Good morning my little lamb! How was your sleep? I hope you have been getting more sleep since you haven’t been for the past week.
*blushes* if you really must know then yes, I do dream about you my moon *turns head away*.
About you though, some birdies on the team have been telling me about how you keep having mental breakdowns. Do you want me to come over? I know that it isn’t a full solution, but since you love me so much I figure I can at least make your day shine my sweets <3.
My day could’ve been better my lovely. Wakatoshi-Kun and Semi semi have caught me practicing when I wasn’t supposed to, and have lectured me for hours. I It wasn’t that bad though! It was only 3 and half hours of extra practice, I would’ve called you but then I would be risking getting you caught as well.
But how are you doing so far Mx.Tendou? Should I send over some chocolate milk to your place? Or just bring to you directly if you want me to come over?
Love you my paradise~
- your husband💜
ah, my sweetest! it’s been a while hasn’t it? i’m so sorry for responding to this much later than i usually do, but i know that you know things haven’t been the easiest lately :,) i’ll explain more at the end of this reply!
yup!! i’m getting more sleep than usual! all thanks to you, my lovely~ <3 oho? it was just a teasing statement, but now i’m curious. what do you dream of me? hmmm?
oh! you DARE go to extra practice WITHOUT ME? forget getting caught, my sun, i’d do practically anything to spend time with you <3 besides, i’ve been playing more volleyball recently (my thighs and arms are SORE :,) and i have bruises on my arm from the stupid balls, but SOON! i’ll be good enough to at least play in the court)
FROM THIS POINT ON IT WILL BE ME RANTING ABOUT MY PROBLEMS AND THERE MAY BE SENSITIVE TOPICS. PLEASE PLEASE DONT READ IF YOURE UNCOMFY. I DONT GUARANTEE ANYTHING
well,, about that. since we ARE wedded, and i’ve been running from my problems, i think it’s time to come clean to this. i’m not exactly doing well anywhere and my mental health has been far from okay. still better than many, though. i should really be grateful for that but i just can’t. anyways <3
also tendou anon: ily. the short version is just: i have insecurities and i am mentally unstable and i am being unnecessarily sad about it 👍👍 followed by me being stupid and having parental issues <3 summed it up in case you didn’t wanna read all t h a t
i’m having a series of small but important exams recently and i can’t say i’m really doing well in school either, so i’ve taken it upon myself to at least work hard and try my best to finish all my schoolwork, get enough sleep and still have time for some more relaxing things, like tumblr. i dont know if you know just how alleviating it is to see people pop into my ask box to chat or to request or just ANYTHING, which is why i really, really love and appreciate you (i’m getting off topic, let me steer back). well, anyway, how should i say this? tumblr has been like my escape from reality, like my paradise. somewhere i can be without having to meet already-made expectations, without having to pretend like everything in my life is fine and without having to simply pretend. lately i’ve been less and less active because of all the personal problems i’m facing, and i do apologize for that, although i know i don’t need to.. i just- gosh i don’t even know where i’m going with this at all.
since i’ve addressed my inactivity, i’ll talk about my mental health. it’s been months since i’ve had any insecurities popping out randomly to taunt me and pick at every single thing i do. since around the start of july, though, everything started falling back onto me. i started realizing and criticizing every little thing i did and myself as a person. recently it’s only gotten worse, and it’s disgusting for myself to doubt some of my closest friends and their friendship with me, but i cant help but think they’re all going to leave me for some newer, more fun and more interesting friend. after all, in reality, i’m just plain old me. i sound so unbothered by everything, i look unapproachable, i’ve even given up on almost every aspect of myself. why would they want someone like me, right? it’s stupid, and i shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts, but i can’t do anything about them. sometimes it feels like i give so much but they never give in return. i pick up their siblings from classes, i take time out of my already packed schedule to help them solve their boy problems, i always try my best to take their feelings into consideration. at least in my point of view, i did nothing wrong? did i? i don’t know why everything’s going wrong and why everyone’s slipping out of my lives when they’ve barely even been there.
tw//suic*de and de*th and starving and really bad parents under this
i’ve been suicidal since a few years back and i only have a single reason to live. that single reason is my one of my two best friends. he’s amazing in every way possible, and i don’t truly know what love is, but if i loved someone, it’d be him. he brought me out of my darkest times when i’d attempted suicide and we made a promise to both live on. we still do talk, but since he’s older and busier, these times just get less and less frequent, and i’m so scared to lose the one thread still tying me to the world.
and, my parents. i think they’re the largest contributing factor to my current situation. lord, i can’t tell you how many times i’ve passed out from exhaustion, being fucking forced to study for exams. how many times that woman has threatened to k*ll me and starve me for the tiniest things ever. in my entire life, no matter what happened to me, she’s never said a genuine sorry to me before. her nonexistent social awareness is almost funny, if it weren’t so fucking annoying. whining and babytalking with my dad all fucking day at max volume as if i weren’t in the house. all that slandering of the lgbtq+ community and being racist, all that shittalking about me as if i can’t hear them at all. all they know is how to be disgusting, manipulative shitheads, thinking theyre the boss of everyone and that they can order me around like im an inanimate object. IM EIGHTEEN, FOR FUCKS SAKE. IVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF MYSELF SINCE 13. LEAVE ME TF ALONE.
i just,, i dont know. fuck them, fuck everyone, fuck everything. i want to just end it all so bad but i know i’d just be more of a burden to everyone like that, or so i’d like to believe.
that is all. that’s the longest i’ve ever ranted in ages, lord. i won’t say i’m fine right now, but i won’t say i’m doing good. i’m just barely hanging in there, and i don’t know what else to say about this.
sorry for the long rant! i have lots more i’m upset about, but i’m not ready to share it with anyone yet, sorry. for anyone who actually read until this part, please just somehow ignore this. thanks
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Who is your favorite OC? Pls share their backstory I must know👀
to be honest it’s totally Devon. I’ve had him sinceee about the 6th grade, and he’s been concrete since about 7th grade (I’m almost a junior!). He’s so important to me :’). Whenever I feel sad I just work on him or write about him and it cheers me up real fast.
haha his backstory is a loooong, complicated mess. I literally went on an 1.5-2 hour rant about his backstory at a sleepover once, it was ridiculous how long it took for me to talk about him. I actually wrote a response for this ask yesterday, but it got deleted I hate my life. It was soooo long because I wrote it in the way I speak. You’re probably getting a lot more than you bargained for :’). I’ll put it below the cut so everyone else doesn’t suffer.
im gonna use bullet points bc i like them and theyre shorter
note: universe is like. sci-fi. there’s space stuff you know
full name: Devon Mateo Westmore
born: August 16th
a leo!!! do with that what you will
as far as parents go, they’re kinda dicks basically
Devon was a complete accident and he’s kind of treated as such
they’re pretty neglectful?? they really dont give a crap abt him frankly
they’re more interested in making bank with their jobs and turning up
has a sister who’s like graduating or smthn. she’s old. her name’s Lucía.
she also could give less than a crap about him and had a similar experience with their parents; just wants to be free and have no attachment to this rando baby
is a total Problem Child™ during school because of his messy life, just wants attention and love really but never really gets it
universally hated by teachers all his life
high school is especially rough he is a disaster
he’s basically like party all day every day bitches bc is parents are never home/probably wouldnt reprimand him for going out anyways
he drinks a lot, does drugs
he bangs a lot of people irresponsibly. A LOT of people.
is a player tbh he will flirt with anyone. very pansexual.
makes a lot of (bad) friends 2 fill the Void™ and does a lot of illegal things
anyway fast forward to when he’s like 17-18 and school’s like yep time to graduate!! and hes basically like
but he does graduate in order for the story to move forward
but now he’s like careers????????
all he’s kind of enjoyed is music throughout high school but he’s like thats not what i want to do.
yolo, he probably says to himself one day. I’ll just join the military and become a space pilot because thats what I wanted to do when i was 8
so BASICALLY i haven’t figured out how I want this space military to work but he ends up in like an academy (he’s like around 19ish) or smthn
this is where he starts to like chill tf out tbh
he discovers that he likes this a lot?? and he’s like dedicated to it???
a lot of like. coping happens and he has to figure out what kind of person he wants to be and recover™ himself
but yah he does well and he ends up being valedictorian nice going m8
basically if you’re #1 in your class you get the opportunity to go to this like. school/training thingy. and it’s very exclusive but if you like graduate from their you’re like. set
its like harvard except you could die there
yolo, he thinks in yet another life decision he really shouldn’t be taking lightly. I want $$$$ so i’m about to make that place my bitch
he does not make that place his bitch
he suffers so much
by the end of the year/2 years he’s there, he does pretty well
He makes a bunch of good friends, and he gets a ton of experience. he’s really good because of it, as to be expected
while there the top of the class is this girl and her name is Adella
shes my daughter
Devon likes her but she’s like super stand-offish and he’s a party kid so he’s like
“hard pass.”
but he has like mad respect and he thinks she’s chill
the feelings mutual
anyways like RIGHT before they graduate she gets recruited to this special program because she’s top of the class and like disappears he never sees her again
sike
but not for a while at least……………
so like fast forward he’s like 23 maybe
he’s got a good job, he’s living it up really?? he’s just like pretty happy all around he has a life, an apartment, friends
he gets an email from this girl and she’s like yo
I’m Tamara, my mother passed away recently but I discovered that our parents are apparently siblings?? I never knew I had a cousin, I heard you live in the area and I was just wondering if you wanted to get to know each other
and hes basically like damn if i’m about to pass up this chance!!!!!!!!
Tamara works as a programmer literally one (1) city away
basically they just?? end up getting along really well?? Devon spends a lot of his off days hanging out with her
he’s so ecstatic to finally have someone who’s his family like she treats him like a little brother
probably Tamara also has a younger sibling, their name is Calix. they work as a doctor and dont see Tamara often but the two are close regardless
they’ll be important later but for rn they’re not relevant
anyway, at some point they make plans for Devon to meet Tamara and he ends up at her work
and she’s chilling with this guy who is absolutely
fucking
gorgeous
Devon’s sure he died, right there, behind a goddamn cubicle,,
he’s frantically trying to think up something suave to say (are you the only tennessee no– wait–) when Tamara notices him
she introduces him to her hot friend, his name is Shay
Devon tries to play it cool
“Hey would you mind if Shay came w–”
“NO NOT AT ALL I WOULDNT MIND”
they go out for lunch
he chills out a little bit on the way enough to be his usual self
Shay mistakes flirting for good-natured joking
Devon suffers
They exchange numbers
cue pining
Shay continues to be oblivious
He has to be told point blank by Tamara whos like “Please, for the love of all that is good, fuck him go on a date with my cousin.”
“Has he been asking me on dates every time he takes me out?? every time??”
I love Shay so much u dont even know
Shay is basically a really pure and happy person, literally nothing can get him down ever he’s just trying to live his best life
he’s everything to Devon, he’s so sunshiney and nice and Devon has just been through some stuff and his life is going well and now he has been blessed with this beautiful, perfect boy….,,,
it’s not like Devon has never dated anyone before, most of his relationships have been purely physical but he’s been in romantic relationships w people
but this is like. it he knows it.
they date for about a year, everything’s fantastic
and then
things are heating up politically, and Devon’s in the military so they need him somewhere else
right now everyones living in like?? around india somewhere and they need him in like. canada.
hes understandably upset
he’s gotta move. acROSS THE GLOBE.
he’s not going to break up with bae but they’ve got to talk through this like Adults™
so they talk through it
and Shay’s basically like
“fuck no, i’m moving with you idiot
did you think you were just going to move away from me bench?? sike”
they move in together
I used to have their apartment layout drawn up on homestyler but they reset the system and it’s gone into the void so i’ll have to remake it :’)
so now they’re moved in which is super great everything is popping
remember Calix? they’re relevant again
basically, Calix has been dating this girl for a while now and they’ve gotten serious but their relationship is not working out because she is a mess tbh and they love each other very much but they are not good for each other
Calix isn’t emotionally receiving or helpful he’s very blunt so they end up splitting up because she doesn’t need a relationship
Said girl is Adella
Adella is a mess basically
the program she was recruited for made her very successful, very well known in her field and in a lot of ways, among common people
but downside is there was a lot of government dirty work she was kind of pressured into doing
there’s also a lot of hush hush skirmish’s that have been occurring that she had to stop
she’s been struggling with depression for a lot of her life and she has PTSD so when her contract is up she decides to take a break™
her and Calix’s relationship kind of falls apart but she’s friends with Tamara and she’s like I need to leave somewhere and get out of this messiness, i’m going to move back home (Canada)
Tamara is like
LIGHTBULB DING DING DING
she doesn’t think that Adella shoudnt be on her own, she wants someone to supervise her and make sure she doesnt accidentally starve or smthn
she has the best intentions but she kind of tricks Devon and Shay tbh
“Hey you guys got an apartment with an extra room?? Can you take in my friend for a while, she’ll pay rent, she has a job she’s just trying to find a nice place to live but she needs to move to the area rn”
the two of them are like “yeah sure lol sounds legit tammy we ly
Adella shows up on their doorstep with the intention to live there for like 2 years
cue Shay internally flipping his shit over this lowkey celebrity whos going to LIVE in HIS APARTMENT DEVON DID YOU CLEAN THE KITCHEN
Devon is not phased
he knows Adella from school so he’s just kind of like hey its u whats banging girlie
he basically just treats her like normal and she is so appreciative
basically they become SQUAD i love them and thats the beginning of my story and thus ends background
i’m sorry this was so long i tried so hard but i got carried away. double sorry for taking so long I have like 3 end of school projects due rip me
Thank you so much for asking!! I can’t tell you how much it means to me :’)) If you made it this far through my story I applaud you. thanks for reading!!! Feel free to message me if you have any questions
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I Can’t Sleep So Imma Rant About Mean People From HS: Freshman Edition- Fuck Ricky
I was a baby among other fish babies but I didn’t know any of them cus I didn’t go to my feeder Hs bc I went to a rich snooty booty Hs bc better grades and stuff... anyways so like I’m over here tryna make friends and this guy named Ricky is like cool and we get along super well and we talk a lot and everything is great. We also talk with this annoying ass girl named Vivian but who liked to be called Aimee but deadass nobody ever fucking called her that and I remember she thought not being in top 10 made her a nobody like yikes pobresia (that last word basically means poor her in Spanish)... we digress lol.... Also this girl Andrea who liked to be called Emily (OOH BIH U DONT KNOW WHATS COMING WITH HER LMAO)
So this Ricky guy is fun to talk to and it’s one of those friendships where you just click right and ok well long story short. It was the beginning of the second semester and I didn’t have lunch with any of the little pals I would sit with in the fall semester lunch so I be out here looking for friends and shit and so then I see that guy Ricky and I’m like oh cool we’re definitely friends bc we shared so many laughs and conversations and I even thought that just maybe he had a crush on me (the feeling wasn’t mutual but the slight hints of flirtation he tossed around made me feel pretty and wanted, which I’m sure everyone enjoys and later I was told by Andrea that he did have a crush on me but I hurt his dumbass heart bc i was talking about my current boyfriend around him so maybe that’s why he did what follows?? Idk)
He sees me and as I expected, he’s like HEY!! You have this lunch?? :D and I’m like Yes lol (tryna play off like if I’m totally not a loser with no friends and like I have somewhere to go) and so he’s like Oh cool! I know you don’t eat any of the school food, but would you still go wait in the lunch line with me?? :)) mY naive innocent loving ass is like YeAh! So here I am in this long dumbass line for disgusting food, Ricky is like hey can you get a plate of *i forgot what food it was they were serving that day* so I could eat an extra one from yours? And I’m like yeah sure bc I mean it’s not like I was tryna eat nasty food.
sooooooooooooo...... we get our food and I follow him to his little table which is fullll of people and there is only one seat left (although if people are small then 3 could totally fit and ik this for a fact bc i would so that at other points in time) so that Ricky guy takes the last seat and I’m sort of just standing there like an idiot thinking uhhh is he gonna introduce me or make a little space for me orrrr??? (And let it be known that at this point in my life I was really unhealthy and would never eat so my ass was a STICK so making space for me literally was NO TROUBLE)
His friend who he’s sitting next to moves a bit over, implying for him to move so he could make a space and as she does that I’m like yay they don’t think I’m intruding and just as my ass sits down and is gonna introduce myself my boy Ricky is like... oh... you’re not leaving???... and the table laughs and so I’m left feeling mortified. // I wish he would’ve left it at that.//
I start feeling face flush as I finally admit, iN FRONT OF ALL HIS FRIENDS, oh well I don’t have anywhere else to sit none of my friends have this lunch... and y’all aren’t even ready for what he does next.... RICKY AND HIS HEADASS BRAIN say to me, oh well you can’t stay here. I stare back. Face flush turns to red rush and I feel my tears about to gush. He LITERALLY SAYS “shoo shoo go away” and everyone laughs :))) AGAIN, I WISH HE WOULD HAVE LEFT IT AT THAT.
THENNN, HE DEADASS GETS UP FROM HIS SEAT AND GRABS MY ARM AND GUIDES ME TOWARD A TABLE LITERALLY LIKE 3 TABLES AWAY FROM THEIRS WHERE THEY COULD LITERALLY SEE ME!!! And I wouldn’t have minded sitting by myself but this table was that table with that one weird white shy guy who always has his head down and hates everyone and like hisses at people and shit when they try to talk to him and is so nervous and hostile about everything you don’t know how tf to even interact with him so it was honestly worse than sitting by myself
Ricky even introduces me to the guy in the most patronizing baby voice he says to the guy “hey this is Cecy she’s really nice talk and be friends” REALLY NICE? THEN WHY DID U JUST HUMILIATE ME SO BAD so just as Ricky is about to leave he still has the nerve to ask for my lunch plate, my way of setting my foot don is saying no. I was wayyy too nice. ):
My innocent sweet baby self even tried talking to the weird guy but I found myself having a conversation where the only response I would get was occasional raging stare downs so I finally decided to quit for safety reasons, I pulled out my homework and as I watched Ricky’s horrible ass walk away I could hear and even see his friends laughing, he sits down where he has a view of me, his disposable entertainment.
I tried so hard not to cry as I pretended to have Spanish homework I needed to do in a rush because it was due the next class, but in reality I was getting ahead because I was a little embarrassing need, and was reminded of that every time I looked up at the table where Ricky and his friends sat.
Lunch was finally over and I hurried to pack my things as I desperately needed to cry in the bathroom before my next class, Ricky tried to go up to me and say something but I wasn’t about to listen to anything else he had to say so I just shoved my arm away from his grasp and walked off both proud of myself and heartbroken as I realized the world wouldn’t always be the bright pastel pink lovely land I’d always made it out to be.
Fuck Ricky man, but let it be known I’ve grown so much since then and am not out here letting boys make me feel like an embarrassment.
Also thanks to Ricky, because ever since that day EVERYTIME I saw someone sitting alone I invited them over to my table with my friends because I knew how bad it felt.
BE KIND TO OTHERS 💓
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