My friends. Put your lobe fins together for...
PlacentaEater's Autism Fish Paper
This is 8 pages of absolute glory (not written very academically, i wanted it to be a bit more accessible and better formated for a random ass social media thing) that took me about 5 hours to make. There might be some grammar or spelling or punctuation mistakes, idc, im having a fun time and that's what matters. This isn't the most serious paper ever written.
Thanks you all for your patience, I know this has been long awaited. I'm really excited to share this with you all. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. <3
NOTE: The longer parts have TL;DRs on them if u dont wanna spend a ton of time reading it ;)
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Bestie. Ghost did a Teto: https://youtu.be/inRXBlYgMGI
YOOO the timing throws me off but it sounds so cool
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RIP my notifs
I’m doing the autism a favor, suffer
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the dichotomy of man (need to get out of this fuckin house but if i go then i can not see my cats)
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Someone come kayak on the marsh with me it's beautiful out but I don't want to go alone in case I fall in and die
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i feel like i can only process one of my mental illnesses at a time which is fascinating! both because its wild when i get around to one i havent considered much/in a while and because its hilarious to realize how much i have just straight up not been noticing
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‘ummm you shouldn’t tag your writing of a character with [x] as #[x] you’re clogging the community tag :/’
beloved a) if it contains [x] and someone wants to find/block a post with [x], and my post is tagged #[x], it’s a very reasonable and TOS abiding thing to do and
b) do you think the #actually[x] tag is just for quirky points? that tag originated bc autism moms wouldn’t shut up or get out of the autism tag. hence #actuallyautistic was born, which spread to things like BPD or disability or chronic illness. THAT is you community tag, because it’s used by people who are #actually[x]. if someone without [X] writes a character/headcanon/meta about a story with [x] they are within their rights to tag it as [x] but not actually[X] because they are not actually[X].
how is this controversial.
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how do I express to someone that I want to be their friend
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I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:
I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic. Some people who know me in real life still don’t. And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM. I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe? I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag. Even so, how could autism describe me? I was a good student. I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class. I can make eye contact…if I must. And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right? Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?
If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it. I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them: sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak. It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once.
So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance. It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day. But it shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities.
It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person. This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs. No two people on the spectrum present in the same way. And that’s a good thing! No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.
But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic. I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway. I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day. More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing. My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.
If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:
What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz
We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia
Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess
Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD
Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom
Neurotribes by Steve Silberman
(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).
Thanks for reading 💛
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when i was little i had a crush on freddi fishs little green friend. full on woobified that fish, drew him in the shittiest hospital 4 year old me could draw
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Finally typing the autism fish form results!!!! I dont have a computer, so i had to go to the library
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ALRIGHT AUTISM POWERS GO LET'S COLLECT WHAT'S UP WITH THE SIDE ORDER INFO WE JUST GOT
first things first
there is an almost explicit image being made of oil here, the fish are skeletons and they ooze black goo that looks like oil spills and the goo spews out like oil geysers. the skybox looks like an ocean polluted and murky with gasoline
it's electronic? this might not be real life and the real plaza but it definitely seems like its *real*, you get me?
dedf1sh is here <3
there's chunks of bodies... or mem-cakes? being carted around. this is notably NOT in 'real life', so either the electronic stuff is just technology or they're doing stuff in this weird techno-cyber world
5. i can't put it together rn but i swear those walls, while looking like code, also look like the like... those stones people made to teach post-nuclear societies what we knew and what mistakes not to make again? does anyone know what im talking about? am i insane? those are real right?
6. pearl is here with us as a robot, replacing lil buddy
7. We're finally getting lore on how we change ink? Or we're dealing with Agent 8 losing the color of her ink. Speaking of Agent 8--
8. WE HAVE CONFIRMATION IT'S AGENT 8
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As an autistic person, I want to say something about The Good Doctor.
Over the last month or so - but especially the last two days - Twitter has gone nuts about dragging the absolute piss out of this show. Because autism representation is so rare in major television shows or movies, I’ve been finding myself questioning whether The Good Doctor is in fact “good” representation in the slightest or if I’m just clinging onto it because it’s one of the few shows out there with an autistic lead… and people dragging the shit out of it has made me even more unsure because I’ve only seen one and a half seasons of the show so far and so I can’t really speak on how the show has done recently in regards to portraying autism.
Personally, do I feel that Shaun in TGD represents me and how I am autistic? No. But to be honest, I wasn’t expecting him to because autism is a spectrum and the areas where my autism affects my life will be different to other people’s; it’s also worth noting that it’s been shown that autistic traits are different in girls than in boys, and that girls tend to mask more etc. Obviously this does not apply to ALL boys and ALL girls, but in general it’s thought that girls and women tend to have different traits to boys and men.
With this in mind, Shaun actually does remind me at times of a child at the school I’m currently at - again, not 100% the same but there’s similarities in regards to how they talk, what they say etc. However, that child is five-nearly-six, and Shaun is a grown man so… do with that information what you will. There have also been a couple of moments I’ve had so far watching the show where it’s seemed like lightening has struck and I’m like “Oh that’s me!” - namely the social awkwardness and a meltdown scene. It’s not every episode, it’s only on occasion, but it’s been nice to see nonetheless because the only other time I’ve witnessed that with an actual confirmed autistic character is Newt Scamander.
Obviously I don’t speak for all autistic people, and I’m very aware that many other autistic people have expressed dislike and criticism of the show - and I get it, I truly do. I do think the show isn’t exactly the best written (to put it nicely) and that it gives a very stereotypical representation of autism, namely “white boy/man autism”. I don’t want to bash the show too much because while I’ve seen complaints about it, I’ve also had some fellow autistic people say to me that they love the show and that they feel Shaun represents them - and that’s great.
I do want to express my discomfort about the fact that people have turned a scene where Shaun is having a meltdown into a meme. There is a very fine line between criticizing a piece of media for bad representation and then mocking autistic meltdowns - and I think a lot of neurotypicals are in fact just using it as an excuse to laugh at autistic people and mock us. It’s not just that scene either: I’ve seen people mocking clips showing how he stands, how he talks, how he interacts with people, and it very much feels like people just wanted a chance to make ableist comments about autistic people.
It’s also interesting that this show has so far had six whole seasons air, it’s got extremely high viewership, and yet it’s only now that people are taking offence to a scene that occurred at least four years ago. I know that Twitter has had a field day over another scene in the first season where Shaun at first struggles to understand why a trans woman is “she” (which, you know, is a whole other kettle of fish given that I’ve seen it claimed that autistic people are more likely to be trans/NB etc), and far right TERFs/bigots were using that scene as some kind of “gotcha!”… right up until it was pointed out that by the end of the episode, Shaun fully accepted the trans woman’s gender identity and used the correct pronouns.
Again, I’m not saying this was brilliant writing or anything, but it was several years ago and is only now being brought up, same with other scenes taken out of context in the show… Yes, autistic people have voiced grievances with it before, but were ignored - I don’t believe for one minute that the neurotypicals making the memes and being preachy give one shit about actually autistic people or care about us, because otherwise why were our voices ignored before? It’s only now that it’s been getting public notice for the trans episode that people are going “ohhhh this show sucks and is bad representation” as if members of the autistic community haven’t voiced that opinion for years. It just rubs me the wrong way quite frankly.
What I will say is that I’m tired of seeing people drag Freddie Highmore though. He’s a good actor, anyone who’s seen him in things he’s done since his childhood will know that, it’s not his fault if he’s given shit scripts to work with. I do also think Freddie means well with his portrayal, even if he’s (as far as we know) allistic and the fact he appeared in an Autism $peaks video (because of TGD/all the cast did it) - the man has zero social media presence whatsoever though and didn’t even know what Pokémon Go was, so I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt this time and assume he truly hasn’t been informed about how harmful that organisation is. Or maybe I’m just going soft on him because seven year old me had an age appropriate crush on him eighteen years ago, who knows at this point?
I’m hoping all of this talk will open up a dialogue about the show and about the representation of autism, if nothing else.
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I am curious as to how many people hate or at least dont give a shit aboutttt dogs cats puppies kittens bunnys whatever but pretend to cause its expected of them like sometimes I'll get a non-fish or bug or bird or horse or big cat animal video in my insta reels about an ugly ass dog or a cat drooling or a baby rabbit and check the comments and its full of people saying how cute it is and how much they love it and I just can't understand cause its insta reel comments and none of you are being racist or at least disingenuously pretending to want to abuse them in an exaggerated way but no nothing like one of y'all has to be lying. Please be lying. I don't understand. Well I hate animals and I don't say anything. Because I know better cause its insta comments and if I were to say anything it would come across as trying to get a rise out of people well I always speak my truth. So I don't say anything cause I know its rude but daaaaaaaaaaamn some of you pet shelters have GOT to give it up. And if you hate animals you have to pretend to love them irl or be entertained by videos and pictures of them like nobody tells you that sometimes someone will show you a random ass video of a pet that isnt even theirs- they have no reason to give a shit about it, neither do you, and theyll like smile and you'll just look at it straight faced cause you want to scowl or at least recoil but that's rude. And its a bad thing that you just don't care. And this is where I know I really got autism or at least a wrong or inverted way of thinking down to the brainstem cause every time I start reflecting on it I really do feel completely alien or like a horror movie psycho or an INTJ who owns an airfryer or that I'm an edgy tween but I'm really not they just don't do anything for me and I think they're gross and I don't attatch any extra value to their lives. And there are animals I do like so I don't know why the fuck I'm like this. Maybe I was sent to balance out the animal lovers who only like domestics.. Fuzzy mammals well I also don't give a shit about a lot of wild animals and farm animals like I'm not in love with them but they do hold my respect especially big ones. Less so the small ones I hate rodents. Some shit like an armadillo... Yeah. But I wouldnt watch a video of an armadillo for my entertainment. I'll watch a leopard video should it come by. I'll watch a dolphin or porpoise video.. Owl video. Snake video. Am I so wrong? Maybe I was sent to be someone who sucks
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Tf2 men use the Internet I guess
This is DIFFERENT from gaming channels this is DIFFERENT! Although that post is fantastic I agree I agree
Scout: Tom Jones stan Twitter account. If Tom Jones breaks your immersion make it someone else idc, but his whole Tom Jones thing SHOWS you that Scout tf2 has a stan personality. Found in the comments section of your mom's Instagram page. Desperately trying to be a SoundCloud rapper but he records all his raps in the car with his ma and on every track you can hear Jeremy what the hell are you doing? in the background
Soldier: has a face that doesn't know about emails. He wouldn't use the Internet I'm sorry
Pyro: Half Roblox influencer half 1000-degree-knife esque YouTube channel. Answering authors' questions about arson on Reddit and Quora. Makes those videos where like some guy drives out into a field and blows a bunch of shit up bc they think big flamethrowers are cool
Demo: if I speak...
Heavy: extremely vivid image of him with one of those old person pfps where they're staring down the camera the camera is positioned like. in their lap. sunglasses on. squinting. mouth slightly open. only exists to tweet gun specs, I love autism
Engie: IT guy. Exists to show off his machines. Redditor but in a decent way, in a makes-cool-crafts-that-get-reposted-to-Tumblr-with-no-credit kind of way. You get it. I love autism again
Medic: 33% bird videos, 33% somewhat misused gay slang, 34% tweeting EXACTLY like this
I need him
Sniper: 1/4 vanlife vlogger 3/4s Dogman In Barn. Twitter pfp of him holding a fish. Alternatively, becomes respected video game comedy blogger aprofess-
Spy: Gentleman Lifestyle blogger but not necessarily in a misogynistic way. Just in a French way. Kind of just giving people fashion advice. Also in your mom's Instagram comments but she actually DMs him. One of those guys who has a Blackberry and refuses to upgrade. Trust me I understand him more than you
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Big Three Cousins Movie Night
(and nicknames)
Nico: *arriving* Hey, Pine Cone.
Thalia: Sup ghostie boy.
Nico: Where's Percy?
Thalia: Not here yet. Did you bring snacks?
Nico: Of course.
Thalia: Please tell me you brought more than just fruit snacks.
Nico: Oh please like I'd share my fruit snacks with you. I brought popcorn, M&Ms for you and blue gummy worms for Ocean Boy.
Thalia: Good then, I brought the sleeping bags and pillows.
Nico: The good ones?
Thalia: Of course! The hunters of Artemis only carry the best of sleeping equipment!
Nico: *mumbles* Only good thing about them.
Thalia: What was that, Death Boy?
Nico: Nothing.
Thalia: That's what I thought.
Nico: *growing impatient* Where is, Corn chip?
Thalia: I'm sorry.... Are you referring to Percy?
Nico: Yes. All he's been eating are fucking corn chips!
Thalia: Are they blue corn chips?
Nico: What kind of question is that?
Thalia: Yeah that was dumb. Of course they're blue!
Nico: Duh!
Thalia: But uh... Why are you so mad about his blue corn chips.
Nico: Because he's a fucking hypocrite! He told on me to Will when I was only eating fruit snacks but now he won't eat anything except the corn chips!
Thalia: *trying not to laugh* Okay then....
Nico: *rambling* and corn chips aren't even that good! Potato chips are so much better! At least they have flavor! He doesn't even dip them in anything he just eats them plain!
Thalia: Yes that is absolutely despicable of him. I mean, the nerve of some people!
Nico: Shut up, Birds Nest.
Thalia: Hey I was the whole tree, not just a birds nest.
Nico: I was referring to your hair.
Thalia: Wow, you're almost as much of a bitch as Sea Horse is.
Nico: Please, no one can compete with him on the bitchiest. Speaking of, where is Surfer Dude. He wants us to spend time together and then he's late!
Percy: *walks in*
Thalia: There's The Walking Wet Floor Sign!
Nico: *snorts* That's a new one.
Thalia: I know, it's great isn't it?
Nico: I still like "fish face"
Percy: Really guys? I just got here and you're already insulting me.
Nico: No that's wrong, we were insulting you before you got here.
Thalia: Are all fish this late to their own movie night?
Percy: At least I'm not a flightless bird.
Nico: A flightless bird and the nest all in one!
Thalia: Okay we better get the movie started before I commit two first degree murders!
Nico: Actually it would be second degree. For first degree you'd have to have premeditated, meaning you planned it. Second degree would apply here since you're doing it out of anger and in the heat of the moment.
Thalia and Percy: *no words*
Nico: *casual as can be* Also if you kill me my glow stick boyfriend will kill you so make your next move wisely.
Percy: Do I wanna ask....?
Thalia: Probably not.
Nico: I've met a lot of serial killers.
Percy: You were right, I shouldn't have asked.
Thalia: Uh huh... Moving right along! What movies did you bring, Whale Man?
Percy: Well Sparky, I brought a few I thought we could agree on.
Nico: Okay but no zombie movies!!!
Thalia: Why the fuck not? Those are the best?
Percy: Are you scared of zombie movies?
Nico: No, they're just so unrealistic it pisses me off. And no slashers either!
Thalia: Oh I am with you on that one! It's always some girl who always runs towards the killer!
Nico: Right! And it's always so predictable who the killer is.
Percy: Okay..... I've got some comedies.
Nico: No, I never understand like half of the jokes.
Thalia: You think that's cause of the Autism or the 70 years in the casino thing?
Nico: Not sure.
Thalia: You got any Romance?
Percy:.... You hate romance movies.....
Thalia: Yes but I do enjoy making fun of them.
Nico: I agree, that's a comedy I can enjoy.
Percy: No we are not watching a movie just to make fun of it.
Thalia: Why not? That's why we watched The Bee Movie.
Nico: He doesn't want to cause he enjoys cheesy romance movies.
Percy: How about a Sci-Fi movie?
Nico: Sure.
Thalia: No.
Percy: Okay... Apocalyptic?
Nico: No.
Percy: We could watch an ocean documentary.
Thalia: Only you would enjoy that.
Percy: Hey, I can understand what all of the sea creatures say, it's like an underwater soap opera.
Nico: But only you can understand.
Percy: Fine.. what about-?
Thalia: It's useless, were never going to agree.
Nico: Wanna watch the usual?
Thalia and Percy: *nods*
Percy: *puts on Ice Age Dawn of the Dinosaurs*
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