FIERI: What are we gonna make? Paprika schnitzel with spatzli. With what? Spatzli. Spatzli? That's Swiss way of saying spatzle. It does not make any sense, looking at you. A very old Swiss cooking knife used in a Polish kitchen where a lot of this stuff was made would make its way through the walls of the house, but this is a very old Swiss cooking knife. Now that you've seen it, you'll probably be able to come to some sort of understanding. Now it's not very good at all. I've thought, is there a better way?
Little known fact, but the Fieri Fairy is actually related to Heat Miser. Possibly the pimp version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eddzfHS4VyQ
The Fieri Fairy is a bit different from his mortal counter-part in that he's got more passion and focus for spicy food and you've not had hot wings until you've had the crispy sensation of hot dragon wings from a little diner in Gothivanic Fairylands! Actually they're vampire ears, but it's a long story. You know how there's no ham in a hamburger? Same same but but different. It's a Belmont recipe which is an even longer story because they learned it from Alucard...
[FIERI: If I could fly high above the world... Would I see a bunch of living dots spell the word stupidity? Or would I see hungry lover homicides? Loving brother suicides? And olly olly oxen frees who pick a side and hide?]
The king's entire army is unable to stop this dragon from taking all the gold
And then the taxman comes along
"Oh no, I would tell you my assets, but they're all in the lair of a dragon. Guess you'll have to mark me as having no money and deserving of a significant tax cut!"
Then the taxman leaves, and what happens?
The King finds a bunch of adventurers and tells them to fight the dragon
And suddenly the dragon- who need i remind is superintelligent, an archmage, strong enough to tear a giant in half and took down an entire nation's military not last month?
"Oh no! I cannot defeat five traumatized weirdos! I am slain! I guess you'd better take all this gold back to the king"
And all is well until next tax season when Oh No! The dragon has "somehow" revived and has taken all the gold again!
Someone needs to expose this, guys. This is why we still have medieval tech after 3000 years- all the funding's vanishing into unlisted dragon accounts.
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