#god I am so gay it’s not even funny | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oatbugs · 1 month

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pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

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sapphicautistic · 10 months

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My gf was listening to "White Blank Page" by Mumford and Sons and I once again told her that song is SO much better if it's gay.

She doesn't listen to the lyrics of songs but she's extremely good at literary analysis and this time she actually looked up the lyrics and has now come to the following conclusion: "It makes no sense if it's not gay."

My (objectively best) reading is this:

The narrator was in love with a guy who strung him along, never willing to be in a committed (or public) relationship with him and maybe insisting that it's extremely heterosexual "helping a bro out" sex, except in more intimate moments. Finally out of nowhere guy is suddenly committed to a woman and when Narrator confronted him, guy spat out homophobic vitriol and claimed he's not gay like the Narrator.

(For extra flavor imagine them as closeted, straight passing Midwestern flannel wearing, love-bonfires-and-camping guys who sat next to each other at church and elbowed and annoyed each other like best friends do and were each other's go-to source of emotional support! And then to suddenly shut Narrator out for the first time ever, by abruptly marrying a woman and insisting that he's always been straight and their relationship meant nothing...)

Here are the lyrics:

Can you lie next to her And give her your heart, your heart As well as your body? And can you lie next to her And confess your love, your love As well as your folly? And can you kneel before the king And say, "I'm clean! I'm clean!" ? But tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Oh, tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage You did not think When you sent me to the brink, to the brink You desired my attention But denied my affections, my affections So tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Oh, tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Lead me to the truth and I Will follow you with my whole life Oh, lead me to the truth and I Will follow you with my whole life

Why call multiple people "you" in a totally unclear way? Why would you claim that your female ex's new man can't love her AT ALL (not just as much as you did, AT ALL)? And invoking the judgment of God is so fucking tedious if you're just shaming your female ex for moving on or even cheating/getting with your friend. Also you look like a creepy asshole if you think a girl broke up with you for "loving her too much".

This song is tepid, badly written, and makes the narrator look like an asshole if it's NOT gay.

The gay reading is the ONLY compelling one.

#i don't even care about m/m romances lmao i get bored when there's no women BUT #this is objectively the best reading #anyways my gf and I came up with the main beats for an entire romance story about these guys #as a dyke raised in the church i really like the religious midwestern reading here too #also there's SUCH a phenomenon of guys having secret sex out in these rural areas and insisting even to themselves it's not gay #so this reading is very compelling to me #i also like to think the woman is like fine. there's nothing wrong with her she's sweet and friends with both of them.#gf said what if she's Narrator's sister?#like i think it's better narrative wise if the woman has no idea and isn't trying to 'turn him straight'#bc the ex CHOSE this. he caved and all so he can stand before God and insist he's 'clean'#which to me... very very resonant #updates on my boring life #also I think the ex can be either bi or gay like it doesn't matter because either way Narrator is convinced ex loves HIM still n not wifey #god i could go line by line but no one wants that lmao it's extremely funny that i fixated on this #i did not even know it was a mumford and sons song or that they are british until gf told me both facts today #i am in no way a fan #im jsut a sucker for religion flavored gay angst i guess or at least this variety of it

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natsmagi · 3 months

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user natsmagi have u ever tried getting into d4dj...... ? plesae. i got this random thought in the shower a few days ago and im DYING the d4dj fandom needs more artists THEY HAVE CANON LESBIANS PLEASE

OHHHHH I HAVE ACTUALLY PLAYED D4DJ!!! ive never looked into any of the characters though and i dont know anything about the story...!! iirc doesnt the cast feature college aged characters?? bc i feel that demographic doesnt get tackled very often so thatd be very interesting to see!

TBH ive been thinking of occasionally just drawing one big collage of various characters i enjoy outside of enstars (but im lazy and the brainrot is like SO severe) BUT WHO KNOWS!! IF I DO DECIDE TO DO IT MAYBE ILL PICK A D4DJ GIRL I THINK IS CUTE!!! OR MAYBE THE LESBIANS BC GOD KNOWS THEY DESERVE TO BE SEEN!!!

#whenever d4dj ends up on my twt tl im pretty sure its just the lesbian couple being gay #which like. THANK GOD #maybe i will learn about them............. my little crumbs #im so lazy tho #ive also played proseka and hypmic bc duh #but again i am SO clueless abt literally everything #its kinda funny bc im really not an idol guy. i just love rhythm games AKSUHFAKUJSDGK AND THATS HOW I ENDED UP HERE #i didnt even intend to read enstars stories. but like 2 days after i started playing was when the wiki was like #“WE'RE BEING FORCED TO TAKE DOWN OUR TRANSLATIONS”#SO I WAS LIKE!!! FUCK NOW I NEED TO READ IT!!!!!!!! and now here i am.#anyway in hypmic i like jakurai ❤️ apparently hes killed someone. We love men in the medical field #in proseka i like shizuku ❤️ i got her on a “which proseka chara are u” uquiz. ths all i know abt her #and ofc in d4dj i have to side with the lesbians Who do you think i am #ask

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ragzung · 1 year

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Hope Tumblr appreciates this OFMD case!! The white square is where I blurred out a QR code containing my personal info.

#god somebody help me #i am in so much pain #i am so obsessed with the gay pirate show its not even funny #ofmd #ofmd fanart #ofmd edward teach #ofmd blackbonnet #ofmd stede #ofmd s2 #ofmd stede bonnet #our flag means fanart #our flag means death fanart #our flag means death #our flag means gay #digital art #art #artwork #artists on tumblr

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justagaycryptid · 1 year

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Haven’t finished Hannibal yet, on episode 4 of season 3, but I fucking hate how Hannibal is just... good at everything.

Like the bitch doesn’t just play music he composes his own music too. He’s an excellent artist. He’s a gourmet chef. He’s a talented surgeon. A master of words. Somehow just knows fuckin everything. He even swims for gods sake.

I want to see him be bad at something.

Like I want to see him put on a pair of skates and then immediately eat shit.

#shouting into the void #or like put him on a snowboard because I also think that would be funny #I am rotating him around in my mind like a microwave #bitch (affectionate+derogatory)#god hes such a mary sue #and also a flaming homosexual that man is down BAD for will #I don't think gay sex would fix either of them but I think they should have it anyways #I also saw this blooper thing where Mads Mikkelsen said 'shut up bitch' on an outtake #and its literally so funny #Hannibal should be allowed to say bitch #actually now that I think about it does Hannibal even swear #Hannibal the type of guy to say that swearing makes you look uneducated or some bullshit #and will would be like 'no you need to use the right word in the right context and sometimes that word is fuck'#friend and I were also joking that Hannibal would be the type of guy to be like 'weve been dating in my head for a month now <3'#up there in his stupid fucking mind palace #dudes being all angsty and bitchy because he had a fight with his boyfriend #Hannibal the type of guy to trick someone (will) into signing marriage documents #then he'd look over with that expression he has and go 'hmm technically were married now'#though oh my god I liked a single hannibal post on instagram and now my entire feed is mads mikkelsen #like not even hannibal specifically but mads mikkelsen #like yeah I know a lot of people think hes a dilf but oh my god I am not that interested in the guy #he does a fantastic job as hannibal but I do not need to see him everywhere I promise

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hella1975 · 2 years

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right so i got my hair cut yesterday and mind you when im at uni my haircutting options are to get my one mate to do it (she's surprisingly good but can get very scissor happy) OR cut my own bangs in the sink with cuticle scissors at midnight while my automatic light turns off every five seconds. no that's not hyperspecifc what do you mean. anyway i got my hair cut yesterday and BY THE PROFESSIONAL HAIRDRESSER THAT DOES MY MUM AND SISTER'S HAIR. now this lady has been doing our hair for over a decade she's very chill she knows us very well i stress her out a lot bc every time i see her im like 'i want to [insert crazy hair idea here]' and she's like orrrr what if we didn't? BUT yesterday i was like i want my hair short again i hate that it's grown to touch my shoulders bc it curls weird. and what i was aiming for was literally just to replicate what my friend does for me back at uni where she just cuts it to my jaw and that's that nothing too complicated, BUT like i said this lady is a skilled professional AND she knows me in both a style sense and what she knows i'd like and in the sense of i really dont give a fuck about my hair so she knows she can have a lil fun with it, and basically long story short i have a wolf cut now

#it wasn't even on purpose i didn't actually realise what i was describing to her was a wolf cut until she was done #and i looked in the mirror like HEY THIS IS WHAT ALL THE HOT TIKTOK BISEXUALS HAVE #like you know how a wolf cut is a mix between a mullet and a shag cut? mine's like that except it's slightly more shag #until i push it behind my ears a lil in which case it's more mullet #im OBSESSED with it holy fuck #im gonna get styling stuff too bc i never normally do anything with my hair but this is something else #i look like a punk lesbian im obsessed #also my godmum is coming for tea soon and she's a butch lesbian so im hoping i get some sort of compliment from her #will keep you posted #mind i dont have much respect for her despite her being my Sole Female Queer Rep Irl because her politics are FUCKED #this woman voted brexit like okay babygirl set your own movement back then #but acknowledgement from the local butch is still acknowledgement from the local butch #and i am but a mere baby gay making grabby hands #fun fact i acc tried to get a shag cut from my uni friend but it was out of her skill level (obvs cause she's not trained lol)#BUT she's the super super innocent highly christian friend ive mentioned a couple times #and she very cheerfully went 'i love when you ask for a shag' and like. left it #and we just sat in silence while i waited for her to clock what she said and she just DIDNT #and i just said her name very slowly and went 'can you repeat that for me'#and she really loudly went 'OH MY GOD' it was so funny

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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year

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god goromi really fucked my gender didn't she

#anyway i painted the world's shittiest stubble on myself today and wore the fanciest most hostess-esque dresses i have and GRGXZGRGRHZZGZXX #if i wasnt living in one of the US' finest transphobic hell states i would go out and i would get so many bitches like that i look SO GOOD #and it's so gender. god. t4t relationship WHEN!!!!! SOON I HOPE #someone come dote on this gnc emo boy please she's withering away without his proper care like a sickly tomodachi gf #when i get to college i could do little dorm dates n shit. maybe host drag practice nights or smth <33 #that's the dream baby #god. goromi wasnt my genderfluid awakening character but she came right after i figured it out and i latched on SO HARD #shes literally THE pillar of my gender representation. load bearing one-off gag 80% of the fandom KNOWS is More Than A Gag (me included)#god she's so genderrrrr. i need to be her STAT #when i say thats the dream the dream is actually getting to present like that openly and unafraid regularly but uh (: not. not now #but someday. and i am confident in that #if not me then someone like me #but i still hope i can wrangle up some college queers to be funny and gay with yknow. tis only a few months away!!#i gotta take it off before i go downstairs again bc frankly im not ready for my family to realize Oh It's For Real. Like You'll Act On It #she's a fragile baby bird atm and frankly i dont want them to know yet #(they know im gfluid just. i dont talk about it with my mom and she still uses she/her only. i dont think ive had the pronoun talk with her #yet though so thats not even her fault really. but i didnt wanna come out to her when i did!!! so im taking my sweet time with this)#so im stalling a bit even though i REALLY need to do work and it's gotta be downstairs </3 #anyway if people could just univerally decide to use he/she for majima interchangeably all the time so i could do that unchallenged thatd #be so cool thanks #like i know theres merit in other interpretations and i love them but what about ME #anyway. mwah i love gender sure hope nothing bad happens to it #i need to be someone's girlfriend boyfriend so badly you dont understand. ggrgrgrgrggrgrgrggrgrdbzvxzvzvzhsdhf #sorry for yearning. I'll hold it off as long as i can

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toastsnaffler · 11 months

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actually ive been thinking abt this a lot lately like basically for years i assumed i was very (cis)het passing and only recently ive become aware that i am in fact. very obviously perhaps almost comically gay to other queer ppl. like lmaoooo ok then

#i think its bc a) when i came out at like 15 everyone was super surprised so i assumed ppl still found it unexpected even now #+ b) im not super aware of social cues generally (autism) so dont tend to pick up on stuff like that unless its explicitly said #+ also c) ive never felt like i physically appear very conspicuous bc i dont have any piercings/tattoos/never dyed my hair etc #i only cut my hair short relatively recently too..... so idk i just assumed i blended into the background for everyone #but now im interacting with ppl outside of my tighter social circle more often ive become more aware-#of how ppl might perceive me. or rather ive become aware of just how UNaware i am of how ppl might perceive me #and its really funny how many odd interactions ive had in the past suddenly make sense if u assume the other person clocked me as gay #like strangers that have gotten flustered around me that might be bc i was giving off strong dyke vibes etc #the other day i was in a bookstore and the guy behind the counter was very stiff + quiet until i replied to smth he said and suddenly he-#became way more animated + started talking to me more casually + that was the first time i realised i probably sound gay as fuck #like i think i kinda have a stereotypical gay mannerism/lilt to the way i talk... no wonder i used to get called a fag so often lmfao #or like i remember trying to find a lab partner in 3rd yr of my degree + i had to do it on call only bc of covid + there were a bunch-#of us with similar lab interests but it got sorted SO fast bc this one other student seemed to gravitate immediately towards me #and i remember thinking afterward that it was odd how quickly we resolved that. esp bc we didnt even meet it was just voice call #anyway yeah i found out she was a dyke much later but i think maybe she clocked me straight away bc of how i sound....?#and that was why she warmed to me so quickly... but god i remember debating for ages with my ex abt whether she was gay or not #like my gaydar is truly terrible i suck balls at picking up on cues so its funny that to some people im reeking signals #also i met up with an ollldddd old friend last week + 30 secs in she was like oh fuck you must use different pronouns now #gesturing to Me. like oh..... im visibly gnc......? or maybe behaviourally???? idk. also shes v femme which made me realise that-#i rly do come across kinda masc/butch nowadays. even tho ive never really thought abt it that deeply before or made an effort to #i mean yeah i do identify along those lines but ive never directly considered how to flag that to other people etc im just doing me baby #ANYWAY this has been a rly long ramble idr what point i was getting at but just find it fascinating to think abt how im read in public #bc im just genuinely so unaware of it. its weirdly rly validating to find out that im automatically recognised as dykey + a little masc #boosted my confidence a lot as well tbh ive felt rly comfortable in myself lately. partly also cuz im getting a little muscular ;^)#ANYWAYYYYYY enough of all that i need to go sleep if youre reading this ily goodnighttt xoxo #.diaries

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jisungshotfirst · 1 year

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found out that my horrible ex friend is telling people that im in love with one of my closest friends ...

#like I laughed so hard coz what in the alloromanticism #and also she knows im gay and she's saying im in love with my friend who is a girl #and like platonically? I am absolutely in love with her ofc but romantically? NDJDJZJ #also im like 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 coz that horrible human should get my name out of their mouth 🔪🔪 like actually die #like ...:( I don't want her even thinking of me unless it's with guilt coz she's actually just so cruel #and what tf does she gain from this so im like ... do u actually believe it urself ..??? dnndjdj #god ... is she not over this like oml #what's extra funny is that me and that friend joke about how insane of a couple we would be NFJDJD #like we joke that we r a beard couple that is not convincing what so ever #anyway #crazy times #kitshit

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andthebeanstalk · 1 year

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pssst.... there are a lot of queer christians! their experiences and faith are valid. it sucks you weren't able to jive with the church, but don't act like its impossible because of your sexuality when many other lgbt folx have managed just fine

My friend, you do you, but being a faggot dyke tranny helped keep me out of an abusive organization, and for me and all of my formerly religious friends, that is that.