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mychemicalraymance · 2 years

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i’m really curious to see the connections between gerard and joan of arc that people make, because their interest seems twofold, but i see a lot of people only making the connection of like gender non conformity (which is there!!! and huge). but to me, a larger part of it is like.... the intermixing of contemporary reaction and myth (and like, martyrdom) with a modern context of what was probably “going on” with her. i also think it’s important to not dwell on christian symbols TOO much when making these connections, because while the root of this is a connection from mental illness to a certain sense of spirituality that comes from ideas within christian mythology, i don’t think any of the notions here are meant to be taken as fundamentally christian concepts, or that gerard necessarily believe joan’s crusade to be righteous in the fact that it’s christian. i think we can take the baby out of the bathwater here.

Gerard is a spiritual person, and like, seems to have a huge relationship with christianity (obviously, and a very catholic, righteous one at that). I think in that quote where he is describing joan of arc as “probably fucking crazy” and touched by the hand of god at the same time is really important. The connection he seems to make with his own mental illness and a sort of chosen-one narrative feels directly influenced from his understanding of stuff like this, of apostles and oracles, etc. We know he later on connected Maya the Psychic with a personal experience of auditory hallucinations (though the major source i can find on this is the genius annotation with a link to a concert video where he doesn’t actually say what the annotation is claiming, so it’s up for debate?). It feels like you can make a much deeper connection between the two (gerard and joan) when considering the fact that he seems to be overlapping and mixing the idea of being a spiritual and religous martyr with being a mentally ill person who feels so strongly about something that they make themselves a target for what is right. i feel like gerard perhaps understands or understood himself as someone who in a previous era would be receiving visions and then being persecuted for it. that makes themes of like revenge and mortality also tie in nicely to the joan narrative but that’s probably less related.

I think it’s not uncalled for also to draw out a discussion of gerard’s gender non conformity as a sort of “martyrdom” via the hands of the popular consensus. Like to me it really feels like gerard being so sort of flagrantly a target in the public understanding of mcr in order to be a figure for gay and/or fucked up teens is like. his noble cause that he was burned at the stake for. like literally a social martyr for the cause! i think he knew that the whole time. and if he wasnt doing that he didn’t want to do it anymore.

so like to me joan is more of a philosophy than anything else to gerard, and there’s far more loops than just the fact that the two sort of overlap in terms of androgyny or gerard has an interest in her. and gerard HAS become a myth to us just like joan. gerard did sort of burn at the stake a little bit and you can honest to god see people understand gerard either as “Gerard” or like the person he actually is day to day. and “Gerard” is Joan of Arc. the gerard that isn’t aligned with the way we see him in terms of mcr isn’t “Gerard” to a lot of people, which is why you see people reacting to recent mcr so strongly, he’s “Gerard” to them again, and it’s like seeing a dead saint.

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girlgerard · 7 months

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Idk if this is too personal, but I wanted to hear/read about how you navigate transness, the way you talk about it, in relation to yourself or gway really interests me! I've realised that the way I see myself and navigate life as a black trans person is VERY different from what I usually see online, so I wanted to know how maybe other factors have afted your view as well.

(Btw I love your blog, it brings me immense joy!)

it’s not too personal, i love talking about transness!! to me, gender is a relational, communal identity, so i’m happy to discuss it :-)

the way i view gender is that, because it’s societally constructed, it’s environmental, and can change/remain constant depending on the variables you experience through your life. if i wasn’t jewish i would view my gender differently, if i wasn’t on the spectrum i would view my gender differently, etc., everything i’ve lived through has led to my current sense of identity and gender. this is why portraying queerness/transness as just One Type Of Thing doesn’t work; it’s not something that can be seen as separate from a person, nor something that can be seen as tangibly real. race, gender, any type of identity are just different ways of understanding and categorizing our lives, so they kind of domino each other - once you realize one aspect of yourself is outside the norm, it all sorta falls away.

that’s why i love discussing gender in relation to gerard way’s art - i really relate to how gendered categories are inherently transitional in their work. i don’t identify as transmasculine, and i only use the label “nonbinary” because it’s the simplest one there is; all i know is that i’m trans, i’m a lesbian, and i’d be some form of that no matter what i was born as.

the labels i use are metaphorical the way all labels are. my labels aren’t set in stone - they’re just the current best words i can use to describe myself. that might change tomorrow, or that might never change. it’s sometimes difficult for white people, who are often under the illusion that oppressive societal constructs like race and gender are “real” + moral, to understand that. that’s why they get all cagey and insulted when people of color suggest that their experiences of queerness/gender are different.

#i could write about this endlessly #gender #🩷

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bubbl3s-dot-jpg · 3 months

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My thoughts about TMAGP 7 before reading anyone else's:

Oh my god we got a lot of stuff today

Celia recognizes Chester's voice which could imply a few things: One, Jon is alive in this universe and she met/knew/heard of him. Two, Jonny Sims is playing an entirely different character with whom Celia has met/known/heard. OR three, Celia has previous experience with the fears. All three are equally likely in my opinion, IF it weren't for the next piece of information.

Sam got an email from someone named John. (I checked the spelling on the official transcript and that is how it is spelled). The email was internal. I'm not going to jump to conclusions about this because of how this is spelt and because Jonny is known to reuse names. (See Jared and Gerard, and Michael). However, if I were a writer, I wouldn't mind using common names for smaller characters that may or may not show up again, but would mind severely if a major character shared a name with a minor character. Jury's still out on this for me.

Colin doesn't allow external devices into his workspace. I didn't think about it much in earlier episodes, but I think it is notable that we only hear him occasionally and never from his own devices. Sam brings in external devices, or he's out and about, in a place where devices can hear him. He could be worried that they interfere with his work, but Sam had described him as otherwise paranoid and worrying about interference seems to be something not worth fighting about. This leads me to believe Colin knows something is going on.

The mention of hilltop road is interesting. I'm aware that Hilltop road is a road an therefore could have multiple addresses, but since it was such a significant part of MAG, I think it is worth noting what happened there. To me, it feels like a bunch of avatars, or a cult, similar to that of the Lifeless Flame attempted to bring a bunch of items that could possibly be fear-adjacent (like Leitner books) into a place of power. That's pure speculation, however.

Lena has attempted to murder at least two different people, and they both suggest "disappearing again". I have no idea what this could mean, but it feels relevant to me. I'm keeping this in mind for future refrence.

Lena makes mention of "real work" which leads me to wonder what everyone is doing there. People have speculated that the OIAR is feeding the eye in the same way the Magnus Institute was and I think I agree with that. However, Magnus' goal with the institute was to start the eyepocalypse. Is this what Lena is doing? If so, how? Is she doing it the same way Magnus was, by taking a already fear-touched person and using them as their avatar? If that's the case, what is the point of the files that they are reading?

Gwen's family is rich. I don't know if it was mentioned in MAG that the Bouchards had money, but I think it's more relevant here. It also explains her entitlement and the fact that she watched two attempted (and one successful?) murders and decided that this was the line of employment she wanted to continue. I'm biased because I have a history with the name, but we're only seven episodes in and I already don't like her.

Last and very least, Alice thinks Norris's voice (possibly aka Martin's voice) is whiny.

This was a way longer post than I meant to write, but I'm interested in seeing where the fan discussion goes. This was such a plot-heavy episode that I'm still taking time to digest it. I'm also really interested in seeing how my theories and thoughts evolve.

#jonathan sims #tmagp theory #tmagp spoilers #alice dyer #celia ripley #colin becher #gwen bouchard #lena kelley #i'm going insane #this is so much for one episode #especially since i havent written about any of the others like this #maybe i will from now on #TMAGP #TMAGP 7

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tasteofchaos2005 · 2 years

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ok. god I’ve been seeing too much gender discourse on the dash with some BAD takes in the past few days & let me just say. I really feel like so much of Gerard Way Gender Discourse could be eliminated if we just started using the phrase “gender nonconforming” more. it is such a great phrase to utilize when discussing gender & esp when discussing unlabeled non-normative gender expression.

“gender nonconforming” is an intentionally open & expansive phrase that encompasses a variety of experiences outside of the boundaries of both 1) a binary gender structure and 2) a discourse around gender that has tended to focus on labelling and categorizing Exactly What’s Going On, often specifically so that other (cis) people can understand our genders more clearly in order to more easily exploit us. it very intentionally places a person & their gender under the umbrella of trans/outside of the binary experience (which is why we use the acronym “tgnc”) without needing to use specific labelling words — which is something that gerard has been doing constantly this tour & has consistently done throughout his life.

every single tgnc person experiences their gender differently, & calling gerard a tgnc person is, in fact, not labelling them (good!) & additionally not allowing cis people to erase their long well-documented history of being an outspoken & open advocate for tgnc people specifically because of his own relationship to and experience of their gender, which they have described as being non-normative (even better!!)

tl;dr not labelling is good but sometimes things aren’t labels in the way y’all think they are & weirdly trying to erase gerards lifelong experience as a gnc person who has tied themself to trans & gnc people is gonna get u blocked. let’s use the phrase gnc more

#SAY IT WITH ME: LABELLING SOMEONE AS CIS IS STILL LABELLING THEM #y’all just don’t think it is bc it’s normative lmao #this post is NOT directed at trans people celebrating Gerard’s gender baby I love you #not to join the gerard gender wars but alas #here i am with a gun i guess #twitter is a cesspool #gerard way #mcr #gender #gnc #my chemical romance

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qpr-culture-is · 5 months

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I know it's not really a confessions blog or something like that but I'm just so confused and lost and I just want to describe my feelings to someone. English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes

So first of all I'm trans, I think it's pretty important to the story, kinda had a transphobic phase because my country it's not only very lgbtqphobic but our queer community is also very hostile towards trans people, like more than I have seen in other communities, so it's common. Pretty closed about this, tried to come out to some of my friends and classmates almost 2 years ago now, went wrong, don't talk to them and become very paranoid. Not even planning to tell someone about me being trans before a lot of people transferred to our class, they all were added in our group chat and I immediately pin pointed this dude with gerard way as their pfp who then asked to refer to him with he/him only and use other name. Holy shit. I literally never in my life seen an openly trans person, not even a closed one, never interacted with someone also trans irl so it was HUGE for me. Skipped first week of school, was kinda worried that I'm going to be an outcast, but that I finally meet him, and like the first thing he said to me was "wait are you that person with *fandom* as your pfp?" so we immediately connected. I was on cloud nine because he is SO COOL and only a few girls in our class are deadnaming him and it's so nice no one is being mean to him and I think it kinda changed my way of viewing how people will react if I come out to them. Because most people just don't care. Then I gave him my other socials and he saw me using any pronouns and he was like hey! How do i refer to you! Cool! And i told him that I'm actually also trans and he never ever questioned or doubted it even though I'm pretty fem presenting.

So yeah I rambled sorry it was just a really cool experience really cool dude. So the reason why I'm writing to qpr blog it's because I lately started catching feelings for him?? But I'm not in love?? I don't really know how to explain this but for a really long time I was just thinking that I just have a friend crush then that I want to date him and like I knew about qpr and I knew that qpr is way more complex and it's not just the secret third thing after dating and being friends. But like, I want to kiss him and give him gifts in a way that I view as romantic but when he's mentioning dating or his exes I don't feel a thing. Today was weird, I slept for only 3 hours and felt a little bit wonky, so I said a lot of things that were like straight up flirting. And I felt embarrassed and blushed and shit but not in "hehe I flirted with my crush!!" way but more in "holy shit it was embarrassing why did I say it" way. And he also talked about a guy that he has a very weird relationships with for the past 2 years, he said that like yeah we're friends but not really we had some periods of dating but not really and he also constantly flirts with other people including me. And I was just yeah kill him and didn't thought much of it, not jealous or sad that he have something going on with other people, but I still want to date him, but in friends way. So after I pondered about it for a while I think that I just want to have that Secret Third Thing with him. Still feel lost because I never felt like that before and because I think that I'm alloromantic and I was in romantic relationships before so I know how I act when I'm in love with people. With him it's so close what I feel when I'm in love with someone but at the same time it's so different and such weird foreign felling. Woud like to hear some advice for how people realised or what people feel and want in qpr relationships, I know it's different for a lot of people, but I want to hear something from heros who read this wall of text

Giving you a little breakdown of things I have noted;

-You can absolutely be alloromantic and want a qpr/have a squish

-To me it does sound like it may be a squish

-All in all you'll have to make that decision for yourself, and it could very well just be the fact that you've never connected with a person like you have with him before so it's all a bit different for you

And here's a bit of my past experiences

It's really a bit hard to remember since it's been forever, and given I'm aroace squishes have always seemed like legitimate crushes (in a weird way) so keep that in mind.

The last squish I remember having was a little over a year ago. I really connected with the person and they made me laugh a lot. I felt pulled to them in some kind of way. I wanted to spend time with them and I wanted to be called their partner. It was just,,, different than my previous feelings towards friends. Now, if it weren't for events that happened later on, I could have very well been convinced it was a romantic crush (we ended up in a romantic relationship for a bit but my aro ness got in the way and I began to feel very uncomfortable with the whole thing), and am honestly not sure how to differentiate those feelings from that of a romantic crush.

The only other time I can think of having a squish would be quite a while back, and at the time I was completely convinced it was romantic (I had not even really been aware of the aro and ace labels at the time). Once again, the feelings were towards a close friend. They were my best friend in fact, and at the time I really thought we understood each other like nobody else did, and it was almost as if we were very drawn to each other. Contrary to what you noted, there was a bit of jealousy here and there when they were with someone else later on (tho I know believe to be more in a platonic context anyways). And... thats basically all I've got

So those are my main experiences with having squishes, if that gives you an idea of what to expect from one. I'd also like to say that I'm so sorry for taking so long to reply to this! I've been a bit busy the last few weeks and am currently on holiday break now and haven't felt up to doing a whole lot (and keep forgetting to post as well)

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tyforthevnm · 1 year

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My Chemical Romance | punknews.org

Contributed by katie4213 Posted by Scott Heisel April 13, 2003

"My Chemical Romance has hopped on the Taking Back Sunday tour, and when they stopped in Seattle, I had a chance to speak to these guys. Let me say, I don't think I have met a group of more funny guys in a long time. They were all hilarious, extremely kind, and open to all the questions I asked, often elaborating into some pretty funny and outrageous stories." Click READ MORE for the full interview, in all it's crashing-into-parked-cars glory.

How would you describe your music to someone who has never heard MCR before?

Gerard: I would describe it as rock n roll played by a bunch of guys that listen to Iron Maiden, Black Flag, The Misfits, Classical music, Fantasy Metal, and Brit-pop. Mikey: It’s rock n roll played by a munch of man boys. We’re hard core R&B.

Who are your influences?

Gerard: Iron Maiden, Misfits, Black Flag, Classical music, Brit-pop, At The Gates, The Descendants, umm, fuck who else, Pantera, …

Do you have a favorite city or venue to play at? Why?

All : Chicago, the Metro in Chicago. It’s the shit. Boston and Jersey too. Gerard: We’ve played at the fireside two times, and I think if we had played there more that would be out favorite venue, but we have only had like two really brief experiences there.

How do you set your music apart from all the other emo/hardcore bands out in the industry today?

Gerard: Well what’s different about us is that we are not really an emo band, we get booked on a lot of the same tours and shows with what people are calling emo bands. Everyone will obviously say that emo is a really loaded term, it is pretty much just what people are calling music that kids are playing now a days. Um it’s punk, it’s rock, it’s hardcore, and we are not really part of that whole emo thing, but we are booked with a lot of bands that are emo, so it’s really interesting for us. What makes us different is that we kinda have an attitude about it, like a rock band, like a rock and roll band and uh, we kinda bring something like that to the table.

Do you see MCR ever moving to a major label in the future, or sticking to the smaller Indy labels?

Gerard: Major Labels are something that . . . well it depends. When you start a band you want to get you message out to as many people as possible. And major labels are a way to do that, and um, we see a lot of bands using that method like Thursday and stuff like that and it never, well shouldn’t change the band. I know it hasn’t changed Thursday, I can speak for them for sure. But sometimes it does change people, but, it doesn’t really change the band. A major label is just a way for them to get better distribution, you know, they get to make records they really want to make. Even a band like Radiohead can spend millions of dollars on a record, now you know? But we defiantly see ourselves always, well we will always consider ourselves and Eyeball band no matter what. We will always consider ourselves Indy, we come from that, no matter what happens in the future we are always going to be involved with the Indy labels, doing splits, doing seven inches, whatever.

What would be the lineup for your ideal tour?

Ray: Wait! We decided this a couple of days ago. It would be us, Recover and The Iron Maidens- an all female Iron Maiden cover band. And they are ugly. In the background – “No they’re not dude! Not all of them” Ray: Yea, well one of them is. And it will be incredible.

When you are on the road what do you listen to/what do you do to pass time?

Matt: We got Nintendo to pass time. Ray: We got the Zelda game that this kid’s been playing all the time. We have an X-Box buried somewhere in here too. Gerard: We’re like game Nerds. I got the new Cradle of Filth too, so that is what I have been listening to now. Everybody always picks up cd’s. All: The Exit. We have been listening to them a lot. And The Ghost.

Have you had any really horrible experiences or really great experiences on the road so far that have impacted the band?

Matt: Mikey got into a fight and broke his foot. Ray: Ha-ha, he got into a fight with a wall. The wall was mouthing off to him. Mikey: I got to hobble around with a cane for a while. Matt: Ray ripped the fender off the van. Ray: That was pretty funny though, it gives it attitude, don’t you think? Gerard: My dad keeps asking about the fender too. He goes, “Did you guys put the fender on yet.” And I was like, well we have it. Ray: It was also a crazy time when I ripped my head apart. Gerard: Yeah he got a really bad gash in his head in Columbus. And his face was like a mask of blood. We were terrified. Ray: And then this girl sent a picture to me. She sent this email because we put on our website that we wanted a picture of us playing live. And she sent this email saying “oh, we say you guys in Columbus, um, Gerard is so cute. I wonder if you guys remember me, I hugged Gerard after the show.” And the picture that she attached was called Gerard, and it was me and Gerard standing nest to each other, You can hardly see his face, but my face was completely covered in blood.

After you finish a set, and you leave the stage, what message or impact do you want to leave on your audience?

Ray: “I just got fucked” Gerard: Well the main theme is the whole anti-suicide thing. You know we really want to get that across to people that there is always someone to talk to even us, especially us if you are at a show and you are feeling upset. I mean I have had tons of people come up and talk to me about it and that’s the best. When we can talk about that, rather than my hair or some shit like that. Well, that is one main message, and the other message is like just fuckin’ be who you want to be, be yourself, and live out everything you absolutely want to live, cause were up there, and we are like five, probably most self conscious dudes in the world, and we get up there and we try to act like in Queen, you know what I mean. It’s not very characteristic for people who have self esteem issues, you know. And we have gotten over that and so many other problems involving our mental health with this band. This band is our therapy, and we try to get that across to people.

What were your inspirations during the beginning guitar in “Headfirst for Halos?”

ALL: Van Halen, Queen. Ray: Queen was a big one. Background: (there were certain other influences too. . . ha-ha) Ray: Ohhh well that influence was for the rest of the music in this song. We were fuckin’ zoinked out of our heads when we wrote that song. It seems like it is really against what everything sounds like on the record. It’s really major. Gerard: We wrote it literally on the spot. I mean that song wrote itself. In like 10 minutes, lyrics, everything. We were just joking’ around and I was like this is the catchiest, popiest, stupidest shit I have ever heard, and I was like how can I make lyrics make it not. And then I figured a way to do that. At first we were like no, this in not a My Chemical Romance song, but we just kept fighting it until it was.

What is with all the vampire/hospital allusions?

Gerard: Um, the vampire stuff is actually only in one song. The hospital stuff is in a lot of them. The hospital theme is like; I mean with me personally I am in and out of freakin’ hospitals, constantly and emergency rooms epically, for God knows what. So many different things, and all of us are in the hospital or sick, or so many things, and the hospital is just a good metaphor for a lot of stuff. It’s kinda a safe place but yet scare place so I kinda put it in the songs as a metaphor so people always have something to go to. Like in Vampires I say “take me to the doctor” obviously another hospital type reference. But I don’t know, it is just like the last safe place. And the vampire this was only once, but, we get a bad rep for it. Mikey: And we’re not even talking about vampires. Gerard: I think a lot of that came from how we were in the beginning. A little gothic, ya know. Now I got that leather jacket and it is all cool.

What Jersey bands are you into right now? Any we should look out for?

Matt: Up and coming you should look out for Senses Fail. We’re going out with them soon. Gerard: The only problem with us answering this question is that we haven’t been in Jersey since October so. . . Matt: Well every band that we like from Jersey is already huge. Mikey: Yeah ha-ha, check out this band called Thursday, they are pretty good. Matt: Yeah check out Midtown and Saves the Day. Ray: I miss “Little Buddy” dude . . . (someone in back) Little buddy?? Ray: “Little Buddy” you know, from Senses Fail, the singer. He’s a good kid.

Do you feel you have ever done your fans a disservice by not performing to you full potential because you were intoxicated? (I told the band that this was a question submitted on line before I read it to them)

Ray: Hahahaha. Wait did someone actually ask that?? All: Wow . . . . I wonder what show was at. Gerard: I think maybe he’s asking because he fuckin’ plays live and gets wasted. Ray: Wait can I read the question? Gerard: You what the weird thing is. I think people think we are intoxicated, I think that the thing. A lot of people think we are wasted up there and we are not at all. An I think that people have this impression that I am loaded off my ass on booze, and most of the time I am completely sober. (Background: ha-ha completely sober?) No, seriously most of the time I have had at most one or two beers. Matt: I think the biggest drinker would be Mikey. You know you can never tell if he is drunk or not. Ha-ha. Ray: Wait, real quick though, I will say that I have felt that I haven’t played as good because I have had like one or two beers and it slows me down. Gerard: Yea, in the beginning we defiantly had a couple of shows, I mean in the very beginning, because we played a lot bar shows. Matt: That was also because some people were really scared to get in front of a crowd. So they may have needed to get fuckin’ loaded to do it.

At this moment the door van opened and Ross and Dan from Recover stopped by to say hi. They also asked My Chemical Romance to back their van up a little. So Ray jumped into the front seat to move the van, and as he backed up, Ross didn’t do too good of a job directing him, and we backed the trailer into a car parked behind us. The laughing took a while to calm down. And the band decided that this incident belonged under my question of memorable experiences on the road. Ray: Well we just backed into a random car with our trailer. Ha-ha.

How much technical guitar lesions have you had, you music seems very sophisticated and impressive?

Gerard: Well, it’s just that we are very sophisticated gentlemen, and out music is very sophisticated. No no, we just listen to a lot of metal, and Ray is a fucking genius on guitar. That’s it. That is what you are hearing. Ray: Ha ha genius? Do you want to hear about my years of technical guitar lessons? I had no life in high school. No fucking friends, nothing. After I got out of class I would just sit at home and play guitar all fucking day. And play street fighter too. Oh, and I also took typing lessons. Typing lessons help with your fingers. Gerard: Well we basically have four punk rock dudes, backed up by a really great guitarist, and it sounds really technical.

Can you give your feelings on your album “I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love”

Gerard: We love it, um, I think the experience itself in making the recorded and getting to hang out with Jeff and Alex and John and Tucker, it was just a great experience for us all and we’re always going to look at that record as being special. We only did it in like nine days ten days something like that. But it was such a great experience and we love everything about the record, we love every song and we love the way the cover looks. Ray: it was defiantly an incredible experience. It was the first time I think any of us had gone in to record fucking for real, and it sounded so fucking good. We were blown away. We were like whoa, that’s us. It was awesome.

What expectations do you have for MCR in the future?

Ray: To be the biggest fuckin’ rock n roll band in the world. Gerard: To open up for iron maiden- direct support. We actually almost did in Germany, but we can’t go over there now, so it stinks. But to directly support Iron Maiden that is my personal goal. And to just be a rock band. And to reach as many people as possible. And not so much to leave a legacy, because that kinda stuff is bullshit, but to make a difference, you know what I mean, and then people will remember that as opposed to like “ah they were the biggest rock band ever” which is cool too.

As far as new records or videos go is there anything coming up?

Ray: Well we hired a group of writers to write the second album, because we didn’t feel like doing it, ha-ha, so they are the guys who worked on the last “NSYC record. Gerard: The same guys that worked on the Good Charlotte record. Ha-ha that was for you Frank because I know you want to talk shit. Ray: Yeah the new shit is going to be a lot more commercial and radio friendly, all over TRL. We are trying to keep all the songs under two minutes and twelve seconds, song titles really short. It is going to be amazing. I can’t wait to hear what it sounds like. Matt: I can’t wait to learn it. We have to learn to play that stuff live you know. Ray: Honestly, we’re writing all the time. Well actually that’s a lie, we haven’t written in a couple days. But we are always experimenting with shit. We just need some time off, but at the same time we don’t want time off because we just want to fucking tour forever. Gerard: It’s really hard to find the medium in that you know. Ray: I am fucking psyched about recording the new shit because it is going to be sick. All: It will be out when it’s ready.

At this time, we had finished with the interview, but the guys wanted to show me what some of their fans in Chicago had made for them. Gerard pulled out this huge scrap book that covered every show they had played in Chicago with full picture detail. It was extremely impressive, and the guys were so honored, proud, and appreciative to have fans make it for them. I was extremely impressed as well. There was a lot of work put into this scrapbook, and I could tell that My Chemical Romance loved it and is going to treasure it forever.

All: It’s the best thing we have ever gotten. It is amazing. It’s incredible. This is every show we have ever played in Chicago. Pictures of us playing at all the shows. This is taken by Teresa, Amanda, Lil Motherfucker, Sarah, Ashley. It took them two months to make. It goes from playing the Fireside to Metro. And in the back it gets even better because they all wrote us notes each. It’s amazing. The best thing we will probably ever get and we love it. It’s saying what the bands means to them, and how they found out about us and all their experiences at our shows in Chicago. We love it. When you see something like this, it’s just . . . . I don’t know. That’s Chicago for you. We are very lucky. We have the best fans.

Although these guys are lucky to have fans like that, the totally deserve it. They are all extremely friendly, funny, and humble, and deserve all the success in the world. They are a great group of guys, and if you get the chance you should support them when they come to your town.

#to read #gerard way #frank iero #mikey way #ray toro #matt pelissier #bullets era #april 13 2003 #april 2003 #2003 #interview #transcript #punk news #mikey broke his foot #i just got fucked #car accident #typing lessons #scrapbook #rica.archive

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grandpasessions · 2 months

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This is the crucial distinction between melancholia and the passive night, what John also calls dryness, for there is no desire for ‘recovery.’ It is here that we can see the radical nature of John’s spiritual direction.

Far from being the sentimental, feeling-oriented spiritual direction that has capitulated to a world of therapy, it is something wholly other. It is dark and destructive rather than healing and constructive.

In other words, it concerns the continued direction of desire rather than its premature end. The therapeutic self, for Turner, is backwards-looking, while this radical self-transformation is forward-looking to the extent that it looks directly beyond any sense of self and only to God.

Pain, uncertainty, and doubt are necessary requisites of a forward-moving desire since it is necessarily based on a painful loss of the self. The only way we can understand this idea of experience beyond experience is through the birth of a new self, which like God, stands in complete opposition to the current self. McIntosh suggests that the only way to fully grasp this contradiction of an experience of being beyond experience is to understand it Christologically.

John mirrors this sentiment, not viewing Christ as a metaphor leading to a monistic totality of experience. Instead, the premise is that by dying with Christ, we participate in the same self-emptying, kenotic process, extending to the moment of death and the subsequent emergence of the resurrected self. Consequently, John’s work does not locate spiritual direction on the side of dry intellectualism, nor does he locate it on the side of therapeutic voluntarism. Rather, he subverts the entire problem at the outset.

John uses the language of academic theology to describe a non-experiential process that results in a moment of interruptive Grace that goes beyond both the intellectual and the affective. This is where the night of the spirit leads to the totality of the unique nature of the night of faith. John is speaking of a desire that problematises the role of intellect, memory, and will.

More precisely, Turner writes that as intellect, we are dispossessed by this dark night of faith to construct a meaningful life world or even a meaningful concept of God. He argues that to desire even to feel God as if He were comprehensible or accessible is precisely what this unitive stage does not profess. Turner further suggests that as memory, we face spiritual, subjective destitution to the extent that our very sense of identity falls away

The Direction of Desire Mark Gerard Murphy

#direction of desire #lacan #john of the cross #theory #theology #philosophy #christianity #catholicism #mystical

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gerardpilled · 2 years

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how's it feel to a be a lesbian on mcr tumblr? I know a lot of trans ppl are fans and have those kinds of connections to their music. is it any different for you?

This is a real interesting question thank you for asking!!!

Hm. okay, so I'm not going to pretend being a white gay person in the mcr community is difficult, but i feel like the best way i could sum up any form of negative i might experience is "isolating"? It's been a journey, I guess. There's also positive.

Positive first: When it comes to their music, honestly i've never really had trouble relating to a perspective Gerard has taken in terms of identity. Gerard has mainly written about relationships with women, but also i never feel like i need to relate to a song 1 to 1 when it comes to singing about love and heartbreak if the song is good. plus i have always enjoyed using music as a means to empathize with different experiences rather than having it describe my own experience perfectly.

When it comes to being online -> as a teen i more or less identified as bisexual but even then i felt like i was missing something when i saw how people talked about the mcr members. I feel like i was just thinking "i'm not like other girls, I don't like mcr because i want to sleep with them". I would receive asks like "who would you rather fuck - gerard or frank" and i remember thinking "wait do people actually want to sleep with them..."

Nowadays it feels a little different. I don't know. It's complicated to explain my emotions towards this. Like, that confusion i feel when people seriously talk about wanting to fuck any of them is still there. But then there's Gerard. [full stop]. I am not saying I view Gerard as a woman or transfem (a label i feel like Gerard should give us before i feel comfortable seriously using it), but recently i've felt more of a connection to him and his identity. Personally, I have always kinda vibed with the idea that 'lesbian' is both a sexuality and a gender. I consider myself attracted to women and whatever fellow lesbians identify as, and have always kinda leaned towards more neutral-presenting people. Gerard is someone i have never met and probably never will meet in any meaningful capacity. To me, when looking at photos he is more or less an outer shell (which sounds insulting and dehumanizing but trust me it's not). I feel like any form of attraction i may feel towards him is with 25 different layers of mental filters and imaginary-versions-that-live-in-my-head. If I was in the room with him and was given the serious option to sleep with him, the answer would probably be no lol. BASICALLY I explained all that to say -> i feel almost like I have to watch what i say when making posts about how I think he looks hot or else i'm going to be accused of 'bad lesbian rep' or misgendering, and, idk. maybe it is breaking some kind of lesbian code. it's such an imaginary scenario that i don't really care.

But yeah, idk if any of that made sense. to be honest i don't really read a whole lot of theory or whatever surrounding the nuances of sexuality. I should also say all of this has been very theoretical LMFAO. I only really started going on dates last year and had my first kiss at 22. Was never really interested in hookups or anything like that. I am in a relationship now, but in general I have just not lived what people might consider the typical lesbian experience.

#long post #lesbianology

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shortroundandeasytotrick · 1 year

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The bbeg of the Never After is Homogenization.

~beware my ramble~

The erasure and sanitization of stories that then get commodidified and distributed on mass to be the "right version" of the story that then become almost the "only version" of the story. Erasing centuries of culture and influence, beliefs and experiences, real world problems that these stories portray, and replacing them with the most marketable version.

And in a way, the stories themselves end up cannibalizing their different versions to fit in as the "right version" or just the nature of time combining and losing stories over time.

Like all of the worlds and groups are from folklore. Stories that have been told over and over again, that change to fit the world and the message that needs to be conveyed. Folklore isn't supposed to have a "right version". Much like weaving, the basics of cloth weaving are very similar all over the world but what is made with those techniques, the styles and additional learned cultural practices, can be so very different or so weirdly similar you wouldn't believe they came from different places across the globe from one another.

But in our more modern era where all of our stories feel factory made, we know where they come from, they aren't "folk" in so so many ways. The closest we get to folk media these days are MEMES. They are passed around and shared, often the original poster gets lost or is not common knowledge, have real world effect and meaning, and exist mainly in a specific group culture (internet culture, tumblr culture, etc) To quote my old professor "All folklore are memes, but not all memes are folklore" Think Creepy pasta vs horror movie. Internet legends, "send to 10 friends or blank will happen to you". BLORBO is a folk term. Slang in general I believe is counted as folk based. FANFICTION IN MANY CASES IS CONSIDERED FOLKORE BTW and I find that sooo delightful.

And whats kills memes faster than anything? The commodification of it! When companies go "ooo that'll make us some money" and take it and sell it back to us for profit. Often these days it feels choc full of advertisements and versions of propaganda.

In this era of Disney overlords defining the genre of fairytales to the point that they have set the standard for what is cannon for certain stories they tell. Like the first time I found REAL fairytales I was like 9 and cried myself to sleep because they got so dark, and how were we (me and my mom) to know with how we expected the disneyfied version of the story. Ironically it could be said that the Grimm's Brothers are guilty of the exact same thing in their era, commodifying and centralizing their versions of the stories.

I could also get into the demonization of tropes (lookin at you cinema sins) because tropes are the building blocks of story telling. Common themes and elements that we recognize because they MEAN something to us.

But, and I know what site I'm on, fanfiction is a great example of taking those stories and in some ways turning them into folklore. Its not because we believe we can tell the stories better, in most cases at least, but rather that we take the elements, characters, ideas that we connect to that we love and mean something to us, and make play with it because we have our own stories to tell.

The Homogenization and restricting of what counts and what doesn't ignores the importance of the differences in the stories.

Ylfa's "right" version is a lot like how the animals describe being part of Aesop's fables. There's no nuance. There's no room for change and adaptation. And in a world ever changing, even in bad ways, you have to change to make it work. Even Gerard's "Sometimes you have to be scary in a scary world" touches on this. The barebones basic Little Red Ridinghood is unrealistic in its simplicity. And also kinda blocks out how that whole experience would still be heavily traumatic for anyone (being attacked by a wolf and seeing your granny crawl out of the wolf's destroyed body ain't pretty) , even if it is better than the experience in this life. Meanwhile the more they die, the more versions of their stories get cannibalized and lost to time. Much like how folklore and stories die when culture dies.

Also Stepmom literally consumes story elements into non existence.

Nom Nom

#istg if the Grimm's Brothers don't show up at some point I will send Brennan a strongly worded folklore obsessed letter #thank you very much #dimension 20 #d20 #d20 spoilers #d20 nva #d20 neverafter #dimension 20 neverafter

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iammissingautumn · 1 year

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Re: ur tags

I DO know you. Now tell me ur genderfluid Stan thoughts 🔫

wtf. okay so bc he has Randy as a father and his grandfather is like that Stan and his gender identity is something that he has to deal with through highschool and college.

In some ways I like to think that he would make some online queer friends probably into bands or smth and he would start off in a very Gerard Way excuse of he wants to fuck with gender conformity so he asks those ppl to use she/her pronouns or smth like that.

I like to imagine he uses music to become comfortable with going against the norm when in reality it’s just an excuse to do smth that makes him feel rlly good. As well as becoming more comfortable showing affection as he gets older.

His dad being such a terrible person and having a bad impact on his life there comes a time when he decides to just reject him fully even though he can do good. because randy stands for such terrible things.

So a genderfluid Stan i feel like comes about in a way where he can excuse it. I think he’s repressed no matter how you look at him and especially given the chance to express himself differently he would take it. Especially if it’s in this social justice esq idea.

So I think like, he would start experimenting look wise mid high school, maybe going to some concerts making going out alone.

I like the idea he gets himself a skirt and just wears it in his room while he’s under a blanket watching a movie or something. so if someone comes in it’s not that big of a deal and they don’t see it, but for him it’s everything

gender euphoria moments

I think if he leaned more into the punk scene he could end up being more comfortable doing stuff in the name of normalization and not being a coward. But it’s all just gender expression to him.

I imagine perhaps he engages in some conversation about gender expression and someone calls him trans and he doesn’t disagree. But later a friend could ask him about it and tell him he’s really genderfluid core and he would kinda perk his ears up and look at that.

It would probably be awhile before he stuck the identity to himself, probably watching it from across the room. I think he gets a lot of gender euphoria out of being amab and presenting amab but having more feminine expression. Wearing some dramatic make up, a dress, a skirt. Even just regular woman’s clothes tbh.

I think he would quietly come out to Kyle in college. Say that he feels comfortable in that area of things and has feelings of dysphoria and euphoria that he thought was normal but others seem to disagree.

(For your agender take, i imagine kyle looking at Stan describing his experience and how he describes how other ppl have said they don’t experience gender like that and Kyle’s like. lol i don’t relate to anything said here. kinda funny. and thinks he’s normal)

yeah i mean i think king term he would express pretty queerly. I like the idea of punkness being directly connected to his gender expression and he isn’t confident enough to let them live together and on their own within him till college where there’s less eyes on him.

#south park #stan marsh #kyle broflovski #mod caden

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theswarmanthology · 2 years

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Salla, 26, Helsinki, Finland

"i consider myself a part of the overall mcr tumblr community. i haven't really made an effort to form deeper friendships inside the fandom yet but i start every day scrolling the dash like reading the morning newspaper just like everyone else and i mostly contribute by frank-posting in the tags section."

Fast Facts: How long have you been a fan?: 3-5 years Did you get to see MCR live before this tour?: No, this tour was my first time seeing MCR How many shows on this tour did you attend in total?: 2-4 Favorite album: Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge Show experience out of 10: 10 Did you cry at your show?: Yes

Which date of the tour did you attend? 06/14/22, Gröna Lund, Stockholm, Sweden

When did you get your tickets for your show? Was it a struggle, or were they easy to grab? for this show it was easy because the venue was an amusement park and there were unlimited season concert passes that grant you access until the park's at capacity. i got mine a couple days prior to the show and my friend got hers on our way there from the airport.

Did you attend with anyone else? i went with my best friend of 10+ years who's part of the reason i got big into mcr

Did you camp out? Yes

If you camped out, how was that experience? Was it worth it? it was worth it in the end. overall it wasn't a bad experience just a little disorganised when it comes to the number system. venue security were lovely though.

What did you wear? skinny jeans and a mesh long sleeve with a fluffy top on top and a beret all in black obviously

Where were your seats? pit, 2nd/3rd row, frank's side

What was your favorite song(s) from the setlist they played at your show? deathwish and house of wolves (back to back no less, i was so out of breath)

What song were you most hoping to hear? Did you get to hear it? deathwish! this was my third and last show and they didn't play it at my two previous shows so i was desperate to hear it live that night and i did!

What was your favorite moment from the show? probably mikey smiling at people in the crowd during the bridge to famous last words. he wasn't just glazing over people i felt like he was really looking at everyone's faces individually and it felt so special. that song live always makes me cry so i was just sobbing and smiling back at him at the same time haha. an honourable mention to gerard making fun of mikey for taking a photo of the crowd for his instagram.

What was the most unexpected moment from the show? there was a rainbow in the sky and everyone started pointing at it and going "rainbow, rainbow, rainbow" and it took so long for gerard to figure out what was happening. they all looked so confused but when they finally got it they all, frank in particular, really cracked up about the fact that people just really wanted them to see the rainbow.

Did you snag any merch? What pieces? i Finally got the boy zone shirt for my friend (third time's a charm) and the skeleton long sleeve for myself

Many fans describe seeing MCR live as feeling like coming home. Did you experience anything like that at your show? something like that definitely! it's like for two hours or so you're teleported to somewhere beyond space and time where the only thing that exists in the world, the only thing that matters is that moment and you feel so connected with the band and everything else just disappears.

If you could change one thing about your show experience, what would it be? towards the end of the show there were people taking advantage of the fact that people let them come to the front to get water and they just stayed there and didnt go back to their original spot. cutting in front of someone isn't cool and makes you look stupid.

Has your perspective or opinion about the band changed since seeing them on this tour? If so, in what way? 100% yes. i became a fan the summer before the halloween comeback announcement so when i thought of my chem i thought of the revenge era because that's my favourite and most of the content circulating my part of mcrblr at the time was from that era. seeing them so full of life and excitement and love this tour has completely changed it for me though. this is the reality of my chemical romance, they're back, they're better than ever and they're not going anywhere.

What advice would you give to people seeing My Chemical Romance in the future? respect each other, don't cut in line, look out for the people around you and have fun!!!

Anything we didn't ask that you feel obliged to share or talk about? whenever i got a little peek of ray through the crowd he was shredding all of our faces off

Thanks, Salla! She can be found on Tumblr at @poolsofblood.

#story #06/14/22 #mcr sweden

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recreancyrpg · 2 years

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Welcome to Recreancy, Nat!

You have been accepted for the role of EVAN ROSIER, with the faceclaim change of Manny Jacinto!

He would never admit it out loud, but most Order members are people he would consider friends. Things have hit a point where he trusts them more than the carefully picked friendships his parents forced upon him to make sure he was surrounded by people who had their best interests in the Rosier family’s legacy.

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME & PRONOUNS: Nat, she/her

AGE: 25+

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: 5/10 — I work multiple jobs, am considered a full-time graduate student, and co-admin a group of my own so I can be rather inconsistent with replies. Not inconsistent enough to not be able to post 2-3 replies a week but there are the occasional moments of overwhelm where I may get only one or none up. If it’s a case of not getting anything up I will reach out since I’m not one for dropping without a warning — ideally, that won’t happen but still just giving that disclaimer as a heads up.

ANYTHING ELSE: No triggers. Experience wise… I have been rping since Neopets’ forums. Evan would be a new muse for me. My go-to characters are usually Regulus, Frank, Lucius, Ted, Sirius, and Remus.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Evan Rosier

AGE: 29

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis-male, he/him, bisexual but would claim he is straight is asked

I don’t think he’s done a lot of exploring with his sexuality but am also like nah, I could totally see him having snogged a few people of the same sex back at Hogwarts either out of curiosity or from being a tad inebriated. I hc him as having been paranoid about outright upsetting his father while growing up and could see the narrative of marriage and producing an heir being stressed as the “right” path.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin — near hat stall between Ravenclaw and Slytherin

ANY CHANGES: I would like to see a fc change but am not overly picky. Three I’m throwing in as suggestions include Manny Jacinto, Richard Madden, and Nolan Gerard Funk.

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

The unresolved: cigarette butts. saving everyone but yourself. stargazer. deep breaths. black coffee. the scent of a forest after it rains. rose petals. bloodied knuckles. talking to plants to help them grow. conflicted. there to offer a helping hand. breakfast in bed. uncertain paths. holding hands beneath the table. kill them with kindness.

Strengths and weaknesses:

As the Rosier heir, Evan was raised in a way that instilled traits that the Rosier parents knew would be expected of the son that would eventually take over the family name. Although kind enough to care about their children, Evan’s parents made it clear there was no room for error during his early years. They expected their heir to be compliant, intelligent, and determined. Evan was raised knowing there would be consequences if he behaved in a way that made other families look down on him. Large infractions usually involved unsavory punishments and Evan was quick-witted enough to learn and accept there was little room to do the opposite of what was expected while growing up.

Even-tempered and resourceful are other words that could be used to describe the Rosier heir. Those ones didn’t come about until school made it possible for him to explore his sense of self without his father keeping an eye on every move he made.

On the negative end of things, Evan can be described as cunning and anxious. Feelings of anxiety are something he hasn’t been able to shake, primarily stemming from the few occasions where his behavior earned his being on the receiving end of his father’s disappointment and rage toward his actions. The sense of cunning is one that came naturally. He was raised knowing he was destined for greatness and taught to do whatever it took to get what he needed. Evan can occasionally be deceptive and proved to be quite charming during his Hogwarts years. A sly smile and smooth tongue had Professors wrapped around his fingers.

Although raised with pureblood ideologies, Evan knew to keep his prejudiced thoughts to himself, being calculated enough to save them for a situation with few witnesses. Salazar knew his father would have had something to say if word got back about Evan earning detentions for hexing or speaking poorly of other students. It meant forced pleasantries when stuck working with students the family would have considered lesser and feigning tolerance.

There is also a sense of kindness or empathy that Evan cannot avoid. It comes with the territory of having multiple sisters and having settled on healing as an occupation. This leaves the potential of being called soft, but Evan willingly uses the Healer’s Oath as an excuse for explaining being ready to clean up the aftermath of either side’s actions.

Excels and struggles:

Studies are where Evan most excelled. He has a thirst for knowledge that left him eager to learn. A strong memory made it easy to recall the more in-depth parts of the books he read. Healing was not his calling at first. The exams and work that were necessary for proving himself as a capable Mediwizard were grueling but necessary in ensuring the family name remained relevant and undoubted.

Evan’s favorite pastimes include herbology and dueling - a particularly odd combination but it has proven to come in handy now that things have picked up. He has a garden back at his flat and has been working to grow most of the herbs that are necessary for basic healing.

As of recent, Evan has been struggling to find a sense of self. His path was clearly laid out for him at birth and his involvement with the Order has left him wondering if his family picked the wrong side to support. Witnessing the Death Eater’s carnage firsthand has left him sick to his stomach. There is a lot of confusion since the task of infiltrating the Order was one he once considered an honor. The plan was to bring it down from the inside. No strings attached and no room for feeling guilty.

As the years of working with the Order have gone on, Evan has seen his feelings toward the idea shift. What was once considered an honor is now something that has left him bordering on properly defecting from the Death Eaters. The information he has been relaying back to the Dark Lord has been carefully crafted as of recent - no room for doubt and his providing minimal enough information to not give immediate locations of Order plans away.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Trigger warning: Neglect and child abuse referenced below

Evan was raised with everything he could have ever wanted and more. No request was too obscene and his parents doted on him and his sisters. He was raised as the heir - strict expectations and dire consequences if he couldn’t follow through on things. Being compliant meant toeing the line and doing as was expected. The few times he didn’t stand out as unfavorable memories. Skipped meals and the occasional slap were reserved for minor infractions. Major ones involved the use of his father’s wand. Evan has three scars along his left calf from having misbehaved while growing up. The process of earning them was traumatic enough to keep him from misbehaving and his father gave a strict order of allowing it to heal the muggle way - no salves or bandages to assist the deep cuts his wand made. Although positioned in a way to avoid the public eye, they served as a stark reminder that every misstep has its consequences.

Evan took on the role of leader when it came to his siblings. He set a good example and was quick to step up and claim to be at fault if it turned into his siblings being blamed for anything. The habit of taking the fall for his sisters was all too natural - where the family expected perfection, it was on him to ensure the younger Rosiers did as they were told. His saying he was disappointed in his siblings carried just as much of an effect as his mother or father saying the same did. At the end of the day, he would do anything for his sisters.

The only catch with Evan stems from his having avoided being bullied into a betrothal for over a decade now. According to his parents, he is unwilling to settle and still has time to find someone. They view him as dedicated to his work and the Death Eaters and haven’t fully pushed things since it took several years for Evan to earn his spot at St. Mungo’s. With Evan, it’s merely a matter of having an interest in someone his father wouldn’t approve of. The conversation has yet to involve properly-being face to face with his parents on the matter so he is more than happy to put it off, knowing the blow if he ever properly turns his back on the Death Eaters would be worse than admitting he’s head over heels for a half-blood.

Prejudices are something that were instilled in Evan from a young age. The family is of pure blood and fraternizing with anyone of lesser blood was strictly prohibited to the point where his parents decided which families had children that were appropriate for their son to befriend. He was raised wanting for nothing and his pompous attitude was something his parents didn’t disapprove of. Evan learned from the actions of his housemates that Hogwarts had consequences for those prejudices. He was able to keep them to himself for the most part but they are still there lurking beneath the surface and occasionally come to light.

The last couple of years of his life have been spent battling those prejudices and trying to unlearn some of the beliefs that were drilled into him as a child.

OCCUPATION:

Mediwizard - up for a promotion to one of the heads of the floor he works on at St. Mungo’s. He has seen a lot of carnage from the dueling sides and has taken the stance of assisting each side as long as he's undercover.

LIVING SITUATION:

Evan has a two-bedroom flat. The first bedroom is his and the second belongs to an incredibly spoiled Chow Chow puppy named Ourse. There is a carefully crafted greenhouse in his yard that houses the plants he uses for healing Order and Death Eater members alike.

His most recent development housing-wise is finally having convinced Theo to move in since they were practically living together anyway.

ORDER OF THE PHOENIX:

Evan serves as a mediwizard for the Order. Initially, he wanted nothing to do with healing Order members since the Death Eaters had him as the on-call healer for emergency situations. The Healer’s Oath, however, left him quickly realizing both sides would have to benefit from his skills. He has gotten far too used to people showing up bloodied on his doorstep, miraculously having kept healing the dueling sides a secret over the years through a strict ‘not assisting if not given a warning’ rule, merely requesting a patronus or owl be sent before showing up.

As for feelings toward the Order, Evan has settled on beginning to believe he picked the wrong side of the war. He cannot wrap his head around why the Death Eaters are targeting blood traitors - more specifically, those that are of the Sacred 28. He questions what more damage will come from the Death Eaters turning on their own kind. The Order seems like the more reasonable cause to support but he knows vocally admitting such will not end well.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Theodosia Selwyn: Hard, and getting harder all the time. An enigma at first, Theo’s arrival into Evan’s life was rather perplexing. He had to give some credit though since the girl had a lot of nerve in approaching the Slytherins to question their pureblood upbringings. He was willing to open up once Theodosia proved to be of use to him. Although raised with prejudices dating back for generations, Evan was more than happy to welcome the Ravenclaw into his ranks upon discovering how similar they were. She was clever and an asset to him so it only made sense to associate with her in a way similar to how the younger Slytherins welcomed Severus Snape.

Sleeping together wasn’t supposed to be serious — at least that was the agreement while in school. No strings attached, no feelings. Simply using each other as an excuse to relieve the stress of exams in her sixth year and his seventh and maintaining the close friendship that developed over the years. Fast forward a decade later and the two have hit the point of being nearly inseparable. There isn’t a specific date that comes to mind in regards to officially getting together with Theo. Evan knows things have hit a point where he can’t imagine a life without her at his side. He has been toying around with the idea of properly proposing, having kept the ring well hidden in one of the drawers of the flat they share.

It’s merely a matter of needing to navigate the potential consequences of admitting his loyalties have shifted - something that has left him regretting having introduced her to the Dark Lord’s cause in the first place - before he takes that next step.

Frank Longbottom: Doubt comes in and leaves a trace of vinegar and turpentine… Guilt has been the most recent feeling to come up when thinking about Frank. The two were close as children and drifted apart during Hogwarts. It was all too easy to use him as a way of getting into the Order and the stupidity in not questioning his motives was something Evan boasted about when first joining. Things are hitting the point where Evan would be able to say he trusts Franks with his life - a rather bold statement to come from someone who had initially joined as a way of feeding information back to the Death Eaters.

Daisy Hookum: Who the hell do you think you're talking to? A minor annoyance since he did not expect joining the Order to mean being bombarded by questions about pureblood life. Although attempting to unlearn some of his prejudices, he still can’t fathom why Daisy is so fascinated by the muggle way of life.

Hestia Jones: That’s the way the river runs. The habit of not referring to Order members is something that Evan has been trying to strengthen ever since he started doubting his stance with the Death Eaters. Evan has let Hestia in closer than most members of the Order. He has come to trust her and is rather thrown off by the dynamic between them. Having paid little mind to Hestia past the occasional chuckle at his housemates’ crude comments of her upbringing has left him wondering if not properly interacting with non-purebloods during his Hogwarts years was a mistake.

James Potter/Marlene Mckinnon/Emmeline Vance/Gideon Prewett: Doubt comes in, the wind is changing… Healing the four was an eye-opening experience for Evan. The worst part of things was knowing his own acquaintances had been the ones to do the damage. Guilt and doubt settled in and Evan is more uncertain than he was before they went missing. There is something completely unsettling in knowing that the Death Eaters targeted a member of the Sacred 28 - even with the Prewetts having been labeled traitors. Uncertainty has been plaguing him ever since he went out of his way to heal the injuries of the four and try to regularly check-in to make sure there were no lingering injuries.

Severus Snape: Oh, you gotta keep your head low, if you wanna keep your head... Too much time was spent carefully crafting the lie of serving the Order but spying for the other side. If Severus were to find out, it would mean their having the ability to undo all the work that Evan put into building relationships and maintaining the fact that he is, in fact, solely focused on the Order. Evan is more amused than anything else that the younger Death Eater has yet to figure out there are four spies among the Order. (I am willing to go Evan took one look at that situation and went “Alright, Theo, Emma… Don’t tell them. We’re placing bets on how long it will take for them to realize.” if the other two muns are okay with that)

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: Anything works for me as long as there is chemistry!

INTERPERSONAL STRUGGLES:

I would say Evan spends a lot of time walking on eggshells. He certainly would have his guard down by this point but his relationships early on in things would have been his deliberately trying to distance himself. He’s kept his death eater affiliation under wraps since joining and intends to keep it that way.

Where it’s been several years of working with the cause, he has come out of his shell but still carries a lot of anxiety toward the Order finding out his original affiliation or the Death Eaters discovering his plans of defecting to the other side. Either option is unthinkable since it would mean losing the support system he has come to rely on or being branded a traitor and facing the consequences that accompany that. Or worse, both.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? My application is 100% Rachie’s fault since she nudged me and I have zero self-control when it comes to rps that have a new take on the Marauders’ universe.

PLOT DROP IDEAS (OPTIONAL): Throwing a younger sister of his into the mix could be interesting - especially if it’s a case of her not being marked and Evan never expecting to have direct family involved in either cause. Evan 100% would’ve taken the mark for the sake of his siblings not having to do the same and would’ve been silent about infiltrating the Order. I didn’t really dive into his family as deeply as I could have for the sake of acknowledging I’d be down for his having a sibling join the group.

ANYTHING ELSE? Pinterest. Playlist. Thank you for taking the time to read this over.

#recreancyaccepted #evan rosier app

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