#every fucking time i ride the train to my hometown for 4 hours with oh yes even more traveling
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just had an unreasonably bitchy reaction, see yall in 20 minutes when im crying because i was unreasonably bitchy
#i really really need to get that adhd diagnosis 🫠#bc my bitchy reaction was because i didn't communicate early enough that i wouldn't be coming to a family thing today#in my defence i was never told any start time or anything else; just a 'will you be there' a week ago.#wasn't told who would be there or how long or what exactly#and tbh since i was only told like over dinner without anything written to remind me it didn't feel like a thing so important#that id have to give a few days notice#like im not the only one at fault here#sure i could have said that i have no energy to come earlier#ugh this feels like being a teenager all over again#every single fucking christmas my parents play tug of war for who of them im gonna visit on christmas#'but we don't want to guilt trip you' well cool i still feel guilt tripped i haven't stopped feeling guilt tripped since i was fucking 14#it's fucking always spend time with us this spend time with us that as if i want to split up my fucking weekend#every fucking time i ride the train to my hometown for 4 hours with oh yes even more traveling#it's always the 'no pressure but we want to see you again' like saying no pressure somehow takes off all pressure#at least my mom openly guilt trips me while my dad and stepmom somehow believe that they're not stressing me tf out#i swear next year im going to neither on christmas. maybe going to my boyfriend.
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[ traffic jams ]
pairing: suna rintarou x gn!reader
word count: 1.8k words
contains: ‘timestamps’ in a way, some shenanigans to pass the time, slightly awkward!suna, a bit too many ratatouille references, friendship with mutual crushing
a/n: i lowkey miss the traffic jams going home and one thing that struck me when reading suna’s bio on the wiki was that he doesn’t actually live near inarizaki so i thought it would be cute to have like a suna x reader commute fic
>> 5:45 pm:
you sigh for what was probably the fifth time that hour as you stare at the road map on your phone. the highway you were currently on was marked with red, indicating a traffic jam that stretched for kilometers. ‘estimated travel time: 4 hours’ the top of your phone screen read.
‘great, and it’s a friday night on top of that.’ you rub the side of your temple and stare out the window of the bus. you already knew what going to inarizaki, a high school all the way out in hyogo, while you were currently living in tokyo meant when it came to travel time. you often had to wake up early and get home late with the long travel time to school and back. most days, it was manageable and a one hour commute meant a good day. however, there were days when a storm was raging outside, delaying the train and bus schedules, and road accidents that led to the kind of situation you were currently in.
after leaving at five pm, you spent the past hour doing some homework in the bus and now you were fresh out of things to do. you’re also avoiding using your phone too much and draining your battery. right before you’re about to put on your earphones, your bus seatmate stirs awake.
aside from you, there is one other student who also commutes all the way to school from aichi, the prefecture where you live: suna rintarou. you know him as one of the regulars in the volleyball team and that he’s in the same year as you. neither of you ever really interacted much but took the same bus to and from school. sometimes you’d greet each other good morning and recently had this silent agreement to sit next to each other.
you watch as suna blinks sleepily before glancing out the window beside you. “where are we?” he mumbles.
“still in hyogo. it’s been an hour,” you answer.
“damn, really?” suna groans when he realizes just how terrible the traffic is outside. “and it’s a friday too.”
“tell me about it,” you chuckle mirthlessly. “also, estimated travel time is four hours so there go my exciting friday plans,” you add sarcastically.
“sorry you have to spend them with me,” suna smirks at you. your stomach flutters and you smile nervously. despite not knowing him too well, you couldn’t help but find him quite attractive. in fact, the reason why you got up early in the morning and tried to leave school at the same time as him was because you enjoyed your daily commutes with suna so much. even more so when you two started sitting next to each other.
“well, i don’t think that would be too bad,” you clear your throat. “we could play ‘i spy’ for four more hours.”
“or,” suna grins, leaning down and opening his backpack before pulling out his laptop. you chuckle and pull out your earphones. “we could watch ratatouille.”
“of all the things to pirate. you really chose ratatouille?”
“fuck disney, am i right?” suna smirks.
“fuck disney.”
>> 7:46 pm
“good on you for making sure that your laptop was fully charged before leaving school,” you say, stretching your arms a bit as soon as the credits roll.
“hmm, yeah,” suna sighs and leans his head back. “though, i think i made the wrong decision.”
“how come?”
suna crosses his arms over his stomach and squeezes his eyes shut. “because we watched ratatouille, i’m hungry now.”
“oh...” you nod your head, just as you feel a rumble in your stomach. “oh,” you repeat.
“yeah,” suna groans. “do you have any food on you?”
“i have...” you rustled through your backpack before procuring “a bag of peanuts.”
“hmm, that’ll have to do,” suna said, plucking the packet out of your hand. “say, one nut each per two minutes? just to ration it out?”
you sigh. “it’s going to be a long night.”
>> 8:10 pm
“there it is, the last two nuts,” suna says gazing at the two peanuts in the palm of his hand before offering one of them to you.
“i really, really thought they would last longer,” you sigh.
“they would have if you kept them for yourself,” suna raises his eyebrows.
“i’m too nice for that,” you giggle. “besides, i’d feel too guilty seeing you all hungry.”
“and i might guilt-trip you just a little bit,” suna says. “like, toss you mournful looks and everything.”
“no! not the mournful looks,” you cry and the two of you burst out laughing. you lift your peanut towards him. “toast?”
“toast,” suna snickers. you toast your peanuts before popping them into your mouth. you’re both still far from home.
>> 8:30 pm
“i spy with my little eye... something red and blinking.”
“oh my god, it’s another car taillight isn’t it?”
“... it is,” suna admits, blinking lazily out the window. “i mean, it’s all taillights out there. anyway, your turn.” he nudges your arm with his elbow.
“i spy with my little eye... “ you blink and yawn. “some really tired passengers.”
“i’m looking at one right now,” suna snickers at you.
you two share a glance before simultaneously sighing.
“i want to be home,” you say. you don’t even have to look at suna to know he’s nodding in agreement.
>> 9:00 pm
“chicken nuggets.”
“suna, please stop,” you groan.
“it’s all i can think of,” suna shakes his head. the two of you are staring up at the ceiling of bus, trying and failing to forget your hunger. “when we get out of here, i’m going to the first fast-food restaurant i see and ordering chicken nuggets. also ice cream from the convenience store. you know, the soft-serve one in the cone.”
“yeah, you only mentioned that five times for the past hour,” you roll your eyes.
“how bout you? what’s the first thing you’re getting when we finally get to the stop?” suna nudges your ribs. you close your eyes, knowing that nothing good will come out of talking about food. but then again, not thinking about it wasn’t going to make you any less hungrier either.
“strawberry yogurt drink,” you answer. “i want that strawberry yogurt drink that they always have in convenience stores?”
“oh that one,” suna hums. “you’re literally the only person i know who likes that.”
“which is great because the vending machines never run out of them,” you add. “you what else i want?” you ask after a beat of silence.
“what?”
“that mushroom remy cooked in the beginning of the movie,” you giggle. suna shakes his head as a smile blooms on his face. now that you think about it, you’ve never really seen that kind of goofy smile on him before.
>> 9:30 pm
suna wakes up for the second time during that bus ride after a short nap. it doesn’t surprise at all that he’s still in the bus. what does, though, is seeing you fast asleep with your head on his shoulder. you must have accidentally leaned on him while you two drifted off to sleep but suna was far from annoyed.
he was never really one to approach random people to strike up a conversation, but he always enjoyed seeing you, wearing the same uniform as him, waiting at the same bus stop he took every morning. unlike suna, you were way more productive during your daily commutes by doing your homework in the bus. once or twice, he’d glance at your pretty handwriting or pick up your pencil after you accidentally dropped it.
suna noticed that sometimes, you’d pack cereal in ziploc bags to eat for breakfast. that it would take you less than five minutes to fall asleep in the bus when there are exams. that you rotated between the same five hairclips throughout the week.
the sound of the bus engine coming to a stop and passengers abruptly standing up brings suna out of his thoughts. with a start, he realizes that you’re both finally at the bus stop in your hometown.
“y/n. wake up,” suna nudges you softly. he only gets to appreciate your sleepy face for a few seconds before breaking the good news. “we’re home.”
“we are?” you wake up instantly at that and look out the window. “oh my god, we are!” you squeal. suna grins as the two of you quickly pick up your bags and leave the bus.
“okay so the nearest fast-food place is the one a few blocks away from here,” suna says as the two of you leave the bus. god, he’s starving. he can already taste the chicken nuggets.
“eat a whole bunch of them for me,” you laugh. suna stops and looks at you.
“i...” suna realizes with a hint of embarrassment that he was under the assumption you two would be going together. “if... if you’re hungry too you can come, if you want.”
“oh.” there’s genuine surprise in your voice and suna feels a bit of relief. “i... i thought.”
“of course you don’t have to if you really need to head home.”
“it’s not that i just, rarely ever get invited to things,” you chuckle and hook your thumbs into the straps of your backpack. “so... shall we go?”
suna feels the corner of his lip turn up in a smile. “chicken nuggets are on me.”
>> monday, 6:00 am:
you sprint to the bus stop as fast as your legs could carry you. rarely were you ever late for your bus, especially with how quickly you went through your morning routine. but this time, your sibling hogged the bathroom for five minutes too long, thus leading you to your current predicament.
the bus is thankfully still there when you reach the stop and you don’t hesitate before flinging yourself inside, only to be greeted with the seats full of passengers. ‘damn,’ you mentally curse. the next bus doesn’t arrive until twenty minutes later and you were surely going to come in to class late and--
“y/n.”
you hear suna’s voice call out to your right. he lifts his bacpack off the seat beside him and gestures for you to sit.
he had saved a seat for you.
“thank you so much,” you smile gratefully and slide into the seat while catching your breath.
“sure thing, busmate,” suna smirks at you. “i, ah, also got you this.” he reaches into his backpack before handing you something. it’s a carton of your favorite strawberry-yogurt drink.
you have to press your lips together to keep the giddy smile off your face as you accept it from suna. “thanks... busmate.”
“so,” suna clears his throat. “i was thinking of what movies to pirate next in the event of another friday traffic jam. you got any ideas?”
“hmm, let me think...”
maybe traffic jams weren’t going to be so bad after all.
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Everything Must Go
Jason Todd x Female Reader // Peter Parker x Female Reader
Yeah, it’s a Marvel cross-over in a DC universe! Because I can.
Summary:
After deciding to leave Gotham, you need to say one last good-bye.
Warning: Light swearing, death (nothing graphic – just mentions)
Before Reading Background:
You and Jason were dating for four years before Joker ‘killed’ him.
Now you are dating Peter Parker (Spider-Man)
Selina is your godmother. You are the child of Selina’s childhood friends. There is no family relationship between you and Jason even though you live in Wayne Manor
You are also a vigilante in the Batfam as Black Cat
Author’s Note:
So, here begins my various one-shots of Jason Todd/Red Hood x Reader//y/n AKA my current obsession. I may compile all of them into chronological order once everything is done. I just really wanted to write and post something. I just have too many WIP’s right now that I need to focus on.
Sorry I didn’t want to put the year of birth and the death year on Jason’s tombstone since I changed all their ages. I’ll deal with it on a different day.
They aren’t exact ages. This is just a world that I made using these characters because I can. In this story, Jason has ‘died’ at 21 and you and peter are visiting his grave a year later. The three of you are 22
This Peter Parker is more based off of the Playstation 4 Spiderman game.
Sorry if it's a little out of character, this is just based on my knowledge that Tumblr has given me.
Also! Thank you for all your likes and reblogs! It really helps my self-esteem in continuing to write and share this story! <3
Enjoy!
After you had decided to leave Gotham, you immediately made the preparations to go back home with your mom. You told Selina and Bruce and as much as they’d miss having you around they understood your choice.
“About your suit.” Bruce brought up.
You shake your head no. You hadn’t even thought about taking it with you. “I don’t need it where I’m going.”
He nods. “You will always have a place here,” Bruce reassured.
“I’m going to miss you, KitKat.” Selina hugged you.
Gotham was about three hours away from home by train. You just knew you didn’t want to come back for a long time.
As for the rest of your ‘family,' they had some choice words for you and refused to let you leave. Damian threw a tantrum and ignored you for a few hours before coming to terms and quietly hanging around you, as Damien does. Cass, Steph, and Babs forced a sleepover with you every night. You went out to eat at your must-have locations with Duke and Tim, rotating with the others. Dick went around with you from place to place, to not only keep an eye on you but so you wouldn’t be alone. Occasionally, trading places with Roy when Dick had to go to work. You knew they were babysitting, but enjoyed your time with each of them anyway. Eventually, everyone came to terms with you leaving and reluctantly supported your decision.
Today was your last day in Gotham. Peter came down from New York to help you pack the finishing touches and spend your last day in Gotham. He had the weekend off and was going to go to your hometown with you. You were going to show him around and introduce him to your mom. After packing your belongings and moving the boxes from your room to the main entrance hall, you went through your list to make sure you didn’t forget anything.
“There’s only one thing left.”
“What’s up?”
You pause and fidget with your fingers before you take a deep breath to respond.
“I want to visit Jason’s grave.”
Peter nods. “When do you want to go?”
You shrug. “Today’s the only day I have. I don’t know when I’ll be in Gotham again. I just know I have to go and I don’t think I can go alone…I haven’t been there since…” your voice trails off. “Is that weird? Asking you to go with me to my dead boyfriend’s grave? It’s a little weird. You can say no.”
Peter lets out a light chuckle and gently grabs your arms to stop you from rambling, “No, it’s not weird. I’m more than happy to go with you.”
You place a soft kiss on his cheek. “Thanks, Peter.”
You two take a car to the flower shop, buying some of –your favorite flowers-, for Jason’s grave. Next was a train ride to the city suburb, finally following a short walk to the church graveyard. This was where Bruce’s parents are buried, along with Jason. It was all a very somber experience.
The day of Jason’s funeral was not the kind of weather you felt. It was a sunny day in Gotham. Light breeze, mid to lower 80’s, it was good weather. Abnormal for Gotham and abnormal for a funeral.
You hung your head low and cried the entire time at the funeral. Damien held your hand and Cass rested her head on your shoulder. You tried to be strong, but you were shaking. From sadness and anger. It wasn’t fair.
When the funeral ended, you went for a walk through the flower garden and Dick joined you.
When you two were far enough away from any people and crowds. You started bawling like a baby. Dick held you and you cried into his jacket.
“It’s okay.” He reassured.
“No!” you snapped up, “I hate the weather.”
Dick tilts his head slightly confused.
“It’s not fair! It rains any other godforsaken day in Gotham but when it’s Jason’s funeral and I’m sad! And I think the world should be sad! But it’s fucking sunny.” You try wiping away your tears that keep coming. “It’s stupid and it’s not fair!”
Dick nods giving you another hug. “You’re right, it’s not fair.”
“The sun is dumb and this is dumb and Jason should be alive.”
Dick caresses your head as he rocks you back and forth.
“And it’s all my fault!” you sob into Dick’s coat hugging him tightly.
“Y/n.” Dick grabs your shoulders to have you look at him. “It’s not your fault. What happened to Jay is not your fault.”
You hiccup between your sobs. “If I didn’t stop him from being on time, he would’ve been with you.”
Dick pulls you in for another hug. “Shhh.”
“Y/n?”
You came back from your thoughts at the sound of Peter’s voice. You two stood outside of the graveyard gates. You look at Peter, tears in your eyes.
“I’m sorry,” you apologize wiping your tears away. “I’m sad.”
He smiles and squeezes your hand, “That’s okay. You’re allowed to be sad.”
You sniffle, holding your tears back, return his hand squeeze, and take a deep breath.
“How long has it been?”
“Its been a little over a year,” You pause, “I still miss him.” You realize what you said. You look at Peter expecting to see some sort of reaction that you had told him you still miss your dead ex. He didn’t have one. He just watched you lovingly and listened contently. “I’m sorry, that was weird.” You hang your head trying to hide your face.
“Y/n.” He steps in front of you and tilts your face up to look at him. Gently he caresses your cheek. You stare into his brown eyes, the warmest brown that glowed like warm honey on a summer’s day. And with the sun shining in eyes, they glowed even more. So warm and kind it’s been a while since you felt like this and you felt a smile grow on your lips. He tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear.
“You don’t need to apologize. I’m here to support you. You can miss Jason all you want. I don’t it’s weird. I don’t expect you to just replace him with me either. This is normal. What you’re feeling is normal. You don’t need to apologize for missing someone you love.”
You two share a hug. “Thank you, Peter.”
He places a kiss on the top of your head. “Let's go in.”
You lead him towards the flower field in the graveyard. You stop a few feet away, being able to read his gravestone in the distance.
Jason Peter Todd
Son Brother
“You okay?” Peter asks.
“Yeah.” You two continue forward, stepping up to the gravestone. You crouch down in front of his tombstone wiping off the debris that was collecting on it from the year, but other than that it was in good shape.
“Hi Jaybird.” You greet the grave like an old friend. “Sorry, it’s been so long. This is Peter.” You put the flowers down next to the grave, “He’s the guy I’ve been telling you about. He came out with me because,” You pause to collect your thoughts and find your words. “Because I wasn’t sure I could come out here by myself. I still feel bad and I still feel like this is all my fault.”
Peter puts a hand on your shoulder giving you a small squeeze.
You touch Peter’s hang before continuing. “I’m working through it though. I’ve been seeing a counselor, keeping a journal, talking to family and friends.” You pause and smile at the grave. It felt therapeutic. “I wanted to say good-bye before I left Gotham. I��.” You pause feeling Peter’s eyes on you and your mouth gets dry, “miss you.” You turn to face Peter. “This is weird isn’t it?”
“No.” Peter responds crouching next to you, “He was your best friend and first love. Of course, you’d miss him.”
You put on a smile. “I feel like you two would get along in another life. You guys have a lot of the same interests.” You stop again, “Oh, that felt weird.” You cringe.
Peter puts a hand on your knee to reassure you, “It’s not weird. I’m flattered. I heard great things about him.” You smile at him, no matter what you did, and said, Peter, is nothing but supportive of you. This is was what you loved about Peter, always so positive. That and so much more. This entire process was hard, but with Peter by your side supporting you, it made you feel less alone.
“I’d like to think that the night on the balcony, when we met, Jason guided you into my life.”
“Yeah?”
“Is this getting too weird for you yet? Me talking about my dead boyfriend who I’m clearly not over?”
Peter rolls his eyes at you and smiles at you. “Stop it, y/n. No, I don’t think it’s weird. I think it’s normal and I want you to know that I’m here for you through everything. I know you care about me and I know Jason will always have a place in your heart. I don’t want to take his place, I just want to make you happy.” He kisses your forehead. “We both just want you to be happy.”
You lean against Peter with a lighthearted smile.
“Now quit asking me if it’s weird. Cause I think you’re weird.” He playfully bumps into you causing you to lose your balance, but he catches you before you can fall over. “But that’s why I like you.”
You chuckle and lean into him, “I like you too.” You say while he puts his arm around you. “Thank you, Peter, for everything.”
He nods. “Thank you for introducing us.” He faces Jason’s grave, “I promise I’ll take care of her.”
#jason todd imagine#jason todd#jason todd x reader#jason todd x y/n#jason todd x you#red hood#red hood imagine#red hood x reader#red hood x y/n#spider-man#jason peter todd#peter parker imagine#peter parker#peter parker x original character#peter parker x oc#peter parker x reader#peter parker x you#peter parker x y/n#ps4 spiderman#dc jason todd#dc jason todd x reader#marvel spiderman#spiderman x y/n#spiderman x you#spiderman x reader#dc jason todd imagine#dc jason todd x y/n#dc jason todd x you#dc red hood#dc red hood imagine
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Sunshine
Pairing: Maxwell Lord x OC (Evelyn “Evie” Blaker)
Warnings: None
A/N: I’m creeping close towards the end. We got some smut, some angst, more smut, and a whole ass load of fluff coming down the pipeline.
Reminder: I ain’t ever seen Pedro Pascal in FUCK ALL, I’m just coming up with this as I go along, using imdb.com, wiki, and 84,000 tabs I got open to plan out this shit. I also write soft versions of his characters so if you’re craving asshole vibes, I ain’t got any but my own to offer.
Tags: @zeldasayer , @romanticgumchewer, @beskars , @coolmaybelateruniverse , @the-feckless-wonder, @lavenderl3mons , @pascalisthepunkest , @mandoandyodito , @randomness501 , @fioccodineveautunnale
[PART 1] [PART 2] [PART 3] [PART 4]
Part 5
Lead to Big Changes
Evie stood in the bathroom, brushing her long hair before plaiting in into a braid. She took one last look at herself and satisfied everything was in place as it should be, she entered the bedroom where Maxwell was sitting on the bed putting on his cuff links. He looked up to watch as she walked over to his dresser, where her items were laid out neatly. She began put on her necklace before moving on to other items.
Like that first morning together, it felt natural to him to see her puttering around his room, getting ready for the day. His long hours prevented him from really feeling how empty such a large house could be for one person, but there were times when that coldness, the loneliness touched him. But not now, not when she was here, and she warmed rooms she wasn’t even in. He watched her intently, noticing the subtle bounce of her breasts, the sway of her hips, and that cute little hop she does when she walks.
“Why do you hop when you walk?” She turned her head towards him, a look of confusion on her face. “You have this little hop when you walk.”
“Oh, the hop.” She laughed and went back to what she was doing. “A gift from the pier.”
When she finished putting on her accessories, she turned around to see him still watching her and she smiled. Walking over to him, she began to knot his tie that he had yet to do up. Her brows furrowed a bit as she worked and he sat patiently, placing his hands on her jean-clad hips, sneak his thumbs under the hem of her tee shirt to rub along her skin. She had only been in town for less than one day and he was already dreading her return to Poughkeepsie.
“What’s your plan for the day?” When she arrived, Evie insisted that he didn’t need to stop his world just to babysit her, that she could find things to do while he was at work. He tried to protest, but when he looked at his schedule, he found things he couldn’t cancel or more. So, he became more pragmatic about it. He his schedule to have his late afternoons and evenings free and if two deals went through today, he was going to have a nice long weekend with her, uninterrupted.
“Not sure yet, it’s so warm for October that I might go to a park. Maybe museum hop or stop by an art gallery. The city is my oyster, so whatever strikes my fancy I guess.”
“Take my credit card.”
“Max, I don’t need you to pay for anything.” She laughed as she patted down the knot and straightened the tie, admiring her handwork as she talked. She proceeded to button up his vest since she was standing there, and she thought there was no need for her to do any of this. But the idea of being part of Maxwell’s routine felt right, as if she had always been a part of it.
Never in all her relationships had she ever felt at such ease with someone as she did with Maxwell. It was as if they had known each other for years, rather than only a couple of months. Silences weren’t awkward, they were already developing their own group of inside jokes and waking up in his bed seemed like the most normal thing in the world.
Evie loved her life in Poughkeepsie, but the idea of going back seemed sad to her. Other than her job, there wasn’t a life for her in her hometown anymore. Her best friend moved to Boston last year and her dad moved to Lake Placid to wind down toward retirement. She sat on a non-profit board and occasionally joined a book club at the library, but the last couple of years it had just been home and work. Change might be good, she thought on the train ride into the city.
Here, the city offered so much more, including Maxwell. Whose thumbs continued to rub against the skin of her hips, and it was starting to drive her a little crazy.
“You sure you’ll be fine on your own?”
“Of course. I’m a big girl.” She leaned down to kiss his lips softly and before she could pull back, he was chasing her lips for a longer kiss. His tongue snaked out to swipe against her lower lip and she smiled as she opened to let him in. Soon their kiss turned breathless and Maxwell pulled back so he could breathe again. Their eyes were darkened by lust, but Evie – as usual – broke the spell first by gently kissing his forehead and stepping away from his touch. His hands dropped onto his thighs as he watched her head to his closet to take out her sweater.
“Yeah, I know.” His tone was husky and more than a little feral sounding. She smiled a little wickedly as she slipped her arms into the sleeves. It was her turn to watch him. Even at home, Maxwell carried himself with command and authority and Evie realized that this was a natural posture for him. He wasn’t putting on a show, he was just finishing his morning routine. She felt a shiver of pleasure run through her. He was all man and for now at least, all hers.
After finishing up, he turned to Evie and held out his hand. She slid it into his easily and they left the room to start their day. They stopped off in the kitchen so Evie could meet Marnie, his cook, and after a rapid-fire ten-minute conversation, Maxwell ushered her out of the kitchen, a couple of breakfast sandwiches in tow. He shook his head, not believing that in such a short amount of time, Evie learned the names of all Marnie’s grandchildren, how long she was married to her husband, and her favorite thing to cook.
Like with Bennett, Evie easily inserted herself into the lives of his staff and they all seemed to love her. He pretended like he didn’t see Marnie’s pointed look that said, how did you snag someone like this? Maxwell didn’t know the answer and he wasn’t stupid enough to question it. As they exited the house, Bennett was waiting with the doors open and in the crisp October morning, the warmth of the car was quite welcomed.
“Bennett, drive Evie wherever she wants to go today.” Maxwell pulled out his phone, scrolling through his calendar and starting to prepare for the day. Without either him or Evie realizing it, her Max was stepping back into the role of Maxwell Lord, CEO of Chimtech.
“Max, no! I can take a cab, it’s not a big deal.”
“Evie, he will drive you, it’s what he’s paid for.” Maxwell’s voice was harsh and left little room for compromise. She was taken aback, although he didn’t seem notice as his eyes never left his cell. She was more than a little shocked because in the entire time they had known each other, he never talked to her in that way. Before she could say anything, Bennett spoke from the driver’s seat.
“Yes Mr. Lord.” He didn’t miss a beat as he drove them to headquarters and Maxwell kissed Evie on the cheek before he got out, acting as if nothing happened. He slipped his credit card into her sweater pocket before she could say anything. As he walked away, Evie turned to the driver, a sly smile growing on her lips.
“Bennett, what are Bette and Lorraine doing today?” He looked back at her, surprised.
“Well Lorraine is on break from school and Bette’s home with her, why?”
“Let’s make this a family day.”
“Wait. What?
“Call up Bette and see if they’d like to join us for day on the town.” She waived Maxwell’s card. “His treat.”
“Okay, where to you want to go?”
“What does Bette and Lorraine like?”
“Well my Bette loves flowers and Lorraine is wild about flamingos.” Bennett snapped his fingers and looked at Evie. “We can go to the Bronx. They got the Botanical Gardens and a zoo!”
“Perfect, let’s go!” Evie sat back and looked out the window. She was still dwelling on the tone he used and how it stung her. She looked at the credit card in her hands as Bennett drove them to Brooklyn to pick up their passengers. If he wants to act like a dick, then he can pay for it, she thought. Literally.
---***---
Bette was just as vivacious a person as her husband and the two women immediately recognized a kindred spirit in the other. They chatted through the whole ride to the park as Lorraine sat up front with her father, forever a daddy’s girl. The day was sunny and gorgeous, and the foursome strolled through gardens, enjoying the sights. Bennett had been modest when he said his wife loved flowers.
Turns out she was a horticulturalist and worked for City University of New York as a professor in their science department at the Bronx campus. Evie hung onto every word her new friend said about the plants they viewed, and she could see Bennett bursting with pride. Evie believed that the morning’s adventures wouldn’t have been nearly as enjoyable had Bette not come along. They left the park briefly to grab something to eat. During lunch, Evie’s phone rang and when she saw it was Maxwell, she picked up.
“Hi Max.” Evie smiled into the phone and turned away from the table as not to be rude, but she didn’t miss Bette mouth, ‘Max?’ to Bennett with a look of surprise. He shrugged with a look back at her. His voice was low enough that Evie didn’t catch anything he said.
“Hey you. How is the city treating you?”
“Good. I’m at lunch right now. But we visited the botanical gardens this morning and after lunch we’ll stop by the zoo.”
“We?” The word caused a twinge of jealousy to course through him and his words came out hard. One day in the city and she’s already gallivanting off with others, a wicked voice in his head hissed at him. “Who could you possibly be with?”
“Yes, we. Bennett and his family joined me and we’re having a blast. Lorraine is going to teach me about flamingos when we go to the zoo.” She was shocked at his tone and she returned it with a neutral one of her own to tamp down any confusion that could be sparked by an argument. She stood up and walked way, positioning herself near a window and away from people.
“You’re with my driver and his family?” She told him to go to work today and she was out and about with his driver and allegedly his family? Did she plan this all along? Maxwell’s face grew warm as his jealousy boiled beneath the surface.
“Yes. If Bennett is going to be with me all day, then why not? Who am I hurting? And besides, I want to learn about flamingos.” Her tone turned pointed and she refused to explain any further. She waited until he spoke, stretching their silence out – one that was filled with tension. Behind her, Bennett and Bette exchanged another look and kept eating lunch while Lorraine continued to read her book.
In that silence, something changed and suddenly the tone he took with her was back to normal. The whiplash it caused Evie almost made her dizzy, but she could still sense a strain lacing his words.
“Ah. Well, Marnie called me and said she was cooking dinner tonight. That ravioli dish you two talked about this morning. It should be ready by seven. Will you be back in time?”
“Yep. See you then.” She ended the call without waiting for him to reply and sighed. She wasn’t stupid, she knew Maxwell was used to getting his way and was used to making comments and remarks that were curt, hard, brusk, even downright rude was more akin to his normal way of speaking. The softness he directed towards her was the anomaly.
While she wasn’t above using a sharp tone when the situation warranted it, she felt bitterness in her mouth when confronted with unnecessary rudeness and maltreatment. For the first time, the little niggles of doubt that had been on the edge of her mind since Maxwell Lord first came into her life began to crawl out of the shadows.
“Ready to go see the zoo and check out some flamingos?” She smiled brightly again and turned towards her lunch companions. Everyone nodded and as Evie paid the bill with Maxwell’s credit card and felt a lot better.
Little Lorraine was much like her mother and as they wandered through the zoo, the young girl threw out facts and stories about many of the animals, most excited for the flamingos, of course.
As they moved from exhibit to exhibit, Lorraine and Evie unconsciously matched up with the former having an audience for all that her brain had offer and the latter excited to learn new things. Once they arrived at the flamingo enclosure, the young girl sighed with happiness.
“Lorraine, why do you like flamingos so much?” Evie asked as they leaned on the rail watching the birds walk elegantly through the enclosure, their bright pink plumes a perfect complement for the deep blue autumn sky above them.
“Cause they’re stupid looking and dance like morons.” Evie began laughing loudly in surprise.
“How do you know they dance like morons?” Evie smiled as Lorraine took out her cell phone and pulled up youtube. In her library were dozens of videos about flamingos. The young girl clicked on one video and there it was, the stupid flamingo mating dance.
“You’re right, they do dance like morons. I can see why you love them.” Evie smiled down at her. Lorraine grabbed her hand and they moved onto the next exhibit with Bennett and Bette trailing behind and holding hands like teenagers. They were enjoying their impromptu date and Bennett brought their clasped hands up to his lips, smiling the whole time.
While Evie gave her full attention to Lorraine, seeing Bennett be so generous and open with not just Bette, but everyone around him gave her heart a little twinge. She squeezed Lorraine’s hand and refocused herself on the conversation at hand. She wasn’t about to let Maxwell Lord detract her from learning about the lemurs next.
By the end of the afternoon, everyone was pleasantly exhausted and the drive back to Maxwell’s house seemed all the quieter after Bette and Lorraine were dropped off at home, with promises of seeing them soon from both Bennett and Evie. She was giddy to have made a friend in the city, giving her another reason to come to visit. When Bennett dropped her off, she waved good-bye and trudged up the stairs into the house.
The cozy atmosphere enveloped her as she opened the door and then closed it behind her. The day was catching up to her and she leaned against the door, her thighs starting to ache from all the walking. I’m entirely too out of shape for this city, she thought. She closed her eyes a moment and before she could open them, a set of plush lips brushed against hers.
Evie opened her eyes to find Maxwell standing in front of her, looking relaxed. His tie was off, and his sleeves rolled up, hands in his pockets. Outside of sleeping in bed, this was probably the most relaxed Maxwell had been in front of her. He rocked back on his heels, looking at her with a smile on his face that also seemed relaxed. His aura seeped into her own body and she relaxed, too.
“Did you enjoy the zoo?” Whatever tone he took with her earlier in the day was gone and in his place was the attentive partner, supportive and loving. It was as if the Maxwell from earlier had been conjured up by her brain to sow the seeds of doubt in her mind. In fact, as Maxwell stood there, he didn’t even think of his comments earlier or his tones. He was interested in what she had to say, wanted to know how her day went.
As he waited for her answer, she realized he was interested in what she had to say. After their date, he all but admitted that he never conversed with people and yet with her, he was fully invested in everything she did or said. It made her feel wanted and loved in ways other partners hadn’t. The thoughts from earlier in the day and the worries that had crowed the edge of her mind seemed to disappear.
“It was a beautiful day, Bette and Lorraine are so smart. I learned more from those two in one day than I could probably learn in a lifetime on my own. I like Bette and I think we’re going to try to meet up for coffee again before I go.” He grabbed her hand and they walked into the dining room.
“Tell me all about it.”
---***---
Maxwell wasn’t sure what woke him up, but he lurched out of a dead sleep and sat up in bed. The room was quiet, and his clock told him that it was early in the morning, hours before he had to get up. What could have possibly triggered this, he wondered. It was then that he realized that he was alone in bed and when he saw the bathroom light off and the door open, he was confused.
Getting up, he threw on a shirt and walked out into the hallway, the faint late October chilliness permeated the house and creeped along his skin. A gleam of light from the first floor caught his eye and he descended the stairs, entering the living room where he saw her on the couch.
Evie sat curled up at the end, a book in her hands. He recognized it the title and his heart clenched a little because it had been his father’s favorite, although she could have never known that. As he got closer, he noticed that she was sleeping, with little snores coming out of her slightly opened mouth. The lamp light made her hair look like burnished copper and once again, his heart squeezed at the sight of her, that feeling that she belonged all the stronger.
He leaned down and brushed her hair away from her face, the movement causing her to stir. Her eyes opened and she gave a sleepy smile when she saw who it was. She sat up from the slumped over position, her body grumbling at being in such an uncomfortable position for too long, already upset with her after her long day in the city. He smiled back at her.
“Evie, what are you doing? It’s two in the morning.” He squatted next to the couch, picking up the book after it slid off her lap and setting it on the coffee table.
“I wasn’t tired, and I didn’t want to bother you, so I came down to read here instead.” He laughed as her comments were punctuated by a yawn. He wondered how long she had been sleeping instead of reading.
“You wouldn’t have. Come to bed.” He stood, reaching his hand out to her.
“Okay.” She stood and swayed at the sudden movement, reaching out with her other hand to grip his to stay upright. Once she stopped swaying, he bent his knees and swept Evie up into his arms, her look of surprise clear on her face.
“Max! I can walk! You’re going to hurt yourself!”
“Yeah, but it’ll be fun.” He lightly kissed her temple as he turned around and began taking her upstairs. “Besides, I’ve already carried you upstairs, what’s one more time?”
She laughed but gripped his shoulders harder just in case. They entered the bedroom and Maxwell gently laid her down on the bed. He leaned down to kiss her on the lips, but her hands grabbed him and pulled him down on top of her. She wrapped her hands around his waist and reached her head up to return the kiss.
“I’m too heavy for you.” He tried to roll off, but she tightened her arms.
“You’re never too heavy for me.” She snuggled further under him, his bulk like a weighted blanket. He threw her a skeptical look but didn’t move. If anything, he curled around her more, their mutual warmth seeping into each other. Evie’s eyes began to droop, and she tried to hide a yawn in his shoulder but failed.
“Just go to sleep sunshine, you had a long day.” She hummed as her eyes closed and before long, the sound of her even breaths reached Maxwell’s ears. He waited a few beats longer before rolling off her and to her side. She seemed to chase him in her sleep, also rolling onto her side to face him, although she never woke up.
He gave into the temptation of touching her again, brushing her hair away from her face and the silky strands seem to pass through his fingers like water. He trailed them along her jaw, skin soft under his touch. As he laid there, his brain wandered back to his comments earlier in the day and he closed his eyes, shame washing over him.
There was no reason for him to have acted that way and to make her feel so small and hurt. And he rolled on to his back, staring at the ceiling. He mentally kicked himself for acting like such an ass to her and then never apologizing for it. You never apologize when you act like an ass, a small voice in his head reminded him and he could feel his face on fire. He looked over at her. He should have apologized to her.
You shouldn’t have been such a dick in the first place. It’s not like you’re actually dating or anything, the voice inside his head reminded him. It’s not like you ever want more from them. Maxwell looked back up at the ceiling.
He wanted more from her, though.
#maxwell lord#maxwell lord x oc#maxwell lord x reader#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#fanfic#ww1984#Wonder Woman 1984
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Day 25 | Yokohama
I have been planning to go to Yokohama ever since the first week I've been in Tokyo.
For some reason, that iconic (for me at least) Ferris wheel from Honey and Clover has always been in my head since 2007. I don't even think it's the one from Yokohama but that started my fascination for Ferris Wheels. I've never even been on a proper one. I think the only one I've been on is the two story high one in Sunway Pyramid. PLEASE DONT LAUGH AT ME!
Been putting it off because I know it requires a full day and I don't get many full days. Because I waste my full days on studying (this is for my parents)! Yay! Plus it's bloody far away. It takes 1.5 hours and FOUR lines to get from the nerimatakanodai station to yokohama. But believe it or not, there is a direct train. It changes automatically. Color me surprised because my station is small, obscure and very far away. It goes from the seibu Ikebukuro line -> Fukutoshin metro -> Tokyo Tokyu metro (passing by Shibuya) and one more which I forgot to get to Montomachi Chuukagai (China town stop). You never know who would google this. Hello to Kyoko's future homestay guests!
Of course, Ferris wheel obsession aside, I was attracted to Yokohama for an entirely different reason.
Pilgrimage no 2!!
For those of you watching Bungou Stray Dogs (probably only two of my friends), you will know that it's set in Yokohama. It's a beautiful seaside town - bad description- one of the oldest and major ports in Japan. It is heavy with infrastructure yet beautiful in its own way. Other people know it as the place where the ramen museum is located. I know it as a port area.
tl;dr: No regrets coming here but might have regretted going to the ramen museum earlier than expected. Covered MOST of the places from BSD.
But you wouldn't want a tl;dr when you just clicked 'Read More', don't you?
How did I travel around?
I painstakingly planned out all locations according to a Crunchyroll article screenshots of the real life comparisons with the anime ones. SHOUTOUT TO YI EN BC I couldn't access the website in Japan. Okay, it didn't take that long and it was pretty fun. I ended up walking all over Yokohama though because of bad planning on my part. Also I got distracted by the ramen museum so I ended up missing one hour of daylight.
Some fucked up route I took
For some reason, I stayed on past Yokohama and went all the way to Chinatown, which cost like 210 yen more! My brain thought that it would be the easiest starting point (which it was) so I went there. It was dead empty on a 9:30AM Wednesday morning, no doubt. Shops were opening slowly but pretty much no sign of life. So I decided to stand in the middle of the street to take a photo. TIP: Do not do this. There might be cars.
Got the shot!
Unfortunately, I couldn't see many similarities aside from the sign. I might have been at the wrong entrance as there are a number of entrances. The one in the anime has red poles and they have different store fronts surrounding it. Oh well!
Walked in Chinatown for a bit and saw tian hou gong. Pretty Chinese of them to have it right smack in the center of China town, lol!
After that, I went to the park (you can observe the “logical” sequence)
The view from the deck was so amazing. You can see the Yokohama view and bridge from here. I didnt knew how to take less shitty photos though.
There was a flower garden near by as well with a nice fountain.
This is near the exit of the park where the girl wanted to surrender her crimes to the nearest police station from the anime.
Motomachi shopping street. This street looks quite fancy with all the fancy shops along the street. Even the roads look like they are right out from an anime. But you can see its very European-esque.
After that, I walked past this doll museum so I just went in randomly. It was 400 yen and the dolls were pretty creepy looking. The museum was designed like a huge, pink dollhouse!
Entry ticket
Historical japanese dolls where they displayed dolls according to their geographical regions of Japan. They had international dolls too. The Malaysian one was in some traditional Malay outfit lol.
After that, I walked along the pier to get to the bay area where the ferris wheel and brickhouse was located.
Inside the brickhouse place was a shopping area! One of the shops that was interesting was this fake food shop. Look at the toasts!!!
I bought a piece of salmon! It found its permanent spot on my bag pack now hehe.
Ferris wheel scene near one of Yokohama’s theme park. You will definitely see it near the pier.
Not quite the angle but trust me, this was the best I could get.
Yokohama’s Customs (Queens tower)
Okay. I walked past this building before heading to the ramen museum so the sequence is a little messed up. Honestly, I shouldnt have went to the Ramen Museum if I wanted to take good photos in the day but I still went anyway!
The Ramen Museum near the Ferris Wheel (apparently there’s a nicer and larger one at Shin Yokohama which i HIGHLY regret not going to because of time constraint - I really should have skipped dinner that night) was pretty good, but I wouldnt waste my time if i were you and just go to the one at Shin Yokohama. At the very least, I got to customized my own Ramen cup and learnt a little about the Ramen history! Nissin is the main brand if you wondering. I never knew it was Japanese from the packaging when I used to see it at the local Asian grocer.
The interior looks damn nice and atas ok,
Vending machines for you to get empty cups. Customized ones are about 300 yen each!
This is how it looks like pre cooked.
After this experience, I think I’m a Nissin convert now. (They actually have laksa flavours at Hometown (Elizabeth Street near my Melb apartment)
OKAY. SORRY FOR THE DETOUR (maybe I should do a two parter...)
The Yokohama Port Opening Memorial Hall.
I know this is a horrible photo but all my other photos could barely be seen due to the direction of the sun!! I took this photo around 4pm and the sun was so setting so quickly. This was when I realized I should have planned my whole pilgrimage better. Wasted too much time at the Ramen Museum.
Museum of History and Culture of Kanagawa Prefecture, Yokohama
As you can see, the skies are getting darker with every photo heh.
The police station featured in the anime!
(this is the photo with the Kevin filter - wanted to give it the orange tinge. The sun was setting when I took this photo but it didnt hit the building :( )
Yokohamabashi Shopping District.
I remember the moment when I finally reached this street - it was such a long day and it was getting so dark at merely 5:30 (fuck winter, seriously), and I felt so relieved that I found most of the places featured on Crunchyroll! Sadly, I didnt get to find the bridge shot and the pier, plus the big longkang featured in episode 1. But I’m happy enough.
Inside the shopping street.
It’s pretty old in comparison to the Motomachi shopping street and it is mainly selling food stuff - its like a market!
After that, I took the train home. I was lucky enough to only switch twice tbh! I was on the same train that automatically switched lines 4 times (i love Japan for almost 30 stops. The train ride was like 90 minutes long and I even made it back for dinner.
Yokohama is seriously one of the nicest, prettiest places in the world. I think I just personally love ports (Docklands, Yokohama, Port Klang (lol jk)) because of that fantastic ocean view in contrast with the city skyline.
ugh bring me back pls
If you have the chance, go to Yokohama or Kanagawa or just fucking both bc the views are definitely worth. Pictures cannot describe the feeling that you will experience. I promise that it will be worth it.
One day, I’m going back to Yokohama to complete my pilgrimage.
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oh my god people are tagging me in things this makes me so happy
@carlosandhisperfecthair why won’t it let me tag you
Rules: copy this text post and replace my answers with yours. Tag 10 people you follow or talk to and tag the person who tagged you. And most importantly, HAVE FUN!
but I’m not gonna follow the rules because I’m lame like that
Age: 16 (but like 4 on the inside)
Biggest fear: not living life to the fullest
Current time: i think my computer clock is off idk
Drink I last had: i don’t actually know. maybe water?? i don’t drink enough. i just realized i haven’t had anything to drink today.
Every day starts with: me slamming my face into a wall because I hate mornings (but actually I just listen to a lot of music in bed)
Favorite song: shitshitshit i have too many favorite songs for this. Of classical music, either The Typewriter (Leroy Anderson) or Samson and Delilah: Op. 47 Bacchanale (Camille Saint-Saens). Of movie soundtracks, probably the WHOLE OF THE HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON SOUNDTRACKS. BOTH OF THEM. Of like, more modern but still calm, probably Sinking Friendships or Around Us (both by Jonsi). Of modern but upbeat, maybe I’m Good (The Mowgli’s) or Red Hot Lights (Moon Taxi). Also Times Are Still Changing (The Mowgli’s). Pleasepleaseplease come talk to me about music, I’m an absolute nerd over music.
Ghosts - real or no? I mean, probably. knowing me, there’s probably one editing my writing and trying to drag me through calculus.
Hometown: Richmond (but i won’t say which one because there are 60 in the world and i don’t feel like being tracked down)
In love with: the goosebumps you get from music, seeing the world from a plane, waking up in a new place, tbh a couple of people
Jealous of: people who can just do a thing without that pain in the ribs, the drop of the stomach, the heart rising up in rebellion into my throat
Killed someone: not legally
Last time I cried: a couple months ago, i think?
Middle name: okay look this shit doesn’t work on the internet my middle name isn’t in english so i can’t have the characters for it here this isn’t working
Number of siblings: 1.75
One wish: to live my life without being held back by anything. or to ride on a motorcycle across europe and asia and then north america. those might just be the same thing.
Person I last texted or called: one of my friends
Question I always get asked: “ooooooh how many languages do you speak???”
Reason to smile: reading a good fic, listening to good music, performing good music, travel, seeing your favorite blog posted
Song last sang: I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (Sandi Thom)
Time I woke up: the ungodly hour of 4:45am
Underwear color: what the fuck i think it’s black but i am not checking for this
Vacation destination: everywhere??? but also iceland. i’ve already traveled a lot man
Worst habit: p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n
X-ray number: the fuck is this
Your favorite food: yes
Zodiac sign: Virgo
I don’t really want to force people into this anymore so if you want to do it do it and tag me.
#i actually love it when people tag me in stuff#it makes me so happy#like you wouldn't believe#like i see someone tagged me in something#and i just sit at my computer kind of giggling#oh man i'm a dweeb
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So i’m going to do one of those obnoxious why i love Taylor so much posts, even though I hate putting myself on blast and feel cringey, but it’s almost 2am and she’s still meeting fans in Nashville (at like 5am) so it’s not like she’s going to see it ever.
Anyways I’ve been listening to Taylor’s music since Fearless. I actually even made a facebook post about it back when I still made obnoxious facebook posts all the time back in 2008 when I first got a Facebook cause I was a freshman in high school. Because Taylor is 4 years older than me she usually releases music that I need right when it’s relevant to my life. I was 15 when Fifteen came out and there was a boy I had a crush on who’s name was Drew and honestly her entire work just fit so well into my life. It was on my ipod and i listened to her song religiously and whenever I would go on walks with my dog she was one of the artists playing. Fearless is an excellent song to walk out at night and look up at the stars to just in case you were wondering.
Speak Now came out my junior year of high school back when Taylor and the SF Giants coincided with making people in the Bay Area happy in October. (But tbh i don’t really care about baseball and found the giants hype obnoxious), but the Taylor hype I was all for. Speak Now was that album it had Dear John which honestly if I was going to pick a favorite it’s def in the top 10 cause as Alana Haim says “Just listened to taylor swifts song “dear john”… That bitch has huge balls. FUCK YOU JOHN MAYER”. The part where she says shining like fireworks over your sad empty town does something to my soul and honestly the music and the emotion and ughhhhhh she’s trying to kill me. The songwriting on the whole album just kills me and the fact that she wrote the whole album by herself just proves that she can do literally anything. It’s empowering to know how much work she put into that album. Also junior year of high school was when my older sister left for college and I couldn’t drive myself to school cause I didn’t have my license (tbh i can never spell that word) and I walked home from school a lot and you can tell this was blasting. Also junior year was when I kind of had a life crisis of what to do for college and life and I just threw myself into the drama department and was a part of 3 plays in one year partially so I would stay after school and my parents could pick me up at the end and partially cause i was so confused by school and my anxiety that being a part of a theater production made me feel like a part of something. And I literally always and forever want to be a part of any group.
Now for everyone’s favorite album Red. God people are really not kidding when they say this album is the best. I mean every single track is that track. It came out during my first year of college. I went away to SoCal for college and nobody from my hometown went to my school and I had gone to school with the same people from k-12 and honestly I was so lonely. My campus was a commuter campus and everyone went home on the weekends and I couldn’t fly home and I didn’t have a car so I joined a sorority cause they did things on weekends, I heart being part of a group and instant friends. And man was that the best life decision ever. I joined the most chill group of people and I got my Big in October and on the car ride from Big/Lil reveal over to our dinner my GBig played Everything Has Changed and the whole album and it was just so wonderful and amazing and fit so freaking perfectly with my life. I had no romantic things happening like ever, but I did go through a major life change and it was just so good. And then when I went home over thanksgiving and christmas break my best friend also loved the album so we just listened to Red on repeat until i knew every single word and we sat in the car and talked like we had just seen each other yesterday even though it was almost 3 months and it was like I had seen her yesterday. She’s been my best friend since kindergarten and even if we don’t talk in like 6 months, I see her in person and it’s like she was just in my car the day before talking about whatever. Anyways this whole album was the key to my first few years of college to get away from the loneliness and the aching of trying to figure out how to live with no parents and it being miserable and magical at the same time.
Then we get to 1989 and my 3rd year of college. This is when I had finally moved in with my best friends instead of living with randoms and my whole life became so much better because they took care of me and I had a car so i had more freedom and they took me out and I was officially part of their little group and I felt like I actually knew what I was doing with my life for once (did not last long, but it was there for a bit). And it was just the pop hits album that I needed. The change from country to pop fit into my life so well and I was so much happier and the album was happy, but you could tell came from a place of knowing about that anxiety and fear, but kept pushing through. Like all of Taylor’s albums it just fit into my life. It was the soundtrack of drives to LA and to parties and pregaming and formals and hikes and walks around campus and to class. It was joined with Haim’s album on a playlist on my phone called HaimSwift and it was played on my 8 hour drive from NorCal to SoCal at least 3 times that year when I drove to school, when I drove back for break and then back to school again. There’s also a Noah + The Swift for Noah + the Whale and Taylor Swift. They are both wonderful playlists of my favorite artists. This is when I found out that Haim the band that I had discovered and fell in love with at Outside Lands the summer prior was going to be touring with Taylor, but unfortunately on in LA when I wasn’t going to be there and not in NorCal at an expensive stadium after I had spent all of my money on pasts and wine in Italy on my study abroad trip.
And then Taylor went on a break, well a longer than 2 year break and in that time I graduated and moved back home and my grandpa passed away and I found a job (not the one I wanted, but you know it paid and I got to stay at home with my parents and my family during a rough time). And then I applied to the Disney College program and I got accepted in Anaheim and life was better because I got to move back to SoCal where I wanted to be and work at the literal dream location and have housing and see where life would take me. And so I moved back to SoCal and I started this program and I fell more in love with Disneyland and the people I was in the program with (love being part of a group) and then stayed on after it ended and finally got an apartment and started being a “real adult”. It was a strange time, but a fun time. I got to explore the parks, I visited my friends in Chicago, I worked a lot and then from the silence Taylor Swift came back. I was thrilled about the new album and the experience. See I have been on tumblr with my blog @megansalphabet(actually the name was meganislameness but that is a little controversial so it got changed) since 2010 my junior year of high school and also when Speak Now came out. But during the “drought” I actually started following a lot of Taylor Swift blogs cause I was missing her music and her presence and so once the news about rep dropped I was hooked. From the early days of people fighting about if it was a dragon or a snake and then what kind of snake and through the whole build up and music videos and easter egg hunting and the experience of being in that group and having other people freak out about the same things that I was, was so thrilling and exciting.
And finally on a day when I worked until 2:45 in the morning the album came out. And so even though I had already pre-ordered a CD, it was not at my apartment yet so I went to Target and bought my magazines and read the lyrics while listening to the album and spent the whole day listening to the album 3 times. Then once the tour announcement came I decided no more waiting about ya girl is finally gonna see my idol and so I told my mom what i wanted for an early christmas present and I watched the music video and I bought some sweatpants and a sweatshirt and a bag and a keychain and I said this is the era that I’m going to see Taylor Swift live I don’t care who’s going with me, but I am going no matter what. And I did. I got a second job, I went to Seattle and I had been working at 2 jobs for almost 2 weeks on the most perfect May day I got off work and drove to Pasadena, picked up my friend and some tacos from the train station and parked at the Rosebowl parking. We walked a trek to the stadium and got some drinks and found our seats. We watched Charli XCX and watched the ASL translator translate Boys and we learned how to sign Boys and then we met up with my sister who was also at the concert and got some more drinks and some pretzels because I had a craving and my friend is the best. And then we went back to our seats and had the most incredible concert experience ever as Taylor Swift serenaded us the whole evening. Also Selena Gomez and Troye Sivan showed up?!?!??!!?! Also she sang All To Well acoustic in front of us like we were so close to the B stage and Dancing With Our Hands Tied on the guitar and I just about died like 20 times even though I had already seen a instalive of a girl from the first night of the concert in Glendale and pretty much knew what was going to happen. But it didn’t matter because this was the concert that i was at next to Taylor and my best friend and oh wow.
And now Lover is fast approaching and I no longer work 2 jobs or at Disneyland and I still don’t really know what I want to do with my life and I’m still probably working too much (say hello to the past 3 sundays that I was supposed to be off and then got a call at 6am asking if I could come in, yay overtime pay? boo 6 days). But I’m getting closer to figuring out what I want and who knows maybe I’ll go back to school and become a teacher because that’s always kind of been a secret dream of mine, but they get paid so little and grad school is expensive. But shaping young minds seems so fulfilling and worthwhile. Join me in my next existential crisis for that debate.
Anyways the point of this is that Taylor has always been there for me through all of the questioning and the confusion and the late night walks with my dog at the creek looking up at the stars and the happy times and the sad times and honestly there is a song for every single mood that i’ve had. And even though I’m 25 and have never had a romantic relationship (not sure I want one or if i’m just afraid of pursuing one) I’ve always had her songs to stay with me through it all. And this post is a mess and now it’s 3am and thank goodness I don’t have work tomorrow, but that nap did mess up my sleep schedule and my computer is at 18% and it’s probably time for bed. Also Taylor if you ever do read this sorry it’s a mess, but I really do appreciate all that you’ve done even if I never get to meet you and tell you that.
#megan's life updates#casa edition#tmi#maybe ill make an abridged version one day#suitable for taylikes#cause this one is kinda way too personal#not that that would ever happen#but a girl can dream#a dream is a wish your heart makes is still stuck in my head#you can take the girl out of disney#but she'll always and forever be that disney bitch
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Art F City: L.A. Art Diary Week Four (Everyone Loves Eames, Erotic Art, and More)
Screenprint by Polkela, seen at Co-Lab Gallery.
In his fourth week in Los Angeles, Michael Anthony Farley discovers that there’s not enough to do on weekdays and way too much to do on weekends. Here’s how he spent the weekend. Everyone loves Ray and Charles Eames, and erotic art.
Catch up on Week One, Week Two (and Week Two, Part Two), and Week Three.
Friday 7/14
I am working from a Starbucks in a nondescript strip mall near a Gold Line station in Pasadena. I stand in line for my second coffee, and give my name to the barista, when the man behind me asks “Michael? Michael what?” I turn around and realize I’ve just run into an old buddy from art school in Baltimore who I haven’t seen since we graduated. We chat about how we both ended up in the same suburban California Starbucks, thousands of miles from our hometown.
He moved out here to work in visual effects on films. Now, he’s attending a graduate program at the Art Center College of Design a few blocks away, learning virtual reality skills for the coming boom in demand. He tells me that he, like all the contract artists who work on big blockbusters, is under constant surveillance by the studios to make sure footage doesn’t leak as it did in the X-Men Origins: Wolverine debacle. I immediately start mentally formulating the plot of a William Gibson-esque thriller.
Hopping on the Gold Line back into the city, I transfer to the subway, on my way to the Expo Line—the newest and arguably most-praised piece of L.A.’s odd rail network. It’s irritating that you have to pay for each transfer (bringing the cost of a three-line rail trip to about the same as a Lyft line ride) but otherwise I’m pretty impressed by how much smoother and cleaner L.A.’s trains are than aging East Coast systems. I feel slightly vindicated for my uncommon decision to take public transit when I look down out the window of the elevated train and see untold millions of cars sitting in seemingly endless gridlock. The opening I’m heading to (oddly, the sole art event I could find on a Friday evening) is at The Landing, a gallery about 16 miles Southwest from my starting point. Google Maps tells me the trip will take around an hour and a half by public transit. Not wanting to repeat my usual mistake of showing up too late for L.A.’s early-to-bed art scene, I plan to get there around 6 p.m.
(L-R) Ryan Fenchel, “Sidereal Procession, the Adept in Public”; Don Edler, “Chaise Lounge for Celeste and Unmonumental Table,” 2017 (with John Zane Zappas Ashtray); Gary Knox Bennett, “Pair of Eames Chairs Assemblage,” 1959.
By some strange magic of perfectly-timed transfers, I actually arrive to the opening early. For about half an hour I’m the only one in the gallery, and the staff are shocked that I beat rush hour traffic and found parking. I explain that I took the train, which has an elevated station nearly directly above the gallery.
“Wow. What’s that like? I didn’t know anyone used it!”’
I wouldn’t say the train was packed, but it was far from empty. The opening on the other hand, remains pretty dead for the majority of time I hang around, which is confusing because the show is great and they’ve laid out the most impressive buffet of snacks I have ever seen (another strike of good luck, since my opening/dinner buddy cancelled on me last minute).
Gabrielle Garland
The group show, The Useful and the Decorative, pays tribute to The Landing’s former identity as a design gallery. It’s a collection of art objects that allude to functional designwares from plates to furniture. It’s right up my alley, as I love both painterly surfaces and midcentury modernism—two things that are rarely conflated outside of nonrepresentational painting. Here, though, design classics such as Le Corbusier’s chaise lounge and the much-treasured Eames recliner populate endearingly wonky paintings of interiors by Gabrielle Garland. She’s cleverly balanced expressive brushwork with subjects iconic enough to be legible despite warped perspective. There are no figures in the paintings. Staring into each domestic space, I imagine this is what it must be like to take an ayahuasca trip in one of those immaculate California homes from the pages of Dwell. It occurs to me that’s probably not an uncommon occurrence.
Don Edler, “Anthropocentric Tablet and Chablet Tair,” 2017.
The other highlight of the show is Don Edler’s work, which “fossilizes” contemporary design objects on the verge of obsolescence in hydrocal—iPhones, calculators, credit cards, and so forth. One piece in particular, “Anthropocentric Tablet” reminds me of Michael Jones McKean’s recent dystopic anthropology museum at The Contemporary. In both installations, there’s a sense that the world as we know it will disappear, and our material culture will be a cryptic piece of archeology for another to interpret.
I take the train back Downtown and an old friend from Baltimore, Neale, picks me up at the end of the line to catch up. We’re sitting on his balcony in a particularly picturesque corner of Echo Park when I notice a friend from Berlin has checked in on Instagram a few blocks away. I message my friend, filmmaker Yony Leyser, and find out he’s in town touring his documentary Queercore: How to Punk a Revolution. He invites us to an event at the Tom of Finland Foundation nearby and we decide to walk over.
In the garden of the Tom of Finland house.
As I should’ve come to expect by now, the walk takes far longer than we anticipated and everyone’s already hopping in Ubers by the time we arrive. Tom of Finland’s former home strikes me as surprisingly cutesy (a sentence I never thought I would type). Neale explains, “Navigating L.A. by Google Maps always fucks me up because you zoom in and there are grids within grids and the blocks are huge. It’s like watching Powers of 10.” Despite its Bermuda-Triangle-like navigational challenges, Los Angeles constantly redeems itself with Eames references.
We’re given an address to a secret-ish warehouse venue downtown, where a mini-festival of queer erotic performance art and video screenings is taking place. As soon as we arrive, someone wins a door prize comprised of various dildos. A performer described as “a proudly non-binary artist who prefers to be identified by their LinkedIn profile” begins lip-synching to Alice DeeJay’s 1999 club hit “Better Off Alone” while presenting their anus.
Having spent my day criss-crossing vast distances, I am deliriously tired. We’re being steered to some chill-out installation apparently intended to re-center our sexual qis or realign our erotic chakras or cleanse our auras (or something with crystals?). I’m told there’s no alcohol and I realize I probably can’t get through whatever this is without it. Yony disappears on foot to find an open liquor store. We warn him that after midnight in L.A. is the equivalent of 4 A.M. in any other city, but he persists.
He rounds a dark corner and it’s the last we see of him.
Saturday 7/15
Bodega Vendetta
I wake up on Neale’s couch and walk another deceptively far, scorching hot “10 blocks” to a friend-of-a-friend’s apartment who is a curator. He shows me this drawing by Bodega Vendetta and never have I wished more that a work on paper was an animated GIF.
Over the course of hours, I receive multiple conflicting texts from friends encouraging me to attend different events that all begin around the same time many miles apart. An art magazine release party! An opening in Culver City! An opening an hour away in the opposite direction! A party at a collector’s house! A party at a gallerist’s house! Yony’s screening! A party that’s “the L.A. pop-up of Club Glam”! (I am told that saying something is “The L.A. pop-up of _____” lends it credence, even if it’s a thing that hasn’t actually existed anywhere else.) I think about all the weeknights I’ve spent looking for something (anything) to do here and realize L.A. has the most extreme case of problematic weekend-loading I have ever encountered.
Megan St. Clair “FIRST PLANT,” oil on wood. Houseplant art is alive and well at Co-Lab Gallery.
I settle on attending The Co-Lab Gallery’s closing party with Liz Eldridge because I have heard good things from several friends about the Highland Park institution. Many of my peers in Los Angeles have small but impressive art collections, and a big chunk of those works came from Co-Lab. The gallery functions more like a retail space than a traditional white cube model—it’s jam-packed with art hung salon-style, with tables full of ceramics and racks of prints and other artist-made knick-knacks. This is a display strategy that normally would drive me crazy, but here it works because so much of the art is actually good and the volume allows the gallery to keep prices accessible. There are a handful of paintings priced under $100 that I’m seriously tempted to buy, but remember that figure represents about one week’s worth of necessary Uber rides here. I’m slightly ashamed that I’ve allowed L.A. to add another step in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Anti-gentrification wheat pastes in front of The Co-Lab Gallery.
I’m introduced to gallerist Kristin Hector, who first opened the space in Koreatown seven years ago, but has been in Highland Park for the past three. I ask her why the gallery is closing, and she blurts out “It’s not gentrification backlash! Everyone always assumes that!” (As in many pockets of East L.A., art galleries such as Co-Lab and “hipster” businesses like coffee shops and yoga studios along York Boulevard are frequently targeted by anti-gentrification graffiti.)
She explains that she wants to move into a larger space and shift the focus of the practice. I ask her if the jam-packed hang is indicative of every show or just a “going-out-of-business” sale vibe.
“Oh this is what all of our group shows are like!” she explains, between shouting out unthinkably reasonable prices across the room, “I love so many different aesthetics. It’s fun to see different styles come together—this is a good example,” she gestures to a wall of paintings that alternate between provisional painting, expressionist figuration, and realism, “Always colorful! Always a little ridiculous, and sometimes dark but vibrant!”
Liz and our friend Brittney are enthusiastically flipping through a rack of prints and other works on paper, asking each other for advice. Since wall space is already at a premium in Liz’s sunny Craftsman bungalow, I suggest investing in one painting for the same price as several cheaper pieces. We move around the room, deliberating. We’re both drawn to Julian Tan’s small acrylic paintings on panel. Each is obsessively jam-packed with detail, describing chaotic domestic spaces. (Naturally, as in the Gabrielle Garland paintings from the night before, Eames chairs make cameos. I start to think that if all artists in L.A. have such comfortable and tasteful furniture, it makes sense people become homebodies when they move here from cramped East Coast apartments).
Julian Tan’s cryptically detailed acrylic on wood paintings.
Liz—ever the dramaturg—begins excitedly fabricating narratives for each mise-en-scène: “This is clearly a room of privilege; it’s a kid who doesn’t understand what he has! I feel like this is the teenage fantasy of someone who grows up to be in the alt-right,” gesturing to an interior full of swords, video games, and other boy toys. Then, “Wait, is he making meth in this one? Meth AND an Eames chair?”
The paintings are all hypnotically captivating, but one detail (other than the titular cinematic reference) draws me to “2001 IS ON, LET’S CHILL”. On the coffee table a copy of Haruki Murakami’s “1Q84” is described with a remarkable economy of tiny brush strokes. It’s one of my personal favorite books of the past few years, so I could spot its signature cover anywhere, but Tan’s ability to squeeze so much charmingly shaky detail into a few square millimeters is still impressive. Its inclusion also complicates the “bro-iness” of the other objects in the homes—one of the book’s main plot lines is in essence a feminist revenge tale.
Liz ends up purchasing the piece (and plenty of works on paper too) and we leave ecstatically talking about how good owning art feels. On the way out, we overhear that the gallery’s new reincarnation will actually be as an art rental facility for film sets in North Hollywood, close to Studio City and its endless sound stages. At first we’re disheartened to hear that—Co-Lab seems to have filled a niche position in the city wherein young creative types could actually afford to support their peers. I then remember Mel Chin’s collective GALA Committee, which infiltrated the set dressing of Melrose Place with conceptual artworks. Kristin Hector seems to have a penchant for curating works with sneaky details, and I’m optimistic Co-Lab’s next incarnation might carry that torch.
L.A., after all, owes its cultural gravitas to the intersections of art and spectacle, counterculture and schlock. Who knows what books might show up on the coffee tables of shitty sitcoms and soap operas in the years to come? As we dive ever deeper into this latest battle of the culture wars, tactics like that will only become more vital than the first time around.
Detail from Julian Tan’s “2001 IS ON, LET’S CHILL,” Acrylic on wood.
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“See you laters” are the worst.
I’m not talking about the kind when you go on a trip or won’t being seeing someone close to you for a short time. I mean the kind when you have to say “see you later” to someone you only get to spend a short time with every few (a.k.a. SHIT TONS OF) months. People in long distance relationships will know what I’m talking about, in fact that’s exactly what I’m talking about.
I use the term “see you later” rather than “good-bye” because in my mind good-bye is forever, see you later is more promising in the future. I’m sure many of you have seen things stating the same thing, I like to take it to heart.
Being a young army wife, our relationship started out pretty much like in the movies (or like you hear about all the in the military community). We started seeing each other seriously just a few weeks before he went to basic in fall of 2015. We already knew we were going to get married at the ages of 17 and 19. That was the first see you later. He lived a town over and since he would have to go through my hometown on his way to MEPS we decided him and I would drive the first 10 minutes (to have some last alone time) and his mom would follow and pick him up there, I couldn’t go with because I had to work. The moment he got out of one car and into the next will forever be imprinted in my memory. I remember thinking how terribly I was going to miss him, I remember crying my eyes out and watching them drive away, never breaking eye contact until they were out of sight. I remember thinking “the next 2 months can’t go by fast enough”, since he would be in basic through Christmas he was able to come home for a couple weeks. It’s funny now how 2 months really doesn’t seem as long as it did then. 8 weeks. 56 days. I remember thinking about how I knew I was going to have to get used to this in the future, and dear God was I right.
The second see you later was when he came home for Christmas during basic. I was so happy to see him and spend every waking moment with him, we had the time of our lives, we always do. At this point in time we were dead set on getting married after he was out of AIT but we hadn’t announced it yet so his mom wasn’t so happy that we were spending every night together, I was still just 17 and our families like to be “morally correct” like that. But of course we still spent the night together the entire time he was home and when he had to go back he was not taking that 3 hour drive to the airport without me by his side - which his mom wasn’t too happy about that either, so you can imagine how awkward the ride home was. I was able to help myself from crying at the airport when we kissed “see you later”, I think the awkwardness of the circumstance helped me from being overwhelmed at the time being. I thought “this won’t be so hard we’ve done it before and everything was fine, we can do it for another 2 months and then we will be able to talk to each other rather than writing letters! This is cake!”. It was far from that, in fact it was harder. He would tell me how much he missed home, even more than when he first went to basic, and all I wanted to do was give him a hug. It sucked.
My mother-in-law and I got to go see him graduate basics, that was a fun trip! We only got to see him for 2 days, so I don’t really count that as a “see you later”. I say that because I didn’t have the heart crushing feeling I had the other two times before. It’s like when you go on a vacation on the other side of the world, you have jet lag. It takes a few days to feel it, and then a week or two to get used to it. I was so ecstatic to see him, and since it was for such a short time it was like a really long dream. We didn’t have time for normalcy to set in. We spent those two days just staring at each other and smiling and just enjoying each other’s presence. Plus, he was going to AIT! He was finally going to have the luxury of having his cell-phone! I was more excited about that than sad about the fact we would have to go another 3 months states away form eachother.
Not too long after getting home from that is when I learned to make time go by literally as fast as I can. It was my senior year of high school (2nd semester) but I graduated a semester early so I could work and just do what ever I want, and that’s exactly what I did. I worked and took classes through the college to pass my time. I got a second job at the high school cafeteria (I thought it was pretty fun serving my classmates...bitches) for a few months, and I just tried as hard as possible to be doing something every waking moment. During this time apart we announce we were engaged! We just used Facebook, and then I decided I should probably tell my parents before they hear it from someone else. It was a fun time.
In April of that year (2016) my family went on a trip to San Fran to see one of my cousins get married. Just a week after I was going to go see my husband (at the time fiance) graduate AIT! But this time I went by myself. It was just a short trip, I was hoping to spend two days like we did last time, but instead I only got the one day - his graduation day. But I don’t regret going. It was a memory I’ll never forget and I am so proud to say I was there for my husband. So like the time I saw him before, we didn’t have time for normalcy to set in, so I felt like I was in a dream.... a really really amazing dream...
After I got back home I continued doing the same things I was doing before my trips up until May. My husband was still at Fort Lee where he went to AIT, even though he had graduated already it wasn’t time for him to leave because of orders. In May I still walked across the stage with my graduating class like normal, I was really hoping he would be able to make in for that! But he ‘still wasn’t able to leave’. Well, I had a feeling That he was going to surprise me and sure thing he did! This was another moment in my life that I will forever remember. We were all walking out of the gymn while the procession (I think thats what it’s called) was playing and as soon as I got through the door and was about to turn down the hall I saw my amazing man standing right there! Best. Moment. Ever. He was home for 2 weeks and in that two weeks we got married and just had shit loads of fun. As always.
But the thing that sucked about it - we would have to say “see you later” again. A-FUCKING-GAIN. He found out when he was in AIT that he was getting stationed in South Korea. Originally we were like “damn that sucks because we can’t be together for a whole fucking year still” then we were like “oh wait we can probably be together families move here all the time” then we were like “fuck he got put on a small base with no housing in a random Korean city, maybe we can get an apartment off base and be together”, well by the time we kinda got things figured out it had been like 4 months so we just thought “fuck it”. This “see you later” was one of the worst ones. Probably because it was more recent and honestly they just keep getting worse. Can you tell I’m getting angry now? Because he was home this time for 2 weeks like in basic, but we had been together much longer now and we were married now! AND I WAS ALREADY SO TIRED OF NOT BEING WITH HIM. We thought after AIT we would finally be able to BE together! It sucked. Like always. Normalcy set in when he was home for that 2 weeks, and honestly it makes saying “see you later” even more difficult.
By this time, after he got to Korea, I was still trying to make time go by as fast as possible. I loaded up on classes, was no longer working at the highschool so I tried finding another second job - not with much luck as they didn’t fit well with my schedule. I found one but only stayed there for 2 weeks, working as a dairy department stocker at a grocery store. Fucking hated it. I pretty much hated everything by this point in time. Didn’t know when I would see my husband next, unless it would be in a year, then I knew, but that fact made me even more sad.
Luckily he was able to come home about 4 months (give or take) of him being in Korea.He came back for one of his cousin’s wedding. It was amazing having him home again. Of course I couldn’t help but think about how he was going to leave in 2 weeks from then. Then 1 week. Then 4 days. Then tomorrow. Then I’m driving home by myself after dropping him off at the airport. It was a depressing image in my mind and it was depressing when it actually happened. I tried not to think about it when he was home for those two weeks because I found myself being bitter and sad, and that was not the way I wanted to be when my husband was home for only 2 weeks every 3-4 months. I think this was the worst see you later out of all of them. In fact it is the last one so far. I was devastated. I didn’t want to go 7 months with out seeing my husband. That was just too much for me. I could do 4. But not 7.
Well, I decided I was going to visit him. I was terrified of going by myself so I found a friend to come with! We spent a few months planning it, I decided on February because that would be about halfway between the time he went back from leave and the time he would be done there. That way I wouldn’t have to go more than 4 months with out seeing my husband. It made me feel better. I continued working and doing classes, I even decided to get my own rental house while I was waiting for him to come back to the states! It didn’t last long. My roommates were pretty much the shittiest roommates ever with out actually ruining any of my stuff or being dicks. I partied a lot that 1 month I was there. And by party I mean get drunk and then get upset because I missed my husband and then go to bed. Fun. Times.
So I moved back in with my mom and it was almost time for my trip to see my husband! My friend and I took the train to Chicago (it was cheapest to fly out of O’hare.. like way fucking cheaper). We got to the airport and it turns out my friend couldn’t come with. He only had a card passport. Couldn’t use it. It was no good. Fuck. So I went by myself! Stayed a night in China because my connecting flight was the next day - terrifying. It was terrifying because I’m cheap and got the cheapest hotel and it was sketch. But I survived and made it to Korea! My husband met me at the airport and we had an amazing time! (Do you see the pattern here?). I couldn’t help myself from thinking about when we will have to say “see you later” again, but I didn’t let it interfere with enjoying being with my husband. I made the trip so I would be in Korea for about two weeks. The glorious but deadly two weeks: long enough to fully enjoy eachother and have the time of our lives, and also long enough for normalcy to set in. You know what is coming now. But the question is: Is it going to be as terrible as the other times, going weeks feeling lonely and sad and crying just trying to keep myself busy, or will I be able to go back to normal? Will this next 3 months of my husband being out of the states go by fast and will we REALLY FINALLY be able to be together after this long ass year?! - I know we will but it just feels like it is inevitable. But I know it’s real. I don’t to be sad and depressed like I usually am after saying “see you later” but I can never help it. And everytime before this seems like it got worse. Will this time be like that too? I think this to myself as I sit here in my hotel in South Korea waiting for my husband to get off work and come see me so we can have our last time together before I go to the airport tomorrow morning. I don’t want to leave him. I just want to live with him and be with him with out knowing when we have to say our “see you laters”. GOD
P.S. I don’t regret marrying the man I love who is in the military. And I am not mad at him nor the military, I am so so thankful. I just wanted to vent how I feel about missing him. And if you took this post to think I am angry at someone, no, I’m not, I’m just putting my feelings out there.
P.P.S. (or is it P.S.S.???) I also wonder every now and then what it would be like to actually have an army wife friend like me - since I haven’t really been acquainted with this life yet I just don’t know. Does anyone else feel like this? I feel stupid about this but i guess that’s the good thing about not putting my identity out there.
Bye.
EDIT: Also I am very thankful that I was able to visit my husband where he was rather than him being on a true deployment. It’s gonna suck when that happens.
Ok. Bye for good.
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