So I have a thousand thoughts about Chapter 14 of Guinevere but I know they’re going to evolve very quickly in the coming weeks, so for now, all I’m going to say is this: it blows my mind how well the writers have managed to incorporate Merlin’s accusations of infidelity into Arthur’s romance route, to the point where they don’t just make sense, they also hit super hard emotionally & even raise some interesting ideas that don’t come up in Lancelot’s route. Like, the fact that Lancelot is so painfully in love with Guinevere, they fought so hard to suppress it until they finally snapped, and then all they get for that is a broken heart & the knowledge that Guinevere is at risk of death because of their momentary lapse in self-control? That is a devastating outcome for them. It is a tragedy in the traditional sense, the kind you would see in a Shakespearean or Greco-Roman play. And the writers don’t just skim over it, they lean right in. Then on top of that, what about the fact that Merlin’s accusations are now entirely baseless? The fact that he is now undeniably 100% responsible for orchestrating his own vision of Camelot’s fall, because there is no way Guinevere could have been accused of treason without his interference, but also that vision was what made him interfere in the first place? That particular plot point raises so many questions about predestination that are way more complex & nuanced than I ever expected from Choices, and the fact that they’re being raised in a choose-your-own-adventure game – a format that inherently challenges the concept of narrative predestination – is also insanely interesting to me. Watch this space for more thoughts, but for now, here are the screenshots that triggered this essay. I’m still getting over just how awesome they are.

I just started watching merlin for the first time (yes i already know things like how it ends etc) and some of the merthur scenes are?? Hello? "Can you walk on your knees?" Um? Their chemistry is really good! I was wondering, have the writers/producers ever commented anything on the ship? And is merthur generally regarded as a queerbait by fans or not?

omg hello!!! merlin is thee show of all time. they really went 'arthurian legend but what if everyone was young and hot and mostly dumb jocks' and it works better than anyone would have thought lmao. and merthur are sooo romance-coded it's not even 'code' it's just. super explicit. "two sides of the same coin???" "one half cannot really hate what makes it whole??" and listen, i was i think 16 when i watched merlin for the first time, a couple of years after it ended and i knew nothing about Arthurian legend except the whole arthur-guinevere-lancelot love triangle thing but i saw their first meeting and went 'why did no one tell me this is so gay?' "can you walk on your knees" "i can take you apart with one blow" hmmm i bet you want to arthur, i bet you want to 👀

and okay, it's been a couple of years since I've been as into the fandom as i have been the last few weeks so i don't remember all the instances too well but I'm pretty sure there have been many times when the makers/cast of the show have commented on them. as far as i remember, bradley james (arthur) and colin morgan (merlin) were very diplomatic about it, katie mcgrath and angel coulby were hardcore shippers in a kinda jokey but not really way? alex vlahos (who played mordred) once called it "a love story between merlin and arthur", and I'm pretty sure julian murphy (the creator) also called it a love story a bunch of times too. so take from that what you will. the beauty of the merthur - regardless of whether it is considered romantic or not - is that it was not disputed by anyone i don't think that they were the most important relationship of the show, and the most purest form of love in the show too. (i won't go into detail right now because i don't want to spoil anything for you, but shoot me a message once you've finished it! i could, would and have written an essay about it 😂)

(as for the queerbait question - no idea. a lot of people call it queerbait in a jokey way. i don't know how serious people are about it because i don't tend to engage in those discussions. i personally don't think i can comment much on it, because i watched it years after it had finished.)

Wizards Predictions/Theory List

(Because everyone in this fandom is doing it, and I’m a bandwagoner)

Feel free to comment on the theories, but don’t clown on my post! You all know what I mean

- Douxie is Merlin’s apprentice. Specifically, he was Sir Mordred Lothson of Orkney, manipulated tricked into being Merlin’s “lackey”, turning him against Camelot

- Camlann was the first conflict of the magical v. the human world, over a specific blue stone capable of creation

- PHG is Vivienne, either a reincarnation descendent/relative of the Lady 

- Douxie is canonly gay. He gets a boyfriend and that’s that

- Vivienne is also gay. Wizards main duo is just mlm/wlw solidarity

- Aaarrrgghh is King Arthur, turned troll by the same potion that turned Jim half-troll. Yes I have elaborated on this many times but I Will Not Shut Up About It

- Blonde guy on the blurry poster is Sir Gawain. I have a reason for this but I’m not posting it here. Only Discord mutuals get the deep lore... as a treat 

- Armored knight from 3Below is Guinevere. I don’t take constructive criticism

- Archie adopted Douxie after Merlin decides to go into Odinsleep. He’s basically Douxie’s third dad (counting Lot and maybe Arthur) 

- Kreamus

- Toby is an Arthur foil. Jim is Lance and Claire is Gywn I guess. I have nothing to support this. Jim could also be Galahad or Gawain parallels also because of the sword of the stone. In this essay I will- 

I will be adding to this list when my brain decides to think again. Perish

tagged by: @counterforced .

tagging: anyone who desires to do this, feel free to do so!

Answer the following for your muse so people know how shipping works on your blog.

What is your OTP for your character?: Okay I will make a confession that GILTURIA is definitely my OTP for high reasons but I won’t get into it much. However I still love to death Shirou / ARCHER X Arturia so much because let me tell you something ---- **inserts a lengthy essay that no one really has time to listen to me brag about why I love these two with Arturia**

What are you willing to write when it comes to shipping? As long as we discuss it personally, I’m willing to develop the relationship. Of course I’m a grand lover of crossover / OC shipping with Arturia as well. @empathcrowned is definitely guilty for adoring Arturia with their muse. ; u ;

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?: No children muses and especially no Morgan or Mordred being involved. Aside from that, anything is fair game.

Are you selective when shipping? In some ways, I suppose I am selective when shipping. But not necessarily because I’m always open to explore anything and I really do love how the muses develop even with the chemistry of their relationship. Though I am somewhat selective in terms of if I’m being pushed into the relationship. This is precisely why I prefer talking it out thoroughly before engaging into the ship before anything else. I definitely don’t ever want to force a ship on anyone and I won’t want anyone to force me into one either. Otherwise neither side have fun nor do the muses.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they are considered NSFW? Uhhhhhhhh ..... when you actually describe the exposure of skin? I personally don’t consider writing a making out scene as being NSFW though anywhere the point of skin being vividly described as well as the gestures to engaging in the intimacy, then yes. I usually prefer tagging with the nsfw tw tag of mine but I do put it under a read more for the mobile users.

Who are the characters that you ship your character with? Oh geez .... so far, there is Gilgamesh, Shirou, ARCHER Emiya, Arthur, Guinevere, Bedivere, Jalter ( w/ Salter ), Iskandar, Robin Hood, Diarmuid, Cu ( blame a doujinshi for this ), Kiritsugu ( .... guilty pleasure ), Rin, Lancelot, etc. ( and a few I would mention ----- )

Does one have to ask to ship with you? I usually recommend to ask just to know if you’re okay with it and we come to a mutual agreement. But I also go with how Arturia herself feels for the character. If she expresses interest, then she’ll speak. Though her route is mostly letting someone else since she’s the type to want other people’s happiness above her own.

How often do you like to ship? If it happens, it happens. If it happens, let’s develop! But I’m open to speak about it if you ever wish to do so. I simply don’t make shipping calls since I like making the communication and interactions with the characters.

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less? Look at the above response since it applies to this question as well. Can’t say I’m that thirsty, neither is Arturia but.... if it happens, it happens.

Are you multiship? I am indeed multiship.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom? Arturia X ANYONE THAT MAKES HER HAPPY BECAUSE GOD THIS GIRL, THIS BEAUTIFUL KING, DESERVES ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD.

Finally, how does one ship with you? IM me, send a random ask, or even interactions. Anything as long as we make some communication about our muses!

What if the Red Spear has a soft side? We didn't see much of her in the first season, she can't be just a mono dimensional character. They are not cowards because of the ship itself, I meant that they will surely follow the most popular theories for the second season, they seem really into fanservice. I think that Nimarthur (?) will end with Nimue guiding Arthur to Avalon with a Scallison (Teen Wolf) vibe (epic but not meant to be, even if they are not really epic)

Boooy, this turned into an actual essay. :D Sorry it became so long, nonny, I had a lot of thoughts about these theories.

Most women have a soft side. I’m sure Guinevere has one too. I mean look at her puppy/doe eyes.

But look at how she looks at Arthur: 

And how Arthur looks at her.

Even if Nimulot wasn’t a thing, I still would’ve shipped her with Arthur because there were actual sparks. 

Most people seem to ship Guinevere/Red Spear and Arthur out of necessity so that he doesn’t stand in the way of Nimulot happening. 

But he somehow seemed manlier and more confident and more attractive (??) in his two short interactions with Guinevere than whenever he was with Nimue.

When I saw that the ship of Cursed was Arthur and Nimue - I was like ‘huh’.

I’ve always hated the fact that Guinevere cheated on Arthur in the legends. I hate cheaters, it doesn’t matter what sex they are. I’ve always considered Guinevere weak-willed and pathetic for running away with Lancelot when she was married to Arthur when Arthur was a fine man who treated her right. 

I mean, if she had separated herself from him in some way first - went to a nunnery because she no longer loved him, met Lancelot and ran away with him again, then I would’ve been alright with that. But cheating while still married to a good person because you’ve grown bored with him? Running away with a man who himself was married AND with a kid? Yeah, bitch. 

Seeing her strong and willful here actually gave me hope that maybe here she would remain faithful. And if she fell out love with him at least, she would have the courage to first leave him and then pursue a relationship.

The idea of her falling for Lancelot in this version as well is really uncomfortable not only because it would mean that Nim*hur will probably be endgame if that’s the case, but because she would’ve proven herself weak again. 

I really hope that this is not the case because, in these two interactions that they had, I really felt the sparks flying. They could be the clintasha of this fandom, always having each other’s back and ruling together as an epic power couple. 

While I imagine Nimue and Lancelot as a power couple as well, I think their ‘power’ would come from the mystical sense of the word - I think they could achieve great magical feats together because their ‘curses’ are similar. 

As for the ending, I think that once Arthur dies, it will be Morgana the Widow that will guide Arthur’s soulto Avalon? Or maybe he won’t be dead? Honestly, narratively speaking, the ending you suggested makes sense, with Arthur giving up his fights and reuniting with Nimue beyond the Lake. If that’s the case, Isaac’s ‘cursed’ to never get the girl haha. 

I really hope not because I don’t want the writers to ‘subvert’ expectations by having Arthur cheating on Guinevere in order to get back together with his first love. 

Honestly, Nimue and Arthur have the exact same puppy/first love type of relationship as Scallison with the exception that Scott and Allison had some chemistry at least :D Nim*hur just feel forced. They don’t look at each other with actual curiosity. 

To sum it up, I’m excited from the prospect of Guinevere and Lancelot getting redemption arcs (in the love area, I’m not talking about Lancelot’s actual redemption arc here). Not betraying her husband/his best friend, you know? Lancelot falling in love with Nimue while Guinevere either stays in love with Arthur or fucks off to explore the world when she falls out of love with him (because this one actually CAN do that).

I can see her doing the latter, if they want her to leave the scene for some reason, they could have her go back to her Viking ways (with Pym maybe?). OR she could stick to Arthur, rule after he dies like in the Merlin version? 

Because, honestly, come ON, I’m tired of expecting Guinevere to fall in love with Arthur only to cheat on him with Lancelot after that. Do you honestly expect a show where Merlin is his canonical lover’s father to stick to the whole Guinevere-Lancelot-Arthur saga? Especially when the main character is the lady of the Lake and they’ve already snatched the Arthurian romance part and given it to her. 

My nightmare would be Nimue and Arthur never breaking up and Guinevere and Lancelot falling in love right away (honestly, I would prefer her to be a lesbian like Yara Greyjoy and fuck off to see the world with Pym). 

Oooh, I figured it out! Maybe since his best friend Lancelot and his other best friend Nimue (I assume they would remain friends after they end it?) and his sister Morgana are in Avalon, when he’s dying he would want to be with them in Avalon? 

Um, yea. Thanks for listening to my Ted talk.

Rachel Elizabeth Dare: An Essay

(a.k.a. a discussion of the portrayal of strong female characters and their relationship with fandom, canon, and a whole bunch of other shit i wanted to scream about at 1:50 am)

it really Rattles My Gears that a character as cool as Rachel Elizabeth fucking Dare is constantly thrown under the bus.

“Percy Jackson and Rachel Dare had a really genuine and cool friendship that became obsolete as soon as Rachel was no longer a potential love interest for him” -- @ofswordsandpens​ 

i’m gonna take it a step further and argue that Rachel stopped being a relevant character in the story as soon as she “lost” the role of a potential love interest. not to mention the fact that fandom seemed to collectively h a t e her ass because of that potential love interest. WHY THO? 

let’s fucking discuss.

unfortunately, no discussion about Rachel can occur without the mention of the ship of the century. percabeth. i’m going to assume that percabeth shares its origins with the pjo series itself, allllll the way back in 2005. (holy shit).

2005 fandoms were a LOT different than the fandoms we see today. remember, this was before DashCon, the Mishapocalypse, “fandoms grab your weapons”, and everything else that sort of.....gave fandoms a bit of a wakeup call. not that there was anything inherently wrong with it initially, but there was a shift.

2005 was before that shift.

the original pjo series percabeth romance followed a familiar young adult romance trope: boy and girl meet. girl is strong willed. boy is relatable. girl hates boy. they are thrust together through magical/extraneous circumstances. they become friends. then best friends. then hopelessly in love--BUT WAIT THE WORLD IS ENDING OH NO.

but what makes percabeth so popular? what makes it different from the other tropes we’ve seen? i think the answer lies in the characterization. sure, the tropes are there, but the characters sort of rise above them. annabeth and percy exist independently of each other. their relationship is healthy in that they are able to support each other without completely being reliant one another. 

but i think the most significant part of all this, especially in concerns to Rachel, is that annabeth and percy grew up alongside the readers. as the characters  aged, their actions and thoughts--a.k.a the writing style over time--became more nuanced. the stakes rose, the conflict became complicated. and their relationship progressed relatively slowly, meaning the ship had plenty of time to grow in canon and fandom.

enter Rachel Elizabeth Dare. her character at the very beginning didn’t have any obvious romantic implications. percy runs into her, they chat, there’s a monster, she gives him her number, and BAM. done. she’s gone until the next book.

but within that short amount of time, she is brilliantly characterized. her actions and thoughts are unique from what we’ve seen. she’s funny, demanding, sarcastic, and brave as fuck. 

next book comes out and “uh oh, she’s a love interest!!!! KILL HER BURN HER FUCKING ANNABETH AND PERCY ARE FOREVERWELHKWJGBKHWKJEK”

wtf.

let’s talk about annabeth and Rachel. i argue that fandom loves annabeth for the same reasons they hate Rachel.

she doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit 

annabeth: she’s tough and kicks ass!

Rachel: she’s mean.

she doesn’t put up with PERCY’S shit

annabeth: she’s so funny lol she’s the yin to his yang

Rachel: she’s mean and wrong for him.

she fights, even when people tell her no

annabeth: (example--not wanting to be given dummy questions from the sphinx) she’s smart and independent, she has her own mind and she uses it

Rachel: (example--flying into a demigod battle to warn the others) omg she’s a MORTAL why is she constantly bursting into this story? she’s annoying!!!

sadly, most of the reasons behind the fandom’s dislike of Rachel lie with her relationship to percy, in that people don’t want her to be in a relationship with percy.

but let’s fucking stop talking about percy FOR JUST ONE SECOND.

Rachel is an awesome character. she can see through the mist, and it’s because of this that she wants to learn more about half-bloods, not some hot guy she ran into once. like she says herself, percy was only such a fascination for her because he opened a door to an amazing world. she didn’t need him to be a part of that world.

(ok now we’re done talking about percy)

Rachel Elizabeth Dare has shown time and time again to go above and beyond what was needed from her. examples include walking into the labryinth to help some kids she barely knew, getting in a fucking helicopter and flying into a monster god battle, and allowing herself to be possessed by an ancient prophet spirit-ghost-thing.

she does all this because she wants to, because that’s who she is. she’s the girl that covered herself in gold paint for an art movement. she’s the girl who demanded to learn more about terrifying monsters and kids with swords. she’s the girl who threw a blue hairbrush at kronos.

not to mention how compelling her story is. a mortal who can lift a curse on an ancient prophet??? WHAT??? as soon as the love triangle is over, she’s gone. and i’m So Mad About That because she was so interesting! she goes off to private school while possessed, and thaT’S ALL WE KNOW????

it pisses me off how a character only seems to exist for a romantic subplot, but i’m used to it.

now, what’s really interesting is how this affects female characters in fandom. i can’t say male characters, because while they can be entirely subjected to this “i exist for the romance” trope--gayle from hunger games, bella’s high-school guy friend from twilight, hermione’s quidditch boyfriend holy shit i’m forgetting his name--when it comes to fandom, the girls are treated worse.

i’m going to cut to the chase and tell you why. internalized misogyny is a tricky thing. it can lead you to see a female character solely through her relationship to the male counterpart. it does not matter if she has wants, aspirations, or independent thoughts outside of that relationship. 

when it comes to shipping, she’s not even a character. she’s a threat. female characters are trashed mercilessly in canon and fandom when it comes to this.

look at mary watson’s and irene adler’s treatment in the johnlock fandom.

look at how lavender brown was viewed back in the old harry potter days.

look at all the dead girls from supernatural.

look at martha from dr. who.

skyler from breaking bad.

betty from mad men.

meg from supernatural.

rachel from glee.

guinevere from merlin.

mercedes from glee.

lana lang from smallville.

iris from flash.

terra from young justice.

and on and on and on and on and on

just. Yikes.

from now on, whenever i see a female character hated on because of whatever fucking “threat” she poses, i’m calling it the Rachel Elizabeth Dare Effect.

The Rachel Elizabeth Dare Effect: When a female character is treated poorly in canon and/or fandom, for reasons including any to all of the following:

-- she poses a “threat” to a popular ship

-- hypocrisy for hatred of traits (traits loved in one character but hated in this one)

-- a shallow refusal to see character outside of romantic pull/ties

-- pitting female character against another female character in a bizarre attempt to prove one is superior

not all of the ladies i listed strictly apply to the Rachel Dare Effect, but are worth mentioning because it brings up a topic that needs to be addressed in concerns to storytelling.

look. i love rick riordan’s stories and universe. the pjo characters mean a lot to me. i also love percabeth. do not mistake this post as a way to proclaim my hatred for certain characters and ships. that’s the exact opposite of what i believe. if you don’t like Rachel outside of the reasons i’ve shown above, then by golly, you do you. but this is about more than a personal preference.

Rachel Elizabeth Dare, and characters like her, deserve so much more than what fandom has thrown at them. please, take pride and care in what you write and read. it has a scary effect on young minds.

Top five filk songs!

…. I love how I asked for asks cause I’m like, I miss tumblr, I wanna talk with you guys more!  And then I didn’t have time to answer for a whole day >_>.  OH, WELL.

You would probably get a different list if you asked again tomorrow, but five OF my most favorite filk songs under the cut.  (Oh, and only some have links, because the others don’t seem to exist on the internet.  Though I could record myself singing them, if anyone would want to hear and if it wouldn’t be a breach of etiquette…).

1. My Brother, My Enemy by Sassafrass.  [and/or: lyrics and explanation here.]  It’s hard for me even to pick a favorite Sassafrass song!  They’re my favorite filk artist, and one of my favorite musical artists in general.  This one doesn’t have quite as many harmonies/parts as some, but, it’s still excellent at doing that Thing where each voice sings different words as well as different notes, and, especially here, I love the way the voices diverging and coming back together repeatedly illustrates the flow of the story.  I love the evocation of a foreign (to me) emotional background (and they cry not for justice forgiveness or peace but for vengeance vengeance vengeance vengeance, an insistent crescendo that ends in a crash), and… so why is this number one.  It’s the story as well as the artistry of the telling that gets me.

In the span of seven? Minutes, Odin and Loki find something unique and valuable in each other, make this connection, this bond, swearing blood brotherhood, and then are brought by circumstance to break it (these worlds are my duty to guard and protect, I can’t make exceptions before such a threat, your children were my enemies), and the emotionally painful and complex fallout.  Could you get any more my personal aesthetic?  I kinda think not.

2. Glass Half Full (Of the Sea) by Benjamin Newman.  This is one of those songs that’s So Important to me.  (And when I saw Ben at Contata last month, I got to incoherently try to tell him so!  :D.)  This makes sense, I’m sure, to no one but me, but it is to my life what I liked to imagine “Rock Star” was about Kurt in New New York.

The story is… I found this song (for #reasons), some few years before I properly got into filk.  (I somehow managed to not realize it was about a selkie until the first time that I heared it in a filk circle!).  There’s been a lot said - outside of filk circles, too, I’m sure, though I’m mostly thinking of “Still Catch the Tide” - about the selkie myth as representing how women are confined in the traditional picture of marriage.  And at the time that this song was the song I needed - my now-husband and I had just recently moved in together - we’d known each other for three months at that time? but there were practical reasons for this.  And I was SO IN LOVE, y'know, but also struggling so much.  What is space!  What is independence!  My husband then (he hasn’t been for years and years now, we have LEARNED~) was very much like Blaine in New New York.  Basically.  Always wanting to do everything with me, and taking me not wanting to as a personal hurt.

So I used to sing - “a free creature or a wife, either way she’d lose a life, that she never wants to lose.”  Because the song wasn’t just a description of my dilemma.  (Though even the fact that it shows these as both things you might want, I appreciate!).  The chorus - especially the last chorus:

i’m not the girl who sees the glass half empty, i’ve got both my loves, that’s what makes me free, and since i can decide, i’m staying by your side, with a glass half full of the sea

provided an image of resolution for me.  And here let me explain one more thing: back in my late teens/early twenties, I actively identified myself as a deliberate optimist.  So the ending of the story being a. well, I can pick, so I’ve always got that, and, b., maybe some things suck, but here’s this THE GLASS IS STILL HALF FULL image… it just fit the particular things I was looking for so WELL.  It was a rocky adjustment, living together, deciding whether to commit to this particular relationship rather than all the unknown possibilities out there.  I’m happy with my choices!  (If you read my blog, ever, that should be obvious.)  But, yeah, this song #helped.

3. Solar Flare by Sam Baardman.  I do not have an essay to write for this one!  I just find it really beautiful, both the music and the images created by the words.  I think it was the first song I heard in a circle (where it was perfomed by Decadent Dave Clement) where I was like… I NEED TO FIND THAT AGAIN, AND HEAR IT AGAIN… and that was early on (in my filking ~career), so back when I knew less how to do that.  And for most of a decade it’s just been for me one of those songs that - you know, when you don’t feel like singing almost anything, you’re sick of all the songs you know, or they’re just not right for the mood you’re in, or whatever?  (Maybe you don’t know.  Maybe this feeling isn’t in fact ubiquitous.  I don’t know!  *shrugs.*)  It is one of those very rare songs that I never don’t feel like singing.  *hums*  there’s a comet just outside my window, hanging in the afterglow of a solar flare, and the stars like a diamond spilling off of the moon…

4. As I Am by Heather Dale.  One of my favorite love songs Of All Time?  I love Heather Dale a lot, too, and I’ve been singing this song just so much recently.  It’s supposed to be about Arthur and Guinevere.  But there’s a lot of specific notes - ’i’m not looking for perfection, i’m not offering a saint’ - ’i offer you this look inside, i offer you this trust’ - and, most especially of all, ’i need your strength to help me fight the battles that i must, i need you to remind me of the light we bear within’ - that are beautifully worded and sung, yeah.  But that also feel to me like beautiful expressions not just of infatuation, but of the sort of partnership that is… my life, really ;).  And, it’s pretty.

5. Causes And Effects by Seanan McGuire.  [link is to lyrics]  A song that answers many questions for me - not with answers that I didn’t know, mind you.  But it provides a crystallized form of something that otherwise isn’t.  And I’ve used it, in-circle, as an answer to songs that I’m sure were meant well but Rubbed Me Wrong!  … the song feels like it’s About Me, though I’m sure it’s about Seanan, but it fits many of us geek girls, and what I most take from it is this: ’she tries to tell herself that beauty isn’t worth its weight in gold, she sometimes thinks she’d sell her soul just to come out of the cold.’  (Cause YES isn’t an explanation, but also, yes.)  I don’t know.  It’s one thing to know that societal standards of beauty and of it being paramount for women to be ~beautiful~ are both bullshit, to know that if you’re lonely it’s not necessarily because of you.  It’s another thing to be able to believe that all that’s true.  And I’ve gotten there now, yeah, but it’s been a long fucking journey.  So this is a song about the road I’ve walked.

AND because, I couldn’t resist, various honorable mentions.

6. Eternal Flame, words by Bob Kanefsky, music by Julia Ecklar.  [or, to slightly misquote Batya’s Words of Bob, Julia wrote the music, Bob wrote the filk ;)].  This song is particularly special to me out of all the other filk Songs I Have Loved because it was both the first song that I sang in a filk circle - a decade ago, now, in October! - and the first song I sang at a filk non-circle (concert!!), just recently.  Also it’s probably good to have a little humor in my list somewhere, because there’s really quite a lot of it in filk.  And also also, I do sincerely love this song not just as humor, but e.g. ’when he filled the leaves with green, fractal flowers and recursive roots, the most lovely hack i’ve seen‘… really does get at something real about the beauty that’s in Nature’s patterns, and of process-based even though not intentional design.

7. Mary Ellen Carter by Stan Rogers.  Is the song I’ve sung most frequently in filk circles that isn’t a filk song.  Well.  We sing it a lot.  It’s ~found filk??~  Or it’s just a song.  But a story song about resurrecting a ship that’s served you well, even if the ship’s on sea rather than in space, well, it fits in.  And it’s something that I sing against sadness, when I’m sad.  ’though your heart it be broken or life about to end, no matter what you’ve lost, be it a home, a love, a friend, like the mary ellen carter rise again.’  (… also, it reminds me of Jack Zimmermann, nowadays.)

8. Goin’ Back To Hogwarts by Starkid.  I could meta more, on that spoken bridge of Days of Summer, or on To Have A Home, but… as a kind of complement to 'frequently sung in filk circles, not really filk,’ as above, I’m ending with another 'not really filk.’  (Though I’ve sung starkid songs in filk circles several times, and it’s always gone over just fine.)  Cause, like,.. it’s a fan song about a fictional property.  (And fun and funny and a great crowd-pleaser slash singalong.)  And certainly has a place in fandom, somewhere!, - but not specifically filk fandom.  Even if this performance in 2009 looks SO MUCH LIKE so many circles I’ve been in at other cons since slightly before that time.  I don’t think any other celebrity clip has ever made me feel so much #oneofus.

guinevere – the parallels series, part 3/6

<< part 1 | part 4 >>

I can’t with this man / chapter 16, part 7 / now feat. P A R A L L E LS

a.k.a. guinevere – the parallels series, part 5/6

<< part 1 | part 6 >>

I can’t with this man Goodbye, Arthur Pendragon / chapter 17, part 2 / the wedding vows

(A side-note, but: it’s Arthur’s wedding vows that really hammered home for me just how tragic it would be for him to lose Guinevere to Lancelot, more than the other way around. In Lancelot’s case, the only thing stopping them from finding love at the start of the story was their own inhibitions – and even if Guinevere doesn’t choose them in the end, the fact that she broke down their walls & opened them up to love is a positive outcome, a gift that they will always carry with them & that gives them hope for finding someone in the future. But in Arthur’s case? Arthur has no trouble loving – if anything, he loves too hard, and too fast. Arthur’s trouble is that he is bound by duty to marry for the sake of Camelot, to choose a wife who will make a good queen & a good alliance above a wife whom he loves, or who loves him back. He was unbelievably lucky that his first betrothed, Guinevere, even came close to being a love match for him, and – that type of luck doesn’t really happen twice. Plus, if Guinevere doesn’t choose Arthur, then he never really gets to reach the realisations above. He never really gets to believe that he can follow both his duty & his heart, because the one time he tried, he got stopped in his tracks. Everything he told Guinevere about feeling lonely despite being surrounded by people, wishing he could share the burden of the crown, longing for a partner who would truly understand him – all of that still applies to him, and his way out of it is even less clear than it was before. It’s an absolutely heartbreaking outcome for Arthur, and perhaps the worst part is that he takes it with so much grace, as if he always semi-expected it. He always semi-felt like Guinevere was too good to be true, or like he didn’t deserve her. And I am so, so grateful that, in at least some playthroughs, we get to tell him that he does 🥺).

Hii can you please explain the real ending of Arthur in the legend? I've heard from it but never really knew the full story :)

~~~ Updated 01/05/2023 after some further reading on my part, because apparently I’m obsessed with Arthurian legend now 😅 ~~~

Hi Anon! No problem, here’s a summary. Disclaimer that I originally made this post using just the Encyclopaedia Britannica, but I now can’t find the articles I originally referenced & I kept coming across contradictions to them in other articles, so I’ve decided to cross-check everything against CliffNotes & sections of original text. If anyone reads this and finds things that still need correcting, please lmk ☺️.

The legend of King Arthur is set in 5th-6th century Britain, although the details of the time & the geography are more fiction than fact. As with all folklore, it developed over hundreds of years through a mostly oral storytelling tradition, so there’s no one version of it. However, most of our modern adaptations are based on a book called Le Morte d’Arthur (The Death of Arthur), written in the 1400s by an English knight named Sir Thomas Malory. Malory basically compiled as many pre-existing stories about Arthur as he could, and also tweaked them to suit his time period. He was the first person to add a lot of the themes of chivalry and brotherhood that are now considered central to the legend. (As a side-note, Malory also went to great lengths to link the legend to his homeland, which can make his descriptions of geography even more confusing. He frequently mentions England and reports that Arthur became King of England by pulling the sword from the stone, when actually, ‘England’ didn’t exist yet in Arthur’s time. Instead, the island of England/Scotland/Wales was divided into many independent kingdoms, like Camelot and Carmelide, and the only way to collectively refer to them was as ‘Britain’. In this post, I’m going to be mirroring Malory’s language, but it’s worth noting that when he says England, it’s more accurate to say Britain, and when he says that Arthur was the King of England, it’s more accurate to say that Arthur was a King of Camelot who began to unify Britain through his influence & may have been destined to eventually rule it all. In fact, Camelot is usually identified as being in modern-day Wales rather than modern-day England. I know that all of this is tangential, but it confused me a lot during my reading & I wanted to help clarify it for other people, so 😊).

Le Morte d’Arthur sets up Arthur & Guinevere’s relationship very differently to Choices. For a start, they get betrothed earlier in the story, before the Knights of the Round Table are established – in fact, the physical Round Table & the first hundred of its knights are an engagement gift from Guinevere’s father. Secondly, they do know each other a little before they get betrothed – they meet a few months prior, while Arthur is helping defend Carmelide from attack – and although Arthur getting married is a political decision driven by his advisors, his choice of Guinevere as his wife is inarguably a personal decision driven by love. According to Malory, Arthur loved Guinevere from first sight & refused to let Merlin suggest any other brides when the time came, instead sending him to Guinevere’s father to ask him for her hand. We never really learn if Guinevere returns Arthur’s feelings, but honestly, the point is kinda moot – and that’s because, in perhaps the most important difference from Choices, Malory’s Arthur walks into the relationship knowing that Guinevere will betray him. When Merlin suggests choosing another bride, he explicitly warns Arthur that Guinevere will fall in love & cheat with a future Knight of the Round Table named Lancelot, and Arthur puts that aside, marries her anyway, and befriends Lancelot anyway.

I could go on such a long rant here about how complicated Merlin’s characterisation is in Le Morte d’Arthur – even more so than in Choices – and about what the symbolism might be of him making that prophecy & of Arthur ignoring it. But there’s tons more background reading that I’d have to do about that, and it’s also not the point of this post. Suffice to say, I think we’re given enough clues that Arthur ignores the prophecy not because he doesn’t believe it, but because he loves Guinevere and later Lancelot so much that he’d ignore anything just to have them by his side. When the two of them do start their affair, it’s stated that Arthur suspects what’s happening but ‘[won’t] hear of it’ from other people, particularly because of how much he loves & trusts Lancelot. It is left up to the reader whether that means that a) Arthur is deliberately overlooking the affair to protect his wife & friend or b) Arthur is burying his head in the sand about the affair happening – most critical sources go with Option A, but I personally think that both are presented as equally plausible. A similar trend continues throughout the book, with Arthur making several ambiguous decisions that Malory never directly explains, instead leaving us to judge him for ourselves. It’s quite a cool literary technique for a character who lives under public scrutiny, and who has had his story told in so many different ways over the years.

Before I move on, it’s also worth noting that Malory’s Arthur is… not quite as saintly as in Choices, so it’s not inconceivable that he’d struggle to handle the affair gracefully. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still incomparably noble & brave, but he’s also a young man under a lot of pressure who’s prone to dichotomous thinking, bursts of impulsivity, and difficulty telling people ‘no’. He himself has a few affairs between meeting Guinevere and marrying her, including one with a woman whom he doesn’t know is his half-sister with whom he conceives a son, Mordred. Like in Choices, Merlin then prophesies that Mordred will be Arthur’s downfall – more specifically, he prophesies that a boy with Mordred’s birthday will be Arthur’s downfall – but unlike in Choices, Arthur actually endorses Merlin’s horrific plan to prevent that. All baby boys with Mordred’s birthday are exiled to sea in a ship, until Fate, in one of its inevitable twists, sinks the ship and has Mordred wash up on shore. He eventually ends up in Camelot as a Knight of the Round Table, where he plays a big role in everything falling apart.

(And before we move on to that, just one more aside: the half-sister with whom Arthur conceives Mordred is not Morgana, although modern adaptations of the story often conflate the two characters. Her name is Morgause, and she also has four other sons – Arthur’s half-nephews – who are Gawain, Gareth, Agravaine, and Gaheris. I mention them not just because of the nod to Choices, but because they’re also very important in what happens next).

The trouble starts when Lancelot & Guinevere get extremely obvious about their affair, to the point where it becomes common knowledge among the Knights of the Round Table. Most of them ignore it, but there are two – Mordred & Agravaine – who insist on formally bringing it to Arthur’s attention, thus obligating him to deal with it. Arthur initially refuses to do anything unless somebody catches Lancelot & Guinevere ‘in the act’, but Mordred & Agravaine then suggest a plan to achieve that – they ask Arthur to spend a night away from the palace in the hope that Guinevere will invite Lancelot to her chambers, where Mordred & Agravaine will lie in wait for him. And this is the point at which Arthur makes his second ambiguous decision. The facts: Arthur agrees to the plan, and even tells Mordred & Agravaine to take more knights on their stakeout as backup, because Lancelot is more than capable of killing them in a rage. The question: Why would Arthur say that? Is he genuinely still unsure about whether an affair is happening, and eager for his wife & friend to be investigated and captured at any cost? Or is he trying to dissuade Mordred & Agravaine with threats about Lancelot’s wrath, while also making sure that there are witnesses to whatever happens so that nothing gets too out of hand? There are a couple of subtleties in Malory’s writing that might imply Option B – for a start, the conversation about the plan goes back & forth for a while, with Arthur giving three separate warnings about Lancelot before Mordred & Agravaine literally tell him to shut up and let them deal with it. So it’s not hard to read some reluctance in Arthur’s voice, and to consider that maybe he’s grasping at straws trying to stop this disaster he’s been backed into. Secondly, Mordred & Agravaine are explicitly said to be very unsubtle about their plan, to the point where Lancelot’s supporters at the Round Table suspect it and try to warn him. So it’s possible that Arthur is counting on Lancelot & Guinevere recognising and avoiding the trap, meaning that the stakeout will come to nothing and the ‘rumours’ of an affair may actually be put to rest. That said, it’s not like Arthur tries to warn Lancelot or Guinevere himself – sure, he can’t be seen to do that in public, but you’d think that he’d be able to catch Guinevere in private at least. Instead, he goes out hunting, Guinevere summons Lancelot to her chambers, and Lancelot goes, ignoring his supporters’ advice. The two of them are together when Mordred & Agravaine’s 14-knight party starts banging on the door, and everything immediately goes to hell. Lancelot & Guinevere know that they’ll be put to death for treason and agree that Lancelot should escape while he can, so he can return and save Guinevere later. Lancelot does make a show of wanting to resolve things peacefully – he says he’ll voluntarily stand trial in the morning if the knights let him walk away – but by now, everyone is raring for blood. Lancelot ends up killing all the knights except Mordred, who runs off wounded, then escapes Camelot with his supporters in tow. He does offer to take Guinevere with him now that her captors are dead, but interestingly, she turns him down – she actually says that he’s done a lot of harm by killing Arthur’s knights, and she doesn’t want him stealing her as well unless Arthur goes through with her death sentence. This is probably the first sign of doubt that we see from Guinevere, and it’s a cool, subtle hint of what’s to come.

Of course, Arthur does go through with Guinevere’s death sentence, and for once Malory actually explains his reasoning. Arthur has founded his entire reign on principles of honour and equality – on the idea that no one, not even a royal, is above morality or the law. Guinevere has committed treason – has even contributed to the deaths of 13 knights – and the punishment for treason is death, so Guinevere must die. What Malory does leave somewhat ambiguous is Arthur’s actual wishes for Guinevere & Lancelot. The facts: when Arthur first hears what’s happened from Mordred, he mainly expresses grief, both because Lancelot has torn the Round Table apart & because he now has no choice except to put Guinevere to death. He doesn’t express any anger until later, when Gawain tries to convince him to spare Guinevere in case her interactions with Lancelot have been misconstrued. At that point, Arthur says that Lancelot will have a ‘shameful death’ if he ever gets captured, and orders his knights to stand guard at Guinevere’s execution in case Lancelot attempts a rescue – even Gawain, who begs to be excused, and Gareth & Gaheris, who agree to be present but refuse to carry weapons. Now, it is possible that Arthur is doing all of this because he genuinely wants Guinevere & Lancelot dead. But there’s also another popular interpretation that actually, it’s all just for show – Arthur knows that Lancelot is going to rescue Guinevere, and by setting up a public execution with sympathetic guards, he’s maximising their chances of a successful escape while also ensuring he can’t be accused of letting them go. Essentially, he’s giving them a clean break away from Camelot, while also still trying to maintain the laws of the kingdom & his integrity as a king.

Of course, even if that is Arthur’s intention, this story is a tragedy & things can’t go according to plan. This time, the complicating factor is that Lancelot goes on a violent rampage while rescuing Guinevere, killing another 24 knights including the unarmed Gareth & Gaheris. When Arthur hears about this, he’s openly devastated, and I think it’s impossible to argue that he doesn’t have at least some anger for Lancelot from that point on. He does make an attempt to prevent further violence, asking his knights to shield Gawain from his brothers’ deaths so that he doesn’t swear a vow of vengeance, but when Gawain goes ahead with the vow Arthur is quick to offer support. He musters an army from across England and lays siege to Joyous Gard, where Lancelot has hunkered down with Guinevere, his original supporters, and an accumulated army of his own. What follows is an all-out civil war, and Arthur’s emotions are quickly torn from anger & righteousness to heartbreak & regret. There’s one particular scene burnt into my brain where he and Lancelot are duelling one-on-one, Lancelot refuses to kill him despite the fact that it would end the war, and Arthur just breaks down in tears, because he doesn’t want to be fighting anymore. Eventually, the Pope gets involved to bring about peace, and decrees that Lancelot & Guinevere be pardoned, that Guinevere be returned to Arthur, and that Lancelot be exiled to France. This leads to a tragic scene where Lancelot delivers Guinevere to Arthur before leaving England forever, and every single character cries except for one: Gawain. He refuses to retract his vow against Lancelot & insists on pursuing him to France with Arthur and his army, leaving England in the care of Mordred. Mordred, of course, has been out for trouble since the beginning, and this is the point at which he truly goes off the rails. He forges a letter saying that Arthur has died, gets himself officially coronated, tries to claim Guinevere as his wife (she refuses, fleeing to London & barricading herself in its Tower), and drums up discontent about Arthur’s past reign until public opinion is on his side. It helps that he also inherits most of Lancelot’s supporters, although a few of them do follow Lancelot to France.

When news of Mordred’s treason reaches Arthur & Gawain in France, they return to England to fight him. However, Gawain is already badly injured from repeatedly duelling Lancelot, who always refused to land the killing blow. On his deathbed, Gawain writes to Lancelot, granting him forgiveness and begging him to come to Arthur’s aid. And Lancelot does come, as fast as he can, but – he’s destined to arrive too late. On his final night alive, Arthur dreams of Gawain, who tells him that Lancelot will arrive in a month & that Arthur will die if he goes into battle before then. The next morning, Arthur meets Mordred on the battlefield to negotiate a month of ceasefire, but then a snake slithers out onto the field and a knight unthinkingly draws his sword to kill it, breaking the peace. Arthur rides into that battle knowing that he won’t come out alive, and watches in despair as all but one of his knights are also slain. Eventually, he sustains his mortal wound while killing Mordred. His only remaining knight, Sir Bedivere, tries to carry him to safety, but instead Arthur asks him to return Excalibur to the Lady of the Lake & to place Arthur in a boat being rowed by her attendants (including Morgana), who take him to their mystical isle of Avalon. In many versions of the legend, Arthur is said to still lie on Avalon under Morgana’s vigil, being healed from his wounds by a magical slumber from which he will eventually wake up immortal – a ‘once and future’ king. In Le Morte d’Arthur, that rumour does circulate, but Malory is ultimately clear about the fact that Arthur dies on Avalon, and is returned to a forest outside Camelot for a quiet burial. His throne is taken over by a distant half-nephew, his Order of the Round Table dies with its knights, and his dream of unity & honour across England dissolves. Guinevere, filled with grief & guilt, retreats from the world to join a convent, where Lancelot eventually finds her after his return. The two of them still love each other, but Guinevere refuses to renew their relationship, and Lancelot ends up joining a monastery himself as a way of honouring her & showing his remorse. When Guinevere gets sick a few years later, she prophesies that Lancelot will come to perform her funeral & to bury her beside Arthur, and sure enough Lancelot sees her death in a dream & rushes to her side. Six weeks later, he also dies of a broken heart, and is buried at Joyous Gard.

Whenever I revisit Le Morte d’Arthur, I’m always surprised by how subtle & complex a text it is, especially considering how long ago it was written. There are no clear heroes or villains; nobody is blameless in bringing about the tragedy, and yet nobody acts in a way we can’t sympathise with; nobody gets a happy ending at the expense of somebody else. But there is a general idea, reinforced over time by simpler adaptations, that Arthur is the member of the love triangle who suffers most. He loses not just his wife & his friend, but also his kingdom, his dream, and his life. Yes, he makes some questionable decisions along the way, but they’re all made for the sake of other people – he’s torn apart trying to simultaneously protect his loved ones, his country, and his ideals, whereas Lancelot & Guinevere precipitated everything by being publicly affectionate without any regard for the consequences. They also both get at least a chance at a future, while Arthur does not, and I think there’s a public sentiment that it’d be nice to see him end up happy for once. I’m personally really glad that Choices gives us that option, and it seems like some other readers feel the same way. Speaking of which, it’s also nice to see other readers interested in the original legend. Thank you so much for the ask 💕

I can’t with this man / chapter 16, part 8

(AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE DOUBLE MEANING OF ‘VISION’ HERE, CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW ‘I AM REAL’ IS BOTH A CELEBRATION & A PROMISE BECAUSE ARTHUR NEVER EXPECTED TO HAVE A MARRIAGE OF LOVE & IF MERLIN HAD HAD HIS WAY THEN IT WOULD ALL HAVE CEASED TO EXIST, CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW ALL OF THIS IS GOING ON BUT IT’S ALSO STILL JUST A BEAUTIFUL LOVE SCENE, CAN WE TALK BECAUSE I’M STILL NOT OVER IT, AAAAHHHH)

“The purpose of playing, whose end… was and is, to hold as ‘twere the mirror up to nature” – William Shakespeare, Hamlet Act 3 Scene 2

Part 2/2, Lancelot’s scene

A moment of appreciation for characters other than Arthur: Part 1, Lancelot

So I’ve just finished Chapter 15 of Guinevere, and you know what that means:

it’s embracing your witchiness hour!

BONUS: A few extra screenshots of Morgana, because I just can’t get over her awesomeness –

I can’t with this man / chapter 7, part 1