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eruanee · 6 months
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Kiryuu Touga and the cyclical narrative
TW : Discussions of misogyny, emotional manipulation and abuse, sexual abuse and (sexual) child abuse. (Very vague) mention of incest.
First of all, not really as a disclaimer but more as a recommendation, a lot of my thoughts about Touga are shaped by this essay, which is definitely easily one of my favorite pieces of Utena meta. I think I'm going to implicitly or more explicitly reference it sometimes, but you don't need to read it to understand this post.
I have a complex relationship with Touga. He is despicable, yet the more I watch the series, the more I find myself... fascinated by him. This post is a pretty much a synthesis of all these thoughts.
On a purely narrative level, Touga's role is a bit special. He's the antagonist of the first arc. The three duels involving him are all turning points in the series. He's a core character in the development of several other characters (Saionji, Nanami, Utena and Miki on a different level).
Yet, turns out he's only a puppet, just as everyone else is. How surprising. And when it comes down to it, what do we know about Touga ?
He's the Student Council's president. He seemingly can't have a relationship with anyone without manipulating them to his advantage. He sleeps with any girl (and maybe not only girls) who breathe around him in a 1 ft radius. His way of coping with depression is to seal himself in a wide and totally empty room to listen to his own voice on repeat to ponder heavily on his broken hopes and ideals. (Hmm. Hardcore.)
And more importantly, he wants power. A power that would be absolute. But why so ?
And this is the point where it gets complicated.
Touga is barely the main topic of episodes focused on him. He is the center of many obsessions and interests, but it seems we never touch upon him as a person. He can be seen being vaguely vulnerable in eps 11 and 12 and then there's the whole Black Rose arc thing. But where does all this mess steam from ?
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Victim status
Eps 35 and 36 are the one going deeper into Touga’s character and yet... we’re barely sure of what’s actually going on in his brain. These episodes always give me a weird feeling because we don’t really get to see Touga express his feelings very clearly or freely... We barely get to hear his thoughts. 
Just like Anthy.
Don’t make me say what I didn’t say, though. Touga gets to have way more agency than ever does Anthy, and he certainly doesn't endure the same dehumanization as she does. Anthy does have agency in a way. But she expresses it in hidden, implicit ways : playing tricks, hitting people in their sore spots, sarcasm, empty eyes and fake smiles. She’s manipulative and Touga is, too. These two share many similarities, though they can’t completely blend with each other, of course. 
We don’t know much about Touga’s childhood. We know he and Nanami were adopted (or “sold”) to the Kiryuu family at a young age. That’s basically it in the canon of the series. Though, Touga’s backstory in the movie, showing him being sexually abused by his adoptive father, was apparently meant to be included in the series as well :
Although the TV series touched upon Touga’s younger days, the film goes into more details – the wound of Touga that was never directly depicted. In his younger days, Touga was a normal kid who enjoyed happy times with his friend Saionji Kyouichi and his younger sister Nanami. However, he came to know his unfortunate fate from the time he was ordered by his parents to wear his hair long. His parents sold him to the Kiryuu family. Although he was an adopted son on the surface, the instinctive Touga knew what that meant. And in order to protect his younger sister, he accepted his lot. Being sold. We did not go into depicting what Touga’s parents obtained by going as far as selling their son. We would like you to think of it as a kind of metaphor. 
And Touga accepted in silence the sexual abuse from his new parents. His personality changed while he made a magnanimous show of enjoying the abuses in order to prevent his personality from splitting. The change took place in a spot so deep in his mind, that even those closest to him did not notice. Saionji and Nanami never noticed out of their innocence. And Touga never told his secret to anyone. It is said that a human being gains whatever he lost in exchange. So what did Touga gain in exchange at that point in time? It was the sense of alienation from being abused every night and seeing his innocent friend and sister during the day. The alienated self.
(Extract of a comment Enokido, one of the writers who worked on Utena, wrote about Touga’s role in the Utena movie.)
Of course, you could argue whether or not the sexual abuse is canon or not in the series. After all, the series and the movie don’t seem to take place in the same canon (even though it is hard to completely disconnect the two). Whatever you choose to believe, I personally think it all makes so much sense. 
It makes sense regarding Touga’s general behavior in the series (but this is more touched upon in the essay I linked above) and it makes his goal and his narrative role much clearer.
Being sold like a mere object, knowing a much harsher truth about life Saionji and Nanami don’t know about, showing everyone a stronger facade in order to not completely lose your mind and keep protecting your friend and your sister from this reality and eventually... letting them know in a painfully gendered way, perpetuating everything this system has forced on you. 
It has all become part of you. 
Keeping the cycle of violence going became part of your blood and flesh. Making clear who is supposed to inflict pain and who is supposed to receive it. Who is supposed to protect and who is supposed to be protected. Who is supposed to act and who is supposed to wait. 
And you ? No, you’re never supposed to hurt anymore. You want a way out of this. For you, the easiest way is to simply reclaim the place that was always prepared for you to take. 
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When Touga and Saionji found Utena in her coffin, it feels like Touga knew something Saionji didn’t. Saionji felt it too, but he wasn’t able to recognize what it was. After all, he was still a child. Touga knew about the same thing Utena learned with her parents’ death : they both had a glimpse of what the “adult world” (Akio’s world) actually looks like, shattering their juvenile knowledge of the world. 
A world where people die. A world where the weak lose. A world where the prince should protect the princess. 
Touga already had a coffin. Utena just found hers and was about to find a new one. Saionji was just finding his. 
It all makes sense regarding how obedient Touga is to Akio and why he seeks his validation, his desire to go up in the hierarchy aside. It makes sense because he is “alienated”. Touga got deprived of everything, he knows the burden of being alive and he’s learned, from his early childhood, to be compliant. 
He seems independent during the Student Council arc and a majority of the series, but eps 35 and 36 show he is not the mastermind of it all. He has a privileged position but unlike some other characters, Touga never uses his agency to try to break out of the system ─ he follows its rules and tries to reinforce his dominance. 
Why would you break out from a system serving you so well ?
“I want to become like him. I want power like his.”
Touga is alienated to the system and his only goal is to become what it expects of him. After all, why wouldn’t he ? Being a prince is the best position offered by the system. Being a prince means acquiring an absolute power. With such power, one doesn’t die and is forever out of reach and harm and pain. Who wouldn’t want such a thing ? 
The prince never saves the princess out of selflessness. He saves her because it gives him a reward in exchange. He saves her because it gives him power and control over her and ultimately, everyone else. And so, the princess becomes a "toy" wannabe princes has to win, to conquer.
Does Touga, even during what seems to be his most “sincere” moment in ep 36, ever wish to protect Utena for something else than possessing her ? When could have he learned to know and appreciate her as a person, rather than a princess ? A reward to conquer ?
When did he stop wishing he could’ve saved Utena just like Akio did ? I believe he might be genuine, yet he acts toward Utena exactly like she acts toward Anthy. He wants to save her for his own sake, regardless of her personal hopes and desires. 
It’s truly sad, though. Because all of it is nothing but a childish dream. There was never once a prince in this world. Only boring and abusive adults. 
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“Are you really happy with that?”
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Well, when it comes down to it, probably not. But was it ever about happiness ? Probably not either. The pursuit of power only ever leads to isolation, to a complete lack of meaning ─ after all, friendship is a fool’s thing. No one can reach what’s behind the facade. 
Saionji was able to confront Touga with his own lies and paradoxes, get as close to his real self anyone probably could. But it wasn’t enough. Saionji himself didn’t go as far as leaving the system entirely, even when it seemed he had cracked it all. Touga sort of did, too. 
As far as I’m concerned, we only heard his own, deep thoughts once.
“Kiryuu Touga, the playboy Student Council President... Is it? "Playboy" sounds old-fashioned.”
Touga weaponized himself. He weaponized his body (sex is only a tool to aim for power). He weaponized his heart (relationships only matter if you use them to your advantage. Those who believe in love and friendship are fools and will be ultimately be used to someone else’s advantage). And for what ? 
I really like the symbolism of the poppy flower in ep 35. I feel like it symbolizes Akio’s power, in a way. I’m incredibly bad when it comes to the language of flowers (so everyone is free to correct me) but please bear with me. In the East, red poppy flowers apparently symbolize romantic love and success (what it probably means for the girl confessing to Touga, as well as Akio when he “eats” it in this scene, since Touga and him are talking about Utena) but it can also symbolize “luxurious pleasures and fantastic extravagance”. In the Japanese language of flowers, red poppies can also symbolize someone “fun-loving”. I feel like both of these work with Akio and I believe that for Touga, they are a symbol of luxury and extravagance. 
Yet another girl confessed to him. Without even thinking about it, he kissed her. He will never read her confession letter, he probably didn’t even notice it. He will probably simply leave it on the floor, without a care. This pursuit of power isn’t even fulfilling to him, there’s absolutely no thought behind it. Only automatic actions, behaviors working in favor of someone else’s greater scheme. He won’t even get to actually possess Utena. 
He will never get what he truly wants. Is there even anything that he truly wants ? Saionji, maybe. In the meantime, he’s just a tool for a system. A system made up by boring adults, based on lies, illusions and unachievable dreams. 
Touga is condemned to go in cycles. He’s given everything to overcome what keeps him stuck and trapped, but it doesn’t do anything. He can only revolve around his own coffin, completing the same circle, again and again. 
He doesn’t know how to do anything else. 
It will never make anything he’s done forgivable. But at least, maybe one day, he’ll realize. Or maybe never. 
We can always create new roads, leading to worlds completely unknown to us, where everything needs to be built. Anthy and Utena are here to show the way, who deserves to follow these new roads is only up to you. 
On a purely personal standpoint... I was never really able to answer this question. 
“No. It's not over until we see it through the very end.”
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boyzphantasy · 9 months
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twt is dying and so i may be migrating back to tumblr soon. which also means a complete rehaul and rebrand since my kpop spin is huge rn
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leporidaez · 3 years
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WTF IS FUNNELING
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seillean-sys · 3 years
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New Intro Time
Heya. Since our last intro post there have been quite a few updates so I'm just going to make a whole new one.
Hello! We're the Perseid System (if you want to add us on simplyplural our username is the-perseid-system). We are bodily 21 and white. Currently there are 24 active alters (to my knowledge). For privacy purposes, I won't put roles, just names, pronouns, and ages. I'm not including the littles.
Kai: 21, he/him, tags with #kai.txt
Christopher: 26, he/him, tags with #shadow speaks
James: 23, he/him, tags with #james.txt
Auto: 40s, he/it, unlikely to post here
Niamh: ageless, she/her, unlikely to post here
Valentino Constantine: ~400, he/him, #val.txt
Olive: 19, she/her, #olive.txt
Ariel: won't tell us her age, she/her, #a.txt
Ashton: 14-17, they/them, #ash.txt
Azure: 25, she/her, #az.txt
Earnest: 17, she/her, #earnest.txt
Wonder: 13, it/its, unlikely to post here
Percy: 18, he/him, #seaweed.brain
Nico: 16, he/they, #ghost.king
Valorie: 15, she/her, #valorie.txt
Tyler: 13, he/him, #ty.txt
Michael: 13, he/him, #mike.txt
Mora: 22, she/they, #mora.txt
Korra: 21, she/her, #korra.txt
Erica Rose: 24, she/her, #er.txt
Arnie: 15, he/him, #phoenix.fire
Dani Powell: 34, she/her, #dani.txt
Malcolm Bright: 32, he/him, bright.text
Adam: 35(?), he/him, adam.txt
Honey: 16, she/pup, goldie.speaks
We are an undiagnosed system, but are in the process of talking with our new therapist about being a system. We are traumagenic, and we will add to syscourse from time to time, but will always tag it as such. That being said, this is not an endogenic-safe space. You can follow if you want, we don't care, but know beforehand that when we involve ourselves in discourse it will not be pro-endo. We will also be using the #CDDpunk tag to talk about our experiences and to have discussions in general about system-specific things.
Thanks for reading
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eruanee · 2 months
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youtube
i made a thing (first amv ever)
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eruanee · 3 months
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it is 2/2 again wow. guess it's time to bring back my short 2/2 text to celebrate :) stupid little shuake kiss
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eruanee · 5 months
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added tousai to my quick tags not bc i care all that much but bc i can NEVER remember the spelling of saionji's name. different pattern
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eruanee · 1 year
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ngl. the fact i don't really care about going on social media anymore is one of the best thing that ever happened to me
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eruanee · 1 year
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a p0rn bot following me 3 minutes after i blocked and reported the ones that followed me while i was sleeping is a weird feeling. it makes me feel like a powerless clown
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eruanee · 1 year
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love that nanami and saionji have (1) scene where they interact ever and it's a super weird and goofy scene and many utena fans are obsessed with (that includes me) and that's so fucking funny to me
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eruanee · 2 months
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i was warned adulthood is very lonely, but sometimes it still violently hits me in the face and makes me wonder what i've done wrong. being a teenager sucked but i would get back to hanging out with my friends everyday anytime, honestly
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eruanee · 2 months
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─ erwan / er / dorian, 23, they/he, fr/eng ok ─ transmasc gender mess (non-binary? agender? man-adjacent? something along those lines), bisexual and enjoyer of faggotry
this has been my personal blog for years, it became very utena centric against my will but it's truly about whatever i'm interested in at the moment. i'm also a fellow lover of akechi goro bc i'm a bit insane so you'll also see him a lot around here.
please tag trypophobia, either as #trypophobia or #holes. ask me for specifics if you are unsure of what to tag exactly, but otherwise please tag anything that you think could be triggering for me.
-> personal tag | utena posts | ao3 | other links <-
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(gif credit)
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eruanee · 3 months
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i have an appointment next week with my doctor to start testosterone (fucking unreal. ive been waiting since august) and it's insane how i managed ─ after years of describing myself as trans, changing my name legally to a masculine name, years of (irregular but still) binding myself, thinking about starting packing, having planned all the surgeries i want, being diagnosed with gender dysphoria PROFESSIONALLY and being so fucking happy about starting T ─ to think "am i really trans though ? am i not faking it ?".
bestie istg.
but anyway. excited
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eruanee · 4 months
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most real tags on my touga post. actual pov of me writing it
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eruanee · 6 months
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there's so many things i could watch instead but i am about to start my 6th utena rewatch bc i haven't been feeling my best lately and as weird as it is, utena is still a comfort show for me. so yea
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eruanee · 7 months
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i don't know how much it makes sense and i should definitely think about it more but while listening to mitski's new album, i feel like "i'm your man" is an anthy song
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