#for hope’s sake…that has to be enough
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Okay. I kinda want to walk through what I think is happening in each of their heads during the conversation. For my own sake, mainly, but who knows, maybe someone else will find it useful. Spoilers ahead, obviously. (Also fair warning that this is long and I expect nobody to actually read it; this is mostly for me.)
So let's establish first where they are when Blitz arrives.
Blitz hates himself. He's on the path to healing after making up with Fizz, but it is a very long road ahead. So if you can imagine it as a spectrum where "hates self" and "loves self" are on opposite ends, maybe he's not all the way at the hates self end anymore, but he's still pretty darn far over that way. So Blitz is arriving thinking he's unlovable, that he makes everyone's lives worse, and that Stolas is possibly getting bored of him. We also know from his half of the duet that he genuinely looks forward to these full moon nights and likes their arrangement. Makes sense. It provides him with the comfort of what he thinks is the closest he can get to an actual relationship where all he has to give is something he knows that he can and that he's good at (sex). He wants to keep the arrangement going. Yes, for a way to earth, but also for Stolas. This, in Blitz's mind, is the only way he gets to keep him.
Stolas is likely unmedicated for his depression, since this show doesn't show us things like him being out of his pills as just a throwaway joke; it's important. Anyone who has ever had depression knows that it just loves to remind you of the worst things about yourself, most of which aren't even true. It tells you that you're worthless and unlovable. We can see this in the way he's covered everyone but Octavia in the artworks in his home, mirroring Blitz scribbling himself out of photos. He's been in a dark place. But Stolas is also being so brave, ready to ask Blitz to love him anyway. To choose him of his own free will, the way it should've always been. His depression is making it hard, but he's going out on the limb anyway and hoping Blitz will catch him.
"I need it back...permanently."
Blitz starts panicking. He reacts like a puppy that's been told it's a bad dog. He starts promising that he can be good, he can do better. He can fuck Stolas like nobody else can.
Stolas rebuffs the advance and this is interesting to me-- Blitz slips into his dom persona a little, trying to regain control of the situation. He calls Stolas "bitch" and pushes his legs apart, lowers his voice to be seductive. And it alllllllmost works, just for a second, as Stolas blushes and starts to fall under the spell of it all. But then he gets himself back under control and reasserts this new boundary.
Blitz immediately drops the act and starts to beg with genuine distress, tears in his eyes even, and up until this point, I won't argue with you if you try to tell me that it's all about the grimoire. I disagree, but I'll let you get away with telling yourself that. Right up until this point.
Because this is when Stolas holds out the crystal and everything changes.
Their fucking leitmotif or whatever you call it, I don't know music terms, it starts playing, changing from the dramatic, ominous music before. Blitz starts inspecting the crystal like he doesn't believe it's real.
Let's be clear: he knows what an Asmodean crystal is and what it does. He's seen them before at least twice, both in 2x05. So it's not that he's in disbelief or confusion about what it does or that it exists. It's that Stolas is giving it to him that's taking him aback.
"You no longer need my grimoire."
"Whaaaat?"
Because all Blitz is hearing is "you don't need me now. I can be rid of you without guilt."
"I don't understand. Why are you giving me this? Am I not fucking you good enough? Because I can always do better."
Let's take a second to pretend we're in a world where Blitz has zero feelings for Stolas. That this has always just been about getting to earth. In that world, Blitz never says this line. In that world, Blitz splits right here. He has the crystal in his hands. He knows what it does. He is officially 100% free at this point.
But we don't live in that universe and this line proves it. Blitz thinks he's being cast aside and instead of seeing it as his chance at freedom from Stolas, he's begging to be kept.
I can do better. Don't throw me away.
"I care...very deeply for you. And I have for some time."
This is the face Blitz makes after that. The entire time Stolas is talking, he keeps looking between Stolas and the crystal while making this face, like he literally can't process what is happening. Of all the things he expected to happen tonight, this wasn't even on the list. And remember: Blitz hates himself. Blitz genuinely believes he is unlovable.
Have you ever experienced something so surreal that it's almost like you left your body during it? Like your brain literally couldn't process that this was happening to you, so it's almost like you dissociate to the point that you feel like you're watching it happen to someone else? Because things like this don't happen! Not to you. These are things you see on TV or hear happening to other people. But to YOU? There's no way it's real.
"You don't have to stay here with me."
He looks ALARMED. Scared. The thought that he's about to lose Stolas genuinely startles him. He doesn't want what he thinks is happening. He doesn't want to be cast aside. If his choice is this or the chains, he'd rather the chains.
But. That's not the choice he's being presented. Because Stolas adds,
"But I want you to."
And Blitz's brain, his traumatized, mentally ill brain...just can not process that. No one wants to keep him. He's a commodity to be bought and sold and has been since his father sold him to Paimon as a child (which, by the way, I'm fairly convinced he thinks was Stolas's idea, not Paimon's). Maybe even before.
So his defense mechanisms kick in from this point on. Default to what's comfortable. It must be a sex thing! There's no way Stolas means this, so it's gotta be some weird roleplay. Well, he can do that! He can swoon and say he loves him (and if that hits a little too close to the truth, then fuck you, no it doesn't) and it's fine because this is fake. This can't be real, because things like this don't happen to someone as "worthless" as Blitz believes himself to be.
Blitz is trying to protect his own heart here, but what Stolas is hearing is rejection. Blitz playing it off as a joke must mean that Stolas is a joke for ever thinking Blitz could love him back. And why would he? Stolas doesn't see himself as lovable, either. One of his earliest memories is of Blitz "using" him to steal from the palace, never knowing that Blitz was only doing so on his father's orders, just as Blitz probably doesn't know that he was bought on Paimon's order, not Stolas's. He's a commodity, too.
Stolas's depression immediately puts him in a place where he can't see past his own pain and self-loathing. Blitz not immediately jumping into his arms must mean that all the worst things he thinks about himself are true. Blitz sees him as the monster he fears he is.
So he pulls himself together and starts to walk. And again, Blitz could leave here if he didn't care.
But the strangest thing happens. Blitz realizes that Stolas meant it. He even asks,
"Wait, you were being serious? Hold on, Stolas. What the fuck?"
He's trying to talk it out. He's trying to have the conversation. He's hurt and confused and in disbelief but he's not running from this. He's not letting Stolas walk away from him because he wants Stolas, and he's actively trying to keep him. They have to talk this through, and Blitz of all people is the one trying to pull Stolas back into the conversation.
"The fact that you couldn't believe that I could have these feelings about you, the fact that your first instinct is that it's always about sex, that's enough to know what this is."
See, what we have to remember is that Stolas doesn't have all the information we do. He hasn't seen the crossed out pictures, he didn't witness the flashback to the fire that killed Blitz's mom. Stolas hasn't watched Blitz cry himself to sleep or drink himself into a stupor after what he perceived as a public rejection at Ozzie's. Neither of them have all the information about each other that we, the audience do.
So when Stolas, who doesn't know that Blitz hates himself and thinks himself unlovable, hears that Blitz thinks there's no way that Stolas could love him, what Stolas hears is "you, Stolas, are an unlovable monster in my eyes."
It just confirms all the worst things Stolas thinks about himself. It's a literal, "it's not you, it's me," situation, but Stolas can't see that because he doesn't have all the information.
And here's what's even more interesting. Blitz doesn't think it's over like Stolas does. He's not rejecting Stolas.
"Fuck you, Stolas. You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you put me through, you pompous, rich, asshole?"
This is Blitz saying that this is all very unexpected for him, but he's not saying no. He's saying "give me a minute, let me think. Don't take my first reaction in the way that you are. I was surprised. I was in disbelief. Give me a fucking minute to PROCESS."
But by this point, it's too late. Stolas's self-loathing has taken the driver's seat in his brain and all he can hear is that Blitz hates him, that he is unlovable, that he's a monster, that he's all the things he feared were true, and the person telling him that is the person he cared (second) most for in the entire world.
Blitz's defense mechanism is fight. Stolas's is flight. And so when Blitz unloads on him like that, Blitz is trying, in his own messed up way, to have the conversation. To work this out. To be honest for once and see if they can get somewhere now that the dam has been broken. While Stolas...his instinct is to flee. And since he's the one with the magic portals, guess what happens?
"I didn't realize you think so low of me."
You can tell by Blitz's reaction that he realizes they're not having the conversation he thinks they are. He realizes in that instant that Stolas isn't going to yell back with him. They're not going to scream at each other until they get it all out of their systems and reach a catharsis. He's hurt Stolas, maybe in a way that they can't come back from, and he immediately shifts his demeanor.
"Stolas, wait. I'm so--"
And then it's over. He's been kicked out of the palace. Thrown aside, just like he feared he would be.
And each of them are left feeling like the other thinks they're a monster, because neither of them realize that the only person who thinks they're a monster is themself.
I gotta go lie down, jfc.
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my love mine all mine , aaron hotchner
this is incredibly self indulgent. i wrote this for myself, because my cat passed away today && i have no idea how to grieve correctly. but i've always been able to express myself the best through writing, so here i am trying to do so.
basically reader loses her kitten && hotch is there to comfort her while she grieves. reader is a doctor && gets her nails painted. mentions of sleeping in a scarf and braids (but this can apply to any race <3) hotch is pretty flirty. he also had a dog that died when he was younger (idk) ... i'm still getting used to writing him (but he's been rotting my brain) so hotch girlies please be sweet to me, i'm trying.
"Have you decided what you want me to grab on the way?" You feel giddy, eyes beaming vibrantly as you unlock your front door. Aaron was on the other line, he'd been looking forward to spending the evening with you for the past two weeks. Your jobs often sent you in separate directions, with him following cases cross country, and you spending nearly twenty hours a day working at Inova Fairfax Medical Campus. The commute was nearly an hour from Quantico, which made it difficult for your schedules to coincide the way you hoped.
Today though was an exception. He'd just gotten back from a case, a successful one, and you'd been lucky enough to finally get two days off. You couldn't contain your excitement when you'd finally managed to get Aaron on the phone, and with Jack staying at Jessica's for another night, it seemed everything was working out in your favor. You still had no idea what you were in the mood to eat, despite having ample time to figure it out. "I dunno." you mutter, and you drop your keys into the basket just to the left of the front door.
"Well honey, you've gotta give me something." Aaron chuckles, and his voices makes you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. "I'm sure you haven't anything at all today." and it doesn't take a rocket science to know he's absolutely correct. Your stomach grumbles audibly, and you cringe, the sound a dead giveaway of your poor eating habits. "Do you need a bit more time to think about it?" he asks, and you're nodding your head, despite the fact that he can't see you. Your focus is split, eyes darting around your place in search of Piper.
Piper was your five year old tabby, the most special companion that you'd cared for since she was a newborn. Usually she'd be making her way to your front door, nudging her head against your shins, meowing her head off as some form of reprimand for being gone too long. Her absence was unusual, but you'd noticed she'd been sleeping a touch longer in the recent months. You'd taken her to the vet and they'd written off any life threatening illnesses. Perhaps she was jus becoming a lazy cat they had said.
"What'd you eat yesterday?" you ask, and you shrug off your coat next, hanging it in the closet as you slip off your cork-leather clogs. You admire your pedicure, French-tips gleaming back at you as your feet hit the cherry laminate flooring. You imagined that he'd hardly been able to eat well while out on a case, Aaron (and his team) had a horrible habit of neglecting their own health and wellness for the sake of cracking the case. You'd call him out on it, but it'd feel to hypocritical with the way you gave most of your life to the hospital.
"Four cups of coffee." and he sounds sheepish as he replies, he'd been running himself ragged with this last particular case. He couldn't leave the precinct until he was convinced he'd made a dent in the investigation. He could imagine your disappointed pout, but he was doing his best, or at least trying his best. "But, Dave made sure that I got something this morning before we got on the jet." and it's not like he has to explain himself to you, you'd never berate him. He believed it was just a side effect of falling for you.
"Four cups?" you gasp, head already shaking. "You're going to turn into a cup of coffee if you keep up with habits like those." you scold. "You'll have to double your water intake, you could seriously dehydrate yourself that way." you say with a quiet huff. You round the corner of the foyer, heading for the kitchen. "Are you feeling alright?" your tone grows a bit softer, "Four cups means you were really absorbed in the case. Everything okay?" you tread lightly. You weren't quite sure how he felt about you asking about his job.
"As far as endings go, I'd say it was better than most." he replies thoughtfully, clearly unfazed by your desire to probe. That makes you smile a bit, the obviousness of his trust for you. "We minimized the amount of deaths, the unsub was taken into custody... the team worked really hard." he proceeds, and you find yourself grinning. "But, I will do a better job of taking care of myself. You'd be a good nurse, but I can imagine a few better scenarios for you to take care of me."
You smile despite the fact it makes your heart stutter step. You were still getting used to him growing more confident in this way, but you weren't complaining in the slightest. "I'd be a great nurse." you correct him delicately, "I'd enjoy taking care of you in any way though." and you bet he can hear your shyness through the phone. Your relationship with Aaron still felt fairly new, you'd been seeing one another for going on seven months, but you knew you loved him.
Even if you hadn't managed to say it just yet.
"Look at that, another thing we have in common." he exhales, and you want him to hurry up and get to you. You hadn't seen him in so long, and despite the fact you were willing to mount him on sight, you just wanted to enjoy being in the same place for once. "How are you? Did you have a good day?" and you like the way he's so attentive, how he seems to genuinely care about what you had to say.
"It was great." you insist, and you've poured yourself a glass of water, ice tinkling as you scanned the dining room for any sign of Piper. Still nothing, weird. "I went to the bookstore a bit earlier, got a few novels for my book shelf." you list. "I got my nails done, and I got a facial. It was so relaxing I wound up falling asleep on the table." and you chuckle a bit at the memory. "Piper and I went on a drive before lunch, she's so spoiled." you add, but you're still scouring the space.
"Drafted up my budget for the month, my new schedule came in," you exhale tiredly at the thought. "Picked up my scrubs from the dry cleaners, I did a grocery run, and went to see the flower exhibit near the Farmer's Market. I got this really incredible soft-pretzel croissant." you sigh dreamily at the memory. "And now I'm home, and waiting for you." you complete, and you lean forward, arms resting against the countertop. "It was a really nice day. I thought I wouldn't know what to do without work, but I'd nearly forgotten what it feels like to be off."
Aaron's silent, but not because he's disinterested in your ramblings. He finds them endearing, and oftentimes had to remind himself that you, much like Jack, needed verbal response in order to feel heard. "I missed you." and it's not quite what he was aiming to say, but it's what comes out. It's true, it had been a while since he'd seen you in person, and with the way your schedules overlapped, he'd hardly been able to get much conversation out of you apart from quick check-ins in between patients and breaks in BAU cases.
You let out a quiet puff of air, it's not quite a sigh nor an exhale. Your lips curve upwards, and you wonder if there's a record out there for most smiles achieved in a single phone call. "You've got no idea how happy that makes me." you reply, and you inhale deep. "I missed you too, hurry up and get over here." you press, and you replay the sound of his responding laugh over in your mind. You don't think you could be more lovesick, but it's a more than welcomed feeling. "As far as dinner, why don't I just cook something?" you offer with a shrug.
"Do you want to?" and Aaron's got this weird thing about him where he's still getting used to the fact that you want to do certain things for him. You go over it a lot, reminding him that you'd love nothing more than to spoil him as much as he spoils you. He's still a bit hesitant, but you don't mind fighting the good fight until he relented. His hands tighten just slightly on the steering wheel, and his leg jumps as he awaits your response. He knows, or better put, he has an idea of what you'll say. He still wants to hear it either way.
"We take care of each other, mon amour." You coo, and he feels that familiar rush of affection towards you. "It'll be fun." you add, and then you're sighing audibly. "I just really can't wait to see you. I don't want to wait any longer than I need to." you express, and Aaron understands. He'd been restless on the jet, Dave and Emily seemed to zero in on his jitters, he was thankful they had enough couth to keep it to themselves. All he received was a knowing smirk from Rossi as he made a beeline for the tarmac the second the jet landed.
"I'll be there soon." he promises, and you grow giddier. "I-" and he wants to cross the line, mutter three worded phrase that would change everything. He'd been learning to be more bold, to focus on the things he could control, and appreciate those things. "I love you." he doesn't have time to think about the repercussions, because it's out, and there's a strong sense of relief that washes over him. You are surprised, but elated. The excitement his words bring you is hard to diminish.
"I love you too." and it comes out as easy as breathing. Probably because you mean it with all of your heart. "I'll see you soon, Mr. Hotchner." you promise, and he's chuckling at your sudden formality, likely a side effect of your newfound nerves at the huge step you'd both taken in your relationship.
"See you soon." you don't bring the phone from your ear until you hear the faint click of the call ending. You exhale shakily, mind running at a mile a minute as your heart seems to double in size. Still, you find this moment is short lived- mind once again on the eerie silence in your apartment. You place your glass down on the counter, coaster be damned as you make your way past the dining room and towards the living room. Sometimes you'd find Piper curled up on the couch, quiet purrs escaping her as she slept contently.
"Piper!" you coo, surprised when you note that she's nowhere to be found. You know that she wasn't outside, you'd made sure before leaving back out that she was comfortable in the house. You follow the layout of your place, the archway that led from the living room back to the foyer is the route you take, heading towards your bedroom as you continuously call for the cat. "Piper, where are you, pretty girl?" you enter your room, hopeful that you'll find her there.
You spot her little paw peeking out of her hideaway and instantly relax. "Oh Piper, you scared me." you let out a shaky sort of giggle as you fully enter your bedroom, feet brushing over the comforting carpet. You kneel just in front of the hideaway, reaching out to pet her. It takes you a few moments to make peace with the fact that she's not rousing. You swallow thickly, a lump growing in your throat as you wiggle her paw. She doesn't move, just as limp as before.
"Piper?" you feel the way your throat constricts, eyes immediately wanting to brim with tears, as you grow frantic. "Oh, please no-" you exclaim, head shaking as you feel a shudder rack through you. You're gentle as you maneuver around the hideaway, hands looping around her small body as you move to pull her out. She's limp, not even the act of you lifting her up enough to make her move. Your glow feels like it's diminished almost instantly, a dark cloud setting in over your head. It seemed a bit silly, panicked over the loss of a cat.
But she was yours, like a daughter to you in the way you cared for her, and made her apart of your routine. She was special, and despite the reputation cats gained for being standoffish and unable to understand human love, you knew that to be wrong. Piper was sweet, a loving cat that curled up beside you every night and followed you like a second shadow. She'd play games of tag with you, chasing you around your apartment as you squealed and screamed for your life.
"Please, please, no-" you're shedding real tears now, they're slipping down your cheeks in a constant succession. "Piper, please wake up!" it's silly, probably. Rocking back and forth with a dead cat in your hand hoping that sheer adoration will be enough to turn back the hands of time. It's certainly not, and the reality crushes you. The first sob is choked, almost like you're holding yourself back, not letting your feelings take full affect. You hadn't prepared yourself at all.
You didn't know what to do.
You think that's when the first swell of sobs begins. They're more ugly wails than anything else, the loud sound echoing through the space in front of you as your arms lower, Piper's body leaning against you as you continued to let your tears flow freely. Your chest tightens, constricting every couple of seconds like you'd suddenly developed chronic heartburn. The pain is a violent assassin, the air around you feeling tight. You think you may be choking on all that you're feeling.
You hate the part of your brain that was constantly in 'Doctor Mode', the side that reminded you that despite your grief, handling a deceased animal like this was a surefire way to get sick. Her body wouldn't start to decompose for at least another day, but you had no real way of knowing just how long she'd actually been dead. You don't move though, until at least your sobs have waned, you know it's not the end of them, but it's a reprieve just for a moment.
You slowly climb to your feet, still clutching Piper as your eyes whip around your bedroom. Your eyes land on her carrier, and the image makes you want to cry all over again. You shut your eyes, allowing yourself to take in a deep breath. It doesn't help. Still, your feet lead you over to the carrier, where you're gently placing Piper. Her vet was only eight minutes up the street, and maybe your ability to dispose of her so quickly was precisely why this was happening to you.
Guilt was loud, too loud. It almost knocked you to your knees as you imagined Piper's fear whilst you were gone. Was she sick? How long had she been? Why hadn't you noticed? Why did you leave her alone? Why weren't you there? You let her down. You had let her down.
You want to curl into a ball, hide under the blankets and cry until you passed out. But, she deserved better. She deserved to not be lugged around like she was some prop, she needed a proper place to rest. Once her carrier is zipped up, you're picking it up by the handles, using your other hand to swipe at the tears still trying to fall. You take the route you'd walked not ten minutes prior, slipping your shoes back on, and grabbing hold of your keys. Aaron still had another forty minutes or so in his drive, you hoped it went by quickly.
You don't think you ever needed him more than now.
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The sobs returned the second you'd walked past the threshold of your house. You sluggishly made your way back to your bedroom. It felt much lonelier now, the house feeling much too big for just you. You think that makes you cry even harder. You're covering your mouth with your hand, hoping that it would be enough to mask the sound of your bawling. You doubt that it does, but you can't do much else. You don't want to go to sleep, you don't want to do anything.
You begin berating your behavior once more in your head, replaying all the ways you'd been a shitty caretaker even though you know it's a bad idea. Your leg shakes under your comforter, the blanket squished underneath your body as you hid your face beneath the blazing heat of your huge blanket. You don't even realize how long you've spent in this space of self-loathing and bitter tears, until you hear the front door's lock shifting out of place. Aaron was here.
"Y/N, sweetheart?" and you want to run to him more than anything. You can't though, because you don't want him to think you're a failure. So you stay put, and you cry a bit more, sniffles growing more audible as you're forced to choke back angry sobs. It doesn't take long for him to make his way towards where you are, and you don't know what he'll say when he finds you looking a mess. You know your mascara has given you racoon eyes, and in your grief, you'd failed to tie a scarf around your head. Your braids would look messy soon.
"Y/N?" and his voice is so soft, soothing, everything you don't deserve now. Your hand clutches a fistful of your shirt, right where your heart rests. "Are you in here, honey?" and you sniffle, an answer all on its own. You barely hear his footsteps, but you feel it when the bed dips just slightly, and you feel it when he gently pulls at your blanket. When he's pulled it back, he's met with the sight of your tear-streaked cheeks. Your nose was runny and raw, and your lip was quivering. It didn't take a profiler to know that you'd been crying, and he frowns.
"Are you alright?" he questions, and his hand reaches out to brush against your cheek and neck, almost like he was checking your temperature. "You've been crying?" and he examines you subtly for any signs of assault or struggle. "Did something happen?" and he knows he keeps asking questions, but he's getting worried.
"P-" and a sob racks through you, your entire body curling in on itself. Your hand is pressing against your mouth again, and your shoulders shake as you began to cry once more. "Piper she-" and your head shakes, hand clenching and unclenching against your shirt. Aaron's eyes dance around your room, and his eyebrows push inwards. He was worried, but determined to be extremely delicate with you, namely by being patient as you got out what you needed to tell him. "Piper's dead." you finally say, shoulders sagging as you weep.
Aaron's examining your face, which gives you a front row seat of the way his face is eclipsed with compassion. "Oh, honey..." his lips pull downwards into a frown, and you know, of course you know it's awkward. What do you realistically say to a person that loses their cat? It's not like any amount of conversation would bring her back. "I'm so sorry...." and usually it sounds empty when anyone offers condolences, but like with most things, Aaron is an exception. "Are you okay? Can you tell me what happened?" he pleads.
And you know that he knows that you're not okay. It's meant to be a stupid question, the obvious one. But you also know that he's giving you the chance to vent, to articulate everything you feel with no judgement. It makes you want to curl into him, and stay wrapped up in his arms until neither of you had any idea where one ended and the other began. "I just-" you have to take a moment to gather yourself, hiccupping blubbers escaping you. "I came home, and I-" your voice cracks harshly. "She was just gone. I don't-" you shake your head.
"I don't know what happened." you express, and Aaron's sympathetic, and he hates seeing you like this. Every time you cry it makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand upright. He supposed that came with loving you, an innate desire to protect you, and keep the bad things out. He'd only ever seen you in this state a handful of times, mostly when things went wrong at the hospital and you lost a patient. He had to get to you before you started blaming yourself for something that completely out of your control.
He didn't know much, but he did know your love for Piper, and how deep it ran. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that you'd never do something to put her in harm's way, you'd never do anything to hurt her. And he wants to pull you into his arms and tell you everything will be alright, he wants to be there to anchor you down. To ground you in the midst of all these swimming and overwhelming emotions trying to fight for the upper hand. He wanted to be there for you.
"Is there anything that you need from me?" he asks gently, grief was harsh, it came in ripples and waves. It was gut-punching, it could be loud and then silent. Sneaky and then outright. It was a process, and whether anyone else thought so, if you needed to grieve the life of your pet, you should. Who was he to ever get in the way? He's gently rubbing his thumb over your cheek, your tears splattering as you kept the duvet pulled up to your chin, as you stared him down. He figured you must have been deep in thought.
It takes a moment for you to reply, and he's fine with the silence. You're tears haven't stopped, but they've grown more quiet. Silent tears that pool and trickle down his wrist and onto the blanket. You soon take in a shaky puff of air as you sit up. Aaron's patient as ever, watching as you pull your legs from underneath the blanket, crawling until you were sitting on his lap. There's no sexual undertone to your movements, you don't want to fool around, you just want to be close.
Your head rests against him, eyes closing as his arms envelop you. "Can you just stay with me?" you ask, and he's already nodding his head. You both knew it was an impossible request. At any moment you could get paged, or he could get a call about a new case. The world didn't stop all because you were grieving, but for one second you both could pretend. He could stay right here with you, and you could love him, and not feel so overwhelmed by all your sadness.
"I'm not going anywhere." he mutters, and he's reaching for your hand. His easily dwarfs your own, but it's still just as comfortable, letting your palms press against his own. "I have never lost a cat before-" and he's treading lightly, wanting more than anything to help you and not harm you. "But I did lose a pet when I was younger." he expresses, and your interest is peaked, just slightly.
"What type of pet?" you ask faintly, and you're squeezing his hand in your own. He knows that it's comforting you so he says nothing about the tight pinch of his fingers pressing together.
"He was a golden retriever actually." Aaron replies, "Nothing was particularly wrong with him. He was fed well, taken care of, treated like one of the family..." he proceeds, and you involuntarily hold your breath as you listen. "But one day he just... he just went." Hotch proceeds, "And when you're a little kid that's not in the best environment, a staple like a pet dog is important. Losing him was like losing the only bit of sanity I could cling to. Does that make sense?"
Your head nods, and you squeeze his hand again to show him you care. "And surprisingly enough, I found myself crying over it. Mourning this dog, an animal that was part of the family, but of course, was not my family member." he continues, and his chin rests on the top of your head. "The point is, him being a dog didn't make it hurt any less when he left. It's okay to be upset about Piper, she was important to you, special even." he whispers. "And you did a great job giving her all the love you possibly could." his eyes close then.
"I need you to know that it wasn't your fault. And keeping yourself up with thoughts of 'what ifs'." it's his turn to squeeze your hand this time. "And those moments where you... didn't want to play, or wanted to be left alone are not what she remembered when she passed on." he insists, and he won't take any arguments on the matter. "You gave her five amazing years, and whether science backs it up or not, she knew how much you loved her." he insists. "You might not believe it today, but I hope that you do in time." and he kisses your forehead.
It's butterfly inducing, and makes you cling all the more to him. "You're not by yourself." he adds, and you're glad to know it. You peel back, eyes locking with his, and they're glassy. You hate seeing such a grief-stricken look on his face, at your sake no less. It makes you lean forward and kiss him, in the hopes you'd manage to kiss it away. He kisses back instantly, and you're still sad, you probably will be for a long while, but you don't feel as lonely as you did an hour ago.
"I love you." you mumble the second you've pulled back, and this time there's no phone. His eyes are swirling with so many thoughts and feelings of his own, but you need him to know you mean it, and likely always will. You couldn't imagine anyone else being here with you like this now, nobody else that would care enough to grieve with you. He gives you a half smile, and kisses you once more, a much deeper kiss that makes you lightheaded and dizzy. Of course he had that effect.
"I love you too." and you're happy that he hasn't left you hanging. Your fingers trace his collarbones and cheeks, moving to cup his face with your right hand. You kiss him again, this time just long enough to get the message across. When you pull back, your head is finding it's place back on his chest, and his arms move up and down, rubbing gentle circles against your back, as he cranes his neck to kiss your head. It makes your stomach flutter, but it makes you want to cry too.
He leaves three gentle pecks on the top of your head, moving to kiss your cheek, before he's looping his arms around your waist with a palpable amount of admiration. He plants a sweet kiss on your shoulder, and mimic this action by offering him a kiss of your own. "Thank you." you exhale, and you mean it so wholeheartedly.
"You don't need to thank me, Y/N. We take care of each other, mon amour, remember?" and he recites your earlier words back to you. It makes you cling to him much tighter, tears returning to your lashline as Aaron pulls you even closer to him. "If you need to cry a little bit more, go right ahead. I'm right here." so you do.
Grief was a lot, it could be paralyzing, debilitating, and outright traumatic, but you knew even if it didn't feel that way now, in time you'd be okay. Part of you felt like you had Aaron to thank for that.
#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner imagine#criminal minds#aaron hotch imagine#aaron hotcher fluff#aaron hotchner angst#ssa aaron hotchner#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotchner fluff#hotch#hotch x reader
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Friday 8.07 pm
Mia and Kaleb are having dinner with Mia’s bestie Jackie and Jackie’s fiancé Milo at The Grotto. It’s a rare night out for Jackie, who usually works nights at the hospital. It’s also rare for Milo, because he owns a florist business and has to get up at 4 every morning to be at the flower markets when they open at 5am. But Jackie is starting holidays tomorrow, and Milo has shared with them that he’s recently employed someone whom he actually trusts enough to go to the flower markets in his place, so tonight they can all have a late one together! At least this is what Mia is hoping, because she can’t remember the last time she and Jackie had a fun night out and it’s something she misses with every fibre of her being!
“Kaleb, be a doll and go up to the bar and order Jackie and me a couple of cocktails,” she says, interrupting a conversation he is having with Milo about the risks of investing in blockchain stocks. “I’m in the mood for a Bellini. What do you feel like drinking, Jack?”
“Oh, I don’t want to drink tonight,” says Jackie.
“Mia, how many times do I have to tell you that it’s rude to interrupt?” says Kaleb.
“What?” says Mia to Jackie, ignoring Kaleb. “What do you mean, you don’t want to drink?”
Jackie shrugs and splays her palms above her stir-fried beef.
“I’m just really tired,” she says to Mia. “If I have a drink I’m probably going to fall asleep.”
“Oh, fuck off,” says Mia. “You’re on holiday now, Jack! Live a little, for Christ’s sake!”
"Can we tone down the swearing?" frowns Kaleb. "This is quite an upmarket establishment, in case you hadn't noticed."
Mia rolls her eyes. She notices Milo hiding a smile as he lowers his head to shovel a forkful of lobster into his mouth.
“Are you with me, Milo? “she says to him. “Come on. It’s ages since we all had a decent night out together. Let’s party, for fuck’s sake!”
“Um, to be honest I’m kind of tired, too,” he says. “Sorry, Mia.”
“God, when did you all become so boring?" says Mia. She turns her attention back to Jackie. “What about tomorrow night?”
“I-“ says Jackie. “I, um…I think…aren’t we busy tomorrow, hon?”
Milo mutters something, the rims of his ears turning as red as the lobster on his plate.
“Jackie?" says Mia. “What the fuck is going on?"
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HIII I LOVE YOUR FICS!!!!
Now I saw the "kiss" between Dom and Liv, so I was wondering if you could make a fic between a subby bratty dom and a dom reader where the reader is watching backstage and gets really jealous, so when he comes back, she ignores him for a while, but then when they get home, she punishes him and there's like A LOT of smut!!!!! 😽😽
like SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT!!!!!
"Thank you Emma" we all say in unison
Buried by Eyes
AN: we are gonna pretend he isn’t injured for the sake of the fic, also just know guys I love writing but it's just hard to do. I have two jobs so I'm trying to find time, but I can write the part two for this. its 1am
Jealously was one word for it, another 3 words for it was heartbreak, anger, and determination. Your patience was wearing thin every passing day your fiance spent being a good person. His sweet tendencies were one of the main reasons you fell in love with him in the first place. Dominik has actively been trying to make sure that Rhea didn’t have to face Liv for the title; something you see as kind. But also the more he worked toward it the more jealous you became to be. Why would YOUR fiance be working so hard for a mere friend? Though tonight was a completely different story, for 5 minutes after the kiss you racked your brain for reasons. It continuously played in your head over and over like a never-ending record; he didn’t seem to enjoy it but he didn’t push her away. He grimaced and wiped his mouth… minutes afterward. Would she linger on his lips when you kissed him?
Dominik on the other hand was flipping out; he really didn’t know what to do or what to think when he came face to face with you in 60-something seconds. Dominik’s hands were twitching and he was continuously shaking his head after every fearful thought. Therefore when he turned the corner, he cussed instantly at your disgusted face and crossed arms. You had still been staring at the small screen in the hall, that was now playing something entirely different; Dom could only hope they wouldn’t replay the kiss over again.
Dominik huffed out an anxious breath and shook out the tension in his hands. He knew the only thing he could do at this moment was to man up and apologize INSTANTLY. Even that wasn’t going to be enough; Dominik would be stupid to think otherwise. Surprisingly enough your head didn’t turn at the sound of him walking towards you; or even when he was right in front of you. Your eyes bored into Dominik’s and you didn’t say a word; your face was hard to describe. You looked angry, but it also seemed like you were blank-faced and weren’t really registering that it was your fiance in front of you. Dominik cleared his throat and looked down at you, “Baby-“. Your eyes flashed with a ripple of anger, and it seemed like you finally grasped who it was in front of you.
You said nothing; Dominik literally gulped and his hands went right back to fidgeting. He shook his head and tried again, “Baby, I know what you’re thinking right now-“, he cut himself off again at your look. This time you smiled and nodded; that’s when Dominik realized how bad this really was. Before he thought maybe it wouldn’t have rattled you much; but the sarcastic and sinister smile deterred his thoughts elsewhere. You take a step back away from him, Dominik surely felt his heart crack. “Tell me, what am I thinking right now Dominik?”, you had used his real name and you looked so furious; Dom was almost on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Yet he was smart enough to know answering that question was a trap.
Dominik was at a loss for what to do; he could only think of one thing that could possibly humiliate him for the rest of his career. Of course, you were more important; Dominik sunk to his knees in front of you and grabbed your hands to hold in his. “I fucking hated that and I didn’t have time to react, I need you to believe me”. You nod and look into his eyes; searching for lies when really they were drowning in truth. “I believe you”, would be the only thing you say until you get home… 35 minutes later.
Dominik apologized nonstop on the way home and through the door, so much to you've grown tired of the words being uttered from his lips. You of course felt many confounding feelings, which brought a horrible tension between you and Dominik. You didn't want to be mad at him, considering he was unexpecting and didn't kiss her back. Though you were only human, and the anger pricked at you with every thought. Dominik opened the door for you; only to follow you like a sad puppy everywhere you walked. One smart idea graced your mind when you walked into the house...you had stormed into the bathroom and grabbed a rag out of the closet. You pulled Dominik inside by the collar of his shirt and you slammed the rag into his hands. "Scrub them", you demanded and crossed your arms over your chest.
Dominik was astonished, so much so that he gaped at you like a fish. "What?", he asked and looked down at the rag in confusion. You titled your head at his question, "Did I stutter? I said scrub your lips Dominik, or you'll never kiss mine again". Dominik understood you that time, he never moved so quickly in his life to wet the rag and scrub his lips clean; nearly raw. After a bit of time, Dominik put the rag and looked down at you, his lips were red and swollen from how harshly he was working towards getting rid of any traces of what happened. Really it was for him and you; Dom was disgusted by Liv, to say the least. He truly didn't want to be around her EVER again if he could help it. Therefore after scrubbing his lips, Dominik waited for your approval.
You stood and looked at him with a long silence; you debated the next course of action. Part of you knew Dom honestly did no wrong, but fuck LIv and fuck Dominik for being around her in the first place. No really fuck Dominik. You had taken a step towards him, you grabbed him by the chin and made him lean down closer so you could inspect him. Your thumb traced over his raw lips; trying to decide how pleased you were. "You have two options", Dominik's breath hitched, "come to bed or sleep on the couch".
---------------------------------------------------
"m' sorry baby, please please let me cum', Dominik lifted off the bed to slide his cock up against your hand, "I've been good"
"Have you? Cause what I seen earlier was far from it"
Dominik yanked on the restraints with pent-up frustration; if he kept that up surely he would break free, "I didn't ask for that shit" he gritted. Your eyebrows flew up in surprise and your mouth fell into shock, you stopped touching him completely. You saw his eyes starting to water but you were still ridden with what happened on live TV, therefore you didn't humor him. "Now you're cussing at me, should I have you wash your mouth out instead this time?", you commented.
Dominik panted harshly; seemingly whimpering and groaning at the same time, "No no baby I swear, I'm sorry I won't do it again- fuck just- touch me. Touch me I'm begging you, I've been waiting so long mami". Dominik withered in need, and the more time he spent under your feather-light touches; the more he realized how much he detested punishments. You dragged them out, each touch made his body feel as if it was bursting into flames and his heart rate picked up when you fluttered your lashes at him; no wonder he is starting to hyperventilate with the idea of cumming. You trailed your fingertips down the side of Dominik's jaw and cheek and down his chest, loving the way he tossed his head back harshly against the pillow with a groan; in a desperate needy manner that only you could see.
You finally started to stroke Dominik's leaking cock, tears began to pool in his eyes and slide down his cheek. You'd be worried for him if it wasn't so abundantly clear the tears were from relief, not sadness. Dominik was in his own hazy world of pleasure, already feeling the being of a crushing orgasm-- it was so intense to the point he was mumbling without reason. "that's it, just a little more sweet girl", he begged you when he wasn't in the position to be telling you anything. Next, he will be tirelessly eating you out, longer than he can stand.
#dominik mysterio x reader smut#dominik mysterio smut#dominik mysterio fluff#dom dom#dominik mysterio fanfiction#dominik mysterio x reader#dominik my bbg#dominik mysterio#dominik mysterio x you#wwe#dominik smut#dom smut#dominik
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tw for discussing s/h, mental health issues and suicide attempt. I'm just giving my two cents about the case of identity part 2 way after everyone else.
I'm not exclusively angry about Dez/Angel (though I am quite pissed about that, don't get me wrong but like I saw someone say, in the grand scheme of things it's not the worst DID "rep" out there. I have a lot I can say about how bad it is but anyways, you've probably heard about it from other fans.) it's that last scene when Dez tries to take his life.
A lot of people probably got rlly triggered by that. I know for sure I did.
I understand not wanting to spoil an episode. I understand that. But seriously? Seriously? "Mentions of self harm"? You warned your listeners about "mentions of self harm" then showed them that??
I would MUCH rather you spoil the whole damn episode than to risk that because that was terrible, man. God. It just.
I know what I was risking listening to this show. Hell, I engage in these types of things OFTEN. I'm down for some morbid shit. I'm a Sherlock Holmes fan, for fucks sake.
But the thing about it is, when I engage in works that don't have regular content warnings, I come in with a set of expectations. I learn what I'm supposed to expect beforehand so when those things come up I'm prepared and won't (immediately) have a panic attack. That's the difference. I expect these things. That, however? I was not prepared enough. I was ready for MENTIONS of self harm. Not a suicide attempt in gory audio detail. What the fuck man.
And I realize that there was a better warning in the description of the episode, but for casual listeners who don't read every description, it can be really triggering, especially since in previous episodes John was never worried about potentially spoiling the episode to properly warn the listeners.
If Joel's going to give content warnings, warn us properly. If he decided to not give content warnings at the beginning of an episode then fine. I'll go in more prepared. But he formatted this show with content warnings at the very beginning, since the beginning. Therefore I had an (apparently false) sense of security.
I hope Joel does better, man. I don't hate this show, I infact love it very very much because of how good it has been with neurodivergent representation and content warnings, this was just a bad episode in an otherwise good season. I trust that he'll do better after this.
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More angst for the Homophobic Heaven AU:
The Exterminations, and therefore the Exorcists, didn't exist until thousands of years after Carmilla's fall. When they DID begin Carmilla and a few other Fallen Angels tried to fight back, only to be stopped and teleported away by Lucifer. He told them that the Exterminations were to cut down the sinner population, and while some of them questioned this decision, most accepted it.
Carmilla, on the other hand, was furious. And after the other Fallen have left, demanded to know which idiotic Elder decided that EXTERMINATION was a good idea. Only for Lucifer to tell her that SERA was the one who signed off on it. Carmilla refused to belive this, the Sera she knew and loved WOULD NEVER. Maybe she was just the one that the Elders put forth to negotiate the term? Yeah that MUST be it. Because if not... NO, her Sera would never agree to something this barbaric.
For Clara and Odette in this AU, I was thinking maybe they're Zestial's. After a couple of Beetlejuice Carmilla and Zestial get "acquainted" which results in the twins. They don't get together but they still remain good friends. Like an amicably divorced couple. He knows Carmilla is still in love with Sera and while he fills in the Father role for the girls, he makes sure to tell them stories that Carmilla told him of Sera, their other Mama.
"What do you mean Sera is responsible? She would never do this! I refuse to believe it!"
Carmilla stands before Lucifer Morningstar, king of Hell, embodiment of Pride, who is sitting on his throne, looking toward him as if he doesn't have the power to rip her asunder with a mere twitch of his claws. The amount of rage and anguish she feels at his words, the sense of outright betrayal and disbelief coursing through her body, give her a sense of bravery and defiance that any of the other embodiments of Sin simply wouldn't tolerate from their subjects.
But this is Lucifer. Her friend, her former comrade in arms, her brother, allowing her to show this much insubordination. Because he knows how she must feel, and it's not like he can fault her for it. Not one bit. Not when this news is so personal.
"Carmilla. I know this may be difficult to hear. But this information comes directly from the Elders. While someone may not be telling me the entire truth...until I hear otherwise, I have to work under the assumption that it's true."
"NO! It's not true! It can't be true! She's not that cruel!"
He's never seen so much anger in Carmilla's eyes before. Never so much raw grief and lack of composure; not from one of his oldest and closest friends. He can tell this is eating her up inside. Whether it's true or not, he can't say, but the news is having the likely intended effect on Carmilla. Heaven had wanted to wear them all down. What better way to do that, than for the source of the misery to be coming from the one Carmilla loves most?
Carmilla's companion, the demon spider Zestial, places a large, gangly black claw on the woman's shoulder. He's been standing behind her the entire time, trying not to get in the way of official angel business. He's only a Sinner, but Carmilla will rarely go anywhere without him, these days. Lucifer has permitted his presence, for her sake. He's quiet, studious, and well-behaved enough, for a Sinner. It's the least he can do.
Unfortunately, the ancient Sinner's attempt to comfort her doesn't work as well as he'd probably hoped. Carmilla steps forward, away from Zestial and closer to Lucifer. Getting up in his face. Breathing hard; pupils blown wide; for all the world like she wants to slap him.
She doesn't. It's not his fault. What good would it do, anyway? Squabbles among siblings is so beneath her. It would lead to nothing except more pain and anger between the two of them. It would accomplish nothing and make her feel even worse than she does right now.
She steps back again, her claws clenching even tighter together, and turns around to face away from him.
"I have some business I need to attend to," Lucifer says, looking up at her back that is now facing him, trying to distill the tension by offering himself a way out. "Again, I'm so sorry, Carmilla. You can stay here as long as you need to, to...compose yourself. I'll keep the others away."
Lucifer is gone in the time it takes to blink. He's teleported himself away from Carmilla's presence, not even bothering to use the door to his throne room. He likely doesn't want the others to catch a glimpse of Carmilla in her moment of weakness. She mentally thanks him for that, at the very least. Carmilla knows the way she's acting is very unbecoming. It's not like her at all.
But how is she supposed to act. When he...when Lucifer had...when he'd told her that news?
Without the presence of her king forcing her to keep it together, Carmilla's composure quite literally shatters. The woman can almost feel her heart being torn in two, as easily as someone might rip a piece of paper. With a sob of anguish, she falls apart, in every sense that a person can. Instead of collapsing onto the floor, which would be easier, she rushes toward Zestial, his arms already open and bringing her in to be sheltered by his heated embrace.
Carmilla cries, she wails, into the obsidian of his robes. He just holds her there, stroking her hair comfortingly, letting the long, loose strands flow through his claws like water.
Carmilla hadn't even had time to fix her hair this morning. That's how little she'd cared about the usual decorum of these angelic meetings. She'd told him she needed to talk to Lucifer right now, it couldn't wait, and he'd dropped everything, and teleported her right into the throne room with the seven Deadly Sins. Her and Zestial's presence hadn't exactly been...expected, but Lucifer had tolerated it. For her.
Now, as Carmilla's tears begin to soak into his robe, she grasps into the dark material with her claws, pulling a little too hard, until the fabric starts to rip. Zestial doesn't stop her, though. His robes have been through worse, and he's rather talented with a spinning wheel, so he'll just deal with it later. This is so much more important.
"How could she?" Carmilla weeps into his chest. "How could she, Zestial?"
"My dearest Carmilla," the old spider says, holding her closer to him with both arms. The hand on the back of her head strokes her neck. "We know not yet if the king spake truth, or if Heaven doth but jest with thee. Have faith, Carmilla."
"How?" Carmilla asks, bluntly. "How do I have faith in anything anymore?"
"When we are lost, and all doth seem hopeless, faith is all that remains. Heaven shall employ any wiles to make all appear for naught. Believe them not now."
Carmilla starts to calm. The familiar smell of him, the smoke and ash wafting off the Sinner's body, is both familiar and comforting. She knows he speaks truth; Heaven cannot be trusted. It is not without precedent for them to say anything to drive a wedge between the fallen angels, or make it seem so hopeless, there's no use in fighting back. Carmilla is so embarrassed of herself. Like a child, she'd lashed out, and taken it out on Lucifer. Leave it to her oldest, dearest friend and companion to have more logic than herself.
Ever since she'd manifested down here, after Heaven had pushed her out, Zestial had been one of the few non-angels she's trusted. He's always been so different, more human, for lack of a better comparison, than any of her comrades that had fallen before her. They had changed too much, too drastically, for her to even recognize them at first. They'd lost their spark, their will to fight back...
Zestial, however, is a soul with as much wisdom as some of the angels in Heaven. He'd never lost his will to fight. In fact, it's one of the reasons he's lasted so long down here, and become such a powerful overlord. He knows when to show his hand, and also when to take a step back and assess. When to scheme, when to plan, and when to retreat. That's part of what she likes about him.
The fact that he's kind, patient, and loyal to a fault, is another reason. As well as the fact that he loves her so thoroughly, so passionately, and shows it, is yet another. She tries not to compare him to Sera, because they are absolutely not even remotely the same, but the way he holds her, kisses, her, makes love to her...it reminds her of her lost love, and the way she felt around Sera back in Heaven. But not quite. He is his own person, and had known going into this that there is still baggage there, that Carmilla still loves Sera, and yet...
He still holds her. Comforts her. Gives everything to the children they brought into the world together. Helps her keep that memory of Sera, a woman he's never met, alive for them, through his stories and fanciful tales. He doesn't have to do any of that. Gets absolutely nothing out of it except for Carmilla's endless gratitude and satisfaction. But maybe that's why he does it... Helping her and being there for her makes him happy. Carmilla doesn't think she'll ever be able to repay him.
Once Carmilla is calm, and she can look up at him with minimal new tears falling from her eyes, she can see his face is sad. But for her benefit, he smiles, ever so slightly, in that crooked, adorable way that he does. He pushes her hair behind her ear, away from her face, and then holds her cheek in his hand, to stroke it lightly.
"Fret not, Carmilla. All will become clear. Let us return to Odette and Clara. They are likely concerned for thee."
Carmilla nods. Once again, he's most likely correct. They'd left in such a hurry that morning, they hadn't had time to let the girls know where they were going.
"Okay," Carmilla says. "You're right. Let's go back."
Zestial nods in return, and then bends down, placing a final kiss to her forehead. It's not...romantic, per se, or platonic, either. It's somewhere in between. Or on a different plane entirely. It's hard to put a word to what their relationship is. But that's fine. They don't need a name for it. They are exactly what they need to be for each other, at this particular moment in time.
Pulling away, Carmilla wipes the remaining tears from her eyes. Then Zestial re-opens the portal, so they can go home to their girls, and rest off the stress of the day.
(Edit: Tagging @tanema123 cuz I know they love these two goobers, and who knows when I’ll dip my toe into Zestmilla again, Lmao)
#hazbin hotel#carmilla carmine#lucifer morningstar#zestial hazbin hotel#sera hazbin hotel#seramilla#zestmilla#odette hazbin hotel#clara hazbin hotel#ask#fan theories#carmilla fell later au
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Hello, fellow Elriel!
This is your Elriel Month fic exchange announcement. Remember to not post this Ask until the days of your prompt (feel free to post your fic directly to this ask).
Gifting: @slytherhys
Prompt: Endless Possibilities
Tropes: Fluff, Hurt/comfort, HEA, AU
Send @elriel-month an ask if you have any questions. Can’t wait to read it! 🦇🌹
Happy @elriel-month @slytherhys from your gifter!
This fic was inspired by a conversation I had with @shallyne a few months ago as well as my own desire to read a fic with Elain adopting a bunch of children. I hope you love this!
Warnings: nothing really, it's just a ton of fluff. Slight mentions of past abuse maybe?
Word count: 1.8 K
Loud shouts of glee filled the air around Elain as she pulled another sheet of muffins out of the oven. A small smile grew on her lips as she thought of the small children who would soon come charging in to grab the sweets before they were all gone.
Elain dusted her flour-coated hands on her apron, looking out the window and surveying the scene outside. Around 40 children of all sizes were out there, some Illyrian, some fae, and some were species of lesser fae that she didn’t recognize. That didn’t stop her from loving every child like her own, though. Small groups had broken off to play tag, while some of the older ones were playing something that looked like dodgeball.
Amongst the trees she Emeline, her eldest. With her black hair, brown eyes, and dark skin she was the spitting image of her father, and like her father wisps of shadows swirled over the surroundings. In Emeline’s arms was the youngest, Aurelia, at just 10 months old.
A loud crash sounded from the entryway, announcing her sister’s arrival. Sure enough, when Elain peeked out of the kitchen, Feyre was on the floor, having tripped over a potted plant. Elain shook her head in amusement. Many words could be used to describe her sister, but coordinated was not one of them.
Offering her a hand, Elain grinned, and the two walked to the back rooms of the orphanage together.
“Elain! I’m so sorry about your plant. I swear sometimes I could trip over the air. Anyway, I wanted to wish you a happy anniversary! I can’t believe you’ve already had your 50th anniversary, and that this place is now officially 25 years old. It’s so incredible what you’ve done with the place,” Feyre said excitedly.
Elain could hardly believe it either. 50 years since she married the love of her life, and 25 years since she’d begun to fulfill her dream.
Feyre continued, “I’m delighted that this has turned out so well, not only for the sake of the children but for you and Azriel as well. I know you always wanted a big family, and all of the little ones are just like my own nieces and nephews.”
“For sure,” Elain replied, “I love each and every one of them. I’m glad I could make a difference in their lives.”
The war had been brutal on many families, leaving lots of children orphaned. In addition, lots of Illyrian children had been abandoned or abused by their parents for lots of reasons. The reason never mattered though, all were welcome here.
The sisters reached the end of the hall, and Elain unlocked the double doors that led into a room covered in dropcloths, with easels and canvases already set out and waiting.
“Oh Elain, you are a dear. I about burned all those tarps in anger last time I tried to hang them up. Anyway, if you want to go give the little gremlins their sweets, I can get the paints out and ready,” Feyre said, already pulling things out of the supply closet.
Despite how busy she was being High Lady and all of the duties that came with being the mother of 4 children, Feyre always carved time out of her week to give art classes here, for which Elain was eternally grateful.
So many of the young found comfort in painting or sculpting, or whatever it was they chose. Others simply enjoyed the freedom that art allowed and preferred to go crazy.
Elain left her sister to it, returning to the kitchen and banging the loud bell by the window. Everyone turned to look at her, and she beckoned at them. Not long afterward a mad rush of people entered, and quickly everyone spread out onto the cushions, chairs, and couches in the living area.
In the back was Emeline, though the baby had been passed over to her middle child, Edward. Being fully blind, Elain’s eldest was always very hesitant about being near the crowds, but Edward had a heart of gold and looked out for her at all times.
They too sat down, and Elain left to go clean the dormitories. As she gathered up all the linens into her massive wicker basket, she thought about just how much the building they were in had changed.
Azriel had first told her about this place some 30 years ago, having found it while he was away on a scouting mission. He told her he’d gone inside and had found a small group of children of varying ages huddled by a dying fire.
He’d immediately gone back to her and asked if she could make some food because all of them looked like they hadn’t eaten in days. That made sense, too, since in the dead of Illyria’s winters you’d be lucky to find even just one of the bony mountain birds with not enough meat on it for a baby.
Elain had jumped into action, making her favourite hearty soup recipe, and while it was cooking she had gathered all the blankets, wraps, towels, and whatever else she could find in the River House.
The children were at first quite scared, but eventually, after Elain (and Azriel, when he could) visited them for a few weeks they began to open up.
The eldest, Blair, was the unofficial mother of the group, and she was doing all she could to support the others. Blair had a younger sister, Sabeena, but the rest were all similarly abandoned or orphaned with nowhere else to go.
Working as a maid and doing some other odd jobs got them a few small coins for clothes, but not much more. The dilapidated cabin, most likely once a hunting lodge, was in dire need of repairs, but it sufficed well enough to keep the cold out.
But as Elain found out, Blair had gotten faeriepox recently, a nasty illness that due to a lack of medical care had taken her out for weeks on end. And without the money she brought in and without local game to hunt, there was nothing.
Elain’s heart shattered listening to the story, different parts told by all the children. Most were Illyrian, with all of the females’ wings displaying the brutal clipping scars, though there were a few males in the group.
After that, it had been her personal mission to provide for the group who, in Elain’s eyes, were now just as much her children as her own daughter. Rhysand and Feyre, once they’d found out about it, were only too happy to provide her with funds and support to transform the tiny hut into a huge building with proper insulation, real beds, running water, and a stocked kitchen.
Feyre had told her in private how much it reminded her of the cottage they used to grow up in, and Elain had to agree. The young ones hadn’t looked much different than she and her sisters used to when they were poor, and the haggard look of a person hunting for food that couldn’t be found was all too familiar. She suspected that was one of the reasons Feyre was so impassioned now about the restoration and upkeep here because Feyre rightfully believed that no child should have to experience what they did.
25 years ago on this day, the orphanage opened its doors for the first time to anyone who wanted to stay. At first not much happened, but eventually people started to trickle in. Lesser fae with skin all hues of the rainbow, Illyrian children with scars so horrific it made Elain want to cry, even a few high fae, and though nothing looked physically wrong with them, Elain knew deep in her heart they had seen more than anyone should ever have to.
And that was how it was, 25 years later. Anyone and everyone was welcome to stay for as long as they wanted-whether just for food or to move in until they found a way to support themselves. It was the pride and joy of Elain’s life, running this place. She’d dreamed of having a big family ever since she was a little girl, and now, finally, it had come true.
As Elain turned around, arms full with the baskets of laundry, she ran right into a solid wall covered in leather.
“Hello to you too, darling,” came the soft, melodious voice she loved so much.
“Az!” she squealed in glee, abandoning the basket on the floor in favour of jumping into her husband’s arms. He swept her up in a kiss, hugging her close.
“Happy anniversary, love. I can’t believe it’s been 50 years,” said Elain breathlessly.
“It’s been the best 50 years of my life. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I thank the Mother and the Cauldron and whatever else is up there that I get to spend the rest of my life with you,” he told her. Even after all this time, Elain’s heart still fluttered like it was their first time whenever he said that he loved her.
Their moment was interrupted by a soft babbling noise down below, and Elain felt a tiny hand tugging on the hem of her dress. There on the ground was Aurelia, having toddled her way in to find them. Her tiny wings beat uselessly behind her, which never failed to amuse any of her family.
Rhys had told her that Illyrians usually began to fly at around age 5, but until then her wings wouldn’t do much than make her more prone to accidents.
Az’s shadows swirled down to meet his daughter as they always did, and she squealed in delight while trying to grab them.
A soft smile flitted on the shadowsinger’s face watching his baby play with his shadows, and Elain thought back to the first time he held Emeline.
She remembered how excited he’d been when she’d told him she was pregnant, but also terrified at the prospect of being a father. He worried constantly that he would frighten or harm the child accidentally, no matter how many times Elain reassured him that that would never happen.
It had never really sunk in, though, until the first time he held Emeline in his arms, and his shadows had come out curiously to investigate. Emeline had been born blind, and so watching as she giggled with the tickling sensation of shadows swirling around her seemed to finally have persuaded Azriel that he would not be like his father, and that he would love and care for his children no matter what.
Azriel scooped Aurelia into his arms, and the three of them left for the dining room. They looked out at their big, happy family, and standing there, with her husband and her children, Elain had never felt more at home.
#elriel#pro elriel#elriel month 2024#elriel fanfiction#theanonymousopossum#elain x azriel#elain archeron#azriel
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Ra-on 3
Summary: You and Ra-on do your morning routine of having breakfast together. The topic, for whatever reason, lands on the topic of Satan.
(This Ra-on is in that part of character development where he's starting to get better and his kindness is no longer focused on people he's found hot. This is also a few or so days right before the Embittered Companion goes missing, because I'm cruel and I want everyone to suffer and get worse before getting better.)
There’s this routine you and Ra-on have that has far went unbroken. Early in the morning, when the demons are still sleeping away and the battles have lulled to a manageable low, you and Ra-on would drift into the kitchen to either cook or just make a nice morning drink.
You can’t really pinpoint why you do any of this. Perhaps it’s just something you both find comfort in, in doing a rather mundane routine to offset the lunacy that comes with adjusting to Hell? Or perhaps you’re both missing the cool mornings were your bodies were barely shifting out of dreaming mode, where you’d both shuffle into the kitchen and hear the sound of oil on a hot pan, where you’d both settle down and be greeted by the freshly dressed and smiling Minhyeok right before he goes on his jog.
Well, whatever the reason, this was something you take enjoyment in for the fact that the devils weren’t here. Your blood pressure can be normal, for just a little bit. You can joke around and be a little mean without a devil coming right over and egging you into a fight or an argument, hoping to distract you long enough to whisk Ra-on away.
“Is that what you’re judging me for?” Ra-on looked exasperated, frowning as he lifted his mug to his lips, “For… messing around?”
Ha. Messing around. He likes being called a dirty whore and yet can’t say the word ‘fuck.’
“Nah, I’m judging you for the fact that you’re fucking someone that looks like the janitor from our high school.” You’re not going to stop him, honestly. If he’s having fun and his partners are having fun, then that’s fine. You just can’t help but point out this… pattern in his tastes.
Ra-on spat out his coffee, dribbling over his chin and absolutely soaking his shirt. He cough and sputtered.
“He–” Ra-on coughs again, “He does not!”
“Yeah you’re right,” you leaned back, grinning, “that janitor was hotter. ‘There’s something nice about a body that’s been built from years of hard labor rather than just for the sake of it,’ was what you said, right?”
“Stop!” Ra-on slammed his head on the table. You can practically see steam rising from his ears, “That was ages ago! Just let me live!”
You’re lying, you actually don’t remember what that janitor man looked like beyond the white hair, but you remember very distinctly that Ra-on had a huge crush on him way up until the last year of high school. By then he moved on and was hungry for a teacher that you also don’t remember. And then you all went to university and it was basically a game of hot potato with Ra-on. New crush, new wet dreams, new feelings all the time.
It was fun and funny. It was also tiring.
You will never let Ra-on live any of this down, not while you still had blood pumping into your veins. He makes this way too fun.
#whb#what in hell is bad#what in “hell” is bad#hell-drabbles#hell-drabbles exclusive#ra-on#embittered companion au#reader insert#drabble
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(Planet of the apes) Please can you give me anything about Caesar like head cannons a fanfic anything please I am just in the mood for Caesar :(
[Assortment of Caesar headcanons]
Summary: Just random headcanons for Caesar x reader <3
Warnings: Monster/Human romance, angst, can't think of anything else!
A/N: Caesar my BELOVED, I hope these are okay anon! You didn't specify if you wanted romantic or platonic so I'll do a mix of both that you can read as either or! I love my man sm
Caesar is an old man at this point, he's tired. This being said, he is not above pinning you down and resting his entire fucking body weight on you.
You can struggle all you want, you cannot lift him up and you just have to sit there and let him do what he wants. And what he wants is to have 5 minutes of quiet with his favorite human, okay? Let him have this.
Caesar also takes it upon himself to help groom you, parting your hair, scratching at your scalp and checking you for anything, taking your face in his hands and twisting and turning your head every which way.
Very very huge worrier, he worries for you so much and it comes out as anger. He's not mad at you for doing what he seems stupid shit, he's mad because he's scared of you getting hurt and he can't fix it.
He usually won't leave you alone without at least one ape he trusts in the beginning, he's worried about another ape like Koba emerging, so for his sake, please stick around with Maurice.
Maurice loves you by the way, and so does Nova. Since you're immune to the sickness, you're able to freely interact with her, so whenever you're not with Caesar or Cornelius, you're with them.
Caesar watches you alot when you're not looking, especially when you're laughing and smiling with the young girl. It fills his heart with warmth, even more so when you include other apes in on your jokes.
Give him hugs, he'll never admit just how touch starved he is, the only apes he has physical affection with often were Cornelia, Blue eyes and Koba. He won't admit it that he misses it, but he gets a little huffy if you go on to hug Rocket and not him.
You make him feel younger, almost like how he used to be when he was with Will. Yes, he's a leader and he will always predominantly be the collected and righteous leader, but he has his little shit tendencies that come out when he's around you.
I don't care what anyone says, Caesar is asshole at his core, he's just repressed it because he's a leader. He's the kind of person to have a bug in his hand, and gesture for you to open your palm.
"Open your hand."
"...I don't trust you."
"You do trust me, now open."
And then you have a centipede in your hand and you screech and he just smirks and huffs out a laugh.
I've said it before but he is so overprotective, you will not leave the confines of the colony if he can help it.
He knows you're a grown adult, and that you are capable of holding your own but he doesn't care. He much rather have you here when he can keep an eye out for you.
That being said, he will go with you if you're insistent, he has to teach Cornelius how to hunt and fish anyways, so you come with. It's a family day trip:)
Caesar doesn't like guns, but he gives you a pistol, it's a huge sign of trust due to losing his wife and son by them, by being shot by them, and you know he's trusting you with his life.
Speaking of trauma, he littered with it. Sleep doesn't come as easy to him anymore, he's too anxious, to the point you're scared he'll have a heart attack.
The only way you've found that he'll relax enough to sleep is when you and Cornelius are by his side, his arms wrapped around the both of you.
He finds it hard to tell you about Cornelia, especially since you're both teetering on the verge of something more, he feels like he's betraying her, but you reassure him you'll wait for him as long as he needs. Never overstepping any boundary he has.
He loves you, truly he does, he didn't think he could continue on, even with getting everyone to relative safety, but you've always been there, loving not only him, but everyone else around you. He doesn't know what he'd do without you.
#teddy asks ♧#i love and miss him so much it hurts yall#planet of the apes x reader#planet of the apes#pota#kotpota#caesar x reader#teddy loves apes ☆#planet of the apes caesar
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Lucy's problem
Hi!!! So since we have been in a bit of a drought with Luna fics, I thought that I could try and write one. This is my first fic ever and english isn't my first language so pls be kind. But if any od you have any corrections and tips on how to improve feel free to send them to me. Anyway this started as a one shot but turned into a series so if you guys like it I will make a part 2. Hope you enjoy!!!
----------------------------------------------------Lucy didn’t know how she got herself in this situation. This was never supposed to happen. When she first met Ona she thought she was kind and sweet and so so beautiful but she never imagined that she would fall in love with her. Ona was 8 years younger than her for gods sake and she herself got out of a 7 year old relationship not to long ago. When Lucy and Kiera broke up Lucy never thought she would love again. Her and Kiera ended on good terms but god damn it if it didn’t hurt, she felt like her heart has been ripped apart. But the more she hung out with the younger right back the more she thought about her. When she saw Ona smile, she got butterflies, she would stay up at night just thinking about her, wondering what it would be like if she had her sleeping by her side in her bed instead of just being alone. It was getting unhealthy at this point, it’s a wonder no one noticed her massive (yes she can admit to her self that her crush isn’t small) crush on Ona with the amount of staring she was doing. Mapi and Mariona were trying to set her up with someone every time they went out and it was starting go get annoying, but she didn’t know how they would react if she told them about her crush on the right back. Nobody noticed her crush until today, and to her surprise the person that noticed it was Alexia. Maybe she shouldn’t be surprised that her capitan noticed but she didn’t think that Alexia would be the first one to discover her well… small secret.
They were at the gym and after a day full of training Lucy was glad that she could finally let her mind wonder for a bit. Just as she was setting up her squat rack, she heard a melodious laugh across the room. Ona was siting and talking to Salma while lifting a set of dumbbells, but the most important thing to Lucy was that she was laughing. Of course, it didn’t hurt that she could see Onas muscles rippling because of her short-sleeved t-shirt but her laugh and smile… well those were truly magical. She knew she was staring, but she wasn’t aware of how long she was standing there looking at Ona. That was until Alexia nudged her, Lucy almost dropped the plate on the floor. She flushed and looked at her capitan while Alexia just smirked at her, pated her shoulder and told her they were going to talk later.
…
Now Alexia was fully aware that Ona liked Lucy. The Spanish girls were subjected to Onas rants about Lucy often enough after they got her to admit that she was harboring a crush on Lucy and it wasn’t only admiration she felt towards the older player. The thing Alexia wasn’t aware of was the fact that Lucy liked Ona back, or at least it seemed like it with the way the older right back was looking at Ona. She knew they were getting closer and that they were spending more time together but she kind of assumed that Lucy would look at Ona more in a “younger player she could take under her wing” kind of way and not “I want to kiss you” kind. But hey she isn’t here to judge Lucy but her and other Spanish girls kind of already started to plan on way to make getting over Lucy for Ona well easier. It looks like she would need to send a text to the group chat to stop the plan after her talk to Lucy. It wasn’t that she wanted to intimidate her, she knew that Lucy wasn’t the type of girl that would intentionally hurt Ona. But she wanted to talk to her about it because Lucy looked genuinely panicked when she noticed that Alexia had caught her staring, and hey they haven’t had a good chat in a while and she wanted to know how Lucy was doing.
…
Lucy and Alexia were meeting at a cafe nearby the training center, and Lucy was slightly panicking. Alexia will show up any minute now and she was nervous, what if Alexia was angry at her for liking Ona or something like that. She knew she wasn’t thinking rationally but she didn’t know what to think any more. Alexia saw her staring and she is the first person that found out about her crush, and Lucy truly didn’t plan on talking about her crush on Ona to Alexia. But she was going to have to bite the bullet because Alexia just came in and saw her.
“Hi Lucy”
“… Hi Alexia”
They kind of stared at each other for a second until a waiter came and took their orders.
“Lucy listen I’m not mad at you or anything like that, if that’s what you’re thinking” started Alexia “ I just wanted to check in with you, see if you wanted to talk about it. After all you looked incredibly panicked when you noticed that I caught you.”
“So you aren’t upset with me in any way?” asked Lucy, still quite unsure of this conversation.
“Dios mio, of course I’m not upset. I don’t have anything to be upset over, what you have a crush on Ona big deal. It’s just that I wanted to talk to you” At this point Alexia was honestly a bit confused (and a little bit concerned), this wasn’t the Lucy that she knew but she truly wanted to help after, all they were teammates and more important than that they were friends.
“I don’t know Ale” sighed Lucy “It’s just… I’m not sure that this is a good situation to be in.”
“Lucy what are you talking about”
“You know what I’m talking about, I mean I have a hopeless crush on a girl 8 years younger than me not to mention that me and Kiera broke up not that long ago”
“Right… lets solve this problem by problem” said Alexia, it looked like this situation was a bit complicated, well it was complicated according to Lucy not her but oh well.
“Doesn’t Kiera have a new girlfriend, what is her name again ah yea Laura” she asked.
“I mean yes but still; they aren’t at the same club. Wouldn’t it be at least a bit mean and rude towards her if all of a sudden I showed up with a new girlfriend that plays with her in the same club. That is if Ona liked me, which I’m sure she doesn’t.”
“We are going to unpack that last comment in a bit aright” Alexia said “Kiera is a grown woman that cares about you. I’m 99 percent sure that she would be happy if she saw that you are happy again even if she had to see your new “love” every day”
“Yea… you’re probably right. She is that type of person after all” Lucy nodded her head.
“But Lucia what was that about Ona for sure not liking you, did she say something to you to indicate that” Alexia was honestly confused Ona has been looking at Lucy since she came to Barca, she was practically drooling the second Lucy lifted up her shirt. Did Lucy seriously not notice that?
“Alexia come on, Ona is 24 and I’m 32. I’m 8 years older then her and out of my prime while she didn’t even start hers. Honestly who would want a footballer with a half working knee” Lucy looked close to tears at this point.
“Lucy… surely you don’t believe that” now Alexia was really starting to get worried” Lucy everyone still adores you, and even if you’re out of your prime which I’m not even sure you really are, you are still a good footballer. Dios mio don’t you see any tik toks I mean everyone is obsessed whit you and your looks, and it’s not like I blame them you look hot for fucks sake. Also, so what if Ona is younger then you, she’s a grown woman that can make her own decisions”
“I guess when you put it like that… it doesn’t seem that bad I guess” said Lucy. She was kind of feeling better about this whole situation now, Alexia is a good person and she wouldn’t lie to her about stuff like this.
Now don’t get her wrong Alexia knew that Lucy had some problems with self-confidence. Even if you would never guess that Lucy had a problem with that she was aware of that problem existing. She just want aware that it ran this deep, she thought that the problem was small, which in hindsight was a pretty stupid thing to think considering everything Lucy went thru with her knee and career. So that part made a bit of sense but the looks part, well in that part she was honestly a bit stumped, but she can try and fix all thar later. For know she will give Lucy a few tips tips look out for some things in the next few days and try to bring her mood up.
“ Ok Luce listen, try to pay more attention to Ona and how she reacts around you for a few days alright. And if after those few days pass and you still think that you have no chance, we will talk again then alright?”
“Ok I guess, but I really don’t think anything will come out of that Alexia” said Lucy with a small smile.
“Hush you. Now let’s talk about something else. We haven’t had a good conversation in a few weeks”
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vc with tentacleTherapist, aka The Call of Cthulhu
(page 215-226)
I've been traveling and haven't had time to write about Homestuck for a few days, which has been devastating because SO MUCH IS HAPPENING. TT is real now, like when you meet a tumblr friend in person and keep getting jumpscared by the fact that they have a face.
If John lives in a regular suburban house, Rose lives in a haunted house, and the comic is setting up a 'but which one is REALLY scarier?' parallel. Rose clearly knows how to summon a paranormal entity (John would do this also but by accident) and on page 225 we see that she has a backyard mausoleum, a creepy nuclear reactor type laboratory next door, nothing else but forest in one direction, and a terrifying Blood Storm on the horizon.
I LOVE how Rose's room is a near-perfect reflection of John's when we first saw it in terms of door, window (with tree branch) and core furniture - it makes the differences stand out more, like Rose's fancier chair and desk, knitting projects all over the floor, and darker palette and goth ass lightning.
I'm continually impressed by the comic's attention to detail - there are a lot of tiny changes between John and Rose's introductions, like the green checkmarks on pages 3 and 216 having different flashing patterns. These might not mean anything, but they show things aren't just being copied and pasted with no thought, which is cool.
From page 223, it looks like we could cut back and forth suddenly between John and Rose, following the 'important' actions each of them take, but not seeing everything either one of them is doing. That could get frustrating, like if we never get to sit with either character long enough to get super invested in their stories, but it could be good if it's done well.
I'm very intrigued by Rose and have a lot of questions about her, but my main concern is still the <1:30 on John's timer. I really hope for his sake that Rose is better at inventory than John is.
#homestuck#reaction#look i work in a lab and Intentionally we do not put those things next to people's homes#sorry rose lalonde but dracula literally lives there in his Draculab
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I find it interesting that hayley clearly sees the mikaelsons as her family and feels a deep sense of love and loyalty towards them, but she’s been consistently shown to be wary of hope being raised around them.
#the originals#hayley marshall#like…at first she starts off not wanting hope to be a mikaelson at all bc klaus is being an all time shit atm#and then she gets closer and the two of them bond and she spends five years trying to get hope’s family all together and telling her stories#then elijah had to go kill some kids and make hayley reevaluate what kind of environment she’s raising her daughter in#so she sends her to boarding school hoping that’ll keep her away from becoming like her family#it’s just very…interesting to me#as much as hayley has found a home with them and as much as they’ve bonded#and as much as she wants her daughter to have a happy life with a family#she’s constantly at war with herself#bc what sort of example is she setting??#it’s why she’s so adamant about klaus not being a loss cause in s4/5#her daughter needs a father! not a monster!#and she can see flickers of humanity in him whenever he’s around hope#and that has to be enough#for hope’s sake…that has to be enough#she believes in the family’s redemption and it ends up killing her ooohhhh I feel sick
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youtube
Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc
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#ACLA24#ACLA24HighSchoolStudents#youtube#youtube video#climate leaders#climate solutions#climate action#climate and environment#climate#climate change#climate and health#climate blog#climate justice#climate news#weather and climate#environmental news#environment#environmental awareness#environment and health#environmental#environmental issues#environmental education#environmental justice#environmental protection#environmental health#high school students#high school#youth#youth of america#school
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hi GT!
Lionheart had me the moment you kicked it off with “it’s a nice day to start again.” Might i ask why you chose that particular line?
And, if you havent already answered to this emoji:
❄️
P.s: you have my eternal gratitude for creating the most brilliant piece of writing i’ll ever read. I shout about it from the rooftops, share it on my socials, requested my spouse to read it so we may discuss it together (in lieu of a present for my 30th birthday), et cetera.
I see from your URL you are a fellow lad of taste.
There's a couple things going on in the epigraph for Book 1. On one level, it's a lyric from the first muggle song I picture Draco listening to on his walkman at the end of the book, so there's a cute full-circle thing there. The second layer is the theme of change and redemption, which, in Lionheart, doesn't so much come from major moments or self-sacrifice, but from the slow, grueling, everyday work of living, and living better. It's a nice day to start again because every day is. You always have the opportunity to start making better choices, no matter what lies behind you. That's the thesis of any Draco redemption arc, right? You have to imagine that he could have chosen to be better.
And then thirdly, there's the audacity of doing a full Hogwarts canon rewrite, a good 30 years after the original books came out, millions upon millions of words of fanfic later, and basically asking everyone to read the same story they did the first time around, only different. So it's a kind of winking entreaty. It's saying to readers, many of whom are understandably wary of doing it over, zeroing out the characters to starting positions, and starting from the beginning with 11-year-olds all over again. It's going: "hey. That was fun, right? Why not do it again?"
#thank you so much for the compliment -- honestly it's terribly kind#i hope your spouse likes it. for their own sake also because by god that is so much assigned reading#you're iconic for that tbh. all birthdays should come with a syllabus#oh! and ❄️ ⇢ what’s your dream theme/plot for a fic#and who would write it best?#tbh i've wanted someone to write a really good pacific rim AU for years and years#and it has always fallen juuuuust low enough on my writing pile for me to never get around to it#like it's always the thing i want to write 3rd most and i only let myself have 2 projects at a time#not sure who would write that best - I think anyone who loves and Gets the movies#the premise of which is 'what if you and your soulmate could pilot a 50-foot mech by having mindsex so good it killed godzilla?'#and if you don't want to stand up and cheer just thinking about that i don't know what to tell you. perhaps you have never seen a movie#also like it's about love and trust and trauma and healing. AND killing really giant monsters#and it takes itself JUST seriously enough to nail all of that without getting mopey or goofy#movie of all time. someday i will kiss guillermo del toro on the lips#in my (delusional) world his oscar win was actually a belated award for pacific rim.
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ari omg i saw ur ace!gojo rb... 😞ace!stsg is so important to me they r both sooooo
ALEXIS MY LOVE MY LIGHTHOUSE MY SAFE HARBOUR <333333 .. you Get it. you understand.
obv it’s just a self-indulgent comfort hc let’s be clear but like. it makes sense.. in my brain… let it be known that every single one of my gojo fics are written w ace!gojo in mind 🤞 he just gives me those vibes and by that i mean the Voices told me. they speak nothing but the truth.
also have you seen this loser’s colour scheme…. whole ace flag just walking around. he knows what he is!!
phdjshdjs NO BUT GENUINELY ace!gojo is one of my favorite jjk hcs Ever and ace!stsg in general is very good and real…. i remember making a post once that was like. the sashisu aroace pipeline… and it was just demisexual (sugu) -> demiromantic asexual (gojo) -> aromantic asexual (shoko)….. they mean the world 2 me T_T aaa at some point i’m gonna have to write the explicitly ace!gojo fic myself i think….. making my own food 🍳🍳🍳
alexis i’m genuinely so so happy that you see the Vision btw ilysm we are holding hands in my brain <33 imagine him sneakily buying one of those ace rings… none of his coworkers know what it is except shoko and he loves it. calls himself the undercover ace and makes the most insufferable puns known to mankind…. he Cannot be stopped 😔😔😔
#”dw guys… i’ve got an *ace* up my sleeve ;)” ”please die.”#<- <333 he’s so good.#i like to hc frequently sexualized anime men as ace just for the sake of being a contrarian#but with gojo it just comes so easy……….#i picture him as being the kind of ace who has no actual interest in having sex but makes enough dirty jokes that literally no one knows#(cue that one jjk light novel where he implies he likes being tied up 🤨🤨)#BUT i think the idea of a sex repulsed gojo is rlly funny….. everyone is like ohhhh here comes gojo. known fuckboy. and he’s like NO!!!!!#idk i just like him 😭 TY FOR LETTING ME TALK ABT HIM ALEXIS ILY ALWAYS#how r u doing btw?? i hope school isn’t being 2 mean :((( and that you’re resting properly!!!#sending you lots n lots of sunlight and warm tea and flowers 🌷🌷☀️☀️🍵🍵💐💐#ask tag ✩#alexis !! ✩
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dunno if you’re reading this but i hope you are enjoying your break and hope you are doing so well🩷 -🫶🏻
heeeyy 🥹 thank you so much you're so sweet, I hope you're doing well too!! 💓
#and thank you for the valentine's wish oof it's been a while 🥹 didn't realize how long i was gone for#i'm semi back now - i think? i def managed to get some things done in my social media break but my mental health is still meh#and i really don't care enough about hockey rn to make a full comeback 🔥🔥#BUT music is alive !! so much is coming up !!!! my fav band has finally returned and i am so excited !!!!!!!!#i also took a break from dating apps and just got back on them and it's dry afffff rn#but i do have crumbs of uninteresting information ☕#idk if you remember the guy from instagram i wrote about?? who i ran into at the drug store and liked my stories#my dumbass was aggressively swiping left on bumble on everyone and i saw him on it#but my finger was faster than my brain so i swiped left before i could register it was him 😭#i immediately gasped cause i saw his name and the same age as me and a blonde guy and was like NO F'ING WAY#i mean i don't think i would've swiped right anyway cause that's so AWKWARDDDD he knew me when i was a child pls#we already know each other and have each other's instagram... feels like it'd be moving backwards LOL#but it's also like... if i saw him on there... what are the chances he found my profile first... makes me wanna puke tbh#i hope i run into him again soon 🙏 (this time when i actually have makeup on... and i'm by myself)#i've also started talking to another guy who quite frankly seems exactly like sens guy but with better values so 🔥 we move#i fully meant that as a diss i'm still pissed and still not over him (moving on? never heard of her)#best way to get over someone is to get under someone else amirite;)))) (no)#anyway i kinda like dating around and not committing tbh bc no man deserves me#until i find one that is solid af i refuse to settle for just anyone for the sake of not being alone#which i'm worried is something some of my friends are doing but i've already tried talking to them and no one listens to me#so i'm just gonna be quiet now 🤷♀️ we're grooving#..i forgot what my tags were#oh yeah#answered#🫶🏻#brunch anecdotes w the girlies
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KOMAEDA IN / OUT OF THE PROGRAM
while i write komaeda i think a lot about the difference between him when he's in the neo world program and when he's out of it. specifically when it comes to his knowledge about the outside world.
ultimate despair komaeda has a thought process he has justified to himself to get to the point he got to. as he puts it when talking to kamakura: he knows how to play along. he still has hope as his end goal and likely sees the tragedy as a stepping stone towards hope. he plays along because it suits his goals— that's what he tells himself at least. i do think that there were things that chipped away at him to make him more willing to go along with it. things that junko did to make him more susceptible to joining ultimate despair despite his deep hatred of her and the organization (although his feelings are definitely more complicated than plain hatred). regardless of what specifically got him to this point, we know from another episode that komaeda is still on the side of hope at the end of the day— even as a remnant.
so, when you cut to neo world program komaeda finding out about who they all are... and he has absolutely no context for it... he doesn't know why he would do something like that. all he knows is that he and everyone else seemingly fell into despair and committed horrible atrocities. his view of everyone else is tainted, that much is obvious, but his view of himself was also tainted. knowing that he seemingly threw away hope like that filled him with a deeper self hatred than usual. but because of the circumstances he saw a chance to redeem himself.
it's true that komaeda set up his murder to make it look like it was tortured. it was a multi-layered plan— first make them doubt each other due to shaky alibis and the idea someone may have tortured him for info. if they saw through that (which would be easy), make them think he committed suicide. and then, finally, they may come to the conclusion that it's impossible to find out who actually killed him. we know for a fact his goal was to put the remnants in a hopeless situation and allow hope to win out by keeping the freedom foundation's plant alive.
but i think about the brutality of it all and can't help but think komaeda also did that as an act of punishment to himself. of course, he had to make himself suffer to ensure his luck would actually swing in his favor (his whole bad/good luck cycle tends to work that way), but the excessiveness reads as something personal. he wanted to make himself suffer for the things he had done— because he deserved it. and in sacrificing himself he would get rid of all of the remnants of despair in one fell swoop— making him the ultimate hope.
upon exiting the neo world program i tend to assume that komaeda has all his memories (although it would be fun to one day make verses to play around with that idea). because he remembers everything he once again remembers his justifications— which make him less guilt-ridden than he was in the program. but on top of it he remembers his failure in the program. and i think that really shakes him up. his luck didn't necessarily fail him, but it did allow for despair to win out (in his eyes).
komaeda never expected anyone to believe in his worthless talent, even if he believed in it himself. and i think the fact he failed puts komaeda in this really bitter place. it was his one chance to be important and rise above what he thought he could be, and yet again his philosophy from early in the game proves to be true. you can't be anything more than what you're born as. he should've known better than to believe he could even be close to being someone worthy of the title "ultimate hope."
he's filled with a lot of conflicting feelings he doesn't know how to reconcile. which might actually make him more unreasonable than he was in the first place.
#slightly unrelated but i do think about how he's so willing to die during the game#but in another episode he begs the woh for his life#he has little regard for his life due to his conditions#but he REFUSES to die for a despair-related reason#he fascinates me#because... he's lived long past his life expectancy#and if he's lucky enough for that it means to him that he's likely still around for a reason#komaeda said if he has to die it's going to be for the sake of hope#♡₊˚ ☘️・₊✧ » ic : study ─ 𝘏𝘖𝘗𝘌 𝘚𝘗𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎𝘚 𝘌𝘛𝘌𝘙𝘕𝘈𝘓 𝘍𝘙𝘖𝘔 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘏𝘜𝘔𝘈𝘕 𝘉𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘛. ❞
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youtube
Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared
The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!
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