#evadingmytaxes
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hello lovely!!! blake keeps recommending ur blog and i have to say,,, i really love your writing!!! I just wanted to ask if you would write a fluffy joe fic?? bc i love my little dino boy. 🥰🥰🥰
hi there @evadingmytaxes!! thanks so much! (and isn’t blake just the sweetest? 🥰)
sorry this has taken me a while to get to. in the end, i decided to post an extract from a best friends-to-lovers joe x reader fic that will most likely never see the light of day bc i can’t seem to finish writing it. the summary of the fic (for context) is as follows:
you and joe have been best friends since your first night at college. but now you’re both nearing thirty, you both have partners, and all of your friends seem to be terrifyingly interested in settling down and being proper adults, much to your quiet horror. then, one night, joe calls you in a fit to tell you that he’s just discovered his girlfriend of two years has been cheating on him. the wake of their destroyed relationship has left two tickets to a fortnight-long cruise. so, unable to get the deposit back, joe asks you along instead.
and, for further context, the scene itself is set a few days into the cruise. reader and joe have had to share a bed (a couple’s room had been booked), but they’re having a fun time hanging out together. they’ve just come back to their room after a fun night of dancing and getting drunk. it’s about 1.2k words.
You wonder if the ship has sunk – the world around you seems to be swimming so badly, maybe you’re just underwater.
“Hey,” Joe says from beside you.
“Mm?” you mumble.
“What would happen if a zombie apocalypse broke out right now?”
You roll your head over to him. “A what now?”
“Zombie apocalypse.” Joe looks to you. Were his eyes always that pretty? “If someone on this ship was infected, and starting biting people, what do you think would happen?”
You frown, trying to think through the fog in your head. “I dunno,” you say. “There’s too many variables. Like – what kind of zombies? Walking Dead zombies, or World War Z zombies?”
“Walking Dead.”
“Would people know a zombie if they saw it?”
“No, not at first.”
“Well, we’d probably have a bit of time.” You scratch your nose. “Walking Dead zombies can take a couple hours to turn, and they’re slow. Just push ’em overboard.”
“But there’s so many people on this ship,” Joe says. “You’d get overwhelmed.”
“Not everyone would be infected at once,” you argue. “As soon as the problem is discovered, push all the zombies overboard. Including people who’ve been bitten but haven’t turned yet.”
“What, while they’re still alive?” Joe says, his voice pitching up in surprise.
“Kill ’em first. Then bye-bye.”
Joe pouts and squints as he thinks. You almost reach out to smooth his brow with your fingers, but you stop yourself. “It’s doubtful that everyone who’s been bitten would step forward.”
“Then we’ll just keep up the process until all problems are eradicated.” You yawn. “Easy as pie.”
Joe snorts. “You seem to have thought this through.”
“It just makes sense, my dude. Besides, you asked.”
Joe turns onto his side to face you more fully. “What if I was bit? Would you be so blasé about it?”
You look up to the ceiling. “I…” You scowl at him. “That’s a dumb question.”
“Would you push me overboard while I was still alive?”
“You’re fishing.”
Joe gapes, defensive. “I’m not fishing!”
“You are,” you say. “You want me to say that I’d break down and cry, and that I’d risk it all to try to somehow cure you.”
“I’m not,” Joe insists.
“Good,” you say. “Because I wouldn’t do any of that.”
Joe’s face sinks a little. “Yeah. I mean, makes sense. Overboard I go.”
“No,” I say. “I mean, yeah, but I’d go overboard with you. If you got bit, I’d get myself bit, then we’d hold hands and yeet ourselves into the ocean and get eaten by sharks.” You gasp, your eyes going wide. “Zombie sharks.”
Joe laughs.
You open and close your mouth a few times. “Oh, man, what if we caused the end of the ocean as we know it? Zombie sealife.”
“I wouldn’t want you to,” Joe says suddenly. “Get bit if I got bit.”
“Well, yeah, if I got bit, I wouldn’t want you to get bit, either,” you say simply, looking to him. “But if you did get bit, I’d get myself bit before you could stop me. Because what would be the point of battling through the zombie apocalypse without you there with me?”
Joe’s face softens into something that makes your heart squeeze tight, and you clear your throat, looking back to the ceiling. It’s too much. He shouldn’t be looking at you like that. You shouldn’t want him to.
“But we’d survive, anyway,” you add hastily. “We got street smarts. We know what’s up. We’d know a zombie if we saw one.”
“It’d just be the two of us, commandeering a cruise ship full of hundreds of zombies,” Joe says. “We’d have to find a boat to rescue us, and then set fire to this cruise ship.”
“Oh, yeah, that’d be awesome,” you say fervently, nodding. “Burning zombie cruise ship.”
“Then we’d make it back to land, only to find that it’s all been destroyed. We thought the virus was contained on this ship, but we were wrong.”
“Oh, fuck,” you say with a laugh. “Dude, we gotta write this. This is like some Planet of the Apes-type shit. We’re onto something here.”
“We’re sitting on a fuckin’ goldmine,” Joe agrees.
“We’d make it back to land, and we’d find a ragtime team of survivors,” you continue.
“But we wouldn’t know who we can trust,” Joe says. “Everyone suspects the old man with the eye patch, but then one day I wake up in the middle of the night to find the college student slicing open the throat of one of our teammates.”
Your mouth opens wide. “Oh, shit,” you breathe. “And then you have to kill the student, and everyone thinks that you’re the murderer.”
Joe sits up sharply. “And you’re the only one that believes me. Wait, no, you don’t know if you believe me, because I’ve done some scary shit that you never would’ve thought I’m capable of, and you feel like you don’t know me as well as you thought you did.”
You sit up too. “But I back you up anyway,” you say, “for the sake of the man that I once knew, even if the man before me now is the same, but completely different. And we have to escape because the others are coming for us, and then it’s just the two of us, on the run from zombies and people. And then we get married.”
Joe pulls up short. “Married?”
“Yeah, duh,” you say. “Apocalypse married. You’ll be my apocalypse husband and I’ll be your apocalypse wife. All the best apocalypse TV shows have people getting married at some point. But we don’t have any rings, until we find some on some zombies we kill.”
Joe laughs, his eyes crinkling. “Apocalypse married,” he repeats. He looks to you sharply. “Wait.” He scrambles off the bed, almost falling on his face, and he gets down on one knee, miming opening a ring box. “Will you apocalypse marry me? Make me the happiest apocalypse husband in the world? Well, what’s left of it?”
You gasp, your hands flying to cover your mouth. “Yes, a thousand times yes!” you cry. You crawl over and stick out your left hand, and Joe slides an imaginary ring onto your ring finger, then tackles you in a hug onto the bed.
You squeal and giggle, clutching onto him, tucking your nose into his neck, and his arms are wrapped around you. You roll, so you’re lying on top of him.
“You’re crushing me,” Joe wheezes.
“This is how I kill you in the end,” you declare darkly, muttering into his skin. “You think I’m going for a hug, but I crush you. I can’t take it anymore, so I kill you and then let zombies tear me apart because I’m wracked with guilt and despair.”
Joe manages a laugh. “We’re not in the apocalypse yet, dumbass. Get off me.”
You let him breathe, shuffling back a bit, but you keep one arm around his stomach, resting your head on his chest. Joe’s arm comes to rest on your shoulders. You close your eyes, just feeling the way his chest moves as he breathes, listening to his heartbeat. His heart is beating fairly quickly, but you put it down to the fact that you just about suffocated him.
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masterlist
who do i write for? i write for roger, brian, and john; i write for joe, gwilym, ben, and lucy. unfortunately, i don’t write for pd roger, brian, or john. i prefer not to write 90s, either, but if someone were to request a 90s-specific ask, then i’ll consider it.
do i have a tag list? no, i’m afraid not. it’s just too much hassle for me, sorry!
please note: i’m very wary of underage readers, so if you send me a request on anon, i can’t confirm your age, so i won’t write smut. of course feel free to send requests on anon, but if it’s a smutty request i’ll reply with a non-smutty response.
-one shots-
Roger
Debut || 17.7k. explicit (18+ only) with some fluff. age gap (reader is 20; roger is 36). modern day au. reader sells her virginity to roger, a single dad and recent divorcee, but he doesn’t know it until she turns up at his house.
Swansong || 5.8k. angst. sequel to ‘debut’. sixteen years have passed since reader and roger dated and subsequently broke up. she runs into roger at a christmas party. could a spark still be there between them, after all this time?
Brian
Tie Your Hair Back, Baby || 8.5k. explicit (18+ only). friends to lovers. college au. reader has a crush on brian, and she finds out that he likes her, too.
Nothing Special || 2.5k. fluff. it’s reader’s birthday, and she said she doesn’t want to do or get anything special, but her boyfriend brian is a hopeless romantic.
Him || 3.2k. fluff. reader is miserable, and their crush, brian, comes over to comfort them.
John
Morning Babe || 1k. fluff and smut (18+ only). sub!john. john wakes reader up with a cup of coffee and some thoughts on his mind.
In the Wings || 4.1k. smut (18+). rock montreal concert. reader is a roadie whose side job is to blow john during roger’s and brian’s back-to-back solos during the game tour.
Ben
Hot like a Sunrise || 1.7k. fluff. it’s the first time reader sleeps over at ben’s since starting their relationship. she quickly finds out that sleeping next to him is like sleeping next to a furnace. or the literal sun.
Joe
Date Night || 3.3k. fluff and smut (18+ only). joe’s the cute guy who works at a nearby coffee shop, and he asks reader out on a date for valentine’s day.
Come On So Heavy || 3.8k. smut (18+ only). you like your friend joe. long story short, turns out he does like you back, and you fuck in the disabled bathroom in a club, drunk out of your minds.
Lucy
Starbright || 1k. fluff. lucy is your girlfriend and you’re so in love with her.
-blurbs/requests-
Roger
requested by anon || 1.5k. fluff and angst, with a bit of spice at the end. age gap (reader is 24; roger is 38). could i request a 80s roger x young reader? where he's insecure about his abilities in bed because he's getting old and you're so young and he's scared that you would eventually leave him?
requested by anon || 210 words. some implied sexual content. from the ‘debut’ ’verse. would you mind writing a blurb for the debut verse where rog introduces her to toys?
John
requested by anon || 1.3k. fluff. can you write something about sub!john? literally anything
Ben
requested by brianprobablywill || 640 words. fluff. from the ‘hot like a sunrise’ ’verse. would you, please, imagine furnace!ben purposefully trapping you in his hoodie WITH him because he knows you're going to sweat your soul out of your body but it's really cute?
requested by mercurysrhapsody || 875 words. fluff. Omg would you be willing to write something fluffy about ben being a first time dad?? Maybe with a little boy??
requested by redspecialty || 800 words. fluff. may I ask for a short lil blurb about Christmas morning with Ben??
Joe
requested by evadingmytaxes || 1.2k words. fluff. I just wanted to ask if you would write a fluffy joe fic??
-series-
Try
Brian and Roger
modern day au, college au. fwb. fem!reader. the fics are posted in chronological order below.
The Old College Try || 6.9k. brian. explicit (18+ only). daddy kink. brian is reader’s friend-with-benefits, and they accidentally discover that he has a daddy kink.
Chill Night || 1.4k. platonic fluff, with all the boys. brian doesn’t feel like having a raunchy night, and reader is more than happy to just hang out with the boys at their flat.
Ask Nicely || 18.8k. roger, with some brian sprinkled throughout. explicit (18+ only). daddy kink. roger finds out that reader is not only sleeping with his housemate brian on the regular, but that she likes to call him daddy. roger’s teasing is relentless. but maybe it’s just because he’s jealous. guess it’s time to find out.
Deep End || 6.8k. roger. explicit (18+ only). sub!roger. reader agrees to start a friends-with-benefits arrangement with roger, alongside her arrangement with brian.
Problem-Solver || 4.7k. roger and brian. implied sexual content, but nothing explicit. brian and roger start to get jealous of each other.
Call Me || 3.4k. mostly roger, but brian’s there for a solid part. explicit (18+ only). sub!brian, phone sex, overstimulation. roger and reader play a game where he eats her out while she tries to hold a normal phone conversation with brian.
Tell Me || 2.4k. brian. explicit (18+ only). sexting and phone sex (again). dom!brian subtones. sexting with brian doesn’t always start out as a planned thing, but somehow that makes it even better.
Triad || 13.2k. roger and brian. explicit (18+ only). threesome. no slash. daddy kink. it’s finally time for that threesome.
Man on Fire || 7.5k. roger. explicit (18+ only). pegging. the ‘roger gets pegged’ fic.
Socks with the Rainbow Guitars || 2.1k. brian. explicit (18+ only). brian and reader are getting it on, but roger interrupts them on his quest for a particular pair of socks.
Macca-back || 1.9k. roger and brian. some explicit content (18+ only). fluff. reader has a mild panic attack in the middle of a threesome, and has to safeword.
The Night Comes Down || 9.7k. roger and brian, but also neither. angst. some minor explicit content. it’s the end. it wasn’t supposed to hurt. this whole arrangement was made so no one got hurt. so why the fuck does it hurt so much?
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