listen, listen

i am the little autism creature

and when i see hate about my hyperfixations that i've had since i was 12 (marvel, harry potter) on my dash, i simply wish to shrivel up and die. i cannot get rid of them, i have tried

and yes, i am aware jk is horrible. i do not like her, i do still love the books (wow, separating art from artist, what a concept). yes, i am capable of seeing the flaws in marvel. but they bring me immense joy.

blocking tags does not work

i am not asking people to tailor their posts around me but does anyone have any coping advice for this kinda thing?? i am literally so lost and just know that it hurts a lot

fixing to go to bed. surgery early in the morning. wish me luck, gays!

Following that WIP List thing I was tagged in: please ramble about As The Fates Have It (Fate Saga Book 1) hehe

As The Fates Have It is actually a story in an of itself, not just the plot. Meaning that uhhh... I pulled an oops and may have submitted the first chapter (when that was all I had) to a publishing house as a query. It took them a month to get back to me and honestly, I was expecting nothing more than like, tips on how to do a better query. But no! They want the full manuscript! They want to publish this thing!!!! So I'm frantically trying to finish and edit it and make it good enough to send their way, but yeah (disclaimer: the query did state it wasn't finished soo).

Anyway, the plot! It takes place in two places. 1. Sweden. 2. The Fae Realm. The main character, Aurora Blomqvist, is a transwoman (I only put that there because, yes, it's important) who finds out that her long dead mother was a fae, meaning that she's half fae. Not only that, her mother was part of the royal family for the particular area of the realm. So her whole world gets turned upside down as she tries to choose between the world she's known for 21 years and this new, enticing world where she's something regal, where she's called "princess" and "Queen" and where she leads an army to protect her mother's (and hers) people. Because of course there's a mini war thing (it's not mini but I can't spoil that much, despite how much I want to :( ). Also, there is a very, very minor romance subplot where she falls in love with a woman with the fae realm while also being in love with one of her best friends from our realm (its not a love triangle, she's poly, that i'll spoil). The whole romance subplot come from the fact that she, in classic lesbian fashion, thinks that when fae woman says she likes her, she means only as a friend, and refuses to admit that she likes her back.

It still needs a lot of work, I'll admit, but I've been busy with school (which I'm on mandated leave from right now! We love mental health!) and freelancing. Haven't gotten back to it in like a couple weeks. I'm almost done with this latest book for my client tho, and then I'm taking a few days to work on either Fates or Divine.

really important question

my new wip, mermaid's flower in your hair, is a romance novel. now all my other stories are lgbt and i'm a big fan of lgbt rep, but idk??? i think i wanna focus more on the b here and have it be a het relationship with them talking about their past s/o's sometimes (or not talking about them, i still have a lot of thinking to do).

my question:

while i know bisexuals are very valid, does the writeblr/readblr community even acknowledge hetero romances anymore? i feel kinda like i'm being forced to make this mlm or wlw or some other version of not hetero and... it just feels, to me, like this story should be about a man and a woman

is that wrong?

there's something to be said about death, about the lasting impact you have on people when you take that last breath. while some people have some knowledge of exactly how that's going to touch those that loved them, i don't think anyone ever really knows how deep that really goes, how far reaching that circles goes - regardless of whether they've lost people before.

(long post so under the cut)

TLDR; Not okay, would love some asks or something to help distract me from everything going on (i'm getting to the ones in my notifications tonight if i can) but i may end up having to take a hiatus.

i sit here now, typing this up at 1 in the morning, unable to sleep tonight because my mind cannot stop racing yet feeling like it's moving through molasses, cannot stop thinking about technoblade - no. alex. i can't stop thinking about him and all the good he did, how he was taken far too young, how life isn't fair, and how some people, like my family, don't seem to understand that it is, in fact, possible to get attached to celebrities like this.

but in reality, it's not just him, is it? no. it's my brain's inability to properly grieve. it's my family dog that i'd had since 2009 that died from sarcoma last september, it's my fiance's sibling who died from far too many cancers to list at only 15 in january. alex, for some reason, was what kicked my brain into gear. i have been in shutdown mode since that video went up. i have been crying, sobbing off and on all day. and now i can't sleep, no matter how hard i try. i've taken my xanax - 2mg, for those curious - and i sit here, staring at my wall, and it's a fruitless venture and i know it. sleep isn't coming. neither are the tears, but solely because i've cried so much that there is nothing left.

i am suffering, truly suffering right now. and the only one i knew really personally was my dog. so that makes me think about what alex's friends feel like right now, how they're doing - are they okay? are they eating? are they sleeping? - and it's making me think about just how much my fiance has been hiding from me about their grief. and i feel so useless.

if god exists, why do i still feel like this?

Personal Update

Hi everyone! So you all know how I went on a major hiatus where I just lurked, liked, and reblogged to sideblogs or privately for months? Yeah, well, during that period of self-reflection, it came to the realization of my system that the name "Galaxial" may fit us as a pen name - we actually still would love to be published under that name and are thus not changing the url here - it's not the name that fits us as a system/broad name for everyone to identify as.

From here on out, we are no longer Galaxial/Galaxial System. We are Ethera/Ether System!

Tags will be changed accordingly :)

okay so i have an important question

for mermaid's flower, i have a specific... way i want to write the characters. i want to get them certain mental illnesses (that i deal with, dw) but im worried that ill somehow get it wrong and people will be like super upset at me.

does anyone have any advice on the whole #ownvoices thing?

listen i am not a fan of the tumblr featured thing and how, now matter what i do, it wont leave me. however, lately, it has caught on that im more into writing and has been showing me various authors ("famous" or otherwise) and now i want to get there

comfy clothes? check new headphones? check dog? check ideas? uhhhh i'll get back to you on that

i have had... yet another... wip idea

New Tag!

I wanna start a reading tag, so I can talk about the books I'm reading. I have a lot on my TBR and hey, who knows, maybe this will motivate me to get through it. So, new tag, yeah?

#darktalereads 😘

smol life update :)

okay so literally smol, no trigger warnings (unless you ask) because i dont think there's anything triggering in here but i could be wrong (and thus, idk how to properly tag).

i finally finished and submitted my ghostwriting work. it was due on may 10th, but because of my mental health, it fell to the back burner. thankfully, my client is a super great guy and gave me as much time as i need and refused to cut down on the price and is sticking to "if you're okay enough, i really like your writing and i'd like maybe 5 more books from you in this series alone". he's a good dude.

i have nothing to do now for a couple days while i wait for the payment to process so i can start talking over the next book ideas with my client!! so, i'm gonna be working on heelsum and divine and blog themes and intros :D

idk just wanted to say hello again :)

heeeeeyyyyy....

okay, so i know i've been flakey as hell the last few months. i honest to god have an explanation (i was forced to go to therapy to sort out my shit, thank my fiancee for my return). so here's what's been going on (under cut):

tldr; i'm back babey. reasons for long hiatus kinda thing under cut and i'm super excited to be back! i have a couple of posts, writing!!!!, planned that i want up by the end of the month - one, ideally, in the next couple of days. just needs a couple of edits :)

read the tags and the following line carefully before you click on keep reading. trigger warnings: schizophrenia, abuse, death

schizophrenia is genetic, i already knew that and that i had gotten it from my father. however, it wasn't very.... active, let's say. starting in april, it got bad. im trying my best to get the proper medication now (which is going to be hard since they lost my medical records and "don't want to tarnish your [my] records with such a harsh diagnosis! you have so much potential, so much yet going for you, and that would stop all of that!" (ableist motherfuckers i stg)) but i'm managing.

i was hella burnt out. on the rebound now, but part of my attempted rebound was switching majors from creative writing to game programming, delaying my graduation from dec 2022 to march 2026 (when i honestly just want to drop out). i took a term off and started it up, only to once again have to drop the same class again because i felt like was suffocating and drowning in the pressure at the same time. so i'm switching to gen studies, taking the 2 classes that i have to take to get the gen studies degree, and the 8 elective courses of my choosing, though that may not start up until january. i'm taking a lot of time off from school to even decide if i want to start back up.

i haven't been writing in a long, long time. i'll occasionally open up word, scrivener, milanote, or what have you and write maybe a sentence or a name down, but that's as far as it's gotten lately. until last night. i actually worked on a species idea for heelsum intro post actually coming soon since i have adobe for year im going all out basically it was just bad writer's block fueled by depression and the schizophrenia :)

technoblade. his death hit me hard. within the last year, my family dog, who i got when she was a puppy in 2009, died of the same cancer that alex had. then, in january, my fiancee's sibling died of cancer - small cell lung cancer, but cancer nonetheless. i hadn't started grieving my dog or my sibling-in-law yet and when i watched that video, it all clicked. three people i held dear, the same disease, all within less than a year. i was down and out for a while. (i bought $161 of techno merch to make myself feel better, it didn't work but it'll ship later this month ayyyy)

if you've made it this far, this is your last chance to back out because this is where it gets really bad, gays. so trigger warning for abuse. turn back now if you need to. last month, an alter of mine got yelled at for eating food - which is normal in my house. yelling at us for eating, i mean. we get yelled at for everything. this alter then went to ask our father if he could maybe not yell at us for eating because we already have an eating disorder so yeah please don't and got hit for it. we had a bruise on our face for a month. i'm actually one the alters that formed from that (hi, my name's layla!) for those concerned, we have a plan in place. we currently still have to stay in that house with them, we don't have a choice, but with our plan going as well as it has been and with the help of all our friends, we should be out of there within a couple of years (would be sooner, but passports are still slow). if you wish to help for some reason, my dms are open and i would greatly appreciate it, even if that help is even just offering to talk.

now that's it. that's everything that's been going on. to all my friends on here, everyone i used to talk to, if i can message you, start up conversation again... i know it's been a while, but i miss talking to you guys. if you'll let me, i'd like to still be friends. i won't @ any of you as i don't want to put pressure on you, but if you see this, dms are always open (as are asks).

glad to be back, gays.

Hello! I am looking into getting into freelance writing and I would like to know: how did you land your first gig? I do not quite know where to start.

Also, is there somewhere I can read some of your writing?

Sorry it took a bit to get to this, I had an appointment yesterday and then was actually writing for a client. Anyway, to answer your questions in order: 1. When I first got started with freelancing, I found Upwork. I've been on there for two and half years now with pretty regular clients. I highly recommend this site. Like most freelancing websites, it does take a 20% fee off of your earnings for the $500 you earn with a client and then 10% for the rest with that client. However, it's good to use to build up experience if you wish to sell your services on, say, your own website. There's this one YouTuber I watched a lot of when I was getting started, if I can find them again, I'll reblog this with a link to their channel. I would recommend doing Upwork first, though, as, like I said, it builds up experience. I can make a post or answer another ask explaining more about Upwork if someone wants that. 2. Currently, I only have three of my own pieces of writing published anywhere. Two are on AO3 - one being a fanfic, the other being a short story - and the other being a creative nonfiction piece in a magazine (it's under my old pen name, Dee Parker, on page 52). I am working on refining more of my writing to publish on here, but between this massive job I got for a client and school starting up again soon (along with some health problems lately), I haven't had much time for writing personal things. However, I'm doing my best to get back to it and posting on here because I miss it and it helped keep me sane.

i've had to fight with both gmail and upwork but i'm finally close to done with the freelance gig - was a big one - so i'll be on here more. which is a good thing because i've got new things in the works that i'm ready to talk to about (thank my partner).

expect a post later (maybe another introduction post who knows) because i miss this place

please.... recommendations?

i have a soft-spot for podcasts and i am in desperate need of some new ones.. story driven, long, episodic, wonderful podcasts. my favorite of all time is rabbits, quickly followed by faerie, tanis, the black tapes, orphan black: the next chapter, and the last movie.

i'm trying to listen to the edge of sleep (love me some markiplier), motherhacker, valence, penumbra, me and au, the sheridan tapes, and a couple of odd ones here and there.

i just started one called lost terminal, so far so good, and i'm thinking about starting one called six minutes which also sounds really good.

i've tried nightvale and just did not vibe with it. i liked magnus archives, but quickly got overwhelmed by how many episodes there were and the fact that it was still updating (is it true it's over? if so, i might give it another go).

i do not like the d&d podcasts, idk why as i love d&d but i just don't vibe with the podcasts.

i also will take recommendations for writing based ones (i have like six or seven chilling in my library that i can''t be bothered to look up right now).

anyway, if you listen to podcasts and have recommendations, please?? please i beg??? give me some???