#fuckin' diogenes
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I got an ad for the Daily Wire (gross) and it was for this dOcUmEnTaRy titled "What Is A Woman?" and a lot of the clips were like "haha liberals can't define what a woman is, they're so stupid" as if scientists and philosophers can concretely define what a woman is. You are merely repeating Plato's mistakes. Get fucked
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Ok picture this reader climbing up onto Belos’ head like a raccoon
She has the strength and muscle to climb his height (I like to think that the reader is considerably short like 5’4 max) and Belos is able to sustain their weight on his head because he’s literally seven and a half feet tall WITHOUT his Emperor gear on with it on he is NINE FEET TALL so y/n is just like picking up a feather to him
CONSIDERABLY SHORT AT 5'4 MAX. ANON I AM HITTING YOU WITH A STICK. ANON. ANON HOW TALL ARE YOU. I'M 5'2 ((and a half)) AND NORMAL ABOUT IT (clearly) SO IF 5'4 IS THE CUT-OFF FOR "considerably short" WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME. ANON. COME OVER HERE ANON I JUST WANT TO TALK.
jfsdjkf sorry this isn't exactly what you asked for, but it's the first thing that came to mind that made me laugh! I hope you like it! 🖤🖤🖤 ((Quick set-dressing, I'm pretending that there's a big 'Coven Day Fun Day' before the parade, like a cross between a field day and a carnival, where all of the coven heads come, and they invite the brightest from their covens and their families, and some members of the public, so it's a whole big thing, and that's where the reader and Belos are.))
"Alright, so-" You put your hands on your waist, sizing up the tree and the black balloon tangled in its branches. "You can't reach it, and, I mean, I could-" Belos snorts. "Look, I'm sorry that you feel like you need to see my telescoping bones to believe that I have them, when it's super common knowledge that all humans just have telescoping bones." You glance at him, askance, and then add, with the utmost pity, "That's sad for you."
"I just find it interesting that this 'common knowledge' only came up last week," he replies, doing some consideration of both the tree and the balloon himself. "While you were losing at Witch Scrabble."
"Fuckin'- I have a pancreas." You bobble your head at him. "We've never talked about my pancreas, but I for sure have that. Do you doubt my-" you motion generally at the entirely wrong spot for a pancreas to be in you body. "-pancreasity since I didn't introduce myself like," you hold your hand out to him for a handshake, with overwrought enthusiasm, "Hi! My name is-" Suddenly, a loud bird cries out overhead, drowning you out for a split second, "-and I have telescoping bones and a pancreas!" You let your hand drop, shrugging sarcastically. "I'm sorry that I don't perform bones on command."
"That's not where the pancreas is."
"Oh, so you believe that I have a pancreas, and not telescoping bones? Sight unseen?" you shoot back.
"I know you have a pancreas," he starts, haughty, "because I have a pancreas, and humans and witches have the organ in a similar place." You splutter.
"Fuckin'- Okay, Diogenes, if you use yourself as a ruler to measure against every experience, does that make every plucked chicken a man? Just because you're seven and a half fucking feet tall, does that make me small? No! Because you're a big, big, man." The cadence of the last words makes him think you're referencing something, but it's beyond him.
"Plato." He slips it into your brief pause for breath.
"What?" This stops you in your tracks.
"Plato defined a man as a featherless biped. You would be Diogenes, if I'm following your argument."
"Why," you ask, cocking a hip, "do you know that?"
"Actually," he adds, in a bid to redirect your attention, "I would call you considerably short."
"I would call you a bigot, and divorced." A sensation of warmth settles over him. This is one of his favorite of your rhetorical devices, letting him know that you were married only when you playfully divorce him. Belos shifts his weight towards you, crowding further into his already intimate occupation of your space.
"We're not married," he says, softly. A strand of hair has worked itself loose in the wind, and he tucks it behind your ear, tracing the hollow of it with his fingertips.
"That makes it even easier to file the paperwork," you reply, just as gentle. As he pulls his hand back, you catch it to steal a quick kiss from his knuckles, looking straight into his eyes beyond the mask, before you let it fall into place at his side. His heart gives a hard thump.
"It just seems like," he says, trying to wrestle the conversation into his control, "it would be easier to use your. 'Telescoping bones'," his tone lends a dubious drip to the words, "instead of...," he gestures with a put-upon vagueness, "let's say, for example, sitting on the floor of the kitchen-"
"Stop," you cut in, with an affected flatness, already seeing what he's getting at.
"-crying." He pauses just long enough for it to poke at you, without you being able to talk over him. "Because you couldn't reach the top cabinet."
"I wasn't- I didn't cry, I just teared up a little bit-" He tilts his head.
"I distinctly remember tears."
"I was! Sweaty! From navigating your freakish counters-"
"Which would've been much easier to do with telescoping arms."
"Show me your pancreas." It takes Belos a split second to switch gears, and you pounce. "Show me. Pull it out. Show me your pancreas."
"My... pancreas? My pancreas that is inside of me?"
"You process sugar? You consume glucose? Lemme see it."
"What do you think a pancreas does?"
"You can't gaslight me about the pancreas - it's my best friend, and it has a tail."
"I thought that I was your best friend."
"Not right now!"
The breeze picks up, and your balloon shivers dangerously against the branches, the string slipping just a little looser. You gasp.
"No! My balloon!" Turning to him with a disproportionate determination than the situation warrants, you continue, "Look. We have something at stake here bigger than the telescoping bones that all humans have, and the fact that you're wrong to doubt me when I say that I have telescoping bones." Belos kisses his teeth. "We gotta get up there. And I think, with our powers combined-" You shake yourself. "Wait- You're fucking magic!"
"No, please," there is a wild glee in his voice, as he makes some assumptions, "I want to see where this is going."
"No! Do some magic, magic man. Why have we been standing here-"
"You've been very insistent about your pancreas, and I didn't want to interrupt. Only polite."
"Sh- stop. Balloon." You point at it. He looks to you, down the line of your arm, to the balloon, where it is nervously knocking against a particularly menacing branch, and then back to you.
"I'm terribly sorry, but, unfortunately, I don't perform on command."
"That's bullshit. If you're not gonna get it, I'm just going to use you as a step ladder," you threaten.
"That would make this years 'Coven Day Fun Day' very interesting, now wouldn't it?"
You glance over to the side, where there are several poorly concealed photographers, and one that is using an illusion to make it look like they're poorly concealed; Belos can see straight through it, and startles them by looking at them directly.
"Helluva photo-op," you say, doubtful. Oh. Oh, that would be good, wouldn't it? Well, maybe not you climbing him like a racoon - he shivers. Creepy little hands - but... Belos can see it in his minds eye. A glimpse of your romance, the imposing Emperor gallantly lifting his Lady, all for something so simple and frivolous? Tender, sweet, just a little silly and sentimental. Yes. Yes, he likes that.
And he really needs something other than the catastrophic failure of the 'Scary-Go-Round' that he's been trying to ensure that you don't notice to dominate the evening news.
You're standing more-or-less directly under the balloon, and Belos comes around to stand in front of you, casting a quick spell to muffle the click of the shutters, so that you won't get distracted when the cameras start flashing. You look up at him, head tilted.
"Hold on," he says, dipping down to grab your waist.
"To wh-huh?!" Belos picks you up easily, quickly switching his hold from your waist to brace his forearms under your bottom, supporting your weight, and letting you get your balance with your hands on his shoulders. "I'm not cleared for this airspace!" you squeak.
"I've got you," he soothes.
"Oh, wow," you say, adjusting remarkably quickly. You use one hand to shade your eyes as you twist slightly against him, getting a good view of the fairground a little ways away. "You can see so many things up here! Damn." You look to him again, giving him a big, beautiful smile. "Hi!"
"Hello," he returns, his own soft grin clear in his voice.
"This is neat. I normally only ever see you like this when we're horizontal," you remark.
"Are you going to get your balloon?" he gently reminds you.
"Oh! Right, yeah-" You reach above, easily catching the string. He tips his head back, watching as you carefully tie one end into a loop, making a quick slip knot, and secure it to your wrist. Then, you return your hand to his shoulder. "Our powers combined!" you exclaim, oh-so-pleased. You get so excited over the littlest things. It's wildly endearing.
Belos carefully starts to lower you as you each watch the other. Your eyes dip down to where his mouth is covered by the mask, and he pauses your descent when your faces are level on instinct. With a quiet laugh, you lean forward to kiss him. His lips tingle where they go untouched, and there are gasps from the photographers that make it past his spell. There's a soft noise as you break the kiss, and into a self-conscious smile as he lets you get your feet.
"C'mon," you say, taking him by the hand, "we're late for the Coven Head Bean-Bag race. My money's on Lilith."
"I don't know, I've heard that Adrian's been practicing," he replies, allowing himself to be lead.
#emperor belos x reader#belos x reader#toh x reader#the owl house x reader#whew lad#another quick one#replies#THE AUTHOR DOES NOT SHARE BELOS' OPINIONS ON RACOONS#my stuff
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I just bought a new hood and I was wondering if y’all had any name suggestions since I have a hard time naming my hoods
First of all Lycanz is a dope fuckin name and you can just reuse that, it is absolutely okay for your pup name and your fursona name and your legal government identity name to all be the same, our drummer did it so you can too
But if you do need a new name, here are some options:
Marcos (after Subcomandante Marcos, the spokesperson and not-leader of the revolutionary Zapatistas who inspired Rage Against The Machine to write "People of the Sun")
Loukanikos (the famous Greek riot dog who borked at cops, memorialized on our ACAB For Cutie album art)
Diogenes (another famous Greek dog, except he was actually a philosopher, the founder of Cynicism, which comes from the Greek word for dog and is basically living your life like fuck this shit imma be a dog, therefore Diogenes was the very first known human into pup play)
Apollo (there's like a thousand pups named Apollo so while we're on a Greek name kick you could just say fuck it and be the puppy equivalent of John Smith)
Widget (why not, widget is a fun word, it would make a cute name)
Molotov (lmao just literally be Pup Molotov and give zero fucks)
Master (only take this name if you're a huge sub, it would be hilarious)
Schmeckel (Yiddish for dick)
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One complaint I have about Horrible Histories is that I will forever think about historical figures as the six idiots:
Cleopatra? Martha Howe-Douglas
Charles II? Mathew Baynton
Henry VIII? Ben Willbond
Diogenes? Laurence Rickard
George IIII? Jim Howick
Fuckin' Death? Simon Farnaby
#martha howe douglas#laurence rickard#larry rickard#ben willbond#simon farnaby#mat baynton#mathew baynton#jim howick#six idiots#horrible histories
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I, an ancient Greek who had a gender epiphany the other day and have now shaved my legs for the first time, am walking past the forum.
Diogenes declares, “Behold, a woman!”
Everyone claps.
Plato fuckin’ dies.
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ur so fuckin insane an funnyy ur very wtf is he talking about
I'm just like if Diogenes was just some guy on the internet who did fuck all
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Why am I going into biology I could just be a fuckin philosopher who sits on the curb and gives people existential crises
-⏱
Nothing is stopping you from following your dreams to be the next Diogenes
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Conversation
me, age 13, who introduced themselves to Diogenes via phiolopshy and history books: wow, what a sharp minded man! but for sure not someone I would repeat the lifestyle of. I mean, spitting on people, living outside, so harshly criticising the society he was living in…
me now, age 26: DIOGENES WAS FUCKIN RIGHT, you HAVE to spit in rich people's faces! I'd rather live in a CERAMIC POT than in a house of someone who'd rather see people dead for their identity or nationality!! the society and the greed of bigoted humans is an abomination and SHOULD be criticised every single day of our lives!!!
#jsyk i am aware that Diogenes was not That Cool bc he did do crimes and misogyny#but compared to the contemporaries he for sure was a much more decent human#and also the post is funnier this way so :P#Diogenes#philosophy#history#text post#him living in the times of oligarchical Corinth allying with a conqueror... YEAH
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So I brought several ancient Greek philosophers back to life and locked them in a room with nothing but smash ultimate for a few months, if yall are interested this is how they turned out
Socrates: has 5 or 6 mains, all of which are random characters no one plays like wii fit trainer and duck hunt. surprisingly good with all of them
Plato: can pull off a clutch donkey kong forward air spike especially when everyone's just fuckin around after a few drinks but otherwise pretty bad
Aristotle: only plays top tier characters and drops them without remorse if they get nerfed. has a specific game plan and tech for every matchup. really salty even when he wins for some reason
Diogenes: loudly talks trash and farts and burps and shit to distract opponents. picks random fighter every time. frequently pauses the game to zoom in on zero suit samus and cpt falcon and look at their asses
Epicurus: goes for style points, not for BM but because it looks cool. never gets salty
Pythagoras: if he's the first one to lose a stock he's like "well I lose, that's it" and halfasses the rest of the match while pouting which really kills the vibe. I mean at least Aristotle is kinda funny when he's pissed
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i've decided that i hate humanities majors 😭😭😭 i already hated all stem and business majors though so idk who's left but they're probably on thin ice
#vbee#i used to be this theory buff but things this summer made me value praxis a lot more than i used to#so now sitting in anthropology listening to people speak only in theory is driving me crazy#like tell me to my face that you got dressed this morning solely bc u wanna fuck#like we are biocultural beings sis not just one or the other 😭😭😭#i feel like fuckin diogenes up in here
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Brick Club 3.8.20
Gang’s all here and Claquesous has the Kingdom Hearts keyblade somehow.
The Patron-Minette enter the scene and oh, damn, it’s literally a giant key! That’s wild and very cool.
“Marius felt proud of this unknown man.” Me too, Marius, me too. Unfortunately, Marius’s dreaming nature has never been such a present danger as it is now. When Marius learns the truth, he catches up to us, the readers, in terms of narrative tension, but we are immediately plunged into a new source of tension, this time together. To fire or not to fire?
This is what happens when you have no opinions, only sympathies. “What a bitter mockery of Fate!” We give power to ideas with no critical foundation, we make excuses when things don’t happen as we expected. Marius, faced with evidence of his own eyes, still hesitates. He’s still dreaming of his father. Is he supposed to “be wanting to his most imperious memories, to so many deep resolutions, to his most sacred duty, to that most venerated paper! be wanting to his father’s will, or suffer a crime to be accomplished?” WWLAD, What Would Les Amis Do?
Leblanc/Valjean drops the line of the century. “Pardon me, monsieur, I see that you are a bandit.”
Thenardier responds, fairly in any other context. “Eat the rich!” (I paraphrase, slightly). Honestly, when will I get a good adaptation of this scene? I want to see Valjean try to defenestrate himself in glorious technicolor! I want a Gorbeau brawl!
I found myself thinking about the one chapter with the tale of a sailor gone overboard and his helplessness in the face of the unfeeling sea. And how much Valjean isn’t that man anymore. This is a really interesting chapter because we kind of see what Valjean has been up to in all this time, both externally and internally, and the choices he’s made or resolved to make. He’s been prepared for any outcome for years now, hell how long has he been carrying around a sneaky coin saw just in case, and there’s no hesitation when it comes time to take action.
Marius on the other hand…this could have been a really good time to force him into actually making a decision instead of living perpetually in this dreamer’s limbo. For all he wants to be about the philosophy of humanity and that vague bullshit, this is the point at which he needs to take tangible action there isn’t a way for him to remain neutral. Instead, Hugo gives him a way to weasel out and it’s a clever third option but I’m still disappointed that Marius’s noncommittal crap gets continually validated.
#brickclub#les mis#3.8.20#im waiting for marius to take a good long look inside and make a damn decision#kinda waiting to see if his choice to join the barricade satisfies this for me#i havent watched the bbc gorbeau scene so maybe its good#(i havent gotten my hands on the arai version of events either)#im a bad fan#anyways valjean is killing it and i respect the goddamn hell out of him#fuckin step aside diogenes valjean owns stoicism now#also im not addressing javert and his hate YET bc boy do i have an illustration for you!
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today’s aesthetic is waking up at 3AM due to Catte Anticks and being distracted from resuming sleep by abrupt, delighted recollection of that immortal punchline “it’s just turtles all the way down”
#this joke isnt even a sensible chuckle dot gif it's long since transcended that to become fuckin iconic in its own right#much like BEHOLD - A MAN! and other diogenisms#and it has equally rich meme potential i feel#it's just turtles all the way down
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so apparently diogenes of sinope (of “get out of my sunlight” and “plato’s chicken” fame) decided that the best way to help corinth prepare for a visit from philip II was to just roll his barrel up and down a hill repeatedly and if that isn’t the best description of what it’s like to do group work then i don’t know what is
#everyone has been in a group of diogeneses at some point#i feel like every fuckin group i do group work with is actually#tagamemnon#diogenes of sinope#queueusque tandem abutere catilina patientia nostra
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diogenes, sitting naked in his barrel, meticulously plucking a chicken: this is gonna be so fuckin hilarious just wait
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greek loves.
Modern pop culture tends to speak of love as if it were just one thing, but people express love differently. This test will measure your muse’s take on love in relation to the four archetypal forms of love. ( Link. )
good agape.
All agape types are organized around bestowal and attuned to instinct and inspiration. Agape types are spontaneous and mythopoetic lovers who charm others by making them the recipients of a free-spirited and joyous bestowal that escapes all conventional means of appraisal and evaluation and which is itself without limits. Agape is truly a love which freely gives and forgives, and which precedes the rational, confounding it, and charms less inspired natures to relinquish their everyday sensibility in order to play along to the joyful tune of its carnival. As a love, agape is truly "that good which has no end and is its own measure" and for which every conventional standard of value is too small a receptacle for the joys that it has to offer.
As for good agape, it is, as Shakespeare said, like "a gentle rain that droppeth from Heaven and is twice blessed," exalting to both giver and receiver. The efforts of good agape are rarely calculated or strained, but flow forth from that spontaneous and golden wit which champions an unapologetic celebration of life. In loving through good agape, you often find yourself in the role of effervescent maverick, or "golden child": Charming, optimistic, and eternally youthful, your charisma and glee are rare commodities that provide much-needed reprieves from the humdrum of everyday existence and brighten up the lives of others. Your charisma and joyous bestowals tend to have a captivating effect on people where others are seized by your personal magnetism and cheer. By your mesmerizing displays of optimism and wit, it is likely that you have often gotten away with things that others would not. However, it would be wrong to imply that your bestowals are calculated, since they are in fact freely bequeathed onto others, the "joy of giving" being in your very nature, and with you enjoying the munificence and good cheer that your effervescence has on others too.
Famous Greeks who have Agape: Homer, Diogenes the Dog.
Your ideal partner is someone who has Nomos.
TAGGED BY: stole it from @traumeriin!
TAGGING: @happymediium @eidoln @wowspook @footagecaught and whoever else wants to do it bc this thing is long
#💀 | sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ᴘʜᴇɴᴏᴍᴇɴᴀ (about)#💀 | ʜᴇʀᴇ's ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ɢʜᴏsᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏғғᴇʀɪɴɢ (headcanon)#💀 | ᴇᴠᴇʀʏʙᴏᴅʏ's ᴡɪɴᴇ ᴍᴏᴍ (OOC)#'DIOGENES THE DOG' IS FUCKINN KILLING M E#like i know that's just one of his titles but i'm crying thinking about an actual greek philosopher dog#diogenes vc: boof#a bunch of fuckin greeks: FASCINATING WRITE THAT DOWN
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me, on the phone: I've gotta go fill up my water bottle and my phone's at like 3% so I'm gonna leave it here charging and be right back, you can talk to my cat i guess
my boyfriend, on speakerphone: Hey Kaia how you doing?
my boyfriend, once I come back: .... and he's just regarded so highly but I think he's so overrated
me: who are you talking about??
my boyfriend: Diogenes
#he's a fuckin dork and i love him#i can't remember exactly what he was saying about Diogenes but it was fucking hilarious to walk into#Kaia was very attentively starting at the phone and listening#it was so sweet#i said things
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