#feels like the movies are just 3 hour long episodes you have to wait 2 years to watch. however also i think that's why i like it also?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gaykarstaagforever · 4 months

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The 1999 Mystery Men movie is now free on YouTube, I guess because Universal finally realized that if no one paid to see it when it came out and so no one remembers it, no one is going to pay $3 to rent it.

Which is a shame (for the people who made the movie, who gives a shit about Universal), because it's good. Based loosely on the Flaming Carrot / Mysterymen indie comics of the 1980s (I'm only familiar Cerberus the Aardvark, which the same company published around the same time), it is meta superhero parody in the style of Gunn's Suicide Squad / Peacemaker, just 20 years before any mainstream American audience would give a crap.

This is a universe where there is one real superhero, who is so effective that crime is basically non-existent, so that the sole superhero himself is getting bored. When he comes up with a scheme to give himself something to do, it goes badly, unleashing a notorious supervillain on Champion City. When the Mystery Men, obnoxious wannabe heroes with virtually no powers, try to help, they typically fail, but so badly this time that now they are the city's only hope. Will they put petty grievances aside and learn to work together before Cassanova Frankenstein destroys the entire city?

Well, of course they will. It's a superhero movie. The point is watching fun wacky characters bounce off each-other for 2 hours, and this certainly delivers on that. The cast is a who's-who of 1999 charisma, with notable turns by Geoffrey Rush as the scene-chewing, disco-themed Frankenstein, Wes Studi doing Batman if Batman was doing Yoda, and Tom Waits as a benevolent mad scientist with a grandma fetish. Paul Reubens doing a lisp and Kel Mitchell in blonde Sisqo hair are especially fun as a team within a team, farting and getting naked on their path to victory.

Ben Stiller is the lead, playing a typical Ben Stiller-is-the-lead character, the kind of well-intentioned but self-absorbed incompetent that is charming when Ben Stiller plays him in movies, but everyone would despise in real life. And if you are a person who also isn't a fan of him doing this in movies, you'll also not like it, here. I like Ben Stiller doing this, but Roy here really is a useless pain in the ass until the very end.

There are lots of Gunn-type sitcom jokes about superhero tropes and general goofiness, and similar tonal shifts between slapstick comedy and people being slowly melted. Fans of The Boys will enjoy Greg Kinnear as a G-rated Homelander, complete with product placement on his costume.

It is about 20 minutes too long at 2 hours, and has way too many annoying closeup 90s fight scenes with mediocre choreography. More scenes of just the cast improving should have replaced a lot of this, because this is what the movie is really about. And there is some amazing 1998 CG that is used well, but man. It looks like what it is, certainly.

Props on someone greenlighting a superhero parody movie in a world where the only things to make fun of were the Schumacher Batman movies (Blade, the first "real" Marvel movie, came out the same year as Mystery Men). But it is obvious that only hardcore comic book nerds were going to connect with this, and there were not enough of them, outside of the big mainline "event" comic speculator market of the 90s, to make up for a $68 million budget.

This was made specifically for a movie-going public that has fallen in love with good superhero movies, then gotten sick of them, and appreciates someone making fun of them in a smart way. That is a thing we barely have now, in 2024. Mystery Men the big budget movie really is a thing that was just 20+ years ahead of its time. Watching it feels like watching an episode of Peacemaker that is intentionally aping the style and production design of Batman Forever. I suppose it is worth seeing, just for that.

Also the 90s Hollywood cameos. Dane Cook shows up, unfortunately. No, he isn't funny. He is a "superhero" who burns people with a waffle iron. I realize that may sound funny, but believe me, it isn't when Dane Cook does it.

See for yourself. That scene is in the original Smashmouth video for "All Star". Because that song being from the Mystery Men soundtrack before Shrek is literally all most people know about this movie.

youtube

And that's not fair to it. Go watch it.

#mystery men #1999 #smash mouth #all star #superhero movies #movie review #youtube #ben stiller #free on youtube

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piracytheorist · 4 months

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During Jump Festa, unfortunately there was no announcement regarding when they will release sxf season 3.

Maybe it's to give Endo more time to develop the manga. Or (I heard) that one of the studio (WIT) has to do other project first.

With the release of season 3 still being uncertain, will you not join us to binge read the manga???

Come come join us to the dark side.... 😈😈😈 (joking).

I SHALL NOT BREAK NOR GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION!!

All joking aside, I doubt it'll take longer than a year to release season 3. Calculating by the rough number of manga chapters I know have been released, they have more than enough to do one 12-episode season while Endo develops the manga during 2024. And even if Endo takes a (well deserved) long break, they can still release season 3 in fall of 2024 and then see if they have enough manga content to adapt to another 12-episode season in fall of 2025. I mean, the content for season 3 is practically already there. What's stopping them from working on it now?

Considering the success of Spy x Family, I would be surprised if WIT Studios decided to work on another project. They practically have most of the script and storyboards ideas for season 3 ready in the form of the manga chapters, season 2 has been doing great, sxf in general is selling like crazy, why put it in the background when it's pretty much a guaranteed success?

Unless they want to put more work in animating it, which would be awesome. I would totally wait longer if that's the case (while kicking and screaming internally, but that's my business).

Since the movie is just about to come out, maybe they thought it would be better to announce season 3 after the movie is out? I mean, last season ended with just an announcement for the movie and a "2023" as a "release date" for season 2, with teases for the bullet-in-butt date and the cruise arc. We knew absolutely nothing before that (us mere mortals anime onlys who don't brave far into the internet, at least) so I'm not surprised they didn't say anything yet. I hope we get an official announcement as the last episode airs... and maybe a couple teases for the next season?? 👀👀

I want to hope my resolve won't break during the hiatus. Last time was difficult, and I did give in that one (1) time, but this time I've got a more fulfilling job, more things to spend time on, and more ideas for crack recaps. Maybe doing one crack recap per week will help fill the void, lol! So I think I will manage. Besides, I'm not really a binge enjoyer (the fact that I binge-watched the first cour of first season in about six hours notwithstanding) so it will feel super weird now if I binge all those chapters and then have to wait two weeks for what I've been used to seeing as half an episode. Even though the anime comes in small packs of episodes and not as often as I'd like, I like the pace of it.

#ask and ye shall receive #tare-chan #sxf

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whathehe11 · 3 months

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You know what I want? I want to bring back smaller budget more episodes per season with a new season coming out every year.

I’m so sick of shows feeling like movies.

Don’t get me wrong, movies are pretty good. They’re fun. But they’re fundamentally different when it comes to format.

A movie is max 3 hours long. TV shows (specifically American TV shows) used to be 22 episodes long a season (in hours that’s 16 1/2 hours.)

There was so much more room for character development, side stories and different sub plots about different side characters.

Now, I’m not saying we should go back to 22 episodes a season (actors were regularly doing 16 hour days (ex: Buffy, the X files, Smallville) sometimes going to 20 hour work days) and writers were often very rushed. But for the love of god 6 episodes is just not enough to be getting fully invested. Especially when the wait time till the next season isn’t until 3-4 years from the first season.

Back to the budget side of things, high budgets make it harder for big companies to be willing to make risks and invest in shows. So lower the budget (and get occasionally mediocre cgi) and maybe do 12-16 episodes a seasons and get that medium.

I look at what happened to our flag meets death and just think that it’s such a waste for it to have been canceled after so little time.

Since it’s become more common for shows to take longer between seasons and for them to be shorter I just find myself going and watching older shows.

Way too many shows have been canceled after 1 or 2 seasons and it hurts to hit that cliffhanger and know nothings gonna come of it and that there is no resolution in sight.

#ok mini rant over #rants n rambles #sorry for the rant #rant post #personal rant #mini rant #rant #good omens #ofmd #smallville #xfiles #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs

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mintywolf · 1 year

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A Long Road Home - Author Notes

Page 12

Very important to me that Laudna was always A Creature, even when she was human.

So, wild story: I had design concepts for Baby Laudna taking visual inspiration from the other Matilda (primarily, her red hair bow) before we knew that was her name. This panel, long intended to be her introduction at three years old, where she’s just eyes and a hair bow over the edge of kitchen counter was inspired by the 1996 movie. No particular symbolic reason! (Imogen already has both the telekinesis and the bad parent angles covered after all.) It was entirely aesthetic. I just liked the red hair ribbon as a unifying motif in the scenes of her at different ages.

I’d actually intended to work on and post the art while waiting for episode 37 but I was too stressed about the (if small) possibility of a resurrection dice roll disaster and losing Laudna forever that I couldn’t focus on drawing and I ended up working on the script instead. (Chapter 2 was originally just Laudna’s backstory in a solid brick but as you’ll see eventually I broke it up a bit.) That evening I wrote the scenes of her childhood (I’d planned to have scenes of her at ages 3, 9, 12, and 19, getting ready for the party) up through the dinner party and then it was 10 pm EST so I stopped to watch the episode.

So you can imagine it was a very surreal experience for me when like an hour later she turned up in the episode, and actually named Matilda??? It definitely made the whole thing feel like even more of a fever dream than it already was.

My scenes of her childhood were a little lighter, I had to go back and change some things because I took Laudna at her word that she had a happy childhood. (Which, I guess compared to everything that happened afterwards, it was.) My version of the Whitestone Andy incident at age 12 was a lot less sinister, she was just trying (a little too enthusiastically) to show him her pet frog and it ended poorly. :’)

#a long road home #author notes #i was leonardo dicaprio pointing meme throughout that entire episode

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madara-fate · 2 years

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JUST FINISHED READING THE CHAPTER 1 OF SSK RETSUDEN!!

I’ll give it a 9.1/10 for a introduction in the story, it has this movie feel like vibe to it, you know? With the ‘to be continued’ after like a long 2 hour episode.

*spoiler alert if your planing to read it*

1. I got goosebumps and the end, when the dinosaur killed that guy.. feel bad for him.

2. THE FIRST PAGE REALLY IS SOMETHING! Like, I’m ok with it but it’s so random?? I deducted a teeny weeny points because of that.

3. That guy with the red hair… IM LITERALLY SIMPING FOR HIM! Look at him… ❣️💞💞💞

His side profile 😩

4. The art style is soooo similar to kishi, like.. WOAH I never expected it be that similar, damn… Sensei Shimura really did a great job illustrating the characters! I love it! Can’t wait for Sakura’s debut.

5. SASUKE SAYING “I have a wife and daughter of my own.” SS FANDOM SCREAMED! Like, literally no one asked you Sasuke. You could’ve have said ‘no’ you could’ve said that, but you said ‘I have a wife and daughter of my own.’ 🫢

6. THE MANGA WAS JUST RELEASED AND A MILLION VIEWS LESS THAN 24 HOURS?? The hype is real.

Your right about them accusing Sasuke retsuden STILL being not canon 😭

There are the same person who agrees the last movie is canon and bitching about Sasuke retsuden being a ‘fanfic’ like? Is The last also a fanfic if that’s your logic then? Cmooonnn

Over all a good chapter! Can’t wait for the next.

It was at least a satisfactory introduction and they didn't really change anything, and if they did, the changes were insignificant enough for me to not notice or remember them. It was also cool being able to compare how I imagined certain characters to how they've been illustrated, so I'm looking forward to being able to do more of that in the subsequent chapters.

#Sasuke Retsuden

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malevolententity · 7 months

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PROJECT 14!! I TOOK A BREAK FROM PATTERNING RICHAS!!

oh boy!! this took all of quarentena part 1 to make!! its been a few years since i made anything mesh so whipping up this hat in? what 5 and a half hours? maybe 6? i have not checked the vod time and i was also Cooking Dinner during a portion of it so time is hard to judge on how long this actually took. but it was fun! it Did reawaken my urge to crochet a mesh shirt even tho i would never wear it because it would be so uncomfortable. but making mesh is just so very mindless in a way thats good for me. maybe i should make a mesh blanket to scratch that itch.

we have an array of models for this item! to try and show off the mesh say hello to the bobby i made back in? oh the beginning of april i believe? i dont think any of you have actually seen bobby he might have been a twitter exclusive, say hi to bobby. we also have green garlic my bulbasaur showing off the mesh the best i believe!

QUARENTENA SEASON THOUGHTS! YES I AM CALLING IT A SEASON THERES GONNA BE 2 EPS. SEASON 1 ONLY HAD 3 EPS. THIS TOO CAN BE A SEASON!

i am blown away by how fun this group is and the skills they all have to roleplay in a second or third language for like 6 hours with basically no breaks to speak their natural languages. that is taxing to do and to deliver a story on top of that? i am so proud and impressed with all of them. also holy shit????????? no one fucking died???? i was convinced when the oneshot, now season, was announced that it was going to be a dungeon crawl that ends in everyone dying. i cant believe theyre all still alive after that?? AND THEN THERES ANOTHER EPISODE IRL NEXT WEEK?? i cant wait for the tpk next week!

i love this entire cast of characters theyre all such weird fucking guys in the most complimentary ways. I LOVE THAT WE BASICALLY GOT A SAW MOVIE??? THRIVING!! in a move that shall surprise no one. diego is my favorite. look at him. he is guy of all time to me. BUT OKAY THEYRE ALL WEIRD and usually when you have a cast of weirdos theres always someone who doesnt gel but they all did!! they all fought each other!!! but they all still complimented each others insanity and. this is what the party comp is To Me

i am too lazy to open photoshot for this tonight. maybe you get it proper tomorrow<3

i loved the ending. i loved the slow realization on everyones faces that in saving themselves they might be killing the world and still themselves!!!! also i cant wait to see the fall out next week. i am so fucking upset my dnd game is scheduled for around the same time so i am going to miss probably the first 2ish hours but i know my dash and the official!!!! twitter updates account!!! will catch me up on those two hours so i can jump back in. but AAAA oh i loved this. i dont know if it was on purpose that this felt like a zero escape game at times but oh man the production quality in this vs where m at in season 2 is just mind blowing. i knew it got better once they started being in the studio but this was so great for a home game. ALSO YALL GO CHECK ON AMY??? GO GET THE KID??? YOU CANT JUST LEAVE THE TRAUMATIZED BABY ALONE AFTER EVERYTHING U DID TO KEEP HER ALIVE??? GO GET HER?????

AND ALSO?? STUDIO NEXT WEEK?? BRAZIL MEETUP??? OH I AM SO PLEASED TO SEE IT ALL AND WHAT HAPPENS. this is def my longest update for this silly crochet project i started just a few months ago and i apologize but also. i dont because this show does mean so much more to me than i know how to put into words. and its been a long time since i fell in love with a tabletop universe this quickly. and i feel so grateful that i got to be introduced to this ttrpg earlier this year, and got to pull some friends into watching quarentena tonight because theyve heard me gushing about how good this universe is and how i trust this to be satisfying horror which is so hard to do in ttrpgs, but thats another post for another day.

#a ordem crochet #opq #<- mainly because i talk spoilers in this i dont usually fandom tag these posts since i am usually talking about a 3 year old campaign #who anyone who follows me either has seen it. or will not watch a show in ptbr so they dont care if i spoil #fiber art

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crimswnred · 2 years

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Alright I’ve listened to the album a few times now and I’m absolutely obsessed and I loooooove it. Ranking it was so hard! I didn’t really dislike any song so even the low ranks I still love????

Also, I did rate the vault tracks bc I’m never not going to listen to the 3 am version lmao and I also always love the vault tracks so much.

So here is my rating on release day! (which lets be honest, will probably change after I’ve listened to it for a few hundred hours lmao)

1. Bigger than the whole sky

2. You’re on your own kid

3. Midnight rain

4. Lavender haze

5. Sweet nothing

6. Anti-hero

7. Glitch

8. High infidelity

9. Dear reader

10. Vigilante shit

11. The Great War

12. Labyrinth

13. Would’ve could’ve should’ve

14. Snow on the beach

15. Maroon

16. Karma

17. Mastermind

18. Paris

19. Question…?

20. Bejweled

Aaaaaah! Do you have a favourite lyrics? I hope there’s some Borbie inspo in there somewhere for you :)

I kinda can’t believe it’s here now. The waiting and anticipation was so much fun I’m actually a bit sad it’s over now. But thankfully we still have soooo much content to look forward to! I really hope Taylor brings out another documentary someday! What’s something you really want her to do?

I’m also already kinda dreading tour announcements bc I obviously want to go see her but I also dont want to go alone and it’s gonna be expensive and with Covid still.. (I live with someone immunocompromised and have asthma myself so still have to be careful) but not going sounds shit and I would have the biggest FOMO. aaaaaaaaaah!!!

And I hope things feel better for you soon 💕 life gets so overwhelming sometimes but hey, we got this. Somehow, things will be okay. Just gotta always believe that. And sometimes we have to cry a bit and feel our feelings so they can pass. Just make sure to take care of yourself.

And you said you got 2 cats right?? What are their names? If you want to share of course :) give them a nice cuddle, there’s nothing better than kitty cuddles!🐱

omg sorry for taking so long :( but I finally got some time to answer (it's currently 1am so forgive any typo)

yeah, for sure!!! I love the whole album, even the ones I ranked lower. for me it's her best pop album to date, she did SOMETHING! and I'm so glad we are having visuals this era!!!! I missed it sm

I would love to see a documentary like LPSS! it was so interesting hearing about it and I love the "live" versions but I'm just so so so happy with all we got already!!! and the visuals?? impeccable

this is such a good idea too! I'd love to hear her. maybe she can get a space somewhere and just record a few episodes? I don't know... I just would love to hear her opinion about random things like books or movies hahaha

awww I hope you can make it to the tour!! I'll be doing my best to get tickets for sureee, especially because she's coming here after a long time (can you believe the last time she came her was during Red era??)

favourite lyrics? hmm, I think You're On Your Own Kid. really resonated with me and how I see things/life. Would've, Could've, Should've hits HARD too!!

I actually liked Paris so much HAHAHA I haven't heard the deluxe yet when I answered you, I think?!

about Borbie, yeah! some songs reminds me of them but I'm not coming on them (cus spoilers) except for Lavender Haze, which is exceptional. Plus, Bejeweled and High Infidelity are so Barbie...

thank you for the lovely words! you're right, life ain't always easy but that's the ups and downs of being an adult, right?!

and yes, I got TWO CATS! their names are Hakan and Mustafa — the previous owner gave them those names, I don't much about it unfortunately.

here they are on my bed hahaha 💞

#askask #ts anon

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01281989 · 2 years

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It’s been a while...

Hi again. It’s back to the beginning. Well, at least that’s what it feels like to me. Sometimes I look at it as a blessing and sometimes I look at it as a curse. Bipolar II really sucks, like major balls. I experienced my first real manic episode, or hypomanic episode as the doctor referred to it as, exactly a month ago today. I checked myself back into Northern Westchester Hospital and was admitted for 12 days. It was the longest 12 days of my life. It felt so much longer than my first stay, which by actual longevity was much longer. There were many reasons as to why I felt like it was longer, but I think two of the main reasons were the visiting hours and the other patients who were in at the same time as I was.

The visiting hours sucked. Previously, the visiting hours were Monday through Friday from 5-8 p.m. and you could have as many visitors as you want. On Saturdays and Sundays it was from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. and same thing, as many visitors as you wanted. This time was completely different because of covid. The visiting hours were Monday through Friday from 1:30-2:15 p.m., with only one visitor allowed per day. Then on Saturdays and Sundays it was from 12-12:45 p.m., and same thing, one visitor allowed per day. The visitor who was coming to see you also either had to have the covid vaccine or show a negative test result within 72 hours. This really sucked. I was very, very, very grateful to all those who came to visit me. I just felt horrible, because the drive was long and the visit was short. When they left, it broke me, but I knew it was better than not seeing anyone at all. I always felt so bad for the patients who had no visitors. This made me sad, which brings me to my next reason as to why this stay was harder than the first two...

The other patients, oh boy. They were fun. I obviously can’t disclose any information about the other patient’s because of HIPAA, but I can say this... they were much sicker than the last two times I was there. I know that the hospital itself can not be to blame for this, it is a psych unit after all, but it was just harder this time around. I mean, I guess I was sicker than I was last time too, so dealing with the population of patients was harder than normal. I cried my entire first day there, and that is not an exaggeration. I cried from the moment they wheeled me in through those big metal doors, until I finally cried myself the sleep at 3 in the morning. I was a mess, but so was everyone else. I did make one friend though. He was more like a father figure. He walked the halls with me ALL day and ALL night. I couldn’t sleep and neither could he, so we bonded over movies, books, and all things mental health related. We are still in touch to this day. I have a lot of stories that I might share one day, but for now I will keep them to myself and save some stuff for later posts.

I feel like I’ve genuinely struggled since being home. I sometimes wish that I was still there, because of the safety of the staff. I know that sounds crazy, wanting to be in the hospital after I just went on a 3 paragraph rant about how hard it was to be there, but sometimes being home is harder. Life really hits you like a ton of bricks when you leave, and that sucks (almost worse than being diagnosed bipolar). I’ve been meeting with my psychiatrist and my therapist, and I am very hopeful that things will eventually turn around. I am still working full-time and have an amazing trip to Italy planned for the end of the Summer. I can’t wait, except for the flying part, but I’ll deal with that when the time comes. For now, I am taking it minute by minute, only hoping that the next will be better than before. I know this was a long one, but I feel like I still have so much more to say, maybe tonight I will post again. So long for now, it’s good and bad to be back...

#Bipolar #MentalHealth #Depression #PTSD #Anxiety #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealthSupport

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owlixx · 5 months

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Call of Duty Classic Mid-Thoughts (US Campaign Done):

Surprised to see this one has aiming down sights. Having 4 “weapons” to switch between is cumbersome. No regenerating health is cumbersome. Glad I picked the easy difficulty. Menu is hilariously old-fashioned. The end of level fade to black is so funny to me. The short short levels and long long load screens are to funny to me. Seems like automatic weapons are way better. I am relying heavily on aim assist. No sprinting is rough. I miss hitmarkers. Ammo management is weird in this game, like all the spare bullets disappear if you drop a gun and then pick it back up.

I am enjoying the brisk pace, I was able to beat the USA portion of the game in a single sitting which is a third of the game, didn’t even take 2 hours I think. Melee feels weak. Pistols feel pointless and I haven’t used grenades much yet. Did get stuck for a bit because one enemy was alive hiding while I made my way to the actual objective but I needed to go back and kill him to progress the plot. So funny seeing Captain Price here!!!

So far my favorite parts have been the mansion raid because it was at least a distinct environment and the timed prison raid because it felt more like I was in an action movie. The mounted machine guns are so hard to use. Scopes are useless if you ever get shot at even a little which sucks because it’s the only way to take out mounted machine guns sometimes but they can hit you from a mile

away. Bad game design: the combo of being forced to drop a gun to pick up a single used rocket launcher plus losing all spare ammo when dropping and then picking up a gun again.

It’s just so funny to me that this released on PS360 when it did (2009) for 20 bucks or bundles with MW2. It’s clearly a pretty low effort port of a game no one was particularly nostalgic for, and it starts the trend of weird remasters in this series along with Modern Warfare Remastared and Modern Warfare 2 Campaign Remastered, although you could argue that MW, WaW, BO1, MW2, MW3 on Wii are kind of separate versions along with the weird PS2 spin-offs of 1/2/WaW or even the DS ports but I’d argue that CoD Classic and MW1/2D stand alone as a kind of unique thing. It’s an interesting series, trying to balance nostalgia with yearly releases that almost always obsolesce the previous one, with the identity of the series staked around each release being the most up to date and feature complete despite never quite being that. But you can’t look backwards without releasing a game that feels horribly out of date.

Actually, I did also enjoy the trench hopping section and using the M1 Garand (complete with signature ping and no manual reload). Also funny to me that there even is a fire mode select in this game. The Thompson and MP40 seem like a waste to set to single fire, while the FG42 seems worthless on full audio. The BAR weirdly lets you set slow or fast auto? But the slow does the job fine for me. Kar98k is pretty clunky and unsatisfying in this game with or without a scope. M1a1 is…fine, kind of baseline weapon imo. pistol worthless. So far the MP40 is goated just because it’s auto and I can find ammo for it reliably.

UI is hilariously clunky. The giant compass isn’t super helpful. Won’t see a health bar again for a while, I think. The on-rail mission was…fine.

STEVE BLUM! My beloved :) just checked IMDb and Jason Statham is in this???

It is so funny to have seen this game on Xplay when I was watching old episodes of it recently where they seriously are talking about it for game of the year and lauding it when now it has aged so poorly. It’s not offensive or anything, it’s just terribly middling for what it is. It really takes something like Half Life to still be remotely worth playing 20 years later as a single player FPS of this era, and that’s a pretty high bar. I think even just waiting until the PS360 gen results in loads of quality FPSes like Bioshock, Wolfenstein TNO, Far Cry 2-3, Rage, Dishonored. Although I’d argue that Halo 1-2 age far better than the early CoD titles of that generation but again, that’s a high bar to clear.

There is an expansion pack for this game, United Offensive, but I’ll be skipping it since it isn’t available on consoles of any kind and would be kind of a hassle to get going on PC and doesn’t interest me anyways and there’s still so many games left to play. Of all the QoL things I miss most from the newer games, I think regenerating health is the most sorely needed here, so I definitely don’t want a whole expansion pack of scrounging for health kits. It’s the kind of thing that you either don’t notice at all when the game is giving you enough health kits or it becomes a huge pain to backtrack while trying to take out a machine gun nest.

I do hope this game introduces some more varied weapons in the British and Russian campaigns because so far there’s not much, which admittedly makes sense given that we’ve only seen US and German weapons.

I will admit that the idea of playing 1, 2, 3, WaW, plus 3 last gen spin-offs all set in WW2 is a little alarming. I feel like I’ll be ready to go back once we hit WWII and Vanguard but yikes that’s a lot of WW2 back to back. On the other hand, I think that is super funny and I love the idea of tracking each of the famous guns from game to game and seeing them evolve in real time as a great litmus test of how these games and gaming overall developed during this kind of pivotal time before, during, and right after the launch of HD consoles.

It does make me a little sad to know I can’t really play any of the online multiplayer, at least not the way it would’ve been back at the time. Something like CoD Classic in particular probably had an extremely limited time with an active player base.

#retro gaming #call of duty #call of duty classic #CoD #gaming

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wack-ashimself · 8 months

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Got to vent about the X-files. Would not read i a die hard fan...

It is overreacted. Sure maybe cuz I am watching it 20 years after the fact but….ugh.

I like it. It is like twilight zone in the 90s. But there is SO MUCH FUCKING WASTED TIME. HOURS over the years that add up to…waiting for them to do something.

No joke, I have gotten so used to their predictable (made for tv commercials) format, until the last ½ of the show, I can just have it playing in the background, listening, and I won’t miss anything important because the dialogue is almost the ONLY important aspect.

The special effects are cheap. ESPCIALLY the first couple seasons. The make up looked like it was done by high schoolers. You could see the glue, the bad fade between colors, etc. So watching for a monster scare usually ain’t fucking worth it.

And that’s ALL this show is: jump scares. I only keep watching cuz the plots/storylines are USUALLY solid. But to get there is 90%: looking at something, walking thru something, driving to something, slowly turning a corner at something, etc. It’s all hold your breath and either something scary or something that is NOTHING happen.

The acting is just one step (one TINY step) above a soap opera. I have no fucking idea how david D got and kept this job (kidding-he became a producer & writer. That’s how many of them keep this shit show going. Also found that’s why he left for so long-he wasn’t getting paid for also writing he claims). But after he leaves, it actually gets fucking worse! No joke, because of how bad everyone is after mulder leaves, not only are season 8 and 9 so far the worst things this show has EVER produced (so many plot holes and bad logics almost BREAK this series’ heart), but…I actually want him back? Ew. But the show was better when it was mulder and scully. Not fucking t2 bad guy & some mulder lady wanna be, with scully checking in for the paycheck.

I just have a rule when it comes to this shit. Most tv shows before digital were written explicitly to get 100 episodes (can’t get good rerun money till 100 is hit), keep people invested and watching (even if NOTHING is fucking happening) and always hit that 44:44 run time. So subtract anything that makes you go over and put in filler (ANY) to get to that time. Put in filler they did. I would say 1/5 of each episode is. And….hold your breath moment/traveling moments/investigating moments when ALL they are doing is looking around IS NOT WRITING, IS NOT INTERESTING, and is fucking lazy. HOW this show won awards is beyond me. Maybe cuz I watched it well after it aired but…this feels like the bare minimum of quality, not the max. I guess they didn’t have much competition in the 90s…

I will finish the series, and I don’t regret watching it. There are enough episodes with twists, turns, and I didn’t see that comings to make it worthwhile. The bare minimum I ask for is to be surprised, and this show usually turns that out. But…seasons 8 & 9 (ain’t looking forward to 10 & 11, tho I know mulder does come back) are what I would feel if someone was given all the past lore of the x-files, forced to use 2 new characters that…have no real depth, and said ‘make it as good as it was before.’ NO. You are giving me nothing to work with besides a budget; you ain’t giving me time or more writers. Ugh.

Twilight zone was way better tho. Their Special effects (for the time) were ASTOUNDING. And to this day (like x-files, I will admit) there are clear as day shows/movies totally stolen from these series. In the first….3-4 seasons of the x-files, swear to god there were at least….5 movies that I KNOW were heavily influenced if not outright stolen from the x-files. Nothing is original. Cuz a lot of these x-files were, go figured, based on the twilight zone. THAT is a series I need to watch in full. But I think they had even more episodes than x files….

Either way: X-files is solid sci fi, but with so much filler, and it going to shit after season 7, they honestly should have let it die…

I just want a sci fi/horror/thriller not to be majority hold your breath moments. They’re way too fucking easy, predictable (either something happens or nothing happens. Ain’t no fence on this one), and rarely add. I mean, seriously, how long are jump scares going to be scary? Especially when you see them coming…fuck it. Now I want to do the opposite: make a movie consisting ONLY of jump scares. But I heard that’s the conjuring so….

#xfiles #the x-files #mulder #scully

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476b · 10 months

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spiderverse is a good movie and you should do see it but i also I have some Opinions about it and about movies in general

its a really good movie! but im sick of movies that are 2+ hours and then end in the middle of a story just so you have to watch 2/3/4 other movies like. we already have TV if you're story is that long just make a tv show you know ?

like its a disservice to movies to pull that shit

its once thing to have a sequel and its another thing to not even have a climax or ending to your movie; like i couldnt finish my popcorn or soda because the movie had none of the right pacing to know when it was going to 'end'

its exactly like the first movie was episodes 1-2-3 and sv2 was episodes 4-5-6; the first movie was all beginning and this movie was all middle

we've already figured out how to long form stories and its TELEVISION. although dont get me started on how streaming has also ruined that. movies are lengthening into mini-series and television is shortening into miniseries and both are getting worse for it.

and like i said i liked into the spiderverse!!! but the ending didnt make me feel "oh boy i cant wait for the next one!" it left me feeling confused and pissed off and thinking "thats really how theyre going to end it? what a load of bullshit" like it really only felt like half or a third of a movie, it was really weird there was no climax and there was no conclusion and there really wasnt even a beginning. like i said before its episodes 4-5-6

#into the spider verse #spiderman #this is NOT a concise argument bc i literally stepped out of the theater an hour ago and im typing this as i think it #but i Will argue with anyone who wants to fight about it #i love having strong opinions about things that dont matter

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bylightofdawn · 1 year

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This week's episode of Mandalorian went hard. I have so many thoughts but I cannot put them into words because I watched it at like 7am when I woke up, watched it, went back to sleep so it feels like half of it was a dream.

I have made the executive decision that I am calling out from work today as a mental health day/I need more fucking sleep. I also kinda like the idea of having, yanno, two days off in a row. So even though it's going to fuck my paycheck (because I am not making up these hours GDI) I think I need it.

EDIT: Spoke with work and I guess with the new attendance policy they just put down you can elect if you want them to use your PTO or personal time. So I actually can get paid for today. Which yay. Lets me burn some of my banked PTO so I don't lose it as I'm still actively exploring new jobs and I think I have like 6 days banked at this point. And then 2 days of unpaid personal time.

I'm going to go catch a 3pm showing of D&D movie. I was super tempted by the new Mario Bro's movie since I've heard it's a serotonin-filled colorful spectacle but I don't want to deal with kids talking and being...yanno kids. At a kids movie. That might be a late night only showing sorta situation.

So yeah, I'm going to do that, hopefully catch a nap and re-watch Mandalorian and come back with a more cohesive thought than just keyboard smashing.

Non-spoiler thoughts. I'm kinda getting a little tired of this recent trend of SW shows where they have some vague meandering plot for most of the season, get to the last two episodes and I guess have a collective 'oh shit we only have two more episodes? LETS SHOVE EVERYTHING INTO IT" and they got super hard.

For two episodes.

What about that random series of very dragging, could have prolly been cut down a bit episodes where the heroes have to do some kind of fetch quest or whatever? TBB Is INFAMOUS for this but honestly, last two seasons of Mandalorian have been, TBoBF suffered the same thing. Fucks sake it twook almost 1/3 of it's run time to dedicate to Mandalorian Season 2.5.

Andor I feel like didn't suffer AS MUCH with the pacing. I'm sure some people could argue the whole prison thing went on maybe a bit too long but it was such a glorious ride we all loved it and Andy Serkis too much to complain. Also Andor is one of the best SW series to ever be put out.

And I honestly could not tell you what the fuck happened in Obi-Wan Kenobi even thought I think it's been less than a year. I need to re-watch it but I want to say it had the same problem. Like last two eps were fire, what the fuck happened up till that point? Fuck if I can tell you. Something-something Kenobi was brooding and eternally suffering. Something-something Leia was sassy and does anyone at Lucasarts know how to write a kid who is just a dumb kid? Like, have you ever tried to reason with a five year old when they are tired and cranky? It's filled with escalating tantrums, tears and a lot of sulking. Which gets worse because eventually the kid gets so upset they forget how to actually communicate with their words and they are just a bundle of emotions.

I loved Leia but she was only like five or six and acted like a 10+ year old except for a couple of scenes. So yeah Star Wars has zero idea how to write kids. Prolly because kids are lowkey terrors and they would prolly trigger PTSD in half their audience if they made it too realistic.

Also wow that was a tangent.

My point being, not loving this waiting till the last two episodes to make these huge impactful plot bombs and maybe they need to work on their pacing and cutting of extraneous bullshit.

#el has thoughts about star wars #non-spoilery talk about the Mandalorian #the Mandalorian thoughts and feelings

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blorbosexterminator · 1 year

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[1/3] hello! I had to wait a couple of hours for the docs for work to be ready, and I thought some reading might be good. then I thought about your discussion and thinking about berlermo and looked for your stories -- and that’s how I came across THE SWAN’S SYMPHONY. the idea is art. you know, a chapter is like an episode. it's like we have another two parts of lcdp. and as starting it, the last thing I expected to see were russian names. well, you chose mine. mine old one actually. what was even more sudden that I really used to be around people named anna, galina, and igor. how possible is that? and those short forms of them -- you do perfectly with it! trust me, I’m native. not every writer would try it. it says about research. and speaking about it, I thought you would like to hear about one thing.

[2/3] among others, we have two channels that are meant to be state and are the first and the second buttons on a remote. they are quite hilarious actually, as each of them constantly tries to copy the other. and, of course, they have a lot in common. and one of these things are trademark series. that ArE noT sEriEs1!! they go with “multi-chapter movies”. anyway, most of them are soppy with a classic trope a-good-girl-is-in-love-with-a-neutral-boy-who-is-married-a-bitch-and-divorces-her-eventually. or he-is-single-and-she-is-friendzoned-until-. and, yeah, most of them take place in a hospital. and the hospitals -- how can one who has never visited a place [oh lord I hope you haven’t] describe so accurately? I know it is fair for many hospitals all over the world, but that dark long corridors with the soviets old walls -- it hits different, when you have had to experience that. thrilled and terrified, I just hope they will not end andrés because I know, all right?

[3/3] the image itself along with what katya and igor have, his ambitions and her feelings, their lines reminded me of something so painfully familiar. it is really could be filmed and showed on tv. don’t get me wrong, por favor. I think it’s about talent to represent a genre -- especially when you have never had a chance to know more about it. you didn’t mean yet succeeded. I bet you have never expected a praise like that connected with some russian piece of media, and well, we can talk about pretty much of the culture, I believe. I simply felt you needed to know as well as I feel right now it is one of those things people usually put in comments, not on tumblr anyway, if your story found me, than let it be so. let these words flow through me to find you. god bless your writing. and if it happens you need any kind of inside on the country, I will be there for you, be sure of that. thank you!

Hey! First, thank you for giving my stories a chance! I'm very glad The Swan's Symphony is to your taste. Your praise truly means so much! And I'm definitely very happy it feels like the original show to you!

This is a surprise to both of us! It's a very beautiful name. I'm so happy such a coincidence happened, especially that the other characters' names are also familiar to you. That really means a lot! Thank you so much for saying so. The last thing I'd want is to inaccurately represent anything (the story has enough inaccuracies and creative leasures as it is haha).

And you thought correctly! I definitely wanted to hear this! Thank you so much for letting me know. My familiarity with Russian media is limited, I've only watched some old movies. When I started writing Katya and Igor's relationship, I had no idea it was mirroring typical Russian series, especially the hospital thing! It's really a big surprise, a very pleasant one. Your praise of the hospital means so much to me too! This is actually the vibe I was going for. Especially with how one untypical of a hospital it is (and I pray nothing like it exists in reality!). I didn't want to over-describe the place, but as the setting of everything that happens with them (and Andrés), it has a lot of significance to the story, and I really wanted this cold, dark atmosphere to be evoked from it. So your words truly mean the world!

The convoluted story of Katya and Igor is one that I really like and has such a big place in my heart. I have a lot of plans for them and I really hope you enjoy what emerges from their story, even the rest of it isn't very accurate to the trope (as I don't know how it usually goes!). Please! Thank you so much. Truly, saying this about my story brought the biggest smile to my face. And true, I didn't expect such a specific praise and its backstory, but I couldn’t be happier to receive it.

Don't at all worry about this! Whether on AO3 or Tumblr, or anywhere else, I'm just very glad your thoughts reached me and that you took time out of your day to send me such a lovely message and tell me about something I never had any idea about. I really appreciate it! And thank you so much for the lovely offer on top of all of that. I hope the story continues to please you, especially what's in hold for Andrés, Katya, Igor, and the rest of this storyline's characters. I hope no choices of mine disappoint you! Thank you again.

#this was very lovely dustindrumroll #thank you for putting the time and effort into sending me this #you made me even more excited about Igor and Katya's story!#and it's the only comment I receive regarding the story that's specifically about them so I have even more appreciation for it #and I'll make sure to take you up on your offer!#And of course I hope no depiction of the characters or the place is ever offensive in any way #thanks again!

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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2/9/23

I'm just gonna say it. It is difficult to add a Turing test for making a Tumblr account? Is it complicated? Does it cost too much money or something? Or have these bots just gotten smart enough to bypass them? The bot accounts on this site are just like... absolutely insane. At least they have been the past few months, I have no idea how long this flood has been a thing, I've only been here since like... August, I think?

I'll be honest, it's not a good look. Like... I swear, if Tumblr had an answer for this? They'd be in really good shape. This is a really cool atmosphere, I wish I had given it a chance sooner. But the amount of bots creeping around reminds me of that scene in the last Matrix movie (the last "real" one, sorry Lana, I really do appreciate the concepts behind what you were trying to do, but even your sibling tapped out on it, and I have to side with them, unfortunately) - let me clarify, in Matrix Revolutions, when Neo is in the City and all those bug robots are swarming around him. Like that. Just... off-putting. Like, what the fuck are they up to? I mean... they're up to something...

Today, I woke up at a somewhat decent hour. I checked the clock and confirmed 8 hours of sleep, which was awesome. Still catching up on sleep, as always... I decided to watch the Subnautica: Below Zero playthrough I've been following in bed to start the day. Depression and grief thing. I watched the same streamer do a playthrough of Project Zomboid when my dog died, so... I don't know, it's weirdly comforting, in a grim kinda way. Like my dog and cat are together now. And it reminds me of how my cat would cuddle with me and grieve with me. I'm very enraptured with the Subnautica playthrough, I love the series. I just cut an episode short to write this.

I was watching that, and lazily trying to navigate Bumble... with very little luck... I swear, these dating apps are just... it's pure depression fuel. In the 4 years that I've been on Bumble and Hinge, I have had 2 successful matches. One was a very brief text exchange through the app over the course of one night which just... evaporated... like I've had more personal conversations with cashiers before... and the other was an alcoholic woman with an STD who just separated from her husband, and just got out of a psych ward for reasons she didn't fully disclose... though who am I to judge, I've been to mental health facilities as well, but my intakes were voluntary so... I feel like my lesson to learn there was to... get more info... or run... still not 100% sure. This woman, a week after my dog died, brought the skeletons of 3 goats over to my home, made me watch Bo Burnham's special about how he was in the same type of isolation as me during the pandemic, gave me one of the worst panic attacks of my life... which I miraculously recovered from within less than 5 minutes... and then... she got freaked out and left. Called me the next day to do the whole, "it's not you, it's me..." And I - to myself, of course - wholeheartedly agreed with her. She needs help, first from herself, then from others. So... let's just say I haven't had a lot of luck with dating apps... XD

My morning was disrupted by the neighbors above running what sounded like... I mean, I guess it was a vacuum? Or maybe a steam cleaner? But it sounded like an industrial autoclave or something. Like, it sounded big and fuckin loud. And it was like... 10:30 AM? I was a little upset at first reaction, but made hay pretty quick. I went downstairs and decided that the best thing I could do was something with headphones on. I decided to pop on the cans and start polishing a new stone. I haven't done that in a long time. I had been using the tumbler for most of my stones and I'm still waiting on the new polish. (OH but I did get my new yoga pants today so yay!) So I took one of the stones my mom mailed to me from her new driveway that she found that she liked a lot and I worked that thing for 2 fucking hours. I really enjoy hand-faceting stones, it's hard work but I find it very rewarding. I wish I had some sort of rig to hold the stone stable so I could be a bit more deliberate and consistent with my angles, but this was a very organic shape so I just sorta went with it, abandoned symmetry entirely and I think it still came out really nice. And the stone was much softer than I was expecting. I think it's veins of calcite running through slate or something? I don't know, I'm not a geologist, I just like making pretty things prettier.

I did yoga. It was really quick today, just like 10-15 minutes. But it had that pose where you go from downward dog and lift one leg? And you're supposed to have your down leg rooted at your heel... but I can't get myself into downward dog and plant my heels. So I kept fumbling around with it and bringing my hands closer in to compensate... and then I was supposed to like... curl my leg above me and stack my hips, while keeping both hands planted. And I just... I could do it on my left side kinda I guess, with my right foot planted, but once we switched I was just falling over. It's frustrating. But, to be fair to myself, my flexibility has massively improved overall. Like I went to stretch my hamstrings earlier and I could touch the floor, which... well, it's been a while.

I took a shower and started to get ready for meeting up with my brother, nephew and sister-in-law for dinner. We went to a really nice chinese restaurant in town - I mean like... really fancy. Like way above any budget I'd be earning in my lifetime. And my socially oblivious ass just doesn't even mention the bill, which is honestly probably a godsend for them that they don't have to deal with the awkwardness of insisting on paying for the expensive meal they suggested. Idk, my brother works in the stock market and my sister in law is a doctor, and I'm a fucking artist who doesn't sell anything so... I'm just gonna kinda assume it's pretty obvious I won't be paying for dinner... XD

I got there early and parked in a parking garage I haven't parked in in... probably 15 years? They don't do paper tickets anymore, it was super confusing, I had no idea what to do. I fumbled around with the app thing on my phone but I didn't want to take my credit card out in a parking garage to put my number into it, because... I mean, there was a homeless guy yelling across the street at the entrance so like... yeah. So I just said fuck it. I walked down this main street, it's like... one of those streets in a city that is specifically for walking only, you know? And it's just lined with shops and shit. When I used to live in this city, my apartment was a block from the top of this street, and my community college was halfway down the street, so I spent a ton of time there. I mean, I remember sitting on a big rock on the street playing guitar for people, busking and making enough to buy coffee. That's a fond memory. I was so much more confident back then.

Now... I was super overwhelmed. I was amazed, and intrigued by everything. The buildings felt very tall around me, I recognized nearly none of the shops. I found some cool new age shops and a skate shop and I was interested in checking them out, but I didn't have time. I had to get the reservation for my brother and them, they were running late. On my way to the restaurant, a homeless guy asked me if I had a few dollars to spare. And to make it clear how long it has been since I have encountered this... they used to ask "do you have any spare change". And now, with inflation and fucking stupid costs of living, he asked "do you have some spare cash", and even a few dollars isn't enough for these poor people. Imagine how insulted and angry that guy would be if I gave him a 50 cents. I... kept staring wide-eyed at the buildings as I walked by and pretended I didn't hear him. I felt really bad. I did have some spare cash, but... I remembered that in my... inattentiveness... I keep forgetting to take the cash out of my wallet. I don't have anywhere else to put it, frankly. And inside my wallet, I have the cash that the administrator of the retreat I went to to detox off meds gave me for an illustration commission. It was like $400. I'm not fucking kidding. And I don't know what to do with this cash because like... who the fuck breaks a $100 in 2023? And I never leave my damn house. And I don't want to like... leave it in some random doom drawer in my house, it'll just disappear. I don't know what to do with it, honest. So like... I just have it in my wallet. And I'm walking by this guy and going, "I know I have cash, but I also know if that fucker sees that I have over $400 and a pair of AirPods on me, he's taking all of it or I'm getting stabbed." And, to top it off, I'm fucking alone. So... yeah, I was super fucking anxious. And I think rightfully so. It went fine, obviously, but like... that shook me a bit.

I should really just get rid of that cash, I guess I can go to my bank? And see if I can deposit it somehow? It's not like I can feed it into an ATM or something. I'm so fucking dumb with this stuff, I swear, no one taught me any of this. It's super embarrassing. So yeah, maybe I'd be less panicky if I didn't have that cash on me.

Dinner was great. Great to see my nephew, a riot as always. Good catching up and chilling. We did this thing at the restaurant where the chef just picked what we were going to eat and they just brought a bunch of courses out for us. All vegetarian, because my brother has been vegetarian since... I'm gonna venture to say since Clinton was in office. Which was actually cool with me, because I don't like fish - never ate it my entire life, never got a taste for it so it's super overwhelming to my senses now - and I don't really like beef either. Just pork and chicken for me, usually just chicken, if I'm being honest. The food was a big adventure of new flavors, things I'd probably never order off a menu myself. So, it was a big wave of new experiences today.

I was super overwhelmed at the beginning of dinner, and super drowsy because the sun was going down. That's been happening a lot lately. But I bounced back after getting a pot of Jasmine tea in me.

I noticed, in reflection after the fact, that I talk very openly and frequently about my mental health. And I'm starting to think that might not be a good thing. I know it's habit, I mean... how could it not be? Like... since about... 2018? The vast majority of my social interactions have been revolving around mental health. And by vast majority, I mean like.. 80-90% of my conversations, no exaggeration. When that is your life, when every conversation is like a therapy session (or actually is a therapy session), you really are forced to get comfortable with sharing. Like... if you go to group therapy and never speak up, you're just cheating yourself. So, powering through those reflexes and getting comfortable with talking about my mental health has actually... tipped into the realm of maybe being awkward for people.

Like... I'm talking to my sister-in-law about how my PTSD makes it hard for me to open up to a doctor in only 15 minutes, like I start freezing and stumbling over my words on simple questions and shit, and how I can only imagine how hard it makes their job to try to get all the information and diagnose and set up treatment and everything in 15 fucking minutes! Something is just going horribly wrong there. But like... I'm just hoping I'm not making things awkward. I really don't even notice it anymore, like... the way I spoke to them, the way I speak to my therapist and the way I speak here are all like... basically identical. It's just... my thoughts. My pure thoughts. I still have some boundaries, I mean it's not like they need to know about my sexual habits or how my hemorrhoids are doing, especially at a dinner table... But I'm afraid it might be awkward for them to talk about mental health stuff. I don't know, it's hard to tell. Maybe I should ask at some point?

After dinner, I went home. It was pretty warm today, I was getting bummed as I drove back that all the snow was melting. I was getting a big craving to go skate. And then I saw this dude slip on ice as he was walking back from a night class, when I drove by a local college. And he didn't know I saw him, I pretended I didn't see so he didn't feel embarrassed, not that he should be, it's like the lowest friction substance in the fucking world... And that planted a seed, which sprouted once I got to the rotary park where I skate. I scouted it out as I drove by - there was still snow. I pulled into my "car park", as my South African accented Siri likes to call it, which makes me smile. And as I walked in, I put my foot in a pile of snow by the door to see what the conditions were like. The snow was something close to the condition of like... a Slurpee, or something. If you're not American and don't know what that is, I don't know how to help you, like... a slushie? Like that kind of snow/ice. Like sleet that is cold enough to take solid form. That kind of snow is... not ideal because it's right on the edge of going to slush and certain ground/stone/pavement can retain heat... and the friction and pressure from skating can just turn that snow right into a slow, wet, soggy mess. But if the temperature is low enough... you get all the packability of wet snow, and that slush effect doesn't happen, and it also doesn't instantly turn to ice like it does on colder nights... And that's pretty much the conditions I got to work with tonight. So I stretched and I went skating.

But my dumb ass didn't bring my water bottle.

I tried skating the 2-stair, but that whole warm stone turning packed snow into slush thing? That was happening right where I was supposed to pop. Right at the lip of the first stair. It was just crap. But there was snow all over. I skated flatground for a while. My ollie was doing really well today, very consistent, good pop too. I was getting more comfortable and accurate with pop shuvits. I couldn't land a 3 shuv to save my life, unfortunately, when it's slushier it feels tougher to get that extra rotation because the snow has more give to it. At least that's what my head tells me. But I got a moving kickflip, maybe 2? I don't remember. Then I went to that section where I had a long downhill section of sidewalk to build speed and a natural kicker where it goes flat and then inclines down again, and I skated that for a bit until a dude came over and just... sat like 25 feet away from where that ramp was... I got paranoid and stopped skating it for a bit. Then I saw a smoke cloud come from there. And I'm sure it was just weed smoke, and it was probably some college kid who just couldn't smoke in his apartment and wanted to smoke somewhere chill, so he chose the park at like 9PM alone. I get it, I just... I was really anxious from earlier, and in general, so I just stopped skating that spot. I went over to the 4-stair, landed it at least 3 times. Went back to flat and started trying to get varial flip. I've never had it... perfectly consistent. Like... I've landed a few and I got pretty good at them, but I was never really consistent. There was a point where I could pull out kickflip and heelflip (on the right surfaces, at least) pretty much every try. Less so with heelflip, but still. Varial flip was never at that level. But today, I landed like 3 on flat not moving. I clearly remember a moment where it just clicked and I was like "oh, that's what it feels like!" And it felt as easy as a shuvit and I just popped, flicked, floated and the board just lined up right under my feet. And I came damn close to landing it moving, but I just couldn't stick it. I had to tap out.

What I kinda want to get off my chest - which is a fun way of putting it, once you see what I'm gonna talk about - was something I was freaking out about while skating. When I went to the doctor's office, they told me I have high blood pressure. Like... that's not heart rate, right? Like... pressure is different. And they were going to check it again to see if it was just anxiety, but like... they didn't. So that lack of resolution has just been sticking with me. And I got really anxious about it today. Like, I was getting chest pains and tightness and shit. And I've been getting that a lot from anxiety, so like... if I was having actual heart and pulmonary issues, I probably wouldn't notice, honestly. So I would just get a lot of invasive thoughts about like... exercising too hard, pushing myself too hard and then just fucking passing out and collapsing in the park. Like... I'm old now, or something. And I like... I'm not that old. I keep hearing people around my age, mid-30's, and they keep acting like they're in their fucking 60's or something. It's fucking weird, sorry. Like, my body aches too, guys. My back feels like garbage, my neck and posture are fucked, my hips have decided to secede and are staging regular protests against the rest of my body. I'm tired all the time, when I get hurt it takes a lot more to get me back up, I get tired quicker, shit like that. But I'm not fucking old. The people who consider me old don't consider themselves young and they're like 18. So... I'll consider calling myself old when I get to my mid 50s or something, thanks. But on the pulmonary front, I want to make sure I'm not being too cavalier and overlooking potential health issues that are avoidable, because I do have a history of blood-related issues (clots) and I do not have the best diet. I actually have a pretty poor diet. So... yeah, just wanna make sure that didn't creep up on me, and today was especially bad anxiety-wise in that department.

But, on the plus side, some kids saw me skating from their apartment... and they actually saw me land my first varial flip of the year and fucking cheered! I was listening to music in my headphones so I was just oblivious to the outside world, and they cheered so loud that I could hear them! It made me so happy. I wanted to say something about like... if there are any gods that give a fuck about them, I hope they throw some good stuff their way, but man, it's been a hot minute since I've heard anyone talk about religion publicly and that... feels a bit scary, honestly. Feels like people are just gonna come after you if you're polytheistic in 2023, you know? Weird shit, when we're supposed to be all evolved and progressive and whatever but yeah. I guess... I hope good fortune finds those two young men, for bringing excitement and joy to the heart of this grieving, depressed 36 year old snowskater.

Since I didn't have water, I ate a bunch of snow when I was out, but that wasn't nearly enough and I just came back early. And that was basically my night. I finished the night by polishing another one of those stones and watching another "episode" and a half of the Subnautica VoDs. Now I'm here.

Another cool idea I had, which I shared with my brother because I know he's really into languages... I decided to search Twitch today for streamers who speak French. I took 3 years of French in college, and I surprisingly still understand a lot. I could never speak it, but I can read it okay, just really slow. So I found someone who was playing League of Legends, a game I am pretty familiar with (but haven't played in like... 5 years?) and just... had that going in the background. And I got the Google Translate app thing for Chrome so I can just select a word that I don't know in the chat and it will real-time translate for me. I could follow a surprising amount, considering I haven't studied French since like... 2004. Wow, almost 20 years. Crazy. I'm pretty sure if I keep that up and just periodically try to like... figure out where they are in conversation? I'm sure I'll start picking up more and more. And maybe eventually I'll be able to chime in some short sentences every now and again. Who knows. I thought it was cool, something new to spice things up and to contribute to intellectual/skill development.

I am fucking tired. I need to go to bed. Byeeee.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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