#god I have to go lie down now
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I knew updating my information for next year's insurance rates would make me feel ill but boy it made me feel ill. Going from paying $1 a month for insurance I rarely need to paying $142 per month for insurance I will rarely need, when the amount of money I am getting paid only just allows me to break even on bills and such in the first place, is a huge blow. I hate this. I hate it so much. And it's still the better option because if I tried to get insurance through my work it would be $300.
I don't even really get the option of trying to go without insurance because I have a chronic illness and cannot afford to take that risk anymore than I can afford to pay. It's hellish in both directions.
#god I have to go lie down now#I hate it here so much#I always knew that one I was making any real amount of money this would happen#but part of me was starting to think I never would#and 35k a year still isn't really making anything#but it's 15k more than I have ever made#I guess it's still better than last time i lived here#when I was paying nothing for insurance but a combined 500 a month for car and car insurance#geez#if I were otherwise healthy I could just use the sliding scale clinics#and coupons for wellbutrin since it's all I'm taking atm#but I am still on the journey to figuring out what is wrong with me#and that means I have to have insurance#and I need a little time to be fucking angry about the whole raw deal#i bet my student loans are going to start making me pay too#that ain't happening
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OH. OH GOD NO. OH FU-- JESUS NO
guys im losing it im fucking losing it jean is wearing richard's ring in this scene
GUYS I'M LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND I CANNOT TAKE THIS IT HURTS TOO MUCH
#fuuUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK#just stab me in the fucking heart jean just go ahead i dont need it anyway god fucking damn#idk if it's the loss of katie hood or me completing hot tub on the mesa or me being egregiously ill right now#but this one hits different.#like she's been wearing it off and on since 2021 so it's nothing new but like#just knowing that she felt she needed to have richard with her in *this* scene i--#and how she just drops into character and springs back out of it like holy jesus wat da fuq#but alSO HEARING HER CRY DOES TERRIBLE THINGS TO ME I NEED TO LIE DOWN#im just gonna tag this and be done for the day my heart can't take any more fangirling at the moment ok bai#hacks hbo#deborah vance#jean smart
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ruyan is literally so beautiful that i get ill looking at her
#a lot of my time as a person who cant recognize himself to the point that if you start asking about myself im going to lie to you#is that i really like to engage with media that asks you to be present in the text by creating an outside being who simply has#some similarities to me#like the concepts i know i have. but make them their own unique person#so ruyan is really fun in that if i was a well adjusted person she would probably be a self insert and not her own person#but instead by the grace of god and my own mental problems she exists and is a full person that i practically see as a friend#like when i like a character so much that they become a comfort to me (emil) my brain engages in relationship interpretation to that#chartacter. emil is my daughter who i feel paternal sentiments to despite me being a human person and her being code in a video game#for ruyan she is like a friend where i want to go to her wedding and see her kids and hear about her life#i may have made her but i watch her as if i just met her'#recognizing this thing i have going on has helped me immensely be comfortable with myself#ruyan is a friend to me a sister tock is my daughter who i feel a real world father-daughter dynamic towards#i feel the need to nourish her and entertain her and put her to bed and let her know i love her#and you dont have to think this is normal because if you by now havent harbored some sort of#This Guy is Weird sentiment towards me youre either like me or VERY kind#but i know that i have parts of me that are weird. i am 23 years old bringing toys to the beach#but i dont chase validation so much as i just enjoy when its given to me#but i dont need validation because i cant even form my own self to need validation for#im learning about myself like im wiping down an old mirror. that doesnt need validation because im seeing it for the first time#im having my understanding moment here and you are free to leave the room and leave me to my mirrow
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i have so truly given up on lighting-correcting nbc constantine caps at this stage in icon-making. lo, blue and yellow be upon ye.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#this is a lie of course i am too much of a perfectionist to stop fussing over lighting now. but god i can dream#making comic icons? sososososo satisfying. the art is beautiful. the colors are divine#making live action icons? i'm biting the cinematographer square on the ear and not letting go until they put down the BLUE#WHY IS THE MILLHOUSE TABLE BLUE BITCH#i have a system and all but like. Why Must I have a system#edit: lighting correcting? color correcting. i have not slept
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loving your brother sososososososo much saying if anything happened to you i’d…… what? what would you do? in what way would you fall apart? how would you put yourself back together afterwards? would you swallow the notion that there was nothing at all whole? would you grow bitter and jaded, would your body finally cease to reject that splinter of cynicism? godddddd. nanami. nanami. i know where those feelings lead. being a child being a baby having done nothing other than be born. thinking youve grown up thinking youve come to understand the world, only understanding a one-dimensional fragment of it. you truly don’t understand screaming sobbing crying until youve witnessed nanami’s world collapse around her in real time in the most cruel and horrific manner imaginable. dont even get me started on how anthy and touga feel about it
#sorry for sad nanamiposting (lie)#i think so much about her memory of touga’s birthday and how it’s like the single most significant moment in her life#and how she feels she forever ruined it by killing the cat which granted her that embrace#and it’s like !!!!!!!!!! god!!!!!!!!#thinking something has always been wrong this is what’s been wrong i am wrong i am wrong#and yes then thinking im going to escape this i don’t want this etc etc#but that bejng so devastating and that lacking any real TRUTH#like who is that boy in nanami’s memory and why does he mean so much to her#if there was nothing at all………. if she knows where those feelings lead#like sorry i have to go lie down in a hole now#AGAIN. don’t get me STARTED on anthy and touga in ep 32 you won’t hear the end of it#revolutionary girl utena#rgu#shut up daisy
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Guys I’m emotionally devastated by suckening ep 4 is anyone out here? Can anybody hear me?
#jrwi spoilers#||#I was thinking about his death and then I was thinking about when he first got turned and god#it’s so sick condi is sick in the head#emizel has always willingly just put himself in danger and refused to give up#he would have died the day he turned yknow? he would have fucking died. and he almost did#if it wasn’t for him biting that vampire back he would have died#and now he’s back in another dangerous situation refusing to back down and this time he DID FUCKING DIE#I’m gonna be sick#how many times do you think emizel has had people worry that he wouldn’t make it back#how do you think soda is gonna feel knowing that he’s really not coming back tonight. or any night. that it’s over#how does Arthur feel? he took responsibility for him explicitly he * told * him that things were going to go down why why didn’t he listen?#should he have told him more?#and shilo.. he didn’t even know he had a brother and now he doesn’t even get to know him? was what he said a joke? a lie? what if it wasn’t#what is he supposed to do what is anybody supposed to do#WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO MAN???
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BROTHER YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME I'M IN DISTRESS
#i can't even articulate my thoughts properly#but I think I overall liked it#i do wish loki and mobius had more time together#like idk hey maybe a goodbye kiss i'm sorry i'll shut up#loki's glorious purpose seems to be maintaining everyone's stories across timelines making him THE god of stories#and to go from who he was in avengers which they called back to#to the guy who makes a massive sacrifice to save everyone is massive and I'm so proud#also the symbolism of a green tree meaning it's now healthy and can continue to grow rather than being regulated to a line#i have many thoughts i'm sorry#also CLEARLY YGGDRASIL#but also what's in store for mobius like sir#and also tf was that scene with ravonna#oh man but now i have decisions to make about my fic#oh well i'll think once i stop sobbing over my laptop screen#fuck dude i need to lie down#okay one more thing sylvie still hot asf please marry me now that you're free#also big shout out to b-15 absolutely wonderful character this season#i should shut up now#loki#loki spoilers#loki season 2#loki finale#loki season 2 finale
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head in my hands. well. no more accordion for me. i picked my beloved up off the ground to do some practice and accidentally banged her off the piano keyboard and now theres a constant bass C droning but the button isnt stuck so it's something internal that's gotten bonked out of wack. and unfortunately accordions apparently need experts to even just do a simple tuning, so I'm certain this isn't going to be fixable for me unless i can both find someone who knows accordions AND be able to afford the fix, both of which are incredibly unlikely. so ... no more accordion :[
#i feel numb fjkfdl i dont think i can quite process this#it was One simple mistake. and now it is just ... done#i dont feel so good scoob fjfkfl#im going to just go lie down i think. ough. i wish i could just apologize to the accordion (i did already fjfkdkl) and have her be okay#this is so stupid goddamn one bonk and everything is over what the fuck thats so unfair#im so careful w her too god fuck me !!!!! im so so so careful with her and then ONE honest mistake !!! argh !!!#i feel so petulant being upset abt this. ofc bonking an instrument off of another hard surface is going to fuck it up#and ofc i didnt mean to. but like. yknow? idk. it just is so unfair i guess but its done its over it is what it is#i dont want to think abt this rn actually fjfdhdkl i cannot quite grasp this all properly rn#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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#oh for fucks sake#if i have to listen to my shithead of a mother bitch and whine and moan about me being disabled one more fuckinG time i s2g#she's been going on for 20 mins abt how annoying it is that i had to go lie down for a bit bc i had a migraine and a pain flare up#which meant i guess that she didnt get to make dinner when she wanted to (i told her she could just eat w/o me like who cares)#so now she's on a rampage abt how inconvenient it is to her and how i ruin her schedule and her life all the time etc etc#and when i responded calmly w 'well what would u like me to do- snap my fingers and not be disabled anymore? u TOLD me to go lie down.'#she exploded and is like 'oh noOoo ofc not nothing is ever ur fault u just accidentally do these things'#bitch WHAT THINGS ?????#exist as disabled ??? be in so much pain i spend most of my life these days in bed ??? be unable to function to ur standards ????#do u Hear urself ??#now she's sitting on the couch pouting and fuming like a toddler bc i was in bed for 2 hours instead of 30 mins (bc too much pain to get up)#and throwing a tantrum like that is in any way normal or acceptable behaviour#'u always do this! but nooo u can do w/e u want cant u ?? u dont have to consider others!!'#ma'am...#a) no i dont have to consider others when it comes to taking care of myself and my debilitating illnesses. that's an insane thing to suggest#b) nobody told u u could not do w/e the fuck u wanted while i was out of commission. u just did this to have more to complain abt#c) ah yes bc i 'want' to be bedbound in excruciating pain. that was a choice i made. for funsies. for the bit.#whaT ?????#god someone save me im gonna lose my mind w this shit#not to mention she's also belligerently drunk so like. there's that also. cant have any proper convo bc of it (not that i wanna talk to her)#jesus fUcking chrisT#i gotta get out of here#this woman is so immensely hateful#ya sorry i ruined ur life by being born this way and now ur stuck 'putting up' w me and 'my shit' (<- actual things she has said many times)#fuuuuuck me.#anyway.#negative#ableism#verbal abuse#ask to tag
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Chaotic idiots are my favourite and they are so important to me.
Pre-reveal, what do Sun and Moon think of their landlord and Robin, respectively? Do they have many opinions on the Human They’ve Totally Not Met Before, or are their opinions mainly centred over pointing at each other and going “haha, you have feelings”?
ALSO I,,, HOPE YOU DONT MIND THE MULTI-QUESTIONS. If you’d rather I space them out more I ABSOLUTELY can, I’m just very eager and love hearing your thoughts
(In other news, now we’ve legally gotta rally together to make that 700 follower count real. SPREAD THE WORD OF LUCE!)
-🌻 Daye
I DON'T MIND MULTI QUESTIONS AT ALL I will sleep in an hour or two but I'm so so giddy about every bit of interest and engagement with this AU/ my stuff in general (tho AU gets bonus points bc it's mine and thus direct interest in what I come up with) so!!
Moon doesn't spend too much time thinking about Y/N - he's glad they found a nice place to live with a landlord that doesn't really pry into their personal business, but he also feels a tad awkward about never having met them and at this point it's like. He can't just introduce himself without it being awkward, and even if he could, they're just never around when he's home!! So he's indifferent to awkward, happy for Sun and might tease on occasion (like when Sun gets WAY into crafting to keep Y/N happy) but preoccupied with his own dilemma regarding the situation
Sun does think about Robin a bit more in turn - he's heard about them, knows about them, both through their agency/ the rumor mill and through Moon. He has a certain respect for them, from one agent to another, but any time Moon tries to goad him into "joining" the effort against Robin he's like "that's cute but that's your rival", at best "okay I guess I'll do my job extra hard like I'm usually slacking that's definitely my only motivation, outdoing this one agent I've never met. Sure" and Moon just takes it and ignores the sarcasm. Surprisingly (maybe) the one to tease more because Moon is just so invested in the rivalry, but so very defensive about it! Sun likes Y/N and admits it easily enough, maybe gets disgruntled when teased about intimate feelings early on (we can't put them at risk, they're nice enough to just let us live here!) but otherwise doesn't have the tension of the rivalry in there!
AND PLEASE GFHDJS I nearly doubled my follower count since I started posting fnaf art the 700 will come soon enough!! FGHDSJK I'm just some guy t-posing as a defensive stance when startled I'm still getting used to "oh wait people follow me for stuff I upload" LMAO
#answer let luce#anonymous#Daye asks#the imposter syndrome is strong in this one plus I never like expected to get uhhhhh any attention actually#every now and then I have to pause like. Oh yea. you're an honest to god artist who posts art and has followers who care abt said art.#and then I have to lie down and cope for an hour or so /hj /lh#like this isn't me being cute I'm legit just going. me? ur here for me? and I'm not sure when that will stop#bad habit of comparing myself to others and my expectations admittedly at play#but also definitely the novelty still#very happy about interaction and engagement ofc!! it's a very positive startle!!#accidentally undercover#almost forgot fgdhjs
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#delete later#god i wish i was neurotypical#found out my flatmate is going to be away for a few days after they left and bc id had no warning my anxiety spiked so hard#that i had such a wave of nausea i had to lie down#idk why that fucking happened. ridiculous. irs not like it really affects that much. just the thing of my home being changed in any way#without warning freaks me the fuck out. couldnt do any work til id laid under my weighted blanket at lunch#and like obvs this is an entirely me thing. i dont expect my flatmates to tell me every detail of what they're doing#not sure how to keep myself from freaking over it though. will think on it#but yeah. if i was neurotypical id be fine. i also want to play ky video games after work but im akways so exhausted that all i can do#is lie in bed under my weighted blanket. it is so frustrating. im so tired. not helped that pain is fucking me up in new ways#so im also upset aboit that. and that christmas is approaching abd that changes the routine completely#and is always overwhelming#but this year im staying home so i will be able to keep it quiet and low key and it'll be just me so i dont have to think about#masking in any way which is kind of nice as even the vibe of Christmas takes a lot oit of me#i enjoy the thought of it and always hate the day. same as my birthday. fun in theory. incredibly stressful actually#idk whether it's work stressing me oit long term but right now any change to what im expecting from my routine is making me#so so so frustrated and upset#i had to go get meds after work on tiesday and became so upset by it that i was awake until 1am and was super nauseous#not enjoying that as a primary symptom of anxiety rn. i find eating hard enough as it is#the hair washing routine has given ne sone stability this week which was very nice abd made me feel calm. abd mt physio routine#the energy it takes to do it is outweighed by the relief i get when ive done that part of my routine and then go to bed#work is hard. working full time is so hard. im coping but not well. defo think i need to try getting regular therapy sessions if only#to help me plan for what i need to do and work through coping strategies bc im really hitting a wall. i need to problem solve all#these things but im so exhausted that i can't. so they just keep piling up
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the most beautiful women in the world are at your place of work asking you where the edamame is at the precise moment you are the least equipped to respond in a coherent way and then they laugh gently at you because you tried to tell them exactly where it is and not only do you not actually know where it is but you are so distracted that within the first ten words you speak you trip over five of them and have to turn away for a moment to collect yourself. this post is a comedic hyperbole for a joke of course. this would never happen to me twice in two days
#you wouldn't believe how many opportunities there are in the world to embarrass yourself in front of beautiful women.#told a customer she reminded me of a citypop star generally. like anyone might. had to explain what i meant. HUMILIATING#she offered that her friends listened to jpop by men and i said 'between you and me i dont listen to men much'#which is the single most incriminating thing you can say to a woman you just said was very glamorous and elegant. MORTIFYING!!!!#oh god i cant post anymore i have to go lie down now. im sorry women
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Hiya! I was scrolling through the Moondrop tag when I saw your post about lining/coloring your sketches with credit. I’ve been in a bit of art block so I thought why not try it. Because the sketch is yours I won’t post this to my own account but thought I’d at least share it with you.
This was a lot of fun! Though I can safely say our art styles are very different lol.
THAT IS SO CUTE SHUT UP
OMG
LITERALLY SAID "THAT IS SO CUTE SHUT UP" OUT LOUD AND GRASPED MY CHEST IN REAL TIME.
OMG
THAT IS INCREDIBLE!! dlkldkg OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING THIS WITH ME!! holy SHIT that looks SO GOOD!! holy CRAP!! LINELESS???? FOR REAL?? ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW??
HOLY SHIT!!!!
THAT IS PHENOMENAL!!! oh my god the finesse in here; the shading, the CLEANLINESS of your lines?? the lighting, the vibrancy of the colors and patterns? this is SPOTLESS. SMOOTH AND GORGEOUS!! the gradients on Moon's hands, sleeves, pants, just. his CLOTHES in general?? (i REALLY fucking love your Moon, i LOVE this design holy crap. i'm gonna have to go raid your art tag later, i want to see MORE of him!!) he's got the CUTEST fucking mischievous eyes, and the overall MOOD in this pic?? FLAWLESS. HOW JOYOUS AND EXCITING this is just--!! it's so PLAYFUL and it's PERFECT!! just PRECISELY what i was originally going for!!
WOW holY CRAP and you got EXACTLY what i had planned for Freddy's hands, PERFECTLY!!! omg. o m G. just PHENOMENAL
and i REALLY love that you went and put your own little twist on it by having Moon pick up Freddy's hat and hold it aloft like that. this is just. fucking superb, OUTSTANDING content op, this is REALLY inspirational to me!! wow. i seriously can't get over this. the LINELESS!! the way you shaded and shaped with colors!! i'm. i'm floored. i'm awestruck. i'm absolutely over the MOON (ha ha)
(also i gotta say: up top high five for another Moon based in purple!! my original design for Moon (aka, Moony, who you can find in tags; he's the one with the hood) is based in purple for Color Psychology reasons, and it's ALWAYS so much fun to see another Purple Moon. absolutely STELLAR stuff, what a guy!!!)
this is SO beautiful and vibrant, op. i'm FLOORED and TOTALLY humbled that you chose my sketch to practice with, i hope it got you out of your art block!! this means SO much to me that it grabbed your interest and that you shared your finished work with me, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ETERNITY AND BACK!! wow. WOW. i'll be riding high on this one for a GOOD while, LOL!! it seriously inspires ME, too!!
and i think it would inspire many many more, as well!! so while i REALLY thank you for your considerate, respectful thought - you have no idea how much that means to me, and how important that is, so thank you forever again - i think that this deserves to be on your blog, too. PLEASE by all means post it, just give credit back to me at this blog for providing the base sketch, and that'll be enough. i really, REALLY think you deserve recognition for this on its own. PLEASE post it to your blog and i'll be MORE THAN HAPPY to reblog it again!!
just. holy shit. holy SHIT. WOW. you really made my day. holy crap. what a fucking inspiration. WOW. this is some seriously smooth and beautiful, detailed work. the fucking finesse you've got going, here. wow.
fucking gorgeous. absolutely beautiful, top tier content OP 1000/10 A+, PLEASE DO IT AGAIN!!! DEFINITELY gonna be on the lookout for more of your work, THANK YOU FOREVER TO THE UNIVERSE AND MORE, and stay healthy and safe out there!!! 🥺🥺🙏💖💖🥚😭😭🙏🙏🙏⭐️🌙⭐️
#moon#holy crap i don't know what to tag this LOL uhh#gift art#?????#anyway. WOW. HOLY CRAP DLKADGFLKADGLHKDFGLKGDF#I'M NEVER GONNA GET OVER THIS. WOWWOWOWOW. FUCKING STELLAR STUFF#i'm not gonna tag it for the main tags bc i want YOU to be able to have that exposure#for real. not joking. please post this to the tags it super deserves to be seen Immediately. Post-Haste#thank you SO. MUCH. you SERIOUSLY inspire me. holy crap. wow. wowowowow. goodbye i need to go lie down in my grave with a smile#THANK YOU!!!!!!! 🙏🙏🥺🥺🥺🥺🙏🙏💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🥚🥚🥚#(the 🥚 btw is my way of saying you're a 'good egg' and/or expressing fond joy. it's a positive thing!! dw!! LOL)#(EEEEEEE!!!!! oh my god. brb afk gotta go Die Now)#btw this is a side blog so i had to follow from my main which is partyinthemysterymachine!#just so ur aware and not so deign why this blog didn’t follow LOL#moony#<— only cuz i mentioned him lol
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tagged by @indorilnerevarine @aartyom @nuclearstorms & @morvaris to do this quiz for some of my ocs – thank you guys so so much! ♡
tagging: @brujah @camelliagwerm @denerims @faarkas @florbelles @leviiackrman @liurnia @montliyets @reaperkiller @risingsh0t @shadowglens @solasan @steelport @swordcoasts @voerman @windupcharibert @wrymbloods & anyone else who'd like to do this, you are always welcome to say i tagged you! ♡
WHAT FORM OF LOVE DO YOU EMBODY?
— love as a choice.
[ love is beautiful because it's built deliberately ] when casey mcquinston wrote "that's the choice. i love him, with all that, because of all that, on purpose. i love him on purpose" and when jenny slate tweeted "i just want someone to grab my little face and scream on purpose, on purpose i am going to care about you" and when jodi picoult wrote "after fifteen years, love isn't just a feeling. it's a choice" and when the good place said "if soulmates do exist, they're not found they're made"
— love as being known.
[ love is knowing all of someone and loving them anyway ] when tim kreider said "if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known" and when joe wright said "the idea that these two people know each other, knew each other when they first saw each other. that they recognised each other from their future" when micah nemerever said "it was a relief and a horror to be known so perfectly"
— love as devotion.
[ devotion: love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person, activity or cause ] when ruth said to naomi "where you go, i will go, and where you stay, i will stay. your people will be my people, and your God my God" and when hozier sang "i'll be the dreadful need from the devotee that drove [orpheus] underground" and when deathcab for cutie sang "if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, i will follow you into the dark"
— love as violence.
[ love as bloodshed, crimson as a knife slipped between your ribs ] when ocean vuong said "to arrive at love, then, is to arrive through obliteration" and when franz kafka said "you are the knife i turn inside myself; that is love" and when ada limon said "how do you love? like a fist. like a knife" and when richard siken said "sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine"
#i'm losing my mind actually. i'm not normal about any of these but diana's specifically... oh my god. i am screaming and chomping and#biting and rattling the bars of my cage. hELLO?! i am not okay. she could have been so many of the results i've seen other people get but#what have i said besties? what have i said? i mean idk if i've said it so many times in the things i've posted but if you've read the 22k#words things then you know the whole ''knew each other when they first saw each other'' that makes me sick actually. but the just. i've#said it so much... diana has never felt so *known* aughgh and i lichrally have that last quote saved somewhere... also also i actually#have i will follow you into the dark in ithrenil and farkas' playlist (that has like. hardly any songs in it) so. yeah. that's cool. i need#to lie down. and aUGH if you know about reina at all and also her relationship with dex then yeah... oh my god. i mean dani's also i have#many feelings going on right now i need to just. i need to go to bed actually. it's late but aughghgh#oc: dani#oc: diana#oc: ithrenil#oc: reina#tag games.
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I Like It When Girls Get To Leave !!!
#i just finished utena and i literally just am not going to be able to sleep now i need to run up something.#show created for girls who want to walk out of whatever room they are in. god#i have to lie down or do jumping jacks#anyway. alecto vibes for when she leaves and is gone!!
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#i need to just sit down and not stand up until this phd proposal is written#i cant focus. im too tired#literally its only one page and the topic is cool as fuck. not that hard to write#but im tired 😫 and ive got other things i also have to do#ugh im too deep into my burnout phase#i think abt the past version of myself and it makes me tired. u do work all day then happily go transfer algae for 3hrs? how?#i say happily but thats a lie. i sometimes walked into the building on the verge of tears. but like i still did it so idk#sigh... i just need to get thru applying to places and pray that they all accept me so i can choose where i wanna go#im just so tired tho.#photosynthesis! fucking the power to harvest the suns energy! god i wish that were ne#me. just throw me into a puddle of ooze. let me be reclaimed by the cyanos. i dont wanna take measures on them anymore#not with the machines i have now. im not strong enough. idk i think something irreparably broke on my head in the spring#last time i was taking measurements and im gonna have like 3 months straight worth of samples. which given my track record. does not bode#well at all. but maybe itll be fine. maybe i wont drive myself to the edge of sanity#we have 2 sampling trips pending in the next 2 weeks. im v nervous abt the 2nd bc im worried itll be idaho all over again#everytime i do field work now i feel like im losing my mind. somethings broken and i dont kno how to fix it#let this be a lesson kids. dont overwork urself. dont push and push until u collapse#bc all the color drains from the world and suddenly ur just doing things that feel pointless#ugh. i should sleep. but my brain wont let me#maybe ill just lay down all day tomorrow. maybe maybe maybe#unrelated
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