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emialawliet · 3 years

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The mysteries of Wonder Egg Priority and some interesting things I found in it

Oh hi Acca. Wait is that a crack on your right lens?

One of the great things about WEP is that it is an original anime wherein we do not have any source material to check on its story thus we do not have a clue on what’s gonna happen next besides the things that happen in each episode. These are one of those animes which are fun to observe.

Plot Summary: Ai scores a “Wonder Egg” from a gachapon machine at a deserted arcade. But now when Ai falls asleep a girl emerges from her Wonder Egg, the worlds of dreams and reality begin to collide. And it’s all connected.

From the first episode, we have been given a huge amount of symbolism. Aside from the main subject of bullying and Ai’s guilt by pretending not to see it that cost her bestfriend’s life, there are a lot of other things that I noticed that seem to have a deeper meaning behind them or could be a hint to something. I’ll list these things one by one from the first 2 episodes..

This post is going to be quite a long one, so I’ll keep it minimal enough to just tickle your thoughts. And believe me, things got clearer to me as I am making this post.

The anime starts in a sort of a dream world.. or is it?

1) The firefly

In some cultures firefly may not have a positive reputation. But in Japan, where they are called "hotaru," they are beloved – a metaphor for passionate love in poetry since Man'you-shu (the 8th century anthology). -Namiko Abe @ thoughtco.com

Ai can be seen looking at a dead firefly. She seems caring for it and she even gave it a proper burial. Could this symbolize someone dear to her? Now let’s proceed..

2) person in the car

Is this a clue? I’ll remember that hair for some reason..

3) Ai’s conversation with the firefly and the Special Gacha Machine

firefly: What are you doing in a place like this?

Ai: Walking.

F: This late at night?

After burying the firefly, it suddenly came out the soil and spoke to Ai with a male voice. Their conversation seems to me like a suspicious man talking to an innocent girl in a place where a young one like her isn’t supposed to be..

F: The first time’s free. Next time bring your wallet.

This is one of the things commonly used to convince someone to try something they are usually not willing to for the first time. Like a free trial..

..and was then led somewhere underground where the “Special Gacha Machine” is located.

That’s a lotta eggs. What could this underground facility be? And here’s the Gacha Machine:

So that’s the thing in the poster.

Weird huh? But the next morning, Ai wakes up with the egg beside her..

4) The dream

..Or is it not entirely a dream? I mean the egg appearing beside her is one thing although it could be that the egg is just in her mind. But the thing that complicates things is the injuries she gets in real life, to the point where she and even Neiru needs to get hospitalized.

Ai asked why this (the whole dream she’s in) is happening to her and this is what Kurumi said:

“Nothing costs more than a free gift huh?” Indeed, life is priceless. But in this story, it is only free the first time. The second night, Ai paid a huge price. Could those injuries mean this?

“This is a dream to you, but to me it is reality.” -Kurumi Saijo

Ai will not die in this dream, as long as her eyes and heart are okay.

Did she really sneak at night twice? Since getting the Wonder Egg to saving Kurumi? In this scene we also see the teacher in full for the first time and I dunno about you guys but I think that hair is familiar..

The firefly even asked her this. We’ve seen Ai sneaking out at night but the things that follow are strange enough to happen in real life. Is it possible that what we're seeing is a mixture of Ai’s imagination and reality?

Something caused these injuries. Or is it Ai herself? Let us find out..

After saving Kurumi, a mysterious male voice said “Too bad, you only get saved. But you have to cheer up if you want your bestfriend back.”

She then asked this:

..but got no clear response. Of course we know the answer, Koito is not going back to life. but why does the voice demand her to do that? Not even the firefly could answer her clearly. But she continued to believe that this will get her bestfriend back.

“If you can’t protect them, you won’t make it either.” -Firefly

“There’s no point going to save someone if she gets herself killed.” -Ura-Acca

Does they mean the guilt might kill her too? Does this imply suicide? Could this be a hint where Ai gets her injuries?

And Neiru asked her who she is fighting for.. Ai firmly said it was for Koito.

“You don’t like yourself now, so you go. You want to change the self you hate.” Well this could also be true for herself despite saying it’s for her sister whom she let die. How? We’ll soon know more about this I guess.. At the moment, we know that Neiru loves her current self.

Ai hates herself for betraying her bestfriend. The first friend she ever had.

Koito probably asked her to film the bullying as evidence, but Ai was too scared of being left out. She wasn’t able to get a good shot, but Koito only smiled at her and knew she did her best.

5) The egg

From the title itself, the egg is a very prominent object in this anime. We still do not have a clear answer as to what it really represents, but according to the speaking firefly and Kurumi, it contains what a person wants the most, and in Ai’s case, it is a friend. She denies this to both of them but they both know it is the truth.

The eggs appear in different colors, with letters, numbers and symbols printed on them. Once cracked, it reveals a person. This is where we can relate the egg’s symbolism of life and creation.

A mysterious male voice angrily told Ai to break the egg, and this is what he said afterwards:

Ai is “good” at it, huh. What could he probably mean I wonder..

It was later revealed that Kurumi is another sculpture, a “captured maiden” in a different world like Ai’s bestfriend Koito. This confirms that Kurumi is also dead, which leads me to think that the eggs are the souls of those who died from suicide or abuse.

They couldn’t pass on unless the guilt of their friends stop holding them back. And this I think is also what’s happening to our MC Ai and Koito’s soul.

6) Kurumi Saijo

She wears a different uniform than Ai’s. A victim of bullying by 3 girls.

Like Ai, she also said she did not have any friends, just superficial ones.

And this could be hinting at the reason why she was bullied by those girls. She does have the looks. But these looks might be the reason why she had no real friends. And a boyfriend of this fake friend probably liked her and broke up with her fake friend which started the bullying. I smell jealousy.

In this dream, she found her resolve while saving Kurumi.

I gotta say though, the animation is impressive from start to finish. That button popping off has me goin “whoa they even thought of adding that bit.” And the explosion that followed.. oof.

After being saved by Ai, she asked Ai to not forget her and disappeared into dust. Was Kurumi able to finally pass on?

) Minami Suzuhara

Seriously, in this anime, adorable girls have no friends.

Damn her “trauma” is a ridiculous boob monster.

She could have died due to over fatigue and stress from her coach’s verbal abuse.

Ai had another injury the following day.

) Ai’s enemies

The Seenoevils, a disorderly mob. In real life, they are the ones that pretend not to see the bullying, letting it happen and thus contribute to the damage being dealt to thee victim. And the form of the egg’s “traumas”, the Wonder Killer, which are the main cause who led the victims to their deaths. In the dream world, they do not attack Ai. But they can damage her, only for the effects to appear outside the dream.

Ai uses Kurumi’s pen as her first weapon, and Minami’s ribbon wand as the second.

Like Kurumi, after she was saved she also asked Ai to remember her before disappearing into dust.

) The teacher

Ai’s teacher seems really nice, going as far as to visit her and deliver the week’s print outs to their home. Ai must not be attending school for weeks..

We now know that Ai’s location is nearby their teacher’s home. Could he be the guy in the car then? We don’t have enough evidence of that as of yet.

In the second episode, Ai’s teacher visited again.

Now we see his face. He’s got a mole huh.

But why this question teach?

So that’s his name. And why the special treatment?

Here we see him walk behind Koito and she follows..

) Acca & Ura-Akka

The most intriguing thing I found in the first ep..

After discovering the truth about Kurumi, Ai was led to the end of the underground tunnel and found these two strange dolls playing Go, a japanese traditional board game. One looks like a professional, and the other just casual. They introduced themselves as Acca and Ura-Acca.

Judging by that definition, these two dolls could be the same person. Let’s watch out for that.. Who could this person be? And what is his connection to Ai?

“Haste makes waste.” These two are worried about Neiru. They strongly advise on taking the process slow or else she might die. Is this person a therapist?

) Neiru Aonuma

Did I read that right.. VICE PRESIDENT?? I get the feeling her sister died caused by neglect from their parents because they were more focused on this Neiru who “loves herself”. She also seems to me like a foreigner. She speaks english quite well and we see the mom with a nice cute afro.

She was too greedy to get multiple eggs at once. She could have fought through an intense battle. Probably why she was put in the intensive care unit.

She also does not know the fun of being in a friendship. But then she agrees on being friends with AI :) I am glad how Ai is starting to change too.

I am looking forward for these two’s friendship <3

And that’s about all the curious things I’ve gathered in the first 2 episodes.

I am definitely going to continue watching this series and witness the truth unfold. Until the next egg time!

#wonder egg priority

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delicatelyherdreams · 4 years

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Pragma(tic) 24: She Mends a Body and a Heart

Pairing: Persephone!Bucky Barnes x Hades!Reader

Summary: In a world where the old gods never truly died, you must learn to navigate your way through the ups and downs of immortality. And if living forever wasn’t hard enough, an ancient evil is now threatening to break free after centuries of silence. And as if that still wasn’t hard enough for you, now a pesky and infuriatingly handsome god is trying to wedge his way into your life. Gods, work, love, and conflict—what more could a goddess need? [Hades & Persephone AU]

Word Count: 4016

Warnings: Language, mention of wounds

Pragma(tic) Masterlist

Previous 23: Her Heart Betrays Her

The fires of Hell seemed dull compared to the fires of the forge.

They were hot. They made you tired. They cast a ghastly glow over the walls.

But there was no place you’d rather be.

Tony was right; having complete control over your own project was therapeutic. And the project you were working on was even more so.

You were constructing Bucky’s prosthetic arm.

As an amateur builder, you didn’t know if it was such a good idea to be responsible for such a major task, but Tony had assured and reassured you time and time again that you could do it. He told you that he was confident in your ability and that he would be there to help you if you needed it.

You worked day and night on your project, sculpting the arm and embedding it with nerve endings and mechanics to make it function properly. Tony helped you with the exact operations to make it like a real arm, but the whole thing was crafted by you. You took the measurements Tony had taken and used them to build his arm. It was surprising how easy it was for you, but you had a feeling that Tony was giving his divine blessing to you to make you more adept and capable. You appreciated this.

You made Bucky’s arm out of vibranium—the rarest metal on earth—and embedded it with rivers of gold. You crafted it with tender care and love, each detail added painstakingly to make it perfect. You would settle for nothing less than perfection. He deserved nothing less than perfection.

You spent a month and a half working. Peggy took over running the Underworld and Clint volunteered to lead all of the dead mortal souls to the afterlife for you while you were in the forge which allowed you to devote all your time and energy to your project. You appreciated them immensely. You needed this break.

You found that Tony was right: working on something you controlled entirely allowed you to cope. With every passing day, you found yourself losing tension in your body. A weight was being lifted from your shoulders.

You accepted your father’s death, finding the strength to move on. It was surprising how easy it was to push past his death, but, then again, you did hate his guts. You’d spent the majority of your life keeping him in the corner of your mind, letting him plague you always. You let the trauma he’d inflicted fester without fully forgiving it and healing. But now that he was dead, you were able to let it go, and, as the month came to a close and your project neared its completion, you felt lighter than ever.

It was liberating.

“Hey, kid!”

You looked up from the arm you were working on. You’d been polishing the metal and buffing out the blemishes with heat. Your hand glowed hot with hellfire embedded in your skin and you pulled it off as you looked at Tony. “Yeah?”

He had his bag slung over his shoulder and a lopsided grin on his face. “I’m calling it quits early tonight. I’m taking Pepper out for a date.”

“Alright.”

“Will you lock up if you leave? I trust you in my forge, but I don’t like it open if it’s unattended.”

You understood this so you nodded. “We both know I’m not leaving, but yes I will if I do go.”

“Thanks! You’re the greatest!”

You heard the heavy forge door slam shut behind him and you were left alone. You almost preferred it like this.

Left to your own devices, you warmed your hands again and began to even out the rougher parts of the surface. This was the finishing touch, really. It had already been tested for flexibility and function and, after one simple procedure, the arm would be a perfect replacement for the one that Bucky had lost in the battle.

You just hoped he’d accept it. It was crafted to be your apology to him. It was an offering to say “I’m sorry for getting you hurt. I’m sorry you lost your arm because of me. I’m sorry if I’m not worth it.” You hoped that the love you’d put into this gift would be enough to earn his forgiveness and show him that you still cared.

The creaking of the heavy forge door pulled you from your thoughts, but you didn’t look up. “Forget something, Tony?” you called out as you took your hands off it and allowed them to cool. Taking a soft cloth from the work table, you used it to polish the surface of the metal.

There was a pause before a voice that definitely wasn’t Tony’s responded, “No. I have come to talk to you.”

Your hands stilled and you slowly brought your eyes up to meet Winnifred’s.

She looked dressed for gardening in a pair of simple jeans and a green blouse. Her dark hair was tied back in a loose bun. She was pale and dark circles rimmed her eyes. She looked exhausted. She met your eyes without delay, though you could see the slight anxiety in her posture. She was nervous about something, though you couldn’t tell what.

Perhaps it was because your hands were glowing with heat.

You stood up straighter, taking your hands off your project. “Winnifred,” you said, your voice adopting formal diplomacy, “to what do I owe this pleasure?”

She looked uncomfortable under your gaze as she shifted her weight from side to side. “I… I wanted to talk to you. Privately.” She was quick to add on that last part as her eyes darted around.

“Well, we are the only ones in the whole forge. This is about as private as it gets.” You weren’t going to leave. You were still working and leaving would just disrupt your progress. You looked back down at your project and continued to polish the arm’s surface. “What is it that you need?”

“It’s about my son.”

Your motion faltered for only a second. Anxiety began to bubble up in your chest. “Wh-What about him? Is he alright?” you asked, your voice fighting to stay calm and even.

“Yes! Yes, he’s fine. Everything is progressing well in his recovery. He’s doing well.”

“Then why have you come?” You didn’t understand why she would come all this way to visit a person she loathed.

Winnifred hung her head as if she weren’t quite sure of the answer herself. “I wanted to thank you!” she finally blurted after a short pause. The suddenness of the claim startled you both and she looked taken aback by her own words. She hung her head.

It was… odd to see her like this, all submissive and repentant. There had been a time when Winnifred was nothing but snarky with you at council meetings or in the streets. She hated you with a burning passion and was never afraid to let you know it. But now she was almost reverent for once. She was tiptoeing around her words and choosing them carefully. She was watching her tongue and actions and keeping them in check. It unnerved you to be treated with such respect by her. You supposed that this was a result of your explosion on her after the council meeting despite it being months ago.

You frowned at her. “For what? I haven’t done anything for you.”

“For saving my son’s life.” She took a deep breath and glanced up. “I… I watched him try to fight the titan to save you, but you dove in front of him in time to stop the blow and when he… when he…” Her voice cracked and she pressed her lips together tightly. Her eyes found the ceiling and stayed there for moments on end. You could see her eyes reddening. “When he lost his arm… You were there to stop the bleeding. You saved his life and I… I know we’ve had our differences and I really don’t like you, but I have to thank you for that. You saved my son and for that, I owe you everything.”

“You owe me nothing.” You sighed and hung your head. “I would’ve saved him regardless. I couldn’t bear it if Bucky were killed because of me. He’s too precious to me.” You breathed a laugh and shook your head. “You don’t have to thank me for something I would’ve done anyways. Besides…” You shrugged and placed your hand on the prosthetic once more. Dragging it against the vibranium before you, you watched your reflection become clearer. “My life wouldn’t be complete if he wasn’t a part of it.”

Winnifred fell silent, her expression conflicted. “You love him, don’t you?” she asked, her voice as quiet as a whisper.

You nodded. “Yeah. I do. With all my heart.”

“I should’ve guessed.” She sounded resigned by your confession as if she expected this. “I really don’t like it, but I suppose I don’t have much of a choice. My son is grown; he can make his own decisions on who he loves.”

“And you really don’t have the power to stop me,” you added nonchalantly.

“Don’t remind me.” She pursed her lips. “You should go to him.”

You paused. “I’m sorry?”

“Go to him. In the hospital. He asks for you every day, wondering if you’d gone to see him. He’ll never ask me, but one of the nymphs brought it to my attention after the tenth time he’d asked for you. He’s quite confused as to why you haven’t gone to see him yet.”

“I did see him… Once…” And he was sleeping. You hung your head. “I can’t face him yet. Knowing what I’ve done to hurt him, I don’t deserve to see him—not until I’ve finished.”

Winnifred’s eyes trailed down to the prosthetic you were working on. “Is that for him?”

“To replace the one that was stolen by my father,” you confirmed. “I can’t leave until it’s complete.”

“When will that be?”

“Soon.” You paused in your work and looked up at her again, your gaze unsure. “Do you really think I should go to him?”

“I do. I know he loves you more than he’s ever loved another. He needs you, (y/n). Please, don’t keep away from him too long—for both your sakes.”

You frowned at her. “Why are you doing this?”

She shrugged as she took a step back, beginning to make her way to the door once more. “I’m not sure myself. Maybe it’s because I’ve finally accepted that my little boy has grown up. He’s going to love you whether I approve or not. I’d rather not lose him over something silly like this. Just… Promise me you’ll take care of him? He’s still so young and I fear for him every day. But… If he had the Queen of Hell protecting him, then I might just sleep a little better.”

You smiled softly at her and nodded. “I promise.”

An understanding between you was forged in that moment—one where she finally accepted you as a part of her son’s life and where you vowed to love him. After years of bickering and animosity, you finally found it in yourselves to tolerate each other.

———

Your heart hammered in your chest as you stood in the white halls of the hospital. You felt out of place in your dark clothes and a large prosthetic wrapped in cloth in your arms. It’d been a while since you’d last been here and you wanted nothing more than to get out.

But you had to be here. He was calling you—pulling you to his side.

Behind the door, inside room 107, your love lay in wait for you. He didn’t know you were here, but you figured that he could sense you. Your aura had grown stronger since the execution when you took on another domain and you reeked of death. It was not a good omen for a hospital, but you had to be here all the same. You only wondered how Bucky would react to you after being apart for so long.

You knew you didn’t have to be nervous; this was Bucky after all. You loved him and he loved you. But you still feared the worst. What if he was disgusted by the very sight of you? Appalled by what you had become? Would he send you away? Would he ask to never see you again?

Logically you knew that each situation was more unlikely than the last, but you were still afraid. You were afraid of being rejected by the only man you truly loved.

You glanced down at the white cloth that covered the arm you’d built for him. Would he accept it? Would it even fit him? You’d done your best to make it exactly like the left arm he’d lost, but was it enough? Was it suitable for a god?

There was only one way to find out.

Steeling your nerves and shifting the prosthetic to one side, you slowly raised your fist and knocked on the door of his room.

“Come in!” urged the voice of a god and you stopped for only a second. Gods… How you’d missed his voice…

You swallowed the lump in your throat and slowly opened the door.

The room had taken on Bucky’s personality over the weeks he’d been here. When you first visited, it’d been bare and sterile. There’d been no color. But now it was lively. Bouquets of flowers filled almost every available surface and the room was bright. The colors made you dizzy, there were so many and so vibrant.

The only occupant in the room was sitting on the bed and your eyes found him immediately. He wasn’t looking at you yet and this gave you time to appreciate him.

His hair had grown out a considerable amount. At least two inches had sprouted, giving length and volume to those locks you loved. He’d grown a short stubble of a beard as well. You could only imagine how prickly it was. He looked good. His skin was tan and warm and he had a small smile on his face as he looked down at the book that was opened in his lap. His hand fondled the page, rubbing the paper between his thumb and forefinger. His other hand… His other hand wasn’t there nor was his arm. The hospital gown covered the stump that remained, but you could see the bandages peeking out from under the short sleeve. It was pure white and haunting—a chilling reminder of what had provided it.

Bucky’s eyes stayed on his book as he turned the page. “Is it time for my meds again?” he asked, his voice even and expectant.

You forced your voice to work as you set the prosthetic arm down on a side table that had a bit of spare space. “I… I don’t know. Do you usually take medicine at,” you paused to look at the clock, “1:30 in the afternoon?” You crossed your arms and hugged your body anxiously.

His head snapped up as he heard your voice, his blue eyes going wide with disbelief. His lips parted in a silent gasp. His gaze was filled with wonder as he looked at you like you were the only thing in the room. He whispered your name like a desperate prayer. “You came…”

“I came.” You offered him a weak smile as you took a step into the room. “I’m sorry it took me so long, but I—”

He was out of the bed in an instant, his legs making wide strides over to you. You had to drop your arms as he engulfed you in a tight hug. His arm clutched you tightly, his fingers digging into your back as he buried his face in your neck. “You came,” he repeated, his breath warming your skin.

You shivered beneath him as you wrapped your arms around his torso, holding him just as tightly if not more. Oh, how you’d missed this—missed him. You clung to him desperately, taking in every inch of him. Your face was wet. Tears streamed down your face, dampening his hospital gown. But you didn’t care. You just wanted to hold him and be held by him.

His shoulders shook with silent sobs as he held you tight like he couldn’t believe you were there. You could only imagine what was running through his mind.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, your voice breaking on the second syllable. “I’m so, so sorry for everything. For all the pain—”

“Shh…” He shook his head in your neck. “You don’t have to apologize, Doll.” He pulled away ever so slightly, letting his hand fall from your back and rise to cup your cheek. His thumb brushed your tears away and he gave you a watery smile. Tears of his own were starting to fall from his eyes as he gazed at you. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

Your lips trembled as you looked him over your eyes falling on his left shoulder. “But… I hurt you.” Your shaky hand reached out to what remained of his left arm but you stopped before you actually touched him.

“You didn’t do this to me, (y/n),” he said taking your hand and guiding it to his arm. He let your hand linger on his wound, not even flinching. You figured that it had mostly—if not fully—healed by now with immortality helping him. “You are not responsible for this. Your father is. But, from what I heard, he’s gone now.”

“He is. I made sure of that.”

“I’m sorry.” he inhaled sharply and leaned forward to press his lips against your forehead. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I… I wish I could’ve been there for you, but I wasn’t. Now, for that, you will need to forgive me.”

You stared up at him, a soft smile covering your lips. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

He chuckled. “I guess not.” He reached down and took your hand. “Come. Let’s sit down and talk. I haven’t seen you in two months. I missed you.”

You went willingly, smiling at him as you brushed lingering tears away. “I missed you too.”

He climbed back into the bed and slid under the thin hospital blanket before lifting it up for you to join him.

You felt a little squished as you squeezed into the bed meant for one, but it was cozy. With your body pressed against his right side, he was able to wrap his arm around you and pull you in close. You turned into him, resting your head on his chest and wrapping your arms around his torso. He’d lost some weight. He was thinner around the middle.

He pulled you in close and buried his nose in your hair, taking a moment to simply breathe you in. His body relaxed more and more with every passing second, soaking in the comfort of your presence that only you could give.

In all honesty, you felt more at peace in this moment than you had in months. Being with him had some effect on you that you couldn’t explain. It was lovely and you never wanted it to end.

“Where have you been?” he asked after a while, his voice husky with longing.

“Working,” you mumbled into his chest. “I’ve been in the forges working… I needed to be able to do something productive to get into a better headspace.”

“Is that why you didn’t come to see me?” His voice was hurt but sympathetic. You could tell that it had pained him that you didn’t come to visit him, but he understood needing space. You appreciated him for that.

You nodded. “I couldn’t come until I was done… Until I had something to offer you as my apology for everything I’ve put you through.” Your eyes flickered up at the cloth-wrapped arm still sitting on the table. “I brought it with me.”

“Oh?”

“Mhmm. I wasn’t sure if I should even come, but then your mother visited me and—”

“My mother?” He was astonished. “You mean the woman that hates you went to see you willingly?”

You couldn’t refrain from giggling. “Yeah. She came in to tell me that I should see you and she gave us her blessing in a weird way. She’s not happy with it, but she finally realized that she can’t really stop us if we want to be together. Anyways, she was the one who really convinced me to come. I wasn’t sure I should until she told me to. But, again, I couldn’t come empty-handed.”

“What did you bring me?”

You smiled softly at him. “Let me show you.” You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before pulling away from him and sliding off the bed. You made quick steps to the table where you’d left your creation waiting. You could see a small sliver of gold shimmering through a gap in the cloth. “It’s not much,” you said, wrapping your arms around the metallic prosthetic, “but it’s all I have to offer.” You took a deep breath and turned to him. “I worked on it for about a month and a half to make it perfect for you. We tried to get all the measurements right.” You carried it over and deposited it on the bed beside him. Taking great care, you unwrapped it slowly. The black metal shimmered in the light and the gold was as radiant as the sun. You heard Bucky’s sharp intake of breath but you couldn’t look up. “It’s not much, but I figured it’s a suitable replacement. Tony helped me with the wiring.” You could feel your nerves growing and you looked down. “A-A simple surgery will attach it to your body and nerves and it’ll be just like the old one only—you know—metal. But you’ll be able to feel things and move it just like you did your arm and I made it from vibranium so it’s indestructible and—”

“(y/n).” He took your hand to pause your rambling.

You swallowed and looked up at him. “Yes?” Did he hate it? Did he not want it? Had you made it for nothing? Your heart pounded in your chest.

His smile was soft as he gazed at you, his eyes dancing with light. “Thank you… This… This is more than I ever could’ve asked from you.” He moved his hand from yours and placed it on the metal prosthetic. His fingers traced over the embedded gold with a tenderness you’d only seen him use with you. “You made this for me… You made a new part of me…” He let out a breathy laugh and shook his head. “Why?”

“Because I love you.”

His head snapped up as the words poured out of your mouth.

It took you a moment to realize why they’d shocked him.

You’d finally said it.

I love you.

After all this time, you finally told him.

His lips were parted in quiet wonder. “You love me?” he whispered softly.

You could only nod. “With all my heart.” It was relieving to tell him. It’d felt like a secret lying heavy on your shoulders and, now that you’d finally told him, you were free of the burden. Because you did love him. You loved him more than you’d loved any other being. You loved him with every fiber of yourself and with everything you had. Why you hadn’t said it earlier, you didn’t know. But you were glad you’d said it now. Now it meant something.

He opened his arms to embrace you and you found a home in him once more. He held you close and hummed. “I love you too.” He pulled away just slightly to place a kiss on your lips.

A kiss that said, “I love you.”

A kiss that said, “I need you.”

A kiss that said, “I won’t ever let you go again.”

And that made you love him even more.

Next 25: She Almost Murders Someone (Again)

#bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #pragma(tic)#hades and persephone #hades & persephone #persephone!bucky x hades!reader #delicatelyherdreams #bucky au

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imagineteller1 · 4 years

Text

Horror Night

Warnings: language, gore.

Pairings: Daryl x reader x Negan.

My heart felt heavy on my chest. I choked in every breath I took. I watched, what used to be Abraham, crushed in the floor. Everything was ringing. The tears blinding my vision.

Negan talked but I didn't pay attention, I couldn't. He was in front of Rosita, trying to get her to see the bloody bat of the man she loved. In a second, Daryl took a swing at Negan.

"Daryl! No!" I screamed and ran towards him, my hands extended in an attempt to grab him. Before I could reach him, some of Negan's men were already holding me down as well as Daryl.

"No!" Negan yelled pointing his bat at Daryl. "That- oh," he chuckled. "That is a no no. The whole thing, not one bit of that shit flies here." He now kneeled in front of me. His rough hand was pulling on my chin to look up at him. "Brave little thing here, eh?"

I pulled my face away from his grasp. He stood back up. A blonde man held Daryl's crossbow at his face.

"You want me to kill him? Right here?"

"No!" I screamed. Trashing my body in the men's grip, I kicked around.

"Hey! Hey, what part of staying quiet do you not get?" Negan turned to me with his bat.

"Please, please, don't kill him. I'm begging you." I sobbed and I felt like I couldn't breath. My breath was stuck in my throat. I felt like I was having a panic attack. When I started shaking more violently I knew I was. My limbs felt as if they weren't there. I felt heavy but at the same time lite.

I heard Negan say something and then Daryl was thrown back in line. He approached me and kneeled back down. I tried to push the men away but they just gripped tighter. "I c-an't brea-th." I stuttered.

"What did you say again, darlin'"

"I-I can't br-eath." He signalled his men and I was dropped. My palms were on the ground as I tried to calm down. My chest heaved violently as I gasped for air. I felt like I was drowning.

"Holy fucking shit, she is having an attack." He joked.

New tears reamed down my face and fell to the dirt. This could be it. I looked at Daryl. He was looking at me, I saw a tear flow down his cheek. He tried to walked towards me but he was pushed down.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm my breathing. Deep breaths. I could feel the oxygen make its way to my lungs. I heard Daryl's voice telling me to calm down like he had done countless of time, but in difference, he wasn't holding me this time.

After what felt like hours I opened my eyes and felt like I could breathe again.

"Still with us, doll?" Negan asked jokingly. "Both of you are so impulsive, not surprised you two are fucking." He took my face in his hand forcefully.

I glared up at him and he chuckled. "Get her back in line." Like that I was thrown in my back and dragged to where I had been kneeling before.

"Anyway... that's not how it works. Now, I already told you people, first one's free. Then what did I say, I said I would shut that shit down." He had a maniac smile on his face. "No exceptions. Now I don't know what kind of lying assholes you've been dealing with, but I'm a man of my word. First impressions are important." Short silence. "I need you to know me. So, back to it."

In a second Negan's bat connected with Glenn's head. I blinked a few times. Not being able to believe this was really happening. We had just lost two of the strongest men of our group in a couple of minutes. I looked at Maggie and saw her sobbing.

I looked back at Glenn. You could see his skull and one of his eyes was bulging out of its socket.

My heart was beating out of my chest and I could hear every beat thumping.

"Buddy, you still there?" Negan asked mockingly. He muttered something and then exclaimed. "You are trying to speak! But you just took a hell of a hit. I just popped your skull so hard your eyeball just popped out. This is as gross as shit."

"Maggie I-I'll find yo-u." Glenn finally was able to mutter out.

"Oh, hell." Negan spoke. His voice was calm and serious. Like he actually felt sorry. "I can see this is hard, amiga. I am sorry. I truly am. But, I did say..." a smile now played in his lips. "No exceptions." He swinged at Glenn again. I jumped back in place.

No, no, no.

"You bunch of pussies... I'm just getting started. Lucille is thirsty." He kept hitting and hitting. There was nothing left to hit yet he kept swinging his bat. After he got tired he stepped away and joked. "She is a vampire bat."

The only sound was Negan's boot and our cries.

"What? Was the joke that bad?"

Rick looked up from his spot with a trembling yet determined look in his eyes. "I'm gonna kill you."

"What? I didn't quite catch that. You're gonna have to speak up." Negan mocked.

"Not today... not tomorrow... but I'm gonna kill you."

"Jesus," Negan scoffed. "Simon, what did he have? Knife?"

"He had a hatchet."

"Hatchet?" He smiled.

"An axe."

Negan laughed. "Simon, is my right hand man. Having one of those is important. I mean, what do you have left without 'em. A whole pile of work. You have one? Maybe one of these fine people still breathing. Oh, or did I-" he made a clock sound with his tongue.

Rick remained silent. Negan sighed. "Sure, yeah. Give me his axe."

Who I believed was Simon, stepped up with axe in hand and gave it to Negan. He stood up and grabbed Rick by the shoulder. "We'll be right back, maybe Rick will be with me. If not, well we can just turn these people's inside out. I mean, the ones that are left."

With that he shut the trailer's door closed and drove away.

I looked at Daryl. He was shaking. His gunshot wound could get infected with all the trauma his body was going through right now. I went to stand up but was held in place.

"I'm not gonna do anything. You have all of our weapons, what could I do?" I tried to reason with the men.

"You stay on your knees, bitch. Unless you want to end up like your friends over there." He signalled to the bodies that laid on the floor. With a thud I sat back in the ground, pulling my legs to my chest.

Hours had passed and the sun had come up when the trailer came back. No one came out for a couple of minutes. The air was full of tension as we hoped to see Rick still alive. When the door finally opened, Rick was pushed to the ground and Negan came out, he dragged Rick back to us.

"Here we are. Let me ask you something, Rick. You even know what that little trip was about?"

Rick remained silence.

"Speak when you're spoken to."

"Okay... okay."

"That trip was about the way you looked at me. I wanted to change that. I wanted you to understand. But you're still looking at me the same damn way... like I shit in your scrambled eggs, and that's not gonna work." He paced around and then kneeled next to Rick. "So... do I give you another chance?"

"Yeah. Yes. Yes."

Patting Rick's shoulder he stood up. "Okay." He chuckled. "All right. And here it is- the grand prize game. What you do now will decide whether your crap day becomes everyone's last crap day or just another crap day. Get some guns to the back of their heads.”

Guns cocked from behind us.

"Good. Now... level with their noses, so if you have to fire..." he imitates an explosion. "It'll be a real mess."

Silence.

"Kid." He said looking at Carl. "Right here." He pointed to the ground beside Rick. Carl was frozen in place. "Kid... now." Carl took slow steps. Negan took of his belt. "You a southpaw?"

"Am I a what?"

"You a lefty?"

"No."

"Good." He smiled as he took Carl's arm and tied the belt around it, cutting the circulation. "That hurt?"

"No."

"Should. It's supposed to." He finished tying the belt. "All right. Get down on the ground, kid, next to daddy. Spread them wings." He took Carl's hat off.

Carl did as told. "Simon, you got a pen?"

"Yeah." He threw it at Negan. He took of the cap with his teeth and kneeled next to Carl.

"Sorry, kid. This is gonna be as cold as a warlock's ballsack, just like he was hanging his ballsack above you and dragging it across the forearm." We all watched in horror as Negan drew a line in Carl's arm. "There you go. Gives you a little leverage."

"Please. Please. Please don't. Please don't." Rick begged.

"Me?" Negan chuckled. "I ain't doing shit." He stood up. "Ah. Rick, I want you to take your axe... cut of your son's left arm off, right on that line. Now I know- I know. You're gonna have to process that for a second. That makes sense. Still, though, I'm gonna need you to do it, or all these people are gonna die. Then Carl dies, then the people back home die... and then you, eventually. I'm gonna keep you breathing for a few years, just so you can stew on it."

"You- you don't have to do this. We understand. We understand." Michonne spoke.

"You understand. Yeah. I'm not sure Rick does." He advertido his attention back to Rick. "I'm gonna need a clean cut right there on that line. Now, I know this is a screwed up thing to ask, but it's gonna have to be like a salami slice- nothing messy, clean, forty five degrees- give us something to fold over. We got a great doctor. The kid'll be fine. Probably. Rick this needs to happen now- chop, chop- or I will crush the little fella's skull myself."

"Please, we all understand. Rick understands. We all work for you, stop this. You don't need to prove a point because you already did." I tried. This was my family. I wasn't gonna stay quiet and not try anything. My arms pointed at the fallen bodies.

I felt a gun press against the back of my head.

"It can- it can- it can be me." Rick stuttered out. "It can be me. Y-you can do it to me. I c- I can go with- with you."

"No. This is the only way. Rick... pick up the axe." Rick didn't move. "Not making a decision is a big decision." Negan's voice raised. "You really want to see all these people die? You will. You will see every ugly thing." He still didn't move. "Oh, my god." He groaned. "Are you gonna make me count? Okay, Rick. You win. I am counting."

"Three!"

"Please." Rick cried out. "Please. It can be me. Please!"

"Two!" He kneeled next to Rick.

"Please, don't do-" Rick sobbed and I looked away.

"This is it."

Rick screamed. I shut my eyes closed. Tears running down my cheeks.

"One!"

"Dad... just do it. Just do it." I heard Carl whisper.

I looked back at the scene.

Rick held the axe high, preparing to cut his son's arm.

"Rick." Negan stopped him. "You answer to me. You provide for me. You belong to me. Right?" Rick nodded hastily. "Speak when you're spoken to!" Negan's voice beamed making everyone jump. "You answer to me. You provide for me."

"Provide for you." Rick answered shakily.

"You belong to me, right?!"

"Right." Rick breathed heavy.

"Right. That... is the look I wanted to see." He stood up and took the axe. "We did it... all of us, together... even the dead ones on the ground. Hell, they get the spirit award, for sure." He sighed. "Today was a productive damn day! Now, I hope, for all your sake... that you get it now... that you understand how this work. Things have changed. Whatever you had going for you... that is over now." He chuckled.

There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. "Ah, Dwight... load him up." He signalled to Daryl who struggled in, who I suppose was Dwight's, arms.

"What are you gonna do to him?" I asked. Trying to sound as strong as I could. Negan turned to me.

"How could I forget about you?" He took long yet calming strides towards me. "You, darlin', are coming with me too."

"Why?" I sounded more panicked than I wanted to.

"Because..." he smiled. "You've got a mouth on you and I really, really like it. Keeps me on my feet. I have a proposal for you..." he waited for my name.

"Lucia."

He smiled and licked his lips. "You hear that, Lucille? They sound similar... okay, Lucia. I have this proposal for you. You come with me, be one of my wives, and I, won't kill another one of your group, for your blabbing mouth. How does that sound, hm?"

Shock was written all over my face. "It's your choice, Lucia. Either you come with me or... I kill another one of your friends. So, what will it be?" He passed his finger along my jawline. I looked at the truck where Daryl was in.

Maybe, if I went with him I could find a way to help Daryl escape. I looked around the group. I wasn't gonna let anyone else die, much less because of my fault.

"Okay." I said. Turning off all my emotions.

"Great." He smiled. "You and I are gonna have a lot of fun together." He licked his lips while scanning my body. "Fan-fucking-tastic. Simon, put her in my truck. I still have some words to say to our new pal Rick."

As Simon grabbed my arm and led me to a truck I looked back and saw Rick watching me. I gave him a slight nod with my head, telling him I had a plan.

I wrote this a some time ago but hadn’t posted it here. Requests are open ❤️

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saintheartwing · 4 years

Text

Lily’s Post about Mary Sues

Let’s analyze this.

None of those series you mentioned have characters that could be labelled as Mary Sues

Clark Kent, Goku, Luke, Anakin, Kirk.

Okay, a Mary Sue or Gary Stu has to be, basically, either an author avatar or stand-in, they tend to be beautiful or really handsome, have unusual, or dramatic backtories, are “chosen one” types, all of the main characters in the group will love them or admire them and those that don’t are always portrayed as in the wrong for not doing so, this kind of thing. They tend to be overpowered as well and they possess unique, special powers. They’ve basically overpowered, over-idealized, beloved by anybody and if you DON’T like them, you’re clearly in the wrong. Oh, and everything they do is treated as good, and if they DO screw up, hey, it’s no big deal. Any actual flaws are negligible or nonexistent. Like being “Naive” or wearing their heart on their sleeve.

Let’s take a look at...Superman. Well, he’s got several big weaknesses. Kryptonite, for one. And Magic. HUGELY weak against magic. He IS overpowered and he is mostly beloved by everyone...but he has made a LOT of mistakes. Especially when it comes to Batman. Whenever Batman is involved in a story with him, it’s Batman who’s right, and Superman who’s in the wrong. Pretty much all the time. “Darkseid is dead, Superman.” “You know what Bruce? You’re not always right!” But Batman WAS right, at least technically. Batman regularly beats Superman in several stories. So Clark isn’t always treated as right. On top of that, he does have some real character flaws of constantly being torn between wanting to do more and being afraid of how far he should go. And when you have GODLY strength, that’s a huge exploit, especially for supervillains. But...he does fill a lot of the Mary Sue tropes, so we’ll give Lily some credit.

Goku? Well Goku is a moron. The story always treats his stupidity as being a huge problem. One that CONTINUES to cause issues, and has even nearly gotten his world destroyed a few times. He’s even gotten himself and his friends KILLED cuz he couldn’t think of any other way but to sacrifice himself or the like. AND he has serious anger issues. When he’s furious, he’s almost uncontrollable. The only person more so is Vegeta. He’s also a pig who eats too much but we can sorta overlook that last one because being a glutton is played more for laughs and “He needs it to keep up his strength”. How about his powers? Well he’s DEFINITELY overpowered. Is he handsome? Well, he looks pretty good. And he’s well-liked by pretty much the whole main cast except for, of course, the villains. So we could say...yeah. Goku’s kinda Mary Sue-ish.

Luke? Well...not really. Luke isn’t naturally gifted or talented like Goku or Superman were. Despite having the POTENTIAL to be great, his Jedi skills started out so poor he couldn’t even block blaster bolts using the force alone. He had to train for weeks if not months under Yoda just to get somewhat up to snuff and he STILL failed. “Don’t go into that cave with your weapons”. He goes in. Sees Darth Vader and...oh, wait, it’s HIMSELF he’s killed! You were put to the test and you failed. He can’t lift large objects with the Force. He’s reckless, he doesn’t think things through and he often has to rely on help from OTHERS to succeed. He only got that one-in-a-million shot on the Death Star because Obi Wan’s ghost spoke to him in his head to help guide him. He only got away from the first Death Star because Obi Wan sacrificed himself. Throughout the first two films, he’s just not good enough. He loses to Darth Vader MISERABLY, and he even loses his HAND. A real Mary Sue would have won, or at least held Darth Vader off, or tied. Worse still, he’s not just dangerously reckless and kind of whiny...he’s got a serious anger problem that rises up in the films, he almost outright gives in to the dark side. But other than that, he’s just some country bumpkin who happened to luck out at finding the right droid. All his powers, he basically earned, showing a classic heroes’s journey growth. So that, combined with the huge failures in the first few movies and even if we factor in the sequels and the stupid, dumb decisions he made...he’s not a Mary Sue. A Mary Sue wouldn’t f--k up that much. Or if they did, it wouldn’t be treated as his own fault, or as a bad thing. It’d be brushed off.

Anakin! OHHH boy. This guy is a whiny little brat. I don’t know if people realize this, but...Lily, NOBODY LIKED ANAKIN. Anakin was unlikable BECAUSE he was a Mary Sue. You DO realize this, right? He was overpowered, treated as the chosen one, and he was super whiny at that. But you know what? At least the story treated him doing awful stuff as the wrong thing. Him being reckless? A bad thing. He should listen to Obi Wan more. Him casually killing someone through the back in the Clone Wars? A bad thing, he could have just knocked the guy out or cut his arm or hand off, what he did was murder. Anakin murdering the entire tribe of Sand People that kidnapped his mom, leading to her death? Shown as a VERY bad thing because he slaughtered ALL of them, even women and children. Anakin becoming Sith and killing kids? SUPER bad thing.

So at the very least, him doing morally reprehensible things is treated as genuinely bad. At least the story calls him out on this.

Kirk? Uh, Kirk is just a random human. He’s not exactly super strong or super intelligent. He’s clever and he’s fairly skilled in combat, and he’s definitely good looking, but he’s no ‘chosen one’ like so many of the others. Has he got flaws? Yeah, he’s got a temper. And he flagrantly disregards the rules. And he DEFINITELY is something of a skirt chaser. But he’s not exactly overpowered enough to be considered a Mary Sue. He hasn’t GOT enough powers at all to be counted as one. Plus, when you consider how he died? A real Mary Sue would get a far better and more dramatic death, if they died at all. So Kirk? Ahhh, not really. He’s not a Mary Sue. He’s just not powerful enough to be one and he’s no chosen one.

But your characters? Well, let’s see. Rey is a chosen one. So is Aliana. And Aliana is descended from a LONG LINE of superpowerful Sith. She’s basically “old money”. It runs in the blood. Pretty Mary Sue right there. They’re overpowered? Yep. Very. They easily beat the crap out of Kylo Ren. Do all the main characters like them? Yeah. And any that don’t are always treated as wrong, like Leia, or enemies, like Kylo Ren. They fit the definitions to a T.

can never be wrong

“So are a lot of characters in popular culture”

Except that’s not true. Superman, as I’ve shown, has been wrong quite a lot, especially when arguing against Batman, or Wonder Woman. Superman having to kill three Kryptonians who had did a literal genocide of an alternate Earth was portrayed as VERY wrong and it haunted him for years and years. Anakin was VERY, VERY wrong. The minute you do mass murder, you kinda instantly become wrong. Kirk ends up being very wrong in the final film he’s in. He doesn’t want to leave his heavenly alternate reality, it’s PICARD who has to convince him to stop being selfish. Goku is stupidly wrong when dealing with Cell, he really screws up and it gets his mentor and a few of his friends killed because he couldn’t think of a better way to get rid of the about-to-explode Cell than to teleport him to King Kai’s moon. He could have just teleported him, say, the serpent bridge, THEN teleported back if he really thought the explosion was gonna be so big it’d take out the entire world but...nope! Then there’s how he handled Majin Buu. He THINKS he doesn’t have to use fusion with his son. After all, Majin Buu has just lost a ton of power! He and his son can beat him normally...then Majin Buu catches him off guard and claims his son. Nice going, Goku, he was weak and instead of doing what everyone told you to do, you whiffed because you assumed you could handle it. And then there was his whole “Okay Vegeta, you finish off Frieza while he’s all Golden”. Big mistake. Frieza does a self-destructive attack that BLOWS UP THE ENTIRE WORLD and Whis has to literally TURN. BACK. TIME to fix this. Thanks, Goku. You COULDA just finished Frieza off like you did last time, but noooo! You had to indulge your friend’s ego. Luke? Luke’s been wrong a ton of times. Even if we ignore the sequels and the stupid way he handled Kylo Ren and hiding off on some podunk island, he ignored Yoda’s advice multiple times, he took off to fight Darth Vader, and he lost miserably.

Basically, every time these people do something wrong...it is, for the most part, TREATED as the wrong move by the story. That’s NOT the case for Aliana or Rey. Casually killing a guard for harassing a refugee? Cold blooded murder? Not portrayed as wrong. Overkill of guards at Canto Bight? Not even REMOTELY called out, nor the whole “mass forced suicide” thing. Killing Rey’s parents in cold blood when they were unarmed? Barely glanced over. What’s portrayed as wrong was keeping that a secret, not the MURDER thing. SHOOTING LEIA WITH ELECTRICITY? Not even REMOTELY treated as going too far.

are always victims

“Can’t imagine why a woman who suffers from PTSD writes characters who have suffered trauma in their lives. It’s a fucking mystery.”

You realize though this makes Aliana an author-avatar/stand in though, and that enforces the whole “she’s a Mary Sue” thing, right?

and bend the narrative to suit their needs

“If they were villains you wouldn’t complain about it this insessantly.”

But they’re NOT villains. When a story has a hero doing this, even when it has a villain doing this, that’s bad writing. Having Leia reasonably point out the fact that the Republic has every good reason to not trust a Sith and Aliana can’t just bully them into going along with everything she wants...and then having Aliana just SPONTANEOUSLY summon her own WAR FLEET to go “Sword of Damocles” on Leia and the Republic? That’s bad writing. It comes out of nowhere, no build up, and exists ONLY to tell Leia and anybody who has a problem with how Aliana’s doing things to SHUT UP I’M IN CHARGE. It’s bullying, bad writing.

Also, those other characters mentioned have other characters who will call out people like Luke or Kirk if they mess up. And Luke and Kirk or Goku will go “Yeah, you’re right, I should listen to you” and they have to change...or at least say they’ll try to. Does anybody in your story do that? Well...no. Because ANY objection to how Rey or Aliana does things is treated as BAD and WRONG because they’re the main characters, and thus everything they do is right, even if it’s morally repulsive and if ANOTHER character shot lightning at a middle-aged woman for a nasty comment, they’d be the bad guy.

Anyway, said my piece. Lily really has absolutely no self-reflection on this. She can’t handle actual criticism. All this is is DEFLECTION and PIVOTING away from your own story’s problems. It’s very easy to crow about how popular your work is when you dismiss and delete all actual critique and criticism.

#Star Wars #Sith Resurgence #the sith resurgence #lily orchard #mary sue #fanfiction #fanfics #Aliana #Rey

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mylittleredgirl · 5 years

Note

Fic promp: We were together. I forget the rest.

yeah so turns out i’m no longer capable of flashfic, so six hours later have this long angsty but hopeful fix-it-y thing instead!

John wakes up in the infirmary, gasping, like he’s been held underwater, and he doesn’t remember.

Someone calls for a doctor (Rodney, he knows that voice, it sounds like Rodney), there are warm hands holding him down, Teyla’s voice: “Remain calm. You are in Atlantis. You will be all right.”

His senses start to kick in: the beep of a heart monitor, his own harsh breathing, the infirmary blanket gripped in his hands and pain, and the feeling of something like electricity fizzing along his skin. He can’t—

A light flashes in his eyes (a pen-light, possible concussion) and Keller is talking, telling him to breathe normally.

He tries to, and he sags against the pillows, blinks away the spots. His team is all there—a sign whatever happened to him is bad enough to hold an audience—and he doesn’t—

Ronon asks, “Sheppard, do you remember what happened?”

He doesn’t, he doesn’t, and there’s someone missing—

The first word he gets out is: “Elizabeth.”

Keller says, “Just relax, Colonel, don’t try to talk. Your body’s been through a lot. It’ll take a while to—”

But Elizabeth was with him, the last time he was conscious. He doesn’t remember where he was or how he got there or anything else, but he knows they were together. He still feels shocks along his skin, not unpleasant but strange, something familiar and again he can’t remember, and he manages to say, “Where’s Elizabeth?”

They all exchange looks, Keller with Rodney, Ronon with Teyla, and John realizes there’s something he’s missing.

Teyla’s hand squeezes his shoulder. She asks, far too gently: “John, do you not remember?”

And then, with the sick, sinking feeling that’s been with him for almost two years: he does.

This is what they tell him: There was an accident with the Stargate, an explosion. They knew only he would have rematerialized through a random Stargate at high velocity, and they had no way to know where. They never would have found him if they hadn’t received an incoming wormhole from the planet five days later—no IDC, but nine small strikes against the gate-shield, in a rhythm that Rodney taps out on the hospital table next to John’s bed: dit-dit-dit dah-dah-dah dit-dit-dit.

They found him almost thirty meters from the Stargate, lying out in the open in an arid landscape, unconscious, alive, with no other evidence of human life anywhere on the planet. His body shows evidence of a break across his spine that would have paralyzed him for life if the nerves hadn’t somehow remained intact, internal injuries that should have killed him long before he was rescued. Keller calls his potential for full recovery “astoundingly lucky.”

This is what he remembers: He was dying, slowly, alone, and then he wasn’t.

This is what he knows: Somehow, Elizabeth’s alive, and she saved him.

He also knows it’s crazy, of course. So does everyone else. Rodney calls it a hallucination, brought on by blood loss or head trauma. Ronon tells him that his mind gave him something to hold on to, a reason to fight through his injuries for a while longer.

Teyla says, “It is not uncommon near the point of death to be… visited, by loved ones,” and John turns over, rolling away from her, because he’d get up and leave if he wasn’t trapped in bed. Everything they’re saying is right, but it’s wrong and he can’t stand to listen to it.

He remembers: Elizabeth’s hand resting on his chest, real and warm, and the crushing pain lifted enough for him to breathe. Her voice—here, John, drink this—pouring cool water from somewhere between his parched lips. The night desert air was cold but she was warm, and he never had enough clarity to ask her how she got there, but he knows he’d never have survived five days on that planet in the shape he was in. He’d certainly never have made it to the DHD. Certainly would never have crawled back from the DHD to where Rodney says they found him.

Ronon says, “So maybe there was someone else on the planet, and they left before we got there.”

“There was,” John says, frustrated, because he knows how he sounds but she’s the only thing he remembers clearly. Someone else might have been there, but he was barely conscious enough to speak—he wouldn’t have been able to draw out a Stargate address, let alone explain Morse code to someone who didn’t already know it.

He wonders if he’s crazy—if he isn’t, he wonders where she went.

He remembers her saying, on the planet: I wish I could do more.

He remembers her saying, on Atlantis: You don’t get to die alone, John. Even if—we’re still with you, you know that.

Sometime after her first brush with nanites, after he nearly died in Kolya’s Wraith torture chamber, after neither of them had slept right in weeks, they found each other on the same lonely pier. They spent six hours talking, sitting side by side, looking out at the black ocean. She told him what happened to her, in a voice so raw he held his breath. He told her things too, dozens of sentences starting with I never thought I’d tell anyone, like there was a spell over both of them, like they were bound together out of time. He told her he wasn’t afraid to die, but he was afraid to die alone.

He remembers how she hugged him, how he wrapped his arms around her and promised himself he wouldn’t close up again, wouldn’t let her close up, because the last time he’d felt anything like this with someone—exposed, but safe—he’d married her. It was different with Elizabeth, of course. Their lives wouldn’t permit romance as anything but an occasional fantasy, but there was always something intimate between them. Elizabeth knew him. She trusted him. She stood by him, and she kept him honest. She made him feel whole.

And he hasn’t felt that, not once since he left her behind on the Asuran planet, until a Stargate explosion broke his spine and she was there, kneeling next to him with tears in her eyes, saving his life and saying I wish I could do more.

He’s finally released from the infirmary. It’s happened a few times since coming to Atlantis—too many—that he’s been away from his own room long enough that the first steps in feel surreal. A t-shirt over the back of a chair, a half-finished book he barely remembers on his nightstand—he’s changed so much since leaving those there that it feels like his room is lying in state, a monument to the John Sheppard he was the last time he got dressed here.

The feeing reminds him most sharply of the Cloister, of the time he spent six whole months angry and lonely and abandoned and then returned home the same day he left to a piece of chocolate cake from last night’s mess hall dinner wrapped up on the top of his dresser, still fresh.

He stops three steps inside his bedroom doorway, remembering the energy that crackled along his skin when he woke up in the infirmary, remembering—

He reaches for his earpiece, his radio, before remembering he’s still off-duty and not wearing it, rummages around until he finds—

“Rodney,” he says, and his hands are shaking. “She ascended.”

This time, John tells them everything he remembers, no matter how crazy it makes him seem, because it all makes sense now: how she looked like herself again, how he knew it was her, how she touched him and healed enough of his injuries to keep him alive, how she knew where to find him. How she disappeared afterward, without a trace.

She’s dead, but she’s free, and grief and relief are mashed up together. He thinks he’d walk through an exploding Stargate again right now if it meant he could hold her hand.

“I don’t get it,” Ronon says. “If these ascended people can do anything, why didn’t she heal you all the way?”

Teyla chimes in: “If Doctor Weir were aware of us with the power to intervene, would she not have done so before now?”

“The Others wouldn’t let her,” Rodney says, sounding annoyed the way he always does when he’s answering what he considers remedial questions. “Ascended beings aren’t supposed to meddle. She didn’t want to get caught. But if she helped you, maybe that means she’ll find other ways to help us—surely they wouldn’t notice if she happened to leave us a note? With the locations of a ZPN or two?”

“Rodney.”

“I’m just saying!”

“Wait,” Teyla says. “You said she would not want to get caught.”

Rodney crosses his arms. “Yes, I said that.”

“What would happen to her if she was?”

There’s a pause, then Rodney says, “Daniel Jackson had to interfere with a galactic war before the ascended Ancients in the Milky Way kicked him out. Saving one life might not even get her a slap on the wrist. She’ll be fine.”

Six days later, John wakes up in the middle of the night, and he knows.

He’s still not cleared for off-world duty and there are pressing emergencies requiring Atlantis’s resources, but John argues and badgers and sits in Woolsey’s office calling in every favor he can think of because he can’t let this be put on a mission schedule for next week or next month or when-we-have-time, what-evidence-do-you-have, wait-until-you’re-back-on-your-feet, even-if-you’re-right-you-don’t-even-know-where-she-is when he knows, he knows, he knows.

It’s Keller who ultimately turns the tide, telling Woolsey, “I think he needs to put this behind him.”

John doesn’t care what the rationale is, doesn’t care that the others are humoring him, because he gears up for the first time in six weeks.

The planet where he didn’t die is calm and quiet and looks familiar, even though he was barely conscious the last time he was here and there are no real landmarks to speak of. It’s empty, dusty and rocky, with only sparse low scrub for plant life and no water to speak of. John feels a chill go through him like—well, like he’s walking over what was almost his grave.

“Sheppard!” Rodney holds up his life-signs detector, and John picks up his own, and he forgets that his body is still knitting itself back together and he runs.

“Stay back,” he tells the others when he catches sight of something pale, huddled on the ground. Teyla hands him a blanket, and he tucks it under his arm as he approaches.

He can’t see her face, only pale skin and dark hair, and his heart is pounding. When he says her name it’s barely more than a whisper: “Elizabeth?”

She stirs, shifts until he can see her face, and he remembers, remembers everything about her he hasn’t been able to live without. He hears Rodney behind him—Sheppard, is it her?—but he can’t tear himself away long enough to answer, can’t do anything but cover her body with a blanket and sink to his knees, can’t do anything but feel. “Elizabeth—” He touches her cheek, real, real, real. “—can you hear me?”

Her eyelids flutter and slowly blink open. “Who…?”

“I’m John,” he says. “You’re going to be okay. You’re not alone.”

She whispers, “I don’t remember.”

He swears to himself that every day, every day, he’ll make it up to her. For leaving her, for all the years and pieces of her life she lost, for the afterlife she gave up to save him, for coming back. “It’s okay,” he promises. “You will.”

*end*

#john x elizabeth #mai fic #i'll tidy it up and post it to ao3 at some point because I Do That Now!#thanks for the epic prompt babe!#nhawk-1 #chatter post

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