#except i'm spiraling now
Text
as devastated as i am over the chenford breakup i must admit i am extremely excited to be getting a 2nd pining era.
#*carly catalogs#thinking a lot about that shot of them passing each other in the hall in the promo for 6x07#and how they're both clearly very much still in love just based on their body language and the way they lingered on each other#if we thought the yearning was too much before it's certainly gonna be astronomical now#BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING IN THEIR WAY EXCEPT FOR THEMSELVES#(aka mostly tim's way)#spiraling hard over this atm and i'm supposed to be working#their first pining era could've lasted a lil longer imo so maybe it's kiiiinda a blessing in disguise that they broke up?#the rookie#tim bradford#lucy chen#chenford#otp: you know me so well
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
Oh hey I'm legitimately about to start crying over a middle-grade book. Ok.
#nevermoor#i speak#morrigan internally spiralling as she meets all these incredible people#thinking how she doesn't compare#thinking how they must all be thinking jupiter made a mistake in choosing her#and then the NEXT SENTENCE disputes it!#'how extraordinary!' 'i'm glad to know you... you must truly be somebody wonderful'#because how others see her ISN'T how she sees herself!#she sees herself as not enough. because she's never been enough.#and now there's this world full of strange and confusing people. jumping with umbrellas and leaving alpacas random places#and jupiter won't give her a straight answer about anything#and everyone is saying things she doesn't understand#but it doesn't matter because this entire world (except for the talking cat) is embracing her and saying#'darling darling girl. you ARE enough. you're more than enough. you're wonderful.'#*wails*
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh yeah btw. whoever told me to draw the epcot ball as a hot woman you put an evil worm in my head and now i need to draw all the pavilions in future world as haute couture on hot women
#this also stemmed from me going hmm spaceship earth dress.#which i know someone has already made at least once and i will probably not attempt for real#but. epcot ball skirt and the bodice being the mural???????????? come on#and then i envisioned the imagination pavilion as an 80s prom dress and i'm spiralling now#i have designs in mind for all of them except wonders of life and universe of energy rn
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have been so incredibly miserable today and yesterday and I'm suspicious tomorrow isn't going to be any better (it may, in fact, be even worse) and I just want this to stop
#despair about the future plus beating myself up over thought spirals plus really horrible intrusive thoughts again#except this time i don't even have a good explanation as to why#and tomorrow i have to talk to my ochem professor about that test because i am now failing his class#and i have an orchestra concert which would be fun except scribe's too sick to come see me so instead i'm just sad about it#and i just... really don't know how i am supposed to keep going#like i have genuinely forgotten how to feel happy
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
the way some people will just go out of their way to misconstrue m.cu peter is like. can we get a new bit maybe
#now genuine mcu writing criticism i understand and agree with. also some choices regarding his creation in general#but talking about him as if he just accepts may's death and 'his fate' right there in comparison to atsv is. oh my god#he did not just say 'okay' and move on. tobey and andrew were NOT telling him to accept may's death 'because it had to happen'#they were showing solidarity with this grieving kid and trying to prevent him from spiraling over something that had Already Happened#and this whole movie was peter REFUSING TO LISTEN and SAVING THE LIVES of multiple villains that he was told were supposed to die#not ONCE in any movie he's been in has he EVER been one to listen to authority?? if he had been told that may would die before it happened#you're telling me you think he WOULDN'T have tried to save her?#if he were around for atsv he would empathize with and side with miles!#like i already HAD thoughts about the very similar position he was just in and how complicated he'd feel here but since spiderman fans#can't fucking handle nuance i'm making a point of the fact that he KNOWS where miles is coming from first#i also think the spiderverse movies are objectively better but there is no reason to be This obtuse about his characterization#🕸 ❝ i have nothing left… except spider man ❞ → ooc#atsv spoilers#kind of??
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
ugh cleaning up my emails---
god i hate insurance companies
they really really really really really are just fucking gamblers playing in their own fucking casinos
#in arguments with them at work#and now at home#apparently my muscular-skeletal issues signify an immunodeficiency risk profile hence i am personally uninsurable#which is true it is all immune system disorder shit but like#you don't get to pick and choose like that when you're basically providing a safety net that governments won't#the other lot is a heated fucking argument about liability carveouts when it's 99% of what we do at work and i'm like what is the point#in this product if every thing we do requires an exception DIC policy like fffffffffffffffffffffffffffff#they also all have their own really weird language and every single broker is a panic-stricken weirdo that i can tip into spirals so easy#so i both love and hate to bait#safety nets should come from government surely
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
learning a lot abt myself today. nothing good but that's business as usual
#not that i didn't know it's bad and painful but it's nice to get some validation. ofc I'm saying that tho. i have bpd.#i googled smth then started clicking all these google questions and went down a rabbit hole and now I'm spiraling 👍 oh well#bpd is literally like ''damn shit's fucked'' disorder except once the shit gets fucked you can never unfuck it#you can spray some air freshener if you're lucky. but the shit will forever remain fucked#. not the best analogy but you get me here i think. also i made myself laugh which helped my current panicking over being an awful person
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
keeping myself busy by posting wip screenshots
#not counting this as an art post bc i'm gonna start rambling right now:#shaking crying the face album is dropping soon#set me free was already amazing like he did a full 180 and it was so cool! cannot wait for like crazy to premiere#n e ways. this past week has been. a rollercoaster#we had a mini crisis ordering zines but it's solved ish now. there is a plan in place#hmm my project is almost done.. just gotta finish asap so i can get it in for printing#though the organizers didn't email me back on a deadline or whether my specs are fine so i'm :// definitely not annoyed at that#uhh yeah and the mv from last week that dropped! my embarrassing story moment-#i was on the elevator w/ one other person and they saw my b.t21 hand sanitizer cover on my lanyard and pointed it out#and i was like yooo did you see the set me free mv#and they were like yeah the concept was so different from their usual style?? he did amazing#and i was like yeeaaAAHH except the last part kinda got louder?? and we were off the elevator by that point??#i swear i saw ppl turn to look at me auughghg but listen. i barely talk to a.rmys irl even though they're Everywhere#they seemed cool unfortunately i didn't get their name and idt ima see them again anytime soon LOL#it was a nice interaction in the middle of a busy week though#and 2 days ago i had a call w/ my friend which was really nice!! we ended up talking for 2h#we were talking about haha. spiraling in the abyss and weapon banners that would be worth my rolls among other topics#and then at one point he said smth like 'oh i couldn't talk about xyz with anyone so i went to you' and i was like. oh...#on one hand i was touched and on the other hand it was a reminder that i need to be more aware of my context when i talk lol#that's what my main blog is for! me yelling in the tags to the void#speaking of reining it in i was drawing for hours and had to drag myself away from this wip bc too much screentime!!#working through the ugly emotions by drawing a pretty kvh- exhibit a#spent at least 30min drawing lines that did not look good and now it's one of those wips that feels like i'm not skilled enough to finish#but we're going through with it bc i love the challenge and the image in my head is really nice so!!#this is also me being spiteful and proving myself wrong- that i can draw him well and that i don't need to compare myself to others#tmi of the day is i was looping j.iyuu no tsubasa as i was drawing this. and the song has. the complete opposite vibes hahaha#oh would you look at that the mv dropped as i was typing this up! time to stream the album for the next 48h#i will go focus on that now!! this is all i got chief#note
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tank glams on my Roe, Skalbryda
I'd argue that Femroe is the defacto best female race in armor due to what are normally the races biggest weaknesses (criminal lack of hips and ass that ruin most femme clothing thats already stretched to shit on their model and the chunky arms and legs), because they are just so fuckin biggg
@running-away-now's meow meow T'siqa
I fanta'd off of them after EW for a few reasons (big factor was wanting to wear femme clothes), but also it felt like the obvious end of a story to retire Skal and let her live at my house and go fishing, which I could sort of wave over and say that her daughter took over...but 6.1 and onward is the exact same narrative beats and elements as before with the same characters but now they aren't "the Scions", and Y'sayle is replaced
So at this point I do wanna go back to Skal as it doesn't really matter if the plots just "you and these characters you like are going to fantasy australia" and I miss the big armorrrr
Also this was an accident and awakened something in me
#If they just let you share items between characters I'd have 45 characters#Emet-Selch's speech really doesn't hit the same when the next thing we then do is fight the most generic evil man we've seen yet#Which is fucked considering Golbez is the real OG but he's maybe the seventh big guy in armor we've seen and he's B-tier at best#We cleared Fanny and Zodiark like a mini-boss to try and ramp up to...a bird whose driving motivation is "I'm a sad uwu anti spiral???#And then it's just look at these pretty zones and now it's time to do a Gurren Lagann???#If EW ended with a costume change and a mech fight with a Galaxy sized Shinryu I'd have been way more hype#Zenos was wasted by EW and I'd have rathered he stayed dead. I say this as someone who would have fangirled over him joining the Scions#xiv#ffxiv spoilers#ffxiv endwalker#ffxiv screenshots#ffxiv#that zenos fight is 10/10 tho real shame they forgot to give him any value to endwalkers plot except for you to stand on his back#and not in the fun way
1 note
·
View note
Text
i!!! hate!!!!!!! being borderline!!!!!!!!!!
#negativity incoming heads up#dude every little thing that happens gets me on edge and sends me down a spiral I absolutely fucking hate ths#the context is that my favourite person cancelled plans for us to hang out to go have dinner#(I didn't ask with whom because I know that either way I wasn't going to like the answer)#you see she's had a boyfriend for over a year and a half I think#and we get along! we've been buds since high school and he's a cool dude (except when he's not because men)#I know this is not true. I know it's my mind playing evil tricks on me. I know this is the voice talking.#but I constantly feel like she's slowly but surely replacing me#not that i'm the only friend she's allowed to have or anything I just..#can't help but to think that there'll come a day where she's going to have to pick between him or me and she'll always pick him#she's always talking about how much she loves and how they're already making plans to live together and get married and shit#and i'm happy for her I genuinely am#but I feel.... i don't even know for sure#I feel like everyone's moving forward while I sit in the same place. I feel like I'm being left behind#truth is I feel very alone#I keep pushing my friends away because I'm a shit person and now would you look at that: i'm completely alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i'm isolated from everyone else and it's all my fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I have no one to blame for my misery but myself#I feel like I'm being consumed from the inside out#there's this awful evil tension inside me that I can't shoulder#i'm used to The Empty#I'm used to being hollow#but this emptiness.. it hurts#ive grown used to it#that's the worst part#if you're reading and you've made it this far I want to say thank you and also that I'm doing fine I'm just rambling#and wallowing in my grievances#ANYWAY#I have a lot of work to do because I neglected my academic responsabilities for months and now I must suffer the consequences lmao#this semester has been hell. ive humiliated myself a hundred times over in many different ways. i've disappointed a lot of people
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey so uhhh I'm kinda sorta really (really^2) not feeling great rn, anyone wanna send me some of their favorite "make me feel better" things? What type of thing helps you when you're feeling Kinda Sorta Really Terrible?
I'm going to bed soon so if you send anything I probably won't see it till morning, but anyways I'd appreciate it pls n thank ✌️
#ignore me#I played pretend therapy earlier except it backfired now I can't stop spiraling aha whoooops#ok I took a shower and I looked up pics of numbats and starting to feel better#if it wasn't late already I'd finish reading my fic or listen to wtnv or something#oh well I'm still up for general feel-good suggestions#got a specific fave video or fic or anything?? pls??#EDIT I JUST FOUND A SPIDER CRAWLING UP MY LEG AND AM KINDA FREAKING OUT HHHHHH#COULD RLY USE SOME FEEL BETTER SUGGESTIONS AAAAAAAA#end me pls :')
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i don't think can act like i'm okay anymore
#vent#if someone asks if i'm okay i don't think i can just say yeah#i barely feel real anymore#i'm tired and my sleep schedule isn't going anywhere close to what i want it to be#ha depression and derealization/dissociation/depersonalization/whatever the fuck this is#really kicked my ass this year huh#part of me really wants to just have a complete breakdown#because that's what's meant to be the upwards curve you have a breakdown and then you get out of it#except no the fuck it's not#that's not how anything works and i KNOW that#except i can't stop imagining my life is a fucking tv show#and now i'm dissociated or derealized or whatever basically all the time#i don't know what to do#i'm just#spiraling
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Youtube has stopped recommending a variety of Lucifer fan vids (and Originals and Supernatural because the algorithm just doesn't understand nuance or real life) and now only suggests the same Lucifer fan vid on every single video I watch. Every single video. Sims? Tarot? Doesn't matter. At the end, it's always the same Lucifer fan vid staring back at me from the suggested links.
But it's also one of my favorite Lucifer vids so am I actually mad about it?
#Answer: no. No I am not#I actually find it extremely amusing especially because I don't watch Lucifer vids on YouTube?#like I use YouTube to find them and then I download them and rewatch them on repeat on my desktop#Cause it's 2007 and I'm not letting copyright infringement claims taking away my beloved entertainment#so like how does YouTube know I rewatch that video more than any other right now?#fascinating#(it's a S2 poisoning focused vid btw)#(because S2 is my FAVORITE except for when S4 is my favorite)#(usually when I'm spiraling over Eve)#(but both seasons are great)#(the other seasons are fine and do their job)#(except S3. WTF even was S3 I'm still so mad about it)
1 note
·
View note
Text
I have this strange shame inside me whenever i buy “unnecessary things"
#I feel so bad 😭😭😭😭😭#Bc my parents keep judging me over them and scolding me#Gosh like i literally don't ask for anything like almost ever#Except for books but firstly i only buy a few books every year and i make sure that they're cheap#And like they spend money on way less necessary things but whenever i do it it's a waste of money#And I know that it's their money but i don't ASK for things it has always made me feel bad#Even when it's necessary!!!!!!! I just feel awful and guilty#And they judge me so like#Like i used to feel bad when i asked for school supplies bc my mom would tease me about it#And how much I'm letting her pay and stuff#It's probably a me thing like i yake it too srsly bc it's not a problem any of my siblings have#Non of them care but I don't like it when mom is disappointed at me#Im spiraling right now i think this is becoming a srs problem
0 notes
Note
How should someone send you money for your appt? Like what app
They ended up coming in with my check, so I don't desperately need the money now. But if anyone still wants to send anything it'd be helpful but not necessary, because they're cutting my hours a little at work and my check this week was kinda sucky (plus surprise expenses which would be this appointment, and I've also got a dentist appointment tomorrow too because I have something painful going on in my mouth, and I'm not sure how much of that my insurance is going to cover) but like please don't feel obligated to send me anything but if anyone still wants to, here's what I'm on:
My cashapp is $scififxntxsy
My chime is $scififxntxsy
I also have zelle, but I'd prefer to be DM'd for that one since it's attached to my phone number, and I don't really like using PayPal or Venmo but I have those too
#and thank you so much for even just considering helping me i keep saying it but I'm literally so scared right now!!#I've never been through anything like this and i just feel like I'm spiralling more than anything#but thank you so much i really appreciate all of the support that everyone is sending me#i was really scared because i felt really alone because i can't talk to anyone irl about this except my boyfriend and therapist#i had to make this appointment so discreetly too they wanted me to go to the er but i can't afford it and it wouldn't have been#discreet enough because being at the er takes hours#this sucks so bad and I'm so dysphoric right now and I'm just really freaked out
1 note
·
View note
Text
Also thinking of CAA rewatch which has progressed at a rate of one ep every 5 weeks,, what is Pouf's massive breakdown scene gonna do to me, , ,
#i haven't fully rewatched this arc since before i was using him as a therapy tool and. let me just say#i am intimately acquainted with the style of meltdown he has; right down to the language and black and white thinking#there more i had to see it the more i had to actually see myself in an exaggerated sort of way and now. now that i dont even really#qualify for a ptsd diagnosis anymore and am doing so much better. what is his downward spiral gonna do to me when I see it...#if i cry over this man I'm resigning from humanity as a whole i will have had enough kshfkf he's tragic but he's not THAT sad#except. except um um um um maybe. maybe he is. for as much as i talk about him i dont wanna be genuinely emotional#watching him like... i don't know why I'm so resistant to the concept but. i suppose actually moving forward and watching#might give me an answer#maybe I still think the whole thing is silly. maybe i still havent fully accepted the gravity of what I'm sitting with#maybe I'm just thinking too hard about it all#hoatm rants
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
elenyafinwe
Angery bonsai
sasha-mexik12
SASHA BLUME
martps-photo
Martin Pauca (Iphonografo)
heddathe3rd
hedda