#except no one feels badly about it
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#disco elysium#cuno#punch#i'm doing a mindless#yet very feeling#brute of a man#this playthrough#video game#video games#my gifs#540px#10mb#whump#technically#except no one feels badly about it
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#cont thoughts of my last rb but. i think ppl are so quick to say that teruko is a badly written character bc of her role in the story??#idk how to explain it but. yeah bsd isnt the best at writing female characters and theres hints of misogyny here and there#but ppl always say teruko's entire character is a product of misogyny and that is just. not true.#prob bc people focus too much on the fact that shes a rare female character idk#yeah shes extremely dedicated to the hunting dogs and fukuchi. her LEADER. i dont think thats misogyny#people dont say that about chuuya being extremely loyal to the mafia 😭😭#'her having to give the credit to fukuzawa for killing fukuchi is so misogynistic!!!' except youre ignoring what that scene is really about#it's about two kinds of people. how fukuzawa couldnt kill out of love vs how teruko killed because of it#it's about the fact that SHE can do it. shes strong enough to. SHE understands whats necessary. SHE pushed her feelings aside.#which i thought was amazing. it really solidified her role as a SOLDIER which was how she was introduced. shes VICE CAPTAIN of the hd i fee#like people always forget that.#it's also rare to see a female character act on smth that isnt emotional cause it's always male characters pushing aside their grief for th#better. i loved that we were shown how fukuzawa who is stone cold and an ex assassin CLDNT do it while teruko who is explosive and emotiona#could!! it was an interesting side to both their characters#thats not to say teruko isnt a victim of misogyny. cause people do hate her for traits they love in other characters (shes very similar to#ranpo and chuuya and jouno off the top of my head)#but to say that her entire self is a result of misogyny is doing a disservice to her character#and shows that you cant look past her relationships with male characters idk#saying she doesnt have anything outside male characters is so untrue i cant stand that argument. bc SHE DOES. youre the one not seeing it#her role during the skyfall arc was amazing how do we forget that#anyway sorry. to each their own ofc im not defending bsd's occasional bad writing#but teruko get behind me djhfjhd
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prize for least genre aware protagonist 👑
#no because Thor trusted Loki so much and was oblivious and that's what made the whole thing a tragedy#but Thor was really out there like 'what do you MEAN Loki lied to me about Father's death and my banishment... let me try appealing to him'#except Thor's version of appeal is like a really really bad apology where the person doesn't want to admit they did anything#and also isn't convinced you're hurt#and Thor's SO SURE this plan will work because he knows his brother right#he knows Loki#and his plan which in accordance to him would have worked was to appeal to Loki's good side/the truth of who would be hurt#his plan was to do away with Loki's assumed anger by being like ''noooo don't do this here hit me instead <3''#and he thought Loki wouldn't do it.#which means that before the whole plot shenanigans that would have worked and Loki also wouldn't have hit Thor#Loki watching Thor try to manipulate him by acting like his feelings are invalid the same way Frigga and Odin tried: nice try. thot. *wack*#so anyway Thor got hit and I think that's what u get for being soooooo sure that your little brother who u take for granted won't get hurt#by anything discouraging said or done or implied or being used by u for about him <3#anyway the fact that Thor was SO sure that Loki was reacting badly and would calm down and be normal again is so sad actually#because it means Thor had the experience to know that's how it should have gone#which means when that's not what happened Thor also gets to be the one who has to work through processing that Loki's changed#and I don't think he DID that in the year where Loki was gone#he just neglected thinking about it until Loki was back and suddenly he couldn't pretend his brother had been the same (good) one at death#sad ironic something something character foils too late tragedy#Thor really went out there like i got this and got <beep>slapped fr fr#and then it happened again when he showed up for the Bifrost fight#Thor: i just have to wait it out. we all get angry. he'll get better#Loki: [screaming crying raging shrieking trying to kill him]#Thor: HE'LL GET BETTER#the fact that Thor doesn't expect the lies or the hitting or the unreasonable attitude even when Loki is VERY angry.......... ;-;#Thor watched his brother deteriorate in real time
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I just realized I never posted the pirate AU drawings I did for LOTR. Shame on me. These are from like 2020 and I forgot about them.
The Maiar are sea spirits. Gandalf has chosen to take a mostly-human form but his eyes glow and his ears are shaped like seashells. Aragorn’s tattoo is the Evenstar necklace from the LOTR movies. For anyone who asks if there’s any particular significance to Legolas’s necklace, no there isn’t, it’s just a merfolk necklace of some kind. Also “The Fellowship” is literally a ship. And it gets sunk when Frodo and Sam leave and Merry and Pippin are kidnapped and Boromir gets shot (with a sea-Uruk flintlock, of course) and all that good stuff. Speaking of Frodo and Sam...
Also a bonus Bilbo. In the pirate AU, the hobbits are, appearance-wise, basically the same as they are in canon, but they can hold their breath for much longer than humans can (even for hours if they’re only minimally exerting themselves) which is why Gandalf keeps bringing them on adventures: they’re great at sea travel and all things water-related, whether or not they’ll admit it, and specifically Bilbo was able to swim through the tunnels that the sea serpent Smaug had flooded.
#aragorn#bilbo#boromir#frodo#gandalf#legolas#samwise#the man the myth the legends#beowulf except everybody is short#one shiny#canon is great and all but what if#he's a pirate#my trash#/end classification tags#i knew i'd left out pippin and merry and then i was counting the fellowship here and was like ''i thought there were nine of them...?''#and after like FOUR SECONDS i went ''gimli!!'' so now i feel badly about leaving him out#to be fair the dwarves basically are identical to their canon selves as well except in pirate outfits and whatnot#but i usually forget to draw gimli anyway and i think it's because i don't have a proper design for him that i really like
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Why don’t you want five in school?
Oh, I've ranted about it before in the tags of THIS POST but in general it makes me wildly uncomfortable. As an adult, the thought of hypothetically being forced back to high school is the fucking pits, you could not pay me enough to do it - and I even had a good time in high school! Five is almost 60 years old and they're going to force him to go to classes and hang out with teens? That feels bad from every angle! It forces Five to act in a way he'd only do under great duress and fucks his agency and autonomy as an adult so badly. There are better, more interesting ways to play with the consequences of his physical vs actual age than sending him to goddamn high school. There's other, less dominating options for the "he looks like a kid and never actually graduated" problem.
You do you if that's your jam, don't let a random dude on the internet yuck your yum, but Five in high school is a squick for me.
#i'm not here to tell anyone to do one thing or another#or ruin anyone's fun#but it's a thing i will not engage with (except to complain because that's my right on my blog in asks asking me specifically about it)#anyway#it really just comes down to how badly it fucks five's autonomy and erases his actual identity for it to work and him to cooperate#he gets absolutely *nothing* out of the situation#he's so wildly in a different life stage and situation than anyone in high school#and forcing him to hang out there for a quick gag is a waste of the limited time we have left with him as a character in a final season#use that moment for some actual character exploration and something that actually tells us more about him#and how he deals with no powers and new universe#my personal pick is he's drinking A Lot and doing Not Much because he doesn't actually know what to do without a Goal to work towards#and passed between siblings because he can't get his own place because he Looks Like Child#the dichotomy between his physical and actual age is one of my very favorite thing to explore for five - the consequences of it for him#and this does it in a Bad Way imo#makes me feel Bad and Uncomfortable#a squick!#ask response#shark's enemy: five in high school#i have strong feelings about this thing that has a sliver of a chance of happening#but it does have that /sliver/ of a chance so i can't just dismiss it#and this is the end of shark's negativity corner now
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lloyd is so determined to not think of himself as a good person that the king of hell himself can tell him he almost certainly would go to heaven if left to his own devices because he's fundamentally a kind person and lloyd will still say he's self-centered and selfish and doing everything for his own gain five minutes later
like. you gotta admire the commitment at least
#i talk a lot <3#tged#the greatest estate developer#lloyd frontera#i have no doubts lloyd fully believes this#he really does think he's selfish and self-centered and doing everything for himself#but like. there's only so many times people around you can tell you you're a good person who cares about others. before you gotta consider#that maybe you are indeed a good person who cares about others.#i'm of the opinion that when it comes to doing good things actions are more important that thoughts and intentions#like if you're doing good things because you genuinely want to help and care about other people? that's great keep it up!#but if you're doing good things for your own sake and don't really feel strongly about others? that's also ok and you're still doing good!#and that's sort of what i believe lloyd thinks of himself except. it doesn't hold up to what he actually does and thinks lmao#like when push comes to shove it's been shown that lloyd *will* choose to be kind he *will* choose to help he *will* choose to be good#even when there's nothing for him to gain and no one to impress and sometimes even when it's something that could go badly for him#there's lying to yourself and then there's whatever lloyd's got going on#<- this is all about a webnovel with a giant hamster and a snake who poops steel btw
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The struggle between being happy that all kinds of aspecs are talking about aspec experiences more and barely being able to stand the way people talk about aspec experiences
#i don't know how to say it but like. i'm aro and i hate how nobody ever. talks about us except us#if i was the type of person who comes out and if i didn't already need a powerpoint to explain asexuality#i'd start telling people i'm aro and not aroace#like just. the way i feel towards both alloallos & alloaces who try but fail at being inclusive....#towards alloace and sometimes aroace communities & the way they are & act....#legit making me think about identifying as like. non sam aro or something#yeah technically i'm asexual but i'm going to take that word away from everyone#my allo friends are trying bless their heart but they DO NOT GET IT!!!!#they're trying and they're FAILING!!! BADLY!!!!#i understand people who use certain sets of pronouns but only with specific people. holy shit#like if i see one more time that asexuality means not being interested in relationships.#if my friends ask me and only me if i'm comfortable with a sex discussion when i am participating in it#if i get told 'no bitches!! :D' as a pride thing ONE MORE TIME#i'm sorry if you're seeing that m btw. on the infinitesimal chance you do see it. it's not against you it's my aro rage#i just. i'm not ace and then aro as an afterthought.#i'm ARO and eventually if it comes up i'm ace#'oh but no bitches isn't necessarily about sex it can also be about relationships'#yeah okay. well. i'm interested in both of those. i do want bitches. not like allos but i'm not signing up to be a nun here.#the flattening of the aspec experience to 'asexual and possibly aromantic' is making me want to tear things apart with my teeth#hate hate hate hate#and let's not forget adolescent romances. listen. i'm a teenager and i love romance#but all the stuff where the 17yo alloace teen feels broken and ends up dating a comprehensive partner......#i keep seeing it like you see the fin of a shark. and that's already more than i can stand#i'm happy it's resonating with people but it's exactly as insipid as bland straight love songs to me#anyway. i didn't get everything i wanted out but i chipped away at it.#wow i have a ramble tag now
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The HORROR of hearing your little five-year-old voice singing awkwardly along to a pristine backing track because your dad was just dying to shove you in front of a mic and produce a song as soon as you could enunciate words semi-intelligibly.
#Barely fifteen minutes of practice just “Here’s the lyrics; here’s the mic. Sing my Angel of Music!”#Mostly my fault because you could not pay me in stuffed animals and candy to get in front of any microphone at that age#mostly because my dad was constantly pressuring me to and I didn’t like that#I wouldn’t be opposed to it now if he hadn’t been instrumental in destroying so much of my own work for being gay and satanic#so uh… he’s not getting any asset of mine to use for his projects. No sir.#It’s offensive.#“I hate every single poem you’ve ever written and believe they need to be destroyed EXCEPT this one and this one because#they’re about my dad and you expressed what I was feeling in a way I can’t articulate 🥺”#Well guess what buddy I articulated MYSELF too and you didn’t respect that; you don’t deserve anything from me#especially not my voice which you have so heavily censored and punished me for using in the way I please#I’m kind of glad I sung so badly because that’s all he’ll ever have of my voice
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Things I did to prepare for Key:
brought my laptop to work
put on a movie for one of my classes so I could download the game
-movie was rated R, there were so many tits in my classroom, absolute fuckup
made another class watch a video on youtube and reflect on it, told them I was grading videos from seniors
-put in headphones and started playing the game while 'teaching'
continued playing the game while one of my classes was testing
-pretty sure someone cheated, did not have capacity to care - had already caught someone that morning, didn't want to go through the process again
-lied to them about grading senior papers too
breakfast for dinner
gave my next day's first, third, and fifth periods to a coworker (I didn't have 2nd or 3rd)
fell asleep at work today
(continued to let my class watch the rated R movie so I could actually grade the papers I was supposedly grading before)
#Key#don't tell my boss how badly I halfassed these past couple of days#because from his perspective I'm still pretty on top of things - at least compared to him#he asked to speak with me at the end of the day and I thought a parent had complained about the movie#no - he apologised for not being on top of something I had e-mailed about earlier this week and wanted to check in on it#every time I worry I'm bad at my job there is someone doing a worse job that makes me feel better about myself#I'll eventually post more about the game itself#but I actually do need to get my senior stuff done cause they graduate on Sunday#though I did get my last kid to passing today#now all of my seniors will pass my classes#idk about their others#except for one of them - that has three kids - my seniors needed to pass my classes for graduation#my freshies are not all going to pass#but it's on them#because if you turn in the classwork - even if tests aren't your thing - you will pass#I had a kid last year who will not be earning a diploma and literally cannot read who passed my class#because all you need to do is turn in the fucking work - even if you're getting 30s on tests and your work is crap - just complete it#thanks for reading my rambles this far - I promise I do care so much for my kids#just irritated with a few right now#(before you come for me - I accept late work for partial credit#until the last day of class which is more lenient than the school's policy)
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gabby: "i wanna be detailed to arson" 🥺
boden: "why? why do you wanna leave me?!" 😠
gabby: "i-i'm pregnant!" 😨
boden: "GABRIELA DAWSON GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!! OH MY GOD!!!!" 😃💖
#carly lb cf#chicago fire#4x02#chief boden#wallace boden#gabriela dawson#THE COMPLETE 180 HE DID AFTER SHE BLURTED THAT OUT WAS SO CUTE OH MY LORD 😭🤧💗#he was SO OFFENDED LMAOOOOO#like 'my baby wants to leave me? why? what have i done?'#ONLY TO LIGHT UP BRIGHTER THAN A DAMN CHRISTMAS TREE#cause his baby is having a baby bye i have to walk off a cliff now#i hope we get a similar parallel for chenford one day#except i imagine it going a little differently where tim approaches grey in his office solo#vehemently requesting he pull lucy off active duty and reassign her w/ scott wrigley (from 1x02) since she's carrying his baby#(much to lucy's dismay at first even though she knows he's only looking out for her and the baby)#he's wanted children for SO. LONG!!! you can't tell me he's not gonna be the most overprotective papa bear there is#okay i gotta stop making this about them god this is a cf post#but i also can't help but feel giddy and kicking my feet at the thought of even grey doing an excited lil dancy dance behind closed doors#you know he'd be just as over the moon as tim what with how long they've known and worked together#he knows tim has always secretly wanted kids so badly and he's gonna be SO HAPPY for him when he finally has one of his own#especially with lucy oh my god!!!!!!!!!#okay i'm done making this about them now i swear
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Feeling like I want to give up again...
#now it's my dad who's deciding to be a jerk towards me because he's mad at my mom#okay that's cool I guess#I haven't been feeling well at all today#I can't even distract myself#my dad's being so dramatic too like it's not my fault he's on a break from work but still doing stuff he could probably get out of doing#but he wants to be away from me and my mom so. I get it#he's never at home even when he's supposedly on a break from his job lol#this is how my mom and I know he's lying about retiring#because he's always putting it off#he was supposed to retire this year but nope#if he doesn't have his job he has no excuse to get out of the house and he hates being around us#Goddddd#he is such a fucking hypocrite#getting mad at me over something he has also done before and then saying it was fine when HE did it because it was 'months ago already'#(dropping something except in his case he actually SHATTERED it lmao)#but yeah... me dropping something without breaking it is WORSE than him dropping and actually breaking it...#wow#amazing logic#then my dad keeps complaining about how we don't care. when he's the one who proves over and over again that he's the one who doesn't care#I forget what they're called but he's the parent type who doesn't get involved in anything#he's never stood up for me and he's watching me rot and hurt myself and he's just like 'oh okay as long as it doesn't involve me idc'#he's not fucking stupid like he can tell there's shit clinically wrong with me but not once has he acted like an actual parent towards me#and yeah I'm an adult now but it's still fucked me up so badly#he is such a fucking coward#and selfish#if he could drop me and my mom somehow I know he would at the drop of the hat#but remember he's a coward so. I know he fucking won't#God this is making my urges get bad again#I'm crying 'cause I'm just so fucking pathetic :')
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childe always prided himself on his ability to maintain a proper, sophisticated composure. outside of battle, he was polite, respectful, formal. donning a mask of false calm had been a skill he acquired at a young age, so lessons in proper harbinger etiquette only reinforced habits he was already familiar with.
the only person who was easily able to break childe’s composure is zhongli.
the first time childe felt his mask slipping was when zhongli gave him an unexpected, heartfelt compliment. a simple confession of his feelings, from zhongli’s point of view. he admitted he enjoyed spending time with childe, and that childe brought joy and something to look forward to in his daily routine. how childe had become one of his dearest friends, and how he cherished that friendship.
for zhongli, he was just stating a fact. but for childe.. he felt his cheeks burning up, and for the first time in a long time he stuttered, floundering for a response while looking anywhere but in zhongli’s eyes. zhongli had laughed, not at him, but a soft, fond laugh, like he was pleased he made childe react in such a way. he made sure to say so, much to childe’s chagrin as the redness in his cheeks spread to the tips of his ears.
from that point on, childe decided it was ok if he relaxed around zhongli a bit. it was ok not to be so formal and proper all the time. zhongli was his ‘dear friend’, after all.
the second time zhongli made childe lose his composure was when he revealed he was the geo archon. when it was discovered that for the entire course of their relationship, zhongli had been lying to him. he had pretended to care for childe, pretended to befriend him, all to get childe to lower his guard. when childe found out he was nothing but a pawn to zhongli.
his heart ached and his eyes stung, self deprecating thoughts swimming frantically around in his mind. but he forced himself to push down his emotions, smothering them until he could barely feel anything. he didn’t need to embarrass himself in front of zhongli more than he already had. he could wait until he was in the privacy of his own home before breaking down.
zhongli ultimately didn’t give him the chance.
he knew it was wrong, to follow after childe and attempt to force a conversation between them so soon after his betrayal. but zhongli couldn’t stand to see childe so upset, heart hurting knowing he was the cause of childe’s pain. it was selfish, but he needed to correct his mistake, to apologize for hurting childe as soon as he could.
when he showed up on childe’s doorstep, zhongli had anticipated anger. he was prepared for yelling, for scathing words, even for childe to lash out physically.
what he wasn’t prepared for was childe’s anger quickly melting away, being replaced with round, wet eyes, shaky breaths and a quivering lip.
he definitely wasn’t prepared for tears.
“it’s kinda pathetic, isn’t it?” childe bit out, his efforts to hastily wipe his tears away and not let zhongli know he was crying in vain as his eyes quickly welled up again. “i’m supposed to be the tsarista’s fearless vanguard, but instead i got my heart broken because i fell for the cruel tricks of a god.”
no amount of desperately telling himself to keep it together could stop childe from breaking down at that moment. zhongli showing up at his door was like ripping a bandaid off a wound before it fully recovered, or pressing a fresh bruise. he couldn’t help but react to the emotions washing over him, waves of sadness and betrayal and heartbreak and embarrassment crashing into him like the waves that lap at liyue harbour.
once again, zhongli had made childe’s mask slip. once again, his words and actions had gotten under childe’s skin and made a place for themselves in childe’s heart. but unlike the first time, where his heart was full of giddiness and the shy and tender feeling of falling in love, now all childe was left with was a painful, empty feeling, and a persistent little voice that told him he should’ve expected this.
#ahahaaa i wanted to make childe cry so i did!!#even if i’m not good at writing crying#sorry to leave it angsty but i wrote about zhongli comforting childe and telling him his thoughts were lying to him#at the end of one of my other drabbles so i’d feel like i’m just repeating myself#but basically that’s what happens here#except zhongli feels super mega awful because now he knows what childe’s thinking#he knows how badly he hurt childe and how he shattered his trust#how childe felt like he shouldn’t have trusted zhongli but he couldn’t help it#and now that choice has come back to haunt him#and brought up awful memories and feelings from his childhood#because if even his parents couldn’t love him and were afraid of his how could he think zhongli would be any different#basically childe is having an awful fucking time and zhongli feels absolutely awful for causing it#but if he learned anything from the heart wrenching experience of watching childe break down and bare his heart#it’s how to comfort childe and what his deepest fears are#so yeah. now they can begin healing their relationship#slowly. gently.#PHEW UM ANYWAYS#zhongli ♡#childe ♡#zhongchi#tartali#zhongchi angst#tartali angst#zhongchi fanfic#tartali fic#mouser muses
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me when i realize that pretty much everything in my life has actually only gotten worse since i graduated highschool, and all the times i was told things would get better were absolutely false !!!!!!
#i am going fucking insane. this is so stupid#i had a social life. i had friends. i had a job i could keep up with outside of school. i had a solid routine and schedule.#i had insurance. i didnt have to worry about money. i didnt have to buy groceries. i didnt have to cook every day.#i had enjoyable group activities. i had ppl telling me i was doing a good job. i had AUTHORITY FIGURES telling me i was doing a good job!!!!#i had a place to go to be away from home every weekday!! i had hope for the future still to some extent (not a lot but more than i do now)!#I DONT HAVE ANYYYY OF THAT NOW. I do have friends but not in-person!!! zero social life except hospital out-patient bullshit!!!#anyways the highschool is doing one of my fav musicals that i came THIS CLOSE to doing my grad year#but the vote was indecisive so they did some bullshit that nobody was happy with lmfao#i fucking petitioned hard. lobbied HARD. to get us to do that musical. i worked so hard to get everyone on board#but everyone was just waffling about it. and then we ended up w smth that nobody was happy with#AND NOW THIS YEAR. THEYRE DOING THAT FUCKING MUSICAL. THAT HURTS. LIKE A LOT. A LOT A LOT.#like to the point where i have now genuinely cried after hearing that theyre doing it#that was my one fucking chance in highschool to be part of a musical i actually cared about and enjoyed and i lost it#i had watched my brothers be in these fun musicals when they were in school but for my three years I got NOTHINGGG#it hurts so fucking bad. i had been looking forward to that ever since we moved to this town. and then i got fucking nothing.#and now that im out of there and realizing how my life is absolutely fucked and i have to kill myself then they finally do it.#gallons of salt in the big fat gaping wound. insane.#genuinely feeling kind of shocked. how the hell do things line up so perfectly to hurt me this badly so often fjfkfl#maybe im just fucking pathetic and overly emotional idk victim complex or smth awful#i just kind of want to be done like right now. but i have to wait at least a month before i call it quits so i dont wreck this time of year#for my family for the rest of their lives lmfao#my siblings and dad dont deserve that. my mother probably does but whatever#im tired!!! im fucking exhausted!!! this sucks so incredibly badly!!!#suicide tw
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#honestly they moved me to a different office right now so im not alone in my place anymore and tbh i should not be complaining bc at least#this one gets warn fast and im not in the open first to call usually and all but idk i feel like an intruder there and miss having lots of#place and the fact noone seen my screen etc and just overall i would prefer sitting next to the guys but also 😶 idk i just dont like anyone#hearing my phone calls etc and also i fucked up at work today BADLY but noone knows yet and this sounds like i fuck up a lot but i always#called the smaller mistakes this too i guess shskd also i almsof argued with a man who's our client on the phone but for gods sake i do know#i am right and idk if he's making me feel stupid or something or is he using one of my mistakes for his own good idk idk idk it will be a#nightmare to make this work now#and also we are having some kind of meeting with food etc tomorrow in the office upstairs but also rhe atmosphere is so not it and dudes not#at work tomorrow and he should be the one in there and like idk it all works like a fucked up chaos i also almost argued with the d irector#today bc of this lmao almost on dude's behalf bc tht waa the situation that pissed me off first#and i got to walk or catch a bus home tomorrow and like my mind does work so fast and keeps overthinking lately 😕#walking isnt the best best for me tbh#also i made plans with my friend and i do hope i open to her during the weekend bc i want to talk about everything so badly but at the same#time idk like i cant talk about personal things anymore (except here) she doesn't know what is making w suffer 😔#i think i made a decision about monday tho not the best one but both were bad so at least here i am...#anyone i am still helpless and that's what the sentence will end at bc i don't want to say the same thing again and again and again#anywya i have to delete this bc its too much details soon
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idk what it is with me and women but they just flock to me in my time of need. 5 seconds ive been in a room and they want to tie my shoelaces for me they wanna help me do things they want to give me advice and make sure im okay i what
#i wish i was kdiding#I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH IT!#btw im not talking about like. older women although that also happens to me#im talking about girls my age theyll just go to me like im a helpless baby bird if i need something#its not even my cane either because even when i have to do things without it (like my danza folkorica) they still wanna help me#like im so fr first day i showed up a girl tied my shoelaces TWICE and THEN drove me to my dorm afterwards with the rest of her friends i#mean that was so nice#idk what i activate in them but they always wanna help me out its so particular to me#and like. listen ok today we are learning a dance from sinaloa and to be short about it one of the moves is bending your back really far &#i was doing it wrong and bending badly and i ''nearly fell'' multiple times#except see i would never have fallen bc i have been so used to living without a cane until now that i know how to catch myself and im very#yk. good at not falling so i dont embarass myself#but it LOOKS very much like i am about to fall and at least THREE times the president was like ''oh my god ivan are you okay??''#i spooked her so bad i felt bad😭😭#its bc km always in front when shes teaching bc i wanna see her n others r too scared to be up front#and anyways what i was on about literally i was visibly struggling and EVERYONE IM NOT EXAGERARINF ALL THE GIRLS (well there was only one#other guy there but) STARTED GIVING ME ADVICE AND TRTING TO HELP ME one girl moved all the way accross her spot to mine and help guide me#shes so nice i hesrt her her name is charisma bro imagine your name being CHARM and she is charming :> very nice#it feels weird calling her my friend bc well we r all friends in a sense as we r clubmmates but. U Know#long rant TLDR women love me#dont tell them im afraid of them
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arthur fact as of today. high school graduate. not doing that whole thing anymore
#i won’t be walking at graduation so this is it for me#keep trying to say something about this and then i talk myself into a panic attack#so i’m gonna just step back and say yeah i’m done with that now#don’t understand how i’m the only person in the whole school who is freaking out about this#but here i am#everyone is staying in minnesota except for me and two other friends#and one of them is going to the same school as i am and the other one is going to canada#so everything changes now forever and i just don’t know how to feel#but hey. things are going to be good. i’ll be over by chicago that’s exciting#and i already changed my name in the system a couple days ago. kind of risky but i don’t want to keep putting it off#i figure i have friends i can move in with this summer if my parents find out and it goes over really badly#and otherwise they have to confront it sooner or later and i’d rather now than college graduation in four years#so anyway things will be good there hopefully. and high school has been bad enough that i should be happy#i dont know. things really got better just in time to go away forever#i’m gonna go to bed but everything is really strange and i’m officially out of there#so this is as much closure as i get#idk. i have a whole summer before everything changes entirely. everything will be okay#anyway gonna log off of tumblr. but yeah. this is where i’m at#me. my post. mine.#delete later#friends only
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