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freddiekluger · 3 years

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Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit.

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad?

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on).

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans.

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious.

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive.

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman.

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend????

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t.

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

#i subluxed all my fingers and wrists doing this but worth it #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts headcanon #bbc ghosts analysis #the captain #caphavers #the captain x havers #ben willbond #lgbt representation #lgbt rep #queer media #lgbt media

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kashmiresims · 6 years

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A Moment of Peace

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Orion couldn’t go back to Cain’s place after what he had witnessed. He figured it would be better to go back to the house and try to settle his thoughts at the fact that his main squeeze was a dealer. As soon as he saw Cypress’s car parked out back, her knew his friend was home, however Orion still felt an uneasy anger toward Cypress after hearing his song being played publicly on the radio and he knew Cypress would become silently judgmental if he learned that Orion was gone all night because he had stayed with Cain. He didn’t know why Cypress cared so much about Orion’s love life--it was Orion’s choice! It was the first time in a long time he’d been able to be with Cain and didn’t regret it.

He entered the house, grabbed the stair rail, and climbed the steps with a frown on his face until he got to the top.

That was odd, the door to his room was open…he could have sworn he had closed it when he’d left the night before. As he approached he stopped cold because he found Cypress sitting on his bed, his face resting on his fist and a look of complete and utter disappointment in his eyes as Orion came into his view.

It caught him off-guard but before he could defend himself, thinking the expression was because of Cain--he noticed a few of the empty Tranquilicis bottles were pulled out of his night stand and placed on top of it.

“What’s going on?” Orion asked, growing uneasier by the second.

“I could ask the same of you. Why do you have all these pills?”

“They help with my anxiety,” Orion told the truth and refrained from pointing out that technically, there were hardly any pills left from those bottles.

“Okay, but Tranquilicis isn’t something you get over the counter. It’s something a doctor has to write a prescription for. Do you have one?”

Orion wouldn’t outright lie to Cypress’s face, and besides Cypress had already probably found the scratched out name on the labels of the original prescription recipient. If he thought about it, he could have guessed Cain wasn’t doing things above board because Orion too, had found it odd the name was scratched out. He just didn’t question Cain because Cain was going out of his way to get Orion free pills.

“It doesn’t matter if I do or not, they help. That’s enough,” Orion grew terse and defensive.

“Are you sure you aren’t developing a dependency? This is a lot of empty bottles,” Cypress nodded to the side towards the bottles. He sounded like his mother.

Orion belted out a scornful laugh, “Yeah, like you have the ground to lecture me on becoming addicted to a substance.”

Cypress stood with frown and came closer, “Hey, we’re talking about something that’s technically illegal here. Besides, I won’t die from an overdose of nicotine.”

Orion rolled his eyes, annoyed that Cypress happened to conveniently forget all the other gross chemicals that caused health issues in cigarettes.

“I’m doing fine. You don’t have to worry about me,” Orion crossed his arms with growing frustration that Cypress was hassling him about it.

Cypress looked a bit hurt at Orion’s abrupt dismissal. But it was Orion who should have felt hurt. Cypress had stolen his music.

“So why do you look so miserable?”

“I heard my song on the radio,” he mumbled.It wasn’t the only thing that had made him miserable but it was the one thing that directly involved Cypress.

“Why would that make you miserable?”

“Because you stole it. You recorded it, aired it, and gave it to the station without even asking me permission. I wasn’t even done with it yet–it was a work in progress and now it’s in a final form as far as anyone listening is concerned.”

“You should be recognized, and since you’re not really playing live anymore how else is your music going to reach the masses? You should be thanking me for putting my neck out on the line for you!”

“I don’t want or need to be recognized for anything!”

“But you deserve it!”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t need anything like that – I have seen how recognition leads to fame that in turn results in an interrupted life. I am fine with just playing my music for my friends and maybe small audiences if I work up the nerve but I don’t want to be recognized for it—I just want people to enjoy it.”

“You can’t have it both ways. If you want people to enjoy it, you will have to be recognized. People don’t just listen to music in a vacuum and not want to know where it came from or who sang it, especially if they want more.”

Orion just looked at the floor, not believing he was having this argument with Cypress. They never argued.

“Besides, it was just a song about Cain, it’s not like it’s going to be your biggest hit,” Cypress couldn’t help but to seem to snark.

“Fuck off,” Orion blurted angrily. He grabbed his acoustic guitar case from the corner of his room with a rare, heightened temper and left. He stomped down the stairs while Cypress chased after him asking what his problem was and for once in his life Cypress was the problem. Orion knew he had to remove himself before he’d say anything else he’d regret.

What would Orion do without an instrument? Without a way to make music? His prickled nerves smoothed over gradually as he strummed out some of his favorite melodies from where he sat on the park bench before surrendering to whatever music formed as an idea in his head and came out in between the strings. It was still a brisk temperature, now slightly breezy and the leaves were starting to turn bright oranges and golds. He had to stop thinking about the feeling of betrayal. Cypress had been so rash and judgmental but if he would stop and open his eyes he would realize that Orion didn’t write that song about Cain. He wrote it to communicate his heartbreak about Cypress.

Cypress was the catalyst that made Orion realize he was attracted to men in the first place. He had been ambivalent to dating and romance in general, probably an attitude he picked up from Cypress’s asexual tendancies, but after that fateful day when he was sixteen and found Cypress’s hand in his, something just clicked inside him. It felt right.

A part of him still loved and longed for Cypress in ways Cypress wasn’t able to give to him. Maybe that’s why he tolerated such abhorrent behavior from Cain because as long as he had someone else to give his love to, he could suppress his desires toward his best friend.

Cypress had made it clear he couldn’t be anything more than just Orion’s best friend and Orion would rather die than lose such a cherished relationship, so being with Cain helped Orion in more ways than Cypress knew.

Cypress also didn’t understand how much Tranquilicis had been helping Orion manage his anxiety. It was hypocritical, for Cypress to chide Orion about the dangers of addiction when Cypress was smoking a pack of cigarettes a week.

Orion closed his eyes and played whatever melody popped into his head, inspired by natural beats he could hear and pluck from around him—from the sounds of the city to the rustling in the leaves. This garden was a calming place, a place of refuge for artists who wanted to paint or play music. Orion had come here a few times with Nick perform for tips but that wasn’t his reason for being here now. He did it for the pure enjoyment of creation and solace. His poor brain needed a break.

His melody must have attracted a dog, for one trotted up and looked at him expectantly. A fluffy, black-furred animal that looked to be a somewhat exotic breed.

“Hi there,” Orion said, though the animal didn’t understand him. Orion felt himself smile and slapped the surface of his guitar to make a purposeful rhythm as he played and the dog sat promptly, seeming to enjoy the change by evidence of its wagging tail.

Orion couldn’t resist the dog’s fluffiness any longer. He sat his guitar on the bench and knelt down to pet it. It seemed fond of having its head rubbed right between the ears. He’d always wanted a dog but his father and sister were allergic to animal hair so all they had were birds in his family for pets.

“Sebastian!” the dog perked up at a call and Orion glanced up to see a man in a long, expensive-looking gray jacket smiling from down the path. The man said “come” in Takemizese and the dog stood and cantered over to its master.

“I’m sorry, but was he bothering you?” The man asked Orion in Simlish but there was no need. Orion was actually fluent in the first language.

“Not at all,” Orion answered in Takemizese and stood, “I ponder if he might be an admirer of music.”

His comment made the man laugh in delighted surprise and he continued to speak in his native tongue, “Sebastian has particular tastes, though I never knew he was partial to music. What name do you play under? Can I buy him an album to listen to?”

It was Orion’s turn to laugh, not sure if the man were joking or not, but it was apparent he didn’t listen to college radio, “I have not created any albums yet, but if and when I do you could find it under Orion Loche.”

“I should not keep you from your playing Mister Loche; thank you for indulging my dog though,” the man inclined his head and said to the hound, “Follow.” Orion picked up his guitar and started strumming it again, “I could indulge him to a greater capacity if that is acceptable to you; I have never had an animal as an admirer before.”

“I would be delighted if you would accompany us around the gardens,” the man smiled, “Sebastian would be too.”

It was only proven so as the dog began to wag his tail again with exuberance and sniff around Orion’s shoes.

Orion realized he was being rude and hadn’t asked the man his name, “Many apologies, but what is your name? I should have asked during our introduction.”

“It is no worry; I am called Yuzan Bao,” the man replied with a smile and then made a slight eyeroll paired with a chuckle, “Though we can continue our conversation in Simlish—I find my native language to be full of burdensome formality.”

“Fair enough,” Orion agreed and made the lingual switch.

“It’s not common to find a Kashmiri who can speak fluent Takemizese. Where did you learn?” Yuzan asked with amusement.

Orion plucked his guitar strings absent-mindedly as he explained, “I lived there when I was a child.”

“Really? Which area?”

“Takemizu Village. My parents had a home there. They were big into the Blue Jasmine Music Festival—did all sorts of shows for it so decided to just live there year-round and perform across the region for many years.” He smiled remembering his youth. Takemizu Village was a small town nestled between the mountains and so when his parents played their instruments outside, the sound carried back and forth across the valley. It was pure ambrosia for the ears.

“We moved back here when I was nine. So I had a lot of time to learn the language and I kinda had to because of school.”

Zan made an exasperated face of sympathy, “Unlucky, Schools there are so rigid. I hated the drilling—and the punishments for getting out of line.”

“I know right!?” Orion agreed, remembering how he was commanded to recite a poem from his readings and he stuttered the words, being too nervous to do it front of the class and then the teacher hit his knuckles with a yard stick for his bad etiquette. He momentarily stopped playing his guitar and flexed them, the memory triggering a ghosting sensation of pain.

That experience was probably one of the reasons he got so anxious to perform in front of people and why he was so anxious about the possibility of screwing up. This man was the first person he’d ever talked to who even could understand and related to Orion’s experience with Takemizu schooling.

Sebastian made a loud woof to remind Orion that the music had stopped. Yuzan frowned and snapped out “Rude” in Takemizese and Sebastian lowered himself onto his belly and turned over so it was exposed to Orion.

“He is apologizing,” Zan explained in Simlish, “If you give him a belly rub then he knows you have forgiven him.”

“Wow, you’ve trained your dog very well,” Orion mused handing over his guitar for Yuzan to hold while he knelt down to pat Sebastion on his belly. The canine immediately stuck out his tongue and started wagging his tail happily.

“It takes a lot of practice and discipline,” Yuzan replied, returning the guitar and then made an upward motion with his hand. Sebastian returned setting onto all four paws. Yuzan reached into a pocket of his long coat and withdrew a baggie of dog treats, opened it, and tossed one at the dog who caught it mid-air in one bite.

“You seem like to have plenty of it,” Orion smiled, and Yuzan regarded him with a raised brow and it made Orion blush a bit. Here he was, passing judgement on someone he’d just met and he felt like he was in second grade again while stumbling over his words, “What I meant is…that you look so…world class and formal and I thought…”

Orion clamped his upper lip over his bottom one and decided to play more of his guitar medley instead.

Yuzan started laughing aloud at Orion’s blunder, but it wasn’t one of ridicule—just abject amusement.

“I assure you I am not as formal as I appear—I suppose by Kashmiri standards it could be seen that way but in fact, any Takemiseze citizen would claim I’m not formal enough. It’s my curse in life.”

“Not the worst curse to have, all things considered,” Orion noted. He was thinking of his own curse, to forever be burdened by anxiety. Thank Plumbobs for that Tranqilicis and music. They were the only two things to seem to work for him anymore. Both men passed a under an arched trellis that had ivy and white flowers climbing it; where the petals were in the midst of falling off the vines and covered the path. Sebastian kept pace next to Orion, looking upward and almost seemed to be grinning with his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

They passed a garden wall in front of a fountain and Orion took a lean against it and closed his eyes. He felt a slight thump next to him and opened one eye to see that Yuzan had joined him--his back against the wall and with his hands stuffed inside his pockets. Sebastian sat patiently in front of them though made no more barks of protest but only because Orion was still playing his music.

Orion shut his eyes again and continued, feeling a deep sense of peace playing in the gardens on this autumn day, it was in such contrast to how he felt coming into the place earlier and the turmoil he had been through since he’d woken up. r He picked up the tempo of his song. The song wasn’t really a song, just a winding, improvised string of musical notes. He wouldn’t remember it all enough to write it down. It was like a wild animal that couldn’t be caught and tamed—never to be replicated again. Yuzan and Sebastian had the privilege to listen to it and ever know it even existed.

Eventually, Orion checked the time and realized he been out far longer than he had anticipated. He walked back to his guitar case and set it inside despite the heartbreaking whimpering noises Sebastian was making as he walked away.

“I’m sorry but have to go,” he said as he clicked the case closed and pulled it over his shoulder, “It was a pleasure playing music for you and your dog.”

“Do you come to these gardens often?” Yuzan wondered, following after Orion as he made his way to the garden exit.

“I come every once and awhile,” Orion shrugged and admitted.

“I visited it for the first time this weekend and I think I have found it’s my favorite public spot in the city.”

“Why is that?” Orion slowed his pace and Yuzan passed him, turning around and began to walk backward so they could converse face-to-face.

“The flowers,” Zan waved his hand out with a grin, gesturing at the blooms around them that were slowly wilting with incoming colder weather. First frost had yet to occur but they were hanging onto life.

“What’s left of them at least.”

Zan nodded, “Do you have a favorite?”

“Oh, the blue ones for sure,” Orion smiled in remembrance as he kept walking forward, “They remind me of Takemizu. We had tons of them outside our house growing in giant bushes. My mother refused to have them trimmed.”

He noticed Zan had visibly straightened himself and his grin was ever broader, “I have them growing in abundance inside my home here in Memosa Bay where they will never wilt—you should come see them if you miss them once winter comes.”

Orion stopped walking, unsure what to make of Yuzan’s offer. He usually wasn’t this talkative or open with strangers but he felt an agreeable yet uncanny connection with Yuzan. He finally nodded, “I’d like that.”

“To be my friend?”

He was so forward about it. Orion could understand however, why the question was asked in such a way. In Takemizese culture it was considered rude or even cowardly to be anything but straightforward with someone.

Orion had never just been asked directly to be anyone’s friend before. In his experience it was a gradual occurrence. He hesitated ever so slightly to think on it. Yuzan looked to be a few years older than himself though dressed more expensive and sensible than a college student would be. Perhaps he was already graduated with an office job somewhere in the city? Orion hardly knew anything about the man except he was from Takemizu, liked dogs and flowers.

“It is, after all, hard to make new friends when you move so far away from home,” Zan lamented, taking advantage of Orion’s pause and plucked a leaf that looked about to fall from a small hedge. Orion agreed. He’d had to start all over when he moved back to Kashmire. Luckily for Orion, on his first day of school in Kashmire, a boy name Cypress Wellington was tapping out the beats to a rock ‘n roll song on his desk that Orion recognized from his father’s album collection and it prompted Orion to ask him about it. That led to conversations about music, instruments, and the best friendship they had ever known. He remembered those times with Cypress fondly and had to forgive his friend for earlier because he realized there wasn’t a deceiving bone in Cypress’s body, and he really was trying to look out for Orion’s best interests. It seemed this man was looking for something similar.

Yuzan still was waiting for an answer. He seemed so hopeful. Orion could understand the struggle at being a newcomer to the region and it wasn’t pity but understanding that made him nod in sudden earnest and stick his hand out, “Yeah, I’ll be your friend.”

Genuine happiness erupted across Yuzan’s features and he took Orion’s hand in his to give it a cordial shake, “Call me Zan.”

#ts2 #sims 2 #kashmiresims #NOV arc #sims 2 story #my shots

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thedivergingpaths · 4 years

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The Diverging Paths: What Could Have Been

So in light of a post I reblogged recently (and also just other discussions elsewhere) I’ve decided to tackle my ideas and opinions about how Three Houses could have done a more solid job at diverging paths (hehe because of my blog name).

These opinions are both my own and my own as developed by reading stuff, some of which I have reblogged here and some of which I just read. Just a sort of disclaimer and FYI.

So here we go!

White Clouds

I think the differences should have been more prominent, not just in the occasional cut scenes, with changes in lord dialogue and group dynamics. Important, especially for the shared beats of the game, but each route should have had distinct beats and not just shuffled up dialogue for the same beats.

To clarify, what I mean by beats is story beats - i.e. like scenes and the content that goes with it.

I do think White Clouds should still have similar missions and objectives across all routes, because I think it would help demonstrate how divided Fódlan became following the war and five years during Byleth’s absence.

So there should have been more distinct missions, or even if they were the same, maybe shuffle what exactly happens. Like while leading the Black Eagles, maybe instead of confronting the church invades in the tomb, they are confronted elsewhere because of a failed diversion by Edelgard and Hubert.

And some of the missions that really should be Faerghus missions - Miklan and Lonato - should be Blue Lions exclusive. There are other rumblings going on in the grand politics of the three nations, as seen in paralogues. Maybe instead of Hilda’s being the main one to discuss the conflict with Almyra pre-timeskip, maybe there’s a mission because of civilians at the border during a skirmish and the Golden Deer are sent to deal with it. It would be a good way to plant the seeds of Claude’s dream of open borders by actually, you know, exposing us to the wider world and having to make opinions based on people and not boogey-men. For the Black Eagles, we could actually do things in the Empire and meet the main players there rather than them just being mentioned or randomly appearing once the war begins.

Certain things I feel would need to happen to keep the main plot of the Empire vs Everyone Else going, such as Flayn’s rescue, Monica’s reveal as Kronya, the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, etc., etc.

Verdant Wind

Verdant Wind should have been grander in what it achieved. Claude wants to open up the borders of the world and foster understanding, and while some of the insulation and the whole war isn’t really something he can control, the world should have felt bigger in the Golden Deer route.

The Almyrans become allies and Claude is their Prince Khalid and yet we get very little of them and only one Almyran character appears in the second half of the route. I think it would have been interesting, and fun, to have had a few diplomatic-ish (tho because it’s fire emblem, inevitably having some sort of battle) missions with other nations, like Almyra, but maybe even Dagda and Sreng and a few other close nations that we even no less about, like Albinea.

For the Fódlan war, I think that the confrontation with Edelgard should be a little different. The cutscene doesn’t really fit, so maybe a different one where Claude and Byleth get ready for the final death match, but then Byleth holds Claude back as Dedue appears to avenge Dimitri and Duscur, even though Edelgard didn’t cause the Tragedy of Duscur, Dedue doesn’t know that and she’s also working with those who caused it so. I just think that it’d be good closure for Dedue before he leaves to mourn. Also ~collaboration~ in toppling the war.

And so, after the war in the immediate fall-out, I think the confrontation with the Agarthans/Those Who Slither in the Dark should still happen, but not culminate in Nemesis’ resurrection. As great as that cutscene is, I think having more efforts to try and reconcile with the Agarthans would be more interesting. Let there be non-homicidal Agarthans who just want to live in their caves with the shiny tech in peace.

Azure Moon

I feel like the route should have started more in Faerghus. Part of that country was annexed to the Empire during the five years of Byleth’s absence, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for Edelgard to make appearances there.

And in some ways, that would be more heartbreaking because Dimitri is in his kingdom, and his friends and followers are trying to get him to save their nation, but all he sees is Edelgard. It would be more of a blow to what choice he makes. He’s choosing vengeance over salvation. Until, of course, he begins to recover and really looks at what has become of Faerghus and figure out what he must do to end the suffering.

Also Dedue should be more involved once he returns because not only is he Dimitri’s retainer, their bond is a lot deeper than Dimitri and Byleth’s so Dedue should have had a stronger hand in Dimitri’s recovery arc.

Crimson Flower

It would be interesting if the route split wasn’t decided whether to betray the Church or turn on the Empire, but how to handle the war once Byleth returns from their five-year absence.

Like, let us either embrace the villain route - and potentially show how our allies who have a very different sense of morals start cracking under the banner of the empire - or let us challenge Edelgard’s motives and morals and goals.

I’m pretty sure that a lot of Edelgard’s anti-church and crest stance is really just nonsense fed to her by the Agarthans - particularly Thales - so that she could set Fódlan on fire for them. There were possibly similar lies told to Nemesis, honestly. And I think that should affect the trajectory of the game.

Embracing the villain route entrenches the Agarthans deeper into Fódlan politics, even though Hubert and Edelgard says it leaves a bad taste in their mouth, but both groups are taking advantage of each other. And obviously this would culminate in the battle with Rhea and her death. Basically, keep the route more or less intact but really drive home that this maybe isn’t the good and moral choice.

On the flip side, a Byleth who challenges but still cares for Edelgard might succeed in Edelgard at least considering she’s on the wrong path. And here I think the main foes should be the Agarthans. Essentially, abandon the war for a more internal one. I feel that the Kingdom and the Church would still be thorns in the Black Eagles’ side - because they’ve been at war for five years and Rhea is very angry at Edelgard and Byleth’s actions - but they’re not the focus. I think this route would be interesting to find out more of the depth of the Agarthans’ manipulations throughout history, their experiments, and maybe have a moral crisis when Edelgard realizes she’s just been an attack dog all this time.

Silver Snow

Really two big things:

1) I think the catalyst should be for this route is a Byleth who would not choose a house back in the pre-timeskip era. They end up a sparring master (replacing Jeritza once he leaves, but is like, a supporting teacher with him prior to that) and so we can forms bonds across all of the houses.

yes, this is to make it more painful when the war happens and all those kids you knew are grown up and killing each other

2) Byleth’s background should also be revealed in this route, and the history of the Nabateans as a whole. There’d be something poetic about returning to Zanado and having at least some of the battles, if not the climatic one, there. A sort of closure.

I’m not sure whether Rhea’s dragonic feralness should still happen or not, depends on how things go with the whole “well, time to talk about genocide and a dead society” goes I guess.

A Final Thought

I think it would be appropriate if Byleth, the avatar character, could decide whether they became the supreme ruler of Fódlan/the archbishop (since it varies what they are by route) because while I get why the characters would hoist this onto Byleth, it seems to be more following “remember the past games where people were fulfilling their divine destiny as king, guess we’ll keep going with that!!! :)”

I just think it’d be neat to go “nope” and be able to nope off into the woods or something haha.

And it wouldn’t change anything but the ending slides, so it would really just be an Aesthetic choice, but it could give even more variety to the ending slides since most are basically the same, just some phrases swapped out depending on the route and pairing. Some are outright different which is cool, but most aren’t.

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fire emblem 16 #fe3h #fe 16 #long post #my commentary #hyperlink #these are just thoughts and opinions #curated a bit for consumption rather than the #mess I started with like #last week haha #let me know what y'all think #in either the notes or in asks!!!#my commentary in tags

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