I need to draw more Earthbound au

Specifically Clive being actually a little bit scary, because he is

For FFWF: How do you come up with your characters?

So sorry for not answering this sooner. It got lost in all my notifs. 😭

It’s kind of a mix of different things. There are some outside influences, like maybe I’m inspired by a character of another writer.

For my characters in my Dying To Live Ghost fanfic, all of my characters are based off of facets of me, honestly. One of the things I enjoy about writing is that I can write about anything and everything. I try to have my characters do thing or be things I couldn’t imagine for myself.

For example, Wendigo is probably closest to my main self. I’m rather serious, laid back etc. With the obvious trauma and the anxiety that is locked up inside and all. Sometimes finding myself trapped with the overwhelming sense of guilt of the events of the past, wondering if I had done something different, if it would have changed anything. Much like Wendigo.

Red is my personification of my anger. Nobody likes to admit it, but we all have some but of anger in us. Red is my embodiment of rage of things that were never brought to justice. She feels wronged, and she has been wronged, but she never gets the justice she craves and honestly deserves. Which leaves her restless and more bitter.

Yellowfang is the part of me that is old but gold. I am Wiccan, I won’t go into detail about it. You guys have google to look that shit up. Essentially, Yellowfang is the embodiment of all the lives I’ve lived. Resilient despite it all, and with the challenges came wisdom. She is calm, wise, motherly and respected.

Echo is the quiet. The part of me that was silenced because I wasn’t allowed to speak on the truth of things. That everything wasn’t as it all seemed.

Sunny is the inner child that was forced into the box in order to survive, and let Wendigo take her place. She is bright, gleeful and just a magnet for all things of positive nature. She is the representation of childhood innocence, and the death of it.

VANGUARD and the Titan Program kinda represent the first 18 years of my life lol 😂

Hope that helps. Lol that shit got dark real quick, but it’s the truth. A lot of my characters I project a part of me in them. It helps me to write them better. If I just create a character with no part of me involved, I feel like my character comes off flat and fake.

@flatlinedgamer

“As Long As The Lemon Trees Grow” by Zoulfa Katouh review! (It’s a little short.)

Hello, Tumblrians! Because of my absence, I’ll have a LOT of catchup to do! Oof. But, that means more reviews to read(for you guys) and to write(for me)! That, I’m actually pretty excited about. (Although the presence of an actual follower who isn’t an IRL is intimidating…hi to the Swiftie who followed me despite me purposefully making myself go unnoticed in Booklr.)

As Long As The Lemon Trees Grow by Zoulfa Katouh is a 2022 novel, following Salama, a Muslim Syrian during the 2011 Civil War. Having lost her family prior to the story, and working as a nurse full-time because of there being a shortage/need for them, she’s doubly familiar with the death and destruction that’s ravaging her homeland. In her day-to-day life, besides worrying about her pregnant sister-in-law, she’s haunted by Khawf, the personification of her PTSD, survival instincts and survivor’s guilt. She’s set on leaving Syria, due to it being unsafe, but needs to figure out how she’s going to. But, in the midst of this tragedy, Salama meets a boy her age that she was supposed to cross paths with before the war started, and she begins to doubt her resolve in leaving.

Lemon Trees, when it isn’t packing emotional punches and pulling on your heartstrings with its visceral and vivid descriptions of trauma, the destruction of war, and death, is a beautifully written story of perseverance, and holding hope even when it initially seems futile. As an American, I never got to learn much about Syria, other than the occasional statistic, but those were straightforward and devoid of emotion. Here, it offers a window not just into the atrocities Syrians had to face(although Zoulfa details in the author’s note there were a few liberties taken with the civil war’s events in order to fit within the narrative’s timeline), but a well-needed one into Syria’s culture and people. It added a layer of humanity and heart I hadn’t been able to connect with before.

For all of the hardships and tragedies within its plot though, somehow, it felt as if Zoulfa wanted to hold out a hand to her readers, to help them get through the final pages. Perhaps that was the work of the frequent Studio Ghibli references, which some might say clash with the tone of the story and don’t work, but I disagree: Ghibli films are known for making something lively and magical out of the mundane, which Salama tries to find moments of, and it fits the kind of escapism she’s looking for. It also adds a sentimental layer to the romance, as the leads bond over those movies and their mutual love of them (even going as far as to compare themselves to the Castle In The Sky couple, aww). Another part of that hopeful aspect though, is undoubtedly the emphasis put on embracing Syrian culture, even if our characters don’t practice it in their homeland anymore because it’s dangerous to live there. It’s for sure a love letter to all of the Syrians who may or may not be reading, and to the country itself.

But, this is not an easy read by any means, if the subject matter wasn’t any indicator. The medical gore really got to me multiple times(it gets really gross, guys), and I couldn’t bring myself to finish this in one sitting. Regardless, I think this is a worthwhile read, and will stick with me for a long time! I just cannot say that I enjoyed it like my other highly rated and favorite books.

Book rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ ½/5 stars. 

~Paz, signing off! ^^

(Book content/trigger warnings: Frequent medical gore, death of parents(on-page), starvation/malnutrition, SA(mentions of it and an on-page attempt, pages 328-332), PTSD and panic attacks, literally all of the stuff that comes with war.)

fuck you're tags on your last sophocles post. im crying in the club, because i too would take my sisters pain as my own in a heartbeat. i cannot express to you how deeply i am feeling. thank you as always queen

Electra and Orestes really is an incredible love story, like.....their tragedy begins generations back! Their great great great grandfather began the curse, and then each generation that followed continued it. The oresteia is this cycle of toxicity and familial murder and abuse. And no one breaks this cycle! No one breaks this cycle until orestes and electra, and even they aren't completely free from it since they do kill clytemnestra. But they still manage to overcome the furies and are acquitted and the furies--the personification of vengeance! Which none of their previous generations have been able to evade! They have always killed for vengeance and then have died for vengeance!--are turned into the eumenides! Literally kindness! They are met with kindness! Because they felt genuine remorse for their actions and an honest and consuming love for each other and hope for their future which the previous generations never did! Agamemnon was stagnant after iphigenia's death. Clytemnestra was bitter and cruel after agememnon's. Only orestes and electra had any real chance at overcoming the pain and spite that seemed hereditary, and it was because they loved each other in a way which none of the rest could! Atreus flat out killed his brother. Menelaus did not arrive in time to save his. But orestes came back for electra. He could have lived his life! He was free from the poisoned house of atreus, he had grown up and was happy, but he came back for his sister because he loved her and he'd made a promise. And electra had all but given up, because no one in their family kept their promises, and it had been so long since she'd felt any amount of tenderness, but then he showed up. And he was supposed to lie to her, to tell her that her brother was dead, that was the plan, everything hinged on him deceiving her in the beginning--but he couldn't even do that. Because he loved her. And he didn't want to cause her pain, even for a moment, even to save their lives. And then when he killed their venomous mother, this moment he had been working towards all his life, orestes was not thinking of himself. He was thinking of electra. He said, his first words after the fact, "Don't worry. She will never hurt you again." And there stood electra's brightest fantasy: her brother, returned like an avenging angel to rescue her from her abuser. And when he was sick, and to be executed for matricide, electra could have escaped and saved herself. But she couldn't. She said "I want us to be buried in the same tomb." Only electra could cure orestes' guilt-driven madness and convince him to keep living. Finally, from the house of atreus, here was an honest and selfless love. And that's what ended the cycle. They end a circular, generations-spanding, bloody family tragedy finding peace and happiness. That's a love story.

It really is about siblings raising each other under the shadow of generational trauma and rescuing each other from parental abuse and breaking the cycle through healthy love and support and forging a future where they can be better than the ones that came before.

sorry if you've answered this (you can just link me to that post if you have) but what are your thoughts on how you wanna see the prison arc proceed? personally I kinda wish they didn't do it because I was fine with dream just being a villain and I don't really want him to have a redemption arc bc of the torture I also don't want techno to break him out and be seen as a hero for it ether bc idk dream was put in there for legitimate reasons and I don't want them to downplay his victim's trauma

I don't remember if I answered it, but I'll gladly do it again if that's the case!

So, I don't like the prison plot. It feels unnecessary. The only purpose that I can find for it is giving c!Dream some gratuitous unearned sympathy and that's it.

However we are on it now, so how can they write themselves out of the corner they trapped themselves into without making light of the themes of abuse they introduced?

Well, the best way in my opinion is to have Dream be freed, but not having him become a better person. Both because the message of "torture can make people better" is simply atrocious and because, as I mentioned before, a redemption arc is unearned. Suffering is not what makes a character eligible for redemption, guilt and regret are.

That said it would be absurd if the torture didn't influence c!Dream at all, and I don't mean this in a "now he's even worse" way, because you simply can't be worse. I mean it in a "he probably will be more cautious, show the effects of trauma and, perhaps, even try to get allies" way.

He should by no means become a broken little thing for the Syndicate to fix, that would be the biggest disservice to his character, quite the opposite: I want a face-off between bad guys.

Because c!Dream has the potential to take the role of the sort of “mirror” for both Wilbur and Quackity: an example of what you can become if you let your desire for power and control consume you. An example of what failing to curate your attachments will do to you. He's the personifications of their inner demons and being faced with him could kickstart their own redemption arcs.

That said, this could also set up the Syndicate as Dream's allies having them be firmly placed in the "ultimate antagonist" role (especially since we can't really have them as our protagonists or heroes since they barely exist as a group).

This could also cause some character development for Techno. Either have him realize that he can be in the wrong as well, or have him double down as a self-centred asshole who only cares about what directly impacts him. Anything at all as long as it gets him to be a character again.

OPINION: How Cells at Work! Taught Me to Embrace Self-Care

  CONTENT WARNING: This article contains references to mental illness as well as self-harm, eating disorders, and alcohol abuse. Reader discretion is advised. 

  The next chapter in the story of Cells at Work! has arrived on Crunchyroll, and with it, we can continue the story about you, your body, and your 37.2 trillion cells. This is the story of how Cells at Work! saved my life and helped me become a healthier person. 

  I won’t get into the nitty-gritty details of the things that have happened to me — we don’t have the luxury of time. What I will say is that my most recent psychiatric ARNP, while doing my assessment, said I had six lives’ worth of trauma packed into my 26 years. I chose unhealthy coping mechanisms. I struggled between the desire to feel everything and nothing at all, where poor circumstances bred poor decisions. 

    Initially while facing suffering, I was jaded. But after several abusive relationships, my feelings transformed into a helpless acceptance that I was unworthy of good things. The depression infected every instance of my life: I stopped eating; some days it took me three hours just to convince myself to shower; some days I couldn’t convince myself to shower at all. I swung between frantic insomnia and using sleep as an escape. 

  When I reached out to family and friends, I was met with an overwhelming tirade of toxic positivity. It felt like I was drowning beneath the riptide while they were standing on the shoreline screaming at me to learn how to swim. And so, I turned to anime. Anime has always been a part of my mental health regimen. I found that if I was able to laugh during a crisis, I was able to slowly reel myself back from devastating action. Several series have played this heroic role, and in this instance, it was Cells at Work!. 

    Cells at Work! was delightful, and like many, I was charmed by its cities of anthropomorphic cells: the somewhat ditzy and directionally challenged AE3803 red blood cell; the stoic and sometimes ruthless U-1146 white blood cell; the adorable platelets; the chiseled killer-T cells. It was a lovely little slice of life and comedy venture, giving me a much-needed escape from reality.

  When Cells at Work! CODE BLACK started airing, I was more than eager to jump back into the quirky land and follow my cell friends for some comedy giggles, and at times, astute observations. I hadn’t read the manga, and I didn’t know this story would be one of a deteriorating body full of danger, loss, and chaos. 

  Suddenly, it all became real: the true consequences my actions were having on my body and the trillions of cells that are a part of it. I saw the effect downing a bottle of wine in one sitting would have on my liver cells; the demand facing my blood cells with an ever-decreasing supply of food and energy; the repercussions self-mutilation would have on my poor platelets — that doing so would be evicting cells just like AE3803 from her home, ridding her of her purpose, and ultimately denying her life.

    But unlike all of the conversations I had with others before — the counselors and the well-meaning mentors and the concerned friends and family — what I felt wasn’t disgust at my previous actions. It wasn’t circles of sorrow and self-hatred, nor was it an endless cycle of guilt and shame ... I wasn’t revolted by what I had done, rather, I was determined to be better. 

  My cells can’t yell at me. They don’t speak English. They have no HR, no benefits package, no union. I’m their only ally and advocate, the only one who can make their world better and work easier, perhaps even more meaningful. So I have to listen or they will strike and all the lights will go off. I have to, because if I don’t, who else will?

  When I thought about it less like it was my blood and my body, and more like I was the mother or caretaker to all of these little beings, I was able to do things I couldn’t before: eat, exercise, hydrate, choose healthy coping mechanisms and refrain from self-mutilation. I now had a purpose, which wasn’t so loosely defined as “self-love.” I wanted to be able to provide a safe home and a good working environment so all of my cells could do their jobs.

  Slowly, I began to change. 

  Bit by bit, moment by moment, I took steps to try and help my cells. 

  I began to set an alarm to remind myself to eat. Eventually, this led to tracking those meals to see if I was getting balanced and proper nutrition, and later to meal planning to ensure the blood cells could do their jobs efficiently and without worry. I invested in some supplements to help me sleep; I stopped looking at electronics at midnight to give my brain time to wind down. I started each day by doing some simple arm motions and stretching, moving up to walking and gentle yoga routines, to finally going for a run this last week, in hopes of helping my blood circulation and increasing my blood pressure since I have severe hypotension.

  I’ll admit, some days are harder than others. At times, I mess up. I don’t manage to cook a healthy meal or I can’t get out of bed. But these slips are tenfold healthier than my previous coping mechanisms and I acknowledge that I’m human. Mistakes, accidents, and blunders are bound to happen, but I can minimize the damage and I can try to prepare for those days when they come. Some days the destructive urges are there, but the key is that I don’t act on those harmful impulses. I’m able to control myself and reach for healthier alternatives because I can’t bear the thought of hurting my cells more than I already have. I have to be better for them.

    So many times I have had people tell me that I have to put on my own face mask before helping someone else. While that all makes sense in theory (I can rationalize it), putting it into action and practice is an entirely different experience. It doesn’t in any way recognize that having a life and living it for oneself is a lot of pressure. The overbearing crush of expectation compounded with the unrelenting belief that I am undeserving of basic life necessities. How many of us feel unworthy?

  In the face of death, severe stress, and exhaustion, NT4201 (AE3803’s junior) asks: “Even if we try our hardest, do you really believe it’ll change anything?” 

  How many times have I asked myself that question, unable to find an answer? 

  Fortunately, Cells at Work! provides one for us. Throughout the series, we see cells helping each other as they go about their daily lives. It’s not just that their tasks are their jobs and that is their sole purpose. They strive to work their hardest for the others that live there. AE3803 persists because “Everyone is trying their best. I also have to do this too.” 

    In Cells at Work! CODE BLACK, AA2153 has a similar experience. He asks white blood cell U-1196 if their jobs are really worth risking their lives for. She replies: “We might be working so we can find the answer to that.” The series confirms our experience — there are things we cannot control; bad things happen. Even so, there are actions we can take and people we can rely on because we’re not alone. 

  I couldn’t do it for myself. But I could do it for them. 

Cells at Work!’s personification was the allegory I needed to commit to self-care and a healthier lifestyle. It reminded me that sometimes it’s not the big things that keep us here ... sometimes it’s something as small as a single cell working their hardest that leads to revelations and meaningful change.

    I hope I can live in a way my cells can be proud of. I hope I can give them a better life. 

  How has anime helped you practice self-care? Which anime has encouraged you to lead a healthier life? Let me know in the comments below!

    Annie is a writer for Crunchyroll Features. She hopes her platelets know how much she loves them, and she still has a mega-crush on white blood cell U-1196. She also runs Annieme, a blog committed to anime and mental health. Follow her @anniemeaddict.

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features! 

By: Annie M

Me and my brother were talking about what-ifs in the story and he brought up how it's a given that Dimitri would've likely continued down that dark path beyond the Gronder Field battle if not for Rodrigue's sacrifice. We know Byleth knows that Dimitri considers him a second father, so suppose she did react in time during the post-Gronder fight, how would things pan out if she took that blow instead to spare Dimitri further sorrow? I can only imagine the Dimileth angst coming from that

The thing we need to think about when diving into the topic of Dimitri’s redemption and how Rodrigue’s sacrifice set it off is the psychology behind it. 

Keep in mind that this is all my personal interpretation of the game’s events and what would happen with these changes, so if you disagree with me that’s 100% valid.

Now, Dimitri is broken. I know, shocking, but I really mean this. Dimitri is one of the most broken characters I’ve seen in a long time and I completely understand how and why he got there. Dimitri is a mentally ill man that went through a series of very traumatic events, never got the help he needed, kept the trauma bottled up until it nearly broke him, and then went through ANOTHER series of very traumatic events all while suffering a mental breakdown, and then was subsequently isolated in the woods with nothing but hallucinations that constantly reinforced toxic ideas in his head until they were all he believed.

He is a broken, confused, psychological MESS of a human being. He has had the same self-hate and guilt whirling around in his soul for five straight years now. He’s constantly had the fact that he is unworthy of life, that he needs to avenge the dead, and that he is only allowed to live so that he can make sure the dead find rest reinforced to the point where nothing else seems to even matter to him.

As far as he’s concerned the only two fates he’s worthy of are death and vengeance. If he attains either than he’ll have attained his purpose. Anything else, love, friendship, comfort, warmth, the little things that make us alive? He is utterly unworthy of those things as far as he’s concerned. He can’t even begin to conceive that people still care about him he’s brainwashed himself with this idea so much. And, also, I think he may also deeply resent everyone around him for 1) trying to take care of himself 2) not being there when he needed them when he was in the woods being hunted for five years. Heck, the one person he seemed most like his old self with before his atonement was Dedue, who went out of his way to save Dimitri and was ONLY not with him the last five years because he was just that gravely injured and literally unable to be by his side. I don’t know what everyone else was doing for those five years (other than looking for Dimitri, which he can’t reasonably assume, and doing what they can to aid people during the war), but Byleth’s reason for why they weren’t there DOES seem a little iffy and weird, so I don’t even blame him for being prissy, especially if he at all mourned them, which he clearly did.

Point is, he’s a hot mess of such bad mental health issues that you could honestly write a whole psychology paper on it and turn it in for a grade.

Now, onto why this is important to consider for that whole scene.

The attempted assassination is important for two very different reasons that both are very important to why Dimitri is tries to leave to do a suicide run against Enbarr and ultimately meets Byleth for his redemption. One is obviously Rodrigue, but there’s another that people often overlook.

Fleche.

Fleche is very important to the ‘why’ in Dimitri’s redemption.

Fleche is a sad look at who Dimitri is and how he could have ended up. Fleche is someone who lost her brother, the person she loved most, misidentified his killer (Byleth, although that was the best case for him at the time honestly and Dimitri is the main cause for his death) though said misidentified person was a huge factor in the death, and set out for revenge. Revenge was her driving goal from, to the point of insanity, and whether she realized it or not she became just like Dimitri in her goal.

She may not realize this, but Dimitri actually heavily empathized with her goal. He willingly let her into the army when he heard that she wanted to avenge her brother, and didn’t even sound AS dismissive about it as he could’ve. He got it, and he was willing to let her ride along his army for revenge.

He’s not even mad at her for stabbing him.

See that look on his face? That’s not the look of someone who is angry. He gets it. He gets why she’s doing this. He doesn’t even really blame her. He knows this is what she needs to do, and he knows he deserves it. As for as he’s concerned, he’s deserved to die for a long time, and he’s just going to die for someone else’s revenge rather than his own.

Through Fleche Dimitri sees a reflection of his own madness. He see’s what he is, and he sees what he’s caused. This is the face of his worth. Fleche is a living personification of everything he’s done wrong and everything he’s failed at. He caused her to become this, and he’s going to die to help her fulfill her purpose. This was what HE was meant for. To die for the sake of vengeance.

Then Rodrigue cuts in and basically says, “Ah, no, actually. Because I’m not going to let that happen.”

Rodrigue’s sacrifice served to show Dimitri that, yes, your life is WORTH something to other people, and that you aren’t meant to die for anyone’s revenge. Rodrigue willingly choosing to save Dimitri’s life is a direct contrast to the ideals that Dimitri has brainwashed himself with: that he’s deserves to die.

Rodrigue no-sells the revenge death and shows Dimitri that not only are there people who WANT him to live, so much that they’re willing to stake their own life on it selflessly, but that they want him to live for something OTHER than the revenge he’s been seeking. They’re not trying to hinder him for their own goals, they’re trying to take care of him for HIS sake.

Rodrigue’s act is one of pure, selfless, fatherly love. It’s a love that Dimitri has denied himself for five years, and didn’t realize was being directed his way before now. It’s a drastic show of affection that cuts through years of brainwashing. In theory, the same result could have been achieved if Rodrigue was injured in the process, or even not at all as long as he simply stood in the way of the death and Dimitri, but…well…him dying for the cause is more emotionally impacting from a story telling perspective.

I also love the symbolism of Byleth being the one to cut Fleche down for good because they’re the one that finally fully turns Dimitri towards redemption and instill the idea that he deserves to live for himself, thus “killing” the idea he needs to die for vengeance. 

So, would the results change at all if Byleth were the one that stepped in the way of Fleche’s revenge? 

No, I personally don’t think so.

Dimitri is in love with both Byleth and Rodrigue. It’s just two different kids of love. He very openly admitted to loving Rodrigue like a second father pre-timeskip (Dimitri has a few dads, doesn’t he?). Byelth can either be romantic (which I interpret as canon based on his interactions with them in cut-scenes) or platonic love of a close friend. He simply denied himself those affections during his time as Feral!Dimitri (Actually, the more I talk about it, the more Punished!Dimitri sounds more accurate, because he’s really just punishing himself).

So, events would play out the same with a wounded Byleth, only this time he would maybe have his classmates be slower to forgive him based on how much one can interpret them loving Byleth over Rodrigue. Which, let’s be honest, most of them know Byleth better, so it will probably take them a little longer.

Still, Byleth made a sacrifice for him, and believed in him, so they would forgive him eventually.

Dimitri forgiving himself is another story. He never DOES forgive himself for Rodrigue’s sacrifice, and he won’t forgive himself for Byleth’s sacrifice.

On the other hand, we can also speculate that without Byleth there to stop Dimitri’s suicide run to Enbarr and act as the light that pulls him out of the darkness, he DOES end up going through with the plan and joins her in death in his fit of grief fueled madness.

31 Days of Poe Day 2: “The Fall of the House of Usher”

“The Fall of the House of Usher” is one of those stories that I could never get out of my head from the time I first read it. It’s a story that demonstrates Poe’s absolute mastery of suspense and horrifyingly gloomy atmospheres, and the complexity of the characters and the events which take place leave questions that are too fascinating to ignore.

The narrative follows a man who revisits his childhood friend, Roderick Usher, at his family estate after many years. Roderick suffers from an inherited sensory sensitivity and he implores his friend to come and visit in order to alleviate his anxieties. When the narrator arrives at The House of Usher, he finds it in a repulsive state of decay and Roderick looking sickly and agitated, due to the fact that his sister and only living relative, Madeline, is close to death. After Madeline does die, an even stranger atmosphere seems to fall over the household, with Roderick acting more distraught than usual and mysterious sounds echoing through the mansion. As the story progresses, the narrator begins to suspect that deep and dark secrets surround Roderick and the Usher family.

“The Fall of the House of Usher” is all about build up and mood. Poe’s language and descriptions are gorgeously dark and rich, even from the very first sentence: “During the whole of a dull, dark, and soundless day in the autumn of the year, when the clouds hung oppressively low in the heavens, I had been passing alone, on horseback, through a singularly dreary tract of country; and at length found myself, as the shades of the evening drew on, within view of the melancholy House of Usher.” The story is dripping with heaviness and dread which leads to a slow building, existential kind of terror. The atmosphere perfectly reflects the themes, which are some of Poe’s most complex and mysterious, including family legacy, the inevitable passage of time, mortality, grief, mental illness, incest, the fall of aristocracy, and more.

Would I recommend “The Fall of the House of Usher”? Absolutely. This is one of my favorite of Poe’s works and I think it deserves to be recognized with some of his more famous tales. I think this story is taught a lot more in college courses than in high school, which unfortunately means that a lot of people miss out on it, so if you haven’t read it yet, you simply must. It has appeal for a wide variety of readers, whether you like it for the mystery, the slow building creepiness, or the sublime setting and prose. I would also recommend watching the animated adaptation of this story, which can be found in the anthology called Extraordinary Tales on Netflix. This particular segment is narrated by Christopher Lee, who’s voice is a perfect fit for the somber tone.

For more analysis (which includes spoilers!!!) please read below the cut!

As I said before, a lot of the genius of “The Fall of the House of Usher” is exemplified in the first few pages, describing the dismal House of Usher and the surrounding land with beautifully disgusting detail. Poe’s way with setting the scene really shines here as he is able to repulse and yet at the same time draw the reader even deeper into this environment of gloom and disintegration. The way the narrator expresses his disgust at how far the house has fallen is like reading a description of a human corpse; and it actually kind of is, as Poe adds a lot of personification to this house, such as describing the windows as eyes (precursor to Monster House, anyone?).

This opening scene is a wonderful introduction to Roderick Usher, and by extension, the history of the Usher family as well, as the exterior of the house is just a symptom for the larger malady. We get the story of a once great family that has utterly disappeared from society, and its last two vestiges are rapidly approaching the grave themselves. The Usher family is utterly fascinating, as it is apparent not only to the reader, but the characters themselves that everything the family tried to do to maintain their longevity and prowess actually directly lead to their downfall. It’s made very clear that the family practiced frequent incestual marriages in order to keep the Usher bloodline as pure as possible. This is, however, what probably caused the maladies that both Roderick and Madeline suffer from, and what probably caused the entire family to slowly die out from lack of genetic diversity. This element gives a heavy air of tragedy to the character of Roderick, as it seems he has inherited the physical, mental, and dynastic ailments of his entire family.

Madeline is also an interesting presence in the story. I say presence because we never see her speak or interact with the characters, and yet she looms over the entire house, like a living ghost. The narrator only gets glimpses of her, and she remains largely a mystery to him. This makes the character of Madeline a perfect symbol for the darker and more mysterious aspects of the Usher legacy. Roderick is seemingly haunted by her and, while at first, this appears to be a familial devotion to his sister, by the end of the story we know that his growing agitation means something more.

When reading this story for the first time, and again during my most recent reading, this strange relationship between Roderick, Madeline, and the rest of the Ushers stood out to me the most of any story element. It’s like these two siblings are trapped underneath the giant weight of their family legacy and all they have left for comfort in the world is each other. 

This begs the question though; why DID Roderick leave Madeline in her coffin if he knew she was still alive? The most common theory, and the one I subscribe to as well, is that Roderick and Madeline engaged in an incestuous relationship and Madeline herself represents that part of Roderick’s life that he wishes to shut away out of shame. There are scores of moments that point to this possibility, like the family history of incest or the romantic poem that Roderick recites as he is thrown into despair at Madeline’s worsening condition. There are many different levels on which to read this relationship as well, whether you want to look at an incestuous relationship as the ultimate failure of the aristocratic class or, for a more modern approach, as an inappropriate part of the psyche that causes moral anguish. 

I think there may be even more to Roderick’s shame and fear regarding this incest, however, as the looming figure of the House of Usher brings to mind the idea of an oppressive legacy. Rather than Roderick and Madeline falling in love despite their circumstances, I’m more inclined to believe that Roderick and Madeline were pressured or, perhaps, even forced, into an incestuous relationship in order to preserve their family bloodline. Both Roderick and Madeline seem like shells of their former selves and they hardly ever interact with one another despite supposedly being very close. It’s almost as though they have undergone some kind of trauma. Roderick’s worsening agitation could very well be a symptom of his guilt and shame at having to engage in incest against his will, and Madeline’s presence would indeed be quite literally haunting him. Her death, while very painful for him, would also represent an end to this constant reminder, which is why Roderick cannot bear to release his sister from her coffin once he knows she is still alive.

This would also explain Roderick’s absolute terror as he hears Madeline breaking out of her tomb and climbing the stairs to reach him. In this moment, Madeline is not just Madeline. She is the physical form of all of Roderick’s guilt and responsibility come to confront him and take him down with her. And as they go down, dying together, the house and the rest of the family legacy goes down with them as the entire mansion crumbles before the narrator’s eyes. It’s a haunting representation of how an obsessive family legacy will inevitably cause its own downfall. I like both the class interpretation and the psychological interpretation of this. On one hand, the Ushers represent the weakness and eventual futility of aristocratic family purity, as it can never last in an ever-changing world with new populations and new class structures. On the other hand, the Ushers demonstrate that familial pressure and trauma passed down through generations will only lead to destruction unless the cycle of abuse is broken.

So, what do y’all think? Is there another interpretation for Roderick’s actions? What do you think about the relationship between Roderick and the narrator? If you have something to discuss, please add your comments to the post or send me an ask! You can also use the tag #31daysofpoe to write your own response post!

Me Myself and i....Oh and the rest. 13/06/20

There are multiple of me. 

So the title might confuse some no one still really knows about this condition but I have DID or Dissociative identity disorder I have four alternative personalities which all represent a part of my life its hard having DID especially when one of your alters is a two-year-old.

There are some trigger warnings towards self-harm suicidal mentions eating disorder mentions, with a side of abuse mentions ooh and also sprinkle of sexual assault. WOOHOO, that sounds like a fun one a walk in the park.. .ohh there might be ducks...ill get some bread...

Having DID is weird when you can zone out, and one of your alters can take control over everything you do and say you can zone out in the kitchen and zone back in and you could have destroyed a whole city and blew the world up and be butt naked in front of thousands of people (that was a good afternoon).

I am joking for disclaimer usage.

But there you go I said it I have DID. I haven't wanted to admit it, but I have currently four alternative personalities so five people in me head 

I will talk about the alters and what they represent I will talk about them and use images that my friend drew of them he is the only one that knows.

I have Stripe, Blue, Cody and Eliza they all live in my head and like… (SENTENCE BEGAN DRUNK, MAYBE FINISH LATER?)

Stripe

He represents my depression and suicidal thoughts. He will very often take over and cut me. It's horrible I can be doing a normal thing and then boom he takes over he is a lot like me, but he looks like a demon his red glowing eyes are staring at me right now I wish he'd fuck off. He and Eliza are both bad alters that try to hurt and kill me multiple times. Stripe has taken over and gone on walkies and self-harmed he talks to me most the day lingering over my shoulder telling me I'm better off dead and he is the reason for all of my impulses. It's hard having DID I've said that thousands of times now but it is, okay? I hate it. I wish I never had it. He makes a good impression of me. He's a demon who can fly.

One time he took overtook one of my knives and cut my arm, my friend walked in and stopped it, he tried to walk away from it like nothing had happened. Still, he didn't get away with it as my friend took it away and hugged me until I retook control he's been a part of me for years now I don't remember exactly when I developed my DID, but I think it must have been since I was about 16 so there you go. Four years.

A lot of the time his high pitched squeal penetrates my ears with his whispers of 'you're not good enough' and 'your friends hate you' his claws dig deeper onto my shoulder and grips me harder every time I don't listen to him, and all I'm left with is the shadow of the sheer guilt taking over my whole life.

He looks like a demon he has a stripe all down the middle of his body, and his eyes sometimes glow in the night he says a lot of stuff things he knows will hurt me. He has horns on his head and is constantly trying to get me to cut myself and convince me that I need to feel the relief and pain while the blade kisses my skin and slices my wrists up. He stops me doing things I enjoy like, for example, musical theatre there was this person there who was a snake. He always said she's going to do it again you're going to be sexually assaulted again if you go outside.

I asked what the person that knows about this and what they said it is like when Stripe takes over:

"When Stripe takes over, it's very creepy. I can look in the eyes of my best friend, someone I love, and it's not them in that head. It's someone… something else. Stripe usually tries to pretend to be Dino, but he never expresses any emotion except hate, which is how I know its not my Dino in there. He never says stuff like "love you" or even "I'm alright". He's a dickhead basically."

Eliza

She's a lot like Stripe, but she represents my eating disorders she also doesn't like it when I'm happy she's around a lot when my eating disorders are present she's a skinny demon her ribs are present like she wants me to be she dislikes people who like me and she doesn't think I deserve my friends or my food she's not a good alter and she works with Stripe they work closely together and try to take me down, so I drown in a massive wave of depression and suicide unable to breathe under the weight of living and the weight of my shitty past. So again, all I want to feel is the sweet relief of the pain that they make me think I deserve.

Eliza only recently came back as taking over, so the person does not know anything about her really has never experienced her first hand.

I realized at this point of the blog that I can't add pictures to blogger or tumbler so funnn I'll add my YouTube channel where I will post pictures of them there.

Another update as I'm editing I will upload it when I have a chance.

Cody

He is the protector of my alters he comes out to protect me he's kind caring he took over when terrible events happened in my life he represents my creative side he is also my anxiety the part of me that feels anxious. He doesn't do what Stripe does and make me anxious, but he is forced to feel anxious. He takes over a lot when I'm doing coding or feel very anxious that it's overwhelming. He's friendly and looks after my other alter a lot Blue who is two.

He has only recently come back he was a part of my life in college but when Stripe came in Stripe killed a lot of my alters, and he was the only one left hence why I fell into a deep depression at that point, and Cody went.

Cody enjoys coding drawing music I gave up drawing as I believed I was shit I still do but oh well when Cody takes over that doesn't matter so drawing it is then. He takes over when he feels I'm in pain mentally, or in danger from myself, he cares a lot about me and others.

Cody is again a demon but a nice one, of course, he always is listening to music or drawing or wrestling a two year old oops. Still, he has made friends with a lot of my friends without them knowing his voice is slightly different to mine. He is anxious but very chill at the same time he has never hurt me or anyone he took over when the most traumatizing events have happened to me to save the wrath of the trauma train crashing as there was an overwhelming amount of trauma. Hence, he took some of the wrath for me to save destruction. So in a way, me and Cody share the same trauma, and we can relate even though he's in my head.

It's quite funny sometimes I forget people cannot see them so ill say to my friend 'hey look over there at one of my alters, and they have to remind me that he's not really well to them but are in my head they feel so real.

Here is what my friend said about Cody…….

"Cody is a really cool friend. When we are texting, he usually lets me know if it's him, and in-person he has a slightly different, more chilled-out voice than Dino, even when he is anxious. He also has a cool necklace on a leather cord that Dino never wears, but Cody likes to put on when he takes over. He always calls me "bro" and he's just a really nice wholesome guy, a lot like Dino to be fair, but they're very clearly different people."

                              Blue

Okay so here we go blue is a two year a lot alter shes hyperactive and energetic she is called blue because when she first started to emerge, I used to just laugh and be unable to talk or anything so being a computer nerd, I named her blue after the Blue screen of death every ICT students nightmare…*shivers*

So yeah that's how she got her name, and oh yea did I mention she can set things on fire… well yeah, she can she sets Stripe on fire a lot shes scared of him, but sometimes she gets the courage and will not hesitate to set him on fire…and her attention span oh looks a tree where was  I forgot? Oh yeah, attention span she doesn't have one. I think she's incapable of having one she is very close to my friend and also Cody my other alter I talked about him above unless you lazy bugger have skipped down to this bit then you don't know but find out read above.

But yeah that's blue.

Here is what my friend said about Blue….

"Blue is ADHD as in she is the personification of ADHD. She's a really cute little two-year-old, but she doesn't have any concept of consequences for her actions, and no impulse control so she can be tricky to manage, especially when she's excited. We recently got her a pacifier to suck on and she always tries to get it as soon as she's in control. She's also obsessed with balls, so we got her a big, yellow bouncy ball too. Me and Dino spent hours building a fort once, which Blue managed to completely demolish in about five seconds. Her response was to say "oops" laugh her ass off, and then giggle "bye-bye" with a massive, very proud grin, and collapse, leaving Dino to wake up and be very, very confused about what the fuck was going on. As difficult as she can be to manage (she's a two-year-old with the strength of a twenty-year-old, it's a fight to keep her from tearing the building apart) she is a really, wholesome, and adorable little kid. I love Blue very, very much, and she actually calls me "Dada" which is pretty cute."

So there you go my alters. Welcome to my brain there are five people in my head including me it gets crowded sometimes and annoying when you're trying to rest, and all you can hear is a two year a lot screaming ball every 5 seconds, but they are apart of me, and I would not change them for the world well maybe stipe and Eliza but at the same time they make me who I am today they are me in my head they are my personality.

DID is a strange mental illness to have its strange to have five people in my head anytime another could emerge I used to have more but Stripe killed them I had Rosie and mae. Rosie was like blue and mae was like Cody, but they aren't there anymore who knows they might be hiding like Cody did I kind of hope so I miss mae she was based off of a character out of a night in the woods I do miss her but oh well.

So there you go another blog of reasons I should be institutionalized  because I am a danger to myself and could kill myself at any given moment.

Disclaimer that's a kinda joke…… mostly ……90%......... Nah……….99%... #Mentally unstable...fun.

Stay strong you bootiful bean.

Love you 

Dino the Dyslexic Blogger xxx

 Some helpline as usual for DID

Nhs https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/dissociative-disorders/

This morning (I know I know but it looks helpful… don’t judge me) https://www.itv.com/thismorning/dissociative-disorders-helplines

Mind- https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders/dissociative-disorders/

Survivors network https://survivorsnetwork.org.uk/resource/dissociative-identity-disorder-d-i-d/