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#ugh im too deep into my burnout phase
opens-up-4-nobody
·
2 years
Text
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#i need to just sit down and not stand up until this phd proposal is written
#i cant focus. im too tired
#literally its only one page and the topic is cool as fuck. not that hard to write
#but im tired 😫 and ive got other things i also have to do
#ugh im too deep into my burnout phase
#i think abt the past version of myself and it makes me tired. u do work all day then happily go transfer algae for 3hrs? how?
#i say happily but thats a lie. i sometimes walked into the building on the verge of tears. but like i still did it so idk
#sigh... i just need to get thru applying to places and pray that they all accept me so i can choose where i wanna go
#im just so tired tho.
#photosynthesis! fucking the power to harvest the suns energy! god i wish that were ne
#me. just throw me into a puddle of ooze. let me be reclaimed by the cyanos. i dont wanna take measures on them anymore
#not with the machines i have now. im not strong enough. idk i think something irreparably broke on my head in the spring
#last time i was taking measurements and im gonna have like 3 months straight worth of samples. which given my track record. does not bode
#well at all. but maybe itll be fine. maybe i wont drive myself to the edge of sanity
#we have 2 sampling trips pending in the next 2 weeks. im v nervous abt the 2nd bc im worried itll be idaho all over again
#everytime i do field work now i feel like im losing my mind. somethings broken and i dont kno how to fix it
#let this be a lesson kids. dont overwork urself. dont push and push until u collapse
#bc all the color drains from the world and suddenly ur just doing things that feel pointless
#ugh. i should sleep. but my brain wont let me
#maybe ill just lay down all day tomorrow. maybe maybe maybe
#unrelated
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