchangeable”: another parallel with Solas’ thinking

I liked this other parallel too. Solas has a pretty elvhenan mindset and he has shown in Inquisition more than once that he is convinced that the nature of things cannot change. He says it with his friend Wisdom [who is corrupted when it is forced to fight and defend the mages that bind it], he repeated it with Cole's quest, proving himself wrong [more details in Solas sharing Lore: Part 1 ]. And he repeated it once more with the inquisitor, which depending of their race, Solas will drop some bias/predjuice proper of “your race has a nature that can't be changed”. And in most Solas-Friendly playthroughs, the player proves him wrong again.

Zathrian is pretty much the same with less opportunities to repeat it, though. He claims that werewolves are beasts, slave of their bestial nature, and that the spirit follows the same rule, even though she is calmer than a lake's water and her purpose and role inside the werewolf community seem to be of bringing calmness to them.

Parallel with the Maker

The Lady of the Forest is half humanoid and half wolf, and considering all the specualtion around Solas’ nature [Solas sharing Lore: Part 1 ] one is prone to think if similar process happened to Solas.

“You are my Maker”

This was such a strong sentence in the context of DA world. I don't believe it was thrown there casually. Maker is a big, big word in Dragon Age, and this is what gave me the suspicion to think about the previous point. Evanuris were called later as Creators of a “world” truly known by only Solas, Abelas, and Flemeth (and Felassan if he is stil alive). That Zathrian could craft a creature half spirit and half material body like the Lady of the Forest, has strong remmineses of what the Evanuris may have done with Dalish, Dwarves or even humans. What I mean by this is the following:

What the Evanuris may have done to the Dalish is to create them as creatures bind with blood magic to physical form. The way Abelas and Solas speak of the Dalish, always makes them look like “fake” elves. Maybe the origin of this disdain comes from there. There is also the The Horror of Hormak, where it’s expressed that Evanuris or elvhen mages created abominations and mismatched creatures through magic, becoming themselves into “makers”.

What the Evanuris may have done to the Dwarves is very unclear, but in the Tresspasser DLC there are some bits of information that may suggest that Mythal infused the “workers of the Titans” with a soul [making them able to dream], so they were not empty anymore. A long interpretation of this is done in the post Deep Roads [DLC Trespasser]: Lower Walkways, however I have a lot of mixed feelings with the source of it: the codex Torn Notebook in the Deep Roads, Section 3 was written by a clanless Dalish that was not even a Keeper.

What the Evanuris may have done to the humans is even unclearer and not even possible to speculate, since there is not even a piece of information about them from Elvhenan sources, but if they meddled with Dalish and Dwarves, they could have meddled with humans if they wanted to.

A potential implication of the fact that the Lady of the Forest called Zathrian her Maker, could be that it’s a very vague hint that the lore is telling us that the creatures created from another race see them as Makers, and maybe some bit of this implication may or may not apply to the human Maker.

What can we infer from all this?

If we compare this old lore with what Solas may have done to the Evanuris we can come up with some speculations.

Speculation 1: We know that the Evanuris unleashed something terrible into the world [we don't know what but it may be the Blight, or something else; details in “The Death of a Titan”]. In the process, they may have killed Mythal [this logic is implied by Solas and the Dev’s notes in “The Death of a Titan” but never said explicitly].

Solas claims that he stopped the Evanuris by sealing them when they made something that was the last straw, which was Mythal’s murder, but I suspect it was something else too due to the codex and dev’s notes we find in “The Death of a Titan” mural: the thing that they unleashed was truly the real last straw, which does not exclude that it may be related to Mythal’s death [hence my speculation to relate both events]. That Solas does not say it explicitly is because he wants it to be as unknown as possible [probably because he doesn’t even want a reflection of it in the Fade]. I wrote a long analysis of this in the post “The Death of a Titan”. In that post I explained that there is a chance that the Evanuris may have been bind to lyrium and this forceful procedure caused their corruption or the corruption of the Lyrium into the Red Lyrium [hence we find the Whispers Written in Red Lyrium]. This may have been faster if it’s true that Andruil was blighted already [read Andruil section in Evanuris or codices related to her in Ancient Elven codices, Temple of Mythal]. Taking into consideration the young lore expressed in Zathrian’s quest, one could explain this corruption of the lyrium as a “disease” [wether it is The Blight or something else that causes The Red Lyrium] which may be a consequence of this forced binding.

Personal speculation about this: Solas seems to know a lot about The Blight, but he does not understand red lyrium, so I'm inclined to think that the binding procedure caused something that Solas did not expect: red lyrium, while the big evil unleashed by the Evanuris is the Blight. He understands a lot more Blight magic and the Blight: in the mural “The Creation of the Veil”, it seems to be implied that Solas studied how to create the Veil to contain the Blight in the Black City, and may have used dragons to protect the "gates" of access to this place, which are the only creatures we know so far who are resistant to it.

On the other hand, no other mural speaks about red lyrium as the one recently done by Solas: in the comic The Missing, we find some parts of the mural “The Destruction of the Veil“, which means that the trailer where we saw this mural for the first time, with Solas touching it, was a ruined temple of Andruil located in the Forest of Arlathan. As he usually does with his murals, they seem to reflect a persistent thought in his mind that he expresses through art in order to find courage to execute them. In this last mural, the destruction of the Veil and all the pain that will cause to Thedas is something that will hurt Solas deeply [maybe even corrupt him if he follows the same rules than the spirits, in that case, this brutal change of role may affect him], because he would love to find another solution and be “wrong” [as he claims to a friendly inquisitor] but sadly he didn’t find any other. We know due to the history, that he always tries to pick the less evil option, but sometimes, there are nothing more than evil ones to pick.

Speculation 2: Another possibility I think about which relates Zathrian’s quest with the latest lore we have, is that maybe the “evil unleashed” by the Evanuris is the one related to The Horror of Hormak, where once more we find the recurring theme of the binding process: creatures with different souls and bodies are bind in an abomination, and the resulting creature is corrupted beyond salvation, as the two minds fight to exist in the same combined body. This seems something that may have horrified Fen’Harel, and also a knowledge he wanted the world to never access again, hence the collapse of the cave underground, sealing this horror, and claiming that the Evanuris had to be stopped for good [details in “The Death of a Titan”]. Since Solas doesn’t lie, and he also confessed the Inquisitor that the Death of Mythal was what motivated him to stop them, I speculate that some experiment related to The Horror of Hormak was tried to be applied to Mythal [a dragon being, speculated to be the Divine shape that the Elvhenan aspired for in order to acquire divinity] and killed her in the process [which is something rare, since the Evanuris “are not easy to kill”, according to Solas’ words]. Therefore, both events may end up related, and Solas never lied, he technically omitted some piece of sensitive truth that he has been hiding since forever so nobody would be tempted to create more abominations again.

In both speculations, the binding process was so wrong, that may have caused a disease/curse that began to spread [Blight or Red Lyrium], pretty much like Zathrian ended up causing the curse of the lycanthropy when he forced the binding between the Lady of the Forest and Whitefang.

However, the con of this interpretation is that we know that the immortality of the Elvhenan/Evanuris is not a consequence of this binding. The Elvhen have always been immortal as a side effect of the magic they manipulated [Solas explicitly says so in the Elvhenan section of Solas sharing Lore: Part 1]. I can see, however, the Evanuris wanting to be Dragons since they are powerful creatures, and power is directly related to Divinity in DA series.

[Index page of Dragon Age Lore ]

#zathrian #brecilian forest #Lady Of The Forest #bound process

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wearepaladin · 11 months

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So been perusing your Stuhn tag on the blog and been replaying Skyrim. Both inspired me to write a story about a paladin of Stuhn. So here’s the first part, his first connection with the whale god.

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Fog.

Fog battles against the morning rays of sunlight, a bulwark of chill against the radiance of the dawn. Through this battlefield does one ship in particular glide through. Beset by all sides and ally to none, this simple fishing vessel plunges deep into the fog, fending off chunks of ice hidden in the depths of the mist. And soon the ship’s persistence is rewarded, bearing witness to the eventual defeat of the fog and triumph of the dawn. As light shines through the marine layer, helping illuminate the murky depths below.

“Isleif!” a stern voice shouts, sending a curious pair of hands scurrying back onto his feet.

“Away from the edge. I don’t want you falling in the water.” the man continues, his voice at once gruff and concerned.

Isleif’s shoulders slump, as he looks down at the planks below his feet “Yes da…”

The older man lets out a sigh “I brought you out here to learn, not daydream. When we get back you can fight trolls with your friends all you want. But right here, right now, you need to focus. Now, for the net we need to make a specific kind of knot. Do you remember what that knot is?”

Isleif’s father continues his lecture, with the boy slipping in and out of focus, responding with just enough enthusiasm that his father would continue talking rather than prod him with more questions. But as they go to set the net for their catch, something begins to catch Isleif’s eye. A shimmer, the barest reflection of treasure deep below the waves. Isleif places his hands upon the ship’s prow and hoists himself up, eager to get a closer look. As he does so, the ship lurches forward, having slammed into a large chunk of ice. The sudden shift in inertia causes Isleif himself to lurch forward, losing his grip on the prow, and he falls overboard into the sea of ice. Plunging past the surface, he attempts to swim up only for another chunk of ice to race forward and block his escape. The surface itself seems littered with ice flow after ice flow, each chunk taking up space and light. For soon the young boy finds himself with no exit, no salvation. He is trapped in the icy deep, soon to be another ghost. Yet the boy struggles on, clawing against the ice, desperate enough to crack through even the thickest of pieces. But spirit can only drive the boy so far, and it cannot do anything to replace the life giving air his lungs so desperately need. And so, defiant until the end, the boy’s bloody fingers slide off the icy surface, and he begins to drop into the deep.

In his last moments of consciousness, young Isleif is able to find the shimmer he saw once before. It is no simple glint or trick of the light. As the young boy draws closer to death, does the shape become larger and more focused. A ghostly white whale glides through icy deep, the sound of a drum accompanying its whale song. The pounding drum fills the boy and he soon forgets the chill of the sea, the pain in his chest, and lets go of his last desperate breath. Bubbles pass from his lips, heralding the final end for Isleif. Only…the end doesn’t come. He should fade and sink, another ghost amidst the sea. Yet as the drum pounds on, so too does his heart. United in this moment, Isleif stares at the leviathan arrayed before him, his eyes locked onto the eye of the beast. In it Isleif sees the same speck as before. A shimmer beneath the great depths of the sea that is the beast. And suddenly, he is back on the boat, hanging off the prow once again. With a gasp of fear, Isleif pushes back, and he falls onto the planks.

“Isleif!?” his father asks, concern filling his voice. “What’s wrong? What happened? You are as pale as a ghost?”

The young boy says nothing, instead rushing to embrace his father, and feel the warmth of another human being. Baffled, his father returns the embrace, holding him as tightly as he can. As he holds his son, he understands that this is not the time for questions.

“...what do you say we head home early today? The weather is about to turn and I think your Aunt needed some help today regardless. So let’s head home and see what she needs.”

Isleif, buried in his father’s arms, gives a meek nod of affirmation. And together, father and son sail back to the shore. But through a crack in the embrace, Isleif sees a white whale tail break the surface of the water. Giving them a boost home

#submission #Stuhn #Paladin deity #love the children #tes #good story

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bxrningblack · 1 year

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" take it easy. you're safe now, but you need to relax. "

take it easy - No longer accepting @deathxcko

Dreamless sleeps have a way of pressing pause on the moment. There's no reprieve from what happened before, no salvation to give you a respite. For I have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Restless sleeps are almost worse. Her head trying to replay what happened in a pitiable, inadequate way to process the mess.

So, maybe it's not all that surprising that she'd bolted up panting and panicked. It's a move that's instantly regretted by the sharp stab of pain in her side. Sloppy. Jake's knife should have never found a place to sink. Devil's Breath or not. You'd think she'd have gotten better at seeing in rages.

It's hard to see in adrenaline too. Like rage, your heart pounds in your head and makes it hard for the world to touch any senses. Jason's voice cuts through the haze, coming into focus. Behold, I send an angel before you to guard you on the way and to bring you to the place that I have prepared. Sarah Dessen once wrote, 'Home is not a place, but a moment', and this isn't the first moment that quote has come to mind.

"Da- What? Are you real?" Her breathing does slow a bit, but only once she's gotten a grip on his hand. This is real. Now that's a game she didn't want to play again- real or not real. The drugs did weird things to your vision, but she trusts the touch a little more. Reluctantly, she does lie back at his insistence, wincing a bit. That's gonna hurt for awhile. She doesn't have very long to mull it over. Sleep's calling again, but she doesn't let go of his hand.

#*nearly calls him dad*#i'm fine i'm not screaming at all #v; blackfire #deathxcko #tw drugs

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rayeverreviews · 1 year

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My Personal Chart Review (26/4/23)

this is biased but still anyways

So, this week was a bit of a mess. We had the Beyoncé album bomb fall off slightly, with Tiësto replacing it. The top 5 remains mostly unchanged, with TRUSTFALL down 1 to #5, Can’t Tame Her down 1 to #4, but then we have Flip A Switch. up 15 places to #3 due to the Coi Leray remix, with 10:35 up 21 at #2 thanks to album boost and finally, of course, I Go Dancing at #1 for a 10th week.

Our losers this week were all over the place. Kill Bill slipped 16 down to #18 due to the remix boost falling off, while Before The Night hit #20, Commander slips to #22, AMERICA HAS A PROBLEM dropping to #25, plus Body Better just can’t keep up as it falls 15 to #31. Also, updown hits #34 but will likely rise next week due to the fumble release boost. Meanwhile, Crazy What Love Can Do continues to slide off the 52 week boost to #35, and CUFF IT completely falls off the album boost to #36. If We Ever Broke Up & Whistle both slip 13 places respectively to #42 & #43, Sing It Back & Oh Baby drop 12 to #45 & #46, with Bad Vibe continuing its radio falloff to #47. We then have a few consecutive drops, those being Boy’s a liar Pt. 2 at #51, Dancing In The Dark at #52, All By Myself at #53 and B.O.T.A. (Baddest of Them All) at #54. Then, Red Ruby Da Sleeze slips 11 off the big rise last week to #60, Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God) hits #65 and Stay The Night hits #67. Finally, Lost The Breakup & Calm Down take heavy drops to #74 and #75 respectively.

As for our songs exiting the top 75, CHURCH GIRL slips hard off the album boost from #32, Do U Want Me Baby? completely tanks out from #36, Like A River drops out the top 100 altogether from #42 (however it’ll most likely re-enter soon), SUMMER RENAISSANCE is out from #54, Home For My Heart slips to #76 from #57, with The Ocean & Don’t Come Back To Me out from #60 and #61 respectively. Continuing on, About Damn Time is gone from #65, Never Gonna Not Dance again also has continues its radio falloff from #66, with 16 Again underperforms as it exits from #69 and Beyoncé loses PURE/HONEY (#58), ENERGY (#59), THIQUE (#67) and HEATED (#72).

As for our returns, Options continues its radio run at #72, Karma surging in virality to #62, Easy Lover is back in at #50 and the rest are all from Tiësto, those being All Nighter at #23, The Business at #19, Don’t Be Shy at #16, The Motto at #9 and Hot In It at #7. As for the gains, Mary Jane. surges up to #58, AM:PM jumps off the debut to #15 and Lay Low surges 35 places to #10 due to the album boost.

Now, debut time..

#61 Jimin - Like Crazy

So, it’s not often that K-pop has any success on my chart.. let alone from a BTS member. Set Me Free Pt. 2 is absolutely godawful, but this really surprised me. I really really dig this. There’s something about it that I just really like and can’t figure it out, but this has been just under the top 75 for a few weeks now, and it’s gaining fast.

#56 Tiësto ft A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie - Chills (LA Hills)

I don’t know what I was expecting with this tbh, but yeah it’s good enough. Not my favourite from Tiësto but it’s solid, however I doubt it’ll stick around.

#44 Tiësto ft AR/CO - Back Around

I liked this one more than I thought I would. Again it’s a solid track but I don’t see it lasting more than 1 week due to a low replay factor.

#38 Tiësto ft Freya Ridings - Bet My Dollar

3 Tiësto debuts in a row, huh? So, upon original release I thought this was okay. Nothing special, but not awful either, however it’s grown on me a bit since the tracking week begun, hence the higher debut. I like Weekends more than most people, and tbf the whole vibe of this song seems Weekends-like, so that’s probably why. Overall the best new Tiësto track.

#37 Ice Spice ft Nicki Minaj - Princess Diana

This really is Ice Spice’s year it seems. I liked this when it was released, however it didn’t get a high enough replay factor and only made it to #96, however it also grew on me this week and therefore made its way here. Both rappers’ flows compliment the beat extremely well and it’s a song that’ll easily get stuck in your head. Pretty damn good.

#30 FIFTY FIFTY - Cupid (Twin Version)

So, we’ve got two K-Pop debuts this week, with this becoming the highest charting once since Pink Venom. Upon first listen, I just found this average. However, due to one of my friends liking it so much it got to #1, and growing support for it, it ultimately grew on me quite a lot and yeah, this is an absolute bop. 100% worth a listen if you haven’t already.

Well, that concludes this week. Best of the week goes to FIFTY FIFTY with “Cupid (Twin Version)”, whilst Honourable Mention goes to “Princess Diana” by Ice Spice & Nicki Minaj. Next week, expect new entries from the likes of Sudley & piri, Sonny Fodera & an album bomb for my aunt. We love nepotism. 😍

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pinkseas · 2 years

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GJSAGDNSGJKDSAG HEHEHEHEHEHEH YSSS YTYTYTYY if ohnly i had . the lliek . emminmennse amount of time n Willpower to do it augh i probably will just becoz i want ti to happen . but im not 100%hsure how im even going to put all the frames Center and like . fluid with each Other much less in time to a song :pensive: probably :[ BUT !!!!!! it will happen . i just need like some sort of editing software or smthn to put it all together once the frames ar ee all done n if . Canane end up doin that ill just put all the frames into media imagesan u guys can Imagine the song going otto them or maybe il just throw them all . Away out of fear IDK ASGDHSJGNASGSAGHJ i have .. like osooo so much brain abt cove istg ... theres like 2 different new characters i want to make alongside ramts New like groudnhog day momence (which isnt as much a groundhog day dscenario as a second chancefor me to replay him in a cool way ) n then . an entire new build im doin like 30000 blocks off spawn thats sculk themed and has a character to geo with it ,,,, sooo so cool the palette is liek. striopped cyan nether tree ,,, cyan contcreet and cyan concrete poweder,, bone block, sculk, da cyan nether stuff like climbin root n little plant ,, n then the like blue nether dirt stuff ^_^ also stripped birch and maybe umm quartz / calciteidk yet. ALSO i was swroking sooo so much on the nether valley!1!! last week i got liek. a good portion of the village done is v v cool i liek it :] a lot!! mebbe is jus m silly brain but . wos thinkning abt . llimbo on cove n the lore m made abt . it n how it has idifference biomes ill have to send u . a copy of da book its sooooo soo cool n brain go BSDGHSGHGJ . liek ^_^ <33 imagine a lime/bho rwrrewriting that completely not even gon try. still cannae backspace :epnsive emoji: limbo but its soo much like other dminesentions. dimensionslike ^_^ it has boiomes andcREECHURS n sutff... soooo soo coolo.. idk ^_^ but ysys n then there's Mite whos a silly achartacter i made that i ended up tyin into that lore becoz the limbo research wos done by people of the End and im gettin off track . what whas i talkin abt. ysys Ummmmm hmm OH also i made Another new character todoay becoz m a littl esilly thats a squid. hes very silly and also me projeceteing a little bit . idk but islly silly silly umm yes !!!! then i Still want to do the basalt city w the nuke in the middle but idk ... if ill end up doin that . also i want to finish the end castle Properly as lsoon as we go over the roules again . becoz silly ^_^ <3 anyway ysys <3 cove smp brainrot REAL!!! ive written so much in ur inbox im soo so sorry

NEVER BE SORRY FOR WRITING LOTS ITS SO LOVELY we are simply having a conversation ^-^ THE SCULK BUILD SOUNDS SOSOSOSOSOSSO COOL OMG god your builds are literally all so fantastic ILL HAVE TO GO SEE THE NETHER BIOME WHENEVER I LOG ON AGAIN biomes and creatures mmmmmmmmmm......... and new characters <3333333 god i love this for u

#ramt tag

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peterthepark · 2 years

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SNIPPET ALREADY?????!!! YES MA'AM PLEASEEEE 👏👏👏👏

THIS IS A WHOLE ASS BLURB NOT EVEN A SNIPPET AT THIS POINT BUTTT i want to feed yall 🤲 here r my crumbs under da cut

It’s not that you were chasing after him. God forbid you did. Dick is disposable, you know. But something about Peter and the way he absolutely devoured you that night, showed you what kind of gentleman he was, how he set this excessive standard for the next fuck and the fuck after that, made you want more. So much more. Maybe it was the blond, or maybe it was just the weed. Yet, nothing about what happened felt like a bad trip. It felt real, and you could still feel the high of having Peter’s lips on your body and his smoke residing in your lungs.

Honestly, he couldn’t look at a blunt the same way ever again after what you did to him. Blowing into his mouth like you wanted him. Wanted him more than a youthful one-night stand. Wanted him more than a simple bathroom fuck and tangled limbs inside a clawfoot tub in a house that wasn’t even yours.

Peter isn’t one to harbor feelings that last more than a few months, but he can’t stop replaying and rewinding the events of that night. Of you, more than anything — your moans, the hickies he was shamefully excited to wake up to the following day and subtly show off to his friends, how you dared to look him in the eye for the remainder of the party, even innocently smiling his direction as if he hadn’t just bent you over cold porcelain and fucked you till you couldn’t form words.

You’re the first person he looks for at every party.

#reign talks #love letters 💌#sneak peek #ridiculous pt 2 #im thinking of calling it ‘extremely ridiculous’ because it is

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animefreak1145 · 3 years

Text

The Brilliance of Break On Through

Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Mission Break on Through—An Analysis

I have replayed the campaign of COD:BOCW numerous times—too many times truly. Did a whole playthrough where it was Hardened and soon I’m sure I shall do Veteran(something I have never done for any COD game. Not even Hardened.).

All missions have their own unique qualities—parts where the player gets a little rush of adrenaline depending on the kind of mission and how they choose to play it (Nowhere Left to Run just a plain shooting match while Brick in the Wall you can choose to remain stealthy like the good spy you are or go crazy like an eager homicidal maniac).

Even within the safehouse, there are plenty of little details to discover if you take the time to look around and observe everyone. Or, everything. (The radio if turned to a Russian station/correspondence, Adler changes it back immediately before Da Nang mission. Watching Park’s body language, as you talk to Adler and she periodically looks over to you two. Adler suspicious when you go to the Red Room or the locked room with the arcade. The T.V. being turned on in the Red Room)

But the amount of details, details, in the mission Break on Through is outstanding. I have played this mission more than any other due to me wishing to look at all the details. There’s so many, I think I may miss some. And I can’t show them off all to you cause I suck at creating gifs and don’t know how to transfer that from Xbox to my phone.

To lighten it up a bit, I won’t focus on the four different scenarios you go through—at least not each one. That would take too long and I do not have gifs/pics to show it off since Tumblr limits it to ten anyways.

I will, however, try to guide to what parts of the game you all can explore if you choose to do so. As well just how detailed they did this mission.

I am going to start with the different statements Adler says to you throughout all the Scenarios(17, 6, 11, 1). We only go through four in the actual game—but the fact it goes up to 17 or possibly more shows just how far they went in and messed with Bell’s mind.

Now, Adler seems to be a bit bipolar on how he talks to you whether or not you listen to him and all his directions. Either totally blasé and cold to giving you and pumping you up with more MK or meds, or actually a tad concerned and patient as he guides you through.

If You/Bell Stands Still/Does Nothing:

Example 1

“So you did nothing? What were you, in shock?”

He throws the words callously, mocking. As if Bell isn’t confused and lost at what is going on. He even sounds irritated that you might actually be in shock due to these memories that are just fake—not even real. Not like what he has.

Example 2

“What’s wrong with Bell?” -Adler

“I’m not sure. . .” -Park

“I guess we’ll just wait on you to proceed, Bell.”

The contrast is dizzying. He sounds concerned when he asks Park on what could be wrong with you. If he pushed you too far and now you’re just frozen. And, instead of rushing you due to how the fate of half of Europe is at stake, he decides to give you space. Just wait for you and you’ll come out of it soon enough.

He does these sort of reactions numerous times. Jumping from intimidating to the Adler we knew as the player, as Bell—kind and always in your corner that believes in you. He switches tactics based on what he believes will work really—or he just felt really on edge at times and threw the farce that you two were friends out the window.

Other examples include:

Scenario 11–Napalm Strike-in the lab in the room where you were brainwashed

“Christ, what’s happening with them?”-Adler

“A mild seizure. Sims, past me a benzodiazepine.” -Park

Again, concerned. Worried. Almost…at unease?

In the lab—tripped up on drugs. If you run through the tight shrinking hallway back and forth like so(I suck at making gifs, I’m sorry):

“Why is Bell repeating themselves?”

“Bell, stop speaking in circles.”

Now, as others may have suspected, Bell is talking to everyone as they’re stuck in this horrible loop of mental torture. Most likely muttering, hands clenching and arms pulling against the straps of the gurney, moving their head back and forth depending on what they’re seeing. I always saw Bell as muttering quickly in Russian as they go through all of this—their mother tongue where it may comfort them as they’re panicking and speaking to Adler.

It’s just a nice detail showcasing how exactly Adler knows that Bell is on script—Bell saying what they’re seeing and doing and what’s going on. It shows also just how hard they put Bell through the ringer(badum tss. I’ll leave now).

All the details too when the game shows how the drugs they put in Bell affects you. Like so. The hallways appearing long. The lights looking yellow. You feel so fast—look how quick you can run. Run towards the Red Door that Adler so desperately wants and maybe this can stop. Ah, why is it running away from you? What’s going on?

I don’t know about you, but I was so lost and confused at what was going on my first playthrough. For the majority of this mission, the possibility of me being brainwashed didn’t reach the BACK of my mind till probably I actually saw the flashes of scenes about Vietnam and calling Bell a subject. So like right here.

I personally thought that I had a repressed memory or something due to me going through the Vietnam War. That whatever I saw with Perseus, I—or rather Bell—repressed it from our mind due to how violent or horrible what we saw or experienced was. And that Adler suspected and just really wanted to know about it.

I didn’t expect for the man to actually brainwash my character—us—Bell! The game made Adler your mentor, who always defended you from Hudson and believed in your skills very highly. How he and Bell were basically perfect partners when the two of you were together.

It’s amazing—cause I think that’s what the developers were going for. The absolute trust. The loyalty. The denial that ‘maybe Adler is being a little harsh but hey, this is to help Perseus so it’s okay?’ It’s perfect. Because I’m sure that is what Bell actually felt in real time.

Yet, if you go through the total rebellious choice of not listening to Adler, some thing’s make sense. The Rebellious Side shows you way more than if you just listen to Adler like a Dutiful Soldier.

You go through this room if you choose the rebellious route, the T.V.’s automatically turning on the closer you get. Of Vietnam. And now, all those T.V.‘s that turned on by themselves(the Red Room, Lubyanka, Cuba) make sense. You were actually being brainwashed. Poor Bell probably can’t ever have a turned off/broken T.V. again. The trauma.

Said trauma being shown multiple times too. Not just the T.V.‘s. But the absolute terror that Bell felt, before they became Bell, with Adler.

Like do you see this? This terrified me when I saw it at the end of the hallway. I just saw a red shadow in the distance and I legit thought I was about to be chased. Call of Duty became a horror game(I also went through the door to the ground too my first playthrough, so before this I went through zombies and I think my heart was going to jump out my chest) I thought. I didn’t want to get closer. I had to, with each step I see that it’s not a shadow but a body. And than I see the familiar jacket, the sound of whirring in my ears and see it’s Adler’s head being twisted back and forth, side to side, up and down, in a speed that in inhumanely possible.

Makes one wonder if Bell themselves sees Adler as inhumane. Not human. Adler seeming to just be a god in their head. All the Adler shaped rocks/boulders you go through and see. Even one point the V.C. becoming Adler and you killing him over and over and dead bodies of Adler being everywhere.

The man has entered Bell’s head and won’t leave. Just like Adler won’t leave Bell alone.

Heck, there’s one point in my playthroughs of this mission I was by the bridge yet there were parts of the lab by it. I jumped towards it, noticing down below there were different floors of the lab that eventually reach the ground. I jumped to reach the next floor and missed and I died.

And Adler mocked Bell committing suicide.

That was the kicker really that Adler truly is indifferent towards Bell. Like complete disregard. I know it’s fake. We know it’s fake. Adler knows it’s fake—but to Bell, it felt real. That’s the crazy part. All of this—this whole sequence feels real to Bell so each time they die they actually feel it. It’s insane. It’s cruel.

But we all know that Adler isn’t known for his kindness. Still like his character though, he’s layered.

I don’t have the exact quote he said, didn’t wrote it down like the others. I was shook he said it at all.

Moving on to the final details I’m going to talk about.

When you go through the room, I believe this comes out for both rebellious and dutiful, really depends. You see it filled with post it notes, articles, plans, and newspapers. And you see once more just how Bell has been scarred.

I don’t know Russian or German, but I imagine the notes are similar to what the English one’s say. If I’m wrong, please point it out.

There’s also post it notes which I believe is in code as well due to all the numbers—I’m not sure what those could mean since I am no decoding expert.

Poor poor Bell. And with all these pictures and plans—of Adler included—it begs the question that Bell may have been warned about the famous America’s Monster beforehand. Had to have—since Adler is basically Perseus’s adversary due to how stubborn the American man could be. It just adds more to the story, despite Cold War having quite a short campaign, they made it up somewhat with all these details everywhere.

When you finally and actually reach the room.

As you grow closer to the table, to your chair in the conference room while everyone else seems to have their own spots, there’s something I noticed.

There’s glasses. As well as a hat. And it’s Bell’s. Or at least, it used to be. Why else is it on their side of the table? By their chair? I believe it might be reading glasses due to all the decryptions Bell does, whether on paper or through a computer, it’s hard on the eyes. (I’m sure I’m not the only one who noticed this. For look at @second-vtoroy ‘s Bell)

I believe through the brainwashing, Bell might not need glasses anymore. After all, apparently they were a smoker like Adler before too but they took that out of you. What else they changed of Bell? It makes one wonder how far they truly went into molding a person.

Which just adds onto how mind boggling this mission is—this game is. This is my favorite COD game, despite how short it is. The details and choices and interactions with everyone and able to create your own character(albeit it’s very standard and not specific but it’s good enough for me) is AMAZING. I’ve always been a sucker for RPG’s and able to get that even a little in a COD game? Truly wonderful.

I couldn’t touch on everything because it would’ve gotten long, but the fun of the Break on Through mission never gets old. It’s genius multiple ways you can do it. All the details. The feelings you feel as a player as you go through it.

They truly did a unique job with this and I hope they continue with this type of game storytelling. Hopefully longer as well.

Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed this rant basically!

Gifs made by me and used the video down below to help.

https://youtu.be/t6QkmkGGHSQ

youtube

#russell adler #call of duty #cod #black ops cold war #call of duty cold war #cod cold war #cod bell #cod analysis #cod:bocw #call of duty analysis #bell call of duty #Adler and Bell #Cold War

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goldensstateofgrace · 3 years

Text

- Love Along The Way- Chapter I

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Asks/ Lmk what you thought |

Series Summary: Reader joins the band in writing songs for their third album (Youngblood) and love finds her along the way.

Chapter Summary: Y/n is working in the studio when Calum walks in on her writing ‘Babylon’ and it goes from there.

A/N: SURPRISE BESTIES!!! IT’S HERE!! AHH i’m so happy with this chapter!! I hope you all love this series as much as i love writing it!! All I am asking is that you give me your patience between chapters because i am a slow writer and i’ve been going through a hard time mentally.

Warnings: talk of cheating, mom reader, heartbreak, cancer ( not in detail), lmk if i missed anything!

Word count: 6k

I hope you guys enjoy!! I worked very hard on this and I’m super proud of it!!

Happy reading!! - G

You’d had these lyrics stuck in your head, replaying on a loop for a while now, but hadn’t had any time to actually get them down on paper.

You weren’t going to lie, this last year has been a clusterfuck. From Easton breaking up with you, basically telling you he found someone else and that he wants nothing to do with you or Elijah, to not being able to write because you’ve been transitioning Elijah into preschool (he was not having it.) It was safe to say it had been a very rough year for you.

When you did sit down and try to write, nothing would come to mind. All of your anger and heartbreak were there and ready to be used to make beautiful music others could relate to, but you just couldn’t come up with anything. Well, besides those lyrics, it was a longshot trying to come up with anything for that either.

Maybe it was still too fresh, and maybe you were still heartbroken, but you just needed to do something besides sit in bed wallowing in your self pity.

Of course, Elijah didn’t know what was happening. He just knew ‘daddy’ left and that he hasn’t been back. You didn’t have the guts or the courage to break his heart by telling him ‘daddy’ wasn’t coming back. He was three, he wouldn’t understand, but it also broke your heart all over again when he asked in his tiny curious voice ‘da-ddy?’

What were you supposed to say, “I'm sorry baby, but ‘daddy’ doesn’t love us anymore and he’s not coming back?” No, you weren’t going to do that to him.

But as you sit there on the dark studio couch, the lyrics on the tip of your tongue, it's like you can’t get anything out. You have them right there in front of you, your black bass guitar sitting in your lap as you strum the bass line softly and hum along until you finally try and sing out the lyrics.

“We said we’d both love harder than we knew we could go,” you sang softly into the empty room, thinking back to nights when you laid next to Easton, talking about how much you loved each other and how neither of you would ever stop because you loved each other more and more everyday.

“But still knowing when to let go- no” you shake your head, not liking how that sounded. “But still the hardest part is knowing when to let go” nodding, you scratch out your previous lyrics and replace them before you go back to picking at the cords, finding where you left off.

You were so focused on the lyrics, mumbling to yourself and scratching out lyrics and replacing them you didn’t hear the studio door open.

You were struggling on a particular verse, mumbling to yourself as you read off the lyrics written in what looks like chicken scratch in the notebook layed out in front of you.

“You wanted to go higher, higher, higher, we-” but you stopped, stumped on what should come next. You sing what you already have out, trying to come up with anything but fall back into the couch cushions groaning when you don’t.

“We burn too bright, now the fire’s gone, watch it all fall down” a voice sings out, startling you, and you let out a gasp. Looking up at the tall curly headed man standing at the door, your brows furrow. You were supposed to have this studio for two hours. He was dressed in a pair of basketball shorts, and a ‘The tonight show, Starring Jimmy Fallon’ gray shirt. A pair of Vans covered his feet and tattoos covered his arms.

“Just thought I'd suggest something that came to mind,” the accented man voices, walking down the small step from the door and down where you are. You watch as he takes a seat on the small black loveseat against the wall across from yours.

You close your eyes and sing the words in your head, strumming the bass as you do. “Thanks, that’s actually really helpful,” you tell him, writing it down. “How long were you standing there?” you ask him, looking over his dark curly hair and down to his brown eyes that look over you just as you are him.

“Just a minute or two. Didn’t expect anyone to be in here, the band is supposed to have booked it for a few hours today.”

You look down at your watch hearing his words and gasp at the time.You were almost twenty minutes late to pick up Elijah from preschool.

“Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I lost track of time” you tell him, quickly placing the bass back on its stand in the corner next to the couch and packing your notebook and music sheets in your bag.

“It’s ok, happens to the best of us,” his deep accented voice carries towards you as you see him shrug his shoulder out of the corner of your eye. “I’m Calum by the way,” he introduces himself, holding out his hands as you move to walk past him.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Y/n and also very late to -” you hesitate, not wanting to tell a stranger you just met about your son. “ To a dinner” you finish, shaking his hand before walking around him and to the door.

Your hand is on the handle and pulling it open, before you hesitate, awkwardly turning over your shoulder to say, “It was nice to meet you, thank you for the lyrics,” you smile at him.

He nods, sending you a friendly smile. “Any time”.

You watch his eyes roam over you before you wave and head out, a smirk playing on your lips.

Quickly, you make it to your car, driving 10 over the speed limit and making it to the preschool near your house in record time. You run up the sidewalk, signing Elijah out at the front desk before making your way down the hall to his classroom.

He’s playing blocks with two other kids who happen to be siblings, Avery and Jase, not even paying you any mind, too engrossed in building a tall tower just for it to fall down landing all over the play mat.

“Elijah, mommy’s here,” his teacher, Miss. Rachel, calls him when she sees you in the doorway. You watch as his head quickly turns your way, a bright smile spreading across his chubby cheeks.

“Mommy!” he squeals, standing to his feet and running to you. His small arms wrap around your thighs, his cheeks squished as he looks up at you with his bright smile.

“Hi baby! Did you have fun today?” You smile, squatting down to his level and squeezing him to your chest as you place kisses all over his face.

He nods against you, pulling back as he tells you all about how he painted you a picture but that you had to wait to see it because it had to dry overnight.

“I can’t wait to see it, baby! We’ll have to hang it on the fridge” you tell him as you grab his bag off the hook, telling him to go help clean up the blocks and a few cars that were laying out when you see that the parents of Avery and Jase are also here.

When he’s all done you pick him up, placing him on your hip as you walk out to the car, his head resting on your shoulder as his eyes fall heavy. You know he’ll fall asleep the minute you start driving.

You load him into his car seat and buckle him in before heading down the street, taking a few left turns and passing tall, two story gated houses before you pull into your own gated driveway. You bought this house with Easton, but only you signed the mortgage, so it was easy for him to move out. No need to sign paperwork or go to court. You’re so thankful for that.

You wanted a safe neighborhood for Elijah to grow up in, and this is it. You moved in when he was a newborn, you did have to sign an NDA because some celebrity lived in one of the houses across from you, but you'd never seen them so you didn’t know who it was.

As you expected, when you went to grab Elijah out of his car seat he was out like a light, his mouth open as he rested the side of his tanned forehead on the side of the padded car seat.

Smiling softly at his sleeping form, you gently unbuckled him and rested him on your chest as you walked into your house and to the couch. You had a net that attached to one end of your couch that stopped about mid center of the cushions to stop him from rolling off. He doesn’t roll around in his sleep often, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. You place him behind it and lay his favorite blanket over him before you walk into the kitchen to start on dinner.

--------

It’s been a week since you ran late in the studio and Calum walked in on you. For some odd reason, you couldn’t get him out of your head. You had barely even talked to the guy but yet he was stuck in your head. His lyrics were stuck, replaying in your mind. He had only stood there for a minute or two, but yet the lyrics he sang went so well with yours.

You were back in the same studio today, placing the finishing touches on the lyrics before you recorded the demo for it and eventually sold it to an artist or band to make their own.

You look up, your brows furrowing when you hear loud laughter out in the hall, but you brush it off and finish setting up your computer on the panel so you could record the demo when you were done with the lyrics.

Standing, you make your way into the booth, setting up a stool and pulling the bass guitar and it’s stand into the booth as well. You didn’t hear the door open, or the four laughing men walk into the room until you go to step back into the studio where the panel is.

Your brows furrow when your eyes meet Calum’s brown ones, his face showing shock before it turns into a bright smile as his cheeks scrunch up. It reminds you of Elijah’s. You know you weren’t late to pick him up or running over your studio time because you booked the studio until lunch; it was only 10:30am.

“We really gotta stop meeting like this,” Calum jokes with you, his bright smile making something flutter in you.

“But this time it’s not my fault,” you tell him, smiling and looking at the three other very tall men standing behind him.

The tall blonde with blue eyes and curly hair that ends at his ears smiles at you, showing off his dimples, “I’m Luke, it’s nice to meet you.” he introduces.

You smile politely. “It’s nice to meet you too, I'm Y/n.”

“Oh we know,” the red head chuckles. His hair is clearly dyed, but it suits him. His smile is bright and contagious. “Cal over here couldn’t stop talking about you and how amazing of a songwriter you are. I’m Ashton,” he tells you, holding out his hand for you to shake.

You quirked an eyebrow up in Calum’s direction. “Is that so,” you tease, watching as his cheeks tint a shade of pink while you shake Ashton’s hand.

“Oh yeah,” the shorter blonde one speaks up. “He even looked you up, wanted to know if you were selling that song you were working on. I’m Michael, but you can call me Mikey.”

“Well you’re in luck, I was just about to record the demo for it. But if you’re interested you can have a look at the finished lyrics,” you tell them, pulling out the pages of printed lyrics from your bag.

They all nod, sitting down on the couches. You hand Calum the papers, smiling down at him before you take a seat at the panel, watching as they all huddle around Calum to read the lyrics.

A chorus of ‘holy shit’s’ and ‘fuck that’s good’ sound as they finally put the paper down and stare at you.

“So, you like it?” you ask.

“Do we like it?” Ashton asks incredulously, looking at the boys and shaking his head in a way that says he can’t believe you asked that.

“Yeah, y/n. We like it.” Calum tells you. “We're working on our third album right now and I think it would be great to add it to the album,” he says, looking at the other guys as they nod along in agreement.

“That’s great, we can sign all of the paperwork soon.” you say, excited you don’t have to record the demo now. It’s always the hardest part. “I wrote a bit of a bass line, but nothing else so do whatever with it.”

“We actually have something to ask you,” Ashton says, nudging Cal in the arm. Cal glares at him with a look like ‘knock it off’.

“We were talking after I played some of the other songs you’ve written.You’re an amazing songwriter and we wanted to know if you wanted to help us write our album?” he asks, a bit shyly you notice.

You’ve never written with someone or a band, not because you didn’t want to, you’ve just never had the opportunity. The only reason you would even consider turning this down was Elijah; you couldn’t take this opportunity if it was going to keep you from him.

You weren’t really keen on telling people you barely knew about your son, but if you wanted to work with them and still have enough time for Elijah they needed to know.

“Look,” you sigh, watching their shoulders deflate a bit and their hopeful expressions drop a tad. “I would love to, but you need to know I have a 3 year old son, and I can’t have this taking me away from him. I promised myself when I got pregnant that I would always choose him over anything. Even if it is my dream. So,” you prompt, “if we can work around me having time with him then I’m in.”

They all assure you that they’d help you make time for him. Ashton really hit home with you when he tells you, “I totally understand you wanting to make time for him, I grew up with only my mom and my two little siblings. We’ll make sure you get time with him.” he smiles softly at you, a knowing but sad look in his eyes.

You smiled at him softly, thanking him and the guys, “I grew up with only my mom too. It was hard, but she was the best mother and role model. She was the strongest woman I know.”

“Was?” Calum asked softly. Looking at you with gentle but curious eyes.

You nod, smiling sadly. “She passed away a year and a half after Elijah was born. Breast cancer. It was really hard.” The memories come rushing back, and tears well up in your eyes, but you push them down, not wanting to cry.

You all talked for a while, working out when you were available and what times it would be good to meet at the studio. It was when you were all packing up that Ashton proposed a chill night. “We should all hang out and have a night where we get to know each other better, drink and just talk.”

There was a chorus of agreements, but when you hadn’t said anything they all stared at you waiting for your answer.

“That actually sounds like fun, I'll be there. Just let me know a time and place,” you tell them smiling. You haven’t had a night to yourself since before Easton left, so you were long overdue.

Calum offered to host it at his house, before you all exchanged numbers and left for the day. You planned on picking up Elijah early and taking him out for ice cream. It was his favorite treat and it was pretty hot today, so you decided it was a good day to indulge.

You were just pulling up outside of the preschool when your phone vibrated in the cup holder next to you. Pulling it out, you see the message notification reading ‘Calum Hood’ swiping it and unlocking your phone the text pulls up.

That should work for you, Elijah has been going to sleep around that time and you should be able to get Jessie to come over and watch him for a few hours while you’re over there. His address sticks out to you, not because you thought you’ve heard of it before but because it was basically your address just a few numbers off.

Maybe he’s why you had to sign the NDA. He most likely has had fans coming to his home and waiting around to even get a glimpse of him in the past and didn’t want this address to get out to the public.

Quickly sending him back a text, you put your phone back in the cupholder and go in to grab Elijah.

------

The next day you were up and finishing off the last ‘Mickey Mouse’ pancake for a late breakfast. You were surprised Elijah stayed asleep past 8am, it was currently almost 11am and you were just about to go check on him and tell him breakfast was ready when he came padding around the corner rubbing his eyes with his tiny fists.

“Well good morning little man,” you smile down at him, placing blueberries on his ‘Mickey Mouse’ pancake for eyes, chocolate chips for the mouth and a blackberry as the nose all adhered with whipped cream. Elijah was allergic to strawberries, or otherwise you would have added those in somehow.

You woke to a message from Calum, replying to your message from last night. It was only sent about forty minutes before you woke up, but you didn’t see it until you were in the middle of making breakfast.

You typed out a reply with one hand while flipping a normal round pancake for you and sending it.

You couldn’t figure out why you were smiling. He was a very attractive man, nothing like the guys you’ve dated in the past. Maybe that’s why you’re attracted to him. He’s not like the other guys who have treated you badly in the past; he’s nice and caring and didn’t run the second you mentioned you had a son.

When you and the guys had been talking yesterday in the studio he asked to see a photo of Elijah. He told you how adorable he was, and how he looked just like you. Calum seems to be such a genuine and down to earth guy and if you weren’t careful you would fall for him. And hard.

Carefully, you cut Elijah’s pancake up in little bites for him to eat, and pour a small amount of syrup over his and yours.

You watch as he uses his green plastic fork. He has his mouth wide open the whole time as he carefully brings it up to his mouth.

You cheer and kiss his cheek happily when he looks up at you excited when he got it in his mouth without dropping it.

“Look at you! You don’t even need mommy anymore, you're such a big boy!” you smile down at him, taking a bite of your own pancake. He laughs his small contagious laugh, picking up another piece of pancake.

“Baby, I need to talk to you about something” you say to him, making him look up at you with his wide brown eyes, his fork just at the entrance of his mouth.

“T-trouble?” he asks you over his chewing, still looking up at you.

“No, baby,” you chuckle, wiping the corner of his mouth where there was a bit of syrup threatening to drip down on his pj’s. “You’re not in trouble.”

“But I have a big job.’ you tell him, “ A band asked me to help them write music for their album, so it might not always be me picking you up from daycare, it might be Miss. Jessie sometimes, is that ok?”

He nods excitedly. “Yeah! Mi-miss Jessie is nice to m-me!” he stutters a bit as he gets excited.

“Okay, also, i have a friend and he invited us over to swim! Do you want to go swimming?” you ask him as you sip the last of your coffee before eating the last bit of your pancakes.

“Yeah!” he shouts. He’s been taking swimming lessons since he was two, he knows what to do if he falls into the pool. He loves the water too, he's a little fish when it comes to the water.

You both finish eating and while you rinse off the dishes and place them in the dishwasher Elijah runs into his room screaming excitedly about going swimming. You laugh, shaking your head at his antics before following after him when you’re done loading the dishwasher.

You change his diaper into one of those swimming ones with cars on it, before pulling a pair of yellow swim shorts over the diaper. When you have him changed, you pack his diaper bag with a change of clothes, an extra swim and regular diaper along with sunscreen and his yellow bucket hat.

You double check you have everything before you put his sandals on and bring him into your room so you can change into your blue bikini. It had high rise bottoms and the cups actually covered all of your breasts. You throw on a white cover up before sliding your own sandals on and heading out.

Since his house is literally one house down from yours and across the street, you decide to just walk over.

The sun was beating down on you as you walked out of the front door and locked it behind you. You text Calum that you’re on your way over before putting your phone in the diaper bag and heading down your driveway.

It only takes you a minute to walk down the sidewalk and cross the street to his house. Checking your phone to see if he messaged you back when you’re outside the black gate, he did, telling you the gate was open and just to come in.

You push open the gate, closing it behind you once you’re on the other side. There’s a black range rover parked in front of the open garage where you heard what sounded like an air pump.

Walking towards the garage and around the black SUV, you see Calum’s familiar dark curls as he kneels on the concrete blowing up a small turtle pool floaty.

“Hey,” you greet Calum as you place Elijah down on his feet and squat behind him, pulling up his yellow shorts from where they fell down on the walk over.

Looking up, you’re greeted with that bright white smile you’ve seen a few times at the studio but never fails to warm your heart.

“Hey, I'm glad you guys could come!” Calum greets you, plugging the hole on the floaty before he turns off the air pump. He stands up just to walk a few steps in front of you and kneel down to Elijah’s level. “It’s nice to meet you Elijah, I’m Calum,” he introduces himself sweetly as he smiles down at your son.

Elijah giggles, turning into you as hiding his face on your leg. “Don’t be shy, baby,” you chuckle, running your hand over the back of his dark hair. You smile up at Calum, his face showing nothing but happiness and eyes lit up with pure adoration.

“Can you say hi? Say, ‘Hi Calum’” you whispered in Elijah's ear, chuckling when he shook his head and held on tighter to you.

“The tickle monster is gonna get you,” you sing out, your hands unwinding from him and to his sides where you tickle him. Elijah lets out his high pitched laughter, giggling at you to stop as he tries to squirm out of your hold.

“Hi!” he squeals loudly and you stop tickling him. Elijah turns around to face Calum, smiling up at him as he says, “Hi, Ca- calum.”

“Hi, buddy. Are you ready to go swimming?”

Elijah shouts out a ‘Yes!’ throwing his hands in the air and singing the song he was singing this morning about going swimming.

“Sw-imming swimm-ing i going swimming” he shouts, causing you and Cal to break out in laughter.

-----

Calum was amazing.

He was so sweet and caring with Elijah. Playing the same game over and over for almost an hour just to hear Elijah’s loud laughter.

Catching your three year old over and over when he learned it was okay to jump into the pool and dunking him when he caught him just to throw him a few feet away in the water.

Elijah’s loud laugher reverberated around the backyard and the trees that were planted against the walls encasing the closed off area. You felt pure joy at hearing his laughter. You knew he was feeling down with everything that’s happened with Easton, and hearing his laughter reminded you just what you have to live for, what’s waiting for you on good days and bad.

Elijah is your whole world, your little sunshine, and you couldn’t imagine life without him.

Looking over at the pool where Elijah and Calum were splashing each other, big contagious smiles spread across their faces and laughter flowing from their chests, you can’t help but smile. Watching them warms your heart.

You were sitting on a couch in the shade next to the pool, Duke in your lap sleeping peacefully until Ashton’s loud voice invaded the bubble you all had been wrapped up in for the last four hours.

“Hey, why wasn’t I invited?” he fake pouts as he stands in the doorway of the sliding glass doors. His hands rest on his hips as his eyes flicker around to all of you.

“Thought you were with Kaykay,” Calum calls over to him, shrugging as he holds Elijah to his chest. That makes your heart flutter, seeing how tightly he holds him and how Elijah wraps his arms around Calums neck, a huge smile playing on his face.

“Again,” Elijah giggled out.

“Again? Ok,” Calum chuckled, throwing Elijah up in the air, his contagious laughter ringing out before he fell into the water below. You watch as Elijah swims to the surface,wiping his face of water and calling out ‘Again!’

Time flew by, because the last time you checked your phone was when you all sat down to have a bit of lunch around two, and it was now almost four thirty.

Ashton made his way over to the long outdoor couch you were sitting on and took a seat in the spot next to you.

“Is that Elijah?” he asks you softly, his eyes trained on Calum and Elijah who were spinning in the water before Calum launched your son in the air again as he let out a squeal of happiness.

“Yeah,” you chuckled. “That’s E. He’s a handful.”

Ashton smiles, letting out a deep chuckle, “I bet. He’s adorable, he looks just like you,” he tells you.

“Thank you. When he was a baby he looked so much like my mom it was crazy.” you smile softly to yourself, remembering when you found old pictures of your mom and put one side by side with one of Elijah’s. They were practically identical.

You were brought out of your thoughts when a small wet body climbed up in your lap and laid his head on your shoulder tiredly. “Are you tired, E?” you ask him softly, moving his wet hair - he needs a haircut - off his forehead before placing a light kiss upon it.

He nods tiredly against you, his small hand lazily stroking the top of Duke’s head. The dog had moved to cuddle into the side of your thigh when Ashton sat down.

Calum appeared in front of you, a towel wrapped around his hips as he smiled down at you softly, holding out a towel for you. “Thank you,” you tell him, taking the towel and wrapping it around Elijah to try and keep him warm and dry him off.

“Should we just call Luke and Mikey and tell them to come over now? Since we're already here?” Ashton asks as Calum sits on the ‘L’ part of the couch next to your legs. “Did you drive here?” he asks you, his brows furrowed. “I didn’t see your car out there when I pulled in.”

“Oh, no,” you shake your head. “I live across the street.”

Ashtons eyebrows raise in surprise before he lets out a chuckle, “wow, small world.”

You nod, “if you guys want to call Luke and Mikey that’s okay with me, but the babysitter I have for E can’t come until 7, she has a family thing.” you tell them, looking down at the small boy in your arms who has fallen asleep against your shoulder.

“That’s fine. If you want you can go lay him down in my bed? So he can take a nap until your babysitter gets to your house,” Calum tells you softly.

“Yeah,” you nod. “That would be good.” you tell him, smiling up at him gently.

You all head inside, Elijah on your hip sleeping soundly against your shoulder as Calum leads you down the hall just off the kitchen and to the last door on the right. It was nothing like you’d picture his room to be.

The walls are white, and there’s a tv hanging on the gray accent wall in front of the bed. The bed is made with the white fluffy comforter folded where it meets the firm, white pillows at the top of the bed. The floor is clear, save a few cords to the tall lamp in the corner of the room and a charger.

“Bathroom’s through there,” he tells you pointing to the open door next to the tv.

“Thank you, Cal,” you tell him sincerely. Thankful for him offering to let E nap in his room.

“Yeah, of course y/n. Make yourself at home,” he smiles before leaving you and walking back to the living room.

You unwrap the towel from around Elijah, laying it out on the bed before placing your sleeping boy down gently. You change him into his regular diaper, causing him to whine and thrash around before you change him into a pair of navy blue cotton shorts and a plain white shirt . He quiets down, falling back to sleep as you move him up to the pillows, forming a sort of wall around him with a pillow on both sides of his body before you gently place a kiss to his forehead.

Picking up the diaper bag you walk into the bathroom, which is just as clean as the bedroom, to change yourself.

You untie your bikini top and reach into the bag, only to find a swim diaper and the sunblock. You swore quietly, thinking back to when you packed the bag and realizing you didn’t pack a pair of extra clothes for yourself.

Quickly you put your top and your white cover up back on, swearing at yourself in your head for forgetting clothes before walking out of the bathroom quietly so you didn’t wake Elijah up.

You padded down the hallway and into the kitchen where Cal was sitting at the counter as Ashton rummaged through the fridge talking about a song he started writing.

Calum looks up when you appear in the kitchen doorway, his eyes flickering over your body as his brows furrow, “You didn’t change?” he points out more than asks.

You nod, biting your lip as your cheeks blush. “Uh, yeah. I forgot to pack any clothes for myself,” you tell him, smiling shyly, “But i’m ok in this,” you assure him.

“Are you sure?” he asks, concerned. “I can watch Elijah while you go home to change-” he pauses, “or actually I think Mali might have left some clothes behind when she was here last.” he tells you, hopping off his stool and walking down the hall again.

Mali? Is that his girlfriend?

Your stomach fills with dread. Just when you thought you finally met someone that didn’t run at the mention of your son, he probably has a girlfriend. Just look at him, of course he has a girlfriend.

“She’s always buying way too many new clothes while she’s here, she can’t fit them all back into her suitcase when she needs to leave,” he tells you chuckling as he holds out a pair of grey sweat pants and a green hoodie.

You hesitate a second, not really wanting to wear his girlfriend's clothes. But the chill in his house is causing goosebumps to appear on your arms. “Thank you,” you say, taking them from his hands and walking back down the hall to change rooms and check on Elijah.

-----

“No,” Luke sighs, shaking his head.

“Yeah,” you nod, your mood a stark difference from what it was an hour ago. “He came home one day and said ‘I found someone else, I don’t love you and I'm leaving’ he didn’t even mention Elijah. Just packed up all of his shit while I sat on the couch crying trying to wrap my head around what was happening.”

“From the moment I found out I was pregnant it felt like he was on a different planet. We didn’t match anymore, we didn’t have that spark. If I'm being honest with myself that spark died out a long time ago, I just didn’t want to admit it. He was obviously not excited about the pregnancy- and I wasn't either at first, but when I heard E’s heartbeat for the first time-” you pause, “I can’t even describe it. It was like all my motherly instincts clicked in and I loved him more than I could ever have imagined,” you sigh, smiling at the memory of the day you heard Elijah’s heartbeat.

“I kept telling myself that Easton would come around once Elijah got here. It never really happened though. We were both in our twenties, he wanted to party, and drink and just have fun, and he did, and I stayed home with a screaming newborn while he was out living it up.” shrugging you looked up at all of them, smiling softly.

When you came out from changing into the clothes Calum lent you, all the guys were in the kitchen talking. Luke brought Chinese and you all just sat around talking for hours. You learned a lot of eye opening things. Elijah went home about an hour after they all got there, Jessie coming over to grab him before going back over to your house.

They formed their band when they were still in highschool, which was crazy to you. How they were still friends amazed you; you had lost contact with all your highschool friends when you moved to LA.

Ashton was the oldest out of all of them. Mikey told the story of how he messaged Ashton on facebook messaged Ashton asking if he wanted to join the band. You laughed so hard at how the story was told, it was like one of those boards with all the strings connecting different things that all come to one big conclusion. They were all over the place.

Then it was Mikey and Calum in the middle and Luke was the baby. They were all amazing, genuine guys and you couldn’t have been happier to call them your friends.

You somehow had gotten on the topic of siblings at one point. Mikey doesn’t have any, but he was chessy when he said, “yeah but I have these guys as my brothers,” all the guys ahh’d and called him out on being cheesy but you could tell they were family.

Ashton talked more about his sister and brother, telling you about how his dad walked out on him and then his mom met his stepdad and they had Lauren and Harry before he eventually walked out too. Your heart hurt for him, because you knew just how that felt.

Luke has two brothers, Jack and Ben. You smiled and laughed as he told stories of his childhood and how he and all the guys got up too.

You told them all about your brother, Jaxon. How he was back home in Nashville playing baseball and how he dreamed of going pro.

Calum talked about his sister, how she visits every once and a while when she’s not in the studio or writing her own music.

“Yeah, Mali lives in London so I don’t get to see her much. We talk at least twice a week just to catch up. She’s supposed to visit in a few months so you’ll get to meet her soon,” he smiles over at you.

Mali is his sister? Well, that makes a whole lot of sense.

“That’s great, I can’t wait to meet her!” you tell him, smiling over at him happily.

You all talked for another hour or so, laughing and telling stories before you decided it was time to go. You said bye to everyone, hugging them and telling them you’d see them on friday when you and Alec met them at the studio after lunch.

Calum politely walked you home just to be safe.

“I had a great day, thank you for inviting us over. I know Elijah had a blast,” you tell him, smiling softly up at him. “You were so great with him, he’s normally pretty shy around new people.”

“I did too, we’ll have to do it again.” he tells you. “He’s a great kid, he’s so adorable,” he tells you, smiling.

“Definitely,” you nod up at him.

There was that awkward silence where you both just looked at each other, your eyes flicking between his as his eyes flicked over your face and fell to your plump lips. Your breath hitched as his eyes linger there before returning to your eyes.

“Goodnight, Y/n,” he whispers, pulling you into a tight hug.

You relax in his arms, hugging him back as your face hides in his neck. “Goodnight, Cal” you whisper back lingering in the hug before he kisses the top of your head and lets go.

“I’ll see you Friday,” he calls, descending the three steps of your porch.

“See you friday!” you call back before walking into your house. Your back pressing to the back of your front door as you let out a sigh, closing your eyes.

“Oh my god! That was Calum Hood!,” you hear excitedly from your couch making your eyes pop wide open.

---

Taglist (striked out couldn’t be tagged - get added here -) @wontlastimokwiththat @doctcr-reid @harrystylesandharrypotter @vividstyles23 @thesadstoryofme @hufflepuffhaze @kuolonsyoja @lonelyheart5 @kyleeisahotmess @wiiildflowerrr

#latw series #latw ssacalumsg0lden series #calum hood #5sos #5 seconds of summer #calum 5sos #calum thomas hood #cal pal #calum x you #calum x reader #calum hood x reader #calum hood x y/n #calum hood x you #calum hood fanfiction #calum hood fic

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mggpleasedontlookhere · 4 years

Text

pascal

summary: spencer has had a few late nights at work, which ultimately meant neglecting y/n and their baby. after he returns home, he attempts to console his child, only to find out that his son doesn’t recognize him

word count: 1887 reading time aprox: 8 mins

masterlist

My muscles were in complete repose, my eyes began to flutter against the sudden weight that forced them to shut, and reality around me began to dissipate. I drew in a long breath as I let myself succumb to the peaceful atmosphere of mine and Spencer’s bedroom, the moonlight that crept through the window enhancing the serene ambiance.

I felt the soft fabric of the duvet on the skin of my legs, pulling it over the entirety of my body as I drifted away into a well deserved slumber. Unfortunately, those plans were unmatched to the wails of my crying son in the nursery next to the bedroom.

I groaned, clutching my head while disdainfully throwing myself up from the bed and dragging myself to where my son laid in distress. Walking into the quaint, but pastel colored room, my eyes landed on the clock above the cradle. Exhaustion infiltrated my every move and the fact that the clock read 2:48 am made the occasion less desirable.

“Hey Pascal, hey buddy” I cooed, picking up the small infant that permeated the room with his blaring cries. It was Spencer’s idea to name him after his favorite French mathematician. At first, Spencer was definite on naming the baby Schrodinger after the Austrian physicist, which was followed by the explanation of Schrodinger’s cat and how that unveiled the misconceptions on Copenhagen’s theory of physics. Fortunately for me and the hospital, I was too busy in labor to retaliate by throwing him out of the hospital window for interrupting the birth of our first child with physics history. After a while of deliberation, we both agreed on the name Pascal.

“Shh, it’s okay baby, mommy’s got you” I reassured, laying him on my chest as I bounced on the heels of my feet while swaying side to side. I hummed the tune of Mozart’s Sonata No. 16, the melody subduing the child’s relentless howls as I placed him back into the cradle. I refolded the blanket that swaddled Pascal, tucking in any stray pieces that his tiny feet could slip out of. Finally, I walked over to a music box that rested on top of the baby’s dresser, winding it to play throughout the remainder of the night to encourage the baby’s slumber.

I wish I could be in the same circumstances as Pascal, considering he had a means of going back to sleep. My preferred method was, yet again, staying late at the FBI headquarters in order to assist in a BAU case.

It felt like the same night had been replaying over and over again for the past 2 weeks. I’d get up to soothe the baby, fall back asleep on a lonesome bed, then wake up to a man that would hurry back to work the second his eyes opened. Me and Spencer were becoming estranged, although my concern primarily derived from the possibility of our son not even recognizing his father.

I stumbled back to my room, practically dragging my feet as I tediously made my way back to the comforting sensation of the bed. My entire body screamed for sedation, begging for rest, yet my mind raced with troublesome thoughts about my relationship with Spencer.

My eyes shifted downwards to the emerald ring that Spencer had given me when he proposed. It was the same ring that his mother and grandmother had worn when they were ought to be betrothed. I slouched on the side of the bed, sliding the ring off of my finger and into the drawer of the nightstand and finally attempted to regain the will of maintaining a decent sleep schedule.

Though with my luck, that was yet to happen due to a loud bang that engulfed the apartment, followed by a string of curse words from Spencer’s mouth. With the inclination to investigate battling against my debilitation. I hauled my entire body up off the bed once again to meet Spencer in the living room, where I was met with the view of a lanky boy clutching onto several books that were scattered on the wood floors. If I weren’t in an irritated disposition, I would’ve laughed at the scene displayed in front of me, instead I mustered up a small ‘welcome home’ as I squinted at him.

“Hey Y/N, why are you still up?” He whispered, straddling the books he carried on his knee.

I sighed, wiping the wrinkles off of my forehead. “I-I don’t know, Pascal woke up and I was, yeah- I was just trying to sleep, but he started crying” I explained, stumbling over my words as the fatigue clearly impeded my cognitive ability.

“I’m sorry to hear that Y/N” He walked over to the table next to the door and placed the books back to where they were previously before heading over to the kitchen. “Why don’t you go back to sleep, love?” He suggested, reaching over the counter for the cappuccino machine.

“You’re staying up?” I inquired, ignoring his proposal completely. He sifted through the cabinets to find his favorite Star Trek mug for his coffee, but struggled to locate it. “-third cabinet to the left” I interjected, putting him out of his misery.

He nodded in gratitude, flashing me a tight lipped smile. “Yeah, I just have to finish the paperwork for some case files” He elaborated casually.

I stood over the living room couch, setting myself down on the edge of the cushions as I observed Spencer’s movements. “Are you coming to bed Spence?” I crossed arms, resting my eyes while I continued to feebly converse with him.

“Uhhhhh-” He prolonged his speech, deliberating on how he was going to answer the double edged question. “It’s a really long case Y/N, I’ll try to be in bed as soon as possible” He confessed, watching the steam rise from the coffee pot, indicating that his brew was almost done.

“Okay” I replied monotonously, not having the energy to negotiate with Spencer’s unhealthy work habits. “Do you mind at least checking on the baby next time he gets fussy?” I rubbed the temples of my forehead, feeling a migraine begin to ensue.

“Y/N I don’t think I can, I just have a lot to go over and Hotch is really on me for-”

“Spencer, I understand it’s been a long night for me too” I gripped onto the throw pillows below me as my migraine intensified. “I just- my head’s kind hurting and I just need you to check up on Pascal once and in a wh-”

“Y/N-” He began, pouring copious amounts of creamer into his cup of coffee. “I just need this night alone Y/N, and I really don’t think it’s a lot to ask” He justified, leaning on the counter behind him as he sipped on beverage.

Frustration battled with the almost unbearable pounding in my head, grateful for the dimly lit room that blessed my sensitive eyes. “But Spencer, you’re barely here at home and Pascal needs his da-”

“Yes, but his dad is out in the world, ridding it of all the bad guys that can cause harm to him” Spencer argued, an impatient tone evident behind his words. “Don’t I get any credit for that?”

“Spencer, I’m not saying that-”

“Y/N I’m just having a long night, I need to spend it alone-”

“Oh, just like me and Pascal do every night” I spat, gesturing to the nursery across the hall.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He interrogated, slamming his mug onto the coffee, but not forceful enough to spill the beverage.

“Spencer, I’m really not trying to fight” I emphasized, forcing my eyes shut as I felt my head pulse.

“Well, it seems like you are” Spencer scoffed, peering at me with an incredulous expression. “At least I’m supporting this household, what are you attributing to it?” He mocked, his voice elevating in volume.

“Spencer, can we not get into that, I’m just saying that I wished you spent more time with Pascal” I admitted, my voice fading out into the darkness as I tried to limit my speech.

“Y/N, don’t you understand that-”

“YES! I understand fully” I impulsively yelled in annoyance, regretting it afterwards with the thought of the baby in my conscience.

Unfortunately the sound of my voice had permeated the poor child’s ears, sending him into a panicked frenzy of deafening cries. I groaned in exasperation, running my hands over my face in exhaustion as the crying fit ensued in the middle a heated argument.

“God! See what you did now” Spencer complained, shaking his head as he made long strides towards the nursery.

“Spence- I don’t think you want to do that” I warned, running along after him. “Spence he hasn’t seen you in a long time, I don’t think he’ll recog-”

“He’s my son Y/N, I think he’ll recognize me” He jeered, mocking my apprehension. He entered into the small room with soft steps, reaching into the cradle with an amiable countenance before coddling the small human against his shoulders. Opposite to Spencer’s intentions, Pascal began to fuss in Spencer’s hold. He kicked and emitted loud screams, resisting against the foreign arms that were around him.

“Spence-” I whispered, although my attempt to gain his attention fell through as he continued to care for Pascal.

“Hey, it’s okay daddy’s he- hey no it’s- Pascal-” Spencer sputtered out, struggling against the infant writhing around on his shoulder. The lines were now apparent on Spencer’s forehead, indicating his exponentially growing frustration.

“Spence, give him to me. I can-” I interjected, but was ultimately shut down by Spencer’s stubbornness.

“I got this Y/N” He stated with determination.

Although even with all his motivation and determination to sedate the small child, the results were dissatisfactory. “Come Pascal- come on buddy” Spencer cooed, now bouncing him side to side. Pascal’s cries engulfed the entire room, giving me a heart wrenching feeling due to my motherly instinct.

A small part of me pitied Spencer’s attempts at reconnecting with his child as he found the results fruitless. By this point, his methods were futile; Pascal’s behavior becoming increasingly volatile. Instinctively I rushed over to Spencer, picking up Pascal in my arms.

Without a second passing by, the infant had calmed down instantaneous. I bounced him side to side, similar to Spencer’s actions, and snuggled him into my chest.

For a moment I caught Spencer’s gaze and what I saw was more than heartbreaking to witness. He looked at me and Pascal with a defeated look, but it wasn’t any ordinary defeated look, he seemed to be in utter despair.

My frustration at him dissipated and was replaced by empathy as his eyes began to water in chagrin. Setting Pascal back into the cradle after he fell back asleep, I turned to face Spencer with a lamentable expression; only to find him gazing at his hands with indignation.

“Spence” I whispered gently. Although without a second thought, he had rushed out of the room, grabbed his belongings, and left the apartment.

I closed my eyes in disquietude, reminded of the migraine I had previously. I waddled back into the bedroom to cuddle into the bed sheets as I let my mind roam the forlorn thoughts that swirled around my head.

part 2

tag list: @rexorangecouny

part 2 tmrw

#spencer #spencer reid #Spencerreid #spencer reid icons #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid imagines #spencer x oc #spencer x reader #spencer x you #spencer x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #Matthew Gray Gubler #matthew gray gubler imagine #matthew gray gubler imagines #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fic

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anotheranimestan · 4 years

Note

hi! I just read “all bark no bite” and omg it was so good!! looking forward to more of your writing and possible a part 2 if you get the chance!

Thank you!!!!!😃🧡 Your wish is my command!

All Bark No Bite (pt. 2)

Bakugo angst + sexual tensionnnn

Read part 1 here

wc: 3k

I hope this is as fun for you to read as it is for me to write! Also why is he 👇 this fineee for no reason.

The next morning, you woke up trying to convince yourself it was all a dream...or a nightmare. But the way you could still feel the softness of his fingers around your neck completely contradicted your wishes. You also had to keep wiping little smiles off your face throughout your entire morning routine. You tried to combat them by listing all the things you hated about Bakugo but it was helpless. Every train of thought ended with the shape of his lips and how nicely they molded with yours.

You and Mina walked to class together and you swore she’d developed a mind reading quirk. You felt her eyes on you like a blazing sun. Although this was really all in your head. She only asked “are you okay?” because you kept looking at her like you’d committed a hate crime.

You and Bakugo didn’t look at each other once during class. No leg shaking, pen stealing or insults. Not even a well timed scoff when you were called on to answer a question. You tried your best to clear your mind and forget everything that had occurred in that hall last night. After a while of this torture you even were having a little bit of success.

But of course your peace was ruined as you walked to lunch. He couldn’t let you have anything. And of course he wasn’t going to leave you alone.

“Hey Little Bite, I hear we get to pick our groups for combat training today. All Might is going to make me a team captain, obviously. So if you want to be on my team let me know. I mean I assume you don’t wanna lose. You just gotta ask me nicely.” His usual cocky tone crept under your skin.

You desperately tried to ignore him as he followed you. Each footstep he started gaining on you being more annoying than the last. But what really did it was the pencil he threw at your head.

“Please, actively do not pick me.”

He ignored your objection and continued on his line of bullshit.

“I suppose I could take you. Your quirk would be useless, I’m all the attack power we’d need to win but I could use you as a decoy or something.”

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t want to be on a team with you, moron. Your pea brain doesn’t know how to do anything but blow shit up. You’re like an explosive cave man. Besides being too close to you for too long makes me wanna vomit.”

He cackled. You knew exactly what he was thinking and immediately regretted your words.

“That’s weird—“

You picked up a rock from the ground and threw it at his head. But he just caught it and made it explode with a smug look on his face.

“Ugh. I cannot stand you.” You groaned.

“You sure about that?” He said with a suggestive eyebrow.

He was so hot....it made you want to punch him in the throat. Without thinking you shrugged off your backpack and swung it at his face. His reflexes bested you again though and he caught the bag, yanking it from you. The force was harder than you expected, it sent you flying into his chest. You both tumbled to the ground and landed shoulder to shoulder. Your skull hit a small rock with a wack. Rubbing the back of your head, shooting pain surfaced.

“Ow!! That fucking hurt dumbass!”

“Sor—“

You swung your arm, aiming to kill, and hit him in the stomach.

It must have really knocked the wind out of him because he made a loud grunting noise that hinted at his surprise. It wasn’t often people got to land a punch on Katsuki Bakugo. King Explosion Murder.

“Do that shit again Little Bite! You’ll regret it!” He grabbed your wrist, attempting to clear a way to get you back. You both started wresting trying to punch each other in the gut. Literally rolling around in the grass in a red hot death match of who could out curse the other.

“Omg, are you guys about to kiss right now?” Mina teased from out of absolutely nowhere, scaring the shit out of you.

You both froze solid as the blood drained from your face. She knew about last night? How did she find out?!

“You told her!?” Bakugo’s entire face was contorting through a whole range of emotions. Shock, horror, embarrassment, accusation, cheekiness, embarrassment again.

“What!?” You panicked. “No! I didn’t!” You swear you didn’t. You replayed your whole morning in your head just to double check.

You turned to your pink friend. Her eyes were wide and her mouth fell open. You watched the gears turn in her head as she realized she’d stumbled upon a miraculously juicy discovery.

“OH. MY. GOD!!! No freaking way!!” She squealed unable to contain herself.

She started blabbering as she attempted to cope with this information. She had absolutely no idea what to do with it.

Your stomach fell as you realized this fatal error. Wait....this wasn’t your error. You pushed him off you and you both scrambled to your feet.

“This is your fault! Why’d you say that!” You shoved a finger in Bakugo’s chest. Which actually hurt because....he’s solid.

“Don’t yell at me!” He yelled back at an even louder volume.

Mina started running around in little circles. “They kissed!!!” She then abruptly stopped in her tracks and you watched a lightbulb flicker on.

No.....

“KIRISHIMA!!!! KAMINARI!!!” She screamed as she ran toward the cafeteria.

“MINA DONT YOU FUCKING DA—“ Bakugo exploded into a full sprint to chase her down. But she was like a rocket.

You chased after them desperately trying to reconcile all this is your mind. But it was no use, your brain was melting. Everyone was about to find out. The relentless jokes...they would never end. You could die right here.

Both of them ran so fast you fell horribly behind. By the time you rounded the corner and caught up to them a whole event had already taken place.

Bakugo was screaming on the top of his lungs. You could practically see the steam coming off the top of his head.

Kaminari was standing there in his stupid form with a half torn shirt. Jesus, what did Bakugo do to him?

Mina and Kirishima were laying on the ground, their face covered in tears. They were laughing so hard no sounds were even coming out.

“Oh my god,” Mina squeaked out between gasps for air, “Bakugo has a crush.”

“It’s so adorable!” Kirishima said wiping the tears from his eyes as he attempted to stop laughing. With no success, they both bursted again after seeing Bakugo slamming his fists into the grass. The teasing was making him want to rip his eyes out. He couldn’t stand it.

“Shut up Kirishima!!!” He jumped on top of his friend and started repeatedly banging his head into the ground. Of course this did absolutely nothing to the hard head. It just made him laugh even more.

Poor Denki just stood there drooling with a little smile on his face and giggling.

You were frozen. Stunned. It was like watching a comedy movie in which you were the punchline.

But all the laughs fell a silent as a furious voice cut through the air.

“What is this.” It wasn’t a question. Mr. Aizawa looked like he hadn’t slept in three days and this used up his last bit of patience.

“Bakugo. Get off him immediately.” He growled.

You knew how this looked. Bakugo was attacking Kirishima after successfully making Kaminari fry his own brain. Your friends’ laughter wasn’t enough to hide Bakugo’s apparent violence even if it was over something as stupid as a kiss. Mr. Aizawa couldn’t possibly know that.

“I overlooked your behavior yesterday, picking a fight with Miss. y/n. But now attacking your other classmates as well? This is violent behavior is unacceptable.”

“Mr. Aizawa—“ Kirishima tried to defend his friend but it was no use.

“Not another word.” Your teacher was glaring at Bakugo with laser beams.

The hot head just stood there in silence with a scowl on his face and two tightly clenched fists. He was really just going to take the heat for everyone? No arguments?

“I’m putting you on house arrest for the rest of the day. No more classes and no combat training.” You watched the dagger go through Bakugo’s chest. Today was going to be offensive training with All Might. You knew he was looking forward to it. Guilt punched your core.

“Mr. Aizawa wait. I’m the one who picked a fight with him yesterday. I challenged him. He shouldn’t get into trouble because of me.” You shuffled toward him timidly. He was scary when he was like this.

Everyone looked at you in surprise. They all knew it was true, that you’d egged him on. And he wouldn’t be raging right now if you hadn’t kissed, so today was also partially your fault. But they were truly surprised because you normally would revel in Bakugo getting scolded. But you weren’t fucking evil. And this wasn’t Bakugo’s fault at all...although he really needed to get his fucking temper in check. Idiot.

“Is that true?” Aizawa asked Bakugo.

The hot head took a deep breath. “Does that sound like me at all? I’d never give into her weak attempts at baiting me. I fought her because I wanted to.”

Your eyes popped out at his words. He lied. Why the fuck would he do that?

Mr. Aizawa escorted Bakugo to the dorms, lecturing the entire way.

“This sucks.” Kirishima said with a frown.

“I know. I feel so bad!” Mina cried sadly.

You had no words. The four of you walked to lunch with drooping heads. You held Kaminari’s hand the whole way until his brain recharged.

Recalling you’d left your backpack in the quad you ran back to get it. Upon arrival you realized Bakugo’s backpack was also there. He wouldn’t even have his stuff with him to finish homework or study during house arrest. You groaned. This guilt was horrible. It ate at you for rest of the day. The rest of your friends didn’t feel any better. And combat training wasn’t the same for you without that familiar sound of explosions going off in the background. It actually made the class feel kind of empty.

As usual at the end of the day you sat in the common area with the rest of the girls.

“So...is it true y/n?” Ochaco poked hesitantly.

You glared at Mina. Loose lips as usual.

“Sorry y/n. I talk when I’m stressed.” Mina cried only kind of regretful.

You sighed. You didn’t have the heart to actually be upset with her. You were the villain here. Getting Bakugo into so much trouble.

“Yea.” You huffed out. Talking about it made you cringe. It was like admitting your sworn rival had defeated you somehow. Even if you sort of didn’t mind the way he did it...

“What was it like?” Mina asked excited for the details.

“Is he a good kisser?” Ochaco added.

Your mind fell into a fog as you replayed the kiss again. Your skin went electric as you remembered the feel of his hands on your waist and those noises he was making. His lips wrapped around yours....

“Oh my god...Ochaco shes in love!” Mina concluded from you zoning out for what ended being like 15 seconds of you staring into space with a little smile on your face. She was practically singing.

“I am not!” You yelled flustered.

“Why are so many people yelling today?” Kirishima chuckled as he rounded the corner to join the couch.

“So is he mad?” Mina’s voice had changed into the sad one from earlier.

“I don’t know. Every time I knock he just tells me to go away. But that’s not that different from normal honestly.” He smiled. Their friendship was so odd.

Suddenly his backpack flashed through your mind. It was sitting in your room.

You got up to leave. You tried to be sneaky about it as they discussed how to cheer the victim up. But to no avail, they’d never let you sneak off again.

“Where you going huh?” Mina’s voice was painfully suggestive.

“To my room!”

“Uh huh, we’ve heard that one before.”

You stuck your tongue at her.

Kirishima twisted to face you over the back of the couch. “So if I ask Bakugo tomorrow if he saw you tonight he’s gonna say no, right?” Who knew he could be this ruthless. No mercy.

You pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration. You’d been cornered.

“Look. He left his backpack earlier and I’m just going to give it to him! Jeez do you want to do it or something Kiri?” You were seething.

“Nahh, you should do it. He’ll just yell at me to go away again.” He winked. It made you cringe again.

You could peel your skin off from this teasing. But you know someone who hated it even more. You knew that’s why he wouldn’t let Kirishima into his room.

You ran off before they could crack any more jokes.

On your way to the elevators you heard a creepy cackle come from somewhere. You spun around, alarmed, as a “what the fuck” escaped your lips. Your eyes landed on one eyeball peeking through the crack of a doorway.

“Can I get a kiss too?” The voice was wet with drool and lust. “Just one?”

“I will kick your face in Mineta.”

The door quickly shut. Did Mina tell the fucking whole class!?

With more haste now you stormed to your room to get the stupid backpack that was causing you so many problems and made your way to your other problem’s door.

Before you knocked you realized your hands were shaking. Nervous? Seriously, over this moron? You shook it off with resolve and knocked.

“Fuck off Denki, for the hundredth fucking time I’m busy!” A gruff voice yelled from behind the door.

“Oh please, busy with what?” You retorted reflexively. Earlier you had decided you were going to try to be nicer but that sentiment wore off as soon as you heard his annoying voice.

The door swung open.

“What do you want?” He said with a raised eyebrow.

Your mind went blank. He was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. Of course it made his biceps look better than normal. He was wearing a black t-shirt that made his skin look perfectly tanned and was snug in all the right places. And why did he always smell so good damn. Today it was like vanilla and woodsy aftershave.

Stop staring. Stop staring. Speak bitch.

“Here’s your backpack. You should keep better track of it. I had to carry it around all day. That’s annoying.” You tossed it at him.

Why couldn’t you say anything nice? He took the heat for everyone. It’s like your mouth was rebelling against you.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Maybe you should work out more weakling.”

Panic panged in your chest as he started to shut the door in your face.

“Wait—“ you stopped it with your hand.

He paused. Mild interest dawned his brow.

“Why—why did you lie?”

“What?”

“To Mr. Aizawa. You could have told him it was my fault.”

“What do you care?” He pressed. His tone always managed to infuriate you.

You spun on your heels and started to walk away. “Nevermind.”

“Because I felt bad. You hurt your stupid head.”

You’d forgotten about that with all the guilt that had been overrunning your head. It didn’t even hurt anymore. You were surprised he’d even noticed.

“Oh.”

“But obviously you’re fine now so I guess it was all for nothing.” He added quickly trying to sound indignant.

The guilt punched you again. Especially now that you were face to face with him. He didn’t even look mad. He actually looked calm. And he looked good. You tried to deny your attraction to him. But flashes of his hand on your waist started invading your mind again. You could feel him wrapped around your neck. The way he was gentle and rough at the same time.

“Instead of just standing there you could actually make yourself useful. You owe me anyways.”

You snapped out of it trying not to look flustered. You shot him a confused and slightly offended look.

“Fill me in on what I missed in class...” he explained. He wouldn’t make direct eye contact though.

“Are you saying you need my help?” You had to do it. You couldn’t not take an opportunity.

“Tch. Obviously no—“

“Let’s do it. Move.” You said as you pushed past him into his room. Your hand made full contact with his abs and you felt that heat again.

He shut the door behind you and your heart started off like a race horse as you heard him lock it.

You suspected it was to lock the other boys out. God forbid they catch you in his room after all this.

Shit....you were in his room. Alone. With your hot head. The day after he kissed you. The evening after he took all the fury of Mr. Aizawa for you and moments after he asked you to help him study even though he gets way better grades than you.

He cleared a spot for you to sit on his bed and then leaned back into his chair with his hands locked behind his head. His flexing muscles were distracting you again.

“You better actually remember everything.”

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes at him.

His words were supposed to rile you but the way he looked at you, like he was secretly loving that you were here was making your stomach flutter. You could feel your face red and you prayed he wouldn’t notice. At this rate you were going to throw yourself at him before he had the chance to kiss you again. As long as you two didn’t start fighting again first.....

💥 YES there will be a pt 3!!! 💥

It’s going to be called “sTuDyiNg” HAHA (hint: Bakugo doesn’t actually wanna study “dumbass”)

Update: Pt.3 is up now!! Read it here

636 notes · View notes

plaidbooks · 3 years

Note

can I get a angry Barba who upsets you then he does something to make it better?

Your arms were crossed as you sat angrily on the couch

Rafael was in the shower, and you picked up a book, trying to lose yourself in the words

But you were still angry, and you couldn't focus

All you could do was replay the scene in your head over and over again

Earlier that evening, you and Rafael had attended a DA's banquet

McCoy wanted him to suck up to a congressman

It was vitally important (for McCoy and his office) to get into the congressman's good graces

So, Rafael painted on a polite smile, made conversation

The man's wife made an unsavory comment about your dress

Rafael didn't defend you, simply deflected the comment

And if that wasn't bad enough, a waiter tripped while walking by

A full bowl of hot, tomato soup landed in your lap

Thankfully, you weren't burned from it

But the congressman's wife laughed, prompting him to laugh too

As they made more unflattering comments

Rafael had helped mop up some of the bisque, but he bit his tongue at their comments

You had gone to the bathroom to "clean up"

But in reality, you were hiding your tears

Now, you were home, your ruined dress in the garbage, and your mood soured

Rafael had been silent on the ride back home, thinking about God knew what

Then he opted for a shower, to wash the product from his hair

Leaving you to clean yourself with a washcloth and soap in the kitchen sink

Finally, he came into the living room to find you, face still in a book

"Amor..." he started, but you ignored him

He sat on the couch next to you, but you didn't look up

"If this is about taking a shower first...." he joked

Still, you made no indication that you heard him

He sighed, plucking the book from your hands

"This is about the congressman's wife, isn't it?"

You glared daggers at him, then moved to stand

But he stopped you, pulling you down onto the couch

"Don't you dare touch me right now," you hissed

"Please amor, I'm sorry. You know I would've defended your honor were it anyone else--"

"So he's more important than me? Him and his wife are allowed to just--just drag me in front of everyone?"

Rafael reached for you again, but you slapped his hand away

"I'm sorry--you know how McCoy was pressuring me--"

"Ugh, forget it. Why don't you go date McCoy instead?"

"That's not fair, and you know it. What was I supposed to do? Tell his wife to fuck off?"

"You could've started by, I don't know, telling them you loved me? That I'm not some arm-candy slut that you paid to be there with you--"

"Hey, hey, no one thinks that"

"His wife sure does"

You let out a huff, crossing your arms again and curling in on yourself

Slowly, Rafael reached out and took your legs, pulling them over his

He gently started massaging your calves, his fingers doing wonders to your muscles after a night in heels

"After we secured the congressman's favor, I can tell his wife--his fourth wife, by the way--to take her fake tits and shove them up her ass"

The comment came so out of nowhere that you laughed in disbelief

Then, you were mad that he was able to crack you so easily, and you forced a frown

"I'm serious, amor. I'll never let anyone talk down to you again, business partner or not. I love you, and only you"

"Do you now?" you asked, but you couldn't keep the teasing tone from your voice

"I do. And I'll spend all damn night proving it if I must"

His fingers on one hand started to travel up from your calf, heading for your inner thigh

You let out a soft "oh" as he massaged higher and higher

His grin turned wicked, and you knew he was going to make good on his promise

#rafael barba x reader #headcanon #my headcanon

27 notes · View notes

i-growl-growl-growl · 2 years

Note

what are the admin's favourite kpop (or non-kpop) songs atm :-)

It may not seem like I limited myself but I REALLY DID!

There are MANY more songs that I enjoy listening to at the moment. I'm THAT MUCH of a music fan.

~Savie

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Regular/Foreign (not kpop)

Salam, Let Go, Lamaallem- Saad Lamjarred

Animal, Hysteria, Let's get rocketed, you're so beautiful- Def Leppard

Don't know what you got till it's gone, Shake me, Night Songs, Nobodies Fool- CInderella

Infinity- jaymes Young

Bed are burning- Midnight Oil

Left hand free- Alt-J

Women, Boss bitch- Doja Cat

New divide, Faint, Burn it down, In the end, Crawling, - linkin park

Dancing with a stranger- Sam smith

Uprising, Supermassive blackhole, madness- Muse

South texas deathride- The union underground

Killer- Eminem

heat waves- Glass Animals

Miss you, Hot demon bitches near you, E-girls are ruining my life- Corpse

Dragula- Rob zombie

WAP- Cardi B

Body- megan the stallion

That's what I want, Montero, Sun goes down, Industry baby- Lil nas X

Burn- 2wei

automatic- Brothers conti

Demeanor- Pop smoke

headbang gang- Trampa

Lady marmalade- Christina aguilera

Family Affair- Mary J. blige

Earth song, Thriller, Will you be there- Michael jackson

My type, Tap in- Saweetie

Blackout- Breathe carolina

One of the living- TIna Turner

Drops of jupiter- Train

Applause, Judas, Born this way- Lady gaga

Fast- Sueco

Fed up- Ghostmane

Radioactive- Imagine Dragons

Him & I, Say less, Forbes, I mean it, No limit- G-Eazy

Rebellious, Rainy day- Ling Chao

On call, Excited, Skin to Skin, Catch me when I fall- Luhan

Again, Fly Away- Lenny Kravitz

Sadness, Gravity of Love, Seven lives, Return to innocence- Enigma

Original me- Yungblud

Hold me now- THompson twins

paradise City, November rain, Welcome to the jungle- GUns N Roses

Blue- The birthday massacre

Incubus- Munro

Prayer- Disturbed

Stick to your guns- Sick puppies

man I feel like a woman- Shania Twain

Cowboy casanova- carrie Underwood

Little Lies- Fleetwood Mac

Blinding lights, Starboy- The weeknd

better- Khalid

Cave me in- Gallant

Everything to me- great good fime ok

Up&up, clocks, Paradise- Coldplay

feel invincible- Skillet

Arbor, Chroma- Zmolian

bailamos, Tonight, I like it, Hero- Enrique Iglesias

KPOP/Korean

Teasure, Hala Hala, Pirate King, Say my name, Wonderland, Aurora, Twilight, etc. etc etc etc--- ATEEZ

Victory song, Side Effects, Gods menu, Double knot, Miroh- Stray Kids

Highway to heaven, kick it, Turn back time, Take off, Cherry Bomb, The 7th sense, Whiplash, boos, Go, We young, Paradise, Touch, my page, We go up, etc etc etc--- NCT/Dream/Wayv

Dream in a dream, New heroes- Ten

Look at me now, What U, Don't tease me- Speed

HookGA- High 420

OMGT, Yolo- Madtown

Cider, Sse sse sse, Anck su namum- Yezi

Eoeo- Uniq

Take a shot, Hotshot- Hotshot

Bounce, Witch- Boyfriend

Superfly- 24K

Good luck- Beast

Black or white- Cross Gene

Minimanimo, miss you- Tiny-G

Good bye bye, Face, Action- Nu-est

Love me love me, Really really- Winner

Breathe- ZE:A

Wake me up, Hands up, Warrior, Power, badman, 1004- B.a.p

pretty pretty, Galaxy- ladies' code

Red light, Dracula, Electric shock, milk, butterfly, paper heart- F(x)

Can't help myself- Eric Nam

Catallena- Orange caramel

Very good, Nalina- Block B

Zero for conduct- Bastarz

Noir-Sunmi

Gotta gp- Chungha

I am the best- 2ne1

Voodoo doll, On and on- Vixx

A, Aorund the world, Girls girls girls- Got7

number nine- T-ara

Trouble maker- Trouble Maker

Maria- Hwasa

Goblin, Savage,

Criminal, Want, Move, Danger- Taemin

Replay- Shinee

Don't recall- kard

Sleep, Color blind- Maddox

OK, A lie- B1a4

Rocking, Supa Luv- Teen top

Now or never, fanfare, Roar, K.O- SF9

OMG_ Double K

More- K/da

Me like yuh, All I wanna do, Mommae- J park

Cold blooded, Gucci- Jessi

Libido- Onlyoneof

Run devil run, Mr mr, Gee- Girl's generation

Hello bitches- CL

Different- Woodz

Evanesce- Super Junior

Rewind- Zhoumi

Up&down- Exid

The chaser, Bad- Infinite

crazy- 4minute

Roll deep- Hyuna

I- Taeyeon

Tresspass, hero, Who do you love- Monsta X

Doom dada- TOP

Holup!- Bobby

Cure- Taeyong

Swagger time- Map6

This and that- 5dolls

Chewy- D.Holic

She's mine- VAV

Hello- B.I.G

Starry night- mamamoo

Crown, Eternally- txt

palace- D-crunch

Electricity- 2pm

Eat you up- Boa

Stress come on!- Big Byung

#songs #song list #fave songs #kpop songs #foreign music #music

18 notes · View notes

spencessmile · 4 years

Text

Let It Out

Pairing - Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary - You comfort Spencer after a rough case.

Warnings - Mentions of gunshots and blood.

Word Count - 1,617 words

And all imagines/fanfics/blurbs are written solely by me so please don't steal my work and post it without my consent.

Feedback and Comments are always welcome. Happy reading!

Requests are open!

It was pin-drop silent on the jet, everyone tangled in their own thoughts after dealing with the recent case. Spencer found himself in the back of the jet, staring out the window, his mind replaying every second of what happened three hours prior.

"This isn't who you are," JJ said, her gun aimed at the man.

"You don't who I am!" He shouted.

"You don't have to do this," Spencer reasoned. "Just let your daughter go and we can talk about this."

"We don't have anything to discuss!"

"Put your weapon down and we'll tell the DA that you cooperated with us," He heard Emily speak up from behind him.

Spencer had his gun aimed right between his eyes, their one was only one thing stopping him; the little girl.

The team's profile was spot on, he was a narcissist and he wouldn't go down with a fight.

"I'll admit it," Spencer said.

"Admit what?" The man asked, his grip on his daughter getting tighter as he held the gun to her head.

"That you are a genius," Spencer began.

"Spencer, what are you doing?" JJ said, without taking her eyes off the man.

"You've been killing people for months and no one noticed but as soon as you found out that the FBI knew it pissed you off because you knew that we were onto you. We disturbed your disposal and hunting ground and it upset you."

"You ruined everything!" The man spitted out. “It wasn’t supposed to end like this!” He seethe.

"This isn't who you are," Spencer argued. "You are sick and you need help. I promise if you put the gun down and let your daughter go I will get you the help you need. This doesn't have to end this way. There is a better way," Spencer saw the attitude of the man slightly change as he slowly lowered his gun.

Just then four police officers barged in, guns pointed at the man.

"Police! Put the gun down, now!" They shouted.

"Oh," The gun raised his gun again. "Well played agent!" He shouted. "You almost had me let go."

"PUT THE WEAPON DOWN OR WE WILL SHOOT. PUT IT DOWN!" Spencer heard the officer yell.

"Not if I do it first."

"Nooo wai - "

It was too late.

Spencer felt someone shake his shoulder, pulling him away from his heavy thoughts.

"We landed," Hotch said.

Everyone grabbed their belongings, hopped in the SUV's and drove back to BAU. Once they arrived, Garcia greeted them with hugs at the elevators knowing they were very much needed.

The team finished up their paperwork in silence. After two hours, Spencer looked at his phone and saw 2 missed calls from you. Spencer and you had plans to stay home and have a nice dinner but that didn't end up happening. Spencer put his phone down and stared at the small picture on his desk of you and him from a couple of months back.

"I know that look," Spencer looked up to see Rossi standing by his desk.

"Y/N was going to cook a homemade meal and we were going to spend the night watching movies," Spencer replied.

"This is the hardest part of the job Spencer."

"I know," Spencer grabbed his satchel and pushed in his chair. "She's very understanding and never says anything because she knows this is my job. It's just happened too many times."

"Some days are rougher than others," Rossi put a hand on his shoulder. "It's been a long four days." Spencer nods in agreement. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Spencer shook his head. He didn't want to talk to anyone, he wanted to go home and be with you.

"I'm fine," Spencer wasn't fine though, he was far from being fine, he felt as though he might drown in his emotions.

"If you say so," They both took the elevator down and before separating ways Rossi stopped him.

"Spencer I know you're lying about being okay," Spencer didn't look up at Rossi as he was pushing back his tears. "You need to talk to someone about it, you understand me?"

Spencer nods.

"Good," Rossi patted his back. "Now go home because you have an amazing woman who is probably still waiting for you. Goodnight Spencer," Rossi said, getting into his car and driving off.

You weren't upset at Spencer for being late or not responding to your texts, you knew what you signed up for. At times it could be frustrating because you would call to check-in on Spencer but when you wouldn't get an answer for hours you started to worry.

Tonight was one of those moments, pacing back and forth in the living room dialing Spencer's phone for the hundredth time. When you got no answer you were about to grab your purse when you heard the doorknob turn.

Seconds later Spencer came into your view and he looked exhausted. You watch as he drops his keys and Stachel on the floor beside the coat rack. Spencer looked up and noticed you standing there.

"Thank god yo-" You were cut off by Spencer running to hug you. He crashed into you, causing you to almost lose your balance but you steadied yourself. "Spence, what's wrong?" You asked, wrapping your arms around him. You could tell he was holding his breath. "Breathe, my love," You said. "Come on," You guided him to the couch, where he laid his head on your lap.

"I'm sorry I missed dinner," Spencer said as you moved some of his hair out his eyes.

"It's okay my love, I burnt the lasagna so I ended up warming up leftovers."

"Of course you did."

"Hey," You said playfully hitting his back." You know I'm not the best cook," He let out a small chuckle.

"I'm still sorry that I was late."

"Spence, it's okay. I was just worried when I called you a million times and you didn't answer any of my calls."

"My phone died."

"What happened?" You noticed Spencer close his eyes because you could see his reflection in the tv, which was off. "Was it that bad?" Spencer nodded, as he started to slightly shake. "You have to let it go," You spoke.

Spencer got up from your lap and started to walk away but you pulled at his forearm, halting his steps.

"I don't want you to hear about this case," Spencer whispered.

"This case was hard, I can see that," You said, pushing him to sit down again. "Please don't keep this inside of you. It won't do you any good," You pleaded.

Spencer closed his eyes, his mind taking him back to the house. His ears ringed as he could still hear the gunshot go off, the white wall now covered in blood splatter.

"I couldn't save her."

Spencer sat back and explained everything to you from the second Garcia presented the case to when they delivered the profile to the last second the gunshot went off.

"I told him exactly what he thrives off of. He was even lowering his weapon until the cops barged in and everything went downhill from there," You rubbed small circles on Spencer's hand. "He killed his daughter," Spencer's words sent chills down your back. "She was four years old." Tears began to fall from Spencer's eyes. "Four, Y/N."

Listening to the case broke your own heart but you had to be strong for Spencer.

"I had the aim," Spencer continued. "I could have put a bullet through his head but I also believe that not everything has to end up in us shooting someone. I ju-just thoug-thought I had him."

You stayed silent knowing Spencer wasn't finished.

"I should have just shot him."

"There was no way you could have known he was going to do that," You said lifting Spencer's head.

"I did though," He said, almost angry. "I just didn't shoot because I thought if I outsmar-" You wiped Spencer's tears. "She cried for help, as JJ, Emily and I stood there with our guns pointed at him, she cried for him to let go."

"Spencer you did your job an-"

"If I did my damn job that little girl would have been alive today!" Spencer yelled you were taken back by his tone of voice. Spencer noticed that you slightly flinched at his tone. "I'm sorry," He said. "I just I don-don't know how I will move on from this. We go out there and sa-" Spencer couldn't even finish his sentence without more tears streaming down his face.

"Listen to me," He looked up at you. "Despite seeing the horrors that you do every day, you still manage to save lives. Every case may not be a win in the books but you have to learn to be okay with that. Sometimes you won't win and it'll hurt but you'll be okay," Spencer sniffled. You could tell that Spencer was still holding back on his emotions. "You need to let it out.”

Spencer's head falls in his palms, sobs rack through his body. You wrap your arms around him and he melts into your touch.

You kiss his forehead. "I love you so much."

Accept what is, let go of what was, have faith in what will be - Sonia Ricotti

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