#get the fuck off my blog too
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btw i'm palestinian. i've said it before but i'll say it again. anyone who expresses support towards israel in any way can fuck right off my blog. there is no "both sides"-ing this shit. my people have been suffering for almost 80 years, getting ethnically cleansed and oppressed. there is NO "both sides". israelis do not get an ounce of sympathy from me. and anyone who disagrees with what i just said can leave. i will not respect you if you actively support the ongoing genocide of my people.
#i've been posting like crazy on my main about this#and i've barely been posting on here#guys my family literally got bombed right in the middle of a phone call with them#i have 0 sympathy for settler colonizers#the propaganda and everything they're saying about palestinians now is fake#and hey. if you're gonna take this opportunity to be antisemitic#get the fuck off my blog too#this blog is a safe place for jewish people#jewish palestinian solidarity <3#oil.
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IM NOT A DOCTOR BUT I THINK I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP
#my art#dol#harper the doctor#HIIIIIIIIIIII HI EVERYONE 👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋#its a little bit off so that makes me kinda upset :( but ill figure something out. it might be the colors :(#or maybe the spacing? i left a lot in the top left :( but its fine#and im going to use every lyric of that song for every harper piece i make so that i dont have to think about making captions okay?#but HERE. a HARPER PIECE YOU CAN REBLOG#i give them the stupid messy sidebun because its cute. to me.#im so sorry about the radio silence but i DID warn you all i get artblock often#but!!!!!! i was also accepted into a zine despite my lack of internet presence :) so ive also been busy with that and other stuff too#accidentally made this while practicing for the piece because i couldnt get the style right :( but hopefully ill get a better hold on it#anyways. harper is not a doctor and i love them so much it makes me sick#harper my EVERYTHING. hes my PRINCESS.#MY ANGEL.#i want you all to remember this isnt just an art blog. its a harper fanblog#ohhh but i do have a few few few announcements to make in my next post okay? so dont ignore it alright? kiss kiss love you#IM GONNA BE FUCKING SICK HES HOLDING THE SYRINGE WRONG. AND I CANT FIX IT NOW BECAUSE ITS BEEN RBED
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THEY DEVASTATINGLY WALLOPED ME FOR THESE BRIEF FEW SECONDS
#leigh's magneto hours#THERE'S SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE. ESPECIALLY THE ALMOST TOUCHING FOREHEADS BIT.#magneto's 'my path is too littered with error'#;WWWWWWW;#and rogue's 'you have to earn people's trust'#LIKE!!!!! AND THEN HE DIRECTLY GOES FOR THE 'ooooo i feared you'd do your best to avoid being alone with me.' WITH THE HAND GRAB!!!!#YOU FEARED???? YOU FEARED?!?! FEARED FOR WHAT. OLD MAN WHAT ARE YOU SAYING#AND THEN HE GOES TO TRY AND TAKE OFF THE GLOVE. AS IF WE DIDN'T JUST ADDRESS TRUST#dnvjdxbvjhdbvhdx. this man. i swear. you are giving me signals that you want to be more open and then YET YOU BRING UP OLD BAGGAGE#he's like 'oh i just got rejected. well now time to deflect.' LIKE AAAAAAAAA#this moment coupled with the moment at the end is making me crazy#sorry to my followers who never expected me to be into xmen???? im here now. im so ill with it.#i can probably assure there will be more rogneto on this blog here in the future. this is your warning#i just feel like ive been fucking SPOON FED oh my god. crossing my fingers we get more messy feelings between them.
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I've come to the conclusion that loving young royals doesn't mean I can't be critical about it, maybe especially bc I love the show so much I have such strong feelings about it, good and bad and I can love parts of canon and agree with it and appreciate it but I don't have to love it all. I have accepted that it's okay if I don't accept the ending and I don't have to force myself to support it. It's okay to not agree with all of canon and it's okay to not side with all of the creators' intentions/views. Loving a show doesn't mean you have to take everything the writers say on face value and that's the only version that is allowed to exist. Canon isn't everything and fandom is about curating your own experience that makes you happy and not miserable. You don't have to dismiss canon in every aspect and ignore it entirely, that's certainly not what I want but there is a fine line between being canon respectful, allowing some parts to exist and sometimes, yes, you just have to say "fuck canon" and move on for your own sanity and wellbeing
#especically in the first two weeks of a new release everyone is feelings lots of intense emotions ranging from ecstatic to angry#everything in between is a part of it and i know i'm also feeling very strongly about it right now#i always try to stay levelheaded and rational and see things from an objective pov and be diplomatic about discourse#i don't want any of what i say drift off too much into meaningless hate instead of the constructive criticism it's supposed to be#but when you feel so strongly about something and sometimes you really just wanna say yeah i fucking hate it lol#but i always try to explain why and give understandable arguments and not just blindly hate on something#for example - I'm aware there are fans who have some problems with s2 and don't love the season whereas i do and it's my fave#and there is a difference between expressing some criticism and justified concerns which you can understand where it comes from#and those who are just like 'oh it's a horrible season. it was so shitty and we should get rid of it' which is dumb hate and just not true#and i can't support people like that and take them seriously#i can have my own issues with s3 from a subjective pov which can also include some justified criticism as well#but also still acknowledge it as a truly good piece of tv media and the quality is top notch#and that's why you have such high expectations and have critique because it is so good and sets such a high standard#yrtalk#with that being said i understand ppl not wanting to see any critic about it if they are riding the high of happy wilmon endgame#but that doesn't mean that i can't express my own opinions on my own blog and i will continue to do so#and maybe one day i will feel differently and accept or even like the ending who knows#but it doesn't have to happen. it's fine if it does but it's also fine if it doesn't
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hi
#life update nobody asked for lol#I missed you guys my pookie wookie dookies#I deleted all my social media and life is so great wow#still a lot of mental health problems but I'm finally learning to deal with my emotions and not hate life (wow)#is it bad for me to say I'm so glad I left blr#I will probably never come back here lol but I think (?) today is txt's debut anniversary and since I am the self proclaimed empress of moa#downgrading to a flip phone actually#I unstanned txt and all the kpop peoples too (SHOCKER)#I do feel really nostalgic and sad when I think about them but I think it was the thing I needed most#delulu is infact not the solulu#daydreaming about beomgyu being the new student at my school and being soobin's bestie was never the greatest idea hey#it's so freeing to not care about them and focus on what's infront of me#if you need a sign to start growing out of kpop and start worrying about your own life here it is babe 😭 don't let anybody give you shit#Not to say kpop is bad or anything I just think for me it was getting a bit out of hand#As much as we all make fun of the delulus it's so easy to fall down that spiral when these idols constantly tell you they love you#The parasocial relationship was REAL istg these people felt like my friends#Hueningkai does not give a FUCK about me and he is so real for that#Thinking about deleting this blog but I'm logging off after this so I very well may forget it exists again#But I just wanted to share what's been going on#And I miss you guys a lot#I may have outgrown kpop and tumblr but you all still have a special place in my heart#I miss the good old days 😭 when discord let's me back in I might visit wme#Not much has changed with me but mentally I feel like a whole new person#But I hope you all are doing GREAT#Living your best lives and doing things that make you happy#You owe it to yourself more than you owe these celebrities anything#xoxo savie 😝🤟🤟🔥🔥🔥
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What places besides FairyLoot have pretty books with sprayed or illustrated edges? I’ve seen lists before but they just tell you what genre of books or whether there are bookish goodies, and not how pretty the books are, which is very silly of them because I and many in the market are very shallow and do not care about the genre, we just want pretty books that are good I guess.
i am also extremely shallow and picked my subscriptions based on book prettiness
fairyloot has boxes with lots of goodies as well as book-only boxes, i've found their books to be some of the prettiest (if i were smart i'd be doing book-only for both young adult and adult but that would mean risking not getting gideon the ninth socks)
illumicrate also has really pretty books and a book-only option, they have a romance box as well HOWEVER the romances are NOT as pretty as the regular illumicrate books. they have sprayed edges but not stenciled or digitally printed. also they're all tradpub romance and i'm a selfpub kinda girl where romance is concerned.
owlcrate books aren't usually as pretty, often are the same book as fairyloot or illumicrate (but less pretty), and they do harry potter merch. no thanks!
i recently bought a book from thebrokenbindingsub.com (the legends and lattes special edition lmao) and i'm going to try to resist Yet Another Subscription but i'm real fucking tempted ngl
i don't trust litjoy because they have a lot of non-book nerd shit and also a lot of unlicensed definitely-totally-generic wink-wink nudge-nudge wizard shit. fuck off with that. also the books aren't as pretty. and their bookshelf alleys don't even have real depth despite looking cool at a casual glance. thumbs down. it's a bit of a shame because i do like the model where instead of paying for a box every month you pay for members-only store credit so you only receive items you actually want instead of having to figure out what to do with an atlas six booksleeve.
(and before anyone gives me shit for spending way too much money on books because they're pretty: i don't actually keep all the books i get and i actually prefer ebooks, but when i really like a book i want the prettiest possible version to keep on my shelf. so it's either subscribe to fancy book deliveries and resell the ones i don't like or else spend $300+ on ebay when a good one shows up. not buying pretty versions of books i like is NOT an option because why the hell did i get an office job if i can't buy pretty books to console me when i get home.)
#original#that last bit is probably unnecessary but people get SO MAD about defiling the sanctity of literature with pretty books lmao#i try to resell via my blog rather than ebay whenever possible#because i'm not trying to be shitty and profit off people still on the waitlist i just don't have fucking room for all these books#only the ones that spark joy may stay#i had to unsub from secretly society because reselling records i didn't want was too much of an ordeal#i don't want things for the sake of having things i want things that i LIKE and that are useful if only in theory#if the physical item isn't pretty i'd rather just have the virtual one#my only exception is books that are way cheaper used through bookfinder and unless i really like those they get donated when i'm done
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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I will never understand how people will agknowledge just how jk rowling is as a human being, and still like Harry potter. You can't fucking "separate the art from the artist" when the 'art' is filled with antisemitism, racism transphobia and more! You can't even think about doing that when the 'artist' herself is a fucking HOLOCAUST DENIER.
(Also it's even more pathetic considering jk rowling is actually a shit writer. Like let's be honest, everything people love about Harry potter is from the movies. Every bit of personality Harry had was from his actors portrayal of him)
These people don't care that they're clinging onto the mediocre work of a holocaust denier that wishes death to trans people because they're too wrapped up in nostalgia or whatever. It's pathetic and honestly disgusting.
And it speaks volumes how pretty much all the people I see behaving this was are white
#kind reminder to hp fans! get the fuck off my blog! idc if you hate jkr you're still contributing to the problem!#Also it sure is interesting how jk rowling wasn't publicly acknowledged for her shit until the transphobia#another great example of white people not caring until it affects them 💀#anyway this is rlly random#but its bc i saw someone who was gay and also claimed to be a trans ally but consistently posted abt hp#like mf you cant be both.#fuck jkr#fuck harry potter#anti jkr#anti hp#this goes for thr mauraders fandom or whatever too. like have fun with your gay ships but at least admit you dont care about trans ppl#like youre still actively putting a terfs work on a pedestal and you know it. you just ignore it because you dont fucking care#i genuinely hate ppl like that like if ur gonna be a horrible person at least stip pretending youre not#moth.txt
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Pathetic!Kimhan truthers rise up 💕
#baby-dom chay you are my confidante my best friend my silly rabbit.#for legal reasons this is a lightheated jokey post :')#but it is also what I do every time 💀#I dont know if its because it orders them Chay/Kim on ao3 so when the dom/sub tag is there im like OH MY GOD YES FINALLY LETS FUCKING GO#rare dom-sub variations my beloved#alas.................. people look at kim and think ''hot.'' instead of ''sopping wet pathetic little meow meow''#the power that d/s chay/kim has.#Kimhan 'needs to be in complete control' Theerapanyakul#utterly picked apart by Porchay 'broke down all of Kims careful defenses by accident' Kittisawadt#it just makes sense!!!!!#credit to tumblr user kinnbig for the meme#negative credit for being too much of a puthy to post it tho 🙏#that said my wife does have significantly more followers than me to be angy in the inbox and she does not want that smoke💀#I however needed this on my blog more than my peace and sanity#anyway sub!kim is my hill to die on#youre telling me you dont look at Kimhan Theerapanyakul and want him held down by the throat??#you think he doesnt deserve to be pinned to a wall???#thats like enrichment for him??? he loves it#its perfect. Kim finally doesnt have to be in control and Chay finally gets to!! its just such a neat exploration of trust!!#something something eroticising vulnerability after years of being forced to be stoic and invulnerable and emotionally cut off 💕#the fandom can barely handle sub!Kim so let me stay completely silent on my sub!Vegas thesis....... but like...... 👀#anyway!! babygirlify that man#put that man on his knees agenda 💕
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me
#rant#i guess#it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever#like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning#i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry#its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too#it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but#a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container#or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside.#it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time.#i hate this survivalistic shit#its not long before i move out thank god but still#he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything#like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice.#i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it.#and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive#at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont#let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know#writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy
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wait omg.. ur fr not updating ur fanfics ever again?!? HEARTBREAKING... BUTT... does that possibly mean u can spoil everything (slowly ofc)
EXTREMELY LONG BUT IMPORTANT UPDATE:
so...i'm not going to say ~never~, my friend. i promised myself during my uncle nina self care era, that i would *justin bieber vc* never say never, because setting strict, set-in-stone regulations and rules for myself is why i am not writing anymore...which, yes, as much as i enjoy my fanfics/updating them, for the sake of both my physical and mental health, i think it is in my best interest to not update my fanfictions right now. i'll explain as much as i can down below.
so...this is going to be a very, very long post. i know that i had an anon on here that told me that they look forward to when i post long, indepth things, however, i am going to say that this isn't like a fun hc post or anything, this is just a lot of information...about my blog and my fanfictions, how i have been feeling and what i'm thinking about doing moving forward from this point. a lot of it is stuff that i've written about a lot ( stress, writing, etc. ) but i think it's important to read, mayhaps? just to keep you in the loop/informed on stuff.
long story short tho: i am not updating my fanfics rn, that's not to say i will not be writing/doing ncu stuff and it does...thank god...mean that i can now slowly spoil things...In A Controlled Manner.
to jog your re(memory), lmao, i was very unwell writing peppermint.
we know this...we don't love this.
what i did love was writing peppermint when i was but doing all that formatting, writing more in one update than some people write in entire fanfictions, forcing myself to be consistent...it was...at times very frightening how unwell i was. especially mentally. i just...i was not well equipped for the stress that came with having a moderately successful fanfic. being perceived at that level, with how severe my social anxiety is...it was not good for me. like it was fun because it was cool to see people so invested/get so much high praise for the things that i was writing but...idk. i am very introverted. ravenstan is me because i try to be really cool but i am a fake and a fraud lmaooo.
but yeah, too much upkeep and while 99.9% of the negativity around pep and myself was self inflicted...i will say...especially after 10, i did get some very...Intense...reactions to my fanfiction. like, very, very intense in a way that i was very offput by it and also worried about how the things i was writing were affecting your real lives. which, on top of how i was doing ( not well ) was not something i wanted to have constantly on my shoulders. please friends, remember, you are not responsible for how other people perceive your work, so long as you tag it accordingly, are authentic to yourself, and respectful to others. or so i believe, at least. idk. this is so long, i'm sorry.
speaking of peppermint tho...i am going to be so honest. i...do not think i'm gonna update it or keep writing it. i know that kind of sucks but the Peppermint Period of my life, i hope, will be over soon, lol. which i LOVE pep, but there is a lot of dark, negative energy associated with it, i tried to write it a million times and can't -- which, fun fact, the last stretch of peppermint is the stan self healing/self care arc ( which i love, i love u so bad pep!stan, my baby, my angel ) and the reason i could not write it...is because i was never in a positive enough headspace to write it.
like...i was not healed enough to write the healing arc. thats...oof.
i also just...don't feel super good about writing stuff about the boys in hs as an adult lady, like? they are 18 and all, but idk, it does not make me feel good things, its just not that relevant to me and the only reason that they were in hs in pep is because all of the relevant tiktok lore surrounding style was senior year hs stuff. but i really just prefer writing the boys in rm/in college/doing adult boy stuff. thats a lot more in my wheelhouse and i feel way better doing that tbh.
a final pep thing that ties into the last part of this ask is YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTHING YOU WANT ABOUT PEPPERMINT. i will spoil everything, like i'd prefer to do it in parts so if you want chapter 12 first i can tell you all about that. i don't have a ton of stuff written out in action...but i have...a fuck ton of dialogue. like nearly all of the dialogue for peppermint is written. ( if you want i can even take the dialogue and write it in sort of stage direction type formats with the actions to make it flow a little better -- i just can't write Chapters )
so yeah, ask me anything at all that you like about peppermint, but i can't spoil the entire fic in one ask...slow pace, please, haha.
okay, rm i do actually care a lot about. i also don't know if i in good concious can write chapter updates for it, but i can give you very detailed asks about it and give you what information i do have about it...also in small pieces. like someone asked me what happened to the ex-cd guitarist...and i can give you that information very soon.
i know it is kind of a bummer to not be able to get updates, but like, when i tell you i was seriously unwell...like it was really bad my real life was getting fucked up because of my online life which is whack.
but yeah! you can also ask me rm stuff! i kind of want to do it as sequencially as i can just so it flows a lot better like, idk, maybe start w/ ravesey hate stuff and move chapter to chapter, answering hc things in between? that feels right to me? but yeah!!! you can ask me what goes in the next chapter? if you want? or the next two/whatever is left of the hate...i don't have a ton of dialogue but i do have p much the whole situation blocked out? ish? lmao rip.
also!!! if i give you any scenario and you would like me to write in more detail or if you'd really like to see it in writing, you can totally leave me a request and if i feel up to it at some point, i will write it up. i also may just feel funky fresh and want to write it one day and randomly post it. lmao just be ready for anything tbh.
BUT YEAH!!! no i will totally give you rm spoilers and stuff!!! but again, i'm gonna try and not give you too much at once...v slow. in that way, ik its not the same as getting my full-fledged chapter updates, but it could hopefully still be exciting because you'd be waiting to get my content and it would come out quicker? which is still neat i think? my way to keep updating you without disappearing or like straining the shit out of my heart and brain.
okay, also, on ao3, as far as Big Writing goes...i'm not sure if i'm gonna post anything actually updatey on there again. it was just too stressful for me yall. i dont even want to make a seperate chapter post of explaination because i really don't want my fic to sit at the top of the tag for days and garner attention or like...wake to people waiting for pep or rm who think they're getting a new chapter, just to get told that i don't really feel safe updating them anymore. way too much attention which is what...drove me to this point tbh.
again, i like tumblr. i like the intimacy. i like that you guys can anonymously send me stuff and for the most part, i like that i can be sort of anonymous on here too...whilist you know, still being able to share stuff on here with you about my life. which...that's also a thing i was gonna mention at the end is, because i'm in education and kids are super nosy, if something happens, i will have to self destruct this blog and i'm sorry.
i am being so serious like if a kid finds my fanfiction tumblr, not only will it be embarrassing/unprofessional, like i am very worried that i could lose my job, slash not do the thing that i love the most in the world next to writing. :( i really do not want the thing i do in my free time to effect my outside life, which, again, is largely why i am doing this to protect myself lmao. like i am seriously considering like deleting anything that has to do with myself at all because of that. i tag my posts as accurately as i can to keep myself and all of you safe. please, please be mindful. please make good choices.
in vein of staying anonymousish ( tbh this is so much information that i ALMOST was going to post this as a voice message but i was not sure putting my human girl voice associated w/ this blog tbh ) i lowkey might nuke the twitter...i don't like it on there, lol. the cancel culture is frightening ( which is not to say don't cancel me if i'm being weird like please do that lol ) the people on there are really intense, i don't like the in fighting...i am on my tumblr because i feel safe here and i like all of you and i like answering your questions.
tbh, rp if you're reading this, the only reason i actually have the twitter is bc riley and i chat on there which, tbh, i might just bully her to use the dms on here or like licherally give you my personal phone number, lol. like we are internet married and talk constantly and i want to delete my twitter so bad it's not funny ESPECIALLY THE VIEW COUNTER LIKE THAT SHIT IS SO FUCKED UP I HATE IT.
kind of why i don't like ao3 either bc the hit count thing...really fucks w/ my mental health. the stress of being boxwinebaddie on there is also a lot so...okay...last segway...i do lowkey want to Actually write tkak...WHICH I KNOW NO ONE BUT ME CARES ABOUT BUT LOL THIS IS MY BLOG I DO WHAT I WANT BROTHER!!! its just funny bc this always happens where i can't write a fanfic i'm writing and then get excited abt some weird concept i have and start writing it and then stop again. so if i am writing tkak, please know it might not finish and i might just talk about it in ask memes.
orrrr write it in my google docs and link you or post screenshots. tbh i am very glad to be away from the ao3 layout like its so fucking ugly. the google docs are so much easier to read in my opinion.
for writing/future fanfics tho...as weird as it is, i don't think i'm gonna attach my name/user to my future fanfics. like you guys can know about them on here as long as we are chill about it. i just get too much anxiety about my association with my account and it getting too hectic again. so if i post tkak, i will probably do it on a different ao3 account ( you guys will know ofc ) and if i post one shot type stuff...i might do it also on a burner account or anonymously.
i actually ALMOST posted remember anonymously because of how stressed i was about it being negatively perceived/it being weird or people being mad at me for not updating pep. like i am very stoked you guys liked it but i seriously almost did not attach it to my name.
so if you see stuff that looks like its me floating around the style tag or in the other south park tags...its probably me. idk drop me a weird code word thats not too obvious and i'll send you one back, haha. i'm sorry i know this is complicated i just...i need to distance myself from this like, when i tell you i needed therapy for this...a mess.
but yeah! i hope that all makes sense! by all means ask me about pep ( literally anything abt pep but try to start small and build up ) and rm within reason and i will get back to you! it is extremely freeing for me to be able to talk about stuff because it sucked so bad to sit on all this info and just not be able to talk about it? like AAAA??? like thats why i was forcing myself to post stuff bc i wanted to tell yall stuff. and i would rather post you well thought out ask memes and dialogue that i feel happy abt then rush out terrible updates and grow to resent my fanfics like...no thank you.
i honestly feel like i have really fun ideas and am ( pretty ) good at coming up with complex lore/interesting hcs and shit, but i'm just not good at waiting, not good at keeping secrets and not good at being consistent...this is what i feel happiest doing, ig. hopefully this is rockin and rollin with you. i'm sorry this was a lot.
closing note is...i love you all very much. thank you so much to all of your for supporting as my identity as a writer has adapted, supporting my multiple works/promoting my personal health, advocating for me, being kind...i could not ask for better readers. again, i realize this is not the most fun information, but i have to take care of myself and this is the only way i know how. while also doing the thing i love, which is talking about my fanfics/writing/sharing my stories with all of you.
you are welcome to click off if you want, but if you are willing to ride the ride my friends, i promise to keep it cute on here. <3
thank you for everything, my darlings, and from whatever hurts or harms you, past, present and future
i hope you heal :),
uncle nina
p.s. if possible, if we could not distribute this post or rb it or anything like that i'd appreciate it. you can message me or write to me in the comments but i would like to maintain the liberty of deleting this post or editing it as i need to in case something happens. tysm.
#ncu update#nina speaks#idk that the tag is i actually think i might make an elaborate tag system so u guys/other people can read my blog#and find specific info abt parts of my fics or chars and stuff#but yeeeeeah i don't want to write right now i do not feel good i do not fuck w the energy i felt after i wrote pep for a while#like i already get sometimes overwhelmed on this blog i dont want to go back on ao3 which is already slow and seriously stressful#you can ask for spoilers tho! please do it in small sections! i am just one person and my fics are very lore intensive#i spend a lot of time on my asks i cannot do too much at once unfortunately#if i post stuff on ao3 again i would rather it not be attached to me ik thats kind of lame but it was mega stressful yall#it also makes it so if people enjoy my work it has nothing to do w bwb and this blog and i can start fresh#if u drop me a code tho i will get back to u haha just if u think its me out there please do not start shouting my name looool#hope this makes sense and hope you heal#sorry this was so much i needed to get this off my chest#you can also ask me questions abt this post it was really ocnfusing i tried to say as much as i can#but i am very tired...which is also why i cant really update bc i am working often and very very tired lmao#just be paitent w me if you can and you always are so i'm not worried ily so much thank u thank u thank u#none of this is spelled right ill fix it later...v tired rip
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Done with vacation, prepping for a big workday tomorrow and finally got a chance to look at the container worksheet for ""the izcourse"" and it's been really nice to see people's responses to it and to the post.
Thank you to everyone who’s given their two cents, reblogged, and who’s expressed support to the idea of a restorative approach to harm (especially racist harm) in the fandom.
In the spirit of seeing this bear fruit, I've decided to make the spreadsheet "view only" since the last time it got a response was three days ago. I think it's reached a point where there's enough to glean useful information (DM me if u wanna add more).
@ourflagmeansgayrights thank you for doing the work of disseminating the post within your circles. and for keeping this dialogue open. I hope your tumblr break goes well 👋🏽 Tho I was hoping for other voices to join in on the conversation, I didn't expect for them to come in thru our dialogue like that.
When you shared that list, I saw an opportunity to contribute skills and knowledge I have in service of a fandom community that I really care about. A lot of people have expressed in tags that they want to see this go somewhere. Even if its just out of curiosity, even if it’s A Lot, even if it’s really intense, and even if they’re not invested in “the izcourse” itself.
Community care, especially liberation-centered community care, takes vulnerability and creativity and courage and discomfort. I’m sure a lot of us didn’t sign up to do “community care” as part of our fandom experience. We also didn’t sign up for verbal abuse, targeted harassment, and strangers on the internet threatening our livelihoods.
As I mentioned before, I’m a trained facilitator and educate community members on anti racism irl. Creating spaces for people to come together and learn from each other is just what I do 🤷🏽♀️ and this IS A Lot. It’s also well worth the trouble. I think @blow-me-a-kis put it beautifully in these tags.
#the izcourse #ofmd #I fucks heavy with the work Snann is doing to improve the conditons of fandom #we don't all have to be best friends #but we can make this fandom better and we should try #because ofmd means a lot to all of us and we deserve to have accord in the few places in the world where we get a say #talk it through as a crew #also Hell Yeah to my fellow BIPOC canyonites!!! #the responses to the worksheet are brilliant and such a satisfying read #| want yall to understand this is LOVE #Bell Hooks said # Love is a combination of care commitment knowledge responsibility respect and trust #thats what we are building here
(I know that the bit about the Izzy Canyonite responses won’t resonate with everyone. I left it on the tags because believing one can be objective about anything is a trap. 🌻 I can own that “Izzy Canyon” is the subset of the fandom that I’m in and still be invested in the well-being of fans of color and other vulnerable fans throughout the fandom. Also leaving Kis’ words of affirmation because it feels good when ppl recognize that work’s been going into this. Loving and freely given but work nonetheless)
Love is caring about the well-being of the people in the ofmd fandom matters in both concrete (I want my friends to be ok) and abstract ways (other fans deserve to have a fandom experience that’s life affirming). It’s standing up for fellow fans, especially People of Color and other vulnerable fans, when we see them being abused in our digital sandbox. It’s accepting that our hearts beat faster (and not in a pleasant way) when we talk and think about these things because they matter to us.
So this is a direct request to everyone, particularly “Izzy critical” fans, who’re interested in an effort to address harm in our ofmd fandom community restoratively.
Little explanation for each point
Illustrates the “social landscape” we’re working on, particularly the extent of our common ground. Especially useful for an online community
What are the wounds we’re dealing with? Where does repair need to happen?
Compile the responses to harm listed. This will help determine what responses actually mitigate and discourage harm. It could also help us see where there’s room for culture change/innovation.
Identify the grievances expressed by Izzy fans (particularly fans of color) as well. @ourflagmeansgayrights suggested this. I’m pretty sure this information can be gleaned from the sheet itself and any of the earlier posts that brought us here.
This is not the only way to proceed, but it’s an idea.
The end goal is “come up with restorative ways to address and reduce harm, especially racist harm, in the ofmd fandom.” I don’t know exactly how we’ll get there but it’d be really neat if we could do it by honoring one of the show’s iconic lines and central themes:
#the izcourse#izzy critical#izzy canyon#ofmd discourse#ofmd fandom discourse#fandom racism#fandom discourse#restorative justice#long post#tl;dr something’s gotta change so#if you won’t do it for love of community or a commitment to anti racism and anti oppression#do it because ppl engaging with my last post really fucking pissed off izzy/Stede anon#like they really went on a field day last week#I won’t repost the extreme shit they sent ppl#Izzy-anti-archive is doing the hard work of keeping that#anyway I turned off anon after the last message I got#yes I see you. no you’re not getting a platform from my little fandom blog#and yes the shit you say is very racist AND hurtful#you get no freely given access to me#I strongly suggest others turn off anon too#izzy critical fans are right about the fact that rn all that we can do about anon is to ice them out#🤷🏽♀️#didn’t add this to the body of the post because it’s long enough as it is
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🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨
Chris pine officially worst Captain Kirk.
How much of a fuck up do you have to be to be WORSE than BILL FUCKING SHATNER
Yeah sure Kirk would kick Shatners ass behind whatever that American store that post said— but let’s be so for fucking real about how disgusted he would be at Zionist Pine
#all my girlies who have any variation of this is a willam Shatner hate blog I’m expecting at MINIMUM an added disclaimer about how pine can#jog off into obscurity like the hippie jiggy fuck he claims to be#because it’s not just a oh he just wants the hostages to be release he’s just a confused baby but he’s hearts in the right place#the cunts actively showing his true colours by showing his hard on for genocide#with the bullshit Israel occupiers rights to murder#I will never be quiet I will never let it go#Paulie boy I am grabbing you by the hair and hiss whispering in your ear to not fucking blow this for us don’t continue the wrong legacy#be the Tennant be the Nimoy just shut the fuck up and go get them acting credit and we will stan#chris pine#whoops think it’s too late to tag#Disney
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this dashboard is genuinely the ugliest website design i have ever seen on a modern social media site on god what the hell is this
#i know ppl are like 'THIS IS TOO MUCH LIKE TWT' BUT BRO#TWT ISN'T EVEN THIS CLUTTERED#WTH IS STAFF THINKING#this is the ugliest shit of my life#obvsly xkit makes it better but w/o all the stuff hidden like just as tumblr designed it#it is fucking HEADACHE inducing oml#anw xkit PLEASE update to get my wide posts back holy shit why did they smoosh posts into the middle of the screen#barf#i can't log off on my other blog on my main browser BC I DON'T WANT THIS SHIT KJERNMHKJNM#WHY DID WONDERLOSTE GET THE UPDATE#FREE ME#tbt.
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im not finishing it bc it fucking sucks but this would have been the "attempted family photo but ezra forgot to come home from college and sabine would rather take the photo than be in it and kanan is just vibing while hera is five minutes from snapping and jacen is just a babie. he's a babie and he's got six teeths and he just wants to chomp something (someone)" drawing i could have done
#it fucking sucks but i give up u better be happy its blurry here too#jacens face n cheeks? nice. his head? potato. kanan? who is he. why. cataracts are hard to draw btw surprisingly.#hera looks more like her mom than she does hera and i FULLY blame the fact that rebels style animation is impossible for me to replicate#in my own style#otherwise she's the best off the three. but even then. not good.#so yea#thats it thats all bye.#kanan jarrus#jacen syndulla#hera syndulla#star wars: rebels#fucking hope this doesnt get in the tags im just tagging for my own blog#please for the love of god do not go to the larger tumblr tags i beg.#my art#mimse art
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