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clearkneemomjeans · 2 years

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#tw: sui #look yall #at this point #it keeps getting worse #like #every day the news is worse and worse #i think i might just give in at this point #like sorry this whole account is me being like wah wah im so sad for the past idk forever #but i am quite literally alone and have no one to talk to #no one who would understand #and could actually do something besides listen #not saying listening isn't helpful ofc #i just can't do this anymore #and i damn sure cant be here another 2 years #also in terms of professional help its so bad that i would get sent to state #and i cannot afford that and also would rather die #state hospitals are the worst #like im crying #because im all out of options #i keep waking up every day regretting not going through with it the day before #i am so sorry for bitching once again

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sciderman · 5 days

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i opened tumblr during lunch and the first thing i saw was peter parker britney spears. two of my friends stared at my phone and audibly went “oh” thank you for the blessing

i've had so many people tell me "sci. the only thing i know about you is spider-man and britney spears". and i think that's all there is. you're welcome.

#sci speaks #sighs. i miss my old workplace. those guys were so fun. i miss playing britney in the office all day every day.#i was myself. so unapologetically. sighs. siiiighs.#this new job is killing me. i need to find a way to be more aggressively myself but i don't have the energy.#the job exhausts me so much. or maybe it's my biology that's doing it.#whatever it is something is fucking WRONG !!#i think working in a big company you kind of have to lose yourself a little. just because there are so many people.#like you don't know those people. you just don't know all those people. you could never hope to know all those people.#but in my old place i knew everyone and they knew ME! knew all my sexy nonsense. it felt like home. kick off my shoes.#sighs. what do you do sci. what do you do.#i don't think if i moved company it would help. it might get worse.

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thebaconspider · 9 months

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oh... wilfre...

#drawn to life #wilfre #fanart #bacon doodles #we're gonna do that thing where if i don't point out all the obvious flaws that even an idiot would notice then #nobody will notice the flaws #also. this is sorta based off of a digital painting i did a year ago #of course the year old drawing is better than the new one #because despite me doing art almost every day i have managed to not only plateau but actively get worse #pixel art

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erika-xero · 5 months

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y'all just don't realise the power of being able to hide your likes. some of you never lived in a country where you can get jailed for leaving a like on a post and it shows ____ UPD: you now can also get jailed for an artwork randomly popping out on your dash

#bad jokes are my coping mechanism #the other one is my hyperfixation on dunmer men #i have got some terrible news for my russian mutuals #it got worse #every day i pray so that you never know how it feels #being able to hide your likes is among the reasons why I love tumblr so much #twitter is not a safe space for me #i am in misery

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reinedeslys-central · 9 days

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more!! again!! for the nico after blood of olympus fic!! actually I thought of this while writing the last one but I just finished it.

His elbows buckle and he lets himself fall into Will, snorting at his theatrical groan under the weight. They lay there for a second until Will shoves him gently, and Nico lets him manoeuvre them into a more comfortable position.

"Hi," he whispers, moving a curl away from his cheek. The greenish tint of the loft window casts a weird shadow over Will's face.

"Hey yourself," Will murmurs back, winking.

Nico rolls his eyes. "You look like Apollo when you do that. Please stop." Will squawks in protest.

"I do not! Also, since when do you remember what Apollo looks like? Actually, no, don't answer that, you can't bring up my dad while we're in bed, Nico, why would you do this to me?"

Now it's Nico's turn to sputter and whack Will in the chest - getting another dramatic oof and a laugh in return - before turning around to face Hazel's bed. He's not sure when he'll ever be able to sleep facing the wall. Will can't do it either.

As Will's arms curl around his waist and draw him back against him, just like they did back in the infirmary that one day, he thinks maybe he'd be okay trying that with him sometime. One day, in a house with gates, no longer wary of monsters.

Will noses the back of his neck, causing him to twitch. "What is it?"

Will's answering smile presses through the rough cotton of his t-shirt. "Nothing, sunshine."

Nico frowns under the covers. "Hey, what do you think of houses with gates?" He whispers.

"Gates? Well, it'd be safer, I guess, but we'd lose the neighbours coming over -"

"As if you want to see random people at the door anyway. What if they're monsters?"

"Oh, come on, darlin', I'm from Austin. Of course I gotta keep space for the neighbours to come knocking."

"…Fences? Actually, hey, why'd you assume I was talking about us? Obviously - Obviously I was talking about random. Random houses. For architecture reasons."

Will muffles his laugh into the back of his neck, again. "Oh, my bad. And I'm only here because you ripped a stitch on the lava wall yesterday."

Nico feels his ears warm.

"Shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

"..Still."

Will reels him in closer until his back hits his chest and he can press a soft peck to Nico's still-red ears. "I think a fence is a great idea, by the way. We could ask Hazel for help with some ward stones too, like you have in the cabin. Gotta make sure we've got at least one window and standing space in every direction, though, or at least in the east, because you know my dad would sulk if he didn't get to scream me awake in the morning."

Nico's blush gets worse.

"Now who's talking about your dad in bed?" He gives up on pretending. Will sees him through every time, anyway. "Also, shrines, obviously, and we need a spot to stargaze."

"Yeah, shrines, obviously. Maybe just yours, mine, and Lady Hestia's though, or else everyone else is gonna get pissy."

Nico barks out a laugh like it's shocked out of him. "Pissy? Don't let them hear you say that."

Will holds him tighter and settles against the pillows. "Sure thing, sunshine. Now can we sleep?"

"Yeah, yeah."

It's not long after that that Will's breath evens out behind him, his muscles untensing. Nico knows he's got a few minutes yet, so he thinks.

Today was…. good.

Today was nice. Normal, even. Just a day of camp schedules, working in the infirmary, an admittedly short campfire, and this. No monsters, and no mistakes. No deaths, but..

Unbidden, the moments in the infirmary come to mind. He thinks of helping Will scrub in for his one surgery of the day, a kid that had gotten parts of an arrow stuck in their leg a week ago and hadn't noticed til yesterday. He thinks of yesterday during capture-the-flag, stepping in and desperately trying to copy what he'd watched Will do, because Lydia was hanging crooked from a tree and there was no one else around but him-

He thinks of Patroclus tying the straps of Achilles' armour, watching his lover sleep peacefully. He thinks of what Connor had told him about at the campfire weeks ago, of Silena Beauregard taking on a drakon when Clarisse declared the Ares Cabin wouldn't be fighting.

He thinks he might understand.

Lydia wasn't the same (thank the gods), but if there was something to be done that only Will could do right, yet couldn't, and the only way Nico could take up his mantle would be to die trying - then, yeah. He'd do whatever it would take for these kids. To do what Will would do. He's gone to Tartarus already, hasn't he? At worst, he'd try his best and greet his father early if he failed to survive. Nico could even give Charon a tip on the way in for the hell of it, why not?

If there is a luxury that comes from being a child of Hades, after all, it is that dying is not the thing that scares him.

There's a brazier still lit outside the window. Its glow falls in slits across their bed.

Will grumbles, pushing his feet forward until their ankles are wound together. The sheets shift.

Nico smiles into the dark, into the chirping of crickets and the soft glow of the fireflies out the window, and falls asleep.

more for this fic:

scene 0 - prologue-ish scene 1 - the library of social awkwardness or here (or in my heart, 'kidney function is not a right, it's a privilege' lol)

general writing directory

also lmk if you want more lore. I am so down to talk about this fic + the worldbuilding ideas I have for it in the notes it is unreal

#writing process #nico di angelo trying to make friends #when the characters start doing their own thing and you're just along for the ride #would y'all help me choose a fic title if I asked?#will solace #toying with a chb fic about nico and grief and what three days in the infirmary actually looks like #plus my healthy nico agenda and a healthy dose of solangelo obv #nico di angelo #riordanverse #pjo fic #worldbuilding my beloved #they're teenagers your honour #I loved writing this scene TT #maybe a timeskip idk #solangelo #solangelo fic #pjo #hmmmmMMMMMMM you tell me which cabin lydia is from #she's like less than 14 #lydia morrin is a young sweet spunky child that thinks she's a genius (like we all did) with a companion lack-of-confidence a mile wide #gotta say i am LOVING this new writing technique i am trying out with just writing scenes as I go #and creating this story trail I can actually trace and work with bc i have smth on the page now #like just from this I already have three more scenes I could write and I love it #thw you're writing and the sentences sounds a bit off grammatically but every other option you can see is so much worse

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lornasaurusrex · 1 month

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I miss you Lorna… this is such a mess

This is an old message and I had several other similar messages, but I miss you guys and hope you’re all doing well!! I’m sorry to see nothing has improved.

I saw I was kindly mentioned by @awesomefringey and some other commenters the other day, so just wanted to log in and say hello and log back out for a few more months. 💕

Sending so so much love to all of you. Take care of yourselves and each other, please.

The video is still on YT.

#Anywayyyyy #The fandom added a whole lot more C to my C-PTSD #So a nice random message every few months instead of a freshly posted death wish is LOVELY.#Don’t fret. On meds and therapied but fresh tf out of money from it so @ L and H… lornasaurusrexx at g*ail is the PayPal if ur bored 🙃#I hate to be like this but protect your hearts. They’ll never be able to look out for you guys and they feed these trolls ammo for snacks #and it seems to have only gotten worse. Gotta keep them hets hetbaited for their money whilst actively encouraging them to bully yall? Why?#STILL!? At this point it feels like they’ve both chosen that path deliberately now and I find it quite gross. but I’m also very far removed #So don’t worry about my opinions. Keep trusting your own intuition!!! You all see it. I love you guys and your beautiful hearts and empathy #But I hope they can sleep at night knowing the absolute fucking genuine WRECKAGE they left across the Big Gay War generation/era of Larries #Don’t worry guys I’m just as dramatic as ever. None of this has anything to do with them coming out or anything. Just how we were treated.#But trust I fuckin mean that shit from the deepest darkest pit of my Demon Larrie™️ heart. They encouraged this. 🤷🏼‍♀️#Anyone who cares about my actual life updates: I’m a school nurse now and will be working at a bougie summer camp over break #Had a surgery I needed. Got new tattoos and piercings. In a happy and healthy relationship with the best dude for almost a year now.#OH and I went to New Zealand last year with Prettytruthsandlies!!!! We made a pact back in our Big Gay War/college days to go. And we DID!!#I got overstimulated and overfed and puked in Hobbiton. 🤣 (It was the best time of my LIFE GENUINELY🥰🥰🥰🥰🥹🥹🥹)#Okay BYE LOVE YOU GUYS #There are better and more humane ways to maintain a closet ..like literally STFU entirely. Ignoring it and not exploiting a kid is FREE #🇵🇸

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k0sch-31 · 6 months

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I know a lot hasn’t been released about it but it sounds like they’re rebranding dr who or something. Like something about nuwho is over now. What does that even mean and why is RTD tryna push it. It was acceptable to have a reboot in 2005 and restart the series count bc it had been 16yrs since dr who was on air. But it’s just so random that they’re tryna reboot it now like sure the ratings were down but it’s not like it went off air. Also calling series 14 season 1 is just so unnecessarily confusing, and although it may make it seem easier for new fans to get into the show, because you know they’re starting at season 1. But it’s actually just gonna be more confusing for new fans because now they 3 season 1’s to deal with, and three specials that follow on from 4th series of the 1st reboot (2nd version?) of dr who. I mean I’m struggling to understand it now and I’ve been a fan for over a decade, how’s it going to be better for new fans if that’s even the reason they’re doing this.

Reading from this article btw

#doctor who #somebody help #what is going on #every bit of news I hear abt dr who somehow makes my day worse

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granlance · 2 years

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AKT 08: Ballettschuhe

"I'm Rue. No one else. I've always been...and I always will be"

Legends are brought back to life, roles are taken or rejected and Rue is left with nothing but doubt

A soul that was finally opening to a newfound kindness falls apart.

A pair of black shoes wait to be worn along the cries of crows 🕸

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 10 months

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okay i was gonna make a post about how migraines feel like taking constant minecraft damage except your health bar is infinite, BUT UH. @staff WHY IS MY DESKTOP DASH COMPLETELY FUCKING REARRANGED. PUT IT BACK THIS SUCKS

#EXCUSE ME??? EXCUSE ME!!!! THIS IS HORRIBLE!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!#ITS LITERALLY BORDERLINE UNUSABLE WHY IS EVERYTHING MOVED AROUND?#AND ITS CLUTTERED AS FUCK?#like im not claustrophobic BUT THIS NEW LAYOUT IS MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I AM #i hate this!!! i hate it!!!!#usually updates are like 'well we moved some of your furniture while you werent looking'#and like yeah its disorienting #BUT WITH THIS ONE THEY REBUILT THE ENTIRE FUCKING HOUSE WHILE I WAS PASSED OUT #THIS IS NOT MY HOME WTF #the desktop dash was so nice! it was spread out! it was simple!#it felt cozy and welcoming!#THIS DASH WANTS ME GONE #tumblr update #absolutely unprompted #every day tumblr starts sliding towards the reason i completely quit instagram #which used to be my main site #that reason: cluttering #too much stuff in my face all the time #why does this site keep making Worse and Worse changes like leave it alone!!!!#cosmetically its fine!!! if its not broke dont fix it!#everyday i wake up and theres fuckin Something. damn #i hate this i hate this i hate this #PUT IT BACK. PLEASE!#maybe im overreacting but im genuinely so unsettled and disheartened by this #now i gotta fucking relearn the entire dash and get used to this squished n squeezed n cluttered Bullshit #tumblr: we want to welcome the new people!#tumblr: *starts alienating their (loyal) main/og userbase*#why.... just Why.... there is no good reason for this....

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suburbanlegnd · 8 months

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trying to like/reblog a post from a blog that has you blocked is so fucking funny lmao. like how could YOU block ME? Unbelievable, shameful even.

#i can hit the like button ten times and wonder wtf is wrong with tumblr and then be like 'OH RIGHT HEY RANDOM HATER'#every day i find a new blog that has me blocked lmao #but like why? what did i do?#i guess it's because im a swiftie 💔#my reputation's never been worse 😔#BUT JOKES ON YOU BITCH #I CAN REBLOG YOUR POST TO ONE OF MY SIDEBLOGS CHECK MATE BITCH #rambles

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be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie · 11 months

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I've been complaining a lot lately about people not having enough media literacy but seeing some of ya'll's takes on this banger new season of Black Mirror has me wondering if you guys have... too much media literacy.

#it goes full circle lol #if i see one more it was boring and predictable post #i saw someone say true crime junkies will love loch henry #oh the episode?? criticizing true crime as a concept??#will they love it film bro steven??#film bro jonathan?#film bro chad?#what episodes of black mirror dO you all like #is it just white christmas #they really upped the game from last season this shit was good!#every single episode was good #aLSO MY GOD WITH THE THERE WAS NO TECH THING #each episode involved tech it just wasn't always new #sometimes it was our tech today creating a scary concept #is that not worse somehow?#i think it's worse i like it #i also think i'm gonna fight tooth and nail for the werewolf as a metaphor in mazey day #i love the supernatural as a metaphor and i think this take was super interesting #i would've loved more hints beforehand tho #black mirror #black mirror spoilers #melissa og #melissa on black mirror

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chrollohearttags · 6 months

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cw//menstrual, pms, etc…

looked up what the best way was to get rid of cramps and I don’t know what I was expecting but I was not expecting..THAT ☠️

#yes it is exactly what you think it is #learn sum new every day 😭🌚#cherry chats 🍒#maybe I’m just dumb idk #but I would’ve thought it would’ve made it hurt worse #cw menstruation

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mossy-rot · 4 months

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reading about autistic meltdowns is crazy. in retrospect maybe that time i ended up sobbing self isolating and lashing out at people because I couldn't figure out how to set up my laptop the same way it had been before might've been because of The Autism

#i cannot deal with changes to things I deal with regularly #i need to have my phone and comp exactly the same lest I Suffer bc i use them every day #also perhaps i would get so upset over my mom cleaning my room (although being a nice gesture) is because she would move shit to places-#i didn't know and messed up the system i had #also fuckin. executive dysfunction. that's some shit isn't it #i had to move to a new desk early in my job to run a different room and the desk setup was different and I Was Struggling A Bit #also people trying to calm me down during meltdowns is significantly worse and i read a bit that was like.#'trying to interject into the meltdown may cause additional sensory overload. it's most safe to let the person self-regulate.' well shit #that's about right huh #autistic burnout also seemed very familiar and its a little disturbing just how close everything hits #anyways im probably autistic. good night #mossy's rambles #text post #luci's rambles #autism #neurodivergent #autistic things #autistic adult #autistic experiences #if anyone would like to add to the pile and tell me im autistic feel free ig. ive already been peer reviewed

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starbornsoulrider · 5 months

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SoD, god rest its soul, prepared me for almost any and all kind of MMO bullshittery

#every complaint i see abt SSO these days 99% percent of the time im like #oh yeah lol SoD had that too but 10x worse lmao #not that people SHOULDN'T be addressing the problems with SSO or any other MMO #but like. with this new stuff rising up w/ ppl being like with 'SSO'S STORY IS SOOOOO BAD'#i've been over here with a pen and paper ready to fix plotholes since i started playing like 'ah shit. here we go again'#a while back i saw a video thumbnail of an SoD review calling it the WORST MMO EVER???? (before it sunsetted)#and me- avid SoD fan- was like #lol yeah probably #shut up wren #my art #sso #star stable online #star stable

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da-proti-toku-grem · 4 months

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venting in the tags again bc i'm literally shaking right now wtf

#god i hate it so much #my exams start on monday and i'm not even halfway through everything i need to know for my first exam #i've had all the holidays to study but i just can't concentrate on anything #i've been in my room all day every day (except the days i spent w family like christmas and new year ofc)#and seemingly i'm studying all day #my family thinks i spend all day studying #but the only thing i'm capable of doing most of the time is stare at the things i have to do w/o having any idea of wtf i'm doing #my brain won't shut tf up and telling me stuff that i know are not true #but i just can't #i feel like i've been having an anxiety attack non stop since this monday #not very bad most of the time but it doesn't really stop yk?#and i feel like i have a weight on my chest that i can't really take off #i've been going to therapy and we've come to the conclusion that the cause of my anxiety overall are my studies #(not counting my social anxiety that's been getting worse every day to the point that i don't even want to go out with my best friends)#which doesn't really surprise me but it's just Too Much #i just want to drop everything but since idk what i'd do if i quit this career i chose to do my exams #bc maybe they are useful if i do change my path #but i just can't find it in me to focus and study because my mind is racing all the time #i just want to lie down and cry but i don't even have the strength to do that #i just feel so weak and miserable ever since i started uni and every day it gets worse and worse #my mind just screams at me saying #'stop complaining all the time. no one cares. everyone goes through stuff like that. you're no different. stfu and study like everyone does'#and i know i could do it if i tried but i just can't #why tf is it so difficult to be normal and do what i'm supposed to do for once ffs....#venting #maca speaks

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skrunksthatwunk · 26 days

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why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.

#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance #i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines #and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone'#gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK #i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it #in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day #and it's still not done. GUHH #I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE.#MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING #THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head #going to work on it some more. fuckk #the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal #themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it #sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time.#i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l #go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow #so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff #i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum)#eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit)#i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh #why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)

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