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queen-scribbles · 9 months

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"22. falling asleep on the other’s shoulder" for Emiri?

Sand

(another entry for the "Kana joins Emiri's crew" AU, and fic-length pining and sweetness ahoy!)

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The soft crunch of footsteps on the sound alerted Emiri to approaching company. She stifled a sigh. It was hard enough to get a moment truly alone on the ship; she’d really been hoping for some uninterrupted solitude while they were ashore to resupply. Apparently, halfway down a beach in the middle of the night wasn’t even going to do the trick.

“Emiri? Is something wrong?” Kana. His gentle baritone had her toes curling in the sand.

“No more than usual,” she said softly, her chin pressing drawn-up knees as she stared out to where the Mercy bobbed offshore. “Just trying to clear my head.”

He gave a small chuckle. “If I may, this seems an odd location, given your feelings on the sea.”

Emiri snorted. “You’re not wrong.” Crashing surf did nothing to soothe her as it did for some. “Only place to get away from the chatter of camp.”

Kana hummed in understanding. “Then I shall leave-”

“No.” Emiri turned his way, thoughts tripping a little over the worry that had been too fast, too raw. “I- You don’t have to.”

His smile at that lit his whole face. “As long as you’re sure? I’d hate to intrude, just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

“‘Preciate it,” she said. “And I’m sure. I... don’t mind your chatter.”

That made him chuckle again as he joined her. He was barefoot like her, she noted, and had his trousers rolled to midcalf so they didn’t drag in the sand. He sat close enough she could feel the warmth of his presence but a courteous, narrow gap remained between their shoulders.

Kana was silent for several minutes--impressive for him--listening to the ocean and letting her sort her thoughts before he spoke. “Is it something particular bothering you, Emiri? Any trouble we can help assuage?”

Emiri smiled as she shook her head. “Nothing. Just... everything.” She cringed a little at how nonsensical that sounded, but he seemed to take her meaning, so she rolled on. “I’m trying to help so many people, Kana. My friends, kith I’ve met here...” she started tracing patterns in the sand between them. “The gods themselves.”

“It is a lot to carry,” he said softly, doodling a sun and waves near her own random lines. “You know we’re always ready to help.”

She nodded. “I know. I’m lucky in my friends.” From Edér digging her out of her wrecked fortress and chasing his god for her without hesitation and Aloth gently cleaning glass shards from her feet after a god-chat, to Xoti shyly offering a lantern as nightlight if she wanted and Kana’s own impulsive detour from his planned journey to join her, she was very lucky in her friends. “Some of it only I can do, though.” She flashed a wobbly attempt at a smile. “Figures that now I don’t have nightmares and memories keeping me from sleep, the anxiety of what’s riding on me has stepped in to fill the gap.”

Kana cocked his head at her. “You aren’t sleeping again?” His fingers stilled in the sand.

“Most nights are fine,” Emiri said hastily. “But there have been a few recently where I couldn’t stop thinking about... everything.”

He offered a sympathetic smile. “Responsibilities more numerous than the sand?”

She exhaled a soft, wry chuckle. “Feels like it sometimes. And it’s not just the length of the list, it’s figuring how to prioritize them. What can we take care of on the way to a ‘bigger’ problem? What do we need to look into before a lead dries up or danger strikes? And looming over all of it is the gods’ charge to stop Eothas.” She hesitated, shoving her toes deeper into the sand as she whispered, “Even if part of me wants to let him, after what...”

She let the words trail off but could feel his gaze on her as she stared at her sand-dusted feet. Considering the implication of her words, what to say in response.

“Aloth mentioned it was bad,” he finally murmured, resting a hand on her arm. “He also said the details were yours to share if you chose.”

Of course he did. A small, grateful smile tugged Emiri’s lips, even as a breeze tugged at her hair. But this was Kana. “The godlike... we’re not just marked by the gods.” She sighed, the soft glow of her crescent dimming slightly. “We hold a small piece of them, their essence, in our soul. If... if they feel the need, to face a threat” --like Eothas--”they can... reclaim that essence to boost their power, and, well.” She dug a harsh, narrow line through the sand. “There’s a lot of us.”

Kana squeezed her hand. She hadn’t noticed his drifting down her arm, fingers intertwining with hers as she spoke. The gentle pressure made her heart skip a beat. “With dire consequences for the godlike, I take it?”

“Consumed in the process,” Emiri confirmed through gritted teeth, the same anger as the initial revelation beginning to spark in her gut. Her free hand dug into the beach. “They don’t care, it’s a necessary step for the greater good, no matter how many die.” She flicked her hand up, scattering grains the breeze carried away. “We’re sand to them, Kana. Miniscule and beneath their concern no matter how numerous. A small sacrifice to burn thousands of us if the resulting slag of glass makes a useful weapon.”

Her chest ached as the festering words spilled forth. Berath’s Chime reacting to the bitter sentiment, maybe. Her own disappointment the gods were the same now as when she’d cried for help and been met with silence. She hadn’t brought this up with anyone; not Aloth, not Edér, no one. And maybe it was unfair to dump on Kana when they were getting ready to part ways. The thought stirred a fresh ache in her chest.

“Emiri.” Kana squeezed her hand again, more firmly this time. “That is indeed a terrible burden for you to shoulder.”

She gave him an apologetic look, trying to smile. “Sorry for putting it on you...” she mumbled, staring at the ground as the breeze picked up.

“I feel I should be apologizing,” he said, just as quiet, “for not being there to support you when you first... learned.”

“Well, it was the middle of the night.” Emiri gave a wobbly laugh, shaking sand off her fingers so she could attempt brushing loose hair out of her face. “And I know you sleep like a rock. Aloth helped. And I needed time to work through it before talking with anyone else.” She sighed. “I’m just tired, Kana. Tired of restless nights, tired of impossible demands, tired of everything being on me, tired of always being a resource.”

The gods were no better than her former pirate masters in that regard.

“You aren’t,” Kana said, tone more serious and firm than she could remember ever hearing from him. He turned to face her, gently interposing his hand to brush sand off her temple and tuck her hair back for her. “Not to us. To us you are a marvel of kindness and caring and strength born of a life harder than any should have to endure. You are creative” --his thumb dipped back from where their hands were still clasped to brush one of her bracelets--”and determined, and have a sweet tooth to rival my own.” He winked, barely visible in the glow of her crescent. “Along with a fondness for all things fluffy, furred, scaled, or quilled.”

Emiri managed a shaky smile in answer to his lightening tone. “But not feathered.”

Kana chucked and squeezed her hand. “Yes, you have the good sense to make that exception.”

She actually giggled. “What is with you and your sister’s bird, anyway?”

“A tale for another evening,” he demurred, shifting in the sand, and she wasn’t sure if the deflection was embarrassment or concern for her. A beat, then, “Your friends all love you, Emiri. We’re always grateful for your willingness to help when we need, but are more than happy to return the favor.”

“I know.” She let her head rest against his shoulder. “My problems just always seem to be so... big.”

“Do I need to remind you the effort you put forth helping me find the Tanvii ora toa?” Kana asked with a wry laugh.

“Chasing a god across half the known world feels a little bigger,” Emiri retorted lightly. They lapsed into silence, and the weariness she’d thought a background issue started tugging more insistently. “I don’t really mean it, you know,” she said around a small yawn. “‘bout not stopping Eothas. Might be tempting, but whatever I think about the gods, I do worry about the fallout for kith...”

Kana hummed an acknowledgement. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t. And that’s why we follow, why we trust your judgement. B’cause you are you. And no matter how much a god tries to siphon from your soul, that still shines through.”

She gave his hand a light squeeze. “Thanks, Kana.”

Part of her thought about rousing enough to go find a real bed if she was finally going to sleep. But the languor was settling in, she was surprisingly comfortable, and Kana didn’t seem to mind. He was humming a sea shanty as she drifted off, their hands still loosely tangled together.

He let her sleep til the tide came in, roused her with an apologetic smile, swept her up in his arms when shifting sand and lingering exhaustion made her stumble. Emiri mumbled half-asleep protest when his first steps staggered, but Kana shushed her as he found his footing and headed back toward--she assumed--their friends.

She had enough time to think ‘far be it from me to protest’ before sleep came for her again.

Her last thought before succumbing, however, was that the sand still clinging to her would be a pain to get out of her sheets.

#queens fic #touch prompts #emiri #kana rua #pillars of eternity #hoo boy i definitely have to let her have him after this #at least in the au #i know how i'd do it too :3

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