Petty and mean but also I'm right and angry

Just bc u think some ppl are using "deconstruction" or whatever other buzzwords to believe whatever they want and are obnoxious doesn't mean that a LOT of western Christians are being forced to reckon with toxic and harmful beliefs and cultures which they grew up in and have to separate the good from the bad, the truth from the manipulations, faith from cultural biases, etc. For so many people it's do that or leave faith entirely. And I'm not going to shit on anyone for doing what they need to?? Can't we just all operate from the assumption that EVERYONE yes EVERYONE even the person you hate is just trying their fuckin best and we're all broken and suffering and we're all wrong in different ways and can we get off our GODDAM high horses PLEASE

Can we just ?????

Y'all I am so fucking angry rn

🪷 girl fuck these people I'm really sorry you're getting so many messages bitching about no smut in ch10. Like who even cares? Does a story or chapter have no value if the characters aren't going at it like rabbits and fucking and sucking on each other?

At this point if you're so disappointed about no hanky panky just go read one of those pornhwas where the characters start screwing at the drop of a hat.

I would've loved that chapter with smut or without smut idgaf it doesn't even matter to me (and the same is for most of your readers too, I'm sure of it). We've all stuck around with your work for so long, and we have faith in your direction as well as your decisions regarding the pace of the plot. It's never that serious, especially not to the stage that bozos feel the need to weep in a writer's asks and swamp them with negative messages. Go jack off or play dj with your hello kitty and go to sleep like the rest of us.

Again, no matter what you do with your work it's entirely your choice. Ofc we as readers can have our own takes and how or why we interact with the work can vary, but it shouldn't reach this stage. I've seen this same story of bullying and pestering authors on tumblr too many times with other authors whose work I enjoy, and many have left their blogs because the harassment made them lose interest in writing and sharing their pieces. It's fucking heartbreaking. Pornhub dot com is right there for y'all to be doing entirely too much in the asks of these writers who are already overwhelmed and write and share all this FOR FREE. If you have so many qualms about it pick up that bic and get to writing bitch!

I'm sorry babe take care! We love you🫂

AHHH LILYPAD ANON I APPRECIATE U SM THIS MEANS THE WORLD TO ME 😭😭 you’re always so kind to me i sobs

yeahh sigh :( i was just a bit upset that ppl were already finding fault w a chapter i haven’t even released yet just bc it doesn’t have smut in it 😭😭 like i obviously know by now that i can’t make everyone happy, but it’s not right to subtly pressure me into a certain direction for my story (ik this is a normal thing authors/writers have to deal with, i am just a weakling unfortunately 💀💀 my therapist wld agree)

i know it’s not most of my readers though :”) everyone is so sweet n kind n patient, i just don’t understand the some few that think that just bc they tell me they’re disappointed there’s no smut, that i’m somehow gonna go back to my 80pg dissertation of a chapter n make it 100pgs just to add some for them 😅…like no. what it DOES make me feel is icky n sad

frankly it’s really uncomfortable to make an author feel bad that there’s no explicit sexual content in a story 😅 your horny brainrot is showing. like, i AM def planning to write smut in kickoff, there will be multiple smut scenes to come. but even if i suddenly chose not to include them anymore, that’s my right to do so.

and yes, if they want smut, they can write it themselves. why do i need to be the one to write it for you? i don’t owe anyone anything.

i totally agree w you. honestly, i feel bad sometimes setting these boundaries, but you’re SO RIGHT in that SO many authors leave their platforms bc of hateful asks/pressuring comments etc, i’ve seen it time n time again. bc it’s true that it DOES get to people, especially when creating art is already a very stressful thing. i don’t have to passively tolerate rude strangers on the internet just because i’m trying to protect n pursue my passion

thanks sm for trusting my direction :”) and YES absolutely!! i love it when my readers disagree w character actions or emotions, bc characters have flaws n i’m intentional about those flaws, so it’s exciting to see opinions my readers have, even if they’re in disagreement, because it’s interactive w my work. not that i expect anyone to interact ever. i understand that i post on my own accord, so readers can choose whether to interact on their accord as well.

but something about pressuring me into writing explicit sexual content into a story that i’d like to think is a lot more than just smut, is really disheartening.

- ellie 🐸

aometimes i drink my drink even if there’s a fruit fly floating in it bc frankly idgaf abt anything anymore

ok here's my Noah/Akio/Rachel proposal outline

Noah and Akio 100% had a thing during their murder days so their entire relationship is doused in this weird mixture of guilt and misplaced loyalty and internalized homophobia (IMO that last one is more on akios side bc look Noah has so much more on his plate that he's past that by now)

I'm working with the assumption that Akio is the father of Rachel's epilogue child and even if you assume they were together strictly to Further The Human Race I don't think Rachel would allow him to be a deadbeat dad. so theyre cosplaying as an expecting married couple when Noah gets revived in the epilogue

as a quick headcanon aside here I think they had a baby together because they were both raised Catholic

I have also decided that Repopulating The Earth was Rachel's idea and Akio kinda just went along with it bc he is at heart an extremely weird dude who can be very easily convinced of things

Noah and Min break up for being too mutually fucked up so Noah moves in w/ his buddy Akio and his totally not deranged baby mama and becomes their live-in nanny for their newborn

Rachel is obviously a requisite asshole to him at first but he's useful to have around so she chills out a little. by that point she also notices that Akio wants to fuck him and she decides she doesn't care as long as operation Repopulate The Earth is still on

like I think Rachel is probably a jealous person but her and Akio's relationship is already so screwy that she just decides to shrug it off

this puts Akio in the awkward position of being the husband in a 1950s Catholic family who wants to fuck the pool boy except the pool boy is deeply mentally ill, was just brought back from the dead, probably still thinks he's in the matrix, and he's like a week out from a murder spree

these guys are famously not very good decision makers so they go for it anyway, you the readers get to decide how that ends I am simply here to present you with options

in my mind Rachel and Noah never really get together even after living with each other and raising kids together for years, in fact they're wildly romantically incompatible, but crucially it is NOT a love triangle. this is not due to any amount of emotional maturity possessed by any one of them, it is purely because when Rachel decides she's joining the idgaf war she is WINNING the idgaf war and the other two got drafted.

that said Rachel and Noah do totally make out sometimes. for funzies.

crucial to understand here is that all three of them are basically playing house but the babyroll is a real life newborn. Rachel and Akio are having kids because that's what their parents did and that's what you're Supposed to do. Noah is with them because he needs to feel secure and it's easy to ignore his problems when he's juggling a newborn with sustenance farming for four people

like okay. they keep trying to frame things in terms of a pre apocalypse nuclear family even though that structure does not and cannot exist anymore. akio is the husband Rachel is the wife and they have a child (familiar family structure), Noah is the pool boy because he's around the family but he's not Procreating tm (deviant family structure but still a familiar pattern to them). they cannot under any circumstances acknowledge that anything going on here is abnormal by any means because that would mean having to confront why it's abnormal (guilt, trauma, the whole murder thing, the fact that they're bringing children into a world that is frankly not hospitable (guilt 2), Noah's entire thing generally)

also Noah and Rachel probably make lots of sister wives jokes about themselves. akio fucking HATES the sister wives jokes but the alternative is harem jokes and he hates those worse

You know what? I'm fucking bored. My writer career is in the drain and frankly I'm too tired to keep on posting.

So, here's hoping that we Tumblr netizens make a fucking chain of getting to know each other through our (weird) music recommendations of any genre!

Basically, just recommend songs that don't seem to be like you or don't match with your overall theme.

As in, for example, you're a hard-core rock fan, but you're seen as the cutsie-wootsie little guy or some shit.

Just something that nobody expects from you.

Idk man, it's 10:32 here, I'm deeply wallowing in regret for my past mistakes, and I just ate a whole lump of dark chocolate that was once known as truffles but got all melted and gooey like during an airplane flight. That same lump of chocolate is acting as my caffeine for the night, and I know I'm going to suffer for the consequences of my actions tmrw, but idgaf anymore cause life is shit and all that.

... So here are my ten (WEIRD, that's very important) song recs and tag at least 10 people!

Megalolazing (Resastered) by Saster

OK Friday by CG5

My R cover by annapantsu (dw ab it, it just sounds good to me, I'm fine rlly-)

Wildfire from HOYO-MIX

Fleeting Lullaby cover by AmaLee specifically-

Be a flower by Ryokuoushokou Shakai

Universe by Thuy

A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers

The Moon Will Sing by The Cranewives

Conversations with Strangers by Caitlin Cook

Tags: @yuunism @winterpower98 @melishade @deadshadowcreature @deltamb3r @jellyfosh @undertalefanatic @octdl-lee @pastelpaperplanes @smokescreenimusprime + @sm-baby !

Alright have fun! (Imma go to bed now-)

swear to god talking to even the most well intentioned leftists about rape and abuse is still like pulling fucking teeth. everything fucking EVERTHING is about the rapist. how can we help the rapist how can we rehabilitate them how can we make them a normal member of society etc etc and so on for fucking forever. with not a moment of fucking thought spared for the survivor(s). not a single question of what can we do to make them safe what can we do to help them escape abuse what can we do to make their experience post-abuse/rape tolerable how can we make a world where survivors arent constantly hounded by fucking everyone everywhere how can we make a world where survivors dont have to hear your bullshit about how their rapist was simply misguided and lost and how everything is so sad for the poor widdle rapist cause nobody wants to hang out w them anymore now that theyve been exposed 🥺 im just so fucking tired im exhausted from this shit. and they think theyre SOOO fucking radical for thinking rapists deserve their energy as if thats not how society ALREADY FUCKING OPERATES. these cunts will parrot the status quo and then tell u its fucking subversive because despite all their fucking reading and all their fucking thinking theyve never bothered to learn a fucking thing about patriarchy. still fucking operating under this idea that raping someone is just a whoopsies! and not an expression of someones beliefs (about property, and which humans count as property). i truly believe if some of these motherfuckers started regarding rapists in the same light as they did fascists (someone willing to commit acts of violence in order to gain/retain both personal and structural power over others) then MAYBE just fucking MAYBE we could come to a better fucking conclusion of how to spend our fucking time and energy. because catering to abusers and rapists is grtting us FUCKING NOWHERE. just like catering to fascicts and white supremacists gets us NOWHERE. i frankly dont give a fuck about making a rapist/fascist feel bad about their actions or making them understand why its wrong. whats on my mind is making it as difficult as i fucking can for them to carry on with their behavior. whatever fucking form of action that takes. people say oh you cant just ostracize/beat up/kill a rapist!! theyre people too!!! YEAH? IM PEOPLE TOO. were just supposed to fucking sit here and take it because "retaliation is bad!!" if everybody is fucking people then lets act like it. if these motherfuckers are allowed to spit on us rape us abuse us kill us make our lives a living fucking hell then idgaf we are allowed to do whatever the fuck is in our power to stop them. I DESERVE A LIFE!!! I DESERVE A LIFE WITHOUT RAPE!!! I DESERVE A BODY THAT BELONGS TO NO ONE BUT MYSELF!!!

since we are talking about the pinks rs i have an opinion. i don’t think t*ennie intended to be caught and i believe the rumors that said the relationship was on/off since jennie sometimes would act as if she was single. and even after the paris situation where most idols would’ve just confirm it - they just decided to ignore it. as far as i’m aware bts has never confirmed or denied romance rumors. they mostly ignore it. and i feel like without hybe’ authorization, yg was forced to ignore it as well since we’ve seen they have not issue confirming relationships (example, kai and bohyun). so it was probably v’s side that didn’t want the relationship confirmed. which sucks for jennie. i think v will be the type to confirm a relationship himself as long as it doesn’t attach drama to his name. and their rs was nothing but pure chaos and drama with both sides throwing tantrums.

i think the break up news were ideal because even if the relationship was never confirmed, it was not smart for the media to continue linking them together while he was in the military and jennie would soon begin her label/solo career.

there’s a thread that kinda made it obvious that they did broke up around august but someone probably advised either jennie or v to make an unofficial statement that they’re not longer together anymore to avoid future drama.

okay so! actually both hybe and yg did release a statement on the situation in may 2022, but it was one of the classic idgaf statements of “we don’t know bcs it’s their private life”! i think if it weren’t for hybe, yg would’ve made one of those statements straight away, but since that’s basically a confirmation (lol) hybe didn’t want to since they want to keep ***’s rumours very hush hush, but they were basically forced to acknowledge it lol

i don’t have any opinion on whether they were on/off or otherwise bcs i don’t think us fans can really know — frankly i find the idea of using her “acting single” when that just means living her life freely a little odd but okay! i do agree that they broke up months prior the break up news since they were likely waiting for the best time to release them (and the timing the picked was GREAT) so they just held on the news for a while 🤷🏻‍♀️

another rant (that’s all this has been)

anytime I would tell anybody of my predicament it’s always “if you know you’re doing this because your insecure and have trauma why don’t you take all this energy and time you’ve put into him and invest it in yourself for growth and improvement” and I have a lot of contention with this

1. just because I know why doesn’t mean I care.

2. i’ve spent every fucking second of my life dealing with myself. I don’t like myself and the idea that everybody it’s going to like themself is absurd. statistically what are the chances that my mental preferences for a human are going to align with what I was born with. and to try to make myself into a person I do like is an fruitless endeavor as well as mentally taxing and I would have to mask who I really am under a facade. it’s hard enough to do that around other people let alone to myself 24/7

3. my perception of myself in no way impacts how other perceive me. idgaf what you think about manifestation it’s not fucking real and doesn’t mean anything in real life. me thinking i’m an amazing beautiful person does not mean anyone else will and the opinions of the majority matter to me. (before you say anything about how I shouldn’t care about the opinions of others I ask why not. if I am too believe that I am equal to everyone then that means that all of our opinions are equal as well. and if there are more people telling me that I am an undesirable unlovable person than there will ever be of me telling myself i’m not than that holds more weight)

4. I genuinely do not want anyone or anything else but him. there is nothing to move onto.

5. what the fuck is self improvement/growth??? genuinely what is that. why are we expected to be in a constant state of change to achieve these stupid ass goals that’s will not matter in the end because we all fucking die. I hate change I absolutely despise it and being told that the only way I can be happy is to constantly be changing so I can achieve I nonsensical goal does nothing but make me more upset.

I also get told that I should focus on my dreams and passions but I genuinely do not have any. Everything I do in life is because I have to. i’m studying to be a teacher because once again I cannot stand change and the thought of me being anywhere but a classroom makes me feel nauseous. I don’t have a genuinely passion for teaching. school is just familiar. I have nothing I want to do and nothing I want to achieve. I don’t want to travel the world (I hate traveling and frankly there is nothing I care about enough to go see) I hate concerts (too loud, too crowded) I hate socializing (the overwhelming feedback has been that I am bad about it) and I don’t give a fuck about having a lot of money. the only thing I really wanted was to have my own family. to get married and have kids but

1) no one wants to marry or have kids with me

2) the person I want to do these things with has ghosted me

3) it is very obvious that I would not make a good wife or mother

the day I abandoned my one and only goal of having a family is the day I did not want to be alive anymore. and every time I allow myself to imagine myself with a family it’s always me and bumblebee

which is insane because he does not want me

at this point I really have nothing to offer life and life has nothing to offer me. I don’t want to be alive anymore but dying is change and we all know how I feel about that

as a writer myself too, i definitely get the frustration of writer's block. ur better than me tho could never write fiction this good. if it's a script maybe i can stumble my way towards it but like- prose, prose??? scary stuff HAHAHHA. i'm wayyy more used to writing features, editorial and stuff like that so writing creatively paralyzes me fr probs should get over it HAHAHHA

speaking of writing tho, recently got my first ever job (full time over the summer and part time when i get back to school!) helping this creator write content for a website she's launching and probs gonna be helping her with her podcast too hehe (i'm also more of a broadcast person too over like publication writing so that's gonna be fun). so life's been reallyyyy busy. like i started preparing for freelance work since may and after like- 11 applications so glad i finally got a job but damn being paid to do something is a whole different kind of pressure. doing my best but sometimes i'm scared it won't be good enough and i'll just get fired HAHAHAH the days are starting to get blurry too bc i've kinda just been cooped up at home. anddd been trying to ✨adult✨ too by getting my driver's license, tax number, social security and all that but ghad with a job? idt i'll have the time to fix all that anymore. and i'm hoping to take the topik too so :">

times like this are when im rlly glad i got dream. like they rlly just give me that energy boost HAHAHAH (AND WITH THE NEW COMEBACK SOON??? AHHHH) r they like that for u too? i swear this is the first time i've wanted to get a tattoo for an artist like woah

oh and SPEAKING OF i was in the manila concert day 1 all the way in the farthest section. actually got really determined to work bc of that experience bc i am determined to go both days vip the next time they're in manila HAHAHHA. happy to say i'll most likely earn enough to do that by next month hehe. gonna treat myself for the hard work by getting mark's bubble HAHAHHA

haven't gotten to reading the new renjun fic updates (unless my eyes are deceiving me and i read that wrong & there r not updates) but! i'm rlly looking forward to it. hoping both of us have enough writing juices to finish up the things we're working on HAHAHHA. and i hope you're doing well with school or work or whatever your doing too! and when things get tough hope u have a support system there for ya :>

anywayy i'll go skidaddle now HAHHAHA worked 8hrs today so 💀 byee

(p.s. by any chance do u have any plans of writing any series for mark? would KILL to have ur writing bring his character to life if not that's SUPERRRR chill too frfr jus curious hehe)

frm the biggest phatest markf,

-covid anon 🤒 HAHAHAH

you calling my 'ripping my hair out slamming words into the keyboard at 1am' writing prose is such a huge compliment my dear covid anon, you have no idea. never in my life have i considered anything ive written to be like... serious... because i just enjoy writing about a bunch of singin dancin boys, but. i do put an obscene (and embarrassing) amount of care and work and thought into this little fanfiction thing and i just. thank you? blowing kisses all the way to your timezone

anddd been trying to ✨adult✨ too by getting my driver's license, tax number, social security and all that but ghad with a job? idt i'll have the time to fix all that anymore. and i'm hoping to take the topik too so :">

GODDAMN! you have your plate full, but frankly those are all really, really good and important and STRONG steps towards adulting!! you're further than me, i dont have my license yet (haven't even started, rahh, uber is my best friend) but whenever i come on here i think of you, covid anon, so hearing this makes me feel like an irl just told me they accomplished something big LOL i'm actually so happy for you. these are big steps. AND THE NEW CB IS ALREADY FUCKING ME UP! IDGAF RENJUN IN THAT LITTLE PAPERBOY CAP, LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME ALONE I'M UNWELL!!!!!! today the second theme dropped (idk if you'll see this on the same day as i send it) with the energy drinks and such, and the fuckig... neon concept...!!!!!!!! i wanted to get a tattoo for my bts era like a 7 or something like that on a very tiny part of my body but then i remembered how i genuinely thought i would be a 5sos fan forever and i was like 'lets hold off on that very, very permanent decision lmfao'

AND TO ANSWER YOUR MARK QUESTION! you messaging me this actually did make me go through all of my potential wips (all.... very very many of them) and one that i found for mark that i'm actually still very interested in is an exchange student concept! little plot: mc is a part of a university exchange student program, and with that comes staying with a host family; the uni that mc is from does it in a raffle/blind matching style where you get put with a family who's profile matches with yours best, and mc gets.... the lee family! with eldest brother and vaguely famous rockstar taeyong, awkward and endearing middle child mark lee, and the night and day '00 twins'; sunshine incarnate lee donghyuck, and 'doesn't speak unless spoken to' lee jeno!!! it takes place over six months in the summer to autumn season, the first semester; and love blooms in the damndest places!

if this sounds like something you'd like, maybe i could fandangle this for my next wip...? winky face

anyway i love you lots covid anon, i hope your adulting goes on without a hitch!!!! until you message again <3

Once again I'm up late because I can't sleep, I have a headache, and I'm still freaking out about potentially not graduating this semester. What else is new lol. Like fucking hell will this trash ass period of my life just fucking END ALREADY????? I swear to God being in school for so long has felt like I'm living in some weird ass time warp. The worst part is seeing people my age who have been out for a few years and have been able to travel, build their own life, and actually exercise their independence. Not experiencing those things and not knowing when I will when I so badly want to is pretty embarrassing. It makes me feel delayed compared to my peers.

I know everyone's life is different and life isn't linear, but damn, at times I still feel like my childish, awkward 18 year old self. I think it's because I've recognized that I made a lot of decisions I wasn't actually ready for back then, and I'm realizing how shitty the consequences of that are now. I definitely picked the wrong major. However, there's no way I could've just not gone to college because what else was I gonna do. I didn't realize that I wanted to do fashion until that introspective period of the pandemic. I didn't realize that it was okay to change my mind about goals I once had and to potentially disappoint others in the process. Idk why exactly, but before then I thought that changing your mind, growing as a person, whatever you wanna call it was bad. Like it just made me "fake" or "indecisive" or something like that.

I was also still pretty heavily into manifesting/LOA/toxic positivity, which back then I didn't have the life experience, maturity, or desire to confront the fact that that was a bunch of bullshit that I was taught and that basing some of my life decisions on what I thought I was going to "attract" was dumb af. I only stopped believing in that pseudo-spiritual, pseudoscientific garbage about a year ago. Which by the way, leaving that cult (yes, it's a cult idgaf) after practically growing up in it was easily one of the most difficult things I did. Because it took me years to actually sit with myself and recognize that this was a belief system that was not only damaging, but also not at all science or reality-based like these fraudulent-ass LOA gurus say it is. That shit had a HUGE influence o on me, as well.

So I guess I don't necessarily feel like I'm still the dumbass teenage/early 20s that I was before, but I definitely feel like I'm forced to live as that person sometimes, because much of my external environment from that time period hasn't changed. I still go to the campus that I did when I was 18, I still have a lot of the same personal items (ex. clothes, school supplies, accessories, etc.) from back then, I still have to center my life around school like I did back then, etc.

That's why I feel so fucking trapped. Idk if I'll finish this semester. I really hope I do, but there's a chance that I'll graduate next semester. I dread having to do this shit for another semester, because I no longer want live as the sad college girl who's constantly losing her damn mind over grades and classes that I won't even use in real life. Tbh my entire educational experience hasn't been that great, and I've realized that academia just isn't for me. It's not an environment I thrive in and that's fine. For years I felt guilty about being one of those people who didn't live up to the "high school/college is the best years of your life!" ideal. But I don't feel that way anymore because I've realized there's more to life outside of those stressful, and quite frankly, OVERRATED years of your life. Like fr having gone through college and being almost finished, I can honestly say it's not a big deal if you didn't particularly like those years. Trying to get a degree while balancing a job, your social life, your health, and your sanity is fucking HARD and from what I've witnessed, damn near an impossible standard. I don't know a single person who had all of that shit together. There were good moments, but I would NEVER revisit this shit ever again.

I have a lot of plans for after I graduate. I plan on starting my own business and revamping some of the stuff I had for it before. I also plan on travelling more often and getting a new job. I'm most definitely throwing away a bunch of my old shit because I don't wanna be reminded of my unsure, awkward college self. I also plan on hanging out with new people and building new relationships, but this time being smarter about who I hang out with lol.

I know this weird lull won't last forever, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. All I know is that I'm pretty sure that mid 20s, delayed teenage rebellion is probably gonna start after I graduate. Idk how crazy I'm gonna get (it probably won't be that bad lol), but after all of the fuckery I've been through over the years it's most definitely time to get lit fr.

my dad ruined another family dinner by being a pos and later was yelling trying to defend himself and I started laughing at him so hard that I was crying

was that healthy? was that productive? no and no

but it’s incredibly satisfying to openly laugh at your abuser (in a safe environment)

-_-

Apparently any time I strongly express negative thoughts or emotions in front of an attending, this is cause to be pulled aside and asked if I’m ok.

Y’all, this is just me. I have always been this way. Just because I don’t get fired up in front of you doesn’t mean I don’t get fired up. I just keep my thoughts to myself in front of people for whom a big part of their job is judging me.

And like...on some level I get it-- the usually calm, level-headed (if scattered) resident seems to suddenly be losing her shit out of nowhere, so I can see how that would be concerning. But...if they had any idea of the things I don’t usually let the attendings (or frankly a lot of my fellow residents) see, I would probably not have a reputation as a level-headed person.

i know im the outlier for liking arr and it’s legitimately a detrimental barrier of entry for people to get into the game but idgaf anymore. the sheer concentrated overdose i have of people whining about it every step of the way It is so. frankly I do not care if you play this game nobody cares if you play or like this game. everyone will live it does not matter. Please quit and spare us the shit

Weirdly enough Red Robin is the series I’d be most scared to review, because for obvious reasons I imagine more than any other character it’s the Tim fan base (I won’t say fandom, because I feel like that gives a different connotation nowadays. and it’s a bunch of chill, un-interactive but very passionate, chaps) that follow me.

And I’d just get sooo many people giving me nit-picks, and telling me stuff I already know.

Cause I can say anything against Teen Titans 2003, New 52, Rebirth, and Wonder Comics stuff cause that’s the generally agreed upon stuff that you can complain against for Tim. Cause like, to not play dumb to it, this whole Bat-Family fandom acts like there’s freaking laws to abide by if you don’t want a bunch of batty (not a pun, not even saying not a pun in sarcasm lol) fans and stans down your neck. Normally involving certain characterizations or comics that, honestly, aren’t even usually the more accurate ones, but the contradicting ones that don’t make a lick of sense, and that’s not even talking about the straight up fanon ones.

Not to say I wouldn’t get why it’s the Red Robin series that’d get people to give me crap out of all the Tim stuff, because I do. It’s a lot of peoples entry to Tim, and it’s pretty heavy implications of suicidal ideation, and more so obvious mental breakdown journey across continents means a lot to people. I can get why, and if it wasn’t those characters in it, I’d think it was great too.

Also I know for a fact people would act like I’m just bias for 90s Tim, and point out Timmy’s in a teddy bear hoodie in my header. Cause it’s the most weakest defense someone could possibly make cause they’re lacking an actual point. Like they know everything a fucking ‘bout me, when they don’t, I’m just allowed to think my own stuff, and I’m allowed my dang comfort art, so blah blah blah. I’ve proved myself enough. I don’t need some random dismissive guys random approval or not, but man can it be annoying when someone thinks they’re smart about it.

Like basically put, it would be very exhausting to go through the many different series and years of comic book content to explain why I think the way I do, when all the other person has to say is “I like this series a lot, and it means a lot to me, it’s story about depression, and plus it’s Tim being at the button of his sanity so-- And I think this person is stuck on 90s Tim” cause like I freaking get it, and acting like cause I prefer a different Tim comic means my opinion isn’t valid, is the most childish thing ya can really do. Like I love 90s Tim the most for a reason, and I started reading Tim as Red Robin first, ya ninny.

But to just be honest, it is an incredibly flawed series that has overall, in the long game, soiled the character of Tim Drake, and directly influenced the New 52 and beyond depiction of him. Not to give Lobdell an excuse, I just find it really odd that people getting praising it as the peak of Tim content when it’s even caused some really freaking toxic fandom beliefs.

When some of the most important scenes in the series are so botched that it has genuinely made people despise other characters when I don’t even think they were portrayed well for that to make sense. The messy inconsistent writing as it went between two different writers causing some absolutely terrible characterization for Tim that isn’t even always consistent within the series itself because FabNic is just awful, and how forgettable most stuff after the first story is.

That first story I can understand the love for it. But people treating the whole series as a whole like it’s a great journey of long-term story development just feels like a real bad describer for it. Because to me by the end of it’s run it caused Tim to be put in the terrible spot that he’s only now escaping from little under a decade later. As well as only really starting cause people in the company didn’t like Tim and the characters around them as much as you’d hope.

In total, I honestly feel like if it wasn’t released during a time were the common tastes were very edgy and emo-esque, as well as around the time the online fandom spaces were only really then being formed in a way that was practical for casual interaction and discussion, and being the only series titled “Red Robin” therefore people seem to think it’s Tim’s variation of “Nightwing”, when it’s honestly not, it wouldn’t be a series that highly regarded.

I’m not saying the whole thing is a pile of shit, cause it’s also frankly not. There’s some powerful stuff in there, and some moments that really do hit super hard in ways that don’t feel superficial. Cause another thing people don’t seem to understand that when I say his characterization isn’t good in it, does not equal me saying “He is not the same exact character he was 15 years before the series came out”, it legitimately just means I feel they took the character to places that felt more forced than genuine, or just had him stuff that goes against what he’d do for the sake of just being edgy as if it’s deep, even during his circumstances and it created people having a false understanding of who Tim is at his heart, that made it incredibly difficult for Tim to get a good story for basically a freaking decade.

It’s a series I want to review because I have genuine things to say about it, but when ever I do say anything about it I feel like I see several sub-posts that are almost undeniably about me (hasn’t happened for a while cause I don’t really bother talking about stuff I don’t like anymore, cause life's hard enough, and I’ve seen the worst end of a lot of people from it) trying to downplay me, because they got defensive about it, rather than actually trying to process what I meant by things instead of just assuming it cause it’s touchy for them.

Like I’ve openly shit on Damian’s most popular series’, and accepted fandom malarkey, because I legitimately think they’re overhyped as could be, not that great, and only have the popularity they do through bandwagoning and going along with things. And I did that while knowing how defensive the Damian fandom is, and how quick they are to just leak out nasty assumptions or outright suicide bait you (yes I remember someone tried to defend me by suicide baiting someone else, but fuck them too, I never defended them or asked them to. idgaf which fandom does it. i’m clearly not on anyone's team. this isn’t a fucking sports game).

I’ve even straight up shit on pretty much every single Jason story except Under the Red Hood, while defending some Robin Jason stories, and I haven’t even got crap on me for that, which is honestly strange. Surprisingly just got told “Ya know what. Fair point. I can accept that. I don’t agree, but I can accept it.”. Which given what I have been shown of the Jason fandom I expected much worse, but they’ve honestly been really chill with me. Me and the Jason fandom has been actually some of the most pleasant interactions I’ve had outside my own bubble.

The majority of Steph’s existence as a character I’ve criticized and gotten crap on it, but honestly I found the response of countless anons going “YEAH MAN I AGREE WITH YOU” and going way harder on her than I ever did to be pretty dang annoying, and even more annoying cause people kept thinking I said stuff I freaking didn’t out of it. So every now and again people will just straight up lie about me to my face. Like you try to talk to someone that’s been preparing to talk to you by fighting an imaginary version of yourself. It’s pretty difficult if I had to be honest. Talking ‘bout bias’s like I didn’t write TimSteph fan fictions before I realized they weren’t that great and didn’t work, while realizing that I honestly didn’t think Tim was into girls in-general.

But, to get back on topic, with the Tim fandom it’s less like, open faced attempts to make you feel like a garbage human being, and more just straight up rudely dismissive as quite often the ones I’ve seen do it try to portray themselves as some calm knowledgeable unbias source of Tim knowledge.

And there’s a different sensation of annoyance at that.

Like what is the point of trying to pretend to be some source of knowledge and for a few comradery, while also being a dismissive person that first has to make others seem lesser.

And there’s some that I’ve seen do it that I don’t even think are dicks honestly, and have no problem with it, cause it’s just so innocently “I just really like the series and still think it’s good”. That I’d be confused why people would think I have a vendetta against everyone else. I’ve never been like, straight up offended more than once over the specific topic of Red Robin. But it is a thing that makes me like “I’ll get so many people giving me crap over having a different opinion for this won’t I”. And get some people trying to validate just being a bit of a fucker to me for no good reason.

So like, may or may not write a Red Robin review, but I might not cause despite quite a few people in the Tim fandom being quite chill about it, there’s quite a lot of people that are low-key toxic about it, and a lot of bad fandom things came out of it as well.