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flooffybits · 4 years

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Blinded

Idol: Kang Seulgi (Red Velvet)

Request: Yep

Anon: A rv Seulgi scenario based on Huh Gak empty words music video but with a more happy ending please. Thank you. :)

Author’s note: After watching the mv, I was wondering how to make this happy in the end, so please forgive me if this is crappy. Also, I made this a college!au

Your friendship with Seulgi has always been something you held close to your heart. The girl was full of joy and constantly smiling, almost as though she’s never been sad or know the concept of what sadness was. Sometimes, you envied her for it, but most times, it was one of the reasons you’ve fallen for her.

And that was a problem in itself.

You could never tell her. Even when she would do these things that made your heart flip inside your chest, you could never bring yourself to tell her. Seungwan has told you to confess, more than once, because Seulgi always treated you differently compared to all her other friends. She always held you closer. Her eyes always tried to look for you in a crowded room and they would linger far longer than a best friend should, just like her touches.

Her fingers would always brush against your skin, leaving a tingling feeling in their wake. She would push your hair behind your ear when she decides to draw you, stating that you’ve given her some inspiration to draw and she either does not notice the blush crawling up your cheeks or chooses to ignore it.

All of this should have been an obvious sign that she liked you back, right? But just like your mind told you, it wasn’t.

Recently, she’s been around some boy Jisoo’s introduced to your group, and right away, you could see the way her curious eyes lingered on him, just like they did with you.

And slowly, every little thing she did to you, she did with him.

The class you would share together, he was present. And instead of sitting next to you like she usually would, she would stick by him, her hand on his arm or shoulder while you could only watch from the side.

You caught her in the park, not too far from the campus. Assuming that she was alone, you smiled and made a move to call out to her, but paused when another figure approached her.

Taeyong.

Seeing the two of them so close to each other, you dropped your hand to your side, tore your gaze away from them and forced your feet to take you as far away from the two as possible because you don’t know how much your heart can handle it.

She distances herself from you now because most of her time, she spends with him. There are times that you’re with each other, but she always invites Taeyong, much to your dismay. To your usual game nights, to the group hangouts.

Your friends would always exchange these looks when Seulgi would have him over before they’re all shooting you a worried gaze. Seungwan looks the most worried as her gaze immediately catches your sad eyes and you offer her a small smile while shaking your head.

“Y/n, seriously, you can’t just bottle it inside.” She said after offering to take you back to your apartment, something she’s been doing lately since Seulgi decided that she would rather spend her time with Taeyong.

You sigh tiredly while running your fingers through your hair, your exhaustion was clear as day. It worried your friends, but you pushed forward, not wanting anyone to worry about you so much despite your already breaking heart.

“I’m fine, Seungwan. There’s just a lot on my plate, at the moment.” But she knows you enough to know that it’s not just that. “You’ve been like this for weeks. Everyone is worried about you.”

Everyone. That was a lie.

Seulgi wasn’t worried about you, or anyone in the group. She was so focused on Taeyong to even bother checking in on anyone. All your texts, they were replied with either ‘I’m busy’, ‘Maybe later’, or just being left on read.

Even though she hasn’t said anything, it was clear that Seulgi had different priorities now.

You just refused to believe it, which was why you often plastered a smile around her.

“I’m okay, I swear. If anything happens, I swear, I’ll tell you.” Seungwan looks like she wants to protest, but with one more look from you, she resigns and nods her head in defeat. “Please, if you need someone, I’m here.” You thank her, and eventually, you’re back in the confines of your apartment.

Taeyong tries to befriend you. He strikes up a conversation every now and then because he knows you’re Seulgi’s best friend. She talks about you, a lot, apparently.

Also, since you’re in the same class, he tries to communicate well with you despite the one-sided conflict ever since his arrival. You act civil and he doesn’t say much because it’s too awkward.

But one day, you’re left in class, Taeyong being present as well. It seemed that you were both having the same plans of finishing as much work as possible because it was already late when you checked your phone.

You contemplated on whether you would talk to Seulgi or not, but sent her a text anyway. And like your previous texts, she’s left you on read. Sighing, you set your phone down and shake your head before turning back to your notes until a ping comes from the person across you.

Taeyong’s face seemed to light up at the text and you don’t have to be a psychic to know who had texted him. It still hurt.

He made a quick move to leave, gathering all his items then moving out of the room. He glances at you, you notice from your peripherals, and says something similar to ‘see you later’, but you’re too focused on trying to shake off the growing pain in your chest to reply.

Minutes later, you come to the conclusion that you can’t focus after what happened and decide to call it a night. With your jacket wrapped tight around you, you hoist your bag onto your shoulders and head for the exit.

While walking down the empty halls, you can’t help the sinking feeling in your stomach with every step that you take. Gripping your bag tighter, you try to hurry out of there as soon as possible.

But when you pass by one of the classrooms, you slowly came to a stop, your heart beating against your rib cage when you see the familiar looking girl from the glass window.

She’s not alone.

Taking a few and hesitant steps back, you can’t help but take a peek inside, and you understand why your heart felt more painful than it usually did.

They were together, yet again. But this time, much closer than ever with Taeyong leaning closer, and she makes no move to push him away.

You should have already known. But to actually see them right before you, watching as her gentle hand cups his jaw while they kissed in the empty room, made your heart break, more so than it already was and you try to keep your tears at bay while leaning against the wall next to the door.

It was as though all your energy was sucked out of you and your teary eyes fall on the bracelet that nestled on your wrist. It was the one you and Seulgi made together where she wore the other one that had your initials on it.

‘Soulmates, huh?’

Your fingers move to wrap around one of the beads, and with a quick move, the rest of it falls to your feet and you watch is fall apart, just like your friendship with her.

There was no use fighting for something that didn’t want to be fought for.

So with a shaky breath, you pull yourself back up and walk away

When Seulgi spends more time with Taeyong, she realizes how much she enjoys having him around. He was nice, funny, caring.

He acted the way she had expected in a boyfriend, and she would be lying if she didn’t admit that she found him attractive. What she found in him, she found herself comparing to you, and she felt her happiness rise with how similar you both were.

That was why she always asked him to tag along, because she believed that you would both get along and she would have her best friend and with someone she could see herself dating.

But as time went on, she had been giving her entire attention to Taeyong along. She tells herself that it’s because she likes him, so she accepts his offers of hanging out and finds herself looking forward to spending time with him.

When your name pops up on her screen, she smiles and does her best to reply, but most times, she feels guilty for having to push you aside. She figures that you would understand, given it was clear that she was interested in the boy.

The more your texts ceased, the more she opted to give her time to Taeyong and she knows that it’s unfair to you because she isn’t even putting in the effort to try and talk to you.

The one time she decide to see you, she finds you leaving the campus with Seungwan, and immediately, she feels her heart stop when the Canadian pulls you closer to herself, her hand on your back and rubbing it in a soothing manner that makes Seulgi wonder.

You didn’t look okay and Seungwan was fussing over you like a girlfriend would. She watches the both of you walk away and she quietly asks herself. Does Seungwan walk you home now? Since when?

Bothered, she invites Taeyong to meet up to, hopefully, distract herself from the weird thoughts that were creeping into her head.

She avoids you, now. Though it wasn’t a conscious decision, she just found herself seeking comfort in the male rather than with you because, still, she saw you in him and decided that it was okay, just to satiate herself from the way she had gotten so used to having you around.

But the night that she allowed Taeyong to kiss her, it didn’t feel the same as she had thought it would be. There was no butterflies, no sparks, nothing.

So after that night, when they both leave to head home, Seulgi is thrown off by the awkwardness that hangs in the air. She avoids the boy’s gaze when he looks at her and she wraps her arms around herself up until they part ways and he bids her goodnight.

The next day, she ends up looking for you. And since it was a Saturday, she knew where exactly you would be, so she grabs her things and hurries to the paint shop you would frequent in, every weekend.

When she sees you, a smile is quick to form on her lips and she’s giddy as she hurries over to where you were. Judging by the look on your face, you’re surprised to see her, but the smile you show her is off putting, yet she shrugs it off as she laughs and brushes your hair away from your face.

“Hey, you.” She giggles when you try to look small, your hands on your lap. She never really got used to your shyness around her.

You greet her with a quiet hello, and she takes a seat in front of you, quietly observing you. And the more she looks, her smile fades and worry settles in the pit of her stomach. Have you always been this thin? Your eyes were a bit red and puffy, an indication that you’ve been crying, and she can feel her worry growing.

But her eyes catch the movement of your hands, which were hidden in the sleeves of your sweater, and she can’t help but find it adorable before she’s reaching for you.

But you flinch.

She looks up to you in question, but you avoid her eyes, opting to stare at the few paintings you’ve both left from the previous visits you’ve had.

“Y/n?”

But you don’t reply and stand, moving to stand somewhere else in the room, refusing to be close to her and she feels hurt with the silent rejection.

“What are you doing here, Seulgi?” Your tone is quiet, with an underlying tone of pain lacedin it that shakes her to the core. “Am I not allowed to be here with my best friend?” She asks, unsure.

Your shoulders tense at her words before you let out a breath. “I’m not sure if you’ve gotten the memo, but I don’t think you’re with the right person.” She stares at you in disbelief as she stands up.

“What are you saying? The last time I checked, you’re my best friend.” She scoffs, and you hold yourself from snapping at her because even when she was the one to push you away, she had the audacity to be angry at you?

“And when was the last time you checked?” You ask her instead, and she pauses, eyes squinting as she stares at you. It made you chuckle humorlessly and shake your head. “Forget it.” You sigh before grabbing your bag from the floor.

Frustration builds inside her and Seulgi moves to grab your arm, quickly crossing the room just to stop you from leaving and forcing you to look at her. “What is your problem?” She demands and you turn to glare at her. “Let go, Seulgi.”

But she refuses, pulling you closer so she can get a better look at you. “I’m not letting you go until you tell me what is wrong.” She states, making you grunt and try to yank your hand away, but she’s stronger and you aren’t exactly in the best state.

The action forces your sleeves to rise and she notices the lack of a certain bracelet, making her heart drop and sadness to creep at her chest. “Where’s your bracelet?” She asks softly this time and you bite your lip to keep yourself from breaking under her gaze.

“I threw it away.” You manage to say and her eyes widen when they meet your tired ones. “There was no more reason to keep it, so I threw it.”

You could already tell by her face that she was about to protest, but you beat her to it. “I’m done, Seulgi. I’ve done my part, but you threw me aside. Everyone could see it, I could see it. You didn’t need me in your life anymore, so I’m doing both of us a favor.”

Her heart aches at your words and she quickly shakes her head. “How is this a favor? Who told you that I don’t need you?” She questioned, tears already forming in her eyes and you shut yours just so you can’t see.

“You didn’t say it, but you made it clear.” Your voice cracked and it was like a knife to her heart to hear it. But what was worse was that everything she tried to cover up was coming to bite her back, ten times worse than she had hoped it would.

She was losing her best friend. She’s probably already lost you, but she couldn’t let you go.

“But I need you, Y/n.”

This time, you scoff. With an unknown strength,you manage to rip your hand from her grasp.“You don’t. You didn’t care about me when all you ever really cared about was Taeyong. You didn’t bother talking to me, or even seeing me. So tell me, when did you need me?”

Her mouth screws shut when your tears stubbornly make themselves known. she didn’t realize just how badly she had hurt you because she was too selfish in wanting someone who didn’t end up for her.

Even after all of that, it was still you that was in her head and she would look back to every little thing you’ve done together before she’s come to realize it.

All the small gestures, the nights you spent awake just to listen to her, the times you’d offer her your food because she forgot her own, when you would share your jacket or umbrella.

All of that just came flashing before her and formed into three little words. You weren’t exactly one to share your feelings, rather you tend to bottle it up, but for the years she’s known you, this was something she understood, clear as day.

“I didn’t mean to take your love for granted.” She whispered, reaching hesitantly to wipe away your tears, fearing that you would recoil from her touch again. But the moment her fingertips come in contact with your skin, a sob comes from your throat and she latches on to you.

Her arms are strong as she holds you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear while also apologizing for her actions and naivety. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt you, yet that was all she’s been doing.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She murmured again and again, pressing kisses to your temple as you both ended up on your knees.

The damage was done, and she couldn’t undo it. But she would make sure to stay to repair it, even though things were obviously going to be a bit more different between you two from here.

#girl group #girl group scenarios #girl group imagines #red velvet #red velvet scenarios #red velvet imagines #seulgi #kang seulgi #red velvet seulgi #seulgi scenarios #seulgi imagines

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ally-writes-many-things · 5 years

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Secret Voight (Jay Halstead) S2 Part 2

Summary: The team finally knows that Y/N is Voight's daughter. One secret is out but theres still one secret that's not out. Y/N and Jay's relationship. Will that stay a secret or not? I mean Voight always finds out about things, right?

Words: 2841

Requested: yes/no

Prompts:

Warning or A/N: I changed Nadia's name to Jane as I already written her off this story.

When you got to the house, the rest of the team was already there and ready. Antonio looked at us and showed us a picture of the suspect. "House belongs to a Dean Masters. His file was red-flagged to notify intelligence, but he must have been before my time,"

Voight looked at him while you and him were getting the vest on. "Oh, yeah, him. That robbery at the art institute last year. We liked him as the fence,"

One of the uniformed cop walked up to us. "The neighbors heard a woman scream. We knocked, he yelled out that he had a gun and to leave him alone,"

You nodded as the team walked up to the door as Voight called out. "Masters, this is Sergeant Voight with the Chicago Police. Open up, make this easy on all of us,"

He didnt do anything but the woman screamed out that he was gonna kill her. Voight nodded. "Take it,"

Jay kicked the door open and we all filled into the house with our guns raised and saw that Masters was holding the girl at gun point. "Drop it!"

He didnt listen to us, just grabbed the girl tighter. "I told 'em I would kill her!"

"Drop it, Masters!"

He pointed the gun at us for a second then back on the girl. "All we're trying to do is have a good time. Isn't that right, huh?"

You could tell this was just getting him more antsy so you lowered your gun and raised your hand in the air. "Easy, easy. Everybody take a breath,"

He looked at you. "She set me up. She's trying to get me killed,"

You nodded and tried to talk some sense into him. "Fine, you're right. We can handle that,"

"I got info. I got info on a deal that's going down, and that's why she's setting me up,"

"I don't know what he what he's talking about. I swear to God,"

You took a deep breath. "All right, we will help you. We will help you, but you've gotta let her go first. You don't need her. Come on, give her to me. Come on.

Give her to me,"

He pushed her to you but then placed the gun towards himself. "I'm dead anyway,"

We shouted no as he shot himself in the face.

It had been about ten minutes after Masters shot himself. Voight was in the living room talking to the girl while Jay and you were on the stairs taking a moment. Antonio walked up to us and leaned on the staircase. "You guys okay?"

You and Jay both nodded. "My sister and her partner went through this. Guy blew his brains out in front of them on a routine call. Gabby was fine, but it hit Shay pretty hard. Don't be afraid to talk to somebody, anybody. Me, if it sneaks up on you,"

You both nodded again and said thanks.

----

You guys were back in Intelligence the next day, waiting on Voight to come in with information. Voight walked out of his office and pinned a photo on the board. "Dean Masters was a hotshot artist in his 20s. Work dried up, picked up a drug habit. He's suspected of not only being a fence but also forging paintings,"

Dawson was the first one to speak. "What was that thing intelligence had him on?"

Kevin looked up from a file. "Stolen Klimt. Never resurfaced,"

Ruzek looked at Kevin, confused. "What the hell is a Klimt?"

You looked over at Ruzek. "An artist,"

Ruzek chuckled. "Named Klimt?"

You looked at Ruzek stupid. "Yeah,"

"That's a funny name, right? Or am I alone on this? Klimt. Say it out loud,"

You rolled your eyes at Ruzek as Jay answered. "It's kinda funny, yeah,"

You looked over at Jay like he was being ridiculous. Voight looked at Jay and then to the entire team. "So this whole 'they're gonna kill me' thing that Masters was going on about was either about the stolen painting or something else,"

Jay sat up in the seat. "Or he was just tripping and talking nonsense. I mean, did you see his pupils? He was gakked out of his mind,"

Voight just looked at him for a minute before replying. "We got a known suspect, took his own life rather than face something heavy-duty. We pursue the case,"

You saw Al bring in the girl from last night. Voight looked at her and then back at you. "Will you take this?"

You nodded and helped her into the break room. "How well did you know Dean Masters?"

You handed her a cup of coffee and sat down across from her. "I just met him last night. It was only the third time I've ever done that. I'm a licensed esthetician. I worked at a salon up till about a week ago. I wasn't making rent,"

You looked at her sympathetic. "Maybe this is a sign that that life's not for you, huh? Do you know why Dean thought you were trying to set him up?"

She shook her head no. "I don't know. I swear to God, I got there, and and he was pissed because I wasn't the girl he asked for and-"

You sat up in your seat and looked at her with interest. "Who was he expecting?"

She looked like she was racking her brains for the name. "Jane,"

****

You told Voight and the rest of the team what the girl told you and they went and tried to get Jane but Ruzek let his guard down and she managed to get away from her due to her kicking him in the balls but she got picked up by some patrol. You were about to go upstairs to go integrate her when you saw Ruzek holding ice to his area in the locker room. "You're an idiot,"

Ruzek looked over at you and then back to whatever he was looking at. "Shut up,"

You chuckled. "Never let your guard down for anyone. You never know what they're playing at and you just learned that lesson, didnt you?"

With that, you left Ruzek to ice his area and walked to the integration room. "So what can you tell me about Dean Masters?"

She looked you with the 'I'm not telling you shit' look. "Didn't really know him. I went on one date with the guy,"

You gave her 'i know you're lying look' back at her. "I heard you were his favorite,"

"Yeah, I get that a lot,"

You were getting annoyed with her short answers, but you kept your calm. "Seriously, how old are you?"

She looked away from you and you rolled your eyes. "Come on, you know I can find out in two minutes,"

She hesitated to look at you but did anyways. "17 almost 18 but I used a fake I. D, so don't hassle 'em. I need the work,"

You looked at her for a minute before answering. "So Dean mention having any problems with anybody?"

"Nope,"

You were beyond fed up with her so you thought of making her a deal. "What were you trying to score, heroin? Look I can get you a fix. You have my word on that,"

She looked at you immediately with eyes glistening. "But I need some information first. Why would Dean eat a bullet? He had enemies?"

She shook her head. "No. The opposite. Dean was the sharing type,"

You nodded. "Give me a name,"

"Santa,"

You looked at her werid. "Guy named Santa?"

"No, no. That's how I remembered it. 'No-El' Noel. Noel Harris. Yeah, he brought the skag. He owns some sort of card shop or some deal over on polk. I don't know. He was rambling,"

----

Intellegance went and busted into Master's house and found counterfeit money. We were now back in Intellegence looking at the money. Ruzek was looking at the money and chuckled. "See, I mean, that is some serious talent, man.This guy's a failed artist?"

You nodded. "Yep. It's funny the things people end up doing when they can't do what they really want, huh?"

You heard footsteps coming into Intelligence and you look over and saw Voight walking in with some fancy looking dude. "This is Agent Joe Hill. Secret Service, Chicago field office. We go back a ways,"

Ruzek being Ruzek asked a smartass question as he shook his hand. "Where's your earpiece and your sunglasses?"

"That's only when Obama's in town,"

You didnt put your hand out yet. "Does this mean we're handing over the case?"

"No. Technically I can't get involved unless there's actual counterfeit currency found, but Hank just thought I could help,"

You nodded as you shook his hand finally. Jay looked at you and then back at Agent Hill. "Oh. I thought counterfeiters were using high-end printers nowadays,"

Agent Hill shook his hand while replying. "There's digital tech that'll print a pretty good 5 or 10, then you pass it off at Walgreens buying dollar items. That's what we call "baby laundering. " Using plates this is old-school. Takes some real work,"

Voight looked at all of us. "There's three steps. The plates, the paper, and the printer. Guess who we're looking for now,"

Jay looked at Voight. "The hooker that kicked Ruzek in the nuts. How'd she characterize her interaction with Dean Masters?"

"Went to his place once over,"

The IT guy came up to us with his laptop and showed us that over the last two weeks, there was over forty five texts sent back and forth.

You slapped the table and walked back to integration where Jane said she was about to get sick, so you walked her down to the locker room and helpped her while she got sick. She looked at you after. "You said you'd hook me up,"

"I will. You gotta help me. Why'd you lie to me?"

She looked at you and yelled. "I gave you Noel! Isn't that enough?"

You didnt let this phase you as you answered her. "I'll tell you when it's enough. Do you want to get well? Huh? I can get you the fix that you need, but I need you to tell me what's going on,"

Jane calmed down and looked at you. "They said they'd kill me,"

"Who?"

"I was at Dean's a few nights ago. It was the last time I saw him. He went out to score for us. I went out front to have a smoke 'cause he didn't like it in the house. A group of guys with guns walked up. One of 'em took out his cell phone and took a picture of me, said if I said anything he'd find me and kill me. Okay,"

You nodded and helped her sit down. "What did he look like? Young. Jeans, hoodies. I was so scared I just left. But I saw them get into this delivery van with a Jesus fish painted on it,"

You stood up. "What? Hey! Is this you tripping?"

"No. I swear to God. There was a big Jesus fish painted on the back of the truck,"

You nodded. "You did good,"

Jane looked at you with pleading eyes. "Now can we go score?"

"Soon,"

Jane stood up on her feet as fast as she could. "If you're lying to me, I'm gonna-"

You got in her face and barked back. As you had enough of this attitude of hers. "You're gonna what? I have so many charges I could drop on you right now. So I need you to take it down a notch, wait and I'll help you,"

*****

After talking to Jane, you went back into Intelligence and told them what she had said about the van. The IT guy was in charge of finding it if he could and he did. He found out that the van belongs to a church that uses it as a delivery van. Dawson nodded at the name like he knew it. "That's Pastor Mike's place. An ex-GD.

Supposedly underwent a jailhouse conversion a few years back,"

Ruzek while looking the van spoke. "Guess it didn't take,"

You nodded. "All right. I'll show Nadia a lineup of this guy and his associates. If she picks anybody out, I'll get a warrant,"

---

Jane had picked out who it was and the team did a raid and picked up Pastor Mike and his friends who had a stack of money on the table. You were all at your desks while Antonio was giving out details. "Pastor Mike was contracted by this man Glen Ward. Now, Ward has done federal time in Leavenworth for counterfeiting. But how Ward and his printing crew hooked up with Dean Masters and Noel Harris is anybody's guess, and why the two of them are both dead now, who knows?"

You looked up at Dawson after he was done talking. "Pastor Mike didn't say why Ward wanted them dead?"

Ruzek pursued his lips together and shook his head. "He didn't ask,"

Antonio nodded. "It could be any reason. Somebody wanted a bigger cut, threatened to snitch, banged somebody's girlfriend. Any one of those scenarios. One of Ward's aliases is Denis Diderot. A counterfeiter and a fan of French literature,"

Kevin walked into Intellegnce with a piece of paper. "Hey, Sarge, the it guy just did a name check against new leases on commercial property rentals.He got a hit. Foreclosed chemical building on Cicero. All right, unless anyone's opposed to overtime, let's go find our printer,"

You and Jay walked towards the front of the building. Jay called to Voight saying it was clear and after he talked to the other team memebers, he gave you the all clear to go in. As soon as you go in, there was a shootout and thankful you nor your teammates got shot. You pulled out your walkie and got ahold of dispatch. "George 5021 emergency. Shots fired by the police and at the police. Roll an ambo to 1356 South 13th Street. Notify crime lab. Plainclothes officers at the scene,"

After everything was said and done, you saw a big stockpile of counterfeit money. Ruzek quickly laid on it and handed his phone to Atwater. "Too bad it ain't real. Kevin, get a picture of me for my album cover,"

You rolled your eyes and laughed. "You're still an idiot,"

---

You were over at Jay's because all day you could sense Jay wasn't having a good day or something was up but you havent had a chance to ask him what was wrong since it was nonstop today. You had your legs laying on on his thighs while sitting on his couch. You reached over to him and made him look at you. "You seem upset all day long, what's wrong?"

He looked at you for a few minutes without saying anything, then he sighed. "Did you ever hear about the murder of Ben Corson?"

You racked your brain for a minute then you remember. You had just gotten out of the police academy over where you lived but you remember hearing about it. "Yeah?"

Then that when it hit you... Jay knew the family. You knew the family?"

Jay nodded his head and looked down towards the ground. "He's the younger brother of a girl I dated in high school and his parents, Danny and Gail, they came to my graduation from academy. I still see 'em on what would be Ben's birthday. Me and my partner were first on the scene and I see a shoe, and then I push the reeds back and there he is. I can still see his face,"

You nodded as you remember the details of the case. "I remember his dad alibied him out. But they never had anything on Lonnie, nothing?

"No, they caught him jerking it outside an elementary school a week prior to finding Ben. They found kiddie porn on his computer and secret pictures that he'd taken of Ben,"

"You gotta be kidding me,"

"Uh-uh. We all knew Lonnie did it but, you know, his dad lied, and they got a good lawyer,"

His voice broke while saying that, you reached over to him and made him looked at you again and he was crying. You scotted over to where you were on his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck. He buried his head into the crook of your neck as he wrapped his arms around your waist. "Its not your fault. You did everything you could've done,"

He didnt answer you, he just tightened his grip on you. You sighed as you knew what was going through his mind. "I know what you are thinking and I know I cant stop you but promise me you wont do anything stupid and you'll be careful,"

He didnt say anything. You leaned back far enough to where he was looking at you. "Promise me,"

"I promise,"

#jay halstead x imagine #jay halstead x you #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead #chicago pd #secret voight

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bukandoktergalau · 4 years

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Day 13: Favorite Book

Divortiare

ada beberapa novel lain juga yang dibaca, tapi kebanyakan baca bukunya Ika Natassa. ada 1 set, Antologi Rasa, A Very Yuppy Wedding, Divortiare, Twivortiare. sama 1 lagi, Critical Eleven (gak termasuk dalam 1 set tadi). yang paling ngetop kayaknya Twivortiare sama Critical Eleven karena dibikin film. gue pribadi lebih suka Divortiare.

berat sih nih ceritanya.. tentang Alexandra Rhea Wicaksono, the most workaholic Banker who married Beno Wicaksono, the most busiest Cardiothoracic Surgeon. yaudah bayangin aja mereka sibuknya kek mana..

dari awal mereka ketemu itu gemes sih sebenernya, perjalanan sampai akhirnya mereka nikah. konflik yang terjadi karena sama-sama sibuk, Beno yang cuek dan emang sangat sibuk, Lexy (panggilan Alex) yang juga wanita karir dan pengennya diperhatiin Beno tapi lupa kalau dia kawin sama bedah thorax.

ada satu cerita dimana Beno telat pulang karena ada operasi cito pasiennya dan dia lupa ternyata itu adalah wedding anniversary-nya. Lexy udah nunggu dirumah, dolled up so pretty and all the romantic candle light dinner thingy was served perfectly. kesel banget pas Beno pulang telat, dan marah-marah karena dia lebih pilih pasiennya. disitu Beno jawab "ini nyawa orang". Lexy udah kesel lalu pergi. hhh. ya pasti kesel sih ya, tapi lu urang kawin sama bedah thorax ya udah risiko juga kan sis

lalu mereka divorce, and that's why the book named Divortiare. saat pisah ini mereka belum benar-benar pindah. mereka tau kalau mereka saling merasa memiliki dan mencintai, entah gimana caranya karena ego masing-masing jadi ended up divorce.

sebenernya sedikit banyak udah kebaca sih ending-nya gimana, tapi perjalanan ceritanya, cara Ika Natassa menggambarkan setiap situasi secara detail, itu jadi bikin kita masuk ke dalam ceritanya. kayak ada ditengah-tengah kehidupan Beno-Lexy.

ada sepenggal percakapan dari Divortiare yang lumayan deep nih. walaupun mereka ngomongin tato, bukan berarti gue juga pengen nato ya wkwk nanti gak bisa sholat, aku berdosa :"( wkwk

Commitment is a funny thing, you know? It’s almost like getting a tattoo. You think and you think and you think and you think before you get one. And once you get one, it sticks to you hard and deep. Tapi kemudian mungkin kita tiba di satu titik ketika rasanya benci banget melihat tato itu, and all you wanna do is get rid of it. So then you did. And you’re fine without any tattoo for a while.

Tapi bisa aja kan, tiba-tiba kita merasa: kok kayaknya hidup gue polos banget tanpa si tato itu. Ketemu pula dengan tato baru yang oke. Mulai mikir lagi, nato lagi nggak ya? Banyak orang bilang kalau udah pernah menato sekali, harusnya yang kedua gampang. Toh udah pernah ini. Udah tahu sakitnya, tapi udah ngerasain enaknya juga. Jadi harusnya kalau ketemu tato baru yang oke, ya tinggal dilakukan aja.

But there’s where you’re wrong. There’s always the first tattoo factor. Tato yang pertama itu akan selalu jadi tato yang pertama. Yang sebelum di-tato butuh waktu lama untuk mikir, waktu mau dihilangkan juga prosesnya susah. Sudah hilang pun, masih ada bekas lukanya juga, kan? Sekecil apa pun, baret itu pasti masih ada. Dan tidak mudah menemukan tato yang bisa menyembunyikan bekas luka itu.

- Alexandra Rhea Wicaksono -

#30 days writing challenge

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duniaellis · 4 years

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The Untold Story

"Mas, kayanya aku gak akan tinggal di jogja lagi deh."

I remember that day when I started a conversation with him. To which he replied, "Lah nanti yang nemenin aku di sini siapa?"

I'd been knowing him for years but it was never in my mind that I would get closed to him. I never cared about him. And so did he. Until we hit the same event which led us to get closer.

We texted almost everyday and met frequently. Sometimes we had a phone call at midnight or it was just me asking him to help me out to stay awake due to my supervision the next day.

I like throwing jokes and he's that kind of people who often jokes around and makes his surrounding laugh. And we had this internal joke that only us would understand. We often laughed together and called each other "jayus".

We were different in many ways. But at some point, we had the same basic principal which kept us stick to each other. When something didn't go well, sometimes I called him "cowok brengsek" or "cowok bajingan". (Little did I know, it could be considered as name calling to which it's not healthy in a relationship). Then he answered, "Aku tuh salah apa sih, Lis, sama kamu? Kamu kok kaya benci banget sama aku," It sounded like I hate him so much but I swear to God I didn't hate him at all. I don't. And never will.

He totally had no idea how much I lost my appetite when we no longer got along well. I tried to cheer me up by going to the movies but I ended up having no idea what the movie was all about because my mind couldn't just stop thinking how he's doing and questioning how many mistakes I made to make him left without a single word. I guess it all started when he said in a text, "Kamu kan gitu. Pacar gak sopan. Gak bales wasap. Gak ngasih kabar," and I was like, "Hahaha" and sent him a kiss emoticon in a hope that we would make peace afterwards. We did get back. But I guess what he said wasn't just joking.

It was uncomfortable not to talk to him that long so I tried to reach him out. But he never sent me back. I was tired of thinking how bad I was not being able to make him stay. I was so confused and tried to let it be. Two months later, someone told me he's with someone new. As soon as I knew it, I couldn't function well and it felt like knives stabbing in my chest. We practically didn't break up because there's no so-called "kata putus". But then I realized, we might also have never been in a date because I didn't literally say yes when he asked me "Lis, pacaran yuk." Instead, I joked around, "Haha enak aja w pelarian dong." I kept telling myself that we were never that closed despite the fact that we spent more than a year going thru thick and thin together (especially he supported and accompanied me during my thesis and thesis defense).

He's such a whole package. He's funny, kind, clever, wise, caring, hard worker, and good looking lol. He's raised the bar high for me in seeing future bf, I guess? If I could have the chance to tell him the truth, I would thank him for taking care of me and treating me well. And if only I could turn back the time, I would never replace the part of being together with him. I was happy to be supported by him during my hardest time. It was a good time after all.

Now he looks so happy with his wife. I will not bother thinking the what ifs I happened to be with him. I'm totally fine and I've made peace with everything. Last but not least, I learn a lot from this.

*singing adele's someone like you in the background *

**kenapa lirik lagunya bisa accurate gitu:))**

P.S ini terjadi beberapa tahun yg lalu jadi saya sekarang sudah biasa saja menulisnya tidak sampai merasa tersayat-sayat seperti dahulu bye

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hoseokmylovesworld · 5 years

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Picture of Love | 14 (M)

Pairing: Photographer!Hoseok x OC x Producer!Yoongi

Genre/Warnings: Hoseok AU/Yoongi AU/Includes strong language, anxiety attacks, violence, mentions of death, fluff, smut, dirty talk, rough sex, deep throating, choking, oral and vaginal sex.

Words: 9,464

Summary: Charlotte Galloway is the leader of the up and coming girl band, “She-Bang”, with a side hustle as a photographer for anyone who will hire her. She meets a fellow professional photographer named Jung Hoseok who helps “She-Bang” realize their dreams and Charlotte to make a love connection along the way.

A/N: This is the longest one yet, but please read to the end, it’s a doosey

“Leyah this is serious, come on.” I chide, yanking her back from flicking the blinds with her fingers in the empty apartment. After browsing the internet and newspaper idly for more adequate living situations for the last few weeks, the girls and I finally decided to actually take a look at some of them.

“I was just checking if the blinds were up to par...they’re not.” She flicks them again and they shake wildly, proving her accusation.

“We can always replace the blinds Leyah, what do you think about this place?”

“I think it’s way too small.” she responded curtly, looking up and around in an unsatisfactory way.

I sigh in defeat. “It’s one of the only ones we can afford so it’s gotta count as a definite maybe right now.” Leyah just hums and rolls her eyes.

The apartment we were viewing was much like the others we looked at this week. Two bedrooms, a small kitchen and a small living area. Everything was just small and as much a we needed a space to accommodate all of us and our belongings, we all made the same living and it just wasn’t enough.

“Well, maybe if you asked your loaded boyfriend nicely, he might pitch in.” Leyah muttered with her hand against her cheek as if she were telling me a secret. I slap her arm quickly.

“That’s not funny, Leyah. I wouldn’t ask him to do that, we’re not even like...together, together yet.” Leyah whips her head around to face me with a shocked expression.

“Are you serious? You guys haven’t talked about making it official yet? It’s been like...over two months.” Leyah’s eyes went out of focus as she did the math in her head.

“No, we talked about it.” I share as she follows me to check out the master bedroom once again. “He didn’t really understand why I didn’t want to be called his ‘girlfriend’, it sounds really selfish now that I’m telling this to someone else, but he understood. Like he does everything. We agreed to just be together without any actual labels. It’s like our own little ‘official’.” I shrugged, thinking back to that awkward conversation.

My breakdown in his kitchen, prompted many questions about our relationship from Hoseok that I couldn’t ignore. After going into detail about my strong aversion to the word girlfriend and relationships altogether before I met him, he decided he was content with simply being mine and vice versa.

“Wow, you are officially the luckiest girl alive.” She drawled, looking quite impressed with Hoseok herself. “Thank you, but I’m aware.” I smiled to myself and we moved onto the next apartment on the list.

After hopping all over town from Ocean Avenue to Daly City looking for apartments, Leyah and I crash as soon as we enter the apartment around 7:30 PM. I plop down onto my bed, lazily removing clothing items from where I lay and drifting to sleep easily.

“No, Char! Are you dumb or something?”

“Should you still be eating? Gimme that, you’re gonna get fat.”

“I should’ve known you wouldn’t be able to do it on your own!”

“Why do I even bother? You never do anything right!”

“God! Have you always been this dense?”

“I literally said the opposite. Fucking listen for once!”

“Gak!” I gasped as I was jolted out of my sleep by yet another nightmare. I look up at the ceiling, focusing on it’s squiggly pattern, trying to calm my heaving chest and my racing mind. The room was pitch black in most places, the only light being offered was by the moon in lines of white along the walls. I lie awake, convinced that if I attempt to go back to sleep, I’ll only be able to see his face barking at me for all of my defects and faults.

The sudden need to need to vomit that will never be relieved takes over my gut and the heaving of my chest has increased and as it was constricting tighter and tighter.

Instinctively, my hand flies to cover my mouth when the familiar sting behind my eyes begins. The last thing I want is to wake any of the girls and have them worry about me. I try and try to shake the nasty voices, but the tears keep coming and I can’t find it in myself to be silent any longer as it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

I quietly make my way to the bathroom, shut the door and climb into the tub where I hugged my knees and allowed myself to sob, but somehow still keeping the volume to a minimum.

This had to be the fourth one this week.

It would surprise no one that I am no stranger to nightmares and I that usually handled them better than most people did. That is, if you can call suppressing my own emotions and traumas handling it, then I’m your girl. But this recurring shit storm that I was experiencing was different than any of the nightmares I’ve had previously. The reason being: they were all about my past. And almost all of them were about Yoongi.

Whether the dreams were pleasant or brutal, I was always an emotional mess afterward, feeling empty from reflecting on my past. I would get them often after Yoongi left. That’s when the panic attacks started getting serious. Knowing that I was actually alone in the world with no one to call a friend or even care that I existed unleashed a lot of dark thoughts and I had to learn how to make it on my own for real this time. If I had known opening up to J-Hope was going to send me spiraling back down that dark hole, I would have shut up and ate my pancakes.

But, I can’t put the entire blame on him. He didn’t force me to say those things or revisit the past and as cheesy as it sounds, the nightmares only come when he’s not sleeping next to me. I’ve noticed over the past couple of weeks or so that J-Hope is my personal dream catcher and tonight has solidified the fact that if I didn’t have him by my side as I slept, I was royally fucked.

The pounding in my ears softened and eventually slushed to a holt. The vice grip on my heart faded at a devastatingly slow pace and my breathing evened out as I counted the tiles on the shower wall. I let out a thankful sigh once the room stopped spinning and I was painfully aware of the silence in the room. I let my body fall back and I turned to lie on my side, still letting the tears fall from my eyes silently. I debated calling J-Hope during the aftermath. Hoping my personal ray of sunshine would pull me from my depressed funk as usual.

It’s gotta be at least 3 am, he won’t answer anyway.

He might, we have to try.

And say what? Hi, I’m sad. Drop everything to make me happy?

Obviously not, but he cares, he’ll want to help.

He’ll want to go back to sleep and wish we never called.

Don’t do this. We need it.

It felt like my conscience was wrestling with itself or with me, knocking against my skull in the battle causing a pesky headache. It took all of my strength to peel myself off of the floor of the tub and drag myself back to the room, to the bedside table where my phone was. It was indeed 3:36 AM and the confirmation made me place the phone back on the desk and forget the idea of calling J-Hope entirely.

We need to sleep Char. Come on. My conscience scolded me again.

I wanted to fight back at least for the sake of my pride. I made it a point not to need anyone for anything after that asshole broke my heart and here I am needing someone else to be able to sleep. I felt pathetic in plain terms. But at this point I knew I needed to try.

I take the phone and a room key, sneak into the hall and slide down the nearest wall. I glare at the screen a while longer, hurriedly dialing the number before I could change my mind. After the third ring I moved to hang up and throw away this half-baked plan, but then I heard his beautifully, groggy voice through the phone.

“Charlotte?” he rasped. I gasped slightly, not expecting him to pick up.

“Uh, yeah. Hey.” I spoke brokenly. I didn’t take into account the condition of my throat and voice sounding like I just gargled glass. I sniffle subconsciously.

“What’s going on? Are you alright?” He sounds more awake now, coming to with concern.

“Yeah, I just…” I choked, not knowing what to do or say in this situation. I felt lost. My words were trapped in my throat that seemed to be closing in on itself again as I wipe more fresh tears from my face. “No.” I finally whimper.

“What’s wrong? Are you crying?”

I don’t answer as I am too overcome with emotion, my words being turned into snivels and moans. After a moment he tries to get a response again.

“Charlotte.” He calls out, making sure I’m still there.

“I’m sorry...for calling so late. I just didn’t know what else to do.”

“It’s fine, just tell me what’s wrong, baby.” The pet-name sends warmth through my chest and a fractured smile to my face.

“I’m…” How does one tell another ‘I’ve just had a panic attack and I need to sleep next to you’ over the phone? I scour my brain for answers.

“Uh...are you home?” I squeak through the phone.

“Yes, I am.”

“Can I...can I come over? I’m really sorry, but I-I just need to see you.”

“Of course, Charlotte.” I close my eyes and let out a thankful sigh.

“Where are you? I’ll come pick you up.” I could hear movement on his end, probably him getting dressed to get me.

“No! You don’t have to do that. You just woke up, I don’t want you to get into an accident. I’ll just call an uber.”

“It’s ten minutes, Charlotte. I’ll be there in no time-”

“No, please, just stay, I’ll be fine on my own.” I said sternly, not willing to budge this time. He figured as much. There was a beat of silence.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.” I reply automatically.

“You know what, I’ll call it, just so I know you’re safe.” He decided.

I roll my eyes, but smile at the sentiment. “Fine, Jay.”

“Okay, I’ll see you when you get here.”

“Bye.”

I tiptoed back into the hotel room, to change into something more decent, but ready to sleep in and grab my necessities to head down to the lobby. A good amount of my clothes were already at J-Hope’s apartment, some makeup and toiletries as well so I didn’t need to bring much. I began staying over so often that it would be silly not to have my belongings over there. The girls made fun of me for it of course, but for once I didn’t buy into it. I was comfortable with our arrangements.

In no time I was knocking on J-Hope’s apartment door. I could hear faint footsteps before the door swung open in front of me to reveal him. He was shirtless and wore navy blue, checkered pajama bottoms and a comforting smile. I immediately threw my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into the apartment and closing the door behind me. We just stood there for a long while until I separated us. With no words yet to be exchanged, J-Hope led me to his bedroom and basically tucked me in and watched as I got comfortable.

“Do you need anything?” He asked, still standing off to my side of the bed. “Water? Tea?” He added. I look up at him through tired eyes.

“Water sounds great, actually.” I all but croak. All the crying I did took a lot out of me and I realized I needed to rehydrate. He nodded, scampering off to the kitchen.

He made it back in record time, handing me a glass of water after I sat up a bit. He finally got in bed himself and I could feel him watching me. Studying me to see if I would break down again.

“You don’t need to watch me like that you know?” I say glancing up at him, he suddenly looks down when our eyes meet. “Like I’m gonna break at any moment.” I mutter.

“I’m sorry...it’s just when I heard you crying I got worried.” He looks me up and down again while I look at my already empty glass. “Thank you...for worrying. I really didn’t know who else to go to. I’m sorry.”

He grabbed my hand from my lap and squeezed. I looked at his wide eyes.

“Charlotte, you have no idea how glad I am that you came to me. I’m always gonna wanna make sure that you’re alright. Please don’t be afraid to come to me with things like this. You can trust me...Okay?”

I looked up at his deep brown eyes so full of emotion and nodded, believing in every word. I was still very much in shock that he’s not acting like I inconvenienced him or that he didn’t turn me away in the first place.

“Okay. With that being said...Are you alright?” He asked carefully, caressing my hand in his. I think about it and I find myself nodding slowly, once more. “Yeah.” Now that I finally have you next to me, yes.

“Good. What happened?”

“Uh, I had a nightmare.” I admit hesitantly. J-Hope knows about my recent night terrors and most of their contents. No matter how much I wanted to hide it from him, it’s like he has the power to get me to talk about these things. Like a vampire using compulsion. But he doesn’t know that he’s the antidote.

His shoulders drop and he sighs disappointedly. “Again?” I nod. “And then I kind of had a panic attack.”

He makes a pitiful face and clenches his jaw. He motions for me to put the glass down and then to get under the covers. We cuddle up to one another, facing each other and he rubs my back soothingly.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I sigh as the familiar words leave his mouth. It always seemed to help to get these things off my chest to J-Hope so I threw myself back into the mess that started this whole ordeal.

“He was yelling at me again...barking more like. All those obnoxious things he used to say whenever I did something wrong...And then I was running. Down this pitch black street that never seemed to end. Until I get to this weird looking building with one white door on it...Y-” I wince as I almost uttered his name.

“He came out and just stood by the door like he was waiting for me or something. And then I turned around to see Maeve behind me...she looked like she was waiting for me too...It was like I had to choose. And I didn’t want to, but...I chose him.” I laugh bitterly before continuing. “It was so real, like a fucking slap in the face...No matter what happened between us or what horrible things he did or said to me, I always went back to him...all while pretending like Maeve never even existed. I turned my back on her, just like I did five years ago.”

“That’s not true.” J-Hope interjected immediately. “I know you feel like what happened to Maeve was your fault, but we both know that it wasn’t. And you were coping with her death in your own way.” I let out another harsh laugh.

“Well, thanks for seeing it that way.” J-Hope suddenly scooched down to my level and tilted my chin up to look him in the eye.

“You don’t know this, but I have made it my personal mission to get you to stop beating yourself up this way and to, instead, make you smile whenever you do. You’re so much better than that. I just wish you saw yourself the way I see you.” He said sincerely. I let the corners of my mouth slide up one at a time at the statement, knowing that, that is literally what he’s been doing and well. My heartbeat increased and small currents of electricity found a home in my fingertips. I had no words and so I settled for a slow, searing kiss to get my message across. “Mission accomplished.” He whispered when we broke the kiss. We giggle and actually settle in for bed, turning off the bedside lamps.

“Night, Charlotte.”

“Night, Hobi.” A few moments of silence passed before I decide I have a confession of my own.

“Hobi.”

“Hm?”

“You don’t know this, but...you’re my dreamcatcher.” I say into the darkness.

He delivers a kiss to my wild hair and I smile once more before drifting off into a glorious, dreamless sleep.

++++++++++++

I opened my eyes lazily, adjusting to the change of scenery. I find a strong sense of comfort in Hoseok’s arms wrapped snugly around me and I nuzzle myself into him further. He does the same, pressing our bodies together firmly and tightening his hold on me. I attempt to fall back to sleep when I feel a soft kiss planted on the back of my neck, signifying that he was awake. He continued to kiss along the side and make his mark on my cheek and jaw causing me to giggle helplessly.

I turn in his arms to face him and kiss his lips hard, both of us smiling into it like maniacs. It’s not long until he tries to get on top of me and caress my body with his strong hands. I allow him to do as he pleases and arch my body into his, inviting him to grind his core into mine.

“I can’t even stretch my limbs before you’re trying to ravage me.” I laugh into his perfect mouth.

“Haha, well I had to try before you left me for the girls.” He goes to plant another kiss to my neck as my eyes widen with adrenaline. I dodge him, turning to look at the alarm clock that read 4:47 PM.

“The girls!” I push him off of me and run to the dresser in record time while Hoseok watches, cluelessly. “I totally forgot, we have a fucking gig today!”

The show today starts at eight o’clock and usually waking up in the evening doesn’t compromise that, but seeing as I only have three hours to shower, dress, beg the girls for forgiveness and travel all the way to a venue in Bodega Bay, I’m beginning to panic slightly.

I race to grab some of my own clothes in his dresser, scamper into the shower and crank up the hot water. When I return I throw on the fullest face of make-up I can manage while moving at lightning speed. I manage to buff out my foundation and concealer, slap some brown and gold eyeshadow on my lid and brush on some mascara while Hoseok finds something and freshens up.

“Uh, I’ll drive you.” He decided in his sleepy stupor.

“Thank you. I’m sorry bout this Jay, I’ll pay you back, I promise.” I peck his cheek on the way out the door. He just laughs, rushing with me to his car in our pajamas. “Don’t worry about it Charlotte, let’s just get you back.”

“Thanks, Hoseok!” I kissed him on the cheek once more before I’m flying out of the car and racing up to the hotel room, hoping to God the girls aren’t too mad at me.

I slipped into the room silently, not wanting to be seen out of embarrassment. The suite looked empty. Did they leave without me? The room was mostly silent, save for the whispering of two voices coming from the bedroom. My shoulders drop in relief as I approach the slightly ajar door, but I froze when I hear the deep, broken voice of Darren.

“So, what do you want me to do? Just stop feeling the way I do?” He huffed in his usual low register. What is he doing in our room?

“Don’t say it like that Darren, you’re making me sound like the bad guy.” I heard Leyah’s smooth voice join his and my eye brows furrow, my curiosity spiked even higher.

Darren replies, sounding defeated. “That’s what you’re saying though...isn’t it?” Leyah sighs and by the way the bed released a noise of pressure, I can tell she sat down. “Well, yeah...I guess I am...I’m sorry.” There is a moment of silence before Darren speaks up again.

“It’s just...it sounds stupid Leyah, but I can’t hold it in anymore.” My head cocks in interest at his ambiguous words.

“And I’m sorry, but I’m asking you to do exactly that.” I found myself leaning closer to the door as the conversation went on, hoping to get closer to what Darren was getting at.

“I just told you, I can’t. What do you want me to do?” He asked sarcastically with a bitterness to his voice. More silence.

“Look, I just want this to work out for everybody and in order for that to happen, I need you to-I don’t know, just somehow keep this to yourself, okay? I know I’m probably asking too much of you, but I promise you, it’s for the best.”

“So this works out for everybody but me, huh?”

“Listen to me, I know you want a second shot or whatever, but telling Char how you feel is going to help, literally no one, trust me.” Leyah pleads with her best friend in a soft, reassuring voice and my eyes widen immensely.

Holy fuck.

They were having this deep, arduous conversation about me the entire time. So, Darren really did have genuine feelings for me and knowing Darren, that’s probably what he meant to tell me the night of our fight. That was weeks ago. By then, I already knew Darren had feelings for me, but hearing that his feelings were so deep that he literally couldn’t hold back anymore was daunting. I try to keep my breathing under control and not give myself away as I continue to eavesdrop for more answers.

“Besides, Char is really into that J-Hope kid and...they’re good together.”She spoke with an apologetic tone. “You telling her how you feel would just complicate things. Or it might get you hurt and I don’t wanna see either of my friends hurt. I…I just want you all to be happy.”

“Happy-what about my happiness, Leyah? Every time I see them together, I just want to punch something. I thought you were trying to help me in this-”

“That’s all I’ve ever done, Darren! And this time is no different.” Leyah suddenly yells, causing me to jump back from the door and almost lose my footing.

“You may be blind to it because of your feelings for her, but it’s obvious he’s it for her...and vice and versa. I know you see it, you just refuse to believe it and I’m sorry, but there is no way an apology and a confession is going to win her over when all she can see is him. The way they look at each other...even Char refuses to see it, but I know you do...I am trying to help you...this is me, trying to help you. Please don’t do this.”

Silence.

I couldn’t help the corners of my mouth slowly turning up into a smile when Leyah said Hoseok and I were good together. I knew the girls didn’t mind him, but I never asked them what they thought of the two of us together. I’m glad my best friend approves because I intend to keep him around for a while. And despite how much I wanted to grimace at her saying he was it for me, I couldn’t fight the butterflies that erupted in my stomach at the thought. Day by day, I’ve been exposing myself to the wonderous world of monogamy that once disgusted me and coming closer to embracing it. It only took the most awkward encounter of my life to realize that Hoseok may actually be the one. I huffed out a laugh to myself at the revelation when Darren finally speaks.

“Damn, Leyah. Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?” He spat angrily followed by the sound of his footsteps heading towards the bedroom door. My eyes widened tenfold and I panicked slightly before tip-toeing to the hotel room door at lightning speed. By the grace of God I was able to open it and slam it before Darren barged out of the bedroom and directed his heated gaze at me, pretending I had just walked in. It quickly turned to shock and relief as he recognized it was me, his mouth opening and closing like he wanted to say something, but changed his mind. I had trouble controlling my own facial expressions, not expecting to face him this quickly.

“Darren-oh, Char. You’re here.” Leyah said, closing the bedroom door behind her and joining Darren and I. She exchanged her frown for an emotionless line.

“What happened to you last night?”

“Oh. I, um...decided to go to Hoseok’s last minute and I got...caught up-uh…I’m really sorry I’m late.” I stammer, trying to give Leyah an excuse that won’t trigger Darren in turn.

“It’s okay, Char. I called, they pushed us back, it’s all good.” She shrugged. I sigh heavily and practically throw myself at her, wrapping my arms around her.

“You are the literal best. Why are you not in charge?” I whisper into her neck. She just chuckles and says “Because you’re much better at it.”

I continue to hug her, recalling what she said about my relationship with Hoseok, helping me to realize what was literally in front of my face the entire time. “Thank you.” I whisper once more.

“Anybody coulda done it Char, it’s nothing...come on, stop being weird.” he began to shrug me off, the longer we embraced and I broke away from her smiling. I turn around, remembering Darren was directly behind me and immediately avoiding eye contact. “Okay. Where is everyone? We should head out, right?”

“They’re in the garage, waiting for us.” Leyah shares, leading us out of the room.

“What were you guys doing?” I glance at the floor, trying to play dumb.

“I spilled something in your room, while I was waiting for Leyah to get ready. She helped me clean it up. Sorry.” Darren told me robotically as we got on the elevator. The excuse created another batch of questions I could have asked, but knowing the truth, I just left it alone for fear of being found out.

My friends were all waiting in the van in the garage and had many questions for me once I finally showed up. I just apologize repeatedly and dodge their questions as much as I can until they get that I don’t have any interest in discussing what exactly happened to me last night.

The atmosphere during the gig lacked that usual feeling of giddiness and excitement due to the events that occurred in the past 24 hours. My mind was full of thoughts of Darren and this incredibly uncomfortable situation he unknowingly put me in. It was obvious that Leyah and Darren were feeling it as well, their gazes always glazed over and far away whenever I laid eyes on them, which wasn’t often as I avoiding Darren again. Whenever he happened to be standing near me, I quietly slipped away to busy myself or when our eyes met, my eyes would dart elsewhere immediately. The other members seemed as lost as ever and skeptical, like they hadn’t been let in on a juicy secret.

When the option to visit the bar at the venue presented itself, I jumped at the opportunity, in desperate need of a drink after our set was over. I take a seat at the bar by myself, not bothered or surprised that the band left me alone. I see Darren do the same at the opposite side of the bar.They most-likely noticed me acting off and decided to give me space. I actually prefer it.

I had just downed my fourth shot and was starting to feel the effects when Darren took a seat on the stool on the right of me. I tense up involuntarily. I continue to look at the counter intensely, not acknowledging him until he speaks first.

“Hey, Char.” I turn to him slowly and glanced up at him from under hooded lids. He looked worried, for which one of us I couldn’t tell, but it made me antsy. I just nod at him. “You okay?” He followed up. I just nodded again, wishing to be anywhere, but here.

“Okay, um, I was hoping I could talk to you for a minute.” He stammered.

I made a face before responding. “You are talking to me.” I drawled. He just laughed, his pearly whites on full display, reminding me how painfully beautiful his smile is.

“In that case...I wanna apologize again for everything I put you through in the past couple of weeks-”

“You didn’t put me through anything Darren, you...were trying.” I cut him off, not wanting him to beat himself up over something he couldn’t control.

If you wanna apologize for something, apologize for sticking your nose in my business all the time.

“Well, I’m thankful you see it that way, but I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting.” He said sincerely.

Then why are you doing this?

“I forgive you...I still haven’t apologized for those things I said to you weeks ago. I’m not gonna lie and say they didn’t come from a place of truth, but I really shouldn’t have said them, especially like that.” I ramble drunkenly.

“You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true, just pills I had to swallow, I guess.” He shrugged. I just shake my head, thinking back to that night and how nasty I was to him. But I don’t speak on it anymore, knowing he would take my side every time.

“I also wanted to tell you something that’s been on my mind for a while.” He spoke slowly.

I turn to look at the counter again and sigh heavily and my heart beat speeds up significantly. Even after listening to Darren and Leyah earlier, I’m not ready to hear it from him for real, face to face.

“I know you were listening to Leyah and I earlier.” My head snaps up at him and the room spins slightly, my eyes widen. He just chuckles at my reaction. “I saw you run by the door to make your escape.” I wish I could laugh like him, but the severity of the situation still has me on edge.

“I guess there’s nothing to say then.” I say still trying to escape this confession.

“I wish there wasn’t” He replies.

“There doesn’t have to be.” I look up at him with furrowed brows and eyes that read ‘don’t do this.’

He makes a face, signifying that he recognizes my rejection, but he goes on.

“I know you’re into this Hope kid, but like you said, I’ve waited long enough, I have to try and I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get this off my chest to you now.” He says with a passionate stare.

My body I moves before it has time to recognize the command form my brain, getting up and walking past Darren. I just had to get away in that moment. I stumble back when I feel his strong grip on my arm, turning me to face him. My eye twitched and my hands balled into fists. “Char, wait.” he pleaded.

“Darren let me go right now.” I feel my breathing quickened as I tried to free myself.

“Char, I love you.” His intense eyes meet mine, his voice was deep and fierce. His words immediately filled me with a sense of dread and my heart pounded in my chest, I was struck again with the need to escape.

“This isn’t happening, please let me go, now.”

“No, please, just listen to me. There is no one for me, but you, I need you to know that.” I work on unwrapping his hand from my arm when I made eye contact with the bartender behind Darren. He looked me over and his face lit up with concern. He took off to the front of the club and I was left to fend for myself against my friend in this sea of people who seem blind to what’s happening in front of them.

“Darren, let me go, I need to get out of here.” I growled at him. His grip only tightened.

“Char, don’t be like this. Please, just give me a chance.” He urged, staring me down with desperate eyes.

“I don’t want to! I don’t want you!” I shout above the music.

“Darren, what the fuck!” Leyah’s voice shot from behind me. I turn to see her enraged face and a burly bouncer making his way towards us in the distance, the bartender leading him to us. I feel stinging behind my eyes as so many emotions came over me all at once because this situation has gotten way too out of hand.

“What are you doing? Let her go, you idiot!” Leyah joins in trying to separate us.

“Char, you can’t leave until you hear me out, please!”

“You’re hurting me!” I screamed just as the bouncer took hold of Darren’s arm and yanked it. Finally, I was free and clutching my arm, tears flowing down my face.

“Why are touching me? I didn’t do anything!”

The bouncer tried to restain Darren, but he fought back and the bouncer didn’t take kindly to that. In no time a fight broke out and we all backed away. Leyah tried to comfort me by wrapping her arms around my shoulders and I shrugged her off instantly, not wanting to be here anymore.

I slipped through the bodies and made my way out of the building onto the street, gulping in all the fresh night air that I could. I bend down, touching my hands to my knees, trying to get my breathing under control, counting backwards from ten. When I have enough confidence to roam, I quickly walk around the corner and hope the band doesn’t think to look for me here.

I never expected to want to hide from my friends in a time like this, but recently I’ve done it more than I would like to admit. I used to run to them for stuff like this and they would help however they could. It was never enough though. Before them I would bottle everything up because it felt like no one understood. No one does. Except Hoseok.

I would deal with the issue the only way I knew how. Sex and alcohol. I got the alcohol part down seeing as I’m still slightly woozy, leaning on a cement structure near the bar. The only thing I need now is an orgasm and all my problems should be solved.

I laugh bitterly and rub at the dry tears on my face.

You can’t fix this.

I can try.

I ignore my conscience and seek out my old method of numbing the pain as I pull out my phone and call uber to Hoseok’s place. I get myself together as much as I can in the back of the car, avoiding calls from my bandmates. My whole demeanor changed once I arrived and took the elevator up to his apartment.

I knock sternly on Hoseok’s apartment door, biting my lip in anticipation and restlessness. Thoughts of tonight's events playing over and over in my mind, making me jittery and somewhat uneasy. I shake it off, knowing Hoseok would give me just what I needed in a time like this.

He opens the door steadily, not expecting any visitors, and brightens when he sees me. “Oh Charlotte. Come in.” I do more than that.

I leapt into his arms, immediately attaching my lips to his in a feral manner, my fingers splayed out, running along the expanse of his muscular body.

“Mm, hello to you too.” He mumbled against my needy lips, but going along with it, kissing me back and caressing my body as well.

“I need you.” Is the only excuse I give, making brief eye contact before leaning down to suck at the juncture of his neck. He moans and plants kisses near my ear. I push him backwards in the direction of his bedroom, sitting myself on his lap, legs on either side of his hips as soon as he touches the bed.

“Have you been drinking?” He panted.

“Maybe.”

I suck his bottom lip into my mouth, nibbling on it hungrily as I grind my hips into his quickly hardening dick. I’m interrupted from my magical state when Hoseok takes a hold of the hair at the crown of my head and pulled gently. “You okay?” He asked slightly out of breath from our make out, seeking out my eyes.

I cup his face with both my hands and look him in the eyes intensely. “I will be…” My tongue slides out of my mouth to lick a slow stripe up his parted lips. “Once you fuck the shit outta me.” I look down at his glazed over eyes, raised eyebrows and sexy agape mouth, finding no signs of resistance, but of course everything about it said he saw right through me. But I could care less if it means getting what I want in this moment. He just nodded understandingly. “Okay.” He let his sinful tongue wet his lips before forcing my face to his to devour my mouth and the rest of my will power.

He made quick work of his plain white t-shirt, throwing it behind me and then unbuckled the overalls of my dress. I help the rest of the way, removing my shirt, leaving just my black lace bra. He takes a moment to admire the view and then he rips the cups of my bra down to suck my nipple into his mouth, flicking his tongue against it and repeating his actions on my other breast. I moan out, arching my back into him, continuing to gain brilliant friction from grinding my crotch into his.

I kiss my way down his neck and chiseled front until I’m on my knees, in between his legs. I fondle his dick through his sweatpants graciously and all-but rip the garment from his hips. He cooperates, lifting his hips and pushes down his underwear as well. I waste no time with teasing, taking his head into my mouth as soon as it is presented to me. Hoseok instinctively threads his fingers into my thick hair and tugs slightly.

“Fuck, Charlotte.” He hissed through his teeth and began fucking into my mouth. I invite him in further, relaxing my throat and jaw, letting it go slack to feel him hitting the back of my throat repeatedly. I let him do as he pleased with my body, enjoying the feeling of making him feel good. I celebrate the fact that the tears that sting the back of my eyes are the result of mutual pleasure and not from being triggered by too many built up emotions. No. The only emotion I feel now is extreme euphoria thanks to my affection for Hoseok. The yearning, the adulation, the complete infatuation I have with him. I look up through teary eyes at his angelic, gyrating form.

“Goddamn.” He groaned. “Such a dirty girl, looking at me like that while I fuck your little throat.” I moan around him and nod in agreeance as well as I could.

“You like that? Nngh...huh, baby?” He questioned as he forces my head down on his cock, my nose nuzzling his pubic hair. I gag trying to still manage a nod, my nails scratching at his thighs. He suddenly pulls my head back up by my hair, not giving me time to breathe as he captures my lips with his. Wetness pools in my underwear when he pulls my hair roughly to break the kiss.

“I almost came so hard down your throat just now.” He said heatedly, almost as out of breath as me. I whimper at the husky drawl of his voice and his fucked out gaze staring me down like he’s about to wreck me. “No, I got somewhere else I want it to go.” He looks me up and down, likcing his lips like he would tear me apart piece by piece any second now. And I was patiently awaiting that moment between his legs, loving the anticipation of it all.

“Where is that?” I rasped seductively, stroking his spit covered cock with both hands. He threw his head back quickly and regarded me cooly, almost scolding me for my actions with his eyes.

“Get on the bed.” He ordered, ignoring my question completely. I wanted to disobey, to rebel just to see what he would do. But my lust for him controlled me, forced me to rush to the top of the bed and remove the rest of my clothing at lightning speed. He just turned around and crept towards me slowly.

His hands glided along my legs smoothly, parting them further to make room for his glorious, naked body in between. He licked pleasant patterns into my thighs, moving deeper towards my incredibly wet core. He sucked one lip into his mouth before he spoke.

“Is this what you want?” I nodded eagerly. “What you barged in here demanding?” He cocks his head to the side and smirks a if to reprimand me.

“Yes.” I utter, guiltily.

“Not so bold now. Hm.” He sucks my other pussy lip into his mouth and pinches my thigh causing me to gasp.

“You know, dirty girls don’t usually deserve to get their pussy eaten. Do you?” He licks a swift stripe straight up my slit, slowing down once he reaches my clit. My breath hitches and I feel myself getting wetter at the filthy words falling from his mouth.

“Yes.” I breathed immediately. “Please eat my pussy, Hoseok. I need you, I need your mouth, making me feel good...you always make me feel so good, Hobi, please.” I pleaded, gyrating my hips into nothing in front of his face, just looking for some kind of relief and I was so close.

Hoseok seemed pleased with this performance and swoops down to flick his tongue against my clit at a vicious speed, making me throw my head back into the bed and wrap my legs around his head. He invites the gesture, dipping lower to take the bud into his mouth and attacking it that way as he held my thighs down.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Hoseok! Argh-oh my-yes!” I cried out helplessly, letting the immense pleasure take me away, his hair now in my vice grip. “Your fingers.” I blurted out, on the edge, my climax in sight. “Please give me your fingers.”

He didn’t hesitate to give me what I asked for, plunging two fingers into me and curling them forward to hit that spot that made my legs shake.

“Ah! Yes...I’m gonna cum.” I announce, the feeling of earth shattering pleasure fast approaching. Until Hoseok stopped what he was doing.

“What the fuck?” I whipped my head to look down at him and before I have time to register what’s happening, his cock was sinking into my heat and his hips were snapping into mine.

“Awk! Nnnnngh, fuck!”

I immediately fell off the edge, my body jerked as Hoseok’s dick collided with my g-spot, igniting violent explosions in the pit of my belly. My eyes cross and my vision goes blurry as I spasm against the sheets, focusing on the breathtaking pulsing of my hole around his cock. I arched my back into his chest and reach for anything to hold onto. Finding his neck, I wrapped my fingers around it and squeezed.

“Oh, shhhhit...that’s it baby, cum on my cock, just like that. So fucking good baby girl.” He growls into my ear, his gravelly voice sending vibrations through my fingers around his neck, causing warm electricity to course through my body. I gurggled mindlessly and subconsciously squeeze his cock at the erotic words.

He continues fucking into my lifeless body at a steady pace, breathing life into it with every thrust. My body recovers from before, but is inviting more overstimulating pleasure from Hoseok’s efforts to cum himself. So, I gather the energy to get him there.

I finally release my hold on his neck and grip his face to look me in the eyes. He gulps for air, still slamming into me steadily. “You fuck me so good, Hoseok. You made me cum so hard, baby. Only you.” Hoseok grunts, heavily. His thrusts becoming harder and faster, burying his dick inside me, staring into my eyes sensually.

“I can feel you pulsing inside me, ready to blow.” I purr, caressing his arms as they work and flex to propel him forward into me. He abruptly takes my legs to hike them over his shoulders, his dick delving deeper into me, creating a new delicious angle that has both of us moaning like mad.

“Holy mutherfuckingshit, you’re gonna make me cum again, fuck.” I spew, not being able to hold back with another intense orgasm barreling towards me.

“Can I cum in you baby?” He pants, his hips sputtering with how close he was to finishing.

“You can do whatever the fuck you want-uugh! Mother of fuck! No one’s ever fucked me like you do. I swear I could fuck you for the rest of my life. Oh my fucking God, I want you forever.” I whimpered, so fucking close to that white light.

“Argh, fuck!” He cums into me with so much force, I’m sent flying through time and space, frozen in this one moment dissolving into pure euphoria forever. I let out a shriek, my tense, jerking body unable to contain the pleasure coursing through it.

Hoseok collapsed onto me briefly, catching my lips in a passionate kiss before giving me room to drop my legs back down onto the bed. We couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves afterwards, neither of our mouths wanting to leave the other’s body. Moments later he pulled away from me and looked me over thoughtfully.

“What?” I whisper, the silence in the room making itself known now. He doesn’t answer immediately, still weighing whatever it was.

“Nothing.” He decides and places the covers over us, cuddling me. “We’re talking about that in the morning.” He points to the new bruise on my arm that Darren created and closed his eyes while I tried to formulate an excuse for what happened.

++++++++++++

I woke up to Hoseok tracing light patterns into the skin of my shoulder from behind me. I could feel his eyes on me, but not in a creepy way. I turn to lie on my back and regard his beautiful face with appreciation.

“Good morning.” He said, now tracing patterns on my sheet clad stomach on his side and resting on his head in his hand. His eyes were focused on what he was doing, almost like they were distracting him from something else.

“Morning.” I replied, studying his face. He looked deep in thought, his brows slightly furrowed and his lip tucked itself under his teeth as he thought of his next words.

He opened his mouth to speak, pausing in even more thought before he found the words. “Last night was very fun for me, but...what exactly happened?”

Jeez, so soon?

I too, distracted myself with his movement on my body as I tried to figure out what to say.

“What made you come over here...like that?” He wondered, concerned.

I sigh. “Uh, at the gig yesterday...Darren, he…” Hoseok’s movements stop momentarily at the mention of my guy friend/roadie and then continue again. I glance up at his face that was now filled with malice. A look that didn’t look good on his angelic features. “What did he do?” He whispered sternly.

I swallow nervously. “He...he told me he loved me.” I force out in a small voice. The words sounded so foreign coming from my mouth, a person who doesn’t even deserve love. It was like I was finally coming to terms with it after running from it since it happened.

Hoseok’s movements stopped again and his hand lifted off of my body by millimeters, in shock. He rested his hand on the bed and I look up at him to see his reaction. His face is disgruntled and conflicted. I can just see the gears turning in his head.

“And do you...do you feel anything for him?” He spoke, not meeting my eyes.

“No.” I say immediately. “Of course not...not in that way. Not when I have you, how could you even think that?” I asked incredulously, grabbing his hand and placing our joined hands on my stomach.

He just shrugs, his bothered expression gone. “Because he’s built, good looking and you could have anyone you want.” He forces a laugh.

I lift my hand to stroke his soft cheek. “Well I want you so none of that matters.” He finally looked into my eyes and smiled genuinely, swooping down to kiss me firmly. “And for the record, you’re the most handsome man I’ve ever met.” I say when we part. He blushed slightly and smiled wider in thanks.

“So that’s why you came all the way here so...excuse my French, out of it? And what happened to your arm?”

“Yes. I didn’t exactly react too well when he told me...I tried to leave, but...he held onto my arm to keep me there.” I relay calmly, analyzing the bruise that’s only gotten worse since last night. Hoseok’s look of animosity was back.

“He did this? What a fucking asshole! Who does he think he is?” Hoseok spewed a few more insults before I climbed my way on top of him. He was now on his back, my hands on his bare chest not caring to toy with the sheet that fell from mine.

“Hey, forget about him. The bouncer took care of him...I think. He just got a little passionate, we were drinking and hey, I’m fine.” I smile to convince him.

“But he hurt you and you’re okay with it?” Hoseok asked hesitantly.

“I didn’t say I was okay with it, he and I will have words, but I am fine.” I leaned down to kiss him. My lips moved against his and his hands reacted by gripping my butt. I let go after a few moments. “And I would like if we stopped talking about this for a while.” I request, giving my best puppy dog eyes.

“Okay, fine.” He relented, stroking my face with his hands and staring into my eyes. “May I ask one more hard hitting question, though?” His profound features didn’t match his joking tone, I had no idea what to expect.

“Go for it.”

“Did you mean it? What you said last night? About...forever?” His eyes were intense with curiosity, like he had everything riding on this. I do some quick thinking of my own. Hoseok is everything I’ve ever wanted in a man, that much is obvious. And as much as I say I have trouble with commitment and intimacy, I’ve already committed myself to Hoseok. We weren’t seeing anyone else, nor did we want to, plus we were infatuated with each other. I can’t ignore this fact. Even though I have some issues that needed work, that doesn’t mean I have to let it hold me back from life.

“Yes...I don’t know about forever, no one does, but...” I answer, honestly. I watch him smile brightly in front of me, basking in his warm glow. “I wanna be with you, Hoseok.” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“You are with me.” He grabs my hand and squeezes.

“Like be with you, be with you.” I thread our fingers together in the air, gazing into his beautiful brown eyes.

“But I thought you said you didn’t want to...you know...labels?” There it was, that look of hopeful curiosity that Hoseok wore best and that always made me grin.

“I know, I know...I’m just done with letting my issues control me.” He smiles proudly, resting a hand on my cheek and stroking, gently. “So, Hoseok, if you’ll have me, I would love to be your...your g-girlfriend.” I fought back the bile building up with the sound of Hoseok’s comforting laughter. He grasps my cheeks and brings me down to his level, putting our foreheads together fervently.

“I think I’m supposed to ask you that.” He laughed.

“Well, when you do, I’ll say yes. Easy as that.”

He nods happily. “Are you sure about this? I don’t want you pushing yourself too far.”

I shake my head. “It’s the only way I’ll learn...and I wanna learn with you.”

Hoseok regarded me with a look of longing in his eyes and kissed me once again with so much emotion, it spread warmth throughout my entire body and tendrils of electricity to the tips of my fingers and toes. “Okay....okay.”

The two of us lay there whispering sweet nothings until I heard my phone buzzing from across the room and I sigh, figuring it was time to stop ignoring my friends. Hoseok properly stretches and I dangle my body off the side of the bed to reach for my phone and check my messages.

Several calls and texts from each of the girls riddled my screen, but I was surprised to find no messages or calls from Darren. I settle back into bed and Hoseok attaches himself to me again as I call Leyah back to check in.

“Char, hey, are you okay?” She picks up right away and her troubled voice filled my ears.

“Yes, Leyah, I’m fine.”

She sighs in relief. “So I can assume you’re with J-Hope right now?”

“Yes, I’m at Jay’s right now.”

“Okay, well, you might want to get back soon.” She said nervously.

“Why is that?” My skeptical tone caused Hoseok’s eyes to pop open in intrigue.

“Uh, Darren kinda got arrested last night after you left and we’re gonna go bail him out.”

I rolled my eyes and rubbed a hand around my face in annoyance. Well that explains the lack of messages. “No, you all can go bail him out, I’m going to stay here.” I say sternly. Hoseok moved to rest on his elbows beside me, studying my stressed out face.

“Are you sure? He mentioned wanting to see you.”

“I could give a fuck what he wants right now.” I spat. She just sighed. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you...later then.” She said dejectedly. I groan, hoping I don’t regret what I’m about to do. Her depressed tone shot right through me.

I know Leyah just the best for her friends and for me to just stop hiding and get this over with, so I figured I’d do her a favor.

“Wait, Leyah...I’ll go. I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay. See you then. Thank you.” We hung up and I ran my fingers through my hair roughly.

“Is everything okay?” Hoseok asked rubbing my arm comfortingly.

“No.” I answer easily, knowing the truth. “But I have to go. I’m just gonna take a shower first if that okay?”

“Yeah of course. Is it okay if I join you?” I just pecked his lips and nodded.

The shower was quick seeing as I had somewhere to be and I threw on a white t-shirt, black skinny jeans and the Doc Martens I wore last night.

On our way out, I see the glass on the nightstand from yesterday in the same place that I left it and decided to clean it up. Hoseok continues to gather his things in the bedroom as I make my way to the kitchen. I stop in my tracks when I see a familiar figure standing at the counter with his back to me. His height, shoulders, back muscles and even his hair (that was now a tinted, dark red) were all very visceral, creating flashes of so many memories in my brain.

My heart rate accelerates and my world begins to spin when the stranger finally turns around and I find that he’s no stranger at all.

His gorgeous face scrunches up in confusion and complete awe at the sight of me. “Charlotte?” His rugged yet celestial voice traveled over to me, sending a sinister chill down my spine.

“Yoongi?” I whisper brokenly.

“Oh, Yoongi hyung, you’re back!” I straighten up and blink away the blurriness in my eyes at the sound of Hoseok’s voice behind me.

“Charlotte, I see you’ve met my temporary room mate, Yoongi. Yoongi this is my girlfriend, Charlotte.”

My heart leapt into my throat as the glass I was holding clattered to the floor, exploding into pieces.

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skekteksfurby · 5 years

Text

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: A Lookback

I’ve been uncertain about whether or not to do it, but I’ve decided to go through with it. Tonight is the finale of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, a series that used to be a huge part of me. It’s a bit of a bittersweet ending for me. I know I’ve already seen the leaked final episodes, but I’m going to be watching them again after they’ve officially aired tonight.

But for now, I’m just going to look back at this show, my thoughts on it, and how it affected me.

Pre-G4

My journey with the MLP series actually goes way back. I remember watching the G1 series and movie a lot of times. I collected some of the toys, though I only started getting into collecting those when G2 was just coming out, as those were the toys I had the most of (and to this day still like the most aesthetically). I also had some of the G1 episodes on VHS, which I would watch over and over again. My favorite G1 pony was Sweetstuff!

I actually never watched the G2 series, My Little Pony Tales, and (from what I’ve heard), that’s maybe for the better. I really enjoyed collecting the G2 toys, though, and playing the G2 game. I to this day regret losing it somewhere.

G3 I also enjoyed. At least, what I saw of it. The A Charming Birthday special still was the one I watched the most due to having a VHS of it as well. I saw the occasional other special of G3, but never a lot. I stopped watching the series after a while, having reached the age where I moved onto other things, though I still collected those tiny Ponyville ponies that came out. Finally, after doing nothing with my old ponies (my collection was mostly G2 and G3 at this point) I gave all of them (safe for the Ponyville ones) away to a local school.

Then G4 came along.

G4- Season 1

My first thoughts when seeing the images and clips of the new series was just mostly neutral. I thought Fluttershy looked like Posey and I was at first honestly kind of pissed off they made Rainbow Dash a pegasus tomboy (I actually really liked her G3 counterpart back in the day, so seeing her this different was weird to me).

I didn’t actually watch the show, but a lot of my internet friends these days were into the series, and I started to see the Brony phenomenon pop up slowly and surely more and more. It didn’t really bother me, just thought it was kind of odd at first, but soon accepted it.

Then, finally, though I don’t know what it was that made me do it, I checked out the opening two-parter. And I really liked it. I watched a few more episodes after that, though out of order, and eventually grew disinterested, so I abandoned it after a whilewithout having watched some season 1 episodes. I also didn’t like the finale of this season (which I really thought would be the final episode back when). I still liked some aspects of this series. Over a Barrel and Sonic Rainboom were my favorite episodes, and I really loved Rainbow Dash as a character.

I didn’t participate much in the fandom, however, unless you count me chatting with my back-then best friend Abra about it.

G4- Season 2

I got back into the series when season 2 just came out, and this is the point where I like to consider myself officially becoming a fan. A popular animash YouTuber I was subscribed to back in the day uploaded the two-parter to his channel, and I watched it, and just kinda got hooked from there. I loved Return of Harmony and Discord as a villain.

I watched all of the other season 2 episodes as they were coming out. I didn’t tune into livestreams quite yet, but all of the episodes were still safely uploaded to YouTube (Hasbro didn’t go copyright strike-mad yet) and I watched them there. My favorite episode that I watched when it came out was A Canterlot Wedding. Another one that just really hit close to home was Hurricane Fluttershy, and slowly but surely she started to become my favorite pony, after Derpy (yes, I used to be big into background ponies. Don’t judge me, I was having fun).

After I was out of season 2 content to enjoy, I started to go back and watch those final season 1 episodes I missed out on earlier. I also started to participate more in the fandom, faving tons of MLP art on DeviantART and of course making my own OC’s. I even wrote a fanfic for a while (in my back then very, very broken English) about my OC Thundershot. It was horribly unoriginal and she was basically diet Rainbow Dash, but what can you do.

I also bought some of the G4 toys while this was going on, though I was very shy about it since I had no one to share it with and I was by this point well past the target demographic. I probably had it easier than most male bronies at this point, but still felt very awkward about it.

G4- Season 3-4

Season 3 marks the point where I figured out how to watch livestreams. I remember being really excited for The Crystal Empire (and ultimately being disappointed by it). I was there during the livestream of that, and, yes, I did indeed experience the Gak meme being born. Good ol’ times.

All other episodes I also proceeded to watch of this season on stream. This was also roughly where I discovered the MLP review/analysis community. I animated a lot in these days (we’re not going to talk about what) and would have these videos playing in the background to have something to listen to.

I also recall really liking some season 3 episodes that others hated. I’m actually kinda fond of Apple Family Reunion and Spike at Your Service to this day. Spike and Applejack also were my least favorite characters back then, so it was unusual for me to enjoy their episodes. As for the Discord redemption thing... I used to be all for it back when, but nowadays I honestly think I’d preferred it if he stayed a villain, or got a better redemption. More on that later.

Season 4 was and still is my favorite season of this show. It gave us wonderful episodes such as Flight to the Finish; Rarity Takes Manehattan; Pinkie Pride, Maud Pie; Testing, Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3; Equestria Games and of course the very best episode to come out of this entire show: Twilight’s Kingdom. I will fight you on that.

By this season Rarity slowly also started to be one of my favorite ponies, and I even grew to like Spike a lot more. Applejack I still couldn’t care less about, though. No matter how much I want to like the character, I just can’t connect to her at all.

This season was where I liked to consider my fan-ness for this series was at it’s peak. I actively drew fanart, browsed art, listened loyally to every major analysis/review brony’s thoughts on each episode, watched a shitton of those GMod/SFM animations, PMV’s, joined nearly every stream, etc. Now I just had to wait for season 5.

G4- Season 5-7

This is, unfortunately, where things started to become a blur for me. Not only because I felt that nothing could top season 4, but also due to my deteriorating mental health. 2015 is where my depression started. I had less gusto to do literally anything, including participating in the fandom and watching the show.

There was also more shit going on in the fandom, with major analysis/review bronies (among others) leaving (and some making quite a big stink about it, too). I myself still watched some of the streams of the earlier episodes, but felt more and more disconnected from the show. One episode I did really cling onto, though, was Amending Fences, as it really hit close for me.

I continued to watch little to none of the new episodes. I know season 6 was coming out at some point, but just ignored it. I had at this point lost all my care for a lot of things, MLP included.

However, as I eventually got better, I finally started to be interested in the show again. I had a shitton of catching up to do, as I think season 7 was already past the halfway point or maybe even nearly done. So I continued to watch the new episodes. And I... enjoyed it. In moderation, maybe, as I still wasn’t back to how I used to be, and I still don’t enjoy a lot of these episodes to the same extent I did some of the older ones, but I enjoyed it at the very least again.

Some things I did not care about in 6-7 were Starlight Glimmer and how Discord was handled. Starlight I initially liked, but quickly saw how bad of a character she really was. I was also all of Discord’s redemption in season 3, but then the seasons onward proceeded to turn him into an expy of the Genie from Disney’s Aladdin. Feel free to chase me with your pitchforks for saying this but, I never quite liked Genie from that a lot. He’s funny at some points, but also really annoying and needlessly busy for me? I always got this feeling that he would overstimulate me if we got more content of this guy. I just never cared much about the Genie, so seeing Discord become essentially this was a big disappointment.

I did like Trixie’s return, though she could also be needlessly air-headed. Overall, seasons 5-6-7 were much more of a blur for me. A blur I somewhat enjoyed, but still more or less a blur. I can recall very little episodes of these seasons by name, or name very little I actually really liked.

G4- The Movie

If you want to hear my full thoughts on it, just go here, where I did a Movie Thoughts on it. I actually saw this one in cinema with my friend... in Dutch. Yeah, there was no OV release of it here, so I had to go to the cringy Dutch dub if I wanted to see it in cinema. I did this and, the horrid dub aside, I enjoyed it fine. Nothing grand, but it had some good animation and moments. I liked Tempest (though I definitely think she should’ve had more comeuppance for her crimes) and “Open Up Your Eyes” especially.

The movie didn’t particularly reawaken my old love for the show again, but I still thought it was decent and deserves some credit. I’d just rather re-watch some of my favorite episodes of the show over this film.

G4- Seasons 8-9

Though I was doing much, much better again at this point, the show still remained somewhat of a blur for me. I watched each episode, but, much like during 5-6-7, felt little to no need to watch them live or multiple times unless they stood out in particular.

I still don’t quite know what to make of the whole School of Friendship idea. I like the Young 6, but still wonder if they were really necessary. Couldn’t they have just told more stories about characters we already knew? We also got some episodes I really didn’t care for like Horse Play, The Parent Map, A Matter of Principals, Friendship University, The End in Friend and especially Yakity-Sax. As for Rockhoof and a Hard Place, I’m not even going into that. Yikes.

I also thought that the idea that the villain that is a kid gets sent to the MLP version of hell is really...yeah. No thanks.

I also watched some of the specials (Rainbow Roadtrip and The Best Gift Ever) during this time and felt rather uninterested about them. Also, no, I won’t be bringing up Equestria Girls in this.

Season 9 I’ve also seen in its entirety thanks to some Dutch streaming service leaking the final few episodes (again with the bad dub, but there’s not much to be done about that until the official release). Season 9 is again very much a blur for me. I tried to like it as much as I did in the old days, but I just don’t connect that much to this show again.

Still, I felt really bittersweet when the final few episodes were over. No matter how slowly disconnected I became from the show overtime, I still grew up with these characters. I was about 13 when I first got into the show. Now I’m 21 and a whole different person. I’ve combated a depression and trauma, learned to accept my gender identity, grown as a writer and artist, etc.

So, no matter how slowly I drifted apart from the show, I definitely do feel something for it. It’ll always have this special place in my heart, especially the first four seasons. I met a lot of people and got to experience what it was like being in a fandom for the first time. True, not everything that came out of the show and the fandom was pretty, and I still don’t feel comfortable calling myself a brony anymore. I just casually enjoy re-watching some of my favorite episodes from time to time.

Sorry for this rambly random distorted mess of a post, but I just wanted to do something for the 9-year anniversary and the final episodes coming out today. Thanks for the good times, MLP. I’m curious to see what G5 will have to offer. So long, horses.

#mlp: fim #mlp:fim #My Little Pony #my little pony friendship is magic #my little pony: friendship is magic #mlp #mlp g4 #tekrim text #long post

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froggheadd · 5 years

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Brooke's dialogue for Peter is so funny

highlights include:

"Sh I was in a mock trial once I was the best lawyer in the class"

"I'm giving you a warning. He's- mad. And I'm mad too. But it's not like- a forever mad. It's more like when Ned threw his juice box at my head for when I ran him over with my tricycle. Not forever mad, but really really bad in the moment, you know?"

"Um mr Barnes hi so my name's peter parker and I'm here to help I promise I'm super chill—That was such bad wording oh my god I'm so sorry. Holy shit."

"Was that like,,, the force? Oh my god did the serum give you like- Jedi powers too and you just never told anyone because I promise I'll keep that a secret-"

"and if I magically got an accent I would cry too"

“Soup is weird. Its a food you drink. Like extreme oatmeal.”

"Woah it looks like Glitter Gak Mr Stark! Am I going to sparkle like that vampire from the book that you pretend is pepper's-"

"Oh my god the gas was like a free ipad virus and the effect was malware and windows CRASHED but you control alt deleted my ass back into the realm of the living. By uploading some antivirus software. Wow"

"WELCOME TO THE GHOST CLUB. We're like, ghost brothers now. Bound by shared trauma. We're... tight."

"Oh yeah I see mr starks lady. She gives me little baby packs of cheezits as incentive. They're whole grain sometimes and when they are. I don't talk. That's betrayal at its finest"

"Thanks we're learning about nihilism in English and its differences from existentialism. I vibe with it"

"I mean- yeah of course mr Steve Oh my god yeah I can do that I'm a stealth master. I'm a spider sneaker. Itsy bitsy all up in their water spout. Undetected."

#this is so old #but its been sitting in my drafts for ages

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emmalovesstuff · 5 years

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Kdrama recommendation

Are you in the mood for some detective kdrama? here are some of my favourite.

1) Tunnel

episodes:16

A tunnel collapses due to poor construction and a man becomes tapped in the collapsed tunnel. This results in him traveling to the future.

comments: This drama is very famous if you like detective dramas then you have probably watched this. There are a lot of plot twists and you won't be able to put down your computer. there isn't a lot of romance it is mainly focused on the plot.

2) The girl who sees smells

episodes: 16

Officer Choi Moo Gak lost his younger sister to a barcode-murder case and lost his ability to taste, smell, and feel pain. He then meet a girl named Oh Cho Rim, who is the only witness to the murder case and possesses a special sixth sense, which is the ability to see smells.

comments: This has more romance than the last one. if you want to watch something with a love line and mystery you should watch this. it isn't as plot focused as tunnel there are some funny scenes.

3) Life on Mars

episodes:16

As leader of a crime investigation team, Han Tae Joo has propelled his career and risen through the ranks by trusting data over all else. One day, while investigating a serial murder case, he has an accident. When he wakes up, he suddenly finds himself in the winter of 1988. He doesn't know why, but he's now a detective appointed to work at a police station in a small city. To get back to the present day, Han Tae Joo tries to solve the case.

comments: this may sound similar to tunnel but it is very different. This is the only one in this list that left me thinking at the end. it an unique drama and I a bit more dark than the others. I think we have to come to our own conclusion at the end because the ending keeps you wanting for more but at the same time is enough.

4) Chicago typewriter

episodes: 16

Writers that lived under Japanese rule in the 1930's are reincarnated into a bestselling writer who is in a slump, a mysterious ghostwriter and an anti-fan of the bestselling writer.

comments: I really liked how they showed there past lives and current lives. This is a story of friendship but there is a love line(there is a very cute kiss scene). It educational but not boring.

#kdrama #10/10 would recommend #life on mars #tunnel #chicago typewriter #the girl who sees smells

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brittysaucefanfic · 6 years

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Brand New Blue

Part 34

(First)(Previous)(Next) (AO3)

It was a long few minutes after the doors shut behind their friends before either of them spoke. Lance spent the time staring at his hands, trying to swallow the fact that he had attacked Allura.

He didn't actually remember doing it. But the first thing Hunk told him was that he had attacked her mid- demonstration. To Lance, it was all just a black, empty space in his memory. Last thing he remembered was the flash of light against Allura’s nails when she stumbled, and then all of a sudden he was staring into Hunk’s eyes as they crouched on the floor.

He attacked Allura.

"We can all tell that things have been hard on you since your return." Hunk started. Lance shifted his eyes to look at Hunk, but the man wouldn't look him in the eye. Hunk opted to stare at the far wall instead.

"You need to talk to someone Lance. About what's happened. Otherwise it'll keep eating you up from the inside out, and days like today will only get worse." Hunk said, his voice filled with a sorrow so deeply set, one would think he was talking about himself.

It's not like Lance was blind. He knew that something happened on the ship to change him, to make Hunk act different. It was subtle of course, little things that changed. However, when the only people you really are around only take up seven fingers on the daily, you're bound to learn things about one another.

Like Pidge. Believe it or not, but she sings to herself when others aren't around. And her voice goes from that sort of boyish deepness she talks in, into a sweet, lilting, high pitched voice.

Very beautiful.

Allura, she likes to tuck herself away in a small space, tight and seemingly uncomfortable, just to take naps. Lance suspects she likes the small places, and sometimes she'll use her shifting ability to become about the size of the mice.

Keith is artistic. Lance once found one of his little sketches of a planet they saved, and had hunted down the artist in question. Keith had clammed up when confronted, so Lance just made him promise to leave some more pieces out on accident so Lance could see.

Now, every once in a while, Lance wakes up to find a new sketch slipped onto his nightstand. How Keith gets in and out without Lance hearing is still an unsolved mystery.

Neither of them speak of the drawings though.

And Shiro, he loves to talk to himself in the mirror. Lance once caught him in the shower room, which was communal and separated only by curtains. Shiro tackled him when Lance tried to run and tell Pidge.

So yeah, they all know things about each other like a real family does. They threaten each other not to tell the rest of the castle, they barter and negotiate as well. A real familiar type of interaction.

Which means, Lance noticed when Hunk leaves the room when he enters. And when Hunk refuses to make eye contact. And when Hunk borderline flinches when Lance tries to talk to him.

"You should take your own advice." Lance said after a moment of thinking. Hunk jumped again, which was his version of flinching. Lance cut him off when Hunk opened his mouth, his face creased in protestation.

"We've noticed how off you've been acting too you know." Lance started. He was unable to drain the hurt from his voice. "You can't look me in the eye, run out of the room when I enter, you flinch at me." Each action was punctuated by Lance's counting fingers, each making Hunk shy away a little more.

That hurt a lot.

"What happened on that ship?" Lance whispered loudly. Unbidden, a slew of horrific images began filtering through his mind. Memories, except instead of Lance, it was Hunk. Chains, pain, the glint of blue liquid spreading and spreading. Hunk’s headband bloody, his eyes crying.

Fear and anger began rising up into his chest and throat, and probably his voice too. "What did they do to you?" He said. Something must have leaked into his voice enough, because the two of them finally locked eyes, dark blue against dark brown.

"Did he hurt you? Did they touch you?" Lance's voice slowly raised in pitch in volume, a slight growl rumbling in his throat behind his words.

Hunk shook his head quickly. "No, they didn't lay a finger on me. They did nothing to me, I swear Lance." Pure honesty was in Hunk’s expression. And pain filled the void the retreating anger left behind.

"Then why are you acting like this towards me?" Lance said. Hunk looked away, and a terrible thought came to mind. "Are you ashamed of me?"

Lance had tried to sound accusing and angry, but all that came out was broken and meek.

Hunk shook his head no again, harsh and sharp.

"I'm ashamed of myself Lance." Hunk said, moments before Lance could speak again. He didn't answer, just letting Hunk get what he needs to say off his chest.

Hunk took a moment to steady himself, a deep breath shaky even to Lance's ears. "I heard," was all he said. It took a minute or two for Lance to get the hint that he was supposed to know what that meant. Problem was, he had no clue what that meant.

"Heard what?" Lance said. He desperately wanted to reach out and touch Hunk, just a hand on the shoulder would be fine. He's been so starved of touch before he met Voltron, not trusting those he shared a ship with enough to allow it. Hunk was always hugging Lance though, so he became dependent.

He needed a gentle touch every now and then.

"Heard what?" Lance asked again instead, his fingers twitching in his lap. Hunk took another shuddering breath.

"I heard everything Lance." Hunk said, turning to look Lance in the eyes again. Pain and anger in his eyes, as well as unshed tears. "Everything they did to you, I heard it." Lance let that sink in, wondering why it would cause such problems with Hunk.

Yeah, Lance was tortured. Yeah, he was vocal at points. But why would that cause such reactions in Hunk?

Unless-

"How much did you hear?" Lance asked slowly.

Hunk shook his head again, curling himself to make a giant Hunk ball. Despite the guy's size, he seemed pretty small in that moment. When he spoke again, it wasn't to answer the question.

"The others, Pidge and Keith and the rest of them. They only heard Keith's side of the story. Not mine. Not yours." Hunk said. Lance hesitated, but slowly lifted a hand to Hunk’s shoulder. The contact practically made Hunk melt out of the ball he had formed himself into.

They scooted closer, only an inch, but enough to allow their legs to touch. And Lance waited. Eventually Hunk got the hint and kept talking.

"My cell was right down the hall from where they kept you. I heard everything they did to you. I heard your screams, and taunts and sobs. I heard the men and the whip and the laughter." Hunk gasped in a breath. "And I heard when they changed tactics against you. It was when whatever they drugged you with broke you. Because I know you were drugged, or you wouldn't have said the things you did."

"Hunk-" Lance said, a small swell of panic rising. He didn't want to talk any more, but Hunk wasn't listening.

"I sort of blacked out. Went on a rampage, but watched myself do it all. Ripping my cuffs to shreds. Taking down the guards when they investigated all the noise. Stealing a large set of armor to fit over my own. Finding Keith's cell and body slamming his guard. Breaking him free." Hunk said in a rush. His words were getting faster and more blurred together. So much so that Lance had make that click to change to enhanced vision and hearing.

"It's like watching a screen engulfed in water. Blurred, and wobbly. Hard to understand. And my chest- Oh my god- my chest. It was burning, like I was melting inside out." Hunk pressed a hand to his chest and Lance knew what he meant. Almost instinctively.

"I couldn't breath, and I couldn't think. I had never felt such things in my life. And it didn't leave until we had you in the pod. It was awful." Hunk finished, his voice dropping to a whisper.

Lance took pity on both of them and leaned into Hunk’s side. "It's called anger. That's what pure anger feels like. When it's so bad that your chest burns and it's like someone is yanking the air out of your chest." Hunk shuddered.

"I never want to feel like that again." Hunk said. Lance hummed his reply, and they sat in quiet some more. As if breaking the silence was forbidden.

Hunk broke it anyways. "I'm ashamed of myself for not getting you back sooner, for just abandoning you to fend for yourself against Shemale."

Lance stopped short. Shemale? "Who the hell is Shemale?" Lance asked, shocked at the name. He knows no one on that awful ship who called themselves Shemale. Hunk barked out a short, hoarse laugh.

"That's what Keith and I called the Commander. We couldn't decide if they were male or female. Keith is adamant they were female, but I'm partial to male. We've been meaning to ask you, even have a bet on it."

Lance snorted as he shook his head slowly. He could see it, honestly. Pagg was not the handsomest of aliens.

"Male." Lance said. "Definitely male." He heard Hunk mutter under his breath that Keith owed him a thousand Gak. Which was funny, since literally no one but Coran and Allura actually have any Gak. Lance had some, but he hasn't needed to use his stash yet.

Of course when Pidge and him went Gak fishing in the fountain at the mall, that was just for fun. And Pidge wouldn't take his money anyways. They let the mood sink back into a serious air.

"You don't have to talk to me about it. There are plenty of people on this ship if I'm not the one you want to talk to." Hunk said, his voice soft. Lance went to interrupt but Hunk just kept talking.

"Talk to Shiro, he's been in similar situations. Or Pidge, she'll throw logic at you until you understand that whatever is bothering you is not true or your fault or whatever it is." Hunk said, a small smile curling on his lips. Lance snorted in response.

"She would wouldn't she?" Lance said fondly.

"Or Allura. Despite being," Hunk paused to find the right words, before saying slowly. "Rough around the edges, she's really kind and empathetic. It's how she saved the Balmera."

Lance pouted. "You guys still haven't told me what you did. I mean come on. I've seen the details of it's condition, saving it should have been impossible with a thousand years to do it let alone one day." Hunk only laughed, his large body trembling under the force, shaking Lance a little where he leaned.

"Maybe later." Hunk said. Like he always did. They all found it funny how pretty much all of the Galra believe it was Lance to save a Balmera. Given Lance still had a price on his head for it, he didn't find it funny. To be fair, without the tracker in his eye, they have been able to lay low and try to fix the ship.

"You could talk to Keith. Believe it or not, he understands emotions quite well." Hunk said. Lance scoffed and sat up to look at Hunk with a deadpan expression.

"Keith." Lance said, obviously disbelieving.

Hunk only smirked, seeming much more like himself, even if he still wouldn't look him in the eyes. "Think about it." That was all Hunk said. And Lance did think about it.

It made sense. Keith was always putting himself as a punching bag for Lance's frustration, and keeping Pidge company at night sometimes. When Lance didn't get her in bed at least. Which wasn't often but still.

Ever since Lance found out about her insomniac ways, he's gotten pretty good at convincing her to go to sleep. Usually she only went when Lance sung to her. It was their little thing, the singing. It was the only way her thoughts could quiet enough to sleep.

The first time Shiro saw him carrying her to bed, he had called Lance a witch. That was an entertaining night. Usually she'll go happily to bed when Lance offered to sing, but when she didn't, he sung to her anyways. Bit by bit she would fall slowly to sleep. It was only after the third time when Lance learned the moment she would drop her head on her keyboard, so that he could move it out of the way.

But Keith was always there when he or Hunk weren't. Shiro's pacing the halls, countered with Keith's offer to spar. Allura’s snapping, countered with Keith's steady voice when they were in tense situations.

"Oh my god." Lance breathed. Hunk nodded in smugness. "You're absolutely right." The thought blew his mind. Hot head Keith was actually good with emotions, or other people's anyways. He wasn't good with human interaction and his own emotions, but other people's he was great.

"And if not Keith, go to Coran. He's older and wiser, and will probably be a great listener for you." Hunk paused and scoffed. "Besides, we all know he has the hugest soft spot for you."

Lance chuckled, not denying it. They were pretty close for knowing each other only a short time. But still, Lance couldn't talk about it, it hurt too much. He told Hunk as much.

"I can't relive the memory Hunk. It's too painful." Then Lance said something that was bothering him quite a bit. "Shiro's lucky not to remember what the Galra put him through. He has time to accept it before he knows, I see it all in my dreams. Every time I close my eyes, or see my own body, or even breath. It haunts me." He felt guilty saying Shiro was lucky, because he really wasn't, but that didn't mean Lance felt any different.

"I think that's something you should talk to him about, but if you don't talk to anyone it will kill you slowly." Hunk said, deadly serious.

He wanted to say something awful, like Good riddance, but that was just his trauma talking. He shook his head, leaning against Hunk again. He felt so tired, felt like he was sinking to the bottom of Earth's oceans and unable to swim to freedom.

"I can't." He said again. Hunk sort of blew up at him after that, raising his voice into a yell.

"You have to talk to someone! The team, a recorder, Blue. Hell just talk to a wall if you must! You can't keep bottling things up in your chest. Because they will explode when packed too tightly." Hunk finished, standing up and pacing away from Lance. He turned back to Lance before he stormed out of the room.

"And when it happens, the ones affected will be your friends. I can't promise the damage to be repairable either." Hunk locked eyes with Lance. They stared at each other a moment before Hunk sighed and went to open the door.

He didn't look back when he spoke next, his voice nearly a whisper. "I'm going to get changed. Meet you at dinner. If you decide to show up at least." Lance watched how his shoulders hunched inwards, his view cut off by the closing of the training room door. When the silence settled over him, he just curled into himself and closed his eyes.

He couldn't talk about it. Not yet.

*****

(First)(Previous)(Next) (AO3)

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